#i dont value life intrinsically

[symbioticsimplicity]

Yo...could I get some comfort up in this Tumblr? The thing I was telling myself not to die before seeing out didn't pan out and I am....sad to say the least.

#personal #when you're living to see your dreams fulfilled and you cant make any progress anywhere #no matter how hard you push or what you try #I'm all out of optimism and I've been running on empty for everything else too #its been an incredibly rough year and i just wanted one really good thing out of it #and at this point i really don't know what the use in not giving up even is #i dont value life intrinsically #i dont want to continue existing if its just to suffer in new and more intense ways #some people just get to be miserable their whole lives through #ive seen it plenty enough to know #if i cant at least make headway on the only thing i exist to do #the fuck is the point.... #sorry I'm not dealing well

[austinsastrology8991]

Planet >> Cheat Sheet <<

We got 9 Planets, and we got 2 extra things; the Sun and the Moon. So we got 11 important things. Everything else is all very revealing although I think we all can agree anything named planet takes >precedence > especially with all the. mythological writings backing them.... and we astrologers just like the moon because shes meant to be our mum. and no one can hurt mummy >> everyone with mummy issues pipe down stfu.

Well these mythological writings are nice but im here to modernize it with some writings written today. > And with this model of simplification maybe its easier to understand and interpret how they interact with one another in your life. IMO Astrology is not that complicated. Its just hard to talk about because its taboo. Especially since we connatate it with ideas like: the God Of War, or the God of the Underworld this can make it all the more harder to suspend our disbelief. Now legs go

Sun > The star governing our Solar System literally dictates how our days are gonna go depending on where he is positioned. He is the star, he is the main event, he is the bringer of light as much as he is the light > This makes him giver and a taker because he demands your attention but it literally allows us to live and feel alive. So where the SUN is makes you the star of the show, you dominate here because you invite people in to play and you make sure you playing too. The sun is the party > whats ur party lookin like? The Wolf of Wall street

Moon > The thing we all have an emotional connection with; since we are all wishing for shit at night and in all honesty its also when we are all the most comfortable getting emotional. or getting REAL. She listens to us as if she is our mum. And she is also a connection to our mums because she represents our psychological foundations which are almost always intrinsically tied to how our mothers raised us > or whoever did raise you < so our moon shows us how we were raised and how we raised ourselves. Where we find comfort and what we hold onto to feel safe. Good Will Hunting

Mercury > He's the closest to the Sun because he a lil curious how the Sun got so hot. And he right next to venus because mercury a lil curious george. Mercury is what you talk about, mercury is what your curious about. Mercury is what you understand and what you have a yearning to understand. Mercury can do it all, and whatever is touching this, is usually what people come to you for advice for, because they see you got this > all figured out. Rick and Morty

Venus > venus is the beauty, venus is what lookin good on you. and since you know it look good, you exploit it for attention. Which is why Sun dont appreciate venus because she taking some of that attention it craves. But anyway. Venus is what you attract and what your attracted to, its your value, its how others want to treat you and how you like to be treated. Venus is nice, so your nice back. so be nice or you'll be rejected and it'll hurt you more because you didnt conform to the ideals of the hot babe that is venus. get simping or die trying Wednesday

Mars > The warfield, the battlefield, the mine waiting to explode. This is mars and it was designed to blow up to cause destruction. This is where you fight and how you fight, but also how others fight you. How good you are at fighting is also indicated and well anyone can fight, but it seems we have supressed mars a lot. And its pretty fkn sad. Makes it all the more easier for some people to get away with fighting.... Which is stupid because they are not good at fighting but since most people dont like to fight we are ruining everyones abilities to fight. A bunch of bitches I say. No wonder you jump into fights as fast as you do because your so InSeCuRe. or get as angry as quick as you do because you been hearing InSeCuRe... we all in the same society calm the fuck down, but lets pretend to be the warrior and watch television again shall we. Breaking Bad

Jupiter > The generosity of abundance and the idea of attracting all your wishes. Well the rich get richer and the poor get poorer right? Well thats a Jupiter thing, because you attract what you are. And thats why your good at whatever jupiter doing. Because you get a lot of energy attracted here, and you dont mind sharing some of it around. Which only brings forth more abundance > and the cycle of abundant manifestation has been created <

Super Mario Movie

Saturn > The restriction and limiting fashion of something has actually made you learn to honour/respect it more than anything else. Saturn gave you the sauce by removing the sauce. Now you know how to make yo own SAUCCEEE. and dang don't it taste good now that you made it on your own? and you made sure it tasted as fine as you've always wanted it to be. Hard work pays off and it pays good and you bitchez complaining about saturn should put more work in, or frankly you not doing the right type of work. Saturn a boss, and if your not a boss. You getting bossed around. Saturn fucks you around so you learn to DEAL WITH IT. John wick

Uranus > Okay so everything got backflipped and made everything turn into a fuck fest. But thats okay. You learned something right? ANd you could only learn it from him.. or that specific fuck fest that he invited you to. So you have an acute understanding founded within a niche puzzle which gave you the quirky genius trait that you have > in respect to where he be. what he do. its ya boy sparky speaks and today we getting into some bullshit

