#i hate talking about this but i need to vent

[vilevexedvixen]

Gross take on Laios

*Please DO NOT harass this person. I am linking the video so people can hear her own words and come to their own conclusions about it. For what I'm concerned about (her warped view of Laios and autism) it's mainly after the 15 minute mark.*

TW: Mentions of past trauma (bullying and SA), and ablism related to autistic traits.

So I think I've stumbled across the worst take on Dungeon Meshi out of nowhere. Their points on the tonal whiplash of Dungeon Meshi juggling the fantasy cooking show and more serious plot are all sound... until she get's to Laios. *Edit: No, none of the video's criticisms are sound. The first half is them not parsing very standard mixes of tones and themes in fantasy anime, and the second half is just hateful, incoherent nonsense.*

Laios' flat affect, tendency to infodump, and not grieving Falin the way Marcelle does led her to the conclusion that Laios is a malicious psychopath. A little bit extreme. Made worse by the fact that she then deems any fans attributing autistic traits to Laios as infantalising and implying that if you relate to Laios you are similarly awful with - "What kind of autistic people are YOU hanging out with?! What kind of autistic person are you being???".

She then goes on to say, "The only one who calls out Laios is Shuro" over the clip of their fight. The fight that many autistic fans of the show I've met relate to because they've experienced the same fight. That fight is Shuro calling Laios out on... what? Laios being too open, smiley and blunt? Like that's harming anyone?

Shuro, frankly, threw a tantrum over motives he attributed to Laios that didn't exist and demanding Laios be less open? THAT'S "calling him out"?

None of Laios' actions that this woman is bemoaing harms any of his party members. He goes out of his way to try and help the team (with his monster knowledge, fighting skills, cooking, etc.) consistently and him not ugly-crying when Falin is resurrected doesn't diminish any of that. His care and compassion are heartfelt and sincere. The fact this woman refuses to acknowledge any of it is her perrogative, but I seriously question her choice to pull the "as an autistic person" card only to paint autistic traits in the worst possible light and insist they must be changed, or removed by "growing up" (an especially laughable sentiment given Shuro's very NT tantrum over not understanding autistc communication differences literally ONLY Shuro took issue with).

In the comment section, she also claims that "Masking is only in mundane situations". Says who? Either she's extremely sheltered or she's extremely short-sighted regarding other autistic peoples' experiences (which I guess explains her praise of Young Sheldon's depiction of autism).

Masking is a defence mechanism meant to help autistic people avoid danger and social rejection (which often leads to harm, so still danger). Masking can be performed in literaly ANY situation where someone feels they need to, unless they're already too overwhelmed or drained to continue masking. I have masked because I NEEDED to while being bullied, cornered (barely evading SA or trying to get through an SA/dissociate), trying to find help while stranded in a foreign country, etc. I know not everyone will've experienced such situations, but I doubt no one masks during similar ones. That isn't to say people don't mask in mundane situations, it just isn't exclusive to mundane situations.

If this lady actually is autistic and not just claiming to be so people who don't know better feel vindicated in her portrail of autistic traits in the worst possible light, then I sincerely hope she touches grass and talks to more autistic people sometime.

*Again, PLEASE don't harass this gal. The rest of her critiques are fine, but I needed to vent my frustration with her perpetuation of misinformation about autism. It is NOT ok.*

#autism #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #laios touden #Youtube

[damagedcoda6669]

this is stupid

lets talk about this dumb ask for a minute. (leaving them anonymous so they dont get SLAUGHTERED)

ive gotten a handful of comments on my youtube video accusing me of the exact same things, so im gonna use this as an opportunity to teach you HOW NOT TO ACT TOWARDS CREATORS ONLINE. first of all, my financial situation is NONE of your business. i will establish that i pay rent, i have an income, i help synni out financially, but i dont owe you ANY of that information. making an assumption about my private life and then using said assumption to demonize me is exactly the kind of behavior exhibited by the internet growing up which ruined my childhood. you are making an assumption about me and using it to victimize synni and demonize me, two people who you have NEVER MET and in reality you know next to NOTHING about. stop making me out to be the bad guy in every situation, it goes to show that you have learned nothing from my video and are continuing the cycle of birdie hate for no good reason.

