#i am finally releasing this from my drafts after MONTHS because of all the timeline discourse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justadeadreaper · 2 months

Text

Something I just need to say

Hi, I am sorry for just randomly disappearing for a while. I would just like to say that I am very sorry about that since I was sick and not the best both mentally and physically, as a lot of shit happened in my life, which made my motivation to write just diminish. Hopefully, I am back now for a while but I will have to go again for a few weeks when I have some exams but after that I will be free to write as much as I want

Now I want to say something that will give context to what I will be posting next. I will be posting a few posts, one tonight and one tomorrow, about two COD OCs of mine, and I will hopefully release one every week or two for my other COD OCs. In the post you will learn a few things about them as I based it on @yawnderu 's post for her OCs and the bios the characters have across the different games. It will first be basic facts about them, then their backstory, then their personality, then some trivia, then some voice lines as to get the vibe of the character and these voice lines are things they would say in the game (campaign or multiplayer) and in fics, and then some skins they would have in multiplayer. You will see that a lot of things are redacted, like whole parts of the backstory, which is because I have already written them out, but will be adding them later when those parts have been revealed in a fic as I do not want it to be spoiled. And for some context, if anything in their bio seems confusing or does not align with the canon of MW, it is because those are features that are from the Rewrite which they are from and not based on canon

I am doing this because it will give a lot of context to my fics. I have some AUs for these OCs that I want to publish fics for (e.g. a Demon!Makarov AU or a Monster!AU or an Omegaverse!AU). But the main reason I am uploading them is because they are important parts of a COD Rewrite AU I have, as they are the reason some events happen

Just for some context, I fucking despise MWIII, and I do not really like the Reboot of MW as it misses a lot of beats that I loved in the original MW, and it has a lot of wasted potential; plus, the timeline is a fucking disaster. So, I decided to, instead of bitching about it and doing nothing to instead make my own Rewrite where I do the things I would have chosen to do instead of what they did, which mixes elements of both the Original and Reboot with features from the comics and Warzone. In this Rewrite, there will be many changes, and it will have a lot more focus on characters and how they act with each other, but there will also be action as I have a lot of thoughts and ideas. Some of the biggest changes I have made apart from adding new characters (such as a pair of hackers for Taskforce 141, a bodyguard for Makarov, and some fucked up doctors/scientists) are adding new groups such as the Lambs of Eden and Фонд Сириус, changing many things about KorTac and their creation as I wanted to give them more importance as an explanation as to why Makarov and Zakhaev's Arms would work with them since now KorTac is mainly a PMC that employs criminals with their highest ranks decided on how big of a criminal you are, changing the timeline of certain events, and changing certain characteristics of some characters. It has had a lot of thought put into it, and in the next few months, I will start uploading the fics once I am happy with the final drafts

Sorry about my rant and I am sorry if it does not make sense, I hope you are all well and if you have any questions about anything just ask as I try to finish some requests

#ozzie ranting

5 notes · View notes

jjheejz · 3 years

Text

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well.

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them.

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps).

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news.

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

245 notes · View notes

mercuryonparklane · 3 years

Text

I seriously debated keeping this one in the drafts...

Okay, I felt compelled to analyze the timeline of all of Taylor’s rumored/alleged boyfriends (barring any that she supposedly dated pre-fame) and why I believe they could have been fake/pr setups...

Disclaimer: this is all speculative and is just my opinion. No one has to agree... we don’t all have to agree because really the only people who know the truth are Taylor and those she has shared it with. I do have a very skeptical view of the entertainment industry and pr, so that is a bias I will own up to. I especially think Taylor, for a very long time, was willing to play along with the pr side of things, but eventually reached a breaking point (as any normal human under that amount of pressure and scrutiny likely would). Whether that means she has faked all of her public relationships or some of them or just aspects of them... I can’t really, truly know that. So, just keep in mind that this is one little, insignificant person’s view of Taylor’s public relationships and that I do not personally know any of the people involved...

Don’t take this too seriously, peeps... I’ll even tag it as crack theory...

Joe J.: June/July-September/October 2008

If nothing else this feels like a typical pr setup of two young stars. He had Camp Rock, a Jonas Bros’ album and a tour and concert film to promote. Camp Rock came out on 6/20/2008. The Jonas Bros’ third album, A Little Bit Longer, was released on 8/12/2008. In August, Taylor joined the band on stage during the filming for a concert movie that would be released in February 2009.

Taylor had an album that was released just weeks after their alleged breakup. An album which contained a few songs that would be attributed to Joe J. due to the publicity surrounding their relationship. Hmm... what a great way to drum up interest in an album that includes quite a few heartbreak songs. Not saying I know that is the case, but they both had a lot to promote between June and November 2008.

Lucas T.: March-April/May 2009

He was in the Hannah Montana movie, which was released 4/10/2009. Taylor had a cameo in that movie and also wrote a song for the soundtrack. Lucas also played Taylor’s love interest in the mv for YBWM, which premiered 5/2/2009 on CMT. He was in one of her Myspace vlogs in April 2009. IMO, this was a setup to promote the Hannah Montana movie and the YBWM mv, but it didn’t really take off. Lucas later said they dated briefly, but he realized that he just saw her as a friend...

Taylor L.: August-December 2009

They played a couple in Valentine’s Day. In September, just days after the VMAs where KW interrupted Taylor on stage as Taylor L. stood a few feet away, Taylor went to an Owl City concert at the Bowery Ballroom where she met the man who would supposedly inspire “Enchanted”. Umm... “please don’t be in love with someone else”... even though I am currently dating Taylor L. and he is my forever crush, but like, I am totally crushing on you actually. I have no clue if any Swifties have ever picked up on that discrepancy.

Oh, and Taylor L. also “dated” Selena in early 2009 and I doubt Taylor would go there, even if they ended on good terms. I mean, it’s possible, but idk it seems unlikely to me.

John M.: December 2009-February 2010

I think Taylor admired him as a musician (this seems to have been mutual with John praising her talent multiple times) and she may have seen him as a mentor at first. I do not believe that anything happened between them beyond that. I think he was so thrown off by “Dear John” because of that. He was already tweeting in the spring of 2009, hinting at wanting to collaborate with Taylor. The album their duet was on came out in November 2009, right before they started “dating”. Although it wasn’t released as a single until June 2010.

Besides, Liz (friend or otherwise) has remained a fan of John and even went to his concert a few years back. So, either she didn’t care that he screwed one of her supposed good friends over or it didn’t go down how people were led to believe it did.

Jake G.: October 2010-December/January 2011

Unless this relationship started much earlier than everyone has been led to believe, it is very unlikely that ATW is about him. It certainly seems to have been written prior to the maple latte/scarf/sister’s house articles that were abundant after that pap walk. Either Taylor used him as a scapegoat for a song that wasn’t about him or he was a willing participant in a pr scheme to make sure people thought the song was about him.

He couldn’t have been setup with his costar, Anne H., because she was already in a long term, committed relationship. At the time Taylor was still good pr since she was still known as a kind of girl next door, all American type with genuine talent.

I’m not saying I know for a fact it was fake. I’m saying there are plenty of reasons why I think it was. Everyone has different perspectives... mine is that this was purely a pr setup.

Will A.: sometime in 2010 and/or mid or fall 2011-January 2012 or May (?) 2012

They were likely just friends, but people did think they were dating back then. The songs that people think he wrote about Taylor (”White Dress” and “Kiss Me Slowly”) were recorded in 2010. So, if she started dating him in September 2011, which people think because the dress she wore to his May 2012 birthday party was the one she is wearing on the “Begin Again” cover art, then those songs aren’t about her. About the party dress... Sarah B., who took the picture, was also friends with the Parchute guys, so maybe the photoshoot that the picture on that cover art came from happened earlier that day.

He was friends with Liz’s ex Jason and one of his best friends is still to this day very close friends with Liz, so that’s probably how he met Taylor. I think Taylor hung out with that crew a bit back then. AND those times Will and Taylor were seen hanging out in late fall/early winter 2011, Jason and/or the other friend were there. Yes, I am saying that Taylor was hanging out with Jason in November/December 2011, just a few months after he and Liz supposedly broke up. She was also still hanging out with Liz a lot at that time and after, though, so I think it was all good.

Conor K.: July 2012-September/October 2012

This was Taylor’s worst pr. If it was a real relationship... it is borderline predatory. If it is fake... still a big yikes... I don’t have much to say about this one. I think it was fake and an attempt at making him the muse for “Starlight” (how cute, this song she wrote about his grandparents sort of became about them), “Begin Again” (nevermind that the copyright record say the song was written in 2011), and EHC (nevermind that the song was written in May 2012). It would have been great pr, though, if he was a couple years older. Taylor should have fired Paula after this one... (because the public should have never known about it, real or fake).

Harry S.: November 2012-January 2013

Similar to all the others before (and after), there were “random” sightings, including a birthday trip to “the lakes” and blatant pr (go on and wear that fox sweater and paper airplane necklace, Taylor...). That NYE kiss, though...

Calvin: February 2015-May/June 2016

Taylor finally dropped her old publicist and brought on Tree. First step, was to erase the “boy crazy”/“man eater” label (and possibly the “professional beard” label) and become an independent woman who just wants to have fun with her gal pals. It got a bit gayer than expected (whether Kaylor was really a thing to some degree or not is irrelevant to the point). The gay rumors were actually catching on even faster and people were like “oh, that’s why she couldn’t keep a man” (sexist/homophobic as all of this is/was, ofc).

Enter Calvin... a playboy DJ who some might deem “tall and handsome as hell” (peeps, I am not really the best judge of a man’s attractiveness, so this is just how I think people see him). He seems sooo straight. I don’t know how else to say it. All of her other supposed boyfriends had gay rumors, whether or not those rumors were just people gossiping or had some basis in reality... I think he is the only one that doesn’t have them, that I know of anyway.

I know a lot of people think they were really together, but I think this was an attempt to have her in a more serious, long term relationship to counteract both the gay rumors (not necessarily as a cover for a woman because I don’t think all of the guys have been or need to have been covers for a secret relationship with a woman, it’s about appearing straight) and the “can’t keep a man” narrative that had followed her around. Even if they were in some sort of situationship (not what I think, just theorizing here), it wouldn’t have been a steady thing and they seemed to not like each other very much when all was said and done.

I still laugh that he said Taylor was the opposite of his type (and specified that he likes brunettes) in November 2014 and then he allegedly dated her for almost a year and a half, starting literally a few months after he made that comment. If that was a real relationship, he was either playing it cool when he said that or he misjudged her or Taylor was determined to date him because it was a challenge.

Either way, it seems like her team controlled the public narrative and maybe Calvin was okay with that at first, but over time it seemed like he wasn’t a big fan of that. Maybe that visit to the strip mall massage parlor was a bit of a rebellion...

At least they both got some royalties out of it...

Joe A.: September 2016-Present

Taylor’s team absolutely has control of the public narrative and he seems okay with that. He is a literal mirrorball. He is whatever Taylor supposedly says he is in her songs/whatever Swifties want him to be.

