#hi I'm really fucking stressed

[symbioticsimplicity]

You know, I'm always wondering why I can't stop clenching my jaw. It hurts, and I'm constantly reminding myself to stop, but even in my sleep I can't seem to manage it. But then I do things like crush the cockroach climbing up my leg while I'm laying in bed and I'm like "Oh yeah that's right." Its more of a wonder that I haven't broken *more* of my teeth.

#vent post #hi I'm really fucking stressed #also im lowkey living someone's worst nightmare #but I'm too goddamn tired and dissociative to care much anymore??? #cockroach on my person in bed?? #yeah thats the third time this month this apartment just be like that #pulling a huge chunk of broken tooth out of my mouth?? #honestly it kinda feel better now without it stabbing me I'm sure itll get infected less too #eat once a day at best??? sure its not like I'm working a physically intensive job #that requires a lot more calories than I would normally eat #(spoiler alert I am) #chronic pain made significantly worse by said job?? #well good thing I've got a crazy pain tolerance and tendency to dissociate!! #its not like constant high grade physical pain is considered torture! #and if that pairs with sleeping like shit because of the aforementioned roaches??? #ah who cares its not like I need more than three to five hours anyhow!! #at this point I honestly think I could deal with a saw trap without much of a fuck given #and thats ought to be alarming but I cant feeeeeeeeeeel 🙃 #personal #sam speaks

[barghest-land]

drew arthur with a little friend. they're talking about life and death

#rdr2 #rdr2 fanart #barghestland #arthur morgan #art #artists on tumblr #this week life was so fucking horrible i'm on the edge of having a little breakdown #and when im sad and stressed and done with life i just draw arthur #cuz his depressed ass would understand #u know.. yeah :( #i hope whoever reads it is having a better time #if u want u can tell me smth nice in tags or anywhere really<3 #like tell me silly names of ur pets or facts about ur favorite bugs #i'd be happy to hear that

[frobby]

I think one of the funniest framings of the first ep of blue exorcist is hypothetically Yukio and bon met cuz they originally shared a dorm only for Yukio to immediately leave and not return until a week later and now he's his teacher

#I'm fully assuming Yukio went home for his father's funeral prep cuz it would be weird if he didn't #It's actually really weird we don't see him the day of but the funeral had already ended when we see rin grieving so that's prolly why #I get its a narrative set up so we don't see Yukio since he left until he's revealed cuz rin is the protag but still #Anyway that was prolly really weird for bon especially cuz it's never mentioned #I'm also assuming the exwires didn't know Yukio would be teaching cuz it was a sudden change since Shiro was supposed to teach originally #I'm just now realizing this would stress me the fuck out #I cant believe rin went to school right after his father's funeral like take a week off or something #None of these notes are actually about this post #Take all of this as you will #blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #yukio okumura #ryuuji suguro

[brain-rot-central]

I don't wanna go to work. I just want to write vampire smut, cook good food, and bake bread.

#i seem to only be able to write when I know i don't have the time to write #what the fuck is that about #neech's speeches #i did voice lines with my fiancé last night for his latest yt vid #maybe i should explore cooking on yt #good news is i finally started the actual sex scene this morning #just word vomitted 300+ words worth of smutty tension #jdkanskdk #sorry this is taking me so long #my mind has been a battlefield for the last month #also my work contract is up as of thursday so i have to find another site #i have enough saved to chill for a bit #i probably will #but still #that's stress #plus personal life bs happening ugh #I'm ok just really busy sorry

[canonicallyanxious]

i'm stupid so i absolutely did not put together Conrad Schintz as "conscience" until i saw someone in the tag point this out but now that it's in my dumb brain i can't stop thinking about it. Alex's choice to portray Conrad as this softspoken never speaks up but still has to do Something boy who is kind and thoughtful to a fault. pitch perfect character choices!!! but also this tiny quiet boy somehow being pegged by the heads of the city as the BIGGEST DISTRACTION to the big guy's goals and ambitions!! and then his choice of the important article to pay attention to being the culmination of Elias' months and months of research - specifically for the goal of, as Conrad put it, getting it before the "big wigs" could get to it. WHAT is Elias Hodge DOING for Gobstopper Industries??????

