#i am a nonbinary man and i am FRUSTRATED

[kigiom]

how many times. it's not THIS

it's this!

surprise! being nonbinary can also include the binary! but you lot aren't ready for that apparently

#i am a nonbinary man and i am FRUSTRATED #transsexuality is beautiful and diverse and not meant to be held up against your idiotic standards and notions #you! do not! get! to criticise or verify! other people's! identities! now piss off! #trans #nonbinary #thomas.text

[transmascissues]

do you actually view nonbinary people as non-binary or as binary people too scared to come out

this is a wild thing to ask someone who’s very openly not binary. like what even prompted you to send this? even if you didn’t know that i’m not binary trans, what have i said that would lead you to think i don’t believe in nonbinary people? is it just the fact that i’m a trans man and talk about being one on here? because sometimes it really feels like that’s all it takes for some of y’all to just assume i hate nonbinary people, as if those are mutually exclusive categories (which is ironically an exorsexist assumption in itself).

anyway, if it needed to be said, of course i view nonbinary people as nonbinary. it would be very silly of me to feel differently given that i’m not a binary trans person myself and that most of the trans people i’m close to in real life are nonbinary. i would strongly encourage you to ask yourself what it is about me that made you feel the need to ask me this in the first place.

#i am. so tired #anon hate #<- idc if it wasn’t meant as that or doesn’t seem that way to other people bc at this point? i’m done treating these as genuine questions #like this is what i mean when i talk about how frustrating it is to be a trans man with a complex gender #bc it really feels like other nonbinary people will just. see that you’re a man and assume not only that you’re not part of the community #but that you must be actively hostile toward it #idk. maybe i’m reading too much into this question but it feels shitty and i’m not gonna pretend it doesn’t

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm tired of the idea that passing as a trans person is something you either are or aren't, that it is innate, and if you pass, you pass in every scenario otherwise, you don't pass, and if you don't pass, and it's because you aren't doing enough/aren't transitioning enough/aren't enough of your gender.

I'm tired of the idea that passing is this clearly defined phenomenon that happens to us all if we try hard enough, and that it's inherently our fault if we can't magically pass in every fucking scenario known to man.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #like passing is already complex and i hate that so many treat it like black and white #that's why i hate being told i pass or that i pass and so my voice is less impactful #because maybe i pass as a man 99% of the time but. i can never pass as a cishet man and that impacts how i am treated #and i simply can't pass in some situations. i'm treated like a third scarier gender in many circumstances and that matters! #it matters because it's transphobia and it *will* impact other people #we can acknowledge that passing *can* contribute to how somebody is treated *without* making sweeping statements that silence others y'know? #and i just don't know if some people are ready for the amount of nuance and care that that takes #it's getting to the point where i am weary of language surrounding passing #like even when i passed maybe 10% of the time i still felt like i wasn't heard by others and it's frustrating #like it feels like it's 'you pass so you don't understand this' or 'you don't pass so you don't understand this'

[kafkaguy]

havin a gender crisis at the train station lol #epic

#reading some lesbian comics and marvelling at the butch experience.......... and then also going into Brain Explode Mode bcos #of how similar it is to the transmasc experience #understanding why so many trans dudes are like 'oh what im just butch or a very masculine woman' #and butches are like 'oh what if im a trans guy' #THE VENN DIAGRAMS BRO. INTERSECTIONS AND CONNECTIONS AND SHARED EXPERIENCES #we are FRIENDS but also its making me feel all . What If She Pronouns. What If More Nonbinary Than I Thought... #cos the thing IS as a bisexual i do feel like my sexuality and gender identity are so intertwined its sometimes annoying #so i cannot think of it as like Ah Yes I Like Men Therefore Im a Homosexual #its a like. i like EVERYONE therefore i am EVERYTHING cos ALL my attraction feels Gay with a capital G #im gay for women im gay for men im gay for everything in between and outside #but i dont see my attraction to women as attraction to the opposite gender cos i dont see women as Opposite or necessarily separate #and vice versa i dont see my attraction to guys as . excuse the outdated language - 'same sex attraction' #because i dont necessarily see myself as A Man . yknow? #the binary is fucked identity is everchanging and ever molding and i am just a little wavelength of light floating through space #THEREFORE. idk where i was going with this #i just think that queerness and humanity are so much more complicated than any of us realise #and sometimes it is so frustrating and tiring seeing other people like me and wjth the same experiences as me #being so conservative and so assuming and trying to generalise something so personal #i am not Doing Trans Wrong . there is no wrong to be trans imo #and i also think we need to be kinder to detransitioned people + transmasc lesbians / transfem gays + nonbinary bisexuals ok thanks bye

