#i am still so confused about a lot

[twentysidednerd]

i have finally finished gideon the ninth

i am. in shambles.

i am just… i am so sad and so very happy i read this and so very excited to read the sequel

i will admit, i did not block any tags on here so i already knew how some of the book would go and i’m still so very sad

now onto harrow the ninth lmaooo

#gideon the ninth #gideon nav #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #tamsyn muir #the locked tomb #tlt #tlt series #call me weird #but i kinda like books that answer one question #and then leave you with seven more #like genuinely #i am still so confused about a lot #but also i fucking love that #let me try to fill in the blanks #i’ll eat that shit up

[isatoru]

ok bro so i don't know how to make this post SDJFHSH and say hi hello i missed everyone without being awkward and facing cricket noises since it's been over a year since i’ve logged in LMFAO and ppl still following r gonna be like ??? but .... ASKDUSDL HELLO!!!!! 🙂‍↕️ to everyone that is still here ... <3

I MISSED YA'LL SM OMG ;---; i hope some of you still remember me so this won’t be too awkward 🙂‍↕️🙏

on that note!!!! i have returned because i have really bad gojo and isagi brainrot since rewatching/rereading jjk + getting into bllk fr this time LMAOO (also getou and rin... among others but currently mostly those!!) I AM ALSO CURRENTLY REWATCHING BNHA TOO AFTER SO SO LONG AND </3 getting back into that fs... shouto is currently hitting and i have not once thought abt him like that lmfaoo

+ i have so many fics i have completed that i want to post !!! i have been cooking in isolation and after much needed self growth and love in writing <3 ;v; (gojo, isagi, and nanami ones mostly lmaoo AND ALSO A SUKUNA SERIES I WANT TO POST) AND IDK WHAT TO POST FIRST LOL

also bro i want to yap about characters and arcs analysis sm lmao... i've gotten into just. writing analysis of stuff i read and get into -- i might even make a separate blog for that since i'm like heavily into berserk (like really bad bro, i willingly sat and wrote essays for fun during finals week just bc of berserk KJSDFH) and souls games too rn LMAOOO (bg3 as well perhaps if anyone is into that too!! i love shadowheart a lot... 500+ hours... and ow <3 1k+ yikes) i mostly just rlly wanna yap about blue lock and jjk and bnha somewhere even if it's to the void on here lmfaooo

also to the mutuals (that remain... <3) please do not be alarmed if u see me in ur notifs reblogging fics for my current faves and yapping in ur tags 🙂‍↔️ like in the next few days LMFAO i have been deprived of reading good fic for soooo long bruh and now im like. I NEED TO READ FOR GOJO AND ISAGI SO BAD…. i missed fic so bad...

would ya'll be chill if i posted writing out of the blue here lmao and changed my username ??... it wouldn't be too awkward ?? 🙂‍↔️ (for the username i will change it in a few days despite my impatience so i give everybody like a chance to get used to me being on their dash so it won't be too alarming LMAOO)

#i am way too lazy to make a new blog from scratch lol #idk how to post its been so long KSJDFHS (ALSO WHY IS TUMBLR SO SKINNY NOW LIKE THE DASH IS SO NARROW IM LIKE CONFUSED LMFAOO???) #also tf r community labels what is this... saw a notif on a dumb shitpost of mine and it is labeled?? as that KJHDSF idk what that means #so much as happened in the past year idek where to start but i am here to stay if u will have me ^_^ <3 #as a writer rebirthed or something to that effect LMFAOO bc there has been so much growth and finding peace in writing for me <3 #AND I AM NO LONGER SCARED! #HELP IM BEING SO AWKWARD THIS WILL GO AWAY THE MORE I POST I JUST. whew getting this post out into the dash is nerve wracking bro lmfaoo #over a year completely away from tumblr was strange cuz idk how to behave LOL #i do wanna post here so i just wanted to make this post in advance and like greet everyone and interact w everybody so its not too- #-awkward once i start posting writing and reblogging n such LMAOO #and also posting blog maintenance stuff :3 #KSJDHF LETS RIP THE BANDAID OFF AS THEY SAY #i am so excited !!!!! #i thought about some of u guys while being away from the app and just kjshdf i hope some of u r still here ;___; #i've also figured my interests n stuff out a lot this past year... #found out im bi gender also so. weeee ...

