#i get nervous posting comic opinions <3

[tbcanary]

the thing. about outlaws. is that it has some really really nice moments and the team dynamic is lovely, and i have a lot of positive feelings about that. but the other thing about outlaws is that it’s a character assassination and the plots are so bad that i do want to set things on fire.

#text.tb #like i love the trio i enjoy them they make me happy #but they’re all not. who they’re supposed to be. #so in enjoying them I have to put them in a little box in my brain labeled ‘Different Interpretations’ #bc that sure as fuck ain’t the regular guys #I mean okay. that’s kori and jay. lobdell should be old yellered for what he did to roy and I mean that. #anyway my point is #I love them. i think about them. #but that run is AWFUL !!!!! #and I literally couldn’t make it thru the next one I made it like ten issues and gave up #because WITHOUT that trio it just isn’t good #also you may be wondering why I’m not saying names much and it IS because I don’t want this in the main tags #i get nervous posting comic opinions <3 #if you want to know my thoughts about anything you have to dm me <3 #BUT i just like. man. some of the shit between k and j was so touching and I loved it. #even r has his good moments #but as a WHOLE. as a STORY BEING TOLD. it’s not good!!!! #ugh ugh ugh. comics. comics!!! #this is I swear to god the only comic I am like this about. I’m normal about everything else.

[venriliz]

📩 Simblr question of the day: Who's your biggest inspiration/s on Simblr? Mention them! Tell us why you like them!

okay this is going to be a veeery long post. i could probably name almost every single simblr i follow, but that would be impossible, so if you noticed me liking/reblogging your posts but not mentioning you - please don't think that you're not inspiring to me, because you are! <3

tbh i love the simblr community to bits and a LOT of people inspire me every day. :] i'll name some under the cut!

@aniraklova - she has such a unique sim style and has been nothing but a gift to the community by organizing events like edgewave last year or by being a badass person in general! love her! <3

@microscotch just one if not the coolest simblr imo :P keeps the love for sims 2 alive and doing some kickass renders in the process. simblr wouldn't be as much fun as it is without my Helenchen! <333

@vdshakh hands down the best simblr when it comes to renders. i can only dream of mine being that good. probably got me into doing some myself in the first place. i would reblog their renders every day...and maybe i should! <333

@puppycheesecake when it comes to cas related posts, i could stare at them all day and never get bored. the variety is insane! :] probably fundamentally inspired me to up my own cas game, so ty! <3

@strangetowntales you can probably tell that everything related to aliens/strangetown, basically that theme as a whole is already a plus in my book and i love their moodboards so fucking much!!

@beetlemp3 just their whole blog/aesthetic gives me tooth aches because it's so cute! when i need to treat my eyes to colorful screenshots/builds etc this is one of the blogs i think of first!

@birdietrait birdie makes some of the prettiest sims i've ever seen and is such a huge inspiration when i feel like i'm about to suffer from same-face-syndrom lmao. their sims just look like real people (if that makes any sense) also snoopy is life! :]

@squea there's just something special about squea's sims. can't even put my finger on it but i just love them (especially corn! he's a treat! <333) i also use her natural cas-lighting all the time and never found another one i like as much! :]

@fl0ptrait one of the coolest ppl i met here on tumblr! just all around so nice and also very talented when it comes to creating sims that leave me hot and bothered! °-°

@stellarfalls every time i see one of bree's posts i just feel incredibly humbled and honored by the talent and the love that must've been put into creating them. you deserve every single like and reblog and then some! ily :3

@cinamun not that long ago i already mentioned cin in a post regarding story simblrs i find inspiring, so i might repeat myself when i say that i'm in awe of the dedication she puts into her story. i can see it despite not actively following it and i love that! probably doesn't even get as much attention she should!

@alientown already love her for the name alone BUT (!) the sims she creates are really unique and have so much personality! just love looking at them and imagining what their stories could be! :]

@nigmos i could look at dee's sims all day and find more and more reasons why i find them to be so beautiful! every post of her on my dash just makes me really happy and gives me a lot of inspiration for my own sims! :]

@lilamausmaus she has probably one of the coolest sim styles (in my humble opinion) her game just looks like a comic and i love it so much! her nervous object stole my heart more than once T.T she's also one of the nicest ppl here for sure! i get so much inspiration from her posts! :]

@lucidicer honestly whenever olli posts an edit, my eyes just pop out of my skull in the best way possible and i'm not mad about that at all it's just fucking art! love him and his posts to bits (even though he didn't want to share his cheese sticks with me once... °-°)

@alelelesimz i always happy-cry in simlish when i see alelele's posts, especially recreations of sims from the franchise. I LOVE the urbz remakes so much, they're the absolute best and looking at them makes me want to replay this game over and over again T.T their blog is definitely a huge source of inspiration for me!

okay that was cheesy af but all of those simblrs are the first ones that came to mind when i read nonny's question, but by FAR not all of them. again, if you ever saw me like/comment/reblog your post, know that you're an inspiration to me too and that ily! <333

#venri replies #i'm probably going to cry later when i think of 1000 more blogs i could've mentioned T.T sorry in advance!

[fluffypotatey]

Hello there! I hope the month is treating you alright. Speaking of impending breakdowns, with a full guarantee of MK having one coming soon, aside from him who else do you think will be getting one amongst the Monkie crew, from earliest to the latest? Macaque is shockingly doing well comparatively because he's been having one the entire show and only started to wind down and process it s4 while the other two monkeys are just piling them up. I am fully biased towards SWK so I'd like to know your thoughts on what an SWK breakdown would look like and what would trigger it, and if we might see it any time soon.

I think the reason on why an MK vs SWK fight makes me full of nervous dread is because i worry it might mean full rejection of MK towards SWK, after all the trials they have been through, and that SWK haven't had someone fully believing in him for so long so i worry he might interpret it as MK finally giving up on him, like the others did. But I'm holding on to the hope that it's not entirely the case, MK still believes in him, he just wants SWK to actually use his words and TALK to him, extreme force needed. But that might just be me.

Regarding the Samadhi Fire incident, do you think the other pilgrims ever find out about the fourth ring, or did Ao Lie and SWK kept it a secret between them only? I've read Dr. Chalk's comic on twitter, and one of their comics headcanon that Ao Lie didn't tell the rest of the pilgrims about the Samadhi fire in him because he's afraid they'll blame SWK for it. What do you think?

That's it for now. Sleep early, eat your meals regularly, and drink plenty of water!

ok 1) lmao true, Macky's spent most of s3 on the brink and s1&2 is just him projecting so yeah lmao (love him tho). and aside from MK, i think Mei is a huge contender for the breakdown category. Or Tang bc he was super anxious throughout s4. (imma go more in-depth about MK & SWK at the end of this post tho)

imma answer your Samadhi Fire question first: tbh i was originally inclined to believe that Ao Lie did try to keep the knowledge of the 4th ring underwraps for a long time (bc the angst is very fun). if he told SWK, he knew the monkey would blame himself. if he told the jttw crew, it would upset all of them. it's like how @lunar-wandering said in their post that Ao Lie is probably someone who would hide his injuries and troubles because if it is known, it is viewed as a weakness others can target.

then again, i doubt Ao Lie would withhold his physical injuries to the jttw gang because he trusts them, so it could be possible that he did tell them, but they all agreed to keep that secret between themselves. the AGAIN, i highly doubt Ao Lie would share his reasons for being exiled by his family, so he never told them until he felt he could no longer keep it together.

however, keep in mind that Wukong was aware of the 4th ring even in his amnesiac state. he was still with the jttw gang by this point, it was after the journey, and Wukong was aware. tbh, he sounded like he thought Pigsy was also aware, like he was reminding his companion that there are 4 rings not 3.

and, with that....imma have to go with Ao Lie did inform his friends but only his friends. was it immediately after the ritual? i doubt that. my opinion is that Ao Lie informed only after everyone in the group noticed a key change in their dragon-horse friend.

now, my beloved sunburst duo <3

i'm going to have to disagree with you, bestie. i don't think the MK vs SWK fight will to any full rejection. rather, i believe it will give both characters some form of understanding for the other. MK, as we have seen, has trouble separating Wukong from the hero pedestal he placed his mentor on. while he is more aware of the fact that Wukong has flaws and isn't perfect, he is still struggling with acknowledging the fact that his mentor did very bad things in his past, that he hurt people, that he is still hurting people (tho not intentionally). we see it with how he fought Ink!MK who unveiled those very dark and reclusive anxieties of his that he never wishes to acknowledge. we even saw it with how defensive MK can be over Wukong with Macaque and Azure.

on the flip side, SWK did not begin their mentorship with the intention of getting attached. he started this because he knew MK's potential and power, and it is very likely that he was aware that MK was a possible replacement for himself. Wukong keeps his distance in s1, only training the kid and taking his time to do so because he while he doesn't want to get close, he does want to ensure that MK will not fall into the same mistakes he did. unfortunately (for Wukong), the monkey grows attached.