He likes to drop fun facts like how his family jumps into a freezing pond at Christmas or that he worked at a yogurt shop as a teenager. Whether they are real or not... he seems to be playing into the pr. Dropping little bits of information that will tie him to her songs... it is very “maple latte”/“paper airplane necklace”/dark jeans and Nikes... OR Taylor is just taking the few facts people know about him and using it to pin songs on him.

If he is a beard (which imo he likely is), I think he gets along with Taylor and doesn’t mind the minimal pr of it all.

I don’t think he is WB, either way...

Again this is just my view of things. This has no bearing on which women Taylor may have dated. I could do a separate post on what I think that timeline might look like.

One point I will reiterate is that I do not think that a beard would always be a cover for a secret relationship with a woman. I think it sometimes is, but it can be more of a general cover for someone who is gay. So many people think Taylor is the straightest person who has ever lived simply because of her public dating record. I mean, heteronormativity and homophobia also play a big part in that...

Edit: I completely skipped Tom lol. I just don’t buy that one either. Maybe he thought it would be good publicity or maybe he was led on to think it was more real than it was or maybe he was just having fun. Idk. All kinds of articles written about them at the time included some caveat about how they seemed fake or were maybe filming something...

#gaylor crack theory

23 notes · View notes

straighttohellbuddy · 3 years

Note

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand.

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes.

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart.

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018.

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals.

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse.

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

#Anonymous #how the light gets in #corpse husband x reader #black cat anon

32 notes · View notes

fleckcmscott · 4 years

Text

Watch What Happens - Chapter 1

Summary: Arthur, an aspiring comedian, has struggled to find normalcy and compassion his entire life. Y/N, a hard-working paralegal and transplant to Gotham, has just been put on a case for the Wayne Foundation. When they meet, unexpected sparks fly.

Chapter warning: Angst

Words: 2,004

Long A/N: This story was inspired by a few things: the beautiful character of Arthur Fleck; Todd Phillips asking (on a podcast) how Arthur's life might have changed if someone had put a hand on his shoulder; and reviews in which people asked some variation of the following question: "What would a put together woman like Sophie be doing with Arthur?" (That one really gets me - everyone deserves normalcy and happiness.)

"Watch What Happens" follows the timeline of the movie, with twists on some major events, and added ones.

It's been over 10 years since I've written prose that wasn't something technical or a screenplay, so I'm rusty. I popped out the 120 page draft of this story in four weeks, and am working through the second and third drafts. I'm both terrified and excited to share this with all of you!

Arthur took a long drag off his cigarette as he absorbed his counselor’s last question. The ticking clock on the wall, the fluorescent lights beating down on him, the uncomfortable closeness of the room - none were helping him come up with an answer. What did she want to hear? He seemed to get the same response no matter what he said. “Work is okay. I had a sign-spinning job this week.”

“Did you enjoy it?” Counselor Kane asked.

The memory of the beating he endured made him anxious. Stress built in his torso. His abdominal muscles twitched as he tensed. He already dreaded the fit he knew was coming. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying hard to hold back. Laughter tore its way through his throat, piercing his own ears. Reaching across his chest, he attempted to stifle the guffaws. He’d been told before that changing positions was supposed to help. It didn’t seem to this time.

Eventually, each gale became quieter, transforming into coughing, then a few quiet chokes as he regained a semblance of control. Had he enjoyed being beaten up by a bunch of teenagers and yelled at by passersby? Not really. “It was fine.”

He watched as she made notes, studying the stacks of papers and files on her desk. He knew he wasn’t giving her a lot to work with this week. But he was exhausted. Starting counseling eight months earlier hadn’t been his idea. After being released from Arkham, he’d been mandated to go to therapy once a week. It was hard to be enthusiastic about it. Most of the time he didn’t think it helped. He was still as isolated, as anonymous as before. The negative thoughts continued.

But he kept trying.

After a few moments of silence, he asked a question of his own. “Is it just me, or is it getting crazier out there?” He met her look for the first time this session.

A grim expression came across her face as she gave a nod. “It is certainly tense. People are upset. They’re struggling, looking for work. These are tough times.” She continued writing. “How about you? Have you been keeping up with your journal?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered meekly.

“Great. Did you bring it with you?”

He stiffened, lips puffing at his cigarette. A smile came across his face but didn’t reach his eyes. If he’d thought she wanted to read his journal, he would have left it at home. He’d assumed it would be private.

She didn’t seem impressed. “Arthur, last time I asked you to bring your journal with you for these appointments. Can I see it?”

He squeezed his hands together and ran them over his thighs, trying to convince them to stop bouncing. He was certain she wasn’t going to let this go. Might as well get this over with. A slight chuckle escaped him as he turned to reach into his jacket pocket.

“I’ve been using it as a - as a journal. But also a joke diary?” Reluctantly, he handed the folded, spiral notebook over. “Funny thoughts or observations.” He looked down, then, knowing what she’d find in there. “I think I told you I’m pursuing a career in stand-up comedy.”

She flipped through the tattered pages. “No you didn’t,” she said.

He paused. She didn’t remember that? “I think I did.” He noticed she hadn’t flinched once. Maybe the pornography he had pasted in there wasn’t so bad.

Kane stopped and glanced at him before reading aloud. “’I just hope my death makes more sense than my life.’”

An eyebrow raised as he huffed, a corner of his mouth lifting. She’d wanted him to write how he felt, right? That about summed it up.

She seemed concerned, but merely closed the journal and gave it back to him. “How does it feel to have to come here? Does it help to have someone to talk to?”

Arthur furrowed his brow as he exhaled another cloud of smoke. “I think I felt better when I was locked up in the hospital,” he said.

“And have you thought more about why you were locked up?”

He did his best to recall, though his memory of that time was fragmented. White walls, a straitjacket, no shoelaces. He remembered a window in the door of the observation room and ramming his head into it. “Who knows…” he sighed. He watched as Kane started packing up his file. “I was wondering if you could ask the doctor to increase my medication.”

She took out a list and read it over. “Arthur, you’re on seven different medications.” She raised her shoulders slightly. “Surely they must be doing something.

