#i just feel Bad and it won't stop

[backofthebookshelf]

sitting here thinking, I don't know how to explain this to people but I really want to want things, I want to want to do things, I want to care about my projects, but I feel like I can't, not just that it doesn't come naturally but that if I try too hard I'll break something, like I've got the flu but I'm not sick I'm just exhausted: .......oh right I'm mentally ill

#it's weird because it's like the therapy has finally done its job #i don't think i'm a bad person for this #i don't think i did something to deserve it #i don't even think i'm doing anything wrong for once #i just feel Bad and it won't stop #don't worry i'm on antidepressants #just waiting for them to kick in

[buggachat]

honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.

i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue

#ml fandom salt #I suppose #and no amount of adding ''stop telling me to not analyze the media'' on my analysis posts stops people from saying it anyway #and yes. the leaks count. stop telling me that the existence of outdated leaks invalidates all analyses of the completed material #and no. just like every other time i've said this. me saying that i don't care about the leaks is not an invitation for you to try to #convince me to care about the leaks #do i tag this spoilers? it feels weird to. i mean this to be a vague overarching thing about media in general #also of course any ''or maybe the writers are just bad'' arguments ALSO are included in this. YOU guys have been my bane since FOREVER #would you guys consider commenting on fanart with ''umm.... drawing seems pretty pointless lmao'' rude? #i know this is not the first time i've made a post like this and i'm sure it won't be the last

[all-chickens-are-trans]

STOP bragging about how much you're overworking yourself. STOP making it a competition how little sleep you get each night. STOP trying to be worse off than anyone else in the room when it comes to health, work, relationships, school, or anything like that. you're not helping yourself, you're not helping anyone.

#look i get it #it's sooo addictive to go like ''ha that's nothing!! i did way more overtime! i got way less sleep! i have way more papers to write!'' #but feeling superior in your suffering won't stop your suffering #practice saying ''man that's fucked. are you okay?'' when someone brags about their bad work or school or life conditions #denormalize that shit #i don't mean stop talking about it because it's important to point out the bullshit #just don't make it a brag or a competition #you're not winning. none of us are #my posts

[astaraels]

why do people think Yevgeny wasn't Mickey's son? in 3x06 there was clearly no condom used (not that Terry probably would have let Svetlana stop to get one), but there's no reason to think she wasn't using condoms with her regular clients. it's not Svetlana's fault that she was a tool used to rape Mickey—the sole blame for everything that happens in that entire situation belongs to Terry Milkovich and him alone—so why does it feel like it's just another way for people to shit on Svetlana for something that wasn't in her control? it's not as though she'd asked to get pregnant in the first place...

#stop giving svetlana shit just because terry was one of her clients—between him and sasha do you really think she had a chance to say no? #her attitude towards mickey is s4 is very easy to understand when you think about the fact that a) she's his age or maybe a year older #b) she is a person who knows she has to take what life gives her and make the best of bad situations #c) her entire future rests (so she thinks) on her and mickey making their marriage work and he was absorbed in ian (which the audience gets #but svet has no context for) and thus her feeling threatened is very understandable because mickey also won't stand up to his father #so yeah of course svet is gonna see terry as the one person who will put things the way they're supposed to be #but! it's after mickey comes out and he and ian fight everyone in the bar that she realizes mickey could be an ally to her #and she extends a hand in friendship because they're both stuck in this situation and yeah of course she wants him to stop being stupid #about yev—as she puts it “baby did not choose this either” which leads me to think she understands mickey's situation a little better now #but yev looks so much like mickey and has those big blue eyes of his (also evidence for baby mickey being blond) #I get that the whole child from rape thing isn't fun for mickey to have to deal with but women have to go through it all the time—like Svet #okay rant over I'm sorry I'm just...it puts a bad taste in my mouth whenever I see it in fic or meta that yev can't *possibly* be mickey's #mickey milkovich #svetlana yevgenivna #yevgeny milkovich #shameless

[rollercoasterwords]

hey guys btw there is actually never a good reason to loudly and publicly talk about how much u dislike a fanfic!! Like. let's break this down for a sec:

i don't like it

ok, understandable. i've dnf'd lots of fics because i didn't like them. but the people writing fanfiction are doing it for free and for fun, and you don't know anything about their lives. they could be a young writer just starting out! they could be an older writer getting back into writing after years of being unable to! they could be someone going through a rough patch whose only source of joy right now is writing their silly little stories! talking about how much you dislike a fanfic literally does nothing except hurt the person writing it. that's it. it is not productive, it is not necessary. even strangers on the internet deserve basic human empathy.