#sarah.txt #dimension 20 #mentopolis #d20 spoilers #d20 meta #story meta #kind of????? this isn't really meta just me going WHAT is going on and being too dumb to figure it out skdnfskdfnsd #god these fucking world building choices though. #cortisol being the main hormone available legally and one of its functions is to regulate stress response. #the city is on strict pleasure/love lockdown until elias gets a raise. #his conscience is a tiny little boy who no one ever listens to but still somehow managed to shake up the whole city w one small choice. #logic is the mayor!!! ambition is the DA!!!!! #all of these small things that tell us SO MUCH about who elias hodge is as a person without ever even meeting the big guy!!!!!! #Brennan how much fucking WORK did you put into this world building i'm SCREAMING!!!!!

[bookrat]

Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches

#random pet post #it really is a weird coat pattern #I'm never sure if I should describe him accurately as a white marked tabby or as the first impression people get of a black and white cat #love his little backward C's #I got all my other pets around the same time and they've been dying off one by one this last year or so #I'm down to just this 4yo kit and Bruiser #actually I'm not done whispering in the tags #pretty soon it's just gonna be me and this terrible little man against the world #and he gives me such weird problems you cannot even begin to imagine #took to the leash and harness without a bit of difficulty but I can't take him anywhere cuz he freaks out about people 500ft away #really difficult to find sitters for him cuz he gets so stressed about changes and waits until 3am to SCREAM #he's 17 lbs and wants to sleep on my chest 14 hours a day #took him on a work trip a week or 2 ago cuz of aforementioned petsitting troubles and some kind of wire got crossed #so instead of stress peeing in my laundry basket he now humps the nearest blanket covered limb to alert me of problems #he got scared of his water dish recently and is only now starting to get over it after 3 weeks of drama #he knocked it over last night and humped my leg while I tried to sleep to try and convey to me that he was thirsty #I'm thinking of getting a second cat and just fucking hoping that it'll be normal and maybe Prompto can target it for some of his weirdness

[non-un-topo]

I don't want to write 4 assignments in 3 days I want to draw the blorbo covered in mud and possibly bleeding from the mouth

#the world hates me specifically #would anyone like to see mr di genova coated in mud? because ever since i wrote that one fic in 2022 i ALWAYS think about him like that #edit - i wrote perfero in 2021??? are you fucking me?? and i'm still talking about it ??!! #embarrassing for me fr like damn siggy write a new fic #but listen i'm a simple man. nicolo sleepwalking? yes good. but also covered in mud? GOOD. and dragging his sword while sleeping?? BETTER ! #the mud makes his eyes look even paler. it just works idk #best headcanon i ever came up with for nicky is that he's a sleepwalker in really stressful times #because he's off-putting

[b4kuch1n]

brain also insisted that was played by an employee. despite it being realistically impossible due to how the neck looks in the side shot

#ghost files #bakuspecial #cw: body horror #cw: unreality #ask to tag #critters #hi. literally dont know who the fuck this is. never seen this guy before in my life #my brain has! decided to give me awesome cool things to rotate in the night #this is decidedly not an omen I don't have omen dreams. I just have really really scary stress dreams. dw #this is not entirely outta nowhere tho I did spend last night watching the last ep of the season with my friends #so like. it makes sense that its ghost files this happened in. just #I'm still a bit baffled that this guy just showed up lmao. just kinda is there! just hangin out #fun way to spice up your sleep #okay. today's insanely busy and this dinner's gonna be a whole thing #so I will have to get off the desk now. but damn. contemplating <3 #have a good day lads!! ghost files good show check it out. no weird mascot guy in it tho

[sarah-yyy]

at that time of the year where i have No Motivation to work

#i MIGHT get a raise next month after my performance review like i'm holding my breath since i got a significant one in april #but would be REALLY nice and would really raise morale #would make me not think about quitting law to work at bunnings every day #also would make me less 😒 about the partner just fucking around and making me do all his work #like yesterday!!! he just took the day off without even giving me a heads up like ???? #man i mean he did tell bossman it was because his child was ill and i do appreciate that it may be stressful for you to juggle- #-work and also an infant child but......????????? #literally your wife isn't even working atm and she could've probably dealt with it?????? and i was SWAMPED yesterday #and again? no notice??????? like was bossman the one who had to do all your appointments or was i the one who had to pick up on your slack #i'm not even convinced his child was sick yesterday tbh low key think he's got a side hustle he's working on #which is fine you do you #but man we are understaffed i am working at bloody capacity I GO INTO WORK AN HOUR EARLY JUST SO I CAN CATCH UP #and you really out here playing these games with me???????? #why tf should i 拼死拼活 just to make money so you can profit off just fucking around #ANYWAY yeah y'all can see i'm reaching my max tolerance on this :/ #work stories