second of all, this is fucking ableist. assuming im mooching off of my best friend and being lazy because i happen to be disabled and mentally ill? fuck off. there is no "you need to get your act together" youre not my fucking parent, and also??? i need to get my act together??? you mean stop being disabled??? wtf are you on about??? synni chooses to vent about her financial situation, but i choose to keep that part of my life private. me and synni are in the exact same boat. you know NOTHING about me. for all you know i could be working a 9 to 5 like everybody else, but you never considered that possibility because im disabled. i did say in my video "fuck work" but guess what? people who have jobs also dont like working. synni has expressed the same "fuck work" rhetoric but instead of treating her as manipulative and evil in this situation you make her out to be a victim. we all know why youre talking about me the way that you are.

third of all, its not my fault synni is working 24/7??? its not my fault we're poor??? did you ever consider the economic climate rn??? or think to blame capitalism for making us need to work all of our lives only leaving us with a few hours to ourselves, barely surviving and scraping by? but of course, you dont want a rational answer to why synni and i are suffering financially. the internet always wants somebody to throw under the bus, and it will always be me because you will always see me as a mentally ill dangerous freak. think for yourself, unpack your own ableism. its exhausting.

OKAY BACK 2 NORMAL JACK MODE srry 4 writing a whole bible abt this, i feel VRY strongly abt this. my disabilities have been effecting me so badly ive been considering getting a wheelchair. (dont forget im physically disabled as well!!!) its not FUN 2 not be able 2 do the same things every1 else can (and it certainly isnt fun 2 have 2 explain that 2 ppl who dont care enough 2 understand) but i will never stop advocating 4 myself, becuz i never had any1 2 do that 4 me when i was a kid

#jack.txt #birdie #damagedcoda6669 #rant #vent

[beabnormal24]

Hi, I just need to vent.

I do not have the words to tell you how much I love Landoscar. They’re so compelling to me and they do actually have such a good chemistry, and I loved Oscar’s reaction when Lando thanked him and I love the way they always seem so fond of each other.

As of recently, I haven’t been able to read many Landoscar fics, the reason?

Let me write you down some of the tags:

Carlos Sainz is an asshole

Carlos Sainz is a villain

Anti Carlos Sainz

Anti Sainz

And alright, I mean, you really want to have a villain, and instead of using any single other name you have to use Carlos? Alright, I guess (at least they tagged it…)

But how is it possible that it’s happening in almost every single one of them?

Let it be clear, I am not talking about just Carlos, I hate it when a story’s villain is another driver, it’s my personal preference, but honestly I’ve only seen this mostly happen with Carlos.

The worst part? Some of them went as far as depicting Carlos as an ab*ser.

An ab*ser.

Do you even realise what that word means? How heavy its significance is? I am not even going to go into details because private things are meant to be private, but I can assure you that if you use that depiction for a REAL PERSON and not for an imaginary character, then no, you do not know what that word means at all.

Oh, and isn’t it funny that it’s the same people who (rightfully) complained so much about having Trump in the Mclaren garage this weekend? The same people who said that (rightfully) Trump is an ab*ser and he should not be there?

And then those same people went around and described Carlos - a person they do not know, a person who does not fucking have any accusation, a person who should not be in prison, a person who you only hate just because he fucking races, a person who’s a real person - as an ab*user.

As I said, this can be said for other drivers as well easily. But honestly, it’s only Carlos I’ve seen around getting this treatment.

My personal opinion is that this fandom is getting sickeningly toxic.

Oh and not to mention the death wishes to Carlos, Daniel, Lance and sometimes I’ve read George, as well. That is, to put it in simpler words, incredibly disgusting.

Please, learn how to be kind to yourself and others before posting stuff online.

