#i have chills from being tired

[forbiddennhoney]

i might actually cry from how tired i am

#personal #i love my family and also the way they do not understand how my chronic fatigue literally drains me #and how when they keep trying to hang out on a weekly basis for weeks/months on end that pushes me away #cause i dont get to rest during the week like they do! #like yes we're all struggling under capitalism and also like babes!! i am poorer!!! #i literally spend 12 hours a day alone on work and work related things (ie: transiting to/from work #and prepping for the day/closing oht my day/etc) #and i dont WANT to spend this much time doing this but i cant drive and rely on transit so like #i literally cannot think past that sentence rn #im so exhausted my head feels thick like im gonna pass out any second #and i have to be at work for at least 30 more min before i can dip w/o too many issues #i have chills from being tired #i cant stop yawning #and i guarantee when i get home i wont be able to sleep bc my apartment sucks and doesnt have AC and its hot #also i have so many chores to do

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[thegirlsarethriving]

just finished undertale. ok i see the vision. i now understand yall's Sans-to-Benrey obsession pipeline. and the Papyrus-to-Tommy Coolatta pipeline

#undertale #hlvrai #hlvrai2 #benrey #tommy coolatta #papyrus #benry #hlvrai benry #sans undertale #sans #undertale sans #undertale spoilers #i loved Papyrus so much and the whole time i was playing i was like hmm he reminds me of someone...? TOMMY. HE REMINDS ME. OF TOMMY. #i played pacifist but i saw how if u kill every1 n spare Papyrus Sans tells him every1 else is on a vacation bc truth would be too hard #file under: lies Gordon would tell Tommy if anything happened to Sunkist or his dad Gman #we wanna protect Tommy but on the other hand. the horrors r everywhere & Tommy go ham with a gun (he's terrified & acting on pure instinct) #(even tho Tommy has definitely faced his share of horrors in contrast to how Papyrus's loved ones try to shelter him from bloodshed) #i wanna write a paper psychoanalyzing Sans and Benrey in comparison to each other SOOOOO badly #it's been a hot minute since i last watched hlvrai (have seen it at least 4 times but not recently. did watch bbvrai live tho!) #im so extremely tired rn so i can't form proper thoughts :( but like: #they both have unfathomable otherworldly power and knowledge of their respective universes #but u wouldn't know it bc they're presented as just some chill guy who likes to make jokes and Vibe man #sike! they're a being of elderitch levels of power #they both act in accordance to game code but Sans can control parts of it (can see the timeline) while Benrey is much more subject to it #in some ways they are the antithesis of each other's motives but also contain the same vibes (all-powerful guy laidback n funny final boss) #Sans is judgment but doesn't interfere with the timeline. Benrey takes action that's “i knew this was gonna happen” #Benrey is fought as the final villain whereas Sans is arguably the final hero fight #anyways THEIR VIBES ARE BOTH SO !!!!!!!!!!!!! #idk if they'd be besties or mortal enemies #they can bond over being “unserious” (but they both take their true jobs very seriously. security guard and judgment bringer respectively)

[mortellanarts]

I have finally learned how to draw ztd Akane

(Scenes from this fic!)

#zero escape #999 spoilers #akane kurashiki #aoi kurashiki #junpei tenmyouji #phi vlr #ztd #zero time dilemma #my art #doodle dump #I love this fic so much I will make u guys read it one way or another mark my words #it's not like I control the hyperfixation and I still. have one other drawing akdhsk #but yeah a lot of this one's from the Box fragment because it had. so much going on #the ''stop talking about the damn cat!'' was very Felt #a lot of these are from the first couple chapters where everyone's interacting in a more chill environment too! #I love the decision to have Aoi and Phi being besties and Akane just. tired and not partaking so much #making a post that's talking more about this because it deleted itself... but yeah be prepared :3 #zwg

[sailor-aviator]

.

#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point #i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one #i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit #and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair #and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again #i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl #and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it #and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill #and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with #and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own #i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person #and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks #also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me #and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now #and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do #and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this #but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me #and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end #anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down

[arthur-r]

these are all piled together in the same part of my brain and i’m so obsessed with it

