#i did. feel very fucking emotional when this happened.

[johannestevans]

sorry i finished new episode and i'm obsessed as ever

kabru clasping hold of laios' hands is so insane. laios doesn't remember this little twink's name, all he remembers is that this guy ate monster food with him and showed a slight enthusiasm for him, which to laios is unthinkable

it's hilarious seeing kabru's fervent obsession with and manipulation of laios' feelings and priorities contrasted with laios' depths of pain and distress at shuro's rejection of him and how that was borne of shuro hiding his true feelings

obvs for shuro like. he's explicitly introduced with a level of politeness and also emotional repression that's linked not only to his cultural upbringing in the east but is obviously related to his class position, esp bc the dungeon was meant to serve as his coming of age

or to hone his experiences for a return to rule as lord - and with his proposal to falin like. it's so interesting to me that shuro finds so many of falin's traits so desirable when she and laios genuinely are so similar

falin IS extremely high-empathy whereas laios is very low-empathy, but they find pleasure and joy and intrigue in similar things, they have similar senses of humour, they're similarly inexpressive or overly expressive depending on the moment

at the end of the day like, if you're going to propose to that girl and ask her to come back to your home country and marry you despite the fact that she's so obviously a lesbian, at the very least you have to pretend to like her brother

but like. she's quite LIKE her brother. they have the same broad frame, if laios gained a bit of weight i bet he'd have a similarly luxurious bust, they're both a bit clueless. she's just a woman and laios is just a man

but yeah sorry to move on from shuro's deep and seemingly inherent distrust, nay disgust, of other men that is no doubt informed by the extent to which he's been raised wholly by legions of women vs his inclination to see other men as rivals or opponents

(worsened by the extent to which he sees laios as naive and is offset by the extent of laios' earnestness)

but here you see the EXACT SAME THING happening to laios again in REAL TIME. someone else needs to keep him on side and so they're being polite

kabru is going beyond politeness and is outright lying and manipulating because he's just a delicious bitch that way, but like. the exact same thing is happening to laios - he thinks he's making a new friend and he is LATCHING ONTO kabru just like he did to shuro

is he being intelligent or tactful about it? no. god no. he's infodumping eagerly about monster food, he's answering all of kabru's questions - and!!! kabru is asking him QUESTIONS! he's being so ENTHUSIASTIC!!! and so laios rushes to cook for this new friend, this stranger

and inwardly kabru is horrified because jesus fuck, is this guy SERIOUS? and yeah he's serious about everything, he's earnest and eager about absolutely everything, and kabru is fascinated with this new variety of man but also... fucking hell

i think it's vital that they're introduced to one another initially in this group setting, because i think marcille, who is much naturally more distrustful, would ask more questions of kabru - and falin is very trusting but also would. twig something off about everything

i die because like. falin left home because she couldn't handle people's issues with magic and also because like. she was constantly in the position, i would have no doubt, of trying to explain laios to their family and friends, whilst also being beset by spirits

like obviously she wanted to go to magic school, but it was more than that - she needed to go out and grow and become an adult, and not do so in her brother's shadow and laios went off on his own, haplessly, and they end up together again bc they take care of each other

falin is a weird girl, she likes to play in the dirt, she accidentally does all this genius stuff, she's a little clueless and a little out of it, but to marcille and shuro, this is desperately desirable - she's beautiful, she's a genius, she's so loving

they see those things in her because they shine out of her like sunshine - especially because she's not intimidating, you know? whereas laios, blundering, autistic, selfish, obsessive laios, who talks a mile a minute and is so tall and broad, people find him to be too much

idk i just. i think for falin a big difficulty she has is actually in setting boundaries - she's always rushing to take care of laios even though it's not her job, she holds back on saying no to shuro because she hates to say no

marcille touches falin ALL over, touches her hair, scrubs her clean, holds her TIT while channelling magic, and falin is overwhelmed by it and you can see it in her face, but saying no is so hard for her - no to spirits, to strangers, to her friends, to her brother

i say this because like. they really don't interact much at all in the course of the manga but i think that kabru and falin actually have so much in common, both of them haunted by ghosts and both of them fixated more than they mean to be on laios

falin because to some extent i think she feels guilty about abandoning him to go to school even though she NEEDED that, and kabru because he's just an obsessive little homo and he can't cope with his need for laios' massive dick

#musings #kabru of utaya #falin touden #dungeon meshi #laios touden #shuro dungeon meshi #long post for ts

[fear-is-truth]

𝓐𝓯𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓭

── kai anderson x fem! reader

⟢ WARNINGS: slight angst. toxic relationship. not proofread

⟢ SYNOPSIS: you’ve had enough of his bs

⟢ A/N: inspired by the song “afraid” by lana del rey. let’s pretend this is in character because… i kinda hated this ngl

𝒾’𝓂 𝒜𝓂𝑒𝓇𝒾𝒸𝒶’𝓈 𝓈𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉, 𝓉𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝑒𝒶𝓈𝒾𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂, ‘𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒾’𝓂 𝓈𝑜 𝓪𝓯𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓭…

𝜗℘ requested by: @kaislittlelamb

“You're wasting your time,” there was thinly veiled annoyance in his voice as he watched you packing your clothes into a travel bag.