Wukong sees MK's drive to train and be better and sees his own self reflected in it. but, again, he doesn't want MK to be like him. he wants MK to be a better version. a version that never thought to extend his life out of fear of losing his usefulness, a version that never tries to push his friends into situations they may not feel comfortable with, a version that does not feel the need to prove himself to Heaven.

honestly, my concept of their fight/breakdown will come to the fact that both MK and SWK fail to communicate their exact fears, anxieties, and intentions towards the other. MK feels like he can't even talk or vent to Wukong because that's his idol, and Wukong has brushed aside MK's anxieties in the past (MK's worries about Spider Queen for example. also i'm not saying Wukong does this with any malice intent; rather, it's his own way of trying to be optimistic. it just doesn't land well for MK unfortunately). Wukong feels like he can't open up because he sees the way MK looks up to him, he is very aware of his public image and reputation because...you know, he's immortal and has seen his and his friend's stories be told over centuries :)

and while Wukong has attempted to open up to MK post-s3, it's very slow and (more irritatingly) the plot isn't allowing them to have those private talks where they can hash out their shit.

(noooOOOOoooooOOO, swk had to be sucked into a cursed scroll and live through his worst memories, distorted or not, and MK had to be told by another old friend of his mentor that Wukong doesn't care enough about his friends to stay)

therefore, it looks like the only way both characters will even get a chance to air-out their issues will be shouting at each other, throwing physical blows, and maybe crying at each other (i hope so :3 i wanna see swk cry on screen please!)

HOWEVER: while this could lead to the 2 of them needing space with each other (which could lead to both or either of them spiraling about how the other person's rejected them and doesn't want them in their lives anymore), i highly doubt that this fight will be the end of their relationship. frankly, i think it will help give both characters some perspective on the other, work on themselves, and come back with new outlooks & healthier minds (maybe)

so yeah, those are my thoughts :)

#think i repeated myself 3 times but it's fine #dw bestie i'm eating the best sandwich rn #it's so good T^T #lmk #sunburst duo #lmk sunburst duo #lmk sun wukong #lmk mk #lmk qi xiaotian #lego monkie kid

[mapleleavesart]

Welcome to Love Grows Where My Unicorn Goes Episode 1 Pt 1!

When i get a master post up I'll link it here, and the next part will be here

I'd like to thank a few people that gave me inspiration, motivation, or just helpful tips that lead to me making and posting this!

@somerandomdudelmao for inspiring the art style and making me realize that comics don't have to look perfect in order to be good

@tapakah0 for getting me a little bit more into Tumblr and giving me someone I could interact with without fear

@cokowiii for indirectly teaching me that just because something is based around a main character x OC doesn't mean people won't like it or find it cringe (seriously, HOW did Cali get so popular and well-liked?). It was that little push that helped me decide to go through with this project.

@kathaynesart for giving me (a nervous anon from a week or two ago, hi it's me you told me to tag you when/if i got this up, hello 👋) some tips about starting/writting/making comics and for encouraging me forward

Seriously, thank you all! I wouldn't have taken up this project if it weren't for all of you inspiring me with your wonderful works.

And lastly but not least, @hihopelessromantics my irl friend, for helping me with the title name, proofreading, editing, and just generally giving me second opinions 😅

Hope nobody minds being tagged by some rando with like 3 followers lol 😅😅😅 if you do I'm sorry 😅

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt movie #rise movie #rottmnt fan comic #lgwmug #love grows where my unicorn goes #still don't know how to tag lmao #could use some help with that #srsly tho if anyone has some tips or suggestions for me i will gladly take them #thx for reading

[toh-tagteam-au]

Is Hunter still going to be aroace in your au?

EDIT: I’m going to be sticking with Aro Hunter going forward, and I appreciate all the replies to this post! I’m keeping this up for personal reference, but just a heads up I’m no longer unsure. 

Original answer below:

----

Im glad you asked this because I've been wanting to make a separate post about this since Labyrinth Runners but I kept chickening out. Apologies for the wall of text in advance.

Full disclosure + some context before I get into it: I really like keeping Tag Team as close to canon as I possibly can. It's why towards the beginning of development I kept certain plot points open ended. I'm lucky that I didn't have to retcon any comic parts that were already posted pre-season 2b (the next few updates would have been ruined by some of the reveals in Hollow Mind, so I'm kind of glad I waited).

I never really expected Hunter to get into a relationship/hint at attraction at all back when it was season 2a, so I was comfortable having him be aroace since the chances of it being conflicting with canon were slim. I was in the group of people who were like "there's no way his character arc would have that much time/it would be rushed/wouldn't make sense if it did happen" etc. Plus, I'm aro myself. I was kind of excited to do a storyline that sort of reflected my own experiences with attraction and lack thereof. And I liked the ships that fandom brought forward, but I wasn't expecting them to move past the crack-ship category. So again, I felt secure in my canon-compliant-ness of Hunter's aro-ness.

But season 2b introduced the REALLY INTERESTING concept of Hunter and Willow actually being canon somehow. Or at least Hunter being attracted to her in some way. I was fascinated. Their actual canon dynamic is GREAT!! Teen soldier who was introduced as a hard-ass gets blushy at a school girl who can and would kick his shit in and is implied to not even think of him romantically yet. Not to mention the whole narrative catharsis at seeing a clone of Caleb, notorious husband of a witch, also falling for a girl. I love it SO MUCH!

So that brings me to an unfortunate choice I was sort of hoping you guys would help me with?

On one hand, I love Hunter and Willow. I love that they're implied to be a potential thing and that they'll have more dev in season 3. Their dynamic is my jam and it makes so much literary sense that they'd have chemistry, not to mention it just brings out the best in both of their developments in canon (Willow being a nervous shy girl with no self esteem turning into someone who can and will kick the emperor's ass to save her friends, Hunter being a heavily abused high ranking child solider turning into a blushy mess in front of a strong girl). I just love it. Nothing about his sexuality has come up in-comic so far, so I wouldn't have to retcon anything to make that a thing in TT.

On the other hand,,, I've already said that TT!Hunter is aro on this blog. I've sort of built up/mentioned this pseudo-romance arc he was going to have around the Grom episode. A lot of you seemed super excited about him being aro back when I first mentioned it, and I don't want to disappoint you guys and fake you out by being "surprise!!! he's allo!!!" I guess I could have him be Demiromantic or just ace to keep that vibe of aspec, but I don't want it to feel like a consolation prize either.

So it's this unfortunate back and forth between me really liking Willow and Hunter/wanting to keep things as canon as possible, versus sticking to what I've said out-of-universe in the past. I kind of get the sense that both options have their own baggage – I'm unsure if the aro hunter vs hun//tlow discourse is as intense as my dash makes it out to be since I try to avoid it and I generally like both options, but choosing one kind of feels like I have to choose a side. So I wanted to ask you guys what you think/want to see.

Feel free to reply to this post, say ur opinions in the tags, or send me asks on what you think. I probably won't respond to all of them, but I'll definitely read them all and take them into account.

#ask #not comic #should I tag with the ship tag? for filtering purposes? #I feel like this ship gets enough discourse in their tag #ask to tag

[hellothere-generalangsty]

It's way past my bedtime ans my cat is sleeping-purring next to me but I thought I'd post the process of the @ailani-reillata Ailaniversary art I made today just to talk a bit more about it

Disclaimer: doing traditional art is cool until you need to scan it or post a picture of it 😂 also kinda long post below so ofc no obligation at all to read it!

Phase one: Sketching the Idea

My inspiration for the posture was a Yara Flor comic strip I found on Pinterest. Yara looks over her shoulder and her hair falls on the side of her face, and I loved the way it framed her face and thought it would look great with Ailani's hair.

I drew a little doodle on the page to help me visualize how the hair would be divided, and focused on 3 main parts (the lines, the bubbles, the empty space) which would - supposedly- help me during the lineart stage. Below are images of the final sketch.

I was hesitant on adding details to her arms, such as the folds of a dress, but I was so anxious about ruining the drawing I abandonzd that idea. I was considering adding her tattoos and was still not decided at this stage of the drawing.

Phase 2: Line-ing the Art

Is that even a real word? Idk, I'm too tired to English properly so we will say it is. Following the sketching phase was naturalle the lineart phase, which is one of my favorite stage when drawing. I bought new inking pens too so I was able to test them out, and it went quite well!

As you can see, the ribbons, outline of the skin and facial features have been done with my new pens, and i was quite happy with the result! It gives a more natural look to the whole drawing in my opinion.

At this stage I decided not to add her arm tattoos and consider this version of Ailani as the one you would find in the early chapters of Begged and Borrowed Time, so before she would get her tattoos.