MR ROBOT

Neptune > your a dumbass but your onto something. But your not owning it because it is 100% hard to understand, but this makes you look like a airhead, or a delusional something or rather. But. your actually onto something and when everyone else catches up they'll regret calling you all those names because it really was all a cover up of their own insecurities of not understanding something as deeply as you do. You are surrounded by energy here, and a lot of it is created by your imagination > which is fueled by whatever you saw that it can work with or from. And thats why you've learned ways to let it pass through you, or you learned to integrate it into your being. (its always both) Whichever you think it is; thats what happened. Scott Pilgrim against the World

Pluto > The dark thing. considered evil, misunderstood, loner. dangerous and thats why everyone looking at you all weird and distrustfully. Because pluto embodies the hunter and the hunted. The concept of life or death is your pluto. because you encounterd things that tried to kill you; you yourself too learned to kill, but its a lot more undetectable and 'mysterious' since well you are trying to kill something and that requires covert operation. It plays with the real consequences; not the scratches or bruises of a mars, but the bullet of a pluto. Which is why people distrust it a lot, and by extension you also extend that same sense of distrust. due to your understanding of fear and extreme understanding of what could be the potential consequences; you play to win. otherwise you could die. you are afraid tpyically, so you behave fearlessly; but thats actually out of fear itself. or your funneling negative energy and well thats a pluto thing. And boy does thing thing attract a lot of energy too. I mean consider how when anything bright on in the dark attracts so much, the same happpens to something dark that is exhibited in the light > they both attracts so much.

The Menu

Oh and I know there is a million overlaps. Ik there are probably better examples. This is my post > make your own < please criticise my work or that of my language again ya fkn bitchs idgaf > swamp stays swampy > fuck off <

#astrology blog #astro community #astrology #astrology notes #astrology observations #astrology placements #astro observations

[kindlespark]

this is gonna be SO long and rambly sorry anyway i saw a post abt how babel does queer characters and it got me thinking abt why the tropes it uses would usually turn me off other stories but didn’t here

MAJOR BABEL SPOILERS //

i feel like i’d be more mad abt how robinramy ended up in babel if it marketed itself as queer lit at all or if its fans were going “WOW AMAZING QUEER REP” abt it. but no one told me any of that, so finding out they were gay was just a fun little bonus surprise to me. i get why ppl are eh abt robinramy not getting together/technically still being subtext (which i dont think is really true btw like the book literally says “robin was falling in love” but idk i guess if you were stupid you might’ve assumed that it was falling in love with oxford given how romantic some of the other language is (WHICH IS ALSO THE POINT bc i think robin’s friendship with ramy blurring into romance is why he romanticised like all his friendships/experiences in oxford BUT IM GETTING OFF-TOPIC)). i just think robin’s repression abt being gay was intrinsically tied to his attitudes on imperialism (wrt refusing to acknowledge anything that complicated his life until it was too late) and i don’t consider it a cop out or queerbait. like i genuinely don’t think robinramy could ever have gotten together without drastic alterations being made in terms of plot and character. plus i think it’s clear that kuang didn’t want to write a story with any kind of focus on romance at all, because it’s not that kind of book. there’s no successful het romance either, so it grates a lot less. the only reason romance is included at all is to show the ways in which white entitlement manifests. so the tragic way robinramy played out just made sense to me.

and i speak as someone who accidentally spoiled myself on You Know What in the middle of reading and i was like ugghh boooo dreading it the whole time expecting to roll my eyes when it happened but then when it did i was like. wow im actually not that mad LMFAO 😭😭😭 actually thematically the book sets it up so well that i believed that this was unfortunately the only way it could’ve gone. babel is about the loss and tragedy and grief that colonised people experience. it’s about the lengths people will go to to uphold empire and the lengths ppl will go to to tear it down like idk 😭 i guess it is bury your gays but it didnt bother me this time because i thought it fit thematically ❤️ i enjoy tragedy as a genre a lot and i would’ve made it gay anyway you know. thanks rf kuang for doing it for me so i didnt have to.

WHICH IS ALL TO SAY that i guess if you’re going into babel for the queer rep without appreciating that the story is fundamentally a tragedy it would feel like it’s just reusing tired tropes….. but i think the choices kuang made were rly deliberate and not in a way that feels like trauma porn or shock value. the book is fundamentally about the struggles of poc so the layer of queerness that was introduced felt like a subtle extension of the experiences of characters of colour in the book, and i enjoyed and related to it as a queer chinese person who kind of realised they had to prioritise their fight for the liberation of poc over queerness mainly because the idea of western queer liberation cannot be dissociated from imperialism and many aspects of homophobia as we know it was an export of christian european empire into our colonised countries in the first place and FUCK THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER TANGENT ABOUT HOW I THINK RAMY AS A CHARACTER IS EMBLEMATIC OF THE TENSION AND STRUGGLE THAT QUEER POC DIASPORA HAVE BETWEEN OUR IDENTITIES GODDAMNIT OK FORGET IT POST CANCELLED i just rly think babel’s handling of queer characters is fine and makes sense and i like it personally and maybe i will make a coherent analysis about it one day but that day is not today byeeeeeee

#/ #// #sam speaks #byeeee ive been trying to type this post for over an hour but i give up #slashes are there bc i dont want it to show up in the main tag it’s rly incoherent and also subjective #babel #babel spoilers

[directdogman]

i dont know if you've already answered this question or not, but how did callum crown get all the other countries to agree to the dialup?