[epicdogymoment]

once again rubbed the wrong way by friends who unintentionally reveal that they dont really engage with my masculinity in any real way and see me as nonbinary (female-lite)

#leologisms #...................i need more trans friends. in real life #its so frustrating. your gay friends knowing youre transgender but still being able to tell that yeah. they really do just see you as #female-lite. and pushing back by overcorrecting the other way. but im NOT a trans man! and im not a woman either! and the label #nonbinary doesnt fit me even if other people might understand my identity best as under that label. im just transgender. none of #your business. but hearing people say 'well thats why you dont date men' and 'ugh i hate men' etc while i KNOW what they mean #the fact that theyre ok just saying that around me. TO me. a bisexual transgender. feels so bad. #not only am i not masculine in their eyes theyre also telling me that to them masculinity is inherently. dirty. dangerous. but thank god IM #not like that right? hahaha!!!!! thank god i would never be attracted to masculinity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #.........god. anyway. the thing that prompted this happened a few days ago now and it was just a throwaway comment #but my awful brain loves latching onto those. so whatever.

[saltycharacters]

Being multigender really is just struggling to not let people pick one of your genders over another yknow

#like i gotta prove that im a man with all my might because nobody irl thinks im one #but if i insist too much then they forget im also a woman #and being both a gnc woman and gender conforming man makes it really difficult #because one theres always gonna be things about me people will consider inherently feminine no matter what #my figure. my voice. etc #so at best theyll consider me andorgynous or a feminine man whos also a woman #its complicated. i dont get much dysphoria but most of what i do get is social #and just. frustration that so few people will actually see me the way i want to be seen #like im nonbinary yes but i dont go by they/them and both binary genders equally apply to me #yes im a man and yes im a woman no i dont fluctuate between them im both 100% of the time #yes i consider myself masculine and no i do not relate to femininity #no i dont want to quote on quote try harder to be masculine. i just am i like how i look and i feel masculine and thats good enough #i have adhd and doing the bare minimum to manage my health each day is hard enough #do i look like i want to do anything else #idk why i went on a ramble but anyway. wish i could magically make people see me and my gender the way i want to be seen

[menlove]

the way trans men (& even nonbinary transmascs if they tip the scale into too male for comfort) are treated in feminist spaces is absolutely wild to me tbh

bc it's literally like. yes you can talk about these issues that have impacted you your entire life but don't forget to let cis women talk first!!!! don't forget that your experiences are lesser! don't forget that what you went through wasn't real and you need to shut up and sit down!

like man...... it's exhausting

#u can rb I guess but it's just frustrating lol #I saw one trans guy lament that he'd spent years getting comfortable w using his voice and standing up for himself as a Woman™️ #but as soon as he transitioned it was back to sit down shut up play nice etc #and the thing is there's not even any room for nonbinary ppl that don't fit a certain aesthetic either #ie pass as a cis woman #like I have a beard and I pass as a cis man. I am not a man. I am both a woman and a man and neither. #but I am rarely allowed in women's spaces #hell they even treat cis butches like this the amount of times I see shitty ppl saying 'see this proves butches are just like men' etc #shit is ridiculous

[lupismaris]

Lmao okay okay white cishet social manager has now been added to the DEI Pride planning meetings which frankly is important to ensure shit is done right I’m attending as the multi-tool queer of the division and comms administrator/quartermaster who’s main role is holding the comms team accountable (my supervisors/head of comms words not mine) so my goal of making sure our Pride and LGBTQIA+ history month campaigns aren’t reductive capitalist rainbow washed nonsense is still a go

