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#i didnt know how anything worked
liminalzone · 3 days ago
I really am just like *isn't even finished highschool* "if I couldn't handle the workload of someone training to be a medical doctor who also does ballet and knits and plays a big instrument at profession level then I am an academic failure, a fraud, a pathetic excuse for a waste of potential," like WHAT the fuck IS that.
#when i got 100 on an end of unit social studies test i was like. deep sigh thats alright but i didnt study till i was crying so it wasnt#really earned and i could totally do better. if i worked myself to bleeding and crying then i could probably be doing my highers this year#and i could be playing harp wayyyyyyyyy better. but no im like 'im tired i dont want to do it' and then i dont do it#and then i get a 70 and everyone is like oh thats good! and im like you have no idea how much i dont deserve this but#that's not a nice way to talk to ppl so i shouldnt do that. i should take the compliment and suffer later where they wont be bothered#gd. u have no idea how much of a failure I'd be if i were anywhere else. im glad it works like this for us here. but not for me#i desere the american grading system where 70 is a c. i deserve that. i am so unbelievably lazy like i cant even express#how much of a failure and waste of potential i am. i could do so much and instead im like. im tired im going to sleep. im tired im going to#lie down. im tired im going to walk a few miles. like i deserve anything but work work work till im getting 100s everywhere and maybe it'd#kill me but thats what wastes of potential deserve. either make it or die trying. either make it or die trying.#and either way everyone will hate me bcus no one likes prodigies and no one likes lazy people!! i have two choices and they're both#despicable!!!!! which is what i deserve. maybe when academia breaks me i'll have earned calling myself human#oh wow that was a lot. im quite sleeby so dont like take this too literally? im. fine <3 good even <3#sticks speaks#this is a whole complex of its own maybe i shld get a tag for the. this complex#oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt?#tw school
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latesunrizez · 21 days ago
telling myself that me being shit at my job last year was an act of anti-capitalist protest
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m-f-k-r · 2 months ago
still  unable to contact your psychiatrist and being advised to go to the er so you fuck around at the er for 4 hours just for them to tell you "you need to call your psychiatrist theres nothing we can do to help you uwu"
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#what the fuck do you think i have been doing for the last almost 3 months now homie#why the fuck do you think im here. if i could get into contact with my psychiatrist i WOULDNT BE HERE#i put myself thru the emotional stress of being in a hospital to basically get told to go fuck myself#thank you 👌 i love healthcare peofessionals they dont make me want to kill myself at all ever 👌#what do i have to do to make someone take my fucking health seriously lmfao#cause it seems like me rolling up with slit wrists or an OD is the only language yall understand and id really like to not do that#REAL FUCKED UP HOW DISABLED PPL HAVE TO BE LITERALLY DYING IN FRONT OF YOU FOR YOU TO HELP THEM LOL#im real fucking burnt out here lads i feel like ive done everything i can in my power to get help#i feel like i shouldnt have to work this hard just to get my meds refilled#im climbing the fucking walls here like i had to take a day off work for this and they didnt even do anything#im just fucking pissed off i wanna feel like my life matters i want this to be treated with the urgency it needs#im just frustrated and tired im ripping my fucking hair out here like im so beyond exhausted#food water breasts image meme but its sleep medication refill dilfs#this is the hardest i ever worked to stay clean in my fucking life lads genuinely dont know how im still doing it#i really need soemthing to start going right real fast im hanging on by a thread here and have been for months#i need somebody to take my failing health and wellbeing seriously#i need to SLEEP dude ive been awake for 2 days#just give me. my fucking. meds. its not that hard.#vent //#im a big fucking crybaby i know im just overtired and kinda freaking out
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noctc · 5 months ago
so tired that i threw my gifted hot pocket into the microwave still wrapped and only when a loud pop rung out of the microwave did i listen to god and take it out and leave the destruction for another day
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screamingay · 5 months ago
id like to go back to the gory dreams now 😳
