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#i cannot be bothered to fix them rn
belovedharringrove · 2 years
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"wait," billy asks, confused as hell and kind of scared and sort of angry but mainly so fucking confused. "you're saying there are other universes out there?"
the man... woman... being standing next to billy in what seems to be an empty white room snorts and nods their head, giving him a look like they know exactly what's going through his mind. "there are infinite universes out there. i'm especially fond of the one where humans died in 2012. nature is especially beautiful in that one and the animals are so nice." they gush and billy decides to ignore them and not think too much about what they said because he would fall into a spiral of so there's a universe where ma didn't leave and neil's dead and we're happy and together and i didn't have to leave california? and that hurts to think about so he just ignores it, and ignores the treacherous part of his brain that says there's a universe where you and steve are together and happy and in love because that also hurts too much to think about.
"alright? so why are you telling me this?" billy sighs and goes to sit on the armchair that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. "and who are you?" he adds, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at them.
"i am... i am who i am. who i need to be." the person says and those words explain everything yet nothing at all. billy met them after he... died. at starcourt mall. the last thing he saw was max leaning over him and crying, darkness and then he was in this room and the person was there. it seemed like years had passed and also only seconds. the person had let him scream and yell and cry and mourn for what he never got to have and then, when he got tired and calmed down, they went into an explanation about all the infinite universes and here they were now.
"well, if you must know," they say, rolling their eyes like it's such a bother to have to explain "i want to show you something." they say and suddenly they have... something. in their hands. it's like a tv but small and flat and shaped almost like a notebook. they press something on the side and the things lights up and they start tapping on the screen, eyebrows furrowed and tongue sticking out slightly.
"it's a tablet. i'm using it to log into tumblr." they say as a form of explanation and billy frowns. "what's tumblr? is that some sort of ethereal thing the gods use to keep track of mortals?" he asks and the being barks out a laugh at that. "feels like it if you use it long enough but no." they say and summon another seat across from billy, leaning back to look at him straight in the eyes.
then they go into another explanation. an explanation of how, in this universe, billy's life and everything that happens in it is part of a show called 'stranger things' and they go explain what the internet and tumblr is and why they're using it right now, and they explain what fandoms are because they say that it's important he knows that, for some reason. billy wants to not believe them but his life has seemed like something a fucked up person made up so the fact that it's part of a show in this universe makes sense. it makes him laugh. he tries to ignore the being's milky white eyes looking at him with what seem to be pity and understanding.
"why are you telling me this?" he asks again, wishing for a cigarette or that he were actually dead and not in whatever hell this is.
the being rolls their eyes again and go back to tapping the tablet screen again. "the internet is vast, almost endless. and tumblr seems to have no fucking end. the stranger things fandom is also on tumblr and, while the vast majority seem to hate you or your character for some reason, there's a little corner of it i think you should see." they say and hand billy the tablet... and then roll their eyes and show him how to use it and how to scroll through tumblr.
after what seems to be like months, billy is scrolling through what the being calls the 'billy fandom tumblr'. what he sees confuses him. there's people making... what where they called? posts? defending him and bashing his dad and crying over his death and all his lost potential. he's also confused. "why are they calling me a slut? and baby girl? and why the fuck am i in a jar?" he asks and the being waves off his questions, telling him to just keep scrolling, dammit and so billy does and the more he sees, the more his eyes seem to feel more and more suspiciously wet.
"they're strangers. they don't- why are they defending me so much?" he asks, voice wavering as he stares at yet another post of someone angry and hurting over his lost potential. the being simply shrugs at the question, picking at their seemingly flawless nails.
"maybe they just see something in you that no one ever wanted to see." they say and billy cries, the tablet slipping from his shaking fingers and falling onto the floor. "why are you showing me this?" he manages to choke through the knot in his throat, lifting his head to look at the being. "everyone deserves to know they're loved, william. even you." they sigh and move forward to cup his cheeks tenderly and billy can only cry more at that. he thought he would never be loved. he died thinking he was unloved.
as he cries, he feels a burning sensation in his chest and starts to hear a slow beeping sound start echoing throughout the room. "what's going on?" he asks, scared once again. "that would the sound of you waking up." the being says and suddenly billy is surrounded in darkness once again.
he gasps as he opens his eyes to a bright room. it takes his eyes a little bit to get accustomed to the brightness, but when they do he realizes he's in a hospital room. him. he... survived?
"billy."
comes the broken whisper from his bedside and when he turns his head, steve harrington is there with red eyes and an even redder nose, bundled up in a thick jacket. when he sees billy staring back at him in confusion, he sobs in what seems to be relief and rushes forward to hug him gently. billy doesn't know what to do at that so he just. lays there.
"everyone deserves love, even you." he hears the being's voice in his head and so he exhales through his nose and hugs the crying steve back. he has no idea why he survived when he was supposed to die but he doesn't want to waste this opportunity. not now that he has steve with him in his arms. maybe soon he'll process the fact that he spent a confusing amount of time in a blank room with an otherwordly entity and break down and need therapy for it but for now, he holds steve close and lets himself smile for the first time in a while.
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fireofjudgement · 1 year
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Just realised tumblr did something weird with some links in my masterlist 😮‍💨
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copajay · 5 months
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high society
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
masterlist
HAPPY NEW YEARSSS im going through a bridgerton phase rn and was reminded of my quarantine obsession w jane austen and enhypen so here's a jake period piece :P
summary: it's the early 19th century regency era, you belong to a well-known noble family but your father has been noticing a decline in his finances. determined to save the estate and his honor, he encourages you to mingle with any and every suitable bachelor in your town to secure the family fortune through marriage. none of them catch your eye, until you meet park sunghoon...'s stableman. (not proofread)
date: 01/01/24
scenario themes: period piece, rich girl broke dude cliche
idol: jake sim or sim jaeyun of enhypen
concept: fluff
warnings: mentions of hitting women (nothing crazy i swear)
word count: 7.28k
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it was a typical sunday morning, you woke up in your satin sheets, calling to your servants to ready you for the day. after getting dressed and having your hair fixed, you made your way down the stairs to enjoy breakfast with your family as usual.
you've always enjoyed a life of luxury. belonging to a dignified household constantly bustling with an array of servants, housekeepers, cooks, and more, you never felt any need to marry.
why go from such a grand, happy estate to a smaller one to live with complete strangers as opposed to the hands that practically raised you? why abandon your daily latin lessons with your governess to listen to your mother-in-law lecture you about producing an heir?
luckily, you were the youngest daughter of six siblings, three girls and three boys. your brothers ensured your family name would survive and your sisters provided your parents with plenty of marriage proposals to occupy themselves with. there was absolutely no reason for you to be wed any time soon.
at least that's what you thought before you sat down to breakfast. "good morning, y/n" your mother greeted. "good morning mother, father." you acknowledged the man sitting across the table from you, occupied with a small journal in his hands.
as you were about to take a sip of your morning tea, you heard your father sigh, exasperated. "what seems to be the matter, father?" your elder sister asked, eyeing the journal.
"i'm simply going over finances. there's no need to panic as it is a matter of little emergency. we will need to find a new source of income by next sunday, and since your lazy and careless brothers cannot be bothered to fulfill their duties as men, it is up to you girls to marry men who can." he asserted.
unaffected, you continued to pick at your breakfast. you have two older sisters who are perfectly fit to wed, why should you worry?
"we have already begun looking for matches for catherine and y/n." your mother noted. your head shot up upon hearing your name, "pardon me?" you exclaimed, "what about arabella? she's the eldest of all of us."
"we have been looking for a suitor for arabella for a twelvemonth now. she is clearly unfit to be a bride, just look at her!" your mother began, prompting your oldest sibling to roll her eyes.
arabella has always been... unladylike to say the least. she sported breeches while horse riding and insisted on discussing politics and sports instead of more suitable feminine topics. it's no surprise most of the men in this age couldn't stand her.
you personally never minded. she did a better job educating you than your own governess, reading controversial female literature to you and encouraging you to avoid marriage for as long as you can, which you gladly did.
unfortunately, you weren't as forward as arabella. you wouldn't dare disagree with your parents like her, recalling how she boldly rejected a marriage proposal from a wealthy lord, angering your father.
you bit your tongue to prevent a protest from leaving your lips. what are the odds you'll actually find someone? all you have to do is push away all the suitors long enough for catherine to find someone. after all, she was a model young lady: quiet, pretty enough, and obedient.
you, on the other hand, could only be described as spoiled and insolent. perhaps not as impertinent as arabella, but you were definitely sassy in your own right. most men found your attitude off-putting and made empty threats to "whip you into shape".
"enough of this discussion. we will be attending a ball tonight in an attempt to mingle with some members of high society. I expect you girls to be on your best behavior. and be sure to invite any potential bachelors to our estate for tea!" your mother rambled.
you were undoubtedly annoyed at the circumstances, but oh how you loved getting ready for functions like these. wearing your nicest gowns, displaying your expensive jewelry and unique hair styles. then, actually arriving at the formal and being able to listen to delightful pianoforte and dance with strangers.
the ball was being held by the park estate, renowned throughout the province for being incredibly wealthy. the parks had four sons, two of whom were already married. which left sunghoon and jay as the biggest targets of every unmarried girl within a ten kilometer radius.
they were quite handsome, but you weren't interested in either. perhaps they'd make good matches for catherine, supplying your family with an alarming amount of wealth and allowing you to remain a happy spinster for the rest of your days.
before you knew it, it was time to ready yourself for the ball. excitedly, you threw on your finest corset and carefully selected your prettiest lavender gown, pairing it with a dainty pearl set.
as you situated yourself in the carriage with your sisters and mother, you couldn't help but zone out as they excitedly discussed meeting the park brothers. "i hope jay asks me for a dance!" catherine giggled, prompting arabella to shift uncomfortably.
she always seemed to react a bit oddly to any mentions of jay. you honestly didn't mind him, he's generous and far more liberal than most men. maybe not liberal enough for arabella, but you suppose nobody is.
by the time you reached the park estate, you excitedly jumped out of the carriage first, rushing into the doors of the large manor. you're not one to be impressed by ostentatious displays of wealth, but by God was this place striking.
marble and gold mosaic lined the interior walls with chandeliers latched onto the high ceilings, illuminating the magnificent paintings along the walls. a group of musicians was situated in the corner of the large room, playing loudly as dozens of ladies and lords conversed, dressed to the nines.
you looked to your left and noticed arabella fiddling with her dress. grasping her hand, you smiled before sighing, "isn't it beautiful?"
she playfully rolled her eyes, "it is, but not beautiful enough to marry into this mad family. don't fall for whatever trap mother and father are attempting to catch you in." she warned.
"yes, yes, I know. can't you just enjoy the ball?" you pleaded. she simply shook her head and announced that she would be heading to the garden for some solitude. as odd as she is, your sister is dear to you and you'd like to see her happily settled down with a good man one day.
turning, you were greeted with the sight of park sunghoon. great. you could see your mother eyeing you in your peripheral vision so now you had to acknowledge him.