Phase 2.5: Line-ing the Hair

This stage has it's own part because it was really fun to do! The inspiration for the way I draw hair comes from @/ssavaart (aka Scott Christian Sava on Youtube). I've been following him for a while now and I'm trying to push my art beyond my comfort zone and try new stuff thanks to him, and having fun with drawing hair is one of these things!

Look how beautiful these curls are. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm really proud of the drawing at this stage 😂 it's the perfect moment where the inking went well and I have not yet ridked myself with the watercolours - so I always take a long sight (and tons of pictures) to celebrate reaching this stage without incidents.

Phase 3: Watercolours

Here comes the difficult part. It always makes me nervous because I always fear ruining my drawing and all the efforts I put into it by doing the watercolours. But I love the medium too much and if I want to get better I need to practice. So, testing the waters, I finally dive head first into this crucial stage.

The watercolouring goes well, I'm overall satisfied enough to take some pictures and even try to scan it, with the hope that the scanned rendering will be better than the usual "photographing and editing" I do with my phone.

Spoiler alert: the scan was NOT better than the pictures, and no amount of editing could change that. (Or maybe I am just very bad at editing.) So, back to my "photographing and editing" habits, I somehow managed to get a good enough result:

I still feel unsatisfied as I find these digital versions do not properly render the visuals I have on paper, IRL. With the digital versionsw the hair is either so dark we don't see the details, or too bright, the colours are too warm and light... And while Ailani looks light-skinned, the paper version has these visible brown tones that I struggled to find on the digital version, even when editing the pictures. The closest I got is the tone you see on the first picture, but the image is not lighted enough so the overall quality of the picture is a bit lessened by that.

Still, I won't complain too much, because overall it was a very fun drawing to do, I enjoyed every stage of it and I would love to do another piece like this! But for now I will go to sleep because it is Way Past My Bedtime 😂

If you've made it this far, thank you for your attention, feel free to let me know which stage is your favorite and what you liked most (or disliked most) about this drawing!

I for one really had fun doing Ailani's lips, as well as filling her hair, and colouring her eyes! 😊

#ailani #ailani art #I'm tagging just in case you wanna see more but again no obligation to read all of that or anything! #this post is mostly here to show the early stages coz I was so prouf of how smoothly it went!! #until the colours #it's always the colours 😂 #but I hope you enjoyed the drawing anyway #I've actually been working on it last weekend but couldn't finish it until this saturday because of my exams week #which is over btw which means i finally has time to read Begged And Borrowed Time!! #and I'm really excited about that!! #so yeah that's all for me now is time to sleep because it's like 4:19am right now and I am huu tired 😂 #once again happy Ailaniversary 💕💙 #also yes we can't see my signature on the drawings I cut it out by accident when i cropped the pictures and was too lazy to retake pics etc #please pretend like you see my name signed next to her hair x)

[1x20]

What don't you like about Carver's Cas?

so i'm assuming this is in relation to the 5x03 gifset i reblogged and thus i will explain my opinions regarding early seasons cas and not carver era cas sldjkfdsf

cas as a character in kripke era is a MESS. if you try to keep track of it between episodes you'll get whiplash. in 4x02 he threatens dean and shows no remorse for it, and then as soon as we see him in 4x07 he's clearly already having doubts. and NOTHING happened in between

the thing that makes cas's character read so well in s4 is that misha gave a genuinely strong and memorable performance. he's so different from any other character on that show that he READS as coherent but he isn't.

however, one thing cas is consistently in s4 is distinctly Other. he's very much a cosmic force -- in abilities, in strength, and in autism.

now this is obviously an issue in s5 because we can't give our protagonist(s) a sidekick who can do basically anything. STILL though, even though his powers are already limited in 5x01 and 5x02 (mostly 5x02), he's still very Other in behavior. he's demanding, he's threatening, he's mysterious, he's powerful.

in 5x03, however...

5x03 is divided in the sam section, which is about sam trying to live a normal life and being unable to -- and dean's section is about trying to find a new partner in life that isn't sam, notably cas.

BUT. but. as noted by @autisticandroids multiple times, cas gets wifified in later seasons (not so coincidentally starting season 8 but we’re not talking about that). and i think 5x03 is kind of a microcosm for that phenomenon -- it didn’t start the trend, but it kinda foreshadowed it. 

5x03 is notably the first episode to REALLY play cas’s naivety for comedy. cas is the comic relief in 5x03: he’s no longer demanding, threatening, mysterious, powerful. he’s a bumbling idiot who doesn’t understand the world and Needs Dean To Teach Him (About Hunting And Sex). 

haha he’s telling the sheriff angels are fighting across the globe isn’t that funny and weird? isn’t that stupid? he hasn’t had sex before, isn’t that funny? that he’s nervous around sexy women unlike dean (who’s a Real Man). 

and the thing is -- this is a narratively necessary decision. cas HAS to be made into a non-threatening, blank-slate, almost childlike role because otherwise how would they justify dean taking him to a brothel? how would they justify dean hanging out with him? it would, almost INHERENTLY, have to become more romantic/sexual if they acknowledged that cas had like, personality and agency in this episode.

this is because supernatural is a bodice ripper (for men): it is, in many ways, an exercise in “what would happen if you were dominated by powers stronger than you -- would this be freeing?”

cas in s4 is VERY much a Power Stronger Than Dean. oh sure dean manages to convince him to rebel, but even in that act, cas is highlighted as being stronger (the punch that hurts dean’s hand but not cas’s face in 4x22). 

BUT in matters of sex especially -- and hunting because this is what supernatural very much ties its masculinity to -- cas cannot be Stronger Than Dean. this would highlight how much dean is the subject of this show, but in situations he’s Subjected to. 

dean has to be the instigator if they’re put on equal footing because it protects the fiction of the show. and so, cas cannot be Stronger, demanding, threatening, mysterious, powerful. cas is funny, and naive, and has to submit for dean’s authority -- and he has to be mocked for it. 

tl;dr JEREMY CARVER PAY FOR YOUR CAS CRIMES!!!!!!!!

(for more and better posts on this subject see: 1 2 3 4 5 6)

#ice.txt #*castiel #spn

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Okay, so this is going to be the only post I make about this because I’m done, I’m just so done at this point.

If you don’t ship Daemyra or you don’t like Daemon, that’s cool! You are totally welcome to have your own feelings or opinions on the character and/or pairing, that’s valid. But I am a blog that posts a lot of Daemon and Daemyra, so if that’s not your boat and you really do not want to see it, you are welcome to ignore the posts, unfollow or block. That’s your right, you are totally welcome to decide what content you see and what makes you comfortable, I don’t want to make people uncomfortable.

But sending me nasty messages, both in DMs and in my asks, is taking it too far.

I’m not going to answer these individually because it’s a waste of time. It’s boring. Frankly I’ve got much better things to do nowadays. I’ve already had to go through several years of this before in a different fandom and I learnt the hard way that answering each and every one is silly, unhealthy even. I will make a blanket statement about this in general though, and it’ll be the only thing I write about it.

I don’t care what you ship, don’t ship, etc, if you’re resorting to doing something like using the r slur against an autistic person because of a FICTIONAL television show/fandom, you need to take a step back from online, from fandoms, and evaluate your life. There’s no way that you’re proving you’re right in any way if you do this.

As for the Matt Smith thing: for anyone unaware, yes, I have tickets for next month (3 weeks technically) to meet him at a London comic con. I paid a ridiculous amount of money for a bundle to guarantee a photo and autograph, and that’s on top of buying a ticket to actually get into the convention. As it is, I’m anxious about it because comic cons when you’re autistic and struggle with crowds/sensory issues is a NIGHTMARE. I don’t go to cons regularly because of that, it’s a literal hell for me. It’s so bad that I’ve had to convince my mostly-antisocial dad to come with me. I’ve also been tormenting myself and getting nervous over meeting him because I’m just anxious and nervous in general, and even though it’ll probably be a quick thing, it’s still huge. I’m scared he’ll be a dick or something, but also just because holy shit im gonna meet Matt Smith?!? Having this BS on top of my already panicking and freaking out brain is literally doing me no favours. I know none of these people care, they want to upset me, but genuinely I’m at the point where I’m debating selling both tickets (one for me, one for my dad) as well as the Matt Smith photo/autograph bundle because it’s making me ill and it’s not worth me losing anymore health over.

I literally just want to enjoy my little ship, the characters, the story of the book/show, maybe occasionally write one of my little fics. I don’t want to fight with anyone. It’s an escape from work and life, but at the end of the day, it’s fiction: it’s not real. It’s not worth getting this mad or argumentative over. Just let me ship my ship and enjoy reblogging gif posts please.

