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#i dont want to be afraid of hell anymore
p2ii · 1 year
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religious trauma/PIMO vent again !!!
feel like ill be doing it more often now so i'll come up w a tag for it but for now #ex muslim tag (<- what im using if you wanna filter)
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saeshiraw · 8 months
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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meateater-lamb · 2 years
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par-slayyy · 1 year
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Burning hill but it's my relationship to my passions and burn out
#mitski#i love taking 'you' and 'him' in mitski songs as personified versions of concepts and experiences in her life#happy is personification of joy#burning hill (as i interpreted) is about her passion for music and also disassociation (im watching myself burn but i cant stop or step in)#remember my name is lonliness despite bearing your soul and the discrepancy btwn being a celebrity and a human#pearl diver is reaching within to find a 'pearl.' for something more. but in doing so youre straining and hurting yourself for it#shouldve been me (to me) is masking and realizing you gave people a version of you but they want to see the real you#afraid to be truly vulnerable without an ironic front is a challenge and the regret that comes from it#i think it's interesting she mainly ever addreses 'you' 'him' and 'me' and to have that third person be a man in a relationship with her#fireworks is literally depression when youre at the lowest point but youre still feeling everything. so youre hoping things will either get#magically better or they become worse and you finally dont have to feel anymore#but also once youre there; theres a desire to *feel* something. youre in so much pain you cant cry anymore but it's getting too much#cry cry cry almost as a plea; begging yourself#francis forever is about her music and desire to be seen/validated by fans/industry but needs to prove herself by constantly creating#a lot of her music is about her music and self destructive tendencies she has with it#giving her all. feeling isolated and lonely. not being enough. fighting with herself. list and horniness. loving herself. feeling at the top#the loss of control over your life and feeling aimless despite needing to continue#the idea of being used to fulfill your sense of purpose. to have a reason to do something#it's a wide range of emotions of grief and relief. a sour orange you cant stop sucking on#laurel hell really summarizes the whole journey tbh#im still wondering who/what her 'husband' is
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sexybabystevie · 1 year
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this is to ONE PERSON and one person ONLY. if you're confused, it's not you!
#you know. i saw you posted today from a different account. and it was one i totally forgot about#i didnt even feel like running back this time. was i curious? yes. did i end up looking? yep.#im saying this even though im 98% sure you cant see it but whatever. since when has that stopped me before?#you seemed fine. to say seeing that didnt piss me off would be a lie. oops i guess#i think its funny how the last thing you posted was stolen from me.#today it was one of those tag games we used to do together. your taglist was empty with some excuse of being absent on this app#i cant help but wonder if thats really all of it. if thats the whole story or not. i have a feeling the answer is no#i dont think youll ever understand the impact of what you did to me and the ways that you treated me. how that immensely fucked me up#or how youve basically thrown me to the wolves ever since you emotionally checked out.#you act like i never mattered to you and its been like that for forever. i made so many excuses on your behalf that i never should have.#these days the thought of you makes me go insane. the kind of insane that leaves me up all night and makes me wanna scream at the top#of my lungs. i have been consumed by anguish and hate. yes. im not afraid to say it anymore. i hate what happened and what you did to me#and sometimes i even hate you. and i dont even feel bad about it. im so over that because if theres anything i deserve after this hell then#its the capability to hate. for once in my life.#i saw your post and wondered if you thought of me. and i hope you did. i hope you thought of me and at the very least it stung.#because whether you want to admit it or not i was someone good. i bent over backwards for you every other day. try finding someone to do#everything that i did for you that you never appreciated. try finding someone who will care as much as i did about someone who couldnt be#bothered to tell me happy birthday. i dare you. because im tired of being sad that youre not here. im tired of being the one whos mourning#im so over it actually. because really i did so much for you. i gave up so much to be a good friend and it was never enough. i genuinely#cared about you. im not going to torture myself anymore by overanalyzing your posts or by thinking that i was nothing to you#because in one way or another youll miss me. and i hope the feeling is hell.#in the wise and paraphrased words of taylor swift. karma only comes back around to those who deserve it#in other words ill be fine#em speaks#tw vent ish#sorry to everyone else although i applaud you for being nosy lmao. gotta have my girlboss moment <3
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trashbaget · 1 year
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#nevermind i was just sleep deprived and being dramatic lmao#he’s just some guy#bro he is#he is so fucking cute it’s not funny anymore#he’s attractive as hell and such a snazzy lil dresser#he always makes me laugh and our inside jokes are incomprehensible in the best way#i get so much pure joy just from talking to him that it’s just a little barbaric#i just want to know what his hand feels like with his fingers locked in mine#i want to hold onto him and spin around in his kitchen making food and minding his cats weaving through our legs#i want to curl into him on the couch and watch movies and put my head in his lap so i have to crane my neck up and around to see him properl#i want to lean into his personal space and look at his lips and not be afraid that i’m doing something i shouldn’t#i want to crash into him at the end of a long day and just be in his arms and listen to the sweet hum of his lungs hold me like a lullaby#god i just want something to HAPPEN#because things are always fucking HAPPENING between us but nothing’s HAPPENED to make me Know it isn’t all in my head#like we pretty hellkin much went on a date going for a walk in the woods and then watching a movie afterward#in the words of a friend: you dont watch corpse bride alone with someone after going on a walk in the woods. not platonically.#another friend was breaking out shit theyd noticed from LAST YEAR that makes them think he’s into me#my friends are pretty convinced that he’s into me and that just……that kinda fucks me up bc what if he doesnt? howd ALL these ppl get duped?#i guess i never realized how close we really were already which. does that >really< say anything…?#was this a didnt know what was right in front of me situation?#are we getting to the chorus? to the climax? to the thick of things?#what is Happening#what is happening between us#what are we doing what are we becoming is there anything really here
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peachinspiration · 1 month
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dunmeshi mithruncore (every day I can’t get up to make myself eat at all or get up to use the bathroom or fall asleep or actually do more to help myself unless im told to or someone physically Makes me do it or I finally manage to do so for the first time very very late in the day cuz I forced myself to out of fear)
#im in hell#that thing he said about not being able to sleep without magic or meds is so real#my sleep treatments even stopped working gradually#and if I don’t take any at all im laying awake until fuckinf 7 am#it takes me like an hour of holding it in to use the fuckinf bathroom#and the thing that makes me move is being terrified of kidney failure#it’s 6 pm and I still haven’t eaten my first meal of the day. tried ripping into a protein bar I had saved for moments like this but I can’t#make myself take more than 2 bites#the amount of times these past few years I’ve practically passed out from hunger cuz I just. cannot make myself get up to eat or make myself#something. omfgggggggff#I literally am a magic practitioner and have helped myself with spell work many times in the past yet I just can’t. make myself utilize it#more. yet I have all these books and supplies to use. and I’ve studied for hours and hours and know what to do#and it’s crazy cuz when im high off the sleep treatment THEN I actually do things but I don’t wanna use that more cuz im afraid of getting#addicted uhm. yeah idk what to even do anymore#my bf helps tremendously with leading me to do things but I don’t wanna take advantage of him too much and he’s long distance#but jesus fuck im literally on adderall now but its my emotional problems that keep it from working#it’s like wtf happened#I can’t fucking do anything unless someone’s there to guide me through it or keep me engaged as I work or they push me to in some way#and it’s like wow. cuz I want independence more than anything#it’s crazy cuz I related with his old self to the T especially with the desires and competitivity problems and trying to gain things he#doesn’t even actually want just for leverage and a sense of worth and the ‘if im not on the top on everything i dont have actual worth’thing#and other stuff I can’t remember off the top of my head. and I actually had friends and was more talkative#but now it’s like#🪿#yk what I mean#there’s a shitload of other things I relate too hard with but I can’t remember rn or I won’t mention cuz too much to go into#my bf said if he were around irl he’d cook for me and help with stuff when I go thru being like this nonstop which hey nice cuz obv id help#him with anything too#I mean there’s days where im better and can Do Things but it never lasts long and it sucks I can’t ever trust myself having a job or#I had all these things I wanted to do but I just feel nothing toward it and it drives me insane like can this maybe Not happen so often
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twunkzilla · 1 year
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Idk if I have low key autism or I just have like ethnic family evil eye syndrome because i have like freakishly blue eyes and dark hair and thick eyebrows I can only make eye contact if I'm being confrontational
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the-record · 4 months
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☀️ i see the light ☀️
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summary: ellie is just trying to hide from the guards when she stumbles apon a tower and a girl with really long hair.
