#i at least wanna get help for anxiety

[faeriegutz]

im gonna go make an appointment with a counselor because something is Not Right

#im like actually being proactive in my mental health #i say this as im on the edge of a relapse LMAO #i at least wanna get help for anxiety #ill do it next week tho

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

Please BE EXCITED about stuff you like/ want to be excited about 💞 That's what life supposed to be about, finding joy in the smallest things, in the things we enjoy and love. And the people that judge us for having that joy in our hearts lose their own life, because they spend too much time judging someone else's life instead of doing something with their own. FUCK them

this is one of my favorite asks and i love you

#nobody will ever stop me from getting excited about things i like #i just always feel like i'm not allowed to share that excitement with anybody directly because of being made fun of in the past #or like i at least have to tone it down by like 99% and make it very brief #because of fear of rejection so i keep it to myself contained in my own space #sometimes i really wanna talk about my favorite things with somebody but i'm like #'nobody knows or cares about this. what if i send something and they hate it and tell me it's horrible' #(a reaction i've been the most used to. either that or just silence) #and i wouldn't know who would actually be interested or if i would be putting them in a situation #where they're not interested at all but they're too nice to say it and then i feel annoying if i keep talking about it #because now even if it isn't SAID that they hate it i still always feel like people are thinking that behind it all #so like if somebody came at me right now telling me everything i like is horrible #that itself wouldn't really bother me because i could just block and continue life without a second thought about that person specifically #because that's just unnecessary and rude regardless of what it's about and i would assume it's just somebody looking to stir things up #delete/block. not taking it personally and not worth thinking about #but it's the anxiety built up from it happening for so long and so consistently from so many people and some that i used to be close to #that now it feels to me that everybody feels that way even if i know LOGICALLY that it isn't true. the feeling is still there #it's one of the long-term effects that are so hard to get rid of once they're set #this is just another thing about myself to work on for probably my entire life #but russ has been helping me with so much lately it's unbelievable

[samhaven]

Alexa how do I get brain to stop being scared of talented people

#this person has literally never been this aggressive and my brain still has me convinced #my peasant art is shit beneath their boot and it would be lowly of me to even try says my brain #I'm going to try and break through the anxiety but like #it doesn't help at all that the fanart I wanna make is gonna be highly rendered with their sona and partner #i mean come on that's a LITTLE creepy to get that from someone you don't know #or at least my disembodied cranium thinks so idk anymore help #digital art #art #artists on tumblr #furry art #furry artist #furry community #furry fandom #gay artist #samhaven #digital artist

[here-comes-the-bard]

vinkaide and poly pile are both "excuse me they asked for no pickles" ships and that's it that's the post

#the citrus speaks #sunsnow #poly pile #spoiler: kinkaide is the one saying they (vian) asked for no pickles #(vian doesn't wanna come off threatening) #(and also they just have social anxiety) #but honestly i think it's so fucking sweet #me when vian asks their girlfriend for help because she's better at the talky part of charisma #polypile is really just #the persuasion the deception and the holy intimidation #honestly i think striker being the “they” of they asked for no pickles or the one saying they (vian) asked for no pickles depends on where- #-he is in his healing arc #he leans on the counter about it and kade is just like “hi! :)” but with the implication that if you give vian any shit for it she'll get u #at least that's the vibe i get

[goldrushgold]

I really do miss my old church, it was all about getting ready and being there. Not only was everything and everyone familiar to me but I also felt comfortable and content. Now I do think these people in the new one are nice but I get anxious about not knowing how loud is going to be or what is going to happen next

#😭😭 i really wanna go without feeling like im about to get executed #my anxiety social anxiety or whatever is really not helping #a big part of me not visiting at least once the other ones around is because of the noise what if its too overwhelming and i have to leave #leave 5 minutes after arriving

