#i dont know what's causing it and its really scaring me :(

[moeblob]

Anyway they can change between being tiny and human sized. And when they're tinier they can only be seen by the other fae or their selected humans. So if you just passed Noll on the street while Shavuli was perched on his shoulder chatting away you wouldn't see or hear her.

#my characters #a lot of the fae who are trying to get noll to pick a human take turns joining him as he wanders if he opts to be human sized #if he opts to be small and fly around none of them can actually find him to follow bc he does it precisely to be alone #and makes careful to avoid all of them when he dips #which furthers their friendly obsession with him being their void like where is he we lost him we gotta go bring him back from the abyss! #and hes just off on his own being crippled by anxiety at being a disappointment bc what if he isnt fun enough #absolutely unaware that all his friends are like we gotta go find him hes too good at this #hes going to win the game we have clearly set up to involve humans before he even recruits a human #cause he is TOO GOOD at slipping away ITS NOT FAIR we love him what a weird fae thats our lil guy! #noll really is just out there impressing all of his friends and not knowing hes impressing them bc hes too scared of being abandoned #and i was telling rae but when he does find the human he wants as his for the game #hes like ok so im gonna be honest here i turn into a big sword and you are definitely not going to be strong enough to carry me #and the human just like ok then pick someone else? #and hes like no no i cant you dont get it youre resourceful and im resourceful THEREFORE! i have an idea! just for us! #and then proceeds to shatter himself into shards basically #so that the human can have many smaller easy to control swords rather than one too big sword #and when all of the other fae see it they are absolutely delighted bc they didnt know he could do that! thats so cool! wow! they love him s #and he doesnt tell them that it actually really flippin hurts and being broken is agonizing but he wants to win so badly #anyway hello appreciate the void fae noll and his lil buddy shavuli who can turn into a spear C: #in her human form though she loves to wear hoodies instead of just like .... a skin tight suit with draping fabrics #she does wear biker shorts bc leggy.... she likes to have legs free #but she likes hoodies a lot

[i-yap]

I have a Dick Grayson request!

I don't know if you do vigilante s/o but I was wondering if you did could you write how he would react when he finds out that the crazy person jumping off buildings with his alter ego is also his gn s/o? I always find the different takes on the reader finding out about Nightwing but I really want to know what you think his reaction would be?Anyways, this might not be something you'll write but I just figured I'd ask

Lots of love and admiration for you and your works

❤️

A compliment and a Dick grayson ask??omg made my day ( I promise he isn't my favorite I love them all equally)

Ive never really written vigilante reader..or even imagined one but I can try

Dick Grayson x vigilante!s/o

s/n- supername

"There's an armed robbery at the children's hospital on 34th" reported Tim onto the batcom.

"I can get there in 5" replied Dick.

"Take hood with you, he's on 39th " Ordered Batman

"I don't need a babysitter..especially not hood"

"HAHA, Ill be there as soon as I'm done beating up this creep who was cornering pretty girls" Jason says cheekily.

"wait ..I dont think i need you here hood, or even I'm needed..S/n got here first. She's tying up the perps as we speak"

"Unmask her Nightwing, even I couldnt figure out her identity and she has been spotted in too many crimes around gotham" said Oracle

"You can't passible think THE s/n is a criminal" tim replied shocked

"Haha timmy has a thing for s/n just cause she was caught buying rock shirts from the shady stores he loves" Jason teases

" NO REAL NAMES ON THE COMS JASON, also Oracle is right. Best to be precautionary" states Batman.

Nightwing approaches s/n. "OH JEEZ, hi your scared me haha. Not that you're scary. You're really hot , I mean your partner probably finds you hot but not me. I'm just random vigilante...Uh anyways Ive called the police they're on their way so I think my work here is done!" You say hurriedly after spotting your boyf-nightwing approaching you.

"Well good work here s/n. But I actually had to speak to you alone. " "Me? why??"

"I need you to unmask yourself. Batman's orders . You cant trust me, you know I'm one of the good guys and we have been on multiple cases together. Plus you are kind of in my city"

" Well I- dick listen." "How do you -" You take off your mask to reveal yourself.