pairing: flynn ryder!ellie williams x rapunzel!reader
warnings: non me things
a/n: i want to thank the oh so lovely @meowmeowtimw for sending me their gorgeous art, and also everyone who anticipated this fic. thank you so much for the love. also, first time doing a taglist, but let me know if you’d like to be added!
this is going to be done in parts bc my tumblr glitches and i dont want to lose any writing and delay this anymore! i have changed it up a bit from the movie to attempt to fit ellie as a character and not feel like im writing out the script but all the iconic moments will be included
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you’re not quite sure how she ended up here. knocked out and stuffed in your wardrobe.
earlier, it had just been you and pascal. your mother out fetching ingredients for dinner, your birthday dinner.
she’d shut down your hopes and dreams of seeing the lights you saw every year for your birthday. she called them stars, made you feel fragile and weak. left with a half hearted goodbye.
thats when the girl showed up.
short auburn hair, climbing the tower with arrows. before you knew it, she was passed out on the floor, a frying pan in your hands.
in her bag though, that was the interesting piece. something gold and shiny, crystals decorating the circle. too big to be a bracelet, too beautiful to be a magnifying glass.
you and pascal jumped as your mother called up the tower, a surprise apparently. when you tried bringing up the lights once more, she’d simply laughed, brushing it off. you tried again, but gave up when she yelled, asking for paints.
she left, leaving you alone again. until you weren’t.
a girl, in your window.
now in your chair, tied up with pascal on her shoulder. he licked her ear, once, twice, three times before she jolted awake with a yell.
“what the hell?”
you took a deep breath, still hiding in a shadow.
“struggling… struggling is pointless.”
she looked around, taking in what was holding her down. was it, hair?
“i know why you’re here, and im not afraid of you.” slowly, you stepped into her view. “who are you, and how did you find me?”
“am i wrapped in hair?” the girl gawked at you, struggling under the wraps. “who am i? who are you? this is insane. this is kidnapping, just so you know.”
your face dropped. “you broke in first.”
“and you knocked me out and tied me up! with hair! who even has this much hair?” she groaned as she struggled.
“so you dont know who i am?” you whispered as you stepped closer.
she looked at you incredulously, “are you joking? of course not. can you let me out now?” you nodded as you stopped in front of her.
only now did you really notice her. short auburn hair, tied up at the back. green eyes that matched yours. freckles lining her nose and cheeks. lips slightly cracked and parted.
“ill let you out, if you promise me one thing.” she rolled her eyes but nodded. “every year, on my birthday, there are these lights. my mother told me they were stars, but ive tracked the stars for years.” you turned away and pulled back the curtain to your most recent painting. “they’re floating lights, and you are going to take me to them.” she hesitated but you quickly jumped in. “and if you don’t, say goodbye to your satchel.”
she sighed and relaxed into the chair. “alright, fine.” she smiled as your eyes lit up and you ran to her. “ill take you. but, we’re going my way.” you nodded excitedly as you untangled her from your hair. “and, im ellie by the way.”
“rapunzel.”
she shook out her limbs before standing. “rapunzel? pretty.”
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“so you’ve really never been outside the tower before?”
ellie walked slightly ahead with her hands in her pockets, a small smile on her face. she said she knew a place to stop on your way to the kingdom.
you nodded as you took in everything. “she said it was too dangerous for me out here. that id get eaten alive.”
ellie frowned a bit as you spoke. you were definitely a bit ditzy, but smart. you weren’t naive but you noticed the good in everything you’d seen.
“so,” you pulled up beside ellie, nearly bumping her. “how did you find me?”
“i didn’t actually intend to.” she said, looking at you. “i was running, from… some very bad people, and i stumbled apon a pass in the woods. totally by accident. and when i went through it, there it was. the tower.” she watched as you nodded. “i figured id just, go up. i wasnt really thinking someone might be there.”
“obviously.” you teased.
she rolled her eyes, “alright whatever. i just needed somewhere to wait everyone out. and then you came out of nowhere and tried to maim me.”
you gasped, hitting her arm as she laughed. “i thought you were gonna hurt me! what was i supposed to do?”
“okay, fair enough.” you walked in silence for awhile, side by side, hands grazing.
ellie couldn’t help but feel a pull to you. you were kind, and funny. she hadn’t known you very long, but she knew she wanted to know more. and she couldn’t deny your beauty.
she was knocked out of her thoughts as you pointed to a sign in the distance.
snuggly duckling.
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taglist: @urcherrr @onlinelesbo @diddiqueen @pedropascalsbbg @dinaismyfavmilf @madislayyy @ellieswilliamsgf @williamellieslilho @iove-bbb @swxxtbnny
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norrizzandpia · 5 months
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I JUST READ You Were Never What I Wanted AND NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE
IT WAS SO GOOD
IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PART (if u decide to post it)
YOURE WRITING IS AMAZING <333
Yall ask and yall shall receive! Part 1 link if you need it <3
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But I Need You Now (You Were Never What I Wanted, Part 2) (LN4)
Summary: In the aftermath of Lando and Y/n, Lando makes it his personal mission to show Y/n that it wasn’t fake. Their PR stunt might’ve started out as a lie, but it was love for him and he knows it was for her too.
Warnings: language, angsty, FLUFF AT THE END BITCHES AS AN APOLOGY FOR THE HELL I PUT YOU THROUGH WITH THESE TWO-PARTERS, sexual conversations
Note: see what I did with the title… 😏 You were never what I wanted, but I need you now 🤭 also i made this less angsty as an apology again 👹
Y/n goes home for a few days.
The news spreads throughout the paddock like a virus, being whispered in every person’s ear. When it gets back to Lando, he stands in the midst of the chaos in McLaren’s garage.
Jon leaves his hand on Lando’s shoulder in a comforting manner, knowing something happened between them, but not knowing the specific details.
“She left?” He says lowly, voice wavering as he tries to gain control of it.
Jon nods, “I’m afraid so.”
“What about the race?” He asks, hands clenching at his sides.
“She’s having the reserve driver take her place. You know that.” Jon gives him a confused look.
Lando shakes his head, “No, I get that, but how could she just give up on it?”
Jon sighs and Lando can tell his trainer doesn’t want to tell him the next bit of information. He does anyway, “I heard she was pretty distraught after that gala a week ago. Apparently, she was sobbing and the valet had to help her call a cab. She was a mess, I gather, no one knows why.”
I do, he thinks. I know why, Lando thinks.
Lando abandons the conversation, not wanting to hear anymore about the girl he loves.
She plagues his dreams, his nightmares, his delusions, his thoughts, he doesn’t need her to infiltrate his life anymore.
🏎️
“What’s the problem?” He asks an hour later when Jon treats him like he’s about to have a mental breakdown at any moment.
His trainer eyes him suspiciously, gently, “Nothing,”
Lando groans, arms flying out beside him before smacking down back at his sides, “Jon, cut the bullshit. You’ve been treating me like I’m a fucking baby all day. Why?”
Jon sighs, turning to look at him before grabbing his arm and pulling them out of the garage. Jon forces them into a random hallway always away from the commotion and publicity, looking at Lando softly, “What happened between you and Y/n?”
Suddenly, Lando’s defensive. The mention of her name makes his skin crawl and his heart clench, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You two were dating.”
Lando rolls his eyes, “We were not dating. We were a PR stunt. You know that, Jon.”
Jon stares him down, “You two were dating.���
The meaning of his words hits Lando, what Jon truly is trying to address. He’s drowning in the mistakes of his own actions and the love he developed for her, no way to explain his way out of the situation with Jon looking at him knowingly.
He folds his arms over his chest, “Maybe in the end.”
Jon’s face scrunches up in confusion, “In the end? Of course, you were. Did you sleep together?”
“Fuck, no!” Lando yelps, astonishment at Jon’s bluntness, a trait the man has never had when it came to his romantic relationships.
Jon shakes his head, confusion deepening, “Then how the fuck did you two end up where you are? How did you end up in this mess? Which you still have not told me about.”
He sighs, head falling to stare at his shoes, “I fell in love with her. She fell in love with me. Well, at least I think.”
Jon, the man so incredibly lost, looks blankly at Lando, “You fell in love. With Y/n. Y/l/n. The woman you used to absolutely detest. The woman who used to hate your guts. You two fell in love with each other?”
Lando nods, “I know how it sounds, but it happened.”
Jon’s head tilts to the side, “Okay, and what happened the night of the gala?”