His eyes softened, letting down his guard for a moment. “I just don’t want to feel so bad anymore.”

~~~~~

Arthur stood in line at the pharmacy, hand playing with the keys in his pocket. He browsed the nearby stand with office supplies. More pens would be good - he tended to go through ink quickly with all the scribbles in his journal - but he doubted he had enough change for both them and his co-pays. They’d have to be picked up later.

Once he was up, he stepped to the laminate counter. “Hi, my name’s Arthur Fleck. I have three prescriptions to pick-up?” He handed his Gothamcare card to the pharmacist, who gave it a glance. The medications were $2.50 each. After paying, he said a quick “Thank you.” The pharmacist turned his attention to the next person.

Arthur exited the pharmacy, starting the fifteen minute trek home. As he walked, he thought about what he would do that evening. His back was still sore from the kicks it’d received after being jumped. A hot shower would help soothe the aches, but he wasn’t sure when he could fit it in.

He was already arriving home later than usual because of work. The oven would have to be preheated, as he could prepare his mother’s nightly TV dinner. Watching “Live with Murray Franklin” was a must. And he wanted to work on his comedy routine. He knew he was getting close to having a really good set. The shower could wait until morning.

He trudged up the concrete stairs near his building. Every step became heavier as he ascended. Why should you be wary of stairs? They’re always up to something! When a new joke came to him like that, he always felt a little better. He’d have to repeat it to himself until he had a chance to write it down.

After entering his apartment complex, he shuffled to the mail room and checked the box labeled “P. Fleck.” It was as empty as the run-down lobby he stood in. He went into the rickety elevator and repeatedly pressed the button for the eighth floor.

As soon as he entered the one-bedroom apartment, his mother called to him. “Happy, did you check the mail before you came up?”

Wincing, he took off his jacket and hung it on the hook. “Yeah, mom. Nothing.” He entered the dimly illuminated galley kitchen and went to the freezer. The meal he grabbed was the first one he saw, and he started the oven. While it pre-heated, he examined his new prescription bottles. He popped one open and took a tablet. Then he finally got a chance to write down the joke he’d come up with.

When the meal was done he took it into his mother’s, Penny’s, softly lit bedroom. He’d made it nice and neat for her, on a tray with cutlery and a napkin. She was sitting up in the double-bed against the headboard, waiting. He set the tray down over her legs and carefully cut the meatloaf for her.

She watched his movements. “He must not be getting my letters,” she said.

This again. She’d been going on and on about the Waynes for years. Annoyingly, her fixation had become more intense over the past few months. “It’s Thomas Wayne, mom. He’s a busy man.”

Penny shook her head dismissively. “Please. I worked for that family for years. The least he could do is write back.”

Arthur pursed his lips and gave a curt nod. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss this tonight. “Here. Don’t get all worked up. Eat.” Before sitting on the chair next to the vanity, he handed her the fork and patted her cheek. “You need to eat,” he said.

He could see his mother pointing at him with her fork out of the corner of his eye. “You need to eat. Look at how skinny you are,” she said. He ignored her concern, smoothing his brown, mid-length hair back and releasing a breath.

When he turned to her, she appeared content. “He’ll make a great mayor,” she said confidently. “Everybody says so.”

He studied her before answering. “Oh yeah?” he said, his voice adopting a playful tone. “Everybody who? Who do you talk to?”

She motioned towards the TV. “Well, everybody on the news.” Her voice became adamant. “He’s the only one who can save this city. He owes it to us.”

Arthur looked at the floor, raising his eyebrows.

At the sound of a certain familiar theme emanating from the television, Penny patted the side of the bed. “Come sit. It’s starting.”

He smiled. “Yay, Murray.” Reaching behind him, he turned off the table lamp. He hurried to his usual spot, the left side of the bed, and took off his shoes. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, quickly becoming lost in the show. He’d been watching “Live! With Murray Franklin” for as long as he could remember. The colors of the curtain, every note the band played, the beats between Murray’s jokes - he knew it all.

The excited energy of the audience surrounded him. His lungs were filled with the studio air conditioning. It took all his strength not to jump with excitement as his idol entered the stage. He tried to settle for a standing ovation - it didn’t work. He couldn’t stop himself from shouting, “I love you, Murray!”

The house lights went up and Murray squinted into the crowd. Arthur looked around before realizing Murray was talking directly to him. He’d picked him out of the crowd. The spotlight was on him in a flash. Arthur introduced himself, stammering when he said he lived with his mother. When the audience laughed at him, Murray came to his defense. Of course he had - he knew what it was like to struggle.

At first, when Murray called him down to join him on stage, Arthur resisted. But as the audience demand grew stronger, he had no choice but to relent. A wide smile crossed his face as he descended the stairs to stand shoulder to shoulder with Murray. Murray’s hand was warm when he took Arthur’s and lifted his arm in a cheer.

“That was great, Arthur! I loved hearing what you had to say. You made my day.” Murray told him.

Arthur’s voice was quiet when he answered in disbelief. “Thanks, Murray.”

Murray gestured with his arm towards the studio. “You see all this? The lights, the show, the audience, all that stuff.” He held Arthur square in his gaze, hand on his shoulder. “I’d give it all up in a heartbeat to have a kid like you.”

A lump formed in Arthur’s throat. He couldn’t speak. Murray understood in an instant and pulled him in for a hug. Relief washed over Arthur as he relaxed into the embrace.

The warmth Arthur felt went away, and he found himself back in his shabby apartment. He looked over his shoulder to his mother, who was spooning mashed potatoes into her mouth. As much as he loved Penny, as much as he enjoyed watching Murray with her, he couldn’t help but wonder if this was all his life was going to be. When he thought of the likely answer, he closed his eyes, feeling emptier than ever.

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added!): @harmonioussolve @clowndaddyfleck

#arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck fanfic #arthur fleck x ofc #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #arthur fleck x female reader #watchwhathappens

113 notes · View notes

mikauzoran · 4 years

Text

The Plan (TM) (re: Mikau’s WIPs)

Okay. So, I have Lukadrien June 2020 behind me, and I finished my piece for LuXY Week. I still have some editing before I post the remaining chapters of these things, but the hard part is done. So. What next?

I’ve got a variety of works in progress to choose from, and I’m not sure where I want to focus my energies at the moment. Below is my workload in order from “most likely to work on” to “least likely to work on”.

Thoughts? Feelings? Suggestions? Opinions?

Things I am Most Likely to Work on at Present:

The Adventures of Off-Brand Ladybug and Chat Noir: This is a one-shot (I hope.) You can read an excerpt here. It’s Adrienette in a post-Season Three setting and focuses on Adrien noticing that Marinette is mega-stressed, so he takes her out for coffee in an attempt to be a good friend. They end up talking about a lot of things both silly and serious, and the whole thing ends with a reveal and dating.

I did an outline for this one that’s seven hundred eighteen words long. I’m currently two thousand words into the story, and I’ve covered the first sentence of my outline. ^.^; Whoops? Anyway. I’m probably going to tackle this one first just to get it off my plate, since I have a clear idea of where it’s going from start to finish. It’s just a matter of sitting down and writing. There’s nothing really to figure out.

Paw de Deux: This is another one-shot. (Again, I hope.) You can read an excerpt here. This is Marichat-style Adrienette. They’re at a masked ball, and Adrien is wearing a black mask and cat ears, so when he goes up to Marinette (whom he has recognized as Ladybug), she recognizes him as Chat Noir (though, she doesn’t realize that he’s also Adrien. She just thinks she’s run into her partner detransformed and putting his identity at risk). She drags him off to a secluded balcony to give him an earful, and they talk and flirt. Adrien’s cover is eventually blown. It ends happily.

I have about one thousand five hundred words written so far and an idea of the main events of the story. I don’t know what they’re going to talk and flirt about yet out on the balcony, but I trust something will come to me and it will be delightful. Maybe I’ll do this one first. :/ I think it will end up shorter than Off-Brand, so maybe I should just finish it and get it out of the way.

I don’t know. Does either one seem more interesting to you? Which one would you want first?

Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses: Basically what it says on the label. Marinette and Chat are dating. Adrien accidentally kisses Marinette, forgetting he’s not Chat at the moment, and Marinette and Adrien eventually end up seeing one another behind Chat’s back. Equal measures of angst and fluff. I’m “working on” Chapter Thirteen right now. I say “working on” because I haven’t really touched the story in a month. I’m really disenchanted with it right now, but people seem to like it, so I want to try to force myself to keep working on this.

Four Kisses Meme: This is just an idea floating around in my mind, but the meme is a kiss on four different places, and I wanted to do a different kiss with each corner of the love square. I was thinking Ear: Lady Noir, Forehead: Ladrien, Nose: Marichat, Lips: Adrienette. That should be fairly quick and only four chapters. The story is Adrien/Chat realizing that it’s time to move on from Ladybug and that he wants to give things with Marinette a chance.

The Seduction of Adrien Agreste: This is part of the Springtime in Wonderland (Daisy/Jabberwocky) series. It deals with Luka and Adrien experimenting with physical intimacy to see if they can reach a compromise where Luka and (asexual) Adrien are both comfortable and have their needs met.

This part of the series takes place literally right before the final chapter of Daisy/Jabberwocky. If I write it now, I have a feeling that it’s not going to fit neatly in the series timeline because I have a lot of ground to cover with Daisy and Jabberwocky, and I know that things are going to shift around and change between now and when I finally get to write that final chapter. I’m thinking that it doesn’t matter so much, though. People seem excited for this part of the series, and I think it would be an interesting challenge to write a Mature work. Having a couple things not mesh chronologically with the rest of the work isn’t a huge deal because each of the works in the series can be read by itself as a stand-alone work anyway, so... I’m inclined to maybe try my hand at this part of the story before circling back to Daisy and Jabberwocky at a later date. Also, that way, when I get to the end, I won’t have to stop and write Seduction before posting the final chapter of Jabberwocky/Daisy. ^.^;

Things I am Least Likely to Work on at Present:

Happenstance and Magic: Marichat May 2019. Marinette and Chat Noir adopt kittens together, and Adrien tries to get Marinette to see that he’s not perfect but still a worthwhile person deserving of her love.

I think this would be the easiest of my big WIPs to finish. You may have noticed that when given free reign, I tend to write ridiculous amounts. Like, the Springtime universe is massive to the point of being a little overwhelming. I think I’m going to have to work on that over the course of the next few years. Ditto for Rejects. I mean, I’ve just entered Week Two in the story, and I have a whole MONTH of content planned out before we get to the end. And look how long it is already. -.-; Both of those projects are going to be “chip away a little bit at a time” works.

Happenstance is structured on the Marichat May 2019 prompt list, so there are only thirty-one chapters possible. And I already have seven chapters done and my notes for the rest. I can sit down and get that done in a couple months maybe. It’s doable. This is probably the next project that I’m going to circle back to because it feels more manageable.

The Rejects Club: Predominantly Marichat with Adrienette. Chat Noir and Marinette unexpectedly grow very close very fast as they open up to one another after Marinette overhears Adrien seemingly dismissing her as a romantic prospect. Identity shenanigans at farcical levels ensue.

Like I said above, I have a lot left to do on this one. -.-; I probably won’t devote a lot of time to it this year because I’m planning to work on the above-listed items first. That being said, when I stopped work on this for a mental health break last year, I had four chapters drafted that I hadn’t released yet. I got burned out on this story really bad. I was in really bad mental health while I was writing it, only sleeping four or five hours and spending all my free time working on Rejects, so I really needed time away from the project.

Until very recently, I’ve still felt burned out on the project, but a week ago was the one-year anniversary of me publishing Chapter Twenty-Four, so I decided to edit Chapter Twenty-Five and post it. Over the next three months, I plan to edit and post the remaining three unposted chapters. I probably won’t start work on the story again at that point, but at least you’ll have everything I’ve written. I’ll see how I’m feeling after Happenstance.

Springtime in Wonderland: Mess. Eventual good mental health and happy ending, but mess in the meantime. ^.^ If you’ve read it, you know that this is an accurate summary. This one is really emotionally and mentally draining for me, so it’s not good to work on when I’m in poor mental health. At the time of this post, it is still 2020, and I think the whole world is in poor mental health. I’ll probably do some fun Nachtmusik chapters, but I don’t anticipate getting much done on the story proper this year.

And that’s it for right now. Thoughts? Opinions? What are you most excited for? What sounds interesting?

13 notes · View notes

geekgemsspooksandtoons · 4 years

Text

Sofia And Archie

This is a story set within my Bioshock Rebirth AU. A reimaging/reboot of the Bioshock franchise. https://geekgemsspookyblog.tumblr.com/post/626141727587270656/bioshock-rebirth-timeline-this-is-a-timeline-of-an Just as a heads up if anyone is wondering about the context. I’ve had some stories in my drafts for a long time now and I’m finally publicly sharing them.

This isn’t really a story. But a talk between Sofia and Archie. Again more writing of Sofia and she’s tricky. Which I talked about in my Sofia And Atlas post. Also just noticed I put & in that post’s title. Now it’s Sofia And Atlas. Not Sofia & Atlas.

Will admit I got a lot help from a good friend with Sofia’s backstory. Because we tried to make sense of how a Sofia when the Cold War was still going would still become how she is in Bioshock 2. I’m not really a history guy. Again thank my good friend who wishes to remain anonymous.

While they did mention that maybe I could leave the imagination to the reader with Sofia mentioning what happened to her. Despite in the last line from Sofia I put a t behind bu....I tried to get Sofia in character. Including I recall I wrote this to my friend.

Including I haven’t mentioned it in posts possibly. This will likely be the first post I mention the Atlas hallucination.

Sofia Lamb: Archie....I know of what happened when you left Tenenbaum and Elizabeth with Atlas. During a time when you found out what your life was. I know what Fontaine did......you wanna know something extra.....I told Fontaine Tenenbaum helped you with your new life. I knew all about what Topside, Tenenbaum, and the twins did....I knew who you were all along.

Archie: Wha-.....why would you do that!? You knew and WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM!?

Sofia Lamb: Ease yourself young Archie. Why did I tell him? If I recall. It was to get him out of order. He thought he had everything under control. But he didn't. I don't doubt he was of messed with them if I didn't told him. But it was a small step to lead him to his untimely death. And look what happened. You made him look at you one last time. His failed weapon, and you hung him for his crimes. You put all that anger you reserved and took it out on a man who no one would miss. That no one would need.

Archie:...I just...what....

Sofia Lamb: How does it feel Archie? Or Jack....your real name.

Archie: I'M ARCHIE WYNAND THAT IS MY NAME!

Sofia Lamb: Yes you are....you left behind who you were. But you feel it...that anger. You wanna know what else I know....how you feel....are you seeing him again? The man who destroyed your life. The man who terrorized the two women you care about. Even after his death....his memory haunts you.

Archie: No I'm not seeing him.

Sofia Lamb: Young man....I was a psychiatrist. I have watched you through cameras. I've seen you talked to him. You know what happens to someone like you? Especially a soldier. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. How it affects a man after they go through something terrible. You almost died, you learned your whole life was a lie. But I guess your a special case because of your programing. You know.....I could help you.

Archie: You are never going to help me.

Sofia Lamb: There you go with your so called righteous attitude.....the kind of mindset that America agencies would fund, train and support religious militias in Afghanistan. Which resulted in Al-Qaeda. Your government and Russia are no better than the Vox Populi are doing. You want to create Democracy down here in Rapture......what if things go wrong? But that's not our discussion right now. The point is....your anger is coming out more. That same paranoia that plagued a paranoid militia that kidnapped me once. I was with them for months, tortured and indoctrinated because they thought I was a spy...but I forgave them. Because they were like you.

Archie: I...am not.

Sofia Lamb: Archie....be serious. You will be just like your father. Your birth father Andrew Ryan. Who became the thing he hated. Or worse Frank Fontaine.

Archie: STOP IT!

Sofia Lamb: Do you want to kill me Archie? All because I'm speaking the truth? Because if no one is going to treat you. You'll become the demon I keep calling you that you are. Because you are the result of Ryan's ignorance, Frank's malicious intent, and Topside's pity. And yet you try to keep moving forward. By making jokes with Daisy or Bill, having tea parties with all those Little Sisters, helping Tenenbaum or Sinclair with whatever she needs, fighting side by side with the man Delta you consider your actual father. Or even just wanting to get comfortable with Elizabeth because she brightens up your world. Because you were all alone on the surface.

Archie: SHUT UP!

Sofia Lamb: Archie...this can end in several ways. One, I kill you, releasing you from all that trauma and pain you're going through. Two, you join me and I can help you. And we can help stop the pain others are going through. Three....you kill me. You shoot me in heart or head, or strangle the life out of me. Only then you'll see you have become the demon you're becoming. I think Frank would of loved that possibly.

Archie:....go to Hell.

