#i feel both silly and annoyed about it

[nanowired-lover]

Getting a little too existential about a DND clas test bc I want to answer truthfully on how i act and feel irl and not talk about my goals i don't even act upon but also i don't want to end up in a class that is bascially "ur an edgelord ahah" bitch no i'm just an autistic adult with ADHD and no sense of real trust since I'm a child bc I might be a bit paranoid. But also. A fucking empathic, silly and emotional bastard who both hate and is in love with the world

#“are you loyal to the ones you trust” violently yes but also what is trust. i could do length for my friends and lover #but i don't feel like i can trust them really #tbh i don't feel like im totally trustworthy either #humans hurts humans even with love and trust it's a normal thing #but i'm just sososososo a coward who WILL bite the hands that feeds me #BUT ALSO IM IN LOVE WITH THEM ????? HELP #I'll fight for freedom and respect and love but i am also a scared dog who lose trust and patience so easily and i hate iiiiit so edgy #nano.txt #vent #maybe at this point #i feel both silly and annoyed about it #i'd rather be alone and doing my thing but the world is beautiful and the smile of my friends is so warm

[sysig]

So much experimenting to be done, where to even start (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Papyrus #Sans #Mostly silliness :) Mostly :) #It's still fun to draw these two Gasters next to each other hehe ♪ Even interacting! #They're more similar than I think either of them would admit haha - ''No clearly we have very different ideals'' sure but you're both Gaster #I like the idea of classic being So Annoyed at any iteration of himself thinking positively towards humans haha #I mean it would probably hurt - that's a big piece of his trauma! - but on the surface it's just Ugh I can't believe this -.ó #I feel like they'd have a lot more common ground when it comes to their experiments tho - not a perfect Venn Diagram but enough! #Maybe even just different enough to offer a new perspective - enough to give them new ideas! Uh oh that's never a good thing lol #I do love Fell!Gaster just so pleased to be having a conversation haha so smiley - classic still not smiling but interested! #Cute face <3 #It was after making the Toriel comic that the thought Really occurred to me - like obviously I saw so I knew they were still in the gowns #But it took a bit for that to strike me as odd since I mean that's just what they wear! That's normal! For Handplates anyway #He talks a lot about isolating whatever it is in Monsters that Make Them Like That - what does that entail #Gaster no seriously what are you doing to them don't just smile actually reply #And as much as I like the boys being a bit more Fell-ish I've always been of the opinion that no matter what they're brothers! #They love each other <3 And in Fellplates they'd have to rely on each other even more than regular Underfell #If anything would cause some codependency it's the Handplates setup - no matter what version you throw at it! #They're still both delicate little things - they need each other to survive ♥ If Gaster is sometimes kind to them well... #Similar to Mercyplates but Not Quite hmmmm #At least sometimes doing cute and harmless things tho! Studies how they react to flowers and teaches them to make chains hehe ♪ #There's also that Underfell thing of Sans calling UF!Papyrus ''Boss'' rather than ''Bro'' yeah? Doodling ideas around that haha #An opportunity to teach! Sans only came away with the basics tho it probably annoys Gaster lol #The idea of them doing cute harmless little things and /that/ being what gets under his skin hehehehe #And ending with a Babybones! :D Surely he'd have no problem being attached since they're meant to be good...? Surely

[rotisseries]

chapters 51 and 58 of bloodmarked are absolutely CARRYING bree/nick/selwyn polyamory truthers

