#i have so much wonder and joy for the world but i cant for myself! why'd i ever choose this !

[feintenstein]

I had information that drawing yourself could help with confidence. So I tried again

#i dont thinb it workded #the night is getting to me. trust nothing after 9 they said!! #i like how i really just got drawing. thats my one card. my uno. my bestie drawing. #ill redraw everything i have and live in that canvas. nowhere else #ill use my one redeeming quality! nothing else works! #i have so much wonder and joy for the world but i cant for myself! why'd i ever choose this ! #escapism lets go off someplace new #hm. #i need to sleep. turn off. #digital art #bad #etc #dont perceive this im not thinksng atm #goodbye sight hellooo music

[nyancrimew]

fucked up sorta intoxicated long vent

cw: uuh mental health, drugs, suicide mentions, very much is just an existential crisis put into post form

this is not a suicide note or anything, im about to go cuddle up with my wife and go to sleep i just had to get my fucked up thoughts out, i might delete this tomorrow

meaning

it's so hard to find meaning in life anymore. i live for those around me, for those i love, those who love me back. yet i keep hurting them, everything keeps falling apart. i live out of spite, i cant let authority win. yet im slowly giving up my cause. i live to prove a point. ive long forgotten what point it even is anymore.

there hasnt really been any new compelling reason to keep going in over 10 years now. i honestly wonder how much it even really takes anymore to drive me to suicide. it can't be that much, im already always living on edge.

i just barely know who i even am anymore, ive largely forgotten the first 20 years of my life, and the last 3 are mostly just fog as well. forced to live in the moment, carrying all the baggage of all the previous moments i dont even have memories of anymore.

how are people just like able to keep living, regularly finding joy. how are people able to deal with bad times without immediately pondering all the ways in which they could kill themselves in?

god i need therapy so fucking bad. i keep dragging down everyone around me. how can i fix all the damage ive done, a sorry won't do. how can i fix all the damage done to me, no sorry will ever do.

why are the only options to just keep going, ignoring all the pain, or ending it all forever. where is the restart button, where can i reset, rewind, apply what ive learned to the situations where i fucked up. how do i go back and undo all the trauma. the trauma i experienced myself and the trauma i put on others.

we're all just lost children in a world not made for us. where is our world. where is the place in which we can find solace. your arms make me feel safe, and at home. but i know you feel the same way i do.

it pains me to know we're in this together, god if only i could bear your pain, if only i could bear everyone elses pain. it hurts me to know you feel this way too. no one should have to know how this feels. i wanna take on all the pain in this world so i can leave and turn the world around.

am i just failing at being a part of this society or is society failing me. i am like one bureaucratic fuck up away from dying alone on the street with no roof over my head. i cannot be self dependent, why does this society fully expect such a thing of me.

is this all worth it for the few moments of bliss, for sparing the people around me from the pain of losing me. would the pain of losing me be greater than the pain i cause every day?

i am lost. i dont know anymore. fuck i need therapy. or just anything that can fix me. the drugs certainly haven't yet, but at least i also have dependency to fight with now i guess.

yea fuck man idk

#mental health #yea idk #i was originally gonna just throw this on my blog #but while i want this to be read by people i think i want to at least somewhat control the spread of it #feel free to leave input and nice replies and stuff

[xxmia0wxx]

ENOCK

(Pomni X Caine Fic)

____________________________________

(Caine and Pomni have been together for a while now, even though Pomni is happy with him, She still suffers from Panic attacks that keeps her from living her best life and constantly on the brink of abstracting, Which Caine simply cannot let slide! So He gives Her a very speical Present)

( This is my first Ship fic, sorry if its corny/cringe )

"POMNI MY DARLING!"

He Teleported through the halls frantically Looking for Pomni who he heard was Having another stress attack, It seems no matter How hard He tries to keep her Happy, the looming threat of anxiety and Being Trapped in a fake world was always to much for her.

Caine Could never Understand, Pomni Always Said She was happy with him, He made her laugh and Smile, He worked so hard to learn to empathize and to have Emotions So she could Be As happy as Possible.

'Was it his Fault? He was Made to Make People Happy, And absolutely needs pomni to be happy, Was he not doing it right? He learned so much about humans, but their still so complicated and impossible understand'

"POMNI?"

Caine found Pomni curled up in a little ball in a corner in one of the rooms, She was hyperventilating and glitching again

'UH OH'

"POMNI! I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!"

He Manifests a warm blanket and Wraps it around her to comfort her, He also hads Her a cat Plushie and some water, Her breathing slows down a bit

"Thank you Caine"

She wasn't Glitching anymore, but she still looked sad

"DO YOU NEED ANYING ELSE?"

"FRESH DIGITAL AIR? A ROOM FILLED WITH FRIENDLY CATS? SAY THE WORD AND ITS YOURS MY DEAR!"

Pomni was always so endeared by him, Always trying so hard to make everyone happy even if it dosent always work, its the thought that makes him so sweet

"I'm Fine..."

"...MY DEAR, IM HAVING TROULE BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE 'FINE'."

he floating down to her level

"PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG? I CAN'T LET YOU ABSTRACT, I NEED YOU!"

"....Ive just been feeling so... Stressed lately and I dont know why, I-I don't think I have any reason To be, But I just Am and I-I C-cant help it and... im sorry that y-you can't help.."

Her eyes started tearing up a little

He just put his Hand on her shoulder, He was starting to feel a little depressed himself

"POMNI I'M SO SORRY! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP TRYING TO KEEP YOU SANE I PROMISE! JUST... TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO!"

"I-I don't know what you can do"

She cuddled into him resting Her head on his chest, Caine Gave her a little Head pat in response, he was starting to feel alittle Hopeless now, But then a little light bulb popped over his head as He got a Idea.

"EUREKA! IVE GOT IT!"

"Got What?"

Caine thought for a moment on How to Explain his Plan to her, It was a long shot but still, Everything for her or nothing at all

"POMNI, I ADORE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"

He sounded Weirdly more Serious than Usual, which was kinda off putting and confuseing, but she Was Listening

"Yes? I Love you to Caine, Where are you Going with this?"

