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#i can't draw it for myself because i have a mental block on arts for me

joshym · 3 months

Text

Muse

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Summary: Your struggling artist is desperate for some inspiration.

Word Count: 3.4k+

Warnings: smut (18+ ONLY), unprotected p in v, oral (f! receiving), a smidge of sir kink, some spanking, a lot of fluff because i can't help myself, Jake draws a naked portrait of you (let me know if i've missed anything)

a/n: special thanks to this lovely anon for this brilliant idea. this was way too much fun to write.

this was inspired heavily by that scene from the Titanic. (you know the one.)

as always, thank you to my favorite editor/motivator, @jakeyt.

i hope you enjoy. ♡

“I want you to draw me wearing this.” You reach into the lapel of the robe, retrieving his coin that now hangs from your neck. “Only this.”

.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.

His frustration is palpable, evident in the nearly incessant huffing emanating from behind the closed door of his studio.

It's moments like these that leave you feeling utterly helpless. There’s nothing you can do, no inspiration you can provide that will pull him from his artist’s block.

He's been holed up in there for hours, since the early dawn, lost in the depths of his imagination, sketching away. You know better than to intrude; he's never been keen on sharing his work until it's finished.

In fact, he's never once allowed you a glimpse into his creative process. "It's the strange doodlings of a mind overrun with ideas. It's not to be seen until it's in its final form," he's reminded you countless times when your curiosity gets the better of you.

Still yet, you're consumed by the desire to witness his beautiful mind in action, crafting masterpieces in real-time, each stroke flowing from his soul through his tireless hand on his Somerset velvet sheets.

But, like any artist, he’s his own worst critic. He’s never truly satisfied with anything he creates, though you are left utterly speechless after each piece he finishes. His mind is a beautifully profound chasm of endless wonder, manifested through his artistry.

You hate when he has these moments of doubt, these instances when he questions whether he’s truly capable of such greatness.

And you especially despise days like today, when he spends the better part of it feeling as though he has a mental brick wall in the way of his ingenuity, hindering his hand from bringing to life what his mind so desperately longs to conceive.

Commissioned pieces, like his project today, always hold the most weight for him— from the need to earn a living, to his persistent worry that his art might not meet the expectations of the client.

It’s not that he doesn’t love doing them, or that he’ll ever stop taking them; quite the contrary, they’re his favorite pieces to work on. They provide him with an added pressure that elicits some of his best work.

But, reaching that point can be rather strenuous for him. It can at times take days, weeks before he discovers the creative impulsion he needs.

And right now, he’s in that very rut, awaiting the surge of inspiration that will reignite his dulled spirit.

There truly is nothing you can do when he’s lost like this, and any effort you’ve attempted in the past has always proved useless.

The one thing you can do, however, is prepare him some dinner.

He’s hardly left his studio today, and you know he’s not eaten much, if anything at all. Perhaps a morsel of sustenance will ignite the dormant embers of his mind.

.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.

After a quiet tap to the door, he invites you in with a serene voice.

He looks tired, but lovely as ever. The golden hour has officially set in the sky, and the opened curtains on the windows have allowed for a warm hue to encompass his studio, enveloping him in its delicate lume.

“That smells absolutely divine,” he remarks as you enter his studio, his plate and yours delicately balanced in your hands.

“I figured a little homemade pasta would do you some good,” you tell him while you pad across the floor to his work station.

With a sly disposition and a playful glint in your eye, you aim to steal a glance of his day-long project, but alas, you’ve been caught. Your sweet Jake misses nothing.

"Not yet, my love," he murmurs, flipping the page over as he takes your hand, planting a tender kiss over your knuckles. "You know the rules."

“I know, I know.” Your response holds a bit of remorse. You know better, but can’t begin to help the relentless desire to see his mind at work.

Setting his dinner on the desk he’s working from, you move yourself across the small office to the green chaise lounge that sits across from him, silently seeking his permission with your gentle glances. The smile in his eyes tells you that he’s more than happy to be graced with your company for the time being.

After taking a bite of the spinach tortellini you prepared, he unbuttons his white striped shirt, removing it from his shoulders and stretching his arms high above his head as though he’s ridding himself of the weight of his frustrations.

You can’t help your glare, watching him do something so normal yet so intriguing all at once.

His skin is velvety smooth, his chest rising and falling with every breath he takes, his chestnut wavy locks sitting atop his broad shoulders. You’re in awe each time you look at him; the sheer magnitude of his beauty never fails to steal your breath away.

And his necklace, his most cherished piece of jewelry that he wears each and every day. The precious coin, a relic salvaged from a centuries-old shipwreck that hangs against his chest.

The way it sits on his bare skin is nothing short of elating, sexy. It’s a wonderful addition to his already captivating aura.

He’s flawless. Everything about him.

Once he catches your gaze, he responds with a sly wink, eliciting a blush that paints your cheeks a bright shade of pink.

Then, a thought begins to swirl around your mind for a brief moment. One that you’re shocked you’ve not conjured until now.

The vision of the pendant against his bare skin sets your own imagination alight.

“I’ve got an idea,” you propose, your voice soft and sultry, trying to pique his interest even just a little, something that may help the rusted wheels of his mind turn at full capacity once again.

While his focus remains on his work, his right eyebrow arches ever so slightly, and you catch the hint of a grin daring to curl in the corners of his mouth.

“And what might that be, my dear?” he asks with an unknowing, devilish smirk.

As you get up, he hastily flips the page back over to hide his work from you once again.

“Don’t worry,” you say as you move behind him, placing your hands on his bare shoulders. “I won’t peek.”

You glide your fingers along his skin, feeling the subtle rise of each goosebump in the wake of your gentle touch.

He hums inquisitively as you delicately take hold of the clasp of his necklace in between your index and thumb, undoing it in one fluid motion before slowly slipping it from around his neck.

“Be right back,” you say as you head towards the door. “Don’t move.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he responds, a myriad of questions splayed across his features.

With light steps, you make your way down the wooden floors of the hall towards your shared bedroom. Hanging on the back of the door is your sapphire hued satin robe, adorned with a delicate lace detailing along the hem—the one Jake has always fawned over.

The satin drapes coolly against your skin as you slip it on, wearing nothing underneath, save for the weight of Jake’s necklace resting against your chest that you hide beneath the fabric.

