#i dont wanna overthink this and get tired too fast cause i would like to come up with more stuff before i get bored

[gifti3]

okay im back with more for this arranged marriage AU! Heres the last thing i wrote

this time i made something longer--Asmo and MC doing their little meeting/date before agreeing to marriage its fun check it out :]

the only warning is "an upset asmo getting in ur personal space'" other than that i think thats it!

Tomorrow you were supposed to meet your possible future fiancé. This type of affair was not a first time thing for you so you already had an idea of how things would go. Which was the two of you being forced to interact for several hours.

Though you knew what was coming, was it not possible to be a little nervous considering who it was you were meeting?

Asmodeus Morningstar--one of the most influential families in Nefarelin. Their was no shortage of exceptional members in that tree. And to be crass, every other potential spouse you met before were like dried leaves in comparison.

And this didn't even factor Asmodeus's own appeal and popularity. You'd only seen him in passing a few times but you could tell he was quite beautiful even from a distance. On top of that, the general public were strangely obsessed with him. You weren't completely sure why, but he must be very likeable if that's the case.

God, how many people have probably asked for his hand in marriage by now? You could only wonder.

All around it would be pretty foolish to turn this down. And that's why you were nervous…. Your parents were giving you a choice. But it was one of those choices where the answers were 'yes' or 'hmm, okay I suppose'. You did not want to know what would happen if you dare declined.

You'd already considered the logistics of this situation, dwelled on it for days. And it would definitely be a loveless marriage from your side. And that was something normal…but you were fine with how your life was currently! You didn't want to deal with any expectations romantic or otherwise from a spouse.

And what about Asmodeus.

He was well loved by many, had a reputation for enjoying the nightlife and being the center of attention. It seemed highly unlikely that a man like him was looking to "settle down" all of a sudden!

Your hands stop fiddling with your hair.

Wait.

Maybe this arrangement could work.

~

God this is so uncomfortable.

Maybe you underestimated Asmodeus. For some reason the first time your eyes met his saccharine ones, you struggled with maintaining contact. Each time, it felt like he was staring straight into your mind.

Perhaps it was just your nerves but either way you were overwhelmed. You didn't feel like yourself so had trouble talking.

Luckily for you, Asmodeus didn't notice or didn't care as he had been talking nonstop this entire time.

"Hellooo?"

"Oh--sorry what did you say?"

Asmodeus repeats his question while fanning himself. "I asked if you wanted to rest for a minute. I need a break from the sun."

"Okay…"

It was sunny today but not too hot to take a walk. Though you had been outside for a good while with Asmodeus. You both make your way to a gazebo that provided good shade around this time of day.

You rest your elbows on on of the railings and prop your head in your hands. A small sigh escapes you.

"Can you make it any more obvious that you don't want to be here?"

Asmodeus rests a small distance away, smiling but you're not so sure if he's being lighthearted about it.

It was a fair observation. These meetings always felt like a waste of time to you. They were forced interactions. The worst type. And you already knew you'd agree with the arranged marriage at the end anyways.

"Sorry, I'm just a little tired."

You look back at him and try to give a friendly(?) smile. Actually why not just be straightforward now?

"It's kind of hard to believe you want to get married. It doesn't seem like something that would interest someone like you."

"Eh…I guess there comes a time in everyone's life where they think about these things."

Very vague.

Asmodeus leans back in his chair, looking up as if he's scraping through his brain. "But I don't recall running into you beforehand. I definitely would have remembered…so how would you know that?"

"I've heard a lot about you. Kind of impossible not to."

You had a bit of an idea about him before this whole situation. But once it got out that he was "interested" in proposing, well the maids had no problem telling you everything they knew. It was definitely not all true, but it pretty much confirmed what you already felt.

"That makes sense. Isn't it great that now you get to experience me in person instead of by word-of-mouth~"

"…Uh huh. Well I feel like I should tell you now. That I plan to say yes."

"Say yes?"

"Say yes to marrying you."

You watch for any negative reactions but nothing. Though you were still sure he wasn't really interested in marriage.

"…Oh?"

"Listen I understand if you were forced into this position. In fact, I'm sure that you were. And to be honest I've never been partial to marriage myself. I always thought it wasn't in the cards for me…"

You take a step away from the railing closer to Asmodeus. "But wouldn't it be foolish to say no? Outside of the benefits it would have for my family. You're definitely one of the most sought after bachelors…and well just look at you. I'm almost a little envious…"

Asmodeus's curious face changes to something else. Something you can't really place your finger on. You just knew he didn't look very pleased.

"Well at least I know you're not blind." His fingers play with his fringe. "And that's all fine and dandy but…"

When Asmodeus stands and looks back at you your heart skips a beat. You take a step back as he takes one forward. "I hope you're ready to handle me because I don't think you can."

Oh my god what was happening?

You were frozen in place as Asmodeus trapped you against the railing between his arms. You didn't even think to push him away and just stood there stupidly.

"I-I…"

Rustling sounds from a nearby hedge, but when you both look in the direction of the noise there's giggling and the sound of retreating people.

You sigh. At least someone was enjoying the show.

You gently push at Asmodeus's chest so you can make space.

"Sorry sometimes the staff gets bored haha…er should we h-head back?"

"If that's what you want."

Asmodeus turns away from you. "I just want you to know that since this marriage is just a title I'll be sticking to my usual. Hope you don't mind~" He walks away humming to himself.

Your brows furrow…that man. Why'd he have to do all that? You weren't expecting anything different in the first place?

You let out a huge sigh. Was this going to be the norm from now on?

Well at least you both were on the same page about the marriage…. but you couldn't help but think a serious misunderstanding just occurred.

#U know when ur playing a game and you pick the wrong dialogue choice #Anyways got kinda lost there at the end #I was like...hmm i hope this makes sense! #i dont wanna overthink this and get tired too fast cause i would like to come up with more stuff before i get bored #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmodeus x reader #obey me asmodeus x mc #obey me nightbringer #anyways...not me using miscommunication for drama #dont worry itll be fixed quickly cause mc cant take the heat for long #and is like...whats ur freaking problem?? i didnt do anything to you?? #and asmo is still being passive aggressive but explains #and mc is like...im not trying to use u?? #i thought we could have a kinda mutual beneficial relationship here...? #or something like that #idk shits happening yall lol #Nefarelin is a made up place #i pulled from thin air #cause i didnt wanna say devildom lol

[ethernetchord]

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

#iwwv #if we were villains #iwwv critism #book review #tsh #dark academia #fanart

[dfwemelie]

August🔥

August 5th. I finally got my phone back from the cruise and omfg I wanna go back so bad. It was so incredibly fun and I met alot of amazing people. I met Gage, Taylor, Emma, Destiny, Dezi, Josh, Jacob, DJ, Andre, Adam, Daniel, Ty, Preston, Eddy, Aiden, and so many more people. It was such an experience and definitely the best birthday I've ever had. None of them are gonna read this but thank you to everyone who made my first cruise and my 16th birthday so awesome. I love and will miss everyone.

I got to watch Gavin today cause Sebastian has a eye doctors appointment which is not fun for me. I also have to get my school schedule today cause I wasnt able to on the 1st cause I was in Cozumel. I'm really hoping I get classes with my friends. I'll be upset if I didn't but itll be okay. If I dont I'll just be known as the quiet girl again.

August 6, I have to force myself to stop liking swedish boy but ngl it's so fucking hard. Hes perfect for me. God fucking damn it why does he gotta live so far. Why do I have to get so attached to people so quickly. I just get left in agonizing pain again and again. it's just a constant state of heartbreak. I hate this. I hate myself. He told me hes forcing himself to stop liking me cause he knows there is no way of us meeting. That really broke me. I keep saying it's fine but it's not. Why do I do this to myself. Why cant I just stay away from all of it like I wanted to in the first place. None of it matters anymore. I guess the only thing I can try to do is move on. I was talking to Parker about it and he said if he really did like me then he would try all he could to make it work. Ugh I just wish he could make it work. Hes not my cute swedish boi anymore, just a guy I met on tiktok. It hurts saying that but that's all itll ever be now. My tiny little sliver of hope that I had was incinerated by the flames of tragedy. I gotta move on. I dont wanna move on. I have to though. It hurts. Its weird not seeing his name as Swedish boi now when he texts me. He asked me to change it.