#the head of marketing is a cis gay man who i respect highly and like but he's very much into rainbow washing and capitalist pride #as someone who came out much later in life and has been cut off from his community (i can only assume he does not make an effort to connect) #which is a point of frustration with me i am one of four (?) openly lgbtqia+ members of our divisions not counting students #and its two cis gay men #a she/they lesbian mom who i love but barely work with #and me the grey ace bisexual transmasc nonbinary person aka the multi-tool queer #the two cisgay men don't really register my experiences or queerness as legitimate or on par with their own i'm rarely included in convo #one does at times but only to complain about cishet nonsense or to discuss new shows to watch but our tastes don't line up a ton #the head of marketing does not regard me as an equal in the queer community at all and while i do not deny his input for pride whatsoever #i worry that his social manager will use him being gay as an excuse to be lazy and reductive and only show the cisgay rainbow washed pov #hence me stepping in last year/being brought in by our old social manager (i miss you cody) and comms team last year #because they knew this was a risk and they are all cishet #i feel like this is potentially going to be the breaking point in my polite friendship with her #like we're friendly when its not about work but theres always been something off and i don't like her work/approach #and i just feel like something is going to go wrong her need to interrupt this morning with I MADE A HEADER just felt wrong idk #head of comms chose me for our divisions dei committee as well so i could be part of these internal conversations so again idk #maybe im just on edge because of -gestures at usa right now- and i have absolutely no patience for us fuckin up something out of laziness

[manwithoutaspleen]

had two days off in a row so now i have the energy to be dysphoric again lmao

#lol #its not that i care about passing bc i want to look/read as cis i just really dont want to be misgendered anymore #but i cant bind bc it makes my chest hurt so bad so like. i am not going to pass until i get top surgery #and god knows when thats gonna be #anyway i dont think i mentioned it on here but im a nonbinary man now/actually/whatever #idk about sexuality i cant unpack that rn im just going w the flow lmao #but yeah genders been weird #and a little frustrating #i love being on t and im grateful for all the changes but i just wish i could wake up tomorrow different

[forest-from-the-trees]

.

#i literally just said i hate having realizations about my gender but also im gonna elaborate cause i feel like talking about it #i really do hate it though it makes shit so complicated #cause its tied so significantly to sexuality for me u know? #i dont really know how to explain it but i think i could like any gender romantically but while i liked them #my gender would be what their gender was #so like if i was with a girl im a girl #nonbinary person im nonbinary #if it could even be a man? i would be romantically attracted to them as a man or maybe transmasc #girl what does that MEAN #like my current partner is bigender and im obviously not but they are quite feminine and present in a feminine way so #im totally fine with being like aw we're both girls <3 cause like #yeah! we are! i also happen to be her boygirlfriend girlboyfriend nonbinary partner but also sometimes i am just her girlfriend #gender is so fucking fluid and for my autistic brain that is SO difficult to deal with sometimes cause there are just absolutely no rules #its mostly the men side of things thats so goddamn confusing especially mixed with the fact that ive found that im very much aro spec #its just so frustrating and i hate thinking about it #like ok men are pretty girls are pretty people are pretty what the fuck do you want from me

[doberbutts]

(Different anon here.) I'm intersex and I DESPISE the TMA/TME terms. Transmisogyny and transandrophobia are both useful terms, but neither is "worse," and neither is somehow exclusive. I know trans women who get mistaken for trans men, I know trans men who get mistaken for trans women, I know nonbinary people who get mistaken for both, I know other intersex people who get mistaken for whatever pisses people off the most in that moment.

I get called both a dyke and a faggot from car windows, despite being neither WLW or MLM. I get called a tranny every couple of days, despite the fact that I identify as intersex, NOT transgender!

Nobody CARES what my actual identity is, they just know I've got a body that doesn't "look right," so I'm fair game to harass and abuse. Do I get to call myself TMA despite not being a trans woman? Am I somehow TME despite the fact that I experience what is objectively transmisogyny? I'm not a trans man, I'm not a trans woman, I'm not transmasc, I'm not transfemme--I'm intersex!

