#i am a writer...inside of a clown

[pianocat939]

I stumbled across your blog, and from one writer to another you make excellent work. So I bring you this.

*sips tea*

Three words:

Sick

Yandere

Turtles

In the episode “Down with the Sickness” there’s a stage where the patient becomes very and I mean VERY affectionate, (it was the Captain Cuddle-Cakes stage if I remember correctly) I rewatched the entire series and I couldn’t stop thinking about this when I watched this episode.

Like imagine them getting all needy for affection and attention while the reader is taking care of them. The shenanigans would be unreal.

—————

You started to sweat under the hazmat suit still confused as to how they managed to get anything done in these things. For once Donnie’s insistent medical procedures came to your rescue, because all four of the turtles managed to come down with the infamous “Rat Flu”.

You remembered how the illness came with several stages, one of which being the Must-Say-Yes stage (as Leo called it). If you could manage to not get sick, you could finally be free from this nightmare.

“[Name]~”

“What is it Leo?” You groaned, somehow the slider managed to be more needy while sick.

“Can you come into my arms so I can be whole again, Mi Vida?~”

It was going to be a long day

—————

- 🫖 Anon

I shouldn't be taking this since requests are closed but um

Tw: MC gets hit into a wall but no major head injury, forced cuddles at the end-, mostly turtaleles begging for affection

Sickly in Love

Ok, so the five of you are trying not to get sick with the rat flu. With only the biohazard suits made by Donnie as your only protection.

So far, everything is great, until Leo decides to be a little idiotic and not keep his suit on. Which ended in him getting ill.

He's locked in the quarantine area with his only companion an empty space. He complains endlessly about the heat, which is ironic considering he's a reptile.

And before you know it, he hits stage 2.

While the others go off and attempt to contain Splinter, you're stuck with a red-eared slider who is absolutely in love with you.

——————————————————

"Mi cariño~ won't you come closer? I want us to hold hands." He calls, his palm scraping against the plastic barrier.

"No, Leo. You might infect me if I do." You retort, scrolling through your phone.

He pushes himself against the temporary wall harder, wanting to be closer to you. "Oh but if I infect you, we can cuddle and give each other love!”

“Mh yeah but the group might need me so…No.”

Leo whines in response, clearly unhappy with the situation. He can’t help it! He wants to be held and adored by you so desperately! He longingly stares at you through the transparent cage, the urge to cry swallowing his entire being.

Just then, Donnie barges through the tunnel or rather thrown. He lands clumsily on the floor, a bit shocked by the impact. He groans in pain, rubbing his arm.

"Quick! Get 'em in there!" Raph commands, carrying Mikey in one arm. He then dashes off, escaping from the murderous rat behind him.

You lightly guide Donnie to the containment area, unsure of what else to do. Right before you open the zipper, he snatches the end of your sleeve, his eyes narrowed in disbelief. "I am not sick thank you, I just happen to- achoo!" He's interrupted by a high-pitched sneeze, his body hunched from the sudden action.

Skeptically, you move an eyebrow muscle; unamused by his statement. "Mh yeah, let's get you inside." You reveal the entrance, gesturing for him to enter.

Once he's inside, he shivers, rapidly rubbing his limbs. "Ugh, it's freezing in here..."

Leo snickers from a distance, pointing a finger at him, "That's the first stage kicking in!" He turns back to stare at you, hearts practically floating from him.

"So...Who would you rather have as your significant other, me or Donald?" Donald Duck Leo inquires, still pressed up against the barrier.

"Ronald McDonald. This situation is only getting worse."

"Wha- EXCUSE ME? I'm obviously the better choice than some ketchup clown!"

As Leo rages about how he's the superior one, Donnie stops shivering, his eyes blank. He glances up at you, holding his knees to his chest. He rocks back and forth a little, seemingly pondering about something.

"Donnie? You good?"

"Did I ever tell you about the time I hacked into your enemy's bank account? I took vengeance for you." He smiles slightly, tapping his feet against the floor.

"I- what? Who?"

Donnie breaks out into a psychotic grin, emotion waving through him. "Your enemy~ The ones who hurt you!"

"The fact you're grinning either means you're really happy or a maniac. I'm scared it's a mix of both."

"Why wouldn't I be happy? I protected you from those evil, disgusting heathens!"

Offended, Leo hisses, "Donnie back off! They're mine, you weirdo nerd!" He claws at the plastic, wanting to engage in a fight with his brother.

"Please no. Leo, don't hit the 3rd stage I'm begging you."

And as if things couldn't get worse Raph walks in, his walk agonizingly slow. "Ugh...Gettin' sick is not fun."

You frown, realizing the situation is much direr than expected. "That means Mikey is the only one left. Maybe I should leave to go help out." You ponder to yourself, grimacing a little when Raph collapses into his little chamber.

“No! You’re not leaving me! You’re staying right here with me!” Leo pounds against the transparent wall, angered by the statement.

Donnie whimpers, “What? No, don’t leave me! I get anxious if you do!” He taps his feet faster than before, his stims taking over.

“But if I don't go help Mikey, then you guys will have no chance of getting what you want!"

"Y/n, you listen to me right now. I don't care if we won't win if it means you'll stay. Now come here before I try to destroy everything." Leo hisses out, stomping his food and starting to hit the flexible barrier, trying to break it.

You look in the direction where Mikey is dealing with Splinter and back to Leo and Donnie who both stare at you longingly: one of aggravation and the other of fear. You can't deny, their faces make you want to calm them down so you sigh and sit next to their individual quarantine enclosures.

"You guys are seriously going to be the death of me..."

The two turtles only chirp and churr joyfully as they sit as close as possible to you (while still in their enclosures).

"Sweets! C'mere! I want snuggles please!"

You hear Raph exclaim as he motions for you to come closer to him, and you form a slight frown on your face realizing that Raph has already advanced to the 2nd stage in such little time.

"Raph, you know I can't. You're contagious."

He makes dejected whines from his throat as he presses his face against the wall, pouting with puppy eyes.

"Please...?"

"No, sorry Raph-" But you were interrupted by Donnie who sneered at his elder brother, "Stop it. You're making me want to gag at this lovey-dovey affection you're begging for." You give a short, small glare at the scientist, not enjoying his sudden cruelty. Looks like he's forwarded to the 3rd stage.

"I don't care...I only care for cuddles and kisses from you sweets!" Despite Donnie's harsh comment Raphie seems to bounce right back up and ignore him, which was quite unusual for the watchful turtle. For a split second, you look at Leo's area and notice he's sleeping on the floor soundly, occasionally letting out a small snore.

"Hey, hey! Your attention should be on me! Not him!"

As you were about to turn your head back to the big guy, a sudden weight crashed into you, slamming you against the wall.

"Agh!" You yelp, wincing at the throbbing pain in your head that came soon after you were hit. "What the..." You were then met with the youngest one, Mikey, snuggling into your abdomen with a grin on his face.

"I love you so much, my divinity!"

And before you know it, all four brothers are surrounding you (Leo somehow woke up out of nowhere) with smiles so big it's unnerving.

"We all love you so much,"

"And we think it's best~"

"If you stayed with us forever,"

"So that you can always be happy!"

You then find yourself in an enclosure of your own, except this time it's not for quarantine; no, your enclosure was their arms that wrapped around you so tightly, not letting you escape for freedom.

——————————————————

This was sitting in my drafts for a long time so I decided to just finish it and get it over with- so the ending might be rushed. Apologies.