You run your fingers through your hair, adding a subtle tousled look, before applying a light blush to your lips and cheeks to impart a bit of natural color to your complexion.

And with that, you're poised and ready.

.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.

As you turn the corner to face his studio, you see a very weary version of your Jake. His head sits in the palms of his hands, his leg bounces up and down at a rapid rate—a clear sign of the mental battle he’s waging.

This is as good a time as any for your little idea, and you’re hoping that it’ll be the very thing he needs to find some much needed initiative to keep going.

“Hi, baby,” you venture, leaning your body alluringly against the frame of the door.

As he looks up, a familiar twinkle dances in his eyes—a sight you've longed for all day long. It's a glimmer that tells you he's rather fond of the vision before him.

“And what exactly is your idea?” he inquires softly, slowly standing from his chair. But you stop him, motioning for him to stay just where he is as you saunter towards the chaise you were seated on just moments ago.

“My idea,” you begin, making a very slow, deliberate attempt to untie the sash holding your robe together at the waist. “...is for you to draw me.”

As if your thought has affected him physically, his posture immediately straightens, and his once tired eyes hold a renewed sense of life as they watch you intently.

“I want you to draw me wearing this.” You reach into the lapel of the robe, retrieving his coin that now hangs from your neck. “Only this.”

Your robe suddenly falls to the floor, revealing your fully nude figure that was hidden beneath.

“Oh…” he utters, his tongue wetting his lower lip before tucking it between his teeth. “You can’t do this to me, baby. I can’t look at you like this an–”

“Consider it a commission,” you interrupt, tracing your fingers lightly up and down the skin of your torso. “And when you’re finished, if it’s to my liking, you’ll receive a full payment.”

With a raised eyebrow, his gaze sweeps up and down your form, while his index finger lightly grazes his chin.

“You’re quickly becoming my favorite client,” he quips, wiping a stray bead of sweat away from his forehead, tousling the front of his hair in the process. “Consider it done, ma’am,” he continues with a confirming nod of his head.

You lay yourself down on the forest green velvet cushions, positioning yourself sensually across the chaise. Your body is turned slightly to the side, your leg gracefully crossed over the other, an elegant display of your curved silhouette.

The warm glow that is so beautifully cast upon Jake, is now cast upon you, the aura laying over your nude body like a golden blanket of light.

“Is this okay?” you ask him, draping your arm over the back of the chaise, making sure the coin sits meticulously atop your chest before your other arm falls to rest against your body.

He simply grins while nodding his head, his eyes drinking you in, a mix of surprise and desire evident within his expression.

“Yeah, that um…that’ll do just fine,” he tells you, the slight crack in his voice eliciting a smile from you, a break in his professional facade.

With a deep breath, he takes his prized Faber Castell 9000, carefully sharpening the tip just a bit before putting it against a blank sheet.

And then, as the true artist you know him to be, he begins without a hint of hesitancy. The gentle sound of the lead scratching away at the paper fills the quiet room— a sound you’ve come to cherish, a sound that signifies his craft is steadily blossoming to life.

He seems charmingly nervous, his hand gently brushing against his nose every so often between a series of strokes from his pencil, clearing his throat more than usual. His eyes flint to you, then back to the paper, then back to you, a succession of his adoration and determination, ensuring that the likeness captured in his art closely mirrors your essence.

You try to keep your face composed, a seductive allure about your features. But as you watch him, immersed in his passion, the way he’s studying you so intently, it becomes nearly impossible to suppress the beginnings of a smile upon your lips.

But despite your efforts, he takes note of the curve adorning your flushed lips, mirroring it with his own. “Relax your face for me, beautiful.” The soft rasp in his tone is enough to send a blush throughout your whole body.

Breathing in your nose and exhaling through parted lips, you’re able to reclaim your composure enough to steady your expression.

Every moment you share with him is a brushstroke of beauty, but something about this one stands out. The intimacy of it all, how he must diligently study every inch of your form to convey your image through his art, the intensity behind his focused gaze…your heart is racing in your chest, despite your relaxed demeanor.

.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.

With the sun almost hidden behind the early moon, he completes the final stroke.

He lays his pencil down, gently blowing on the paper to remove any stray lead before he picks it up, examining it closely while he walks it over to you.

As he holds it out before you, allowing you to at last see his craft come to life, you’re left entirely awestruck.

“Oh, Jake.” The sight before you leaves you nearly breathless. It exceeds every expectation, beyond the boundaries of your imagination. It’s a portrayal of you, but not just that— it’s how he sees you.

It’s the first time you’re witnessing yourself through his eyes, and in that, you feel a profound sense of beauty within yourself that you’ve never known.

“Do you like it?” He asks, a slight tremor present in his voice.

“It’s…incredible, Jake.”

Propping yourself up a bit, you carefully take the drawing from his hands, poring over his vast attention to the detail in your face, your body.

Specifically your breasts, how perfectly he depicted their round curve above your rib cage, encapsulating the fullness and allure of them.

You’re entranced by the way he drew the contour of your hips, how he captured the dip in them that you’ve always looked at with disdain, yet in his portrayal, you’re able to see the beauty in what you’ve considered a flaw.

He encapsulated everything, even the faint freckle beneath the curve of your left breast, and the mole under your belly button. He managed to immortalize all the intricate nuances that you typically overlook.

“Is this what I really look like?”

“Yes, but,” he takes the drawing from you, placing it on the mahogany table beside the chaise lounge. He helps you lay back down, gently caressing your face that he’s just conveyed through his artistry as he props himself above you. “The essence of your beauty defies any depiction.”

Then, his lips envelope yours in a kiss so fervent, so ardent, as though he’s waited hours to finally have you within his grasp.

His hand moves with a swift grace to your breast, fingers toying with your perked bud. This erotic moment with him has you already so flustered, so sensitive to every touch of his hands.

He breaks his lips from yours, only to land them down the column of your heaving chest.

“You’ve no idea how hard it was for me to look at you like this, to look at these,” he mumbles against the tingling skin, hands kneading the flesh of your breasts. “And fight the urge to come place my lips on every inch of this beautiful fucking body.”

And just as he said, he bestows tender yet hungry kisses down the length of your torso, maneuvering his body down the chaise lounge until he kneels before you. He nestles his face perfectly between your thighs, his warm breath tantalizing your wet center from his dangerously close proximity.