#carlos sainz #f1 #formula 1 #f1 rpf #this is getting out of hand #idk if it’s the new generations but it seems to me that nobody is able to understand the actual weight of words

[transmascissues]

let trans men&mascs romanticize testosterone.

keep your “you’re not going to look like an anime boy or whatever, you’re just going to look like your dad” to yourself.

keep your “but what about the balding and the acne and the anger problems and the gross hair everywhere and the horrible painful bottom growth and and and” to yourself.

keep your “once you look like a man you will scare people and you can never stop thinking about that” to yourself.

keep your “testosterone is poison and don’t you dare even suggest that saying that might hurt you” to yourself.

we are not obligated to take on your fears and traumas around testosterone as our own, nor are we obligated to let them influence our relationship with it.

we are not obligated to sit here in a world that heavily restricts and constantly threatens our access to it and listen silently as you contribute to stigma around it.

we’re already tired of watching cis society as a whole try to rip it away from us; we don’t need fellow trans people and supposed allies giving credence to their cause.

for many of us testosterone is life-saving medicine, it’s liquid gold, it’s the nectar and ambrosia of the fucking gods.

is it so hard to just let us have that? to let us believe that and say it and celebrate it without being given a million reasons to question it? is that really too much to ask?

if you can find it in your heart to let other trans people romanticize their transitions, i promise you can let us do it to.

testosterone is a beautiful thing. it makes people hotter and even more importantly it makes them happier and anyone who wants it should be able to have it because it’s so life-changing and magical and wonderful and incredibly important to so many people who deserve the happiness it offers.

#got some screenshots from a post talking about the whole ‘testosterone is poison’ thing #and it just 100% confirmed to me that it’s so much more than the ‘just venting’ people try to play it off as #and im just thinking a lot about how all these things are tied together now #how so many people including people in our own community are committed to making us feel bad about wanting/needing t #i’ll probably post those screenshots at some point but for now here’s this #posts about t always seem to get people Passionate so uh. wish me luck #love when the stuff i need to live a happy life is also like. one of the most controversial and hated substances ever apparently #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #trans men #transmascs

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[oh-katsuki]

yk when someone dies and you just have to... sit with it.. and you're like... how do i tell people something is wrong. how do i tell people who never met them or knew them or spoke to them that something happened. and it feels selfish somehow to even talk about it out loud but at the same time for some reason you feel like you have to. like somehow you're telling a lie or being disrespectful or being self-indulgent. when the reality is that you just don't want to be alone in grief. but they didn't know them and even after saying something, you're alone anyway.

#i don't even know what to do with myself #for some reason #talking abt it here feels less intrusive than calling a friend and talking about it #but it still feels selfish for some reason #even though i know i just need to find a way to process #and i can't help but be like.. well i won't tell anyone because what if it's a mistake? #what if she's fine? and at home somewhere or in her kitchen singing? #or practicing for her next show #idk grief is weird #and i hate that i'll have to go to another friend's funeral. #tw: grief #tw: death #vent #personal

[pigeonwit]

davey jacobs but he has meltdowns. big ugly meltdowns where he cant be touched or spoken to and just needs to be left alone to cry and stim and scream and go catatonic for a little bit. davey jacobs but he has involuntary twitches and stims that include punching himself, twitching his neck/his face, knocking his knuckles together, scratching his skin, etc. davey jacobs but he has shutdowns where he just cant get out of bed or shower or do anything because his energy is so thoroughly spent that even moving hurts. davey jacobs being autistic but not the 'palatable' kind of autistic that neurotypicals find cute and quirky. but his loved ones still love him anyways and don't get frustrated with him for it. they try to help him stim the way he needs to without hurting himself. they dont get mad when hes so exhausted that he cant do certain things because they know its not a matter of choice or pushing yourself or him purposefully not wanting to make an effort for them, he simply cannot do it just yet.

davey jacobs being autistic in ways that are inconvenient and frustrating. davey jacobs being deeply ashamed of that all his life. davey jacobs learning over time that there are people who will not treat his autism and its more difficult aspects as an obstacle to overcome in order to love him.

davey jacobs being autistic and still being loved unconditionally for it.