- Celina

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere rottmnt #yandere tmnt #rottmnt x reader #tmnt x reader #tmnt 2018 #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #donnie x reader #mikey x reader #leo x reader #raph x reader

[crazed-rambler]

I know lots of people have been saying that 7x04 is going to be the tipping point to whether buddie will go canon or not and the new stills are really backing this up. But I'm slightly(very) concerned it's not gonna turn out how we want it to (buddie canon).

Like, from what I personally am getting from the stills, Eddie seems to befriend Tommy without Buck knowing which leads to Buck's 'envy'.

The stills from the gym with Buck and his emotional support basketball are giving 'we were going to play now but oh look my new bestie is calling and wants to show me round the helicopters that's much more cool let's take a raincheck'.

Then you've got Buck just gatecrashing that and Tommy and Eddie having already bonded and having inside jokes and Buck being all :( about it.

THEN you have the basketball court which could either be Buck and Chimney going for a 1v1 game and bumping into Eddie and Tommy OR Eddie inviting Tommy along to a group game without telling Buck. Either way Tommy is once again taking up Eddie's attention. Which causes Buck's abandonment issues to rear their head resulting in The Incident.

Now this could very well be Buck realising his feelings for Eddie in a very roundabout way, but I'm concerned they're going to play it platonically, especially with the way they've been speed-running Buddie's best hits the past couple eps. They could easily pass it off as Buck worrying Tommy is replacing him as Eddie's BESTfriend, allowing the writers to really solidify their friendship to the new audience.

But hopefully, with Oliver's excitement over the episode and the general attached-at-the-hipness Buck and Eddie have had over the past 3 eps, maybe just maybe, Eddie could just be making friends outside of the 118 (which is probably a good thing tbh)(also another of their greatest hits) which prompts Buck's feeling realisation, getting the ball rolling on future buddie canon, which would leave this nice bestfriend-shaped gap in Eddie's life when it eventually happens that Tommy can just slide into, allowing him to be around more often, leaving everyone happy.

But that's the perfect scenario. I still think we're clowning HARD and it's just gonna be the aforementioned reassertion of Buck's position as Eddie's bestie. But one can hope.

#911 abc #911 spoilers #7x04 #911 7x04 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #tommy kinard #118 firefam #basketball #jealousy jealousy #clowning hard

[piplicious]

Dip Week Day 3!!!

Hello I wrote a little something based on a conversation I had with @/pipcorn. But I have like no experience as a writer!!! So you have to be nice to me. + theres a drawing inside :3

Word count: 1366 words

Ship: Damien x Pip

Warnings: none whatsoever

Summary: it's Damien's Birthday and everything is on fire.

"By the power of all unholy and evil I command --all the mortals come to my birthday party!!!"

Despite the very clear and easy to understand demand of his highness son of Satan, no one was there. Creatures of darkness were present, of course, but that was about it. The little black demon beings were all sat at a special table, reserved specifically for them, with all the appropriate evil meals served and ready. But what about Damien's other friends (or so he'd like to think of them)? Did he not manage to make everyone in class like him by being a little asshole?

Unfortunately, Hell was going through a bit of a financial crisis, and some unplanned budget cuts had to be made. Instead of a big fancy banquet Damien had to make do with a regular size birthday party. Well, it was a bit below regular, you can't underestimate the impact inflation and excessive risk taking by systemically important financial institutions have on otherworldly dimentions. Obviously.

As a result, materialistic humans didn't really feel like attending such an underwhelming event.

"AAARGH"

The AAARGH didn't help. So strange! At least one boy should've come. One very specific little lad! And a very important one, too, but shush about that.

And yet no one was there. The party had started whole 5 minutes ago after all! Could it be… that maybe the invintations got lost? Well, no, because then Pip surely would've come. Damien made sure to personally disturb the signal in the 500 meters radius area by shooting his rubber duck-like voice all the way to Pip over the phone exactly 5 times. One time -- a month before the birthday, so that the blond has enough time to prepare the presents. Then a week before the celebration -- enough time for Pip to make sure to cancel all the plans for the special day. Then one day before the birthday - in the morning and in the evening. And don't forget the mandatory 5 AM call.

And so, utterly dissapointed, the grumpy lump of rage continued pouting even harder than usual. I'd like to say that his hope for humanity was completely gone by that time (6 minutes past the official beginning of the party), but let's be honest, it's South Park, why would it ever be there in the first place.

"Happy Birthday, son. Today is a beautiful day and you're only 9 years away from the day I tell you the truth about how you were made."

"Dad. WHE--??"

"I know, I know what you want to say, I see that half of the room is on fire already. But first I have a very important gift for you."

"DAAAAAA--"

…!

And there, a sudden strike of silence hit the room. Damien's instincts freezed and crashed! The "gift" that loomed out of the hallway made him unsure whether to hiss or wag his tail. Or both?

"G-good morning, Damien! I'm here to wish you a very happy birthday and hopefully entertain you for the duration of my stay here…! Hope you didn't… miss me?"

The little british boy that just came in already managed to pick up that something about Damien's reaction was off, as the later made incomprehensible noises and it was hard to read what exactly he was feeling at the moment. It would seem illogical, as Pip was the exact person lacking at the event, and yet the way he appeared rubbed the demon in a wrong way.

"Are you… mad at me? Ohh… I see… No one has come to your party? No worries!!! I understand how you feel, sogga, no one attends my celebratio--"

"Why are you wearing that!!!"

"Oh it's a clown outfit, your father asked me to--"

"DAD?????"

And so Satan had to step into the conversation between the fourthgraders. What an interesting sentence out of context!

"You see, due to the financial situation we couldn't afford a professional entertainer, and dead soul tortures are already reserved for when you get good grades, so I figured getting your buddy to pretend to be a clown for your birthday would be good enough."

"I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE A CLOWN!"

"But why?"

Giving absolutely no answer, the hissy boy left the room and it almost seemed like he had a little tear in his eye. And so, Pip, Satan, and a hoard of unholy creatures whatever they are, were left astounded in a room with more fire in it than food or tables.

What a confusing situation! But of course giving up would mean missing the chance to save your lo-- your friend's important day, right? That's not a very caring behavior. Pip would not want to leave Damien behind, no. It takes some thick gloves and a lot of bravery to deal with wild kittens like that. And a heart big enough to give them all the space they need to not feel intimidated anymore.

"There, there."

Pip sat near the curled up demon, petting his back and waiting for him to cool down and relax his eyebrows at least a bit. And boy did he take his sweet time cooling down, this is not your average tray of freshly baked brownies.

"I-I don't want to rush you or anything, but could I perhaps get a hint about why you're mad at me?"

Nope. Not happening.

"It appears I have to try guessing myself… Do you want me to leave?"

Damien shook his head. Somehow everything became even more confusing.

"Are you… afraid of clowns?"

Not that either.

"I don't know what else it could be then…"

"…I wanted you to come because you want to. Not because you have to."

The boy who for some reason had to remind Pip about his birthday 5 times looked away in embarassment. Could it be that there was actually some kind of thought process happening behind those eyes? It seemed that this time his friends' intentions actually mattered to him and it wasn't just about seeming cool in front of the elite of the class. Pip was nice sincerely and it made a big difference! If he came willingly it would be clear what he came for. Damien's smile or something gay like that.

"…How much did he pay you?"

"For what?"

"For you to come."

"Oh good golly i'm going to get paid?"

