#i am not going to survive lol

[eoinmcgonigal]

Vague plan:

Finish WIPs/write stuff

Maybe feel better and have focus to read

?

Done

#document type: medical report #oh i am so not okay right now lol #i have nothing keeping me going apart from a silly desire to tell stories #and i wish i didn't have that because i'm lonely and exhausted and very very unwell now #i just want a hug ugh #maybe even some kindness and help #don't be surprised if i disappear i'm struggling to live in a world that doesn't want people like me to live #and i am very much losing #3 hours in the same room with someone who didn't notice i was crying the whole time #no one's noticed that i've stopped eating #tomorrow is like... the last chance/hope appointment and i bet you it's not going to go well for me #it'll be great for them because they'll decide on a way to ignore my needs #i am not going to survive lol #anyway i'll try and write something i've always done that #i have nothing else to give #oh i'm crying again great

[bonefall]

.. opinions on wind runner? i feel like im one of the only ones that genuinely hates her sometimes

If you feel like the only one who genuinely hates her, I think you need to look around more. Wind Runner is a very widely disliked character, because she's often used within the story as a small antagonist who "threatens" the authority of Tall Shadow. Gray Wing dislikes her. Thunder is openly cat-racist to her. She spends several books trying to break through the moor cats' xenophobia to join a group that came to HER LAND.

Then, when Moth Flight is old enough to be a relevant character in Forest Divided, Wind Runner is turned into Yet Another mean mom the very moment Moth displays ADHD. She's contrasted to her mate Gorse Fur, who is a Soft And Good Dad, and ultimately MASSIVELY punished with the harrowing events of Moth Flight's Vision (even though, for most of that book, she's completely right.)

Ask yourself why they're especially harsh on WIND RUNNER for being mean to her child, in the arc with Tom the Fucking Wifebeater and his redemption death, plus Thunder being forced to stop being mad at his abuser Clear Sky, please.

To me, Wind Runner is an intense, ambitious woman who's demonized for it in a way that men just aren't. She's subject to several misogynistic trends within WC, plus a huge helping of xenophobia that goes absolutely unexamined. If DOTC cared at all about women, it would have treated her with the nuance she deserves.

Wind Runner is treated with nearly endless suspicion by Gray Wing through books 1 - 3, while he's bending over backwards to suck Clear Sky's toes.

Her wanting to join the group that came TO HER HOME and being a bit pushy about it earns a stronger reaction from Gray Wing than Clear Sky murdering people.

She's pressured into changing her name "to fit in," and it's still not enough. She wanted to join the group so bad she changed her name, at the request of the Mountain Cats, for a chance of being better accepted

This came after she'd already saved Jagged Peak's life when a burrow collapsed on him. She's plenty trustworthy.

She keeps doing shit to try and prove herself to this group of assholes. Remember Bumble being dragged back to her domestic abuser? Gray Wing interprets this as a power struggle, when WIND RUNNER WAS NOT EVEN PART OF THE GROUP AT THE TIME.

From Wind Runner's POV, she did something that the Moor cats wanted done. It was fucking evil. It was committing violence against another member of the out-group the cats see her as.

But who actually has the power here? Tall Shadow does.

Gray Wing said it himself that she could have come up with some excuse for Bumble to stay, and she didn't. In fact, any cat could have spoken up. No one did.

and still. STILL. Wind Runner gets nothing. Her reward is Gray Wing surmising that actually, her doing their sick dirtywork was a political move.

It's more consistent as a motivation with how Wind Runner wants to join their group. The thing she's been doing.

She only actually gets to join the group after Thunder starts publicly hurling slurs at her for suggesting they need to be ready for Clear Sky to attack them. "What do you know about peace? Last time I was here you were NOTHING BUT A ROGUE WITH A ROGUE'S NAME"

Gray Wing even starts purring when she gives birth, because her ambition goes away briefly and she "stops bossing everyone around." this is treated like a sweet thing. god forbid women retain their personalities when they have kids

She loses her first premature child to a seizure and Gray Wing starts proselytizing his religion to her. "Maybe it's a good thing your weakest child died because Jesus has them now" I want to beat him with a hammer

When her second child gets sick, Clear Sky has a bright idea that involves killing it. I refer to this as his "reverse leper colony" suggestion. He only develops a sense of humanity towards the sick when his brother's pregnant wife is in danger. Wind Runner and her kitten barely seem to clock as people to him.