Watching perisex trans people play these weird pissing contest games where they try to decide who's most oppressed, while all of them are throwing intersex people under the bus...ugh. Perisex people, do better. Why are trans spaces so fixated on preserving the fucking sex binary?

Out of all of the asks I got, that's pretty close to my frustration with the whole thing honestly. Perhaps because I also am intersex and thus my experience is a bit different than others as well, but I've always been really aware of what lines I have to toe in order to not get hatecrimed in broad daylight. The lines were recently redrawn due to my transition but the learning process has been... rough... as things that I used to have to do are now things that actively create danger for me, and visa versa.

I have another ask in my inbox about the binary thing and I mentioned it when I first joined this discussion about how not every trans person easily fits into "trans fem" and trans masc" and I'm wondering not only what this arguing thinks of trans neutrals and multigender people but also how left out they must feel in this entire thing. Forcibly assigned one way or the other despite fighting to not have to deal with that, or altogether erased and silenced from the discussion.

In my refusal to allow trans men to be erased from conversations that affect them, I need to be careful not to erase mascs, neutrals, and more. I'm not always the best at it, but I think it is important that the effort is there.

[transtheology]

According to Matson, 39, his “disclosing,” as he describes it, is a moment years in the making. He offered his story as indicative of the often difficult path for trans Catholics, including those seeking life as a religious — a category that includes brothers and nuns.

“I am currently based in the Appalachian mountains of eastern Kentucky,” he wrote in an email to friends and supporters on Sunday. “I live in a hermitage at the top of a wooded hill, which I share with my German Shepherd rescue, Odie, and with the Blessed Sacrament, which was installed in my oratory shortly before Christmas.”

[...] Matson approached a canon lawyer to discuss his options and was told that only two aspects of Catholic life were categorically off the table: marriage and the priesthood. According to Matson, the canon lawyer recommended being upfront about his status as a transgender man in any vocational conversations with church leaders and mentioned the role of a diocesan hermit, which could prove less challenging than enlisting with an existing religious order.

[...] What followed was roughly a decade of searching and no small amount of rejection. Living in the United Kingdom while pursuing a master’s degree, and later a Ph.D. in theology, Matson entered a vocational discernment program and approached the Jesuit order to ask if he could join.

“They said, ‘No, we just don’t see how this would work for us,’ which was crushing, because that’s where I felt called,” Matson said.

[...] “I thought, well, if I can’t find a religious community to sponsor me, maybe what I need is a bishop,” Matson said.

A priest friend recommended different bishops to contact, beginning with Stowe, who was emerging as a leading voice among Catholics calling for a more tolerant approach to LGBTQ+ people. In 2020, Matson sent Stowe a letter, conveying his status as a transgender man, his vision for an artists’ community and his pull to religious life.

Stowe wrote back immediately, expressing his openness.

“It was an enormous relief,” Matson said. “I was in tears. I felt my hope revive.”

[...] Matson vented his frustrations to Stowe and his spiritual director, saying he wanted to speak out. But he said he was advised to first “build a foundation” in religious life for several years.

During that time, Matson had an experience that shook him. Attending a friend’s play in his religious habit, he was approached by a student who identified as trans and nonbinary. After asking if Matson was a monk, the student said they were raised Catholic, but that their parents had rejected their identity, and the student felt like they “don’t have a place in the church anymore.”

Matson responded by saying there were people in the church who would support the student, and Matson prayed with them, asking God to show the student how they are “wonderful the way you’ve made them.” The student, Matson said, grew emotional, thanking the hermit profusely and saying, “No one from the church has ever affirmed me for who I am.”

[...] As for ever leaving Catholicism itself, Matson bristled at the idea, calling the church “my family.” “I’m Catholic,” he said. “I became Catholic after I transitioned because of the Catholic understanding — the sacramental understanding — of the body, of creation, of the desirability of the visible unity of the church and primarily because of the Eucharist.”

