#how do you NOT write about the worst thing that’s ever happened

[disillusioneddanny]

The Bats and TTPD Songs

This is just me sharing what songs I think matches each of the bats and why :> i take no criticism /j

Bruce Wayne-- Cassandra

Hear me out okay, the lyrics:

So, they killed Cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst And tried to tell the town So they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say Do you believe me now?

This whole song just reminds me of Bruce and his contingencies, like he's constantly prepared for any situation and he's had people who have gotten mad at him for it before.

Dick Grayson-- Who's Afraid of Little Old Me

God where do I even start? I want to write a whole fucking fic based off of this song and Dick Grayson.

So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream "Who's afraid of little old me?" I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth" Who's afraid of little old me? Well, you should be

In this case, he was bright eyed and innocent until his parents were killed in front of him. Then he became Robin, then Nightwing and this man went through fucking hell and he has survived.

Everyone sees Dick for his smiles and his kindness but this man should not be crossed by any means. He's fucking lethal and has gone through so much shit in his life and he's just not the same bright eyed, innocent kid he once was. And you should be scared of him.

Jason Todd--Robin

So technically this song is about Christopher Robin from winnie the pooh, but I think it also captures Jason really well.

You have no idea The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean You'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline But now we'll curtail your curiosity In sweetness Way to go, Tiger Higher and higher Wilder and lighter For you

I feel like this song focuses a lot on loss of innocence and growing up tbh, like the person this song is aimed at has no idea how hard the world is, how painful things can be but that they'll learn to handle it and bounce back. IDK the first time I heard it, it reminded me of how Jason believed that Robin is magic and maybe even like Bruce or Dick singing this to him knowing what was going to happen to him one day.

Tim Drake -- Clara Bow

okay, so there's not just one lyric that really sticks out to me but the overarching story that this song tells. It's all about being replaced with the next big thing. Taylor Swift is compared to Stevie Nicks who is compared to Clara Bow and one day T. Swift is going to be replaced with something shiny and new and that just reminds me of Tim.

Tim is the third Robin, he replaced Jason who replaced Dick and one day he himself is going to be replaced. There's a lot of HC where he's aware of this fact, that he knows that his role as Robin is not a permanent thing, that one day, he too will be replaced. And eventually, he is.

"You look like Taylor Swift In this light We're loving it. You've got edge she never did The future's bright ... Dazzling."

Cassandra Wayne -- The Albatross

okay Cass was really hard for me at first to pin down what song fit her but then I listened to The Albatross and holy cow.

The devil that you know Looks now more like an angel I'm the life you chose And all this terrible danger So cross your thoughtless heart She's the albatross She is here to destroy you

I don't know quite how to explain how this song makes me think of Cass except for how it just makes me think about how she decided to take her life in her own hands and become her own person. She was pretty much created with one thing in mind and that was all that was expected of her but she's become so much more than that. Now she's strong and powerful but in more ways than just how David Cain made her out to be. She's caring and loving and she's going to destroy the idea that she was ever just a weapon.

Stephanie Brown -- I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

Listen, listen, this woman has been through so freaking much and she has come out on top and with a smile on her face the entire time. She is resilient and she isn't scared to fight Bruce Wayne himself if she needs to.

'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did

I know this song is about dealing with a break up but when I hear it, i think of everything that Steph has been through. Her dad who's a rogue, her mom who is struggling with addiction, getting pregnant and giving her baby up for adoption, not being considered good enough to be Robin, the list goes on and on and yet she does it. She rolls with the punches and she swallows it down and she smiles through it all and I just friggen love Stephanie Brown so much.

Duke Thomas -- Florida!!!

Admittedly, I don't know as much about Duke as the others (I'm so sorry, I just haven't gotten there in the comics quite yet, I'm just now getting to the aftermath of the Red Robin run and I haven't read New 52 yet. so this is purely based off of WFA )

Little did you know your home's really only The town you'll get arrested So you pack your life away just to wait out The shitstorm back in Texas

This song just makes me think about Duke because from what I've learned, kid's been through a lot and he's had to move in with the Waynes after what happened to his parents. I think of Florida as a song of starting over, picking up your broken pieces and finding yourself once again and that just feels like Duke.

He's been hurt and he's now having to figure out what to do and where to run. Now he's with the Waynes and he's slowly finding his place with their insanity.

Damian Wayne-- thanK you aIMee

Okay but imagine this song is Damian at Ra's al Ghul okay? Stick with me buddy.

I built a legacy that you can't undo But when I count the scars, there's a moment of truth That there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you

And maybe you've reframed it And in your mind, you never beat my spirit black and blue I don't think you've changed much

Damian has grown so much since the days he was still with the LOA and he recognizes that not only has he grown but he's done it DESPITE what Ra's did to him and that maybe a part of him is created by Ra's and he has learned to love that part of himself and he recognizes he wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Ra's and his mother being conniving and evil. He's created a name for himself as Robin that goes against so much of what Ra's brainwashed him to believe.

Barbara Gordon-- The Bolter

And I can confirm she made A curious child, ever reviled By everyone except her own father With a quite bewitching face Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless Excellent fun till you get to know her Then she runs like it's a race

This song just gives the brave, strong, independent vibes of Babs. Someone who lives her life to the fullest and embraces who she is. She's just powerful and she knows that she's amazing and she doesn't expect anything less from herself. She has gone through hell and she's come out of it stronger. She rolls with the punches, she doesn't let it stop her from her dreams, her desires.

Alfred Pennyworth-- I Hate it Here

I hate it here so I will go to Secret gardens in my mind People need a key to get to The only one is mine

This song just makes me think of Alfred when Jason died. That time where it's just him and Bruce and he's struggling to take care of his ward and he's also going through his own grief and unable to heal. I think Alfred has his own methods for taking care of himself, I think he's like the world's greatest compartmentalizer.

oh my god that got so freaking long lol. I'm so sorry. Anyway, y'all can listen to these specific songs here

#batman #taylor swift #TTPD #Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #Cassandra Cain #stephanie brown #alfred pennyworth #Damian Wayne #duke thomas #Barbara Gordon

[tiffany-loves-broadway]

Someone on Reddit asked me what my major problems with Ward were. I figured I might as well port the comment over here; it's been a while since I've written a substantial Ward Bad post. Recommendation: don't read Ward.

---

It would probably be quicker to list things I didn't have problems with. I spent most of the story giving it the benefit of the doubt because I liked Worm enough that I assumed it was leading up to something good that would justify the buildup. As the story continued that became less and less likely, and as it wound down to a close I realized after nearly two million words that it wasn't going to happen. I would probably have wound up sour about it even if the final arc had been individually decent instead of the worst thing I've ever read from Wildbow.

The characters are good. Not better than Worm's like many say, but good. Wildbow's still pretty good at creating character backstories, whether they're major or minor.

The plot is bad. This includes the character arcs, which are bad. I think about this when people say that it's a better character piece than Worm.

The setting is bad. Worm's world feels like a living place; Wildbow spent many years conceiving of it. Ward's world feels improvised by someone who really doesn't want to be doing a Worm sequel.

The themes are bad. Worm handles its themes with great artistry and nuance; Ward handles them dumbly with a sledgehammer. Its message is bad; Worm had an unreliable narrator who was frequently corrupt and made dubious ethical decisions, while Ward has a hyperreliable narrator who Wildbow is terrified to allow to be wrong, which is especially a problem because she is often meaningfully in the wrong.

The callbacks to Worm are bad. Unfortunately, one of them is the protagonist (bad). The return of the Undersiders to central character status is particularly terrible. It's commonly said that Ward isn't a sequel to Worm, because it's a new story with new characters. In that sense, I didn't want a sequel to Worm, I wanted exactly the thing people say Ward is, a new story with new characters. I just wish that the ties it did have to Worm felt less like contrived trade-ins on fan nostalgia. I really could have done with less of them period.

The writing process was bad, and Wildbow has acknowledged this. The story constantly insecurely shifted to the whims of the crowd, contorting itself in a clumsy attempt to respond to misguided feedback or settle dumb fandom arguments. If you could go back in time and convince Wildbow to sever contact with his entire fandom while writing Ward, it would almost certainly have turned out better one way or another.

The individual plot arcs' endings were bad. Wildbow basically never really knew how to transition from one arc to the next; he frequently cut an arc short because the loudest fans were getting bored of it, and it fucking showed.

The final arc of the story was terrible. Artistically terrible and even ethically terrible. A culmination of every single other problem listed here. It is hard to convey how terrible it is without spoiling it. It felt like something you'd see in a documentary about a Heaven's Gate style cult as one of their pieces of rambling religious material distributed to members. And Wildbow apparently had no fucking idea what he was doing; asleep at the wheel on the freeway, suddenly swerving at the last moment away from death and into standard Ward-style triteness. It isn't surprising that he considers the end of Ward the low point of his career, or that it made him consider quitting writing. It showed.

All around, it was bad.