August 9th, I went driving today and i did kinda good. I went on Birnhamwoods and i was scared but i did good. My mom doesnt know how to give directions. Other than that I've just been in bed all day again. I've been watching Jane The Virgin season 5 with Misty and so many things are happening it's great. Theres 5 days till school and I want to go back but I really dont want to. First I'm gonna have to see Gage and that's gonna be hella awkward. We havent talked since he blocked me like a month or 2 ago. I also have to give Scott his stuff back and that's really gonna hurt. I don't tell anyone but I still wear his jacket sometimes. I know it's bad and I need to stop but I cant help it. I cant help the fact I still miss him. But now I gotta give it back to him. By me doing that it means its really over. I guess that's how its gonna be now. Just over. I gotta ignore the fact that I loved him and he was my first. But now it's gone and I have to accept that. I'm just gonna stop trying ya know. Im tired of getting my heart broken. I just need to be alone from everyone for awhile.

August 10th, Yesterday I was playing with the boys and needed to switch the party from my phone to the xbox. My headset was dead so I asked sebastian for his charger cause I lost mine. He said no but I took it anyways. He knew I was gonna take it so he rat me out to my parents and told me to give it back. I asked if I could borrow it again and he said no. I was angry so I grabbed his headset and threw it on the ground, breaking it. My dad heard and ran up the stairs and started yelling at me. He told me to clean my room so I locked myself in the bathroom. They took my phone, xbox cable, and TV cable. My mom tried talking to me but I didn't say anything, only that I wanted my phone back. While everyone was distracted I grabbed pillows, blankets, markers, and my fan and slept in the bathroom as a protest. At around 1am my mom gave me back my phone and said she deleted everything. I was pissed. But I'm fine now.

I went driving today again. We went through benders and looked at the rich people houses. Must be nice not being broke. I also drove to Kroger which I was nervous about since there were so many cars but I did good. I even parked, not perfectly but in the spot. My dad felt bad about yesterday and got me Starbucks. School is starting up soon and I'm excited to see kaylie but that's it. Not looking forward to giving Scott his jacket back. I'm just gonna walk up to him, say nothing, and hand it to him. I'm gonna stop talking about it before I start crying again lol

August 14th,First day of school and I've already cried twice. Scott kept talking about how he broke up with me and how he feels bad about how he did it and regrets it. Then he asked me about Gavin was and I said he really fucking misses him, cause he does. Then the bell rang and I cried walking out. Other than that it was an okay day. Coach Clair remembered me and I was really happy about that. Also my son Jadon is in that class and that made me happy.

August 15th, I'm in chemistry rn and I fucking hate it. I don't think there are any juniors in here and it sucks. I feel like shjt that I failed this class. It wasn't my fault though. I really hate this. It makes me really nervous and anxious and emotional. I'm not gonna cry but I wish I could. Everyone knows eachother and I don't know anyone. I wish I was in Physics instead but i guess that's harder than Chemistry. Now I'm in level chemistry so its gonna be easier cause I struggled with how fast they were teaching.

Looks like I gotta reset my days clean tonight.

I met this guy named Allon yesterday. I see him everyday since he's in my culinary and he's also in my history and my English. He seems cool and is friends with Eugene. Culinary was fun today, we did a speed dating thing and it was awkward at first but once we got to talking to everyone it was easy.

August 16th, its Friday. School is done for the week. I was upset today cause they changed my history teacher and I loved him. Now they put me with this monotone teacher Mr.Horton. it's weird cause there is only like 10 kids in that class. I am now also in Livestock production and there are 12 student in there including me now. I don't know why some of the classes are so small, there are over 2,000 students at gohs now. In culinary we had to split up in groups and I went with Eugene, Allon, Adam, and Tamara. They are a really fun group. I almost feel bad for leaving Michael to be in a group with a bunch of people he doesnt know but he would've had to choose to sit with them or Eugene so I sat with them so he didnt have to. I had alot of fun. I already know culinary is gonna be my favorite class this year. Mrs.Langley says we aren't allowed to choose our groups this year but I hope she changes her mind. Allon seems really nice. I got his snapchat and we've been talking alot. He has the cutest fucking poodle ever. I see him everyday, not just cause of culinary but hes in my blue day English.

August 18th, its 12:06pm and I just realized I haven't done my review for the last 2 days. I haven't done much. I've mainly been texting Allon and watching Netflix.

August 19th, I try to sleep away my depression. It doesn't work

August 20th, by far one of the worst things about grand oaks this year is the bus situation. There are way too many kids on each bus and they have to get more busses cause it's so over crowded.

Last night was okay, I played Apex with Eugene then after we just talked for an hour. He was the main person talking he kept saying he felt bad for talking so much but I told him I'm a good listener so it was okay. We talked about some deep stuff and we actually have alot in common. We both overthink situations and create random scenarios in our head that would never happen but like what if they did. I almost feel kinda bad about talking to Eugene so much cause Michael hates him and I consider them both of my friends. I've just known Michael for so long but I have alot in common Eugene. More than I thought. I've kinda been leaning away from Michael and from my friends in general. I feel horrible for doing it but I don't want to completely cut them out of my life cause they've been in my life for so long. I guess I've kinda just grew out of some friendships, mainly Michael and I's. Idk maybe I'm just talking too much and should just keep everything how it is.

August 22nd, okay so update. Derek hit me up and I'm like ew but whatever. Allon is making me watch pokemon and ngl kinda love it. My hair is curly. We stan. I feel sick but that's cause I ate a sandwich and kept moving around. Also my back hurts. I wanna die. I'm at the bus stop. Its humid. Ew. Gross. I hate myself. That's it. Goodnight.

August 23, I was kinda quiet in culinary today and everyone was very concerned apparently. I spoke maybe 10 words. I dont know the exact reason but it was mainly thinking about Scott and the fact I kinda feel left out alot of the time. I don't even know why I'm still thinking about him, maybe I should take the time over the weekend to try to stop thinking about him. I feel left out alot in culinary, and in life in general. Culinary cause I sit with all guys and they talk about things I dont really know. I dont feel like talking about it anymore. Goodnight

August 28th, not much has happened since I last updated. I played minecraft with Allon last night and it was pretty fun. He died twice and it was super funny. Before he left we talked about just life. How we've both given up on relationships in general cause we've been fucked over so many times. Which I think is weird cause I keep getting mixed signals from him that he likes me but he also thinks of me as a friend. It's weird. But yea he also asked me if I was gonna go to homecoming this year and I told him I would if someone asked me but other than that I probably wouldnt. Yeah and then he left and I cried myself to sleep cause i talk to my ceiling about how lonely i feel at night. Yeah that's it.

I have such bad luck with guys holy shit I hate myself

August 29th, I played more Minecraft with Allon yesterday. We played for 3 hours lol. It was really fun. We both kept dying in the nether and we also kept killing eachother. I still get confused on whether he likes me or not. So many mixed signals it's crazy. I forgot my chemistry notebook at home and I'm very upset about that but oh well. I get to see Julian today so that's gonna be interesting. I keep seeing Scott everywhere I go and it just makes me so incredibly sad. I wish it didnt but it does. I'm sitting next to Johan and it's very obvious he likes me. I feel bad for not liking him back but I cant help for the fact that I will only see him as a friend. I think the whole Scott thing is playing a part in it too. I dont wanna date Johan cause it means I'll be around him more often. I really miss him but I dont. I want him in my life but I dont. Ya know? I'm confusing myself. Carlos and his friend walked to my house yesterday to get his phone and wallet back. It was funny cause there was alot of lightning and thu der and Carlos got hella scared. My mom pulled up and we drove them home.

August 31st, ah the end. I've played minecraft with Allon all day except for when I went to Akashi. Lifes been okay. I still think about him alot but I'm getting better. At least I feel like I am. Hopefully. I know it takes time but fuck I'm impatient. I miss Kaylie. I like culinary. I've officially established a group. It's me, Allon, Eugene, Adam, and the occasional Ty and Tamara. It's great. I'm happy I've made friends. Also I have a new friend in fashion. I'm trying to plan ahead on outfits for the show and I already have my whole 5 outfits but I need my fashion sketchbook to come in quick cause I'm dying from not drawing these. Adam has concluded I'm addicted to vitamin water. This month was ight. Hopefully I get better next month.

