#i haven't rewatched in a while so i can't exactly tell how much of this is self indulgent and how much is like. actually character accurate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

obsidiansarchive · 6 months

Note

Hello, good afternoon? (I'm using the translator) Sorry for the inconvenience but I would like to place an order. Dazai and chuuya (aside) with a Fem!reader who can't sleep without them, waits until late at night for them to come home from work because he can't sleep without them because he watches horror videos and because of anxiety. Thank you very much for reading me! I hope it was understood.

sleepless nights...

warnings: anxiety, mentions of a panic attack, obsidian: (dazai x f!reader), (chuuya x f!reader) :: reader stays up all night watching horror movies and now they can't go to sleep without their boyfriend <33 notes. not proofread (lol). sfw + this is a really cute request!!

% - DAZAI

_______ He has a pretty dangerous job even though he makes it seem like it's a basic office job, so when you tell him about your fears, he simply shrugs it off and changes the subject. Even when he has to leave in the morning, you can't help but think that something terrible is going to happen to him and at any moment you'll get a call saying he won't be coming back home. Well one day during work, one of your younger coworkers showed you this youtube channel with scary "true" stories and to be honest, it's quite addictive. So now you're at home at 12.00am waiting for Dazai, while 80 different things are going through your mind. Your so freaked out that you text dazai to come home and that it's urgent, and when he does and finds out it was because stupid youtube videos. He'll never let you live it down, of course he'll comfort you, but not without slipping some jokes in here and there. He'll even go through the videos and point out everything fake in it (he actually thinks this helps but he's kinda just forcing you to rewatch them). He'll also keep note on how scared you are when he isn't home and will try to come home a little earlier but theres no way he'll tell you that.

% - CHUUYA

_____________ due to his job, it's hard not to worry about his safety during the day, and especially at night. He knows this and has tried to reassure you by reminding you about his ability, but it never works. It makes it even worse that he comes home at the unholiest of times, and one day while you were attempting to stay up for him, you decide to put on a movie called "resident massacre" In your defense, you didn't realize it was a horror movie (you were half asleep and drunk on energy drinks). But once the movie starts to play, you realized that this was not a normal movie, and you wouldn't say you can be easily freaked out. But the way your home alone, your neighbors hate you, and your pretty sure they've been plotting on you since the beginning isn't exactly helping. Well, on the good side, at least you know you won't be going to sleep anytime soon. But on the other hand, you still haven't fixed your back doors lock. In the midst of your panic attack, you can hear your front door creak open. you arm yourself with a pillow and walk carefully to the front door. When the door opens fully, and reveals your tired out boyfriend, you drop the pillow and immediately fall into his arms. He seems happy for the attention although slightly confused on why your still awake and almost beat him with one your decorations. you're holding on to him so tightly, he doesn't even want to ask. Instead, he just looks at the mess of your living room filled with energy drinks and half eaten granola bars. "Baby, I know you were worried for me, but you really don't have to do... this." He looks back down at you with worried eyes just to be met with your sleeping face.

send me requests <33

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs smut #obsidian.!.#bsd dazai #bsd chuuya

112 notes · View notes

gffa · 8 months

Note

The latest ending of Ahsoka really made me realize one of the big problems with Felony's writing and why so much of the Masndo-verse and Felony's modern writing falls flat compared to OWK and Andor. Shock value. A BIG twist cliffhanger that leaves us all mouth open and HYPING up the next episode in hope and filling the forums with discussions in anticipation. Understandably, he can't write what we wrote in our heads for 7 days and top that. 1.

2. But once that shock is gone when the story has moved onto the next big thing, or you watch it again when you know what it pays off in, or watch the whole series or season again, it just doesn't hold up. It's empty. Vapid. Because it's all about the shock. The twist. The discussion. The hype fodder. It's not saying anything or adding anything. OWK and Andor was a lot better at that, without the use of the nostalgia baiting that Felony relies on. 3. It becomes an endless circle of low lows and high highs, while OWK and Andor both slowly built up to the crescendo of discussions and speculations and both have stayed in the fandom consciousness alot longer thanks to that. And because they have something to say, both to the world and to the viewer. While with the Felony and the Fraudrou verses, it's just a constant barrage of oh wow, moving on, what's next? ehh, it's over, let's move on.

I feel like one day I'm going to do a longer analysis on why exactly Filoni's writing feels weak to me (where I try to be more fair than I'm usually feeling about his writing), because I don't think he's without a lot of talent and there's certain things he really does get about Star Wars, but I think so much comes back to that he's a writer who is caught in a difficult position--playing in someone else's sandbox but has to now establish his own new corners of that sandbox and I'm not sure he's strong enough to be a big picture kind of guy when he works better in smaller focus. His work on TCW and Rebels is content that we do come back to again and again for analysis, during my rewatches of both those series, those shows hold up! But I think they're ones where he had stronger guardrails up, and he was forced to stick to things in one place. I think live action has been bad for Filoni's writing because of the way so much is structured, that there are multiple series going on and I feel like his writing doesn't have the patience to actually tell a story in a single space, that's why we get Grogu's story being split between The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett, that's why we get Mandalore's story being splintered across Rebels, The Mandalorian, The Book of Boba Fett, and now Ahsoka. We still haven't even seen half of the events that happen in the Mandalore bigger story! And you're right that he and Favreau both lean too hard on the cameos and echoes/rhymes for nostalgia's sake. And those reference points are often extremely fun in the moment! And I'll grant that the Luke episodes are ones I go back to fairly often, because I think there's some really good content in there about what attachment actually means. But I don't think it's that surprising, looking back, how quickly the Favroni shows fell apart for us and how it doesn't feel like they're establishing anything that can support a bunch of books and comics. I suspect that Disney's not allowed to have books/comics/etc. based on Favroni's shows because they want creative control over those characters while they're still actively writing for them, but also I look at the OT and the PT and look how much was built off those movies+TCW as a foundation, I look at how much you're able to still watch those and find new things to analyze, and I just don't feel that with Filoni's writing anymore, not since Rebels, not to that level, anyway. (I'll grant that I've been a lot more excited about the Ahsoka series and what we can say about it/find in analyzing it than I expected, I expected nothing but shitposts like we did with Mandalorian s3, but I've had fun with serious meta in Ahsoka! I was genuinely excited to come on-line after episode 4 and talk about themes and structure and how well Filoni did with that there!) Ultimately, I think Filoni (and Favreau) both have a lot of talent, but I think they're being pushed too hard to make too much too quickly and that it shows that they're making this up as they go along, rather than that they had a vision they've been crafting for years and any kind of idea of where they want the end goal to be. Like, yeah, Lucas wrote some stuff on the fly, he changed his mind about things along the way, but he had an end point in mind for his story, so the echoes/rhymes felt more resonant for me. Favroni don't feel like they have any idea where they're going and so much winds up feeling like shock value and self-reference for nostalgia bad for me instead of something that's Going Somewhere.

#lumi.txt #star wars #dave filoni #sw negativity

144 notes · View notes

aprillikesthings · 2 months

Text

It's Fridayyyyy

TIME FOR MORE SHE-RA

s1 ep11 Promise

oh shit I remember this one it's a heartbreaker

(good stuff for my fic though)

Hey remember when I swore up and down I wasn't going to liveblog my entire rewatch? Good times.

Part of me is like: I would get through these so much faster if I didn't insist on screenshotting them and commenting and making jokes

But the rest of me knows damn well I probably just wouldn't bother watching them?? This way feels a bit like watching it *with* someone, which I always prefer to watching things alone.

Also tbh if I did just marathon them while knitting or something I wouldn't remember anything!! Which would defeat the point!! So here I am.