"WELL... I HAVE BEEN LEARNING MORE ABOUT HUMANS AND HOW THEY WORK, AND WHAT MAKES THEM FELL JOY... SO HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY OF OUR OWN?"

Pomni Was a Little Confused and Startled by this, He couldn't possibly be saying what she thinks hes saying

"W-What do you mean?

"IM TALKING ABOUT YA-KNOW ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ANKLE-BITERS! YOUNG-UNS! IM TALKING ABOUT CHILDERN MY DEAR! DOSENT THAT SOUND MAGNIFICENT!"

Pomni Just stared off into space processing What Caine Just proposed to her

'Was he Crazy?! Okay Absolutely, Yes But Still- Is he Crazy!?'

"Caine, I can Barley Take care of Myself, How can I take care of a Child?!"

"IT WOULDN'T BE LIKE ANY OTHER CHILD, IT WOULD BE AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE! AND WE AI'S ARE KNOWN FOR OUR LOW MANTIENCE! BESIDES, THEIR IS NOTHING MORE FULFILING LIKE THE WONDERS OF PARENTHOOD! SOMETHING TO REPLACE ALL THE ICKY DEPRESSION WITH LOVE AND JOY!"

Pomni was feeling a bit more enticed by the idea, What Else is there to do here expect the Adventures Caine sets out for them? Maybe a Child Could give at least the Illusion of normalcy, And Caine being there with her to help her.only made her feel more convinced

"Well... maybe... But how? I mean Like... How would that Even work..? I mean Can you even Do THAT in Digital realm??"

"WELL OF COURSE WE CAN HAVE CHILDREN MY DEAR!"

Pomni's Face starting turning bright red, Caine Quickly Noticed and became flustered himself

"N-NOT LIKE THAT! I MEANT I COULD CREATE A LEARNING AI FOR US TO RAISE TOGETHER-"

pomni started Giggling a little at Caine being flustered, Caine Always loved that Adorable Face she Made when she was happy, That little giggle, and how shy and sweet she was when she was flustered, its what made him learn to Love and experience things which he couldn't Even Imagine before

"i would find a way to bypass the filter for you"

"What was that Caine?"

"NOTHING-"

"SO MY DEAR, WILL YOU ACCEPT?"

She Thought about it for a while, maybe like Five minutes, Before she Started tearing up in anticipation

"OH GOODNESS MY DEAR! ARE YOU ALR-"

"A-ABSOLUTELY YES!"

She rammed into him, Embraceing him in tight hug

"I wanna have a Child!"

She was still sniffling a bit, Caine Was Just staring into Space for A bit, bursting with enthusiasm at the thought of Pomni being Happy, but also Having his own progeny to raise

"WELL THEN MY DEAR! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!"

Caine left pomni's embrace and back up in the air a bit, He felt across his Teeth and grabbed one of his Molars, and Yanked it out in a Cartoony Fashion.

"THIS WILL DO WONDERFULLY!"

"NOW MY DEAR, I JUST NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM YOU"

He Grabbed Her Eye and Pulled it out like a Berry in a bush, being as gentle as he can with it, Pomni was already pretty used to Caine's antics at this point so it didn't bother her that much, He Grabbed one of her hats Tassles and Yanked on it, And a new eye roll into place for her

"KNOW LETS SEE!"

He manifested a Little Gift Box and Dropped The pieces into It, and Shook it vigorously for about two minutes, Pomni watching with Excitement and smiling the whole time

"NOW, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! ARE YOU READY MY DEAR!"

Pomni just vigorously nodded her head not being able to keep calm

"I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!"

Caine Put the Box into Pomni's hands, Trembling alittle, Pomni slowly opened the box.

She saw a Little Tooth-Like Creature with Big wet Colorful Pinwheel Eyes, The Little Tooth Just Stared at Her with Its Wet Eyes as it Draw back into the Box

Pomni lowerd her Hand to give it a little Stroke, It Snuggled up Against her Hand, purring while doing so

Pomnis looked at it with instant love for the little Creature, picking it up And Holding it Close to her, it cuddling her arm with its Roots as arms, She felt all her Stress, dread, anxiety and sadness fade away, Pomni had tears in her eyes at this point

"....Its Beautiful Caine, I love him"

"TERRIFIC! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!"

Caine floated down to see his new child, His pupils Immediately Went big as he Gazed upon The little Tooth, It looked at its Father with Large Eyes and extending its root-legs to be held by him, He picked him up and Looked him in the eyes

"....WELL HELLO THERE SPORT! AND WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL CIRCUS! IM YOUR CREATOR AND FATHER CAINE, AND THIS IS YOUR MOTHER POMNI!"

The little baby Tooth just Stared him, and Cuddled into him like a Kitten, and Caines eyes went big

Pomni Went up to Him and Gave Caine a hug

".....Hes perfect"

________________________________

Thanks for reading!!!

Here Enock Himself if your wondering

#the amazing digital circus #digital circus #showtime ship #showtime #caine x pomni #pomni x caine #pomni #caine #tadc #Fic #my Fic #Hes the kid of person to say “GeeWilikers!” or “Hotdog!” #Enock

[reorientation]

okay nothing in this world has ever made me flood with need the way seeing my asks linked and tagged as 'respect anon' did. little update - ive been getting railed so often (11 times total now since mid november) that i have a bruised cervix. it hurts in such a delicious way, makes me hyperaware of what i am, almost feels reminiscent of cramps.

my original hookup ive now seen six times, and he wants to see me once a week minimum. the way he murmurs "good girl" so encouragingly to me, his strength, and the insanely erotic feeling of him breeding me, have all bewitched me. the texture of semen exploding into a wet cunt is so unique and im obsessed, its a different consistency from my own wetness, so i can always feel the exact moment hes fucking his sperm into my fertile body, even when i dont feel him throbbing through it (which i usually can).