ok but i really don't like it

babe, i feel u! i'm a hater too. rant about it privately. shit on it in private messages or group chats with friends. u can dislike something without dragging its creator into the town square to throw tomatoes at them, yknow?

ok but i really don't like it AND it's popular

ok? shouting about that on the internet doesn't make you cool or special or unique. it just makes you kind of mean and, honestly, bitter. like i said before, this is fanfiction. nobody is paying for it. nobody is profiting. there is no standard that these writers are obligated to meet. clearly, other people like the work. why not let them enjoy it in peace?

no u don't understand it doesn't deserve to be popular there are better fics that deserve it more!!!

talk about those fics then!! post about how much u love them!! uplift those writers!! ur tweet or tiktok or tumblr post is not going to suddenly make a popular fic lose all popularity, no matter how undeserving u perceive it to be. if this is actually coming from a place of frustration because you feel like there are other fics that deserve more attention, then just give those fics attention.

no but it's problematic

mmm ok. let's sit with this one for a second. i want you to ask yourself--is it really, really problematic? is it perpetuating harm against a marginalized group? remember, this is fanfic; it is outside the consumer economy, and the stories it tells will almost never make it to a mainstream audience. so is the story actually hurting people, or is the author just exploring something that you're uncomfortable with? because if you're just uncomfortable, then assuming the work is tagged properly, the best course of action is to just click away. as uncomfortable as it may be, people are allowed to write stories that you might find upsetting or gross or weird, and those stories existing is not inherently harmful in and of itself.

it is actively reinforcing harmful stereotypes/rhetoric/etc

okay! ok. if you are deeply concerned because you feel that this fic is genuinely harmful, then go to the writer. leave a comment. send them a message on tumblr or twitter or tiktok or wherever. explain your situation and see what they say! nine times out of ten, i'd bet that an ao3 writer means no harm and would be willing to listen and address your concerns. in fact, they might even be grateful to you for being kind enough to make them aware of a problem and educate them on it. every ao3 writer i've ever spoken to is an incredibly kind and thoughtful person; you don't need to immediately go on the attack

the writer is unreachable/nonresponsive/not willing to address or change the problematic thing

alright. if you truly feel that this fanfiction is actively harmful and can't reach any kind of conclusion with the writer, and you want to warn others who might read the fic, then do that. do that. make a post that says hey guys btw, x thing in this fic is not a good representation/perpetuates a harmful stereotype/whatever the problem is. and leave it at that! you don't need to go further and insult the writing or the person who wrote it. that is helpful to exactly no one, and if your goal is actually to make the world a better place, then you should learn how to draw attention to an issue in a way that encourages actual dialogue instead of dog-piling and personal attacks.

anyway the next time you feel the desire to post about how bad you think a fic is, feel free to use this as a guide before u do! xoxo

#like i genuinely don't understand u guys sometimes #why do i keep seeing posts w hundreds or sometimes even thousands of likes #that are literally saying nothing except #i think this fic is bad and i don't like it #if someone was making cookies and handing them out for free and u didn't like them #would u go stand next to that person and shout about how shitty their baking skills are?? #or would u just move tf on!! #bc they are doing something nice for free!! #and if u don't want to eat it u don't have to!! #like if u post abt disliking fics u are literally just mean #im sorry but u are just mean #and not even in a fun way #i love talking shit i love hating on things!! #i do it in PRIVATE #in PRIVATE!!! #where it's fun for me but i know it won't hurt anyone's feelings unnecessarily!! #some of u guys treat fanfiction like a product to consume and it's NOT #it's a gift! #it's a piece of art that someone is giving u! #so for the love of god stop thinking like a fucking little capitalist consumer for a moment and think like a human being w empathy!! #ranting and raving #txt

[karineverse]

Damn, thinking about how things were last year when I just got here, at this hour of the day we would be talking and posting random doodles and now everyone is silent and I'm too scared to talk. And they probably don't know I noticed that and that I miss it and that I actually blame myself for this even if I did nothing at all.