#IM SORRY FOR POSTING JUKEBOX THE GHOST UNDER MY SKIN LIKE ITS FINE ART #BUT MAYBE IT IS. MAYBE IT IS #actually. im sorry for posting POOLBOY KING OF COOL as if it were fine art HELLO #a minute earlier: when you go leave me my baseball glove…. some cigarettes…. and a playboy…. that’s all i really want…. #five seconds later: cause i will.. give you asthma…. every time you try to run…. so don’t run….. #BUT have you ever been trapped for the next nine months with your dick in your hand EATING ARTERIES FOR LUNCH. no i dont think so #anywayyyy #these are um. ok so in order it’s: #i.b. vyache — a poem called victim complex. from the book conversations over sanguinnaccio dolce #minimall — static!! one of the coolest best songs ever in the world and i love it very much #poolboy — king of cool it’s such a strange and bad song but it’s also so visceral and i love it so much #and last but not least jukebox the ghost under my skin #when i was really into that song like four years ago my mom thought that he was singing about PICKLES #i can fit two pickles under my skin!! i will prove it if you will listen!!!! #shdhdf anyway something something consumption devotion something something being a home being a hearth being an ORGAN being a VESSEL #not to run a dead joke into the ground but it keeps being so TRUE: i am a HOUSE FUCKER i swear #anyway there are definitely more of these like on my pinterest probably but these are the ones i had off the top of my head shdhdf #could somebody climb around in here and join me ‼️ #anyway. i hope everybody is doing well. i have ANOTHER advisor appointment today (information science this time!!) and i’m also so tired #OH and i have a ten page paper to write by sunday…. but it’s chill and normal i got this 👍 #anyway i hope everybody is doing well lmk if you need anything!!!! #with best wishes and kind regards sincerely yours!!!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[archduke-enver-gortash]

i’m soooo tired brain bad body bad romeo bad

#taking steps away from things is really like #wow my paranoia & insufferable personality & of course my creations will absolutely always make me an outsider on here and other spaces #but i’m dealing with it. much more chill about it when more detached like this. #i may be an eternal outsider but i will have fun w it #that’s a promise #sitting in the corner having a blast #that’s the goal at least. working towards it self-isolation helps gang #creating for myself being by myself #y’know. anyways i’m tired as fuck i spent the whole night writhing around in pain

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

is there actually anything bettrr than getting home from a party at a reasonable time and getring all cozy in bed in your party clothes bc i rhink not (<- is fully still in her halloween costume under the blankets at midnight with a cup of tea and a snack)

#i had a really nice time but i ws TIRED #ane now i'm home <3 i looooooove being in bed so so mucu #like i do enjoy parties and going out but with the absolute stipulation that i HAVE to be able to leave as soon as i stop feeling it #and be able to go home and chill #i met a girl who lives literally over the road from me so we had already agreed to get a ride back together #and i was starting to feel like i wanted to leave but i didn't wnat to drag her away and THEN she came up to me and said she wanted to leave #i was like 😊😊😊 we are going to be such good friends #anywayyy the party wad good although i did unfortunately smoke (oh no !) anr noe i can feel it in my throat and smell it on my clothes #and i HATE IT #this is why i don't smoke!!!! bc i literally hate it soooo much so why did i do it lol #ugh #anyway. now in bed <3 ily all so so much i hope u had a good day #🧃

[brightokyolights]

Why is being a living exisiting human being so very confusing 🙃

#my brain is genuinely the worst place on planet earth ahaha!! #anyways the story that is bringing this on is actually nice i suppose but im exhausted so. let me just get into it and perhaps the dilemna #will make itself more aparant. #basically i hate interacting with people. its exhausting. like genuinely just takes so much brain power and social battery from me. even for #simple things. anyways so im telling someone this in my usual jokey way “im being tortured and kept outside of my home where i could be #chilling with a book“ so the other person is like oh you cant stay inside forever and ever. but then goes on to say from interacting with me #theyd never have guessed that i have such a hard time with talking and hanging out with people. that i never make someone feel like im tired #them or dont wanna talk to them etc. and internally im screaming because like. that is something i stress out so much about because i strugg #le so much with my responses and tone etc etc. thats why its so exhausting for me because im just constantly focussed on what im Supposed to #be like. the other part of me was kind of pleased in a way because i feel so painfully awkward that it stresses me out that people can see #right through me and think that i hate them when its not that i just. hate human interaction because its so tiring. so hearing that was like #oh so no one can even tell and i am stressing. for nothing. dw though this info will not help my brain learn to stop stressing out though #lmao. anyways final point i suppose is that the person also says that even if i am 'awkward' i sort of use it to my advantage and it doesnt #come across in an unsavoury way. anyways idk what to do with all this info. because the way i feel on the inside is so. and i worry a lot #about people seeing that on the outside. but part of me sort of wants it too because i just feel like absolutely no one fucking knows me? #and while i guess that was maybe my goal i also hate it? i shall rb a quote after this. anyways. idk what im saying. i dont fucking know. im #just so tired. so fucking tired. #le text post

[foreignobjecticus]

It's 15C and almost sunny, the radar is teeming with GA, jets are flying past, I feel like I have a whole village taking care of me, beautiful art keeps coming my way, I feel better but not perfect. I'm cleaning my helmet and plotting my course babey. When I'm done with these antibiotics?? Riding, flying, gardening, theatre, concerts, and general running around like an idiot.

