#how do i get that attached to fiction

[hyperfixating-rn-brb]

I have thrown a book across a room exactly once.

a paperback.

it was the final book of a trilogy, even passages would be blacked out, pages printed to look burned, torn out, water damaged beyondmmediately readability. but every chapter read revealed more of what had been illegible.

the characters fight against their written fates, but every move only advances the inevitable.

inexorably, the end comes and everything burns.

im full on sobbing, ugly crying like you wouldn't believe. I chuck the book.

my name is called from downstairs. my parents. what did they want?

for me to get them a chocolate bar from the kitchen.

time and a place, people.

I still can't bring myself to read the last 100 pages of that book. maybe someday.

#maybe im just mentally ill #but goddamn #how do i get that attached to fiction #the reader trilogy #the storyteller #traci chee #books #sad endings #emotional writing #dont worry the book is okay

[soldier-poet-king]

Mmmmm reading systems collapse and the deep persistent ache abt murderbot and ART's friendship. Btw. If u even care.

#fran reads #head full of many thots but i need to finish the book first #but fundamentally. their friendship is absolutely my fave thing about the series #i am. very attached to them. #but like. emotions. non human personhood. extreme anxiety risk assessment constantly running #too many big bad emotions idk how to process so i am going to watch media about it #and then explain my life experiences via narrative features from said media bc idk how else to be a person or relate to the world #like!!! i get it!!!! my awkward not a real person ass is out here like!!!! i do that!!!! #its not bc i dont want to live and have real experiences its bc idk how and i was a weird isolated kid and a neurodivergent adult #and thats how i understand the world!!! #it is v big and scary and terrible and beautiful and having a frame of reference via fictional narrative to process ur owj experiences #its crucial???? #and i don't mean in a terminally online cannot separate ficiton from reality way #i mean in a storytelling is what ppl do way. not just to be entertained. but to reflect ourselves and understand ourselves. and each other!! #im!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ART's you know i am not kind. to mb when it insists it wouldve been kinder to kill it #I WEPT

[yellowocaballero]

as someone who played bl first... you should've played black eagles first bc when characters who are awesome get killed, it hurts less bc u don't know them enough to get attached to them.

I mean that sounds like an excellent point and an interesting turnaround tbh but, like, counterpoint - what if I don't play the BE at ALL because it would make me TOO SAD?

#checkmate r/athiesm (edelgard)? #my asks #i dont get too attached to fictional characters also i do think dimas cringe but i can't kill annette how do you want me to do that #im just not strong enough

[eruukat]

wanting to get into selfship/yumedanshi shenanigans but idk where to start or how to like.. represent myself..? im in a weird stage where i dont have much of a concept of Belonging to a specific appearance. i have a sense of style i guess but not much else? and if i were to make an oc theyd be moreso My Taste more than whats actually me. and id feel weird lusting over my own self insert yknow

#el speaks #also. if i WERE to make myself in final fantasy id want to look like squall? #i resonate w his appearance a lot #like. even when i dye my hair and shit or had a buzzcut i still identified a lot w how he looks. seeing him has some sort of sense of myself #- attached #anyway if i do get into selfship stuff idk if id link my blog here or not #idk if id feel too embarrassed or i guess vulnerable? idk if thats apt #ive never made internet shrines or anything but i think itd be fun.. i also want to do art or maybe even. gasp. fanned fiction #idk like. me and cloud getting fruity little drinks at tifas bar and stuff

[steakout-05]

i was thinking about how it took me a while to figure out i'm aegosexual (which basically means that there's a disconnect between yourself and being the subject of attraction) and i thought about how much i really dislike and just cannot see myself in slash reader fics. i tend to dislike these fics for multiple reasons, but some of them include that the reader self insert is usually really boring, has no personality outside of being lovey dovey and isn't unhinged enough for certain characters for reasons outside of contrasting personalities for my tastes (like spamton for example, why are you writing a normal protagonist to pair with fuckin spamton of all characters). but another reason is that i literally cannot connect myself to the reader self insert. like i cannot imagine myself in their place at all, it's always another stand-in that i imagine instead and thinking about myself in their place makes me uncomfortable. i can't see myself in their place because i don't see myself as a subject of attraction, and i'm repulsed to that idea. so i imagine someone else instead because that's better to me. and also because of the aforementioned reasons that have more to do with the writing of the self insert, i just cannot imagine myself acting the way the self insert does because I Personally Would Not Fucking Do That™. like i would not be romantically kissing a guy on a date, i would be infodumping about my special interests for 3 hours and then start ranting about how funny cars are while he just smiles and nods lmao