Sofia Lamb: There you go again. Ignoring the main problem with you. This is why I also call you the demon. You will not influence my daughter....you are everything is wrong with humanity....I think I've said enough.

Sofia Lamb: Archie....do you think of me as a tyrant? Do you think of me as Ryan or Fontaine? I assume you do. That's what anyone's first thoughts would be. You think I'm hurting Eleanor. No....I am only helping her prepare for her destiny.

Sofia Lamb continuing: Let me make this clear to you Archie. Eleanor is not Elizabeth. She isn't and never will be. Yet you're risking your life for a girl you never met? To save the closet person who was an actual father to you? Do you think she'll see you as a brother? No one deserves Eleanor. You will not influence her. It's your mindset and how you are that would destroy everything I worked for. Eleanor isn't supposed to be a weapon like Elizabeth and you were planned to be. She is something else entirely. If only you could understand.

Archie: I do understand. You're crazy.

Sofia Lamb: Ah yes....the you're crazy argument. They always say that. In time I think you'll understand when she's ready.

Archie: You're gonna turn her into one of those Big Sisters I saw! You think that's good for her! That's worse than them dying! How are you do that to those girls!

Sofia Lamb: Big Sister is the hand of Rapture....you Archie....are the demon that they need to kill to protect Eleanor and all those Little Sisters. But again....Eleanor is different.....maybe next time we speak...you'll be more understanding.

#bioshock #bioshock rebirth #bioshock au #sofia lamb #archie wynand

4 notes · View notes

warriorstale001 · 4 years

Text

Updates on writing! Find Out How Close I Am To Finishing The Next Chapter Of The Work Of Mine That You're Reading!

So after a while of not posting any new chapters on AO3, I begin to feel really bad for all my readers. I want nothing more than to post something, but there's either something in a story I'm stuck on that is giving me writers block or I'm writing something for another work and I end up focusing so much time on that, I tend to forget about my other works entirely...

Another problem I've noticed is that uh, my word lengths for chapters are sort of spiralling out of control XD. I'm pretty sure the average chapter I write is about 4000ish words long these days. I just love writing everything that comes into my head down on the page... which definitely causes me grief...

BUT ANYWAYS, I decided to make myself feel better, I'm going to write down here what I've been working on, to show you guys (and myself) that I'm getting somewhere with the different fics... It's just taking some time.

I apparently have 14 different incomplete chapter drafts right now (｡ŏ_ŏ). I'll categorize them so it's easier to read.

Bittybones in Need of A Good Home, You're Providing It! : I have only one chapter in drafts for this. It's nearly there, probably only another thousand words for me to write then the edit.

Bittybones in Need of Hope. : Three chapters for this one in my drafts. I just need to edit one and it's done and the other two still have a ways to go. I tend to get excited when major plot is coming in a chapter a little further down the line and will often jump at the chance to begin at least writing these. It's why there's three chapters here instead of the one, because I'm excited for where it's going!!!

Xtra Small (Main Story): Two of my drafts are for this one. Unfortunately, I'm currently delaying the next chapter until I have a little more time to write. BIG THINGS will be happening there soon and I'd rather release those chapters close to one another then leave you on any cliffhangers for months. Not sure if the next chapter I have written will be the chapter AFTER the one I'm stuck on or will there be another chapter in between it, but it's basically finished ^^. Just needs an edit.

Xtra Small: (Extras): I always tend to write down small bits of ideas for these chapters that I write inbetween my other stories. Currently I have five. One is nearly done and just needs the edit, two have massive word counts and are still nowhere near complete :/, another is about halfway.... maybe? And finally, the last only has like the first paragraph written.

Xtra Small (Side Story) : I haven't come up with a title for it yet, but it's an alternate timeline to the main story I was requested to write. It's now fully planned out and should have ten chapters altogether. I've written and am about to edit two chapters. I'm planning to post all the chapters around the same time, possibly in December or January if all goes well.

??? : A new work from a different fandom I'll be releasing soon. It's a one-shot from a first person p.o.v that I hope will be enjoyable. I'll make sure to talk about that another time though.

Just so you know, I plan to release the next chapter of the "Bittybones In Need of a Good Home..." work first, since that's been on hiatus for so long.

Just so you know, I plan to release the next chapter of the "Bittybones In Need of a Good Home..." work first, since that's been on hiatus for so long.I'll see what order I'll go from there.

So that's everything, thank you so much for your patience waiting for whatever one of my works you decided to check out ^^'.

Hope you're excited for future story updates and apologies this explanation was so long (I seriously can't write anything short for the life of me)!

#Writing #Warriorspeaks #Updates #Why do I do this to myself #Writing Struggles

1 note · View note

reconhq · 4 years

Note

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to make a (very LGBTA positive) webseries of her own?.

oh boy! I sure do. I’ve actually been on a couple other projects other than Recon, all after the first season was written & mostly after the first season was shot, and ya girl has learned a lot because of and since season 1!

i am so sorry but this is going to be SO long. i am kinda obsessed with web series & digital content and it’s my actual professional career now so just… get ready. sorry 😅 i’ll add a TLDR at the end.

(p.s. this is just advice from me, Emma, and not the rest of the Recon team who may have different/additional advice, maybe someone will add on after the holidays)

write your bible before anything! depending on if you’re co-creating or just co-producing/writing, this should be done before you bring on additional folks. if you’re co-creating, this is obviously a collaborative process. when i created recon, i did it on my own. i pitched the original idea to some dear friends (one of whom makes a cameo as a security guard in ep 20!) and got their opinions, adapted from their advice, and once i had a solid format, main character, and general plot, i started on the bible. it took probably a month of fucking around before i felt ready to write a bible.

the basic components of a bible are a log line, short season overview, character breakdowns for your characters (mine are ~paragraph or two for main characters, with shorter ones for less central characters), a summary of the show’s main themes, genre and tones, and the format of the show (if you’re mapping out multiple seasons, it may be relevant to do this for each season as well as the overall show), as well as the most important part of your bible– the episode breakdowns. i’ll touch on those in a minute.

i do all my original brainstorming on paper, because i am adhd as fuck and it’s easier for me. your bible isn’t the place to brainstorm. separate them out. not saying you have to write on paper, but have a separate doc for brainstorming so the formatting for your bible can be easy to follow.

if you’re co-producing or having someone else produce your work, it makes sense to have your co-producer or producer right there with you as you work on your bible to give feedback. does this mean they’re writing it? no. is it useful as hell? yes.

my partner-in-creative-crime justice and i tend to share bibles and brainstorm docs with each other when we’re working together on a project. depending on which roles we’re playing on each project (e.g., i’m producing his podcast COSMIC under our company name but not co-creating or writing, so i mostly gave notes on his bible. we’re also working on a series called Inked, and we’re more like co-creators there, so we both write in the doc.)

your bible is the holy doc of your show; it’s what you show to any writers, producers, designers, any creative working on your show so that everyone is on the same page. it is your main reference and guiding light through the whole season; make it clear, organized, and as easy to read as possible. i personally use google docs for my bibles, and use the hell out of the outline function. highly recommend, but everyone has their own system.

break your ENTIRE story before before you write a single script, before you write your pilot, before anything. it’s part of your bible.

if you’re not super familiar with tv/screenwriting, breaking a story means figuring out the beats. the breakdown of reason s1 started as messy af writing on whiteboards, and turned into this:

this is absolutely not what your first outlines or final drafts will look like. we changed…. a ton while writing our scripts. you can see even in this sequence– episode 8 and 9 got blurred, and we barely touched on ava’s past because there wasn’t room. regardless, this doc & breakdown served as the basis for all our writers and kept us all on roughly the same page. when we disagreed, we could go back to this and sort it out from there!

find your people. two roles were crucial to me when we made recon: a mentor, and collaborators. having good people behind me was so so important; i could have never done this on my own.

i got…….. so lucky with my mentor, bernie su. he not only gave me incredible advice, read scripts, and reviewed cuts, he purchased the damn show, accounting for 75% of our funding. i feel like it’s important for me to acknowledge the luck and privilege i have here: the show would not happened without him, and i only got that chance because i live in LA, went to USC, and applied for the right job at the right time. HOWEVER, aside from the funding that made recon possible, bernie’s expertise seriously helped. after principle photography, we were left feeling lackluster, and bernie gave me advice that led me to make changes that transformed the show. having someone with experience– whether in tv, film, web series, any sort of writing– is invaluable.

while i created recon on my own, i did not develop or make it on my own. the episode breakdowns? half me, half other people (mainly justice lol). the look of the show? EP/DP christa, production designer amanda, graphic designer hal, and justice as costuming lead. i did not write season 1 on my own. i recruited friends from USC and even one from high school to write episodes i didn’t think i could do justice (no pun intended).

once you’ve found your people, trust them. there will obviously be cases where you disagree enough with someone’s creative opinions that you shouldn’t, but except in extreme cases, trust your people. try to only chose people you trust in the first place. letting go was so so so hard, but many of the best parts of recon happened because i got over myself and trusted my cast and crew. episode 16, player vs player, was justice’s baby, and i almost didn’t let him roll with the animations because i was too nervous. holy fuck, i’m so glad i trusted him. same with reflections (ep 15), written by my now-fiancé, which no one else could have written. hal was a bit unsure going in, but the episode is phenomenal. my production designer’s choices were amazing, and i had little to do with them other than being like “yes that is so cool let’s do it”

seriously. trust your people. watching bernie on artificial & emma approved trust us, his crew of mostly 20-somethings, with creative decisions taught me a huge lesson. i was 19 when he hired me, 19 when he bought the show, and he actually fucking trusted me and the rest of his team to do things. my initial reaction was what the fuck, but it worked. it also let him focus on the big picture while giving us the space we needed to feel creatively and emotionally fulfilled. trust your people.

this also applies to your actors. we had a google drive specifically for our actors to throw up ideas/backstory for their characters, and we’d read through it and give feedback and contributions. it led to better performances and characters with more depth. we also met with actors where we could to discuss their ideas for directions for their characters– video game nerd taylor came from convos with joré.

katiemichal and kat were just like, the same people as their characters, so there was less of this, but there is definitely value in casting the irl versions of your characters as them.

edit your episodes individually, then read through the WHOLE SEASON at once to edit. repeat that until you read it and it’s cohesive.

keep track of your timeline and your canon, even canon that’s not explicit in the show. there’s so much recon lore that we kept to ourselves that informs several decisions in the first season.

unless your character’s race/ethnicity (even gender) is a key part of their character or the show, cast with an open net. ava was originally a white girl name jody. ana, the actress who played her, originally auditioned for riley, and we changed the character’s entire backstory for her, which added an amazing dimension to the show we get to see in reflections (and an upcoming podcast shh). lesson fucking learned on my part– almost too late. don’t be like me.

ren, on the other hand, we were 100% sure was non-binary, and although we opened auditions to all genders, we specified from the start it was a non-binary character and we’d give priority to queer/nb actors. it was the right choice.

PRODUCTION DESIGN IS FUCKING IMPORTANT. cinematography is great, and we obviously focused on it a lot w the style of our show, but PD tells so much of your story without saying a word or taking up a second of airtime.

sound is the single most important thing on set. you can make an ugly shot work, ugly sound will bring people immediately out of the show and possibly abandon it. we fucked up scheduling for Punching Bag, and had to delay its release (it was originally episode 13, not 14), hire a sound editor, and put a goddamn disclaimer on it because we didn’t have time to get good sound because of our own mistakes. arguably my biggest regret of the season, because the script and acting for that episode is so good, and we low-key ruined it. GET GOOD SOUND.

only exception to this is probably coverage and continuity; although those can be fudged a lil more. get a script supervisor or have your AD do it so you don’t miss anything crucial. always get your masters first.

schedule more than you think you should. like, down to the 15-minute block. it won’t work, but it will work worse if you don’t. do your best to stay on schedule (hint: AD/producer on set)

trust your gut. this is your baby, and your choices should service the story you want to tell. let that be your north star, and while you should let your story evolve with time and the contributions of your cast and crew,

TL;DR: write your bible & break your season first. find a team you trust, and trust them with their choices (both cast & crew). if you can, find a mentor/someone with experience to give advice. edit your show both as individual episodes and as a whole season, multiple times. continuity is crucial, backstory is crucial, coverage is crucial, scheduling is crucial. GET GOOD SOUND. and always keep sight of the story you want to tell.

i am so sorry. this is a fucking essay.

#Web series #queer webseries #lgbtq web series #webseries #web series writing #lgbtq writers

11 notes · View notes

icecoldflames · 5 years

Text

The Pinnae Flower Epilogue

Masterlist

Patton-ly Perfect was filled with customers and, honestly, Roman loved it. So many people marvelling at the decor and the various pastries behind the counters.

Patton was currently out so Breena was managing the cash and the customers.

After Fairy Cakes and Fantasy Books went bankrupt Patton offered her the job here. Roman liked to joke that his and Logan’s frequent visits there were the only reason the old cafe stayed afloat and, now that they lived in Mayflower Town, the cafe’s main source of income was gone.

Along with Breena came the hundreds of books from her shelves which were now displayed outside her new house in a Free Little Library. But it wasn’t all that little.

Roman saw Virgil in his usual spot and walked over, draping his arms over his shoulders. “Hello, love.”

Even though Roman couldn’t see his face, he could sense the smile on his face. “I swear, Roman. If you ask one more time about the ending of PS, I might smack you across the head.”

Roman pouted and took a seat across from Virgil. “Aw, c’mon.”

Virgil tried to give Roman a glare but failed miserably. Instead, he ended up barking out a laugh. “I want it to be a surprise for everyone. Including you. Besides, have you forgotten what day today is?”

Roman pretended to be hurt by Virgil’s statement. “You think I would forget such an important day? A day that wouldn’t be possible without you?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, still grinning. “Shouldn’t you be setting up for that?”

“We’ve got it all drafted and set. It’s ready to go.” Roman said, waving his hand. “We’re doing a theory about Lewis.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Roman!” Logan’s voice called out from the doorway of Patton-ly Perfect. “Come here for a moment! Tell Virgil you won’t be long!”

Before Roman could open his mouth to ask, Virgil waved his hand. “Go on. Anyway, you know what they say: bros before h—“

“—That doesn’t count with us as you’re both male. Everyone’s my bro. Except you’re my boyfriend too.” Roman added in before striding over to where Logan was.

Logan was wearing a black button up and a blue tie with diagonal stripes. His hair looked recently brushed and he was nervously playing with his fingers.

“Looking sharp!” Roman commented as he neared Logan. “Looking very fine indeed.”

“I don’t know how you went on a first date without feeling nervous like this. I don’t get nervous often.” Logan muttered, pushing up his glasses.

Roman just patted Logan on the shoulder. “I was nervous. I’m just the better actor and was able to hide it. Anyway, it’s good that you’re feeling nervous. It means you actually like Patton.”

“What? I’ve always liked Patton and never felt this nervous in my entire life!” Logan said, fixing his sleeves.

Roman grabbed Logan’s wrists and forcefully pushed them down to his sides. “Talk to me. Maybe it’ll calm you down a bit.”

Logan nodded and coughed. “Very well I suppose. Did you hear about Jo?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? Serves her right, to be honest. Karma is a bi—“

Logan rolled his eyes. “I just wish Virgil would have stepped forward.”

Roman shrugged. “Jo would have gotten what she deserved whether Virgil said something or not.”

“You know Virgil can’t stay hidden behind a pseudonym forever, right?” Logan suddenly said. “Jo figured it out. This is just the beginning.”

Roman bit his bottom lip. “Virgil and I have talked about this before too. Virgil said he’s been thinking about it long before Jo figured him out. He’s planning on how to break it to the fandom and press soon. He thinks maybe after Pinnae: Spelunca is released.”

“Good on him.” Logan nodded.

Roman smiled. “Alright, you look a lot less nervous! Now go get ‘em, Lo!” He exclaimed loudly and pushed Logan in the direction of Patton’s house.

When Roman could no longer see Logan ambling down the street, he made his way back inside the cafe to Virgil.

“Do you think the date will go okay?” Virgil asked as Roman slid into his seat. He didn’t look up from his screen.

Roman nodded, stealing part of a raspberry muffin Virgil had bought.

“I think everything will be okay.”