"I was about to tell you dickie..please don't be mad" "MAD? ME? MY SWEETHEART IS A CRIME FIGHTING ASS KICKING SUPERHERO! I KNEW YOU WERE TOO STRONG TO BE A BARISTA!. I mean I do wish you told me before" "I just didn't know how you would take it. You always talked about how much you loved our domestic intimacy and simplicity in our relationship and i-" Dick takes your hands in his "We can still have that baby, just because you are a superhero doesn't change anything. Youre still the best thing that ever happened to me and now we can even spend more time together as our alter ego. We would be a great power couple!" Says dick, pulling you into a passionate kiss.

"EW EW THE ROMANTIC SPEECH WAS GROSS BUT KISSING NOISES?" Yells jason into the coms

" NO DICK HOW COULD YOU, MY SUPERCRUSH MAN" Cries out tim

"shit i forgot to turn off my comms" whines dick

"NO REAL NAMES ON THE COMS !" Orders Bataman

"Bring her to the manor once you have discussed the - the revelation. There is much to talk about" Says Batman.

"I'm Surprised Y/n is even real" Joins in Damian.

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT HAVING A PARTNER" yells Nightwing into the comms while you try to muffle your laugh.

"Well, I am no one to comment on your mental state NightWing, But it is questionable"

You pull away Dick from the comms before they all start bickering- and giving bruce a headache. Sure there was a lot to discuss but dick is the best batboy to be a vigilante partner to. He would be understanding and non restrictive and the perfect partner in fight. Communication is easy with him and he trusts you and gives you your space to be yourself. After all, its all these things that make him love you for you.

sorry if there is anything offensive i don't usually write gn!reader cuz I'm a cis female and I don't proof read. Also english is not my first language. Lmk if there's anything offensive and ill change it.

#• #Dick Grayson x Reader #Dick Grayson x You #Dick Grayson x Y/N #Dick Grayson Fluff #Dick Grayson Angst #Dick Grayson Comfort #Dick Grayson Headcanons #Dick Grayson Imagines #Nightwing x Reader #Nightwing x You #Nightwing x Y/N #Nightwing Fluff #Nightwing Comfort #Batfamily #Batfamily x Reader #Batfamily Fluff #Batfamily x You #Batfamily x Y/N #Batfamily Headcanons #Batfamily Imagines #Batboys #Batboys x Reader #Batboys Fluff #Batboys Headcanons #Batboys Imagines

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH. #id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion. #yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ... #a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened' #im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways.... #sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

#⚠️ #personal #having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason #cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin #clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person #regardless of what the actual post is about #i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions #cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have #the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy #idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person #the fact i even struggle with this #sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me #maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared #cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping #how much is too much when do i stop #<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense #like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of #those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do #this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something #cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man #im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion #i feel like most times its both #i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like #showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online #idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd #vent #so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again #lord i need to get out of here

[guinevereslancelot]

trying not to worry too much until i see the cornea specialist but just thinking abt not being able to see my kitty's sweet little face anymore is so heartbreaking 😭

#i feel like this needs a trigger warning but idk what #trauma dump #disability tw #??? #anyway i might go blind 😭😭😭😭😭 #i have no idea if my condition is treatable or what the odds of success are until i see the specialist #but i am NOT being brave abt it #im really scared 😭 #i know blind people love fulfilling lives and stuff but aaaaaaa #all of my hobbies are visual and im dyslexic so im worried i wont be able to read braille #i live in a rural area with no public transportation #im tone deaf and bad at math my job opportunities are going to be zero unless i go back to school for a whole new degree #ughhhhh #hopefully its treatable but it often resists treatment apparently idk tho #i have no odds on it yet so hopefully its a small chance #but it probably depends whats causing it and how far its progressed but i dont know that yet either #anyway #woe is me etc etc #never seeing a sunset never painting or drawing again never looking at my kitty or my dog's sweet little face 😭 #its a really scary thought unfortunately #this has been a shitpost #pls don't reblog #personal #i was actually fine until i had the thought abt my kitty now i want to cry so bad