It's coming. I can FEEL it. :D :D

#genuinely people have been so lovely to me here and IRL thank you. I didn't expect it at all but it's really touching #i do not have any speeds apart from Do Nothing or FAST FAST FAST 100MPH and I know I need to go really slow #it's driving me nuts lol. because I'm getting these moments where I feel good #but then feel really bad still because yeah I'm still symptomy #just keeping up with the washing is too taxing rn but I wanna vaccumm and clean so bad lol. patienceeeeeeeee #you know what's real fucked up? every time I was sick as a kid it was always treated with irritation and suspicion #like it was the biggest imposition in the world. and it kind of was for parents sure. but like. As an adult? having people you barely know #calling up and sincerely offering to bring you groceries? and friends posting you tea and art? #even ex-bosses wishing you well and current ones being chill that the work is late or flawed? #thissssssss. it's such a stark contrast to being sick as a kid. this is so sweet I can't even deal #okay I'm going to shut up now. I'm clearly still very tired. You're all lovely. virtual hugs for you all #text tag

[pl4n]

#my art #ive been so jsvgjsnsndjbdjks #just a big ol jumble of kahsjdbskdhi #and i wanna draw more but im so uninspired aahhaah #i kinda wanna do some studies or smth but ahhhh idk i also just wanna lie in bed when i can #i so tire #but being lazy and bored is also so exhausting haha it feeds itself #so yeah itd be good to try to push myself a bit in my free time to do smth kinda fun chill engaging #its crazy bc theres so much that i could be doing but i have such a hard time being self motivated... #so outside motivation like work or friends is the only reason i do literally anything #which sucks bc i have a lot of things id like to be able to do on my own but yeah. idk why its so hard to do things for myself #that being said if anyone sees this and wants to do lil drawing challenges or trades or smth together that might be niceee #im sort of painfully shy online haha tho im not so much irl #i think the thing abt it for me is the feeling of creating these lil digital footprints #like if i send a message or make a post its just preserved like that... forever.. actually i recently looked at emails from my childhood #and its really cool to see a slice of the past like that but still. idk why it bothers me tbh. i just never got used to it #memories fade and warp over time right? so it really feels like existing in the world and talking to people is just a passing moment #it doesnt really feel that way w the internet. as small and insignificant these small imprints might be #and im really just being neurotic but yeah. maybe i dont like the feeling of taking up space and slowly widening it with every little step #yea thats neurotic fr LOLL #anyways im really rambling away in these tags haha but if ima post this art anyway its such a good excuse to ramble into a void :D #and a good way to practice existing on the internet. im sure ill get used to it

[tiktaaliker]

i dont have a name for this whale guy i got from @jaypgartifacts yet but i think that he's a retired boatswain currently acting as a lighthouse keeper.

ive also been thinking of their dynamic in relation to moonshine so i have a roughly sketched out bonus comic under the cut relating to that

#howling #art tag #i am having THOUGHTS and IDEAS about both of these guys now #i like to think that moonshine is some sort of spooky malevolent ocean spirit trying to fuck things up #and meanwhile the whale guy is just chilling despite this weirdo yelling at him from the docks #just COMPLETELY unbothered and moonshine cant handle it #tldr moonshine is just going arent you tired of being nice dont you want to go ape shit #and the whale is just like. no im good actually but thanks for asking! #also catch me posting at at midnight again #i cant help it. once i finish something i need to post it asap. ive spent too much time on this to wait for a normal time to upload it #i want this guy on my blog NOW!!!

[haunth0use]

All my favourite ships consist of the one who can cook and the one who can’t.

#yes I’m talking about Bonrin/Rinshi Zosan and Kiribaku #like who wants to be the cook to my can’t even fry an egg right?? /j #now I’m thinking about this tweet I saw about ur favs being in the same room together… #like imagine #fucking Sanji Rin and Bakugou would definitely have a massive cooking competition #and then it’d just be Ryuuji Shiemi Zoro and Kirishima chilling 😭 #Bon Kiri and Shiemi like chatting about their homework or something and Zoro just sat there like #wtf is homework??????? #Rin cooking shit with his flames and then Bkg using his quirk OMG #SANJI JUST LOOKING AT THEM WITH DISGUST #the guy puts up with Luffy (luv him <3) most days he’s TIRED #im having way to much fun with this help #Cas says shit #gonna tag my rambles with that from now on

[gxlden-angels]

Hello! I apologize if this is a nosy question, but what is the silly feelings wheel app you were talking about in a previous post? My therapist and I have been working on identifying feelings but I still very much rely on a list of feeling words to have any idea what I’m feeling, so it could be a helpful resource. No worries if you don’t want to share, just thought I would ask :)

It's called How We Feel! I'm not sure if it's available on all devices yet, but it's on ios and the google play store for sure.