#karine vents #eh tumblr has just. been less lately. #honestly I wish I could stop thinking about how other's feel and prioritize how I feel and say it out loud to be cared about #idk. and to think I did nothing for this to happen but still I have to pay the fucking price. #cuz I can't talk to you cuz they won't like it and I can't go with you cuz they feel terrible if I do #and I fucking get it and I don't blame you but holy shit why do you make it such a big deal and why don't you want to fucking talk at least #but I know we're all still young and we're all learning #I just wish YOU would know that instead of “they're a bad person I swear” #god fucking damnit #but ye that's all very hypocrite of me cuz I'm as stupid as you irl. just #why

[aithusarosekiller]

This is on my tiktok but I wanted to post it here too bc it's really been bugging me

The caption essentially said that if I see a characterisation I don't like (I used the example of big buff alpha remus) I just scroll because clearly the content was made for someone else and I'm not the target audience

#let people have different interpretations #let out of character fics exist #there's no one right way to write and view a character #if someone wants to throw out canon and write their own interpretation that is AMAZING #if someone wants to explore what one change (such as the black cousins being in an abusive household) could have on the story LET THEM #stop crushing the creativity of young teens because you can't have fun #marauders era #marauders #mwpp #feel kind of bad tagging this with all the fandom tags I'm sorry :/ I just wanted to get it out there #to show people who do write 'ooc' interpretations thay that is FINE #and most people are SO PROUD that you're able to explore and share that creativity with us #dldr #DON'T LIKE DON'T READ #remember that? #there's nothing wrong with liking canon characterisation but you don't have to be a dick about it #you don't have to force it onto everyone around you #they're allowed to make their own versions up #dead gay wizards #id feel so bad putting ship or character tags #bc that's not the content ppl on the tags wanna see so I won't

[xlillilith]

Now marvel you knew fully well what you were doing with this

#Like hello? #You can't tell me there's nothing between them and that Gwen dont feel something towards her #Cause look at this #Homegirl is distressed that emjay is leaving #“Em jay we were finally-” FINALLY WHAT #Yeah they're treading on the edge of it #Only to rip her away from emjay and 65 AGAIN for some fuckass 616 which nobody wants #Ohhhhhh by god I hope that ongoing gets canned and marvel puts her back in 65 and gives her another story #Gwenmj #Gwemj #Gwen x mj #Giant sized spider gwen #No hate to Stephanie buuuuut #Melissa really did her thing #Maybe she'll do gwen right maybe she won't do nothing bad but... #Idk #Just pleeeeeeeeeeease put gwen back in 65 and leave her there #Stop with the 616 don't nobody want it

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

me mere seconds from being discharged from hospital: I am so excited to finally go home!

my body dead fainting on the spot for absolutely no discernible reason: bitch you thought

yeah anyway guess who's stuck under observation for another few hours 🙃

#lula's life #hospital #breast reduction #I've always been prone to fainting but this was a bad one #I had like every doctor in the vicinity descend upon my hospital room #there had to be at least ten people in here at one point #I feel fine now and hopefully it stays that way so I can LEAVE #also my drain sites won't stop leaking #this apparently is not especially concerning it's just very annoying

[front-facing-pokemon]

#solrock #now *this* is the fucker that the one raid battle NPC had in swsh that everyone hated. including me. he served only to remove lives #fuckin mashing the rock polish button the whole time or whatever it was. doing Nothing Else. i feel like a lot of people who usually did #raids offline had that fucker's name and face memorized. cuz they'd see that they got him and just give up right then and there #at a certain point i feel like offline raids were just not very viable. the NPCs they'd give you to battle with were just so bad #and some of the higher star raids you really needed the extra firepower you just couldn't get from those NPCs #but also they kinda removed a lot of the incentive for joining other people's raids considering your catch chance was lowered by like 9000% #if you weren't the host of the raid. and if you were the host the percentage chance was so high it was basically guaranteed #i don't think i ever ONCE caught a pokémon successfully when i'd joined someone else's raid. and i don't think i ever once failed to catch a #pokémon when i was the host of the raid. it's just. i dunno! i stopped doing raids at a certain point. some people can get a pokémon game #and play it long long after the main story bc they get invested in raids and shit but i just lose interest at a certain point unfortunately #as much as i enjoy the game while i'm initially playing through it #hff. anyway. i'm queueing this up the morning of june 30th‚ aka the day of my first flight in 10 years. so. this won't post until mid july #and i'll have been back for a while by then but for right now‚ me writing these tags‚ i am very Anxious #saur. haha. y'know how it is. have solrock