~~~

Pinnae: Spelunca

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE NEWEST PINNAE BOOK, PINNAE: SPELUNCA

Can I just say that Raz really outdid themself on this one? I mean, this book made me cry, it made me want to smack some characters, it made me laugh out loud.

I loved it so much. It might be my favourite out of the series, knocking Pinnae: The New Era down to number two.

I loved how it took us back in time to the timeline of Pinnae: Magus and Pinnae: Exsul where Arel and Parisa are on opposing sides of the upcoming war. It’s like, if PM and PE are on opposite sides of the spectrum, PS is the middle zone where both sides are right and both sides are wrong.

So many plot points have been solved thanks to this book and, boy, am I freaking out over them. They are just perfect and they make so much sense. Let’s go over four of the main ones.

Number 1. Why the dragons stole the pinnae flower. We always knew the dragons stole it from the previous books but never why. But now we know that it was to keep the fairies and sprites from starting a war. However, they obviously failed as we can see in PTNE. Case closed.

Number 2. The importance of the pinnae flower. Logan and I had always assumed this last book would be dark but not like this. The pinnae flower being made of the wings of fairies turned sprites? Totally uncalled for. I almost hated King Oberon in this. I was this close. Until it was revealed that ol’ buddy Oberon had no idea of the whole cut off wings thing and that it was his father who did everything and who cut off Queen Titania’s (then, Princess Titania’s) wings. Can I say that that chapter was absolutely devastating? Can I blame Queen Titania for kind of wanting the pinnae flower to see if she could ever reattach her wings? In any case, case closed.

Number 3. SIDNEY’S DEATH. Hallelujah! Sidney’s mysterious death is solved. I know that his death is controversial because it was on accident. Pinnies think the death was a cop out and that Sidney deserved a more grand death than the one given to him. Personally, though, his death is, however sad, is perfect. It’s just that Sidney could possibly still be alive if Kaida had just been less prideful and practiced aiming just a little more when she had the chance. Again, case closed.

Number 4. The cloak. Sidney’s darned cloak. The thing that split the fandom up since the very beginning of the series. What was beneath Sidney’s cloak? Was there even anything under there? Was Sidney just being dramatic and trying to look mysterious and cool? Well now, we’ve got our answer, folks. Wings. Yes, wings. Sidney the Sprite was actually Sidney the Fairy all along. The secret agent go-between between the fairies and the sprites and ultimately working for the dragons. His secret beneath the cloak is so simple yet so perfect. Again, no one expected it. But this one wasn’t controversial. And another case closed.

These were four of my favourite plot resolutions in this final instalment of the Pinnae series. I’m just gonna go cry in my bed for a month or so. What am I going to do now that the Pinnae series is officially finished and done? What am I to do when all the theories have been theorized and there are no more left? Just kidding. Logan and I will never run out of theories.

Also, can I just say that I would literally die protecting Aeni and her sunflower patch? Raise your hand if you’d like to start a Aeni protection squad.

And, until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

PEACE OUT!

33 notes · View notes

rawliverandcigarettes · 5 years

Link

Hey so it’s been a while! Have some news and timeline for Halfway Home! I’ll cc everything under the cut in case you don’t want to run across the internet to read it.

Have a great day!

So we passed the 23rd of June, and now here we go again.

[vague content warning around vague mentions of mental health and poverty]

Hello people from the internet.

I hope you are all alright during this suffocating summer. Personally I’m alright, besides recovering from a generalized infection that makes it hard to eat and dealing with the ridiculousness of the sun peaking up at 3AM.

For some of you who have been following me for a while, you might recollect that I’ve been screeching about my fanfiction project Halfway Home for a decent chunk of time, and yet, years later, there is still no text to be found under the sun (especially the 3AM one).

Today I wanted to recap a little bit why is that, what’s going on with a project, and give some sort of scalable timeline to lay out my schedule, what I’ve been doing so far and where I’m at with it all.

From the start of 2019 to this part of late june, I’ve been digging back into Halfway Home on my free time. After a first reread of the draft 1 in 2018 and declaring it Honest Crap, I realized this story was all over the place and needed to be resharpened before thinking of diving into a draft 2, or I would hit the exact same problems until the end of time. So I spent those last six months re-outlining the entire story. I had two rounds of reviews from friends, and while I’m still not satisfied about 100% of the things (damn you chapter 1) and being unable to stop making changes because no but look this is so much better, I promise that’s the last one, this one really doesn’t count anyway it’s a small one and other similar excuses, I realized that this story needs to be stopped. The 23rd of June was my deadline before locking this outline. Of course more changes will happen in revision and edits, but this outline is the one I’ll follow while drafting.

And now I’m officially in draft 2 territory.

I am honestly scared. I feel like I forgot how to write, and given the added complexities to Shlee’s character, I’m afraid I’ll mess up his voice. I allowed myself not to start at chapter 1 given how much I loathe it in all its 8 forms, but now I don’t know exactly where to start either.

From a chaotic structure of plot points that need to be mentioned, I need to recreate a world of details and nuances and just… life. This is a matter of jumping in the pool, except the pool has been left to cool for almost two years. But still, the jump needs to be made.

