#just some dude yknow lol I gave 5 months of my time to just some dude just to get broken up with before vdayš¤”š¤”
Back to BUSINESS. wip
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long ranty post ahead abt my own experiences w learning instruments and playinf sports
dude yknow what i miss but also dont. playing sports n playing instruments. bc ive done quite a few different of each just in the past. like i was actually a Big football kid when i was around 5 but hated the club i went 2 bc i was the only girl and basically couldnt play bc even at fucking 5 i wasnt treated as an equal player. but also i didnt rlly mind that it was more so how aggressive it was and i didnt like being pushed around n kicked n shit. and i also played cricket which i liked i just timed it badly bc it was around a year where my immune system just fuckin gave up on me and i was sick like every other week and it out me off cricket bc i always felt so guilty for not being able 2 play it that often. n i also played tag rugby which i loved i just hated my coach she was an asshole she made these like 9 yr old kids do some baddd shit. like one time we played a match against another school and it was a cold wet rainy muddy day and i had played a couple times only and was already in so much pain and i went to her fucking in tears bc i had so many scrapes and i could barely feel my hands from the cold and every time i was passed the ball it literally hurt so fucking much and she ucking LAUGHED at me and told me 2 shut up and deal w it bc i agreed 2 play tag rugby so i was gonna do it under any conditions. like i wanted 2 kill her in that moment and i fucking shouldve i remember that moment so fucking clearly bc it was the absolute worst for me i could barely fucking do school work for ages after that bc my hands hurt so fucking much from not being allowed a goddam break when i was 9 years old. anyways yea sports is fun tho its just unfortunate situations. and i rlly wanna do cricket again or atleast like rounders or smt. man americans r actually right w this one tho baseball sounds so much better than rounders rounders sounds like a baby sports baseball sounds like. cool. anyways also w instruments it was a similar sorta thing. i played piano 4 likeee 3 or 4 years and basically picked up nothing lol other than basic music theory but thats expected bc i was like 7 or 8 on average . i also played the flute for another like 2 or 3 years which i was better at and actually played at concerts n shit but i quit that too bc i hated the stress i got from it bc i hated practicing and i hated the structure of my lessons and i hated my schools wind band i was forced 2 join and fucking guilt tripped not to leave bc i was the best player or w/e even tho i fucking hated that bc it put so much pressure on me at like 10 yrs old bc i did all the loud melody bits so if i made a mistake everyone would notice and i hated it. i also tried the cello and the guitar 4 like a month each which i also hated. now im explaining all this i kinda sound like a rich snob. well my initial point was gonna b how sports and music didnt feel 2 different. like ill use tag rugby and the flute 4 my example bc i did those things at around the same time and they were the ones i cared abt the most. but like. it felt like there was a sorta path drawn out for me in both cases. sometimes w the sheet music and sometimes w the playing field. altho i didnt know how 2 sight read and i am also not very observant so u might think oh ok i followed the path drawn out 4 me. but in both cases it felt like i was winging it int he same way. 4 the flute i always wrote the note names (and had many meltdowns over being forced 2 play w sight reading even tho i didnt wanna learn 2 sight read bc i could always just write the note names) but id write it out and instead of like. reading ahead. i just played what was in front of me. and it felt like each time i played it was like. a match or smth and i was just holding out and holding out and skipping over mistakes until i got to the end. and id never plan out the route id take first it was always just my reaction time i relied on which to be fair was not a good idea bc i have dogshit reaction time. but in tag rugby id do essentially the same. when i was on the offensive team, id usually be in front since i was good at avoiding being touched which i realise now is probably a result of my parents bc i was like constantly ready 2 avoid bein hit n shit. but i was always in front but i could never just see the whole playing field so i focused on like. exactly what was directly around me and just depended on my reaction time to avoid being tagged out. and idk i was just thinking. the exhaustion i felt after playing the flute for so long and never being taught how to breathe properly only that i should and the exhaustion i felt after playing sports for so long and never being told how to improve and only what i did wrong and the exhaustion i always felt after being in my house 4 so long and never being told what i was supposed to do and only how everything i was doing was wrong and. yea. connections between childhood trauma and playing music and playing sports.
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OMG HAPPY 2OO LUV!! ILYSM, AND YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE MORE!! AS EXPECTED I'M HERE FOR THE MATCHUP EVENT AND I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE KSDJFHSDF
1 | name : amie
2 | pronouns : s/her
3 | preferred gender : doesn't really matter
4 | self-description :
ā it's ya clown sho <3 anyway, i'm an ambivert but more inclined towards the introvert side. my MBTI is INFJ and i'm a Gemini. i'd describe myself as someone who's very observant? yea, i guess. i'm awkward and you know it. My favorite color is blue, specifically sapphire, but i love all pastel colors. My fav show is Chicago Medical and all the psychological and crime thrillers out there are my favorite ( silent patient is my #1 though ) I love painting, playing piano and basketball!
ā what i look in a partner you ask, uh, someone who can tolerate my silence. there are times when i go quiet for a whole day, i'll barely speak, no interaction nothing. i want someone who'd not exactly 'deal with it' but 'understand it.' also, i want someone who i can talk to without any hesitation. i have a hard time opening up so i don't do it but when i do, i spill almost everything. i might cry, might have anxiety attack, i might even shout. i know it's not very healthy but i want someone who can help me with those. plus someone who i can read with please <3 cheating and not having any respect for personal space would be the major deal breaker for me
5 | gen. aesthetic : my fashion sense starts from sweats and ends in sweats. i'm a big fan of those oversized hoodies and shirts, like something really comfy. however, i do have a collection of formal wears like blazers and dress.
6 | color/s to describe myself : red, actually. if not read then blue. it switchers but red 90% of the times.
7 | fav song/s : literally everything by Chase Atlantic and The Neighborhood. However, my absolute favorites are some of the famous classical pieces like Experience by Ludovico Einaudi and Chopin's Ballade No. 1 Op 23.
8 | fav genre of music : classical music ( Beethoven, Einaudi and Chopin own my heart )
Lol this is very lengthy I'm sorry, btw congrats again!
I looked into MBTI, I looked into zodiacs, I went off of what you said
Here he is, the man, Seijohās do-it-all guy
HANAMAKI TAKAHIRO ur new boyfriend
There is not enough content for him, anyway
How You Met
Bear with me here
Think about this
Artist!hanamaki
You love painting? Art club.