This is a very smart question. Norm's summary of Crown's life leaves vast portions remarkably underdetailed. The year or so that he initially made his fortune is incredibly well explained, but pretty much everything after that point is a skeleton. The biggest reason for this is due to Norm time-traveling. He had to fill in the gaps using biased and sanitized sources. A lot of context/important info is missing.

For instance: Norm explains that Crown took over the whole UN in half a sentence and doesn't elaborate further. Norm's extras menu page kinda indicates that maybe Norm is lying to himself about some aspects of Crown, just as Mingus is. ...Namely involving Crown's view of Democracy itself. Crown had very noble priorities, which he DID believe intrinsically. Sticking up for the poor, creating a world that not only tolerated, but fully valued disabled people, to feed the hungry and eradicate poverty entirely... However, Crown showed that he was willing to do anything to get 'his way', as to him, it wasn't just his way. It was the only way forward. This mentality was his downfall in the end and it destroyed every close relationship he had in the end.

So, to answer your question: how did he get all of the other countries to agree to the Dialup? Easy. Every world leader knew what'd happen if they tried to say no.

[alstroemerian-dragon]

the thing about. okay so when i first got into dr i was like ‘i think i prefer an outcome where they ultimately cant wake the other ten members of their class and its just the five survivors because then the deaths meant something yknow’ and while i still think that that kind of thing has. yknow. merit and value. i have actually come around to preferring them being able to do it. with one massive caveat.

it takes forever.

it takes at least a year and a half, two years maybe, before they (lets be real, hajime) even gain the knowledge of the system, work out its quirks, beef up its security and tech, connect it to enough power, and build the proper technology to manage something like this, and even then, each person is going to need a unique plan of action. its going to take ages. i think its best if they start from the first death through the last, which has the added benefit of waking the impostor first and gaining a good moral compass and grounding presence. but… i mean. its almost two years before they even manage the first dive into their brain. two years of living alone, just the five of them, of building each other up of building a dynamic, one that works, and of changing and growing because they have no other choice.

so when it comes down to them actually attempting to wake the first person… theres some anxiety. theres some worry. theres a lot of ‘this is going to radically alter how we relate to each other and everyone else’. theres a lot of ‘this is going to make things weird’. theres a lot of ‘theyre not going to understand a lot of things at first not only because its been two years since we all went under and everything has changed in that time but also because the five of us have a fundamentally different relationship now with each other than we will have with anyone else we wake up. thats going to cause conflict’.

and i dont even necessarily mean that in a romantic relationship sense (though if you know me you know im deeply unwell about kuzuhina and also an absolute sucker for polycule shit so yeah i do also kinda mean it in that way), but just that their bond is so strong. living alone on an island in the middle of nowhere for two years with just four other people will do that. they know each other in fundamental ways that the others may never manage. fuyuhiko may get peko back, but her relationship with him will never be the one he has with hajime, or akane, or kazuichi or sonia. sonia will get gundham back, but despite them definitely regaining their romantic relationship (after an adjustment period, of course), there will be an odd dissonance in how well hajime and akane know her in ways gundham doesnt. akane will get nekomaru back in her life. but he will never be the person she goes to with the things she goes to hajime with.

this isnt necessarily entirely negative, of course. relationships are always going to be different with different people because theyre. yknow. different people. but i think theres going to be a period of time, maybe even the rest of their lives, where the ten sleepers in the vault will understand, intrinsically, that the relationship the five survivors has is never going to be fully understood, and will always be special and different from what they all have as a group.

hajime, fuyuhiko, kazuichi, akane, and sonia all faced arguably the hardest parts of the healing process, the stumbling blindly with no hand to hold except the others with an equal lack of sight, together, and that. does things. to a relationship.

they will all manage the healing process, and they will all struggle through it. but never in the same way those five did.

#personal #meta #danganronpa #sdr2 #oh boy the first proper tagged original post from this blog and its SURVIVORS RELATIONSHIP META #i have. so many thoughts regarding the process of waking the others. the habits the five of them form in the meantime. #the methods they use. alter ego’s return and dynamic with them. who they wake first and how they all feel about it #i think they all know. even akane. that waking someone up is going to change things. maybe not even in a good way too #its going to make things COMPLICATED. #and they all feel a certain type of way about tjat #but its not like they can just. not do it. this is what theyve been working so hard for the entire time. #so theyre going to wake people up. but that doesnt mean they wont feel. a variety of different ways about it. #anxious. nervous. scared even. angry maybe. bitter? jealous in an odd sort of way? out of place. #anyway

[girlwithfish]

Realizing im super fucking lonely. especially lonely rn for reasons i iwll not say. ive always been lonely but it still sucks

im trying to rebuild my sense of internal safety and trust in myself. i realize i do not trust othere or the world and i also do not rly trust myself but at the same time i also have the mindset that i can only rely on myself to a toxic degree.