this is why i've never really self-shipped with any character. like i can be attracted to them and be like "i wanna hold his hand/kiss him/do inexplicable things to his psyche", but in reality i could never actually see myself as a subject of attraction by this character, so i'd either ship them with another character i like or imagine a sort of stand-in that has some of my traits and lives out my fantasies but still isn't me. i can fall in love but i can never connect because ew that's gross and weird. watching from the sidelines by reading fics and looking at fanart about characters being shipped with others and being intimate with each other is more my cup of tea.

#aegosexual #also i'm not like. sad about this or anything #maybe i'm a little disappointed that i probably won't experience some things but i'm not like. crying about it. #i literally don't care about it and i think i actually prefer it this way #being seen as something arousing is fucking disgusting and weird in a bad way to me and i don't think i should ignore how i feel just to- #-experience something i won't enjoy. #i just want to watch my little fictional men hold each other and kick my legs like an excited schoolboy about it in peace #also unpopular opinion but slash reader fics SUUUUUUCK and i'd rather read something else instead #now let's sit back and watch literally everyone get mad at that opinion lmao #i'm kidding i'm kidding you're obviously free to enjoy slash reader fics #i just find them to be completely unrelatable and i feel like throwing a self insert into the mix kinda ruins the whole dynamic for me #like i just personally find the idea of meddling in that character's life and being their hubby to be very unattractive #especially when the self insert is so barebones that there's no chemistry #we need more slash reader fics that are just an expression of how much the reader admires the character and nothing more i think #idk maybe i just haven't read enough slash reader fics to appreciate them as their own thing disconnected from me but i really just kinda- #-don't like them because the ones i've read were mostly kinda boring..... sorrgy #i always preferred projection anyway #although i do like dating sims. of course i don't attach myself to the MC but i do like them more than reader fics. i wonder why that is. #probably because the MC tends to have more character traits i guess? so then i can just consider them to be a different person- #-and i'm just pressing buttons for them #it's more free and directional i guess

[akai-anna]

reading oofuri together with my friend, and it’s SUCH A HAPPY EXPERIENCE. i’ve read most of the manga, but my friend is completely new to it, AND IT’S A BLAST.

also: the Tajima-Mihashi and Abe-Mihashi dynamics. Just. IT’S SO AMAZING TO SEE EVERY TIME.

Tajima, who has no trouble understanding Mihashi, LITERALLY THE TEAM’S MIHASHI TRANSLATOR, TajiMiha literally sharing a braincell LIKE 95% OF THE TIME, them being EQUALS AND RESPECTING EACH OTHER AND ONE ANOTHER’S ABILITIES, but not yet a fully working battery, they are fresh as a newborn fawn.

AND IN CONTRAST, Abe fckin Takaya, who WORKS SO HARD TO JUST GET IN THE SAME PAGE WITH MIHASHI, CONSTANTLY WORKING ON HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH MIHASHI, soing everything in HIS POWER TO MAKE MIHASHI GAIN SOME SELF-CONFIDENCE but in such a way that it constantly relies on Abe, the imbalance THERE, YET SUCH A WELL-WORKING BATTERY, OILED AND PRACTICED-