Jon sees the shift of Lando’s demeanor, his entire body running cold with images of her walking out on him. The boy’s body running cold, he tries to get through the night that ruined it all, “Everything was fine in the beginning. We were just talking to a bunch of donors. You know, we got so many that night. Anyways, we were at the bar and being stupid as always, getting drunk, when Lu showed up.”
“Lu as is your ex?” Jon clarifies.
Lando nods, “Yeah, so she came up to us and we just got to talking. She mentioned the fact that we still talk.”
Jon’s mouth falls open, “You and Lu still talk?!”
“Not anymore, not after the gala. She basically cut off contact with me because she ‘hated the way it made her feel when she saw the look on Y/n’s face’. But, at that time, we had been. I should’ve told Y/n when we started getting serious, but I didn’t and that came back to bite me in the ass because she was so betrayed, Jon.”
“So, she walked out of the gala because she was angry about you and Lu?”
“Yeah, she basically told me I didn’t care about her in the way she thought I had, which wasn’t true. I told her I loved her and then shit just went completely downhill after that.”
Jon’s hand squeezes Lando’s arm, “You told her you loved her?”
There’s a flash of sadness in Lando’s eyes and Jon knows it’s because of the painful rejection. He’s learning that Y/n might’ve started out as one of the people Lando cared about the least, but she had quickly become the center of his entire world.
“Of course, I did. But, she didn’t believe me. I don’t blame her too! The start of our relationship was built specifically on hatred. We never wanted anything to do with each other and then, all of a sudden, we were kissing and it was feeling like something more.”
A silence passes before Lando whispers, “Sometimes I wish I never would’ve met her.”
Jon chuckles, “You’ve said that before.”
Lando scoffs, “Yeah, but that was because I hated her. This is because I can’t deal with the fact that she left me.”
“Have you tried to talk to her?” Jon inquires, eyes roaming Lando’s face in search of an answer.
“No,” Lando responds, grief and remorse soaking his tone.
“Well, maybe that’s where you need to start.” Jon smiles.
“In order to do what?” Lando’s lost on the insinuation.
“In order to get her back.”
It’s heartbreaking the way Lando stares up at Jon as if he’d just single-handedly restored all senses of hope and happiness into his body, “You think I can do that?”
“I think that you and her loved each other too much to let it go to waste this way.”
Maybe you’re right, he thinks. Maybe I need to find out for myself, he thinks.
Y/n, the girl he hated so much for the love she made him feel, was locked up in her room of her childhood home, information Lando gained from her mother who he had called quietly. It was the first time they had spoken, but it wasn’t the first time she had heard of him. Her daughter had shown up in the middle of the night, sobbing to her over a boy and berating herself for allowing a man to hurt her in the way he had.
However, with the undying kindness Y/n shared, she had patiently heard Lando out as he explained to her the feelings he harbored for her daughter. Strong words of love had persuaded her into giving Lando their address and giving him permission to come. After all, she saw the way her daughter’s Lock Screen lit up with a loving picture of them every time Y/n got a notification. She clocked the picture as the room where Y/n had been hospitalized after her crash, Lando laying on the bed beside her with his arm wrapped safely around her shoulders, a kiss to her cheek as she smiled at the camera.
Bags packed and in hand, Lando stands in front of her house, hood pulled over his head with sunglasses shoved over his eyes. He takes two steps at a time, bypassing multiple steps in the process as he reaches the front door in no time.
Knocking on the wood, Lando waits patiently before the lock is turning and her mother is appearing before him. Dressed in jeans and a sweater, she smiles softly at him, a smile resembling the one Y/n had adorned him with before he made her feel less than the most important person in his life.
“Hi, Ms. Y/l/n. Thank you for this.” He says quietly, not wanting Y/n to hear him and get scared.
She nods at him, opening the door and letting him step in, “As much as you hurt my daughter, I think this space is effecting her worse.”
He lingers in the doorway, nerves getting to him as he stares at the steps in front of him, steps he assumes would lead him to her.
Her mother notices his eyes, “She’s up there if you want to go.”
He takes a step toward them, but takes on back and looks at her with tension in his face, “Do you think she’ll want to see me?”
Her mother’s head moves side to side, “I think, at first, she’ll be mad, but she’ll warm up. I know she still loves you, that’s still there.”
He nods, “What should I say?”
His words relay quietly and her mother lays a hesitant hand on his arm, “Why are you here? Why are you fighting for her?”
His answer comes easily, “Because I love her. Because, after years of hating each other, I realize that I never truly, fully hated her. I hated that she was better than me and the fact that she was winning races more than I was, but I never hated her. I never gave her a chance to show me who she was and it took someone forcing us to be together for me to see how amazing she is. I’m remorseful for that, of course, but I’m happy it happened. If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized the happiness that was standing in front of me all along.”
Her mother smiles brightly at him, “Tell her that.”
🏎️
The door creaks as Lando pushes it open, head poking in to see her laying with her back to him.
“Mom, can I just have some time alone right now?” Her broken voice whispers, curling further into herself as Lando steps in and closes the door.
He doesn’t say anything, opting to walk over to her bed and sit down. The mattress is larger, putting space between them so he’s not touching her.
“I can hear you breathing. Please leave.” She says again, this time pleading desperately.
Lando exhales before lifting his hand and laying it on her hip, his thumb rubbing soft circles lovingly. He feels her body tense, her head looking down to inspect the fingers wrapped around her skin.
She pulls away quickly, sitting up and whipping her head around to meet his eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing here?! You should be at the race!” She yells at him, shifting farther away from him.
He hates how tired she looks, how puffy her eye bags are from a mixture of exhaustion and tears. His body turns to completely face hers, his leg being pulled onto the bed, “Your mom gave me the address and I got the reserve driver to cover for me.”
Y/n scoffs, “Okay, why would my mother do that?”
“Because she knows I love you.”
Y/n’s eyes glaze over, iciness translating in her every move, “How would she know that?”
“I called her.” He states simply, watching her eyebrows stitch together.
Her head tilts, “How did you get her number?”
“From Nick.”
Y/n body rears back, “My trainer?! You coerced my trainer into giving you my mother’s phone number?! Are you fucking crazy?!”
“For you, yes.” He smiles softly. His comment earns an eye roll.
“Y/n, just listen to me.” He begins, but Y/n raises her hands in objection.
“No, Lando. Leave me alone. I appreciate the effort, but leave.” Her hands push his arms, doing nothing to move him.
He gently takes her hands in his and shifts closer to her, “No. I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say.”
Knowing how stubborn he is, Y/n sits back and gestures for him to continue.
“When I first met you, I hated the success you had.” He starts.
Y/n laughs, “What a great start!”
“Let me finish.” He states, “I hated the success you had and I was dumb enough, young enough to think that meant I hated you too. So, I spent years resenting everything that had to do with you. I never gave myself one moment to reflect on the reasoning for my dislike of you. If I had, we wouldn’t be here right now. Part of me hates that, hates that I spent so much time treating you in a way you never deserved, but another part of me, the part that has fallen so hard for you, is happy it didn’t. If I had realized that I was just jealous of the race wins you were claiming, I would’ve been cordial with you, never getting close enough to get to know who you are out of the envy I held against you. If it had gone down that way, I would’ve never gotten to meet you. And I mean the person you really are, underneath all the PR trained, guarded skin. I would’ve never fallen in love with you, never experienced you and the happiness you have provided me with. It took us so long to get here, through hurtful insults and screaming matches, I can’t let you slip through my fingers, your love with it, because of my stupid mistakes. I won’t let that happen.”
Y/n stays quiet after he completes his last sentence, staring at him as she decides what she wants to do next.
Softly, she says, “Why didn’t you tell me about Lu?”
He sighs disappointedly, “I don’t know. Truthfully, I didn’t think it meant that much. In my head, I didn’t love her. I was just ending a relationship on good terms. I didn’t think far enough to get to you. I’m sorry for that. If I could go back and sit you down, explain to you what Lu and I were doing, the fact that it meant nothing compared to what I feel towards you, I would. You deserve that conversation. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but I hope it does. She was never going to mean the same thing to me as she had before after I first kissed you. Truthfully, she never did mean the same thing to me as you do. I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.”
Y/n nods slowly, gathering her thoughts, “When did you start loving me? When did it stop being hate? Because that night at the gala, at the end of our conversation, you hated me again.”
