#i can't explain in words what I feel

[deathblossomm]

Neil on his instagram stories

#neil ellice #I can't do this right now #I'M HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN #he's so beautiful and unreal #that's my man #i can't explain in words what i feel #soap cod #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare

[mokeonn]

Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.

#simon says #to explain here and not in a reblog: #sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb #you might not have done enough research #you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument #you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this #sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution #you do what you can to fight against the problem #you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem #and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem #like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue #but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face #they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you #and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing #sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“ #sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that #i used this while talking with my Dad tonight #he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution #and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now #and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it #and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate #and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before #i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help #and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change #but all I really could do is the little things I have control over #and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over #like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet #which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue #and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best #so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment

[themthistles]

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

#another thing is that micro labels often feel like they fracture the community unnecessarily #idk how many times i've seen fighting over hyperspecific ace labels and what they mean and if people described in them even belong #and honestly i think this discourse wouldn't be so vile and neverending if people accepted the idea of falling under general umbrella #and accepted that you can't describe complicated weird and wonderful act of human existence with a couple of words #you don't need to explain yourself to anyone #i know in our present pronouns/sexuality/gender in bio carrd era it feels like you have to but you really don't #people aren't entitled to a short summary of your inner world and you can't speed run connection #also feel the need to say: i have nothing against people who use micro labels #if you feel like your micro label describes you perfectly? i'm really glad and happy for you #i'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings that come from personal experience with exploring these things #at some point i started doubting if i could call myself a lesbian #i thought oh i'm not exactly what a lot of people generally think of when they hear that word #oh they'll misunderstand and i'm not being my 'true self' i'll find a word that fits me exactly if i just keep looking #and then i found out being aroace is a thing and boy did that add a lot of anxiety and confusion to the pot #i didn't feel like i fit in with both communities wasn't lesbian enough wasn't aroace enough #but at some point i just got tired of trying to justify myself to others and to myself #identities aren't houses you live in they're more like seas or rivers flowing into one another #and spaces where they intersect are vague and hard to define and they shift and change and this metaphor is getting away from me #basically #words are complicated #but they're the only direct way we humans can communicate #it is what it is #so make art #a lot of it #oh also unrelated but if you ever tell older queer folks that they're using wrong words to describe themselves i am going to jump you

[howtosingit]

I’m gonna be honest, Carlos gently patting TK’s calf as he stands up from the couch has rendered me completely useless and I will literally never recover from it

AND I MEAN LITERALLY 

#it's sometimes so hard to understand how much you long for this kind of intimacy in media when you've never really had it #but then you get it and you're like 'oh my god' and it kind of just sinks into your chest t and becomes this core thing in a way #and it's just this one small moment in an episode full of fantastic moments #and it wasn't even an acting choice meant to draw attention #it was the most natural thing in the world #but like... I can't stop watching it happen #this episode has done something to me that I can't explain #the repeated verbalization of love from these two #the way it was so clearly expressed without words too #the way they don't feel the need to define their love to others because it's THEIRS #but they also don't hesitate to share what the other means to them #THE WAY THAT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS ACTUALLY BASICALLY CANON NOW #THE WAY THAT THIS MAN IS LITERALLY HIS WHOLE HEART #LIKE WHAT THE FUCK #ls spoilers #911 lone star #tarlos #this show was never supposed to do this to me #this is absolutely stupid

[mel-loly]

-“Just a flower, in the middle of the field at night, a light is turned on and reveals.. A day arriving with confident hope and silent happiness!”🌹🐝

#for those who didn't get it.. today is my birthday! and so tomorrow is really the day of the party and etc.. #that's why I put “arriving” because tomorrow is a really special and very important event in my life akzbskhzjsb #and yes. I'm cosplaying as princess bela. she's one of my favorite characters and her dress.. It's literally a dream come true for me! #because I'm really going to use one similar to this one tomorrow irl and- #I won't tell you guys more details because it's personal things but- well. that's a little explain of what the art is about! #I really feel very happy.. and I admit. I don't even know how to explain my happiness but.. well... #I feel special. surrounded by people who *really* love me and show true affection for me and.. #that I just have to thank. for everything. I have gratitude for all of you! like- thank you very much. really. for everything.. #I can't even express in words how grateful I am for each of you #know that I love and appreciate everyone who is still with me on this journey called life! #and of course- I couldn't forget to talk about him lol. thanks to mike! #I don't know what would have become of me if I hadn't met someone as friendly and good-hearted as him #he was always by my side and made me feel more special in every day. in a unique way and one of the most important to me.. #I love him very much/p. and I hope that our friendship will be forever happy and respectful the way it already is! #(of course. this also works for the other friends I made here too- please don't get mad or jealous! I love you all. okay??) #and well.. that's it. #I hope I still stay here. that I enjoy my day and face any fear or harm that I might have ahead of me and.. #that I just hope for the best. I put everything in God's hands and I feel confident that things will work out no matter what the cost! #thank you guys again for everything and happy birthday to me lol-💛 #happy birthday to me #it's my birthday #mel creator #mel loly #cosplaying of beauty and the beast #i'm mel and this is my blog✌️ #my art blog #art mel #art #my art #my oc character