[xiaojusaur]

3:00 am

Drabble game! This one is a request from @grimyslacker ! I hope you like it hun!

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Smut / Hints of Angst

Warnings: Bathtub sex, fingering, oral, unprotected sex

Word Count: 2.3K

Description: You explode after Yoongi arrives home at 3:00AM from work, but not spending much time with him makes you overthink and overreact. As soon as he realizes it, he gives you a night to never forget.

Another night dozing off on the sofa waiting for him yet he wasn’t arriving any soon. You were tired already, of waiting for him, of this, of him. You went to lock the front door, he didn’t deserve to be here.

At this point you started thinking that this wasn’t about work, there had to be something else or specifically someone else.

You don’t know when you fell asleep, you just heard the twisting of the doorknob as someone was trying to open the door.

You looked at the clock, 3:00 am. This had to be Yoongi.

You walked lazily to the door, opening it. Outside stood Yoongi looking annoyed with his hands inside of his jacket pockets. “So now you’re letting me outside? Don’t you see is freezing out here?”. By the way, he was talking you could say he was drinking. Maybe he wasn’t completely drunk but he wasn’t sober. You swallowed your words because being woken up like this and he picking up a fight wasn’t a good combination. You just turned around and walked inside, letting him decide if he wanted to enter or not.

“So you’re not talking to me now?” He said after closing the door behind him. You stood silent, just looking at him.

After taking a deep breath you finally talked, “Do you see what time it is? It’s 3:00 in the morning!”

“I didn’t know I had a curfew now,” he answered sarcastically. “Where were you?” you asked already pissed off. He plopped on the sofa, “I was working. Aren’t you supposed to know that already?”. You scuffed, “Until 3:00 am? What kind of work is that one?”

He was starting to raise his voice now, “The one where I'm required to write and produce and see if I’m satisfied with the work.” You rolled your eyes, not believing a single word. “Oh yeah? With which whore?” You said finally getting off your nerves.

“Hey! Watch your mouth missy!” he said as a warning. “Or what?” you defied. His eyes went dark with anger you almost got scared but you needed to know what was going on. “Tell me the truth Yoongi, are you fucking someone else?”

“I'm gonna wreck that mouth of yours if you keep cursing,” he said trying to make you forget that you were mad. Usually, whenever you fight you’ll end up having makeup sex and things would get fixed, but today you felt it was different. You were dead serious today.

“I'm being serious Yoongi, which whore are you fucking? Cause honestly I don’t believe you’re working until 3:00 am.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to calm down. “Do you want to call Hoseok or Namjoon? They can tell you if I was working or not.” He offered you his phone.

“No! I don’t want anything from you, I’m fucking tired of you getting late here and not giving me the attention I need. I should leave to my mom’s, I think this isn’t working,” you said while walking to the room to gather your stuff.

He followed you, “Oh so now the princess wants to leave? Fine! Whatever makes you happy. I did tell you it was going to be this way, you agreed to it and now you don’t want it? I can’t understand you. Maybe we do need to take a break cause I can’t deal with more stress here.”

You were expecting this but you also were hoping to never hear it. “Yeah, maybe we should take a break, so you can fuck your whore freely,” you said while shoving clothes in a suitcase. He came like a lightning to you, grabbing you hard by the arm and spinning you to face him. “Ah! You’re hurting me!” You screamed in pain, you were sure the pressure of his fingers were going to leave marks. “Good! Maybe like that you enter into reason,” he said looking at you directly in the eyes.

You tried to get free from his grip but he was too strong. “Look at me Y/N,” he commanded, his voice turning serious. “Please don’t make this harder for me, I have a lot of pressure over my shoulders.”

You suddenly started crying, he could make you so frustrated sometimes. “How am I supposed to feel when you arrive home half-drunk at 3:00 in the morning?! Huh?! Tell me! Wouldn’t you feel the same?” You pushed him but he just stood there trying to control his temper. “Y/N please calm down. I just had a few drinks with the boys WHILE working. Why are you acting like this so suddenly babe?”

The babe made you angrier “BECAUSE YOU DONT LOVE ME! You don’t give me attention, you don’t feed my needs. Heck! You don’t even touch me anymore.” Tears ran down your cheeks while you screamed your feelings.

“Is this because of that? Because I don’t please you like before? Y/N dear, you know I desire you, hell! If I had the energy and the time I would spend all day in bed with you, making love to you.” His hands were cupping your face, his thumbs whipping your tears. He pulled you to a hug and started to caress your hair. “I love you Y/N, I love you so much, why do you have doubts? Why do you do this to yourself? You know it’s hard for me to find people. I found you and you’ve helped me a lot, I’ve become better. So stop it please and don’t go, I won’t stand it if you go.” He kissed your forehead and then took your chin, forcing you to look at him. “Now, I'm free tomorrow, do you wanna do something?” He smirked and you laughed about the sudden change of mood. “There it is! That beautiful smile. Come on, let’s take a bath together and relax a little.”

He walked you both to the bathroom. You started filling the bathroom with some warm water. You turned around and Yoongi was looking at you with a smile on his face. “What?” you asked laughing. He got closer, holding you by the waist “Nothing, you just look cute.” He pecked your cheek and then your neck. You giggled because it tickled you. “Should I add a bath bomb?” you asked him. “Please, something to makes us relax.”

You started looking for a lavender bath bomb and when you found it you threw it in the water. “Should we get undressed now?” he asked teasingly with a smirk on his face. “No, maybe we should get in with clothes on,” you said joking.

He then pulled up the big shirt you had, leaving you only in panties. “Well that was fast,” he said laughing. “I was sleeping, do you want me to sleep in jeans and bra?” He started laughing while taking off his shirt. “Do you want me to help?” you asked while taking the zipper of his jeans between your fingers. He hummed “Someone’s eager.”

“Well, it’s being quite a while. I'm always eager for you,” you answered. He hummed again while you unzipped his pants when they fell he stepped out of them. You then pulled down your underwear and he did the same. He then dipped into the bathtub a low grunt leaving his lips. “Come, baby,” he stretched his arms calling you. You smiled and then got into the tub, sitting between his legs.

He wrapped you in his arms, pulling you to him. He took the liquid soap and started to pour it on you, massaging your back and your shoulders. He then started pouring some water on you to wash out the soap. He started caressing your legs, going up your torso, he squeezed one of your breasts playfully making you laugh.

But then both of his hands grabbed your breasts his fingers twisting your nipples. His mouth was kissing your neck, you closed your eyes enjoying the feeling of his soft lips and his hands toying with you. A low moan escaped your lips, he breathed giving you tickles and then whispered in your ear “Do you like it?” His low voice making you shiver “I love it oppa.” You rested your head on his shoulder, his hands now traveling down your torso, he was trying to reach between your legs.

His hand pushed your legs apart, taking your earlobe between his teeth, his fingers found your clit. You sighed in relief while he massaged your bundle of nerves. He was going slowly, torturing you, making you surrender to the pleasure. A low “Yes,” escaped your lips and he moaned at your cute voice. One of your legs was now hanging on the edge of the tub, spreading yourself more to give him access. A bony finger entering you surprised you making you gasp. He knew you were ready to have more so he slipped another finger in stealing a moan from you. He started pulsing his fingers while his thumb caressed your clit. “Oh fuck, Yoongi yes!” You were a moaning mess. He started going faster and deeper on you, the water now splashing out of the tub, your moans could be heard all around the house, you were sure. “Yoongi Im gonna cum,” you whispered. “Cum baby girl, cum for me.” And with that, you exploded with a long moan. “That’s it,” he hissed and the kissed your cheek. “Let’s go to the bed now, we’re gonna turn into raisins.” You laughed at his comment.

You were in the room now with a bathrobe and he was just covering his lower half with a towel. He then let drop the towel, standing all naked in front of you. Your eyes glowed because he looked like an angel, his skin glowing, his hair damp from the bath.

He was walking to you slowly, almost like if you were his prey and he was about to eat you all. “Now come here, I'm gonna make love to you through all the rest of the night, we’re not going out all day, I'm gonna pleasure every corner of your body.” His words sparking a new fire inside of you; desire.