and also how innate shame has guided my entire life i thought i was just an anxious person w low self esteem and worth which is true but i thought i was just fucked up for no reason and like this is normal its just anxiety like i dont think u r supposed to feel ashamed and guilty for every thing u do and for things u didnt even do ur entire life i feel ashamed the moment i wake up. Its weird and alienating. and also feeling like an alien among a crowd of ppl u intrinsically cannot connect to. and i sound like a bitch when i say this but reading abt how cptsd gives u that feeling of intrinsic difference from other ppl and just further causes u to isolate and feel like there's something wrong w u has been a little like... okay. i guess thats what ive been feeling my whole life and i only realized now its not particularly normal unless if u have some kind of trauma or mental illness but like its dampening my life so much and feeling guilty for existing is not what a healthy person should feel LOL

and anyway i feel my trust in others and my worldview in general has shrank so much lately. i just retreat more within myself for safety

and i also have the innate core belief that i am not worthy my opinions thoughts and wants do not matter and its such a barrier to being my authentic self and being able to have connection w ppl bc i cant even hold a casual conversation anymore or insert my opinions its especially hard lately. i always thought i was just shy and socially anxious which Is also true and then i also thought i was autistic but i guess being more aware of the actual reasons why im so "shy"is like ohh ur not Just shy and u also automatically subconsciously label urself as a worthless and lesser person who nobody will like or value ur thoughts so u might as well obscure urself and not get close to anyone and prevent anyone from knowing u and u have masked urself so well u dont even know who u are to urself.... yay :*

#introspection

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

oh my fuck i deserve to be alive. i dont have to do anything to earn it my life intrinsically has meaning i am allowed to be here just because im me and im not the one exception to the fact that all human life has value and im allowed to be messy and fucked up and take up space and it's good that i am still living. it's good. it's good.

#personal #diary post #4 years since the worst day of my life #i dont wanna feel guilty anymore life isnt a one in one out scenario. #if i had actually killed myself he would still be gone and it's not my fault

[garpond]

i think its kinda frustrating how on here its not enough for something to just be interesting to you, fascinating even, it has to be like... morally just and righteous and an example for you to follow in your actual life. post one trillion about the subject i think but ive watched the weirdest arguments happen on here in the last few days and even tho i do grasp who the people are that are making them and why they think that i just think it's kinda dumb that they do. if you dont personally get anything out of investigating subjects or pieces of media or etc that evoke themes you consider predominantly negative then sure, nobody's forcing you to investigate them then, but you don't need to like. treat it as an ethical imperative to avoid that stuff at all costs. like... I like 60s and 70s music history. i like reading about the history of grocery and department stores. i like reading about the history of shopping malls. i like reading about sears-roebuck kit houses and other buildings I find interesting. i dont look to any of that stuff to inform me about what's good and just in the world because very obviously investigations of those things will yield subject matter that ranges from vaguely depressing to just plain sickening, depending on what subtopic I'm engaging with. when i'm thinking about this stuff I'm thinking about it as-is and then asking myself how I feel about it. But I do it because I like stimulating my brain and I like facts. Stimulating your brain doesn't have to be a morally challenging activity. It doesn't have to follow any particular set of rules that are set to avoid a hypothetical situation where thinking about the wrong subject has rotted your brain out of your skull and you can't Comprehend Leftism anymore or smth. The truth is most of the stuff I think about and find interesting either doesn't have much of any intrinsic moral quality in particular (animals) or is tinged with some overarching theme of societal ills (let's hear it for the wasteful development habits of big box stores!) This used to bother me when I was younger and the vibe I got online is that what you were interested in said something about you as a person. And that everybody Had to have something "harmless" or better yet "progressive" as a fixation because that's what you did when you were normal and okay to be around and used your brain normally, or as "normally" as we use our brains on websites like Tumblr. But I'm not sixteen or whatever anymore and I largely find the fandom-centric framing of personal interests and hobbies on this site overblown and annoying, and the moralizing "irredeemable media" "problematic interests" "why are you watching Voltron" whatever whatever is probably one of the most annoying facets of it, second in my mind being the "autism is when you have a blorbo" sentiment presented as ubiquitous in the autistic population of the website. You can analyze literally anything you think about thru the lens of your personal values and it's arguably less useful to you overall to try and stick to things where you feel you don't have to do any genuine analysis or try to comprehend how it relates to you and your beliefs

[ofmistnmoons]

Hey, I came across your blog in my recs and seeing your posts about being worried about pulling off ideas wrong, or that you were raised to think loving stories is a waste? I just wanted to give you some positivity. It isnt childish to love stories and fiction. It isnt wrong or bad, it's wonderful. Fantasy and fiction of any sort is a gift, because it can be a way for us to explore fantastical ideas that arent feasible in our real world. There's so many avenues to explore and it is not wrong or wasteful to enjoy or partake in them. Im so sorry you were treated poorly and discouraged from loving something that I feel is pretty intrinsic to being human. Having an imagination is wonderful. Im only an anon, but Im 31 and I have been writing fiction/fantasy RPs for over 20 years. It's fun, it's how I wind down and having this little slice away from the struggles of real life helps. I hope you find peace one day with your love for stories and dont let anyone ever beat you down for it.

I… thank you.

No really, thank you. A lil too much detail but. I’ve had depression for a decade now. And it hit me at the perfect age of 18.

And that. Well that’s just gave way to a constant feeling of never being good enough. And even that everything is pointless and what’s the point of enjoying things when everything dies. And when you’re trapped in that mindset..

Well.