If you're new to these posts: I am doing a rewatch of She-Ra with the specific purpose of taking notes for a fic I'm working on--but because this is me we're talking about, I also post a ton of screenshots with the purposes of commentary, squeeing at specific scenes, and making jokes. Because it's a rewatch, I don't comment on every plot point and I often mention things that happen later in the show--in other words, these might be confusing if you haven't seen the show yet.

EDIT: yeah this was another one where I hit the image limit, will have to reblog to finish it

I know people have figured out the "alphabet" of the first ones what does this sayyyyy

I mean wouldn't they all be portable in some sense? The one that recharges Glimmer could be taken down and moved somewhere, couldn't it? We know the one from Scorpia's kingdom was taken and moved to the Fright Zone, for instance.

"Query not recognized."

Adora's frustration here is exactly why I don't use Siri, like, ever.

Light Hope reminds me of a specific model? actress? from the 1980's but I can never remember who and it drives me CRAZY

*does some googling*

GRACE JONES I AM THINKING OF GRACE JONES

TELL ME I'M WRONG

Grace Jones also did disco music, TIL

back to cartoon lesbians

yeah that couldn't have been important for anything no worries it's fine

you didn't notice anyone else there until She-Ra destroyed something lolol

ehehehehehehh

Look I know it's the point of the whole show but I grin every time they're supposed to be on opposite sides and one saves the other's life (Does Adora do it more than Catra does? surely someone kept count)

don't mind me

little shit

🎵BUT YOU DID IT ANYWAYYYYYY🎶

"how many times are you going to make that joke" well how many times does Catra say it lolll

"where are your friends?" "you mean the ones you KIDNAPPED and CURSED???" "uh, yeah?"

lol

I just like the art style here

Okay so I can't screenshot audio, but that little moment of Catra saying "Adora? Adora???" where the tone goes from "hey look at this" to that almost-panic and then she turns around and it's kid!Catra is just so, SO well done.

ugh these scenes are such a punch in the gut

I'm not getting emotional at cartoon characters remembering the happier bits of their shitty traumatic childhood together, YOU ARE

;_;

man this shot is just good, ugh, you can see so much of their characters on display: Adora's self-righteousness vs Catra's sullen defensiveness

anyway they should've made out

lol

they're 1:1 so far this episode

(even though this cliff probably isn't even real)

"Did you really think I'd just let Shadow Weaver erase your memory like that?" oh so she DID know

Adora: "I don't know, probably" I mean I thought she would

I've been CALLED OUT lol

Adora: "Can you blame me? Catra: "*scoffs* Not really"

😏

John Cena.gif

BABIES (okay a little older like maybe 13)

(still babies)

I mean, true

I'VE HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT FOR THIS POST lol I knew I would

gonna post and reblog

#april rewatches spop #promise

12 notes · View notes

thefisherqueen · 3 months

Text

I'm back from holiday and I'm watching Sherlock Holmes Granada's The red circle tonight. There aren't many episodes I haven't watched left. I've been putting off The three gables and The dying detective since I really didn't like those stories, and I first would like to read the novels before I watch those movies, so this marathon is nearing the end :( I have no doubt however that I will be rewatching this series from time to time.

I don't remember much of The red circle anymore. Something with a kidnapped timekeeper, hidden female lodger and a couple fleeing from some Italian crime circle?

We're starting with murder, a couple fleeing and a man breaking into their house and creepily sniffing her night gown. Really sets the mood

I love it when Watson narrates the start of the case. Feels reminescent of the stories. And Holmes working on his scrap book and acting like a petulant child when he is interrupted at his task - straight out of the canon, so good

Holmes: "If I were your lodger you would not see me for weeks on end. That does not trouble you, does it mrs. Hudson?" "Nothing troubles me when you're concerned," Haha, I love mrs. Hudson

Holmes looks so touched when the client tells him about how an earlier client praised him. *watches this part 10 times just to stare into Jeremy Brett's eyes*

Holmes' black dressing gown is gorgeous. I want one

"Watson, deduce." "Me? *chuckles*" Aww, Watson is adorable and Edward Hardwicke played him so well. I love how engaged Watson is in the Granada series. He's actually an active part of each case.

"Please vanish" Rude, Holmes! Leaving mrs. Hudson and Watson once again to do damage control

Holmes: "I helped him (his former client) find a close relative once." So much emotion and hestancy there. I'm not entirely sure why Jeremy Brett chose to act so affected? I bet he had a whole headcanon about that former case. I wish I could still ask him! It is like he's acting like Holmes didn't tell Watson everything there. Did Jeremy interpret Holmes as feeling like he failed that former client maybe?

Watson reading the newspaper to Holmes is always a joy :)

Watson against Holmes' former client: "Some are more at risk than others because of their beliefs and courage." "I do what I do, doctor. Don't make me out to be a saint" Oh this is all so intruging. Something more than just case-related is being implied but I can't lay my finger on what exactly

All the imagery with the red circles is a little overdone. Yes, yes, we get the point

The former client is murdered right while he is at work in the theater? Gods. Holmes' and Watson's reactions tear at my heart

Jeremy Brett singing and narrating when he and Watson are looking at the agony coloms is oscar worthy. I adore him

mrs. Hudson: "What is it mr. Holmes, I'm washing curtains!" Bless that woman. Can't even wash her curtains in peace :D

I have to laugh at the kidnapping scene. They literally yeeted him out of the moving couch, poor old man

Landlord: "And I don't care for foreigners!" Holmes, with disdain: "Oh really?"

They kept the insane "journeys end with lovers meeting!" quote from Holmes to Hopkins. I love it

*Holmes climbs out of the roof, scares the hell out of everyone in the house* He totally would do that, wouldn't he? Excellent addition to the canon story

Holmes is so gentle and understanding when he goes to meet the lodger, he's so soft at heart and the whole Granada team understands that so well

They really made the finale very exciting, with the villain right at the lodger's door and the chase on the roof and the rolling down the stairs! Ouch, both Holmes and the american detective got a little bloody. Luckily Watson is close at hand. Always appreciate a bit of hurt/comfort

American detective: "When you're on a trail of a lifetime, mr Holmes, you put all thoughts of personal safety out of your mind". Oh he knows. I'm not sure Holmes even knows what personal safely means

This vaillain is like a fish - he escapes everyone's grasp. Until he finally got murdered himself. I love that his wife runs out over the street to look for her husband when she sees through the window that something went wrong

"No doubt mister Holmes, if you'd be here on your own you'd have found a different solution." "The law is what we live with, inspector. Justice is sometimes harder to archieve" What a great quote.

And then the couple gets a happy ending, and they go to the opera. Jeremy Brett's expression as he listens is perfection

Granada has done it again. I didn't find the canon story that memorable, but they made it into another great episode. I really loved this one.