#now switch out 'davey jacobs' for 'me; tumblr user pidge pigeonwit' #i need to go to back to university right now or i will DIE. #anywhore. this isnt me saying 'ugh the newsies fandom treats autism like [x]' tbc #honestly all the autistic headcanons ive seen have been dope and received well. #its almost like we're all autistic and know what the fuck we're talking about #but man!! i sure hate how autistic people have to constantly be behaving ourselves in order to be treated like fucking people!! #both in real actual life and online!! #vent #too poor for therapy tag #newsies #davey jacobs #uksies

[tobisiksi]

the parallels between Shun&Toki relationship and Kusuke&Kusuo relationship always get me

Toki is way 'better' than Shun (at least physically)

and Kusuo is way 'better' than kusuke( in every single thing)

the younger sib surpasses the older, but shun knew better and didn't take it too personal, yea it kinda sucks bc toki can fight pretty well and I can't, but oh well he's still my little brother

while kusuke couldn't handle it, he let his jealousy take over him in the worst way, yea he still loves kusuo with all his heart but he just can't stop feeling despise towards him for being better

I blame their parents tho, I don't think that kurumi or kuniharu ever had a little talk with ku-kun about how little sibs often copy the older bc they feel admiration towards them

aaaaghh I'm thinkiiiiigngnngieif it huuuuuurtssz

#as an older brother i feel obligated to talk abt them #if kaido looked closely to saiki's brothers relationship he would totally noticed all the weird and toxic behaviour #kaido as kusuo's older brother when💥⁉️💥⁉️💥 #dont think that i hate kusuke or anything btw #i have a love-hate relationship with him #mostly because i relate a lot to his stupid ass #but anyway i was thinking about kusuke going to therapy and then i came up with this #i need him in therapy with a daily doses of antidepressants #Kusuke needs to learn to vent his masochistic tendencies stemming from his low self-esteem disguised with egocentrism in some way other than #almost killing his brother with a cat-shaped tank while taking his little brother's bestie as an hostage #saiki k #the disastrous life of saiki k #kusuo saiki #saiki kusou no psi nan #kaido shun #kusuke saiki #kaido toki #thinking thinking thinking

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[pansyfemme]

im having anxiety so bad right now that im overwhelmed by noise but quiet is making me so paranoid i cant not have my headphones in

#ive been venting on tumblr since day one of this account but this feels different now #i dont know where to go sometimes i dont want to wake up friends or therapists or parents or even really talk one on one #i just want to speak and people to read it i guess #but ive become really obsessive about being a bad person and its ruining my life lately #there was an incident at home that made me go back into this old thought process i have #and the roomate struggles have made it worse #i feel needy and constantly needing attention and validation and it makes me sick #i want to tell people i love them constantly because i need to but then i convince myself thats also bad that must be manipulation #everytime i dislike someone they must know it and hate me and find me disgusting #im like so tired of obsessions #of not being able to hear words i cant make out without becoming obsessive about how people must be talking about me #and i hate the aftershocks of shame of assuming im even important enough to be talked about #vent tw

[torchickentacos]

winter depression is here and I am ANNOYED about it

#not really a vent in tags. just bitching about it lmao #i am a creative extrovert who suddenly does not want to create or talk to people! #but i have been through this more than enough times to know that i need to start doing those things MORE #as to not get dragged into the depression spiral #and like for a lot of people it's just 'get outside more' #but my disabled ass isn't easily able to do that so it's just 'text more. discord more. draw more. read more. inside things more.' #which does work for me but is harder in some ways #i do not miss high school but at least it got me out of the house some #at least I do enjoy christmastime. i like the lights and the vibes and the winter flavors and scents of things #so i have that in the next few weeks to lean into #like idk. i know how to deal with this. i do it every year. it's more annoying than anything at this point #like. oh okay. life feels like a cloudy grey parking lot. again. it'll go away eventually. #and until then i just need to be a Normal Person About Everything if i feel like it or not #hate that feeling of going through the motions. everything is just emotional grey static

[rhys-ravenfeather]

ROSE QUARTZ/PINK DIAMOND GOT DONE DIRTY BY THE SU FANDOM, AND THE SHOW ITSELF

Quick disclaimer: I will admit, upfront, that part of the reason I’m even making a vent post of ANY kind of all is because I’m just not in a good place right now in general, and I just need to scream at something. That being said, that doesn’t make my feelings towards this any less real.