At the very least, Matson said, he hopes going public will spark dialogue about his fellow transgender Catholics, a discussion he believes can enhance unity among the body of believers.

“You’ve got to deal with us, because God has called us into this church,” he said. “It’s not your church to kick us out of — this is God’s church, and God has called us and engrafted us into it.”

#m. #christianity #catholicism #trans devotees #trans theology #trans spirituality #trans christian #trans catholic

[laiostoudenn]

let me preface this by saying: you are allowed to have whatever pairing/ship you want. this post is not about saying you can’t nor should you feel bad for having them!

I will always use my blog as a means to advocate and boost queer material. But lately I’ve noticed the lack of engagement on queer tav x companion pairings. And it feels like it’s getting worse. It’s discouraging as a queer man who mainly ships men with men that a gif/art of Gale (or any other male companion) with a masc!/nonbinary tav will get 30 notes (if that!) in an hour but a headcanon or gif of a male companion with a fem! presenting tav will receive much more attention (100s of notes) within that same time period. For such an inclusive game, me and a couple other queer folks have come forward to say how excluded we are starting to feel. As someone who has a pansexual male partner, it is heartbreaking to see. I’m putting these in bullet points because it’s easier for me

• Gale, Wyll, Astarion and Halsin are NOT straight

• Gale, Wyll, Astarion and Halsin are PANSEXUAL

• Shadowheart, Lae’zel, Karlach, and Minthara are NOT straight

• Shadowheart, Lae’zel, Karlach, and Minthara are PANSEXUAL

• Just because a fem!Tav is paired with a male companion does not mean she is automatically straight. Stop erasing sexuality or assuming.

• Just because a masc!Tav is paired with a female companion does not mean he is automatically straight (I can relate to this one as I have a pansexual masc!Tav who is paired with SH and his sexuality gets swept under the rug)

The reluctance to engage with queer tav x companion media is discouraging and so disappointing. I know people will write g/n blurbs but honestly, upon reading them, they seem to weigh heavily towards AFAB individuals (if it’s about a male companion). I’ve seen blurbs be titled as g/n just to have an allude to AFAB individuals at the end. Queer pairings are much less likely to receive reblogs or engagement in this space and it’s baffling.

And honestly it’s even worse for nonbinary and trans individuals. You guys truly get the short end of the stick and I’m so so sorry. You don’t deserve that. But I am so tired of groups of people trying to claim these companions or claim what their “preference” is. Gale and Wyll are not “ladies men”. They’re just MEN. Even when these companions are headcanoned as parents, it’s conveniently forgotten that two men and two women can be parents. Stop claiming these characters as if they only prefer one gender. I literally made a gif of astarion kissing my male tav and it felt taboo because I RARELY see gifs of him kissing or engaging romantically with masc!Tavs.

The heteronormativity with these companions is frustrating. Us queer individuals are FRUSTRATED. I see it. I hear about it. People vent to me about it! The fact that people are so quick to give attention to fem!Tav x male companion or masc!Tav x fem companion but are so reluctant or give no attention to queer pairings is disheartening and I cannot sit by and not acknowledge this any longer. A lot of the fandom will preach equality and equal engagement but won’t even give said engagement? Please engage with queer content. Please reblog queer tav content. Please stop assuming sexualities of tavs. Please stop erasing sexualities of these characters. Stop excluding queer tav pairings from these narratives! All we’re asking for is equal engagement, please. We are tired, we are frustrated, please give us a voice too. And if you believe the companions cannot be with someone other than explicitly of the opposite gender, please block me.