#sherlock holmes #granada holmes #the red circle #jeremy brett #edward hardwicke

10 notes · View notes

armed-saphire · 6 months

Note

if you had been writing the women in metal gear what would you change with them (a lot i know) because i feel like just the idea of women being written well in metal gear will benefit us all

I'm answering but just so we all know my qualifications here are just that I'm a woman I am not a writer or game designer or whatever also as it goes on I get more pissed off so it gets a little messy structure wise hope that's ok anyways here's what I wrote:

Um ok, so it would take sooo long to write a full structured analysis so I'll give little things for each character. Uhh mgs1 make Meryl less of just a flat love interest stand-in because the rest of her backstory in that game feels like it’s shoehorned in to make it seem like she has actual character when she's just meant as the glorified damsel in distress (not to say she can't need help but a lot of it felt like a bunch of "leave me Snake, I can't help you I'm just a GIRL!!"). Also, this is just my personal HC but it would add so much to her if she was transgender but it's not like NEEDED- anyway also Naomi was meant to be brown idk what happened but I would return her melanin to her I think. Mei Ling is mostly fine character-wise but I would remove all of Snake's weird advances and comments about her. I would actually remove that from all of his interactions with women in that game I think. OH and Sniper Wolf should put the thangs away I'm thinking like a fur coat and also I want her whole character to be more than just a sexy lady with a tragic past. her speaking in a seductive voice 80% of the time and just being honestly creepy was stupid. I think she could just be a person maybe. that would be cool I think. She could've been just tough and standoffish and then revealed her true feelings as she was dying instead of all the weird seductive stuff

Ok now Mgs2, Fortune is pretty much fine but I wish she didn’t have her booty cheeks out on the seemingly cold big shell bc Raiden was shivering and sneezing like a little wet dog when he lost his suit so I'd assume she’s cold too. if she was wearing some cool pants or something that would be neat but other than that I think she's pretty well written. next Emma ummm her personality itself isn't the issue to me but I didn’t like how Raiden was kind of creepy towards her (not really but like. “You should wear contacts” I'll punch him maybe). Also, she should've had a cooler outfit but that's it. Honestly, I’d have to rewatch or replay Mgs2 to get a good grasp of her character but I see no crazy issues. Rosemary omg I think she’s fine but I hated how it kind of felt like it was Raiden and Campbell vs Rose and she always loses even in non-canon codecs it was so annoying. Other than that once again I will have to listen to the codecs again because I haven't heard all of them in a while. Actually, I just remembered I didn't like how she was kind of written to be oddly insecure?? Ig?? I mean she spent a lot of time in codecs talking about personal stuff and not the mission which I guess was intentional but I found it odd. Olga’s fine no notes. Don’t think there's anyone else. (skipping mgs3 bc it only has 3 women and I think they’re all written ok I don't have many issues.) Ok, mgs4 for the B&B unit I will refer you to this post because I’ve already talked about it. other than that Meryl was actually really good until the final part on outer haven that was so bad “I can't protect anyone” or whatever she said girl fuck off the only reason she said that was so that big strong man Johnny Sasaki could come to save her omg fuck you also Johnny Sasaki should die that's crucial to this anyway, Mei Ling was fine but I’d remove the codec call where Otacon and Snake say that Mei Ling probably just slept with older men to get to her job position I just think I wouldn't have that in the game probably. Naomi ok so I haven't finished mgs1 so I can't tell you exactly if what she does in Mgs4 is fucked up compared to how she is in mgs1 I mean personality wise but also I was eating a really gross ass sandwich when I watched one of her long cutscenes and it skewed my perception of her a bit oh also I would personally like to button her shirt up for her. uh idk Rose once again was fine but also I’m killing everyone for the mistranslation from the JP version of mgs4 that in English made her seem like some evil liar idk anyway you look that up if you really wanna know it’s on Twitter. uh who else does Sunny count doesn't matter she's fine no issues.

GZ you already know what I'm going to say also TPP so I'm skipping it also I'm not wasting my time getting triggered for no reason so like read my mind or something

Because I skipped 3 games I’ll do MGR Courtney her character itself was fine I didn't like the codecs where 1 Raiden jokes that she should get lipo and 2 the call that's just Raiden and Kevin talking about how much they don't wanna date her also her design is so like beauty standards boring as shit at least make her look cool or something idk. and Mistral I’m so tired of femme fatale characters in Metal Gear it’s not cute it’s not like empowering the way it’s done her entire character is sexualized and it is JUST because she's a woman. I said this about Wolf too it’s hard to feel bad for a character’s sad war backstory when it is also very clear they’re just meant to be a sexual object with no substance it’s not cute either it's just stupid. Also, there’s other stupid sexist codecs about her too obviously lastly uh Sunny’s also in it she's fine whatever

also i just noticed i skipped peace walker but like whatever its fine lol

#im not tagging everyone i talked about #asks #mgs #metal gear solid #mgs2 #mgs4 #mgr #metal gear rising

7 notes · View notes

wickedmoonlite · 9 months

Text

KinnPorsche Rewatch 2023

Reminder: as we go into heavier topics in KP (dub-con/non-con, toxic behaviors, etc.), I will not be doing deep dives. I'm planning on taking this just below surface value as these are literally thoughts I have in the moment as I'm watching. Thank you.

Episode 6 Random Thoughts

FOREST EPISODE FOREST EPISODE FOREST EPISODE. Literally my favorite episode of the series. I like shows and movies where the relationship is the plot. So having an episode almost entirely dedicated to the blossoming relationship between Kinn and Porsche with little outside involvement is v good. Also, I really wish we could see the gentle, caring, silly, soft, carefree side of K more after this episode. We see glimpses later but nothing like this, when KP are well and truly alone together.

The super aggressive rock, paper, scissors is sending me.

And the fact that Kinn keeps bringing them back to the same spot and then Porsche does exactly the same thing before they just happen upon a little creek by sliding into it (though if it was really that close, how did they not see it 😬)

The betrayal after P spits on K lol

How far do they walk every day and back to get to the truck and creek though??

Kinn... Regular rocks do not start fires. Flint does though. Also lighters 👉👉

Porsche is such a shit.

Pete trying his darndest to stay hidden like Vegas definitely doesn't see him sitting in the car... The windows aren't even tinted dude (which I know is for filming purposes but come on).

The fucking smirk on Vegas's face when Pete finds the condoms then yells though.

K is trying so hard to catch a fish. Then P just pulls out some fruit like "lol I found this, keep trying for the fish tho."

The childlike wonder in K's expression and manner while P catches his fish and then he catches his own is so cute.

Apo looks so cold in the waterfall scene (I haven't watched the BTS for this episode but apparently he almost became hypothermic, the dedication ugh).

Porsche wants more kisses, Kinn. For the love of all that is holy, kiss your man.

I love that they get to know each other by sharing their dreams. It's such a nice little reflective moment where they get to know each other more and I appreciate it muchly.

The fact that Porsche really does "remember" the car crash just shows how suggestable our brains are as children. There are memories I have to this day where I'm not sure if it actually happened or was just a dream or something and my brain turned it into a memory.

They really should have tried to get a running start for that jump. Also, that was a pretty good distance they fell. Very surprised nothing was broken after that.

I really can't blame K for not wanting to go back, honestly. He must have so much on his shoulders as the heir (I mean, obviously).

"One strike, okay?" With... a pocket knife?? Yeah that's definitely gonna go through bone with one strike, P.

I like that K encourages P to leave... Because he knows it's best for P.

I LOVE how Apo acts this scene (honestly the whole sequence including after the bad guys show up) after Kinn tells him to get out of there... You can really see the man go, "Shit. I have to do this first." And then turns around and gives such a good feeling kiss. Ugh. K clenching his shirt because for him, it's the last time he'd see P and he doesn't want to let him go. Then the focus on the cuffs they'd just been wearing for who knows how many days as a symbol of them together and the journey they just went on and the falling in love. It's all so good.

P really said "you're not getting my man, fuck you." And then K gets shot 🙃

Then the look of, oh my god I really almost got away from here but now I'm trapped again, fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Another long one. So sorry, but not too sorry. I appreciate all of you who read these rambling text posts very much ❤

Rest day tomorrow, which I kind of need because adulting and work. I shall see you all on the 8th for episode 7. Thanks for reading, y'all.

#kprewatch2023 #i couldn't find this gif in search #so i made it in adobe express #because i'm fucking poor #and don't want to pay adobe for creative cloud bullshit #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series

12 notes · View notes

popchoc · 5 months

Note

How do you think Maya being broken is exaggerated in fandom? Sometimes I read fics that handle anxiety or depression about her really well but other times I’ll see takes or comments or fics where it’s like they don’t actually want her to be better at all and like the dynamic of her being angry and sad and Carina being the ‘fixer’. Also I know a lot of people don’t like or rewatch seasons one and two but even when with the show making her more uptight Maya was never just super serious like she would cracks jokes a lot!