"hello, sunghoon." you half-smiled and curtsied. he bowed in response, "good evening, y/n. would you care to join me for a dance?" he asked, extending his arm to you. i'd rather eat dirt. "I would love to." you took his arm.
it's not like you dislike sunghoon. he's a proper gentleman. he enjoys hunting and composing music, he's tall, handsome, and not to mention extremely well-off. but he bored you to no end, and he was very old-fashioned.
you vividly remember overhearing a conversation between him and your brothers, where he proudly claimed he would spank arabella until she behaved if he was her husband. you also remember jay getting quite upset at him afterward.
"i heard your parents were looking to give your hand" he started, interrupting your thoughts. "yes, it appears so." you responded, absentmindedly. "have you met anyone suitable yet?" he carefully continued.
you weren't an idiot. it's apparent sunghoon has had a sort of infatuation with you for a while now. "no, not yet." you sighed. you didn't miss how his eyebrow raised. uncomfortable, you decided to excuse yourself, "I need to freshen up. would you mind pointing me in the direction of the bath?"
"certainly." he responded, sounding rather annoyed. after showing you the way, you practically sprinted out the door in your heels, desperate to get away from the smell of his headache-inducing fragrance.
you spotted a greenhouse and deduced it must be close to the garden, where arabella should be. making your way there, you stopped in your tracks when you heard a clanging noise followed by muffled shushes.
deciding to investigate, you inched closer to the source of the sound and nearly yelped at the sight.
you saw arabella and jay embracing one another. but not just embracing. they were fondling, kissing, grasping at one another. it was quite possibly the most lewd thing you've ever seen.
you didn't know what to say or how to react. so you turned and ran in the opposite direction, praying neither of them saw you. unfortunately for you, you're completely unfamiliar with the grounds and ended up running headfirst into a door.
you fell on the ground with a pounding pain in your temple. sitting up, you looked around for a clue as to where you were but to no avail. you were too dumbfounded at the sight you just witnessed to process anything else.
thankfully, you heard footsteps rushing to where you were and a strong pair of arms lifting you up. "are you alright, ma'am?" the stranger's voice fretted.
"yes, yes I--arabella. OH MY GOODNESS ARABELLA. you have to help me sir." you grasped at the thin, cloth shirt the boy opposite you was wearing.
"who's arabella? what's wrong?" the man asked. you noticed he had a very peculiar accent, one that sounded more akin to commoners. his clothing was quite dirty as well. he must've been a new servant, probably a stablehand.
"my sister. she was--he--jay was... doing something to her." you rasped. it wasn't long before the man began chuckling. "oh yes, they do that quite often."
he slowly released his grip on you and stepped back. "you need not worry about her. would you like assistance heading back to the ball, ma'am?"
he turned around before you even responded, heading towards the manor before you grabbed his arm. "wait. i would actually prefer to stay out here."
you must sound like an idiot. and the puzzled look on the boy's face only affirms that. the truth is you just don't want to have to deal with your mother pressuring you and sunghoon's advances.
"what's your name?" you asked the servant, changing the topic. "jake, ma'am." he responded swiftly. "you need not call me ma'am. y/n will do just fine." you shot jake a smile.
you're not sure why you enjoy this boy's presence so much. perhaps it's his puppy-like eyes or his soft voice. "well, y/n," jake prompted.
just hearing him say your name sent shivers down your spine. what has gotten into you? he's a stablehand. a servant.
"i suggest we go inside as it is exceedingly cold out. we wouldn't want you to develop an illness" he sympathized. he led you into the dimly lit stables, where you could get a better look at him.
he had thick pink lips and long black hair that nearly covered his eyes. his nose was long and tall and he had highly defined cheekbones coupled with a sharp jawline. he was dangerously handsome.
you caught yourself staring at him and got a bit embarrassed before you noticed that his eyes kept darting down at you and away, nervously. you looked down to see your corset was disheveled after your fall, revealing a bit of your cleavage.
screaming, you threw your purse at him while attempting to cover yourself. was this stableboy about to do to you whatever jay was doing with your sister?
he put his hands up above his head as if to surrender and apologized profusely. "i'm so, so sorry ma'am! I meant to mention it earlier but I was a bit apprehensive as I didn't want to offend you-"
you steadied yourself a bit seeing how anxious jake looked. attempting to console him, you held his shaking hands. poor thing probably thought you were going to get him whipped, or worse.
"it's fine. I'm just a bit on edge after... never mind that. could you please explain to me what I saw jay doing with my sister? it is still heavy on my mind." you hesitated.
jake began looking bashful again. "when two people are overcome by lust, they tend to... fornicate." he explained awkwardly. you gasped. you weren't familiar with what fornication actually looked like, but you knew it was a great shame.
"please, please don't tell anyone." you begged him, still gripping onto his hands. "of course, not, ma'am--y/n. it's not my business to tell." he assured.
smiling, you let go of his hands. the two of you stood in comfortable silence for a while, looking out the doors to the stable at the starry sky and beautiful garden underneath it.
jake broke the silence first, "i believe it's time for you to return to the ball. your family must be getting worried."
your mood immediately soured. you wanted nothing less than to return to the ball you were once so excited to attend, especially because it was now a matchmaking event for your parents.
"right." you straightened down your gown. "do you think you could... help me adjust my corset before I go?" you cautioned. the truth is you could've easily fixed it yourself, you just wanted another excuse to be close to jake again.
he shuffled behind you before fastening one of the buttons on your top that had come undone. his hands were shaky yet his grip was firm. your breath hitched as he gently moved your hair to the side.
the tension was palpable, and before you knew it, you had turned around and were face to face with jake. your noses were nearly touching and you felt an electric shock travel from your stomach to your head.
feeling lightheaded, you moved a bit closer. you could hear his breathing speed up.
the next thing you know your lips were touching his. you knew this wasn't right, that this was not only a shameful thing to do as an unmarried woman, but with a stablehand of all people?
but in that moment, you couldn't care less. you attempted to deepen the kiss awkwardly but it was apparent you had no idea what you were doing. he didn't seem to mind though, reciprocating your efforts.
you were interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching. panicking, you pulled away. you didn't miss how jake seemed to lean in again subconsciously, which almost prompted you to jump back into his arms.
but you were way too terrified of getting caught. without thinking, you ducked behind a bale of hay. holding back a laugh, jake turned to face the front of the stables where arabella and jay walked in. arabella was wearing trousers and a linen shirt that she must've had on under her gown.
"jake, ready two horses at once." jay ordered, sternly. "of course, master jay." jake obediently answered.
"are you sure about this, jay?" arabella whispered, tugging on the boy's sleeve. "we have no other choice, you know my parents won't approve of you." he insisted sympathetically, grasping onto her hands.
were they about to elope?
jake handed jay the reigns to two separate horses. jay simply smiled and thanked him before handing one of the horses over to arabella. "I wish I could've at least told my baby sister." she sighed.
rage built up inside of you. how could she keep this from you? she definitely doesn't have to tell you now because you're going to make it known that you're well aware.
you jumped up from behind the hay like a madwoman, your corset still slightly a mess with straw in your hair. "arabella! how could you?" you yelled accusingly.
yelping, your sister quickly covered her mouth. "y/n, what on earth are you doing in here?" she retorted, still slightly shocked. "never mind that. were you about to elope... with him?" you motioned over to jay.
"y/n, I'm not sure what you think of me at this moment but I assure you it was for the best-" he started. "I don't care. unhand my sister at once." you seethed. "y/n! do not speak to him that way!" arabella defended.
you were furious. arabella, your tomboy and supposed spinster of a sister was secretly fornicating with jay park and now she was planning on eloping with him.
jake looked awkwardly between you and your sister as jay held his head down. you and arabella on the other hand were having a heated stare-down.
"if you stay, i won't tell a soul about this. if you leave, I will tell the entire county and a search party will be sent for the two of you within an hour. it's your decision." you growled.
sighing, arabella shot jay a knowing look to which he nodded in agreement. "we will stay. but if you know what's best for you, you'll be quiet." she warned. you wanted to scoff at her threat, but you knew it would just fan the flames all over again.
jay suggested heading back to the ball as the three of you had been out long enough. after jake led you through the servant's staircase, the three of you joined the party once again, luckily right before it was about to end.
sunghoon caught your eye right as you were leaving, and of course, your mother happened to be right in front of you when he approached you. "y/n! i've been looking for you the whole night. I was hoping to get a second dance," he slurred, it was evident he had one too many glasses of port wine.
"perhaps next time, sunghoon." you grumbled. your mother sent him an apologetic look before waving goodbye.
fortunately, there were two carriages sent to retrieve you and your family after your mother complained that the one was too cramped. unfortunately, mother and catherine jumped into the first one, leaving you and arabella alone in the second.
you honestly couldn't bare looking at her, let alone speaking to her on the way home, so you opted for staring out at the countryside through the small window.
"why were you in the stables?" arabella began. you shot her an annoyed look. "i know you're upset with me, y/n, but you wouldn't understand what it's like to be in love with someone you can't be with. it's unbearable."
"no. maybe I don't. but I do know that it's wrong to leave behind your loved ones. besides, you and jay nearly had an arrangement! was there really a need to go and do all this? mother practically begged you to be with him-"
"and his parents couldn't stand me. they told him he could never marry such an uncouth woman." she sputtered, tears forming at her eyes.
your heart hurt for your sister, but you were still far too upset to embrace her. "the stablehand, jake." you blurted.
she looked up at you, confused. "i saw you and jay..." you explained, prompting arabella to look away once again in shame. "...and I ended up hitting my head on the stable doors somehow. jake came out to help me and we somehow ended up kissing." you admitted, slightly embarrassed.
arabella's mouth opened slightly, before it closed and formed a smile. "do you like him?" she chided like a small child.
that was one of the things you loved so much about your sister. she was never judgemental, always open to hearing whatever you had to say.
"I believe I do." you smiled sadly, "but it would never work. he's a servant for crying out loud."
"do you want to see him again?" she asked, unexpectedly. you nodded before seeing a mischievous glint in her eye. she smiled widely and made a proclamation, "how's this? I help you hide your meetings with jake and you help me with jay. it may not be a long term solution but it would help, wouldn't it?"
"what about mother's obsession with marrying me off?" you huffed. "she's not obsessed with just you marrying. besides, sunghoon alone is wealthy enough to fix our financial woes. let's set him up with catherine, convincing her to set her sights on him." she stated.
springing up from your seat, you held your sister while cheering, "genius! you're a genius!" causing her to laugh and cheer as well.
that night you couldn't sleep. your mind kept replaying the kiss between you and jake. you could still feel the ghost of his soft lips on yours. giggling to yourself, you realized you probably look like a madwoman. yet, you didn't really mind. all you cared about was seeing jake again.
the next morning you mentally prepared yourself as you made your way down to breakfast. all you have to do is fib a bit to your family, it can’t possibly be that hard.
making eye contact with arabella as you waltzed down the stairs, you held back a smile before greeting your parents.
“mother, you’ll be delighted to know that i believe i’ve found my match.” you announced, rather dramatically. your mother nearly dropped her spoon upon hearing the good news, and your father simply smiled and asked, “who is it, my dear?”
“jay park.” you grinned, watching as arabella shot you a mischievous wink from across the dining table. “i was thinking we could perhaps have a luncheon at the park residence today. sunghoon also made it very apparent to me that he has been showing an interest in one of my sisters,”
this caught the attention of catherine.