I’M FCKIN FERAL *GNAWS ON LAPTOP LIKE AN ANIMAL*

#la junk talks #ookiku furikabutte #oofuri posting #THE FCKIN PARALLEL BETWEEN ABE-TAJIMA I'm sCREAMING #I FCKIN LOVE OOFURI YOU DON'T GET IT #IT'S ONE OF THOSE STORIES THAT GOT INTEGRATED INTO MY VERY EXISTENCE AND MADE A HOME FOR ITSELF IN THE DEEPEST PARTS OF MY HEART AND CORE #and i haveN'T EVEN MENTIONED HANAI YET DON'T GET ME STARTED ON FCKIN HANAI AZUSA I'M!!!! SCREAMING!!! #I KNOW I TEND TO SCREAM ABOUT DETCO HERE MOSTLY BUT believe me inside so many fandoms are ripping at my soul you have no idea #me being Absolutely Normal About Fictional Characters #right it was never a thing and it's never going to be a thing #literally the moment i get attached to a character I Lose My Chill and have no idea how to be Casual Tm #anyways DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND READ/WATCH OOFURI IT'S GOOD FOR THE SOUL

[mistbow]

Death is not a punishment. Death doesn’t inherently suggest any moral judgement.

It is only appropriate that Sorey, the 導師, who has already known how to respect life, has to learn and regard this.

In Buddhism, recognizing the inevitability of death is a central element in its teachings. Death cannot be postponed forever, and Buddhists are encouraged to be mindful, to be prepared when the time comes. To seek to prolong life beyond its natural span by recourse to increasingly elaborate technology when no cure or recovery in sight is a denial of the reality of mortality, and would be seen as arising from delusion (moha, 癡) and excessive attachment (taṇhā, 渇愛).

But in the case of a patient who has suffered a long time with a serious illness, the nursing monks may become weary and turn away in despair thinking “when will we ever cure him of this illness?” Here it is legitimate to decline food and medical care if the patient sees that the monks are worn out and his life cannot be prolonged even with intensive care.

—Samantapasadika, volume 2

There are those who need to accept the reality for what it is (that from denying duḥkha—suffering—keeps us from nirvana), then there are those who need to learn to do that. The first know deep down what the reality is like, even if they might try to keep facing away from it; the second need to first recognize the First Noble Truth: All beings experience pain and misery (duḥkha, 苦) during their lifetime.

To be born is suffering, to age is suffering, to get sick is suffering, and so too is death. Meeting with the unpleasant is suffering. Parting from the pleasant is suffering. Not getting what one wants is suffering. In short, the five aggregates of mind and matter that are subject to attachment are suffering.

(Sorey, I believe, is the second one—a major part of his character is that he has to learn from the many repeated meetings and partings. Alisha is too much similar to him, she only affirms him, in a way, and from her, he learns about parting. Rose, on the other hand, challenges his views, opening his eyes up to realities he might have not seen before. Not considered before. His optimism is his virtue, sure, but sometimes he needs to learn that he isn’t that special, Shepherd or not—this world has lived far longer than he is, there are just some things he can’t just suddenly change about the world.)

別離の若者

出会いがあれば別れがある。人生の階段をひとつ登った若者へ。

Lad of Separation

For every meeting there is a parting. A title for young people who’ve learned this lesson in life.

旅は道連れ

別れがあれば出会いもある。共に困難に挑む相棒を得た証。

Reunited Traveler

With parting comes reunions. Proof of partners who have challenged the odds together.

(And, at the end of this, as the final rank of the this series of titles, Sorey becomes the one who attends to death, and I’ve also discussed in detail the Buddhist connotations of this title with regards to Zestiria’s message of “death can be salvation.”)

Kṣānti (忍辱) is a pāramitā (波羅蜜), a noble trait. It means to endure; it is patience, forbearance, and forgiveness. It is not only about enduring external pressure, but also about acknowledging the parts of oneself that one cannot or does not want to see.

...Back to the first part about death.

Death is often usually understood as a consequence of humanity’s fallen and therefore imperfect condition. There is moral evil within human nature, and death, the last stage in the process of human decay, carries an almost repulsive odor about it. Death is a blemish on life, you might think, but the Japanese Buddhist thought, it may even restore lost innocence.