Lando shakes his head, “First of all, I didn’t hate you that night. I was just hurt and it translated to something ugly, which I can’t apologize enough for. Second of all, I don’t know when I genuinely started loving you, but I know I realized it when you crashed. When I was running throughout the paddock, I could not get away from the heavy pit in my stomach that only pointed toward one thing, I knew that. I tried to push it away, tried to forget about it, but when I saw you laying there, bandaged and alive, it just hit me. I loved that you were still there, I loved the relief that spread through me, I loved the happiness I felt when I saw you breathing, and, then, I just loved you. It built exactly like that. I was just listing the things, in my head, I adored about the moment in order to get away from the severity of it, and then it was just you. You, you, you, you.”
Y/n’s small smile graces his eyes and he moves closer to her, sitting with his legs folded on the bed and his hands over her thighs. The two of them breathe each other in before Y/n is shuffling closer to him. His arms immediately move from her legs to snake around her torso, folding open his legs and pulling her into him. She lays her shoulder against his chest, her head falling to the side to nuzzle in his neck as her legs spread in front of her, lying over his thigh. She plays with the hem of his hoodie as he kisses her temple, laying his head on top of hers.
“You know, I love you too.” She says into his neck. A warmth spreads through Lando, happiness buzzing all the way down to his toes at her confession.
It’s all he’s ever wanted to hear, “I had an inkling.”
She lightly smacks his stomach, giggling, “Don’t be a smart ass.”
Just as he’s about to rebuttal, his phone begins vibrating harshly in his back pocket. His arm reaches around to pull it out, Jon’s face illuminating the screen.
Y/n laughs, “Can I answer it?”
The idea makes him shine with pride, knowing Jon will be proud to hear Lando’s gotten his girl back. So, he plops the phone in her lap with a smile.
Clicking the green button, Y/n puts it on speaker.
“Lando? Did you get there okay? Have you spoken to her yet?” Jon’s rushed voice says quickly.
Y/n gives Lando a playful look before answering, “He got here okay.”
There’s a silence before Jon is cackling, “AHA! IS HE THERE?! LANDO, I TOLD YOU!”
The couple laughs at his antics, Lando moving closer to the speaker to say, “I’m here and I’m starting to think I should listen to you more.”
There’s shuffling on the other end of the phone before they hear Jon screaming to, what they assume is, the entire McLaren garage, “LANDO AND Y/N, GUYS!”
Again, silence, murmuring even, before the entire room erupts in cheers. Lando can hear it’s just his crew, the group of men knowing how much it stressed Lando out to have her mad at him, the reason she was, they didn’t know.
Y/n and Lando break into tears over their laughter at the men on the other end of the phone. It’s therapeutic to see her laughing in his arms again, a sight Lando didn’t think he would see again.
She’s leaning into him as the men continue to cheer, holding him as her body racks with laughter and all he can do is hold her closer, tighter.
He holds her like she’ll leave him again if he lets go, a thought he knows is so preposterous. Because she’s got her eyes closed, blissed out in his presence and he can see the lines of tension wither away.
She’s safe with him, she shows that through the way she hugs him and softly kisses the side of his neck when he ends the call.
When the noise stops and quietness envelopes them, the couple is left with just each other. He lays them down, her body relaxing into him as she murmurs how much sleep she’s lost over their dispute.
He whispers back, “Go to sleep, then, love. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
He watches her eyes flutter close, her head falling further into the crook of his neck when she crosses the line between consciousness and unconsciousness.
Lando’s not tired, however, only laying down with her because he’s not ready to let her go yet. His eyes wander around her childhood room, pictures of a toddler Y/n winning karting races and different championships. Her toothy grin is a charming sight, a look she hasn’t lost in the years of her growth since then.
After inspecting and finding nothing, but more things to love about her, Lando’s eyes avert back to her sleeping form. He brushes the hair out of her face lightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before whispering against it, “At first, you weren’t what I wanted, but I absolutely need you now.”
Tags (i forgot to put these lol): @toasttt11 @megumilovesme @the-untamed-soul @evieepepi08 @igotnorrrizz @im-an-overthinker @cxrlha @ssrcsm @landoslover @minkyungseokie @luvrrish @louvpdf @weasleyreidstyles @ushygushybaby @theycallmeahugger @sainzluvrr @itsjustaninchident @gavisuntiedboot @gracielukey @formula1mount @cjjydes282clo @ssararuffoni @aexitizen
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disneyprincemuke · 4 months
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oscar's girl * ls2
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logan never thought he would meet the girl that broke oscar’s heart
pairings: logan sargeant x fem!reader
word count: 4.2k
notes: guys ive been writing this since 10pm girl it's mf 4am now please sue me i'm sorry this was a long wind up im sorry but dont worry i will be writing a part two HELL YEAHHHH
(logan's girl) // |(f1 masterlist)
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oscar and logan, logan and oscar. that's how it's been since they had run into each other during a karting weekend in the uk a couple of years ago. oscar had approached him with a toothy grin and a packet of candy after seeing logan walk around by himself for weekends at a time.
maintaining the friendship isn't the easiest of feats: logan lives in south florida, while oscar lives on the opposite side of the globe in melbourne. they don't see each other for very long, and very often in a year. but, it always feels like no time has passed when they get together after months of separation.
but being apart for the majority of the year means the window they've got to keep an ongoing conversation is small. but their string of texts has always come in consistently every day, responses from the other flooding in the early hours of the morning and sometimes in the dead of the night.
that was, until, logan woke up one warm thursday morning to an empty and dry phone. he brushed it off, taking it that oscar just had a long day at school. perhaps too much had happened in the day to simply text at the end of the day. so he went to school as he usually did with his best friend in the back of his mind.
but one day turned into two, and suddenly he hadn't heard from oscar in almost a week.
logan had sent one follow-up text. a simple 'hey' to nudge oscar into a response. which did help, because him and oscar surprisingly texted for a short thirty-minute window before the australian called it quits on their conversation to get some sleep for the next school day.
until oscar goes radio silent again for the next three days. so, he goes to the one other person in oscar's life that he knows personally.
"hey mum," logan starts, walking into the kitchen hesitantly. he's been dancing around the idea of asking his mum for help to see if oscar's even still alive and has not been replaced by some clone that's somehow less chatty than the one he said goodbye to at the airport four months ago.
"yeah, baby?" his mother stands up from her prior hunched-over position at the fridge to smile at him. she opens her arms as he approaches her hesitantly, fiddling with his thumbs. "what's wrong?"
he hums, second-guessing his decision to bring his mother into the situation. perhaps oscar just no longer wants to be friends with him anymore? but if that were the case, oscar definitely would have said something to his face and he's just been quiet. "um, it's just oscar," he starts softly, dropping his gaze to his feet, "can you ask his mum if he's alright?"
"of course," she smiles, letting go of him. she walks around the kitchen counter to find her phone. "why, did something happen to him recently? break another wrist?"
logan shakes his head, pressing his lips together. "no, we haven't been talking as much as we used to. i'm just worried that something might have happened to him."
a blush creeps up his cheeks when his mother's lips pout as she tries to hide her smile. "aw, logan! that's very cute of you. and very thoughtful," she teases as she starts to type on her phone. "i'm texting his mum right now. you hang tight and i'll tell you when she gets up to text me, okay?"
"okay."
he tries not to linger around his mum's circle of personal space for very long, afraid to let on that he's more concerned than he should be for the status of his friendship. to combat the anxiety of potentially losing one of his best friends, he locks himself in his room and plays video games all afternoon.
he had been in the middle of a game in call of duty when his phone started to ring. he glances at from his position on his bed and perks up with oscar's picture taking over the screen of his phone.
he immediately pauses the game, tossing the controller to the side of his bed. he slides his finger across the screen to pick up the call and oscar, visibly tired, pops up on his screen with a small smile.
"hey! my mum just got off the phone with your mum," oscar whispers with a smile. "said you missed me, mate?"
"no, i was just concerned cause you've been off the grid for a while," logan scoffs with an eye roll. "i never said i missed you."
"well, i'm sorry for disappearing on you, mate," oscar drops his gaze and a small smile creeps up on his face. in the dim orange lighting of his bedroom in melbourne, logan can almost make out the redness coming through on oscar's cheeks. "there's a reason for that. it's not because i don't wanna be friends anymore. i've just been a little... preoccupied."
logan tilts his head. he rolls over to his stomach and holds the phone up to his face. "what do you mean? more preoccupied than usual?"
"yeah," oscar giggles. "i uh... i've got-" he clears his throat, the slight embarrassment getting the better of him. he lifts his eyes from his thighs and moves the phone slightly further away. "i got a girlfriend."
logan furrows his eyebrows, throwing his head back slightly in shock. "what?"
"yeah," oscar repeats with a hint of a giggle in his response. "i've been seeing her for a while. do you mind if i tell you about her a little bit?"