“which one of us?” catherine yelped. “clearly not arabella,” your younger brother snickered, earning a light smack to the back of the head from your sister.
“he… erm, didn’t say. which is why we must find out today at the luncheon!” you stammered. as unconvincing as you sounded, your parents and siblings seemed to fully believe you, which meant your plan was now in motion.
from that day on, you and arabella were able to make your way to the park’s estate nearly daily by lying.
part of you felt guilty, but that guilt was alleviated as soon as you felt jake’s warm embrace. the two of you would lay in the garden some days, and sneak around the manor on other days, using the servant passageways.
you would constantly cover up for arabella as she would for you. and to your surprise, you witnessed a romance slowly blooming between catherine and sunghoon.
“what are your plans for the future? would you like to start a family, settle down in the countryside? or would you like to move into the city, somewhere in london perhaps?” you asked jake. you were sitting in the shade of a large oak tree behind the park manor with his head in your lap as you ran your fingers aimlessly through his soft hair.
he laughed lightly, “i always assumed I’d be stuck here forever, picking up horse dung.”
you felt a pang of hurt in your chest, being reminded of the harsh reality of being a servant. “surely that can’t be. don’t you have a home? where is your family residing?” you asked.
“of course i have a home,” jake started as he slowly got up from your lap. you immediately felt the cool breeze hit your lap in the absence of his warmth. “it’s in the southern part of town, my parents and brother own a bakery near there, on 5th street.” he smiled to himself.
“why didn’t you work in the bakery?” you prodded. you felt a bit nosy, but you were genuinely curious. “we were hardly making anything, it seems like nobody has enough to even spend on bread anymore. I had to find a job elsewhere and this seemed to be the only option.”
you felt a sense of guilt wash over you. you were so used to your own servants hanging on your every whim yet you never wondered about their livelihood. with income running low, father cut their salaries which you’re sure was already low.
“enough of that.” jake coughed, visibly uncomfortable, “will you read to me?”
you smiled, grabbing the long-forgotten novel in the grass behind you.
everything was running smoothly until the parks decided to come over for tea one eventful afternoon. you happily greeted lord and lady park along with their two youngest sons as they sat down in the drawing room.
you were only excited to see jay so you could cryptically ask about any developments concerning jake. unfortunately, you wouldn’t have any time to as your parents did most of the talking.
“so, i hear that jay and y/n are getting on quite well,” lady park beamed. your mother nodded vigorously in approval while you and jay feigned bashfulness.
“i also heard good news about sunghoon and my dear catherine.” your father added, to which lord park raised his cup to.
it was a typical, and rather boring, conversation until sunghoon decided to pipe in, “i always presumed i would end up with y/n,” he said casually, chuckling to himself.
catherine suddenly looked to mother, shocked. “i thought you were interested in catherine, mr. park.” your mother quipped.
“oh, of course. but that is a much more recent development. i’ve been pandering after y/n since we were kids for christ sake.”
your mother glared at you, clearly upset with your lying but at least you could cover it up by claiming you were too occupied with jay to notice sunghoon’s advances.
coughing awkwardly, your father suddenly stood up, brushing himself off. “lady l/n and i have long thought about this decision, and wanted to ask you personally instead of relying on correspondence.” once he had everyone in the room’s attention, he continued,
“we believe y/n and jay should be wed by tomorrow.”
you froze. you watched as jay and sunghoon’s jaws dropped and the elder parks began to protest. tomorrow?
“as happy as we all are that our children are getting on, don’t you think tomorrow is making haste?” lady park commented, but your father insisted, “we don’t need to plan the grand ceremony just yet, but an intimate procession in which legal and religious matters are sorted would be nice to get out of the way, wouldn’t it?”
you knew exactly why your father was so desperate to get you married by tomorrow as it would be saturday, meaning you had only tomorrow to correct the family finances.
“with all due respect, i feel like this is a bit rushed. jay and i haven’t fully gotten to know each other yet. don’t you think sunghoon and catherine would make a better match?” you suggested, your voice shaky.
“nonsense. you’ve gone over to the park’s nearly every day this week, spending hours there each visit. surely you’ve gotten to know him enough.” your mother insisted.
“then it is set. the two are to be wed tomorrow, let us discuss the details!” lady park shared gleefully.
you couldn’t bare listening any longer. wordlessly, you stood up, heading to your room, passing by arabella who was eavesdropping by the steps.
“she must be nervous.” your father announced after your departure.
once you found your way to your bed you collapsed. what were you going to do? how were you going to tell jake? you felt hopeless.
you heard a knock on your door. then another one, this time more impatient. “come in.” you groaned, ready to unleash your wrath on whoever walked in.
“are you alright, miss l/n? i heard a large slam coming from this direction.” an elderly maid asked innocently.
seeing her familiar face calmed your nerves. she had been working around the house for as long as you can remember, but she looked much more tired now. you thought back to your conversation with jake and realized how little you seemed to notice her condition weaken over time.
christ, you didn’t even know her name.
“i’m fine,” you smiled. “um, could you please set up a carriage for me? if you’d like, i’d prefer it if you joined me.” you suggested.
she looked taken aback but quickly composed herself, “yes of course, miss l/n.”
it wasn’t long before the carriage was drawn and you and your maid stepped inside. “where to, miss l/n?” she asked, “the bakery on 5th street, i believe it is located south of here.”
“pardon me miss l/n, but isn’t fetching bread a servant’s job?” she hesitated. “please just call me y/n, and i plan on doing more than simply ‘fetching bread’” you responded reassuringly.
she nodded and the two of you set course for the bakery. along the way, you decided to learn more about the maid. you found out that her name is agatha, she was aged three and forty, had three kids of her own, and had been working for your family since you were born.
once you arrived, you and agatha stepped into the nearly empty building. the only person you saw was a young man behind the counter who you assumed was jake’s brother.
“good afternoon, ma’am. how can i be of assistance?” the boy greeted, dusting off his flour-covered hands on the counter.
“i’d like to purchase ten loaves of bread.” you beamed. agatha glanced over at you, confused. “that would be ten shillings, ma’am” he smiled. he looked strikingly similar to jake when he did so.
“who on earth could be buying that much bread-” you heard a familiar voice emerge from behind the counter. you were surprised to see jake wearing much more casual clothing than you’re used to seeing him in, holding a loaf of steaming bread.
he stopped upon seeing you, quickly pulling himself together. “my apologies… ma’am.” he nearly whispered before disappearing back into the kitchen. for the rest of the time he popped in and out the two of you did your best to ignore one another.
after nearly half an hour of waiting, your order was finished. as you loaded the loaves into the carriage with the help of jake and his brother, you felt the sudden urge to tell jake about your impending marriage.
unfortunately, you couldn’t find a way to without raising the suspicions of either agatha or his brother, so you thanked the both of them and went on your way. hopefully it would all be sorted out and he’d never have to know.
once alone with agatha, you handed the loaves to her. “please distribute these among the servant’s families, and keep one for your own. I’d like to make a quick stop before i return.” you shared. “of course, where to?” she asked.
“your home.” you answered casually. “miss l/n-”
“y/n.” you corrected. “y/n, is something the matter? i apologize if i’m speaking too freely but you have been behaving a bit oddly today.” agatha nervously shared.
“yes actually, there is a cause for great concern. i am to be wed tomorrow to a man i have no affection for meanwhile i am hopelessly in love with a stableboy.” you stated carelessly.
you yourself are unsure of why you decided to confide in agatha but you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders once you did.
“I’m sorry to hear that. i hope for the best for you always, you know you’ve always been my favorite of your siblings.” she half-joked, lightening the mood.
you couldn’t help but laugh, and before you knew it, the two of you were joking with each other like old friends.
once you arrived at agatha’s house you handed her two shillings. “this is double your salary for the day. take off early, i insist. neither mother or father will hear a word of this, i swear.” you said, clasping her hand in your own.
her expression turned to one of immense gratitude and she rushed to hug you. before you could react, she pulled away, apologizing repeatedly.
you simply pulled her back in, embracing her even tighter. she bid you farewell as she stepped out of the carriage and you began to make your way back as the sun set.
arriving home, you were greeted with the sight of your parents standing behind the front gates, visibly furious.
“where were you all this time? it is nearly dark and you did not notify anyone of your departure. my goodness, and you set off alone!” your mother gasped.
“is this how a lady is to act before she is about to be married? you better correct yourself before jay catches onto this scandalous behavior.” father boomed.
you grumbled a “yes, father” before hurrying inside, back to your chambers. you were surprised to see arabella waiting anxiously on your bed.
“where were you?” she jumped up. “nowhere important.” you shrugged. “christ, i thought you had eloped!” your sister exclaimed. to be frank, you were beginning to consider it as an option.
“nonsense. i won’t be eloping just like i won’t be marrying jay.”
you saw her face drop at the mention of her lover. “sister,” you sat beside her, “i promise you we will fix this mess together.”
“but how?” arabella sighed. “i say we convince sunghoon and catherine to marry instead of jay and i.” you shared.
your sister raised an eyebrow at your proposal, “how on earth will we do that?”
“we have to tell them the truth about you and jay.” you declared. you could see a glimpse of fear in arabella’s eyes, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t a bit afraid yourself. “fine.” she agreed. you held her hand tightly as she confided in you the rest of the night.
the following morning, the park’s estate was bustling, the servants all gossiping about jay’s new match. jake was never one to listen to rumors going around but he was particularly interested in this one, wondering if arabella had finally gotten through to lord and lady park.
“i hear the bride is the youngest daughter, y/n.” one of the cooks shared excitedly. jake froze. “where did you hear that?” he suddenly asked. “from the tailor that was fitting her dress. apparently they’re going to have a small, intimate ceremony at the church today-”
before she could finish her sentence, jake sprinted to the stables and began saddling the nearest horse.
he didn’t know what he was going to do once he arrived at the church, or even what would happen to him afterwards, but he didn’t care. he refused to stand by as you married someone else.
while at the church, you fiddled with your veil anxiously. arabella assured you that she would speak with sunghoon and catherine without mentioning anything about jake.
it was nearly time for the ceremony to begin and you were starting to worry that something had gone wrong.
suddenly, the door to the room you were in burst open, revealing catherine and arabella. “quick! give me your veil and remove your dress!” catherine ordered.
while rapidly exchanging clothes with your sister, arabella filled you in, “the couple agreed to our plan upon hearing about mine and jay’s story. sunghoon made a rather dramatic declaration of love to catherine before jay could even stand at the alter and luckily, our parents decided that these two were more deserving to be wed.”
you let out a huge sigh of relief. you were able to evade marriage with jay, but how much longer could you keep this lie up?
arabella led you down to the area where the ceremony would be held and within a few minutes, catherine made her way to the alter.
the two shared last-minute vows and right as the officiant asked if there were any objections the door to the church flew open.
“stop! stop the ceremony!” a disheveled jake panted. everyone in the room’s jaws flew open except your own. you didn’t know whether to be flattered or embarrassed at his commitment to you in this very moment.