other than him, ive fucked four other guys in the last month. each and every one of them came in me bare. i hoped a few times would sate me but if anything its fanning the flames. on my neediest day i had three guys come over one after another to fill me, the first was my original guy, and the other two were completely random, and they all treated me so perfectly honestly.

the third one in particular fulfilled my need to have a real man coax me into admitting my real name, he fucked me hard and fast and used his filthy tongue to slip into my subconscious mind and loosen my inhibitions until he got it out of me. then he used it over and over again while he fucked a baby into me, slapped my well-bred pussy till i begged him to stop, then held me so tightly. i felt so dazed and safe and feminine in his arms.

it feels so good to have a man respect me enough to give me what i really need, especially when im being brave enough to ask for something i was so afraid to even acknowledge about myself. and it especially feels good when he looks right into my eyes while pounding me and reminding me of the truth.

fuck sorry for multiple asks i literally just cannot stop thinking about being dubbed 'respect anon' its driving me crazy. i can feel my pulse everywhere, but it seems to pool in the places that make me a woman: my clit, my pussy lips, my aching dripping vagina, and my breasts. i can feel my pulse in my fucking nipples. and also usually my temples but thats off theme.

i cant get over how good it feels to be fucked. i never in a million years expected how endlessly perfect it would be, ive found partners that emanate joy together with me and its so much fun and so erotic. the original guy in particular, just takes so much joy in fixing me and in enjoying my cunt, i often end up watching the filthy reactions on his face as he watches my pussy clench around him. he watches us join together as one, my cunt singing with pleasure, i always ask him if theres anything else i can do for him and he almost always says "lay back and take it." like, yes sir!

once i was riding him and his hands were clenching my hips tight, i love riding because it makes my breasts bounce and heave so deliciously. he was staring at them, i was moaning like a bitch in heat feeling him stretch me out in an angle we dont normally do, and suddenly he looked me in the eye and said "you have a womans body." swear if id been on my back i would have orgasmed right then and there. he sometimes goes back and forth in what gendered terms he uses and it keeps my mind spinning with confusion and desperation. we are both bi and im pretty sure our current dynamic is heaven for us both.

there are so many filthy details i want to share with you. feels like i could babble all day about the things that have happened, but it all boils down to this: im a woman, obsessed with taking cock, finally letting herself enjoy some wonderful company, and it wont be long until im the sluttiest pregnant girl grindr has ever seen, hahahah.

respect anon back with one last thought because ive been obsessively rereading your two responses to me so far. when i begged him to refeminize me, "it doesn't even sound like he was surprised." nope! in fact he laughed at me, he laughed and said "fuuck yes." in that moment, i knew that he had already known, and was waiting to see if id admit it. with him, i have this manic energy where i come off completely insane over text, and his steady energy only serves to wind me up more. i think he knew id cave and beg to be detransitioned, my pics are all pretty high femme and lets just say im not ever subtle about my femininity.

the weird thing is, i only have that manic energy with him. i dont know if its because hes genuinely the hottest guy ive ever met, or because he took my virginity, or because he succeeded in breaking my mind. but the other guys ive slept with, while they blow my mind and show me what im for, i dont make such a fool of myself to them.

genuinely with him i have lost all semblance of self-respect and it proves right everything he has ever whispered into my ear.

(Previously)

All that fun you've been having, going from being a virgin to getting inseminated by five different men within a couple months - and nothing ever made you flood like my tagging system? I'm very flattered, Anon! A bit bemused, but flattered.

So much to speak to here, but one part I truly love is that your new life as a woman started with the first man to use your pussy laughing at you. Like your whole identity as a man had been one long joke you were telling, and you'd finally gotten to the punchline.

That's what real respect looks like for you, isn't it, Anon? A man who'll wait for you to finish telling the joke before he laughs.

And the man who made you tell him your real name while he fucked you full of cum... There's a pleasing symmetry to that. He got something out of you and put something into you. He learned what they called you when you were born, and maybe gave you a baby to call your own.

Which is what you're made for, after all. Your body never stops reminding you of that, whether it's with the pain of a bruised cervix or your blood pulsing in your swollen nipples or the unstoppable pleasure of taking a man's cum in your womb. It's little wonder that you've come so far since getting fucked for the first time, little lady: your body was just waiting for the chance to start.

#I can't respond to all of this without feeling like I'm going on for too long but rest assured that I enjoyed reading every bit <3 #reor: respect anon #kink interactions #reorientation writing #reor: anon ask #ftm misgendering kink #ftm detransition kink #ftm breeding #ftm girl #reor: anon life story

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!' #hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭 #okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends' #then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

[camestela]

I hope everything gets better.

Step 1. Dont feel guilty. Armor was invented to protect the soft parts inside of it. It doesnt make you less soft for your mind & heart trying to prepare you for a long struggle

Step 2 is Nourish yourself with small joy and small wonder. If you only focus on the tragedies of the world you will starve that soft part of yourself. Friends. Family. Hummingbird eggs. Cats. Music. Its all sustenance.

Step 3 is to choose your battles carefully. Helping a little bit or making a little progress is better than being so overwhelmed you cant help or make progress at all. The time will pass anyways.

Step 4....

Check in with yourself from time to time. Its a hard habit to form but it will help if you stop once in a while - different times, different moods- to ask yourself how you're doing and if the things you're doing are healthy for you in the long term or only the short term.

It's ok to use a coping mechanism for a little while. If it's all coping mechanisms then maybe it isnt exactly coping and you need a new strategy.

Its not a sprint or a race. Its more like a marathon. Or a nature hike. Take in the scenery and pace yourself.

If you have to push past some limits, at least find ways to make it easier on yourself.

Anyway im a stranger. Im a little drunk. (And i love your art btw and you were very nice to me when i got a commission from you and were an absolute pleasure to work with) and also i know the feeling of being super burnt out on optimism- especially lately. But i do hope that you have things and people around you that make prospects less grim.