So here’s my timeline, that I announce to Thee, Internet, so now I can’t hide behind my own private plannings if I don’t deliver.

By the end of 2019, I want the draft 2 to be completed.

Not reviewed or finalized, but readable from start to finish. It won’t be as long than the draft 1 was, because I know exactly where I’m heading and the revisions tackled down 7 chapters plus the prologue and epilogue from the first draft, and I expect each chapter to be less meandering and needlessly long.

So what that means is that Halfway Home is out in 2020.

This is my final deadline for this part, and I intend to hold it for numerous reasons. The main dumb one is that I have other projects; namely the other parts of the Halfway Home trilogy –that shouldn’t take nearly as long given I have them almost already outlined, at least the next one in line–, but also a Real Book(TM) that I would really love to try and traditionally publish). I also miss making my own indie games, and I’d love to do that more.

But the real reason is I fear the loss of authenticity. The feelings that pushed Halfway Home to be were not pretty ones; they came from a place of isolation, of pain, of material need. And the thing is, right now I’m doing damn well for myself. I have never been more comfortable in my life, though the health/mental health are still a bit shaky and will probably remain as such. But it is so easy to forget the humiliation of a system that punishes you for being poor, and everything that comes with it –the choices that need to be made, the fear of your direct environment, the loneliness of being the crazy one in public transportation, the vulnerability, the crushing need to make it all stop. Even then I never had it «that» bad, if we’re making «that» a contest, but being young and poor and a little bit fucked up is a thing I’m afraid a privileged adult mind slowly but certainly forgets. And I want Halfway Home to be out there before that. Also as a reminder, for me.

I’m still very much on the fence about the way to let Halfway Home out in the world. Part of me wants the beautiful bombastic release plan that I would do for a novel, with pretty drawings and banners and a very serious plan for content release, because hell, I’ve been working on that stuff for so long, might as well do it right. Another part of me thinks of something more discreet, more hushed, less advertised. I’m morally more comfortable with the latter, and I also dare to dream this increases the chance of the absolutely incredibly qualitative investment « The Leftovers » generated –few people, who know why they are here (I love you all so much people that interacted with this fic, seriously I cannot stress that enough). Also it would be dishonest of me not to mention I’d rather not deal with some parts of the fandom regarding the very actively political nature of the story (for example, both turian and human culture being very criticized for their militarism, but also the main character being underage and doing sex work for some part of the story, etc).

So I don’t know! In fact I’d love to know what you think!

So yeah. I have a draft 2 to tackle down (and a Citadel Fashion Weeks to prepare for as well).

Have a great day Internet.

#halfway home #personal #cw mental health #writing

3 notes · View notes

letteredlettered · 6 years

Note

I love 'Away Childish Things' beyond words. The possibility of rereading it and finding new meanings to previous parts each time a new chapter is released fascinates me (I'm so obsessed I wrote down in my calendar the dates each chapter should be posted. sorry if that's too creppy). There are so many little details it got me thinking: how long did it take you to create? Not only to write down, but the whole creative process since the story first popped-up in your head. Thank you very much!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I don’t think you’re creepy at all, but that does mean I really have to stay on my toes and make sure I update at the right times!

As for how long it took me, I like to hear myself talk so I have here a very long answer!

The idea didn’t really pop into my head. I am a tropey person, and the magic in HP means you can do basically any trope you want. I think I have wanted to write a de-aging Harry/Draco fic since 2007. I kept starting it, but could never decide what I wanted grown-up Harry and Draco’s relationship to be, which of them would de-age, and what age they would de-age to. Beyond that, I had trouble coming up with why Harry and Draco would hang out with each other if one of them was de-aged–they have such a bad history that surely, even if the adult versions loved each other, they would realize the kid versions would be better off with someone like Hermione.

I have the beginning of a draft from around 2009 in which Draco de-ages to a teenager just after Sectumsempra. I have the beginning of a draft from 2011 in which Harry and Draco are a couple and Harry de-ages to a teenager. I probably worked on that one the most. I kept starting over. Sometimes I would sign up for fests with the intentions of writing a de-aging fic, but the requests/prompts I got never quite fit.

In 2012 I wrote The Kids Weren’t Alright, which is an MCU de-aging fic, part of a series called Responsible Science. The idea of that series was to write every goddamn trope I wanted, so of course I wrote de-aging. I had some of the same problems in that I couldn’t decide who would be de-aged with whom, until I realized I could just do whatever the hell I wanted and look at every combination I wanted. Those kids were de-aged to 12, because I love middle schoolers.

When @tdcatsblog, @aibidil, and @frnklymrshnkly bid on me for Fandom Trumps Hate, they said they didn’t have specifics about what they wanted me to write; they just wanted me to write. This was incredibly generous of them, so I decided I’d write the thing I’d been wanting to for over ten years. I realized I could do what I did in The Kids Weren’t Alright and write every combination I wanted, which included kid!Harry with adult!Draco, adult!Harry with kid!Draco, either version with either one of them at literally any age I wanted, and kid!Harry with kid!Draco. That last combination later got scrapped, in case you were wondering, and obviously the “either version at any age” got finessed for plot reasons.

Since I’d written fairly believable 12 year olds in The Kids Weren’t Alright, I thought I’d do it again, except I realized 12 is a kind of random age in HP, where 11 is the really significant age. Then I realized it’d be super fun to write Harry write before he finds out about magic and Hogwarts and everything, so I decided to start with that age. I’d say thinking through all that took around a month.

Since Fandom Trumps Hate gives you a timeline of almost a year to write a thing, I thought I’d finally start a fic like a normal person and write a real beginning, instead of starting in media res, as is my wont. I’d been getting kind of tired of Auror partners, and had had the idea earlier last year that you could still have them work together by making Draco a potions consultant, so in January I started writing that, and did about 8K.

I found it kind of boring, so I stalled on it until I got to meet @aibidil, @frnklymrshnkly, @zeitgeistic, and of course the lovely @icmezzo (who lives near me) in person in June. Meeting them rekindled all my H/D love, so I started working on it again. I poked at it for a while and still found it kind of boring, and realized it was because all I really wanted to write was smol!Harry.

Then I realized if you start with smol!Harry, you get to have more information than the viewpoint character because you know what happens at Hogwarts, but less info than Draco because you don’t know how they interact as adults. Since dealing with different levels of knowledge and dramatic irony are my favorite things, I started in media res after all.

I probably started writing smol!Harry around the beginning of July, though I will say that probably 2/3 of it were written in the last week of July because during that week I was directing and producing a play, and it was tech week, and I was quitting my job, so of course I was way too busy to think about fanfic, so of course that was all I wanted to do. I liked smol!Harry enough that I sent it to @icmezzo to read. She liked it!

The middle section with them both adults took all of August to write. I used pieces of what I’d written in January/February, but rewrote most of it. Several times. I sent that to @icmezzo too because I hated it, but she said it was great.

Then my parents visited I didn’t write anything, and then in a feverish 9 days after they left I wrote the 76,000 words that are the rest of it. I understand that this makes me a freak of nature. I was trying to get it all done so I could work on my original novel and not feel like I had quit my job to write fanfic.

I read over the whole thing, did some editing, then I sent it to my beta, @icmezzo, and a little later I started posting.

Tl;dr, it took me about 10 weeks to write, 9 months to plan, and 11 years to dream

#ask #away childish things #melancholic-pie

42 notes · View notes

sillyfudgemonkeys · 5 years

Note

Im curious as to why you hate Makoto for ripping of p3pfemc's looks but consent to Royal-chan for the same thing? ( I know you hate Makoto for a lot of other reasons, like her personality and such, but it seemed like you disliked her since prereveal/release?) If Royal chan ended up being a completely unrelated character to femc, will your opinion of her change ? (no hate really, i jst wanna know. \V/m )

It's no prob! In all honesty I didn't even think about this kind of question, but the answer came right away, so I guess time for a not so deep reflection.

So like full stop, if Poniko isn't connected to the FeMC and it's just Atlus messing with me, yeah I'mma be PISSED. Will I rip on her looks like no tomorrow? Maybe, depends on how it’s handled (like how bad they burn me, and even then I might wait for a spinoff cause they might go into the connection there rather than Royal). I think it's obvious I went harder on Makoto because I don't like her for other reasons, and so any small thing about her annoys me (tbh Yusuke's design annoys me too, but not as bad cause....I kinda just don’t care about him and who he’s copying as much, but I'll get to that in a bit)

Anyway I think we need some historical context, because I think it’s important. When Makoto (and Yusuke) where first shown......FeMC had been ignored for A LONG time. We had a non-canon play (which no one really talked about), and that was it. No game related stuff, not even featured in the game where people were getting ripped out of timelines. FeMC were BURNED. I’ll be honest, when Yusuke appeared......While the parallels between P2 were obvious (not just with him) he reminded me of Minato as well. It annoyed me we had to have the token blue hair character since the rule had been made since the P3 era (kinda enforced with some black haired characters from P1/2, combining P2 games together that is, if you want to include them), Atlus said they’d be trying new things..... but like....whateves. But my association with him as Minato increased....when Makoto came along.

Ngl I wasn’t pleased with the reveal of the last three girls (even didn’t like Haru, for ironically now what I love as an alt rewrite for her as, as I thought she’d be a mean and person full of herself due to calling herself ‘beauty thief’....Yeah all types of crazy here, I do love sweet Haru tho. And the reason for my opinion changing on the alt non-canon personality rewrite is just I.....see the appeal in it for the group dynamic now, while at the time I was afraid of disliking any of the characters or having them be disliked by the fandom.....which big laugh now haha :’D .....I want my happy P5 self back ;w;). Anyway back to the three girls, ngl one of the reasons I wasn’t happy was how they just dumped 3 more characters on us (too big a cast so can they handle it?, silly has to do more VA videos, I want the smaller cast back oh god don’t screw this up, and so on and so on). As for the characters, while Haru’s appearance in the trailer mislead me on her personality (for whatever reason)..... I just.....there was something about Futaba and Makoto I didn’t like. Futaba just rubs me all the wrong ways for reasons I can’t describe for back then (maybe the fact she looked like she’d be a troll and she kinda is), but Makoto it was clear...... She was ripping off FeMC’s look. The brown hair and red eyes.....the fact that Yusuke looked like Minato.....it felt like they were trying to draw them as expies of the P3MCs. And it pissed me off. I didn’t want an unrelated character look and remind me of the FeMC, I wanted FeMC herself! Why are you stealing her look????? And while some FeMC saw this and rolled with it as a joke (Hamu/Minty/Shin dressing up as Makoto/Yusuke/Goro to get into P5), other’s didn’t know who the FeMC was and thus.....didn’t see the blatant expy/rip off design. Seeing people be like “her character design is so original and cute and blah blah blah”.....it annoyed me....obviously (it didn’t help she grew in popularity doing absolutely nothing too, so initially it was all about her looks, and then I’ve been told a lot of her fans, at least male, has been mostly them saying the like her design and her hair and her eyes, and no everyone who likes Makoto is an FeMC fan so....yeah.....I mostly hear how it’s just about her design so I’m very focused on that in regards to her specifically BECAUSE of the fans). And yeah I know it was a bit petty/shallow reason, but I didn’t outright hate her atm, she was stepping on my toes badly but I was holding out till the game (where it finally cemented my hate for her, and now I legit hate her for petty, shallow, deep, and complex reasons). And lordy lord lord, it did not help Makoto’s name was Makoto, because that was a name some FeMC fans gave Hamuko (cause Makoto Yuki was the closest ‘canon’ name we’d get to P3MCs, and some people adopted it for both MCs cause it was gender neutral, so Niijima coming along and taking THAT away sucked ass, and I know different kanji, it still sucked tho). It just....felt like Atlus was spitting in FeMC fan’s face..... But anyway, I kept it in....for about....2ish years. Even when I was trying to stay positive.......and even when I was slowly starting to come out with negative opinions. I tried to keep it in.