It’s nearly impossible to do anything but wait to die. And even more impossible to find value in creating. So you grow apathetic and indifferent, and pretty soon, you’re just. Mindlessly going through life. And truth be told? It’s gotten to the point of being passively suicidal. Which. I didn’t even know was a thing. But it is. And it’s terrifying, and I fall into that category.

But, despite that I’m still here, I’m still around. And it’s mainly because I’m too fucking stubborn. I’m too stubborn or perhaps stupid, to waste away. And too stubborn to just give in. Even when it feels like I should.

And I’m still trying. Because this? Creating and writing, anime, stories.. It’s what makes me feel alive.

#ooc #suicide mention

[hikari-ni-naritai]

How do you manage to enjoy shows with a lot of like, unavoidable problems? I've seen your posts about the like, cool creativity and such in middling isekai, and I want to appreciate stuff like that too, but I usually can't get myself to ignore the worse parts. How do you do it?

i mean it depends on what you mean by 'problems'. if you mean like, bad writing, that i cant offer any advice on because i have never had a discerning eye. in fact, watching isekai is kinda what taught me to notice when something was bad. before id think things were either really good or just enjoyable and okay. im teaching myself the discernment i lack. but crucially, that is all in my head. in my heart i still very much enjoy things that arent very good because like. i can put good taste in my head but it doesnt mean i feel it in my heart.

but if you mean like 'the problematic elements'. that is an entirely different question. and im not sure im qualified to answer it, really, since i grew up with 'problematic elements' being that something was like. not christian. i dropped that obviously but i didnt exactly like, swap it out for anything. so my aversion to problematic elements is just kinda mostly gone.

but like. a lot of it is that like, i recognize that the media i consume is not a statement on my political beliefs, and i have a very firm foundation for my morality. yes its morally reprehensible for an isekai to portray slavery as like. A Good Thing For These Girls Actually, but Emily doesnt believe slavery is good. so if a girl in an anime is perfectly happy dressing like a maid and being some guys slave, that has no effect on what i believe in real life. if an isekai portrays the monarchist nobility as a good and necessary institution, that doesnt affect Emily's belief that monarchy is dogshit and nobility is double dogshit. if sousou no frieren's depiction of demons as mimicry predators of humans is fascist because it creates an ontologically evil Other that looks like humans yet is incapable of true emotion and needs to be wiped out, that doesnt affect Emily's belief in the intrinsic value of all human life and the fact that genocide is extremely fucking evil.

so like. figure out what you believe and why you believe it, recognize problematic elements in media, and dont let them affect your beliefs. if your problem is that people will think youre a bad person for watching something, understand that those people dont dictate your beliefs either.

but also yknow, a lot of it is the fact that nobody's complaining about these things bc theyre not popular. nobody's discoursing about black summoner, nobody's bitching about smartphone isekai, nobody's discussing karakara. its a lot harder to enjoy things when youre hearing discourse about them constantly. it feels safer to draw your own conclusions, even if those conclusions are 'this is a problematic representation of this thing'. theres no pressure to hate it for its faults bc nobody gives a shit except you. yknow?

anyway theres still lines i dont like to cross, like i hate watching shows with sexual assault or severe bullying, but thats only bc it makes me uncomfortable to watch, not bc i think theres anything wrong with depicting it in art.

if you choose to try and change this about yourself, i wish you the best of luck! it takes time and will probably be uncomfortable, but personally i think its worth it.

[bl00dw1tch]

more monkey thoughts. Dont look at me im just trying to explain/figure out More reasons why they (moreso LEMH) make me go crazy (again)

OKAY Full disclosure. this was spurred by some posts ive seen floating around and they are Objectively correct and i agree with them, but the wordage they use is what bothers me and makes me think--its about the general and growing frustration and dismay over LEMH's portrayal and like... increased Importance in LMK, at the expense of like, literally all the other characters new and old.

Again, objectively that is INCREDIBLY true and i feel it 200%!!!! Its frustrating because they just yoinked aspects of SWK's relationships with characters like DBK from the original JTTW and Shoved them on LEMH like theyre Tropes that can be shifted around without consequence--it seems fine and interesting when you first watch LMK with no context or background knowledge, but after knowing what his ACTUAL deal was in the book, looking back on LMK makes what they are doing with LEMH feel lazy and Genuinely poorly researched, rather than an intentional divergence from the original story--because as a general rule of thumb, even if the fans dont Like what you changed, you still want the things in your story to be done On Purpose, like you at least Tried to put effort into it! Its about showing the audience that you think they deserve a narrative that was crafted with Care, not just slapped together and thrown out for a quick Hype/Cash grab, yk???

Anyway So THATS the thing, and thats all cool!!! My issue (and i cannot stress this enough this is Me being Silly and Obsessed with the Six Eared Macaque im a chronic blorbo haver there is no Cure) is that those posts Also tend to talk about LEMH as though... he is a boring character. As though he's just kind of "eh". Or at least thats how my Admittedly biased eyes read them--no beef! Its just gotten me to thinking and now i want to try to write out What im thinking and Why, bc thats a helpful thing to do when you're struggling to figure in your head, obvs obvs

And im of course willing to admit that Yes, in the original text, he is just kind of There! He serves his purpose (aiding in SWK's character development) and then he dies and he doesn't come back again! Hes kind of a metaphor but hes also just an annoying guy! Hes not presented as anything special! I get that that is what is Canon, and thats theres no way to really like... read anything deep into it. Bc theres literally nothing there.