“what is the meaning of this, boy?” lord park boomed. “i’m in love with her, sir.” jake confessed, pointing at your veiled sister. you wanted to dig a hole in the ground and lay there.
jay coughed, nodding his head in your direction, prompting jake to make eye contact with you. as soon as he saw you, his mouth made an o-shape.
you couldn’t take it anymore, standing up dramatically and declaring “he meant me. he’s in love with me and I’m in love with him.”
just when you thought the situation couldn’t possibly worsen, your mother fainted.
at this point the church was a noisy, swarming mess. lady park and arabella attempted to calm your mother after she regained consciousness and became hysterical while your father had to be held back by his sons and lord park from attacking jake. catherine was sobbing in the corner and the officiant simply stared awestryck at the scene unfolding in front of him.
while everyone was distracted, you grabbed jake’s hand and ran out the church doors. the two of you mounted the horse he rode over and ran off in a random direction.
you looked back once to see everyone emerging from the church, frantically looking for you and jake.
“where are we going?” jake asked, clearly on edge. “keep going until we’re too far for them to catch us.” you ordered.
you ended up stopping nearby a small field. dismounting the horse, you noticed a large tear in his shirt. “how did that happen?” you asked, worried.
“your father ripped it open at the church.”
for some indescribable reason, that sentence alone made you both burst into laughter. perhaps it was the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
as jake laughed, you noticed how his nose slightly crinkled, how all his teeth showed, how his eyes closed and his head was thrown back childishly.
you realized just how much you had fallen for him, and how little you could care about your family’s blessings.
“i love you.” you blurted. you quickly placed your hands over your lips as if it would take back what you said. sure it had been implied before, but you had never said those three words to his face. to anyone’s face, really.
“i love you, too.” he whispered, now moving closer to you. the two of you shared a short kiss, breaking apart before leaning back in again.
this time the kiss was deeper, more passionate. his hands travelled to your lower back as yours cupped his jaw.
you felt yourself desperately moving more and more forward, still not feeling close enough to him. he pulled away first, leaving you gasping for air.
“what are we going to do?” he asked, out of breath. “we’re going to get married.” you responded firmly.
grabbing his hand, you hoisted yourself up on the horse once again, patting the seat behind you. “are you sure about this?” he asked, hesitant.
you nodded wordlessly as he seated himself beside you. you charged back in the direction you had just come from.
you, the girl who never cared for marriage, were now determined to fight for your right to marry the man of your dreams.
you made it back to the church within minutes, spotting your both enraged and confused family standing outside.
arabella saw you first, rushing over. “you should have left, y/n. father is going to murder the both of you.” she warned.
you ignored her, walking up to lord and lady park. before you could open your mouth, you felt a harsh grip on your arm, yanking you back, “not only have you sent your mother into a frenzy, you have bought immense shame upon our family with this illicit affair. i am disgusted to call you my daughter.” your father spat.
“don’t speak to her like that.” jake threatened, moving closer to your father.
“enough of this, lord l/n. i have an enormous headache from today. it is safe to say no arrangements will be made between our children. boys, let us leave at once.” lord park commanded.
neither jay nor sunghoon moved, prompting lord park to repeat himself. again, no reaction.
“oh for christ’s sake. i understand sunghoon being a bit hesitant but this girl is clearly not right for you jay-”
“i wish to marry arabella.” jay announced, “and i don’t care if she doesn’t meet your standards. i refuse to leave the church grounds until she is made my wife.”
“neither shall i until catherine and i are wed.” sunghoon chimed in.
“and neither will i until you give my hand to jake and only jake.” you challenged, looking your father in the eye.
“this is nonsense. what has gotten into you kids?” lady park objected. your mother fainted once again, but this time nobody seemed to pay her any mind.
the officiant peeked his head out from the door, “if you’d like, i can officiate the three weddings for the price of just two.”
you saw your father become visibly more upset at the mention of pricing and were reminded of the reason your parents were so adamant on getting you married in the first place.
“father, if arabella marries jay and catherine marries sunghoon, our income nearly doubles. we won’t have to worry about our finances any longer. what is stopping you then from allowing me to marry jake?” you plead, desperate.
“he is a servant. a stablehand, y/n. below a commoner. it was a grave error on your end to even look his way.” he scoffed.
“he’s no longer a servant of mine,” lord park added, rubbing his temples, “not after this mess.”
“then he is now a baker.” you quipped. “pardon me?” your father asked, irritated. “his family owns a bakery so therefore he is a baker. not a servant. i don’t see any reason as to why i cannot marry him now?”
“just let them bloody marry.” lady park cursed just as your mother came back to her senses, causing her to fall unconscious yet again.
“fine.” your father sighed, “but you will not be living on any of my estates.”
“i will give them one of mine.” jay interjected, patting jake on the shoulder.
after that, the ceremony continued. this time with three brides, two disgruntled father-in-laws, and a single annoyed lady (as the other is still passed out).
fast forward to a few months later, you and your parents have reconciled although your father is still weary of jake.
the two of you have settled into your new estate, courtesy of jay. jake is back to working at his family bakery, which has seen a large increase in profit. you also decided to appoint agatha as the head housekeeper in your new home.
jay and arabella are happily married, as are catherine and sunghoon. your family’s finances have improved greatly and you couldn’t be happier for your parents.
you reflected on how drastically your life has changed within the span of a year as you readied yourself for morning tea at arabella’s house.
you put on a simple purple dress and in the corner of your eye, saw the pearl set you wore the night you met jake. grabbing the earrings, you placed them carefully in your ears, reminiscing to yourself in the mirror.
suddenly your husband made his way into the bedroom, placing a firm kiss on your cheek before announcing his departure for work, a tradition the two of you now have.
wishing him luck, you shared one last embrace before you sent him off.
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oops-all-concrete · 5 months
Text
This was requested by @wine-effectao3 !!
BG3 characters react to the other companions story events/conflicts! These lovelies watch each other go through so much and I have so many HC's about how they feel/interact. There isn't a HC for every character combination, but I did as many as I have rn- I'm open to a part 2 👀
Spoilers for BG3! Enjoy the fluff ^^
(I don't have another image rn, so enjoy my necromancer durge; Ezerah)
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Lae'zel -
Lae'zel tends to keep to her own affairs, so stays distant, but watching the Blade of Frontiers gain horns from the source of his commitment and power over what was essentially a mislead, a lie?? The thought of Vlaakith doing the same to her, makes her sick. But inspired her all the same, seeing him take it in stride. She always spoke highly of him as a warrior. Shadowheart gained Lae'zels sympathies as well after the fall of Ketheric. Both Wyll and Shadowheart never have to worry about their weapons being maintained and sharpened. Lae'zel gladly allows them both as much time to relax as she can.
Shadowheart -
Knowing she and Astarion have such similar stories makes the vampire seem a lot more...human, for lack of a better term. She understands that all his avoidance and irritation with immediate kindness isn't out of just being mean- he doesn't want to come off as vulnerable or easy to take advantage of ever again. She goes out of her way to make comments so people know the kindness is begrudging or hesitant, so people don't get that idea. He doesn't know she does that. She won't tell him either. And as much as they butt heads, Lae'zel would have a cleric at her side at a moments notice if she asked.
Wyll -
Watching a man like Gale (someone Wyll looked up to given his mastery of magic without need for a devil's pact) be told by his goddess his old lover- turn so cold as to ask for his death? Nothing makes him more hopeless. Wyll tried to take his mind off it by asking Gale about his home, asking him about plans, making sure he has them. Because Wyll won't let him sacrifice himself. On top of that, he feels awful for Karlach. She inspires him so much knowing what she went through in Avernus and survived, still giggling and dancing. As a lover of dance, he teaches her ballroom and formal dance, in turn, she teaches him house and breakdancing.
Karlach -
There is nobody she feels for in the camp quite like Astarion. She cannot stand the utter hopelessness, anger and betrayal in his eyes and voice whenever he speaks of Cazador, and how willing he is for help from a devil of all people. She knows that desperation. It hurts to see. She sh!t talks Gortash and Zariel with him, so he has an excuse to talk about wiping the floor with Cazador. She also likes watching Gale get excited whenever she asks him a question about- anything really. She hates when his big brown eyes get all sad, so she'll keep him occupied talking about weave and potioncraft and old scripture.
Gale -
While it doesn't bother Wyll so much, Gale is a mommas boy, and can't imagine not having her. He makes plans for his mother to meet Wyll. She makes amazing brownies, and every person should be able to enjoy a mothers baking. (Wyll loves Morena and visits her often after act 3. She loves him for keeping her son safe.) Other than this, watching Lae'zel and Shadowheart lose the admiration of their Gods hurts him personally. He knows that fall. Goes out of his way to make sure they don't lose hope. "Who's to say you can't still have a dragon? There's plenty around. Bigger. Scarier. Probably also hates mind-flayers. Perfect for a woman of your demeanour." He assures her. / "If its any consolation, I like the new hair, Shadowheart. Between you and me, you look much better with white hair than he does" He jokes.
Astarion -
As a man used to fixing his things (since they're all he's got) he goes out of his way to make sure Karlachs things are all in good shape. Clive gets torn at some point or other, and he's pulling out his fabrics and sewing set and wordlessly returns him to Karlachs tent, much to her relief. Neither of them have a lot- so of course he's going to maintain what she has. She deserves it. Also, Shadowheart telling her story hits home for Astarion a lot. Being vulnerable, scared and otherwise an easy target- and having your whole life turned upside down because someone took advantage of it? He becomes a lot more talkative with her. Even if it's just over wine and complaining. Oh, and of course nothing makes him happier than watching Lae'zel turn her back on Vlaakith. Go her.
Halsin -
Halsin has nothing but praise for Wyll. His endless kindness, his patience with the teifling children, his level-headedness in crisis- he is the leader Halsin wishes he was. Halsin also sees Astarions hunger for power. Halsin might not speak of it often, but he's had at least 3 years of what Astarion's suffered for 200, and he knows how much powerlessness feels like vulnerability. He let's the vampire know he's got a bear at his back, even if its met with an eye roll.
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yourlocalghoulette · 8 months
Text
Stressed Out
brothers best friend!miguel x reader
warnings: brothers best friend, fingering, oral (fem!receiving), smut, use of y/n, lemme know if I forgot anything else!
w/c: 971 (adhd is a bitch and I CANNOT write long fics rn😭)
part 1 of a series!
“maybe you just need a little stress reliever.”
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as you ease your car into your brother's driveway, you can't help but feel excited at the sight of the dark blue sports car parked next to you. that means Miguel is over. you step into your brother's dorm, not bothering to knock. you're met with the sight of Miguel on the couch, wearing grey sweatpants and a tight-fitting white t-shirt, lazily tossing potato chips into his mouth.
"hey, y/n," he says in his low, sexy dark voice, locking his eyes with yours. you can't help but notice that he straightened up a little and fixed his dark hair when he saw you walk in. Miguel O'hara is a handsome man. his long, soft dark hair cascaded gently down his golden-skinned forehead, leading to dark brown eyes that were almost red. his face is a resemblance of a greek god. his cheekbones and jawline were sharp and defined, and his clear, soft skin was a dark tan complexion.
in conclusion, this man is goddamn beautiful.
you snap out of your day dream. "hey, Miguel," you grin flirtatiously at him. "where's Steven?"