#how do I tag this? #personal #fandom discourse #fandom wank #re: anon hate

[hyperfixation-stations]

Dr Strange and the Multiverse of Madness - My thoughts and feelings

Today me and one of my friends went to go see MOM and let me tell you it was an experience. It was really interesting movie and really different from a lot of marvel movies that have come before it (a huge part of this is due to Sam Rami’s directing). Overall I thought it was really strong and it’s probably a top 10 marvel movie for me.

Below are spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie yet I’d skip this post.

1.) Cinematography: I’m personally a sucker for a movie with good cinematography and it’s something I typically notice in movies and pay close attention. I had feeling that with the multiverse, Strange’s, Wanda’s and America’s powers we’d get some interesting visuals and boy does that feel like an understatement. I thought that some really strong visuals were created and were like nothing we’d really seen in the MCU up until this point. Some of my personal favorites included the music fight scene, Strange and America falling through the different universes and the reflection scene. I really hope we continue to see marvel take some more creative risks like the ones we saw in this movie.

2.) The Horror Story Vibe - Going into the movie I had heard that aspects of this movie reminded people of horror films and it was probably marvels scariest movie to date. I wasn’t expecting it to be the level that it was and I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. There were multiple times where jump scares or some of the scenes got to me and I knew they were coming. I thought this darker tone and horror vibe worked really well for the movie and helped make it as strong as it was. I think utilizing some of those horror tropes or techniques elevated some of the scenes and added a new twist that made the scenes play out in a way different then what I was expecting.

3.) America Chavez: I was little concerned that with all of the chaos America’s introduction would get lost in the shuffle in this large scale movie, but thank god I was proved wrong. I thought they handled her introduction really well and she really held her own with characters like Strange, Wanda and Christine.

As for the actual character of America I loved her. I didn’t know too much about her going into the movies, I knew a bit from my readings of the Young Avengers comics but that was a view years ago so I was really going in blind and didn’t have strong feelings about her. I thought Xochitl Gomez it was phenomenal I’m her portrayal of the character. I also really liked her relationship with Steven and how well they played off each other. Her powers also intrigued my as for what they mean for the future of the MCU and what they can do and explore. I’m excited to see how they continue her story in the feature and it makes me cautiously optimistic that we might get a Young Avengers story as a movie or show.

4.) Stephen Strange: I’m going to be honest, I didn’t love the first Dr. Strange movie and I felt nothing but indifference for him through Infinity War and Endgame. But this movie and Spider-Man No Way Home really changed my perception of him. In the past two movies his character has seemed way more organic and natural and the writing is a lot better then what he was getting in his early movies (at least in my opinion). I was really surprised how good he was in a mentor type role. We had seen mentors appear a couple of times now with Tony and Clint and only one of those were well done (hint it’s not Tony), so I was a bit nervous about how these interactions would go and I was pleasantly surprised. They’ve developed his character where it makes sense at this point and he’s moved past some of the arrogance that would’ve caused issues had they done it earlier.

I thought that each universes Strange felt like they were connected but where different enough that they felt like individuals to that specific place. And that’s really a tribute to Benedict Cumberbatch’s acting abilities because playing similar but different versions of the same character must have it’s challenges. Strange feels like he’s going to be one of the staples of phase 4 on (like how Captain America or Iron Man wee heavy focuses of phases 1 and 2) so it’ll be interesting to see how is journey continues to play out.

5.) Wanda Maximoff (my beloved): I wish that they would stop causing Wanda so much pain, but god damn does she make an interesting villain. Wanda as villain is probably one of the best we’ve seen out of marvel in terms of execution and storylines. I thought her escalation to villain made sense (even though I wish we saw a bit more of it). She is one of my favorite characters in the MCU and I was so interested to see how they continued the story of her character.

Her arc this movie did feel like a natural progression from WandaVision, especially with the knowledge that she’d been out there for months alone with the Darkhold. Her desire to find a universe where she is a happy and she has literally anything going for her was a smart choice and an interesting concept. Wanda is the prime example of what happens when a person who’s had so much shit happen to them breaks, because that’s really what happened. She lost her parents, then Pietro, then Vision (x2), she died and came back to life only to find out he’s still dead, create a false reality out of grief, have to kill vision (for the third time) and her kids to make things right again. I mean I’m surprised she didn’t break sooner. Wanda as a character who is so interesting to me because she clearly wants to be a good person and doesn’t want to be this monster that she is often seen as, however she’s drawn to this darkness because of her circumstances and how this much loss truly changes a person. I could go on and on about Wanda and her storyline of grief and loss and how surprisingly well done it is, but I will save that for a different post.

6.) Cameos: the movie had the perfect amount of cameos imo. It would’ve been super easy to have become bogged down with them due to the nature of exploring multiple universes and I’m glad they just kept it to the Illuminati council. My personal favorites were Maria Rambou as Captain Marvel and John Krasinsksi as Richard Reid. I personally could’ve done without Captain Carter, she’s the least interesting of the Captain America/Winter Soldier’s and her prior filmography doesn’t paint in her a great light. I’m not going to lie I wasn’t upset to see her get killed off.

I really enjoyed the movie, however there were things that I would’ve liked to see/had me scratching my head

1.) Lack of mention of Pietro and Vision: I thought it was a bit odd that throughout the alternate universes we didn’t see or hear about Pietro or Vision for the most part other then a couple of throw away lines. I personally would’ve liked to see a nod or an in depth mention of them, but it wasn’t vital to the story so it’s a small complaint of mine.

2.) Was the Wanda that interacted with Professor X our actual Wanda and like her conscience because the darkhold had taken over her? Or was it that universes Wanda?

3.) What’s the purpose of Strange’s third eye? Is that a comic thing?

4.) No mention of the events of Spider-Man No Way home. I really thought given how big of an issue the multiverse opening up in that movie was that we would’ve gotten a few more mentions of the events that transpired and how it effected this movie.

I personally really enjoyed my experience with this movie, I know that some people loved it and some people hated it. I thought it everything about it was kind of a breath of fresh air from what are used to getting from marvel and I’m interested to see how the movies and shows may change stylistically going forward.

#dr stephen strange #multiverse of madness #pro wanda maximoff #wana maximoff #america chavez #multiverse of madness spoilers

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

could you make a post talking about byler's ""unhealthy"" relationship?? wanted your opinion on this, people say that byler wouldn’t be a good relationship for will, because of the fight and because of mike’s “joking” from “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, in my view, whoever says that is practically saying that mike is toxic, as if he is not healthy, or as if byler's friendship was not good and healthy, so...

The way I see it, there’s two groups of people who would say something like that: people who don’t like Mike and people who want Mike with El. I don’t really see how people can look at Mike and Will and call it unhealthy. I haven’t personally read any well-written arguments from those people, though. If all they have to go on is this one fight Mike and Will had, then they’re grasping at straws. Their relationship is easily the best that we’ve seen on the show, regardless of whether there’s any romantic element to it. There’s a vocal group of people out there who don’t like Mike. It’s sad, especially when you consider how much that boy has been through. Yes, he was already somewhat snarky and stubborn from the beginning, but he was also kind, brave, and selfless. He’s experienced quite a lot of trauma in the past couple of years. If I’m right that he’s also experiencing a sexuality crisis, then he’s also dealing with a lot of inner turmoil. His behavior in season 3 seemed like a lot of work to make himself seem like a cool, normal teenager. He was overcompensating, and it turned him into, well, a jerk. He starts to come down from this behavior after his fight with Will, and we start to see more of the real Mike as the season continues.

Mike is a flawed, but ultimately good, character. He’s a kid going through more than any kid should be expected to. The fact that he isn’t dealing with it well shouldn’t be a reason to condemn him. At his core, Mike is a caring, loyal, brave, determined (read: stubborn), and intelligent nerd. Nobody brings out the best in Mike like Will does, and nobody can get Mike to realize he’s being a d-bag like Will can. Mike and Will’s relationship is defined by trust and love. They’ve talked to each other about things they refused to share with anyone else. They both know the other cares about them too much to betray that trust. They are each other’s safe space.

We know Mike hates apologizing, as he begrudgingly apologized to Lucas in season 1 and waited for El to apologize to him in season 3, but he was ready to apologize to Will moments after their fight. He knew he hurt Will badly right away, and he went to go find him to apologize. This is not typical of Mike. He usually needs time to accept that he was in the wrong.

The only negative I can think of with Mike and Will’s relationship is maybe that Will doesn’t speak up enough. Mike does seem shocked at Will’s outburst, suggesting that it’s not something that’s ever happened before. Then again, the entire fight came across as something that probably hasn’t ever happened before. They both seem surprised at each other’s behavior during it. As sad as it is, the fight is something that probably needed to happen. There was a lot in their relationship that was being taken for granted, and the fight brought it all out into the open. This allowed them to get past it.