When a fire goes out, the flames die down and the fire is gone for good, but it is not the same as the annihilation of the fire. When a fire was extinguished, it went into a state of latency. Rather than ceasing to exist, it became dormant and, in that state—unbound from any particular fuel—it became diffused throughout the cosmos. It is a fire that doesn’t burn, as odd it may sound. Burning fire was seen as agitated, dependent, and trapped, both clinging and being stuck to its fuel as it burned. To ignite a fire, one had to “seize” it. When fire let go of its fuel, it was “freed,” released from its agitation, dependence, and entrapment—calm and unconfined. Unbinding.

(I would like to bring up again that Zestiria, taking inspirations after both Shinto and Japanese Buddhism, touches upon matters of life and death—the Shinto regards this life as sacred, and the Buddhist regards death as a release from suffering, a gentle way of perceiving death not as unfortunate.)

Yet.

“Living is not the same as not being dead,” Sorey says. Living is not just going through the motions, and everyone deserves the same chance of reaching their own answer, their own conclusion. Even if Heldalf, in the end, is far gone already—not living yet not being dead—Sorey still insists that he will not let Heldalf’s answer be corrupted, even by himself. If he wants to stay the negative to Sorey’s positive until the bitter end, then so be it.

Because to deny others of their answers, of their resolve, is to deny their existence in the first place. If they’re already prepared for the worst, with all their resolve, then who are we to deny them?

#mino talks zesty #mino rambles #this is... one of the more controversial ideas in zesty so i was hesitant to pour it out #but in the end i still love how it depicts death #how it depicts end #cessations etc #it definitely takes a stance that a lot of things don't #and people might not like it #but it gives a peaceful image to death itself #it is soft and gentle #somber yet hopeful #life and death are both inevitabilities #also again #not everything is to be taken literally e.g. shepherds deaths salvations etc #it's a work of fiction #it can afford to make do with /symbols/ #it's why i don't exactly get attached to characters despite seemingly being insane about my favs #i don't really see them as persons if you get me

[straylaughs]

wriolette fic writers thank u for keeping me afloat do not know where i would be without u guys fr

#currently in a very questionable mental state rn #but if no one got me i know at least the wriolette fics i read as bedtime stories do 💪 #seriously though im hoping i can survive march w/o somehow dying of stress #honestly finding myself perhaps a bit too attached to the fontaine cast and story #if that wasn't already obvious from how i've rewatched acts 1 through 5...multiple times... #but hey if whatever emotional attachment i've formed w these fictional ppl gets me through the next two months then i can't really complain

[torgawl]

fanon kaeya is a fever dream. it's not even kaeya, it'a completely new and made-up character. how is it possible to miss the entirety of his lore??? do you guys read with your arses????

#i saw multiple (and put multiple on that) people saying 'i wouldn't trust kaeya with my kid for even a second' on a video someone made with #characters they would trust their kid with and roasting this boy as if he canonically doesn't take care of klee who is a kid super well #it's literally said she is particularly fond of him and albedo #it's said he wrote her an a tire book of survival tips #plus he gives major cool uncle vibes #but like how are you going to say a character who is actually responsible and good with kids in CANON shouldn't be trusted with a kid ☠️ #it's not even about this only people miss his entire persona #same with diluc #that's why i'm so attached to them i feel the need to act like a feral protective dog because so many people just make up shit about them #and try to paint them in such bad light #kaeya is also fucking smart and if you guys try to see the implications of his actions and read between the lines both in game and on the #webtoon you would see how considerate and good hearted he is despite his reckless attitude sometimes #he's not just a funny dude #and he definitely isn't the playboy y'all make him out to be either #people forget he is seen as upstanding and the perfect son-in-law too #like he's such a cool dude 😭 why do you guys do him so dirty #ragnvindr bros haters deserve no rights #people who don't understand them despite how obvious and prominent their story is either #yes i get mad because of fictional characters and what? 😂 #i will bite anyone who says shit about kaeya and diluc ever again and not in a good way i will act like an enraged chihuahua

[pastelwhile-art]

I can’t believe it’s Oliver dialtown’s late real birthday

Finally drew dialtown fanart ;v; Hopefully I get better at drawing these guys because I want to draw a lot more!!

Version without words under the cut!