[nostalgia-tblr]

I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron (apart from I skipped some overly long action sequences) and I am not sure so can someone tell me whether or not Tony Stark was the baddy in that film? Because about halfway through I was sure he was but then it was maybe just an evil robot after all and I am confused because either this film was surprisingly subversive or it was about robots hitting each other.

#I CANT STAND THE CONFUSION IN MY MIND #also i get why people wrote wanda/sylvie. they should go on a wholesome chick-flick revenge-quest together. and also they should kiss. #also i am now only *half* joking about thor being in love with mjolnir #it kept doing Christianity Bits which was quite awks. #not sure why it used the bit about building the church on a rock for some metal i mean wasn't jesus making a pun there? about peter? #i think Vision might be Jesus? or else he's Dr Manhattan who's done a first year philosophy course. could go either way on that tbh. #BUT TONY WAS THE BADDY RIGHT? WAS HE? WAS TONY THE BADDY OR NOT???? #with the homocidal glitches in what he thinks is his winning personality? #and all the weapons he's made and is in fact still making but now he only sells them to The Good Guys? #except look how easily they fall out with each other and also don't a lot of innocent bystanders die in their overly long action scenes? #also i need to write fic about whether mjolnir does in fact obey some unknown code that can be cracked if you set your mind to it #she does like Robot Jesus so apparently we can rely on her to make the major decisions from now on #the ending's a bit ominous - apparently someone's collecting those TVA paperweights to do... something? Oh no! :O #yeah i watched the MCU in the wrong order shut up this was inevitable and Marvisney should just embrace that at this point #(i know 'Marvisney' will never catch on but that will not stop me using it) #the loki series ending is but the latest installment of “unlimited power with no oversight is fine as long as the Good people have it” #UNLESS TONY WAS ACTUALLY THE BADDY. WHICH AS I MENTIONED I AM NOT AT ALL CLEAR ON. #maybe what i mean is was tony stark the baddy *on purpose*? #i only picked this one to watch next because tumblr gifsets told me thor wears a nice coat in it #which he does! but only for a small fraction of the film :( #journey into the mcu #the avengers (the marvel ones not the other ones)

[13eyond13]

nothing more cringe than coaxing and half-forcing someone to go to the movies with you because you're talking up how good the last one in the series was and then they finally agree to go and then it ends up being over two hours long and also kinda the worst 😬

#this is about the latest mad max movie btw #IM SO UPSET I WANTED IT TO BE GOOD BUT IT WASNT GOOD #fury road is just one of my fave movies ever and i assumed this one would also be fun but it was like #weirdly paced kind of oddly boring and also uncomfortably gratuitously violent #and now i feel crazy because everyone is raving about it in the reviews #im like am i the only one who didn't like it?? #chris hemsworth makes a shitty villain and also they didnt really give him anything of substance to work with as a character here #anya taylor joy did well but also took forever to appear and is either mute most of the time or awkwardly dubbed over by charlize theron #the fights and actions scenes didnt make a lot of sense much the time and had random plot holes abounding #and half the cool and mysterious worldbuilding and character stuff from the previous movie were kinda wrecked a bit for me somehow #at least we still have fury road but dang thats like a 5 star movie to me and this was like a 2.5 star movie #and the good stuff in it is just stuff thats good about the mad max world in general really not this movie itself #wahhhhhh im sad #at least i paid for everyone's tickets i guess #i was like apologizing to the people i dragged to it haha #and then i checked the critics' responses and everyone is like 5 stars!! a masterpiece!! #im so confused by all the rave reviews #furiosa spoilers #movies #p

[kuroo-hitsuji]

(Minor?) NB Spoilers (lesson 35 (normal))

I'm losing it over the fact that I spent literally the Entire beginning of the train dinner situation telling my partner that I was gonna throw Lucifer out the fuckin window

And then Mephisto shows up and Lucifer says something about fucking throwing him out the window--