It's only after her SECOND baby succumbs to a horrible, painful death that she decides the moor cats are assholes, and she goes to start her own group. It's LONG overdue. I was extremely excited to see it.

Now. Listen.

I've been treated just like Moth Flight before. I've practically heard the scolding in Book 6 Chapter 3 verbatim. I'm not downplaying anything about Wind Runner being harsh to her; being yelled at like that never fixed the problem.

What I'm saying is that this is the SAME arc that summons the hollowed-out ghost of Storm to coo that Clear Sky "never drove anyone away" with his abusive behavior and gives Tom the Wifebeater a heroic redemption death.

So why is the scolding from Wind Runner treated as unambiguously harsh? What's the difference between her and them?

Why is it that outside of this little bubble of the community, you can get buried in a flood of people crying about how "Clear Sky made Summisteaks Butt he thought it was the right thing :((( He feels bad about shoving Thunder's face in a weeping, pus-filled wound and trying to kill him :((((" but Wind Runner is mean about Moth Flight not catching a rabbit and she should be skinned alive

Why is WIND RUNNER held responsible for the death of Clear Sky's child in Moth Flight's Vision, WHEN IT WAS COMPLETELY HIS OWN FAULT??

So, why should I hate her? Because she's mean to the idiot protagonists? Because she's Yet Another Bad Mom whose actions ARE treated as Bad in the story, in the arc famous for openly weeping whenever someone's mad at their abusive dad?? When she has this whole horrific, unexamined story about how incredibly bigoted The Settlers are towards her and the extremes she goes to in order to please them?

I'm glad she's mean, actually. She should have been even meaner. I think she should have a gun

#so anon I am very sorry #Uou are going to the Shadow Realm #I am the patron saint of every woman in wc #but especially the ones in dotc #because that arc does them so fucking dirty #Wind Runner can be as mean as she wants I support her #The Settlers deserve it actually #Wind Runner #Windstar #Warrior Cats Analysis #also again everything wind runner has ever done that was mean was done worse by clear sky #but clear gets off with a slap on the wrist. IF that. #while Wind Runner gets her leg sickeningly snapped on screen as several paragraphs detail her growing fever and horrible agony #before the magic of JesusClan heals her and bestows her lives upon her #Guys getting hurt in WC: ''owie'' #Girls getting hurt in WC: (you can hear the writer breathing heavily through the 6 paragraphs of prose they use to describe her injury) #..........also. to put into perspective just how fucking bad the misogyny in this arc is; #there are only 4 female characters in Book 1 who survive to the end of Book 6. Besides some cameo cats who exist in the tribe #Wind Runner is one of them. The other three are Settlers. #I won't even say their names lol. Can you even remember who all three of the other ones are #warrior cats analysis

[quadrantadvisor]

The Owl House takes place on a corpse. That's clear from the beginning. The people we meet, the fantastical things we see, every part of it is life that comes from death, and it's beautiful. Luz says that, the first time she's far enough away to see the bones. It's beautiful. The Titan was so full of life and magic that what he left behind could be passed on and made anew, and the people who sprung from that, who rely on it, understand that and are grateful. Everything they have is built on the bones of a god.

But what grows from the bones of children? Nothing. Nothing at all.

The Titan hunters killed children. They said they were monsters, but they were children. Children who played games and laughed and from their first conscious moments wanted to be loved and belong. And they hunted them to extinction, and kept their pristine skulls as trophies. An entire room full of them, of tiny skulls that could've become something wonderful and terrible and life-giving but never had the chance. They wear them, as a badge of honor. Look what I've done, look what I destroyed.

Philip Wittebane had been making grimwalkers for hundreds of years, sure, but even knowing that, there's so many of them. How many could've reached 20? There's piles of them, of bones and identical masks, scattered at the bottom of a pit, and god, were they dead, when he threw them down there? It's clear that he doesn't care, that the only thing that matters is disposing of them once they wear out their usefulness, moving on to the new model. Children tossed aside, left to rot and decay, and when we see them the bones are all clean.

