#i just can see myself liking almost

[mrfoox]

i wish i trusted my own feelings more but here i am?

#me: i feel this way (: someone i like: um... are you sure? i think you feel more that way #me: oh shit... maybe i do? binch i gotta think this one through now.......... #i dont think my answer will change but its uh... worth another look #oliver said a while ago he thinks i'm in love with fabian.. and immidetly i said very confidently apperantly that i dont #and now ive been thinking about it and im like....... ok but am i? #told oliver again and he was like 'what i thought you said you werent? you sounded very sure about it' #yeah i mean...... at one hand i am but also...... i think my brain can do a lot of shit to keep me away from things that will probably end #badly. and genuinly i do not think me and fabian would have any chanse even if somehow he would be into me too #i'd never feel good enough for him. so i may just have gone into the whole thought of #its never going to happen so you obviously just like him in a friendly way. the end. idk #as usual romantic feelings for me is a mess. i dont divide love in that way naturally. for me love is love. if i love you i love you #i'd do anything for you and anything you'd want with me i'd be down for unless we are very unlike character wise #i just can see myself liking almost #all my friends in a romantic way? i can imagine it from my pov but its theirs i cant #not something i actively think about tho its just.... something i have and i know? #maybe this actually isnt how i think but theres another explanation (like oliver said 'being afraid of others leaving so youre willing to do #anything they want to keep them aorund) but until i learn otherwise this is what i keep thinking. i feel like a freak tho bc i dont think #anyone can really... understand it unless they feel soething similar ? or are super open or such. the friends ive told i think got a bit #scared. makes sense... but i cant make it sound better or more normal like yeah. everyone is safe from me romantically but also #almost everyone is welcome to hmu if they wanna try dating i guess. i speak big but i do have some exceptions #mainly bc of character meshing :')) #miranda talking shit

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[greatestjubilee]

bleh

#hi all. lucy here #i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to #like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno #i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally #like the funnier i was the worse i was doing #ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability #i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like #oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it #but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore #i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself #this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained

[stil-lindigo]

the candle.

a comic about rediscovering passion and recovering from burnout.

creative notes:

#this comic ended up feeling so much more somber than i think i originally intended #i hope the conclusion at the end comes off more settled and happy than it does reluctant or disappointed #since i do feel that way. happy that is #its a cliche but returning to your inner child #just making stuff that YOU'D like to see more of #it does wonders for making you feel less like being a creator means giving away parts of yourself #im sorry if this is coming off as preachy #obviously you can do what you like #and im not ever gonna be the wisest person in the room #im barely into my 20s #but i spent almost a year torturing myself over what i wanted to be #deciding to just...do what i thought would be cool ended up being the best possible decision #its 10pm #this series makes me really marinate in my own issues #very pretentious but at this point its my brand #comic art #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[tnnrrdchclt]

#gets me very far. i’m just going through it and annoyed at myself when i shouldn’t be because i can’t anticipate everything — #no matter how intuitive i am or regardless of how much discernment i have. #i hate being here. i feel like i made excuses in hopes of not being here and still ended up here. #i wouldn’t even call them excuses because i thought i was giving grace and clearly looks like grace at my expense is a betrayal. #i’m getting better at choosing myself. at the moment it might feel like a loss and everything feels pointless and all i want to do is cry - #i never want to feel like this again. #anyone who wants to hate me can hate me. i do not care. #i will say that since i’ve posted this - it’s nice to see other folks and their take on self awareness. almost comforting i’d say.

[vimbry]

jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:

the experience of having children and looking after them:

a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:

fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:

#tmbg #AND. I love it. #please feel free to add to this btw. I feel like there's more flansburgh examples but they're dropping out of my head #I've gone on and on about ''sleeping in the flowers'' already. so I won't repeat myself too much in the tags here #but I can also see how it's intended to come across as playful. like. #it's two people in love having a silly exchange between each other #I also like the little interlude from the nightlight's lullaby-of-sorts to the child to describing how it would make a really bad lighthous #''man it's a good thing I'm not one of those. I'm too small. if I did that then people at sea would crash and drown horribly hahaha #anyway good night'' #and actually re: nanobots. it only just occurred to me #I'd gotten 'newborn citizenship of the micronations'' being a verbose way to describe. babies lol #but is the start of verse about the actual birth of a child and getting so distracted by the preparation and stress #that you almost forget oh yeah. I have this kid now :) #and thinking about how even tho your worries around that are now over you'll focus instead on all the future responsibilities you'll have #how does something written in such a detatched way manage to be so sweet

[ihateornithologists]

#elisabeth das musical #and things that happened to me irl xD #i finally did thissss #it's so funny to do actually and it almost works like sort of therapy so why not #like wow i can finally talk about this and even draw related things without wanting to throw up immediately #for more context (yep again) i had severe depression years ago and at some point my brain was so fucked up by illness that #i started seeing [one of those guys i'm always talking about] literally as an embodiment of everything bad in my life #well HE WAS #but like i so strongly identified him with my depression that sometimes even doubted if he was a real person at all lmao #(YOU SEE WHY I'M DRAWING THIS) #he somehow managed to follow me everywhere which made things even more creepy. #and i kept coming back to him myself because i had no one else etc #so funny actually that he was literally JUST SOME GUY like not even interesting or anything #all this shit was just awful and gross that's all. #but when i realized i can make it look COOL by drawing stuff i felt so powerful ahsdijwhnu8 #like YES i texted him recently and he's just. boring as fuck. #so dumb to feel possessed by some evil entity for years and the said evil entity is just a random dude #SORRY my traumadumping is cringe af but thats the price you have to pay to see my drawings xDddd