#tay.txt #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #halsin silverbough #astarion ancunin #wyll ravengard #fandom critical #baldurs gate 3 #astarion #Halsin

[spacelazarwolf]

i’m not gonna reblog the actual post bc i am not in the mood for discourse but i am getting kind of tired of seeing “trans femmes aren’t pressuring gnc men to transition” posts bc like. idk maybe ur talking abt ppl who are actually saying that, but the vast majority of those posts are made in direct response to gnc men and/or nonbinary ppl who are talking abt our frustrations with the over-familiarity a lot of ppl — not just trans femmes — have developed when it comes to gnc men and nonbinary ppl, telling us what our genders actually are bc we’re clearly just confused or don’t want to “admit the truth.”

i’m sure there are individual people like transmeds who pressure ppl to transition but that’s not what most of these convos have been abt. we’re talking abt the ppl who tell gnc men they’re clearly an egg bc they like wearing women’s clothes and painting their nails, or tell amab nonbinary ppl who present masculine that they’re “basically a man” or that they’re a “trans woman in denial.” we’ve talked abt how east asian men and jewish men have historically been demonized as a part of their systemic oppression and the way ppl unwittingly continue that cycle with those of us who are gnc and/or nonbinary. we’ve talked abt the way even ppl who say they accept nonbinary ppl are still enforcing a masculine/feminine binary, and how this continues to disproportionately affect intersex people.

and like. it’s not some nefarious plot to get more ppl to transition. it’s just a combination of ppl not having boundaries and acting inappropriately, ppl not doing the work to really unlearn the gender binary, and ppl not taking into account the way other intersections interact with gender.

[genderqueerdykes]

Frankly I wish people would stop calling gays "mlm" because while yes some of us are many of us aren't.

Many of us are non-binary, agender, genderfluid, multigender or in other ways not 100% a man.

A lot of us are also attracted to people who aren't necessarily men like [see above list of genders].

If you have other additions to make I'd love to hear them.

Cheers,

An Agender, enby attracted gay

i agree that it is frustrating that a lot of people have chosen to start saying mlm in place of gay, and wlw in place of lesbian. many gays are not men and many lesbians are not women.

it's fine to use these term to literally mean man loving men and woman loving women, but when used to replace the terms gay and lesbian, it's extremely exclusive and it's frustrating, as a genderfluid genderqueer person i am not always a man when i'm gay, and i am not always a woman when i'm a lesbian.

this leaves out a lot of people including agender, nonbinary, genderfluid, genderqueer, bigender, multigender and other gendered people, as well as folks who are attracted to those genders, like you said.

i think it's important to say what you mean- if you mean men who love men, say that when you are referring to that. if you mean all gay people, say gays/gay people. say lesbians. don't conflate the two if we have made them two different terms, because they do not mean exactly the same thing.

take care, thanks for taking the time to write

#asks #answers #gay #lesbian #mlm #wlw

[pansyfemme]

i’m not going to claim to completely understand what it’s like to identify with any gender that isn’t my own experience as a gnc trans man. But i sometimes notice this weird disconnect where in my day to day life, i am often assumed to be nonbinary, and that’s warranted, i present in a way that makes people question my gender. I identified with being nonbinary for a while, but i eventually came to terms with the fact that despite not totally understanding gender and feeling like i will never be able to know 100% what maleness or femaleness feels like, i want my body to be more masculine, i like masculine terms and being referred to as male- so i identify with maleness more than anything else, which i suppose can be described as binary. I will refer to myself as binary often, but more so because i want to be referred to masculinily and not neutrally and its the easiest way to say that- but i generally don’t consider myself on the binary or not, i don’t believe in the concept that at least my gender experience could be described with being either binary or not. I am not treated in the world as a binary man, so i don’t tend to identify with that as a group i fall into. Gender is the internal sense of self, but my external experiences being percieved still shape it for me. The issue comes up with when some people use the fact that i am a binary person to claim i lack understanding of certain aspects of being nonbinary, despite passing as such actively and identifying with it heavily in the past. It frustrates me when people assume i do not understand the struggles of misgendering and degendering, because i experience both in my life frequently. I don’t want to say that i know it as well as someone who identifies that way, but i just want to be clear that i think that drawing a line between binary and nonbinary experiences can be a bit reductive at times, when a lot of trans people, especially gnc trans people, do share in an understanding of their gender that is also seen as atypical to the cisgender population. The way that i identify with maleness can be seen as so alien to some cisgender men that it is essentially a seperate concept. Gender is not a universal truth, we can only speculate on what it means to be something or not. I just struggle at times with the intersection of having to define myself as being on the binary or not.