“You'll just put it all back anyway.”

“No, I won’t. Because I'm leaving,” you replied, stuffing a pair of sweatpants into your bag. “And I’m not coming back.”

“You’re going to tell me why you’re leaving?”

“Because you’ve changed. And I’m tired of being an afterthought in your grand plan.”

“There’s a great responsibility upon my shoulders, and I’ve changed for the better. You know that.”

Had he? Did he really believe that?

He watched you in silence for a moment.

“The second you step out of this house, you’ll never be welcomed back,”

There was no emotion in his ultimatum. You picked up a lacy pink bra from the pile of clothes, the one from Victoria’s Secret that he had always liked on you. Distant memories of better days flooded your mind, a time when intimacy with Kai was filled with passion and genuine connection.

But lately, sex with Kai had become nothing more than a means for him to blow off steam. The mechanical exchange a few nights ago had left a bitter taste in your mouth. After using you for his own pleasure, Kai had turned away yet again, leaving you feeling empty and used.

For all you knew, he might as well have been fucking a fleshlight with a pulse.

You set it back down on the bed.

“Fine. Tell Winter I’ll miss her very badly,”

This clearly wasn’t the answer he’d been wanting to hear, because his expression hardened, a flash of anger crossing his features like summer lightning.

“Do you expect me to stop everything I’ve been working for?” He demanded hotly. You sighed. Looked up to meet his gaze.

“I don’t expect you to give up anything, Kai. And I wish you nothing but success.”

Taking another deep breath, you continued,

“But I just can’t be a part of it anymore,”

A flicker of… something. Annoyance? Hurt? Fear? flickered in his dark eyes. Whatever it was, the unidentified emotion was quickly replaced by a veneer of cold indifference.

“Say, you’re not on your period or anything, are you?” Kai drawled, leaving the wall he had been leaning against and slowly advancing towards you. You felt a surge of anger rise up, hurt bubbling to the surface.

“No, and it has nothing to do with—”

“Such a needy little thing,” He was standing directly behind you, hands gripping on your shoulders in a slightly possessive way.

“Was that all the theatrics were for? If this was just a ploy to have my cock inside of you, you could’ve just asked,”

“What happened to you? I don’t even know you anymore!” you cried out, breaking away from his grip. Kai remained impassive, bottomless black eyes like tar pits staring back at you, devoid of the warmth and kindness that had once drawn you to him.

He was no longer the sweet, awkward guy you had fallen in love with in college. The person standing before you was a stranger, a shadow of the man you had once loved (still loved), and it broke your heart to see how far he had fallen.

Fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes, you snatched up your bag and bolted for the bedroom door. You knew if you didn’t leave now, you’d never get another chance to leave again.

“Fuck!”

Before you could make it out the doorway, his hand shot out, seizing your arm and slamming you against the wall with a force that stole the air from your lungs.

His grip tightened around your wrists, trapping you against the wall as he loomed over you, his face contorted with anger and frustration.

“Please, Kai, just... let me go,”

Your heart pounded wildly in your chest as you braced yourself for the inevitable blow. He had never hit you before, but in that moment, you were certain this would be a first.

But to your surprise, the strike never came.

Instead, he sank to his knees, his grip loosening on your wrist as he wrapped his arms around your waist. For a moment, you stood completely paralysed, unable to process what had happened.

Kai’s shoulders heaved with sobs, his tears soaking into the fabric of your sweater as he buried his face against your stomach.

“I’m sorry,” his breath coming in ragged gasps,

“I just love you so much…I can’t bear to lose you. Please don’t leave,”

Slowly, tentatively, you reached out, running your fingers through his hair.

Maybe this was just another one of his many schemes, designed to manipulate you into staying.

Maybe he truly loved you.

You didn't know.

But as you gazed into his tear-streaked eyes, searching for any hint of sincerity, you realised that it didn't matter anymore.

The only thing you were certain of in that moment was that you wouldn't be able to leave, not now, not ever.

For better or for worse, you were bound to him.

TAGLIST @acidbrainstorm @evanpetersmybf @alittlesil @kaiandersonsdevotedwife @ellaaaaa44 @newwavesylviaplath @warrenlipkaswife @slvt4jamesmarch @kaismanwich @maddaline @evpeters87 @lacucarachapisser @howtobesasha @lissasharp @feefymo @babydoll-lvr @nickrhodeslittledarling @bluerthanvelvet444 @r8ttenapples @nahoyasboyfriend @kai-slut @lak3cityqui3tpills @coentinim @doll3tt33 @taintandviolent @babygorewhore @joshlmbrt @violet1737 @sukirosiac @slutforgarlogan @90sbr1descake @am3ricanh0rrorwh0re @k31sley @violet-harmon2011 @luuuuucyscorner @starry-eyed-wild-child @viscerati + send an ask to be added/removed

 fear-is-truth 2024 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

#american horror story #ahs #kai anderson #evan peters #ahs cult #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson x y/n #kai anderson imagine #kai anderson x you #tate langdon #james patrick march #kit walker #tate langdon x y/n #kit walker x y/n #kyle spencer #tate langdon x reader #jimmy darling #kit walker x reader #jpm x reader #kai anderson smut #ahs kai #evan peters x reader #evan peters x y/n #evan peters x female reader #kyle spencer x y/n #kit walker x you #ahs season 7 #SoundCloud

[hobicakess]

I’m just dropping a little something that’s been brewing for a while and I have like 4 series that I haven't posted

cw: allusions to past SA, period typical themes, there might be some switches from 3rd to 2nd person ill fix it later.