[byanyan]

just a head's up: while I hesitate to call hiatus of any kind bc I want to give myself the freedom to write when I have the energy/focus/etc., I will just note that I'm gonna be even slower than usual around here for... idk, probably for a bit. I'm in the worst state mentally that I think I've ever actually been in and it's uhhhh. it's not great lmao. writing is my main escape & distraction so I don't want to step away from it but doing anything is hard as fuck rn so I'm really not interested in pressuring myself to get shit done when it comes to the hobby I'm supposed to be having fun with. I'll be slow, I'll be selective, and it's possible I'll be dropping a lot of drafts?? maybe?? OR at least like. temporarily removing a bunch from my drafts (to be added back later) just so the number is less big & overwhelming lmao.

thank u guys for ur patience w me & for writing w my glittery lil creature, I appreciate u all sm 💜

#so sick of this dude I want to feel my normal kind of bad. this new kind of bad is so hard to calm down & relax & not think with adjgksh #I am constantly antsy & feeling this awful existential dread & I haven't been able to be alone without spiralling #it's terrible. that brief period of feeling lighter yesterday did not last as long as I would have liked lmaodhfjsh #anyway. just wanted to make a note. I'll probably add smth about it to my pinned whenever I can crawl onto my laptop too tbh #but yeah. think it's gonna be rough for quite a while so idk idk I just want to feel a little more free #to do whatever I'm feeling the most around here (which should always be the case I know but I pressure myself ok I can't help it) #I need to stop typing bc I'll just keep rambling... brain won't shut up adjgksh #love u guys ok ty 💜 #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

[giantkillerjack]

One of the things I love about Glass Onion is the way that the camera and music work together to tell nonverbal jokes.

Like when Benoit basically has to hold Miles' hand to get him to the conclusion that someone reset the puzzle box Benoit lies about receiving:

Benoit asks if it's possible that someone reset the box, and Miles then declares that someone must have reset the box like it is this huge reveal - and the camera zooms out while the music subtly swells as though he really has figured out something smart, when actually he literally restated what Benoit just said.

#original #I love the reveal that he's not even a smart con artist he's just a piece of shit #he's just a shameless copycat that people keep enabling to do bad things bc they assume he knows what he's talking about bc he's rich #like that line in Fiddler on the Roof - 'it won't matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right cuz you're rich they think you really know!' #glass onion #knives out glass onion #benoit blanc #Daniel Craig #ed norton #I hope the YouTuber sideways does a video about this because he does incredible music theory videos about movie scores #and I bet there are a bunch of hidden meanings within the music that I have no idea how to pick out #that man is like a wizard to me I don't understand how someone can understand music that much! #So cool! #I started this movie like 2 hours ago and I'm barely half an hour in cuz I keep stopping to write film theory essays on Tumblr #oh Adderall you cad! #I have no regrets I feel like this is helping me understand film better. i care a lot about the language of Storytelling #and I must say my favorite medium is film. I am writing a graphic novel right now but if I knew I could just skip that part and make it #into a show. I would do that. I don't wanna draw that much! I like drawing! but I want to see it as a show!! #this is too many drawings!!!!! #but for various reasons the film industry is not really a great place for me - or even possible as a physically disabled person #hard to work yourself up to the director's chair when all the entry positions involve standing for 14 hours at a time #I hope that if I ever do manage to make my graphic novel into a TV show that I will maintain enough control over the project to ensure #accessible hiring practices and workplaces #but in the meantime I guess I have to make waaaay too many drawings #no I can't shorten the story I don't have that kind of control it is an epic saga and the world's longest Slow Burn and that is that

[da-proti-toku-grem]

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc) #and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk? #and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends) #which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does' #and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs.... #venting #maca speaks

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi... #i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭 #i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh... #uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂 #i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say... #i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media / #without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ???? #i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀 #i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭 #who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

[spicedfink]

Someone posted their opinion on tophabe and I'm not going to @ them since people are apparently being weird but it did make me want to voice my tophabe take because tbh it made me feel insecure and like I needed to explain myself because they were right and so real for what they said.