[gaypirate420]

Being a Jasper girlie (gender neutral) is constantly living on the fucking threnches.

#Let me explain #Theres no place where I find some Jasper content and people aren't having debate after debate #I KNOW that we can't look at Jasper and not think about the racist implications of his backstory #but Jasper IS depicted as feeling guilt about his past #and that can also be interpreted as feeling guilt about fighting on the confederate side of the civil war #but because SM couldn't put a couple more words it can be also read as that he doesn't feel remorse #what makes me angry is people being unable to think that Jasper could not or can't feel guilt and change #ALSO I have seen the argument of him being frozen in place and therefore his mentality too #Therefore he is still old fashioned (all that implies) well... #that rule HAS to aplly to the rest of the cullens then #because all of them were born way before the civl rights movement #I also want people to keep in mind that we are looking at a book writed by a mormon women in the early 2000's with 2023 eyes #I'm angry and have opinions #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #jasper whitlock hale #the twilight saga #jasper hale x reader

[byanyan]

ㅤbeen thinking today about how byan's anger can be really scary to witness... it's very... raw. anger is the emotion they feel the most intensely, and the one they filter the least. it's raw, it's heated, and it's very instinct-driven — they have very little control over it, and they're certainly not thinking before they do or say anything. impulses are followed, whether it's to lash out and cause harm to whatever has hurt them, or to throw or break whatever is within arm's reach just to release even a little bit of the energy that's overwhelming them. they don't know what else to do with it. literally no thoughts, all that their mind can focus on is the emotion; they just want to get it out and stop feeling this way (and/or ensure the person who's pissed them off gets what they deserve) and they'll do whatever it takes to ensure that. i think that lack of control really shows too, like it's palpable in the air and adds an extra layer of discomfort and uncertainty if you're in the same room as them. concern for one's own safety is valid in such a scenario too tbh, because they have hurt people in the past who they never would have caused harm to normally (both directly and indirectly; sometimes by their own hand, other times as an unintended consequence of them throwing/breaking something). it's not something they're proud of, but they also just... don't know what to do about it. ...they're honestly afraid of their own anger, at times. afraid of what they're capable of and what they might one day do.

#there's also a lot of yelling and cursing...... screaming too but that's only in THE MOST extreme cases #and they've been known to hurt themself if there's nothing else around to take the anger out on. #or like. unintentionally hurting themself by punching walls & getting into fights and shit #this is an absolute mess it's just me spewing my thoughts to get them out of my head #one day i'll write a proper & cleaner headcanon about it... explain it better... #but i'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into actual coherent & detailed words tonight so just like. take this for now lmao #byan is such an emotional creature & they don't know how to regulate what they feel #they just feel it and must do something about it... #am i making sense?? is what i'm trying to convey coming through?? #i'm so annoyed bc i can't find half the words i'm searching for to properly explain this the way i want to lmao #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.

[evilkitten3]

i have a lot of thoughts on fandoms and treatment of female characters but i do not seem to have the words to put said thoughts into. frustrating.