I’m still frustrated that we never saw any real apology. I like to think there was one, but it either happened off screen or in a cut scene. It’s hard to believe that Mike would be that determined to apologize to Will and make up with him, only to not even do it once he got to him. Yes, Will dropped the Mind Flayer bomb on him. This may have made Mike more concerned about Will’s well-being over apologizing at that moment.

I suppose it’s possible that after everything that happened Mike may have just forgotten he never apologized. He tried to, he wanted to, but everything shifted into high gear before he had the chance. Will also may have chosen to just not bring it up again. Still, there were three months between the Battle of Starcourt and the Byers leaving Hawkins. I’d love to know what happened in that time. I hope they filmed some scenes to be used as flashbacks. Still, their final scene together makes it seem like a lot was left unsaid between Mike and Will, as if they both were afraid of having the conversation.

When Mike and Will were saying goodbye to each other, Mike’s demeanor and word choice showed that he was afraid of Will moving on from him. He was very nervous, unsure, and cautious. He was very vulnerable. He was giving Will every opportunity to rip his heart out just so he could know if Will would still want to be his friend. Mike knew he screwed up, and he was scared Will would use this opportunity to replace him. Will replies by letting Mike know that he had every intention of returning to him and that he could never replace Mike. I don’t know if this was meant to be the apology, but it did seem to put both their minds and hearts at ease.

Regardless, you don’t act like that with someone without a strong existing relationship. They bring out the best in each other. The idea that their relationship was so strong was supposed to be why their fight in season 3 was so sad. It was meant to seem wrong, jarring, as if they somehow fell out of step with each other. Contrast that with Mike and El (which I only do as a point of comparison), where their relationship is what seemed jarring and off, and their fight and breakup seemed comical. People in good relationships will still fight now and then, but the difference is that both people involved will feel bad about it. People in bad relationships will, instead, argue over who was right or who won. Mike and Will were in the former, not the latter. They have a good relationship.

TLDR: Screw those people. Mike and Will love each other, at least platonically, if not romantically.

#stranger things #byler #mike wheeler #will byers

[commenter2]

Helluva Boss season 1 episode predictions

Vivziepop does it again ! For those that haven’t heard, Vivziepop posted a trailer for season 1 of Helluva Boss on her YouTube channel containing a lot of news scenes of what will happen during the season, and it makes me excited to see what kind of mischief our favorite imps will get into in 2021.

Since we don’t know when episode 3 will come out (my guess is February) I thought I’d make some theories on what kind of episodes we will get based on what we know so far and what was seen in the trailer. SPOILERS !

Though not shown much in the trailer, I think we can all agree that episode 3 will be about the gang dealing with the Cherubs for the first time (I’m actually working on a theory post for the episode’s plot) and I still think episode 4 will be about Blitzo and Stolas dealing with Stella appearing at Stolas’s party in the ring of wrath, something I talked about in an older Helluva Boss post.

One episode I think we will get in season 1 will be a Moxxie and Millie only episode where they go on a date or celebrate there anniversary that keeps getting interrupted by various things as shown by scenes of something coming out of the water and wrapping Moxxie in a tentacle on a beach followed by Millie throwing a Molotov cocktail (with a picture of SANTA CLAUS on it) at something. I also think that episode will have the two going to the theater Moxxie use to perform at, if the theory about him being a musician is true, where they take down the same enemy that attacked them on the beach. Maybe that scene will also tell us how they met each other there, which as a big Moxxie X Millie fan I support 100%.

Another episode seems to have Blitzo and Loona having to deal with what looks like Loona’s boyfriend/ex boyfriend which will most likely have Blitzo freaking out about it since he treats Loona like a kid, but also likely have some father/daughter moments between the two while still being funny as there seems to be a car chase in that episode. He could also be Loona’s biological father which I bet would make Blitzo nervous about losing Loona somehow.

One episode seems to be about I.M.P being tasked with killing a pop star who I bet jut like in episode 1 will be much tougher then she looks as she seems to capture Blitzo and Moxxie for some reason. I also think she will try and use Moxxie to try and make her songs more amazing as there is that scene of Blitzo nervously hugging a recording room window that is next to a door with an M on it, maybe she sprayed her and Moxxie's initials on there cause she’s really crazy.

While I’m talking about that human character, does any else think she looks like that Overlord that was seen in the pilot with the big hands that moved the curtains after the extermination ? They do have some similarities in appearance in my opinion, plus the popstar has X laces shown on her stage which the Overlord lady seems to (somewhat) have on her black jeans. What if they are siblings and that Overlord payed I.M.P to kill her still living sister on Earth for some reason ? That would be cool story and even lore wise.

It also looks like the season finale will have the gang hang out at some place in a desert/prairie area as everyone is in country clothes and there are tons of cacti in those scenes. Maybe they are there to lay low from someone or after they did something really bad as it looks like Blitzo is being attacked at his apartment which was confirmed to appear in the season finale. There is a scene of someone attacking Moxxie and he is wearing his country suit so someone or something big will attack them while they are there, maybe a creature.

Though a bit weak, I think that scene of Stolas eating cereal alone will take place in a flashback episode about how he met Blitzo and what his life was like before meeting him. This could also take place during the season finale as if Blitzo and the others are in hiding, Stolas might not be able to find them and thus is really lonely and again could lead to how he met Blitzo. Admittedly there is a lot coming from that one scene of sad Stolas but Ill get to that in a bit.

However I think the biggest thing we got from the trailer is that we will get an episode where Moxxie will not only perform in the ring of lust but also Blitzo and Stolas will watch him perform while on a date there, and I think I know what will happen in that episode.

Thanks to Stolas pulling some strings, Moxxie is going to perform at some kind of club in the ring of Lust called Ozzie’s, which he is excited for but Blitzo has to go on a date with Stolas there as payment for making this happen which he does only so Moxxie can perform. While there I bet some comical stuff will happen like Moxxie starts getting nervous about performing and Stolas will flirt with Blitzo, but Blitzo does something that gets him kicked out of the building and he has to try to get back inside but deals with some lady in the process, maybe the manager or bouncer ?

Eventually Robo Fizz appears and tries to ruin Moxxie’s performance as maybe he was going to perform there but got replaced by him and wants revenge, getting aided by another robot. This causes a big fight and eventually Blitzo gets involved which scares Stolas as shown in the trailer. Stolas helps save everyone but maybe in the process Blitzo yells at him out of anger, which breaks Stolas’s heart and thus cause him to get depressed as shown in that cereal scene.

There is a lot that can happen in season 1 and I can’t wait to see it, but I just quickly want to state that the one thing I DON’T want to happen in season 1 is having the secret affair between Stolas and Blitzo being revealed to all of Hell as I’m kinda getting that vibe from that scene of sad Stolas. Maybe he is like that because his family left him after the secret got out and Blitzo is either in hiding and/or not talking to him as he and his business is a laughing stock now. I think we can all agree that that plot point should be saved for the last season of the series but I might touch on that once we get more info on the Helluva Boss universe.

What do you hope to see happen in season 1 of Helluva Boss ?

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel #viviziepop #helluva boss season 1 #blitzo #moxxie #millie #moxxie x millie #loona #stolas #prince stolas #robo fizz #web series #helluva blitzo #helluva moxxie #helluva millie #sad stolas #helluva boss trailer

[watchingspnagain]

Meet Mace

Hi, I'm Mace, and this is my Intro Post. Ab Spectando Condito and all that. (I sometimes channel Livy when I'm nervous, don't be alarmed.) And I'm nervous because my memory is absolute crap so I can't actually remember all the details here, even though this all started only, like, two years ago. It's also hard to wrap my head around the idea of trying to describe this thing that Lor and I have started (created?) and how and why it has become so important. So, well, bear with me.

Okay, here goes: For years friends had been telling me that I *needed* to watch Supernatural; it was right up my street, they'd say. But I kept putting their recommendations aside, thinking that, sure, Dean from Gilmore Girls is in it and he's adorable, but that other guy looks like a frat boy cliché, and overall the show seemed like it was probably Buffy but with Dudes (and I LOVE Buffy and will brook no substitutions or messings-with The Buffy). Eventually I decided to give it a try anyway, a decision wholly based on how hilarious the memes were. Maybe the non-Dean guy (His name is Dean? *His* name is Dean? Wait, no, that's not...but why tho?) isn't so bad? The first attempt didn't go well: my husband, who is so very not interested in SPN, was away on a business trip and I waited until my then-10yo son was in bed, crawled into bed myself, and started the first episode. At night. Alone. I made it 10 minutes before actually saying out loud, "NOPE" and turning it off. Cripes, that first episode (and most of the first season, really) is actual, full-on scary! I mean, what. Why have Handsome Boys making Hilarious Quips on a show that I can't watch because I'm too scared?! Sort of rude, to be honest.

