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#i haven't slep shit
jaegerisim · 9 months
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Byler Actors, Enemies to Lovers AU
"Don't you see? Don't you see how desperate I am for you to understand, for you to see that I love you. Even if I was, or am, an asshole. Even if we don't always agree on everything,I love you. You mean everything to me and I promise to cherish and protect this, what we have, forever. So please, don't go, stay. I promise I'll change. All for my love to you." Mike sobbed as he got down on one knee and kissed Will's knuckles, gently.
"I love you too, you know? I've never stopped thinking about you. Never. You're the one moving me forward, urging me to keep living. That there is something worth living for. Listen, I've always felt like a mistake, except when I'm with you because you make me feel like I'm not a mistake; like I'm better for being different."
Mike stood up and stared at Will, love in the form of tears streamed down. Will grabbed the sides of Mike's face, and the two kissed.
Will loved this. He loved hearing Mike swear his undying love to him and then promptly make-out.
"CUT! Well done, guys!" a man yelled.
Too bad it was all fake and part of an act. Too bad.
**THIS IS NOT FOAH. I DO NOT SHIP FOAH AND I AM AGAINST SHIPPING ACTORS**
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tears-of-boredom · 1 year
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she just has zero nuance. i talked about menial things like the weather and what we're going to eat? we astablished a connection. i talk about how it would be nice to do different things sometimes? im ready and cabable to do those things as soons as opportunity arrives. i dont fucking get it. im your daughter. you have to fucking know just how little you know about me. maybe i dont talk because everytime I try and explain why she's misrepresenting me, she literally starts to argue about how, actually no she's not, it's just how she sees the situation. and then my viewpoint gets forgotten. even me deciding to make a point and sit on the couch until 12, is now "yeah I talked to her and explained how important this was". no. i was trying to fucking show you how much of a corpse i look because I haven't slep. i was showing to not force me to do shit because i wont fucking comply. i was not answering the useless questions. i didnt have the energy to do so. like I said I wouldnt. also her reminding everyone how good my grades would be if I put some effort into them has become such a fucking trigger by now. give me a genuine compliment for once. oh wait you cant because you dont fucking knoe anything about me. me going to church on two sundays is not me being actually interested in going to church. its me trying to come up with anything to look forward to, and desperately just deciding to try if the christian god suddenly wants to help me. i know that there is no way for you to know that, and that to you it may seems like i specifically like the "going to church" part of it. but there is no way for you to know if your view is correct either. so dont fucking frame it in that way to these adults, who are no doubt going to take everything you say at face value. i prefer the buddy system they are planning over living away from home, because I can't see either one working, but atleast for the other i dont have to pack a lot of shit and be forced to sociliaze. the first time I was away, the staff commented how, at first I was really hanging around the others, but then later holed myself in my room. they are fucking idiots. of course I would try and please the adults, did you not hear the quiet but talented syndrome my mom diagnosed me with. and naturally i get fucking tired of having to humor these adults every day like its a fucking job. my wants did not change over time, I just realised that i actually could refuse on doing activities, and that people wouldnt see me as a bad child because of that.
i fucking hate adults. why do they trust my mom so much. why does my mom think that the therapy is working. why does she think my school absences are related to something so trivial as her not being home as much. and it's just so fucking frustrating how she technically doesnt state the things as facts, but she frames them in that way where it is so fucking implied that what shes saying is the truth and that she knows me and can tell shit by just observing me in an enviroment that has her in it.
i cant fucking see from these weird water droplets in my eyes suddenly.
she takes me being annoyed as like, me being really offended.
i just dont know what im supposed to say or do. I cant bring myself to actually open up to anyone who I'm supposed to, because my mom has made me think that no one will understand my words and will always take them the wrong way.
crying to see you again by miley cyrus is truly something. why me. why the fuck. why. why. why. why. why. why. why. why. why. why. why. why do I have to live.
i just feel like i should do something but because i cant bring myself to do anything it feels like its my fault. my pillow is so fucking wet and im ugly crying in that way where your face twists to extremes and you cant stop it and I fucking hate life.
why do other people get to have a fucking life and I get this. sorry i dont actually mean that good for you if you have a life im just so fucking jealous.
i hate adults. none of them ever seem to realise that children are capable of humoring adults. playing along. theyre just so fucking stupid. and they probably all allistic as well. the ones in my "adults trying to help me" circle i mean.
it was also really painful how mom talks always like getting me to go to school is the top priority. like she genuinely doesnt see the mental health issues. she genuinely thinks I havent daydreamed about killing her. she thinks that me going to school is even on the table. ahe thinks that my mental health has just had severe downs, from which i recoverved from. she thinks i dont have trauma.
im tired. from the lack of sleep and probably all the crying as well.
im sad that I cant bring myself to kms. i dont know id just like to step out. quit the game. stop this bullshit thats happening.
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cryptid-crusader · 2 years
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Eyyyyyy 😎✨💖
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curlydanyul · 7 years
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wow. good. Night.
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