[fuckmeyer]

María is a bad bitch queen supreme with a simple dream of reclaiming her land Volturi-style after her human life was tragically cut short by a Texan who had invaded Mexico to create his own vampire Golden Corral. RESPECT HER OR PERISH

#LOVE AND RESPECT FOR HER SHE IS WONDERFUL I LOVE HER #ALSO she's a total softie emotional lil angel who wouldn't have felt forced to take power if her entire coven hadn't been slaughtered #but after YEARS of losses - her human fam & her vamp fam & her HOME - @ the hands of vampires & white colonizers #she got addicted to power & victory! what's a girl supposed to do honestly????? #& LET'S NOT FORGET she & Jasper enabled each other to seek victory bc before they met THEY WERE BOTH LOSERS. #like #i'm just saying she is just as powerful as the Volturi #with a knack for identifying talents in humans #who used the SAME tricks as the Voturi #who was influenced to a degree by Jasper to get greedy bc they were stronger together & loved winning for a change #(we love fucked up relationship 'i can make them worse' dynamics ok) #AND who - & i really can't stress this enough - is only in this damn war because she had everything stolen from her & wanted revenge #yet somehow she gets a lot of flak because she 'manipulated' (not true) and 'abused' (also not true) Jasper?????? the Confederate????????? #just remember #without María jasper would have died in a union-army POW camp eating the fleas off his own clothes #FAX FAX FAX

[professionalowl]

i am very fond of my professor as i am sure you all have picked up on at this point but if he keeps talking about my hypothetical doctorate i am going to hit him with my shoe

#i am a second year undergraduate. i barely even know what taxes are. #i don't need a five minute lecture about my future in academia i need to curl up in a ball and take a long nap and have a few free days #to do exploratory reading and figure out what i need to do NOW for my UNDERGRAD dissertation #aughgh. Augh this is such a stupid thing to feel bad about I should be ecstatic about it and I am but it's so. #it's not even really his fault i think he's earnestly trying to be encouraging it's just maybe too genuine rn #i love you. thank you for believing in me. shut the fuck upppppppppp #had this exchange on monday and it is genuinely stressing me out so much as if there isn't ENOUGH pressure #to perform well academically at this stupid ass university just generally now this specific guy thinks i am some kind of prodigy #academia is such a scam. god. like i'll do it but i'm going to be complaining about it the whole time #uni adventures

[l0stw00d]

I'm turning 25 this year. I've spoken about it before but I'll say it again - I'm older now than any of the trans people I knew when I came out and when I was active in my local community as a teenager.

Trans adults exist, and I wish I'd seen more of them - I couldn't imagine making it to my 20s as a teenager. I'd never seen a pre or non-op trans man my age. But here I am! Alive, drawing trans characters and painting frogs and making silly craft projects. Making friends with other trans people my age and Older - there's a whole world of queer folk out there.

Your life does not end at 20. You do not stop existing as a queer person when you stop being a teenager. The world is scary, but there is a place for you, and the world is a better place for every single day you spend in it. You matter more than I could ever explain, as you are Now - not once you get on HRT or once you change your hair or your clothes or get the surgeries you want. Those are wonderful things to have access to and I hope you get every single one of them, but you don't Begin to matter After that. You matter now. You mattered last week, and last month, and last year. I'm so glad you're here, and I hope that, despite Everything, you stay.

#lostwood.txt #trans rights #trans positivity #I've been on tumblr a decade and i still don't know how to tag my serious posts. #i know stuff is Fucked right now for a lot of people. online and off. and that the world is kind of on fire. #and that's really scary and really stressful. #but you are so So SO important. and yes i am very emotional about it. hi. but I'm So glad you're here. #i love my trans friends. they are everything to me. i love the trans artists i follow. their art means the world to me. #i hope anyone that sees my art knows that they are So loved. #i just ! want you to know that you matter and that its worth it. okay? okay.