Idk if youre actually in any art club but shhh
Anyway, it was probably some sort of community thing full of tons of different age artists (bc youād have basketball or something after school and he had volleyball)
So like once a week on thursday afternoons everyone gets together and does all sorts of artsy stuff
Everyone listens to lo fi music (or you can bring headphones) and chit chat and just paint for a couple hours
Its in the back section of a library (bc the library near me does stuff like this its awesome) so if you want you can go read a book while you wait for things to dry
One day the person that ran it suggested you talked to the new guy
He was about your age, it was his first day, they didn't know what all he was good at, and tbh they thought you two would look cute together
Just the vibes yk
So you set up your canvas and stuff next to him and introduced yourself
And you guys just vibe to the playlist
Heās REALLY good
Compliments you a lot too
Which is fun because heās cute so it makes you a little flustered
You find out you guys go to the same school and heās on the VB team
And says he has a (practice) game that weekend and asks you to come if you can
Which you do
And they win! So its fun!
Matsukawa basically asks you out for him though
Heās heard all about you already
āYou don't get it issei! Sheās so pretty!! God, she touched my hand and I thought I was gonna die!!!!!ā āthe enthusiasm is new for youā āshut up assholeā (conversation from the night before)
So he walks up to you after the game and is like āHey so,,, weāre going out to get some lunch, you wanna come?ā
Makki thinks HES flirting with you and is pissed off about it
Until you all sit down for lunch and oh, the only open spot for him is next to you (since when is matsukawa willing to sit between iwaizumi and oikawa??)
He asked you out after art club that week (Mattsun threatened not to give him any more monster for the rest of the month if he didn't get the guts to do it)
General Headcanons
You date hanamaki, you're also dating matsukawa
Thereās no separating them (good thing ur MBTIs work together too, especially for strong friendships)
This was literally my first thought
So
Good luck with both these trolls
More on that later
Of course heās going to be worried if you go radio silent for a while, but he'll understand
There are some days heās not gonna wanna talk either
Heās really supportive on your bad days of course
Expect a random text in the middle of the evening from him
āHiya sweetheart, just wanted to remind you that youāre beautiful, I love you, and I hope your day is going well.ā
When heās having a bad day, the same thing is all he needs from you to keep moving
Heās a really honest person. If you want to talk to him, be prepared not to get any sugar coating. If you tell him to shut up because you donāt want advice, he will. But if you expect advice from him, expect brutally honest advice. Subtlety is not his strong suit, so when it comes to advice, heās going to tell it like it is. He's just trying to help, yknow?
However, heās pretty good with people, so will know how to comfort you when something is bothering you. Tea and cuddles? Gotcha. Dancing at 11pm because neither of you want to sleep yet? On it. You want him to hold you? Perfect.
Heās not like...the most touchy person? There are some things heās really indifferent on, and other things heās stubborn as hell with. Whatever you wanna do, though
His weakness though
ā ļøthis part is slightly little bit suggestiveā ļø
He will randomly walk up to you and pull you against him, give you a really deep kiss, smirk and walk away like nothing happened
Like hands in hair probably almost making out and then just
Walk away
Because thatās how he kisses and itās breathtaking every time
Itās either little temple kisses or forehead or cheek pecks or something
Or that
And probably leaves you flustered and itās funny (to him) (and to me if I was there with you) (bc that would be funny)
Hmm Iām thinking
Iām thinking hair dye dates
He needs help doing his hair from time to time Yāknow (he doesnāt he just likes spending time with you) and he wants to make it pink again
So he teaches you how to do his hair and even offers to dye yours one day
Either just a strand or the ends or everything, up to you
Imagine having twinning hair dye with makki isnāt that cute
I think itās cute
I said ur platonically dating mattsun right
Yes you are now
He absolutely adores you and loves how much makki loves you
Probably would have asked you out if makki didnāt but he was really pushing for makki to because he was just all over you in the beginning
He wasnāt overly attached to you romantically so being friends? Perfect. Sounds great
You two get along wonderfully though like you act like siblings once you warm up to each other
Again, very brutally honest person, but a little more awkward so doesnāt know what heās saying might come off as heās acting like a dick
He doesnāt try to though and he does really care about you
Flat out told makki if he breaks up with you and breaks your heart heās gonna kick his ass (makki doesnāt know he had the same (less aggressive) conversation with you)
Tbh all of the VBC at seijoh loves you
Oikawa loves talking to you he thinks youāre great for makki
Gets you in on he and makki and mattsunās antics
Iwa thinks youāre good too he just doesnāt know you as well
I think that kunimi would like you (he was almost a runner up--)
Kindaichi too
The first years just think youāre cool even if they wonāt say it out loud
Seijoh VBC loves you
You got mattsunās approval
And hanamaki loves you with literally everything in his life
So
Youāre pretty set with your strawberry baby huh
Date Night!
SLEEPOVERS
I was waiting for some matchup to come along that gave me sleepover vibes
In a perfect world where you could do sleepovers with your bf because most parents would,,,not let that happen
Imagineā¦
He shows up at like 7:00 after practice, pizza in hand because he picked up dinner
You two eat, chat about your day, he probably scarfs down half the pie bc itās after practice ofc heās hungry
So when you guys are done eating you head up to your room
And make pillow fort
Itās mandatory
Different design every time, but thereās a pillow fort nonetheless
And then when thereās just enough room for the both of you to climb in
You get a blanket and a couple pillows and one of your phones or laptops or whatever and watch a movie and cuddle
When the movie is over you guys break out the face masks
You ever wonder why he has such great skin? Itās thanks to you (or if you donāt have masks, he picks them up on the way home from practice)
But anyway you guys talk shit about people for a while and sit with the masks on (itās usually him talking about how Oikawa is a bitch as much as he loves him) (or about whatever he and Mattsun were talking about lately)
You both get chances to vent while the masks sit on your face and you just vibe with music (usually that you pick) (he listens to like,,,meme songs and like CORPSE yk)
After masks you guys make/get some snacks and munch on those during another movie but this time youāre in comfy jammies and more relaxed Yāknow
Less paying attention to the movie youāve seen a million times and just vibing in each otherās presence and itās just really sweet
Fall asleep on his chest
Let him fall asleep on yours
Either way, youāve got him whipped for you he loves you
Not that he doesnāt already but thatās his favorite thing ever so please just let him do that
Always makes sure to tell you he loves you before you sleep too
If you fall asleep first he takes embarrassing pictures of you with your hair being a mess & you best bet he sends them to mattsun because āsheās so cute omfgā ādudeā ādude whatā āyouāre so fuckin stupidā ā?ā āWhateverāgood luck being whipped just tell me when you need to get a ring, kā āyouāre such a jackassā āyeah yeah Gnightā
Zodiac/MBTI
Okay so Iām not doing a big long paragraph for all this BUT from what I understand, Gemini/Aquarius are really compatible, and ENTP and INFJ are known as āperfect matchesā sO (I had a really hard time deciding between Atsumu and Makki because they're both ENTP)
Psst Gemini + Leo is compatible and so is INTP + INFJ,,,, so, again, asking you to marry me sho šš
Aesthetic/Vibes
Playlist
Prelude and Fugue No. 1 in C major, BWV 846
Linus and Lucy by Vince Guaraldi Trio (meme song)
Sky Full Of Stars by The Piano Guys
Someone To You by The Piano Guys
Shut Up And Dance - Simply Three
Runners Up
Miya Atsumu, Tsukishima Kei
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anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off šŖš„“ im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime
piss
ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.