But my problem is that i cannot let characters like that just Be. Especially if the premise of said character could be absolutely FASCINATING if you take it all Completely seriously and At face value--if you try to see whatever is going on for them through their eyes, their minds. Its like.... You can buy a shirt from the store as is, and some might be fine Wearing it as is--while other's might see that shirt and decide it needs a bit of hemming and perhaps some embroidery on the sleeves. Altering it does not change the fact that the original design is what it is--thats just One altered shirt that one person is wearing and perhaps lending to a friend or two, yk???

I love metaphors l. Sorry that dragged on, back to monkey--

To me? LEMH exists in a nebulous state of inevitable connection with SWK--because i like to take the "LEMH is SWK's ~dark side~" thing seriously. In my eyes, they are literally the same person, the same qi, split into two bodies.

There are stories that exist today that explore this idea, characters with this kind of relationship--and i find them incredibly compelling! Because i adore stories that play with the question of what makes a person a person. What seperates you from your maker/origins? What is your purpose in life when you are intrinsically connected to another person, at your very core? Does that mean you exist For them? Do they exist for you? How does thinking that way affect a person, mentally and emotionally? How does it affect these characters, specifically, in conjunction with their personalities and the lives theyd led up until the point they knew about this connection? Have they always known about this connection? Only one of them?

How much more drastic would it affect you if you were essentially a nobody--and the person you are connected to is a public figure? Like Sun Wukong?

Id go crazy. Id go fucking insane? Can you imagine. Its about the potential!!!!! The potential of what knowing something like that would do to someone!!! Im losing the words im apologize i need to calm down--im Not done yet.

What i am getting at here.... is that LEMH would likely work Best as a character who's metaphorical aspects are taken Very Literally--especially so if the story also decides to lean into the idea of his hearing reaching through to the past and future, in any way. He is a character that would thrive on being portrayed in a way that allows him to be a bit Meta, if that makes sense

Yes, you Could just let him be a silly monkey who decided to start shit with SWK for giggles one day--that can absolutely have its merits! But that does not satisfy me, and that is why i am so passionate about him. I want to take my little guy so so fucking seriously because i think it would be SO fucking cool. And a very useful and convenient way to explore ideas about relationships with The Self--since in my eyes, that is what his relationship would be with SWK.

AND ALL THIS STUFF ABSOLUTELY HAS ANOTHER SIDE TO IT, HOW IT ALL COULD AFFECT SWK ON HIS SIDE??? LIKE HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT i dont know if i want this post to be That long so i might stop here and come back later to talk abt it from SWKs side in a rb or something--

anyway point is. I thank LMK for introducing me to the Six Eared Macaque, but upon further analysis the way they did him is actually pretty garbo, and im biding my time for till someone introduces me to or Makes a version of him that takes him to his full potential. thats all thanks for coming to my TED talk, get out of my house please

#horse.txt #jttw #xiyouji #liu er mihou #six eared macaque #sun wukong #god this is missing so many smaller thoughts and ideas and shit but i have no idea where to squeeze them in. #theirs lots of stuff going on in my head but its a pain to organize #lemh needs to be a tragic angry antagonist who feels slighted by the world for being dealed the unfortunate hand he was dealt. #even if the fact that he doesn't have what he wants is still technically his fault. kind of like a petulant child but more drastic #and of course SWK having to come face to to face with all that and recon with how lemh doesn't just remind him of himself #in a way he literally IS himself--just with some parts switched around or more prominent than others #he could still kill him or not--theres lots of ways to play with that (personally im curious about the angle of it being a metaphor for sh) #(and/or repression of the self in the Bad way--at least for a short time--because that seems realistic in relation to the original meaning #of that chapter) #with sanzang trying to get him to be less violent and cruel to their adversaries because it is detrimental for his spiritual development #the fact that him Killing lemh (a part of himself) is the tipping point for him to be less murder-happy is very interesting to me #and i like to think that while it was good for him in the long run it may have had very negative and Painful immediate consequences as well #because becoming a better person by Any method is never a straightforward one and done path--backsliding and mistakes are inevitable #itd be nice to see more stuff on the side of the fandom ive been in that explores that more #especially since that was like... the whole point of jttw in the first place #so much for not making this post any longer WHOOPS

[psalmsofpsychosis]

a bit of a sad talk ahead, but

people who say that they just "love talking to other people" might as well just tell me that they have 3 pairs of extra eyes on their buttocks and i'd believe them, like that's how alien the whole experience feels to me. It speaks of a level of inherent... trust in the way you fit into the world, an intrinsic unchallenged belief that not only are you a good listener and in tune with other ordinary and non-ordinary people, but also you are wanted and the way you are and what you believe is valued and cherished enough to be listened to. And that way of thinking is so foreign to me. In the span of my life i have been friends with so few likeminded people that the basis of my socialising isn't an easy relatedness that would result in effortless enjoyment of what other people will tell me, or what i might tell them. To put it in simple terms, before every single interaction my brain puts forth a statement that "noone present is interested in what i think or feel or have to say, noone cares" and i proceed with that deep seated belief, actively override it if i'm feeling okay, or just choose to keep silent sometimes. But overall it adds an edge of... almost hostility to my communication??? And people often like it, but it's not enjoyable easy experience for me. Like, when the simplest talks you have with other people has that undercurrent of separation that you "i'm not wanted and i will talk anyway" your way through it, social interaction becomes a tiring and bitter thing by default, so naturally i talk to people but i dont enjoy like, 85% of my interactions, they feel like a necessary evil if anything.