#selwyn is kind of a stupid name I realized as I was typing this. like I've gotten used to it over 2 books but it's so silly. selwyn #anyway. me disappearing for days and only showing up for like 30 minutes to reblog 3 things #and make a nigh incomprehensible post letting you guys know what book I'm reading now (read. I finished it yesterday actually. #now I'm rereading legendborn bc I'm apparently not ready to move on to a new book and also I forgot most of the shit from that book) #anyway I've been on the polyamory train for these 3 since I read legendborn in 2020 but I swear it's only gotten stronger #like what do you MEAN selwyn (magically oathed to protect nick) FEELS SAFER with nick around #THE SAME WAY BREE DOES. AND BOTH SELWYN AND NICK LIKE. AGREE ON HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BREE. AND THERE'S NO WEIRD JEALOUSY ABOUT IT #AND SELWYN CANONICALLY WAS AT ONE POINT IN LOVE WITH NICK???? #AND NICK LITERALLY SAYS TO SEL “I CAN'T LOSE YOU AND I WON'T LOSE HER”???? #LIKE????? #THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS YOUR STANDARD ASS LOVE TRIANGLE IT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST A LITTLE POLYAMORUS #IF NOT A FULL TRIANGLE BREE SHOULD AT *LEAST* GET 2 BOYFRIENDS. SHE DESERVES IT #even if it does end up a standard love triangle though this is honestly a genuinely good one #like I genuinely like both love interests neither of them are weird or annoying or creepy about her #anyway. need book 3 out as soon as possible I swear to god I almost can't see how this ends in monogamy #I'm talking about the legendborn series by tracy deonn btw everyone #another arthurian inspired book series which if you saw my other post the other day I swear this isn't intentional #legendborn #bloodmarked #the legendborn cycle #tracy deonn #bree matthews #nick davis #selwyn kane

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

There are certain chicks who just give off that "mean girl" vibe to me. "You hate girls like me because we know our worth" Nah, you are just a b*tch who thinks she's above everybody else just for existing.

#txt #oh yeah i'm going there #y'all can call me a pick me #these chicks don't know their worth. they believe they are goddesses that must be put on a pedestal #i'm sorry but i can't stand these types of women #they are another face of feminism hidden under the mask of “femininity advice” #“you are a pick me” if you say so sweetie #i don't feel threatened by your beauty or charm or anything y'all are just annoying #they think people dislike them for having standards. b*tch nobody cares about your silly standards #people don't like y'all because of your arrogance and no it's not sexism or putting women down. don't f*cking come at me with that #i know every single argument that is gonna be thrown at me #but yeah #i scrolled this one so-called “divine femininity” content creator and her face alone screams c*nt #i know a b*tch when i see one and these kinds of women are like that #there is a difference between a woman with standards and self-worth #the bible and christianity themselves ask women to have that #and the b*tch who thinks she is a PRIZE #honestly #the men do need to shut the hell up with that. that's why these women are running their mouths on y'all now #the men and women are both f*cking stupid and need to stop this childish sh*t #they think being called out on their nastiness somehow means society hates women with standards. what society has ever expected women to no #have standards and a sense of worth? women would get endlessly sh*t on by their family members for having babies out of wedlock and going #for men who didn't have a stable job or women who didn't have any manners because they were perceived as WORTHLESS and women who did not #respect themselves. a healthy society expects women to respect and value themselves. a lot of you b*tches hide behind that to be a b*tch #if they were men they would automatically get called sexist a$$holes. that's how you know these b*tches are no different from rp's #they are another branch of feminists. feminists and rp' #are both sh*t and men and women need to quit acting like f*cking children. i'm sick of y'all #it's rare to find anybody who is balanced on any damn platform #it's either men ain't sh*t or women ain't sh*t #also didn't jasmine have that famous “i'm not a PRIZE to be won” scene??? these women treat themselves as nothing but objects to be won

[luvring]