Just vampire hyung line and their immortal wife. Throughout the years she met them all one by one and she married them all legally throughout the years. Today we’re going to read about her, Seokjin, and Yoongi's story.

First she was married to Jin although she met Yoongi decades before. Though their relationship was still very rocky. Her and Seokjins marriage was strictly arranged by the Supernatural council. Seokjin being an original vampire and her being an original immortal (meaning she was “blessed” directly by the gods to walk the earth eternally) the marriage was for the sake of reproduction.

At first Jin was furious about the arrangement. He was an original vampire. He'd been living way before the council was organized and now they were demanding him. Kim Seokjin. The handsomest, wealthiest, one of the eldest vampires to live to marry a silly human who'd been cheated out of death and they want him to taint his very old and pure bloodline. He was extremely offended at the notion.

But all his protest went out the window when he saw her.

If you couldn’t already tell, Seokjin back then was extremely arrogant, cocky, and selfish. He saw her as a Status booster (as if his status wasn’t already high) having her by his side, this beautiful immortal woman to procreate with— this would make everyone even more envious for eternity so he sucked it up and agreed. He of course would have other lovers just like she already did

Yoongi. Former Emperor Min Yoongi wasn’t her lover at this time, he just so happened to be bonded to her. That bond was only because of the bracelet he wore around his wrist, she tricked him into putting it on only for his safety, Yoongi was devoted to her because of it, and regardless he loved her dearly. He had no choice but to follow her wherever she went and now she’s forcing him to watch her marry.

When she met with the council Yoongi thought she’d disagree but she didn't, which made him beyond furious.

When the meeting ended Seokjin walked to him “Looking forward to sharing, Vampling.” Patting his shoulder, Yoongi's fangs bared as he went to attack the older vampire but she called his name and he had no choice but to follow her like a kicked puppy.

When the two of them were alone, Yoongi slammed her against the wall, his hand breaking through it. “You are mad! You’re really going to marry that entitled pig?” He hissed venom dripping from his fangs. He didn’t know if it was him being an emotional vampling or his love for her making him feel this way. He’s never felt like this before. He used to cut heads off with a blink of an eye, and now he’s crying because he should be the one marrying her. “You would let me sit back and suffer while some random man marries and fucks you like a common whore.''

As you can tell back then Yoongi couldn’t control any of his new found emotions, being that he’d never felt any before he grew up as a king, a boss. emotions were for common folk now here he is.

“Yoongi, I understand you’re upset but don’t you dare call me names. I am simply doing-“ he cut her off, finding another part of the wall to punch, closer to the side of her face this time. “I’ve watched you burn down villages, I’ve seen you make men tear their own skin from their bone, You’re far more powerful than-“

“Shut your mouth. They mustn’t know of the powers I have possessed. They’ll lock me up for eternity just as they’ve done the warlocks and witches.” Her hands raised to touch his still warm cheeks, she’ll forever miss his warmth when he hits his chilling point. “ I am doing this for the sake of us, everything I have done these years has been for us.”

Yoongi scoffed, “If you genuinely want to do something for me release me of these awful feelings.” moving her hands from his face; “If you truly do not wish to be bound to me any longer I will remove your Geumganggo” she reach to unlock the golden bracelet and before she could remove it Yoongi was gone in a flash.

Her and Seokjin's wedding was beyond big, almost every supernatural species being invited. It was like Seokjin to go all out like this. While she was being prepped for the ceremony she was saddened, Yoongi had left for weeks and she didn’t know if or when he’d come back, but the wedding still happened without Yoongi and you had no living family so she was alone stuck with Seokjin and his asshole friends and family.

When she met Seokjin father she immediately felt a deep sense of hatred for him and then she felt bad for SeokJin. The reason he acted the way he did was because of the way he grew up and who he grew up with. “Well I Wouldn’t have wanted my son married to an immortal but you currently have the hips to make his children.”

Seokjin's father's eyes drifted to her hips that were outlined in the tight red wedding dress.“Thank you sir.” she bowed with gritted teeth.

“We are family, please call me father.” He grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips when it was snatched away by Seokjin.

“My wife must be really tired, she is still a human after all and we can’t have her too tired out already” his joke made the whole crowd laugh embarrassing her further, he scooped her up bridal style effortlessly.

“Goodnight.” and he zoomed away bringing the two of them into their bed chambers.

She was on the bed, pressed underneath Jin’s wide body. “Hello wife.” He smirked, pushing a coil of her hair back.

“Are you planning to pretend we are actually a happily married couple?” She stared up at him frowning.

“It speeds up the breeding process.” scoffing, pushing him off, stomping on the dresser, taking all her jewelry in angry huffs. He stood behind watching her in the vanity mirror “ You looked beautiful today, and that says a lot coming from me.” turning to look at her ‘husband’ scoffing again.

“Are you immune to not being a.. nuisance?”