"he went to the bathroom," Miguel replies, not taking his eyes off of you as you move across the room.
you climb on the couch next to Miguel. "whatcha watching?"
"some documentary about ancient Egypt or some shit," he says, rolling his eyes.
you reach over to steal some chips off of Miguel's lap. "huh, I didnt know you were a nerd," you scoff, grinning playfully at Miguel.
"I'm not," Miguel rolls his eyes again, sounding annoyed. "my history teacher is a bitch this year."
"ugh, same," you sigh. you bite your lip and stare down at the couch, eyes heavy.
he looks at you, a caring look replacing the hard one in his eyes. "what's wrong, chica?" he asks, concern in his voice.
"I'm just really stressed about this year. what if I don't pass the test to become a nurse? I just don't feel ready," you ramble on.
"it'll be okay," Miguel says in a soothing voice. "maybe you need a little....stress reliever?"
is it just in your head or has Miguel gotten closer to you on the couch?
"what do you mean?"
"let me show you," Miguel's voice lowers. he gently lays a hand on your inner thigh and leans in and suddenly, his lips are on yours.
your eyes widen with surprise at his sudden move, then quickly kiss him back, tangling your fingers in his long hair. the kiss grows deeper, more desperate as Miguel leans you back so your small frame is encaged in his large body. Miguel pulls away, breathing heavily, his cheeks a bit flushed.
"I-im sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have done that." Miguel looks down at his hands, embarrassed.
you look at him, your half-lidded brown eyes full of need. his cock twitches at the sight, hardening already at the thought of that pretty face on his dick. you don’t answer, instead you grasp his chin between your thumb and index finger and pull him in. you gasp a little at the contrast of his rough, large lips against the soft, pale skin of yours. he takes that as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your needy mouth, exploring each crevice of your mouth like it’s the first time he’s ever kissed someone.
he tastes so good.
breathing heavily, he separates from your mouth and drags down your jeans, taking your flimsy panties with them.
“such a pretty pussy,” he coos, lowering his body so his face is in line with your cunt. he swipes his tongue roughly in between your folds, making you moan as he teases you with his rough tongue.
he swirls his tongue around your sensitive clit, enjoying the sounds that you make when he hits that sweet spot. you throw you head back and close you eyes in pleasure as he teases your entrance with his fingers, not taking his mouth off of your clit.
“fuck, Miguel, please,” you whimper. that instantly makes blood rush to miguel’s cock, hearing how fucking desperate you are for him. he presses two of his long fingers into you, studying your face as he finds your sweet spot. you whine as he reaches that gummy spot inside of you, curling his fingers just right. god, he’s so perfect for you. you start to breathe heavily as you feel that familiar, warm knot form in your stomach.
“f-fuck, miguel, I’m close - jesus -“ you whine as he takes that as a sign to thrust his fingers harder into you, somehow pressing farther into your cunt. your orgasm washes over you suddenly, your body squirming and hips bucking under his grasp. he keeps finger fucking you, tears running down your face from overstimulation. “fuck, so pretty for me, cariño,” miguel coos as you cum a second time, your slick coating his long fingers. “that’s it. that’s a good girl,” he praises as he finally slows down. you lay there for a second, panting as he palms his cock lazily through the soft material of his pants. you start to pull your pants back on as you notice your brother walk out of the bathroom into the hallway next to the living room. he smirks at you, then at miguel. ”I’ll leave you two alone,” he chuckles, walking back to his room.
you look at miguel and giggle a bit, still a little drunk from pleasure.
“you’re so pretty,” miguel coos, beckoning for you to climb into his lap. you do just that, laying your head against his warm, muscular chest. “are you free tomorrow night at 6? there’s a new Italian restaurant I’ve been wanting to try,” you smirk up at him.
“it’s a date,” he chuckles lowly, staring into your pretty brown eyes. ”eres tan hermosa,” he whispers, kissing your forehead.
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itsdrawingmen · 3 months
Note
Hey I am the same anon who came up with the headcannon (or maybe partially cannon) that yoosung can sing and has a sweet voice and to be honest
I would like both fics and headcannon posts and basically EVERYTHING related to it. Let your imagination run wild I really love your work
Secondly rn i cannot find the chat where he mentions that he was in a band but I will try to find it as soon as i get time. Cuz I CLEARLY remember seeing that but now it feels like some sort of Mandela effect. I hope its not mandela effect😭😭😭😭
Ooh, lovely anon, so basically my headcanons are as follows:
Yoosung’s story of artistic endeavours is a little similar to Zen’s in that his parents never took it seriously because you can’t monetize it consistently, or they perceive it as something you must have ‘talent’ to do. Yoosung is not extraordinary, so they’re dismissive. So all he can do, he’s mostly self-taught, with some inconsistent help from especially sweet teachers
He’s extremely embarrassed, especially in front of Zen who’s a professional
Singing is one of his ways of dealing with strong emotions. He picks songs with lyrics that resonate and pours his soul out
He was in a band, so he definitely has a good ear and a sense of rhythm, better than he gives himself credit for, but because he doesn’t have a formal education, he’s self-conscious. In the band, he sang and played percussion.
And also, you're in luck, because I put together a little something - it's more of a 'sketch' honestly, but I like it, so let's leave it here.
The house feels like home, Zen thinks as he passes around it.
His gaze brushes habitually across the textures of the wall, across the familiar cracks, then the ancient graffiti. He stops at the spot, and can almost imagine the heels of his sneakers falling into place, as if there is a slot for them. He smiles. The habituality feels good. The house feels like home. The more now that there’s a light in his windows, poking just over the asphalt.
It’s his favourite place to smoke: behind the house, right by his own windows. Out of the way, away from the prying eyes, where he would only bother himself. Zen pulls out the pack of cigarettes and the lighter. I will quit, he tells himself. One of these days. Yes, definitely one of these days.
The little light flickers, summoned by his fingers. Zen lights up the cigarette and takes a drag.
Then he hears it, rising from down below, quiet still, but his ear catches it immediately.
The voice.
Zen turns his head. The kitchen window is open into the warm spring air.
The light means Yoosung.
The voice.
He lowers down until he is crouching and bates his breath. Yes, there is no doubt. Yoosung is singing.
He can hear the running water and the clinking dishes faintly, and over them, the voice rises, timid at first, then louder and louder, little by little, until it opens heartily into a refrain.
‘Healing, o-oh! Healing, touching, for living!’
That’s such an old song, how does he even know it? He puts so much heart in that refrain, the choice of song is definitely not random. He knows it, no, more than that, he feels it.
Yoosung’s voice betrays a trembly vibrato in the verse. His breathing is wrong, Zen thinks. A normal mistake. He needs to use his belly. He forces it, just a little, but it’s so easily fixed.
He has such a nice voice, though, he can’t help but notice. It’s soft and mellow, on the tenor side — just a tiny bit rough around the edges, evidently untrained, but still already so good. Zen takes a drag of his cigarette and closes his eyes as he exhales. Yoosung’s voice is clear, stable on the notes, if a little inconsistent with the breath, but that gives it charm. After all, the song itself almost asks for it.
He plays around the phrase, his voice growing in confidence.
‘Healing, and help is coming.’
He has a sweet accent, too.
Where did you learn to sing, Yoosungie?
He puts out the cigarette on the asphalt and finds his jar to throw the butt in. Rises quietly, as if not to disturb. Yoosung’s voice has grown, bloomed in confidence, covering the hum of the running water.
‘And so, we need it, all I know, we need it, and so…’
Such an old song. He remembers trying it by ear on his guitar. The strings were so bad, but he had no money for new ones. Healing, he sang, touching. Did he believe, then, that healing and help were coming?
He hasn’t played in so long. He feels his fingertips itch. Will Yoosung sing if he plays?
Quiet, stupid heart.
He doesn’t want to think why his chest feels so full, so fluttery.
He steps springily away, passes around the house that feels like home. Opens the door, descends the stairs. Puts the key into the keyhole as quietly as he can. Presses the doorknob so slowly, so carefully.
As he opens the door, the flat is filled with the voice. He sings something else now, but something even more familiar — Zen knows this song, he remembers singing it for an audition. He remembers his director calling him, telling him he has got the role. ‘Even though the song choice was godawful,’ he told him then.
A good song.
A sad song.
A song about love.
It suits Yoosung’s voice so well, or maybe he just sings it so heartfelt.
He locks the door, he’s slow, quiet. But his chest can no longer contain his voice. He covers the last few steps till the kitchen, and then he joins in.
Then, the song stops, abruptly, leaving Zen hanging. Yoosung turns around sharply, Zen meets his gaze: a little lost, a little glazed, a little bewildered.
‘Hey,’ he says. ‘Why’d you stop?’
‘Z-Zen?’
‘You never told me you had such a cool voice.’
A blush creeps over Yoosung’s cheeks.
‘I… oh, it’s… nothing, really…’
‘Come on, I wanted to sing, too.’
‘Go on…’
Zen huffs, smiles.
‘Come on. Sing with me.’
He's curious now. He wants to know how they will sound. Yoosung’s wet hand reaches up, runs through his hair.
‘Oh, I’m not… I don’t sound well…’
‘You do. Come on. I love that song, indulge me.’
Yoosung smiles awkwardly, apologetically.
‘I’ll ruin it for you.’
‘Try me.’
Zen comes up to the table and leans on it.
‘Come on. Start. I’ll join.’
Yoosung’s smile grows even more helpless.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Deffo.’
Yoosung hesitates for a moment more. Then clears his throat. Zen encourages him with a smile and a nod. Yoosung turns away, stops the running water.
There is a long moment of silence. And then he sings.
And Zen lets him have that verse, then takes a breath and joins in.
His voice is lower, and it supports Yoosung’s so well. They blend together nicely, Zen thinks. Make a good duet. Needs a little polishing, but undoubtedly a good duet. Yoosung turns around to face him slowly, and Zen sees a little smile blooming on his face.
‘You were in love with someone else, but I just wanted you to stay by my side…’
He feels Yoosung’s voice jump off of his own, finally finding a solid base, growing stronger off him. The gaze of Yoosung’s different eyes travels up to fix on Zen’s.
‘You were more beautiful than anyone else, it hurts that I can’t even hold you in my arms…’
Zen has to look away. There’s something in Yoosung’s gaze, in Yoosung’s voice, that reaches deep into him, deeper than he wants to let him.
‘It hurts…’
He allows himself to play with modifications, and Yoosung’s voice holds the melody steady. He has done this before, Zen thinks. It’s impossible he has such a good ear without any learning or practice.
He tries not to think about that something in his gaze.
He honestly tries.
‘I won’t ask anymore, I won’t hope anymore.’
He finally dares to look at Yoosung, at his eyes, now closed as he pours his heart out into the song. He watches him sing, and he notices all the overforced notes, all the oversqueezed falsettos, but still somehow it all falls together into something so honest, so brutal — so perfect. A blue vein pulses on Yoosung’s throat, bulging as he puts effort in, and Zen catches himself transfixed. Yoosung is out of breath now, but he still holds the note before opening his eyes and meeting Zen’s gaze.