Thank you so much for your advice! thank you for liking my art and also taking the time to talk to me, i think you make so many good points, i will try to check in with myself more as well, and apply some of these tips.

i hope you've a lovely week

#personal

[localgardenweed]

Ok I was originally gonna write how I wanna go back to Eddsworld and do stuff for it again but felt out of the loop with the modern fandom and shit but ended up being a rant about how I hate Beyond so like gonna write this again but keeping part of the rant cause i need to share how much i cant stand Beyond again

So like I wanna come back to Eddsworld cause as much as it was a dumpster fire for me it was my first real fandom I was apart of online so it holds a place in my heart. I mean probably technically whatever I did on Framecast was my first ever online fandom space but shhhh that dont count i was but a wondering traveler looking for my place in the world. It actually got me into Eddsworld someone made a animation to Youth by Daughter and had me hooked. But still was very important to me and my art development.

Its so crazy to me cause i was into Eddsworld HARD in the 2016-2020 era where alot of the ig modern fandom was born i watched cities fall and crumble I was deep in the amino trenches, Pork Sodaing and seeing so much historical fandom events happen before your eyes. I was watching everyone consume every piece of Prince of Mints and Moho art I was a sucker for them which probably wasn’t okay for like a 5th grader but i definitely turned out all right /j.

I left for a little bit on and off cause Hetalia was choking me and like keeping me prisoner but like it still had a place in my heart for it but like ya know i still was there but idk now I just dont find the same spark anymore from the first go around. Something changed and maybe cause i just had my tastes change and maybe cause my ex-best friend was making fun of my oc all the time but i made him when i was like 11 and figuring out identities and ways to express yourself without sticking to the gender norms and dealing with alot of stuff at the time i finally caved and just didn’t feel the same any anymore about the show.

Cause I loved that fandom more than anything but, I don’t know I just don’t know how to get back that spark and go frolic in the fields with my TomTordOc love triangle of my 5th grader dreams and just be cringe and free and feel joy again but I just cant enjoy the material anymore like THEY ARE MASSACRING MY BOYS WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THEMM

It doesn’t hit the same and i know i dont need to consume Beyond i doubt anyone actually does at this point but i cant stand beside while they murder everything i loved about the Classic and Legacy eras.

Also just, I think I hit a road block with it too like, I got stuck on where to do and what to do with Eddsworld like. I make aus i made ocs i made a ask blog i made animatics, now what? And like idk i felt weird and like stuck in the mud with them. Also just had the friend falling out who was also the co-creator of the ask blog so now i dont know how to pick it back up all by myself again but them again i really was just doing it by myself all the time anyway so i just have to figure out how to get back into the swing of things

I have some ideas for aus and maybe just finally be free and bring my oc back from the grave for realsies and make you all consume it but, I don’t know. Im scared to come back cause also weirdly alot of the new fans are younger than me or the older fans are older than me so its kinda awkward, also im just awkward im scared to talk to people online, there is and were some people i desperately wanted to be friends with both in and out of Eddsworld but im too scared and either just watch from afar or abuse the Anonymous function in ask boxes. 

If i cave enough i might come back to Eddsworld to at least finish my lore for the ask blog cause IM SORRY I LEFT YALL HANGING I HAD SCHOOL AND THEN JUST FORGOT ABOUT IT but forever haunted by the people who like every single post and then i get excited cause i see like 99+ notes waiting for me and i think one of my new posts blew up but no its just the ew boys who screw around likes and reblog and the occasional comment

One day ill return to my rightful birthplace and one day I shall be free and one with nature and draw as much as I want for it and as many ocs i want without someone telling me its cringe or make more for the ask blog or hell start doing animation and animatics again

Ok here is the Beyond rant now if you wanna read it

I feel the difference between Beyond and Legacy is that, Beyond is trying to horriblycopy their older brothers Classic and Legacy and almost dumb it down a bit with more childish humor, and Legacy takes inspiration from Classic: It’s different but a natural difference/evolution. Or the fact a whole new guy was writing it all with a slightly different style so he wrote what he knew idk maybe a bit of a factor idk

Also i cant stand the Tord bait sorry I cant, especially when they used to like get annoyed by the fandom by asking and then just realized he was a cash cow so like now we get Tord merch and the hints and Tori and the skit with the cavemen like OMG TORD- and he got crushed by a rock thanks gang, cause like dude I think as much as we love Tord like maybe this go around respect Larson’s choice to like not use him in the series anymore and take him out but like ig that doesn’t apply to merch so yeah lets do one more go around bring out the red one. Or idk maybe they contacted him and was like “yo dude can we like use him for merch” but i dont think that happened. I think it was just better to leave him absent from the show and be like “yeah no Tord guys, no Tord” and we could have all had our thumbs up and be like “Ok Eddsworld Beyond we are okay with that”. Like I know Red October was for charity but idk it still felt weird to use Tord, like could this really not have just been the main 3 or like bring in some deep cut old characters or side characters did we really need Tord here.

#localgardenweed #the weed is rambling #eddsworld #big rant #sorry for the influx of text posts guys i have no art rn to share to the public #i mean ive been drawing but its a bunch of like irl friend group au stuff and idk if we wanna share it to tumblr dot com yet

[itzchrissydoesstuff]

Hi beautiful, I just wanted to tell you that you make my day brighter with everything that you do. Nothing in this world could tear me apart from you, not even if everyone disagrees what we have, not even if you were somehow taken from me, I would fight. I love you so much, you don’t even know how precious you are to me, you bring so much joy and happiness in my life, my love for you grows stronger everyday.

But that’s not all, you understand me in ways I didn’t even understand myself at first, when I’m having a bad day, I know that I can talk to you and feel better in seconds, the effect you have on me is something real, something I haven’t felt in a long time, I wish to keep it for all of time.

One day, I’ll finally get down on my holy knee, and ask you to be mine for eternity, I know, I know that will not be a mistake, but destiny, fate even, written and align in the stars above us. Then soon, when we grow old, and die in each others arms, we will become one of those stars and align someone else’s love story like ours.