scrolling past every babygirl joke people make with a frown on my face

#💬nia.rambles #we as a society can do better than this #i think a lot of people can. struggle with What else to say #'babygirl coded charas“ specifically . talk about how easy it is to fluster them. how ur gonna annoy the shit out of them #call him a sopping wet kitten. say god hes such a dumbass im going to kiss him on the lips and serenade him #say missionary because his eyes pretty and his face handsome. say youre going to tuck his hair behind his ear #His x y z looks and cringe fail personality have captivated me. his big eyes and loser boy personality. #this is also for when ur trying to talk about female charas w/o saying girlboss/mother btw #just go god shes so fucking cool. no ones doing it like her #someone might want her but you want her in a deeper intellectual way. no crimes to forgive because she didnt commit any. #she could fix me could make me worse she could say whatever and i would heed her call like a devout follower to their god #go i need them so bad im dizzy. i could change their life #like u have the brain capacity and meme/reaction album to think of jokes outside of. 3 terms. i believe in u #& how did babygirl charas go from ironic Big (serious) muscular men to Feminine Featured(?) Easily Flustered 'Pathetic' Men. #like im sure both cases existed before but. what its turned into now....its majority the latter... Hrmm.... #< part of why i switched to saying my handsome beautiful prince etc etc. uve made me feel odd and upset.. #babygirl character just say pathetic guy . loser dude. shy and silly . errrrghhhh...

[snowyfrostshadows]

It's all fun and games until it isn't

#dumb doodles #master m au #1) i think it'd be neat if he tagged along with the other minions sometimes not to help but to follow around the hero(s) to make them laugh #the princess and the green guy are doing this hero thing all WRONG #they should be happy and smile because that's what heros are supposed to DO #the turtle gets it; he seems thrilled as heck during all this #plus....there's just something extra annoying about greenie not enjoying being the main hero and being so /miserable/ looking.... #2) ....does. anyone else think mario might... subconsciously internalize his image as a hero? #like; don't get me wrong; he loves helping others and is by default; a happy lil guy #but...it probably is a lot of pressure to be that constant rock and source of comfort #he's probably mostly okay with it and it probably doesn't cross his mind to be resentful or bitter about always being the hero #there's just this small small; easily ignorable part of him that's tired of it #that the mister m persona brings to the forfont in a kinda ugly way if you crack that mask hard enough #in other words; if he drops the smile; then i think his more bitter thoughts and feelings he hides both as mario and master m #are a bit more...obvious if that makes sense #ANYWAYS THOSE BOYS ARE GONNA NEED SOME THERAPY AFTER THIS #3) i. honestly forgot if the mimi fight was before or after the first mr. l one lmao #i just wanted to do some silly puns before the sucker punch #anyways; it's an au; luigi probably isn't collecting hearts in the proper order chaotic lil man he is #super mario #mario #luigi

[thecherrygod]

if i ever were to write anything for my robot hdb au the chapter in which harry finally gets a dick would be called "have you tried turning it on and off again?" and it would be a constant trial and error, it would end on the successful attempt but on a cliffhanger also

#my posts #and for organization #disco elysium #robot hdb au #harrykim #bc i went at it in the tags lmao but also robot hdb au is nothing without kim tbh thats how it started. anyways #i mean. im not really a writer. i havent properly attempted it in a decade and if i tried id do it in english and its a bit.. scary lmao #but. itd have to be like that. id get silly with it #i dont even have his design to even consider it either lmao but. #like. to be silly for a moment. imagine it like... that gif of shape of water when shes signing about the monsters dick #at first itd get stuck #then theyd notice itd need work for it to like be both sensitive but not overheat and short circuit harry #... and not shock kim also sjfshu #it seems like its working once. some touches. theyre having a good time. but #'eh...' / 'everything okay harry?' / '..... i cant feel anything anymore' / '..... alright up on the work table you go' #the closer they get to figure it out the more annoyed kim is at having to do his actual job to get money #and not being able to do fulltime on his robot boyfriends dick #the last one? it gets out. its sensitive. it seems like its not overheating him. but it does a spark. they are worried something got ruined #but they touch again. its good. its happening for a few moments and nothing goes wrong #and once it seems theyre about to actually get into it id end the chapter (? #.... also how the fuck would you program a robots orgasm. #........ wait. it could be manual it could be a specific button or something lmao #also im talking about robot dick bc i think thats easier than the other way around but who knows! theyre switchs in my heart #... or vers. i struggle to remember which is for passive/active and which is for sub/dom. you know what i mean. i also mean it for both #... anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #having a normal one today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[robodove]

eveyrdsy... I'm pulled in 2 directions... plasma and friedchicken.... I cannot for the life of me figure out which one to stick with