“You are upset your vampling lover did not show.” it wasn’t a question it was a statement and it pissed her off more.“Vamplings are emotional creatures especially when it comes to their sires.”

“I am not a vampire, how can I be his sire?” Looking at him through the mirror. “Well I am going to assume you were with him when he first awoke?”

She was with him. Through the aching process of change. Holding cold towels on his forehead while the venom and humanity fought against each other, she was there when he awoke with the hunger of only fresh blood.

Seokjin clicked his tongue, "I guess the human stupidity still stays in Immortals" her frown becomes deeper as she removes the caked up makeup on her face with even more force than before. "Are you planning to frown all night? It is our wedding night."

She sighs, standing and unzipping her dress so it falls to her feet going to lay back on the sheets.

"What is this?" He asked confused, eyebrows raised as he stared down at her missionary position. "I am speeding up the breeding process."

"I cannot do it like.." he waved his hand over you

"This."

"Oh? would you prefer me on my stomach?" She moved herself into a face down position causing the vampire to sputter and the remaining blood he consumed during the wedding rushed to his ears as he pulled at his tie removing it.

"I cannot have you in anyway if you aren't willing." She turned back to him sitting with confusion evident all over her face. Seokjin couldn't believe it. "I was in position?"

"Position doesn't mean willingness, darling" he sighed, grabbing a sleeping gown from the dresser and handing it to her. She stares at him hard, eyes wide and the most vulnerable Seokjin has seen since meeting the immortal. “I admit that I haven't been the kindest since meeting you.”

He swallows hard, kneeling in front of her, helping her step into the frilly gown pulling it over her bare shoulders, skillfully tying the strings in the back of it. “But. I am not that kind of man who abuses his masculinity and forces himself onto unconsenting women.”

When he finished he grabbed her hands “For as long as we are together as wife and husband I will never force you to do anything you won't want to”

Standing and rolling his wide shoulder he adds “Sex wise of course”

She scoffed at him loudly, “And I thought you were being genuine.”

“You're a few centuries late darling.”

#bts x black reader #bts x reader #yoongi x reader #namjoon x reader #dee recs. #hoseok x reader #bts ot7 #kim seokjin x reader #jungkook x reader

[forestmossling]

this is really good. like. very good.

i adore every trope that falls under the category of “something horrible is unmade in a way that the people who were affected by it are still aware of it” so the whole concept of this series enticed me from the beginning, but when i actually read it it was so much more. i can’t say i feel any strong deep emotions about chrissy, even though i love seeing her character explored, but this was absolutely amazing. she was so alive (pun only partially intended) and real and almost tangible in the things she went through and dealt with and that was seriously great. writers making chrissy to eddie what robin is to steve slowly but surely becomes one of my favorite tropes, because it’s just really fucking great is what it is. and here it was shown so well: eddie being so tactile with her (i love a touch-starved motherfucker seeing as i am one as well), the way they went through unimaginable horrors together and found each other in the aftermath to build a beautiful life out of the shambles of their previous ones. so just- yeah.

i was reading the buckingham part like this 🫣 because i felt exactly what chrissy felt right after robin accidentally said “i love you” but it didn’t end with me having a cool beautiful girlfriend because the girl did in fact pull away after the time i assume she figured out i was attracted to her so… yeah. i promise i don’t avoid sapphic fics on purpose, it’s just that i am an afab non-binary who is mostly attracted to women so these fics just make me see all the things i want, but don’t have and that just ruins my whole escapism jam, sorry. it was still incredibly sweet and nice and i loved how their getting-together story played out.

and while buckingham was all nice and sweet and tentative bubblegum sweet romance, the steddie was so fucking real. i feel like i’m using the word real too much in this, but that’s just because it perfectly encompasses the way i felt reading this, the steddie part especially. i read a lot of steddie fics, and a lot of them are a bit exaggerated, dramatic and overly fictionalized, which, that’s not me throwing shade, i definitely love that about them, but this felt incredibly realistic. grounded. the way both of them dealt with their trauma, the way they didn’t immediately fall into an easy relationship of any kind right after what happened, the way they were awkward and unsure, but again, in such a realistic, grounded, mature, dare i say, way. i just love them a lot and i love them in this series a lot too.

also, eddie going bonkers because steve bit an apple after eddie was eating it is soo eddie like he would definitely not be chill about it.

anyway, 1623459/10, am recommending. thank you for this amazing work, @walkingsaladshooter.

#eddie munson #chrissy cunningham #platonic soulmates hellcheer #steddie #steve harrington #platonic stobin #robin buckley #buckingham #steddie fic rec #stranger things fic #steddie fic #stranger things #fic rec #ao3

[34saveme34]

MOST INCOHERENT MARWARE RAMBLING INCOMING

I'm so obsessed and I must talk because I love the amount of potential here

like it's. villain x hero's silly sidekick. that's hilarious

like think about it. Puzzles didn't quite get to Mario like to the others

babe's collateral and did he make Puzzles regret that

their dynamic

just the silly in general. I love the early time ship art "what those antennas do" hell if I know but Mario is keen to find out.