Oops, sorry for the rant my love, I just want to express how much I truly love you. That’s all for now babes, I love you so much.✨🤍

Darling, I… I… *passes out*

*jumps back up on my feet* DARLINGG OMGGGGGG

IM GONNA CRYYYY!! THESE MESSAGES YOU LEAVE ME ARE SO SWEET OMGG I LOVE YOUUU 💕✨💕✨💕✨💕✨

IVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED BEFORE!! I CANT DESCRIBE THE AMOUNT OF ECSTASY IM FEELING RIGHT NOW!! THIS FEELING IM EXPERIENCING IS IS UNREAL! OMG IM SO HAPPYYY! 🥹💕✨

YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY BOY!! I CANT WAIT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU! I WANNA HUG YOU, CUDDLE YOU, KISS YOU! I WANNA GIVE YOU ALL MY LOVE!! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER, I CAN FEEL IT DEEP IN MY SOUL!! ✨💕💕💕✨💕✨💕💕✨✨💕✨✨✨💕✨✨💕✨✨💕✨✨💕✨

YOUR WAY OF WORDS ALWAYS LEAVES ME IN ABSOLUTE AWE! YOU ARE SUCH AN ANGEL TO ME AND I FEEL SO HAPPY AND BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND LIKE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PRETTY BOY! 💕✨💕✨💕✨💕✨💕✨💕✨

*catches my breath* okay… I overreacted a little more than I expected, BUT I LOVE YOUUU 💕✨💕✨

#I LOVE YOU PRETTY BOY #he’s so sweet #he’s my boyfriend #he’s mine and I’m his #chrissy x asher #chrissy acts a fool

[thefringespod]

A year ago today I released the first episode of Tales From the Fringes of Reality. It was one of the scariest and most exciting things I've ever done in my life and it turned out better than I could've hoped. This show started in my dorm room in the middle of the pandemic and it grew and changed with me. It's the first piece of work I've ever published with the name I *chose* on it. I got my name from writing this show, stealing it from my main character and taking it for myself. I've poured all of myself into this show and love it so much

Then this year I was able to invite more people into this world I've built and ended up with the most wonderful cast I could've dreamed of. I couldn't imagine a better group of people to bring this story I wrote to life and im so grateful for them. To my phenomenal cast: thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for gifting my writing with your voices and for taking such great care of these characters I've created. I truly couldn't have done this without you and cannot wait to share what you've done with everyone

I also need to shout out Tay and Tot specifically for trusting me with their voices and letting me pack bond with them and drag them into even more podcasts. I cant believe how lucky I am to know yall and to get to be your friends over the course of this show <3

And I'd be absolutely nowhere without my friend Percy who has been my biggest fan through this all. I wouldn't have been able to do this without his support and will pepper in that fact whenever I can. Thanks for everything, Percy <3

And of course thank you to everyone who has listened to this show! When I started publishing episodes I wasn't sure if anyone would listen or care but people did and im so incredibly grateful to each and every person who's listened

Season 2 started yesterday, almost exactly a year after this show started. I'm so excited to keep sharing this show with y'all and for everything that's coming for the Fringes moving forward.

Happy birthday to the Fringes! It's my absolute pride and joy <3

#tales from the fringes of reality #pines notes

[hcvenue]

doie is beautiful, exquisite, precious, perfect, elegant, fantastic, stunning, world changing, alluring, the best person in the world, outselling all these flops, jaw dropping, amazing, impressive, noble, exquisite, beautiful, gorgeous, angelic, soft, graceful, marvellous, feet kicking, making my heart go cherry bomb, awfully addictive, admirable, fascinating, soothing, comforting, underappreciated, loveable, revolutionary, mesmerising, classy, captivating, my sugarpop, my pookie, my muffin, my angel, my dear, my darling, my sweetheart, my honey, the loml, my one and only, the only person i see, my comfort person, my home, my everything, my universe. but most importantly, my kdy. hes making me shed so many tears, dreamy, out of this world, making me feel something i never felt before, the person that showed me a new side of myself, making me emotionally attached to it, amazing which you can’t explain in words. he ended wars. solved world hunger. his voice is ear blessing, such an eargasm, my fav ever, sweet like cotton, smth that i would die to hear 24/7, indescribably amazing, unique, making me weak and much more that i cannot define.

i love doyoung hes my comfort person istg. everytime i dont know what to do with life, i go watch his vlogs. they are really comforting to me aaa. i appreciate doyoung and his talents soso much that i can’t explain in words. like im new to nct but still am so amazed how he can be such a great person ☹️☹️ sure, there are more people out there that love doie more than i do and i’m by far not the best doiezen but that doesnt stop me from loving him right? (not in the delusional way dw) everytime i look at him my heart aches. how can someone be like him? last my 3 months were amazing because of him! hes so incredibly talented and comforting. nothing matters more than he does. i genuinely dont know what i even did before stanning nct and doyoung. gosh the man he is. i hope that he knows that us nctzens appreciate him really much and hope for the best <3 oh my god hes the reason of my joy and happiness how could i ever survive without knowing that kim dongyoung exists. whenever im not in the mood for anything, doie is the solution. not only is he just an idol to me, no, hes also my everything that i’ll love beyond infinity. his words are like a melody in my head that is never going to go away. sometimes i do wonder if future june would still adore doyoung as much as my current self does rn. me rn would be so devastated if i would not ult doie. id have more to say but yes. for now, we can live, laugh and love thanks to my lovely star doyoung!

i love you with all of my heart, body and soul. nothing will ever stop my love for you. distance may be keeping us apart but remember, you will always be embedded in my heart! something about you makes me fall deep for you ml. you’re the main character in my masterpiece labeled life. i dont get how anyone could not be obsessed with you. its so unbelievable that we live under the same sky. my undying love for you is deep to the core, doie. nothing feels better than seeing you my dear. your lively eyes remind me of the freshly fallen snow on a glacial winter day. the cheerful smile that i’m dying to see daily, that pleasing look, your presence and those adorable habits arent enough to define your astonishing existence. you inspire me sm. something about you makes me want to achieve things. i need you love. kim doyoung, my eternity, my only one, my universe and beyond, please don’t ever stop being the way you are.

remember the first time i saw doyoung? the memories are amazing. it was clear from the start that i was meant to be a nctzen. i just cant comprehend that one clip of my bae would be the start of a beautiful journey that is going to blossom to a greater extent! my whole life was dry and boring until you came into it. not even sunghoon was enough to make me feel as good as you do. youre special, kim dongyoung. doyoung you will always be iconic!