He untied your bathrobe, letting it fall to your feet. He started kissing your neck, licking and nibbling on it, his hands ran down your arms. He noticed some purple spots: the marks of his fingers. He gasped and stopped doing everything. “What’s wrong?” you asked confused. He just caressed the spot. “It’s okay Yoongi, it doesn’t hurt,” you said sweetly. “I hurt you,” he said as a whisper. “It’s okay, just... come here, touch me, make me yours again and again.” His eyes were now two balls full of hunger.

He touched your cheek and you leaned into his hand saying “Your hands are big, let me feel them all over me please.” He started kissing you wildly and you both fell onto the bed. You were on top of him, kissing him while he ran his hands up and down your back. You kissed his neck, down his torso until you reached to his length, it was waiting for you all hard.

You started kissing the tip, looking at him all innocent, he passed his fingers through your hair and smiled, eager for what was coming next. You then opened your mouth and wrapped your lips around him, going as far as you could. Going back up you sucked him, looking at him directly to the eyes. He hissed and then moaned when you reached the tip. “Ooh jagi, do that again.” You complied with his wish. You were now bobbing your head, making him grunt and hiss until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Babe, please ride me, come,” he begged.

You climbed over his legs, straddling him. He was holding his dick for you to sit on it. You took it to find your entrance and when you did you slid down slowly. Yoongi hissed at the new feeling, “Fuck! You’re tight.” When you finally reached the end you started moving, rocking your hips back and forth. This position allowed him to reach your spot easily. He placed his hands on your hips, guiding you on how to move. After a little while, you started jumping fast, feeling the knot in your stomach trying to get free. He noticed and his hand found your clit, rubbing it furiously, trying to make you reach your high. “Fuck! Yes!” He kept going until your hips were moving furiously, “Shit Jagi! Cum for me, let me hear you, baby,” and that was all you needed, your orgasm hitting you, a sigh leaving your lips. You crashed on his sweaty chest, trying to recover fast because he wasn’t done.

“Don’t get too comfy, I haven’t finished,” he said smirking, suddenly rolling on the bed so you were now under him. He took both of your legs and placed them on his shoulders. He slipped into you again, thrusting you mercilessly. “You look so good like this, under me, your breasts jumping, you’re mine.” He let your legs fall on his side and started kissing you, never stopping his hips. He was whispering in your ear how much he liked you, how much he loved you, how beautiful you are. “I'm gonna cum baby,” he almost cried. He started going faster on you and then he pulled out, exploding on your stomach and with a loud grunt. He crashed on your side kissing your cheek. “Do you feel loved now?” you nodded and he smiled.

When he was recovered he took the towel and cleaned your stomach and then came back to cuddle you. It was 6:00 am already, the sun was starting to peek. “Yoongi we haven’t slept,” you giggled.

“Didn’t you heard when I said we were going to spend the day in bed? I wasn’t referring to sleep.” You purred and he chuckled, kissing you again to start a new round full of pleasures.

#bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts smut #bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts suga #min suga #min yoongi #yoongi #agust d

[disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope]

Rant

Yesterday bts made a comeback and everything was literally perfect, 10000/10, ✨✨✨✨✨✨

Today life has no meaning again and i spent the whole time on the couch. Idk what im still doing at uni. In high school i used to say i wont have work to do in uni bc ill be doing what i like so theres no obligation but boy no. I havent been there in more than a week but honestly the classes are either super useless or the work can be done at home (even tho the teachers might cause u trouble for not showing up wtf this isnt hs). Anyway motivation is dooooown there and knowing this is costing money is giving me headackes every minute. I dont even know what to do next year. Do i finish the 3rd year, do i go for another major? I cant quit cause my parents would never let me and honestly i dont want cause gotta force myself to leave the house once in a while. Im just delaying everything in my life rn. Feel so empty. The things that bring me joy happen so fast and take too much time to comeback or cost money i dont have. Im always overthinking about the future too. I wanna make my own money. Sick of getting in arguments with my mom but literally depending in her for everything. Im also taking almost 2 years now to take my driving lincense im just that idiot. Its honestly too much. Theres no purpose. No motivation, no fun college experience, no friends, no money, no independency, no growing as an artist and person. Just the same old stuff, just more overthinking, anxiety and whinning. I dont know what to do. I dont do anything and im still tired of everything mentally and physically. How is that possible?? Ugh when will my life begin

#personal #rant #help

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 4(SWAP)- “I'm happy if anyone goes but these bitches' mouths are sealed”-Raffy

I prayed for a swap... and now I'm regretting it. Honestly, kind of got tribe swap fucked. There are 4 original tribe members and then... me and Owen ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE FROM OUR ORIGINAL HOUSES. So... the odds are NOT in our favour. Hopefully maybe we link up with Juls and Chips and potentially set ourselves down as a four.. but also maybe that four isn't tight and I can wiggle these hips into a majority somehow. Straight off the jump you can tell that Landen/Matt are probably close. They have the same interests, same age, and both don't shut up so.. I can see it. I've played with Lily in the past and she's lovely. We weren't exactly very close and she got robbed by a twist but.... hopefully we can try and pick up where we left off. Chips is... lacklustre. I know when I hosted him he was a busy man.. so maybe it is different here. I AM ALSO OBSESSED WITH JULS. So hopefully she's just as obsessed with me and we can work together but I do see similarities in our games and she's someone who when I saw cast reveal I instantly knew I wanted to work with. Honestly, I know the odds might be stacked against me but.. I'm gonna work harder than a hooker on a busy night to get everyone here to love me and keep me around. PS: I miss Jacob ALREADY.