#parahumans #wormblr

[sludgeguzzler]

look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed

#im probably most likely overhyping what t will do to my body but i cant wait till my periods stop #if they dont stop i will fr go after some way of stopping them im not kidding there is literally nothing good that i get from having them #its just. its just pain and blood and a constant reminder of how Woman i have to be. it makes me sad #like. all the good cramp medicine is like WOMAN PILL FOR YOUR SCHEDULED GIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH [picture of a woman] #[venus symbol] [flowers] #and all pads come with th same thing too. like i get that its technically not harming anyone but please man cmon #my mood gets all janged up i cant think straight in the worst ways possible im always having breakdowns during them #and i have to deal with genuinely unbearable pain! and! a heavy flow! because my moms ovaries! are the most fucked ovaries ever! #hhg the only good thing i can think of is that if there was a death metal band of trans guys the lyrics theyd write would be sick #[hi this is me telling you im about to get a little gross so if stuff like this grosses you out uh. yeah] #like the gruesome symbolism of periods is pretty damn cool if im honest. i dunno #i genuinely really like the movements on normalizing periods and how they are not something to be ashamed of and happen with a lot of ppl #but. but. #it puts a lot of emphasis on how its a Woman thing when a lot of women (cis or otherwise) dont have them #and it excludes all the other non woman people who have them #re personal opinion but i think our image of periods really shouldnt be flowery beautiful woman moment that passes by in a blink. #i think we should talk about how it hurts and how it will suck a little too hard for some people and that #periods not always mean a symbol of feminity and fertility and other stuff (its 5am im tires) to everyone #like to me periods are misery and oain and dysphoria but i have a cis friend who sees her periods as symbols of her womanhood abd #*and like. shes not wrong but im also not wrong either #idk my head hurts and i wanna go bacm to sleep so bye #sg.txt

[dcviline]

will you guys still love me if I say that I do not agree with how fanon likes to portray a.lysanne and j.aehaerys' relationship. like . . . not at all asfddjkljlkdsf

#᯽ ooc. ⊱ ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #᯽ muse ⊱ ── 𝐀𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐲𝐞𝐧 #inc*st tw #LISTEN #I feel like since we only get these historical events told from the perspective of history itself #fandom tends to romanticize a looooot of the targ history #and I think their relationship is one of the things that gets romanticized a lot more than it probably really was #because you gotta stop and think about the characters that are writing about these events #and how they have every incentive to WANT to portray certain beloved members of house t.argaryen in the most positive light #these are very biased partial viewpoints and we're intended to read between the lines a lot more than if it was all written as a novel #do I think they were absolutely crazy about each other in their younger years? for sure #but j.aehaerys becoming a ruling king in more than just name is the worst thing that ever happened to them #because I feel like there are a lot of natural conflicts in their personalities and view points that were easy to ignore #UNTIL those ideals became mixed with power #because j.aehaerys did a lot to support misogynistic and patriarchial standards and practices #meanwhile a.lysanne (by the standards of her time) was a very progressive feminist #and I think the moment j.aehaerys started pushing to pass over their daughter d.aenerys in favor of a son #was the moment that years long honeymoon period began to wear off for aly #because also if you look at the circumstances under which they became so close in the first place #there has been a lot of pressure for them to depend on each other since they were children #not to mention they were LITERAL CHILDREN when they eloped like that's just insane to me #like she was around 12 and him 14 #and growing into independent adults *after* being married . . . things start to not match up to those ideals of their younger years #but of course this gets whitewashed by history because of course the king and queen *had* to be seen as endlessly in love #because anything else would conflict with the legacy j.aehaerys had been carefully crafting for himself #I absolutely *do* believe he had mistresses and the idea that he didn't is said to be because of 'his love for a.lysanne' #but I think the true reason for him trying to portray himself as faithful is to feed into the pious image of himself he wanted #and pander to the faith of the seven ESPECIALLY when he needed to play into his doctrine of exceptionalism #and I do believe aly had an affair with a.laric s.tark because there are so many details about her trip to the north that imply this #that I will never change my mind. there's just Too Much there.

[curiouschaosstarlight]

(*Quick clarification, 'cause I feel like I should say this right away, I don't mind people not liking or even being really uncomfortable with certain characters, especially villains that have canonically done some really horrible stuff, even if I happen to really love the character in question! It's all in the Handling of the topic, and someone that's like "oh they're just not my cup of tea" or just don't want to talk about the character at all 1000000% has my respect and appreciation <3)

-claps-

So.

On the topic of demonizing characters that have violent or angry responses to their trauma

The thing about it that really gets my goat is the fact that I as a person have had anger problems ever since I can remember. I've had a pretty bad mix of anxiety and anger problems due to being traumatized, and have had to work really, really hard to get my knee-jerk temper under control, and really nothing fucks you up like thinking you're "fixed" but the reality winds up being you just were in a state of "nothing too stressful's happened lately" and then when things start getting incredibly stressful again, you realize you still have more work to do and you have to watch yourself way more than you thought.

I'm still not "fixed", and, after talking extensively with a therapist, I'm kind of just going to have to be okay with that; still trying to do right by the people I care about and not be an asshole about things, but I'm just going to have to live with the fact that in response to high anxiety and high stress, I become an angry person, and I'm not always going to be able to remember to take a step back from a situation when I feel myself getting heated (my success rate in this is going up at least)

So It Really.

Really.

Bothers Me.

When fandom tries to claim that a character isn't traumatized, or isn't traumatized enough, because their response to that trauma is to be violent and angry and malicious. And when they try to claim that because a character reacted this way, they're just evil and irredeemable and have no further depth to them, and any attempt to add depth (even canonical depth) to them is "wrong (and a sign the person doing it is an Abuser/Terrible Person irl)" or is "woobifying them".

And yeah. Part of what bothers me is that I tend to fall very hard for villain/antagonist characters that handle trauma badly, or otherwise have signs that they probably have some trauma they haven't exactly worked through, especially when that villain character gets to have a redemption arc. (And I do NOT mean that as "they cast away everything they were before and completely denounce and despise who they used to be and go through the whole repent and penance number". Give me more villain characters who are TRYING, who are STRUGGLING, who have conflicted feelings, who aren't an entirely new person and shouldn't be left to just wallow in self-hatred over it because!! no one!! deserves!! to wallow in self-hatred!! I want redemption arcs in the form of "person who did wrong is doing their best to be a better person" and NOT "character needs to suffer and be heartbroken and sad and unable to move on forever", I hate when I see people writing the latter shit, Idc what the character canonically did, no one who's genuinely trying deserves to be perpetually miserable and it is Highkey Concerning to see that attitude happen again and again) Plus, I LOVE media and character analysis, it is MY JAM, and.

Yeah.

I've got a lot of feelings that go into this kinda stuff. It's why when I see "no nuance!! just evil!!!"-type takes, that shit really boils my blood.

And is also why I don't actively participate in fandom anymore.

Like, yeah, I make some posts here and there. And I'd love to interact more with like-minded people -- I really love talking to others about characters and media and ships and all that good stuff!!

But I don't go searching for fandom stuff unless it's some art in a completely different language. After my last two fandoms went absolutely horrifically for me in two different ways, I think my trust in modern fandoms is just gone, and I don't think it's coming back.

There's only so many times a person can be told they're inherently evil (indirectly) or badwrong and stupid (directly) for a simple fucking opinion over goddamn fiction of all things.

#chaotic rants #my fandom in 2020 was the absolute worst btw #there was a lot of shit that happened there but the 1 incident that i was violently remembering mid-type #was how someone was writing a 'redemption arc' for my favorite character but #insisted and assured everyone that the character in question was NOT going to ever be happy and was just going to be miserable #and go through the pain of being a better person just FOR that pain because that's all they deserved #and. yeah. kinda hard to vibe with that #people kept talking about that AU like i should love it because i love that character #and was frustrated with everyone else always just killing or maiming the character in their shit #(or sticking them with their abusive parent and calling that 'deserved punishment' for their crimes) #(THAT one really fucks me up) #and im just like... #i dunno how to put into words how hurtful that is to me as both a lover of the character AND #as a person that has done some hurtful things in the past #bc i was a pretty fucked up teenager and it took a while for me to admit i dont get to do whatever i want #to whomever i want #just because i feel hurt and wronged #nothing like sitting there and being told you ARE your worst actions and deserve endless suffering forever bc of it

[andthebeanstalk]

Watching the Junji Ito Maniac episode "Mold", and as far as I can tell so far, it looks like it's based on the visceral terror of real life black mold taking over your house until you can afford to fix it or move

and frankly literally nothing else scary needs to happen this is the scariest story he's ever written

#if there is an episode about this show just based on the concept of bed bugs and literally nothing supernatural occurs #it will hands down be the scariest episode of television I've ever seen. #I'd rather find literally anything else in my bed then real life bed bugs again. I was going to say I would rather find a monster in my bed #but as a monsterfucker I feel like this goes without saying #I'd rather find the thing from John Carpenter's The Thing in my bed than normal bed bugs #junji ito #junji ito maniac #original #and from what I've heard about black mold it's not only a serious biohazard but extremely difficult to get out of a house #I paused to write this because I got spooked by the concept of mold - literally nothing has happened yet except for a guy going 'gross!!' #but it is one of those rare nights where staying up later than usual is not in my worst interest #I have a silly show set up to watch after this like a spookiness rip cord #friends if you ever come home to your house and it's covered in unidentifiable mold you need to get out of there until it's checked out #ESPECIALLY if the family you leased it to was drawn by junji Ito #listen I know it's a metaphor for the human mind probably but holy crap dude you got to move #well the good news is the mold was probably just a baby #like a horrific physical manifestation of a baby clinging to every surface of the house and devouring everything in it #no joke that is way less scary than the concept of actual black mold XD I was like oh thank fuck it's magic #oh fuck yeah now it's Library demon time #oh how the memories of the past do haunt us eh buddies? #Jesus fucking Christ does this guy know how to draw a scary scary scary face #oh how I would have hated him as a child #oh how I long to possess his strange and horrible powers of art now

[everymlmhybrid]

This is awesome just remembered I get to write the frottage scene soon assuming I actually write more than 4 words this week.