#jayas cute too I just think about it a little less #plasma is like... ITS JUST SO INTERESTING? #feelings blossomed before jay was over with nya and they both felt horrible about it. eventually #after it #they end up accidentally coming forward to each other about it...... #AND FRIEDCHICKEN IS LIKE. jay slowly going from annoyed to amused to kind of charmed by fugidove and where fugidove learns #more about him!!! #and also just have a very very silly dynamic

[leatherbookmark]

oh god okay i understand that maybe not everyone is as indecisive/comfortable with saying "it depends!" as me, but like, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, but i just can't take people who call izzy a villain seriously

#he's a little annoying dude. i swear to fuck #'the real villain in the show is the system and izzy is siding with the system' babygirl he's a pirate 😭 he really isn't 😭 #he could NOT more clearly be -- he literally IS -- that kind of gay man who wears his leathers and anger as an armor because being scary ha #been his way of fighting The System => being consumed and destroyed by it; and who looks down and feels disgusted by flamboyant #and effeminate soft-handed gays because if they're this soft then they clearly haven't experienced this kind of abuse that would make them #harden up. ....you know what i mean. #like idk this show in general like... doesn't have a 'villain'? it's about stede (and ed's) journey and their development. not necessarily #about their Conflict With Someone/Something. i guess it might change in s2 but idk. there are just Situations in which they find themselves #and because of/md is a comedy no one really... holds things against other characters in a long-term way? izzy stabs stede and sells him #out to the english and ed punches him for the latter (which he says 'ok fair' about!!! like!!!) but does he go 'and for all the shit you've #done i'm Firing you as my first mate? no! he slams him against the wall and feeds him his toe but he's like. ok get up and back to work #and he doesn't seem particularly disgusted or upset with him in that final blackbeard's flag 2.0 moment. (nor manipulated; inb4) #like. it's a workplace romcom. the workplace is a pirate ship but it's a workplace and izzy is that annoying coworker who's a bitch and #often ruins everyone's fun but no one like... Seriously ostracizes him. more like applies some light bullying BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY. #COMEDY. do we remember that? #and like. it seems he's going to have a bit of a larger (?) role in s2... it really doesn't seem like the show sees him as a 'villain' or #even an active 'antagonist' either. like ok let's agree 2 disagree and may both sides block each others' asses into oblivion because god #knows both sides have some annoying people but mannnn sometimes... insisting that things Can be divided into Good and Bad... is worse? #shrimp thoughts #once again i wrote a tag novel about an incredibly silly thing. welcome to leatherbookmark

[ghoulschooldropout]

thinking about MacCready's silly little outfit

#love to draw it hate to think about it #my dude why did you keep the back #get a shorter coat if the front part was bothering u so much instead of ?ripping??? it off??? #and what is keeping that pocket on your leg? tape? is that tape? what is that #please just rip the other sleeve off or sew a new one on #it just cant be comfortable the way it is #i would be so annoyed with the sleeves i gotta have either both rolled up or both rolled down you just cant be lopsided like that cmon man #his fucking belt is the only thing keeping this outfit together literally he takes that off his coat falls apart and his pants fall down #do you guys think he goes commando? i feel like he would (derogatory) #like aesthetically i love this outfit somehow he makes the asymmetry work for him and altogether its like ok cohesive outift #and like you look at all the parts and it paints the picture the devs wanted to tell about him-- it fits his story #like ok I Get It homeboy is a practical self-taught wasteland mercenary hurting for caps #+green to show association with gunners and call back to fo3 #but like do the bullets chafe him at all? do they jingle when he walks? or does he secure them tight enough not to? #his hat's baller though no complaints there #i like his lucky charm bullets even if they are a bit silly #would've been cool though if he had more personal beef with winslow and barnes and was like 'im saving these two bullets for them' #revenge quest shit ig lol #anyway maccready ? smooch #i bet he thinks he looks so cool hes like yeah bullets on my thigh? badass. #the shreds of my coat flapping behind me in the wind? badass #and gotta have a scarf. thats his staple #k rambles #sorry the brain rot is strong today