And that was it for, I think?, a couple of months or so. Then - and this is one of the places where my memory gets foggy (I tried three times to type that correctly and the first two came out as "goofy" and honestly yes that too) - the watching of SPN was mentioned on another site I spend much amounts of time on. I suspect Lor remembers the details much better than I do, but somehow we starting talking about how we both had been thinking about watching SPN for a long time, but hadn't actually done so because past attempts on both sides had resulted in fright and flight.

Now, Lor and I have been friends on that other site for several years, but never before really corresponded much outside of that site's chat-like forum section. I pretty much admired her from afar, as it were, and held her as a Fantasy BFF in my daydreams - she was (and still is to this very day) cool and *so* clever and smart and had (and still does to this very day) such a brilliant knack for turning a phrase and I admired (and still do to this very day) her wit and snark and general amazingness, but, again, mostly from afar. So when we somehow decided to try again with Supernatural, but this time together, I was ridiculously excited. I had no idea, though, just how life-changing that decision would be. We bonded, it seemed, almost instantly over our love (second time is the charming one, I guess?) of the show and over discovering how much we have in common with each other. It's comical, almost, just how alike we are in all kinds of areas: similar childhood experiences, nearly identical (like, eerily so sometimes) tastes and opinions on all manner of things, and we're essentially twins in our list of Things That Make Our Anxieties Spike.

We started off watching the episodes separately (I think I was a little ahead of her for a bit? Gah - stupid faulty memory) and then typing up our comments and emailing them to each other, then responding with comments on our comments. And it quickly became one of the highlights of my days, getting those emails, reading through her clever and hilarious remarks, feeling pure glee when we had almost exactly the same thoughts - sometimes even typing the exact same phrases, word for word. This, then, at some point, evolved into watching the episodes at the same time and live-texting each other, which means that now we very often are typing exactly the same reactions, word for word, and then geeking out at how SAME we are in real time. Of course we have differences, too, but even those seem to complement each other: she's the Hufflepuff to my Slytherin; she's a Dean girl and I'm a Sam girl (well, and also a Crowley girl - Sam girl in the streets and Crowley girl in the sheets?); she likes Wuthering Heights, which slightly baffles me but, okay, because we both agree that MacFadyen is the best Darcy.

We had big plans to have a meet-up to watch the series finale together. See, we've never actually met in person. We became friends online, then became closer friends through this mutual SPN watch, but that's also online. And so I've never been face-to-face with my best friend. Because the meet-up for the finale didn't happen, of course. Because Covid, of course. For both of us, anxiety added a special sauce of NOPE to leaving the house this last year and we've both, I think, been pretty much isolated, staying home and not having much interaction with others outside the other members of our households. Which means that our SPN watching and our growing friendship took on an even greater meaning and importance for me. I'm honestly not sure that I could have handled the massive stress and anxiety of this last year without Lor's friendship. It just feels...natural, at this point, that I spend my days texting her back and forth about all sorts of things, the small and mundane to the big and important. Lor has become a huge part of my life and if a full day were to pass by without talking to her, I'd feel that loss fairly keenly. On some level it seems pretty bizarre that I owe such a debt of gratitude for this amazing friendship to a TV show, but here we are. This show, its characters, and the actors and writers who have made them so outstanding and special? Well, I owe them all incalculable amounts of thanks.

Anyway. So.

We're now on our second go-round with our SPN watching (because I think neither of us can now even begin to fathom a life in which we're *not* watching this show together), and Lor, (hello - did I mention she's brilliant and amazing?) low-key drops the idea that we should be blogging our live-text conversations. We've talked before about really wanting to have a record of *waves hands around* all this, and a blog seems like a great way to do that, regardless of whether anyone else ever reads it. I'm content for it to be an open and ongoing love letter to Supernatural and to our friendship, even if it remains a largely unread one.

And finally, here are a few Thing You Should Maybe Know About Me:

I'm a farmer's daughter with a PhD in Classics, a one-time professor, turned stay-at-home mom, turned part-time librarian, turned Classics prof. again, living in the Midwest with my husband, 12-going-on-80yo son, and a goofball of a golden retriever.

I love reading as much as I hate housecleaning, and I'll read pretty much anything unless the dog dies or the child gets hurt.

I also really like knitting and sewing and one of my very favorite things is to make ridiculously-tailored Halloween costumes for my son (thank the gods he's totally into it, too). I missed my calling to be a cosplay designer. Maybe in retirement...

I fall in love easily and fast and hard for fictional characters, especially the ones that are 1) evil and/or generally villainous, 2) tormented, 3) super smart and/or skilled, 4) filthy rich, 5) completely unattainable, and if they're all of the above, Holy. Damn.

#watchingspnagain #watchingspnagain intro #watchingspnagain mace speaks

[snarky-badger]

Author Interview

I was tagged by @mordinette! Thanks! (sorry this is so late, Real Life has gotten in the way lately!)

I’ll tag: @squigglysquidd​ @praise-kink-anon​ @phaticserpent​ (I haven’t been on tumblr in a bit, I don’t know who’s active *headdesk*)

1.     Name

SnarkyBadger

2.     Fandoms

Ohh boy. I write for Marvel (Ultron MCU and Venom (movie and the older comics)), and sometimes Mass Effect (Shakarian of course!).

3.     Where you post

AO3. I used to post on Fanfiction.net but I haven’t updated there in a while. I also post updates to my tumblr.

4.     Most popular oneshot

Oneshot. Um... That would be my short Shakarian Mass Effect fic “Puppies”.

It’s rare that I write oneshots because my brain keeps adding things to them, and they tend to grow.

5.     Most popular multichapter

"Prompts Full of Venom” - as the title says, it’s a collection of Venom prompts that I used to write. I have plans to add more in the future, there are prompts that need filling. I just need Real Life to calm down. Like, a lot.

6.     Actual worst part of writing

Finding the time to write! And Writer’s Block. I have ideas, but either no energy or no time to write them down.

7.     Favorite story you wrote

"It’s the End of the World as We Know It” - still in progress. Ultron x Female OC. (Honestly all my favs are Ultron stories *cough*)

8.     Story you were nervous to post

My Shakarian ones. The one-shots. Mostly because there are so many talented Mass Effect Shakarian writers out there that I worry that I don’t hold up to scrutiny.

9.     How you choose your titles

Titles are the hardest things for me to figure out. Mostly I get inspiration from music/song titles. Sometimes I just... wing it. (Not helpful I know, but it’s what I do!)

10.  Complete works

Currently, ‘Prompts full of Venom’, ‘Tales of an AI’, ‘Is This The End?’, ‘Puppies’, and ‘Blue Eyes’ (All on AO3)

11.  Incomplete works

*Cough* ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It’, “Smooth Criminal’, “Phantom of the Best Buy’, ‘Don’t Let Me Get Me’, ‘Turning Point’, ‘I Just Want You To Know Who I Am’.

(.... and now I really need time to write because I feel bad)

12.  Do you outline?

If you count obsessing over a possible story idea until I have characters set up in my brain, doing massive research and daydreaming ‘outlining’, then yes. Lol.

13.  Coming soon ideas, maybe? Wouldn't that be nice?

I have at least 6 stories I wish I could write. But I want to focus on the stories I have going now. It’s only fair to my readers.

(But if you’re curious, Halo (Arbiter|Thel’Vadam x Female!OC), Resident Alien, Predator (two ideas), and two more Ultron fics (those are Praise-Kink-Anon’s fault.) )

14.  Ask me anything

Am I asking myself, or saying that I appreciate people asking me things about my fics?

As for the latter - always! I have ideas and stories and lore in my brain for lots of fandoms. I’m always open to people talking to me or even just squeeing in my general direction.

If I’m asking myself something, um. Hey self, why don’t you update more?

Well, I’m a caretaker for my mother, currently also taking care of my father who broke his foot, am fighting numerous health problems that cause me lots of pain, and in general wish there was some sort of gadget that would just allow me to brain vomit my fics onto the internet.

15.  Best writing traits

I have been constantly praised on my ability to write dialogue, and stay true to the characters I write, especially Ultron.

And people also like the smut I write *winkwonk*

16.  Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write

OMG if I were to start another new story without working on the ones I have in progress I think some people would reach through the internet to shake me. LMAO.

But once I get my butt in gear and find some time, I hope to start working seriously on my Halo fic and one of the Predator ones. And maybe a short Ultron fic.

17.  Spicy Tangential Opinion

I have several: Canon isn’t set in stone. You can twist it or ignore it at will. Always be kind to new writers - many are scared/worried/anxious about posting their first fics. Fanfiction is just as valid as Original Fiction.