I've been using it for about a year. It's more of a chart than a wheel but people usually recognize the wheel better so that's what I call it. When you first start it has a 10-part tutorial about emotional acceptance and regulation, then it has suggestions for each category of emotion. You can access both at any time tho after those first 10 days.

It has a share option so you can have friends, which has been great for me cause it prompts me to check on friends and them to do the same for me. It allows you to just respond with a little emoji in like a "I'm here for you" little notification to your friend, or you can reach out to your friend on your own. Its really helped me cause I'm bad at reaching out when I need support so to me and I'm bad about taking on other's problems even when I can't handle it so being able to send a little emoji instead to make sure my friends know I'm there if they need me and them doing the same has been great

#I know I sound like I'm a being sponsored by this app but it's genuinely been incredible for my mental health #whenever I get frustrated in therapy now about not being able to describe a feeling my therapist asks me to think about the chart #he'll ask me what color I feel and go 'good! do you want to narrow it down from there or continue with just that?' and it's so helpful #I have such terrible alexithymia from both cptsd and autism #it took a year of working with him to even recognize when I felt angry or hungry or sick #my friends and I check in on each other regularly now but it feels less intrusive #cause it feels like indirectly reaching out so it's less pressure to directly respond #and it might not feel the same for everyone since it could be jarring to get a notification saying friend feels miserable #but now that I've gotten used to it I don't feel like I need to solve their problems and make them feel better #Like they might be miserable because they're sick! So I check in and they say they're sick but okay and I don't feel the impulse to solve #like I would if I just didn't see them then saw them in person and saw they looked miserable #I don't blame myself or feel like I personally need to fix everything because I know they felt like that from an outside source I can't #control but I can certainly help them if they want! It's their choice tho and I don't feel bad if they don't/I can't #I feel less need to control my emotions/force them to be positive like I used to cause nobody feels positive 24/7 and I can see it #I don't feel the need to be politely content like I did in church because no one can be 24/7. I've attempted to get my family to start but #they're still stuck in needing to not be openly negative. It also helps me accept that negative feelings don't last forever #Someone feeling miserable because they're sick eventually puts they feel tired. Then chill and I know they feel better and I feel better too #Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble about my silly little feelings wheel app I hope it helps you like it helped me anon <3

[sea-jello]

i have now finished 4 full productions of be more chill and counting before i can even get to the second act of broadway

#2r australia lights up production and now london #THERES JUST SOMETHING PREVENTING ME FROM FINISHING BWAY IDFK #i always fizzle out during upgrade i dont like bway upgrade for some reason #like yes it gave everyone personality and thats great but i just dont like it #but i cant SKIP it cause i HAVE to watch all of it #i think the overlapping 'tired of being the person' freaks me out a bit #i say 'and counting' cause im trudging through exit 82 #im getting there #i even finished six first #and i knew nothing about it #six is fun i like six #bmc #be more chill #bmc musical #be more chill musical #i dunno #bmc broadway

[brainfullofbees]

.

#can i be so fucking honest right now #being like the only one in my friend group who doesn't do or even want to try drugs is so fucking isolating #i don't even want to be around it but i can't fucking escape it #they're constantly getting high before or while we hang out and i'm so tired #like we planned to hang out this past weekend and of course i get there and one of them is high and all they wanted to do was sit and #quietly watch always sunny #like. thanks. i barely get to see you guys and the one night in like 3 months i do we don't even get to talk really. cool #and then their parents and parents' friends were smoking in the living room all night as well #and nobody thought to fucking warn me about this even though they know about my shit fuck brain #and then like. the other times when i've made plans with someone and they've bailed because they wanna go drink and get high #thanks i'm glad i'm so fucking boring to you #i don't get to go to a lot of get togethers anymore because they're full of drunk and/or high people #and i'm just. tired. #sick of my shitty fucking brain that doesn't let me chill #sick of feeling like i'm bringing people down and stopping them from having fun #because i don't want to spoil their fun. i want them to be happy #i just. idk. sometimes i really feel like they don't want to invite me out specifically because of this #like i miss out on so much because i have big anxiety about drugs #it's tiring and i'm tired and sad and angry at myself and. idk #today's been. a day i guess