Hi anon! Let me start by admitting I haven't read any fics in ages, so my view is basically based on (short) posts, tags, comments etc. Also I think you pretty much covered it, and I agree a lot.

I'm not saying I'm all against the "Maya has issues" part. It has given her more depth, us some interesting insights and excellent scenes, and Danielle some chance to shine. The thing that bugs me, I guess, is that over these past years it has become who she is, not what happened to her.

Like you said, it's not the Maya who we met in season 1 and 2, the Maya I enjoyed so much. The Maya who could also be light and fun, who could goof around with her friends, etc. It's come to a point where I can't call it growth anymore, I call it change... and above that, I call it unfair. Maya is so much more than her past, than her trauma. She's damaged, yes, but not broken. She's come way too far for that. She's strong, healthy, has built a life, a home, a career - all on her own. She doesn't need anyone to fix her (something that has ruined Carina for me too, honestly, since she, too, has become pretty one-dimensional because of all this). Don't get me wrong, we all need help sometimes, but we also need (and deserve!) the acknowledgement that we're actually okay - exactly as we are. That we got through, that we did it, that we can leave shit behind and be happy again.

But I guess it's a choice. I choose to see Maya as a strong character, despite what happened to her - someone I'd rather look up to than look down at. And I can only hope we'll get to see a glimpse of the s1/2 Maya again one day (but I'm gonna need the writers for that as well as a different construction). But to each their own. I can't tell others - creators or fans - how to write or read her. I can only remind them once in a while of this woman's strength, in every aspect, and hope it helps them - if wanted - to move on.

#ask #sorry for rambling #if everyone is happy with the show's (and maya's) direction since s3 than maybe they (fandom and writers) aren't the problem #maybe i just have to let go...#sigh #maya bishop #station 19

2 notes · View notes

queenofthearchipelago · 9 months

Note

Hiya! I've been following your blog for a while and can't help but notice that we share at least two fandoms. As a fellow suffering soul at the mercy of GO's season 2 finale, how are you doing?

First of all, know this ask made me smile and thank you so much for asking that. It's not every day in fandom life that we get a finale as heartbreaking and devastating as that and I love the people who have asked me how I'm doing about it. I love that this is a fandom where we're all supporting each other through all the heavy emotions.

I'm... I'm okay. Mostly. Probably. I think?

If you don't mind, I'm just genuinely gonna tell you how I feel about it. (Edit from the future, this got long, I'm so sorry lol) I went into this season expecting quiet, gentle, and romantic, and therefore, on that first watch-through, I was looking for quiet, gentle, and romantic. I didn't know what the season was going to be about other than that. I thought I was looking for the ways in which Crowley and Aziraphale were growing closer, and they did! But in that, I didn't know I was also supposed to be looking at the ways that they weren't communicating. I didn't know I was supposed to be looking at all the ways they clearly haven't healed from their traumas.

And so, when we got to that scene in the end, I was incredibly confused by Aziraphale. Crowley has always been my favorite character in this story, I relate to him most and I feel I always understand him. So I pretty quickly got his side of things. But Aziraphale... it just felt out of nowhere (and a little bit, it was. The Metatron really did just kinda show up and offer Az all of that) and it felt like I'd been betrayed a bit.

I thought Aziraphale had learned better about all of this at the end of season 1. That Crowley doesn't need to be an angel, he doesn't need to change. That Heaven is just as bad as Hell. That Heaven isn't exactly a system one person can just... fix. And for the first 5 episodes of this new season, I didn't recognize him struggling with any of this in the present day. He was happy and in love and he was okay with moving on.

And I was so confused why he was considering this, especially after seeing Crowley's reaction. And then after the kiss, Aziraphale still didn't really want to go to Heaven, he was gonna turn back. And he didn't because the Metatron rushed him. He went too fast. And I was so pained by it. Michael Sheen just ripped me apart with how he portrayed all the emotions Aziraphale was feeling. The microexpressions moved so fast it felt like I couldn't hold on to any one emotion any better than he could.

And so my heart was broken for Crowley, and I was confused and betrayed by Aziraphale. But I binged the entire season in one night, it was early morning when I finished it. I was tired, and I watched the season not actually knowing what I should have been looking for. And so I knew that it wasn't that Aziraphale was suddenly a bad character or something. I'm quite shocked by the people hating on Aziraphale's character. My first thought after I finished the season was literally, "I missed something. It's not Aziraphale's fault that I don't understand where that came from. I'm gonna have to rewatch this entire season when I'm more rested and watch it much slower. I'm gonna have to read all the meta written by people who still love and understand Aziraphale after this."

And that's what I did. I haven't rewatched the season yet, but I have been reading a lot of meta about Aziraphale's character written by people who genuinely seem to understand him. It highlighted a lot of things I'd missed the first time. The parallel between Lindsay and Nina and Heaven and Aziraphale. The fear that Aziraphale has been living in ever since Job, where he thinks he's crossed the line and deserves to fall. How his greatest temptation, in the eyes of Heaven, wasn't the food or giving away his sword, or lying. It was his relationship with Crowley.

I didn't realize how the purpose of the creation of the universe scene was that Aziraphale saw how happy Crowley was. And that he's willing to risk everything, his freedom and his beautiful life in the bookshop so that Crowley can be happy like that again. Because Aziraphale spent 6,000 years watching Crowley reject his own kind nature, his own impulse to do good, for the fear of Hell's punishment. It's not exactly that Aziraphale wants to change Crowley. It's that if Crowley was an angel, he could go back to freely being nice, and doing good. They could be together because there wouldn't be the threat of the Other Side coming for them and ripping them apart.

Aziraphale doesn't want to change Crowley. He loves Crowley. But he is still scared of what Heaven thinks of it. Heaven still thinks that angels and demons can't be together because they're on opposite sides. And the powers greater than them who believe this will always try to rip them apart.

He just wants a better world for Crowley. He wants Crowley happy and safe. Is this the way to do it, no. I think Crowley is right that Aziraphale can't change Heaven. I think Crowley is probably scared out of his mind right now that Aziraphale is going back into the lion's den. Because Crowley watched for 6,000 years as Aziraphale was manipulated by Heaven, he saw how scared his angel was. And now he's going back under some misguided understanding that it'll be different this time.

I think that's what Crowley was thinking about in the car in the end credits. I think it was part "I can't believe he chose Heaven over me, because he wants to fix Heaven FOR me, the idiot." and part "He's gonna be manipulated again. And when he realizes it, he's gonna be so scared."

All Crowley wants in this world is for Aziraphale to be okay. Wants him to be free and safe. Free to eat whatever he wants without guilt. Free to do good because he wants to, not because he's had his orders. Free to dance with a demon. Free to be an us. Because he watched Aziraphle be scared of these things for millennia. He watched his angel think he deserved to be a demon for it. And he doesn't. And now Aziraphale's gone back to a place where there is no food, he won't have the opportunity to do clever good deeds in human's lives (he'll be running heaven), and Crowley simply can't follow him back there.

But then, I also believe the metas that have noticed that both plans are unsustainable. Aziraphale won't be able to change the system. And Crowley couldn't keep them running forever. They'll have to find the secret third option to be free to be together safely for eternity, and that's what season 3 is gonna be about.

So, to circle back to your question, I'm not okay lol. But I will be. I believe that this is one of the best stories ever told, and the more I understand Aziraphale and Crowley's characters, the more the ending makes sense, and the more intrigued I am about what else I might have missed that I'll need to rewatch to figure out. The kiss still breaks my heart, but I wouldn't change a thing about it because it makes sense and it played out perfectly for their situations and who they are. It's beautiful in a heartbreaking way.