“I certainly hope you don’t let all of your clients pay you like this,” you mutter, breathless and yearning for his mouth.

“Only the ones that tickle my fancy,” he says, his words adorned with a playful wink before he delves into you.

He laps away at your pulsing cunt, like he’s been starved for your taste this entire evening. The lewd, lascivious sounds he’s emitting from between your legs only serve to heighten your need for him, causing your back to instinctively arch away from the plush cushions.

And when his lips envelop your throbbing clit, his tongue swirling around it inside his warm mouth, your body trembles and shudders. A rush of warmth encompasses you, starting from the depths of your core, the pit of your stomach, spreading to every inch of your being.

You surrender to the intoxicating bliss, your breath catching in your throat while your heart pounds in a crescendoing rhythm.

He guides you through it, gently holding your hips in place while the movement of his tongue slows in perfect time as with the ebb of your climax.

“Oh, that was so beautiful, my love.” He lovingly kisses the inside of your thigh before he stands, removing the belt from his patchwork jeans. “Turn over for me, baby.”

“Yes, sir,” you quietly utter as you obey his demand, knowing good and damn well what that specific name does to him.

Just as he commanded, you turn your body over to your stomach, placing your elbows against the arm of the chaise, your back arched as much as you can so that your ass is sticking up just right for him.

“Love when my sweet girl calls me that,” he purrs before his belt hits the floor, his jeans and underwear quickly in tow and freeing his impossibly hard cock.

“So, what’s the verdict, my love?” You feel the cushion sink in behind you as he settles himself between your legs, his right hand caressing your hip while the other teases your soaked cunt with the tip of his cock, leaking with precum. “Was my work to your liking?”

You giggle breathlessly, poking your ass out even further as an offering to him for his hard work. “Yes, I believe you’ve earned your reward.”

He steadily begins nudging his cock into you, going slow at first, allowing you to fully adjust to him.

Inch by thick inch, he fills you completely to the hilt, your breath catching in heavy gasps that are robbed from your lungs as he buries himself deeply within you.

Your nails claw at the velvet armrest as his thrusts quicken in their pace, your upper body nearly going limp as you’re no longer able to easily hold yourself up.

His hands hold a firm grip at your lower waist, pulling you into his cock rhythmically, yet becoming more and more disordered as he’s beginning to lose himself to the pleasure.

You cry out a slew of obscenities mixed with his name, begging him to fuck you harder, faster.

Without question he complies, landing an open palm against your ass cheek. “So good for me baby,” he hums, his thighs slapping against the backs of yours as he drives into you just the way you need. “So fucking good for me.”

With one more vigorous thrust of his hips, you feel that familiar rush throughout your whole body as your cunt throbs and pulses incessantly around his cock.

“Fuck, I feel you, baby. Pretty little cunt squeezing me so tight.” You feel the twitching of his cock inside of you, an indication that he's on the very brink of his own release.

“Cum inside me, sir. Please…need you to fill me.” Your voice is faltered, your body still reeling from your second climax.

“Jesus,” he groans, moaning exasperatedly as your words have him spilling within you, filling you with his warmth just as you requested.

He stays buried inside of you as he catches his breath, feeling his release slowly trickling down your thighs as you struggle to fill your own lungs.

You have to fight the urge to protest when he begins pulling himself away from you, not yet ready for the empty feeling he leaves you with.

You practically collapse against the cushion, your body exhausted in the most enthralling way, the kind of exhaustion that only immense amounts of pleasure can bring forth.

“My sweet, beautiful girl,” he whispers, kneeling himself before you as he softly caresses your flushed cheek.

You kiss the pad of his thumb as it crosses over your mouth, summoning the strength to lift yourself up enough to steal one from his lips. “I hope it worked,” you say, gently cupping his face in your hand.

“You hope what worked, my love?” He asks, leaning into your soft touch.

“I was hoping this would help inspire you.” You reach for the drawing, savoring its beauty once more. “I was hoping I could help inspire you, pull you out of your moment of doubt.”

“My love,” he murmurs, setting the portrait back down before he gently brushes his lips against yours. “You inspire me endlessly, every single day.”

His tender smile warms your very soul as he leans in for a deeper kiss, imbued with all the love you could ever want for.

“You’re my perfect muse,” he utters against your lips, “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.”

.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.⚘🀢⚘.

a/n: suffice to say, this inspired the hell out of me when i've lacked inspiration/motivation lately. thank you, anon.

if you have any juicy ideas, feel free to send them my way. ♡

love you guys.

taglist: (let me know if you'd like to be added/removed!)

@jakeyt @objectsinspvce @stayinginthesun @sinarainbows @stardustcordzz @klarxtr @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @highway-tuna @way-to-go-lad @reesetrippingthelight @jakesgrapejuice @sacredjake @notthedroidz @kiszkashousee @psychedelicstardust-gvf @jjwasneverhere @gvf-ficreads @stardust-jake @gretavanbear @gvfmelborne @sirjaketkiszkasharmonica @jaaakeeey @neptune2324 @jaketlove @myleftsock @joshskittytickler @audgeppp @jordie-gvf @gretavansara @gretasfallingsky @jazzyfigz @louiseecraigg @hippievanfleet @blacksoul-27 @sarafrusciante2 @heckingfrick @citylight-delight @electricgoldtendercare @musicspeaks @hollyco @gvfpal @dannys-dream @josh-iamyour-mama @edgingthedarkness @earthgrlsreasy @hernameis-heaven @mackalah @gvfmarge

Masterlist

#jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka fanfiction #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka fluff #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet smut #gvf fanfic #gvf fics #gvf smut #greta van smut #jake kiszka #greta van fleet

268 notes · View notes

sugarpasteltmnt · 4 months

Note

I've been compleatly OBSSESED with neon void so far!!! It's by far my favorite fic of any I've read!! After every chapter I have to take a second to do the happy stimmies because you write all of the scenes so well. Whenever I see a new update I clear the next hour for reading it and the subsequent geek out sesion for how AMAZING it always is. You write extremely well, you convey the characters so acurately, the fight scenes are creative, the way you write Leo's perspective is AMAZING, love the font changes, the angst PALPABLE, and just over all I love everything you're able to do with this concept. The way you can see Leo's mental state deteriorating through out the fic is just *chefs kiss*. There's so much I love about the fic that I can't possibly list everything.