[tittyinfinity]

you ever get so depressed that you just stare at a wall for 6 hours

#.bdo #nothing is entertaining #i keep opening tumblr then closing it bc I'm just mindlessly scrolling not paying attention #tried watching a show and got nothing out of it #it's all bc i can't stop thinking about whether or not D will call me today #and the hormones from my new birth control don't help #running out of pain medication doesn't help either #it just sucks bc any time I'm going thru something that's hurting me I feel like I just pressed a reset button on a lot of my progress #and I don't really wanna actually talk to someone about this bc I'll start bawling #on the bright side my mom gave me a hug today after she found me crying #that's not a usual thing she does she usually tells me to suck it up #I just wanna do stuff but I can't get myself to do anything it's hard to even get up and pee #anyway my mom is letting me drink her wine now that it's been 8 hours since I took my anxiety meds (did not help) #that at least got me to stop staring at the fuckin wall

[carnageacorn]

.

#girl help the ratios of the substances have shifted and i am very limited on which ones i get to re-up during my work shift #not abusing substances are for people who will keep their job <3 next week harold on the other side of this whole mess can adjust. #anyway i spent a hundred dollars on records. and i havent thrown up yet. i also havent eaten yet but we are not splitting hairs here #everybody say it with me we'll all say it right at once: #its NOT my fault if someone kills themselves EVEN if i caused the trigger #four years ago harold is chucking so many heavy objects at me through spacetime. hes so fucking mad at me and he's right to be. #anyway if you wanna get with me in the future im gonna give you one of those depression/anxiety worksheets ur doctor gives u if ur on SSRIs #im not GLAD my boss also feels very very very very bad but at least we both understand each others successes and failures RE: vomiting @wor

[tiredrobin]

mrrr

#its a weird feeling to know tht like #idk. someone doesnt rly wanna interact with u #or believing it at least #thats what it seems like #chews on my knuckle. im tryin super hard not to let it get to me i wanna respect their space as much as possible #lil hard tho. i cant tell how much of it is my anxiety or what. idk whats goin on. im not... good at reading ppl irl #but they dont rly look at me or talk to me anymore so i dont think its all in my head #idk!!! not everything is abt me. nobody owes me anything. i just need to rember that #its just. just sucks. mrrrr. thought we were friends i guess. but! its ok. not everyones gonna get along w me. i accept that #mantra of no one owes me anything fhsjgjdgjdjggjdjs #whine whine complain whine #lemme sound needy online surely thatll help me feel less anxious abt all this surely

[minglana]

of course i get the urge to reorganize my entire life the day before an exam

#i wanna make a planner and plan when im gonna study for what this coming year #i wanna see if i can challenge myself to actually make it happen too😭 #but its just. is this ever gonna happen to me when im not fueled by pre-exam anxiety?😭 #also i say this EVERY TIME exam season comes around but i need to get a therapist. badly😭or at least someone that can help me #to build some motivation that again. isnt fueled by pre-exam anxiety🥴idk if going to the head doctor abt this would work (probably not lol) #xarraire

[barkingangelbaby]

goddamn it dude I took one hit too many and am fighting off a panic attack fuck I just want to be able to get high again fuuuck my stupid little brain

#as soon as im aware of my breathing im in manual breathing mode n struggle to like.. automatically breathe #i literally have a pulse oximeter to check my lung capacity bc im a stupid fucking hypochondriac #it does help my anxiety tho at least #AHHHHH #i just wanna get out of my head :( #i have so much anxiety around respiratory health since covid dude it's so rough #okay I'm done goodbyeee #rAMbles

[sanchoyo]

keep having fucked up nightmares but sometimes I can lucid dream in only its like. semi-lucid dreaming. like i can rationalize stuff to a Point but not quite enough to have FULL control, just like. feelings abt things that influence dream me into doing stuff.