Please this Keeps happening fjsjgdxj stop stealing my lines, asshole

#obey me night bringer spoilers #obey me nightbringer #obey me lucifer #obey me mephistopheles #thinking out loud #genuinely this situation would be so funny though #just 3 of the most annoying prideful bastards stuck in a box together #like all things considered Kuroo is at the bottom of that scale but they're still butting heads Severely at the smallest transgressions sfjs #tfw you have to be on your best behavior so you can convince Lucifer yo make a pact with you #but the fucker has literally Said Put Loud that he thinks he knows you better than you know yourself #and has been acting like it ever since #and that's like your biggest I'm Going To Fucking Kill You triggers-- #sitting there in the dining car in the clothes he picked out for you in his color #immediately fantasizing about throwing him out of the damn train when he goes and orders for you without even letting you look at the menu-- #motherfucker i am autistic my food sensitivities are Vast and Confusing you cannot just Do That I can't Trust Like That sgdhxlhx #like order for me absolutely the less i have to talk to strangers the better but LET ME PICK PLEASE GOD #hgkd anyways then Mephisto shows up and is more annoying than ever and now Kuroo and Lucifer have a common enemy to consider defenestrating- #I've just been thinking about it a lot it cracks me up

[simgerale]

finished writing chapter three!! there are currently 10 posts planned, along with the "growing up" post so 11 total in the works! excited for you all to see what i've been cooking (^:<

#progeny: outtakes #this is gregor as an infant btw #he looked like a mini luca #anywho (^: lots planned!!!!!!!!! #there's only one character i haven't introduced yet in those three chapters but i think ch. 4 will include him #hoping i didn't make anything too confusing or convoluted #i will of course give an analysis in the tags like i always do so hopefully it should answer any questions #but i also hope i get asks about progeny!! i have lore galore! lots of lore #and i'm still deciding on the ending so i can be swayed and influenced lol #i mean i know the very important things but not EVERYTHING about the conflict #to be revealed!!! #alright goodnight i am still exhausted from my work trip #you'll see this tomorrow (^: progeny weekend post like usual

[aropride]

i really dont understand studying at all like genuinely i don't know what it is . i know about "taking notes" and "reading the textbook" and that's it . quizlet doesn't do shit for me because i don't know what to. do. with the cards. look at them ? am i supposed to just look at them . No one bothered teaching me actual skills bc i got good grades when i was 8 and now i am so hopelessly lost . why did no one think to teach me this for when stuff got harder than four plus three

#text #ive never understood flashcards . like what to do with them. how is that any more different or helpful than just like... writing a list on #paper of vocab terms or whatever #and like conceptually i know 'learning' is like. not only committing things to memory but also being able to engage with it which #is why teachers loveeeee group discussions and essays. but like. you read the text and then you go to class and Discuss but how do you #Learn what the text is saying like how do you . put it in your brain and udnerstand and remember it . #i think im missing something very simple because everyone else in the world seems to understand this fine #like where does the part where you go oh! i understand this and can explain it in my own words. Happen #how do u force it to happen if its not something ur autistic about #Like the only example i can think of rn of this is when i hyperfixated on hpa axis dysregulation + trauma a couple weeks ago #so i was learning stuff about it for Fun and not for school so no comprehension tests or notes or anything #and basically i'd just put on a webinar while i sorted seaglass or worked on sewing or whaever #and i can explain the concept fine. ur brain controls ur body so if it gets too scared ur body loses its shit basically. #but i dont remember most of the words. i still can barely define neurotransmitter #i can apply this to my own life but i confuse the hippocampus and the frontal lobe and the amygdala etc #and i couldnt point out any of them on a diagram #i dont get it . like i know a lot and simultaneously nothing at all abt it #how am i supposedto be remembering words and numbers AND understanding the concepts AND im supposed to do that between #reading the book and engaging in thoughtful conversation with my peers i dont understand

[torgawl]