heyoooo WE MADE IT TO A SWAP!!! so basically hufflepuff was the last in-tact tribe standing, meaning we had all 5 players remaining while slytherin had 3 and gryff/raven had 4, meaning a swap right now COULD work well in our favor, and it did, except for meeeeeeeee my ENTIRE tribe (with the exception of me) got to STAY on hufflepuff, meaning I am alone but not only am I alone, every other person on new gryffindor still has someone from their original tribe and the split is 3-2-2-1, so no one tribe has a majority that overpowers the tribe as a whole since theres 8 people, but I don't have someone to fall back on as much as they might because they all have someone in a similar situation as them. HOWEVER, I did get swapped onto a tribe with jacob and jules who are two REALLY good friends of mine, I have known jacob for like 5+ years, and jules and I were a final 2 actually jacob's big brother series (sry we voted you out again sammy :c) so i am hoping i can find solace in them and maybe their relationships can also become my relationships? but its still scary to be the only person of your og tribe because just by process of elimination you could be easy pickings, so come tomorrow, as its still the night of the swap and most everyone just went straight to bed, i need to get boots on and work some social magic. But i wanted to make this confessional to give my first impressions of how i feel about my new tribe mates! we'll just go in alphabetical order autumn - she seems really cool, she turned it out in selfie scavenger hunt for her tribe which was awesome and hopefully we as a tribe can winning due in part to her dedication, all i know about her is that she played crossroads with jake p who i know and that she WON i think she's fairly well known in the community and its partially if not mostly for her good gameplay? she strikes me as the quieter but more strategic type, shes not gonna make big huge moves but shes gonna set herself up perfectly to make those undetectable moves that no one really sees and then she gets to the end and you think what did she do?? and then you realize when she blows you out of the water with her utr gameplay, but also who knows dan - DAN!! me and him played ts manhattan beach together, which was... a time, we were not really on the same side i believe we voted together a few times and worked together for the sake of making a move but neither of us were ever in the others inner circle until the back to back rounds where WE WENT OUT!!! i voted with him as the only person to do so when he left at final 7, which i dont think he believed in the moment but has since realized thank goodness, but i wanted him to stay in that game and maybe voting with him even tho it got me 6th right after and us ending on a good note actually was a good thing? what i know about him is, he is SMART, but i think he lets it show a little much, he seems passionate and very into the game and when things dont go his way i think he struggles to see the logic outside of his own, which makes sense the guy is really smart im sure if he believes something is wrong he has a reason to but it can make working with him unless your undyingly loyal to him a piece of work. if my memory serves me correctly i believe i tried to pull some fast ones on him in mb, where i lied and voted differently or maybe blindsided him a few times and then tried to damage control that and it caused distrust when the time came and i WAS being honest. so my gameplan now is if i end up wanting or needing to work with him (the jury is still out on that one as its like 2 minutes into the swap) but if i do work with him i want to be as upfront as possible and i want him on my good side at all times, like i said he's passionate so he has a FIERY side and i dont wanna be on the receiving end of it. joanna - me and joanna played tashirojima together and..... i may have blindsided her a couple times too.. maybe this is a wake up call for me, BUT ANYWAYS, we played together and we're aligned but i was playing the middle and then i chose the other side and she tried to vote me out and then i worked with her again and then i turned on her again and then i made final 3 and then she voted for me.. so now that we're all caught up, she's a good player, she is very smart and extraordinarily strategic AND loyal, but i dont think she takes to dishonesty very well, not personally but just in the game, i think she sees a clear smart and she'll do what she needs to make that move happen and she's fairly good at it from what i've seen and heard. My other point with her as opposed to dan, we played but ended up on different terms, i voted her out and then she voted me to win, so i think we're fairly informed on how the other plays and that could work against me BECAUSE I WAS SO FLIP FLOPPY IN TASHIROJIMA but hopefully i can bandaid it up and say oh i've changed im tired of stressing every vote i just wanna be loyal find a group and play out with the people i trust yadayadayada which i DO maybe not RIGHT NOW but i do!! anyways im getting away from my point, she's smart, i'm smart (kinda?) it will either bring us together or drive us apart its all reliant on how she feels, personally i would like to work with her bc i do want to be loyal but i want to be in a group that is also LOYAL and also WORKS, i dont wanna jump on just ANY ship, i want to be on the BEST ship, the one that's gonna sink LAST, when all the other ships are capsized and fully submerged. so we'll see how that goes nicholas - i do not know nicholas much at all, i haven't heard anything about him before this game nor during this game, he seems really fun and nice though, i appreciated his intro video it was chill, as for how he plays i have no information on that but i think him and jacob worked together or at least got to know each other so maybe i can get some info on him from jacob we shall see...... raffy - similarly to nicholas i do not know the guy unfortunately, i got a tidbit of info from an unnamed dr guest who was not fond of him, not a very good start BUT i am not going to let that influence me, im still going to go in with an open mind when i talk to him tomorrow and hopefully i have a different opinion and he's really cool! but yet again we shall see as for jacob and jules who i mentioned above i wanna touch on them a little bit because the dynamics there are much more complex, 1. jules is my number 1 in this game, i adore them, i love them, i will do anything for them, BUT thats how i played candyland and jacob HOSTED THAT, he knows how we played individually AND TOGETHER, but more importantly, he knows how CLOSE we are, and if you wanna hurt one of us you take the other out, i dont know if he would DO THAT but he might which leads me to my 2nd point... 2. i have voted jacob out of like every game we have played together lol. BUT I NEVER WANT TO !!!! i love jacob, he's wild and polarizing but he's a good friend just a good person all around but when he plays he can be emotional and in tashirojima i made a move against his number 1 and i didnt want it to divide us but it did because he wouldn't talk to me, so when i had planned to wiggle back in with him he didn't allow me to and i had to vote him out for it sadly, and then in 2020 our last game together, he was practically dead in the water and did himself no favors with how he handled situations with sammy so while i would have voted with him if it meant saving him (sorry sammy) that was not on the table so i had to vote him out, and it literally sucks EVERY TIME, because i love jacob but him in games always puts me in those positions and i hate it, and i told myself i dont wanna do him dirty, well i never WANT to do him dirty, but im going to try and actually avoid a situation that puts me between a rock and a hard place one of which being having to vote him out. but yeah so while i trust those 2 there's some things that could come out of the woodwork that may not be good for him but hopefully i can prevent those or get around them. its not very long into this swap so i may be overthinking and being paranoid but aha ha haha .. ha haa. *raven symone voice* YEP! THATS ME! ok anyways i could be very off in this "assessment" if you wanna call it that but i was bored and its 3 am so i wanted to confess, here's to making it to a swap!! WOOOOOO

OWEN AND I ARE FINALLY ON THE SAME TRIBE, YAY!!! I'm really sad that Kevin is now on a different tribe and all alone but hopefully he can work his way into a good alliance or something.  That would be a really hard spot to be in.  Also when I play these things I'm bad about just talking to a handful of people and not talking at all to others but I am being VERY SOCIAL this came I messaged the people that hadn't messaged me already and I want to keep up a conversation with everyone, I NEED to keep my social game strong and start thinking about endgame.  

so the tribes swapped last night and before you ask, YES i was blessed, YES i got the right house. i was sorted onto hufflepuff as i deserve, because we are the best house, and i got 4 pretty cool new people on my tribe. oh i also happened to get 3 other hufflepuffs which is great for me because it means i am in the majority :D that was such a marshmallow move, and now i don't have to worry all too much about going HARD on social play or anything like that i can just sort of chill, remain a UTR threat, make new pals, and stay on the right side of things via being in the hufflepuff majority. i'm also well positioned here i think as i have max and juls in sort of weeb trio, but ruthie/lily/myself had a sort of agreement max would go if puff lost. on top of that jess seems really funny and i think we'll get along, i might have a harder time with chips and owen but we'll see because they seem nice. (just not sure if they're people i'd personally bond close with, but that may just be because they're newer to me! it's all a mystery!) i'm also obviously very tight with juls, i love her a lot and we were close in 2020 and will continue to be close here! she is the definition of the word legend and i would throw my own game away for her, yes i would. i already have and i'll DO IT AGAIN! overall this is a tribe of really strong competitors and i can't wait to keep making marshmallow moves, *badgerin* the gryffindors, and ignoring the ridiculous idol hunt that's probably going on COMPLETELY while i vibe.

I really like my new tribe. It feels like a good, diverse cast of OG tribes. I think I might lean towards aligning with those in Ravenclaw because they will have the numbers with only two. Autumn and I can be those 2. I am so glad to have Autumn with me as well. She will easily help the most out in any challenge. Also, I feel like I can trust Dan, but I am going to hesitate for now. 

So this swap was pretty okay? I would have preferred Owen over Joanna hands down, but having 3 people from the OG Ravenclaw is kinda cute.  My plan is to really focus on building relationships with the people outside of the OG Ravenclaw, specifically with Kevin and either Jacob or Nicholas. I have played with Autumn before and she gets top 5 without even trying, so she is definitely on my radar of someone to try to get out before the merge. She is a great player and I would prefer to not have to fight against her for a better resume at the end. Also, on top of my idol, I found a risk/reward kind of thing that I will likely only tell Jules about. I want to drive home the point that me, owen, and her are my end game people. I am worried that Jules is close with Jacob irl and in this game because I don't want to risk her spilling the beans. I might think on that plan a little more before I put it into action, but honestly I probably will tell her. The power is only activated if I am willing to lose my vote at a tribal council.  Honestly if we lose this comp, I might need my vote just to establish trust with people, so if I'm able to save it until the merge and then lose my vote when I have individual immunity, that would be ideal. Gotta check on the rules for it though. 

It’s been a while since I’ve given an update and a lot has happened. I’m not sure if this is a blessing or a curse, but I managed to make it on a tribe with 4 original Hufflepuffs. Insane to say the least. Immedietly I felt very relieved. It’s nice to know that the people I’ve gotten to know and built some level of trust with during the first tribe would continue with me for the tribe swap...but idk. It could be a disadvantage in the long run by people associating our loyalty to one another. But I’m hoping the positive relationships I built with this tribe and in the great hall would take the target off of me if I can make it to merge. The odds of that feel good since I’ve been able to avoid tribal for this long, but I’m scared that the first tribal I attend sends me home. I really do like our new tribe but so far I’ve really only had good thin to say about this cast! People have positive attitudes even in such tough times and literally everyone is hilarious! I find myself laughing often! As far as who I can trust most, at this point it’s Ruthie. She is the only one who is deliberately said that she has my back. And I feel the same way. Hoping no one sees us as a power duo, but we shall see. I also think landen has been fairly honest with me about his opinions of the cast and that he hasn’t played with very many people. Throwback eep to when I told him I only know 2 people in the cast but it’s really 5! Ugh that’s gonna haunt me I can feel it when 3 out of the 5 people I know are now on our tribe. Eep! Any who, I’m really nervous for Kevin and hope he does well! I felt like we got along really well on the original tribes. With him being the only hufflepuff on the other tribe, I’m worried he is the easy target. Got my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. 

i do be lying doe.....i do be lyin......