Also the established difference between teleporting and portaling is so great, it adds to the pure panic that void causes for the boys aside from, y'know, crazy dude capable of beating Big Mama within an inch of her life and STRAIGHT UP OFFING a buch of other yokai. It does wonders for establishing him as a threat even though he technically isn't for the turtles. Plus I'm sure that once they find out who Void really is, it will add a bunch of tension since they'll need to stop Leo from literally SCATTERING HIS ATOMS ACROSS SPACE.

AND THE CHAPTER PREVIEW ISTG I've never gotten so much serotonin from being in this much pain ;0; The gif is perfect to set the mood, I can't wait to see what happens. You're ablility to choose just the right thing to stab so many people directly through the heart is nothing short of super-natural. BUT PLEASE give the boi some happiness, if not for his sake, for mine-

ANYWAYS this is all a VERY long way of saying, I absolutely love this and I had to draw the silly boi being the silly boi. I needed to draw him happy for the health of my heart ;-; (don't worry though, I'm working on some tasty angst right now)

Can't wait to see where everything goes, GOOD LUCK TO CASEY but there only six chapters left so we're getting to the end game now >:D

Please have a wonderful rest of your week :D

THANK U SO MUCH ;w; I’m so so happy that my fight scenes are followable/enjoyable, and tho they are a binch to code I’m so happy you enjoy the funky fonts and formatting ;w; i know reading blocks of text can be intimidating/tiring for readers, so i try to break it up to help with the pacing and sprinkle in some fun, spooky fonts as treats 🩵

Something i really, REALLY loved about Rise was the fights. Not only was the animation amazing, but it was always so creative. I try my best to make the fight scenes as silly as the boys can be, while utilizing their adaptive skills to use their surroundings to their advantage.

And bruh trying to balance Leo’s insanity in a believable way has been such a (fun) challenge so it makes me so happy to hear you like it 😭🥺 and I’m so glad people seem to like the ‘teleportation’ gimmick I’ve got going on (and that it hopefully makes sense omg)

(And i will admit I’m a little proud of my chapter previews because they are so fun to write, and i like to reassure readers that 1) i have a plan and 2) I’m keeping myself accountable to finish LOL)

Also aksdlaskdhaksdh thank u for this art this part especially is SENDING ME WHEEZE 🤣🩵❗️

#he is so SILLY!!!#akasdaksd THANK U SO MUCH I LOVE IT #you translated this moment so well LOOOOL #I’m glad that my attempts at comedic moments are funny to others lmao #he’s my silly little guy your honor #tnv asks #pastel prattling #tnv fanart #the neon void tmnt #rottmnt #the neon void #tnv tmnt

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ineed-to-sleep · 16 days

Note

hey hi hello!! I'm such a big fan of your art, ITS SO BEAUTIFUL - I was just wondering if you have any tips for younger artists such as myself (I haven't been doing it for that long) - I'm just looking to improve and I really look up to your art as inspiration because of how much I love it 😭 your colours and lines are gorgeous I mean even your sketches are so fleshed out aaaa!!

Hii thank youuu <3 and sorry for taking so long to respond, I kind of forgot about my askbox for a while fjksksfk but yeah I can definitely spare some tips!!

First off, for learning I'd recommend the site drawabox. It's perfect for beginners and has videos that walk you through each of the early steps of learning how to draw, from how to hold your pen to what the fundamentals are to gradually giving you drawing challenges. It's sooo so helpful, besides being really comprehensive in how it teaches you. I can't recommend it enough.

There's also a lot of great teachers on youtube, like Ahmed Aldoori, Marc Brunet, and Proko who all have great study tips and tutorials organized in playlists on their channels, whenever you want to keep expanding your skillset.

Another tip I have, which is more of a mental health tip(though just as important in my opinion), is to be patient with your art. It's a journey, it's long and the road isn't straight, and that's okay. What's important is that you stick to it and keep finding ways to have fun along the way. There's a lot to learn and a lot to study, and honestly I don't think artists ever really stop learning ajdkkd there's always more things to study, more things to get better at. So I definitely recommend you don't overwhelm yourself with how much there is or get frustrated with not being able to "get there" fast, but instead try to enjoy the process. Do studies, do challenges, but don't neglect drawing for yourself purely to have some fun. Not everything needs to help you improve, not everything needs to serve a purpose, not everything needs to even be seen by others. Sometimes all you need is to draw this thing you really wanted to draw and that's it. And that's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, honestly. I can't deny that art is frustrating sometimes, but it shouldn't be frustrating all the time. If it is, you could be walking right into a burnout and get the art block that comes along with it. So I definitely recommend taking it one step at a time and always making time to draw for yourself.

That's all I can think of right now! Good luck on your art journey!!! This is such a wonderful skill to develop and it's so satisfying to see your own progress on the long run, I wish you all the best!! <3

#asks #art tips #art advice

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mrabubu · 25 days

Note

what happened between you and Dork? (WS) I don’t want to pry at all, but iv just been genuinely curious and also confused as to why the art all got removed and seemingly for "hateful comments?" If you don’t feel comfortable enough answering that’s totally fine, but man some context would be super helpful.

Uuuuh, okay this part is just me venting a bit...

Yeah, I get that people would like some context,

I'm just still nervous/scared? For how people interpret words.

And I've already been told (because they blocked me so I can't see for myself) dork promised that if people start to "slander" them, they will "drop receipts", despite our dialogue being kinda personal thing, I guess. So I'm just trying not to trigger/provoke them, and just trying to distance my thoughts from all this, but at the same time it's hard considering that WS had a big inspiration/mental help/influence on me and it became kinda my routine for almost half a year to read new chapters, follow other updates and do stuff, and now I can't, not only because I'm tossed out of their blog, but also because

Well

It hurts? After all that situation.

The situation:

We had a dialogue during which expressed different opinions on a certain topic. For them it was enough to wanting to stop associating and communicate with me. So I decided if they don't want to associate with me, then, please, take down my art. At least, it's logical. If you don't want to have anything to do with a person then you'd like to clean your work space from any reminders of them. And just in case, so no one would thought I forced dork to remove drawings they payed for, I drew those for free. Just because I wanted. It wasn't about the money.