i keep thinking about how “is this what justice means to you, answer me neuvillette”, despite having been used in a case all those hundred of years ago, was probably a question that haunted - and still haunts - neuvilette during the entire time he has been chief of justice. i keep thinking about how they highlighted his struggles through time with both carole and wriothesley's trials. how guilty and powerless neuvillette must have felt for not being able to support and save those he recognised as vulnerable and victims before a system that corrupted their fates but that he wasn't able to change despite his position. the theme of being a casualty of a system no matter if you're the victim or the perpetrator in its eyes. the way neuvillette took, in both cases, things into his own hands. even if it was too late to fix the hurting carole and those who cared for her went through, even if it was too late to save her life; even if it was impossible to change wriothesley's past, his verdict and subsequent imprisonment; neuvillette went above and beyond, making use of his influence, to allow both melusines and wriothesley the opportunity of a better future - to melusines by making sure they weren't discriminated, to wriothesley by supporting his attempt at a second chance in life. i think part of the reason he's so intriguing is our awareness that this internal conflict he's bound to have is so complex. you have a chief of justice, or a judge, that is supposed to be imparcial and follow the law stictly confronted with situations of social injustice, unable to protect those who rely on him. you have someone who understands better than anyone what it means to be an outcast, being able to relate to those who are ostracised and have their pain weaponise against them. you have, in vautrin's case, a friend who cannot even showcase his own pain and is still expected to fullfil his juridical duties despite being personally related with those involved in the case. someone who people constantly turn to but whom he feels like he has no right to turn to himself. it's about the conflict between his feelings and his duty, between what's expected of him and what he can actually do. i think that's why the end of his story quest is so emotional and why it's so heartwarming to have him realise he isn't an outcast anymore, that he has a community there for him too. because a system is a system and he will probably never be able to save everyone, because yes he isn't human, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to belong or that an active demonstration of love towards individuals and people he can relate to rather than the theoretical concept of humanity isn't meaningful. in fact, i'd it's a lot about that, about finding ways to be kind and how community gives meaning to life; how personal relationships and targeted kindness can shape society, or at least i think so

#i don't know if this makes sense but i like how character's stories in fontaine are interconnected in the perfect way that they're used to #give depth to each other while also existing perfectly independently #i forgot to add navia's story to the post but that's also another scenario used to characterise neuvillette #the same way wriothesley's backstory exists independently but it's also used to give depth into neuvillette's character and his motivations #the same way navia and clorinde's probably will as well #i always headcanoned (is that a verb 😂) neuvillette and wrio's friendship stemming from neuvillette trying to atone to his silence during #wrio's trial. i think it makes sense. i think it probably meant a lot to wrio too to have someone be so trustworthy after everything he #went through the betrayal from his adoptive family and his only aid through his life being the melusines who aren't human #and neuvillette being that sort of comforting older figure especially probably feels familiar to wrio #i have no idea what i'm trying to say actually i have a big headache at the moment and i feel almost delirious but i just love the concept #of neuvillette as a character and i think a lot about his friendship with wriothesley how it began and the grief and guilt neuvillette #probably still carries #but also about how he also gets the chance to a brighter future and how he achieves it so naturally without even realising #how he never expected anything from his compassion even if he saw it as duty and didn't interpret his own kindness as anything other than #his own responsabilty towards others #like idk am i making sense??? #he's just so cool 😂 #like yeah there's a layer of there's no reason he would have any animotisity towards humans because they're not at fault for the primordial #one's actions but from that to actually actively being so empathetic and compassionate goes a bit of a long way?! #okay i'm over i'll shut up this is probably si confusing i apologise if anyone read this mess shsjhs #this is also influenced by my tbk brainrot because loving others actively is a big theme and i just think that's beautiful actually #genshin thoughts #genshin impact #my post

[buttercup-barf]

Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.

Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.

That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.

The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.

Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.

Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it #while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble- #-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍 #backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft- #-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team. #cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the- #-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends! #backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever- #-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture- #-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under. #cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he- #-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got- #-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory. #backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people- #-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being- #-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao #cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn- #-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent- #-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret. #i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady- #-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way #it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about- #-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly #OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)

[anxiously-sidequesting]

Yknow I think one of the saddest parts about Malorn being a professor is that his social circle in particular must have taken a hit. Idk if he had any homies before his promotion but with that Teacher and Student relationship having to be almost strictly professional, I can't imagine it would be smiled upon to have Malorn acting buddy buddy with some of his peers anymore. And like that's really sad that one of the many aspects of his childhood is essentially taken from him because he's in this awkward spot of mentally, physically, and emotionally at par with his students but has to be different than that in order to be their teacher

Like imagine how lonely that is bro. He can't be a kid with his students anymore but he's not an adult that can necessarily relate to other adults either so he's just in this separate space all by himself because there are no others like him (except The Wizard who has at least some similarities)

Thinking about how Malorn's former friends just slowly drifting away from him not because they hate him, but because they have to regard him as a teacher FIRST above all else is super sad and once again I'm crying for Malorn in the evening