I’ve already talked about this a couple times before in the past, but I really do, legitimately, hate the treatment Rose/Pink got in the later parts of Steven Universe, both the main series and Future.

Look, I almost feel that it could have been a good thing in a way, since Rose was kind of put on a pedestal for most of the show’s first half, and seeing as how the series was about Steven discovering himself, and trying to step out from his mother’s shadow, I feel like, if this was handled better, it could have probably been really good.

But dang, this was NOT the way to do it.

Did Pink Diamond, both as herself and in her guise of Rose Quartz, do awful things? Absolutely.

She hurt her Pearl.

She abandoned Spinel.

She made impulsive, and even selfish, decisions.

But she also turned against her fellow Diamonds, her FAMILY, to protect the earth.

She faked her own shattering so she could keep fighting for the same planet she was originally meant to colonize.

She looked after others and cared for life, both human and gem.

Pink did a LOT wrong, but neither her past actions from when she was still a Diamond, or the mistakes she made as Rose Quartz, change the fact that she spent the entire rest of her existence trying to do good, to change, and become a better person.

And it really DOES strike a chord with me that the fandom, and even the SHOW ITSELF, act like she’s some horrible reprehensible villain especially since it seems to ring very true for how some treat people in the real world who used to do/say some not-so-great things, even if it’s been literal years since then, and they’re genuinely different people from who they were back then. Yeah...it kind of hits just a bit close to home for me...

It just doesn’t sit well with me that someone like WHITE DIAMOND can be forgiven, while Pink, the one Diamond who dared to turn against Homeworld and fight to protect the life of a planet that wasn’t hers, is the universally-agreed upon hated character.

Whether her reasons were ultimately altruistic or selfish, that doesn’t change the fact that she protected the earth and cared for the people she came to love, the best she could, until the day she gave up her physical form.

TL; DR: PINK DIAMOND WAS A VERY FLAWED, BUT ULTIMATELY NUANCED AND HUMAN CHARACTER, AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THE SU FANDOM, OR THE SHOW ITSELF, FOR TREATING HER LIKE A MONSTER WHEN SHE WASN’T.

#rhys-ravenfeather signing on #steven universe #rose quartz su #pink diamond su #do NOT go into my askbox or notes to bash me i am NOT in the mood #real talk though--the show's been over for a couple years now; i know this is stupid #and like i said i've talked about this a couple times before #this is just something that's been on my mind for a while especially with some stuff i saw fairly recently #and i needed to get it out #tbh pink/rose might very well be one of my favorite characters of all time because of how interesting her story was #and like i said how REAL and HUMAN (for a literal space rock) she feels #and i hate hate HATE how she's been treated #also yeah like i said...not in a good place right now...i just needed to vent

[glitter-alienz]

Im having a fuckass time thanks for asking besties <- (telepathically sending this to my 2 irl friends who never say "hi how are you?" )

#they only text me when they need help with something lol #when i dont ask them how they're doing they get upset and say i hate them but they dont talk to me #i alsways have to initiate convos #and im having a shit time because if health issues and family drama and wouldve loved a little “how are you?” from them #theyre making me think im asking for too much but im not #also i cant stop being friends with them i care about them unfortunately #and nobody else would be my friend so #the dib speakz!! #agony #vent

[abluehappyface]

I'm going to post what is I guess a story relating to my personal experiences being on this earth. This is mostly for my benefit. Look if you want I guess, but just know that there will be some potentially triggering stuff, but I don't know what it is, so I can't tag it right now