Plus with their reaction and the "hateful comments" notes (though I don't know what was hateful about asking to take down my art. I don't believe I was rude or anything), I wanted my fanart to be gone too, because I don't want them to be taken for granted and promote work of someone who wants nothing to do with me.

I'm not encouraging any more association, just leave it be. Right now I'm just trying to distract myself.

Thanks for understanding.

#abubu ask

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hunkledunk · 11 months

Text

This is going to be a bit of a vent but I'm also curious if anyone else feels the same. Please share if you do ❤

Something I've been feeling more and more recently is the drive to be creative, and I'm going to be honest but it doesn't feel good? I've never been that good at art or music or woodworking or textiles or baking or anything expressive, really. When I see someone playing an instrument beautifully, constructing a lovely little ornament, or even just a reference sheet for someone's OC I feel an intense sense of longing.

The only thing I would consider myself notably good at is gaming, and that doesn't really feel like something I can share with people, as in I struggle to express myself with it? I can't show people how I feel by playing a run of Isaac the same way a pianist can with the notes they play. What I feel like I'm missing is the ability to draw a scene and have people see what I'm feeling inside. That sense of understanding that comes with damn good art.

I know the popular response on this site is "do it badly anyway" and I really do appreciate the sentiment but doing something badly just makes me feel truly awful. I can't get around that mental block no matter how hard I try and it's stopping me from practicing any of these skills. It doesn't feel like I have so much space to improve, it feels like I'll always be this bad because I always have been. Regardless of how provably untrue that is it's how I feel.

I want to be able to enjoy the process but that's simply impossible for me right now, not when everything I try ends up worse than I expect. I know it's a problem with my mindset and not a profound lack of talent but it's just as insurmountable a barrier to me. I wish I could play the violin.

#art #digital art #drawing #sketch #crafts #embroidery #baking #perfectionism #perfectionist

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genericpuff · 2 months

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Do you think you might ever open up an online shop for prints for people who can’t make it to conventions?

I've been wanting to open one for a while, I had plans to last year but they got shelved for a bit as I still had a lot left to figure out. One of the biggest hurdles I've been sorta kicking down the road is figuring out shipping, as it's never really been my strongest skill LOL Just the logistics of it all is kinda hard on the brain in addition to every other thing I'd have to setup. I know I can do it, it's just trying to get through that mental block of figuring it all out and getting it setup properly.

Other than that, I also have to make sure I have the proper equipment. I have a printer that's pretty decent, but I'm kind of in the market for something that's a bit more ink-friendly as the one I have currently chugs ink like I chug shorty's on a Friday afternoon LOL So I'm weighing my options when it comes to printing as it's a toss-up between "do my own printing so I can print on demand and not have more stock than I need" and "pay someone else to do my printing for me so I don't have to buy printer ink but potentially have to deal with bulk stock that I can't move". And that's not even getting into the manufacturing costs of my other products like my stickers and keychains - that's all stuff that I usually have to order in bulk, so I'd wanna make sure there's enough interest in buying them before I open a shop for them so I don't wind up with a bunch of unsold merch!

Needless to say, running an online shop is complicated and a ton of work! So I wanna make sure if and when I do open one, I do it right in a way that benefits both buyers and myself for the purpose of self-care :' ) I also wanna get out of the funk I'm currently in as creating standalone illustrations has admittedly gotten harder over the past couple years. Drawing comics is no problem because I have direction through the script, drawing illustrations from scratch on a blank canvas suddenly makes my brain short out @.@

But yeah! TL ; DR yes I would LOVE to open up an online shop for the folks who wanna buy my original art! It's in the works and I hope it's something I can bring to you all soon <3 <3

#ask me anything #ama #anon ask me anything #anon ama

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coolicywind · 9 months

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TW: SHOTA/LOLICON IN THE OPM FANDOM ⚠️⚠️⚠️ (I am not referring to one specific person I am referring to multiple people in the fandom currently)

I'm posting this because recently, a bunch of large OPM artists are posting art of minor characters interacting with adult characters inappropriately. Even a mutual I interacted with started posting it not long ago.

Normally I keep to myself and I hardly comment about things outside of what's relevant to my page in order to avoid potential discourse, however it's getting to the point where my even my friends are becoming upset, so I'll just say it for them.

If you are a lolicon or shotacon please block me or if I find you I'll block you myself. I find your existence revolting.

I'm sick of seeing ships of characters like Garou, Zombieman, Fubuki etc interacting with kids like CE, Tareo, etc. in disgusting ways. I don't even go looking for it but there is a wave of artist recently drawing that crap on my timeline. I can't even browse tags without being bombarded with that "art".

So please, if you draw it kindly fuck yourself and burn in hell. I was a minor less than a year ago and yet I was subjected to that crap time and time again. It's mentality scarring seeing that shit as a kid and only adds onto trauma that was previously there. So you can't say it doesn't effect reality dumbass.

Btw, you can't use the argument "it isn't real 🤓☝️" when so many of these accounts have real CP on their page. Seriously, on art of Shota or Lolicon (sexual or not) you can easily find accounts that host or link to real CP interacting with the art (b-but I thought they don't resemble real children 🥺🤡).

Even then, it's still weird as fuck and is a sneaky way to get past child exploitation. You in no way can convince me it's right or normal, I don't care what arguments are presented. All of those arguments are surface level and can be debunked.

Fiction doesn't effect reality my ass. I guess propaganda posters never had any effects on real people since it's just a drawing, right?