[soubiapologist]

i don't expect any of you to understand the reference but alice cooper. from riverdale. is a little like if a loveless character was really really really fucking funny

#in that she a darkly realistic portrayal of Your Yes Your 🫵🏻 Insane Mom #i have never seen a more.... i don't want to say ''realistic'' because riverdale exists in this like. absurd parody dimension both-- #on purpose and on accident but like. #nothing that EMULATES the FEELING of having a Crazy Mom who has no idea she's crazy #and thinks she's justified in literally everything she does and is just like. a complete fucking controlling nutcase who is making-- #literally everything worse by pretending she doesn't have trauma #of course it's also very silly but rvd also wants you to take it seriously so it's just like having an (AWESOME) aneurysm the entire time #you have to have a very specific sense of humour to enjoy rvd if you like like. #sardonically sitting around watching increasingly absurd things happen to characters you have zero investment in other than laughing at-- #because they just live these deranged lives that are beyond parody and just like bitching at your TV for fun with like a friend then i thin #--you might like it. #like you absolutely cannot get seriously invested in the plot or characters if you want to enjoy it it's hard to explain #but it's also like kind of like loveless in the way that the fandom was originally people doing Shipping and then getting increasingly-- #annoyed when it didn't do what they wanted and dropping off #and in the process missing out on the craziest train derailment of all time just like absolute complete lunatic shit #and it seems like it keeps trying to self flagellate for the first like. half #and in riverdale's case it's REALLY funny and in loveless's case it's really um. scary (affectionate) #also like 99% of the people who watch rvd seem to not understand that it's supposed to be insane and 99% of the people who read loveless-- #miss that it's supposed to be HASHTAG SCARY #like rvd also exists in this weird dimension where you're supposed to think it's funny and they're trying to piss you off on purpose #but they're also trying very hard to like Discuss Social Issues and it end up very funny because they're bad at it but GOD It's so sincere- #while standing next to the campiest insincere shit EVER it's so fucking funny #meanwhile loveless's tone problem is like yun kouga is just a crazy person. #i mean roberto is also a crazy person but yun kouga is like a tortured crazy person. and he's like. the guy who would make glee crazy-- #person. does that make sense. #no one is reading this don't worry about it. smiles.

[aroaceleovaldez]

variety in my canon-divergence aus:

Percy is successfully pulled into Tartarus during his quest to the Underworld in TLT (kronos!Percy)

Sally drives everyone home in her car after the beginning of TTC instead of Thalia driving the sun (8 hour roadtrip)

#pjo #au #aus #do not be fooled theyre both extremely silly #13 y/o Percy possessed by a Titan is still TLT Percy so he has Absolutely Zero Idea What's Going On and just wants his mom #and he ends up with a little squad of Titan Army kids who arent like security or anything they're just basically babysitting him #cause this kid could easily destroy half the continent but he doesnt even know who all the olympians are yet and he'd like a debrief #and also he spends half his time laying face-down in the pool on the deck of the Princess Andromeda #everyone's terrified of him but he's just having A Time #then the other is just. 8 hour roadtrip of hell #poor Sally's on no sleep and she's stuck in a car with like 8 upset bickering teenagers #its literally just the TTC quest crew + Nico and Sally. except jammed into a car for eight hours. #the rest of the Hunters probably just went about their business as per usual but Zoe and Bianca went with everybody else #Bianca's fighting with Nico. Nico's annoying Percy. Percy's fighting with Thalia. Thalia's fighting with Zoe. #Grover Percy and Thalia are all crying over Annabeth. It's 4am and Sally is running on no sleep stuck in traffic in the winter #and they have 4 big 3 kids in the car so they really have to book it back to long island #and meanwhile despite all the bickering everyone is in unanimous agreement to NOT PISS OFF SALLY #theyre all at each other's throats but Sally is Lovely and is being nice enough to drive them home #so theyre all trying to strangle each other in the Least-Disruptive-To-Sally way possible #feel free to ask me more about these aus cause i love them dearly