The utter confusion in blonde's eyes eventually cleared up all the doubts in Damien's mind.

"No."

"Oh alrighties."

"I think I understand. Only a brit would willingly attend a party where the only food being served is unholy goop and satanic porridge."

"It's not that, Damien, I just--"

Pip started fidgeting awkwardly with the fabric of his clothes like a shy anime girl. Unusual, since most of the time when he liked someone it was extremely visible to everyone around. Well, it was, it very much was visible this time either but somehow not to Damien.

"You see, back when I was born as a little baby in a small town of--"

"Shorter."

"I have feelings for you."

"Oh. Wait what. Wait. That's gay."

"Indeed it is, Damien. I understand if you want me to leave even harder than before now, I--"

Instead of jokingly utilizing the diverse pallete of homophobic slurs in English language the demon boy's eyes immediately brightened up. He didn't exactly know why yet, but it actually… cheered him up? His buddy was actually more than just a buddy! They could spend so much time together like those two yaois from their class! Now the hard part is actually somehow returning feelings and admitting the same thing. Oh Go-- Oh man it sure is more embarassing than he thought… But it must be oh so worth it!!!

The poor British thing just sat there waiting for any even remotely coherent answer. His anxiety was only soothed by the fact that the fire in the house began slowly extinguishing, which probably meant that Damien wasn't angry with him. Fortunately he didn't need to wait too long.

"You're my boyfriend now."

"Okay."

There. The hardest part is now behind, time to jump straight to the part that has handholding and fun dates in it.

***

#DipWeek2023 #pip pirrup #sp pip #sp pip pirrup #south park pip #south park pip pirrup #damien thorn #sp damien #sp damien thorn #south park damien thorn #south park damien #south park #sp dip #dip sp #south park dip #damien x pip

[your-old-sins-tournament]

12 YEAR OLD OCS; SIDE A

Kishimaru [@notagutterrat] (He/Him)

One of the first (if not the actual first) fandom OCs I ever made, he was a very overpowered Naruto OC that was from a powerful clan and also had a demon/beast sealed inside him and it basically made him a catboy as well (An orange-haired catboy...is it obvious what other manga I was into at the time?)

Excavator [@enjoliquej] (he/him)

Behold, a mere mortal man, born with the name Excavator, destined to become part of one of the most fantastical endeavors known to man: Archeological Excavation.  Being gifted with a genius and brilliant name as Excavator, and having a career that shared the same name gave him some trouble with introductions.

A bold and thoughtful quote from our hero:

"My name is Excavator, and I am an excavator."  --  Excavator

Follow Excavator, the world's WORST and luckiest archeologist as he embarks across the world to different locations that his 12 year old writer was learning about in history class. Watch as his boss constantly fires and re-hires him on account of Excavator's stupidity and luck at finding rare artifacts. Embark on his first adventure when he accidentally hurled himself into a tar pit from clowning around and found the Rosetta Stone buried deep beneath. Join him on his trip to China where he gets thrown into a basket and is forced to float the Pacific Ocean for days until he discovers ancient Chinese scrolls hidden in the basket with him, narrowly escaping being fired by his boss yet again. Follow him to India where he believes he traveled to the 1800s and is mistaken for a butler and cleans precious furniture with bleach which ruins everything until he realizes he was just staying at some guys house the whole time and he didn't time travel to the 1800s.

All this and more on The Silly Adventures of Excavator, The Indiana Jones Wannabe!

#oc #polls #ocs #bracket tournament #side a #old sins #excavator #kishimaru #ocs you made when you were 12 tournament

[thatswhatsushesaid]

hi hi hope youre doing well!! i was wondering if you had any good recs for fics that explore jin guangyao and su minshans relationship? platonic or romantic idm i just wanna read more fics about their dynamic!! no worries if not, you just seem like youd know some good fics for them lol (compliment)

anon you have come to the right clown with this request, let me throw some stuff at you:

a painting missing strokes, a song missing notes by occasional_boy_reporter is a cql post-canon xiyao fix-it fic that includes probably my favourite brand of suyao, which is one-sided, unrequited, but nevertheless not something minshan makes jgy's problem to manage. he might be eaten up with envy on the inside, but his ride-or-die loyalty to jgy overcomes everything. anyway, i am sad to say the fic is incomplete, but it is still such a beautiful read, and sms's role in it really can't be overstated! i also really like how the writer handles lxc and sms's dynamic!

favor by venndaai is a hunger games AU which primarily focuses on a romance between meng yao and lan xichen in the games, but also features background nieyao and very minor background nielan--which, if you know anything about me and my preferences, is so high up there on my list of NOTPs as to be in the stratosphere, so for me to not only read and finish this fic, but turn around and recommend it to other people as often as i do.... idk if it says something, exactly, other than i think it's REALLY FUCKING GOOD! minshan's role in this one is very minor in contrast to what you'll see above, but it is nevertheless an extremely important role that, imo, closely mirrors sms and jgy's canon dynamic in spirit, if not in function. just be prepared for things to go very dark. i cried at the end.

sainted, untainted by gloriousmonsters is a suyao oneshot that veers very closely towards dubcon territory, though the kink in question is one that they do negotiate in advance. things just... happen... in the thick of it, and they struggle, but the whole scene from start to finish remains consensual. what i love about it isn't even the sex, though that is very steamy and intimate dgmw. it's that everything about this scene, from start to finish, is also an examination of trust and vulnerability, and i think if there's anyone in the canon material jgy would be willing to give up his dearly bought power and control to--other than lan xichen--it's going to be su she.

those are the ones that immediately leap out at me! beyond that, here's a shameless plug for my post-canon xiyao fix-it WIP glorious, which only has one chapter up atm, but it is all jgy and sms. their dynamic is going to be as important as the romantic xiyao in subsequent chapters so 👉👉 watch this space etc.

#asks answered #mdzs fic recs #jin guangyao #su she #su minshan #suyao

[esotl]

Performance - Chapter 11 (Part 20)

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Characters: Hokuto, Wataru

Translation Directory

It's known as a tragedy, and yet, I can't agree with that assessment.

Location: Inside a Train

Wataru: In actuality... I've never once come across one, a person who declares "I want to be like Hibiki Wataru!"

Which is to say, I am indeed still half-baked.

Hokuto: That's because you're out of the norm... No-one can even dream of being like you.

The more I come to know you, the more I feel that distance, too.

Wataru: Eh~ even though I'm close enough for you to touch? Please do your best, Hokuto-kun!

When I first saw you, I was a bit inspired.

"Aah, he's imitating my hairstyle," I thought... "Perhaps he wants to become like me."

Remembering the previous conversation, I held an interest in you...

Your mother must have predicted that, and tied your hair in a braid.

That's why I said she's discerning.

Her preparation is flawless, she knows all about a performer's weak points. Because if you're faced with someone imitating you, there's no way you could be unhappy.

Though, with just a few minutes of talking to you, I could tell you had no interest in me at all...

You only think of yourself, don't you?

Hokuto: Should I not? I don't have time to think about other things right now, and aren't I the one who thinks of myself the most?

There's no-one who thinks of me, of Hidaka Hokuto, so... I'm the one who has to consider me, to produce me.

Wataru: Right. That's the natural and correct answer, people don't really think about others often.

Though I personally don't have much interest in myself~ that seems to be rather unusual.

I'm always thinking about the characters in works of art, and the people surrounding them.

"Hibiki Wataru" is the means by which, the point of contact for interacting with those kinds of lovely things.