also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo
AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"
"man hands on misery to man, yknow"
THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.
oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.
oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.
the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become
getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"
maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy
MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD
a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols
black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.
became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort
heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based
hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable
he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?
international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?
MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)
alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"
'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'
he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk
he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'
help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"
alright, 1997,,,
2d stuff
loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles
both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac
[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]
SUMTHINK.
truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!
excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room
jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)
i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue
big tiddy nurse mommy,,,
went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??
oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther š„ŗš
messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king
MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP
oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd
but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love
ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh
"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok
jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that š« im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.
how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.
2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"
"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH
RUSS TIME
oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??
AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.
"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?
"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"
'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.
murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?
"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-
HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING š„ŗ despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.
ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to š„ŗ
HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.
idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"
DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...š
went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?
was in a coma for 4 years?
hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.
his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it
PAULA.
HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 š„“ IF I DO RECALL š¤¤
yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure
why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch
also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?
HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD
sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again š and my purse is gone JSHHD
MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*
NOODLE TIME
"small japanese person!"
2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!
im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'
noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out š "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY
JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA
2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".
THE RECORD LABEL GUY.
one song is all it took i ā¤ good for them
just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.
A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK
ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.
MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'
but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"
HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude
nov 31 1998: started recording :]
40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit
KONG STUDIOS š¤²
hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu
webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit
noodle learning ab kong studios omfg
JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD
built in 1739?
the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'
theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE
the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire
murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.
grim weather
the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg
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I'm not like her other friends
Recently got a message from friend I'm calling Linn. Linn was my first friend when I started High School, and I made friends with Anna and Joe, who were her childhood friends, and a chick I chatted to in homeroom named Freda, who was Linn's bff.
Two events started the downfall from me getting kicked out of this group. I felt like a taxi driver while driving Linn and Freda around on Halloween, and mentioned to Linn, hey I don't like being a third wheel afterwards. So whenever she brought up hanging out with Freda, as I was the only friend with a car, I always rejected it. The second was I brought us tickets to Impractical Jokers, our fav show that was touring in our town that year. She agreed to pay me back the 70 over time. This was the only time I ever asked her for money in the 6 to 7 years of friendship.
Linn never had much money so I hung with her and brought the tickets, the food, and the events. I hung out with her because I could always make her laugh and loved our shared interests.
However, turns out everything that was said, was shared between Joe, Freda, family, and others. I got a bf and wanted to ask her yknow girl/perverted questions, I wanted a conversation about this stuff with her as we been friends for years and I only knew her attempts at relationships. I made her feel uncomfortable with this open conversation. I apologized but I learned this was shared with everyone and I was a bad friend for not noticing the signs.
A group chat was formed later on, with Joe, Freda, Linn, rando, and a chick named Iris. I knew Iris but I really don't know what side she was on throughout this whole thing, she had conversations with both of us and sent me screenshots from Linn, so I suspect she did the same for Linn. I made a comment, like "what up b*tches" and that fucking broke Freda. Apparently I hated her and it was aimed at her. And Im insensitive (which is a bit true but I have said worst, and Linn brings this up a lot later on).
I wanted an overnight hangout for spring break, I invited Linn, Joe, his gf, Anna, Iris. Linn knew I smoked and drank, but due to the friend group, I was never planning on bringing those items along. They didnt know I only invited them, my bestie, and a HS friend. Only Iris ever drank. Only my bestie smoked.
After hearing no, I gave up and just went to the hotel with my best friend and our HS friend. I had a good time playing uno. But Linn asked to hang that night and I told her I was doing this as I had planned a long time ago.
Apparently I got blocked from the friend group (i had it muted so I never noticed), i only noticed when I got invited back and saw the messages.
"That's so messed up of you S to leave one of your real friends whose been there for you" said iris.
It been planned for a long time, it was even planned with everyone in mind.
"I don't wanna start anything bc she'll just try 2 play the victim lol" "I don't trust her with alcohol and weed. But now I kinda don't trust her with a lot of things" "I mean if you look how Savannah grew up, you see why she is the way she is...." "I didn't like her mom the moment I saw her"
No, I had party friends and a pothead cousin. The mom comment is because my mom smokes cigarettes and Linn hated the smell and called her mom to leave my house. And I moved to my grandparents years later.
"She's reckless and tbh I'm sorry to say this but she is also kind of a hoe" said Joe. The same guy who wanted me to sleep with him when I had a bf for over a year. And he even said if I slept with him (while having a gf) that he would put in a good word. Linn agrees "I only want to find a bf and sleep with him. Not sleep with the whole town"
"Ig when I hang with her again I don't want drama but I have 2 talk 2 her maybe steer her on the right path maybe she's secretly sad. And puts her pain into weed and drinking"
No, when Im sad, I talk to you or my bestie, but then that gets shared to everyone so I stopped talking to you about my feelings.
I don't remember when this happened, but I made a comment about her oversized bra as she had tiny chachas. My mistake. Everyone has body issues, and that was hers, and I spent an hour apologizing as sometimes I do run my mouth. I just felt like the bra didn't mean much if it wasnt padded, but just there for air for her body type.