#.txt #long tags sorryyyyy #fellas do you ever offer everything you can to a man in a silent beg for forgiveness and let yourself accept that seemingly the only part o #you he's willing to touch now that he knows what you are is your dick but whatever you'll take what you can get. and it's selfish too but #it's also all you can offer short of turning your life upside down for him which you refuse to do. #fellas.......... do you ever fight against yourself for weeks because you want and need to forgive someone but can't figure out how. #you ever get torn between someone you care about and nearly have forgiven but you keep getting caught on the fact it's such an unforgivable #slight in the first place. so you take all that he offers but you can't bring yourself to forgive him until he's in front of you with his #hair sticking to his forehead and his hand shaking where it's gripping your bicep. #and seeing him be so open and vulnerable when he really shouldn't with you and really never should have AT ALL with you. makes it finally #click & makes it possible to wrap your head around ''I love him. he cares about me. he did one of the worst things possible. I forgive him. #OR WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't quote me on ANY OF THIS I'm always fucking around with motivations and wants and #needs and desires to make shit work how I think is best for all I know this is all useless #I hate posting my writing ever even when it's just set-up stuff like <- all that. BUUUUUT also I need a copy of all that for tomorrow to #remember . what I'm thinking abt basically. SOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GET TO SEE THIS :3 hope u like what goes thru my head constantly while I'm #stocking shelves. sorry for long vague tags and endless talking yet again just need it written down #*that he'll touch is your dick. I have no idea how that typo happened what happened there

[dmclemblems]

maybe sometime I really will go into more detail about how inaccurately Houses handled recruits for the Lions besides for on this post (like for more depth), but the fact that you can recruit Sylvain outside the Lions in Houses is absolutely NUTS. the whole flirting with girls thing is so superficial and he knows it, so the whole idea of him joining any house because of the option of Byleth being female is super lame (even if Byleth was male he wouldn’t). his loyalty to Dimitri, Felix, Ingrid, and Faerghus itself would never allow for him to take up arms against his family group of friends or his home. he just wouldn’t.

I’m actually very happy that Hopes doesn’t allow any of the Lions to be recruited outside AG besides for Mercedes (not loytal to Faerghus) and Ashe (who you could argue Lonato with and the fact that he would just want to survive and surrender to any enemy because he needs to survive to take care of his little siblings). Only those two have reasons to be recruited whereas none of the other people in Faerghus would ever ever ever take up arms like that against their own family, friends and homeland.

I mean it’s literally basic Faerghus facts that it’s a country of extremely loyal people. they’re not loyal to their customs, just ingrained in them and Dimitri is working to carefully change any toxic customs or issues while making sure it doesn’t cause any problems that could harm the citizens (like riots and shit). they have customs that can change, but their loyalty to their home and each other is part of who they are as people.

just because they’re willing to die for their country doesn’t make them all the nonsensible shit that Edelgard and Hubert say about them. Edelgard says shit like how she can’t understand why they die for their homeland instead of surrendering and choosing to live because she’s so narrow mindedly focus on the Crest system that she literally believes Faerghus is just trying to defend its old ways and stay trapped in them.

it’s literally not. it’s a country that will fight to protect its freedom from invaders and will die for their honor, loyalty and everyone and everything they love. they don’t die to protect their systems. they fight because they aren’t willing to be overthrown. Edelgard should have known that with how long they’ve been fighting Sreng away from its borders. Faerghus is full of VERY PROUD people and you can’t just walk in with an army and go “hey so I’m here to overthrow your country and destroy your systems and throw your people in power out of power”. they’re not just gonna be like oh no how scary it’s an army. they’re gonna say bitch fuck you and your whole ass army you’re gonna have to kill us to take this country.

yeah, they’re used to their systems, but the people also recognize that Sreng has been kept away thanks to the Lance of Ruin and the Gautier family’s Crest’s power. until they’re able to find a new way to manage that, they can’t just toss the system out the window. they need a plan first and then they need to find a way to initiate that. you also can’t just change things overnight and expect the populace to be cool with it. there’s a reason it’s taking longer for Faerghus to have huge changes, and it’s because Dimitri knows how to run a country. it’s because he knows the people he needs to worry about and please are the people themselves.

tl;dr the Lions are way too fucking loyal to ever leave Faerghus. Felix is also like that and him being a tsundere character doesn’t change that. him not knowing how to handle talking to Dimitri, who he shows worry about in a very aggressive and roundabout way, is not him actually hating Dimitri and wanting to leave Faerghus behind. his issues with Dimitri also don’t extend to Faerghus itself, so even if they couldn’t find common ground again (which they do), Felix would not leave Faerghus because his country has nothing to do with their personal issues. if he didn’t like something Dimitri did as a ruler, he’d want to be there as someone who can borrow Dimitri’s ear and give him advice to help him. he would not just walk away and be like oh well I guess Faerghus is fucked. he’d work to help fix the problem.

while I understand the overall reason for Houses letting you recruit basically anyone, I know it’s also a common thing that people mention how much of an asspull the dialogue is for the characters’ reason for turning on their homeland. it’s one of those things where you can’t reasonably recruit them as a real story-based ally because it messes with their core character. in the case of Hopes, it at least handles the recruit problem for the Lions waaaay better.

like... if this universe was real, you would not be recruiting them to another country’s side in war. you just wouldn’t because you couldn’t. it’s like trying to pull a single brick out of a solid brick wall with just your hands and nails. y’ain’t doin’ it.

#Three Hopes #Three Houses #and look like one of my favorite things abt Sylvain is his loyalty #one of my favorite things about him is how he won't turn on the people he loves #he doesn't even hate Miklan. he's bitter about what happened between them and that's really it #he can be mad but he also gets sad when Miklan dies. his last words after fighting him are ''Miklan... My brother...'' #if Sylvain can't even find it in him to hate Miklan after what happened between them in Houses then he's never gonna turn on Faerghus #like deadass he is the guy who would slit your throat in your sleep if you fucked with Felix Dimitri or Ingrid #Hopes did so much good for his character and that angry worrying mom side of him #he's literally team mom and he will do anything to protect them #I haaaaate any concept of Sylvain ever betraying the people he would literally die for #that doesn't like much in words bc it's easy to say/write ''die for'' but that's the end of someone's life and when it's happening #in real time it's significant and most people WOULD turn tail if they thought they'd die there #Sylvain... wouldn't do that. he'd really die for them. he would never want them to die before him #that's also why for me non-AM Sylvix endings just KILL me and prove to me that they should never have left Faerghus in the war #it's almost like karma for betraying their people and Dimitri. Sylvain doesn't get to die before them #he doesn't even get to see Felix's body. he'll never know what happened to Felix. he just gets his sword and has to live knowing #that now both Dimitri and Felix are dead and he may or may not have outlived Ingrid so like #it's literally the worst possible ending for Sylvain for his core character. outliving EVERYONE he ever loved or cared for #Felix just likes to act tough and bitchy he's just a soft dumb nerd at the end of the day who loves cats #if you put a kitten in his arms he'd probably just melt on the spot and bluescreen bc of his cute it is #and if it mewled and stared up at with giant wide adorable eyes he'd combust #and Ingrid is self explanatory like there's no excuse for her ever leaving Faerghus lol it just wouldn't happen #DCB Comments

[semercury]

*gripping the sink so hard my arms shake* I'm allowed to enjoy things even if others don't, I'm allowed to gain fulfillment even if others don't, I'm allowed to do things even if others don't, my happiness or enjoyment does not directly impact others', the things I do do not affect people in the way I think, I do not negatively impact others by simply enjoying things, i--

#stuff sarah says #its been four weeks since my last therapy session and i can tell...... #i just like??????????? pleaseeeeeeee im allowed to enjoy things #if anything it will spark joy in others and be inspiration to enjoy things #babygirl you are allowed to be happy even if everyone isnt #bc there will never be a time where everyone is happy #you gotta just do shit #sooo fucked up that i feel guilty for doing the most benign shit #youd think i killed my wife or smth by how haunted i am by my guilt #but like. i just wanna doodle or write and go back to college #but my brain is like hmmmm remember that one time four years ago where someone you dont even talk to anymore said they had a bad time? #yeah. youre a piece of shit if you enjoy smth they used to #like man i cant even wear fishy socks that i bought like 2 years ago bc im scared somehow someone will be mad #and the thing is. it isn't even just like ppl being mad #actually id feel a lot better if that was the worst thing i was afraid would happen #too many people being like 'your good fortune makes me feel bad about myself' for me to ever feel okay enjoying things #and ppl at work wonder why i nearlu had a meltdown when they got me a pizza i could eat when everyone got pizza 🙄 #like do not give me special treatment i will die or worse someone will feel bad #im going to fucking chew on drywall

[welpnotagain]

I wrote out like two quite long posts. Anyway it boils down to:

If you post something online, especially a subjective opinion, you are opening yourself up to be disagreed with. This is to be expected. You are not alone on the internet and it is not reasonable to act like you are receiving hate and/or are "being cancelled" simply because people are disagreeing with you. If you think your opinion is entitled to stay entirely unopposed you probably shouldn't post it.