Finally I decided to make it framed as a joke, because I started to see Makoto ripping off more characters than just FeMC (FeMC, Aika, and Naoto in the detective novel to be precise, but what got the ball rolling was realizing that it was Aika who Makoto ripped the hair and motor vehicle from with the FeMC’s color scheme). That’s where my brain started going other places than just being restricted to FeMC, and I started being more critical of Makoto’s design outside the FeMC (tho that still burned me). Because, imo, it’s not original, it annoyed me people would say she was original when she was really just a Frankenstein rip off of other characters (other loved characters, FeMC and Aika were pretty popular in their own right). It only continued to cement in my mind that....anything ‘original’ about Makoto was a farce, she just copies while the original gets left behind.

Tldr; FeMC had been snubbed for years, along comes two design expies that remind you of P3MCs (3 if you wanna include Goro/Ken but Goro looks different enough imo), Makoto is named Makoto (a name some used for FeMC), and Makoto is praised for her design for being original and blah blah blah when it’s not (for multiple reasons besides the FeMC, kinda more the fans reactions fault but I was already having design issues so it just bugged me more when they’d say these things). So yeah it felt like Makoto stole aspects of the FeMC, and it’s not like FeMC has a lot for herself, which really just stepped on my toes. Combined that with legit hating the character when I finally get to see her in action (and it’s because of her actions and writing that I hate-hate the character, but prior to that it was just her stepping on my toes while trying to keep an open mind into liking her), the stuff said before gets amplified more than before.

But months later, after the first post of me ripping on Makoto for taking FeMC and Aika’s design (tho my later posts were in drafts I just didn’t post them till later), something amazing happened on Aug 4th. FeMC finally came back to us. And holy shit obviously I was happy, but it doesn’t dismiss the fact I was aware of how much of design rip off/expy Makoto was, and it wasn’t just FeMC anymore. But gdi if the fact that the FeMC wasn’t being ignored anymore didn’t change the outlook for me as an FeMC fan. FeMC was back, she’s loved, care was put into her character in PQ2, just.....skdfalf;a so happy ;w; But also so hopeful, she was acknowledged again, she had been cut from the 20th anniversary event in official art, and that hurt us, but now she’s back back. And she was a main character in PQ2.....which leads to you questioning, what next?

Which brings us to Poniko, the one post hopeful outlook. Obviously she’s not starting in the same place as Makoto. Poniko has been revealed post-PQ2 FeMC....which means Atlus isn’t ignoring Hamuko (in fact a lot of the creators were stating they WANTED her back), we know the creators do love Hamuko. There’s also the fact.....Poniko looks less like an expy like Makoto (who imo looks like Soejima trying to emulate Kaneko’s art style, esp the eye shape, same with Yusuke too). Poniko? It goes beyond ripping off a design, she looks like she’s almost fully lifted from Hamuko, it just looks like Hamuko wearing a different outfit. Just straight up copy and paste. And would I have been pissed if she was revealed alongside Makoto? Maybe, or I might be theorizing that she is Hamuko herself like now (tho I think it’d get more push back due to Hamu being in Atlus’ basement for so long so it just being claimed as delusional and unlikely), or both (and then pissed when it’s revealed it’s not Hamuko). It’s just....she looks SO MUCH like Hamuko it can’t be a coincidence, and after PQ2 it feels less like one as well. Just.....the posture, the cinematic parallels, the hair color, the eye color, the eye shape, the eyelashes, the face structure, the way she stands.....Poniko just screams “I AM Hamuko” not “I just look like her because.” And it helps that other people in the fandom also see this too, some are hoping she’s a new person, but it seems people at least acknowledge that very obvious similarities between Hamuko and Poniko (while that didn’t really happen with P5 with Hamuko/Makoto).

And....tbh I feel like I might sound like I’m splitting hairs (at least with the words I’m using). And it might sound weird that I think Makoto ripped off enough Hamuko it pissed me off, but Poniko just.....is a copy and paste of Hamuko, just straight up Hamuko in a different outfit and hairstyle but it doesn’t. But it’s the historical context I think that sheds that light. And the fact Poniko might just BE Hamuko, and so it’d make sense if that was the case for them to look like each other (while it doesn’t make sense for Makoto to look like Poniko).

I guess it also helps that I personally had the headcanon Hamuko and Minato weren’t related (just strangers on the bridge in two separate cars), and they both survived the bridge accident but one became the leader of SEES and the other went on to live and do their own thing (until maybe a spinoff game pulls them back in). And while I.....well recalling it now I considered a reincarnation once in a hc scenario (opted for time travel forward cause that makes sense 8U I won’t go into it I had my reasons 8U), but looking at the 1st year symbol on Poniko (and reincarnation in other MegaTen works, I mean c’mon reincarnation is in the title) it feels plausible. And it works for Poniko because of the time the incident and the time to be reincarnated takes place (1999 being the accident and April 1 2000-April 2 2001 being the time frame she was born), which wouldn’t ever work for Makoto because she was born in 1998 (so even if I HAD considered Makoto it wouldn’t have worked, esp since they never tell us she jumped grades, it’s not possible....and while I’m all for hc and grey areas, this is something that WOULD be explicitly told because it’s not common in Japan and Atlus has been explicit about characters not in the ‘right’ grades before, just an fyi there 8U).

I dunno I feel like there’s distinct clear reasons that I can fit them into separate categories. And yeah if Poniko isn’t Hamuko I’mma be burned too, BUT I’mma wait till a spinoff post-Royal before I get pissy.....cause I don’t expect clear answers to other past games in another game’s mainline entry (I only expect shallow shoutouts tbh). So yeah, just so you know where the deadline for my expectations are.

3 notes · View notes

broadhurstblog-blog · 5 years

Text

A rough draft/timeline...

Once upon a time, I was a quiet child, who excelled in sports and could string together good sentences every now and again.

I received a certificate at the end of my first year in a boy’s secondary school in East Hertfordshire, by my departing English teacher called Ms Prole. It was certified that I was ‘Most Daydreaming Pupil.’

I was a child who lived inside his imagination, thought deeply about things. I had a fair amount of friends, most of them being at least two years older than me.

We would break into old bomb shelters, explore hard, found a small woods that contained concrete bunkers, and convinced ourselves we had discovered a secret, disused American airbases. I would go on long bike rides, often finding great secluded bodies of water that contained hard to catch fish. I played for a local bottom of the league football team, on often flooded fields that used to be paddocks.

Then something changed.My granddad died when I was twelve.Losing a wonderfully wise man whose wisdom I took for granted, well, it hit me really hard.My thoughts seemed to constantly focus on death.Over the course of the next year or so, my behaviour changed drastically, I became extremely undisciplined, argumentative, I got suspended from school on several occasions.With the help of an Educational Officer – psychiatrists and psychologists took an interest in me.After a few sessions with various medical professionals, my parents were informed with confidence that I had a condition called manic depression and that it was caused by a chemical imbalance/ deficiency of a salt in my brain.After being sure that my heart, kidney or liver was free from defects, I was prescribed Lithium Carbonate.

I took the medication most days between the ages of 14 and 18.

At first, my behaviour did not improve, and it was decided that I should spend time in an adolescent unit of the psychiatric wing of a hospital near St. Albans.

It was a very strange place, most of the resident children there were unwanted orphans I seem to remember.

A lot of the nurses were very heavy-handed in their restraint techniques, and doctors loved nothing more than to sedate those of us not willing to take part in various group activities.

The heavy-handed ways, the use of an exclusion room and the sedation syrup, for even the smallest of infractions – it makes me question the ethics and morals of some of the staff, but nothing I was privy to was against the law as far as I can tell. (There has been stories in the news recently about the police investigating historic abuse allegations, I can’t testify to being abused, but it certainly wasn’t the holiday camp that the staff tried to portray to my parents. Maybe the memories of that place would have been a lot worse without a father and mother looking out for me).

After a couple of months I was back to school.

I was the shadow of my former daydreaming self, but I no longer displayed as much unruly behaviour.

I had lost virtually all my friends, I was increasingly paranoid, socially withdrawn.

I was behind in my school work, and I wasn’t able to catch up.

By the time I was 15 I had the choice of resitting the year or joining another school out of the area 18 miles away, to be in the fourth form where nobody knew me.

So I opted to leave a pretty decent boys-only comp with a Christian ethos, to go to a mixed comp that used to be a grammar school, but which had become a third-rate egalitarian mess.

It is safe to say that I did not respond well to the lowering of educational standards. By the final term of my second attempt at being a fourth form pupil, I was ‘asked to leave’.

I left the school at the age of 16, without any experience of the fifth form. I went to the regional college for two years and completed a couple of NVQ modules in I.T.

I spent most of my college time in the library or playing basketball in the gym.

The point here is that I am not convinced I was mentally ill.

Maybe I was, but I do not think that medication/psychiatric treatment helped me.

The major thing that helped me become a less self-destructive force was *time*.

The death of a close family member really haunted my mind, and I did not know how to deal with it.

My childish poetry turned dark and very cryptic, unfortunately, the caring adults in my life who were interpreting my private words without my permission, they were totally off the mark in concluding that my prose was a sign of me being suicidal. I was certainly crying out for help, but my words were actually full of fear about death, not a single syllable expressed a desire to die.

I wasn’t sleeping much, and prolonged lack of sleep can affect behaviour a lot,

I stopped playing football,

I stooped going on adventures,

I stopped daydreaming.

Lack of exercise can cause serious problems, especially in a child who was once very active.

Add puberty to the mix. . .

I do not think Lithium was the answer to whatever was happening. And how did the medication affect the development of my fragile brain?

I guess that question is impossible for me to ever answer.

I was lucky to have a good family GP who was close to retirement, a doctor from an older generation who was in agreement with me that I would be better off without medication.

As soon as I was eighteen he helped me gradually decrease my doses until I was on the medication no more.

I lacked a lot of confidence, but had no problem finding work with the occasional kick up the backside from my father.

After running into a few dead ends, I eventually became a cellarman/barman in an unusually well run small family pub that was slightly off the beaten track.

In my mid-twenties I moved to Manchester with my licensee certificate in hand, but instead of running a pub, I ended up working in a mind-numbing call centre on behalf of a royal Scottish bank.