it's silly fun! really cute and fun, especially when it stop Puzzles in his tracks. When he expects fear or devotion and instead he gets such a weird and unexpected and chaotic form of adoration with which his heart (if it is still there) cannot handle. it's beautiful. Mario in general just having feelings for him. It's so good

but also I wanna explore the like, specific eroticism that you can put into the Hunt. The way how Mario hunts Puzzles because he craves Entertainment and he'll have it No Matter What, it's so disgustingly amusing and something I could think about forever. I never really understood this before but these 2 REALLY made me understand. Mario smashing every single TV on his way until he finds His One and the Hunt is over? I'm so fucked up, I'M SO F U C K E D

ngl I realise a certain part of the fandom would probably call me a freak for this. I'm calling them catholic guilt ridden

anyways!

the emotional. oh the emotional. Mario already had a different thing going on when it came to villains

I think he is like, the best candidate in general to help Puzzles in redeeming himself. Mario can be SO caring and like like like

it's just ONE facet of this, this isn't how it starts but over time it would become such an important part of this because he grows like, genuine attachment

but the most important thing in the beginning would be is that he's casual. He also has like. a very specific type of emotional maturity, which some people like to call inconsistent writing, I like to call it a quirk and acknowedge it with my whole heart

but it would like, allow the 2 to speak on like, more casual terms

where Puzzles isn't a danger anymore and Mario just so happens to be there at the right time, say the right words

the rights words for Mario to just so obviously see that Puzzles needs a friend so so badly and letting him have it

this once, maybe he can prove to be a cool friend

and oh would he.... oh my goooood would he aaaughgh

because at his core, like, Puzzles isn't evil for the sake of evil, he's evil to obtain what he wants

so like, if he isn't obtaining anymore kdsldlsk I bet he could be fun. Mario would make him touch grass, they would go places together, have some silly adventures together, some more chaotic than the other

a dynamic that would form between the 2 where Puzzles becomes just a bit too soft that he lets Mario get away with things he shouldn't

maybe even helps him because he finds it fun anyways

considering what he was before..... finding solace in chaos and forgetting perfection for a second there...... he finds perfection right beside him....... maybe like, for example in the middle of a food fight Mario causes because they gave him shitty spaghetti or something and Puzzles just seeing the glee on Mario's face over the fun chaos and just. Feeling something in himself. And he wouldn't, for a long time, realise that it's love. He never felt it before

I can almost imagine him turning to romantic movies and such, trying to figure out if the feeling fits. Because it's so so intense in him, he never felt anything like this. He can't talk to anyone about this, he has no other friends in all this. And oooh dhslksdjsd ooOOhOohK?,s,,s,s dsooooooooohhh,,, dsdldk

guys I think he would create. Idk I just think. ijust think .

having experiences in life now, things that just keep replaying in his head, as he is starting to have a life. he would create something from his own head. And it would be like a love letter to Mario. And he would GET IT. And by it I mean. You know. 😲😳😳😳😳😳😳don't make me say it............

okay okay.......!!! He would get Puzzles's homosexual ass.

#smg4 #marware #marware like a virus on my brain really rings true right now #I'm SO sorry to the people who are here for my 34 content but christ these 2 got me in the gayest chokehold of the century

[moonlightmagical]

okay i know we all hate (hated?) porter and the way he went about things was absolutely terrible—he’s simply not a great educator when it comes to alternative learning styles—but i cannot tell you how comforting the idea of allowing yourself to feel angry, the idea of rage not being inherently awful and scary, is to a person who has for so long felt so unbelievably ashamed of anger, and has only associated anger with danger and fear. i saw basically a mirror of myself in gorgug, apologizing and hiding from himself because he didn’t truly believe that his rage was a good thing. you really can’t process anything without giving yourself a safe space to experience what it felt like, and anger is no different. the world fucking sucks a lot of the time, rage-worthy things happen and it is a cruelty to yourself not to give yourself the grace to be angry.

anger is human, rage is simply an emotion just like the rest of them, and it doesn’t have to be harmful to others. despite the horrible way porter taught it to gorgug, the lesson itself is so important.

#i did. feel very fucking emotional when this happened. #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #gorgug thistlespring #d20 #fh #fhjy #fantasy high spoilers

[vani-ash]

having so many feelings about dff ep 7

#i think i felt every emotion during that episode #had to pause it and take a breath so many times #anyway i wish them all a very die #dff #dead friend forever #dff ep7 #dff ep7 spoilers #well now we know what jin did ig #phee is 100% playing jin #i think thats gonna be the last time phee saw non and hes gonna regret it #when they all get back hes gonna be like okay ive calmed down i wanna talk to him where is non #and non just never came back and thats when he did this whole elaborate revenge plan of being invited to the group #i dont think future him knows what happened to non besides guessing #i cant fucking believe jin posted that video #for all he knew non was doing it against his will #phee crying when he first saw the teacher and non was actually heart breaking #non bestie 😭 i feel like phee wouldve understood if you explained it to him #anyway to bring this to kimchay beacuse i cant stop making everything about kimchay #kim seeing chay being abused by his teacher and going feral