And I do have a sense of peace about all of it. Even when I had just finished the episode, I knew it was all going to be okay because that divorce was literally about how much they love each other. Crowley loves Aziraphale unconditionally. Neither of them have much experience with that. So Aziraphale struggles to accept it, and he's scared to show it back because what if it costs them everything. But Crowley doesn't struggle like that. He's been left behind on earth, for now. But I have no doubt that as soon as his angel needs him, he'll be there.

Aziraphale will probably say he's sorry. And Crowley's just gonna give him a hug, tell him he loves him, that he's not gonna say I forgive you because neither of them need forgiveness. Not anymore.

It actually feels really good having written all this out like this, I've not talked about good omens much, even though I've been reblogging a lot. I'd love to talk to you more about all of it, if you want. And of course, I want to ask you how are YOU doing? What are your thoughts on all of this? How are you holding up? My ask box and my messages are always open!

#I should have known I'd write an essay in response to this but I really didn't lol #good omens #good omens spoilers #thoughtsfromthequeen #asks

6 notes · View notes

localcryptideli · 1 year

Note

Exactly! Riku would say like what he said when Roxas joined Sora! You’re still you! 🤧

Absolutely! Aaaaaah I can't wait to find out more. Honestly I also have a theory that Sora could have Player's heart (reincarnation or not), because rewatching khux there are A LOT of parallel scenes between them, and they are both the kind of person who silently sacrificed themselves to save everyone else (while keeping the worst self esteem ever, rip). Which would make Xehanort passing him the x-blade kinda funny. But then Player in khdr was so different from Player in Khux, so I wonder.

But the end result would be the same: the one fated to die holding Darkness, in a way or another, so I guess the rest is just variables. Sora could be a puppet, or he could just be a heart experimented on for a specific purpose (since the games don't shy from that - it would explain why he is so skittish as a kid and why riku is so determined to protect him); or he could be someone who accidentally, through a series of choices and coincidences, became the perfect tool for the job; or he could have the job due to his connection to Riku whose heart was made to be what the Master wanted from the Dandelions.

But the point is: he is there now and he is an easy sacrifice and given how much his reality got shaken in the past years of his life he is going to have that existential crisis no matter what he is. The rest is logistics. If the "it" was really referring to him what that tells me specifically is that Yozora and Luxord might not see Sora as human - maybe Yozora thinks he is a simulation or virtual character like Sora thought Yozora was a game character. Maybe given he is dead they don't bother treating him as a human - just a heart. Maybe given his rage form and how peculiar his heart is, be by coincidence or planning, they end up seeing that as a trait worth stripping him of humanity. All options are honestly very interesting. It would be interesting seeing Riku clash heads with that (although I think his reaction will be just drawing his keyblade and a metaphorical glove and challenging whoever called Sora an it do a duel).

He could also hold the heart of someone we haven't met yet who had a similar trauma and who we could meet in Missing Link, because not going to lie the pose of the main character in Missing Link gives me huge Sora vibes.

I am just

this game

has so many possibilities

I love each one of them and I love knowing whatever Nomura picks, there is going to be people already opening google docs or office or word and writing canon divergent aus for the rest. And I'll be there at 3am reading them all, probably.

3 notes · View notes

tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

Text

Sometimes, I remember that part of Nish Kumar's appeal is how openly he talks about being an ascended comedy fan. One of us. Other times, I wonder how much of why he's specifically one of my top very few favourite comedians is because he's an ascended fan of exactly my taste in comedy.

I have all episodes of 30 Rock and Parks and Rec saved on my computer, because for years and years they've been my go-to shows if I'm not in the middle of a new show and I just want to watch one or a few episodes of something. It's now been a few years of me always having a new show on the go so I haven't been doing that, but still, every once in a while I'll try to find an episode from any season of either show in which I don't have the whole thing memorized, and I can't do it. Doesn't matter how long I go without revisiting them, I'll still know every line that's coming when I put an episode on.

Can't quite say the same about the US Office, but that's a big one that I've used over the years to substitute as a go-to "watch a random episode" show when I was trying to take a break from 30 Rock and Parks and Rec so I wouldn't have them quite so memorized. And I've seen all of Community a bunch of times, have also rotated it in as the go-to rewatch to break up the 30 Rock and Parks and Rec at times, though earlier this year I rewatched some early episodes and realized there was some stuff that I didn't remember. I fixed that by rewatching what was meant to be just the Ian Duncan episodes (to accompany listening to John Oliver's Bugle), but turned into rewatching almost the whole show.

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace I didn't discover until last year, but I immediately recognized it as a genuine work of genius (I'm not being joking or hyperbolic there, everyone should watch it) and a fun thing to rewatch and try to count the layers of jokes. UK Office I've only seen twice, once when I was in high school and everyone watched it, and once this year. It's a good show. It's fine. It's hard for me to tell how much of my "I mean this is good, I'm not sure I understand the claims that it's the best sitcom of a generation" reaction was genuine or just because I saw it through a prism of not liking Gervais. I definitely think the more recent movie was genuinely bad.

What I'm trying to say is that overall Nish Kumar has excellent taste in return-to-all-the-time comfort shows, and if his comedy career ever takes a turn for the worse so he needs something else to do with his life, he could always take a position as my best friend.

(I say this with apologies to my current best friend, and as I write this I realize that very weirdly, Nish Kumar has technically met my best friend. I mean, he's seen him. We sat together at the front of Nish's show and at one point Nish asked me if I knew the guy next to me. Probably a thing he had to ask instead of assume because my best friend looked quite out of place at a Nish Kumar show, visibly a jock among nerds. My best friend is a wonderful man and I do love him, but all my efforts to make him watch 30 Rock have failed, so yeah the offer to replace him is on the table.)

6 notes · View notes

lenteur · 1 year

Note

i appreciate you a lot, i hope you know that <3

i would like to use the hug card <3 i feel like i need a big biiig group hug, i just want to be squished <333

i hope they do, otherwise i feel like it may drive them apart or away from the company itself(which wouldn't be a bad thing, there are better companies).

your puns are spectacular, i only wish i had that same power ;) it's not that hard to just LOVE him, i mean he is the definition of precious <33 i feel like seungkwan is one of those idols that if you were to ever meet him, he'd be the same as what we see <3 a kind individual <3 though i have watched older fansignings and he seems so sweet <33 i'm having a lot of scoups feelings atm HELP...........

thank u !! we kinda went off criminal minds for the last week or so, my s/o is rewatching smallville and i've been rewatching riverdale <33

it's really, really good <3 i rewatched it this week, also started watching revenge of others, i'm on ep 2 and i am HOOKED <3 it's basically about a girl who transfers to her brother's school in an attempt to find his killer (who pushed him out of a window) >:( i feel like i know who the killer may be but i'm probably wrong :(

you are honestly so sweet <3 you are a ball of sunshine :)) i'm glad you're happy to continue talking with me <3 although if u were not, that would be absolutely okay <3 and you're welcome 🌼

they are both girls!!! <33 they are the cutest beans <3333

hello my dear bestie 💗 i have missed you soooooooooooooooooooooooo much but i'm glad you took some time for yourself and i hope you're feeling better than during the holidays 💕 and i also hope you know i appreciate you as well. very much so!

of course! come here 💓 we'll squeeze you with our love 😘

thank you so much for appreciating my puns 💘 very few people can enjoy them. only the big brained are able to. so therefore, i can share my secret with you :D i went to this amazing pun school ;) i can't mention their name or else they'll receive too many applications. the only thing i can tell you is that it was a lot of PUN (haha get it?)