so the other night I had a dream a monster was circling a house in a field that we'd moved into, that had cow pastures around it and a dirt road and stuff, very In The Middle Of Nowhere type place with no way of calling for help. and I could see this Creature Thing circling thru the windows and looking in at me, and kept getting increasingly scared bc whenever id try to tell ppl abt it itd be gone when they looked.

my sister calmly walks me out of the house to look for it to show me its not real ig. and at this point im getting Actually Mad instead of scared bc its making me look like im a liar or imagining things so when I see it yards away standing Ominously In The Dusk at the end of the dirt road, instead of running away or back into the house, i BOOK IT TOWARDS IT SCREAMING. FULL OF RAGE. esp bc when me and my sister had been walking around the house lookng my shoes had filled up with pebbles and the sensation was actually rage inducing LMAO

and my dream insult to this horror beast?? i said 'im gonna rip ur head off and dribble it like a basketball when i catch you you FUCK' AND IT. RAN AWAY. FROM ME. and then I saw one double the other ones size and ig i assumed bigger=the other ones mom?? so I ran up to IT still SUPER mad ranting like 'you nEED to control your child do you know what its been doing?? lurking and being scary?? its been scaring the cows!! do u know cows?? like MOO???' bc I guess I wasnt sure if they could even understand me. and after i started angrily mooing at this fucker I woke up 💀

#LIKE HELLO?? LMFAO?? #i couldnt control what i was saying or doing exactly but the rage was REAL like i chose fight instead of flight which is very me irl energy #u come into MY nice dream house in the middle of a cow field and scare MY cows and make me get PEBBLES in my SHOES?? NO!!! BITCH #dreams #sanchoyorambles #i did say i wanted to start another dream journal but some of the other nightmares are less funny and i wanna forget them </3 augh #ive always had very vivid dreams im convinced the meds are making them worse #but the meds help my insomnia. they havent done dicks for my anxiety which is what theyre actually for but they knock me tf out #not actually in a good way but at least im sleeping right. hahaha :") it could also just be stress causing them idk really #meds are at least making them worse if not diretly causing them i think #i think maybe the implication of the dream was the creature was an alien bc terrorizing cows too but. unsure still #there were more than one too i think but couldnt give details on appearence #only the Feeling of Dread they had

[sad--tree]

this vacation is not off 2 a good start yall :(

pippin had 2 go in2 hospital the morning that i left bc she'd suddenly gotten really sick and now she's gonna be there for a couple days bc of IV hydration/diagnostics/observation (*scream*)

aforementioned travel sequence from hell

airline FORGOT my suitcase in stockholm (tho supposedly it'll get delivered 2 me tmrw.....)

i FORGOT THE RIGHT PLUG ADAPTOR i brought the uk one by accident instead -_-

and finally, most recently i made a complete and utter fool of myself at the self checkout at the grocery store across the street so now i can Never Ever Go Back There Again

#i ordered a uk to eu adaptor online to pick up in store but even tho the webpage confirmed the order and they charged it to my card #i didnt get the confirmation text when i was supposed to and i dont wanna keep roaming on a second day... #idve been fine with just a usb adapter but alas. i need my laptop for schoolwork while im here #had the most perfect mcnuggets of my life in a random mall basement mcdicks tonite #so at least theres that lol #ah well. concert sunday. hike tuesday. at least theres stuff 2 look forward too lol #i always underestimate my anxiety being in a country where i dont speak the language :/// #like its not abt being understood bc i KNOW a lot of ppl here know english its like. idk. the need 4 other ppl 2 accommodate me #the inability 2 idk 'blend in' or be like invisible. leave no imprint behind on other ppl out in public. but nope. theres my anglo ass :/ #(ik its not entirely a rational anxiety but still) #of course the first time i travel 4 an extended distance/time by myself is the first time an airline fucks up with my luggage :( #want my fuzzy sweater & my pajama pants :( ive been in jeans for like 36 hours..... help...