And like, a lot of people talk with the underlying belief that they're listened to and cared about and recieved well, and it shows. It's amazing to me, even though i dont really understand the assumption, since my own assumption is that i'm not wanted.

#this is not a pity talk really #also not a normal talk like. i come from a very traumatising family i know this is not normal talk lol #it's just fascinating to me when people effprtlessly assume likemindedness and relatability #like no i dont feel a sense of easy connection with 90% of people and listening to them is a struggle #not an edgelord kind of struggle as in ''i feel like i'm better than them'' but as in. i dont find any common grounds with them #regarding how we percieve the world and process it #and a lot of people dont find talking to me enjoyable #they make very little effort to hide that either and it's fair really. #like if i want to actually double down on how i do this whole human business i'm not really a relatable personality #i can perform it. i used to perform it better in my teen and twenty-something years but i'm gradually getting weirder by year #and feeling less and less inclined towards making it platable so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mitsies]

I have never watched jujutsu kaisen in my life, but I read so many of your fics and some you recommended (especially Intrinsic Warmth it was so amazing, im hooked). Literally the reason I’m going to watch it now, I became obsessed through fics😭😭

oh my gosh .. first of all HELLOOOO HELLOOO it's been so so long <333 how are you?? well, i hope!

AAAAAH YOU SAW MY RECS OMG . . i love every single piece on that list w/ my whole entire heart and more so i am so happy u loved IW - maggie (author) is one of the most talented people i have had the pleasure of encountering w/ the most magnificent narrative voice i have seen :,) truly a gem of a piece of writing !!

YES YES YES u should watch jjk <3 but if u value ur mental health.. dont get too attatched to anyone and do not TOUCH that manga w/ a 10 meter pole. for ur own sake i am warning u rn ..

#mitz’s mind #mitz asks #n you reading my fics too :

[chaos-coming]

Yall dont understand how much i missed the forest. And i mean a real forest, not the sterilized, neutered monoculture devoid of life and energy that they call forest in central europe.

Since we as humans are part of a larger community of living beings, we can sense the life around us on an intrinsic level. And we can sense its absence. And if you start to notice the life and energy around you, those sterilized environments feel like sensory deprivation, like wearing figurative earplugs.

It really hit home for me just now, how absolutely destroyed central europe is on an ecological level. Every new day, every new place i get to witness, just refirms this understanding. There is a desperate need for rewilding in this region, to allow natural communities to heal and restore diversity and variance and the chaos that is life on this planet.

But first and foremost there is a need to shift cultural values in the region, before any kind of rewilding can happen. A while back there was this viral post about a french couple demanding the culling of wolves after witnessing a wolf hunting in their backyard. What should be a rare and incredible experience, a privilege and a pleasure to see (and an indicator that the natural communities of the alps have the potential to revive) - to them was a nuciance and a threat to their orderly idyllic cottagecore fsntasy world. It's like their whole culture never moved past the middle ages mentality of achieving safety by "taming" the wild places.

And i've genuinely had (frustrating) conversations with forestry and conservation students from central europe who are literally Afraid of natural forests. Theyre "too wild" and chaotic, lacking the order and control theyre accustomed to in all other parts of their country's society, and require intensive management to bring it to submission and be a "propper" forest. In their eyes, the forest is a resource only growing timber and looking like a city park for them to walk through. Anything that makes obtaining wood more difficult or less profitable is a Problem and needs to be fixed. They dont have any pespective on what an actual natural forest looks and feels like, and look at you like youre an alien if you say what they have arent real forests.

It shows that cultural values in this part of the world stand in direct opposition to the principles of rewilding and re-estsblishing harmony with our place the larger biological community.

So before any large scale restoration can be considered, before actual nature can be brought back to central europe, as desperately as it is needed - not just for its own intrinsic value and right to exist, but also for resillience in the face of the climate crisis - there needs to be a cultural shift that will tolerate coexistence with things that live for their own sake rather than direct human benefit, and which cannot and will not be fundamentally changed to their liking.

And therein lies the crux of this ideology: the rejection of anything that is different from them and will not be subjugated. The need to homogenize everything in their own image. And this mindset is the nucleus at the heart of imperialism. Which is why you cannot separate nature conservation from the ongoing legacy of colonialism, even in the imperial core, and why decolonization needs to be the foundation for any kind of restoration effort.

Tldr: There can be no rewilding of central europe until there is decolonization of european mindsets.