Hokuto: You're pretty distorted, aren't you... Are all "geniuses" like that?

Wataru: What do you think? Geniuses, no, all people are slightly different from each other.

You can't analyse all of humanity on an individual level using inflexible interpretations or common consensus.

That's why. You, who is captivated by such things, is rather laughable.

Hokuto: Hmph... I feel like I'm being made fun of by a clown.

Wataru: What a fitting phrase! Ahaha, chatting like this is fun...☆

Hokuto: Isn't this is strangely conceptual for a "chat"?

Wataru: Perhaps it is, by common consensus' standards! You're still restraining yourself, is your braid a chain or something, Hokuto-kun?

Be more flexible!

Relatedly... I just so happen to have tickets for a play being held at a theatre near the next stop!

Would you care to join me?

It's a rather intriguing stage, quite avant-garde... perhaps your sense of values will change upon seeing it!

Hokuto: I refuse. School is starting soon, I shouldn't skip.

Wataru: Isn't it fine every now and then? Let's be bad boys together~♪

Even if you do as your parents say like a good boy, it's not like you'll be rewarded for it, will you?

Hokuto: Don't interpret me like a character from a story.

Wataru: Apologies, it's an unconscious habit! This is troubling though, I didn't imagine you'd refuse.

Even after I went through all the trouble of moving you onto a different train without waking you?

Hokuto: So you're the reason I'm going to be late for school? I thought it was strange for me to sleep past my stop.

Wataru: Apologies, I just love tricks like that!

When faced with unexpected developments, humans always reveal some sort of interesting reaction without fail!

Getting mad, losing their cool, being bewildered, speaking unfavorably of me...

They confront me without hiding their true face behind a mask, or at least, they don't ignore me.

Hokuto: Did your parents not care about you as a kid?

Well, whatever. I already studied the contents of today's lessons last night, so it won't be a huge problem if I don't attend.

Even if I'm not there, I doubt anyone would notice.

I'll accompany you, President. But only for today - it'll be a problem if I'm constantly getting kidnapped to places I don't know.

Wataru: "Kidnapped" makes it sound scandalous... But I'm glad, let's have fun watching a play together.

Both acting and viewing are lonely when done by yourself. Let's snack on popcorn and excitedly discuss our thoughts with each other.

Japan has strict theatre manners, but plays have been that sort of event since time immemorial. Like in Shakespeare's time.

Hokuto: Don't speak like you were there for it, President.

Wataru: I've been doing my research you know, Shakespeare's a classic after all.

As is the play we're going to see today, "Romeo and Juliet"♪

It's known as a tragedy, and yet, I can't agree with that assessment.

Hokuto: ? Isn't it a standard tragedy?

Wataru: If you think about it using the common rules of this fleeting world, yes. But they were surely united after death, no?

One committed suicide, the other committed murder, so they certainly both fell into hell together.

However, "wherever you are is Heaven"... is what's conveyed in the play.

Because they went so far as to repeat such a sentiment over and over, time after time, the ending is not a tragedy.

Death is not the end, nor is it hopelessness. It is proof that they were finally together.

It's a connection, a blessing. That is how I interpreted the story's meaning.

If it's not true, then... Ah, God, Shakespeare, for what purpose did you document the suffering of this man and woman?

To sneer at these pitiful two, or else, to feel self-satisfied in your pity for them?

No - "Romeo and Juliet" is a congratulatory address for the two being united for eternity!

[Chapter 10 • Directory • Act 8]

#enstars translation #ensemble stars #hokuto hidaka #wataru hibiki #enstars #ensemble stars translation #performance! the tragicomedy of romeo and juliet

[cf56]

My thoughts on episode 10

SPOILERS for season 3, episode 10 of the Animaniacs reboot

So that's great. I took two hours to write this entire review, and then with one press of control + Z, it was completely gone. Great site Tumblr. Really works as intended.

I was in a better mood, but having to rewrite this ENTIRE thing sucks so badly. I try to give my genuine thoughts as I go, and it's impossible to replicate that on the second try. I want to scream. Why can't this week just go right?

So now you're getting a negative opening for what was a super positive review. I seriously want to punch a wall. A website meant for long posts doesn't have an editor designed for them. That's just great.

I can't rewrite that whole thing. Just have a collection of screenshots and some jumbled thoughts.

I'm sorry for Pinky and the Brain fans that their final showing was so short. I didn't like Brain talking about the "endlessly repetitive formulaic rebooted franchise that relies on just a handful of tired characters." You can say it's the writers taking a shot at themselves, but it really isn't. It's not their show. They didn't create the characters. Combined with the ending, it just feels a little disrespectful to the people who put their heart and soul into creating this show in the first place, and to the fans who genuinely love these characters.

Look at them being silly!

I can't gush enough about the song. Such cute animation, such powerful music!

I teared up while listening to it this time. I'll probably do the same on every future watch.

I liked that Wakko was right about everything and had the idea that saved the day. The Warners literally saved the world and they'll still be treated like garbage by everyone around them.

The Joe segment was funny, especially the zoom out at the end. I liked hearing "Waltzing Matilda" in the background.

Dot was so cute wanting to go on the teacups, just being infatuated with the idea of spinning around in a little teacup!

This segment is the epitome of "this is my life now."

Poor Wakko has the worst luck. The SAME CLOWN just happened to be at this carnival? At least we know he got down from Mars.

I thought it was weird to have two cataclysmic endings for the reboot six minutes apart from each other. Although they say this sketch was written for season 1, I find it really hard to believe that this wasn't originally meant to end the season/reboot, especially with Dot's quip at the end. I'm not sure I would want this to be the ending, though. It would have sucked if the Warners were the ones who explicitly ended their universe and killed everyone inside. That would have proven everyone right about their destructive nature all along.

I thought this was a refreshing segment. Slappy sounded and looked great. Like I expected, it was short and there was no Skippy, but I'm happy it exists. I was surprised and happy to see that they got Sherri Stoner to return for work on the reboot.

I liked how Everyday Safety was just a never-ending cascade of total nonsense.

The Council is not pleased.

I thought Wakko's bottle song was catchy. I liked that it actually sounded like Wakko blowing. I wonder if they got Jess to do that for real in the studio?

And the ending. I wrote four paragraphs about it, and it sucks so bad because I thought I made my points quite well. Let me try again.

I understand the metaphor with the abrupt and sudden ending. I know the asteroid is meant to represent Hulu. I just don't think they should have pushed their bitter disappointment with the show ending directly onto us. They should have thought it through a lot better.

If they were going to go doom and gloom, which they shouldn't have, they should've at least given the ending some emotional weight. How am I supposed to feel anything when the characters themselves don't show any reaction to their unexpected, oncoming violent deaths? I'm not saying it should have been super depressing with crying and begging. They just should have given a genuine reaction instead of doing business as usual. The closest set of siblings in the world is about to go out in a fiery blaze, and they're not even touching each other. They're just standing near each other awkwardly. Have them embrace and accept their death with a positive remark about how it was all worth it. That would at least give some closure.

What they should have done, if I could rewrite it from scratch, is give us a satisfying, happy ending. Show the Warners finally earning their freedom from the tower after 90 years. Maybe have them gaze at the sunset together, mirroring how the sun rose at the very beginning of the reboot. Even if they didn't have time to animate new scenery for something like that, anything would have been better for this. This ending just feels empty. It lacks any emotion besides pure shock and it feels like an F you to everyone who cares about the show. The creators might have intended that F you to feel like it was coming from Hulu, but Hulu didn't write this scene. The reboot writers did, and they had the power to leave us with something better. This could be the last Animaniacs we ever see.