#this is about something that happened to me like 3 years ago on tumblr and i just randomly thought about it and was annoyed #it was about some like mid twenties woman that was arguing about how great tiktok is and how most of the people that disliked it only did #so bc it was popular to do so. kinda like what happened with justin Bieber when he was a kid. #and my response was something along the lines of 'that might be true but there are a lot of things to dislike about tiktok as a company and #how the app is being used as a radicalisation tool and how it's algorithm promotes that bc that is what keeps people on the app etcetc' #and she went Off on me how i was clearly misinterpreting her points and how i talked down to her and how entitled i was #bc i wanted to farm notes by stating popular opinions and how tt haters were so annoying bc so many other people had also disagreed #and i should have just gone through the notes and reblogged one of those argumentstions instead of writing my own #and like??? girly why can you say what you think but i can't even agree with you to some extent but then point out flaws of an app not even #your opinion! anyway. i saw her response in my activity tab and apparently she blocked me but the @ still showed up for me so I actually #had to open her rant in an incognito tab so I could really get the whole 'yeah that IS the worst faith interpretation of anything i have #ever said' #well whatever. it just randomly popped baxk into my head and i was annoyed about the me yes but You?! no attitude

[davlucies]

remember when imbalance came out and people managed to be upset griffin handled dav's perspective about cycle 92 & his relationship with lucretia with sensitivity, nuance, and realism

#imbalance #discourse wank #i'm still upset about this... people don't ever explore/care about how dav thinks/feels... all they care about is hating on lucretia #this was such a moving thing to hear articulated too... imagine saying you like dav but not caring what griffin says about/as him?? #bc you'd rather see the sole canon woc vilified and insulted.. and all the complex moral and interpersonal issues in canon glossed over #i mean if my headcanons had been jossed more aggressively in imbalance maybe i'd be upset but idk. it's just more angst/meat to write abt!! #think of it as a good fun creativity-inducing thing!!! come write emotionally complex dav fics that engage w canon!!! please..anyone.... 🥺 #there is so much interesting there & it's the worst feeling being alone in thinking that... and having no one to write for & talk to.... #i miss when fandoms were fun & creative and like a positive thing. just liking the characters/story and chatting & making stuff about them #i still remember when imbalance happened and someone got mad at me for being happy about it bc of course... of course. it's a taz fan! #i couldn't even be happy about imbalance with anyone because my harmless ship is so bad and weird to every single taz fan! cool!! #they're fucking friends! he regrets not supporting her and letting her voice be heard! he thinks he shares some of the blame for it all!! #sorry but you can personally dislike a ship without collectively & baselessly gaslighting me that it's abusive bc of what you're projecting #i'd daresay after 100+ years of friendship davenport nd lucretia love each other deeply despite everything..imbalance propped that up a lot #but you don't even wanna write or read about that do you... #dav having emotionally grounded and complex thoughts and feelings? not in this fandom. lucy being treated kindly? banish the thought... #also davlucy is CUTE. they're nerds. they're hardworking and devoted to saving lives and to their friends. they care for each other !!

[luckydxy]

21, 25

Character Development Questions ;; Accepting

21. What kind of relationships do they tend to intentionally seek out versus actually cultivate? What kind of social contact do they prefer, and why?

Ara leans towards givers.  She’s unaware of this & tends to classify herself as the open-minded, or even charitable, sort but at the end of the day if you don’t have something of value on offer- she’ll drift away. This isn’t necessarily a monetary thing- typically emotional.  Her relationships tend to be one-sided as a result. With the opposite party being expected to give much more than she herself is willing or able to offer.

As I mentioned, Ara is very much unaware of this & it gets to be a strain in every relationship of any kind. She is the one who will destroy groups from the inside out. The one who will love-bomb a vulnerable soul & leave them an emotional wreck once she's tired of them. The toxic friend you have to cut out of your life if you don't want her dragging you down with her or stepping on you to get ahead. She's truly volatile at times & the danger lies in how unassuming she is. She's sweet. Generously affectionate. She can be loyal. She could remember your birthday & even save your life. It's not that she wants to hurt these people she calls friend or partner. It's that she can't stop herself. She thinks this is how relationships work.

Ara seeks out the righteous. The kind-hearted with unwavering morality. She craves the stability of their presence & the praise that they recieve as a result of their natural good nature. She tries to mimic them & blend in. Look at her friendship with Martin Septim for example : she puts on a show of heroics throughout the Oblivion Crisis to impress him. In hopes that he'll think she's like him. She wants to be like him. But deep down ? She knows she can't.

So in reality, Ara attracts & keeps company with thieves, liars, murderers & the morally corrupt. She's trapped in a vicious cycle of seeking goodness, clawing at it, & destroying it in her desperation for acceptance. Again & again until the height of her reign. At which point she at least comes to terms with the fact that she has a negative impact on most of the people around her & starts to wear it as a twisted badge of pride. Armor, even.

Ara might of had a chance to recover & learn how to interact with people in a healthy way before Sheogorath got ahold of her- but the very moment she fell into his hands it was over. The indoctrination she faced in the Isles was simply too much. She was so susceptable to his every whim & he used her needs & desperation against her. Ara thinks she came out of this situation on top, a throne isn't something to scoff at afterall, but that's a testament to how badly Sheogorath actually twisted her psyche. Years, decades, & eventual centuries of direct enabling from Haskill & the citizens of the realm only cemented the work Sheogorath had begun. By the events of Skyrim, pointedly the coming of the Dragonborn, Ara is beyond hope & a danger to all around her.

25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it?

I guess I sort of mentioned most of this in the previous question, but I'll try to briefly list specific traits she seeks out versus what she actually needs.

WANTS : attention, affection, praise. individuals who make her look good by association. individuals willing to look the other way. aka unquestioning enablers. to be the best & brightest in a room. the most loved. the most important. to always be thought of first. to be looked at as someone with a brilliant future. reverence teetering towards worship.

NEEDS : a stern but level-headed voice of reason. a stable consistent. a broad perspective. an open-minded friend. someone willing & able to tell her no or that she has gone too far. honesty. actual love rather than performative. tough love. a genuine familial bond. a priest.

#xanguine #;;ooc #;;answered #;;headcanon #ara getting praised for the stuff she did throughout the crisis when she literally actually only wanted martin to think she was GoodTM #she was so close... so close to getting the point. she really had a chance of doing better & being better. #& THEN THE SHIVERING ISLES HAPPENED #i really need to make a mega meta about haskill specifically. & how he's the best worst thing that's ever happened to her. #ANYWHOOO idk if i even answered these properly but this is a lot of stuff i wanted to break down & write out regardless #so THANK YOU THANK YOU for being MY enabler mwahahaha <3

[lokigodofaces]

I'm sorry but every once in a while I see Loki fans hopping onto Star Wars posts complaining about what Disney did to Star Wars and trying to argue that Disney fricked over Loki more. And 1) it's a pretty pointless thing to argue about, and there's no need for Marvel fans to say Disney has fricked over Marvel more than Star Wars on Star Wars posts or vice versa. Like you can have your opinions but it's not worth arguing about on other people's posts. 2) Why are we arguing, Star Wars and Marvel fans should stand together because they were both ruined and both have lots of complaints about Disney. Like the few times I add to Star Wars or Marvel posts to talk about the other, I usually say something along the lines of Disney taking both amazing things and trashing them, so clearly Disney does not know how to make good movies. And that's usually in the tags only. 3) I'm sorry, Loki fans, and I know I just said this is a pointless thing to argue about, but every time I see one of y'all try to say Loki was fricked over more than Star Wars I laugh. Y'all do not realize the extent that Disney has fricked up Star Wars. Like I have a hard time giving explanations that give it justice because it's that bad.

#i'm sorry but they managed to screw over 3 of the most iconic characters in american pop culture history #and tlj & ris are 2 of the worst movies i have ever seen beyond just hating what they did to star wars #jar jar is only like the 3rd worst character now bc disney managed to make characters even worse like dj #seventh grade me could write better movies than those 2 #i literally cried over how bad star wars is & i've never done that with loki #like it's my opinion i get it but disney star wars is so bad #tlj ros tbobf tbb all horrible #solo was meh #r1 tcw rebels & mando are the only good things to happen so far #& this is arguably the most well known franchise in american pop culture history #the amount of racism is insane #particularly against polynesians #but no i'm never going to take your post & argue about it like i've seen some ppl do. just guys this isnt that important the 2 of us should #just get along & i obv have my opinion but i'm never going to argue over it #may the force be with you

[sideeve]

⠀⠀⠀“WHAT?! SEX BAN?!”