2 minutes later

to leak or not to leak to joanna...that is the question...maybe i wait....i dont want them to think they can vote me!

14 minutes later

lemme take some time to praise the hosts and this game!!!!!!! cause i ain't doin confessionals enough LMAO!!!! wow the level of originality...the level of harry potter inclusion....the idol search... ugh its amazing i LOVE it, yall did an amazing job with putting in harry potter but not like TOO much that people who don't know it might get overwhelmed? also yall are just a joy to talk to in my confessional!!! love this, never been so into a survivor game -- this is literally the first game where i've remembered to idol search EVERY day (well, almost EVERY day but STILL!!!) and idk. im so glad i'm playing this!! idc what placement i get as long as i make it to merge!!! thank you hosts!!

I am kind of disappointed on how things turned out for the challenge. I really didn't want to have to go to tribal especially because I do not think that I have established myself well on this tribe. However, I did a good job on the challenge so I hope I can stay for it. No one has been saying a name. Autumn did mention that one of the J's should leave. I think it should be Jules because she did so bad in the challenge. Well, either way, I'm happy if anyone goes but these bitches' mouths are sealed

Winning feels SO GOOD! I really like my tribe. Everyone has been kind of quiet. Surprisingly even with Owen here I talk to lily more and she is currently my strongest connection in the game. I’m not sure if it is going to stay that way but I kind of hope it does! We’ll see what happens haha

Everything was super quiet and then everything started happening all at once. Now I'm in three different alliance chats and nothing seems super solid. All I've heard if Raffy or Autumn and I'm guess Raffy is going? I don't want to vote anyone out, I like everyone, but I'm not aligned with Raffy and I don't want it to be me, so I'm going where the numbers are going I think. 

Entering this tribe swap, I had definite concerns as Jacob and I were in a minority position by default. However, somehow Kevin was in a minority of one, so I capitalized upon that and reached out to him! Granted, he was someone I enjoyed speaking to from the start, so minority position or not, I wanted to align. Secondly, I reached out to Joanna. She and I immediately hit it off, and if the vibes and aura I am getting from her is true, I think she’ll be incredibly loyal and fun as a ally! Dan, Autumn, Raffy, And Jules have all reached out to me as well. Dan is someone I have enjoyed conversations with for sure, but I do not see myself necessarily staying diehard loyal. I actually adored Autumn and I’s conversation, but I have to be wary of them! They are strong in competitions, and I do not want that. It’s pretty humorous that I think removing challenge threats means I’ll be able to win more challenges, because I suck. Jules and Raffy are who I vibe with the least, but I also remember Jules screwing me over in the ETC mini, when she played into the Hive Mind and basically allowed me to be targeted simply for being an outsider. I am not going to target her simply for that reason, I believe in forgiving the past and leaving games behind, but I do not trust her so far. Personality-wise, we get along! I decided to form the 4our alliance of Kevin, Joanna, Jacob, and Myself. I believe this will be a loyal core to what could be a stellar alliance! I suggested Raffy and Autumn, so I am hoping Raffy ends up being the plan, which seems likely. In the future, I would like to target Autumn-Jules-Dan in that order, although I am open to switching the order. I do think I have some level of control strategically and socially over this tribe, but I cannot get cocky! I have to be humble and take the journey one step at a time. Raffy, in a game of social connections, just like our puzzle, you cannot slide by without talking to others. My vote is for you. x nick

Whew! I made it to the tribe swap!! And I'm a Hufflepuff now! My ACTUAL house! Don't have to spy anymore. https://media1.giphy.com/media/LsKyE4J9PGjIc/source.gif

 Anyway - the people featured on my original tribe are: Me & Juls Cool. She's already been open with me about who she wanted to vote off from the previous tribe so I think we can work together still. From the previous Ravenclaw tribe: Owen Um... boo? I don't know, honestly. He just NEVER has or ever wanted to work with me or even really speak to me in any ORG we have ever played. I would like for this to change and will try but yeah I don't know. From the previous Slytherin tribe: Jess Yay! I wanted a chance to play a game with her. I hear she's cracked out of her mind almost all of the time in games. I am here for it! I hope I don't ruin our game relationship by saying too much or the wrong thing! From the previous (and still on) Hufflepuff tribe: Lily, Ruthie, Landen, Max Yay to pretty much all of these. The fact that they all self-identified as Hufflepuffs means that they are my people! I want to pal with all of them. Anyway, as far as game stuff goes Jess asks me how I feel about the game and I tell her that it's been alright and that our first vote was someone who asked to go and that we haven't really been playing this game. Then I said I hope we don't go to tribal because I think I like pretty much everyone. https://media0.giphy.com/media/5tlq0pRndGu8U/source.gif 

Then I made a huge faux pas... I said that if we went to tribal hopefully someone who was original Hufflepuff would go. And gave no context. So I guess I gave her bullets to have me killed at a future tribal if it's a "anyone but me" situation. Our challenge was not for reward. We had to do a bunch of puzzles. I suck at jigsaw so I decided to do slide puzzles. I have no mouse and apparently not having one slows me down exponentially. I did the worst at my puzzle. Our tribes tied. We won tie breaker because EVERYONE ELSE is good at puzzles! Final topic. Idol hunt. Still a fail. Went to the lake. The selkie would not speak with me. I think we're in love. https://media2.giphy.com/media/oBfiN3ZSuUEdq/source.gif

I guess I will vote Jacob if Autumn wants to lol

hi it’s me nichole.. um. smiles. i don’t really know what to say um.. we won! woohoo! another melodrama victory, i’m hoping everyone likes me as much as i’m thinking because :flushed: yes she has a social game.. yes she’s thriving.. i cant get anything in the castle so that’s cute. only hints but is that shit gonna click? No. 

hi!!!! so we lost sadly. i did rly rly good on the maze so im proud of myself. tribal seems to be easy enough as we were deciding between raffy and autumn but then raffy decided to throw my name out so i think he's going unanimously now. ill be getting a vote which is cute but idc. once hes gone i defff want autumn out bc im in an alliance with everyone but her and dan but at least dan pms me a good bit!

HERE'S THE GOSSIP - I'm so happy we swapped! I would've been heartbroken if we lost and I had to vote out another Ravenclaw, so this is best case scenario. On first glance tho i look mega swapfucked.... all three of prior tribe members separated from me? But honestly, I think that puts me in a better position. Not only can I make new connections, but I won't be targeted for being a block of three. PLUS? I LOVE being on a tribe with Juls, Lily, Jess, Ruthie.... I'm truly THRIVING rn!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chips hasn't talked to me much. Max is okay but seems kind of fuckin crackt. And I like Landen a lot so far! So we're in a good spot. And a puzzle??? whew, this was my week xo Praying my Ravenclaw babies are okay, and I'm going to work on building maybe a counter-Hufflepuff alliance with Juls Chips and Jess if we lose!

ok I only have 5 minutes to write this so we will fully get into the tea later but to recap: 1. God gave me Kevin because He knew what was about to come next 2. the kids are all voting Raffy and only Jules had the heart to tell me 3. I too am voting Raffy because I don't have time to be on the bottom of the tribe and I think there's some fuckery going on 4. all HELL is breaking loose in the tribe chat 5. I got caught in a lie so I've already had to start an apology tour 6. I still have a headache lmao There is so much that needs to be said but all I'm gonna say is Raffy giving me a good laugh helps our goodbye be less bitter. He is genuinely great, was really understanding about it all (and me having to think long term instead of being loyal) and I want better for him. I also want better for myself since my own tribe has been usurped from me? but I digress. Raffy needed to pop off cause they lied to him and me the entire day so what did you expect. I have a lot of his mess to clean up now but hey I have time on my hands. Long live Raffy I will try to do right by you

[transient-tutor]

RILEY: -it's been a long night of mixed emotions and very little sleep, a long night of staring at her oldest in comatose, a long night of thinking and overthinking and not so much talking. it's afternoon now, and both she and Derek have to go back to the room for something, anything that's a taste of a routine life outside of all this tragedy and loss. Riley walks ahead first and looks around blankly before just sitting on the bed to just lie down and face the wall.-

DEREK: -he follows her into the room, just ghosting along in step with some semblance of familiarity. there's always something to do around here if he just looks for it. maybe rearrange his things. he's always making a mess of the room anyway and though he doesn't usually care and prefers it that way, right now he only feels offended by the mess.- 

DEREK: -while riley lies down unmoving, he can't stop moving. he gathers up puppets and puts them up on a shelf... rearranges them a few times before suddenly shoving them and EVERYTHING ELSE off the surface with a loud clatter.-

RILEY: -rolls back around at the loud sudden sound and sighs seeing how intentional it was. he's tense, but so is she.- is that really fucking necessary?