#i just watched all 11 episodes of season 2B in one sitting and I'm #having some feelings #the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #just in case #this is why I don't watch shows lol like this shit gave me heart palpitations #how am i even going to survive season 3? the answer is i won't #anyways everytime philip fucking wittebane is on screen i am screaming and crying and throwing up #if i saw him in real life i would strangle him to death with my bare hands. it would be ON SIGHT #he's too real is the problem like the harm he's caused and the way that he talks and the way hunter reacts to him #he gives me the same sick feeling as real life self righteous liars #and you know that this is a person who will never change and never listen and never admit they were wrong #and that the harm they've done will never matter to them because to them they can deny anything and justify anything #ANYWAYS. #idk if anybody'll see this post but i needed to exorcise it from my brain #god........... that show sure has a lot of fucking bones #my rambles

[eveningrainstorm]

People often talk about Rio Ranger as if he's the doll version of Sei but what I find super fascinating is that he isn't, not in the same way Fake Reko or the Dummies are replications of their human counterparts.

Ranger resembles Sei on a surface level — same physical appearance, just an unclear amount older; same way of speaking. But he is unmistakably different. Ranger is an incomplete being, missing his positive emotions, but even the true Ranger is Rio Laizer rather than Sei, because there's still something different.

Rio Ranger is, fundamentally, inhuman and yet desperate to be human. He was created to be jealous of humanity and despite his hatred for them, humanity is what he is always striving for. But it is something that he doesn't possess, and is forced to steal instead. He takes clothes from the dead and uses drawings on cards to feign emotion; he is the Dress-Up Doll, Rearranger, not possessor of anything of his own.

While the other dolls based on humans in the game have identity issues based on their personhood being defined by someone else, being merely a copy of another person, Ranger is not even allowed Sei's identity to base himself on — it's very likely he doesn't even know who Sei was. He does not have Sei's clothes — nondescript and tied to Asunaro as they are — and he does not have the capacity for expressing emotion that Sei had.

When comparing Ranger and Sei in terms of personality, differences are obvious. There are similarities, naturally — besides the abrasive way of speaking, there's the jealousy and desire for validation. But in Ranger, these are present to an extreme — they're all he has. (And, ironically, this is what Gashu claims to believe makes him so human, even when Ranger's inhumanity comes through most clearly in this lack of anything else.)

In Sei, on the other hand, these traits are tempered by logic, to put things in YTTD's beloved logic vs. emotion dichotomy. Despite his outwardly emotional nature, from what we see of him he appears realistic and focused on survival in a way that Kai isn't. He's aggressive and overly casual about killing people, but he doesn't express the glee at violence that Ranger does, only a fierce desire to prove himself and survive. Sei is jealous of Kai and desires Gashu's affection, but also has an understanding of the situation he's in that both Kai and Ranger lack — he can tell that Gashu doesn't care about him as much as he does Kai, and recognizes that the way Gashu treats both of them is wrong. Ranger believes Gashu truly loves him, a fact proven blatantly false by his eventual demise at Gashu's hands. Ironically, this blindness is more similar to Kai as we see him in his minisode, rather than Sei.

Of course, this understanding isn't simply a part of Sei's basic nature, but rather the fact that unlike Kai and Ranger, he has past experience to go on. Sei wasn't born into the Satou family — though his exact origins are unclear, based on his grief for his birth father and how he talks about Asunaro ("all this shady organization crap"), it's possible he wasn't even born into Asunaro at all. Before being sent to Gashu, he had his own father, one who we don't know anything about but whom he apparently loved. He doesn't accept Gashu's treatment of him and Kai the way Kai does because he has known a different father and a different way of life. This doesn't free him from Asunaro's influence — he still accepts the role of assassin they give him and resigns himself to becoming a killer. What choice does he have, after all? But he carries no illusions about Asunaro or his role in it. He knows that the training is cruel, that he is viewed only as a tool, that Asunaro is wrong even if they are also not worth resisting.

This is a major part of why Ranger isn't Sei, why he cannot be; because Asunaro is all Ranger knows. They are his creators, who he was literally built to serve. In Ranger's mind, he is not only Gashu's son and heir, but his creation, his masterpiece. And of course he wouldn't have been created with Sei's memories — why take that risk? Why give him any sort of knowledge of a life outside Asunaro or reason to be disloyal to them?