[pepprs]

ok mutuals i know this is cringe i am so aware and i am so sorry. but this is my…………………… warrior cat oc who represents me (i am so so so so sorry. i am so sorry.) and im doing some tweaks to her design rn and i can’t decide whether she looks better with or without this like spiky cheek fluff that’s supposed to make her face look more starlike. so what do u think. vote now on ur phones (without fluff on the left, with fluff on the right)

#my art #i have been doodling this silly little cat all over the place for almost 10 yrs btw. and i VERY much suffer from same face syndrome with #both cats and ppl and ive been trying to add like unique variations and stuff when i draw but it’s rly hard. (also ive been getting back in #into drawing if u couldn’t tell. i straight up stopped when i was in college bc i just couldn’t function and this was not the thing i #thought i would come back to once i got out of school but here i am swimming in warrior cats stuff again at age 23 💀💀💀) BUT ANYWAYS. i am #adding butterfly and star motifs to this character who is also me. like u can see her ears are kinda wobbly bc they’re supposed to be shape #like butterfly wings! but the star thing isn’t as evident so I thought maybe the cheek fluff would be nice but then it’s like.. the ear #wobble is already a change and im just worried i will forget the cheek fluff when i doodle her and stuff. ive been rly lenient w how i draw #fluff on cats and stuff and i want to get better at it but i feel like i’ll annoy myself if i mess around w it. but it looks good and is #symbolic so idk 😭 ofc like i would be the best judge of this bc I know what my comfort level is and stuff but … do u like the fluff is what #im asking i guess. and do u think i should carry it forward and make it a thing even if it takes a while to get used to #purrs #i feel so cringe posting my warrior cats characters but idk. it’s my blog i get to post whatever i want so this is what im posting 🤸🏻‍♀️ #ALSO plus when i doodle i already majorly simplify her markings so it’s just the freckles. and the markings im whatever about but i feel #like the physicality is really important smth i would always capture no matter how intense the drawing is and smth i kinda want to #challenge myself to get better / more consistent at a little bit. so yeah. idk #pepe

[worstsequence]

#historically rage filled day yes its steddie characterizations again yes i struggle with regulating my engage #ment with fandoms in a way thats healthy for me and am still bad at learnimg to scroll #yes i love the fandom yes its the only thing that brings me remotely any joy all these things are true #hate the double standards of the way people write steve vs the way they write eddie. #hate course correcting 'the party is too mean to steve' to Now theyre mean to eddie. #in ways that should definitely be hurting his feelings and yet its seen as cute and silly #steve and robin can be mean to him and its just their dynamic 🤪 #people can fill in empty spots in steves backstory with subtext but with eddie suddenly its all about canon #yes theres 18000 fics and the opposite is presumably out there. i just have never seen it #yes its probably the yaoification. the inability to not strip characters down to fit them into top bottom tropes. #if i read bottom eddie id probab;y find more of this. however i dont want to do that #hate steve meangirlisms cute and charming and everyones like oh steve but eddie has 1000 sins to repent for. #again -resumably a course correction of people writing steve as still having to repent for s1. which i agree is dumb and wrong #but its annoying when steve being judgy is seen as a likeable character trait but eddie does the same thing and suddenly he owes every #character an apology #hate that eddies insecurities are villainized but steves insecure suddenly its eddie and everyone elses job to fix him. #i just want better for both of them neither of them feel like themselves so often. which. again. is an mlm trope problem i think. #also yes steve is a main character and eddie is a dead side character. so more people are attatched to him and he has more stake like #in the narrative. #🕷.archive #eddie meta

[arthur-r]

had a really good night. feeling a little bit sick to my stomach but what can you do