#ecology #rewilding #forest restoration #not to sound too much like a hippy #but even on a purely logical scientific level #you can look at the forest and see the lack of diversity and life. the lack of spatial heterogeny and consequential lack of habitat niches #its structural and visual and audio indicators #on top of the fact that you can indeed feel the difference. if youre used to looking for it #central europe is so fucked #and every passing day cements this realization for me #as an ecologist i approve this post #my own post lol #and down the rabbit hole we go #but its all connected and i hsve no idea how to begin this shift in perspective #when most europeans i meet on the field. even students. refuse to even consider that their worldview isnt inherently superior #that perhaps they are not doing the best at literally everything. including nature management #only time will wear away this european exceptionalism #but europe does not have Time for them to realize this before europe becomes very difficult to sustain livelihoods in

[venusandsaturnsrings]

pssttt psssst venus dont tell anyone i told you this but… you are worthy of love. you are capable of being loved unconditionally and wholly and without ulterior motives. this doesnt necessarily have to be romantic love, even just platonically. you’re valued for who you are, even with flaws, even with the characteristics you might find so awful that youd never admit it out loud

you have intrinsic value and you deserve everything good in this world

anon ik u said not to tell anyone but but but… u sent this 2 weeks ago n i think abt it everyday :((

u r the sweetest ever of all time!! venus life update for u and anyone that cares: i have NOT been havin a good time!! everything is hard!! world cold n sharp while i am soft and mailable :(( i try oh so very hard to seem cool and normal and fun but every single day has been a battle between myself and not feelin like everythin ever is always my fault!! but!! rereadin this n thinkin abt it makes me feel better even just a lil bit!! i have a very hard time believin i’m worthy of love but words like this make it a little bit easier everyday ᏊᵕꈊᵕᏊ

anyways, i hope u know that i love u n u deserve everythin good that comes ur way!! existin the way u r makes u special n clearly, ur a very lovin n wonderful person!! i hope that all of ur dreams come true n that u keep bein just as delightful as u already are!! i love u!! u deserve nice things :3

#anon i’m sowwy for not keeping this private between us but #i can’t help it!! #ur just the very best n i lob u #venus cptsd makes everyday hard but u being so sweet makes it easier #i hope that one day i’ll have someone that loves me all the time and i hope that u meet someone like that too :3 #we both deserve love!! #anon u r tha best #chit chats

[sparkycanteven]

I’ve had this headcanon for awhile, only @nerdasaurus1200 knew about it because it was intrinsic to our little collective hc but I thought I’d share here. Nobody has to share this HC, but it’s been a thing that was on my mind for awhile. 

Ever notice how we never exactly see Gothel with a dude? Yeah sure, she jokingly flirts with Shorty but anyone who’s nuanced can tell she’s largely being sarcastic, we never see her get remotely starry-eyed about any of the male protagonists, now granted, they were a great deal younger than she was and one was after her “daughter” but we never see her get even remotely wistful about the opposite sex, in fact, she seems kinda.. man-hate-y? Not in an obvious way, but in a more understated “I’ll tolerate this jerk until I can do better and then he’s as good as dead.” sort of way. 

What I’m getting at, is even though we know Gothel has had male romantic partners in the past (how else could Cass exist?), we don’t get the feeling that she ever truly had deep feelings for them, but that doesn’t mean that she never had deep feelings for anyone ever, and that’s where my headcanon is going.

Meet Gwen.

Gwen, my own OC, is a fiery, red-haired Scottish lady whom Gothel did have deep feelings for, and who returned them wholeheartedly. But Gothel… is Gothel… and her ways eventually ended up breaking poor Gwen’s heart. Gwen was unwaveringly faithful to Gothel, but sometimes love just ain’t enough and Gothel valued attention over everything, she wasn’t all that faithful to Gwen and that’s how baby Cassandra was born. 

From birth until the age of 3, Gwen helped Gothel with baby Cass, because she was really in love with Gothel and even though how baby Cass was conceived broke her heart, she still loved the child because the child was absolutely innocent in the matter. Now, again, this is my own headcanon and no one else has to share it, but in my own little version of events, a lot of the “good” things that Cass associates with Gothel, could actually be attributed to Gwen, with the exception of the music box. That happened post-Gwen.

Unfortunately, Gwen left after a horrid fight when little Cass was 3, a full year before the memories that Zhan Tiri showed her, so she does not really remember her, and of course Zhan Tiri wouldn’t show her anything to do with Gwen. Gwen is a powerful witch in her own right and wouldn’t like the fact the little girl she started out helping to raise ended up associating with a demon. If Gwen had been involved in her upbringing, things would have been so different in Cass’s life, but that’s not the way things went.

After Rapunzel was stolen, it was my headcanon that Gwen did come back to the cottage to look for little Cass, but she was already gone having been taken by the Captain. Gwen however, assumed Gothel had taken her daughter with her. 

This little HC - and remember guys, it’s just a HC and no one else has to share it - is all because I couldn’t really stand the fact that bebe Cass had no maternal figure in her life worth her salt if we follow show canon, and I just have a hard time believing that Gothel would act remotely maternal to a child that couldn’t benefit her in some way. So while, she may have been a “good” Mom to Rapunzel that was because she was keeping the flower alive, her “drug” if you will. She would not have behaved the same way toward baby Cass, in fact I’m amazed baby Cass survived past her initial infant stages. It would be my headcanons that that is attributed to Gwen’s being there. 

I also couldn��t stand the thought of grown-up Cass not having a Mom figure to eventually come home to, because that is technically all Cass wanted when she was a child - she just wanted a life with her Mama. So I created one for her. If anyone wants to share this HC, I’ll be flattered, if ya’ll dont - that’s okay too, it’s just mine but I wanted to ramble about it here. Be kind please. :)  

#tangled #tts #tangled ocs #tts oc #cass needed a mom #cassandra #gothel