#one punch man #opm #zombieman #opm manga #garou #metal bat

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proshippers-against-censorship · 1 month

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i'm back, local anti (technically not ig but i refuse to call myself a proshipper anymore after seeing some of the people lurking around over there) ranting in your askbox because you seem kinda chill actually. more controversial opinions incoming

(using general "you" btw this isn't directed at you specifically tumblr user proshippers-against-censorship)

free speech goes both ways. you have the right to make and post whatever you want on your own blog, but other people also have the right to talk about it on their own blogs if they have opinions about what you create.

specifically, i'm thinking about the whole "art lore" bullshit on tiktok. is it really shitty to draw over someone else's art to make fun of it? yes, incredibly. but you don't get to say it can't exist. you don't get to scream and cry about free speech and being anti-censorship if it only applies to people who are nice to you. if your art has the right to exist regardless of its purpose and the intention behind it, then so do other people's.

some people act like martyrs over being "anti-censorship," but then turn around and try to tell people what they can and can't say because it's about them. whether what someone else is saying about you is shitty doesn't matter. whether your art is "bad" doesn't matter in the scheme of it being posted and allowed to exist, so it can't apply to other people's thoughts and opinions about your art either. it doesn't matter one way or the other, your art has the right to exist, and so do other people's posts about said art. you don't have to like it, but you don't get to say it can't exist.

if you post whatever it is you want to post and people crawl up in your ask box like "why does it look like that" "get well soon" etc. and that bothers you, then you need to employ your own suggestions. curate your own online experience. close your ask box. turn off reblogs/comments. block people posting about you. if you can't handle that, then maybe you shouldn't be on the internet.

(i'm not talking about threats, doxxing, etc. btw, that's a completely different thing.)

Gonna sob rq over being called chill, I take that as a huge compliment. Especially when there's a good few antis who like to complain about how I'm quite the opposite in my messages...along with some colorful threats. Super fair to not want to take the label, btw. Folks are nasty. I've said it in the past, but I just don't bring up the controversy or label my other accounts. It's just way better for my mental health that way. I have like, 13 or 14 side blogs at this point? I can only imagine the number of threats I have gotten on here, times that. Yikes.

Here's to your opinion, though. It really shouldn't be controversial. Yeah, sometimes folks have real shitty opinions. But near every media has a way to delete comments from your own posts, and a block button. More folks need to use em. They're great.

#proshippers against censorship #jackal barks #proship please interact #proship positivity #proship #proshippers please interact #proshipper safe #proshipping #proshipper #anti anti #anti stance #ask #asks

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thediktatortot · 1 month

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I am so unsure how to continue with my art.

It's so hard for me to draw no a days with how little energy I have that the art style I currently use is basically unachievable because I lose steam so quickly on any and every piece I do.

I want to learn a simpler style, or maybe even just a more anime looking style but for some reason I can't get myself to figure it out? It's like, I see styles that are around the place where I would like to get myself too as far as simplicity of design, but no matter how much I try, it just doesn't fucking look right.

It's like there's this big fucking mental block on drawing things with as much realism as I can, that anything less than realism doesn't look good in my head or to my eyes.

I don't know what to do. I can't possibly keep up the level of drawing skill I can't have but I can't seem to get off this fucking train to keep moving forward. It's like I feel stunted somehow, without escape and no ability to get out of it.

I want to practice more but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I can draw the human body, I can draw hair and objects well, but why can't I draw them simpler?

I'm so exhausted that even sketching something in a simple style leads me to frustration.

#rant #art rant

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aleprouswitch · 9 months

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In October 2011, my mental health was deteriorating for a multitude of reasons and I was actively thinking about killing myself. I told my therapist after a bad episode on my college campus and he suggested a mental health facility that would provide care without insurance. The idea seemed a bit terrifying, but I decided to do it because I was afraid of what I was capable of doing in terms of harming myself.

My mom refused to take me to the facility, so I had to ask a then-friend if he could drive me to the facility to check in on Friday night. He agreed to. Friday night comes, and I try calling him, and I'm getting no answer. Finally he calls me back, and he's hammered. Shitfaced. Three sheets to the fucking wind. Obviously, he can't drive. I am beyond angry and also worried.

I had no other choice but to post on Facebook that yes, I was having a mental health crisis and I needed somebody to drive me to the facility to be admitted. A guy on the local music scene that I barely knew agreed to drive me. He was actually really nice and stayed with me in the lobby until I got called back for admittance. I was asked a big string of questions and signed some paperwork, and that was it.

My phone was taken away from me and I was thrust into Grippy Sock Land. Food was scarce and daily activities were heavily regulated. We had an "art hour" where we were given colored pencils and markers and encouraged to draw. Apparently my drawing was disturbing to the caretakers because of the religious imagery used in it. In truth, the art piece didn't really mean much of anything. We were shown old movies and made to watch infomercials about medications.

I was placed on multiple medications that made me extremely drowsy and I spent hours upon hours sleeping in a room with two beds. The other bed was at first occupied by a woman who appeared to be in her 40s. All she did was cry hysterically and say she needed help over and over. She was eventually removed and sent to another facility. My second roommate was a convicted felon facing another robbery charge. I saw her mugshot not long after release.

The only thing that helped me retain my sanity during those three days was that surprisingly, a friend of mine at the time was admitted during the same weekend, also for suicidal thoughts. My friend was trans but not out yet, and at the time they were married to a man I had known since high school. We found little ways to make each other laugh despite our bleak surroundings, and that gave me hope.

After release, I got my phone back and found that my now ex-friend who was too drunk to take me to be admitted three days earlier had send multiple text messages apologizing for "failing" me. I just rolled my eyes. Another ex-friend messaged me on Facebook about my stay, saying she was "jealous" because I got a "vacation" for a few days. I was so disgusted by her words. Nothing about that experience resembled a "vacation" at all. It was miserable. It was hell.

My co-workers acted scared to talk to me when I returned to work afterward, as if I was volatile and should be approached with caution. My mom never really talked to me about my stay, which I expected. I did get some really nice messages from people I knew, including some musicians I networked with, that made me feel better about my experience and like I did the right thing to help myself.

Twelve years have passed since that ordeal. Almost nobody I was friends with then are still in my life now. Two of the people mentioned in this post sexually assaulted me. Another did something horrible to hurt me in 2013 and I have had them blocked on all social media since. I have never gone back to that mental health facility and I never want to be there again. The lead doctor there was pretty nice, but everyone else made me feel like a circus animal.

I am in the long, arduous process of making sense of my traumatic experiences and maybe that's why I'm writing all of this out. The more removed I am from these experiences, the more fucked up I'm realizing that they were. I deserved kindness and rarely received it during those years. Of course I wasn't perfect and I had problems, but sometimes it really does hit me how everyone in my life was treating me like a burden or something in the way back then.