#im sure its not as severe as i make it sound LOL #like im sure malorn still has some moments with the people he cares about #and who knows??? maybe people give him a pass with being youthful with his friends and other students #but its got to be at least a little awkward imo #malorn has to be someone else in a certain setting. in his class or tutoring he cant be just a friend or a classmate #in order to be a good teacher he needs to be exactly that. a teacher #like theres a reason why a lot of them say ''im not here to be your friend'' #and imagine how that hurts malorn on the inside to say that to people his own age. to people who actually were his friends #like on days off sure maybe!!! graduated students sure!! but to a certain extent #malorns position as a professor unfortunately has to come first at leats in terms of his students- #-so that means maintaining that mature tutor aura at all times. not just when its appropriate #because it could be confusing and muddle boundaries if he just switches his teacher personality on and off just whenever #im crying for him. i always am. #malorn ashthorn i love you a lot #stay fresh. stay crispy. #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #malorn ashthorn

[tame-a-messenger]

Oh no, man. I decided to watch the Damien episode of Perfect Person coz I only found out about it from the Angela appearance.

There's a part (around 2:45) where he says he booked the Starfield VA gig right when he first started at Smosh so with it coming out recently, it kinda bookended "this part of his internet life".

And I was like, WHAT DOES HE MEAN? IS HE LEAVING SMOSH??

<darthvader.gif> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

I find it interesting that he also says right before at (2:46) that he's trying to "Focus up, here soon" and since this Podcast was only 4months ago... Wonder what that means!

Ok ok joking aside I don't really think that's exactly what he meant by the things he said. I think he was mainly talking about doing more voice over work and "focus" on it more, not that he's going to fully leave Smosh.

He also says that he spent 5-6 yrs recording for that game, so that's why I think him saying "bookended this whole part of my internet life" is ONLY referring to him voicing over that game.

I'm also pretty sure "this whole" is (although it does sound like it could mean what you thought) almost definitely his southerner coming out, and what he meant was "the game coming out has bookended 5-6yrs worth of work for the voice over I did" not that he's quitting anything (I'm becoming the truth speaker of Damien Haas)

Holy shit bro, I'm getting good at this 'decoding whatever people assume Damien meant' stuff! I felt my skin glowing while I was trying to decipher what he meant lmao

I am become Truth, the Breaker of Assumptions

#Smoshblr #smosh #Damien Haas #holy fucking brain blast #I am become Truth breaker of assumptions #that might be the hardest thing I've ever written #dude honestly #im thinking about it rn and I think (weirdly enough) that if damien spoke more southern he wouldnt be as misunderstood all the time #he mixes in a lot of 'southerner' phrases that just dont come across the way he means them to #(I have a hyperfixation on how language and culture can change a persons personality) #whiles hes saying “this whole” he moves his hand around in a wiping motion #WHICH IF HE TALKED A LITTLE SLOWER AND WITH MORE OF HIS ACCENT COMES ACROSS EXACTLY LIKE I THINK HE MEANT IT #hes a southerner that has been infested with a cali accent while still keeping his way of phrasing which makes people confused #if this doesn't make any sense to you uuuhhhhhh my bad #but I think I cracked the case! #of why so many people mistake his intentions! #oh and of course I could be totally wrong and he is leaving smosh #but i dont think so

[eiko-chatter]

.

#is it weird that this feels worse than 'just' #grieving my dead friend #the set of things i'm feeling are so confusing and complicated rn #maybe it's just the sick brain but #i feel like i'm being washed with bleach on a high spin cycle #there's so much going on and it all feels like too much and - #and i feel viscerally like i'm failing the people i care about #i don't endorse a lot of what i'm feeling and that makes it worse bc #like what #am i going to dump it on the people who care about me when i don't even believe this shit? #i don't even feel okay posting this in my crying channel rn for reasons unknown to me so it's just #going to be here now. #sorry!!!! #tomorrow can be brighter than today! #today was. bad. so it's easier to believe that than usual actually #it all hurts and #and she's stlil dead!! and i still miss her!!! and keep thinking about ways i could have saved her!!!! #yep even in this post that starts “this isn't about my dead friend” #i'm coming in at the end with dead friend posting #i wish things were different ;-; #delete later maybe

[hella1975]

.