Through months of talking. Getting mad at each other. Stopped talking. Unfriending each other. Of how Im not like her other friends. We agreed on a movie. I sent her a msg at 10am asking if 10pm was a good time to go see a random movie, she read the message. I never got a message back until 9pm saying she was ready. I told her, dude message me sooner I thought you ignored me and got ready for bed. And she got mad I didn't tell her I got ready for bed while she was prepared to go out. I said it's a movie we can reschedule, it's too late to drive to her home and movies especially when it's opening night. This, of course, got her mad. I said Im sorry for the miscommunication on my part.
I heard back from her 3 days later, 4 days before the Impractical Jokers. "Are you still taking me to Impractical jokers?" At this point, I'm over these issues and her so I finally stood for a battle.
I replied, "Linn, how things are looking like right now, probably not. And I don't really feel bad since it wasnt paid." I told her I didn't want to because she more focus on the tickets when we still had last arguement.
She had 5 dollars, I told her at least 25 (not even half the price but it was something) or least try to pay me in small amounts. She said she was saving up for something so 15 at most, and I repiled like you tried saving up for these tickets.
She said "Ur like my only friend who wants me 2 pay back a concert ticket. Everyone else has brought it out of just being nice. But I did agree to pay back $70 which tbh is too much. So I said $15 but Idek bc rn I have $5" "U want me 2 ask ppl hey can u give me money bc my friend wants me 2 pay her back 4 a concert? They aint gonna do that Bc they're gonna say that's ur friend's problem"
It's your problem, Linn. Not mine.
She said this should be her bday gift, and when I brought up how much I spent on her throughout the years, she said "you never had to and Plus u should kinda do that out of being a good friend not do it 4 money btw....but now ik not 2 ask u 4 shit bc ur gonna want me 2 pay u back 4 it. I wouldn't want u 2 pay me back but that's just me šš"
She msg me on my phone. Went through the cycle of her saying hey I can make payments now, and me saying it's too late since I already invited someone else, "Im money hungry/i never apologized", she had family issues and is broke, stop bringing up things in the past she already apologized for (when she brought up things I apologized for). How she kept me as a friend, how loyal she was, when all of her friends and family told her to drop me, who knew every single bad detail about me, every bad secret. Yes, this came up a lot during our disputes. Even when I told her I didn't care what her friends thought cuz I wanted just us talking.
I thought we liked to hang out together, but maybe it was just me who enjoyed those times. She always wanted someone else there. Anna, Iris and Joe I was okay with just in small amounts because of gas. Plus, those guys never had money either and I can only pay for so many. Maybe I was her friend because I had a car and okay with spending money.
So yes, I'm the bad apple. I've been living with the same guy for the last two and a half years, clean from weed for the last one and a half (bf told his dad he would stay clean, i only smoked because i was always offered some by others), drinking once a month.
And then Linn messaged me on my bday, happy birthday we should hang out with anna she misses you!
Uhuh. Sure. Maybe someday.
Sorry I had to rant since apparently I always saw myself as the victim. I did fuck up with the uncomfortable questions and bra comment. I felt I had these conversations with my other friends, so why not with the friend I had for the longest. But the movie ticket, like come on seriously?
Tl;dr toxic friendship turned bad, got witchhunted by my "friends" and money hungry for a ticket I brought.
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What is the craziest/rudest thing a follower has said/done to you, that your still raw about
gosh rudest is so hard to pin point bc so many followers have been like cussy rude to me before but like this wasnt evenn like that like they neverĀ cussed. this is the first thing that comes to mind with rudeness bc it was recent but i had this like, not even a follower, message me BEGGGING for a shoutout for their insta. and i was like lmao.....like i dont mind shouting ppl out its just diff if u ask and u dont even follow me and ur name isĀ āyaoisexā or some shit like... im good... and then i was like lolololo if i did that what would i get? yknow humoring it bc like im not gonig to do it but im curious and they goĀ āwed shout u out too!ā i checked and they had 2 followers at the time so i just LMAOOOOĀ
i left it alone right? then they text me again around like a month or so later with the sameĀ āPLEASE SHOUT US OUT!ā this time they have 1k so i thought they mustve begged a lot of people or something with the only content on their insta being like reposts of yaoi drawings.. so i sayĀ āyou dont even follow me im goodā THEN THEY GOĀ āso if we do follow you will you?ā and i sayĀ ānoā and i checked and LMAOAOO THEY RLY STARTED FOLLOWING ME JUST FOR THIS DAMN SHOUTOUT IM GOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD
and as far as crazy goes theres like 3 incidents that stick out
one was when a dude WHO I MUSTVE TALKED TO LIKE ONCE sent me a picture of a like a pornstar or something that was like a transdude right? alREADY ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO SEND PEOPLE WHO U DONT REALLY KNOW PORN BUT WHATEVER and i kinda humoredit bc the content i do put out doesnt reek of like sfw so i humored it and was likeĀ āLOLā BUT THEN THEY PISSED ME OFF THEY WERE LIKEĀ ātoo bad they have a pussy! thought i was gay and never really into girls but he could make me go straight.ā and i was likeĀ āgood thing hes not a girl then because youre still gay after liking him!ā and he said something likeĀ ākinda.... they have a pussy tho.ā AND THEN I GOT LIKE... IRRITATED AND i forgot how it ended but i ended up blocking him for the transphobic shit like im not one to rly give a fuck but like dont come to me wit ur transphobic humor like its not rly funny lmaoo
and then another incident was when a guy messaged me like daily, not even a bad artist either, and drew like porn of my characters. LIKE I HONESTLY WOULDNT MIND IF PPL DREW NSFW OF MY CHARACTERS LIKE I ODNT CARE BUT LIKE THis DUDE MADE IT CREEPY!!! he would none stop message meĀ
and last incident i cant even tell if they were a follower or not but thE DAMN DEDICATION THEY PUT INTO PAYING ATTENTION TO ME they might as well have been. so one day on a stream i had a very base sketch down, and if yall know what thats like for me its super sloppy LMAOOO i dont do clean sketches, so this person comes in and is likeĀ āmy friend told me to check u out because they like ur art.ā and then they goĀ ābut im disappointed ill leave now bye! :)ā or some shit like that so me and skylar r like LMAOHIGFIFH joking around about it like how this dude gave me a trauma like it was whatever id never rly experienced a passive aggressively rude person like that on a stream LMAOOO
so i thought it was done right? after that theyd show up EVERY SINGLE STREAM and they did this in a row for probably about 5 streams. theyd come in and just say some like weak insults likeĀ āI HOPE U IMPROVE!!! U NEVER IMPROVE WOW UR ART IS GROSS IT SUCKSā like lmaooooo id just block them after humoring them a wittle bit for the funn and they mustve followed me to keep track of my stream updates it was just kinda funny
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I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-
5 things youāll find in my bag
Right now theres uhh
Notebooks, both school and 1 art.
Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm)
Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle.
A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.
5 things youāll find in my bedroom
A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, nameās will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella
MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit.
Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel.
A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking,Ā āah a small fridge whats the big deal?ā but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI-
Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.
5 things Iāve always wanted to do in my life
Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel?
I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that.
Yknow that post awhile back that was likeĀ āi dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costsā thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it.
Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.
5 things on my to do list
FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it.
I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more.
Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it.
Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love.
Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))
5 things that make me happy
Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.Ā
Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for.
I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao.
Yeah i better not make this category any longer.
5 things Iām (currently) into
Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit.
As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere.
Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah.
Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good.
Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.
5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)
I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.)
Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mioās or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much.
Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk.
I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it.Ā
Who am I tagging?
Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what allās changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P
Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg
@milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good.
@fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure)
@dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round.
I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme.
Have fun yall.
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I know youāre supposed to let people ask you for numbers and THEN answer, but Iām pmsing really fucking hard and struggling to hold on to the one single brain cell I have thatās keeping me from breaking down and just screaming/trashing the place. SOOOOO hereās 100 questions nobody asked me to answer.Ā
1. A selfie?
Two or three months old, but I like it still.Ā
2. How old are you?
23 1/2.
3. What is your birthday?
Nov. 2 (Day of the Dead~)
4. What is your zodiac sign?
Scorpio
5. What is your favorite color?
Purple/Teal
6. Whatās your lucky number?
5
7. Do you have any pets?
I, myself, have a cat, but my mom has three dogs and my estranged cat who couldnāt move into my apartment with me but whom my mom wouldnāt let me adopt once he COULD
8. Where are you from?
Corn. (Indiana.)
9. How tall are you?
5ā²7
10. What shoe size are you?
11 in womenās, 9 1/2 in menās.
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Um. I just moved and got rid of a bunch, so maybe 10 total
12. What was your last dream about?
Honestly, it was a sex dream about a friendās sister. (Letās not explore that, shall we?)Ā
13. What talents do you have?
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL (I write fanfiction.)
14. Are you psychic in any way?
I have a shitton of deja vu that I think comes from dreams. It never does anything productive, but eh.
15. Favorite song?
Ah shit. To listen to, Rap God. To sing, La Vie en Rose.Ā
16. Favorite movie?
Taming of the Shrew, the Liz Taylor version.
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
Someone with a shitton of patience and an understanding of when to walk away from me before I break down. (Also, Fenris from DA2 or Cullen Rutherford.)
18. Do you want children?
FUCK THAT
19. Do you want a church wedding?
I wouldnāt mind having a wedding in a big, beautiful church like if it had a Window(tm) yknow, but there will be ZERO religion in my service. Even then, a wedding in a church is quite low on my list. My top three wedding preferences are:Ā countryside (but not the kind with cowboy boots and mud and a dirt-floor barn. I mean the bougie white bitch from the city doesnāt actually wanna get dirty kind of countryside,) seaside, and in the woods (like Twilight.)
20. Are you religious?
Nah.Ā
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
Yes
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
I got a seatbelt ticket once and a written warning for speeding (which Iām still pissed about. I was on my way to say goodbye to my grandpa before he died.)
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
Jonathan Frakes (TWICE!,) LeVarr Burton, and John DeLancie. It was supposed to be Brent Spiner in place of the 2nd Jonathan Frakes one, but with the fires in California and his son getting sick, he had to cancel. I was heartbroken. I adore him.
24. Baths or showers?
Depends on the tub.Ā
25. What color socks are you wearing?
Who wears socks at home in July?
26. Have you ever been famous?
When I was 13, I won second place in a national creative writing contest and 3 gold medals for state. My little hometown did a front-page article about me. It was most definitely the peak of my life. Thatās about how fucking far down the barrel I am now.Ā
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
Money, yeah. Otherwise, nah.Ā
28. What type of music do you like?
All kinds but country. I have a special preference towards 50s ballads, lyrical rap, and 2000s summer hits like Cyclone and Right Thurr.Ā
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
Ye
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
6, generally.
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
I have one of those pillows with the little arms on the side that I flip upside down and cuddle into like Iām sleeping on someoneās chest. I can sleep like that for hours.
32. How big is your house?
1200sqft.
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
Coffee
34. Have you ever fired a gun?
Yes. Iām a v good shot.
35. Have you ever tried archery?
Yes. Iām a v good shot.Ā
36. Favorite clean word?
Pusillanimous.
37. Favorite swear word?
Fuck nugget.
38. Whatās the longest youāve ever gone without sleep?
4 days.
39. Do you have any scars?
A shitton. My favorite is the pair on my forehead that form a little 01. I also have a lot of self-harm scars across my breasts that I like.Ā
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
As a joke, yeah, but Iāve never gotten like... actual honest-to-god love letters.Ā
41. Are you a good liar?
I used to be. I donāt see the point anymore.Ā
42. Are you a good judge of character?
No. Iām too eager to make friends.Ā
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
Itās not uncommon for me to accidentally do an accent from whatever show I was just watching, especially if Iām talking to myself. I can do a surprising variation on Spanish accents, but thatās also because of my Spanish linguistics class.Ā
44. Do you have a strong accent?
I have a weird accent. I say some things like Iām from Chicago (like, I sayĀ āhot dwawgā) but I say some things kind of southernish especially if I get mad, but some things I say Canadian and some British.Ā
45. What is your favorite accent?
Speaking English, Russian. Speaking their native language, Cuban.
46. What is your personality type?
INTP. Or, if youāre like me and donāt remember what that means, Iām a raging bitch who thinks sheās funny and tries too hard.