[marielle-heller]

Ash vs Evil Dead 3x07: Twist and Shout

#bruce campbell #arielle carver-o'neill #ash williams #brandy williams #ash vs evil dead #my gifs #my edit #look ash has spent so much of his life having people believe he is capable of truly horrible things #and i just think that having a daughter who finally comes around to you only to become convinced you're a murderous demon #who deserves to die... like that's gotta really fucking hurt </3 #also fun fact that this was probably THE most stressful episode for me like it's fucking it was too much cause i just #wanted them to be getting along 🥺 #but now that i know what happens i appreciate it #also apologies about the last set and then this set and the one i'm contemplating next <3

[blujayonthewing]

well I just spent an hour digging through my own dnd notes and social media and also almost cried because I mentioned, in passing, something justin had said about one of his NPCs and he, completely lightheartedly, was like '?? I don't remember that at all. [I mean I'm not making it up?] I think you might be making it up 😏'

#me-- instantly stressed and near tears: I know you're joking and it's not even important but. that isn't funny. to me. #I really wish there was a term for 'gaslighting but they're not doing it on purpose' #this is distinct from simply 'being wrong' because 'that's definitely not what happened 🤨' is a key part of it #the other person trying to convince me that I'm wrong and I must be crazy-- not for manipulation purposes but because THEY forgot #and are MUCH more confident in the possibility that I'm completely full of shit than that they maybe can't remember exactly #this is an extraordinarily specific thing that nonetheless happens to me ASTONISHINGLY OFTEN. #I mean clearly often enough that I'm now hair-trigger sensitive upset about it #AND TO CLARIFY QUICKLY-- that's not what justin even did (this time) but 'well I don't remember that' is still... #OKAY WELL I DO. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BELIEVE ME. #trembling and crying searching for Receipts while explaining to my husband that it's not even that I don't think he believes me (this time) #I just. I just. I just. I'm not fucking crazy. I know you don't think I'm crazy. but I still feel like I Have to prove it. #my mom sending a package to the wrong address and then saying-- confidently and irritably-- 'you never GAVE me a unit number' #when I can scroll back up through texts to where I sent her our new address when we moved and it was complete and correct #my friend during our big stupid fight saying 'no one actually AGREED to that [dnd] plan except you and justin 😒' #going back into my audio recording to that conversation where everyone BUT him agreed #including his fucking pick-me 'yeah jay's being shitty right now' brother whose character said 'this sounds like a good plan' verbatim #like. I KNOW it's not just 'my memory vs theirs and we both assume we're right' #because SO OFTEN when this happens I have FUCKING RECEIPTS. that I'M NOT WRONG OR CRAZY. #no one ever wants to entertain the notion that I might know what I'm talking about. #I can't stress enough that I'm not mad at justin right now he was very much 'no I believe you! it's weird that I don't remember though' #which is fair! honestly! but I'm a LITTLE. sensitive. of the fact that everyone always ALWAYS automatically assumes I'm incorrect #and very often in a way that's a mark against my competence or character. #'well *I* couldn't *possibly* have gotten the address wrong so YOU must have fucked it up' #you know. it's like that. it's like that a lot. #maybe this only happens to me so much because I happen to be cursed with remembering things better than most people #or maybe I'm uniquely viewed as incompetent. who can say. #about me

[emile-hides]

when the theater guy WHAT

I went to see the FNaF Movie today and seeing as I have a total of Zero friends in real world event range and both of my parents hate horror I had to go to the theater by myself for the very first time in my life, which was fine. Until it wasn't

The dude in charge of ticket checks stops me and instead of asking to see a ticket asks if the mask I was wearing was part of some costume. Little black cloth face mask, covid thing. He was an old man on a scooter and not wanting to have a discussion with this tiny old man about Covid19 I just went along with it and said sure yeah. It kind of was anyway, it has a little bear mouth on it and I was wearing Bear Ears and a brown cardigan as well.

Man goes "You can't wear a mask in here." I say "Why not?" He says "You can't wear a mask in here." I go, "I heard that part. Why Not. "Policy, I don't make the rules, just enforce them." I realize this man is being paid minimum wage to sit here and police people so I go, "Okay." and walk past him because he's just some guy in a little scooter in the middle of the atrium and he hasn't asked for my ticket so I assume that's Not His Job

He calls me back for my ticket so I take out my phone with the QR code with my ticket on it and he takes my phone to (I assumed) scan the code and then he pulls out his walkie and calls his manager and I realize very quickly he is not scanning my ticket and I want to Leave Now.

"Can I have my phone back?" "When my manager gets here."