#be deadly fucking serious rn PLEASE whatttt. that post that's like 'parents will say something that shapes you as a person #but for them it was just another tuesday' like WHAT JUST HAPPENED #basically if you've been following me since i went to uni then you know first year was an... interesting time for me and my mum #we rowed all the time and it's the most unsettled our relationship has ever been and i do truly believe it was just some unfortunate #external factors like me leaving home would rock the boat enough it was always gonna rejig our dynamic #but on top of that i was her LAST child to fly the nest which she hated AND my sister was in germany being insanely dependent on my mum #so i got sidelined a lot which was shitty at the time but i get it now like im still a bit bitter bc being the eldest everything my sister #does is an exciting first and our age gap means typically our academic big moments tend to cross over #so my a-levels happened during her first year of uni so for me a-levels were the biggest thing ever but ofc her thing was bigger #but when she did HER a-levels it was the biggest thing ever and i was /just/ doing gcses etc and germany was the same #like it was JUST my first year of uni bc meanwhile my sister was living alone in a foreign country. so that sucks and my mum was #defo focused on my sister and i wasn't in a position to be like 'hey i know it doesn't seem like it now you've got one kid through it #but going to university and settling in for the first year is still an insanely stressful and lonely time so please pay attention to me' #and all in all me and my mum just STRUGGLED we fought A LOT and not petty rows either they were really emotionally heavy all the time #and basically what's caused this post is that she said about america 'it'll be the longest ive been away from you' #and i know what she meant like a month out of england is the biggest thing ive ever done and im not even in EUROPE so this is huge #but i kinda said like 'im pretty sure i went a month in first year a couple times without visiting?' AND I MEANT IT CASUAL #BC I AM PRETTY SURE IT'S TRUE LIKE I WASNT EAGER TO GO HOME I WENT SOME WEEKS NOT EVEN RINGING #which REALLY shows how strained it must have been at the time. and she responds with confusion so i pointed out that first year #wasn't a great time for us and again still being casual bc it's such a fundamental truth for me that first year was Bad for me and mum #and she just blinks at me like 'what are you talking about' what. WHAT. like i knew she wasn't paying much attention to me then #but it made me MISERABLE for an entire YEAR like boom can testify bc they had to deal with my bs over the phone the entire time #and my mum just. didn't even notice that we weren't doing well. what. what the fuck even..... baffled by this actually #like i am REELING from this i feel like she just tipped the fundamentals of my world with that #hella goes home

[kanene-yaaay]

do you have any hcs for lee!sunny ler!mari? ive seen like. nothing w/ these two and that is an issue/lh

Heyaaa!!! I took some time to answer this, so thanks for the patience ^v^ my period made like pass out on the bed for a week BWGSVHSVE

Here we are!!! Honestly my heart absolutely MELTED writing this so I hope you like this as well ♡

[~*~]

🌸🪻 MARI AND SUNNY'S TICKLE HEADCANONS 🐈‍⬛🖊

It was mentioned that Sunny got Mari's bed because it was softer and stuff and honestly all I can think is that, before it, Mari would simply get up from her bed to get a glass of water or to make something mundane for a few secs and when she got into her room again that would be a smol-human-shaped lump admist all her plushies/covers and Sunny would refuse to leave most of the time (not that Mari really minded) but be very willing to make up space for her to lay and cuddle

Sometimes tho Mari would feel very playful and just start to lightly spidering her fingers on his sides and back when they were in that situation and Sunny would get all squirmy and smile but not really moving away because the tickling is so light and he is comfortable. After keeping this up for a few seconds she would eventually launch a full tickle attack until Sunny rolled out of the bed and keep pouting at her from his spot on the floor until she chuckled, made grabby hands at him and promised that she wouldn't tickle him anymore.

Mari loves to play with Sunny's hair. After a whole afternoon of playing and goofing around he would usually lay his head on her thighs to rest and she would comb her fingers through his hair strands. It wouldn't be very rare of her to slip a few silly wiggly fingers to scribble on his neck or tease his ears, especially if dinnertime is getting close and he doesn't want to wake up.

Cheer up tickles and wake up tickles. That is it. That is the whole headcanon.

They don't know who got this from who but both Hero and Mari have this tradition that when their young sibs are trying to escape from the tickle monster (I feel like while Kel is very good at running, Sunny would be amazing at dodging but idk) they open their arms for a hug, chasing after their sibs and talking about how could they run away from some lovely sibling loveee~

Mari likes to pretend that tickling Sunny is like playing an instrument. His sensitive ribs can be a piano, the ticklish legs a guitar and his tummy-yummy (her words exactly) a trumpet. Also, even tho Sunny feels embarrassed, he secretly loves the fact that she says that his laughter is a melody.