﹅ contains ;; gojo satoru , kento nanami , choso kamo , toji fushiguro , ryomen sukuna , geto suguru

﹅ alt title ;; how long the jjk men can withstand the sex ban

﹅ warnings ;; sorta sub!choso , whiny!choso , toji's part is more explicit than the others , this is my first time writing for some of the character so i'm sorry if i didn't describe them well

GOJO SATORU (3 days)

“are you serious?” gojo groans, slumping forwards. gojo watched in disappointment as you crossed your arms, looking away from him. "you did it so you have to pay." for weeks, you've been trying to tell gojo to separate the colors from the whites while doing laundry. him just wanting to get it over with, he dumped them all in the same load, ruining some of your favorite pieces of clothing.

"baby, please. i won't do it again," he begs, kneeling in front of you. but to no avail, you stood your ground.

it only took him 3 days to convince you to wave your white flag, surrendering to his seduction. "you look good in my shirts." gojo's hands caress your hips as he presses his chest to your back. "i would be in my clothes if you would just listen to me." you huff, "i never said i was disappointed." gojo whispered, his hard-on pressing on your ass.

“please. just drop the ‘sex ban’. i said i was sorry.” his lips make a trail of kisses on your neck. you needed him too. whenever he wasn’t around, you would use your toys, trying to not let gojo know you were sexually needy. but they didn’t work.

RYOMEN SUKUNA (not happening!)

no. just no. it’s funny that you even thought about putting that in motion. sukuna was too desperate for sex but never wanted to admit it.

“no,” he stood above, crossing his arms, making himself seem bigger than you (as if he even needed to do that). “you can’t deprive me of sex, woman.” he grunts. “but i can, kuna. that’s what you fail to realize.” you tut, standing up to walk away.

one of his four arms wraps around your waist, throwing you back on the soft surface. "you're not going through with this." he growls in your ear, crawling go top of you.

how dare you even think such a thing? you were his woman, his twin flame. you were the only person he showed the littlest respect to and you decide to do some foolery like this.

he tugs your shirt over your head, your bra coming next. his rough hands slide over your chest. "such beauty..." he whispers. "i'll make sure you never think of this again.

KENTO NANAMI (it was on accident)

his job was taking him away from you. between being a jujutsu sorcerer and a businessman, he couldn't find time to be a partner for you.

due to the lack of attention you were receiving, you became sexually pent up, having the urge to pleasure yourself at the worst times. the feeling of neglect was creeping up on you. some days, you forgot nanami even lived with you.

"love, i'm home." nanami tugs off his tie, tossing it to the side. "i don't know how long i can take of this." he rubs his temples, deeply sighing as he led himself to your shared bedroom. before his hand touched the cold metal knob, he heard your muffled moans and the squelching of your cunt.

he slowly opens the door, peeking in the room before fully entering. "it seems i've neglected you." he watches as you quickly cover yourself as if he hasn't seen you naked many times. he unbuttons the top of his shirt as he saunters to the edge of the bed, removing the covers off you.

"seems like i have some things to make up for."

CHOSO KAMO (not even a day)

"please." he whines, his head resting on your lap as he looks up at you. ever since you shared your first time with choso, he's been going at it with you like rabid dogs. if he wasn't inside you, his head was squished in between his thighs.

"choso, i need a break." you sigh, trying to remove him from off you. his grip on your legs was tight as he put his face in between your thighs, shaking his head. he was acting like he couldn't survive without your cunt somehow being involved.

"i swear, i'll leave you alone after. just please," he whined. you couldn't resist him for much longer. you hated when he got all whiny like a baby. he was spoiled because of you.

"fine." you undo the tie of your sweatpants before his hands swatted yours away, tugging your pants and panties off. "i promised you." he kisses your inner thigh before his tongue began flicking away.

TOJI FUSHIGURO (mans was balls deep in you the second you said it)

"you really think so?" he darkly chuckles, rubbing himself on you. "toji, i'm sorry. please." you whine, wiggling your ass on his cock. "i don't think you are." he teases, stepping away from you.

you whine, following him. "it was a joke." you press your hand on his chest. "did i laugh?" he tilts his head, smirking at you. you sigh, "toji, i'm sorry." you press yourself against him, your chest touching his.

"fuck." you knew he couldn't resist the feeling of your chest on him. it was like heaven to him. "turn around." he grunts, gripping your hips to turn you around, bending you over.

he easily slid inside of you due to how wet you got over time. "don't say stuff you don't mean, baby." he laughs, thrusting into your backside. it was worth it.

GETO SUGURU (you gave in after implementing it)

you wanted to test geto's limits, giving him an extra nnn moment which made you realize something. it was always you initiating sex. "geto, please. i give up." you whine, following him around the house.

he chuckles, "everyone must deal with their consequences, my love." he turns to you. he plastered a sinister smile, taunting you. he saw how much you needed him but he wasn't caving in until he heard you say it.

"i'll do anything. my hand isn't even working anymore." you simper. it was starting to become frustrating seeing how calm he was about all of this as you were suffering.

"i need you! is that what you wanted to hear?" you shout, earning a grin from him. he walks closer to you, his finger tracing your jawline, "why didn't you say that sooner, love?" he chuckles.

#（ ✶ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 .） #（ ✶ 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 .） #（ ✶ 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 .） #（ ✶ 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎 .） #（ ✶ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 .） #（ ✶ 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔 .) #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo smut #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryomen x reader #sukuna smut #nanami kento x reader #nanami smut #choso x reader #choso kamo x reader #choso smut #toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #toji smut #geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #geto smut #jjk x reader #jjk smut

[forlix]

· . ˚ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞

— the little mannerisms you pick up from the members of stray kids over the course of your relationship.

words・3.7k / pairings・ot8 x gn!reader / genres・fluff, humor, borderline crack, intentional lowercase, established relationship(s) / warnings・minsung’s are suggestive, touch of anxiety in felix's, jeongin's is lowkey gross LMFAO

a/n・massive shoutout to @/http.dwaekkii on tiktok for their edits about the boys' habits, which i consulted for chan, changbin, seungmin, and jeongin (and to @astraystayyh for beta reading hehe. what would i do without u). these were sooooo fun to write, hope u guys enjoy (｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )

chan + getting shy easily. poor thing gets embarrassed so quickly as it is. throw you into the mix and it’s just critical hit after critical hit. defense lowered. no health potions left. he folds like a lawn chair with a massive smile and a whiny “stooooop” every time you say something even remotely affectionate. the habit is adorable, and you love it to pieces.

but you like poking fun at it even more. “god forbid i find my literal underwear model of a boyfriend attractive,” you’d say, or something along those lines, which of course only triples his embarrassment and on more than one occasion results in him starfishing on your kitchen floor, his hood pulled over his face.

fast forward however many months. he’s still the worst compliment-receiver you know, but you discover one arbitrary afternoon that it’s rubbed off on you.

the two of you are cuddled together on the living room couch in your usual fashion, your legs thrown over his thighs and his hands tracing absently over your shins as you relay to him something you overheard on the subway. the conversation is painfully normal. you’re almost bored. you pause to take a breath, and he murmurs, out of nowhere, in the dreamiest tone: “so damn beautiful.”

“wha—huh? what is?”

“you. your voice, your face, everything. i‘m lucky.”

your expression of bewilderment persists for around ten seconds, and then slowly, so slowly, you begin to sandwich your head between your knees, balling yourself up like a spooked armadillo. chan wonders if he should call an ambulance.

“love?” no response. “what, uh, what’s happening right now, exactly?”

no response. no response. then, hoarsely, “you can’t...say shit like that…randomly.”

he notices two things after that. one, your skin is burning hot enough to fry something upon, and two, you’ve formed a fist in the fabric of his hoodie, which you only do when you’re pretending to be annoyed at him. the puzzle pieces fall into place, and he starts grinning like a madman.

“you’re…embarrassed?”

the guttural groan you emit is more than enough of an answer, and the cute aggression that overcomes chan is fucking debilitating. he wraps his arms around you and hauls you entirely off the couch and onto his lap, littering kisses over your face until it finally resigns into a matching smile. all intent to continue feigning grumpiness erased with the drop of a hat. you drape an arm over his neck.

“you’re so good to me, channie,” you sigh helplessly. “i love you.”

“love you more, baby.” he imprints these words directly upon your lips, then pulls away, giggles. “that was very me of you, by the way.”