"Give me my phone back." "When my manager gets here."

"Bill. Give me. My Phone." "As soon as my manager gets here"

I make a swipe to grab my phone from him and this tiny little 60 something man in a scooter in the middle of a theater atrium as the audacity to hold it back over his head like I am a Toddler he is preventing from grabbing at a knife.

I am now having a panic attack.

Manager walks over and I am a broken little Autistic man who just wanted to watch a Bad Horror Movie (it was actually pretty good) so I scream at this lanky probably 30-something in the middle of a Cinemark Theater Atrium with many a random bystander around "TELL HIM. TO GIVE ME. MY PHONE."

I swipe my phone from Bill's hand, full turn, and bolt out the door half way across the parking lot and call my mother in a heap on the sidewalk.

It's a very good thing the Five Nights at Freddy's movie was way better than I was expecting or today would have been awful.

#I never rant about anything ever but Oh My God #Oh???? My God???? What the Hell?????? #I should point out. I might have said 'tell him to give me my fucking phone' #I say might because I Do Not Remember perfectly #As I was mid panic attack and was really fighting back the urge to Hit That Old Man #But I have been told I swear just a little when I'm too stressed #The manager was SO apologetic like the second he walked onto the scene I do remember that #He followed me at first when I ran but as soon as I was out of the building it was out of his hands so #I came back with my mother and she talked to him and it's like #The little old man is just. Kind of stupid. And an extreme rule follower #No Costume/Halloween masks in the theater is the rule and TECHNICALLY I did tell him the mask I was wearing was a costume piece #Is that still any reason for Taking Someone's Fucking Phone??? No absolutely not #But that's apparently ANOTHER rule #If there's anything sus about someone he's to hold their proof of entry (ticket) until a manager arrives #Which is most certainly a rule about Forgery Paper Tickets and NOT about holding someone's cellular device hostage over a mask #But like I said. This man is very locked on rules and had no common sense apparently #He gave us complimentary tickets after that so that was neat I guess #Anyway. The FNaF movie's good. #I enjoyed it a LOT better than I've enjoyed any of the games #I really was expecting a trash show like the books but man. Man #It was fun. #Not scary like at all but. Very fun. #You could go in knowing nothing about FNaF and come out with the most baseline knowledge which is fun #A good straightforward starting point #However I was disappointment in the lack of Autistic Children talking through the movie!!! Honestly!!! #I wanted to hear a child three seats down info dumping to their parent dammit!!! #Like with the Mario Movie!!!

[herd-reject-arts]

Here I go to spend several days by myself in the North Carolina wilderness. Wish me luck. Never gone camping alone (but I have my dogs, and I trust them more than any people I know), so that's intimidating. Hopefully I don't have to fistfight a bear over whatever I'm cooking that night. Not looking forward to no toilet or shower until Monday, but it is what it is. I absolutely have to do this, for my mental health. I'm losing so much money taking the time off work to just have mountain time to myself. But I gotta. My life has been such a chaotic mess for over half a year now - everything that could go wrong, has - and I've never felt so close to just letting myself snap. I can feel it boiling right under the surface at any given time.

But yeah. Should be a time. Might post pictures upon my return (provided a bear doesn't decide I'm on the menu). Wish me luck!

#not vc sorry #camping #going to pisgah in case i never return and y'all gotta help direct the cops #should be back online sometime next week #really hoping there's no phone service so no one can bother me #i WILL hike the mountains. i WILL return to the dirt and moss from which i came. #i think it'll be good for me to just fuck off for a while and hang out with my puppies #it's just been shit after shit for so long #like. starts off with me getting fired over a false police report that no one cared was obviously fake #then the only person I've ever given a shit about says he's had a massive thing for me for years and just ghosts me? #then my mom started getting worse and is constantly blaming me for all her problems and breaking my stuff etc #like. she tells my 15 year old brother he's a failure and won't be shit at least once a day. blames me for his behavior. #then I'm getting constantly fucked over at work. treated like I'm an idiot. paid less than the guys despite doing the same work. #my physical health isn't great but what do i even do about that? #i have no control over anything in my life. it's all going to shit. #but you know what i can control? where my gay ass subaru is driven. and it's driving me to the mother fucking mountains. #and i WILL chill and relax and not stress over shit that's out of my hands!!!!!!! #it's supposed to rain a lot but who cares. just means less likelihood of other people camping near me.