[needylittlegirl]

ahh i feel yucky

#just mad about life again <3 #mad that my doctors told me not to go to college yet #and now that i probably could if this medicine works #i dont see the point anymore #what i wanted to do wouldnt get me anywhere #i just found that out without even trying it for myself #like i guess its good cause i dont have loans lol! #but i wish i wouldve had one shot to try it out #like. im a kid im supposed to find stuff out the hard way right?? #yeah i got the easy way out financially and time wise but. i didnt even get to try i didnt even get to see what it couldve been like #and im mad i spent all of my youth with my shitty stupid ex that just had to rape and abuse me like it didnt even matter #im mad that he gets to ruin any future relationship i have even though he isnt around anymore #it isnt fair none of its fair #im gonna be 21 next month and all i know is not even getting the chance to fail and not even knowing what love is supposed to look like #what do i have to show for any of it? #i look at people i grew up around and theyre all finding their ways and doing things we talked about when we were kids #ive always felt like im just watching everyone grow up like a tv. im just sitting infront of it and theyre all going #and i thought maybe that wouldve changed by now i thought maybe id catch up #maybe i was naive or stupid to think it would change because it hasnt #im scared that im just gonna be one of those people that just doesnt really ever do anything #and it wasnt even up to me! i had such big dreams and then i had to have some stupid pains #and some stupid doctor had to tell me to hold off for a year #and its like the drain was pulled in a bathtub and everything just started to go down #whatever #im done ill be fine #tbd

[thedrotter]

now that im talking guys. first day of college in a few days SHAKING IN MY BOOTS. TAQUICARDIA. so terrified is college scary gamers... so scared bye its so over for me (being overdramatic but i dont want this to be school 2.0 if it is IT IS SO OVER)

on the same note i'll probably post less frequently due to it soon. PROBABLY, because then again i was still posting like crazy a few months ago during school finals IN A SYSTEM WHERE I WAS DOING TWO SCHOOL YEARS AT ONCE WITH A LOT OF HOMEWORK so... it depends on the people ☺️🩷 (so, on luck!)... do wish me luck on having nice professors and nice fellow students 😭...

#not art #i talk!!! #(colapso) #i was fine with it for some months now that is a few days close i am going to have a stroke #dun want it to be school 2 i will cry #havent been to an educative stablishment for nearly more than a year and do not have good memories of it IM SCAREEEDDDD😭😭😭 #im just really stressed that this factor i cannot name about me will cause me to have trouble #as ive grown older it seems something about my attitude is not socially common AND ITS BEEN GETTING AT ME IN RECENT YEARS IM SCARED #do my best to imitate others i still seem odd!!!!😭 what if it comes after me again!!! 😭😭😭 #HAVENT HAD TO INTERACT WITH SO MANY PEOPLE REAL LIFE SINCE 15 GET ME OUTTA HEREEEE!!! SO SCARED!!!! 😭😭😭 #is it the possibility of neurodivergence ive been getting yelled at by my friends i might have I DONT KNOW😭😭 #whatever it is . i hope this year's good so very scared😞 #will rip hair out if i need to be moved to online classes again to accomodate for mei just wanna make friends physically😞

[devotedlystrangewizard]

7-3 is freaking me the fuck out but the blood trees are so cool. theyre so pleasant. a beacon of joy in the hellscape that is the dark in a game that has already proven its willingness to scare the shit out of me

#ramblings #ultrakill #im watching it on yt not actually playing yet #this probably sounds insane to normal people bit i think the ultrakill community understands. #something really beautiful about. after all the destruction and death youve caused. you make trees grow #but also the trees are just beautiful im a huge fan #first impressions of violence now act 3 is out would be uhh. so much fear and also 'ooh blood trees thats neat' #then again. 1-1 freaked me out at first. 4-3 did. and i now love them. so its just. the newness of it all #im SCARED of what may happen in layer 9 i dont want to see it i dont want to know how the fuck do you bring the story of a game like THIS #to an end. come on #ultrakill spoilers #act 3 spoilers