“i know, right? i was just about to say.”

minho + butt touching. it’s quite simple, really. if lee minho is within proximity of someone’s buttocks, he will, as he lives and breathes, make it known. will it be a coy little swat or a yelp-eliciting, full-bodied grab? nobody ever knows, not even him. the unpredictability is what makes it exciting.

but it takes a while before this starts applying to you, because the way minho touches you is…different. doting. there’s no other way to describe how he always holds the nape of your neck while kissing you, how he rests a hand against the small of your back whenever he leads you somewhere, how during the nights you can’t sleep he guides you to the place on his chest where he knows his heartbeat is loudest. he even drags you into his trademark headlocks the same way one would hold an invaluable treasure. he’s so obsessed with all of you that he never thinks to pay just your butt special attention (though it is, indeed, a special butt).

you take it into your own hands. literally.

you don’t know what prompts it—maybe you’ve simply seen minho slap his members’ asses one too many times, or maybe you’re still thinking of the specific time minho slapped changbin’s ass in passing and it fucking echoed, or maybe minho just looks especially fine in this practice outfit, a skintight tee and washed sweatpants that hug him in all the right places—but you feel a new urge today as your boyfriend swings his duffel over his shoulder, circles around the kitchen counter.

he puckers up as he nears you, silently requesting his goodbye; you give it to him, relishing for a moment in the familiar, soft plush of his lips beneath yours. then he pulls away and turns to leave, and your hand acquires its target.

“go get ‘em, tiger.” thwack!

minho jumps a foot into the air. clutches his pearls and his left butt cheek. becomes the splitting image of that perplexed blonde lady surrounded by geometry.

but when he turns around to stare at you, the smirk melting across his face betrays how he really feels about what you’ve just done. good. really good.

you, meanwhile, look genuinely confused. “it’s like it moved on its own.”

minho beams. steps towards you daintily, intentionally, like a cat catching sight of a laser beam. brings a hand to your hip, murmurs, “that’s what we’re doing now?” kisses you again, for longer this time.

you fully foresee his fingers wandering to your ass to give it a gentle squeeze, but you reach up to cuff his shoulder when it happens anyways, and his laugh vibrates against your mouth. it seems you’ll be reaping what you’ve sown from now on.

(good luck.)

changbin + the Cackle™. yes, you said something exceptionally funny. yes, you expected changbin to find it funny too. but you couldn’t expect the godforsaken noise that left his mouth as he threw himself straight into the tree planter behind you.

your mind spun with frantic questions as you helped him out of the dirt. had the spirit of spongebob just usurped his vocal cords? were you on a date with the wicked witch of the west? most importantly—

“are you well?” you sputtered, which only made him laugh harder and his laugh so much crazier, so you started laughing, too. and you were goners, falling over each other until you’d been reduced to watery eyes and sore cheeks, your giggling interrupted only by the sound of you slapping his thigh every so often, heartily enough to reverberate around the little park in which you concluded your second date.

that’s how you fall for seo changbin: laughing. with a reckless, breathless abandon you didn’t think possible. stumbling across empty sidewalks, spitting noodles across dining tables, begging for mercy on studio couches. wrestling under tear-stained comforters, starting (and re-starting) silly stories, huffing into beaming kisses. the list goes on.

you never quite get used to that chortle of his, too busy enjoying its insanity to notice how your own chuckles grow shorter and shriller, how they gradually develop an edge like the chittering of a forest dweller.

you complete your transformation on your ninety-eighth date. 

no, changbin doesn’t say anything exceptionally funny. no, he doesn’t expect you to find it funny, either. he expects least of all for you to fold over the kitchen island and start cackling like cruella de vil on helium.

han turns around from his seat on the couch. chan’s footsteps come to a halt as he emerges from the bathroom. both of them have fear in their eyes as they witness your undoing.

the only thing on changbin’s face, though, is unfettered delight.

“b-baby,” he sputters with a growing smile. “are you—”

you lift your face off the marble surface and turn to face him. the entirety of your forehead and the point of your nose is covered in flour. you blow a cloud of the stuff out of your mouth like a dragon awoken from slumber.

he loses it.

the two of you make your way onto the floor in slow motion, ending in a tangled heap against the side of the counter. changbin tries to clean off the flour and smears it all over your cheeks instead. you are zero help whatsoever, smacking his bicep like that’ll help you catch your breath. your synchronized, diabolical laughter reaches every corner of the apartment. your happiness reaches every nerve ending.

chan and han look at each other, sigh. han takes a video.

hyunjin + side-eyeing. this man is so god awful at controlling his face, bless him…and DAMN HIM.

on one hand, you love how in tune with his emotions he is, how confidently he puts them on display. and you love your synergy. you come closer to believing in soulmates every time you glance his way and discover your exact feelings written all over his features; it’s a special type of happiness, sharing a brain with your favorite person in the world.

on the other hand, you think there’s a time and place for candor, and he tends, well, not to think at all. during many a precarious situation, you’ll catch him wearing an expression so transparent that he might as well arrange the words THIS IS STUPID AND I HATE ALL OF YOU over his head in neon lights. cue a dig of your heel into his toe, a hiss of pain cut short by your piercing glare. if you’d known ahead of time that dating hwang hyunjin would have you doing so much damage control…you’d still date him, let’s be real. but you do get stressed at times.

the night the tables turn, you’re at a celebratory dinner for your coworker’s birthday. small caveat: you can’t stand her. she’s the type to spontaneously combust if she goes two minutes without talking about herself. certainly doesn’t help that she’s downing champagne like water, and her lips are looser than ever.

hyunjin comes with you, fortunately. or not. he spends the whole evening trying so hard not to laugh: snorting into his bread, excusing himself to “cough.” you think he actually starts doing breathing exercises at some point. you’re so, so grateful that he’s here, but you’re also deathly afraid that he’s gonna bring out those neon lights in front of your entire office.

then, she flirts with him.

from the opposite end of the table. perfectly wasted but still knowing perfectly well that he’s yours. the whole patio goes silent. hyunjin’s jaw hits the table.

your fork clatters to your plate.

FUCK time and place.

the side-eye you give her is devastating. truly masterful. your brow furrows. your eyes turn to slits. your gaze does the up-down-up of unadulterated incredulity. hyunjin recognizes the motions straightaway and starts smiling so hard his whole face hurts.

you take your boyfriend’s wrist and stand up. he follows suit. you don’t say a thing as you leave the restaurant, and you don’t have to. the intensity of your disdain was more than enough; anything more and she might’ve started crying.

once you’re on the curb outside, hyunjin pulls on your interlocked hands, brings you close. his lips brush against the shell of your ear. you hear laughter and his smirk in his voice.

“you’re so fucking sexy, holy shit.”

jisung + how he applies lip balm. that han jisung is the pioneer of modern day babygirlism is the worst kept secret in the world. that han jisung applies lip balm the riveting way he does, however, is unknown even to you. until one morning.

you pop into the bathroom and make your usual beeline for your toothbrush, only to end up motionless in front of the sink, staring. jisung is a bit off to the side, hair pinned back by a cinnamoroll headband, eyes glued to his phone, hand holding a tube of chapstick that you can actually see getting shorter in real time. he looks so pensive, so concentrated. how long has it been since he last blinked? you’ve half a mind to pull out a stopwatch.

finally, he rubs his lips together, recaps the chapstick, and makes eye contact with you in the mirror. a smile crosses his face, equal parts confused and amused.

“baby, your mouth is open.”

you close it. then you open it again, and your words come out in a barely-contained laugh: “what on earth did you just do?”

“what do you mean?”

“the—” you point at his mouth, then do your best impression of an elementary schooler trying to color inside the lines. “—that.”

jisung looks aghast. “that was LIP BALM.”

“no, i know what it—you’re so—i meant, why do you apply it like that?”

jisung continues to look aghast. “like what?”

“like you’re one of socrates’ prized pupils and the answer to the universe’s formation lies at the bottom of—” you step in close, reach into the pocket of his sweatpants. “—this tube!”

it might be the craziest thing you’ve ever said to him. he bursts into laughter, the kind that leaves him no recollection of what he does with his limbs, and when he can see straight again he discovers he’s pressed you gently against the counter. his fingers latched around the hem of your top, his grin inches away from yours. can’t stay away from you to save his life, this one.

“do i actually?”

“yes! holy shit, it’s so cute.” your arms circle around his neck, also without an ounce of thought, also through a fit of giggles. “no way you’ve always done that, right?”

“i don’t know. i’ve never thought about it.” a pause. a tilt of his head, with purpose. “am i…doing it wrong?”

the question is a trap and you realize it too late. your gaze drops from his eyes to his lips—a ray of sunlight glistens off the pink plush like a paid actor—then back to his eyes. let’s find out.

you lean in. so does he. and his mouth tastes and feels like melted fucking sugar. it’s such a pleasant surprise that you actually moan, and he chuckles against you. lifts you onto the edge of the sink. your mind really goes empty after that, save for one thought. i have to start doing that.

felix + checking his own pulse. you saw it from afar, the first time.

he stood by the stage’s entrance just before curtain up, pointer and middle finger pressed against the side of his neck. eyelids sealed closed, chest heaving. you tilted your head, puzzled. worried. then the concert began, and you pushed the image to the back of your mind.

it returned to the forefront right before bed.

“you do it when you’re nervous?”

“yeah. forces me to ground myself. turns off the world for a bit.” the hand rubbing circles into your back paused. “wanna give it a go?”