#Dialtown #Oliver Dialtown #YEAHHH #DIALTOWN ARTT #I’ve been trying so long to draw them but getting stuck on how to emote phone people :’) #I could talk so much about this game man I love it #can’t believe I got attached to pngs with text #I can’t believe I missed Oliver’s birthday so I just decided to do one on the birthday he wish he had #he would totally dress up as some niche horror movie character in Halloween but I don’t watch them so it’s just vampire :( #I have failed this fictional man #I'm actually dressed up as him for halloween technically #Because I'm wearing flannel and black pants that I bought specially cause I liked his fit #I just learnt theres going to be a dialtown plush I am thriving #bright colors #pwart #dialtown fanart

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

HELP I mentioned I'm cosplaying at a con this weekend to my coworker and she wants to know who I am cosplaying AAAA GODS are there any pictures of Emmet that don't make him look like an absolute muppet to a normal human being.

I AM DECEASED WHYYYY THIS IS WHY I DO NOT SHARE ABOUT MYSELF

#submas #I may be a total menace online but. #irl around people I don't know super well #who I don't know if they have the same passion about fictional stuff the way I do #or just. you know! seem for lack of a better word 'normal'???? #more societally accepted? fuck I don't know how to describe it. but you know what I mean #but yeah around people like that especially if my face is uncovered I get embarrassed verrry quickly #so so quickly #so uh. trying to explain the muppet traffic cones would probably kill me on the spot #however I will show pics of my cosplay without a name attached because that's. somehow better lol #if she finds out who it is based on that well then I didn't have to sit there while she beholds bald Ingo or something aksjaqlalsks

[musical-chick-13]

Very, very tempted to just release this idea out into the ether and go, "I do not have the time to write this, but if anyone wants to claim it, feel free," but I would NOT trust the average person to handle this well.

#yes I AM thinking too hard about dn-where-everyone-but-the-protagonist-is-a-woman-and-it's-an-examination-of-misogyny again #but like. we've seen how fandom deals with female characters. and we've seen how fandom deals with any actual discussion of misogyny. #which is to say that they deal with both of those topics VERY poorly. historically the chances of this being done well would be very small #(ugh how many times can I use the word 'very' in this post and its tags lmao) #(thinking about that one poll I follow where it's specifically about which fictional ladies are most maligned based on misogynistic reasons #and so much of the sent-in propaganda is...STILL drenched in misogyny. truly op is fighting for their life over there) #ANYWAY I think this (almost-genderbent-dn) is a very interesting idea and I so much want it to exist but I do not want ANY #of general fandom touching it. #I gotta shut myself up I'm starting to get too attached to a version of canon that doesn't exist

[volchitsa-of-winterfell]

the F1 shipping chart!! original post here by @foo1ishheart554. blank version below the cut for YOU, dear reader, to do!

#to be clear: i just don't really do otps as like a Concept #esp in rpf like. it's all fake paper dolls no need to get So Attached in my personal opinion #there's no like oooh they're Destined for each other like you can have with fictional characters y'know? #also just don't really care enough abt brotps to note down #like i'm happy for literally whoever out of this piranha pit of a sport manages to be actual genuine friends lmao #Good For Them y'know so i'm not gonna pick faves for that! hope it happens for all of them fr! #ALSO this is obv just a snapshot of how i feel in the moment #nando would probably b in faves tier if the aston hadn't been flopping so much lately e.g. #also i literally still do read and appreciate content of some notps/non-fave drivers lol #it's ALL about the fan-creator's skill!!! #like there's really genuinely no fic i wouldn't click on or no piece of art i wouldn't reblog Just bc it contains one of the ones i dislike #if i know to trust the author's skill or i like the fanartists's style or w/e. like SERIOUSLY i mean it #i am OPEN baby !!! #OH and almost forgot but yeah i didn't bother adding in any off-track figures #bc then we'd be here for hours and the chart would be nigh-unreadable lmaoooo #but yeah there's a few mick ships a few seb ships. britney mark etc #as one does! #f1 #f1 shipping chart

[elftwink]

the one fun thing about writing something longer than 10k or so words is once you get really frustrated with the specific part you’re working on and start being like ‘im a fraud im a sham ive never written anything’ you can just take a breather and scroll around 1000 words forward and be like. actually i’m so talented and cool and hot and this is going to be the best thing ever. this libreoffice document contains multitudes