"really?" logan smiles, squinting an eye. truthfully, he's finding it a little bit hard to believe that oscar's suddenly got a girlfriend. they're literally always on the phone with one another, texting and updating one another on things that they've got no idea about in their day-to-day lives.
not once has oscar come up to him about a girl before, much less developing a crush on somebody. "this is a bit sudden, isn't it? like, where did this girl come from?"
"she's new," oscar smiles. "so, do you wanna know about her or not?"
"alright, fire away, lover boy."
they talk - no, oscar talks - for the next hour about the girl that's recently enrolled into his private school. all logan can do is giggle and smile with oscar at how their relationship had gone down.
even after oscar has hung up, logan still doesn't really know much about the girl he's spent the better part of the past hour talking about. oscar simply refers to her as 'my girl'.
the next time oscar and logan reunite in the uk is at the end of the year. their mothers made an effort to get flights close to one another, letting them run into each other at the mcdonald's in the airport unknowingly while getting food before heading to the hotel.
"dude!" logan cheers, smacking oscar on the shoulder roughly.
"huh?" the smaller boy ahead of him looks up from his phone, turning his head to be greeted by a familiar pair of green eyes. he immediately locks his phone and slips it into his back pocket as realisation slowly dawns on him. "logan!"
"too busy texting on your phone to even notice i was behind you the entire time," logan scoffs jokingly as a hand comes up to pat him on the shoulder.
oscar presses his lips together as a blush creeps up on his cheeks. "sorry. i was texting my girl!"
"my girl this, my girl that," logan rolls his eyes with a smile. "did she not come along with you?"
"no, mate. she's off for a holiday with her family," oscar shrugs, biting down on his lip.
for the rest of the trip, logan will often catch Oscar cheesing at his phone. it doesn't matter when or where: they could be in their hotel room watching a movie, on the track waiting for the race to start, or while they're having a casual chat before they go to bed.
one question haunts logan for the rest of their stay in the uk: who is this girl?
though, it seems that logan is never destined to meet this girl that his best friend spent an entire year gushing about. because at three in the morning on a random saturday in may, his phone buzzes with oscar's picture taking over his entire screen again.
"we broke up."
logan would stay up all morning with oscar that day, letting oscar choke back on tears for the next thirty minutes about the girl that simply packed her bags and moved halfway across the world from him. they would never speak of this day again, even after they both relocated to the uk together to start their junior career.
oscar never speaks of the girl he once devoted his entire self to, but logan often finds himself thinking of her whereabouts and how their relationship had changed oscar.
oscar never uttered the phrase ‘my girl’ when he started dating his long-time girlfriend, lily zneimer. now that they’re in f1 together, logan has at least gotten to know this girlfriend.
he is very well aware that she exists: he’s talked to and touched lily. but the question still lingers in the back of his mind about the unnamed girl, even years later.
the thought of her pops up randomly in his mind as he approaches the paddocks for his sophomore year in the sport. that was prompted by the sight of oscar also making his way into the paddocks slightly ahead of him.
“mate, i heard you’ve got a special guest in your side of the garage today,” oscar teases, stepping away from logan as he reaches out to tap his card into the reader.
“what? who told you that?” logan scoffs, passing through the gantries as he throws his head back in disbelief. “ugh, alex needs to shut his trap. i bet he told lando then lando told you.”
“no, your mum told my mum,” oscar laughs. he nudges his friend with his shoulder. “why? are you shy?”
“piss off.” logan giggles as he drops his head, shaking his head as he bites back a smile. “i’ll see you later, mate.”
“oh, i’ll see you later alright. i’ve got to see who’s making you blush like that,” the australian giggles, shoving him in the direction of the williams racing home.
logan chases his shoulder, managing to land a soft smack before he completely walks away. sure, logan had been seeing somebody for a while, and this weekend was the one he had singled out for you to come out and watch his race.
you were scheduled to come in about thirty minutes for now, about twenty minutes before he is supposed to disappear from the garage for an interview panel.
and he’s excited. this is his first time having his personal guest, who isn’t his mother or brother, in his side of the garage. sure, getting halfsies of alex’s girlfriend from the garage next to him is still something, but it’s just not the same.
so, he tries to pass the next thirty minutes as well as he can. and he does everything: he terrorises his team in the garage, then james sitting his office, then alex in his driver’s room.
still ten minutes left on the clock.
kinda early, but i’m here! :)
logan almost jumps out of his skin at the notification that pops up along with your name. he swallows back the excited scream as he runs down the stairs, pushing himself past alex and his girlfriend who were gathered downstairs with james.
logan swings the glass doors open, slumping his shoulders and feeling a wave of happiness in his chest when he sees you standing shyly by the stairs.
you look very cozy: wrapped in a dark puffer jacket and your bag barely hanging onto your shoulder. he almost wants to disappear with you into his driver’s room and cuddle all day. to hell with his commitments, even if it means fighting off his pr officer.
“hey, you!” logan beams, perking up as he jogs down the few steps to where you were. “you should have texted me when you reached the paddocks. i could have picked you up.”
immediately, he bends down to take your bag into his hands and then he pulls you in for a warm hug. “thanks for making it out this weekend.”
“of course. how can i decline a chance to watch you in your element?” you smile, leaning back slightly and wrapping your arms around him. “thank you for reserving a pass for me.”
“absolutely!” logan cheers, pulling away. “let me bring you inside and introduce you to the team. you don’t mind, right?”
“it’s my pleasure,” you smile.
he puts a hand on your back as he guides you up the racing home, pushing the door open and beckons for you to walk in before him.
“ah, lily, you were right! it’s neither his brother nor his mum that’s making a special appearance this weekend!” alex booms from deep inside the hospitality, throwing his arms in the air. “mr american man got a girlfriend over the winter break?”
“shut up, mate,” logan scowls, moving his hand up to hold your shoulder protecticely. “but, yes. this is… my girlfriend.”
he shyly looks down at you, catching your eye as you glance up at him. you’ve only recently gotten into a relationship with logan; fresh, only six weeks into the title.
“oh, it’s so nice to meet you,” lily steps away from alex’s grasp and holds a hand out to you, “i’m lily. welcome to the paddocks.”
“hi, i’m (y/n). it's so nice to finally meet you,” you smile, taking her hand. “and alex! logan talks about you guys really often. i’m a big fan.”
“oh, logan talks about me,” alex teases in a laugh, also extending his hand out to you. “good things only, i hope.”
“hey, i told you not to tell him that,” logan says through his teeth, giving you a warning stare with wide eyes.
“it’s my first time meeting him, babe,” you laugh to logan, taking his hand in yours to shake.
"oh, can i tell you about logan's antics last year in the paddocks?" alex asks you excitedly, hopping one step toward you.
"or," lily laughs, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend to steer him away from you, "let's let her settle down with logan. you can terrorise her after the day has ended, alex."
"aw, but i've got lists of embarrassing things about him," alex sighs with a frown, though he lets lily guide him away from the new couple. he cranes his neck and grins at you. "i will see you later! i'll prepare a list!"
"so we're avoiding him later," logan smiles at you, now guiding you towards the steps that would lead you to some privacy. "have you run into anyone yet? have you seen liam yet?"
you shake your head. "not yet. but i hope you'll bring me to him so that i can get to say hi? i haven't seen him since we bumped into them at disneyland in december."
"yeah, i know. he's been asking about you." he opens the door to his driver's room to let you in. "so, i've got to run for a bit. i've got an interview panel. it really shouldn't take too long. i'm sorry."
"sorry? what are you sorry for?" you giggle, taking a seat in the corner of the room. your eyes scan the small room, taking note of the endless shirts riddled with williams' logo hung in the corner.
"i don't wanna just leave you here by yourself," logan slumps his shoulders with a frown, resting his hands on his knees as he bends over to meet your eyes. "i feel bad."
"oh, i'll be okay." you wave off his concern and lean in, pressing a chase kiss to his lips. "just text me when you're done. i'll go downstairs and find lily and get to know her better."
"that's a good idea! you guys should really go around the paddocks. there's a concert somewhere too, make the best out of my pass, okay?" logan smiles, his hand cupping your chin. he brushes his thumb over your cheek as he towers over you. "text me if you get lost."
"i won't get lost," you smile, standing up from the seat. "i actually haven't had my coffee yet. do you know anywhere i can get a cup of coffee?"
"oh, lily should know where," logan hums, tapping his bottom lip as he heads for his door. "let me get her for you."