#personal #vent post? #idk #fandom crit #like when you're scrolling through an art blog and the only time the girl characters show up is in group images #or when people are willing to bend over backwards to talk about male character but dismiss the female characters altogether #like on the one hand there's plenty of examples of male authors failing miserably to write female characters #but so so often i see fans act like badly-written female characters aren't like. symptomatic of a bigger issue #it's hard for me to explain but i think people have like. a difficult time admitting that misogyny exists in media #at least when it concerns female characters they don't like #bc it's fine to not like badly written characters imo #but it does seem sometimes that people would rather tell themselves that the author intended the character to be unlikable #ofc it's pretty much impossible to give a solid ''this is what the author was thinking'' without the author's commentary #or without being a mind reader i guess #so it's all speculation #but i do feel as though people have an easier time with ''she just sucks'' than ''this man can't write women and it shows'' #idk i don't really have the words for it #to be clear i'm not innocent of this either #it's just. idk something i've been thinking about lately

[em0-opossum]

sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are

#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much #but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt #and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling #i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them #i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me #sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong #even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me #i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want #i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard #there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating #i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me #and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful” #i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness #(tags are just for finding people who relate) #social anxiety #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actuallyavpd #loneliness #chronic loneliness

[saintchaser]

dorlene is potted flowers on the windowsill and brownies. they're the smell of petrichor, water pouring down the roof of their block of cheap apartments in soho, and warm bodies tangled together under the duvet. they're breakfast in bed, the window open, their dog nibbling on a piece of bread; they're buying pastries from the shop down the corner, and they're going to buy groceries. they're thick, warm clothes and thin shirts and holes in their pants and big boots and wands at the ready. they're sketchy alleyways, protecting each other and the ones they love and, if they are to die, they shall die together. they're the beautiful of the thin line, the shifting between love and hatred, between beauty and war. they gnaw at themselves, and not at one another, and when the time comes, when it will be over, they will love each other, even in death. they are the warmth and comfort even in the darkest times, the light, because they will find it, as long as they're together. they're two galaxies colliding, of a destructive, of a morbid beauty. they're intertwined fingers and karaoke nights and alcohol-imbued lips and water running down their bodies, washing their grief, their sins, the blood, away. they're martyrs, dying for a life they are not bound to live. they are hatred and devotion at the same time; they used to tear at each other, guts and blood and the ugly of both of them, but that slowly shifted into patching each other up and licking each other's wounds, a strange kind of comfort.

#literally them #also if you haven't noticed this is kind of. becoming a series #but i love these two women so much like. i can't explain in words what i feel for them #god i love women #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #dorlene #my writing

[deathblossomm]

Neil posted a new pic on instagram

#neil ellice #is it normal for him to be so beautiful? #alive for his buzzcut #i can't explain in words what I feel #call of duty #soap mactavish #call of duty modern warfare 3 #cod mw3 #loki season 2 #loki season two #d 90 #d-90

[non-un-topo]

I'm in such a crappy mood because this panel discussion is on Wednesday and still not a single member of my group has contributed to anything (we're supposed to be posting and talking in a forum). Not even a hello except for one person who sent me a personal email at 12:30 last night apologizing because she didn't know there even was a forum. Honey are you telling me you haven't checked the online classroom at all over reading week + the weekend??? While you undoubtedly had other work that required you check the online classroom?? I actually just feel really sad. Just down and sad.

#i really worked my ass off so i feel sad #it's like throwing 2 thousand words of hard work at a brick wall #and i know i'm going to be doing the bulk of the rest of the work. which is still a LOT. #and actually... since these mfs couldn’t even be assed to check the forum or say hello #i will volunteer to do the rest of the work because i deserve the fucking grade #this project was incredibly poorly designed and not explained well enough... #but COME. ON. all of reading week and the weekend?? #and everyone has the syllabus so they know when the panel discussion is taking place #i can't tell if i feel angry or genuinely hurt. #leaning towards both because on my group members' part this is just incredibly rude. #oh and i shouldn’t have had to explain to that girl what she has to do for the assignment #because the instructions are literally right there AND were sent in an email. #maybe i'm a bit of a hard-ass when it comes to education but it frustrates tf out of me when ppl refuse to do the bare minimum

[succulentcucumber]

I'm just really happy that the season ended on a happy tone. I was expecting a heart-wrenching episode and it kinda is but in a good way. It made me cry in relief, in comfort, in wonder of the Earth, of inevitable thing happening but that's okay, that sometimes, we don't have to be scared of what's in store of the future. Although it's okay to worry about the future, we also need to appreciate the present, the people who are in here with us before our memories become history, and even of they do, we should not forget about them. Also, it encapsulates the regret of having done something bad to your friend or someone you care about. The regret and the absolute relief of being forgiven, and being able to be forgiven in the first place.