omg! yes exactly. i knew you'd be able to translate what i'm trying to say about my boo (seungkwan) super well 💝 he's one of those rare idols where you can feel he's practically the same as what he shows in front of cameras. i can't confirm that because i don't know him personally but he kind of seems like he's not that different off camera. ah scoups scoups, that man is very dangerous indeed... i've watched back it up fancams during the caratblr event and i haven't felt this attacked in a long time. he has made a (s)coup(s) d'état to my heart 💞 (i'm proud of that pun)

smallville. a name i haven't heard in a long time. i remember watching it as a teenager, i recognise the faces of the actors but i have no clue as to what's going on in the show. the only thing i know is it's about superman (am i sure? not really) as for riverdale, the only thing i've watched are the yt video edits/the memes. some of the videos are kind of funny. especially when you know nothing about the show hahaha

oh wow congrats on actually keeping your promise of watching kdramas 👏👏👏 so revenge of others is a thriller mixed with a little bit of detective stories? (i don't remember the name of the genre lol) i hope the k*ll*r (just in case tumblr wants to flag this post) is not the person you're suspecting because then it ruins the story :/ at least in my opinion ^^ i mean, it's nice if you guess who it is while collecting clues during the first few episodes but if you already guessed by episode 2 then it's a bummer :( but again maybe the story is not entirely focused on finding the culprit and more about how the main character reacts and what will happen to the culprit? i'm sorry those are just random guesses >3< and i'm sure you've got the right answer. you're smart, very smart!

no need to worry about talking to me 💖 i very much enjoy talking to you and getting to know more about you (and your cats) 💟 you're honestly one of the highlights of my days/weeks when i see you pop up in my notifications so never worry about me not enjoying talking to you. it's the opposite actually!

my little beans are so cute 😻 every time i think about them, i get this huge smile on my face :D it's hard not to when they're this pretty and awesome 💗 a little kiss on both their foreheads because they deserve it for being so amazing 😘😘

#lettre #lovely mutuals #heather 🪶

2 notes · View notes

cyanomys · 3 months

Text

Why I’m not trans

I listened to this video a few months ago and rewatched today and it had An Effect ™️ on me

youtube

I think what it taught me was not exactly related to the actual message of the video lol. But, it gave me a window into the actual introspective complexities of one trans persons' experiences which sort of helped me figure out why I'm not. The video also talks about transness and identity as escape which, will become apparent soon why it is relevant to me.

I went through a period where I thought I was trans for a while back in like, 2019-2020. And then I was like "nah JK oops." It was hard to express why that had happened. I had doubts about it too for a really long time afterwards. I said at the time that I just changed what my idea of womanhood was, which is true, but doesn't really tell the whole story? Because I still have a lot of feelings about my physicality?

I think I feel a lot of kinship with trans people because I suffer from The Horror Of Having A Body. I have felt fundamentally at odds with my body since as long as I can remember. It doesn't feel like an extension of my being so much as a suit that I wear. I feel like I'm a person looking out of the windows of my eyes. And so much of the time all the sensation from the world around me feels like too much, like a constant assault from the outside that I can't turn off.

And then I also struggle with The Horror of Being Gazed Upon, which lots of trans people feel. I feel like I have to constantly, on top of trying to deal with The World and The Suit, pretend to be okay and like I'm normal like everyone else. I have to point my eyes in the right direction and scrunch my face right and move my hands in a normal way all while wearing this deeply unfamiliar body in this unfamiliar world. I remember spending hours in front of the mirror as a 10 year old teaching myself how to smile normally. I felt like femininity, too, was something I had to work really hard to learn. And then other people judge me and make assumptions about me (often based on social concepts like gender) and I have to interact with those assumptions and constantly think about it. Its utterly exhausting. I constantly yo-yo between disassociating, or being too in-the-moment and then being weird or rude or having outbursts.

So then when I learned about transness I was like "wow that must be me!" Because it was the first time I'd ever heard someone else express The Horror of Having A Body and The Horror of Being Gazed Upon, yknow. These people understood me! I thought that if I used new pronouns and wore new clothes and maybe took some pills, suddenly I would feel like a normal person in my body! But it didn't work. In fact it made it much worse. It was like putting a suit on top of my suit and adding a whole extra layer of pretending.

Turns out my Horror had less to do with gender and more to do with just, existence. Womanhood feels the most comfortable to me because I've been wearing it the longest, and because it conveniently aligns socially with some of the stuff I like (colors! Sparkles! Magical girls!) I still have an overwhelming urge to chop my tits off though. Haven't figured that one out yet.

Anyway.....probably not terribly of interest to anyone but it feels good to get it off my chest. Maybe someone else had a similar experience and will find this post and feel a little less alone.

Also just to be clear I think that anyone who has a similar experience to me for whom that does mean they are trans are 100% valid. I'm not a terf!!!!

#I guess in some way this makes me a detransitioner #but everyone should have the right to transition OR detransition in their quest for self discovery #you don’t always have to be 100% certain about everything #humans are flawed and we change and fuck up #it’s okay #I guess this does make me cis+ tho #quite possibly the MOST cis+#anyway just another reminder terfs can fuck right off #lgbtq #transrightarehumanrights #lgbtqia #personal posts #Youtube

0 notes

elinorwritesstuff · 4 months

Note

I forgot that I sent you these messages a while ago. Because of that, I had to reread my message before. And, of course, too many errors on my part. I really hate noticing grammatical errors in my messages.

Sadly.. No. I've been distracted by some personal affairs happening in my life since the last time we talked. I'm still in the "research" phase in my writing. I write down notes any time ideas come to mind but I just haven't actually written any part of my story (for any fandom). But I'm wanting to. I blame personal events happening in life at the moment.

I'm most likely going to now. Like I already told you.. Asperger's is just one of my diagnoses. And I know for some autistic people, there are a lot who mask their autism to seem "normal" for people who may even judge them. I was never like that. I was the person who believed that I should be accepted who for I am, including my flaws (flaws being any disabilities I have in this situation). I never wasted my time pretending to be someone else. And, in a way, I feel the same way about fictional characters in my own story. I know original characters are often some idealized version of whoever you'd want that character to be. Well.. So maybe. Depends on the character. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else. But I feel like I can't pretend to be a normal neurotypical person even if I tried, even for characters. Because I'm not "normal" in any way. At least based on what has been said to me before. Because I also tend to have conflicted feelings about myself, because of who I am as a disabled person.. Writing a disabled character may even help feel differently about myself. And if this character is involved in some relationships (romantic and platonic) with canon characters, that just might also help with accepting yourself in different ways in that way. Find ways to write yourself in characters that can be more self-loving, more accepting of yourself if you have mixed feelings about yourself.

If it wasn't already obvious.. I tend to have conflicted feelings about who I am as a person. So this could also be self healing in some ways. My feelings depend on how I'm feeling that day. Like today, I've really feeling completely self-loathing about myself in every way possible.

Exactly! That's how I feel. If I see an extremely accurate portrayal of a disabled character, either that person has that or is knowledgeable of their research. But then there are portrayals of disabled characters in media that are so horrible isn't even close to that specific disability. And then there are situations where the disabled character in written horribly, but you enjoy the character because of how the actor would portray that character. Which has happened a few times for me.

That's fine.

The Gangsta. fandom is how I found you. I've read most of the story, and I'll have to go back into reading it again soon too. Because I tend to enjoy a lot of interesting series that have smaller fandoms way too often. Not the first time that happened. The series should be so much more popular than it is. And I don't know why it isn't either.