One of Sunny's favorite passtime between him and Mari is that when Mari is playing or writing but he still wants interaction, he can sit on her lap and watch her do her own thing, and sometimes he get bored and turn around to hug her or just rest a face right under her chin and she will rub his back. It's more relaxing than really tickly but still it puts a wobbly smile on his face and it's one of the few things that make his mind go completely blank, 100% concentrated on how warm, comfy and nice this feels.

(Mari can and will be sometimes evil enough to pinch and pinch the ticklish spots on his spine, which makes him lose his concentration and huff and puff his way thro a few giggles before he manages to lay a very-light-but-still-warning raspberry on her neck.)

(Depending on their mood it can evolve to a full tickle fight)

Mari laughs together with Sunny when she is tickling him. She loves how cute and carefree he looks like when someone decides to knead his sides or skitter under his knees. Besides, Sunny always - and I mean *alwayas* - get EXTREMELY gigglier when someone laughs with him. He doesn't know to explain why but he could swear it makes the tickles 100% ticklier

Mari was the first to discover that Sunny has ticklish cheeks because he was such a CUTE lil KID she couldn't help but to kiss his chubby cheeks over and over again until her precious lil bro was a mess of uncontrollable laughter and squeaks in her arms

When he gets older, Sunny manages to make at her the most '-' and -.- faces when he can see the tickle attack come, which soon turns into a pout, then huffs of quiet yelps, - sometimes a snort or two - and then the lovely laughter that we love and appreciate so much! And look at this beautiful smile :D

#Ticklish!Sunny #Lee!Sunny #Ler!Mari #omori tickle headcanons #omori tickling #omori tickles #Kanene's askys #kanene's headcanons #some parts may be confusing. it's becauae I am sleepy HAGGWFWGW #honestjy those two bring me so much joy and happiness why must the game hurt me like this #so...soft.... #fbpanimations is precious #it's not a lot but it's honest work #xD #hope you liked it! ^v^ #I like to think that even after Sunny got Mari's old bed he would still sneak to sleep on hers new one BWFFSGSWB #look it is about comfy it's about having a trusted fam next to you it's about being a NUISANCE in the best harmless way

[novelconcepts]

Paper girls was one of the most honest genuine portrayals of being a 12 year old girl I've ever seen. Even apart for them fact all this shit is happening around them they are still 12 year olds with 12 year old problems.

The period scene in particular was one of the best, truest scenes I've ever seen. It was beautiful, funny, awkward. It was perfect. 

It is so fucking authentic. Everyone rightly leans on how powerful the performances are, but you also get such a range in the writing. The period scene, the sleepover scene, the gentle bickering, the in-your-face meltdowns, the gremlin run up the stairs--it's all so perfectly tuned to what kids are like. And it never talks down to them; the rare time an adult tries to imply a situation is over their heads, they're instantly shot down. Because kids around that age are smart. They're learning who they are, how the world works, what their individual moral compass looks like, and it means they don't get things right every time, but they're capable. They can in one moment be reassuring and kind, and the next snappish and closed-off. This show allows room for that without ever feeling like a deviation from character, which is...frankly really impressive.

It always strikes me--in the best way possible--that these girls are all allowed to be mean. They're allowed to be catty, to be vulgar, to say the wrong thing with good intentions (Tiff pointing out KJ's missed her puppy's whole life), or the barbed thing because they're just being a dick (Mac's "you don't have to talk all the time" followed by KJ snickering). They aren't forced into stereotypical boxes, true, but they also aren't forced to be Sweet and Pretty and Kind. They can be those things, sure; when Erin's falling apart, everyone's there to catch her, and when Tiff's walkies are stolen, Mac's got her back, and when Mac is facing mortality, KJ won't let her do it alone or give up on herself. But they're also not always gentle with one another. A lot of the time, they butt heads. Sometimes they punch each other in the face. Sometimes they have to apologize and mean it for the friendship to continue, and it strengthens their bond every time. Sometimes they're stupidly reckless, lobbing the single brain cell from one girl to the next: Tiff running after the backpack, Mac going off on her own in the middle of the night, KJ stealing the motorbike, Erin getting drunk at a party. And sometimes they're so level-headed in the face of panic. They are all allowed to be incredibly nuanced, so full of life and hope and fear and anger. They're never dumbed down, even when they act like dipshits. I cannot remember the last show that not only took into account what historical periods were actually like, but what young girls are actually like to this degree. I will be gutted if we don't get a pickup, because, Jesus, imagine the growth in coming seasons.