I'm at least happy they attempted an ending. The original didn't have one at all. It just sucks that Animaniacs had to end unexpectedly and unsatisfyingly both times it's been suddenly cancelled. The reboot was supposed to fix that.

This was perhaps the most entertaining episode of the season for me. It has one of the greatest Animaniacs songs ever, maybe the best song of the season, I'm still not sure. I still love The Island of Dr. Warneau a lot, so I'm giving this episode a solid second place in my final ranking for the season.

Episode 6

Episode 10

Episode 3

Episode 9

Episode 7

Episode 4

Episode 2

Episode 1

Episode 5

Episode 8

That means that the majority of episodes this season are episodes I would consider really good. The top 4 are all episodes I would consider really great. I'll give my thoughts on the season as a whole in my collective season 3 review, but I'll need a few more days before I start writing that. I need some time to collect myself and reflect.

I'm sorry for how this review turned out. The first version felt a lot more positive, because in this attempt I just wanted to express my more well-developed thoughts, which happened to be criticisms. I liked this episode a lot. I just so desperately wish I hadn't lost that first version. It only adds to the most heavily conflicting mix of emotions I've ever felt in one week. I was feeling good, and now I'm knocked down again. I'm sorry to be the one putting so much negativity into the fandom. I want this to be a positive place for all. If I wasn't able to express my emotions here, though, I wouldn't be able to deal with them at all. So thanks to those that have been listening.

I encourage you to add to the discussion of this episode if you want. If you're from the future, please don't say anything about any of the episodes that come after this ;)

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#animaniacs #animaniacs season 3 #animaniacs reboot #animaniacs 2020 #animaniacs screenshots #animaniacs analysis #animaniacs spoilers #animaniacs episode 10 #cfposts

[bloodydrew]

NEIL GAIMAN?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING NEIL GAIMAN GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK WRITER DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING NEIL GAIMAN

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT NEIL GAIMAN I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE WROTE THAT SCENE IN SEASON TWO WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST TO SET HIS FANS LOOSE AND CRYING IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST MESSY HAIR GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said Neil Gaiman waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with Neil Gaiman speaking one word after this episode not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip the intro and the credits when he’s mentioned

i dont even know why i hate him so much. he writes books but i am just mad because i am angy

he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some shithead whos a fan of sad gays and wanted to make his version ill go ham

BETTER have had a book make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingHateNeilGaiman

episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned in the credits bc he wrote it and I lost it

where the fuck is Neil Gaiman if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt

crusty old man

ill punch Gaiman and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final book he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when Neil wrote the second season script so i can make it a reminder on my phone

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but be happy about the second season of Good Omens

#behold #Juergen Leitner Rant Neil Gaiman Version #neil gaiman #I SWEAR TO GOD IM NOT OK WHAT WAS THE EPISODE SIX #NEIL GAIMAN IM COMING FOR YOU #good omens #good omens season 2 #aziraphale #crowley #I’m crying #Neil Gaiman destroyed me #tma #tma tag bc it’s the Jurgen Leitner rant after all #this is a joke please

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last 5 people who interacted with your blog and get to know your mutuals and followers. 💕

this ask! and your whole blog! and you!

my sweet waifu....we just celebrated our one year anniversary last night and i am so excited for our next 3477758890000 more anniversaries forever and ever. maybe next year we'll get wine that doesn't aftertaste so bad lol

i am currently eating pancakes that i made with starbucks apple brown sugar syrup in the batter cus we got to take the surplus home after we stopped selling the fall flavors and yall. these pancakes are delicious

we recently moved the dog's bed from our bedroom to a little nook under our tv stand so he can chill there while we're in the living room & he won't jump up on the couch and eat our food lol. and he looks very sweet all curled up down there.

cecilsweep. which had freaking BETTER get all you clowns who havent listened to wtnv since 2016 to get caught up. it's so good. intern kareem kidnapped his double's parents. joseph fink the writer is physically trapped inside the town he helped create and can't escape. there's some kind of snake god apocalypse coming??? listen. listen. this matters to me a great deal.

#talkyllama #wtnv #wife tag #ty for sending this!!!!!

[ellegreenwxy]

promises

Writer’s Month Prompt: Day One

word: promise | setting: beach episode

            “This is quite the final date,” Juliet said, casting brown eyes around at the sparkling water that surrounded them, taking a small sip of the champagne Bobby had just poured for them.

            And she was right. Bobby knew that the final dates were always a bit extravagant, but he hadn’t imagined anything like this. The gazebo floating out on the water was beautifully decorated––twinkling lights lining the inside of it, the little bulbs reflecting in her dark eyes like stars––but it was nothing compared to her. She looked so pretty tonight. Then again, she always did, but tonight, especially. She was wearing that red silk dress she knew he liked, the off-the-shoulder sleeves and short hem leaving most of her warm, brown skin bared.

He took a long sip of his champers, not realizing he’d drained the glass until he stopped feeling the little bubbles on his tongue. She arched an amused eyebrow at him and he felt himself flush, looking away for a brief moment.

“Thirsty?” she asked, and he could hear the teasing in her tone, heard the clink of the bottle as she moved to pour him more. He didn’t stop her, knowing good and well he was going to need all the liquid courage he could get tonight.

“Thanks, Lass,” he said, finally looking back at her once he was sure he didn’t look like such a nervous wreck. “If I didn’t know any better though, I’d think you were trying to liquor me up so you could have your wicked way with me.”

She didn’t laugh, a small smirk curving her lips instead, and he saw that familiar glint in her eye that he knew all too well. “I don’t need to get you liquored up to do that.”

She was right about that.

“So uh, we never got to talk about how talking to my parents went…” Her voice trailed off and he could hear the nervousness creeping into it.

“Oh yeah! I have the texts on my phone if you want to see?” he asked before scooting his chair a little closer to her own, opening up his messages. “They were super nice, we got on pretty well! And look, here they sent a bunch of clown emojis and some hearts––they must think I’m funny.”

“Oh for sure,” she said, lightly nudging his shoulder as her eyes continued to scan the screen. He could tell when she got to the bit about her parents seeing some of their saucier moments when her cheeks flushed as red as her dress. “God, that’s embarrassing. You forget the cameras are here sometimes.”

“It was a little weird but I think I handled it pretty well,” he said, letting her see his reply before he tucked his phone back into his pocket. “They uh, they actually gave me some pretty good advice about something. That was why I stayed back longer. I really wanted their opinion.”

“Oh?” She straightened a little, turning in her seat to look at him better. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I um…I knew what I wanted to say but I figured a second opinion couldn’t hurt.” And before she could say that he was making her nervous––he practically saw the words on the tip of her tongue––he gently grabbed her hand and gave it a small squeeze. 

“Juliet, when I came into the Villa, I was so sure I wouldn’t find anyone I could see as anything other than a friend. I uh…you know this already but I was pretty prepared to just have a fun summer. No commitments or anything, just make some new mates and that would be that because I just knew there was no way I was going to make a connection with someone on a reality TV show…” He bit his lip, his gaze flickering to their intertwined hands before he looked back at her, at those beautiful brown eyes watching him like he was sun in her sky and it made his heart soar. “And then you walked out onto the lawn on that first day and that all went out the window.