"logan." the firmness in your voice stops logan in his tracks, turning around with curious eyes. "i can find lily on my own. i'll be okay - i'll see you later."
"are you sure? i just feel bad that i'll leave you all by yourself," logan whispers, leaning in to kiss your cheek. "i'll miss you."
"i'll miss you too. but you've got a job to do," you giggle, walking out of his room with your hands wrapped around his arm. "i won't disappear. i'll meet you wherever when you're done. just text me."
"fine."
so logan goes and does his media commitments with alex in tow. and lily clearly had the same idea as you, meeting you at the front doors as alex walked away with logan.
"logan mentioned you were looking for coffee?" lily beams, quickly finding herself by your side as she leads you around the paddocks. "i know the best racing home to get a good cup of, but we might have to sneak in."
"sneak in?" you tilt your head. "is that even allowed?"
"yeah, carmen will get us in! mercedes has got the best cup of coffee to offer around here," lily giggles. "and, you should meet the rest of the girls. what are you going to do for the rest of the evening while the boys are out doing their jobs?"
"i suppose you're right," you shrug with a small smile. "but it's my first time here. should i really be caught sneaking into another team's home?"
"ah, you're with me," lily smiles. "i've got you."
so you actually get your cup of coffee in the back of the mercedes' racing home, now finding yourself huddled together with carmen and lily. they had asked you how you had come to meet logan, especially after the driver had spent most of it behind closed doors and rarely showed himself to the cameras.
it was a pretty simple story. you had been on vacation in new york with a group of your friends, minding your business in the corner of a crowded bar. truthfully, you didn't even want to be there, but it was your best friend's birthday trip. you couldn't say no even if you insisted.
logan had caught sight of you pretending to drink shots your friends were handing you towards the end of the night. eventually, you wound up with about six filled shot glasses hiding behind you, desperately hidden from your friend's prying eyes.
he thought it was funny, and had offered to finish them for you. in exchange for a promise that they were not laced with poison.
you had hit it off, and logan asked you out on a date. while you were unfortunately flying off to another state in a week, he had taken up the challenge and took you out on a date the very next night in the heart of new york city.
the rest is history, as they say.
"does logan actually ever say no to free alcohol?" carmen jokes, blowing into her cup of hot coffee. "wait! there's a concert happening not too far from here. do you guys know who's performing?"
"it should be on the race's instagram page," lily sighs, swiftly taking her phone out of her pocket. "but aren't the guys finishing up their interviews by now?"
"it's a long weekend. would they really notice if we weren't here for one break that they have?" carmen points out knowingly with a smile. "and we've got to show her," carmen gestures towards you, "around. is this your first race weekend?"
you nod shyly, taking a sip from your coffee. "but it's okay, really! don't go out of the way for me."
"that's silly." lily runs a hand through her hair and sighs, resting a hand on her hip. "okay, so, let's meet the guys near the pit building. when they're called in for their driver's briefing, we make a run for the concert area, okay?"
"that sounds like a much better compromise." carmen turns to you with a playful smile. "we will teach you how to make the most out of logan's race pass. you're going to have so much fun with us."
"after the concert, we'll head upstairs to the viewing pen and get a couple of drinks," lily smiles. she glances down at her phone. "oh, seems like they're already done. you guys wanna head there together?"
"sure!"
you start backpedalling from your position, ready to follow the two veteran paddock enjoyers. that seemed like a good idea until your back collides with something - someone - and suddenly you've got mildly hot coffee all over your top.
this is the one time you regret unzipping your jacket to let a bit of the cold in.
"i'm so sorry."
"it's fine," you say with a soft whine, turning around before being flashed by a bright orange jacket and a pair of brown eyes. "it's..." you tilt your head. "do i know you from somewhere?"
the shape of his polite smile and the way his brown eyes look into you are all very familiar. but you just can't quite place a finger on it.
perhaps it's because he looks a lot different from the last time you saw him. you were a wee fourteen-year-old the last time you had seen him before you were forced to pack your bags and move away because of your dad's job.
but, as a kid, you generally did a lot of moving around because of that said job. now you're just trying to single him out by geographic location from the many friends you've made and lost contact with over the years.
"(y/n)?" oscar's eyebrows shoot up, your name coated thickly with an australian accent as his hand lingers on your shoulder.
"oh, you two know each other?" lily excitedly asks, looking between the two younger individuals.
who seem to be very caught up in their unexpected reunion. you'd be shocked too if the girl you had thought was the love of your life shows up at your big boy job with your colleagues' girlfriends with a mercerdes coffee cup in hand.
"yeah, we uh," oscar takes a step away from you and puts his hands in the pockets of his team jacket, "we used to go to school together. in melbourne."
"right," you sigh in relief, finally being able to place him in a particular timeline of your life. you finally remember him: oscar piastri, the school heartthrob with a charming smile and friendly eyes. he had even asked you to be his girlfriend at some point, dating for the better part of a year before you had to leave melbourne with your family. "oscar, right? i'm sorry, my memory's a little bit hazy."
"no, yeah," oscar agrees, scanning you head to toe. "it's been... how long has it been since we last saw each other?"
"very long. it's been years since i left melbourne." you lower your cup and readjust your jacket, trying to hide the prominent wet patch of coffee at the collar of your inner shirt.
but the longer you stare at him, the more the memories come rushing back to the time you spent with the best friend you had made in melbourne for those years. you can vividly remember oscar picking you out in pe to be his teammate, sneaking out of homeroom to grab a juice pack together right down the hall.
you had completely forgotten the tears you shed that day you had to leave melbourne. you swore that you would keep in contact with the warmest brown eyes your eyes have ever seen, but you had simply gotten too busy settling into the new environment that had been thrown at you.
before you knew it, you had dropped your phone into the lake when you were out with your friends and you lost oscar's phone number. you never found a way to reconnect with him, and eventually, he had joined the long list of friends that you had forgotten about.
"i," oscar laughs, "what are you doing here in the paddocks? are you friends with them?"
"no," you straighten your back with a polite smile, "i'm with somebody - logan."
and oscar's never wanted to ever tear apart the paddocks' walls with his own hands before. what do you mean his girl is here with his best friend?
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lxclerc · 1 month
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𝐬𝐨 𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 ─ 𝐦𝐯𝟏
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summary: where max verstappen is the subject of a love song from a singer who never writes love songs pairing: max verstappen x american singer!reader faceclaim: no one specifically but based off olivia rodrigo
note: me? writing max verstappen? smau fluff? on main? everyone look away.
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dailyynupdates
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dailyynupdates yn was seen around monte carlo the past few days, taking pictures with fans and allegedly cozying up with three time world champion max verstappen
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user12 what is going on in the house of commons because this was the last thing i expected
user39 this is quite literally the most random pairing i've ever stumbled across
user91 how do they even know each other 😭 user63 right like...where did this even come from? how did it start? literally how did they meet? they could not be farthest apart in the sphere of famous people
user19 now who the hell is max verstappen and why is he with my wife?