Ranger is not Sei — so why model Ranger after him? Because Ranger is the idea of Sei, what Sei was meant to be: a counterpart to Kai, a rival, a second choice. Gashu preferred Kai, once; Kai won out over Sei. But Kai has proven himself a failure and betrayed Asunaro, leaving Gashu with no choice but turn once more to Kai's long-dead competition. Ranger is, like Sei, the opposite of Kai, temperamental and vulgar while Kai is stoic and polite, and perhaps more importantly, capable of murder while Kai steadfastly is not.

And yet Ranger isn't Sei. Sei was jealous of those — specifically Kai — he saw as superior or at least as being treated as such; Ranger is this idea taken to its natural conclusion. Sei had lost everything he had outside of Asunaro; Ranger never had anything else to begin with. Sei was a human; Ranger will never be, doomed to forever long otherwise. Ranger is Sei only in the ways Sei was useful — desperate for recognition, willing to kill, a perfect rival to Kai — but something entirely different, an inhuman machine, in all the ways Sei was a liability.

Sei was human, and he knew that he deserved to have that fact respected. Ranger isn't human and gets only the wanting, desperate to be as good as a human even humanity itself is unattainable. Of course, it isn't being a doll that is actually Ranger's problem — it's Asunaro, who view humans and dolls alike as disposable. Sei's humanity didn't make him any less of a tool as far as Asunaro was concerned, it only made him more difficult to control. All Sei wanted was to be seen as an equal to Kai, a person worthy of respect — and this is what he gets, in the end: his face and voice used as a base for one of Asunaro's weapons, while his true identity and personhood remains forgotten.

Ranger has nothing to hold him back from doing his duty for Asunaro, nor does he have anything to hold onto outside of it. In that sense, Ranger is an ideal asset for Asunaro — at least until the very jealousy and hatred Gashu programmed into him goes too far, and he is, once again, deemed a failure. Ironically, Gashu shoots Ranger for attempting to kill a participant, when willingness to kill was perhaps the one true advantage Sei had over Kai.

In the end, Ranger is offered no more humanity in his death than Sei is — they are both merely pawns of Asunaro, set to die at its whims. But while Sei dies in the arms of his brother, receiving one final act of kindness as Kai refuses to kill him, Ranger has no one in either of his deaths but his creators: in his death as Rio Laizer the dubious kindness of Tia Safalin, making his final moments full of agonizing guilt, and of course in his first death, as Rio Ranger, nothing but Gashu's coldness, the bullet in his head a sort of culmination to the favoritism Sei found weighed against him, and a demonstration of just how far Gashu has come from the father who once genuinely cared for Sei. Sei was human, Ranger was not, but as far as Asunaro is concerned, they are exactly the same: tools, easily thrown away as soon as they stop being useful.

#also I don't know where to put this in here but the fact that both Kai and Ranger struggle to show facial expressions #while Sei does not... it's neat is all #your turn to die #yttd #rio ranger #sei satou #sei yttd #i haven't been as focused on yttd lately but i found this in my drafts and was like oh i am still mentally ill about the satou brothers huh #i have so many thoughts about sei... we see so little of him but what we do see is so interesting to me #i was writing an au where he survives instead of kai so i have thought extensively about what his deal is lol #like can we talk about how sei killed like 3 people? specifically other kids? and was super chill about it? like dude #if sei was not a tragically dead child he'd have become a super fucked up adult is what i'm saying #i need to go back to writing that fic.... maybe when i finish my 5 million other wips

[beastofwant]

hi, I have as of 10/28 8 days until my food stamps renew and five dollars to my name.

I am rapidly reaching burn out & am exhausting myself just trying to fight to stay afloat w/ support workers who are overworked and not communicative and can't seem to help me find anything else to stay afloat than what I'm doing right now.

all I can really ask for at this point is enough to not go hungry until next month's food stamps come through. everything is so expensive here and I am so stressed!!

p4yp/al is [email protected]

venmo is alumirust

even small donations do help, but if you're as strapped as I am rbs are appreciated

#mutual aid #I am so exhausted. my workers either dont listen or dont understand or just. yeah. i don't get it lol idk how im going to survive like this #this city is too expensive #but I have no way out

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"yes im so fine"