DEREK: Fuck! -and cue the pacing. it's unclear if he was swearing at her, or just in general. there's a good chance he didn't even hear her.-

RILEY: -she watches him pace and pushes herself up so she's sitting again- yeah. same.

RILEY: glad we can talk.

DEREK: -that seems to have gotten his attention now and he spins to look at her.- What are we gonna talk about Riley huh? 

DEREK: You just wanna get on me then go ahead and say somethin. 

DEREK: Tell me how Im supposed to be feelin right now!

RILEY: -she feels herself growing angrier with the way he's speaking to her (as if she isn't doing the same) and narrows her eyes at him- you don't have to wreck the room and yell about it because that's gonna do a whole lot of fuck all. 

RILEY: he's my son too.

DEREK: Yeah? And what good is lyin around gonna do either? 

DEREK: You aint said a damn thing to me until now and you werent gonna. Only shit you got to say is what I should and shouldnt be doing. 

DEREK: Fuck. 

DEREK: Dont pretend you got some high ground over me just because Im angry and you dont wanna deal with it.

RILEY: -she stares at him, mouth slightly agape in an offended kind of disgust- i said nothing about being better than you so you're making that shit up. 

RILEY: how am i gonna deal with it, derek? knock shit over? YELL ABOUT IT? -swipes a lamp off the nightstand and onto the floor- MY SON IS IN A COMA AND MIGHT NEVER WAKE UP! 

RILEY: -kicks the same nightstand and a picture frame falls off- i feel great now!

DEREK: Dont fucking mock me! 

DEREK: -he just turns away and goes back to pacing. he knows he's being irrational, but he can't stop. it all hurts too much, it's too scary. it's all going back to the way it was. would anything ever really change?- 

DEREK: -once he's gotten some distance from her, he aims more of this pent up anger at the wall with his fist. and again and again until his knuckles bleed.- 

DEREK: WHY IS IT ALWAYS THEM? 

DEREK: THEY DONT FUCKING DESERVE THIS! 

DEREK: AND THERES NOTHING I CAN FUCKING DO! THERES NEVER BEEN A GODDAMN THING I COULD DO!

RILEY: -she doesn't even realize that she's crying until she tastes the salt, her gaze pinned on him. This is all so scary, so familiar, and her adrenaline is so far up she feels like she could destroy everything around her in one go. but it still stings painfully to watch him keep hurting himself like that. her voice cracks slightly- DEREK, STOP!

DEREK: -the sound of desperation in his voice is enough to rip him back to reality. it only takes that moment for the pain to register, in his hand and in his heart, and just as fast the tears are starting to roll down his cheeks as well. he looks down at the blood smeared over tattered skin, unable to think or act at all. he can only feel. and it's awful.-

RILEY: -she's silent at first aside from her own sniffling, and it reminds her of years and years ago when they lost Dirk the first time and she'd do nothing but watch him like this. Times where she needed to step up even if it felt like the hardest thing she could ever do.- baby, come here. -she says it quietly, but loud enough for him to hear accompanied by restrained sobs-

DEREK: -he feels a similar apprehension, but he's afraid of hurting her. he knows what he's capable of doing and saying. he's already done enough damage here. still, even with all the fear and doubts running through his mind, more than anything he just wants her support and to be with her. he wipes away tears with his good hand before he turns towards her again, sluggishly dragging himself to her side, weighed down by exhaustion and guilt.-

RILEY: -she holds out her hand as she's sitting: a peace offering, in a method that doesn't beg him to depend on her but instead invites him to join her. she knows her pain is too fresh to soothe his alone but she knows that carrying it together is what they need to do- i'm sorry i'm... 

RILEY: i'm sorry i'm being a bitch. 

RILEY: and for just... -let's out an unamused laugh- doing what i always did. 

RILEY: hid in bed instead of-- -she has to gather herself for a moment- talking to you.

DEREK: -places his hand in hers gently, taking the invitation easily.- I wasnt bein fair. 

DEREK: Im sorry. 

DEREK: And Im sorry if I scared you. 

DEREK: -sniffs, squeezing her hand gently.- I dont wanna be like that.

RILEY: -squeezes his hand back tightly- the only thing that scared me was how easy it was for us to go down that road again. -she brings his bloody knuckles up to her face so she can kiss them, just barely- i really fucking need you, you know? even when i try to act like i don't.

DEREK: -swallows back the lump in his throat as he watches her.- ... I need you too. -it gets a little easier every time he says it. and it gets a little easier to accept, too.- 

DEREK: I think I... 

DEREK: Need you more now than I ever did. 

DEREK: Probably goes both ways huh?

RILEY: nope. you're on your own there.

DEREK: ... Shut the fuck up. -wheeze.-

RILEY: -she smiles just a little despite all the tears- don't think i could do life without you anymore if i had to.

DEREK: -scoffs a little too when she laughs, raising her hands now to kiss them himself.- Same here. 

DEREK: I dont want to.

RILEY: -leans in to kiss him briefly- i...want to try something.

DEREK: -blinks, looking down at her curiously.- Alright. Whats that?

RILEY: -leans over to get onto her feet so she can make her way over to a cabinet where she hoarded a lot of ceramic cafeteria plates...for snacking, of course.- i just wondered if you had a point. -puts a stack of them on top of their dresser before taking one and throwing it at the opposite wall until it shatters into pieces-

DEREK: -he's a little startled by her suddenly causing a ruckus like this.- Shit-- -but then he laughs.- 

DEREK: Youre crazy. 

DEREK: Howd it feel though?

RILEY: -looks over at him- kind of...nice.

DEREK: -smirks and grabs himself a plate too before chucking it at the wall.- 

DEREK: Feels good to let all that shit out doesnt it?

RILEY: -watches it smash and it feels like a breath of fresh air. she grabs another and throws it as hard as she can- take that, universe. fuck you!

DEREK: -laughs at that.- Yeah baby. Show em whos the fucking boss.

RILEY: -and again- SUCK MY DICK!

DEREK: -snrk- Wonder whos gonna clean all this up. -chucks another even as he says this.-

RILEY: sure as hell ain't me. -just one more before she sighs loudly and plops back down on the bed- or you either. there's gotta be some kind of ceramic vaccuum.

DEREK: -takes a seat with her and then uses this opportunity to start cleaning and bandaging his hand finally.- Bet we can get one of those service drones to deal with it.

RILEY: -butts in to help him with that process- yep. cuz it sure as hell ain't us.

DEREK: -kinda lets her take over just so he can watch her and leans in to kiss her on the head.-

RILEY: -closes her eyes just for a second, truly appreciating the feeling of his lips on her head. she pauses for a moment before taking his uninjured hand and placing it on her stomach- 

RILEY: can you feel that?

DEREK: -looks down at her belly, paying close attention for any movement.- She gettin rowdy again?

RILEY: -she's definitely wiggling around in there- i think she has the hiccups. also doing somersaults or some shit i don't know. give it a sec.

DEREK: -snickers- Maybe shes throwing a tantrum cuz we were. -rubs a small circle where his hand is. relax in there.-

RILEY: -smiles a little- probably. shit, what if she's just like us? we're in for it now.

DEREK: Have some sense like your brothers do baby girl. 

DEREK: If youre gonna inherit our traits let me be the good ones. 

DEREK: Like my devilish good looks for example. -talking to ryan is relaxing him... like it always does.-

RILEY: she's gonna be beautiful. and also look nothing like you. just watch.