[tradingjack]

having fun with colors for once :P

thanks @creepycoffins for the awesome dtiys :D

#creepycoffinsdtiys #trigun #millions knives #vash the stampede #i haven't drawn nearly enough knives. posted him even less #him and vash are so fun to draw :P ik they have the same face but it's like. fun to experiment with how different i can make them look yk #also admittedly. did most of this at work during downtime so if it looks funky..... my bad #the lighting isn't the greatest aight?? it's night shift and there's no windows but they do dim the lights #i did do the limited coloring i did at home lol. wasnt gon bring more art supplies to work #trying to get back into the swing of things with my drawing. i got myself a huion display for my birthday this year! #on top of my traditional i wanna do more animated stuff #primarily animated bc honestly i don't really wanna learn digital painting or whatever. im not interested in that and i like my harsh style #i'd also like to do more original work. i think last year was literally just trigun fanart lmfaoo #we'll see how things turn out ig #i'm not really holding myself to doing anything bc i don't see that turning out well. i am applying myself to more fan projects at the leas #tho those i'm applying more as a writer lmfao #well anyway. enough about me. i actually really like the drawing this was based off of! i didn't include the full body designs #and tbh vash's design is almost entirely cut out just cuz how the pose worked out :( #so i would highly suggest checking out the original art by the person i tagged! #and their other art's pretty banging as well :D

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here

#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness #(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too) #but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so #lets see how that develops you know #also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it #not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but #im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing #to complain abt it anyway #the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy #maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness #i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character #in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now #like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains #in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think #or maybe you can! but i'll find that out #i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh #always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do #bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really #but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all #remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe #saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post #all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story #whos Other is story #where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story #ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe

[puppyeared]

Jitterbug

#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it #and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago #bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o) #well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall #im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot #i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing???? #i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T #because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks #at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better #its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh #in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats #mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year #i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o) #THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o( #yapping #my art #myart #doodles #personal #diary

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

miles + looking at alex during photoshoots

#i could write entire essays about the way miles looks at him 🥺 #there are just so many layers #so much love and deep affection and reverent fascination #so much joy #it’s like #you can literally just see the sheer delight and elation miles is feeling at being there with him #at knowing him #at the existence of their friendship #that wonderment and almost disbelief at the profundity of their connection #aghhhhh #i’m making myself emotional i’m going to stop now #milex #miles kane #alex turner #tlsp #the last shadow puppets #lulu posts

[andy-clutterbuck]

Nerd HQ Panel | 2014

#Gael: *looks into the camera like she's on the office* #Andrew Lincoln #* #andygifs #clutterbuck i s2g #just a good ol boy #an Andy™ Classic #that is never not funny #his face in the last gif lmao #been almost a decade and I still say 'i got out of bed like a very old man' to myself when getting out of bed is rough #andy: *sees a car* andy's brain: DUKES OF HAZZARD HOOD SLIDE andy: why? andy's brain: ya gotta #can you make one of these at Build A Bear? #your poor delicate bum

[mikodaiyo]

Back to BUSINESS. wip

#Sesskag wip #I’ve been done with this for a minute but I was too tired from work and refreshing myself on other interests #now that I finally had a decent rest and can see straight it’s all good!! ALL GOOD !!! #work was DUMB and LONG ugh. it’s almost spring :D!!! that means good weather and work being more exhausting bc everybody wanna be outside #also y’all I met a new guy lol the last one sucked I like this new guy so much. matter fact I’m seeing a man now the last one was #just some dude yknow lol I gave 5 months of my time to just some dude just to get broken up with before vday🤡🤡 #but now I’m back to baseline! just in time

[ensemblesongs]

#Upload #enstars #alkaloid #instrumentals #I thought this was cool. I like the sound of it... If the original poster sees this: let me know if you want deletion. #You can just baarely hear Gakkun in the background... His vocals were so powerful. Almost makes me want to do this myself for other songs. #あんさんぶるスターズ！！ アルバムシリーズ ALKALOID TRIP

[bi-functional]

D: oh grow up. You’ve been like this since the day we got married.

B: A highly sexual and reasonable man?

D: A man who over reacts when he doesn’t get his way.

After a long day of travel I got high and turned on adult swim and somethin about that American Dad script just screams these fuckers.

As always based on @tswwwit ‘s familiar au. Apologies for the shitty sketches I still am fucking blind

#my glasses come in on Friday allegedly #but like damn son #being This Blind is taking its fucking toll on me #its annoying af #thats why i stuck to a more like i dont wanna say canon but cartoon style #simple shapes i could actually fucking see 😭 #everythings still is so bad and disproportionate ugh #but its almost 1am and this day has been fucking long #so im just posting this cause i can #cause i can tell myself ill fix it on my ipad and digitize it #but we all know thats a lie #lmao #bi.f.art #bill cipher #gravity falls #human bill cipher #billdip #dipper pines #gravity falls au #tswwwit’s familiar au #i just think its funny how #theyre literally stan and francine #its hilarious #theyre such fucking losers

[naomiknight-17]

I can't clean and tidy all of my apartment at once like I wish I could, but at least I can dust some shelves and put all my Pokemon pops together

Also Lion from SU is there. When I finally complete my Eeveelution collection (just need Umbreon!) I will have to relocate him... he is a placeholder

#i will just focus on little tidying tasks today and see what i can get done #it would be nice if we could have things tidy and decorated for the holidays by the end of sunday #so we can put all the boxes and bins back in the garage #a little bit at a time #mod post #pokemon #eevee #eeveelutions #funko pops #i don't generally care for funko pops but i am a bit obsessed with eeveelutions so. i want them #chores #tidying #also. almost all of these were gifts #cuz people know i like eeveelutions so they buy them for me #i bought the Glaceon myself tho. as a gift. for me