#ive had 3 hannibal inspired dreams so far the first ones were gore and then romance#but this one. was manipulation#i just wish it wasnt so.. PERSONAL#basically my family had been sending me to doctors/therapy since i was little and i had absolutely zero memory of it#i thought they were joking at first bc i had no lost time. i could account for every hour of every day#they started listing off the names of my doctors and i didnt recognize a single one#i never even considered amnesia or anything. i knew everything else. i knew who i was. i knew this was something theyd done to me#the end gets blurry but i went to one of the 'therapy' things and it was kinda terrifying#and at the end my parents reveal that they did plan all of it. they bring out a promotional booklet about this experimental program#they were worried i wouldnt grow up right since they worked so often and werent home enough so theyve been sending me to this program#as ive been watching hannibal i guess i have been the most affected by hugh dancy's acting and i couldnt stop thinking abt#the pure betrayal in every fiber of his being when he fully realized hannibal had been manipulating him the entire time#i think it got to me#the worst part was how good they were at acting like they didn't know#like how hannibal is such a good actor#and the fact that they were my FAMILY. the people who raised me. and it was all in my own house. the one im in right now#it could be happening in real life and id have no idea bc in the dream i had no clue anything was wrong#like obviously it isnt but it's like watching horror movies set in houses. like hey! i live in one of those!!#if u just read all of that u may be entitled to financial compensation
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fluffyhunnie · 7 months ago
tagged by @sehunlyone & @delhyun , ty you guys 🤍
10 songs i’ve been listening to lately:
elevator (127F) - nct 127
wish you were here - superm
day by day - exo
beso - cnco
highway to heaven (eng ver) - nct 127
love talk - wayv
don’t need your love - nct dream ft. hrvy
twenty five - song jieun
drip - superm
dusk till dawn remix - brooks
my url in songs:
exo edition ->
first love , love again , up rising, falling for you , for you now , ya ya ya, hurt, universe , nonstop, namanana, i’ll be there , electric kiss
non exo edition ->
fly away with me - nct 127, love - primary ft. bumkey & paloalto, unbreakable - wayv, fast pace - seventeen, fall - crush, you’re the one - sam kim, hann (alone) - gidle, u need me - shinee, need u - monsta x, nothing’s over - infinite , i been- berhana ft. crush , electric hearts - wayv
tagging: @thegreatkayden @detective-oh @waynct @overdoseon-exo @amaranth @exosalt (no pressure just wanted to tag some new & old ppl just to let you know i was thinking of you guys!!)
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milfjuno-moving · 9 months ago
i mean this in the nicest way possible but no amount of fun i may have w any friends i’ve made over the years will ever come close to comparing to the absolute nonsensical and meaningless joy i get from spending time with my brother and us being so comfortable around each other having literally grown up clinging to each other and essentially being each other’s confidantes our entire lives to the point that nothing is embarrasing or cringey or stupid anymore n we can just laugh over dumb shit we do and be content w the fact that we trust and know each other maybe not completely but fucking enough for the rest to not matter n just being okay with who we are in the masks no layers no playing up how u think ur supposed to act.....not 2 be dramatic but nothing will ever compare to that feeling ❤️
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raeathnos · 10 months ago
#gotta love how this morning no one took me seriously and i got attitude for saying i didnt feel good#but when i come home from an eight and a half hour shift all i get is yelled at about it#‘i cant believe you got sick’ and ‘none of us better catch it’#yeah like i caught this stupid cold on purpose and can totally control who catches it#you know the fucking best part?#when she fucking tells me i need to stop going on those hikes and that theyre the reason im sick now#like yeah the two hour easy hike on flat ground that i went on during the first day of my three day weekend a week ago is why im sick now#not my high stress retail job where i gotta work at an absurd pace and lift heavy shift in little to no air conditioning#while dealing with rude assholes who dont know how to properly wear a mask#yeah it was definitely that relaxing two hour hike and bot the ten hour shift i had to work a few days ago#‘those hikes are running you down!’ oh gee i didnt realize hiking once every two weeks was gonna do that#its clearly not the 40 hour work week with shitty stressful conditions#bonus- im 29 and she still tries to treat me like a child and thibks she can tell me what to do#which mainly consists of telling me i cant do anything that brings me the slightest bit of joy and that im lazy#im so fucking tired and i need to get thw fuck out of here#those hikes are the only thing keeping my already catastrophic mental health from tanking any lower#so of course she wants to try to take that away#im so fucking angry and frustrated#i worked eight and half hours and im sick and all i wanted was to come home and not deal with shit#its fun when you just want an once of respect and youre not even worth that 🙃#gotta love when you just want someone to confort you but there isnt anyone to do that either 🙃#i feel broken
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