*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*

#tw ed #obligatory MASSIVE do not do this #straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time #used to be used to induce vomiting #directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others #i wont i swear i wont #but i still researched it bc i was curious #tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs #also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical #intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg #of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.) #honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think #(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth) #honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies #hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die #and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is #ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh #honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me #but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects. #thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects. #but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have. #so im safe #....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol #but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me. #im fine. #tw suicide #puddleglum hours #nobody worry abt me ok. im fine. #just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :) #EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[zeldasadork]

how do the mounders get even better every session. what the heck. if my creative niche were writing instead of art it would be all over for you guys

#secret life spoilers #the mounders #secret life #life series smp #trafficblr #mcyt #pearl and bdubs insisting joel moves into mumbo’s house. hello #contrasting mumbo going red and actively trying to construct rupe goldberg machines to kill them and they’re like ‘mumbo my friend mumbo :]’ #and joel going around culling horses for vengence/enrichment? and that actually causes some strife LOL #but AGAIN SPOILERS FOR SECRET LIFE SESSION 7. leaving off with two famously deranged reds and a scarlet pearl team?? #I don’t think. I think I’ve mourned the possibility of a joel W honestly. but. I am SO excited they’re for aure taking people down with them #(and who could say. I think this season’s red life mechanics could really benefit joel. who is also good at surviving as a red for forever) #sorry joel main bias but they are all SO good. I miss mumbo I think his teammates are gonna kick up a fuss in his honor #like every phase and progression of them. SO good. I feel insane. #begging pleading cool thing are made about them by cool people but I may have to throw my rocks into the stone soup too. a heem heem

[meyerlansky]

I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:

he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.

#they are different and ihave paragraphs and paragraphs of thoughts on it #but dressing like a leather daddy and holding your hand over an open flame and literally everything else he does #is not the behavior of a man who doesn't know or realize what gets him going #he's not closeted. he's not homophobic. he thinks having Any Positive Emotion not related to violence makes you vulnerable #[and he's right for his experience and circumstance but i won't touch that now] #his conflict is emotional; ed's ability to captain isn't compromised by his being attracted to a man. it's compromised by Having Feelings. #their ability to survive a world that wants them dead isn't compromised by either of them being queer; it's compromised by being SOFT #by having WEAK SPOTS #pets are a weak spot. lovers are a weak spot. get rid of them to stay safe. not out of spite. #not out of a disdain for those relationships themselves. out of disdain for what Feelings Do To You #idk man maybe i am simply emphatic about this nuance because i get—more than I would like—the impulse to be SAFE #even at the cost of your self and some chances at being happier #he doesn't even care that lucius is gay in the deck scene and i'd go so far as to say he doesn't really care that lucius is slutty #insofar as. like. he doesn't know him and pete are open. from a monogamy-normative perspective it's a betrayal. #your partner being unfaithful when you expect them To Be is ALSO A THING THAT CAN GET YOU KILLED #like idk i just. i think people don't get how much of him is about safety? #and i know the show's created this atmosphere of 'homophobia isn't a real threat' #but they haven't removed the violence and danger crews other than stede face for Other Reasons #so. he's very security-driven. and that's why he speaks to me. #and it's annoying that people just make 'lol izzy's closeted' 'peak homophobic gay' jokes instead of. engaging. with the shit izzy AND ED #went through to make them emotionally closed off the way they are #THE SENTENCE IS A SENTENCE BUT THE EXPLANATION SURE ISNT

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[rogers-attic]

i like how the american dad fandom collectively headcanons that roger had terrible, ab//sive parents back on his home planet

like take a look at this goofy alien guy: hes an alc//h//lic, he has traits of a multiple personality disorder, hes an addict, he has very clear abandonment issues and went on a family bender, he smokes; all those things right there are DEFINITELY trauma responses like he clearly has LOTS of trauma he isnt properly dealing with

he even keeps his dad in the smiths freezer and takes a bite of it every year on his bday for gods sake like he aint right in the head

#ik ik rog is an asshole a lot of the times and you shouldnt use trauma as an excuse for your actions- #and the whole ‘his species needs to be mean to survive’ thing- #but CLEARLY hes dealing with some serious issues here #like what has my babey boy been through?!??? #istg if they dont make a decent roger backstory in the near future i am going to loose it #i need his backstory so badly 😭😭😭 #i am happy though with the tidbits of his life here and there in the series #i like to think that the smiths have tried to get roger the help he needs multiple times like in family affair- #but he dismisses it says hes too ‘superior’ for it or goes once and thinks everything is fixed #i also like to think that when rog first came to the smiths and they treated him like the rest of the family- #he was taken aback at first bcuz he wasnt used to such kindness and hospitality from caregivers #i could go on and on with this but i wont lol #i could write a freaking novel based on hcs and theories i have regarding this show #ive officially got ad brainrot yall #american dad #roger smith #ad talk