#met seth from poolboy again today!! twice if you count each occurrence how i did the first time #so i’ve seen poolboy twice and theoretically met seth five times. i mean that’s how many conversations i had so. pretty fucking awesome #however i feel a little bit ill. cause of listening to my recording and hearing how awfully annoying i am #the keyboardists fiancé was actually standing right in front of us and so after the show he talked to us #cause me and my two friends who were there we were singing along to all the songs and poolboy is not a very famous band #so after the set was done the guy was like asking us questions and then he’s like yeah i’m actually engaged to jp from poolboy #and anyway that was really really cool in the moment. i just feel a little bit ill hearing myself talk to him? #like ‘poolboy is my fAvorite band .. ‘ ‘..my favorite song of theirs tOtal is corrections’ #i dont know. i think i’m just dysphoric and autistic so i have to feel bad about conversations when i have them recorded #but. um. i met jp dreblow’s fiancé that’s Pretty Cool. and i talked to seth and he gave me a free CD!!!! #cause i only had a $20 or a $5 and it was $10 and they didn’t have change and so he said it’s fine just take it for free!!!! #this was after i told him that they’re my favorite band and the absolute coolest and that we had seen them before back in january #and all of that. and i did meet him three times that day (shdhdf it’s a silly way to count it) but also got his autograph so. i’m really #lucking out with these interactions. secret to a dream life: have the most random guys who live in your state be your favorite band #it can’t go wrong. these guys are absolutely incredible and i have had so many random opportunities to say hi and be really excited #anyways i have a year of the weasel vinyl from the january show (with autograph) and a good orchard CD from today (free and with lyrics) #and i got a photo with seth today. i’m pretty sure what i said was ‘could i get a photo with you if that’s normal?’ and he said yeah sure #i feel like my relationship with poolboy is like. the opposite of a parasocial relationship. or like the most amplified version of that #cause i think of them as super cool unattainable celebrities but it’s like. some guy with a masters in library science who i’m probably the #first person to have asked for an autograph or a photo or anything like that. but see there’s the funny thing is that it’s both kinds of it #on the one hand i think of them as fancy fancy when they’re just some guys. but i also think of myself as The Only Poolboy Superfan which is #not necessarily true. who knows really. but they’re sure pretty freaking awesome and i sure got to see them today!!!! #anyway i’m real tired but i was really happy to see poolboy today. even though i feel a little bit sick about how i speak and sound #cause that’s not going to change. and it’s not like anyone said anything about it so i can assume they didn’t notice #i just have this creeping feeling at all times that everyone i meet is just treating me nice cause i’m too obviously autistic #like they hear what i say and they hate me and they judge me but they say well clearly something’s wrong with this kid so i’ll let it slide #but hey. some people love me. so hopefully your average stranger doesn’t hate me as much as i’m scared they might. i sure hope they don’t #anyway i had a good night it was really good i’m just being me a little bit. i hope everyone is well i’m about to go to sleep #friends only #i’ll be around in the morning this is my last tag i love you all very much and see you tomorrow goodnight

[chiropteracupola]

curse of People Frequently Assume I Know Nothing About Anything

#news from the cupola #pretty sure that it's a symptom of being young and rather silly (both not things I can get rid of at this time) #and also having a tendency to stand there like a tall tbh animal in flannel when I am nervous or have nothing to say #so it's interesting to notice that I don't actually project Everything That Is Happening In My Head out into the room #even though I am constantly worried that I do that #or maybe it's that what I consider basic information is not actually basic information again #do people typically know about block printing? do people know about indigo? #what is the actual standard for accuracy versus ambiguity in character design and where do I fall on that? #this is all to say that I feel like I made a fool of myself in the fabric store even though I probably did not do that thing #and now I feel like I Can Never Return on account of having made a fool of myself (even though I Did Not Do That) #which is very annoying because they have a lovely reproduction printed cotton that would be just perfect for a future doll project #(it's tiny alison. going to be making tiny alison this winter and I'll need a very particular blue-and-lighter-blue floral)