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm so emotionally exhausted

#being highly empathetic is so romanticized but it actually sucks so much #not just for me btw. like for everyone around me too #im great at supporting people short term but anytime you need me to reliably be there i just cant #because i feel so strongly anytime im around other people experiencing strong emotions that i burn through my emotional battery #in a matter of minutes #its also almost definitely a result of my trauma. so yeah definitely over-hyped #PLUS i hate being that person thats like 'sorry YOUR emotions are too painful for ME' like wtf #makes me sound like an ass #i think it cam definitely be phrased better while still saying the same thing (like 'sorry i dont really have the energy now. is that okay?) #but it still sucks. i want to be there for people. i dont know what to do with all these emotions that arent mine #like theres always 'work through the trauma' but how?? im emotionally exhausted! #plus i dont actually see any way to reassure what im scared about cause its not like a fear of being punished triggered by others emotions #its like. I was exposed to this thing a lot as a kid and now my brain responds to it really strongly #the thing itself wouldnt have been wrong in a different context but i was a child and couldnt process the things that i experienced #and i still dont know how to

[girl-bateman]

Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all #literally my soul is gone or something #i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed #which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually. #ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better #alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off #like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot #like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy #moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously #but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends #i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help #idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho #like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me ! #so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback #kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk #it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore #but who knows 🤷‍♀️ #there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol #that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown #like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way #and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever #and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality #plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good #but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you #but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !

[homophyte]

it is interesting to me that ive seen lately (n yknow this is subjective and likely not any real social force just what ive seen) many queer people simultaneously talking about taking back and embodying unpalatable and ‘unmarketable’ queerness (the recent return to the terms faggot and transsexual come to mind) which i think is pretty evidently shaped by the conservative moment were in of demonizing queer ppl and especially gnc and trans people as predators--it reads as a return to queer isolationism in the face of external hostility, imo--while at the same time ive seen a lot of rallying around the “original” 6 stripe rainbow flag as opposed to any of the purportedly ‘factional’ flags of different queer identities, with the assumption being different identity flags divide us while the rainbow flag encompasses everyone and its kinda fascinating to me bc the rainbow flag is probably the single most marketable and palatable and uncontroversial symbols of queerness which has been seamlessly uptaken by those who wish to sell it back to us as gets pointed out every pride month with all the cringey pride merch.... i dunno you could maybe take that as a point of hypocrisy and claim the queer community is itself in a conservative moment rn where its returning to a sense of history and historical continuity (perhaps even out of that sense of external threat) or even that the queer community has for some time been in a conservative moment given the like, decade of identity discourse and lashing out at any people deemed to not have a sufficiently established history or however we should categorize the bihets/ace discourse/transtrender-tucute discourse/pan discourse/bi lesbians discourse (because lets be frank its essentially all the same discourse just keeping up its momentum by leapfroging from one target to the next) which i think is, like, SOMEWHAT true but not entirely? its more interesting to me, in any case, as an expression of a conflict the queer community is facing given that current state of affairs RE antitransness and that very recent history. like, the simultaneous need to retreat to a safe sense of community which is welcoming to the very things the outer world is demonizing ie mutable gender, complex or contradictory experiences of gender, gender expression which is hostile to the cis binary, but also the ways in which it has to grapple with those discourses which have largely defined the community infighting for again the past decade. its queer people begging the question ‘how can we make the queer community welcoming to the girlfags and genderfucks and tboys who are being threatened when we have spent so much time making the queer community a hostile place for anyone with a non-conventional or not easily (or even just palatably) sortable sense of queer identity’. and the answer it seems to be grappling with at the moment is like, welcoming all that diversity of experience but being absolutely averse to naming it. yes we love all the fuckery with gender and sexuality never be marketable but like, ew, why are you calling yourself [insert microlabel here]. you can be genderweird but you cant call yourself genderweird. you can only exist as queer in the broadest possible way (the all-inclusive gay pride flag!) but if you try to name the specifics or use those identity labels weve been fighting over for years youre doing it wrong (the progress pride flag is now ugly and cringey and ‘too much’). i think theres something also to the way (at least on this site) transmisogynistic discourses have really taken hold as legitimate (though yknow i wont downplay how much a problem transmisogyny has like. always been in queer spaces no matter what) in the name of protecting n defending trans people. like its just regurgitated transmisogyny but its being mobilized supposedly in the service of helping trans people. idk its definitely getting a little late for me to string this together fully coherently but theres a throughline there, in the ways certain ideas are being consolidated and reified as ‘yes were more progressive now!’ when i think theres definitely something to question there in terms of like...are we? are we actually? are we doing better by the people were trying to help or are we setting strict standards and forcing ppl to adhere to them again?