“what, checking my pulse?”

“mine.”

you lifted your head off the pillow. felix took your hand from where it sat upon his ribs, isolating two fingers and nestling them over his jugular. his quickened heartbeat pressed into your skin like the world’s gentlest tattoo.

the sixty seconds began and concluded in total silence.

“well?” he whispered.

“ninety-three,” you answered, lightheaded from the sheer intimacy of it all. “you’re nervous right now?”

“something like that,” he hummed. pulled you down, kissed you deeply. there were no more words exchanged that night.

the habit surfaced more than you knew. while driving to visit your parents. after a stupid argument with a bouquet of flowers tucked beneath his free arm. you started doing it for him in the times he couldn’t, and he’d cover your hand with his own and kiss the top of your head silently, gratefully.

two years have passed since, and you’ve vanished from the dinner table.

felix asks the nearest waiter for directions to the restrooms. you don’t notice when the door swings open, unmoving in your spot over the sink, your pointer and middle finger pressed against the side of your neck. 

his hand finds your hip. you let him turn you around and bring you to his chest; he glances at the crystalline droplets studding your lashes and falling from your cheeks. his eyes convey what his mouth doesn’t need to, not anymore.

let me.

you do.

his fingers replace yours the moment you drop them from under your jaw, the movement like clockwork. he counts your every heartbeat with unblinking concentration, his heart growing heavier the higher the number climbs.

the sixty seconds begin and conclude in total silence. 

“well?” you whisper.

“hundred and six,” he answers. to his confusion, a smile pulls at your lips. 

he wonders if it’s a trick of the bathroom lights when he sees the tiny box you pluck from your pocket, but there’s no mistaking the reality of the diamond ring that sits behind its open lid.

the earth slants under his feet.

“crazy.” you giggle through your tears, run your thumb over his cheekbone. “that’s how many years i want with you.”

seungmin + poking eyes(?) he’s hardly touched puppym when your voice is slicing through the living room air like a fucking beyblade. 

“KIM SEUNGMIN, UNHAND HIM THIS INSTANT.”

do you have a sixth sense just for this? he throws his hands up in exasperation. “he’s literally me. i’m allowed to do whatever i want with me.”

“he’s not you, he’s our son.” you pop out of nowhere to swipe the plushie from over your boyfriend’s shoulder. “my son, if you keep this up.”

“just say you hate me and my preferred avenues of self expression.”

upside-down, he watches you dust off puppym’s face and smooch his forehead with a tenderness that makes seungmin unhappier than he lets on. you then tuck him into your jacket pocket. the little shit’s expression looks strangely smug poking out of its cotton capsule.

“i’m asking you to not gauge his eyes out, not to deliver me the holy grail,” you say. “you’ll survive.”

but then he feels your hands on either side of his face, and you lean over him like the mj to his peter, leave a kiss on the space between his eyes, too. he has zero say in the bashful smile this brings to his face.

“but why do you do that, seriously?” you mutter.

“i have no idea,” he replies. “but it’s fun. try it.”

“i’ll think about it.” you lean in again, and he nearly forgets what you were talking about in the first place when you kiss him on the lips this time. “okay, i’ve thought about it. no.”

“hate you,” he says despite the literal hearts in his eyes, and then you’re off to work.

puppym takes strikingly after his father. they have the same bangs. the same compulsively squeezable quality. the same little :3 that can only allude to sinister plottings. you’d be loath to admit that you sort of comprehend seungmin’s poking predisposition.

one night, seungmin falls asleep before you even finish your nighttime routine, and you spot in his peaceful, upturned face an opportunity.

you lie belly-down on your side of the bed. your fingers splay into a peace-sign in the air. your smile stretches further into a cheshire grin the closer you bring your hand. you’re just about to reach the ends of his eyelashes when—

“I KNEW IT!”

you almost catapult into the ceiling. then you try to make a mad dash for the bathroom. but seungmin shoots a hand around your wrist like he’s actually peter parker and pins you down before you so much as take a step. your only remaining option is to sulk about your foiled plans. (and blush, because, well, you’re under him.)

“amateur,” he tsks. “you gotta test my breathing to make sure i’m asleep first. shit’s foolproof.”

you blink at him for a few seconds. his words finally click.

now you almost catapult him into the ceiling.

“HOW MANY TIMES?”

jeongin + eating food in one bite. so you might be an instigator.

“hwuck,” he grumbles around the whole ice cream cone in his mouth, face scrunched up in a brain-freeze-induced wince. “ayee ith waz a bah iyeah.” (translation: fuck, maybe this was a bad idea.)

“you got this. just take it slow,” you urge, except he’s stopped moving and speaking and closed his eyes as if he’s descending into a deep sleep. you’re actually concerned for about two seconds, and then his jaw begins to oscillate leisurely like an elderly cow in his favorite pasture. false alarm.

after some time, he swallows, beams. “so am i the fucking best or what.”

“yeah you are,” you echo, and he swings an arm over your shoulder, plants a chocolatey kiss on your temple. the two of you celebrate his daesangs with less enthusiasm.

“when are you doing that with me, by the way?”

“the one-bite thing?” he nods. “mmm, coaches don’t play.”

“mmm, this one will.”

“doubtful.”

fast forward a few weeks and you, jeongin, and his younger brother are sitting cross-legged on the porch in his backyard. three full-sized oranges rest in the center of your makeshift circle. damn is yoon hard to say no to. (runs in the family.)

“the rules!” he declares. “eat the orange whole! first to swallow it wins! you can’t spit it out!”

you wait. “is that it?”

“yes!”

why was the delivery so grand?

jeongin places a fond hand atop his brother’s head. “i’ve brought you a new loser, yoonie. get excited.”

you feign an indifferent scoff, but jeongin spots the fire that ignites behind your eyes like that of an anime protagonist, the resolute grip with which you palm your orange. he smirks. he’s never known you to take trash talk sitting down. or sitting cross-legged on his porch.

yoon counts you off. “ready…”

“good luck, coach,” jeongin sings.

“shut up, pipsqueak.”

“set…GO!”

in amusing unison, you and yoon try and fail to fasten your teeth around even half of the fruit. jeongin, meanwhile, fits the whole thing into his black hole of an oral cavity and launches into that dumb cow impression again.

desperate times call for desperate measures.

you rip the orange from your lips. “yoon! your brother’s ticklish, right?”

both yang siblings’ eyes widen—the younger’s in growing delight, the older’s in impending horror.

the latter reacts first. “ay, ay, ay, ah ahes eh ooles!” (translation: wait, wait, wait, that’s against the rules!)

but the former moves first, and you’re right behind him.

jeongin weakens when the younger boy assaults his sides, crumples when you target the back of his neck, the sounds leaving his mouth getting progressively louder and somehow even less intelligible.

he eventually has to spit out the orange to avoid death by pulp going down the wrong pipe and spins around in indignation, wiping at his chin with the back of his hand. but his annoyance—

you’re back on the floor, gnawing hopelessly at the the orange again. “ih ih eawahin, ooh.” (translation: this is embarrassing, yoon.)

yoon replies, “huh?” (translation: huh?)

—dissipates, immediately.

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[saetoru]

Tee…

I’m now on my hands and knees BEGGING for bully Gojo who is (secretly) DISGUSTINGLY IN LOVE over the reader PLEASE ANY CRUMBS I WILL TAKE

(you don’t actually have to write this it was just a nice thought)

idkkkkk if it’s rly bully gojo—but he’s definitely a real cunt for sure.

i just think about an asshole! gojo a lot like he’s ur lab partners or something and he does that stereotypical jerk move where he’s like “seriously ?? her ??” when he’s first paired with you. and he’s just naturally an douche, yk ?? wears sunglasses indoors and makes jokes at the professors expense under his breath that gets him snickers and snorts from his frat guys in his class. has to be asked more than once to “please keep it down in the middle of class” by wtv prof he’s in class with.

and he ofc makes u do all the work bc he can’t be bothered—and on the rare occasion that he is bothered, he just does a poor job that’s the bare minimum and sloppy enough that ur like wtv i’ll just do it myself. and then ofc sometimes u don’t have a choice but to meet up to finish something after class every now and then—he wouldn’t care to, but he actually needs to know the stuff for the final report he has to write individually, so he begrudgingly meets up with you, and sometimes you notice his friends give you an amused look when he walks up with them. they snicker before they leave as he sits with you. sometimes they make a snide comment here and there like “have fun with ur super hot date” that makes him roll his eyes—he doesn’t do much to hide the look of distaste on his face.

but then—and he doesn’t even know when it happens—you start to slowly grow on him. because ur actually pretty snarky urself, sometimes making a dry comment here and there about the professor and his stupid bald headed self. sometimes a girl in the distance laughs too hard a group of guys that u roll ur eyes and mumble how “if i had a voice like that i’d never laugh in public” and it makes him snort a bit without meaning to. sometimes you stare daggers at the person who has their music so loud thru their headphones they can’t help but notice u and turn it down in embarrassment. ur actually not as much of a pushover as he thought—you just genuinely think he’s too incapable to help u out that you’ve just shrugged him off and started doing his part. it’s an easy weekly lab class anyway, you don’t need him—and then he realizes that u rly just don’t care for him. his little snickers at u with his friends and their snide comments roll off ur back bc well…he’s him—an asshole little frat boy and u didn’t expect anything better from him. so it makes him a little intrigued—maybe a little wounded in his pride, deep down, because no one has ever been indifferent to him before. they’re either madly in love, or they hate his guts, or they follow his lead. either works—he still gets the attention he craves.

