#i dont consider myself to have a foreshortened future in the sense I dont think I will die soon or anything

[system-of-a-feather]

Today I was invited to the table of the game of life. Everyone here is playing their cards, some are playing Magic, others Pokemon, some Yugioh, some playing cards, and even one guy over there has been playing Baseball cards I think, but as absurd as this game looks, they all appear to be building to a greater image.

The call me to the table to add to the game.

I walk up and pull out my deck of one, singular Skip Uno card. I sit down and shout Uno and play my Skip Uno card. I have won.

The table looks at me - paused in bafflement; a silent stare of bewilderment

They tell me that is not how this game of life works. We each create combos, chains, strategies and skills and build this massive play to form a much greater game.

They tell me that there isn't any winning in this game of life; they tell me that I need to bring more cards to the table, draw some more and join in on creating chained webs and supportive suggestions.

I tell them this is all that I have, there is nothing more to how my plays work other than this singular Skip Uno Card. I play Uno, the only function of Uno is to remove your cards. There is a limited amount of chain and skillful strategy that can be played in the traditional game of Uno; even less when your entire deck is empty and all you have is a singular card.

We have an issue. My game doesn't work at this table. We are incompatible, my deck simply doesn't work with the nature of this collaborative game.

I turn to the ref, solutions my good man. I can't fix my deck, I can't generate new cards. I can't make a play other than Skip Uno, what can anyone ask of me.

The ref checks the book, he checks the rules; he looks up and with a quizzical suggestion, asks if I could ask for someone else's cards

I say no, I don't have a card for that, all I have is a single Skip Uno Card. I do not have a Draw 4 or Draw 2. I only have Skip Uno.

He looks at me. He turns to the other players. He whispers in their ears as they chatter among one another. They each pull from their decks, donating one card each and collecting them into a stack.

They hand me the deck. In it, a Preordain, a holographic Charizard, a single piece of Exodia, a four of spades, and Babe Ruth. These cards now sit around my single Skip Uno card.

I turn to the ref, raising an eyebrow at this strange deck built before me; uncertain if this solution would work, if these cards could even possibly be played at this table.

Even so, new options have been placed in my hand. The bizarre game resumes. I play the four of spades.

The turn roles by.

#alter: data #you are free to reblog and comment and all that #writing #creative writing #recovery #actuallydid #this is an allegory for some system shit going on #allegory #allegory writing #data's writing #for myself or other parts that might not understand / remember the context #I have near to 0 foresight and ability to see the future and as a result do not have much ability to make strategies and solutions #and as the ocd ocpd fuck i am #I have one option my brain gives me and I functionably can not think of doing anything else #not even to the point of getting anxiety #i just straight up am structurally dissociated from the ability to think about any other 'plays' #which is even more apparent with how far ahead most parts in our system see #i dont consider myself to have a foreshortened future in the sense I dont think I will die soon or anything #but i do in the sense I literally cant think past the very instant moment #ptsd #c-ptsd #foreshortened future #also yes #this is supposed to be a bit comedic in nature #you can laugh

[system-of-a-feather]

Not necessarily DID related and honestly I have an art blog for this but I also don't use my art blog and shit, plus I don't really consider this "art posting" considering its actually more on just the hobby of it - but like, its around three years of arting at this point - probably a bit more. I had originally picked it up out of spite that one of our littles could actually draw somewhat well and was using it for chaos and found that it is honestly one of my best and most reliable self regulating activities that can help me ground, relax and focus the best.

And so ever since I started, I had originally made a deal with myself that we draw at least 30 minutes daily and for the first two years, we barely missed a day partially because we are (problematically) good at keeping routines and making hobbies out of work and work out of hobbies, but also just because it is really something I just >need< to do in order to properly maintain a sense of like, homeostasis and zen.

At this point, I don't even try to make myself draw regularly, I just naturally really try to set at least an hour aside to draw and its just become a regular part of my routine. Which is honestly a double win for me since I have this story I've been writing with a friend since I we were 12 and very much like to say "raised us more than our parents" and as a result both of us have a very strong need and urge to one day put the story out there so it can live on outside of our own mortal "foreshortened future experiencing" heads. And over time we realized that turning it into a comic / webtoon would probably be the best means of telling the story, and so as the art friend between the two, I've just casually added "becoming a reluctant mangaka" onto my list of side hobbies and skills I plan to one day do and am slowly working up, cause again - the story needs to get out there some point.

I don't plan to actaully even so much as draft anything until the RP-format of the prequel is over and at least a year or two from now has passed, so I'm currently just bolstering out skills in my art to actually make it so that I'm not gonna 1) be limited in how I can make characters and the world and 2) So that I can find a consistent style and method to going about drawing things and people

And with this up running year (I count years by art fight years) my main focus is expanding my designs to things I dont usually draw (I specialize in pretty boys, so I gotta expand out to different age groups, more traditional masc characters, remember how to draw women etc) and to actually drawing backgrounds / sceneries

And I just got done drawing my first somewhat old man in a while and not only is he old and more of a not-twink faced dude, but he actually has a beard and Im like huh. This is really out of my 'preferred character design' but I'd like to think it is turning out well and I'm just like huh.

It's really neat how my skill has developed over time.

Anyways, sketch of the character below to enjoy this art log. Please excuse the lazy watermark. @feathery-creations is the art blog I never update.

#alter: riku #art log #art #not me realizing he is missing one pin on his right breast pocket after i post it #artists curse #scream