#in conclusion; i love doyoung #i might not be the best doiezen but i love doyoung sm you guys have to understand </33 #hes so beautiful #this was in my notes app PLS.

[kiwislayys]

Shatter me quotes that i am in love with ♡ ⊹

- I find my self thinking about warner too much , I remember his eyes and his odd kindness and his cruel calculating demeanor.

- Sometimes I think about glue, no one ever stops to ask glue how its holding up if its tired of sticking things together or worried about falling apart or wondering how it will pay its bills next week. Kenji is kind of like that

- “Dont go” he whispers eyes on my notebook again. “Please” he says. “ sit with me , stay with me i just want to see you , you don’t have to say anything “

- Just because i am going to hell , doesnt mean you will ever deserve her

- Hell is empty , all the devils are here

- I have no one to impress, no one who cares about what happens to me. I am not in the business of making friends love, my job is to lead an army and its the only thing i am good at. No one would be proud of the things I’ve accomplished, my mother doesn’t even know me anymore, my father thinks I am weak and pathetic, my soldiers want me dead , the world is going to hell and the conversations i have with you are the longest I’ve ever had.

- I’ve never claimed to be right or good or even justified my actions the simple truth is that i don’t care I’ve been forced to do terrible things in my life love and i am seeking neither your forgiveness nor your approval because i do not have the luxury of philosophizing over scruples when i am forced to act on basic instinct everyday

- Twice I’ve laid myself bare for you and all its gotten me was a bullet wound and a broken heart

- Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable? You have as much charisma as the rotting innards of unidentified roadkill

- But i do know what its like to hide from the world i know what its like to live as though you don’t exist , caged away and isolated from society and i wont do it again

- Ignite my love , ignite

- All right , all right drama queen calm down and tell me about this classified business

- To the world she is formidable, to me she is the world

- Cant look at you , why not? , too pretty

- I want to remember to celebrate more. I want to remember to experience more joy i want to allow myself to be happy more frequently i want to remember forever this look on aarons face as hes bullied into blowing out his birthday candles for the first time.

-I am having a panic attack you inconsiderate ass

-I am not dramatic, my presence just commands a certain amount of attention.

-such unfortunate language , only those who can not express themselves intelligently would resort to such crude substitutes in vocabulary

♡ ⊹ ♡ ⊹ ♡ ⊹

#aaron warner #shatter me #unravel me #ignite me #restore me #defy me #books & libraries #long reads #series #book review #quotes #bookish #books and reading #bookworm #reading #juliette ferrars #dystopic

[beetlebuggy01]

Todays “serious talk” with my mom ended with me being happy about being Autistic and I feel like I should share it with tumblr.

Like I said Today’s “talk of the day” with my mom was about autism because it was on the news and at the end I brought up how I love how I’m autistic, bc it makes me me. Like if I were to go into some magically scenario where I could see ANYTHING and I asked to see me but without autism I feel it’d be a different person entirely! Like if I was me just magically without my chronic illness it’d still be ME. but me without autism I just can’t see it being the same person? Like when it comes to earlier this morning my mom got a letter, and I was TRANSFIXED by the envelope bc the stamp has a shark on it. And when my mom asked what I was doing I I told her excitedly “Mom look! You got a letter and the person who sent you it put a shark letter sticker on it!” And immediately going into the different breeds of hammerhead without prompting. Which I gave the letter to my mom and said I wish I could keep the cool shark stamp! afterwords my mom tore the corner of the envelope with the stamp off and gave it to me. And then me getting excited at the idea of putting the stamp on my water bottle! In which my mom helped me gently peel the stamp off the paper and stick it to my bottle, and even helped me cut a perfect peice of tape to keep it on so it wouldn’t fall off and after getting said shark stamp to stick onto my water bottle I literally got so happy I DANCED AND SANG. That interaction is so inherently me and I can’t imagine having done that if I didn’t have autism. or other stuff like going to museums or aquariums and telling my mom a million fun facts I know about the exhibits! Or getting so happy I cry bc I found a pretty pebble and I can identify the material it is! If I were to imagine myself without autism I honestly can’t see myself doing those things, and those things make me fundamentally me yknow? Like the version of me without autism realistically would probably still be me, but to visualize it in my brain feels like I’d be a greyscale “WRONG” version of myself? Like some kind of dissociative experience or version of Uncanny Valley where I’m looking at my face but it isn’t ME. All my character all the parts that make me, me. Just gone? I just love being autistic honestly, and to be a little narcissistic? it makes me such a wonderful individual and fun and cool and awesome! I have fun facts and knowledge about such fun silly things! And I know so much and thrive on learning more! and without it without autism like I said I can’t imagine being the same person without it! Like getting happy over stamps that have sharks on them and in the end when I get it on my bottle I DANCE and SING from joy! Or being excited to listen to HOURS LONG video essays on topics I like, crying out of joy because I see a cute cat or I find a pretty rock or feather, it’s so inherently me, but also the fact that autism isn’t quantified by like “this is something because of autism this is ‘the real u’” (there is no such thing/way to do such. every part of me is because of autism and also the real me.) So therefore all the things i love that make me, me, are BECAUSE of the autism, and I love the person i am so therefore i love being autistic yknow?? This is really just a psudeo post on how i love being autistic, and how awesome and unique it makes me. I love being autistic <3