I'm not a fast reader. So if there is ever a time when I'm watching this foreign show or movie, I have to rewatch a couple times to fully grasp what was said or done. Pausing, rewinding and pausing, rewatching a foreign media that I have interest in.. That has to be done a few times for me. If I watched it a lot, then I won't always have to worry because I've rewatched it enough times to know what happens in the series.

Okay, here's another six-month-late ask response. And I feel bad because I reply to your messages literally in my head when I read them, and then I take forever to write them down.

Okay so OF COURSE you found me through Gangsta; thinking back to your first ask it makes so much more sense. I will tell you a secret. The day before your first ask, someone liked a bunch of my DMC fics, and then I got my first ever follower on this blog and it was someone with a very similar handle, so I just kinda assumed it was you. I am not an L level detective.

And Kohske is such a great example of like, she isn't deaf like Nic (I don't think she has hearing loss, at least), but I know that she has a chronic illness (I think it's a form of lupus), and I feel like that affects how she writes twilights and makes them a much more interesting portrayal of the "I have super powers and also a disability" type character. Like, not to knock Daredevil, but instead of "I have a disability and a superpower that conveniently helps me deal with it," it's like, "I have super soldier powers, but also a chronic illness that sucks and affects me like it would anyone else." Like I want to believe that really good authors can do a great job writing outside their experience, but I also think her own experience must be part of why she's so good at writing her particular story. And the fact that she did such a good job with Nic made it much easier to jump in as a hearing person and write him.

Speaking of L, and what you're saying about not writing neurotypical characters, like I just want to throw it out there that I want to read works about autistic characters (canon or OC) written by autistic people. Like not just autistic characters specifically, I want to read characters with all sorts of things outside my experience. But like, I'm neurodivergent but not autistic (I was confused about whether I was neurodivergent for a long time, but apparently PTSD is "acquired neurodivergence," meaning that it comes from how life has affected my brain, and that explains why I have half the symptoms of ADHD and not the other half. But I'm going on a tangent.), and also selfishly I have some probably-autistic characters I want to write some day (I dream of writing an L/OC fic, and there's also a character from an otome I like that I want to write), and I've found the best way to learn to write something outside of your experience is to read things written by people who actually have that experience. So go write! (I mean if that's something you want to do right now.

And I really like what you said about the idea of writing canon characters accepting your OC as a way to help accept yourself.

0 notes

themelancholyhill · 2 years

Note

The emergency at work was that someone almost died lol but she didn’t because luckily she has me as her nurse.

I wrote a poem yesterday about friendship and wanted to share it with you.

Upon the soil of my heart, lies a sparse garden. I’ve blocked out the wind carrying wildflowers from every corner. Instead, I’ve handpicked each being to a specific patch of my land. Seedlings grew tall, reaching for rainwater and sunlight. Under my care, some flourished. Year after year, their blooms stretch proud and dependable. There are ghosts too, petals too heavy for their stems, bowing to their almost forgotten death. But I remember every flower I plant. When I think of them, I still gasp and cry, at the cuts made by thorns and cauterized by pollen. That is the nature of this intentional cultivation, not every flower wants to grow. For those that do, the soil gives as much as it receives.

So before you pass the honeysuckle, you have to understand, there is no other garden quite like mine.

I saw “Fight Club” the other day, it was a rewatch, i’ve seen it before. Have you seen it? i was just about to tell you my thoughts on it and realized i shouldn’t because it contains spoilers. The weather here is more reminiscent of autumn than late spring. Everyone is complaining except me. ✖️

Good thing you were there for that "emergency". Is it mean to use "" on that word, or is it just feeding on the dark humour? 🤔 oh well!

Your poem is simply delightful, and I can relate to it so much. I guess this is the aim of poetry—speaking to people's soul more than anything else 💛 I'll try to be as eloquent as I can while talking about certain lines that stands out to me. I want to get better at critical reading, and what a better start as a good friend's piece of writing?!

You saying, "I've blocked out the wind carrying wildflowers from every corner." speaks volumes to me cause that's exactly what I've been doing. That's a bit of an exaggeration here, but I always do my best to be true to myself and sometimes I meet great people along my way—I'm pretty open in this regard. However, due to my situation with Ray, I'm slowly building walls around me. They're not tall enough so that people can't see me, but they're of a height that doesn't allow them to get closer. "Under my care, some flourished." just hits me cause it reflects my tendency to be there for people, and like you said, only "some" flourish, which is found in the line, "not every flower wants to grow." It goes to show that despite our good intentions, some people have their say and we can't keep them or see them turn out the way we intended. I think that, "But I remember every flower I plant." sums up the entire thing. Despite everything, the fact that we won't forget those that aren't around us anymore is our last gift for them. Sorry to mention this once more, but remember when I mentioned suspecting Ray to be a narcissist? I read that they thrive for attention and they like it when their "victims" are heartbroken. If this is the case with him, my last and everlasting gift for him would be everything I feel, I'd send everything I'm holding within my heart until he's intoxicated! Anyway, I truly enjoy reading your poem, and it goes to show how our experiences feed our creativity.

I'm planning on watching Fight Club after I'm done with my exams. I haven't watched it, but I know what's it about. It's one of those movies that you know about, and you can even discuss, without seeing it. I actually want to watch more movies set in an urban setting. After watching both The Batman, and La Haine, I've grown inclined to stories that take place in the city.

The weather has been a bit cold these past days (did I say that in the last ask? I don't remember!) and I'm happy about it. Hopefully it won't be too warm on Sunday cause I'm taking an exam, and the heat drains me!

I hope my "review" isn't all over the place, but I really wanted to share my honest opinions on your lovely poem 🤍

#asks #✖#poetry #V✖

0 notes

sunmoonandsandsoundtracks · 2 years

Note

I just rewatched Naruto classic and i wonder how would it be if shikamaru had a younger sister who gets a crush on Gaara, like she's like "what's the big deal about sasuke common hair colour , common eye color same village boring" but right after that sees Gaara. I find it sort of funny about how shikamaru always ends up at the wrong place at wrong time, like he just gets back from watching Gaara kill two people and sees his sister getting all blushy, cheering for gaara and fighting with ino.(1)

oh, boy. so, i read all your asks, and god knows you gave me plenty to work with. i've tried to include as much as i can, but it's all a little much for one request and i do have others.

that said, when i saw your asks, i swear to god that the clouds opened up and angels sang while heavenly light shone down on me as i thought MY TIME HAS COME! i have never met anyone else who has had this same idea that i've been holding onto for ten years. so i thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. it truly was a joy to write. like i'm super proud of it, because this premise is fucking adorable, and the reader being a nara is the only way i can use all the figurative speech that i do here. you can pry my metaphors/analogies from my cold, three times dead hands.

masterlist

spotify/youtube

word count: 1984 i can't guarantee that all my requests will be this long. it's a question of inspiration. and cut me some slack, this is gaara. if you haven't figured out yet, he's my baby.

enjoy!

i don't mind your shadows

You weren't sure what hurt worse. Your fingers, stiff from being held in the same position for hours as you practiced your shadow manipulation behind your home, or your heart.

"Gaara's engaged. The council arranged a marriage for him, and he's going along with it. He's okay with who they picked."

"Just okay?" You grumbled at the memory of Temari telling you the latest update on her brothers, one of which you were far more interested in. That had been over a week before, and you were still aching over it. "She's probably gorgeous and important. That's why he's okay with it."

You used your shadow to dislodge a kunai from a tree and throw it at another. "I'm sure she'll look great next to him. The picture perfect political wife."

You fell to your knees, suddenly realizing how low on chakra and strength you were.

"Shit," you mumbled and sat back. Hopefully your brother would come check on you and help you get back inside. You weren't one to lay down and take a load off like Shikamaru, being more like your mother while he took after your father, but you wouldn't deny that laying down and relaxing once in a while did have merit. Eyeing the clouds, you saw one in a shape that made you think of-

You groaned and looked away from the cloud that reminded you of Gaara's gourd.