This episode really gets to me in a way, as if it was made to fit inside my mess of a heart and make me cry. It had my fears of the future and being stuck in the past, the thought of hurting someone I care about, and just Earth stuff in general. The joy of existence, of being loved and comforted. Also, dinosaurs and prehistoric times is a topic I am always excited to learn new things about. (except the fate of the dinosaurs, that was really sad)

Ryan and the professor also needed rest, to be able to see each other again. The dread of not being able to say sorry to your friend is fucking excruciating, and I am really glad they made it. Fucking ecstatic that the dino parents are alive. They get to meet Ryan and vice versa. The most important things in the professor's life just meeting each other. I hope we see more of them and I really hope things stay happy for them for a while.

I am so thankful for this show. Makes learning so much fun and it covers topics that aren't really much known to everyone, and it makes me curious every time. I am thankful for everyone involved, directly or not, because without them, we would not be able to see this masterpiece of a show. I am thankful for watcher, for doing everything they do. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this matters to me. Thank you Shane Madej, for willing this whole show to life.

Also puppet history saw me slipping out of the fandom and said "that's bullshit" before tossing me back again like Ryan defenestrated the subsitute

The editing is fucking awesome by the way. Good job.

#can't believe i felt all of that in a puppet show #not complaining tho #i could make this longer but words have ceased to exist in my brain #this whole thing is a manifestation of mental illness for me #dropped everything i did to write this because words will run out soon hurry up bitch #really needed to let some of it out #it really is fucked up that there are feelings we cannot express and cannot explain yet it is there #and those feelings are lost in translation #i hope someone could crawl in my brain and feel what i am feeling so they could just #understand #what the fuck have i written here #i am so mentally ill #puppet history #shane madej #ryan bergara #watcher entertainment #and boy oh boy they sure do entertain #still have many things to say but maybe I'll save it for later

[bison-appreciation-club]

i don't know who needs to hear this but your morality is not determined by suffering

#gonna make a longer post explaining this later #but listen. i've seen a lot of ppl be like #i'm so sad about [current event] but i can't look away even though i feel awful #firstly. you're gonna give yourself burnout #secondly. what use is that. it's not helping the people you say you want to help #take a break and then. fucking donate. go to a rally. put up posters #just because you feel bad about a thing it doesn't automatically make you a good person #actions always speak louder than words #dee rambles

[lonelyplanetfag]

why did they make gender so complicated what's up w that

#like yeah. im trans ftm Technically. but calling myself ftm doesn't feel right #cuz yeah i'm a boy & i only want ppl 2 see me as a boy & it hurts when they don't #but also. im not rly trans in an ftm way yk? that feels more like a technicality #and calling myself transgender feels the same as calling myself ftm #im less trans in the 'i was a girl now im a boy' or 'born a girl always a boy' way n more in a #'crossdressing fag with a pussy' sorta way #idk how to explain it right #im not just a guy yk?im a guy that crossdresses n im a faggot n transsexual bc of it #this sounds so edgy jesus god #it's just so frustrating 2 try n explain in any other way #istg my dad said transsexual that one time and it just Clicked that that's what i am n its not in the way everybody thinks if #ig** #delete later #sorry my gender is all tangled up #it's tangled up in the same way my words r tangled up #trying 2 say one thing n getting the point across most of the way but never how i want/intend #& god i hate using pc terms 2 describe what i am cuz what i am doesn't feel pc #it feels offensive cuz it is #but in a way that i can't describe right #idk man im just tired of sanitizing it n making it look all pretty ig

[byanyan]

we're down to 9 drafts left that're from before february, plus 5 which are from the last week. progress has slowed over the last couple days (for various reasons) but hoo boy, we're still working our way toward being caught up and only!! getting!!! closer!!!!!

#been trying to do at LEAST two older drafts a day on top of whatever newer threads I reply to/asks I answer #I'M DETERMINED TO FINISH OLDER DRAFTS THIS WEEK now that I'm under 9 left it's looking more possible..... #and from there...... I'm gonna try to stay relatively caught up #which has already been going well actually!!! replying to shorter stuff every day or two has been a lot easier #now that I'm like. not being so stupidly fucking critical of everything I'm writing #gossshhhh and in being less critical of myself I've been having sm more fun and been SO MUCH happier with how my writing turns out #just letting it flow........ I forgot I could even DO that for such a long time bc I'd get so judgemental of every word I typed #it's been so freeing. I can't even explain what's changed but GOD it feels so good ;u; #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.