Which, I’m going over the ‘good’ parts of autism, I’m not going over the developmental disability part of the developmental disability, the sensory issues, the disconnect between how different neurotypical people think are taught and how I have to be taught and how I think. The things I just DONT and sometimes CANT and never will “get” about the world etc. I’m skipping over all of the genuinely “negative” parts of autism, which I just don’t believe you can label it as bad or good parts? it’s all just autism it isn’t some morality thing where parts of it are morally inherently good and some morally inherently bad. It’s just autism it’s “a force of nature” there is no moral badness to the wolf for killing the deer there is no moral badness to the different traits of autism, it’s just the way it is and you and the people around you (and the world) just have to learn how to live in a world where people are autistic/neurodiverse/disabled and accommodate it, not try to change or “fix” or right it bc it’s wrong yknow? Because it ISNT wrong. There is no good autism or bad autism traits it’s all just autism, at best morally neutral But that’s besides the point. I technically skip over those parts of it before, which the “negatives” are just as much a part of being autistic as the “positives” but I’m still happy to be autistic, because it’s still me, “negative” and “positive” traits alike! And I love me! I love being me I love the way I think and speak and work things out and everything about me! And I love me. Even still with all the parts of autism I love being autistic because autism is every part of me as I am me and I’m PERFECT the way I am. And yes I skip out the “bad” but still. I love being autistic because being autistic means I’m being me <3

Again like I said this is just really a “autism/neurodiverse positivity post/thought” yknow? It’s not really in-depth thought out or some essay I’ve proof read, it’s just me putting how much I’m me and how I love being me on the metaphorical page. And i guess it’s about Being happy with yourself and loving yourself with the “good” and the “bad” parts bc it makes you you and your beautifully you in every way you are <3

#autism #actually autistic #autistic things #autistic adult #autistic experiences #self love #self care #positivity #positive mental attitude #be happy with yourself your perfect #I promise you your perfect #your not wrong or different/neg or weird/neg #your exactly who your supposed to be<3 #autistic community #autistic spectrum

[xxjunebestgirltoesrhotuwuxx]

june is beautiful, exquisite, precious, perfect, elegant, fantastic, stunning, world changing, alluring, the best person in the world, outselling all these flops, jaw dropping, amazing, impressive, noble, exquisite, beautiful, gorgeous, angelic, soft, graceful, marvellous, feet kicking, making my heart go cherry bomb, awfully addictive, admirable, fascinating, soothing, comforting, underappreciated, loveable, revolutionary, mesmerising, classy, captivating, my sugarpop, my pookie, my muffin, my angel, my dear, my darling, my sweetheart, my honey, the loml, my one and only, the only person i see, my comfort person, my home, my everything, my universe. but most importantly, my kdy. shes making me shed so many tears, dreamy, out of this world, making me feel something i never felt before, the person that showed me a new side of myself, making me emotionally attached to it, amazing which you can’t explain in words. she ended wars. solved world hunger. her voice is ear blessing, such an eargasm, my fav ever, sweet like cotton, smth that i would die to hear 24/7, indescribably amazing, unique, making me weak and much more that i cannot define.

i love june shes my comfort person istg. everytime i dont know what to do with life, i go watch her vlogs. they are really comforting to me aaa. i appreciate june and her talents soso much that i can’t explain in words. like im new to dodo farm but still am so amazed how she can be such a great person ☹️☹️ sure, there are more people out there that love june more than i do and i’m by far not the best yeri toe but that doesnt stop me from loving her right? (not in the delusional way dw) everytime i look at her my heart aches. how can someone be like her? last my 3 months were amazing because of her! shes so incredibly talented and comforting. nothing matters more than she does. i genuinely dont know what i even did before stanning dodo farm and june. gosh the woman she is. i hope that she knows that us yeri toes appreciate her really much and hope for the best <3 oh my god shes the reason of my joy and happiness how could i ever survive without knowing that june exists. whenever im not in the mood for anything, june is the solution. not only is she just an idol to me, no, shes also my everything that i’ll love beyond infinity. her words are like a melody in my head that is never going to go away. sometimes i do wonder if future ky would still adore june as much as my current self does rn. me rn would be so devastated if i would not ult june. id have more to say but yes. for now, we can live, laugh and love thanks to my lovely star june!

i love you with all of my heart, body and soul. nothing will ever stop my love for you. distance may be keeping us apart but remember, you will always be embedded in my heart! something about you makes me fall deep for you ml. you’re the main character in my masterpiece labeled life. i dont get how anyone could not be obsessed with you. its so unbelievable that we live under the same sky. my undying love for you is deep to the core, june. nothing feels better than seeing you my dear. your lively eyes remind me of the freshly fallen snow on a glacial winter day. the cheerful smile that i’m dying to see daily, that pleasing look, your presence and those adorable habits arent enough to define your astonishing existence. you inspire me sm. something about you makes me want to achieve things. i need you love. june, my eternity, my only one, my universe and beyond, please don’t ever stop being the way you are.

remember the first time i saw june? the memories are amazing. it was clear from the start that i was meant to be a yeri toe. i just cant comprehend that one clip of my bae would be the start of a beautiful journey that is going to blossom to a greater extent! my whole life was dry and boring until you came into it. not even sunghoon was enough to make me feel as good as you do. youre special, june. june you will always be iconic!

- @yeritos

[honeybcj]

I just binged read your rosekiller fic show me those pretty white jaws and its probably one of my favorite fics now? Its so comforting and cozy?? If that makes sense

And your evan is so different from my own but i like hiim sooo mucchh and you made them so soft and sweet and i love that..