#personal #life #mental health #suicide tw #suicidal thoughts tw

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mrslittletall · 11 months

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This morning, a side blog of mine got shadowbanned. It isn't even the first time it happened. It is my kink blog and it got shadow banned around the end of last year/start of the new year and when I tried to appeal for it, it got deleted for apparently having art of "underage characters in sexual depictions". Which was... not a thing on this blog. Yes, it is a kink blog, but I am pretty sure that a majority of the characters I reblogged are adults, the ones who were depicted in sexual positions were definitely adults and there were a few where I didn't know the age, but they clearly looked like adults. And I don't draw for this kink myself, so it couldn't have been my art. I only write and my writing is a) a link to AO3 b) tumblr allows to post erotica (which I didn't even do, it was a LINK. Thing is, my kink blog is one of the most harmless in the community and it is tagged and names are censored and I make sure that only people of the community should find it and not someone random who didn't want to see it. You have to know, other blogs of our kink have blatant IRL gifs of kink behaviour and sex and sometimes you can see downright genitals. IRL genitals! The only genitals I had on my blog were reblogged fanart and they were all tagged with nsfw so that people had something to block. And because this happened again, I am pretty sure that someone tries to damage me and reports my blog and that someone must be from within the community. I have no clue who it is and if I find them, I will block, it is just... When I saw the block shadowbanned, I was like "Man, that sucks" and moved on with my life. But over the day, I got really upset about it. And that was when it dawned on me... All the stuff that happened lately... I was barely hanging on a thread. My husband still in hospital -> Fine My cat got sick -> Fine My car is damaged -> Fine My stupid kink blog is shadow banned -> The end of the world. I was already having so much stuff to worry about, that this little thing, which was probably born from malice, made my mental health tank and I was close to tears for the rest of my morning and feeling like I want to go offline forever and live back in the 90ies because nobody cares about me and everyone hates me and they have fun taking the little things of joy of me that I still have. That thoughts spiralled into the thought that my husband could die during the transport to another hospital thanks to an accident, the thought that Geraldina would lie dead at home because her sickness was worse than I thought and finally the thought of me wanting to end it all because I couldn't live like this anymore. Yeah, the mental health was extremely in the dumps. I feel better now, I got over my intrusive thoughts. Geraldina is fine, my husband surely will not die during an accident and I won't take drastic measures. I just wonder... the people who do something like that, do they even think what the other person is going through? Maybe one day someone really does something they can't take back just because of something that should not be bad, but for them, it was the last drop into their barrel... Anyway, I wanted to say this here, where I have more followers and where I am not shadow banned, and excuse me, I will put this into the tag of my kink, because I want you guys to see my trouble.

#little talks about stuff #omorashi #if you see this anon blog reporter #I hope you feel guilty and choke at your guilt #thanks for letting me have a mental breakdown #suicide thoughts cw

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jenn-the-butterfly · 1 month

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Azil Art & Shipping Permissions

This is partly for myself but also in the event of actually getting questions about this, I'm making a lil note about what I'm comfortable with being shown regarding my Azil boys specifically. (I can't tell you what to make in private, just know if it's against any of these preferences I can't guarantee I'll like it).

General:

YES you can draw my OCs with you/your OCs! I don't really care as long as you know it won't affect canon.

That includes ship art as well, go nuts, I think it's cute <3

YES you can draw angst, mild gore, horror, etc, though I enjoy thematic and symbolic varieties of these more than "just because"; my only concern is please don't show me gore of my OCs for the sake of being gross or rude

YES you can interpret their sexualities, genders, preferences and backstories however you want since it won't all be revealed at once, just be mindful that I have them already planned out and noted so if your idea doesn't become canon DON'T CRY TO ME ABOUT IT. Just have fun; it's not a big deal. I don't plan to be super specific with their identities because of the drama that usually brings, but I do have footnotes and lists of their preferences for myself.

YES you can draw smut, they're all classified as adults with the adult ability to consent (Harkness Test let's gooooo) but see below for individual canon-complicit preferences.

Don't worry about body types! Chubby and muscular OCs are equally valid to them as thin ones and yes, they can all lift you like princes/princex/princesses X3

Yes, I'm that bitch who let's the OCs have say (based on their personas) on what they're comfortable with:

Jenn:

Please treat her with respect, she's very dear to me. Unwarranted violence, "haha i killed her" and weirdly traumatic behaviors toward Jenn in particular may result in a block. Also, generally don't do that shit.

YES you can draw smut, etc; she far more fond of robots than of humans, especially ones that are taller than her and fall into either "protector" or "mentally stimulating" categories. (Also "assholes", dunno why.)

Don't make her unnecessarily weak or helpless because she's not; she's also not a teenager or young adult by default and not a damsel. If it's for a meme or has some plausible reason though, go for it.

Nova:

Nova is a lot more sensitive to sexual content than the others. He'd rather not know about explicit images of himself with anyone at this time. Same with gore/violence.

Cute, comfy, sweet art is completely welcome!

Tydal:

Ty doesn't care that much as long as his dignity is preserved.

(Do whatever, silly shit happens to him all the time, don't let his grouchy exterior fool you.)

NO ROMANTIC/SEXUAL SHIPPING BETWEEN TYDAL AND NOVA.

They're brothers. Please.

Event:

Absolutely doesn't care about whether the art is gore or smut or anything else as long as it's badass.

His main caveat is "I'm not gay" and doesn't really want to see art of himself with other male-identifying people. Platonic/filial art is fine though, as are masculine/muscular women (he actually loves muscle mommies a lot).

"Kinky shit is great!" He trends dom/top and is very fighty; god help you if you try to make him a sub. Bottom is negotiable (he likes girl-on-top).

Safewords are a must and he'd never violate consent terms.

Echo:

Food is more interesting than smut to him but he doesn't really care as long as it's noted his model doesn't have genitals so "get creative".

Also very big on boundaries and consent so communication is key; if it's happening, it's because it was explicitly asked for and discussed.

Absolutely more likely to commit homicide than anything else.

But! He still loves physical affection, so kissing, snuggling, etc. Also he bites.

NO ROMANTIC/SEXUAL SHIPPING BETWEEN EVENT AND ECHO.

They're brothers, too.