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
My bridesmaid dress for my sisterās wedding. Fucking $460 after alterations.Ā
48. Can you curl your tongue?
No
49. Are you an innie or an outie?
Innie
50. Left or right handed?
Right
51. Are you scared of spiders?
150%
52. Favorite food?
Garlic
53. Favorite foreign food?
åäŗ¬ē¤éø. (Peking Duck.)
54. Are you a clean or messy person?
Messy.
55. Most used phrased?
Cool beans///Suck a fuck.Ā
56. Most used word?
Fuck
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
Depends where Iām going. Work or school, 10 minutes. To something with my family or friends, like an hour. But thatās because I just move slower, not because anything changes.Ā
58. Do you have much of an ego?
Yes. Iām conceited as shit.Ā
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
Suck until they get riddled with holes.Ā
60. Do you talk to yourself?
60% of my verbal interactions are with myself, yes. (30% are with my pets, 10% with other people.)Ā
61. Do you sing to yourself?
Yes.Ā
62. Are you a good singer?
I can match pitch. That doesnāt mean I should.Ā
63. Biggest Fear?
Ending up bogged down with kids I donāt want in a city I hate with a job Iāve been at for 10+ years.Ā
64. Are you a gossip?
Yes
65. Best dramatic movie youāve seen?
I really like the remake of Steel Magnolias with Queen Latifah, and Diary of a Mad Black Woman.Ā
66. Do you like long or short hair?
On me, long. On others, depends.Ā
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
If you give me a minute and a pen, maybe.Ā
68. Favorite school subject?
Band/English/Science.Ā
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
Intro.Ā
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?
No
71. What makes you nervous?
The future
72. Are you scared of the dark?
Only after watching a ghost movie.Ā
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
Yes
74. Are you ticklish?
Do you bruise easily?Ā
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
Yes
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?
Yes
77. Have you ever drank underage?
Yes, but not much. I asked my boyfriend to give me a sip of his 4 Loko and fucker was like,Ā ānooo itās illegal.āĀ
78. Have you ever done drugs?
What makes the boyfriend thing funny is we had spent literally that entire summer high of our asses, butĀ ānoooo, itās illegal for you to drink.ā His method of thinking was, Itās illegal for everyone to smoke weed, so itās fair that everybody breaks that law, but itās only illegal for people under 21 to drink so itās not fair.
79. Who was your first real crush?
As in, a real person? Ethan Richards, elementary. I crushed on him for 5 years. (Caleb Smith was a close second, and looking back I think maybe he liked me, too.) But I wrote Ethan a note in 5th grade telling him I liked him and he super broke my heart. 13 years later and Iām still bitching about it.Ā
80. How many piercings do you have?
Currently, 9. Iāve had 13 though.Ā
81. Can you roll your Rs?ā
No. I make L sounds instead, like Puerto Ricans do.Ā
82. How fast can you type?
150+wpm. I beat out my typing teacher in 7th grade. She gave us a party to celebrate.Ā
83. How fast can you run?
If Iām drunk, really fucking fast. Sober, not very. (I got wasted at a party and sprinted all the way across my apartment complex to run back to my room and help my roommate get more booze. It was incredible. I almost got hit by a car.)Ā
84. What color is your hair?
Brown
85. What color is your eyes?
Brown
86. What are you allergic to?
Potentially shellfish bc everyone else in my family is.Ā
87. Do you keep a journal?
No
88. What do your parents do?
My dadās dead, mom works in the registration division in a hospital. Idk what exactly.Ā
89. Do you like your age?
No. Iām too old to not know what I want to do in life but too young to know what I want to do in life, and Iām in debt and broke and I have no job and no prospects and everyone keeps asking me and it makes me break down and cry and
90. What makes you angry?
Stupid people. This goddamn dog. Lots of things.Ā
91. Do you like your own name?
Now that theĀ āBeckyā thing has subsided a little, yeah. I used to hate all versions of the name Rebecca, but Iām pretty content with Becca. Becca Eileen suits me pretty well I think.Ā
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?
Psh. Even though I donāt want kids, yeah, Iāve thought of some. Most of them are ridiculous now. Fred and George for twins, Zane for a boy, Nonni for a girl, etc. Nothing I would actually choose now.Ā
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?
I think assigning importance to the genitalia of my child is a fucking ridiculous and borderline disgusting thing to do. I would want a healthy child, if there were to be a child.Ā
94. What are your strengths?
Um. I can sleep for a really long time.Ā
95. What are your weaknesses?
Lol. Everything, my dude. Fucking everything.Ā
96. How did you get your name?
Eileen comes from my momās best friend in high school. Rebecca supposedly doesnāt come from anywhere, but my dad was married to a Rebecca before my mom and I think thatās just too fucking weird to forget.Ā
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
I highly doubt it.Ā
98. Do you have any scars?
You already asked that.Ā
99. Color of your bedspread?
Black. Itās the Hogwarts school crest!Ā
100. Color of your room?
Beige. My mom wouldnāt let me pick a different color. When I get my own place that lets me color the walls, I want some nice, deep violets with an accent wall that has criss-crossed fuchsia and teal.Ā
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kind anon gave me an excuse to answer a bunch of questions about myself cuz i know at least one person actually wants to read them so here goes
1: Do you have a crush at the moment?
i do actually. itās just a little thing but itās nice
2: Have you ever been deeply in love?
yess i have, more than once
3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?
about two years i think?
4: Have you ever changed for someone?
yeah, unfortunately. do not recommendĀ
5: How is your relationship with your ex?
i have no relationship with any of my exes except my most recent, and weāre friends
6: Have you ever been cheated on?
yepppp
7: Have you ever cheated?
nope
8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?
absolutely not. even if theyāve beenĀ ācleanā for a while, my own anxiety and paranoia would not rest and i just know iād read too much into every little thing.