#ask #paper girls #paper girls spoilers #i am literally interested only in thinking about this show and my grief for it is enormous #the arcs! the depth and weight every character is given without ever feeling forced! #the plot is not without its flaws it's true--there are holes and some confusing elements #but i am so confident further seasons would smooth a lot of that out #the first run was about establishing this world and in the world of paper girls everything is so fucking bonkers #that what REALLY matters is these four kids #if we're not on board with them nothing else will ever stick #so the first season did the right thing. the smart thing. in fleshing out these flawed wonderful characters and making them so human #that even from their first scenes you have a sense of what you're working with--but you still only know enough to be hooked #and the rest of the season is about 'looking a little deeper' and seeing how many layers each of them possess #it's a slow burn without ever feeling slow and it doesn't talk down to them at all and i! am! furious! at the idea that it got cut short #i am absolutely praying legendary knows what they're doing #i mean. they've spent money retaining the rights right out the gate and announcing it's in need of a new home. that gives me some hope #i just really really want them to prove me right on that count #because these girls have so much further to fly and GOD this cast is perfect. i would be heartbroken to lose them after all they've given

[flower-zombie-rob]

Welcome to day one of how many times can my mother tear me down and destroy my confidence in one go. How many days will this go on? Im not sure! Tune in next time for a brand new episode of Taking Advantage Of My Kids Rejection Sensitivity, youre watching the disney channel.

#Sometimes I really do just honestly kind of hate her. I know it's a horrible thing to say about one's parents who care for them but it's #true. With the way that she treats me and criticises me and takes every advantage of a chance to tear me down it just really hurts all the #time. I can't criticise her because she ll fly off the handle at me and say how many things she does for me that i dont apreciate enough #But for her she can say as many times as she wants that she doesn't like my hair and she doesn't like the way I dress and she doesn't like #This the way I look and she doesn't like the way I stand and she doesn't like the things I say and she doesn't like my beliefs #She can say she doesn't like my tone of voice and that she doesn't like the way i stress out about things and im not allowed to say #A negative word about her in edgeways when she's allowed to tear me down on a constant basis and make me hate myself. As someone who really #Struggles with a lot of self loathing problems and self hatred she really does just rip into me with no restraint constantly. She knows #That I suffer with some serious rejection sensitive dysphoria that I am trying to get therapist help for and she still has no restraint #When it comes to criticising me and everything I am and everything I like. And she has the goal to do this thing where she is kind of peer #Pressures me into agreeing with the things that she says which in turn just makes me consolidate those horrible beliefs about myself in my #own head. If I don't agree with her criticism of me I can't just say so I have to not along with her and affirm to myself that those #Things are true. That I don't like my own hair that I don't like my face and my makeup and my clothes. That my preferences are wrong and #That I dress too androgynously. That I could never experiment with things like pronouns or gender and that I have to agree with societally #Homophobic undertoned things that she says because I can't bare to have her criticise me again and again and again for critisising her. #I can't do this anymore it makes me dread every time she comes into my room to talk to me about some new thing she doesn't like about me. I #And constantly stressing about how much people dislike me and how annoying I am #And the fact that I'm literally hiding the things that I want to wear from her so i can put them on when i get away from her and yet she #she will still get upset if I criticise her for making me literally hate myself on a regular basis. she wont beleive me and she'll be #Confused if I have a belief that doesn't match hers and she'll get so excited when I even possibly hint at doing something to my appearance #that she likes and knows I don't. I worry wake for comic corner she wouldn't shut up about how much my hair looks really good in a style i #dont want to cut it. If I dress in a way that's openly queer she ll act like I'm going to get #and i quote “the wrong kind of attention” Because she thinks that me even possibly being misgendered because of my clothing is a #disgusting crime and that I should be the perfect Barbie doll pink pretty princess she always wanted her children to be. She wants me to be #Someone that I can't be comfortably and she's essentially forcing me to fit this mould of her preferred child. Which obviously makes me #Despise who I am and hate my own interests and style. And as horrible and hurtful as it is to say this #I can't wait to get away from her. #sigh #vent #harsh morning