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darkxwolf17 · 3 months

Note

i remember following you at some point when you were arguing with this one proshipper, and at the time i was well... on your side. but lately, i've started thinking.. what's the point of all this discourse?? like... even then, there's a difference between proshipping and comshipping (proshipping- ship and let ship; block and move on) (comship -"complex" shipping; what proshipping in the md and other fandoms are usually confused with) so.. i feel like i've been adopting the proshipping mentality, though i wouldn't call myself a comshipper :] i know you're probably not going to answer this, but what's your full, honest opinion on the pro/anti ship discourse?

EDIT: Proshippers DO NOT INTERACT with this post i dont want you here get out

Hello, thank you for this ask, my opinion on the whole debate is actually more complex than what might be seen. Despite me being very much anti-proship (which I'll get to what that means later), I actually do not consider myself anti-fiction (though some proshippers may disagree with me and call me a "puriteen" or whatever).

Personally, I am in the opinion that the original meaning of dead dove and all that is something i can get behind. Before anyone calls me a proshipper, (I'm not and never will be), let me specify I said the *original* definition. This definition being "okay, there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction that shouldn't be romanticized ever in the real world." By this, I'm mainly meaning toxic relationships (I joke about toxic yuri, and it's because there are some ships that Are toxic i do genuinely enjoy, ie Voll), as well as some other kinks (that I won't get into because this is a safe for work blog that minors follow) that cannot be performed in real life. Fiction is a place to explore these things, and I am fully in support of using it as an outlet for the bizarre and weird.

My issue with proshipping is that, despite what many may claim, nowadays it really is just a fancy word for enjoying drawn csem. I don't care if it's "just fiction." Remember that thing i said earlier about how there are some things that can be romanticized in fiction? Well, children are not and never will be one of them. It is never okay, in ANY universe, to sexualize a child. I will stand by that firmly.

Other things i do not condone being romanticized in fiction is incest, or literal animals. Incest because it's a real thing that is traumatizing just like child abuse, and animals because, well, I hate zoophiles. "But Marven!" you may say. "You're a furry, doesn't your community have a good chunk who draw furry nsfw?" Well, to that I say there is a huge, huge difference between sexualizing an anthropomorphic walking talking consenting creature that is essentially just a human with fur, and a literal dog on four legs. If you can't see the difference between those two, that's your problem.

"But what about trauma? Shouldn't victims be able to express themselves through art?" Why, yes! of course. However, there is a difference between drawing vent art privately in closed circles and posting erotic material featuring children with the intent to arouse publicly. I am in full support of trauma survivors using any method to cope, but forming communities dedicated to drawing and getting off to images of children is not a way to cope. It's illegal! And normalizing terrible behavior, repeating a cycle of abuse.

So yeah, tldr; There are some things in fiction that can be romanticized that shouldn't be romanticized irl. There is some merit to a "Dead dove" label. However, if you do end up calling yourself a proshipper, just know that you will be grouping yourself with some very, very nasty people.

I hope I could be of some help, best of luck to you anon and I urge you, as someone who nearly fell down the proshipping pipeline, to please understand what kinds of people that community holds.

#tw proship mention #tw pedophila mention #tw zoophile mention #tw incest mention

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heartfulselkie · 2 years

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Okay so I've gathered my thoughts so I'm just going to go ahead and post this.

This ended up a lot longer than I wanted it to be, so I'm putting the post undercut so as not to be a huge block of text on people's dashes.

Firstly, thank you to those who have been reading and enjoying my fics. It means a lot to me and I really appreciate that some of you even take the time to leave a comment or message me on my Tumblr.

Unfortunately this past year has been particularly rough for me and my mental health has been pretty abysmal. I'm not going to go into the details of it, but things just haven't been great. Writing has helped me a lot with that in the past, but recently it's just not doing the same. I've been writing but it feels like its going nowhere. I try to encourage interraction with my fics/writing on Tumblr but a lot of the time it feels like it comes up empty. Now I'm not blaming anyone or wanting anyone to feel guilty for that. People are allowed to consume fan content as they want and have a choice if they want to respond to it or not. I don't want anyone to feel like I'm forcing them into something they don't want to do. Because I share what I write so that other people can enjoy it and because I love writing.

My love of writing has become complicated though. And that's partly because I've started drawing again and sharing that as well. So now I'm seeing the huge disparity between my art content and writing content. And as much as I appreciate that people like my art, its disheartening for me as a writer. And I've always considered myself a writer before being an artist. It's just been getting harder and harder to write. I've lost a lot of confidence in it. I can see my art posts circling Tumblr again and again while any posts about my fics or to do with writing are just dead in the water after a day. Even if I reblog it multiple times, I'm lucky to get one like each time. Currently my writing takes far more time and effort for me than drawing. I'm feeling pressurised to write a lot and to update a lot just to keep some kind of consistent interest. But I just can't do that with my current health. I'm aware that the gap between chapter updates for Citrus and Lavender has slowly been getting longer and I hate it.

So now that I've hopefully explained the context, what does it mean?

The next chapter of Citrus and Lavender is going to be the last one for a while. Once I've finished chapter 33 and uploaded it, the fic will be going into hiatus. I need to put my writing and AO3 aside for the time being. At least until I can let go of the false expectations and pressure I've built for myself. It takes way too much of my time and effort for me to write fanfic for me to only feel inadequate with it. And I know I'm a capable writer, or at least I believe myself to be. But for the moment I'm just not in the best headspace for it.

I'm really sorry for this. Especially since chapter 33 for Citrus and Lavender is going to be a shit cut off point. I do still have every intention of finishing the fic, it's just going to be a long wait for it. I'll keep working on it at my own pace, I'll just not be uploading the chapters until probably the whole fic is done. By then I'll hopefully be in a better headspace to share it.

For my other fanfic WIPs I'm not too sure. They'll be in limbo for the time being while I work on them occasionally. But I'm not planning to be uploading any individual chapter of a multichapter fic for the foreseeable future.

As for my Tumblr I'll be cutting back my activity there too. I'll still post on occassion or share some of my art, but I will be a lot less present than I have been.

Again I want to stress that this is not meant to serve as a guilt trip for anyone. This has just been a PSA on my current state and how I can't continue to keep going as I have been. I just need time to find my own value in my writing again.

Thanks to everyone who has left comments on my fics or reached out to me to tell me how much they enjoy my work. It's meant a lot to me and given me enough to know there are people out there that like what I share, no matter what my insecurity tells me.

And thank you to everyone who took the time to read all of this. I appreciate it.

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