#myposts #this is long and honestly probably Nothing #i dont even really have a way of proving its the same group of people saying both things except fro anecdotally seeing it #and even thats not proof either is a real social force with like power. i could be entirely wrong on every count here #but i do think theres something to the idea that like #as ive seen said #yknow 'ace discourse never ended you all just accepted ace people didnt deserve support and then moved on w those views internalized' #i think thats more broadly true for like. all those discourses i mentioned. and for the transmisogyny i alluded to #but honestly i dont even want to name the specific phenomenon im talking abt there bc those people. scare me. #but yknow ill say it ive felt way more pressure lately to not call myself pan than i did at the height of pan discourse #before it became cringe to care about it and instead of actively shitting on pan ppl we moved on to passively doing it #ive largely started just. calling myself bi to avoid the arguement. which i predicted i would have to do years ago #and now look at me doing it! not really a fluke that its happening now. i think #which isnt to say were moving 'backwards' per se but that these ideas are not now and never have been really challenged #so weve just internalized their logics--reactionary logics--and its having an interesting effect now that we need a progressive community #for our safety. #now we cant say anything about it because to bring it up is jeopardizing everything weve built and the people were keeping safe! #cause we dont count as people deserving of safety were disruptors who only belong when we dont make noise. idk. or thats how i feel #again i dont really know if this is true at all im more just...thinking through it i think #basically like what im seeing--i think--comes from simultaneously that need to be unmarketable in the face of hostility #coming into conflict with a decade of momentum to make queers solely marketable. and i think thats producing some interesting--but sucky #--discourses in the current moment #last disclaimer that i might and am likely totally wrong! okay lauren out. post send *nervous sweating*

[flojouno]

hey guys im Thinking A Lot

#this spurred cause of the quackity thing #like #its fucking insane #why is doxxing so normalized? #is it just me? #especially because i worry for people who arent white #idk its always been really scary for me #maybe cause im a black woman but #jesus christ #text #i dont know what to say #and im highkey scared of twitter lol #so i feel like tumblr is safer somehow

[bobapplesimblr]

Hey do any of yall listen to podcasts?

And if so what kind of podcasts do yall listen to? I’m looking for topic/genre suggestions

#rambles #podcast ideas #help #;-; i dont know what i want to do #cause also solo podcasts can be kinda hard cause its just me rambling for a while #idk what type of content to make cause i also really wanna make videos but I'm not sure what genre of video is the best for me #like i could do art tutorials like i planned but i don't think that's the best thing for me #cause i suck at explaining things #and gaming can be fun but im scared that my laptop won't be able to handle most games that arent the sims #i could keep playing Pokemon but I kinda wanna keep it to myself #and I'm kinda good at rambling about anything and everything but thats usually with someone else there #idk man #i also thought of doing fashion and makeup videos but im not very good at those #i guess I could try though #document my journey into understanding fashion and makeup a bit more #and eventually my journey of learning to be a nail tech and nail artist #should I just go back to making sims gameplay videos? #but then what would I do for patreon based on that? #cause i really would love to set up a patreon too to work with my channel or whatever i end up doing #*cries*

[mejomonster]

Ridiculously depressed but I am running ragged (which is surely worsening the depression ToT) so like the idea of weekly therapy to further exhaust me and trigger the anxiety more doesn't sound super compatible