#good idea generator #fic writing tag tba #yes this is about that fake married au i post about once every 3 months or so but never actually finish #sir thats my emotional support fic i started in 2019 that i'm most of the way finished with #but cannot for the life of me polish off the last few thousand words #but that document is always open. every day it's me and caleb widogast against the world #actually its me against caleb widowgast. writing from that man's perspective feels like wringing water from a rock sometimes #i do feel bad posting about this wip because its been. multiple years. and i don't want to continually give the impression #that i might post it Tomorrow. Soon. idfk that yknow especially given how everything has been in the last few years #but like also at this point it is hard to understate the emotional attachment i have to working on this fic and talking about it 2 myself #this thing is a monster. it has like six documents. varying stages of draft saved. alternate scenes documents. alternate perspective bits #multiple outlines. a playlist. a poem that fits it #most of the random npcs who exist to move the plot along got full backstories to the point where i could play them as dnd pcs #it's the longest work of fiction ive ever written. bc ive been working on it on and off for so long a lot of milestones #were completed while writing this fic. idk its been so long its almost embarrassing to be like 'still working on it' #but i couldn't give it up if i tried. you know. this fic is like a lover to me. it is my everything #it's my mortal enemy it's my best friend it's my shoulder to cry on it's my fine china to throw against the wall #i escape to it. i need to escape from it. i'm tortured by it. its tortured by me. i bemoan it day in and day out #i wish id never started writing it. i wish i could experience writing it all again. i want to be done yesterday. i never want to finish #etc. you get the picture

[coffeebanana]

it's so hard for me to pin down what makes me FEEL THE THINGS when i'm reading/writing, but i'm starting to think my preferences boil down to "i like less narrative distance"

#kayla rambles #i still have to test this hypothesis more rigorously #but like. basically i think i don't get ATTACHED to the feelings smth is supposed to evoke if i dont see how it's affecting the characters #and that's personal for me because i've always been good at pushing feelings aside if i don't want to feel them #that's something i've worked at NOT doing ofc. but in writing it's still going to captivate me more if i REALLY feel what the character doe #because fiction is still a space where it's healthy for me to push aside feelings if i don't want to feel them 😂 #so in order to feel them i need to not be able to push them aside? kajsdbfsfkdj. which i LIKE #i also think narrative distance should be talked about a lot more in writing discourse #because i think it's something ppl (including myself) make use of implicity but isn't explicitly talked about as much as other writing tool #and now i'm sort of tempted to play with it as an exercise #like i want to write the same scene from different distances and see what fucks me up akjdfbsgdkj #recently a scene wasn't working for me and so i approached it from a different narrative distance basically and KFBSKJDB the transformation

[spade-club]

Our music dependency for grounding almost fucked us once again yesterday. We were at a bookstore with my sister and a coworker when a song from the Oz playlist came on and it genuinely got too hard to stand and my sister kept asking if we were okay. Like. It was so strange bc Oz is so light, the body felt so light and like I could just be tipped over. I dont remember but I think thats one of the worst trigger switch blurry dissociatey weird thingies weve had in many years. But its also good bc they're still here (enough that I think they even started writing this post??) and its nice to have an idea as to some part of who I am again.

#-oz #<- partially. at least for sorting reasons #yeah they're for sure still here though #and like. idk how to say this quietly enough ppl wont notice but also that tags wont pick it up #but bc their bf is fictional they sometimes get super uncomfy by cosplays of him bc it doesnt look like him to them #so just now we saw a cosplay and bc of a certain utubrs recent face being revealed I think I finally understand how they feel #like. okay yeah that doesnt even look like a person bc hes not what I made him out to look like in my head #and if I had any sort of attachment to who I imagined him as I can completely understand how that would be unsettling #& like. luckily I dont care much at all. but I have the ability to understand now I think #idk if any of that made sense. if not then its just for me to remember so thats okay #anyway yeah. oz is cool. love that guy. going to probably let them do their thing now if they want bc I like being them