#author interview #snarky answers #snarky talks

[chibimyumi]

Metamorphosis - Uehara Grell

【Related post: What is your opinion on Uehara’s Grell?】

Dear everyone,

In the post linked above I said that I’d bend over making a comparative analysis of Uehara’s portrayal of Grell if demand was high, and quite some people have consequently showed their interest. I thank you for your warm enthusiasm. So let us look at how Uehara Takuya changed his portrayal of Grell from flamboyant gay man to troubled transgender woman.

A note before we start however: when I use male pronouns in relation to Grell, it is only, solely, exclusively to refer to Uehara Takuya - the male actor.

This post shall be divided into the following headers:

Character Introduction

Femininity

Sexuality

Motivation

Conclusion

Afterword

1. Character Introduction

The first impression is the most lasting impression, and that is all the more true for fictive characters. The way in which a character is introduced has the power to dictate how a reader is going to interpret any and all information given later on about said character. Grell was first introduced as the demure butler to Madam Red. This was revealed to be a false front however, so the audience is expected to scratch any first impressions they have of the character for the sake of the new.

A reintroduction of a character carries much more weight than a standard introduction, because a deliberate reintroduction usually comes with consequences that affect the plot directly. “You ask us to discard our prior knowledge, but what is so important we need to make space for then? NOW the truth comes.”

Now, what is the impression that we are given of Grell in the two versions of the musical respectively?

【2014】

In the first run of ‘the Lycoris that Blazes the Earth 2014′ when Grell judged she could no longer hide behind her guise, she drops the act altogether. She sheds the demure and nervous posture to reveal a flamboyant T-pose paired with a shrill voice.

Grell turns around with her face partially covered and approaches while dramatically shaking her hips. Hereby Uehara effectively draws the attention to Grell’s flamboyant walk rather than her face revelation, giving the audience a first impression of an over-the-top performance iconic for queer-coded men.

How is this over-the-top performance framed? As a threat.

We see Matsushita!Sebas (whose perspective we follow) shielding the boy as he backs away into a safe distance, despite the fact that Grell has not yet revealed herself to be a potential danger to the demon. Sebastian’s alertness here points to his discomfort in the face of Grell’s queerness. The threat of Grell’s true form is further emphasised by the red lighting from beneath; a convention in theatre to signify hellish danger.

【2015】

Contrast this to the rerun in 2015, wherein Grell simply turns around immediately revealing her face. The attention here is drawn to the contrast between Grell’s previous anxious expression (the guise), and her current confident expression (true face). The introduction pose she strikes wherein she leans against the wall also communicates that Grell has a type of casual confidence.

It is likewise in this confident posture that Grell comes forward to meet the audience for real this time. It isn’t before she is fully in the spotlights that Grell strikes the bolder pose. This signifies that Grell is indeed the actress like she proclaimed herself to be.

The lighting is a cool blue from above, a display that is the polar opposite to the 2014 version. In line with this stark opposition to the first run, we also see Sebastyun (whose perspective we follow) approach Grell instead of backing away. Sebastian’s arms are relaxed, communicating neutrality.

Sebastyun’s reaction to Grell’s revelation is impassive as she has not given him any information to form an opinion yet. Accordingly, Sebastian reserves any judgement for later, and instead closes the distance with Grell to assess this person who finally revealed her true colours.

2. Femininity

The portrayal of Grell’s femininity is in stark difference between the first run and the rerun of this musical.

【2014】

In the first run, Grell’s femininity is without exception portrayed as the butt of the joke. When Grell was formally being reintroduced, Uehara stands in the spotlight and is preoccupied with comically brushing the hair, making high and shrill sounds while making very clumsy attempts at performing ‘femininity’. For this post’s sake, I shall call this display ‘comical femininity’. The way Uehara brushed the hair almost looks like a monkey picking lice from its fur.

The timing wherein Grell performs comical femininity also always happens during moments of importance. In this example, it was when Sebastian was ‘expositionining’ to the audience what reapers are, and openly questions Grell’s legitimacy as a reaper known for their hard work. “Well, is Grell a legit reaper?” the audience wonders. The implied answer is clear: “this lice-picking monkey with a shrill, effeminate voice? No.” This too is part of the impression-establishing reintroduction of Grell’s character - Grell’s character as the ‘gay monkey’.

Later when Sebastian imagined a ‘skeletal old guy holding a scythe’ as a reaper Grell protests against this stereotype by blowing a raspberry. It is possible to take this protest serious, but this much cannot be said for Grell as a person whose bold reactions have already been degraded to comic relief material.

Yet another example of Grell’s ill-timed comical femininity is when Sebastian has found a way to neutralise Grell’s best card against a demon- the Death Scythe. When Grell is desperately trying to save her chainsaw, she frantically wipes her hair out of her face as she shrieks and yells unintelligible words.

As is apparent, Grell’s femininity in 2014 is not a character trait, but a cheap tool employed to delegitimise Grell’s female identity, used for comic relief to lighten any threat, and undermine Grell’s status as potent reaper.

In this scene we are not supposed to laugh at Grell’s weapon being stuck by a tailcoat; we are supposed to laugh at Grell failing so hard at femininity. In practice, in the 2014 version, the hyper-masculine Matsushita!Sebas serves as foil against Grell’s “lack of proper masculinity (because she is ‘supposed’ to be a man)”, whereas Madam Red’s successful femininity is the foil of Grell’s failed femininity. Y------------ikes.

【2015】

Now let us look at the revised portrayal of the same scenes with the same script in 2015. In 2015 when Sebastian is giving the exposition he stands in the full spotlights, while Grell stands in dimmed spotlights. In the shadows Grell is adjusting her glasses and lip-gloss, but the monkeyness is largely replaced by just extravaganza. By casting the full spotlights on Sebastian instead of Grell, the audience’s attention is drawn to the exposition, thereby shifting weight to what a reaper is supposed to be according to Sebastian (who has - mind you - never met a reaper on Earth before.)

Now instead of questioning whether Grell is a legit reaper, the question shifts to: “is Sebastian’s account legit?”

Script-wise, Grell’s protest against Sebastian’s stereotyping is the same, and yet the performance is quite different. Instead of blowing a raspberry, Uehara tones it down and gives a melodic ‘bububu’ in simulation of a buzzing sound at a quiz. Right after this comic display however, Uehara resumes a straight posture.

In short, while in 2014 all of Grell is the humour, in 2015 this slight change turns Grell into someone who has a sense of humour.

Unlike in 2014, in the rerun of the musical, Grell’s femininity is a constant expression, and therefore not a performance. When she was attempting to pull the tailcoat from the chainsaw she was just busy yanking at the fabric. She had her priorities straight and knew that she could not afford to waste time on her hair.

Instead, the only moment wherein Grell fixes her hair is after Sebastian mercilessly punched her in the face. In this revised version, it is more clear that Grell is untangling her hair from the glasses before readjusting said glasses back onto her face.

Not only is the necessity of Grell fixing her face something that we can get behind, but the way Uehara performs this also shows a much clearer elegance and natural femininity than in 2014.

This constancy of Grell’s femininity in contrast to the sporadic ‘outbursts of femininity’ in 2014 is ultimately what distinguishes the 2015 ‘transgender woman with flair’ from the 2014 ‘effeminate gay man’.

3. Sexuality

Grell’s sexuality is probably the most problematic portrayal in the first run of the musical. Not only is it portrayed as ‘perverse’, but it simultaneously functions as a delegitimisation, as well as the amplifier of Grell’s threat as villain. What better way to deal with fear than to laugh it off, right?

【2014】

When Grell first reveals herself to be the wielder of a dangerous Death Scythe she expresses how she really wants to engage in ‘intense exercise’ with Sebastian. When she says this phrase, Uehara explicitly swings his behind towards Sebastian. This sexual provocation is unsolicited and so aggressive that Sebastian censors it from his master.

Here, Grell’s sexuality is portrayed as this irrational emotional this ‘gay man’ cannot control, as is the stereotype that haunts homosexual persons.

Similarly when Grell and Sebas are engaged in brawl, Grell aggressively cocks her head in Sebastian’s direction threatening to rape-kiss him, singing “Oh, Sebby-darling, Sebby-darling”. Sebas is in clear distress; the chances of him getting away grow increasingly slimmer. The music is intense and the lighting frantic, inducing clear discomfort for the viewer. This discomfort is designed to be seamlessly linked to Sebastian’s discomfort at Grell’s provocative sexuality.

By weaving Grell’s deadly attacks using the Death Scythe with her sexual advances, Grell’s sexuality is being equated to deadly aggression.

Similarly when Sebastian’s Cinematic Record starts, we see Grell literally drooling with sexual arousal, while Sebastian is powerless to save himself from being the object of the reaper’s sexual aggression. This again is in accordance with the stereotype of queer people’s romantic/sexual desires being a threat to “““normal people”””. Classic queerphobia in a compact package!