but u just don’t rly care. and ur actually pretty cool, and kinda sorta funny in a way no one else is. he likes it…and fuck, now he’s starting to like you. he can tell bc when his friends ask how his little date with you went, he starts getting a bit huffy ab it bc they don’t need to talk about you. they don’t even know you…but also….its not a date. and that’s the worst part. sometimes it feels like a date. almost—sometimes you both decide to take a break in between and go get a coffee or a light snack. sometimes he’s even paid (to which you look mildly shocked before politely thanking him) and you both walk back to the library while u make light banter and it’s…well, fun. and nice. and your laugh is pretty. and your smile is kinda cute and he (though he hates to admit it) rly likes it when u laugh because of him.

and then things start to get messy—really, he didn’t mean for it to start this way. he really was meaning to ask you in a genuine manner to see u again once the semester was finished. because he’s actually started pulling his weight—he wants u to see him for someone who’s smart. satoru is actually rly rly smart and no one knows it because he doesn’t rly show it but he is. he wants u to see that side of him—somehow there’s some sick validation he rly needs from you knowing he’s not a dense frat guy who drinks and fucks until 3 am every night. so he starts doing his parts and actually communicates with u about sections. so starts ur texting routine—sometimes a little longer than u rly need to for just doing a lab together. sometimes it’s “did u hear ab that girl in our class getting dumped in front of the kfc ??” and sometimes it’s “god our prof rly needs to get some pussy” and other times it’s “look what the guy who sits behind us just posted on his story” and it leads to a few long convos that admittedly…are rly fun. ur so fun. he likes it. he rly does like u and he thinks maybe….maybe he’s grown on u too and you know what ?? satoru’s always a jerk but ur nice and who’s to say he can’t be nice too ?? just for one person. for u, he can be a nice guy—u carried lab all on ur own long enough that u deserve it anyway.

until he gets swayed in that way only a coward can. in that way you do when ur used to being “the man” around ur friends and ur too pressured to keep up that energy for appearances sake bc u don’t wanna be the laughing stock who softened up for “some nerdy chick who’s a nobody.” so he laughs when they laugh at the fact that ur probably “still a virgin who’s never touched a guy before” and then they’re patting gojo on the back and shoving at his shoulder as they laugh harder and suggest that “y’know what would be so funny man ?? if u took her virginity. you could probably do it.”

the thought is sickening because…satoru wouldn’t want to fuck you like that. god, you have him caring about when and how he fucks you—in fact, just thinking about you lewdly makes him feel guilty. disrespectful, even. you’re more than a fleshlight for his dick. since when did he become so respectful ?? but he doesn’t know how to say no, especially when everyone starts agreeing one after the other—and oh no, now they’re betting on how quickly he can do it….and oh, now it’s not just fucking. now it’s “how long until you think she’s head over heels for you? man, that would be a sight, huh ??”

and….well, satoru decides it couldn’t hurt, right ?? he does want to be romantically involved so that would include you being head over heels. hopefully. fingers crossed. and he doesn’t rly want to seem lame in front of the guys either, so he gets to keep both sides of the coin, so is it really that bad ?? maybe not the right idea but certainly the right execution. he’ll treat you well—that much he’s confident of. so he forces out a laugh and says “gimme a month or two, you’ll see.”

and a month or two they give him. and a month or two it takes—but not for you to be head over heels. it’s him who’s utterly and completely obsessed and fallen head first and whatever else they say to describe love because wow. this must be what it is. this must be that stupid fairytale shit they always talk about because fuck, no one has ever looked at him like that. like he’s some miracle to this earth and some wonder only you know of—like you hope it stays that way and that he’s yours and yours alone and no one else comes in to take him away. satoru really likes being yours, it kinda feels better than you being his. being yours means you hold him like that at night and wake him up to a kiss between his brows and sometimes, when he gets those migraines he’s prone to getting, you always seem to know. always seem to understand when to close the blinds and keep quiet and wrap him up in the covers as you rub your thumbs over his temples soothingly.

he almost forgets about that silly little bet he made two months ago when he’s around you. actually, he forgets everything when he’s around you. he’s only ever thinking about you, you, you. when he comes back to his frat house, on the other hand, they’re all gathered around waiting for the newest details. how you must’ve been so pathetically star struck by him. how you must be embarrassingly bad at kissing. how you must stutter over every other word around him. how you must be making a complete and utter fool of urself trying to impress him and be someone you’re not bc the real you would never pique his interest.

they’re wrong ofc. if anyone’s star struck, it’s satoru bc how the hell are u so…cool ?? and so funny and witty and carefree ?? and you’re good at kissing—have him chasing your lips with a whine every time. sometimes you even chuckle at him when he does and make him blush a bit. he’s the one who stutters over his words when he sees you in your little date night outfits. sometimes he watches you drink from your straw and his brain short circuits a little until you snap at him and ask him in confusion if he’s alright. but the real kicker ?? it’s that if anyone’s pretending, it’s satoru. you’re always just you—unapologetically so, that it’s endearing and beautiful and so unearthly he wonders how he got so lucky. but him ?? he’s always acting like some guy he’s not. some chivalrous guy who opens doors and pushes out seats and kisses the back of hands and waits at least a few dates before even considering fucking. some nice, sweet, genuine guy who’s deserving.

he’s not that—never was. if you knew the real him, you’d leave in a heartbeat. it’s a scary thought. a raw feeling he doesn’t like. makes him feel all self conscious and insecure and all that weird shit he never thought he’d feel.

he tries. so hard, he tries to make them forget about that silly little bet and just slowly drop it and maybe even forget ur dating so he can just stay living this peaceful little fantasy with you—but that’s stupid. that’s naive. it’s been 4 months and enough is enough—the guys need to see the look on ur face when u realize what a fool ur being and satoru is “being a lazy ass who’s too comfortable not having for work for pussy these days.” so then there’s a video going around. it’s everyone gathered around on the couch drunk and talking about you. and satoru. you both, in fact. how it’s been two months and u seem desperate for his attention with the shrill little voice you use to call him toru, baby! it’s so, so fucking embarrassing, they say. how you think he likes it. (he does. god he does so much, it hurts. he loves it, actually, when you call him that. makes him feel special in a way he never has.) but then, the worst, most disgustingly nauseous part of the whole thing is when satoru laughs along and plays into their awful words. just lets them talk about you like you’re some piece of meat. something for him to chew up and spit out after he has a taste or you. not even worth savoring and enjoying. he laughs along and agrees—you’re nothing special and he can’t wait until he’s free of you.

that part hurts. that part sucks the most—when he acts like he didn’t tremble under your touch every time you kissed him. like he didn’t beg you to stay just five more minutes! before walking out the door to go home. he acts one way in front of you and one way in front of them and what’s worse ?? you don’t know which one is real. couldn’t tell even if your life was on the line to decide. because there’s no way he’s that good at pretending to be desperately in love, no fucking way. but there’s also no way he can be in love if he’s talking about you like that. that’s not what love is—that’s not what love feels like. that’s not what it means to someone.

you don’t know which satoru is the real one, but you know that neither is worth your time. not if he can’t stick to it.

it’s terrible thing—the way you break up. it’s messy and teary and he’s begging, he’s actually begging. he never thought he’d do that. but he doesn’t even hesitate to plead for you to hear him out. baby, please let me explain. wait, please don’t walk away—please just listen! i can explain.

he can’t explain, though when you as him to. stands there with a bitten bottom lip and teary eyes that are pleading you to just stay with him. to overlook this and just … ignore it like it’s nothing. like what he did and said was just nothing and you can shrug it off like you’re nothing too. like your feelings are nothing and so is your worth and that’s why you should just ignore the way he absolutely destroyed your pride and reputation and dignity and worse….every ounce of your love.

such deep, raw, pure love—it’s almost enough to heal every dry crack and crevice of this earth and bring it back to life.

you look at him with teary eyes and something so broken, it makes him feel like dirt beneath your feet.

“it’s embarrassing, satoru,” you hiss that night through tears, “you’re in your twenties getting a degree and you’re still just a high school bully. life’s really gonna kick you in the ass some day.”

life’s already kicking him in the ass as soon as you walk out. the air is colder. the world is dimmer. food doesn’t taste as good and fuck—there is just so much loneliness when you have no one to be yourself with. when there’s no you.

but he supposes you’re right though—he is just a bully. it’s pathetic, really. and maybe it’s for the best. maybe you don’t deserve someone who’s only ever known how to feel good because someone else doesn’t.

#bye #this is so obnoxiously long for a silly little jumble of thoughts #maybe i’ll flesh it out and make it an actual fic tho #bully! gojo tag