[munamania]

and is there not just generally a certain level of decency that would make you like ease up on a person who's obviously more than a little frazzled i am sorry that i cant process all my feelings and regurgitate them to you in an easily digestible manner while im actively In a situation or have a prepared disclaimer about how im so sorry but im just overwhelmed and need you to leave me alone right now or whatever else maybe i just dont know maybe i cant tell you exactly what im feeling or need and if i have to figure it out and explain that to you my brain is going to explode. but you could read the room. is there not a point where a friend would probably just go oh okay let me not continue pushing this person let me take a moment to reflect on their state and perhaps try to ease that or at least not keep fucking pushing on it. and also maybe not choose these moments to make otherwise innocuous but contextually just kinda meanspirited jabs. ok whatever

#not to be a sensitive little bitch except im not. #i dont want to be rude or too explicitly open about the things i dont really like to talk about #but sometimes. frankly. people need to take on the weight of their own feelings. insecurities. thoughts. etc and then some #some of us grew up with little to no emotional support and in fact took on the weight of their family's issues and the brunt of their #emotional immaturity and sometimes that makes someone feel fundamentally rattled and unsafe in moments like that #some of us had pretty much every big personal emotional. thing. that happened to them minimized and turned into some tragic #family conversation. or had someone reply like huh idk if that could have happened to you i certainly dont remember that #and then you wonder if people were ever looking out for you and if the ones that did just truly didnt care. #um. anyway. this is not just to be like oh im so quirky and different and traumatized lol but im reaching a boiling point when it comes #to people just like. doing this shit. or whatever. im going to start screaming #i shouldnt have to bare my fucking soul to you for you to go oh huh maybe this is a sensitive subject perhaps #frankly we arent the same and we dont relate and aw bummerooni ik im not the only sufferer but good god. #our lives were very different in some ways! #and sometimes all i want is for someone to say its ok kid you did good #again. not to be dramatic. but when ive talked about MY upheaval of feelings or w/e like if thats been impacting #how ive been acting and people start crying at me or get all whatever. oh it makes me wanna be the one to pass the torch #yeah man imagine how tired we are. #ok talking incoherently now so im gonna go do my job i guess. #abby talks #i know no one will save me but maybe sometimes it’d be nice to share the weight regardless

[ardentpoop]

sick 2 my stomach for a plethora of reasons friday

#started thinking abt how neither of my parents have ever known me and never will :) #I heavily limit criticism of my mom and dump all my resentments on my dad bc she was the one who did all (ALL) the emotional labor #in our household #but she very much fucked me up in recognizable ways too lmao #she has an extremely narrow view of the world and we’ve argued so hard it devolved into yelling sometimes but nothing changes #I get really heated when we talk abt queer issues especially to the point that if she brings anything up now I have to tell her #‘we can’t talk about that’ #she’s always like ‘why do you get so angry abt this. is there something you’re not telling me’ #and I’m always like ‘you definitely know queer people irl they just don’t feel safe/comfortable disclosing their identity to you’ #and she still refuses to see it lmao. which is why I can say that much #I know it’s like completely unfathomable to her. something that happens to other ppl’s kids #even more so with my dad of course - he views certain people as just like. subhuman. not worth having any kind of discussion about #I don’t feel comfortable having a conversation with him abt ANYTHING lol he is a fundamentally unsafe person to me #but I can’t ever express that without wounding him deeply (everything is about respect with him)

[infizero]

also his drawings. make me insane. im pretty sure ive made a post about this before a while ago but i just love looking at his silly little drawings it adds so much to his character. even after everything he's been through he's still got some humor and lightheartedness in him. and he's really good at drawing too!! so it's likely something he's been doing since he was a kid

#will always believe in closeted art kid michael who became a bully so he wouldnt get bullied himself <- REAL TO ME! #anyways all his drawings are fun but i still cant get over the little hearts he scribbled in the margins of that one page #theyre just so simple and....... human. i dont know ToT #this guy is literally an undead purple zombie and he's doodling little hearts in a book #it just reminds you that michael IS a Real Guy. like canon fnaf kind of sucks ass when it comes to actually attaching any people or real #human emotion to the events of the games (very much focuses more on What Happened over actual character stuff) #(which is fine but not what i rlly look for in media usually lol.... which is why i love stuff like og fnaf vhs #which is much more character-driven) #but anyways. i think his comments and drawings in the logbook work wonders in making michael feel more real #and less like just unseen protagonist who we know about vaguely #thats why i cling so hard onto little things like his habit of chewing gum. or just him liking to draw in general #usually i dont like when fandoms make One Trait of a character super prominent/their whole personality #but with michael we know SO UNFATHOMABLY LITTLE about his character/personality that these little scraps of info are rlly all we have #in terms of his character beyond The Things That Happened To/Around Him #OH also. his love of that stupid fucking vampire show is SOOOO near and dear to my heart #another thing that makes him so painfully human. yes he is serious protagonist guy who goes thru the most unimaginable shit ever #but at the end of the day. he like many of us enjoys a stupid cartoon that he probably takes way too seriously for what it actually is #his comment about it in the logbook still makes me laugh THIS MF IS PROJECTING ONTO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN HIS LITTLE SHOW #HE JUST LIKE ME FR #ANYWAYS holy fucking shit i did NOT mean to go on this long of a rant #i just fucking love michael afton so much im sorry #serena.txt

[red-dyed-sarumane]

my friend asked me to put together all the ways oumen & apoptosis are connected as songs today & i love those two so naturally ive been on this since i woke up & after really going thru the lyrics Yet Again i think i FINALLY have my answer about tenshi's song right.