"Hey."

You turned your head to see your elder brother. He had a little over a year on you, but you were often mistaken as the elder sibling because he usually went along with what you said.

"Hey. What's up? Did Mom send you out?"

"Not exactly. We have guests, so you need to get inside."

"Why?" You groaned. "Can't you tell them I'm not in the mood to entertain?"

"No."

You gave a weary sigh. "Okay, Tell them that I'll be in soon. I just need to catch my breath."

"Don't take too long. You know how Mom is," was all he said before leaving.

"This is one of those times when his reluctance to help does me good," you muttered, closing your eyes and draping an arm over them.

You only had a few minutes of peace before you heard someone approach. It was an unfamiliar gait, so you couldn't tell who by sound alone. The approaching foot steps stopped, and you were tempted to move your arm, but that felt like admitting defeat.

"Give me just a moment. I went a little too hard with my training," you explained.

"I don't mean to rush you," a low voice said, making you shoot up straight.

"What are you doing here?" spilled out, and you immediately winced in shame. "Sorry. Forget I asked. You owe me no explanation, Lord Kazekage."

"I thought we were past the formalities."

A surge of bitterness ran through you, and your voice betrayed you again. "That was before you were betrothed. Out of respect for your fiancée, until I meet her, I don't think I should address you in such a familiar way."

"Why not? Everyone else still does."

You bit the inside of your cheek as you got to your feet, trying to come up with a good answer. You didn't think "but how many of the others have been in love with you for years?" would fly.

"I just don't feel right about it," was what you settled on. "Is she here with you?"

"No, she's not," he replied cryptically.

"You left her back in Suna alone? Will she be all right?"

"She's not in Suna. Hakuto is no longer my betrothed. She had someone else, and I wouldn't enslave her in a marriage where she'd likely be unhappy for the rest of her life."

The name rang a bell. "Hakuto? I've heard that name-"

Your eyes went wide as you realized there was a lot more to the pair you helped Shikamaru get settled within your clan's protection than he let on. The bastard couldn't give even you a full disclosure?

"She was the one?" Your heart sank a little. She would have looked perfect beside Gaara, all right. Beautiful and regal in appearance, that's all many leaders needed, but you guessed there was more to her than that if he was willing to go through with the arrangement.

What would the next one be like? You didn't doubt that the Suna council would continue to badger their young leader.

"I-I'm sure you'll have no problem finding another one," you weakly offered some semblance of support, but it was so hollow.

"I'm not so sure. My past is still a bit of a deterrent to some."

"Some," you softly laughed. "They'd have to be insane to not give you a chance based on who you were all the way back then. You've changed so much from the boy I saw fighting Sasuke in the exams, and anyone who says differently is lying. If they really let that keep them back, then they have no idea what they're missing. I mean I'd-"

You cut yourself off before you could say anything that would be considered inappropriate. But you wanted to say it. You wanted to say it so badly.

I'd give anything to have that chance.

"You'd what?" He pressed.

"I'd say that there are still more women than you could possibly imagine that would line up just for the chance to stand at your side, and not because of your position. I just hope that the next arrangement I'm sure they'll try to force on you will be with someone that will enable you to find further happiness."

You offered him a small smile. "I'm sure the next one will work out."

"There won't be another arrangement."

Your eyes widened a bit. From what you'd heard, his council was downright tyrannical when they could get away with it, and they were obsessed with having an heir for him to pass the mantle of his title to.

"That's wonderful. You get to choose what you do. I think it's dumb that they were pushing that on you. None of the Hokage were pressured like that."

You cursed the way your heart leapt in your chest as his gaze swept over you, feeling like it was pulling at a leash. He may have been let off the hook, but that didn't mean anything for you. No, he was still the Kazekage, and most of the time, you just felt like all you would ever be was Shikamaru's sister at best. It wouldn't be right for you to make your feelings known. Powerless as you ultimately were, they were your burden to bear, and yours alone.

"Thank you," he said, to which you nodded.

"Well, you didn't come out here just to tell me that, did you?"

"No, I didn't, but it is along the same line."

You tilted your head a bit as your curiosity deepened. "Okay?"

He softly sighed, and for the first time ever, you saw him as nothing more than a nervous young man. Not as a great leader, or a strong shinobi. Just a man that couldn't help his apprehension.

"They presented me with a suggestion before Hakuto, and I said no. They actually really pushed for the first option, but I wasn't going to let them pressure her into it."

You weren't quite on Shikamaru's level, but your intellect was nothing to scoff at. Even then, it didn't take a genius to figure out what he was hinting at, and your mind blanked as you attempted to formulate a response.

"And what if they didn't have to? What if she jumped at the offer? What if she's one of the women I mentioned a minute ago?"

It all came out in a jumble, and you wondered if he even understood what you said. It was clear that he did as you swore you saw the fear flee from him, and he was suddenly the same man you'd always seen. It was a little disappointing as you realized you'd never seen him appear so human before, but it was minimally so.

"If that was the case, I'd say I still didn't want them to make the offer. I would wish to do it myself, after taking a little time to actually court her. The only arrangement I would agree to would be strictly between us."

All your previous exhaustion was replaced with an energetic charge that could have propelled you over the house.

"Why me?" You questioned, voice weak despite the elation in it.

"Because even though the first time you saw me was when I was at my worst, you never made me wonder if you were afraid of me. Any time those exams were discussed while you were around, the others would gloss over the darker details and glance at me, and I know they were looking to preserve my feelings. You... You never did. You're like Naruto, accepting all of me as I am and as I was with no judgment. Like just a moment ago, whenever you bring up that time, you don't change, except-"

A smile dominated your face as you reveled in his words. It was absolutely insane, but even with everything you'd heard about him from Shikamaru and the little you'd seen of him in that state... You just weren't afraid of him. Your brother claimed brain damage was involved, and maybe he was right, but every time you looked at Gaara, you could see past the mania to the heart that struggled so much. That first day, and every following encounter just showed you someone with a lot to give, but had a deficiency of the love needed to teach him how to do that. His willful transformation proved you right.

"Except?" You questioned, encouraging him to finish his thought.

He appeared purely human once again as he grew slightly bashful.

"Except when you seem to become happier by talking about it. When you saw me for the second time after we returned with Naruto and the others, it was like you were excited to see me."

You didn't know if you were embarrassed that he noticed or not. You'd say not.

"Either way, you've never shown any fear," he continued, and you saw a spark of emotion in him, as well as a little bewilderment. He seemed to get a little lost in his thoughts. "I know I never hurt you directly, but you still know what I was like. There are still some people who have as much experience with me as you do that can't look me in the eye."

"Gaara," you spoke up, voice soft but clear, drawing him back. "I deal in shadows. Literal or figurative, I'm not afraid of yours. Everyone casts shadows in one way or another, but when the light shines on them, they all disappear."

With a little smirk, you used the very last ounce of chakra you possessed to link your shadow with his, causing him to step closer as you did. When you were nearly toe to toe, you released him.

"And for the record, the darkest shadows are cast by the brightest light. Your past and any other shadows are always going to stand out when compared to who you are now. That doesn't mean they have any power. They can't do anything unless you put up obstacles to block the light and allow them to grow. You're not someone who does that. I know you never have been. You're so bright, and I'll gladly stand by you."

The ensuing smile from him lit you up like a lighthouse.

"Thank you," he said, barely above a whisper.

As you stood there, you noticed the shadows the two of you cast in the light from the lowering sun. They were unified, and you took that as a very good sign.

#naruto canon verse #gaara x reader #fluff #jukebox month

105 notes · View notes