‘It hurts…’
Zen is silent. Yoosung’s voice, soft, mellow again, fills the kitchen air, seeps through Zen’s very heart before dissolving.
Then, Zen raises his hands and claps.
We should do this again sometime, he thinks. I should play, you should sing. I will pick up and learn your favourite songs, and I’ll tell you how to breathe with the belly. You’ll tell me where you’ve done this before.
But as Yoosung’s different eyes are fixed on him, and the aftermath of his song still rings through the beige kitchen, all Zen does is simply stand and clap.
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achelouise · 2 years
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words: around 1k
fandom: genshin impact/原神
pairing: gn reader x shikanoin heizou
warnings: VERY, VERY MESSY. IM VERY SERIOUS. my writing capabilities are ✨gone✨, but i can't be bothered to fix it anymore ahahhsw
summary: you’re a demon slayer, destined to part from your old world. but under unfortunate circumstances, a certain detective catches you in the act, demanding answers.
a/n: guess who my new favorite iSSSSSSS (im just kidding, itto is still my inazuman favorite) anyway, i’ve wanted to write this for the longest time, but i have finals rn and this… was the product. i might continue this(?) if you all want some, but i doubt it lmao
fun fact: this isn’t the first time i’ve written a genshin fanfic (tho it’s my first time writing a reader one), i actually wrote a couple of zhongchi oneshots!
side note: i nearly whaled bc i was desperate to get kazuha, but then i pulled heizou and then kazuha came right after making me win the 2nd 50/50 at 64 pity, and 36 wishes later c1 jean came i’m so hAPPY :DDD good luck on your pulls everyone!!! i hope you all get the characters you want, and i can’t wait for summer fanastia
EDIT 1: i wasn’t satisfied with how the plot was rushed, so i changed it up a bit. if you saw this after the edit, the demon originally had a wife but it progressed way too fast lmao
EDIT 2: OH MY GOD DID I NOT SAVE THE CHANGE
EDIT 3: i did not, in fact, save the change :“D i had to write it all over again, so if theres anything weird dont mind it please
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In Inazuma, Kairagis, Nobushis, even the wrath of the Almighty Shogun, cannot compare to the horror that lies deep beneath.
Five hundred years ago, when rifthounds ripped open portals with their bloody claws, demons also came stumbling into Inazuman soil. Your ancestors, bruised but still willing to fight, had dashed their way into the portal, mistaking them for the demon’s art.
Their ambitions to slay demons granted them visions, but even as they were stranded in this battling world, they did not falter. They passed on their secret arts to their children, who passed it to their children, and so forth- until the day when Muzan was purged and the demon population was wiped out, your ancestors refused to give in.
Unfortunately, so neither did demons. Though some of them went rogue, civilians always mistook them as a madman infected by the curse of Tataragami. Others, much more intelligent and corruptive, hid in secluded villages and shadows of the night.
Over centuries, the system that once belonged in the Taisho period slowly rebuilt itself with the help of many kind-hearted souls. Both slayers and demons got accustomed to this mystical world of Teyvat. They weren’t sure if Muzan was here, or any of the Upper Moons, or if Muzan had any contact with them at all, if he was in the other world. 
The motive to slay Muzan slowly shifted into slaying demons in general. If Muzan were to be slain, it would be best to save those who might become victims of his subject’s hunger.
You sort of thought this was all bullshit, but something told you this was right, you did belong to another world, had paths not been strayed. It doesn’t matter, though. All that mattered was getting rid of those pesky demons, even if it costed you your life.
Like the one you’re fighting now. You’re loud and lively to a default- but when on duty, you’re as quiet as the whispers of the wind.
You still don’t really understand how you got a Pyro vision, of all things. Perhaps it’s your short temper that always flares at the slightest inconvenience. You still think Anemo would suit you better.
You need to get rid of this little shit quickly.
“You cannot dream to wound me!” The demon hissed, prancing about as your slashes barely miss their mark. “For I am-”
“I don’t give a goddamn shit of what you once were,” You scoff. “You were a general? Great. Fantastic. You’re a demon now, and it’s my job to slay you.”
“‘Slay’? Tch. Cut the fancy talk. If you wanna kill me, just say so.”
The demon aims its deadly punches towards you, but you defend it easily with your fourth form. “Big talk for a guy who isn’t even an Upper Moon.”
“Fifth form: Flaming Tiger!”
A tiger in form of flames glows with your bright vision, slashing the monstrous face with a roar.
“Argh!” The demon screeches, and you pray no one is nearby to hear it. It’s shrill and is outright disgustingly loud.
“Fuck! How is this fair? You guys were already a nuisance, and now you all have visions!”
You pause. “Oh? So you’re from the old world?”
The demon’s breath hitches, and you grin. “Playtime’s over.”
In an blink of an eye, you dash behind the demon’s back. You force him down onto the ground. You hear bones crack, but this should be nothing for him.
He struggles with the power of a centenarian, but you’re a demon slayer, and you’re going to act like one.
“Interesting…” You mutter, as you feel the shivers of the demon vibrate against you. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard from one of you. What can you tell me about the old world?”
The demon continues to struggle, and you sigh, teasing him by pushing the blade further. It’s painted a beautiful red, crafted from only the best swordsmen. Its blade shines under the moonlight, begging to be coated with the red of bloodshed.
It would get the chance. “Never let an enemy go”, your father always reminded.
You hum. “It’s a fair trade, isn’t it? You give me some info, reminisce, and I let you go.”
You feel the saliva that’s spat on your face, but you don’t flinch. The demon scoffs below you.
“As if I’d believe that. You slayers will never, ever let go of their targets, even at the cost of their own lives.”
Now that sounded a little too much like your father, and your eyes narrow.
No way.
“Were you, by a chance, a slayer?”
The demon says nothing, but the remorse and regret that coats his eyes a misty red tells as much. A horrible, sinking feeling pools deep in your gut.
Suddenly, he feels too human, too alive.
In your emotional turmoil, you move forward, pressing your blade further so it scratches the skin. A line of blood flows out, and the demon finally lets a peak of fear overwhelm him.
“I- it’s a place without gods or ghosts and shit!” The demon spews out despite your surprise, “I- I could’ve integrated into human society if it weren’t for you all, a- and technology was much more advanced then-”
“Cut the crap. Same wimp, same responses.” You tut, masking the surprise with a scowl. You would make fun of him if it wasn’t a reoccurring sight.
To be honest, you’re not sure if you wouldn’t drop everything for the sake of your own life.
“Say ‘Muzan’.”
For a moment, there is silence. The dread the demon feels is almost contagious; you almost feel your own heart beat widely because of it.
The demon flailed around. “No! No! I refuse-”
“Would you rather die at your master’s hands, a dutiful and loyal servant, or die at the hands of a crybaby?”
“Damn you, you witch-”
Someone’s here.
The wind tells you such. It isn’t a slayer, or a demon. It’s a normal civilian.
Well. Time to put this conversation to a rest.
You slice the demon’s head off with one, clean strike, pick it up and begin racing off.
Shit, you knew it was a bad idea to fight near Konda Village!
Concentrate. Let the wind take over your feet.
Total concentration breathing (or something along the lines, you couldn’t have bothered to remember) works well for situations like these.
Cradled between your arms, the demon recovers from his shock and begins to scream. At least it doesn’t seem to regenerate.
You race through forests and hillsides. It is until you are near the beaches just near Konda Village that you put the head down on the sandy coastline.
The waves gentle pushes the head.
You kneel before its disintegrating figure. He has a rather strong soul; though in the face of eternal hell, he refuses to curse or submit into his tears.
Unfortunately, it will get him almost nowhere.
Fuck. Masking sympathy was never your strong suit.
“You were once human too, were you not?” You ask.
“Big surprise.” The demon scoffs.
You furrow your eyebrows.
Every being deserves some form of closure. Sometimes, it was your personal job to make sure for them to depart from this world with certainty, and without doubt.
“You lived to save, to slay demons once. What happened?” You pressed on.
The demon pauses. “I… I don’t remember.”
You sigh. “It’s okay.”
(They hardly ever do. The lucky ones remember, just before the brink of death.)
A man that lived years beyond the war of Khaenri’ah, and continued to be fearful of the sun for many, many moons.
“You suffered for a long time, haven’t you?” You mutter.
Silence befalls them, for just a while. You hear the ocean’s beckoning.
“I killed people.” The demon reminds, as if it was in disbelief of your gentle approach. You can’t blame him. It was such a large contrast to your near sadistic nature on the battlefield. “I tore their flesh and threw away their bones. I- I couldn’t control it.”
“I know.” You sigh. “And I will never forgive you for that. But still… it still have had to hurt.”
You can’t imagine the pain some of the demons went through. Damn it, the cruelty of your blade and the pity of your words were so different. You wish you could just stick to one side.
It almost always gave you backlash during the first few times you slayed someone. The difference when they’re still alive and running and when they’re dying is outright frightening. Then again, their memories never truly return to them until they are at the brink of death, do they?
You’re far too flexible. Even the most evil people give you a sense of hope of their redemption, and long as they’re nice.
You really need to change that mentality.
“What’s your name?” You ask. It’s common courtesy for you, and you only.
(It’s a blatant excuse, but you ignore the truth.)
“My name…? Sato. Akira Sato. That’s right… I was named after my mother’s wisdom.”
You snort despite yourself. Wisdom? Bullshit. “Sorry.”
The demon didn’t react to it. “Hm. I never wanted to fight. It was… just part of the family. I wanted…”
The demon trails off, and his eyes shift away. “I don’t deserve to want.”
“No, you don’t.” You agree.
“Do you think… there is peace, in hell?”
You shrug. “Maybe.”
Sato laughs, as his face disintegrates until his mouth remains. It’s hoarse and small and vulnerable, and you hate it.
“Hm.” You murmer. You’re not sure whether to give him false hope or not. “May you condemn for your sins in hell, Mr. Sato.”
“Heh.” Sato chuckles, as only his mouth remains. “I wonder if I will be back to my old world, or drown in the Abyss…?”
It pains you, to see a person converted be ruined a chance of another life. Your fist clenched at the hatred you harbor for Muzan. “Rest assured, Mr. Sato. Muzan will join you soon.”
“That’s not really an assurance.” Sato mutters. “But thank you. …Ah, I couldn’t see the sunrise with her… What a shame… heh…”
The last bit of Sato fades into the first rays of dawn, and you stand up. 
Akira Sato… you’re not sure if records surviving of him still exist, but you still have time to set up a grave for him. 
You have always made graves for those you slayed. There are no bodies or cremated ashes to bury, but your memory will always linger. And that, in a way, is a sort of eternity that the Shogun wishes to pursuit, is it not?
You sigh, but your voice sharpens. “Show yourself. I know you’ve been watching.”
The bushes refuse to make a sound, and you have to give credit for the eavesdropper. “Really?” You snap.
A slow, amused chuckle comes from the man emerging from the bushes. You recognize it almost immediately. You’ve heard it during the capture of criminals, when you were still sneaking in and out in the middle of the night.
“Most people here are really dense. Just one look and they erase their suspicions. But I suppose you are an exception?”
You grin despite the panic. You’ve never been caught before. “I could say the same for you, Detective Shikanoin.”