Later when Grell is on the brink of being murdered and desperately trying to get away, Uehara turns Grell’s literal butt into the figurative butt of the joke, again. As she is desperately trying to get away from the demon, she purposely stops to shake her behind at Sebastian, saying: “I want you to come, but don’t come”. Just like before when Grell was fixing her hair like a monkey, here too this ‘gay’ cannot get the priorities straight.

After having established Grell as a real threat to the protagonists we are supposed to follow, we then get this scene wherein we are not supposed to take her seriously. This time round however, the stakes are even higher, because this is after Madam Red has been murdered.

Madam Red and Grell are both Jack the Ripper, but Madam Red died of betrayal after a very emotional song that begs us to sympathise with her. We are supposed to take Madam Red seriously, and understand that Madam is both the culprit as well as a victim to misfortune. Grell however, is not supposed to be taken seriously, and she is simply seen as a manic murderer.

【2015】

The portrayal of Grell’s sexuality is dramatically improved in the rerun. In the same scene wherein Grell says the line that she wants to engage in “intense exercise”, instead of shoving her behind in Sebastian’s direction, she makes the gesture with her lips and shoulders. This is still unwanted sexual advancement, but it’s already more acceptable.

The effect is quite different and it is reflected in Sebastian’s reaction too; he simply ignores Grell’s advances and does not invite the audience to be grossed out, unlike Sebas did in 2014.

The frantic “Oh, Sebby-darling, Sebby-darling” moment in 2014 is changed into a softer and much calmer reinterpretation in 2015. Instead of the chaotic electric guitars and drums, the 2015 version plays it in a soft tune of the piano. The attempt at rape-kissing Sebastian is entirely removed, and Uehara does not make a single sexual advance physically.

I cannot show you what’s not there, so you’ll just have to see it for yourself. But trust me. Unlike in 2014, Uehara refrains from using Grell’s sexuality as a weapon against Sebas.

In line with this less-sexually aggressive Grell, in the scenes wherein Grell successfully cuts Sebastian, she also no longer drools. Instead of drawing attention to Grell being a perverted voyeur, Uehara now uses this scene to demonstrate to the audience what a reaper like Grell is capable of: playing a cinematic record.

When Grell was trying to get away from Sebastian who has now secured the Death Scythe, the line of “I want you to come, but don’t come” is removed, and Grell simply tries to get away. Unlike in 2014, this Grell DOES have her priorities straight, and we also understand her legit fear for the demon.

4. Motivation

The most meaningful change in Uehara’s portrayal in 2015 is Grell’s motivation in my opinion. While in 2014 Grell was portrayed as the psychopathic murderer who kills for the sake of killing, in 2015 we get a much better understanding of Grell’s motivations.

【2014】

In the original staging of this musical when Madam Red shows hesitation to kill her own nephew, Grell is infuriated and berates Madam for her weakness. “If you don’t kill him, you will be killed!” Grell doesn’t even give Madam proper time to respond and already scythes her down in seeming cold-blood.

At first I thought to understand the spoken line as: “if you don’t kill Ciel, you will be killed by him.” But the way Uehara said it in his low voice, it basically sounded like: “then you will be killed by me,” which...she did.

“You disappoint me!” Grell challenges in pure anger and explains how she has even broken the reaper law for Madam to “kindly” help her create alibis and killing the victims.

The way Uehara sums up the trouble Grell’s gone through for Madam’s sake is like summing up a list of chores she did in hope to get entertainment in return. The fault Grell accuses Madam of is not paying her back with something that weighs up against the effort she put into helping Madam.

“You are unworthy of wearing red,” Grell says as she rips Madam’s coat from her body. What is striking here is the perverse grimace on Grell’s face. This is vindictiveness!

The Cinematic Record of Madam is very emotional and I bet it has made quite many people shed some tears. We now learn of the misery Madam has gone through and how she was trying to find an outlet for her crippling pain (albeit in a very problematic manner, but that’s a different can of worms which I will not open here). But the point is, we sympathise with Madam and we understand that her pain is legit.

What does Grell do though? She yawns. She f*cking yawns using her ‘comical femininity’. This confirms that the motivation behind Grell helping Madam was because she was bored and craved entertainment; not because she feels a connection with Madam in not being able to bear children. In the 2014 version, Grell’s pain of not having a uterus and suffering from dysphoria (which was likely the reason she killed herself in the first place) is entirely skimped over.

Before Grell commits the murder we see her circling Madam and looking at her with total apathy in her eyes. She simply walks up to her as though nothing is up and seemingly “suddenly” decided to stab the woman. Grell cocks her head to the side with the corners of her lips tucked up, suggesting an air of casualness in doing so.

What is made of Grell’s motivation to be Jack the Ripper and killing her soul mate? Nothing; she is rendered just a manic murderer with too much power and too little entertainment.

【2015】

In the reinterpreted version of 2015 Grell also warns Madam that if she doesn’t kill Ciel then she will be killed. The tone in which Uehara says the line however carries way more emotion and weight. When Grell judged that Madam would not come around to her side, she felt betrayed and hurt.

In a moment of rage Grell let her heart be hardened and stabbed Madam. It is but a split second of a moment, but here Uehara communicated very clearly that this was Grell’s personal pain, not cold malice.

Grell approaches Madam and sums up the trouble she’s gone through for her. Unlike Uehara’s cold up-summing in 2014, he now simply names a few things Grell has done for Madam, as though letting all the emotions flow freely.

Here Grell quivers with pain and anger and we see how she very clearly is trying to restrain herself from bursting into a bigger rage or tears.

Grell holds Madam’s dying body and presses her closely against herself. She shakes her head in defeat and her entire face screams her pain at Madam’s betrayal. “WE were in this together, you said we would be,” is the silent message here. As Grell rips Madam’s coat off here, the callous grimace from 2014 is nowhere to be seen, and is instead replaced by Grell squeezing her eyes shut as though this all is too much to bear.

In the Cinematic Record of Madam when her resolve is wavering, we also see Grell reacting to this with disapproval. But unlike in 2014 wherein Grell showed boredom, Uehara here chose to show disbelief and turns away until what Madam says is no longer bearable for Grell.

When the murder of Madam is replayed, Grell looks Madam in the eyes, making this murder far more personal than in the 2014 version.

This change in portrayal has effectively transformed the manic murderer into a pained woman who was betrayed by not just the world, but also her kin; the only person Grell thought would actually understand her and never betray her.

5. Conclusion

In conclusion, after Uehara Takuya realised that Grell is not the Flamboyant Gay™ he was instructed to play following the anime’s popularity, he changed the portrayal of Grell dramatically.

The most problematic aspects of Grell is sadly engraved into her original character design, and there is not much anybody can do about it. She is likewise still the comic relief even in the revamped version of 2015, but in the very least her sexuality, femininity, and by extent her transgender identity are no longer demonised and played for laughs.

In Uehara’s message in the pamphlet of the 2015 musical he wrote the following:

“Now 6 years have passed since the first staging of ‘Kuroshitsuji’ I feel like there is a part of me now that understands the core of Grell. The gap between her cruelty and how she is loved is very charming in my opinion, but personally I think it is the enormous pain that she shoulders which is the most appealing about this character. What I like about her is this eeriness in the emotions she carries...

Now I have reconsidered this [musical] and the directing has now fallen into Mr. Mouri’s hands, now resulting in a new story with new characters. This is the chance wherein I can start from a clean line with all my might.

The comical moments with Sebastian are also new now and we have been trying different things out during rehearsal; that will always be imprinted in my memory. Now that Sebas is played by Furukawa-kun and now that he is the Troupe Lead, I feel I can finally make a new start.

[...] Everyone, I hope that after having seen this new performance, you can all think: “that was fun, I was touched”. I hope you can all enjoy everything thoroughly!”

And indeed as he aspired to, Uehara Takuya managed to portray an entirely different Grell from what he used to from 2009 to 2014. His portrayal of Grell was ‘enjoyable’ in the past, but highly problematic to say the least. After 2015, I would say that he fully redeemed himself and is an excellent example of however bigoted you might be, it is never too late to learn.

6. Afterword

Dear everyone, thank you all again for your warm enthusiasm. This post took a tremendous amount of time to make, so I really hope this was meaningful! Please do share this post if you can. I think Uehara is a very inspiring example of how even with the same script and all, it is the effort and good intention that matter most in respectfully portraying Grell even with all her flaws.

Most importantly, Uehara Takuya’s Grell is now the first and only official portrayal of Grell as a transgender woman in all her rights besides the manga canon, and I think this deserves attention. As shown in this post, Yana herself was brave enough to ask Uehara to help rectify the mistake she could not on her own. Without Uehara’s influence and help, who knows until when we’d have to wait until we’d get an official portrayal that does do Grell’s identity justice?

Thank you Uehara Takuya, I love you, your growth is admirable!

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