user49 oh girl you have a lot to catch up on the max lore user71 max is a formula one driver user56 saying max is a formula 1 driver like he currently isn't dominating the sport to the point where people hates him saying he's making it boring since he keeps winning because he's just that fucking good that literally no other driver can keep up is kinda wild user10 oh so our girl's new man is good at his job user52 "good at his job might just be the biggest understatement of the century when it comes to max. man's a fucking beast at his job
user48 i dont have to see her with her ratty ex anymore omfg war is over
user93 dare i say...they're adorable
user82 yn being in an age appropriate, healthy relationship? i never thought the day would come
user74 we won for real 🥹🫶
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dailyynupdates
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dailyynupdates max and yn in a video posted by yn's friend 😭
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user93 oh my god look at them 😭
user81 they look so in love i want to cry
user65 "maximillian, do i look pretty like this?" "you always look pretty" i couldn't quite catch what he said at the end but 😭😭😭
user85 dutch here and i believe he said "laiverd" which means darling user75 this means so much to me user65 you just made my entire week
user45 seeing her in love after all the shit men is healing a part of me i didnt know was broken
user53 max fixing her hood then kissing her cheek what if you just stabbed me
user31 every time i see these, i get the urge to take a shot of bleach 😀
sincerelyyn ✓
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sincerelyyn can't have a conversation if it's not all about you
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yourfriend as the other person of those conversations, he's fine i guess 😒
sincerelyyn you know i love youuuuu
taylorswift love seeing you happy ❤️
sincerelyyn ❤️❤️ user73 mother is all of us user63 you know it's real when it's taylor swift approved
conangrey i hate happy couples i hope you both trip 🫶
sincerelyyn die 🫶
user92 their friendship is everything to me
user15 not girlie trying to soft launch like we all don't know who it is 😭
user43 THEYRE SO ‼️🥵🥰⚠️
user65 you're so right
user24 i'm so happy finally seeing our girl happy 😭
user84 "someday i'll be everything to somebody else" YES YOU ARE BABYGIRL 😭
maxverstappen1
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maxverstappen1 my american girl 🩷
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charles_leclerc i still can't believe this is happening
maxverstappen1 for someone who don't even follow me, you sure are early to my posts 😒 user91 max gagged him with that im afraid
landonorris please please max talk to her about getting me tickets 😭
user85 lando is just like us fr struggling to get guts tour tickets maxverstappen1 no ❤️ landonorris 😔 sincerelyyn @landonorris let me get you in contact with my team 🤍 maxverstappen1 baby noooo sincerelyyn be nice, max landonorris HELL YEAH THANKS YN user42 this is the crossover i never thought i needed
user66 max posting non racing content and being all soft in the comments for yn in what world am i in
user52 fr i feel like im in an alternate universe 😭
sincerelyyn love youuuu
maxverstappen1 love you more
sincelyyn i never knew love could be so golden till i met you <3
maxverstappen1 mijn hele hart is van jou, schat (you own my entire heart, darling) user42 they mean so very much to me 😭
danielricciardo god the two of you make me nauseous
maxverstappen1 hating because you ain't us danielricciardo im not liking that attitude, kid 😒 user71 daniel is so us
sincerelyyn
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sincerelyyn so american will be out on all platforms at midnight. a letter to the man i love, the only way i know how ❤️
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maxverstappen1 i adore you with everything in my being ❤️
sincerelyyn ik hou van je (i love you)
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i hope you guys liked this as much as i loved writing it 🫶
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scoutswritingcorner · 2 months
Text
It's Still You
Alastor x GN!Reader
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A/n: Part two of ‘Despite Everything’ also a big thank you to my lovely Kuro (@kurosstuff)- They helped me figure this out!!
TW:Crying, talks about murder, a little screaming, angst. DONT WORRY THERE IS FLUFF I PROMISE!!
He didn’t remember when Rosie had guided him to sit down at a table, you sat across from him as Rosie had to leave to go make some tea saying something about “Needing to talk it out”. He would agree but his pride didn’t want to be bruised more than it already was. The way you won’t even look at him, of course he didn’t blame you but it still irked him to no end.
“Darling..” He started but was caught off with a loud scoff from you, “You don’t get to call me that anymore, Alastor.” You hissed venom lacing your tongue and it went right to his undead heart like a knife. He stayed silent for the first time in a long time, The Great Radio Demon was stunned silent and backed down like a kicked dog. But what made it worse was how tears started to well up in your eyes yet you didn’t acknowledge them, only looked at the wall across from you. “..Rosie told me you were still singing around here..you have your own little parlor..” He whispered out the radio effect gone from his voice, you nodded wordlessly.
He played with his cane and looked away from your face, “Why do you care? Have you ever fucking cared, Alastor?” You hissed out finally looking- no glaring at him. “Was our marriage just for show? It felt like it.” He flinched as his ears fell flat on his head at that thought of you thinking he truly didn’t love you. He showed it the best ways he could. “No no, it was never for show. I could never hurt you like that.” He calmly replied, trying not to let anyone see how upset he was at your words. No one could know The Radio Demon had a weakness.
That made you sob out and stand up collecting your things. He stood up as well reaching out for you but you moved away from his reach. “But you did. You killed me, Alastor. I did everything for you, I got the cops off your tail and covered your tracks when you were too damned tired to notice you got sloppy.” You yelled out, “I worshiped you, you were my husband, what else was I supposed to do?” Tears now falling freely down your face as your hands trembled, “I was scared of my own husband during my last moments alive.” 
He froze in place his ever lasting smile had fallen into a deep frown as he slowly walked closer to you. “That was probably my first fucking mistake in a long line of them but love makes you do crazy shit. And I truly did love you..I still do but I’m so afraid.” His shadow curled around your body as his hands finally reached to cup your face, wiping the tears away from your eyes. “I love you as well, my Songbird.” He started watching as you nuzzled into his hands, “I loved you from the moment I laid my eyes on you. I’m sorry for everything I have done..for how I’ve hurt you. You were never my target.” He whispered out, pulling you closer to his body.
“You were my everything, cher..” He leaned his forehead against yours as you let another sob rip through you. “My driving force, the person I wanted beside me at all times..could we try again? If you allow me the chance?” He asked softly, smiling as he felt your hands, your much softer hands than his, had grabbed onto his clawed ones and nodded. “I would like that, Al..I’m sorry..” 
He hummed and gently placed a kiss upon your forehead, “There is nothing to be sorry for. Tu as toujours eu mon coeur, mon petit oiseau chanteur.” He wouldn’t ruin this chance, not again. You both would run Hell side by side.
A/n: This made me fucking cry so much, I hope everyone loves it! Translation: "You always had my heart, my little songbird."
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star-girl69 · 4 months
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Cherry Blossom
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader
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synopsis: headcanons about you and clarisse and your new adopted kid
a/n: idk inspiration strikes randomly but enjoy
Cherry Blossom - Lana Del Rey
warnings: not proofread, probs ooc clarisse but I DONT CARE I DO WHAT I WANT, swearing, mentions of violence and weapons, idk pretty chill, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
clarisse never really felt anything towards kids
sure some of them are cute
she likes her younger siblings, bc she gets a real kick out of being able to teach someone who ACTUALLY has talent
she wants a mini army of ares kids w her skill
she would DESTROY in capture the flag
but then along comes your little sibling ivy
even clarisse admits that that’s a cute kid
and you just LOVE this little baby
she has the same hair color and skin as you and yours just like omg my baby
she comes to camp when she’s like 10
bc her mortal parent has a new family and doesn’t rly want her anymore
she never really talks about it but you know that it hurts her
and then it’s like omg this adorable little baby needs a mom EYE will be her mom
clarisse is so confused as to why you love ivy so much
but you are DETERMINED
clarisse is trying to have a nice little date with you and then you walk over with ivy on your hip
she’s about to like explode
but one day you’re helping ivy get used to holding a sword and clarisse watches you from afar and she’s like OH MY GOD bc you are teaching her WRONG
so she marches over even tho she’s supposed to be doing something
“oh my god y/n y/n please i love you so much but STOP”
“what ☹️☹️”
“you are teaching her wrong just move over again i love you but MOVE OVER”
so then she teaches ivy just like the basic stances and ivy is like GOOD
you’re both impressed
but she just has a natural talent
and then all of a sudden clarisse is like oh yeah so this is my child and i would kill for her
ivy is the most spoiled camper at camp
like she always gets little baubles and things from the hephaestus kids you ask them to make and clarisse threatens them to make
you get her the BIGGEST piece of dessert every day
clarisse is a bit more bad cop tho
she’s not afraid to tell ivy to go do 20 push ups if she does smth wrong
and you’re just like “WHY ARE YOU TORTURING THE PRECIOUS BABY????”