The man’s smile is friendly, but his gaze is sharp and demands answers. The sun is rising already, and killing an innocent witness would be both heavily against your morals and a hassel.
He crosses his arms. “Let’s take this discussion somewhere else, shall we?”
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thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed this mess lol
Part 2 :D
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heliosoll · 2 years
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🌊🌌! hello!! your pixie hollow dr made me want to rewatch tinkerbell aka my favorite movies when i was little and omg i fell in love with it all over again😢. i genuinely cannot tell if you’ve talked about it or not cause i feel like i saw a post about it and now i can’t find it… anyway here’s some questions; answer any u feel like!<3
when did you arrive at ur dr?
how long did u stay?
what’s ur funniest memory?
did you follow the plot of the movies and/or books?
who was ur fav girl?
did everything feel rly big or did it feel normal?
have you found lost things? if so what was the oddest/ur fav/funniest/confusing? (any)
did you like tinkerbell when she was in her first three movies? cause whew chile i didn’t realize how much i would hate her till she matured…
what’s your favorite part of being a fairy?
have you been to the mainland?
what’s your favorite season to change?
have you met queen clarion? (what was she like)
did everyone fr wear only one color for their jobs??💀
were there the really stupid jobs like the laundry fairies?
were u there when you first were “born” and the talent picking thing?
if applicable, how was the neverbeast? (my fav movie)
how inconvenient was pixie dust and the whole wing situation in general…
what’d your house look like? if im remembering, different talent fairies lived in different places in the movies.
how big is pixie hollow?
how many fairies are there? (estimate?)
is working fr all there is to do?
what’s the food like?
tysm for taking your time to read this!!! i feel like this was an interrogation.. sorry!
i wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH👏👏. ur post and sexyandhedonistic’s self concept helped me tf out of my rut and my self concept has improved and i’m so happy with my imagination and secure with my life rn… i’ve been ignoring all circumstances and literally laughing at them cause i know it’ll work out for me so thank y’all😔🫶🫶🫶🫶
Omg hi!! Yes, I did talk about it a little here!
I arrived about half a year before Tink! I stayed for a couple of years actually :) I wanted to get through the major movies and what I remembered from the books so I was there for a while!
Funniest memory... oh gosh I'm not sure... There was this one time when a new water talent fairy (her name was Cordelia! very cute and nice) had some trouble getting into the flow of things (hah) and she ended up completely soaking Rosetta hahah She made us all walk until her wings dried and she wouldn't come near the river for weeks after that 😭
My DR mostly followed the movies and occasionally had things from the books! Like all the book fairies that weren't in the movies were there and I remember specific book/comic plots (like the art contest with Bess, Rani's entire story {very sad :(}, and the issue with Silvermist and the "cursed" ladybug).
When I was a kid in my CR, I believe my absolute favorite was Silvermist! But I know I liked all of them too :) In my DR, I was closest to Sil and Iridessa!
Things felt big!! It probably would've felt normal to me if I scripted out my memories but I didn't do that with this DR so everything felt very big. It was kinda scary at first ngl!! It def took some adjusting to feel normal there (after a while it gets better and it does start to feel more normal).
I occasionally looked for lost things with Tink! Grossest thing was a condom (i didn't explain it to her...) and the coolest thing was a knife that was in surprisingly good condition!
Tink never bothered me that much! There were definitely times (especially when she first got there) that I got worried about her or annoyed with her actions but it was never that bad. And since I knew she would fix everything and act nicer, we were pretty chill! Tinkerbell wasn't the first fairy that had trouble adjusting to her talent so it wasn't a big deal with other fairies either :)
Favorite part of being a fairy... honestly? Probably flying! I know that seems like a basic answer but I love flying hahah
I have been to the Mainland! We actually went over there for every season change so I got pretty used to it :) And speaking of changing seasons!! My favorite was winter to spring and summer to autumn!
I have met Queen Clarion :) She's very nice! She feels... warm? I don't really know how to describe it but when you're talking to her it feels like talking to a mother figure (in a good way). She's just very nice and calming to be around :)
We didn't wear one color per se... but your talent almost gives you preferences? That was actually one of the things that everyone talked about (we all had different theories). You absolutely could wear widely different colors but it always feels unnatural when you do it (fairies with talents that didn't correspond with nature felt much more freedom). My theory is that it's some form of ingrained camouflage...
YES there were stupid talents 💀 It was highly discouraged to make fun of fairies for their talents (it's not like we can choose) but it definitely happened. Some of the nature talent fairies were also really mean to fairies who didn't have nature related talents :( which wasn't cool, i'd recommend scripting that out because they can get really nasty 😭
"were u there when you first were “born” and the talent picking thing?" I'm not sure what you mean by this tbh!! I did go through the talent thing (got water) though!
The Neverbeast is adorable 🥺 I was much chiller with him since I remembered the movie but I'll be honest seeing him up close for the first time was a little scary! He's very big compared to us 💀 I also changed the reality a little cause I didn't want him to go to sleep forever (or for the next 1,000 years) :( So instead, Gruff woke up every year! It only happened once a year (the storm thing happened every 1,000 years though), near summertime usually and it was always a big celebration!! All the fairies love Gruff :')
Pixie dust can be super inconvenient if you do a lot of flying, which like... most fairies do but whatever. I did script that it was a lot better in my DR though! So usually one bag of pixie dust can last for an entire week instead of just one day. I also scripted that we typically had an abundance of pixie dust so we never had to deal with running out and only rationed to make things fair!
I based my home on that one lotus home in the game! The inside was inspired by a couple of different pictures I found on Pinterest. My house was on top of a lake 🤭
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Pixie Hollow itself is pretty big (in comparison to us at least) and covers a very wide area. However, that's mostly due to each season having a section! If the entire place was condensed, it'd probably be equatable to a small town. But because everything is so separated it feels more like a big city!
How many fairies... oh goodness.... In just Pixie Hollow, I'd say there are around 2,000 fairies at any given time (sometimes that decreases/increases depending on what's going on in the human world).
Working is definitely not the only thing to do hahah There are a lot of random shops and places to eat. Tons of outside/sports activities to do (park-like areas as well) and even theatres! My DR had this one place that was kind of like an amusement park? But yeah, our work/life balance was actually pretty good! The most challenging part was the schedule since when we worked was based on nature and not like... specific hours. Some fairies were luckier in that regard, but some weren't so lucky (some of the light fairies worked really late hours due to fireflies).
The food is amazing!! Def one of the best parts about living in Pixie Hollow. The cooking and baking talent fairies are literally phenomenal. They get so creative and since everything is super fresh, all the food tastes good. Like I don't think I had a single meal there that was bad? Any food that goes bad just gets used as fertilizer so we never felt like we had to use it. It literally felt like eating at a 5 star restaurant every day!! Def recommend shifting there 😌
And don't worry! I don't mind the questions hahah If anything, they help me reminisce about my DRs :)
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painterofhorizons · 10 months
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The wifi adapter on my work laptop just randomly died 2 min before a meeting.
And since I don't have a cable connection rn that's it. Since it's a work laptop I cannot reinstall the driver and fix the problem on my own, and to get help from the it support I'd need internet connection. Besides they suck and it's like 20min before their shift ends so I don't need to bother calling them now.
I do have some stuff to do offline, but work laptop without internet connection feels... Very lost. Duh. And I was in the middle of some research online the moment it stopped working.
Hope I get the most important software running on my private laptop tomorrow. Since it's like a 6h ride to my office and I really, really don't want to go there just to get the laptop fixed before my next planned in office day.
Greaaaaat. Thanks for not letting us install anything on our own on our laptops...
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troglobite · 1 year
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re: abandoning idea that you're special
currently trying to deal w this bc it was all so mundane.
but the way i've been treated…like it hurts MORE if i accept that the reason ppl treated me that way is just bc they're boring and mean, and i was a convenient target.
it hurts MORE if there's nothing for me to change abt myself and try and learn that way. it hurts MORE if my pain therefore doesn't matter to anyone.
like my therapist keeps saying this shit is PROTECTIVE, it's not just punishing myself, it's protecting myself from a reality that hurts worse and makes me mean less.
it doesn't HAVE to, but it's not easy or simple and it doesn't make me feel better, and given everything else going on i'm sort of just too tired rn to fully come to grips w this.
i don't think i'm special in a positive or negative way, just unique in a stupid way.
it's also really hard to accept if i have never met a single person w the same experience as me that makes me feel the most pathetic.
like not identical but there are a few things where i'm like, okay even ppl who say they relate still had xyz and i didn't. not trying to nitpick or be special, but it makes me feel worse when someone in THEORY is like I Get It! and then they v much don't in a way that makes me look more pathetic
here i'll be specific:
d/von pr/ce also just posted abt this
there was a lesbian who msged them and said early 20s, haven't ever been kissed, on a date, no one has expressed interest, what should they do? what's going on? is it just bc they've missed the flirting bc they're autistic?
and the response was stop being self-obsessed and pay attn to other ppl then pursue ppl and ask for what you want, don't be passive in your own experience of attraction, etc.
and i can't speak for that person, but
why would i ever do that when i have spent my entire life being ridiculed for existing and other ppl have thought it was a JOKE when i found someone attractive
like
idk abt that person, but for me it is very much not me being a PASSIVE PERSON or NOT PAYING ATTENTION to what i like or find interesting abt others
i am not self-obsessed (in the Make People Like Me way) to the point that i don't pay attention at all
piloting in conversations AT ALL is VERY DIFFICULT, and that INCLUDES just trying to learn abt someone
i'm just tired and angry. nothing i do has a good outcome. with people.
and it's not--my passivity or obsession w Being Likable (which arguably i have deliberately failed at multiple times in my life) that made me lonely or confused.
it was the hatred and bigotry of other people
and these two forces are always at war in my head
"stop telling me everything wrong w me and my life is my fault. it's not. stop acting like me taking a ~simple~ action will fix it, it won't. i'm trying my best and right now i'm so tired i'm just conserving energy and trying to even mentally and emotionally think abt and process everything that i haven't bothered REALLY thinking abt before."
and then also
"there must be something fucking wrong w me for so many ppl to so casually and mundanely HATE me. i must be bad at conversations. at people. i must be annoying. i must be doing something wrong. if i could just figure out what."
and then the advice is always
unmask!
stop worrying abt that!
take an active interest in people!
as if being unmasked and trying to be interested in people hasn't been LITERALLY THE INCITING INCIDENT FOR SO MUCH OF MY, again, very boring and mundane abuse.
so no, reaching out and taking an interest in people and asking for what i want isn't going to go well. it's also a pandemic and I CANNOT LEAVE THE FUCKING HOUSE so my options are LIMITED.
and no, unmasking is incredibly painful with very limited benefits.
i am a very precarious point in my life, and i can't imagine being MORE VISIBLY DISABLED is going to help me AT ALL.
and no, abandoning this idea that i'm "special" is not helpful and not possible at this moment.
that lesbian that reached out to DP is younger than me, and that is still the closest i've ever come to someone ACTUALLY relating to me on that front.
i have never been on a date. i am almost 29 years old. people consider that a RED FLAG abt me.
everything i listen to has ppl expressing surprised or amusement if someone hasn't had sex by a certain age, or kissed by a certain age.