[felizusnavidad]

a little reminder, because i feel like i wasn't loud enough about it, in 50 days i am going to see in the heights

#and polish usnavi is quite handsome #i feel like this is important lol #also i have no idea how i am going to survive when you're home and all abuela's songs #i cant wait to be destroyed #in the heights #but sincerely can you hear me?* #it won't be long now*

[ethereal-bumble-bee]

it’s me and my Tupperware container full of cucumber slices against the world

#lol it’s almost the end of the school year #I am surviving #So much has been going on (mostly positive things) and I am chronically eepy #Actually I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I’m not eepy #But I’m just ready for summer #Anyway cucumbers are delicious #Yum

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything

Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds

#like. i went out earlier to get bread #just bread bc we cant afford anything else #got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like #our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off #and it usually wont switch off over weekends #presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway #so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday. #but then itll be at least a tenner in debt #then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is #or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing #and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days #we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen #like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its. #its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in #and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel #and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me #but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change. #whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness #tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s #like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but #dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon

[sodafrog13]

tummy exploded 👍🏼

#the trash speaks #if anyone's wondering where i've been LOL #doing better now but i did have to go to the hospital which. wasn't great! but i am surviving

[capricorndevil15]

Hey party people! ORLAM PLAYLIST BE UPON YE!!1 🥩🍷

I've been trying to upload this playlist all day, and even now I am pretty sure it won't be long for this world. TwT So get in a listen while you still can. If all else fails, I did also make a normal youtube playlist without the visual component (but I really wanted to show off my Orlam Collage…)

THERE ARE FLASHING LIGHTS/FLICKER IN THIS VIDEO! There's some randomized flicker effects throughout, but the big fast flashing one happens from 43:52 - 44:05 at the end of Hurt. If that would be bad for you, I recommend listening to the non-visual version linked above.

It may go without saying, but none of the art in this playlist is mine! All the images were ripped from Our Wonderland directly or found on Carrot's tumblr, and I just made it into a collage and did fancy editing for fun.

Tracklist under the cut

♛✧༺♥༻∞ Tracklist ∞༺♥༻✧♛

0:00 - 2:08 EATYOU!- Talkshow Boy 2:09 - 5:30 Blood- Billy Cobb 5:31 - 6:57 M'Lady- Dorian Electra 6:58 - 9:25 Prom- MSI 9:25 - 12:07 F***- MSI 12:08 - 15:12 In My Mouth- Black Dresses 15:12 - 18:15 What Do They Know?- MSI 18:16 - 21:05 Bunny Party- Schnuffel (nightcore) 21:06 - 24:19 fReAkY 4 Life- Dorian Electra 24:20 - 26:41 "Call This # Now"- The Garden 26:42 - 28:06 I Got A Melody- Talkshow Boy 28:07 - 30:26 Dancing Queen- Billy Cobb (a banger cover, original song is by ABBA) 30:26 - 33:36 Cake- Melanie Martinez 33:36 - 36:44 Never Wanted To Dance- MSI 36:45 - 39:42 My Blood Is Fucking Up The Dancefloor- Talkshow Boy 39:43 - 44:04 Hurt- Nine Inch Nails 44:05 - 47:18 I Just Wasn't Made For These Times- The Beach Boys 47:18 - 52:59 Linger- The Cranberries (daycore) 53:00 - 54:54 Memoir #2- May Roosevelt

56:00 - 57:19 Blood- MCR (lol)

#our wonderland #orlam brewbacher #our wonderland orlam #if this video survives to tomorrow I will add timestamps to the video itself but rn I am so tired lol. please just take this away from me. #character playlist #GOD DAMN I MISS 8TRACKS #WOULD YOU BELIEVE the song giving me the most grief from yt content ID was fucking BUNNY PARTY NIGHTCORE #WAAUUGH. AAAUUGH. I LOVE ORLAM. I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP NOW. #Youtube