#rant #like. i havent eaten in 6 days im fucking miserable amd on edge. my gi issues are FUCKED right now #so i cant eat and im desperate To eat asap so i really hope my gi issues improve soon jesus fucking christ #anyway... on top of that which... homestly on its own is enough to destroy me emotilnally and exhaust me.... #i also am intensely deptessed a friend has like 5 crushes 4 dating options #i looked up advice today! oh no the spiral! i am considering paying money for a matchmaking service just so i can hate myself more i guess #when even that fails. i havent had a crush in 5 years either. i had like 3 crushes BUT they were married or aro #so i stopped my crush. so basically no crush on available for relationships peolle in half a decade. k feel broken #i looked up how to develop crushes today. google amd youtube apparently think its so rare to Not crush that theres no fucking advice #and then on top of it i have regular run of the mill anxiety. where i disassociate if im in public or around strangers. #which helps Me cope and i Feel great. as in not scared. but it means i dont talk well to strangers. #i try to. but i barely know what im saying and i dont see anyone i see them vaguely then block it out. and thats how i handle public. #and if i can manage to be present i need enough of a crowd i can hide. and if i see an attractive person i look away #cause i turn red and cant breathe. and im chicken i guess. so ur supposed to LOCK EYES with hot strangers and stare. but i need to PRACTICE #and then i also need to practice just. MAKING myself go places that make my anxiety shoot up horribly #and just sit and make myself stare at random peoplr and touch my skin and make myself endure being present. #then i have to do the same thing in public places i Like (which makes me more anxioud and in the past often resulted in panic attacks then #suicide attempts and self harm during said pamic attacks) so im not like super hype to endure that #and id rather endure it WHEN MY HEALTH IS SOLID ENOUGH I CAN EAT #because currently? me hungty? me in immense pain? even non anxiety inducing situatilns are shooting my stress level through the roof. #spilling coffee right now is making me feel like dying. just cayse im hungry and exhausted. i want to work up to 1. gi tract DIGESTING FOOD #PLEASE GOD SOON. 2. my back doesnt hurt so bad so i can STAND in public #3 stand in a nonthreatening public place like a bookstore or grocery store and stare at people #4 stand in nonthreatening place and stare at Hot people #5 attempt to enter a place in public i LIKE A LOT like a local hobby club. attempt for an hour if needed #call it a win if i make it to the doorway befote the panic attack hits. 6 attempt again at least standing IN FRONT of building 5 minutes #7 attempt again and maybr peak in and use bathroom so i can leave if im scared. 8 attempt again to enter building and maybe finally join #event i want to join. 8 attempt looking people in the eyes and remaining present at Location i like. #9 attempt looking pretty people In The Eye. 10 attempt saying hi i like your X #11 attempt conversation (if i got through all prior steps). which. this anxiety work could take 3-4 months minimum

[squishe]

god i'm so confused

#i've been showing more dissociative symptoms recently #and it's probably because moving and living alone in a quiet place is triggering me #but i keep #feeling like someone else is in my body with me #i'll try to speak but it's not me speaking and its not my words #it doesnt sound like me #my handwriting changes #theres #more #but i just #dont know what to do #mentioned osdd to my psychiatrist when i saw him last n he was kinda dismissive and convinced that the dissociation is just bc of past traum #but osdd is a specific kind of dissociation caused by trauma? which i have plenty of lol #i don't know #it's so fucking weird and i feel like i'm slowly losing my mind #i can't find any answers #i just want to know what's going on #i'm scared to join any spaces for multiples to ask questions because it isn't their job to help me #but i need help so bad #this is really scaring me #dissociation #dissociation cw

[caffeinatedopossum]

Turns out I can convince myself I'm faking anything for attention apparently. Even though attention makes me so uncomfortable that I never even leave my house or show my friends the things that I'm proud of.

#i be like *has a literal seizure* okay but am i faking this? but what if its my fault tho #oh yeah im also scared that somehow i caused my seizures. by like i dont know... being bad at NOT having seizures? lmao #sorry if i talk about the seizure a lor im just really in shock about it i think #im scared im gonna make myself have another one by thinking about it somehow #but i dont want to not because it sucks for me but because i feel self conscious and guilty about it #like people try to talk to me and i can't respond :(