My Life as a Monster

You stare at me like I'm some sort of beast, a thing merely meant to be caged. Something you feel the need to be protected from. You watch, knowing that I can't get you from your bedroom window, at the spectacle you think I am. You aim your camera at me, the flash reflecting off the glass I sit behind, as you film and photograph me for no other reason except that I'm here. When I'm among you, you stare at me with mocking gazes, your eyes becoming yet another set in an endless number of pairs that make their way to dig into mine. No matter how well I think I'm camouflaged, you always sniff me out, and then you let me know how I'm unwelcome here.

I'm especially afraid of women. All humans my same age startle me, but women more so. Women have always been more scornful to me. They told me how unwanted I was for me to hear. They shunned me from their groups, leaving me an outcast as a child. Women do not like me, I know this as fact.

Their actions are always deliberate. Humans make it a point to leave me out, to the point I feel I'm not one. I may have lost my humanity, turned into a beast, or maybe both at once, but I know for certain that there are times where human is something I'm not. I may be the monster stuck inside a human husk that I think I am, or perhaps I'm an outcast being overdramatic, but I know that humans do not like me. I do not fit in. I am but a beast.

As if being ostracized as a child wasn't enough, you continue to gawk at me. What have I done to receive your judgement? Why must you hunt us beasts? Mother doesn't understand why I don't leave the cave, as if I ever could. If I leave the cave, the humans will stand watch, waiting to scout me out.

My existence is a worldly secret, and a secret I shall stay. If I seek out a place amongst the humans they will reject me. No human will want me as a partner or friend. I am a beast in a world where existence is a joke. To avoid their mocking eyes, the cave is where I stay.

I know humans are resilient beings, that they can choose to change, that acceptance of us monsters is not unheard of, but I do not depend on it. When you've lived the life of a beast, you prepare yourself for scorn. Your hopes mustn't be up too high, else you'll fall and break your horns. I wish I was the fuzzy, colorful beast that humans love, but I am not. I am a dark, shaggy beast, with curled, antler-like horns, fangs, claws, and eyes that glow white in darkness. I am not a friend to them, I am something to be hunted.

As much as I love being my beastly self, I fear being myself is what's causing my downfall. I don't want to change to make myself palatable to the humans. They do not deserve it after what has happened to me. Even so, a monster like me still wonders what connection can feel like. To think some humans tolerate me, like me even, but they live too far away... I wish I could be with them.

However, this is no longer the case. Past human friends have betrayed me, apart from one. I have no true desires to befriend humans. As my grandmother once told me, I'm "too monstrous and hostile" for friends. I'm to monstrous for everyone. I'm too monstrous for myself. The human body I reside in is just a defense from the humans around me. I feel no true, meaningful attachment to this body.

I am the metaphorical version of a kitten that wasn't socialized. I cannot connect with others. I do not connect with others. I'm not meant to. I am designed for solitude.

I'm just a creature who's strange. I know I should care not of what others think, and yet I still do. I care because I am afraid. I am still afraid of humans my own age, especially women. If I could get everything I needed without leaving this house, the world would never see me again.

I am such an irrational thing. Here I am, a potential gynephobe who's a lesbian being encroached upon by a beast. Here I am, knowing most people don't care about me, yet I still care enough in case they press record again. Humans could be nice, but I must distrust them for my safety. They'll never know me well enough to know this. I must make sure of it.

I feel it has gotten so hopeless that my younger sister feels that she needs to intervene. She does a lot of talking for me. She pulls at my arms to try and get me to speak with humans. Even if it was a joke, it made me realize how hopelessly helpless I am. She feels I speak to no one, and she is right.

Worst of all, I know that I must change. Eventually I'm going to have to provide for myself. I don't wish to tell mother of my beastly affliction, though I have no reason not to. I suppose I am a cautious beast. How cautious is too cautious I wonder?