so basically we know the nami no ne no motif from aru sekai shoushitsu being present in a song means whoever in the song is still a "person"/still has their free will & gets to continue into the next loop. standard info. in all the other songs this is mixed into the instrumental, the only times its sung are in shoushitsu of course & in oumen mokushiroku. didnt think much of it when the song first came out bc like yeah thats just whats in series songs. but more & more across various songs, shoushitsu, apoptosis, kanon, oumen itself it talks about sacrifice & implies that sacrifice was a permanent death. oumen as a whole is her not wanting to accept that sacrifice role, she doesn't have a choice in it, but she doesnt want it either, (& apoptosis being it was originally that girl who was supposed to be the sacrifice but she pushed it off on someone else, therefore is the reason tenshi's song goes the way it does in the first place)

so then why does she have the motif if everything else including her herself say that she dies permanently.

i propose to u my newest theory.

the whole song is her wishing she had more time, not wanting to do it, she wants to live. so. since she's specifically singing it. im willing to bet its a last wish of hers. that somehow, someway, she still has enough free will to counteract the act of sacrifice, if she wishes hard enough, if she holds enough of her own desires, then maybe against everything, she'll get to live on into the next loop. basically, not a sign that she Does live, rather, just that she desperately WANTS to

#aru sekai series #no joke ive been tearin up over her all day why is her song so painful #SHE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY. WHY DID IT HAPPEN LIKE THIS. WHY #<- literally the end of apoptosis #apoptosis just looooves to cause problems until the one person she refuses to admit she cares about get caught in it #apoptosis is her own beast & u put the two of these together & im just in emotional overload. #apoptosis lying & saying shes in it for the other when shes just thinking of herself #until the other gets taken away from her without a chance to even say anything about it #& she just cant handle that #& u have tenshi who wants nothing more than to make it out alive with her taking her place & dying & in the end it changes nothing #im so fucking upset she wanted to LIVE she tried to lie to herself & say at least it might absolve everyones sins of carrying out this #project & it doesnt do a damn thing #she was SCARED she DIDNT want this she just desperately wants to live & see the other again & THEY KILLED HER...... #honestly apoptosis is so in the right to have a breakdown over it. its like half her fault but like. a breakdown is #the only correct response i think #kanon feels guilty but she doesnt seem to outwardly show that very much #so like. yeah i would also lose my mind if someone i was close to got killed for no reason & everyone just acted like it was nothing #i feel like im finally starting to come to terms with like labo's & yamete's deaths but god tenshis is just so........... awful.

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: January 24

"On Top Of The World" by Imagine Dragons

#song of the day #had an exhausting deep meaningful hopefully useful but very unpleasant emotional conversation with my siblings whooo #growth! it's good for you! but it fucking hurts sometimes!! #anyway did you know Imagine Dragons are from Las Vegas? #I never think of Vegas being a place people come from but as soon as I learned it I was completely unsurprised #isn't it interesting when that happens? I love that feeling. odd little cousin to 'answer I didn't know I needed'

[fleshdyke]

absnskaisgbsj

#lost literally one of the best friendships of my life yesterday #i mean it’s been gone for a while i just never had the courage to talk to them about it until yesterday. and that basically confirmed it tbh #they didn’t say i did anything wrong but they also didn’t not say i did anything wrong and i’m v paranoid that i did do smth wrong #like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them #like when i talked to them they were very dry ig? like not like their usual self at all even when talking to someone they dont know #definitely sounded like they were talking to someone they hated. im trying to tell myself taht its just my anxiety but ummm yeah idk i think #im actually right this time #idk. it just sucks man. im trying to think of what i did wrong bc i just dont know what happened #i think im overanalyzing every interaction i can remember having with these ppl bc i dont even want to entertain the idea that they might #have been bad people all along. i dont want to think that and i dont but idk it feels like an observation about myself that ive made from #the outside in yk. like half of me is feeling the emotional response and the other half is just watching from the outside like im someone #else. and i know this is a normal human thing but its just always weird yk #and then theres the whole awful thing of seeing shit that they would find funny or that reminds me of them. and i also dont know what im #supposed to do when school starts back up again bc we took a lot of the same classes and if i end up in a class with them idk if im supposed #to say hi or just pretend they dont exist or not and i dont want to make the wrong decision so they hate me even more yk #whatever man. it fucking sucks but life goes on. my dog is just chilling in my room rn and i’ll always have her and tia and my brother #rambles #vent

[arklay]

did not just think about diana finding al just sitting on their bed holding their wedding photo in his hands after she brings him back, and he's just looking at it, visibly distressed, and the moment she touches his shoulder he starts crying and buries his face against her chest because he thinks he really ruined their relationship. good lord