By the age of 30, I was a homeowner.

On paper, things seemed good. I heard from a reliable source that my parents were proud of me.

I was unhappy. The relationship with my supposed future wife was on the rocks. I was tired of being a battery chicken trying to get people into debt. I was drinking too much. I had put on a lot of weight. I think I might have been slightly depressed.

Then one evening there was a TV show on, presented by Stephen Fry, it was about living with Bipolar Disorder (The new name for manic depression.)

I think it was on at about the same time that the disability discrimination act came into force.

I was struggling with timekeeping and discipline at work.

Home life was not happy. I was a little drunk and somehow became convinced it was a good idea to talk about my ‘mental health history’ with my partner, and to my manager at work the next day.

Things went downhill very quickly from there.

I went to a doctor, got referred to a psychiatrist.

After a 30 minute consultation, it was decided that I had a mild version of ‘Bipolar II’ And Lithium Carbonate was being prescribed to me. It didn’t agree with me, and I abruptly stopped taking it. Bad idea.

I was a mess. After about 2 years I had split with my partner, mindlessly took my name off the mortgage agreement. I struggled to stay in regular work because of my erratic self-destructive behaviour. I was on benefits for a couple of years.

Eventually, I got a job as an assistant manager, in a betting shop of all places. It was an interesting few years, but working for a morally challenged employer can eventually take its toll on one’s spirit.

This is when I ‘gave up’. I would get a sick note from my local medical centre once a month, claiming I was depressed, etc.I started claiming Employment Support Allowance and Housing Benefit because of my supposed ‘disability.’.The money was more than enough to exist on as part of a house share in a diverse student area in south-central Manchester. At some point a cannabis smoker moved into the house I was barely existing in.It didn’t become long before an occasional toke turned into a regular habit. It took a year or so, but I eventually became undoubtedly mentally ill. I was not self medicating, I smoked weed because I enjoyed smoking it, I loved getting ‘high.’

My behavior gradually started changing for the worse over the course of about half a year. I went to doctors complaining of anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia etc. I told them about my cannabis habit too. The young funky doctor referred me to a young hip psychiatrist, who after 5 minutes of questions, decided that Quetiapine may be the answer to my woes. I wasn’t getting any better, and I gradually stopped taking the medication. I started smoking cannabis again.

I was under the influence of what I’ll call acute mania not long after reading ‘The Cameron Delusion.’ I am fortunate that was the last book I read before I became undeniably mentally ill.

At the height of my illness, it was like I was inside a vivid daydream like I was fast asleep and wide awake at the same time. It is hard to explain. I was aware I was ill though, I sought help. It was eventually decided I should be sectioned, and I disagreed, so a bunch of health workers accompanied by police officers came to my front door. One policeman with impeccable customer service skills informed me I would have to be restrained with cuffs for my own safety, and I was escorted into the back of a police van. The police chauffeured me to the hospital, where I became a reluctant resident/client in a locked ward for about 6 or 7 weeks.

I was forced to take a cocktail of 4 mind-altering drugs on a daily basis. A psychiatrist would see me for about five minutes, once a week. I was told after the sixth or seventh short consultation that I could be released under the condition that I carried on taking the drugs. A social worker visited me on two occasions in the two months after my release from the hospital. Assured I was taking the medication, the visits stopped. I didn’t mention to the social worker that I was gradually lowering the doses I was taking. Within days of the last visit, I had eventually weened myself of the medication completely. It took several months, but eventually, I got a job.

And I have been well, in full-time employment for about a year now, without any problems.

I don’t use cannabis anymore either of course.

And I haven’t knowingly talked to a doctor since my time in the hospital.Mind-altering drugs just do not agree with me.

#mental health #psychiatry #nhs #cannabis #lithium

3 notes · View notes

birdsgoflying · 7 years

Text

Letting Go Ch.2: Behind-the-Scenes

Here is part two of my behind-the-scenes look into my fic, Letting Go!

Link to fic:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11512686

Analysis of chapter one:

https://birdsgoflying.tumblr.com/post/165566140213/letting-go-ch-1-behind-the-scenes

CHAPTER TWO:

The only one he hadn’t managed to completely alienate was Jason. …. Dick would see him out of the corner of his eye during patrol – just a flash of a shiny red mask, following him silently to make sure he didn’t hurt himself.

In the original draft of this chapter, Jason was not referenced at all. It wasn’t until I wrote the end of chapter 5, where Jason tracks him down in Metropolis, when I wrote Jason into chapter two. I did this because I realized that, as far as we know in the canon YJ timeline, Jason is still dead. So as we fanfic authors often do, I decided fuck it and created my own timeline. So, here is the New and Improved Timeline of Jason Todd:

- Jason came back from the dead some time during season two.

- Bruce isn’t exactly wild about broadcasting his “failure” to the rest of the League. (Jason came back very violent and tried to blow up the city, after all, so it wasn’t exactly a celebratory reunion).

- Jason’s post-rising-from-the-dead meltdown/fight with the rest of the bat-clan happened off-screen during season two, and it is part of the reason why Dick was largely absent from the team during that time period.

- Jason chilled the fuck out eventually but kept his distance from the family for a while, then started talking to Dick again, very briefly in passing when he would run into him on patrol – a few quiet words exchanged, a respectful nod in his direction, nothing more.

- He was warming up to the idea of spending more time with Dick when Wally died and Dick started his downward spiral, so Jason kept his distance while keeping an eye on him.

Wally’s memories swirl around him, mingling with the orange mass of movement he is currently immersed in.

I wanted to wait until at least chapter two to introduce Wally’s point of view, and to be honest, even chapter two felt too early. I wanted to keep the focus on Dick and his mourning, and I didn’t want to bring Wally into it too early on because I felt like bringing Wally in early somehow lessens the blow of Dick mourning him. Ideally, I would have waited until chapter three or four, to increase the dramatic tension of ‘will Wally come back or not?’, but I ultimately decided to do it in the second chapter. If I had waited until the later chapters, I would have had to cram a lot of Wally’s content together into one chapter, and I wanted to spread it out more to make it flow a little better and make it feel more natural.

But maybe he’s a little in over his head, he remembers thinking, as they failed mission after mission. He knew the initial high was all too sweet to last. The real world hit them like a cement truck.

A large part of Wally’s POV during this chapter was based on a drabble that I wrote several months before I even started writing this fic.

Sometimes, when I am stuck, I put my fanfic playlist (which can be found here https://open.spotify.com/embed/user/kajnsn/playlist/2t9tx7twJ1CBBKdJZPvvCJ if you wish to utilize it!) on shuffle and write a drabble based on whatever comes up. I have until the end of the song to finish the drabble.

(I usually end up with 300 words or so. The key is to just WRITE, no matter how shitty it is, until the end of the song. You can go back and edit it later, but for now, just write. Misspell words, use poor grammar if you have to, and if you have a word that you want to use but you can’t remember it and it’s stuck on the tip of your tongue, just type the word ‘elephant’ and you can CTRL+F the word ‘elephant’ afterwards and go back and figure out what you wanted to say later on. But for now, just fuckin’ write. Word-vomit all over the page. Do it. DO IT.)

Anyway, during one of those sessions, “White Houses” by Vanessa Carlton came up. I’ve always loved that song. It is bittersweet, and it’s about friendship, growing up, and the loss of innocence. So I wrote, from Wally’s perspective, about what it felt like to go from the excitement of forming the team to the realization that making sacrifices was inevitable – from the Failsafe simulation to Tula’s death.

I knew I had to incorporate it somehow when I found the drabble in my “Drafts and Scraps” folder, because thematically, it matched the story very well. I had to rewrite parts of it and expand on other parts of it, and the finished product ended up much more angsty than bittersweet, but it ended up fitting the story, so I was pleased.

None of them blamed Tula for sacrificing herself. Each of them would have done it in a heartbeat, if put in her place.

I knew that I wanted to reference Tula dying when I got to Wally’s point of view, because there are a lot of really fantastic parallels that can be drawn between Wally and Tula’s deaths:

- Tula and Wally both sacrificed themselves because there was no other choice – they needed to save their friends, and the rest of the world, and them dying was the only way to do that.

- They both willingly and knowingly gave their lives for their cause.

- They both left their lovers – Garth and Artemis – behind to grieve in the wake of their deaths.

- They also both left behind another person who loved them from afar – Kaldur and Dick.

- Tula dying is what ultimately made Kaldur leave the team pre-season two, and Wally dying is what made Dick leave the team at the end of season two.

(For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, Tula’s death is outlined in Young Justice: Legacy, the video game released several years ago, which falls between seasons one and two in the timeline. You can watch the cutscenes here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoCXT-M_VSM or you can purchase it on Steam if you would like to actually play it; I don’t think it costs very much. The game’s mechanics, graphics, and most of the cutscenes are genuinely shitty, but the plot is somewhat interesting and it helps fill in the gaps about what happened with Tula and what caused Kaldur, Wally, and Artemis to leave the team.)

The Failsafe episode was a huge turning point for the season one team – it seemed to show all of them, and the audience, that this is very real. I seem to reference the Failsafe episode in most of the fics that I write, because it held a huge emotional impact for me. I reference that episode fairly often in this fic, actually – you will see more references to it later.

They were thrust, unprepared, into what it really meant to be a superhero when M’Gann hijacked the training simulation and made them all genuinely believe they had died. He had felt himself really begin to come undone after that. It made it all the more real. He had been forced to watch his friends die. Hell, they were still psychically connected, so he hadn’t just watched; he had felt them die. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about glory and inside jokes and hanging out with friends anymore. Of course they felt relief upon waking up and realizing it wasn’t real, but the undertone of dread remained. It was a realization for all of them – someday, this would actually happen. Someday, one of them would end up dying for a mission.

But the pain they felt upon that realization was nothing compared to the pain of actually losing a teammate when that day finally came. And it was only a matter of time. They all knew the expectation – they needed to be prepared to lay down their lives the very moment it was asked of them, because they were superheroes. This was what they did. Their lives were not their own anymore. None of them blamed Tula for sacrificing herself. Each of them would have done it in a heartbeat, if put in her place.

But they weren’t prepared for being on the other side of it. For being the ones who survived - facing the aftermath of one of their teammates dying. It was so much harder to be the ones left behind, Wally had thought, as he grieved with the rest of his team. The pain of losing a teammate, the pain of watching a friend grieve their fallen lover. It was almost too much.

Wally remembers thinking, back then, that it might break him – but of course, it didn’t. People don’t break so easily.

People usually find a way to keep going.

That exact thought is what sticks with Wally as he sees flashes of Dick’s face from inside the orange blur surrounding him. Tears, angry eyes rimmed with red, lips pressed to a bottle, a parade of strangers that Dick allows to use his body in exchange for being used in return.

Wally can’t tell where his own face is inside the blur that envelops him, nor can he feel the tears that he knows he's shedding.

So, real talk - the final seven paragraphs of chapter two made me cry as I wrote it. Just saying. I think it’s probably the most emotional few paragraphs of the entire story for me.

9 notes · View notes