The beastly affliction is affecting major parts of my life. I remain in the cave all day. I speak to no outsiders. I rely on my little sister too much. My mother says she feels she has failed me. I do not wish to be a defective child. I do not wish to be a beast. I wish I could cry beastly golden tears until I'm washed clean of my beastly essences.

I am a pathetic beast. I am not strong. I am a lowly creature. I am a strange thing that cannot be understood. I shall forever remain a beast, and society shall forever hate me.

I feel I am stuck in place. I don't often think about my beastliness, but when I do it feels paralyzing. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if it will change. I turn 20 in three days and I'm still the beast from when I was 16. I'm still the monster, I feel I forever will be. I feel the world has gone one without me, but I'm fine with that. I know nothing else at this point.

#pov you're a beast expressing how you feel after being ostracized and excluded from society‚ especially as a child #but irl im AM this beast and have been for nearly four years #all because my grandmother told me that I would be hostile and monstrous in tone for the rest of my life #and she's right because my autistic beastly ass could never sound like a pleasant human ever #and ive never talked about the possible gynephobia because ill likely be labeled a sexist #and I don't need any more reasons for humans to hate me #no i don't look like the beast i am on the outside‚ but there are days where I sure as hell feel it #most of the time I feel like im just some person‚ but other days‚ im a beast (and a father pathetic one at that) #so yeah‚ this is about me #im the beast in this 'letter' #bluey's miscellaneous posts #bluey's nonsense #bluey's beastly hours #bluey's vents #bluey's long posts #bluey's life #bluey's serious stuff #bluey's actual life #bluey's rambling #abluehappyface

[llannasvsp]

Same Anon.

I do want to say that while you did come across as a bit aggressive, you're opinion is entirely valid. I do not want you to think I was claiming otherwise.

This is your blog; if you don't want people to mention Greenflame here, that's your choice. I was just simply saying that we shouldn't metaphorically scream and shout at the people who do ship it.

Again, you're totally valid, and I agree with all of your points; I just don't want the Ninjago community to turn on each other like I have seen others do in the past.

No, and that's why I appreciate you bringing that up.

I tend to get very passionate about certain topics and then I come across as very aggressive. I do that if I'm passionate about things that I love and things that I hate. I kind of need to dial back a lot when it comes to that. Which is why I deleted the posts because in hindsight it did seem very much like I hated people who ship greenflame which is just... wildly untrue.

I think maybe I need to journal some things before I say them hah.

Basically, at the end of the day, the situation boils down to this: I am not comfortable with greenflame, I would like it if people do not talk about greenflame on my blog, but if you ship it, I won't like... throw you off a cliff or whatever those 2014 anti's threatened to do.

And like I said, the movieverse is a different topic, because I personally think they're in the same grade or like 1 year apart so movieverse greenflame does not bother me. It's only the show that makes me uncomfortable.

Once again, thank you for bringing this up in a kind and not demeaning way, because truly the last thing I want to do is hurt people, and I can totally see how those posts would have come across as me being intentionally hurtful, which was never the goal, I was just venting. Which I need to dial back on and/or filter in the future.

#ask llanna #lets talk about legos #i really hope this sounds genuine and not like one of those fake youtuber apologies #because i am SO SO SO bad at sounding genuine irl and online #just know that i am absolutley 100% thankful and grateful that you brought this up and kinda got me out of my little venting headspace #because i was getting heated over like... one post #which i do not need to be doing #grrr i hate my silly little head sometimes and how it makes me react to things #ANYWAY moral of the story is #im being genuine #i promise #thank you anon ily /p

[rapidhighway]

I didn’t go to sculpture again……

#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness #I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick #and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up #I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there……. #and I cannot handle repeating a semester #I live in fear #and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful #banging head on the table #I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever #god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the #slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it #everyone’s done it already #I will literally cry if anyone talks to me #the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me #and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive #but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money #pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but #I couldn’t do that either I’m just in panic mode instantly #so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on #them #they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself #uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE #I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever #ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming #but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️ #no one look at me #I being sensitive and vulnerable here