[born-to-lose]

Search history full of "how to do therapy by yourself" ahahaha

#i don't have the guts to see a therapist and it would be much too stressful and difficult to even get it approved by health insurance etc #but i guess the good thing is i'm willing to do something? and work on myself? #because i think i've been getting worse in the last two years and i wanna get rid of this shit or at least make it better #i had a Realization Moment earlier which finally made me see what's wrong with me and i feel like i had a marian apparition or smth #anyways feel free to help if you have any tips or know of good free resources #still not entirely sure what the problem is but it's depression attachment issues abandonment issues anxiety and the like #don't know if it's something like bpd too but i need to delve deeper into that stuff anyway #mel talks

[loverboybrightsideghost]

does anyone else hate the be real app thing

#i hate it so much #i obviously don't have it and also i refuse to ever get it it just horrifies me so much #i want to give it the benefit of the doubt but when i was told of it all i could think of was 'there's probably at least two dystopian #novels with something like this in them' #idk it's just so creepy to me #ever since my friend told me about it i haven't been able to stop seeing people around school doing them #i guess i can understand the appeal (mehhh) but also like. come on now #maybe i'm being paranoid but this could even be dangerous?? i mean like so many other social media can be if you use it wrong but still #whatever it's whoever's choice if they wanna use it or not it's ultimately up to if a person decides that they wanna do that (like anything #in life) #but i just can't help but feel extreme anxiety whenever i hear people talk about it or who are actively taking their silly little picture #bluebird.txt #dl

[be-good-to-bugs]

yay weed

#the bin #i shoudk save my money but im not going to. this is the closest thing i have to antidepressants and actually effective pain killers so #whatever. it helps with my anxiety too. it helps with almost everything. unless im in a lot of pain and then it makes that pain way worse #if i have a more than minor headache then it makes that way worse and if something specific hurts really REALLY bad then its not good #but if not then it fixes most of my stuff. its temporary but it whaatever works :/ and the next day is usually pretty good too #its not THAT expensive. ive been getting the cheapest option around me and its not terrible. i wish i could have less but alas #i envy ppl who can do 10mgs and have it help and have a good time. i have 10mg and everything sucks #everything still hurts. my brain is still very much on. im just unable to see straight and my walking gets weird and my mouth gets dry #and nothing is enjoyable. it just sucks. 15 is ok but its not really worth it to me honestly. its kinda boring. if im soending this money #then it has to be good. better to have a much better experience than to save a little bit of money and have several less good ones #that are barely worth it anyway. hhh. my sister is being less weird abt it now at least. #i kinda fucking hate that this works so well but when i oull the 'it shuts my tourettes completely off' card ppl suddenly get very ok with #any amount i wanna have however often. its deeply insulting but also very expected. at least its convenient for me in this case #with my mom its not that insulting i guess. last time she was around mw very often my tics eere real bad and they were obviously very #unpleasant for me. but its mostly bc everything there was so stressful and overwhelming all the time and ut made it far worse #but shes actually pretty normal abt it. at leasts he is now #its rare that people are. ppl look at me like im inhuman. i try very very hard not to tic around people bc of this #the ppl im around rn dont look at me weird but ive hardly ever ticced in front of them. #getting high also helps my ocd so much which is huge. im glad when i move ill have a very not judgmental person to get it for me #at least my other older sister is very normal abt it. shes like yeha its ur body ur money ur choice. whatever man. and that s great.

[thedevotionaltour]

i will get out and meet people so help me god SO HELP ME GOD.

#I REFUSE TO NOT DO SO. GOD HELP ME. within the next year i will have gone on at least one date!! #i've only ever been on one damn date in my life. and it was okay but not my type. #i wanna be able to say i've been on two!! i wanna not get scared when the possibility of continuing talking to someone presents itself!! #fumbled terribly last semester bc my anxiety screamed and tore me up so i couldnt bring myself to keep talking #but this year. doesnt have to even be this semester. but this year. i wanna try to go on one date. #static.soundz