9: What's the most important part of a relationship?
honestly being able to like, laugh like hell together. being able to just totally let go and be 100% yourself and feel fully comfortable around that person.Ā
10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
i havent really doneĀ āflingsā before except maybe once in high school. all my relationships have been pretty committed and relatively long-term. although right now i donāt think i could do anything serious, iām dealing w too much internal shitĀ
11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?
eh. if youāve been together a loooong time and maybe need a couple days or so of space to keep things goin, sure. but if itās something thatās only a couple months old and you already need aĀ ābreakā, it might just not be working out.Ā
12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?
hooked up is a vague term imo but ive only ever had a single one night stand
13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?
not trusting my gut, not standing up for myself, not speaking my mind about how i feel/what i want
14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
this is an impossible question
15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?
absolutely the FUCK not. age is incredibly importantĀ
16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?
not particularly??Ā
17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?
yeah, iāve done it
18: What do you consider a deal breaker?
oh god so many things lol. bigotry, disrespect, overly selfish, emotionally immature
19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
when spending time with the person feels more like a chore than a privilege, or when the person makes you wanna fucking die lmao
20: Are you currently in a relationship?
nope
21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
for sure, it hasnāt really worked for me so far (until now) but itās possible
22: Do you think people should date their friends?
i.. wouldnāt date someone who wasnāt my friend most likely
23: How many relationships have you had?
SERIOUS relationships? like.. 4. including weird short-term shit? 7. including a dude i wasnāt technically dating but it kinda felt like we were? 8. the 4 are the big ones though.Ā
24: Do you think love can last forever?
i really do hope so
25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?
unfortunately no
26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?
if you asked me this 5 years ago iād say fuck no. but i was once with someone my mom didnāt like and at the time i was very defensive of it cuz i was blind and in love, but looking back now i realize that person was horribly abusive and has left me with residual trauma soooo. if my mom didnāt like someone i was with, i would definitely listen to why.Ā
27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?
just ONE piece? damn. if they make you wanna die/hurt yourself, leave them.
28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?
yess. i donāt think iād ever do one again personally but they can work
29: What do you notice first about another person?
their style, and the way they hold themselves. usually i get a kind of vibe from people too, so that helps
30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?
lmao idk i just say im fuckin gay itās confusing
31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?
nope. in fact most if not all of my partners have in some way
32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
yes
33: Do you want to get married one day?
yeah iād like to, itās not my top priority thoughĀ
34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?
i donāt think iād ever get a name tattooed but iād get like matching tattoos maybe??
35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?
i used to say no but honestly i think i could now that iām mostly out of my hormone-driven teenage yearsĀ
36: Are you still a virgin?
nope
37: What's more important: Looks or personality?
personality is what keeps a relationship going but looks are important to get that initial interest and keep the attraction alive yknow
38: Do you enjoy love films?
depends, but sometimes yeah
39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?
no :(
40: Have you ever had a valentine?
mmm yes i think once or twice
41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?
i hate this question cuz IDK!!
42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?
iām trying to remember if iāve actually read through the whole thing but i canāt for the life of me remember. i think so tho??
43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?
friends, always. although usually they are also part of the friends category so itās complicatedĀ Ā
44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?
nah not really
45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?
uhmmmmm yes
46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?
not a real thing yāall
47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?
lol idk if they count asĀ āfamousā but Jenna and Julien babbyyyyy i love them
48: What's your favorite love song?
ive got a bunch but the first one i thought of is Bloom by The Paper Kites
49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?
yeah
50: If you're single, why do you think you are?
because my ex broke up w me and because iām not ready to be in another relationship yet
51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?
why is this a question. poor but nice
52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?
i think so. iāve gotten pretty good at advice over the years
53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?
it comes and goes
54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?
i really donāt care
55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?
nah, i appreciate having my own personal space. i can get jealous sometimes though
56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?
god no
57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?
not at all. a relationship ending can be extremely upsetting to some people, and if you already struggle with mental illness a major negative event like that can exasperate itĀ
58: Are you the "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?
submissive
59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?
i forget everything lol
60: What's your opinion on open relationships
do whatever works and makes everyone happy as long as itās consensual!Ā
61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?
theyāre important for different reasons tho i couldnāt really pick one
62: How do you define "cheating"?
itās different for everyone and every relationship, for me PERSONALLY idc if my partner like, shares a platonic kiss with their friends, or cuddles/holds hands with their friends. platonic intimacy is important and i wouldnāt wanna take that away from them. i draw the line at having sex with other people, or when romantic/serious feelings get involved.Ā
63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?
nah, do whatever
64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?
kinda, but itās cute idc
65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?
definitelyĀ
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5/12/17, 11:11pm - gettin cucked up
me and a particular group of my melee friends have been using the word cuck a lot still and I never really thought about where it came from. Like 4chan probably repopularized the use of the word because I saw that cuckold porn became a really big trend on there, but the way we use it isnāt like cuckoldry exactly, itās more like getting fucked over, or stood up, or most specifically teased with a promise of a good time and then having someone back out at the last minute.
More on that later I guess. This weekās been so hectic. Wtf itās only been like 5 days it feels like itās been weeks already.
Iāve restrategized my Get Your Shit Together (4.0) list, and the big three things are 1. pass the RPSGT, 2. get moved out of my apartment, 3. get some surgeries.Ā
Tony actually wrote my letter for real, so I put in my application to take the test this week! My cpr aed certification is outdated so I got an online one and Iām not allowed, so I have to do a course this weekend and fix that, but otherwise Iām all set. Gotta study hard, Iām pretty fucking pumped to get a raise. Glad Iām not dying for the money rn though, the $500 to take the test and get a new cpr cert would have me stresssssed the fuck out, dude.Ā
No progress on getting someone to take my room just yet, my roomās a fucking mess, I need to do laundry, Iām kinda putting all this shit off for now tbh. Weāll wait until Iāve taken the exam Iāve got vacation this week anyway.
And I talked to my dad, who gave me his blessing so to speak to get a vasectomy. I fudged a number that I told him, said that itās 90% reversible (most numbers say 95% or greater w/in 3 years, about 50% at 10), but with the potential for in vitro fertilization even if the reversal fails Iām sure thatās about right. He told me that my mom had told him that she wasnāt trying to get pregnant for a year or so and thenĀ āwas practically pregnant the next day.ā coupled with how mom was talking about being pregnant at their wedding I can see that lol. He basically told me that he loves all of us a lot, but yeah I wouldāve definitely done that because itās worth it to not have that kind of surprise when you canāt make money for a kid. I definitely canāt make money for a kid right now lol that would kill me. So Iāve already called the doc to get a referral and Iām gonna get a vasectomy. Gotta figure out how much my septum surgery will be too, but thatāll be a lot more -_-
Me and dad were catching up for a bit and I helped him get in touch with Dr. Bruce to fix a hernia so heās gonna be giving me some more money so thatāll help with that too though. Plus Iāll FINALLY be making sleep tech money. Iām so fucking pumped.