There is nothing wrong with feral, menacing murder husband that people usually portray them as..but this one..THEY DESERVEE EACH OTHER's SWEETNESS COME OOONNN

There is so much i want to say about this fic..you made me see them in such a different lightning and im so here for it...cant wait for the new update and see how the story unfolds..my heart is breaking for barty because i feel like everyone views him as this psycho with no feelimg towards other and then Evan just sees through him and brings out his softer side? Oh cmooon..Also Evan calling him B? Thats my fav nickname from Evan to Barty EVER..im just soo raaaghhh about them i have so many things I want to comment on but this ask is already too long

Anyways love your work!! You're very talented!! And so so sooo sweet and caring on your blog definetly one of my fav people on here

today was Rough and this just brought me so much joy. imagine me curled up on my couch, blushing like a fool and near tears because this is so sweet??? you binged all of it??? that’s literally so wild to me!!! it makes me so happy to hear all the wonderful things you have to say about that fic because it’s my baby, my pride and joy.

murder husbands is soooo good, but i really wanted to take a stab at writing something sweet and a little fluffy for these two while also discussing some deeper topics. this fic is so special to me, and barty’s story is one that i hold very close to my heart.

there’s A Lot of things that jaws barty has done in his past that explain why people sometimes treat him the way they do, but as he grows and opens up, with countless thanks to evan, they start to see barty in a new light. barty has trauma, literally in canon and in the fic, and i feel like his character deserves the opportunity to heal—he deserves a second chance for all the wrongs he’s committed in his life.

i adore talking about show me those pretty white jaws, so this was one of the sweetest things to receive, especially after a not so great day. i appreciate you so very much, and thank you endlessly for the time you put into reading my work. it means the absolute world to me.

i’m proud of myself for cultivating a safe, loving space for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings. it’s all about support and love over here. giving you a big ole kiss nonnie!! i hope you’re day has treated you kindly <333

#han’s asks #rosekiller #fic: show me those pretty white jaws

[lamestteenagegirlever]

i am so unbelievably blessed to feel my emotions in an overwhelmingly strong way because it means that even when i hit the rare occasion where the bad things devastate me, i still get to experience the majority of the time where every little thing fills me with joy!

i get to feel incredibly warm in my chest when a baby i dont know reaches for me or when a random dog sniffs my hand and decides they like me! i get to be joyful when i swear out half my body heat in the hot summer and when its so cold i cant feel my nose but i can see my breath in the cold winter because its proof that im alive! even when i am devastated by the bad, i can realize the beauty in it because everything in the history of the universe led to this moment so it cannot be a mistake! it occurred to teach me a lesson that will inevitably guide me along my path to be the best possible version of myself! i feel tender love and empathy when i see photos of my cringy middle school self rather than embarrassment or hatred because shes so precious and she has no idea how incredibly bright and wonderful her future is, but i do! i get to bawl my eyes out in a couple hours because my puppy is coming home from her overnight stay after surgery and i can already picture how excited shell be to see us and i miss her so much and shes gonna be so damn cute with the super tiny cone around her neck! i get to prepare myself for a new year where absolutely everything is going to change and even though im absolutely crushed that i will have to leave so much behind, im even more excited that i get to meet new people and experience new things and make new mistakes and learn from them! I get to love everything and everyone with every molecule in my body! i get to see all the good in the world! i get to see the good in myself! even with the hurt they bring sometimes, i wouldnt trade my intense emotions for anything! yay!!!

#hopecore #lovecore #happiness #i love people #i love everyone #i love this world so much #joycore

[quarantined-fics]

almost had a heart attack because i saw FaT is now by orphan_account !!

i just started reading it so thank you for not completely deleting, i do intend to continue what has been written. but whatever reason you may have had, i completely respect it and appreciate your willingness to orphan rather than delete. i hope you wont be leaving townsville all together though. your writing is phenomenal, i cant believe im just discovering your work now. i wanted to know if you have plans to continue your other fics.

and more importantly, i wanted to ask how YOU are doing. such a huge decision made me wonder if you were doing well. i truly hope all is good. lots of love 🤍

hi dearie!! first of all i should let you know how this message warmed my heart, thank you for your kind words♡

i've wanted to address orphaning FaT since i did it, but never seemed to find the strength to do it, nor the words to express why i did it/how i feel about it. now seems to be the perfect time.

there are many reasons why i orphaned the fic, most of which i'm not fully comfortable sharing online. however, i feel like a proper explanation is overdue.

you may have noticed the updates since i started writing and posting it are scarce and far-inbetween. outside of my fandom life, many things have happened and affected both my mental and physical health.

i'm sad to admit that this fanfic has gone from being an outlet and a great help to my offline stress, to becoming associated with that stress. loss of inspiration was a major factor - i began feeling like i've written myself into a wall, and writing it had begun to feel like a chore. most days i was lucky to add even a sentence to another chapter. writing it used to be fun.

another factor was the amount of research i did for it. the topics i decided to cover within the fanfic back when i started it are heavy and deserve detailed research and proper representation (neither of which i ever felt were enough in my work). though i don't think i explicitly misrepresented those topics (keyword: think - i was and still am very open to criticism), i put a big amount of weight on myself in trying to be accurate and inoffensive. i'm not saying it’s difficult to be inoffensive, i'm saying i felt inadequate to write about the issues i've never personally experienced in fanfic form, no matter how much research i did. and there is nothing wrong with writing outside of your experience. what is wrong is the amount of stress (and somewhat subconscious guilt) i put on myself in order to satisfy my overwhelming perfectionism.

in truth, part of me wanted to orphan (or sometimes, even delete) FaT for a long while, i just thought i would have finished the project by then and let it go upon completion. now that i did it, i'm slowly feeling the pressure i put on myself dissipate. i did it what i had to do for myself, albeit with a heavy heart.

i don't think i will ever return to FaT, but i can assure you i'm not leaving Townsville. the PPG fandom, the entire community, has been nothing but wonderful the whole time i've spent here, and i wouldn't let it go for the world. i just hope you can forgive me for abandoning this massive project, and embrace the other fics i am working on.

as for how i'm doing, things are looking up. having given up on continuing FaT, i've dedicated myself to The Princess and the Pirate, which brings me much more joy in being creative and writing what i've always loved - fantasy. other than that, i've made some awesome new friends, and enthusiastically entered my 3rd year of college.

thank you for your kindness and support ♡ i hope you enjoy what's left of FaT, as well as other fics of mine and of my lovely fandom friends'.

#freeze and thaw #ppg #fanfic rambling #shutuplex