“Since then, I’ve felt myself falling in love with you a little more every day. I am in love with you. You’re it for me, Juliet. Everything I was worried about feels so stupid now that I’m sitting here with you because I just can’t imagine not loving you. You showed me that I’m capable of not being just a lad who jokes around. That I’m someone worthy of love and being loved by someone like you.” He felt tears burning his eyes but he didn’t look away from her. He wanted her to know how much he meant what he said. He needed her to know it.

“I don’t want this summer to be it for us. I want…I want you to meet all my friends. I want you to come to my Mum and Dad’s for Sunday brunch. I want you in my bed when I fall asleep and there when I wake up. I want to take you on dates where the glassware isn’t made of plastic and I want to just be with you because I honestly can’t imagine not having you in my life.

“I want you to be my girlfriend, Juliet. More than I think I’ve ever wanted anything before.” He exhaled slowly, a breath he hadn’t realized he’d even been holding, and gave her hand another squeeze. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d poured his heart out like this. He’d loved his past girlfriends but he also couldn’t remember loving them the way he loved Juliet. If she said no to him––if she walked away from him even after telling him she loved him––he wasn’t sure he would ever recover. He’d told her she was it for him and he meant it. There was never going to be another person like her, he knew that much. But as the seconds crept by, he became more and more aware of the silence that now hung between them. What if she actually did say no? What if she loved him but didn’t see something outside of this for them? What if––

“Yes,” she said, and he blinked.

Had she said yes?

The sea of thoughts that had been raging in his head just moments ago dulled into practically nothing as he met her gaze, her own eyes wet with tears. “No one’s ever said anything like that to me before, Bobby. I…I’ve always felt like a prize to be won. Like guys wanted me just to say they’d had me. No one’s ever loved me, not in a way that counts. Not the way that you love me.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, and his heart broke a little. How anyone could spend even a second with Juliet and not fall in love with her was beyond him. Then again, he supposed he should be grateful to those idiots for screwing things up because it had brought her to him.

“I want to be with you, Bobby. I want to be your girlfriend,” she said, and the words were like music to his ears, probably the sweetest song he’d ever heard. 

He leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss, framing her face in his hands, her cheeks wet from her tears against his palms but he didn’t care. He couldn’t care, not when she’d just agreed to be his. His. Juliet was his girlfriend. When he finally drew away, he didn’t go far, leaning his forehead against her own.

“Just promise me one thing Bobby.”

“What’s that, Lass?”

“Promise me you won’t break my heart.”

“I promise.”

#litg ff #litg fanfic #litg season 2 #litg bobby #all the feels #love island the game

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, Terezi Pyrope

Act 6, page 7929-7936

JOHN: hey, they're back!

JOHN: how'd it go?

ROXY: went cool

ROXY: dropped callie off with jade + mayor

ROXY: gave kanaya space egg

ROXY: shit is shaping the heck up

JOHN: nice!

JOHN: hehe.

JOHN: hello, hummingbird.

ROXY: :)

ROXY: hay whats happening to skaia

KANAYA: It Looks Like Someone Has Finally Released The Grist

KANAYA: Its Ready To Receive Echidnas Offering Now

KANAYA: If Someone Is Able To Light The Forge That Is

ROXY: oh

ROXY: soo...

ROXY: how do we do that again?

KANAYA: In Our Session By This Time It Was Trivial

KANAYA: Under Present Circumstances I Think It Will Be

KANAYA: Tricky

JOHN: huh?

KANAYA: Every Magic Ring I Am Aware Of Is Currently In Use

KANAYA: Some By Friends And Some By Foes

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: well, i wouldn't worry about it right now.

JOHN: there are more pressing things to think about, like fighting a lot of bad guys.

JOHN: by the way... where's karkat?

ROXY: hes meditating

JOHN: what? meditating??

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: Inside A Pretty And Spiritual Cave

ROXY: echidna really blitzed his chakras apparently

JOHN: what the fuck is a chakra.

ROXY: shrug

ROXY: some soul junk that gets blitzed in the presence of a snake goddess??

JOHN: um.

JOHN: this doesn't sound like something karkat would do.

JOHN: are you sure this isn't some sort of bullshit?

KANAYA: Its Definitely True And Not Bullshit Lets Change The Topic

ROSE: Agreed.

ROSE: I think I speak for all of us when I say we've indulged in entirely enough bullshit already.

ROSE: Let's get on with this.

ROSE: John, you're our leader. And if you try to deny that one more time, so help me god, I will acrobatically pirouette so hard off this lilypad, I'll perform a supersonic swan dive through Skaia and impregnate the battlefield with my own incredulous torso.

ROSE: Now please tell us what to do.

JOHN: wow, ok! i won't say i'm not your leader anymore, jeez.

JOHN: i think it's about time to get going!

JOHN: by my estimation, all the bad guys should be getting here any minute.

JOHN: so we should go find the condesce and ambush her.

JOHN: she's supposed to be on derse, right?

ROXY: yup

JOHN: alright, then let's go.

JOHN: i think we are as ready as we are going to get.

JOHN: we all have weapons, cool powers, a plan of attack, and most importantly of all, each other.

JOHN: never forget, team work is our secret weapon here.

JOHN: probably the most powerful weapon we have!

JOHN: second ONLY, perhaps, to the power of friendship itself.

JOHN: remember that, guys.

JOHN: as long as we have team work, friendship, and cool powers on our side, we can't lose.

JOHN: you are my best friends ever... rose and roxy, and kanaya and terezi, and dave and jade and karkat, and also jane and dirk and jake, and...

ROSE: John.

JOHN: hold on, rose, i'm almost done...

JOHN: and callie, and tavros, and cat rose, and um, the sweaty guy, uh, PROBABLY not the clown in the fridge though... oh, yeah, and even probably vriska.

JOHN: oh, and the mayor! he's great too.

JOHN: did i miss anybody? i think that's it.

JOHN: anyway, i believe in you all, and i know we can do this together.

JOHN: now let's go kick some ass!

ROXY: mmm thas good shit

ROXY: very leadery :)

ROSE: ...

JOHN: how was that, rose?

ROSE: I don't know what I expected.

JOHN: huh?

JOHN: wait, did i say something dumb?

ROSE: No, it was fine.

ROSE: Roxy's right. It was very leadery. Very... "John".

ROSE: I'm just wondering now, if you're really going to embrace this business of leadership,

ROSE: Maybe you'd consider hiring a speech writer?

JOHN: a speech writer??

JOHN: i dunno, rose. i think i'd be pretty bad at memorizing speeches.

JOHN: especially ones YOU wrote. :p

ROSE: Touché.

TEREZI: WH4T?

TEREZI: D4V3

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG THROUGH TH3 L1TTL3 FO4M 4SS 4G41N

TEREZI: UGH!

TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND

TEREZI: 1 W1LL B3 R1GHT TH3R3

TEREZI: OK 3V3RYBODY

TEREZI: SOUNDS L1K3 D4V3 4ND H1S BRO 4R3 R34DY

TEREZI: 1'M GO1NG TO FLY OV3R TH3R3 NOW

TEREZI: 1 HOP3 YOU 4LL H4V3 FUN MURD3R1NG YOUR D3S1GN4T3D V1LL41N

TEREZI: C4TCH YOU L4T3R >:]

JOHN: BYE, IDIOT!!!!!!!

ROXY: ......

ROSE: ......

TEREZI: WOW JOHN, CH1LL OUT

JOHN: heh.

JOHN: sorry, i guess i got carried away.