it’s so funny bc you and clarisse will just be like tucking ivy in every night and it’s SO jarring bc clarisse is like “ok my little warrior have sweet dreams” and kissing her forehead
all of your siblings are confused but very happy!!!! ivy deserves loving parents even if they are two teenage girls
ivy is also the most popular and influential 10 year old at camp
like everyone knows her name and everyone knows to give her what she wants
there was this one day when some older camper accidentally bumped into her and bc she’s just a baby and so tiny (☹️❤️❤️) she got KNOCKED to the ground
and you’re like “OH MY GOD MY BABY”
and clarisse is like “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” about to punch the guy and then ivy starts crying bc she skinned her knee and then clarisse is like WHAT
she throws the kid to the ground and she’s like freaking out
overprotective clarisse you can never escape her
so then you’re all like running off the infirmary and ivy is FINE like you and clarisse are just insane
and then one time another younger kid was being mean to ivy and you actually had to hold clarisse back from attacking this 12 year old
ivy definitely picks up her habits from the two of you
someone pisses her off and she will just start attacking them
clarisse is trying so hard not to be proud while you tell ivy that violence is not the answer
but then clarisse is like “OH WHO CARES Y/N THAT WAS SUCH A GREAT KICK AND AN EVEN BETTER PUNCH”
“CLARISSE NO”
the ONLY two people clarisse is affectionate with are you and ivy like ivy is always climbing her like a jungle gym bc clarisse is just so strong and can like do all these crazy things w her
clarisse will literally throw her up into the air really high and catch her
ivy fucking loves it
you have a heart attack
and now they have to do it in secret 💔
you always tuck ivy in together but let’s be real most nights ivy ends up in your bed
and clarisse is all pissed off
so she ends up sneaking into your cabin and your bed every night
like just a huge tangle of limbs and blankets and ivy snores but it’s not that loud and it’s adorable
like the ONE night clarisse didn’t sneak into your bed ivy had a nightmare and you were like oh no way
bc most nights clarisse comes in at like 11pm and you’re already asleep but you know she’s there and you wake up next to her so
but you wake up to comfort ivy and you’re like WHERE THE FUCK IS CLARISSE
and then ivy realizes CLARISSE IS NOT THERE
it’s like some super dramatic scene in a movie you wrap up ivy in a blanket and come into the area cabin and start berating clarisse
“do you just hate us? bc it is ONE THIRTY THREE in the morning and you are NOT in my bed and poor ivy had a nightmare and you WERE NOT THERE”
clarisse is like looking at you like what
half of her siblings are awake and just watching this crying child you’re holding cross her arms and shake her head disapprovingly and clarisse is not even awake yet
“baby idek what you’re saying just come lay down”
“yes but we’re talking about this in the morning”
“…okay”
of course all is forgiven the next morning after a nice sleep
there was this one night you were at the campfire and then ivy just found some random person’s dagger? and she’s like
“y/n!!! clarisse!!! look what i found!!!!”
“what do you have?”
“a knife!!!!”
“NO”
like that one meme y’all know
and then you have to chase her down
clarisse gives her a very blunt sort of dagger thing to play with and ivy is very happy
it’s so weird bc clarisse is like yk being all grumpy and mean and then ivy or you walks around and she’s like AHHHHHH MY LOVES
also when percy shows up he’s so confused
like the scene where she pushes him over you walk over with ivy and then ivy literally JUMPS from your arms to clarisse’s bc she knows she’ll catch her
and then clarisse is like “omg hi my little warrior how is your day?”
“OH MY GOD I THREW A ROCK REALLY HIGH I’M SO STRONG”
you’re like “no seriously it was like 10 feet high”
“omg baby that’s so amazing i’m so proud of you”
then everyone around you is like “oh wow ivy that’s so amazing you are so strong”
bc ivy is just an adorable baby and also bc they don’t want to incur clarisse’s wrath
she don’t PLAY about ivy’s happiness
percy is ????
then clarisse is like “oh isn’t that so funny my 10 year old baby can throw a rock higher than you probably can”
PERCY IS ??????
that’s all i got y’all
in conclusion ivy is just your perfect little angel princess
and you and ivy are the lights of clarisse’s life
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taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo
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q1ngqve · 3 months
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hi!! same anon here you dont have to take this as a request bc i just wanted to get this out of my chest yandere or at least obssesive averatio where both overstim the hell out of reader (lowkey mindbreak if you're comfy about that??) after reader rejects their advances NOT OUT OF HATE or anything but bc their insecurities got the best of them and either thought the two were just messing w them or they have abandonment issues (i do not have the second one whatever do you mean i am not projecting do not percieve me) no offense to these two but they look like the ppl to mess w your heart n leave you to rot
mb some predator/prey (they both hunt you down after you avoid them both and as ratio wisely said "what do you do with a cornered prey? hunt it to death" AUGHAHSGA) aphrodisiacs, drugging, etc. anyways after that you best bet you'll be too dumb to ever think of something as stupid as that, and sure, yes ratio hates idiots but well..... you will be the only exception given how cute you look all fucked out and broken on their bed with their cocks deep inside you <3
SKLDJALSDJAL HELP i feel awfully embarrassed w writing this lmao scuse me while i bleach my head.
i am very sorry this took so long </3 i wrote this as a fic at first but i lost motivation so now it’s just in the form of brain rot :(
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oh no :( poor reader with insecurities from your past relationships thinking every man out there is a liar, especially the two that gave their hearts to you :( running away from them is a smart move because we don’t trust men in this household!
but you forget how annoying they can be when it comes to getting what they want, and they want you (´▽`) so don’t be surprised when you find yourself feeling scared out of your mind walking home alone and feeling like you’re being watched! or when you find certain luxury items randomly appearing in your room! or the slightest hint of their cologne when you wake up every morning! because you asked for this by running away 😵‍💫
this was supposed to be holiday for you — coming to penacony, but the headache and blurry room before you has you panicking! you best know that no one is coming to save you when you’re running through the reverie hotel like a lost bunny when you receive a letter saying they’ll have you tonight! and if you think you had any chance of escape, you’re so wrong 😖
oh, and don’t let them know that you’re afraid, it only spurs them on! hunting you down through the corridors of the hotel is so adrenaline inducing for them <3 running shouldn’t be so hard though, so why do you feel as if your legs are going to give out any second? oh right, the drink! they probably drugged it, seems like something they would do
an exasperated gasp leaves you when you finally let your body fall, eyes closing, preparing for impact. and the next thing you know you wake up, hands tied above you to the headboard, your body completely bare. you’d struggle with all your might, soft whines sounding at the back of your throat when you spot the two of them hiding in the shadows, staring down at you with those bright, lust-filled eyes
oh, you’re so dead
your body feels like it’s on fire, desperately needing release, needing someone to touch you, anyone. your voice betrays you as whimpers leave you when they stalk towards you, their burning gaze not helping with the burning sensation.
you really did think you could escape! so why’re you here, tied and unable to move? tears fall as you lock eyes with veritas ratio, your fight or flight kicking in when he reaches out to caress your cheek, wiping the tears away. laughter sounds from aventurine on the other side of the bed, you’re just so naive! all he wants to do is to love and break you until you’re a sobbing mess beneath him 😵‍💫 so don’t blame him when he kisses you, he just can’t help it anymore, not when you’re already shaking when all they did was drug your drink and reveal themselves to you after months of stalking :(
the aphrodisiac is making you incredibly sensitive to their touch, which is perfect for them because that would mean hearing your sweet cries of pleasure! you best prepare yourself though, because they’re not stopping until you’re about to pass out 🧎🏻‍♀️ they haven’t had you for months, nobody is going to stop them from worshipping you, not even yourself.
you’ll be so overstimulated by the end of the night that even just innocent touches can have you whining and trembling like a leaf (^^)
“you really think you can run from us?” — veritas ratio
“who you knew you were so filthy, hmm? you wanted us to hunt you down, didn’t you? dirty, dirty girl.” — veritas ratio
“missed you so much, pretty girl.” — aventurine
“stop? now why would we do that? you’re clearly enjoying this. look at you, making such a mess on my cock.” — aventurine
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General Hcs -- Coriolanus Snow
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(He is so damn fine even tho hes evil)
100% overprotective to the point it is toxic but we alr knew that
He is so romantic but also not
Total drama quuen
Every little fight he thinks your gonna leave
Brings you roses and lots and lots of hand holding
He is such an intense kisser but its also super gentle
ADORES the idea of picnic dates (hed never admit it)
He is a sad drunk he will cry the whole time hes drunk but thats the only time he cries
Always reading he loves classic lit and poetry
He needs glasses but refuses to wear them so he asks you to read things for him
This mans is tall very tall like 6'3 6'4 so you can wear heels
Kisses your forehead before he leaves in the morning
He shockingly wouldn't mind dating someone who was taller then him tho but almost noone is
He knows the knee thing -
He has initmicay issues BUT he would work on it if he was truly in love
He would ten outta ten borrow a sweater of yours even tho it wouldnt even come close to fitting him
When he's upset he mumbles
Tries to teach you how to do fancy dances
Hes a god at chess and wont play anyone he thinks would beat him
He does blush at every compliment but he doesnt know that
He observes things espically about people he loves
Jealousy is so extreme with him you cant have a man look at you without him going on a rampage
He would know everything about you if it was silver or gold jewelry or if it was how you tend to like things more if theyre blue he knows it all
"Wanna bet?" and "Make me" are his catchphrases
Hes easily jealous and is not afraid to kiss you infront of them
"I dont want you to be friends with him anymore" "what why not" "because... just because thats why"
Tons of suggestive comments its just his nauture
So much eye contact at all times that its possible
One time you wore his jacket and he acted mad he wasnt mad at all
He wants to learn piano but he doesnt have the time nor the patience
His love language is gifts and physical touch
Hell gift you so many things even tho he cant afford them just to show you he cares
If you want to reassure him do it through hand holding and playing with his hair
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