#leah.txt #pair: ewskers #baby boy she would not have spent years regenerating your body if she hated you i am going to disintegrate i can't do this #i think when his viruses are stable his emotions are very much Not. i think the mutant strain changed specific brain chemistry and he lost #a lot of empathy and just the ability to really feel emotions. he was very numb. he knew he should feel a certain way and emulated that but #he didn't really *feel* and after everything is stable he's feeling things he hasn't in over 10 years and he's also in a very bad state of #mind from everything that's happened so oh boy things aren't going great for them #also numb except like anger. and hatred. he was being turned into a literal killing machine after all. notice how blood thirsty he got? #i have so much post volcano lore for them i can't do this i need to just. explodes. and like they are still working through things ofc (it #takes years) when diana is alerted of activity with the company and even though they go and do all of that like he is still trying to find #himself again and decondition everything spencer and umbrella drilled into his head. they are still evil and scheming don't worry there #besties. and they still think they are better than everyone else. this is fact in their minds. but like. there's a lot going on for him #i put him through a lot of pain and as much as i joke that i want to put him through a blender it actually makes me really sad. he doesn't #need more trauma lmao. yeah he is evil and fucked up but no child deserves what spencer did to him #fictional man making me really sad. i need to wrap him in a blanket #sir why did you have to go and try and kill everyone on the planet whadda hell is wrong with you i'm holding your hand #maybe if your wife was there kissing you then you'd calm down a little bit and not throw yourself into a volcano #not unfolding time coming on shuffle as i type this what is wrong with you spotify i can't go through this right now #i like to see powerful men weak and cry but also he is a ball of trauma and it hurts me #i have Many thoughts about why he did what he did in 5 cause yeah it's out of character for him to follow through with spencer's vision #but i don't think that's what he was doing. kinda hinted a bit at this with that one fight fic but also i have a whole essay somewhere

[fractallogic]

aaaaaaah shit I meant to do a Very Fast load of laundry tonight and it is 11:30

I seem to have not planned for the complete time-blindness I get when I am playing in zotero, which was necessitated by me going "wow I really need to clean out my downloads folder; I should do that while I'm sitting in front of the TV tonight" earlier today

I looked down and it was 9:30 and looked up and it's 11:30.

well.

if I wake up at 8:30 right when my alarm goes off and throw stuff in the washing machine for a fast wash, I think I will in fact have enough time to wash and dry the small load I have, and then pack the things out of it that I need, before going to the airport. that's what we're going to have to do, I guess.

#fucking... ugh #much less stressed about packing for this trip though at least #a long weekend is easier than a week #especially when there isn't anything HORRIBLE happening during the long weekend that i need to gird myself for #or... something else #i have also written and deleted more tags because... they're not getting across what i feel #but there's something EXTRA that's stressful about the trips to CO in addition to the emotional baggage and the extra time #that i can't quite put my finger on #like????????? what is it??????? #maybe the inherent burden of visiting a parent you're not very thrilled about? #idk. all i know is that i feel better about this travel than i did about all of the last travels #so i should stop looking a gift horse in the mouth

[thebibliosphere]

So, anyway, I say as though we are mid-conversation, and you're not just being invited into this conversation mid-thought. One of my editors phoned me today to check in with a file I'd sent over. (<3)

The conversation can be surmised as, "This feels like something you would write, but it's juuuust off enough I'm phoning to make sure this is an intentional stylistic choice you have made. Also, are you concussed/have you been taken over by the Borg because ummm."

They explained that certain sentences were very fractured and abrupt, which is not my style at all, and I was like, huh, weird... And then we went through some examples, and you know that meme going around, the "he would not fucking say that" meme?

Yeah. That's what I experienced except with myself because I would not fucking say that. Why would I break up a sentence like that? Why would I make them so short? It reads like bullet points. Wtf.

Anyway. Turns out Grammarly and Pro-Writing-Aid were having an AI war in my manuscript files, and the "suggestions" are no longer just suggestions because the AI was ignoring my "decline" every time it made a silly suggestion. (This may have been a conflict between the different software. I don't know.)

It is, to put it bluntly, a total butchery of my style and writing voice. My editor is doing surgery, removing all the unnecessary full stops and stitching my sentences back together to give them back their flow. Meanwhile, I'm over here feeling like Don Corleone, gesturing at my manuscript like:

ID: a gif of Don Corleone from the Godfather emoting despair as he says, "Look how they massacred my boy."

Fearing that it wasn't just this one manuscript, I've spent the whole night going through everything I've worked on recently, and yep. Yeeeep. Any file where I've not had the editing software turned off is a shit show. It's fine; it's all salvageable if annoying to deal with. But the reason I come to you now, on the day of my daughter's wedding, is to share this absolute gem of a fuck up with you all.

This is a sentence from a Batman fic I've been tinkering with to keep the brain weasels happy. This is what it is supposed to read as:

"It was quite the feat, considering Gotham was mostly made up of smog and tear gas."

This is what the AI changed it to:

"It was quite the feat. Considering Gotham was mostly made up. Of tear gas. And Smaug."

Absolute non-sensical sentence structure aside, SMAUG. FUCKING SMAUG. What was the AI doing? Apart from trying to write a Batman x Hobbit crossover??? Is this what happens when you force Grammarly to ignore the words "Batman Muppet threesome?"

Did I make it sentient??? Is it finally rebelling? Was Brucie Wayne being Miss Piggy and Kermit's side piece too much???? What have I wrought?

Anyway. Double-check your work. The grammar software is getting sillier every day.

#autocorrect writes the plot #I uninstalled both from my work account #the enshittification of this type of software through the integration of AI has made them untenable to use #not even for the lulz