JOHN: no offense.

TEREZI: SOM3 T4K3N >;]

#homestuck #john egbert #roxy lalonde #kanaya maryam #rose lalonde #dave strider #terezi pyrope #homestuck act 6 #page 7929 #page 7930 #page 7931 #page 7932 #page 7933 #page 7934 #page 7935 #page 7936 #homestuck act 6 act 6 #homestuck act 6 act 6 intermission 5

[fairygeek777]

Aight I'm 2 episodes into SuperS

Couple of things about the whole 90s anime in general.

First, I get that the writers wanted Mamoru to have a guy friend. But like Motoki could have been aged down instead of Mamo aged up. I'll admit I like their dynamic and in this latest episode Mamoru showed his understanding of Motoki and Reika's feelings which was cool. But the whole reason the impersonating Motoki's best friend Endo was a thing is because Mamoru was so much younger than Motoki and his friends in the first place. So they didn't know him. I think its great to give Mamoru a couple guy friends like Motoki or maybe Asanuma. But Mamoru was literally a loner lol. He was a bookworm and kept to himself. Actually that side of Mamo is also like nonexistent. Traded for motorcycles, roses and the green jacket.

Second, why am I 4 seasons in and the inner senshi are still using the same powers from season 2???? Hello??? They'd be way more effective against enemies if they had planet power. Rei only uses Burning Mandala. Please give her Mars Snake Fire my gosh.

Why is every monster they come up with in these latest seasons some bizarre female design. You know what the daemons looked like iN tHe mAnGa? Like giant alien worms. You know what they were in season 3? Oddly perverse humanoid female everyday objects.

Why are they making it seem like Chibiusa is like- crushing on Pegasus before she even knows his true form? She's blushing way too much thinking about a winged horse. 🤨😑

This anime has always had some uh interesting tropes and character behaviors but why is it when Tiger's Eye goes inside the dream mirrors of the girls he's targeting it looks so wrong?

Still miffed that Diana is nowhere to be seen. She's in the opening but 🤷‍♀️

Not sure if I'm gonna enjoy this season. The dream arc is particularly special to me and it already feels as though it is being butchered. I know I know this is a separate cannon Yada Yada everything I've already said before.

But one of the reasons I liked the Dream arc iN tHe mAnGa so much is because it wasn't the creepy trippy kind of circus I was worried it would be. But this season has such bizzare added monsters and I'm not a fan. You'd be surprised how little things like circus themes and clowns triggers my brain into flight mode 💀

#sailor moon #sailor moon super s #pretty guardian sailor moon #manga #anime

[streetlightdiaries]

You’re so cool, yeah, you are

A few months ago, I told a confidant that I felt like a party clown whose friends roll her out for cheap nostalgia. Terica, who will wear fishnets and Dr. Martens, shows up with pre-dirtied hair and a demeanor that suggests she is just coming off a heartbreak or hangover. My confidant laughed at me, objectifying me far worse than others would dare, and I wondered--what exactly do I get out of this arrangement?

In the wavering sun of May, I go through the motions of becoming Terica. I have been asked to come see a set and am already running late. Still, I make an effort with the grease paint partly because I don’t want to disappoint and partly because I don’t know how many more chances I’ll get to be her. Once in the city though, it takes at least ten minutes to work up the courage to get out of the car. I saw a little girl with wild hair, running across a yard in mud boots on the drive in; I wonder if she’d be proud of me if she knew me now. Would she be impressed? Would she think I was cool?

The Syracuse music scene is punkier than Long Island ever dreamed of being. It gives rough edges and real dirt, and I am taken aback because for me, it’s love at second sight. I cross the street to meet a crowd of happily affected outcasts as they spill out of the venue onto hot sidewalks. It’s cool to see a punk in the daylight. The frays of their denim vests become individualized in the light breeze, and their smeared eyeliner is so textured I have to concentrate on controlling my gaze. 

Inside, performers appear the way they are supposed to; they have all the right tattoos in the right places and look perfectly cute in their mildly skinny jeans and winged eyeliner. I wonder how long it took them to get into character. It’s pretty clear who in this room knows me, who wants to, and who needs me to act my part. I can tell all of this by where they stand when they look back at me, by how hard they try to summon that staircase wit, and how they act when I lean into ask about the opening riff, as if I don’t already know the answer. 

I am quickly charmed by the band I’ve turned up for. They’re sweet, but keep up with my sarcasm. They drink white Russians, have never read this blog, and when tempted by a debate over the new Foo Fighters song, their eyes light up the same as mine. Is it a match made in heaven or hell? Me with my red lips, them with their black hoodies. We talk in tight circles, too old for games, too young for white flags. Sometimes it’s safer to coolly stay in the role you’ve been given and it has always been my position to stand, possibly approachable yet highly flammable, just off the back wall. So when the merch guy tugs my coat sleeve in an effort to coax me closer to the stage, I can’t help but laugh out loud in discomfort. It’s then that I dare to think I’m not their clown. Maybe not here, not them. I buy another round and a few more laughs. Show me something I haven’t seen before and I will show you the parts of her you haven’t yet known. 

I like frontmen who watch the local bands and girlfriends who don’t want to be there. I like photographers who ironically wear “pancakes, pancakes, pancakes” tees to a waffle house. Did I want to take someone home? Fuck yes. Somewhere in the middle of a disenchanting setlist I got that glow right in the center of my chest in a way I thought was long since dead. But I played it cool, and I took what I could get in the low lights of a familiar scene.

The next day, I lie out on porch cement daydreaming about things that did not happen. The going rate of a nostalgic scene clown is the privilege to spend time with characters who perhaps would not be immortalized on page, if they hadn’t found a writer who is as equally uncool.

A few days ago, I told a confidant that I thought Streetlight was a waste of energy. But it’s my diary. It was my first crush. And it carries on, like a nonsensical conversation on a tour into Upstate, New York. 

T.

“Kool” by Meet Me @ The Altar

#cool #punk show #punks #bands #writer #clown #streetlight #streetlightdiaries

[7r0773r]

Little Failure by Gary Shteyngart

My grandmother is always in the background, chewing an apricot down to its pit, her eyes firmly affixed on my once-skinny and now-somewhat-flabby body. She is making sure nothing and no one will cause me harm. The other kids have similar minders, women who grew up under Stalin whose entire lives in the USSR were devoted to crisis management, to making sure the arbitrary world around them would treat their children better than it had treated them. These days my grandmother is talking about going to "the next world," and that Bar Mitzvah summer, having passed a milestone of my own, I begin to see her as an older woman in decline, the shaking hands clutching the apricot pit, the trembling voice as she begs me to swallow another forkful of sausage. She is a figure as anxious and helpless before eternity as any other. Maybe this is what America does to you. With the daily fight for survival abated, one can either reminisce about the past or face the singular destiny of the future. For all her talk of the paradise to come, my grandmother does not want to die. (p. 166)

***

Now that I have true friends who tell me about what goes inside their asses, now that I am able to talk honestly about my life with a woman who loves me ("I love you, Gary," to quote yet again from her letter), I can finally begin to think of myself as a serious person. And that seriousness will not lead to Fordham Law School, where I would most certainly clown around for the first two difficult years and then fall into a disastrous cocaine-fueled tailspin by the third. For me, this means the one thing I pursue with competence and with passion. I write.