Plus basically the past 3 days Iāve Actually just been working. 3 patients a night for the first time this week was stressful as fuck. I mean not exactly. Just time consuming and pretty frustrating. As jimmy saidĀ āif you were still trying to get through Zelda you probably would be dying right now.ā Made it through fine and that should sweeten up my paycheck just a smidgen.
Still havenāt eaten french fries, but definitely gave up on cigs. Practically like two days later. I was out drinking for Joshās birthday and smoked a bunch. That shit was so fucking cash omg. I got blackout drunk for the first time in forevvver. Was hanging out with Jimmy, Josh, Ian, Jack, ran around with one of joshās friends trying to pick up chicks at a bar after smashing beers into our head and shotgunning them. I have a video lol Iāll try to upload it once I have internet. Was trying toĀ āflirt with all the ASA bittiesā but got too drunk and ended up boxing someone in Joshās friendās basement (w/ boxing gloves) lmfao. Reminded me of middle school boxing Cory Winters and having our little fight club ring lol. Drunk snapped a bunch of people, ian drove me home, it was a great fucking night. Oh and at Joshās friendās I ran into one of my asian friends who I could not remember for the life of me. I wasnāt sure if he was a league friend or one of brosciouss friends or a smash friend I was just so lost, but played it off really well (as always) and did jager shots with him. Fuck. Ing. Lit. First time I felt so happy and natural to be drinking in forever, too. Even got to see brett3 for a bit. Nice to be back in chapel hill. Especially when theyāre good old drinking buddies like Jack. Itās so strange that I donāt really talk to anybody else from chapel hill, but then again it really isnāt.Ā
The date with Brianna went pretty meh. We met up and joked around a bunch and thrift shopped and I bought a whole fuckton of new pants to ease the process of spring cleaning and two new sweatshirts so Iām not wearing fuzzy shit all the time now that itās getting warmer. Ate at Ms. Winnerās and it was some delicious ass cheap fried chicken, might be my new go to in gboro now. But she like barely wanted to kiss me at the end of the date idk whatās up with her, Iāve kinda bailed out since sheās all preoccupied with her family anyway.
Instead ive gone back to what I call myĀ āharem stratsā
You see, by chatting up as many girls as possible (right now juggling 4-5) I divert my attention and stay aloof enough that I donāt seem like a crazy fuck. Instead Iām just an asshole whoās two timing girls, but yknow fuck you stop judging me.Ā
This girl hit me up on snapchat saying I looked cute in my story and that we should smoke sometime. With the snapchat name Smokeahontas I couldāve sworn it was Kat, so I just go along with the convo. But then I see kat has a diff username and I was like wtfff who is this lol. I didnāt ask her though, just played along and eventually remembered when she asked for my insta that it was this girl I matched with on tinder months ago that I never followed up with (like most of them), probably because I got lazy lol.Ā
Had a sort of date with Jamie, we got some food because she was getting off work, we smoked a bit, but she was like texting the whole time and fuckin bailed out after just an episode of south park toĀ āgo to the beach with her roommate.ā I still have been talking to her a bunch, but Idk what the fuck is up with that, kinda whack. Super cucked by how that went. Especially because when I walked her out to her car I didnāt even get a kiss goodnight it was this weird lasting embrace like she pressed her cheek into mine to make sure I didnāt try to kiss her I guess, but still held me tight for a really long time, I was like rubbing her lower back hoping sheād like loosen up and kiss me but hooooly shit it all felt super fucking awkward. Iām hoping sheās just really conservative about dudes since sheās such a cutie, but idk. it makes me actually not give a fuck about her.
I have a date tomorrow night with the other textiles girl idr if I wrote about her, but sheās cute, going to ncsu.Ā āallergic to smokeā lol I told her I quit. (I mean I had that day before but I lied and said I did two weeks ago hahah goddamn Iām kind of a twat maybe.)
Also actually got cucked by smokeahontas. It was like a situation that was too good to be true though, to be fair. She didnāt have anything to do yesterday night and wanted to hang out; when I told her I was stuck at work and said she should just smoke with me in the morning she said she actually wanted to and would stay up all night to meet up with me when I got off. Ofc she fell asleep, and when she woke up she said she wanted to go back to bed, so I flippantly saidĀ āwell you could always sleep over here.ā and surprisingly enough she said she was actually game for that, so our smoke and horror movie date turned into a naptime date. But an hour passed while I was eating breakfast and in the shower so I was likeĀ āwtf is upā and she said she got sick and threw up. Figured I was super cucked once more by another flaker, kind of a bummed out, but not as bummed as after the dates with Jaime and Bri both went so poorly lol. Just happily told her we can try again another time, and now sheās saying she wants to do the same plan for tomorrow morning.Ā
So There. Is. The potential for me to get laid twice tomorrow. Pretty exciting. I havenāt told anyone that I remade plans with her though. RIGHT after I told some friends about how the nap date got planned out she said she was sick. I FUCKING swear that every time I brag about one of my dates I have lined up it falls the fuck through the floor. So Iām gonna try to never do it again.Ā
Then thereās this other theatre major girl I started talking to yesterday. Talked about horoscopes and transitioned from talking feminism to her (woke as fuck teens smh) into asking if she ate ass (jokingly) into asking if she wanted to hang. Turns out sheās actually a really cool super geeky chick and Iām really excited to spend time with her since she wants to show me jurassic park for the first time and learn how to play melee. Kinda weird that sheās only 18 still though O.o oh you, tyler.Ā
SO yeah. Thatās the sitch with that. Went from supppper fucking bummed a couple days ago about my dating situation into thinking that Iām the shit again. I think I want to establish thatĀ āiām the bestā mentality once again. Because I really am. Iām fucking amazing lmao.Ā
Ultimately though, Iām still getting cucked left and right and I have little to no faith that Iāll find anybody I actually care about ever again but weāll see yknow. I think thatās the strats to how I fell in love last time anyway.
hmmm. what else is there... Work in burlington is still super shitty, my commute went from an hour to like an hour and forty minutes today bc people in NC canāt drive through a little bit of fucking drizzling.Ā
Idk thatās about all Iāve got. Next weekās lake week so gonna have to work again in a few days after some date shenanigans and hopefully Iāve got some more good stories and shit.Ā
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