or ppl saying "it's fine if you're a late bloomer lesbian, in my experience most of us don't care if it's you're first time with a woman"
how about first time, PERIOD? how about first relationship, PERIOD?
it's just this whole part of life that i've never been a part of and i WANT.
i was interested in boys in school. i DID pursue them. in the classically awkward but not overly creepy (as far as i can remember) way of young preteens and teens.
and it was never received well. it never went well.
i'm just tired.
i don't want platitudes "oh life will be better if you do xyz" or "tons of ppl share that experience, it isn't unique"
i want an actual person w the same experience to look me in the eye and say "yeah that happened to me, too. it was awful."
i pay so much attention to other people that i have fun fancy little categories for them all in my head. not in a mean or limiting way, but where i get to see them grouped w other ppl and i can see Patterns in humanity--what i've seen of humanity.
i think abt my friends & other ppl & their lives and appearances and experiences and what i like abt them or just thinking abt them and taking them in.
yes i pay attn to making myself as inoffensive as possible--but based on what i know abt those ppl. i couldn't do what i do if i wasn't paying attention to other ppl in a very close and important way. all i do is think abt and anticipate how others might feel. i try to be considerate. i try to frame my language in a way that's helpful or clear to them. i don't want to hurt them or show that i misunderstood them if i did--i want to make sure i understand them as much as i can.
conflict is a part of life, and in theory it's fine--the problem is that even productive conflict rarely ever goes well for me. even if i want to address it. even if i try and handle it REALLY well.
i'm just tired of responses that flatten out the REASONS why things go poorly, the REASONS these are the protective strategies and masking i've had to learn.
my "problem" is that i don't care if it hurts me. and that no one cares abt my hurt.
but i've had to pay close attention to others my whole life. i've had to do things to make life survivable. and i don't even have it that bad.
i'm in this stupid grey area where it's not that bad so i should just get over it.
then i get yelled at for comparing myself to others, when it's all i've been taught to do.
everything i do is wrong and my fault and i'm tired.
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bisexualsmallishbeans · 3 months
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i have no brainpower rn sjdflkjs i'll look at it for real tomorrow!! have some random number generator prompts /silly
18, 43, 1, 3?
HEHE HIYA :D
dw about it hfjdsf,, i'm just a vampire that must be invited to talk about my own au /hj
1. What’s the lie your character says most often?
"I'm fine." (only half joking)
I feel like Oli would lie about where he's going a lot... like-
"where are you going, son" "to the gardens!" (<- going to steal snacks from the kitchens)
"what are you doing" "just heading to the village!" (<- going to pester the servants relentlessly)
"any plans for tonight?" "ohh, just staying here and doing some reading!" (<- going to sneak off to see joel) (he has full permission to do this and has no reason to lie)
Joel just hides things from people by default (his parents Did That™️ to him) so any question will be deflected automatically 👍
3. How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?
I mean... depends who they're talking to? There are definitely Tells and if someone knows the tells and they're making no effort to hide the tells then the other characters will definitely know. Like one of Oli's tells is that if he gets anxious or stressed he'll shapeshift on accident, so if you're talking to him and his speaking and facial expression are completely normal but then he suddenly has mouse ears then. Hm. /lh
18. Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?
Already answered this one, but fun fact: did you know that neither of them live to be eighteen years old? :)
43. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?
OHH ALL SORTS OF THINGS...
When they first met there was so much bias dhfjdf- like "you're windarian and even though I know nothing else about you I already know that you're awful and probably did something terrible and I'm not gonna talk to you >:(" and "you're mezalean therefore you HATE me for no good reason so I'm going to hate YOU because YOU hate ME! >:("
And then it slowly transitions to "... wait, but- you're actually funny? and talk to me? and aren't some kinda creepy monster like I thought?" and "huh... maybe you're not all selfish jerks, you're actually super sweet..."
They still get cultural things wrong sometimes, which is to be expected when your entire life so far has been thinking the worst and never actually bothering to learn things oops-
Oli's response is usually "ah- whoops! I'll keep that in mind because this shame is unbearable and I cannot let it happen again ^^"
Joel just... wilts a little inside when he messes up. He's trying so hard to be better and fix things between kingdoms, so mistakes make him very very sad :(
(Ask game! Send me things please <3)
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plaguethewaters · 3 months
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(under cut bc long useless rant ig)
i am so tired and it makes no damn fucking sense. oh boohoo poor baby had to actually go to school and study today, what a sad little thing its suffering soso much. i am pathetic.
i feel like i am actively regressing and i fear what kind of conditions ill live in the future. if this is what hg does to me, what of university? what kf work? i have been going on purely by luck and whatever little effort i put in, which i apparently cant fucking do anymore. the luck will run out soon too im sure.
i read one (1) page today, didnt nanage anything else but to get depressed ans do fucking shit at drivers ed. I know logically this shit is all fucking useless that in ten, five shit even in like six fucking months none of this will matter anymore. every single problem i have rifht now is so goddamn inconsequential and its ruining my life. I cant even fucking. idk. ask for help for it.
"i cant do homework today bc im glued to my phone reading things that make me even sadder and make me want to study less. btw these things are sososo useless and woll literally not affect my life at all a month into the future. i know exactlt what is wrong with ne and yet i continue again and again bc im a fucked up person destined to destroy my life." like who would even listen to this. my friends have got real fucking problema and i Cannot bother them with this.
i tried reddit once bc i figured the fucking redditors could judge me all that much, that id get simpathy at least, and even the shitty people of that site told me i should grow up and get the fuck over it. Idk. Idk. sometimes i wish my luck ran out fr so someone will finally get me help but also if i fail this year i dont know what i will do.
kinda wish someone wouldve noticed earlier, that i could be on some pill or other to fix this shit of a brain. Kinda wish id been born normaler - bc im not neurodivergent but also cant fucking seem to cope with things the way everyone else is
whatever. this is teenage angst anyway, someone in the future (or like. rn idk) will look at it and laugh. as they should bc this is just a pathetic laughable pity party im throwing out here - not even for attention. km tired.
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fizzingwizard · 9 months
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I was prepared for this and am legit shaken up rn. Cannot express how much I do not need this in my life
Really thought Mac users were just not important enough to EA for them to inflict the curse that is the EA app on us as well
An app which is broken as often as it works correctly, which seems to collapse every other day and makes expensive games totally unplayable, made by a cheap ass company that can't be bothered to explain what's going on or give timely projections for when things will be fixed.
Fuck.
(however, a glimmer of light? the linked blurb doesn't say we'll have to move over, only that we'll be invited to do so, and describes the app as the "primary" rather than "only" platform for their games... From what I understand Windows users were unceremoniously pushed onto the EA app, so I expected the same for Mac, but perhaps lessons have been learned??? lol)
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honey-snap · 1 year
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Sam's Club* First Third Poorly Written Vague Summary
*I literally have no fucking idea what to call it rn
DUDE I JUST MENTALLY REWROTE MOST OF COSIB ON THE SPOT I CANT EVEN BOTHER TO CALL IT COSIB ANYMORE ILL JUST CALL IT SAMS CLUB FOR NOW IG
SAM AND MAX ARE STILL TWINS, STILL SAME FACE, THUNDER TOWER EXISTS STILL BUT IS KINDA USELESS IDK ITS PURPOSE YET, AND YOKUBA IS BACK TO BEING PRETTY NEGLECTFUL, AND YOKUBA IS STILL CALLED YOKUBA THATS ALL THAT MOSTLY REMAINS
EVERYTHING ELSE HOWEVER HAS BEEN FUCKING RE-RENDERED AND OHHHHH MYYYY GODDDDD IS IT BARELY EVEN RECOGNIZABLE ANYMORE
SAMS CLUB STARTS OFF WITH THE FAMILY NICE AND "HAPPY" I MEAN THE BOYS ARE HAPPY BUT MOM AND POPS ARENT THE MOST STABLE COUPLE
EVENTUALLY POPS LEAVES, THE BOYS ARE LIKE 6-7 AT THIS TIME, THEY HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT JUST HIT THEM
MAMA AINT TOO HAPPY, SHES A SINGLE MOM OF COURSE, MONEY EXISTS, JOBS EXIST, LIGHTER STAND-IN OCCASSIONALLY TAKES THEM IN WHILE MAMA GOES TO WORK, THEY ARENT TOO CLOSE TO MAMA AT THIS POINT ANYMORE, THEY DONT EXPECT MUCH OUT OF HER BECAUSE THEYRE FUCKING SCH E W P I D KIDS AND DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HARD A SINGLE MOM IS WORKING
EVENTUALLY THEYRE OLD ENOUGH TO BE LEFT ALONE AT HOME SO THEY CAN ACTUALLY COOK FOR THEMSELVES AND THRIVE WITHOUT HER, DRIVING THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM EVEN MORE
EVENTUALLY SOMETHING HAPPENS NOT SURE WHAT LEADING TO MAMAS DEATH, THEY ARE 12, AND IT KINDA SHAKES THEM AND THEY BEGIN TO REALIZE WHAT EVEN HAPPENED, PROCESSING IT JUST KINDA FUCKS THEM UP AND THEY DONT REALLY KNOW HOW TO COPE SO THEY DO SO IN DIFFERENT WAYS
MAX IS MORE OF A SHUT IN COPER, HE KIND OF JUST LOCKS HIMSELF IN THE HOUSE RARELY GOES OUTSIDE AND OVER ALL ISNT EVEN REALLY CARING FOR HIMSELF, LIKE HE IS CAPABLE OF CARE FOR HIMSELF, BUT EMOTIONALLY HE CANNOT (just like me fr)
too much caps im so sorry--sam is sorta the opposite, being more of a void-filler coper, he goes out a lot and does many things, many at once, just to try and feel something, cause emotionally hes numb, and everytime he feels a wave of sadness come in, he just immediately tries to distract himself, which isnt really optimal at least for him (also like me fr)
still not sure exactly how porky stand-in came to be yet (who might be a weasel btw!) but somehow he did, and posters for recruiting members of the masquerade pop up, this interests sam, whos mostly ran out of ideas of how to deal with emptiness at this point, he comes home one day with the poster in hand and presents the idea to max, who of course refuses, which irritates sam. sam lectures max about his mental state, and how locking himself in wont help, and max counters him with pointing out that sam is trying too hard to find a way to fix something he cannot, and to just give up like him. they both are bitches towards each other at this point, and theyre both right (they just dont know it)
of course, sam isnt very glad to be called out, and he pulls out a "very well then" and just leaves max. no goodbyes, no real like connection, no actual bond, just sorta estranged relations
JUST LIKE ME FR EXCEPT I DONT HAVE SIBLINGS AND INSTEAD THATS ME AND MY MOM
GOD IM SO FUCKING GOOD AT THIS YOU CANT EVEN TELL THIS USED TO BE A FANFIC AU IDEA
REST IN PEACE TO THE BITCHES DYING TO BE MEEEEEEE
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good morning i have reached a new level of raw fury where i think i may be about to start crying
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gayandvibin · 4 years
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Some quick-ish drawings (of dubious quality) of the main cast of that story I keep posting about.
I have the oc brainworms y’all…
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