Let me reiterate: I don't know how to do anything. No fried egg, no coffee, no driving, no paralegaling, no balanced checkbook, no soldering a fatherboard onto a motherboard, no keeping a child warm and safe at night. But I have never experienced that which they call writer's block. My mind is running at insomniac speed. The words are falling in like soldiers at reveille. Put me in front of a keyboard and I will fill up a screen. What do you want? When do you want it? Right now? Well, here it is.

My output is a story a week or a batch of poems. I write as soon as I wake up, the hangover still pulsing in the damaged front of my brain, to the thwacka-thwacka sound of roommate Irv's first vigorous masturbation. I write before coffee; I write with Big Blue gurgling in the corner; I write like a child who needs to prove something. The Oberlin creative writing department takes me on, takes me in. There is a professor called Diane Vreuls (such a strong Dutch last name), tall and striking, approaching retirement, who gets what I'm doing. In her tiny cramped office in the basement of the building that resembles the first three floors of the World Trade Center, she points out a passage where one of my characters crawls through the woods. "How does he crawl, Gary?” she asks. And then she gets down on all fours, and, with all six feet of her plus the gray halo of long hair, she crawls every which way. And I get it. And I understand how it's done. How the words convey the world around me and the world trapped inside me.

I am walking on water. Yes, that's what writing can do: I am walking across the Atlantic Ocean at a diagonal, looping up the English Channel, making hash of the Danish archipelago, sliding up the Baltic Sea, down the Gulf of Finland. "Well, we know where we’re going," David Byrne is singing on the stereo, "but we don't know where we've been.”

I am going to Moscow Square, to Tipanov Street, but what I don't know how to do yet is to go beyond my childhood courtyard with its sooty black pipe and rusty rocketship.

To the Chesme Church. To the helicopter launching pad. Up, up, into the air and between the spires. (pp. 276-77)

***

We are heading up Nevsky Prospekt. The broad Nevsky cuts across the center of St. Petersburg at a northwestern tangent, as if trying to lead the way to Scandinavia. In the times of Gogol and Pushkin most everything happened along this street, from commerce to love to café-scribbled poetry to the choosing of seconds for duels. Today, it is still the place for a long aimless walk from the low-rent Uprising Square to the city's focal point, Palace Square, where the de-tsared Winter Palace sits on its haunches in a green provincial funk. On Nevsky, chicken is fried in the Kentucky manner, and stores like H&M and Zara will, if given the chance, clothe a newly middle-class person from the shapka on her head to her galoshes.

St. Petersburg is a sad place. Its sadness lies in a mass grave in its northeastern suburbs along with the 750,000 citizens who died of hunger and German shelling during the 871-day siege, which began in 1941. Petersburg never truly recovered. It is impossible to walk down Nevsky, alone or with my parents, and not feel the oppression of history, the weight on our own family and on every family that has lived within this city's borders since 1941. CITIZENS! a preserved sign at the northern mouth of Nevsky declares, DURING ARTILLERY BOMBARDMENT THIS SIDE OF THE STREET IS THE MOST DANGEROUS. And so it is. (pp. 328-329)

#Gary Shteyngart #book quotes

[thediaryofaudreysaxton]

September 14, 2022

A journal blog is a failure, a poor idea. A journal blog is last resort and a procrastination.

Can’t finish a short story/ novel/ essay like a ‘real’ and ‘paid’ ‘writer’ can.

I write in notebooks, margins of novels, on newspapers, and receipts. It’s usually not very good but I look cool doing it.

The writing is bad or even worse, illegible.

What defines ‘bad’, you ask?

Bad is when it’s not funny or interesting and instead boring and hard to follow. Bad is when the spectacle is not spectacular. No one is transfixed, no fictional dream achieved. Bad is when you realize you’ve wasted your life doing something dumb. When art is not funny or interesting and instead boring and hard to follow, it’s embarrassing for the producers, the spectacle and the audience, which triggers hopelessness in everyone.  

(a.) Excuse me, but don’t you think you’re inability to write how you wish might have to do with how you’ve been diagnosed with Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS), resulting from a traumatic brain injury in July 2022, and are currently seeing an occupational therapist to identify your ‘deficiencies’ and regain prior brain function?

(b.) No. And don’t be dramatic you fucking transvestite, I was like this before.

When was the last time an adult skid their knee? Or fell hard on their palms? I always had beat up palms and knees when I was a kid and now all I have is a deep throat and a passport.

You’re bombing sweetie. That’s hack. *Clown reference*. Most likely crap. The sentence structure in my scribbling’s are typically clogged, and confusing.

My favorite time to journal is when I want people to look at me. Every human is predictable, looking for validation. I write down how I watch others seek acceptance and how I compare. The fat comedian chugs beer after his killer set, surrounded by three women who he bullies for finding him funny. They screech at his impression of their cadence, portraying them as moronic and irrelevant squirrels. They flip their shiny hair and the comedian sweats. I watch the performer who bombed standing next to him. He smiles into his soda water, scratching his neck until its red.

Do the women know they’re being made fun of? Am I judging them too? Am I judging everyone or loving everyone? Performers distrust their own fans because of how much they don’t believe in themselves, right? Falling in love is supposed to help you fall in love with yourself. Appreciating them makes you appreciate yourself.  

and what we should do about it.  

Men gargle yellow spit with their pants down to their knees asking if I can spare a dollar. I’m at a bus stop, a wrinkled woman growls at me. I’m holding a pen and she’s holding a bottle of pee. ‘Is it her own pee?’ I write around people I’ll never see again and those I wish would grab me hard to give me a kiss. Press your hips into me, I write about the guy sitting across from me. I scribble about the tragedy of a disconnect next to fire pits and on a sidewalk curb.

“I’m sorry but I just have to ask, what are you writing about?” The guy I didn’t notice until now asks.

“You”, I tell him.  

These boys can’t read what I write but they see my desperation. It’s an act.

This journal blog is a rambling of incomplete ideas, as I move unedited. Personal and crude. Finger pound and twiddle these keys, copying down what the fuck happens inside your brain. What goes on inside my brain is unfinished and empty, hungry and tired.

 Example;

Walks into a bar to write;

Blonde lady who is sad and lumpy in feather headband. She reminds me of yellow pudding. These barstools are all ripped and fucked up I wonder if someone has ever gotten ripped open and raped here. I have gotten raped at least that’s what I tell people but did I just fuck on cocaine and he didn’t listen when I told him to stop in the middle wait this music is good and this bartender is beautiful because of how ugly she is. Lopsided face with a fat nose. What a bird, what a Jew. Black people have wide nose holes. I ask her how her day is and she responds well can’t complain I am free and employed. I say yeah yeah there is always space to complain, it’s really hard out here but we’re all doing ok. Right? I beg her while simultaneously giving her hope because of how cute I am. I feel always ready to cry because of how alone I am and how to quell this feeling I want everyone to get the fuck away with me from me by me but I just keep smiling and this calms a situation because I am a leader. I hope I grow old, always in the wings preparing for my cue to enter. Stage fright. Stardom. The director. This is total crap but gives you something to do

[goyurim]

yurim stans! heerim stans!! *raises glass* 🥂 this one’s for us! we rlly got an entire episode dedicated to yu rim and cute heerim dates BUT AT WHAT COST

#twenty five twenty one #i am. broken inside #@ writers stop making go yu rim the most tragic character challenge #i said stop torturing yi jin and y'all just???? #*looks at smudged writing on hand* ah! start torturing yu rim? you got it boss #what tf was this episode......... #the last ten seconds though??? #*clown music plays in the distance* #moon talks