DEREK: The fuck? Rude. 

DEREK: -wraps his arms around her middle.- Youre just giving me attitude cuz youre cranky. 

DEREK: We should take a nap. -he just wants to rest too...-

RILEY: i'm giving you attitude because you deserve it. -leans back against him- yeah. 

RILEY: i'm all for that nap shit.

DEREK: -kisses on her again before lowering them both to lie down.-

RILEY: -and in his arms she realizes she's more tired than she thinks she is, and surprisingly, she's able to close her eyes-

#robynsaint #in which always them #tw for some violent behavior #takes place the day after dirk went into a coma

[grawsay]

ok                         im just gonna say                         im holding you to your promises  every day                         im not gonna be on your ass                         but im not accepting last                       if you dont live up to your word you'll move from second to third                         then the past : im serious though                         even though i didnt do it in a serious way                         i love you from you head to your toe baby

You Na wait stop                         What was my word

me im not gonna keep telling you everyday                         i feel like im the master, you're the puppet                         we're not on the same page                                               and i get lost for words like chelsea Dummett                         everytime i see your face

You Ok can we pause the free styling                         What's my word

me no we can't pause                         when it comes to us there are no laws                         im not the boss so stop telling me to instruct you can you read back our conversation before you overthink and it destructs you                                               i feel like an old record player on repeat                         you asked me some things right before we went to sleep                         that night                         when we had that big fight                         And you brought your A game cause you're the samurai                         alright im done                         but that was fun

you So how's it feel                         Thinking back to the times when to  I was like a snack or maybe a meal                         Now you're steady saying im changing but baby it's just the fantasy becoming real                         And Your not getting all of me n u don't kno how to deal                         So I guess rn now I'll take this opportunity to tell u how I feel all the while hoping I don't keep it too real So now I'm in out of being defensive putting up shields                         Blocking u out                         And every time we fight I b locking u out                         Too often finding myself knocking u out Out of your space of being my girlfriend                         I'm running out of ideas praying to God so he can send                         N I'm never one to follow with the crowd and keep up with the trend                         So I can just cut u off and let this just end                         I'm not sure if this end I will befriend you                         Cuz I rele love that I get to call u my boo                         Kno it's not Thursday but I wanna throw back to when we're just kool N All this fighting got me sick but I'm sure it's not the flu Not on the show with the blue dog but I'm looking for a clue                         You're asking if I care  wondering if it's true                         Got me wondering if u doubt the fact tht I love you And honestly I kno to myself this is just one of them phases                         Back then u were cool now you're hot like the fire when it blazes And now I'm lost in time checking out spaces losing parts of me on some many misplaces Attempting to control time so I could put a switch on the paces noticed tht we showing each other different sides can't recognize each other like we got different faces But I'm sticking around tryna see this thru cuz I got this feeling with u is where my place is

Me You said you WERE a snack?                         You ARE a snack                         I never stopped adoring you so please remember that                         You dont always tell me whats wrong                         but always "hey beautiful" every morn                         And when i get in my feelings i wanna leave this meeting is adjurned                         That's bad on my part                         But things were different in the start ANd now all i see are fallacies   You saying i was living in a fantasy Got me questioning if you and i were meant to be Or if i'm really a priority I dont doubt you love me i doubt our compatibility And it's killing me How things changed so fast Im struggling to stay relevant but for now im last Last on your mind IT wasn't this way in the past Some days you used to miss so much you were skipping class Some nights you called me more than you were grabbing my ass Not saying i dont like that I have no choice but to fight back You dont see that we're drifting and that's a fact i could go and just walk out and say that's a wrap but you're the best i ever had It's just the change and all this locking out that's got me so mad We're supposed to be growing                         I'm tired and it's showing                         But im not giving up as long as the wind is blowing f                         I know im a bit pessimistic                         it's my way of being realistic                         Sometimes i dont understand my own thoughts like it's cryptic                         I wanna see you succeed                         i dont wanna see you without me                         and its looking like that cant coincide coincidentally                         Baby sit down and think a minute                         is the relationship in you or are you in it                         are you all about us or are you all about me?                         Without the two of us what will this relationship be?                         i wanna take care of you and you take care of me cant you see                         i cant always be there phyically                         but i can emotionally                         But you said it takes time to rely                         and i keep having dreams that one of us dies                         one of us is left to cry                         and ask why                         why didnt we give our all when we had time                         : time is a factor yes but time can't stop us                         If time is our transportation then we're missing the bus                         Im not losing trust I have insecurities                         Loving, trusting relying, opening and getting closer should come to us naturally                         and i don't mean immediately                         but once we're losing as the days go by indefinitely                         that makes me question if we will last or if we're meant to be

You You're never last in my mind and thts something u don't see In the past it was just u and me No work no dance all my time was just free And now those things are here and they got me busy Not showing u attention and affection like before to this I admit I'm guilty But I will always love u even tho I'm not Whitney But I keep asking for u to bare with me I told u what was up u said u understood and deep down I was like yippie                         Thinking u were in the same page with me                         But it's clear tht your not                         You get upset and start saying some hurtful shit and ask me why I'm affected like I'n some kind of robot Doing stuff like tht to u is something I could not Now I'm asking where is the patience u claim u got N I ask myself will this work it's clear it might not Tht particular thought in my head is like somebody pointed the gun to my chest and took the shot And the bullet is in there and damn it's hot Everyday is just another day Tryna hold me cool and breeze it through like a palm tree and sway And It seems like my positivity bugs u like a black beetle like my name was lee swae Wait his name is swae lee And yea I find myself wondering too if it's meant to be And u got some kinda of relationship agenda it would seem to me U wanna accomplish certain things with us so we can grow like a tree But baby u need u to understand u just gota let some thing be Cuz what's kool for u to give and do me not be kool to me Cuz regardless of what u see time is a rele rele big deal to me Certain things I can't just pull of thin air⁠⁠⁠⁠ Cuz for those things got come from within me where they're anything but a thin layer U said there's no one stopping me but me But I'm the biggest obstacle they'll ever be So just giving u what u want just like tht isn't so easy And again and again I've asked h to bare with me U say yea but honestly u can't take it and I can tell cuz every time u get a little more cold icee But I'm trying so hard why can't u see Now bare in mind I said it takes time and not tht it can never be So here I am again feeling stupid now asking u to bare with me Trust me we'll grow just u wait and see                         But tell me of something u kno thts worthwhile tht comes easy                         While u think In the mean while I'll ask u to have faith in me                         So yea here I am again asking u to bare with me But honestly if u can't wait for me to be who I am supposed to be I'm not chaining u down so if u want to leave just go free                         Cuz time is of essence and it's just not free cuz often time we can hear ppl say it's money                         And if tht the case I don't wanna rob u                         Cuz I rele don't wanna see us having a court case on some divorce court boo So if it's just too much then u can just do u                         But just kno I do love you

me This is not going to get easier i hope you realize You're going to get busier as time flies responsibilities are going to hit you by surprise If im alrady loosing my place in your life then what would the time ahead lies Im asking that you please hear my cry I dont wanna be with another guy I dont see you as a robot You said you would change your status and up to now you did not Stop making these promises especially if you're not down with it if one thing after a next fails how am i gonna keep believing shit You're right it's not a big deal not changing is wont make us less real but it wouldn't take an hour to let the world know that im your girl though And people start observing The things they said start hurting telling me it cause your window is left open shit had me moping You promised to show me off i guess i was hoping i tried to stop bugging you but im not coping all that bottling up it started showing how am i supposed to bare with you when you're not doing simple things i asked you to do You're of the view that you're supposed to hold back and that's true Im trying to be content and not asking for anything big thing you're acting like im asking you for a ring I know you got more to add to the table than you bring Im your queen not just some fling I keep talking and asking but you're not listening That's making me doubt I always say if you can put your dick in my mouth you can listen without me having to shout and sometimes you get frustrated and shout and idk what that's about i love you but if you keep suggesting i leave i will                         yes i get thoughts but with your suggestions it starts to build                         the last guy that keep suggesting really didnt want me to stay                         and im happy we did this today                         a civil way to say what we have to say                         i really hope we can work all this out                         but if you don't claim me and keep suggesting i leave im out