My thing with (s2) episode 8 is first off I can only process parts of it at a time because that episode made me uncomfortable Second is there is one major factors I take in when thinking about tophabe and a few minor factors: The biggest thing is Joan the canon end game love interest as far as we have been shown tried to point blank kill everybody which is objectively worse. As for minor factors I'll use bullet points: - Cleo also manipulates Abe not to that degree but for longer - All the cast are kind of bad people but the show only framed Topher's actions as bad which I found weird when I really thought about it then they said Harriet was a theater kid and I stopped caring about what the writing was meant to convey - Him giving good advice first in s2e8 reminds me of how I used to give a friend of mine bad advice as a joke when they kept ignoring my real advice and for some reason they took my joke advice seriously. - Topher wasn't in the classroom with Abe so he didn't know the teacher had been hitting on him so it feels like he's just making shit up on the spot - I don't see how Topher would have seen this working. Like it shows him being right there when it starts but like how? I know it's just because the plot said so but the actual "go sleep with this gross person" seems more like a "oh Abe would never actually do that" line of thought - like it reads more as "if I can get Abe insecure he won't ask Joan out" then "Abe will defiantly go for this" (still shitty but less) - It's a cartoon and their actions are exaggerated - s2e8 was such a horribly done episode all around that I can't do anything other than cherry pick it - poor mental health is hardly an excuse but man do I believe his therapist isn't doing him any favors (which is why I have his change therapist in my fanfics) - The fact they're still shitty high schoolers meaning they all have the most room for growth and I'm projecting my own journey of because and actual good person and figuring out my sexuality onto him (obviously wasn't his level of shitty but I said dumb shit and did weird emotionally charged things thanks to how I was raised and poor mental health) - Episode 1 of season 2 Topher got the t-rex arms so I attached myself to his character right then and there ("he's autistic just like me") - I like happy things. The show gave a character who they made clear was suppose to be disliked and bullied for being horrible and didn't show him do anything actually that bad until episode 8 out of 10. And before that ranges from normal weird teenager things he'd logically grow out of, trying too hard to be socially accepted and being mentally ill??? Like no. No I'm personally not going to think this character is a horrible person incapable of growth... And this is why my serious non one sided tophabe headcanons are all for when they are older because I really think Topher would, you know grow up and regret his past actions. Also since I see Topher as queer: internalized homophobia and the such are a bitch (speaking from experience)

I don't actually have a good reason for why Abe would like Topher back past I just think it'd be fun. If Abe gets with Joan and is friends with Cleo I think he should still be friends with Topher though

#clone high #tophabe #topher bus #a lot of my hcs are me working through my own shit #projecting traits you feel bad about having/that you had onto a character is helpful #epically if you write them a redemption arch #or forgive them for the flaw #no but people who hate topher are so real and right #like 100% they are taking what the show wants you to take away #I just started relating to him episode 1 over nothing then projected from there #also making him mentally ill really didn't help make me think he's a bad person #maybe stop making mentally ill characters villains/bad people?? #I don't care if people want to share their takes with/at me #it probably won't change how I feel about it #but go ahead if you like #long post

[non-un-topo]

Humble brags from this week because I feel really accomplished and proud of myself

2 months on T looks hot as hell on me and it feels even better. I was given a work/study student of the year award by my supervisor yesterday completely by surprise, and I also picked up a certificate of recognition for trans day of visibility from the student community & leadership development office at my school. I accepted my offer to work in the library over the summer (better $$ than I thought!) so I'll finally have a legit job after 5 years (and in a field I love)! I'm working on a course with one of my favourite profs and it's looking good -- I got to design my own syllabus so it's all about transmasculine theory & life writing, which will prep me for grad school if I so choose. My partner is graduating college and we're planning to do a grad trip in Montreal with our pals. All of my coworkers and peers have been so wonderful and kind and supportive since I've gone public with my transition (even the one who had a lot to learn -- she has come super far and I'm really grateful for her). And I just checked my GPA and it went up a little! 8.5/9, babeyy.

#maybe it's just because the sun is out and i'm at that Good Point in my -- eugh -- my cycle #also maybe i've been depressed and under too much stress too long lol because i want to feel suspicious #things are a little TOOOO good.... hmmmmmmmmm #no but i'm super happy. glad i'm still around and got through the bad shit. glad i'm getting further and further away from my teen years #daddy gets shit DONE #i need to actually stop calling myself daddy but no i won't. i'm the father of my 21 year old friend through-and-through #i just think it's funny for a pee-wee like me to call himself daddy. it's funny!!! #also my (favourite shh) coworker complimented my little moustache yesterday and i feel so SEEN