#hhhhh vent :3

[campirebites]

Puppy play but u euthanize me :3

#ajejejsjjd SORRY #death tw #sh ment // #hhhhh vent :3 #AGAIN SORRY #shit ass garbage brain again tonight <3 #ok to rb if u want ahhdjdjs #I just …………. hate meself <3 #when will I be able t exist #when do I get to go to bed when I want instead of going to bed so I don’t disappoint others by hurting myself #not even for me idc anymore #my scars are so much more visible than they ever were more people know who cares i don’t #just fuck I hate worrying people I hate disappointing people #idk again this is shit for my journal but my fucking hands hurt #my dog subluxed my index finger yesterday so writing is harder #idk man you know like shit just let me destroy myself in peace you know like who have you the right to give a shit #me: I don’t have bp.d #also me: fuck u for caring about me #anyway pls block me for ur own health <3 #idk man idk #I’m just going to go to bed bc I don’t want to spend any more of today with myself

[poptartmochi]

i don't mind doing the heavy lifting wrt Adult Things ie insurance, house closing, storage, etc etc. what bugs me is that most times, my mom is pretty unwilling to help when I run into a wall and don't know what to do

#vent cw #what if i was evil and signed us up for super expensive dental insurance #i won't but. ugh #like i don't mind filling out applications + getting quotes because it's tedious and i'm faster at it #and my mom is going through things as it is. BUT it is difficult to not get a little sour when i'm raking my head trying to understand #deductible stuff and she's watching a cop show super loudly in the next room over all day long! #it's always like this. we all need insurance we ALL need to clear out the storage but in the end it's always me who has to figure it out by #myself >:( why! i don't want to think about this stuff either but fuck me someone has to do it you know T_T #i've asked her to look into this at least 3 times today and every time i go out of my room she's watching cop shows on tv #like...... PLEASE!!! T___T HELP ME!! crikey #for the most part it's fine but when things like this happen i feel so insignificant. like. lol figure it out <3 #and it'd be one shitty thing if i was just trying to figure out insurance for me and you didn't care to help #but this is literally YOUR insurance!!! i could put you in financial ruin so easily doing this but that is an intrusive thought. obvi i #won't but hhhhh. why can't you support me in this T_T

[binch-i-might-be]

on the bright side, if I have another mental breakdown tomorrow, I'll have a bingo

#two days in a row i drove home sobbing my eyes out. can we make it three?? <3 #at least my brother isn't here so i can havemy screaming breakdown #praying to GOD the neighbours can't actually hear me when i get like this hhhhh #anyway i wish i was either normal or dead and am plagued by the realisation that life will never be better because i will always have #a job i hate #there's no escape! the suffering is endless :) #vent

[miwachan2]

lil miwa vent uwu

not vent art, just me complaining LMAO

its been like 2?? 3?? months since i finished the first chap for Vampiric Equinox and since then i only had like 3 sentences for the second chapter dgfhjgdshjfghdsjfds ( im still at the bullet point stage)

only good thing that happened today was writers block F I N A L L Y GOT OFF MY ASS and i was able to change that 3 sentence to a 21 sentence which im actually really proud of, i finally got to write a little again C:

but its still hhaaaarrrrdddd hhhhh I know what i want, i have the thoughts and ideas in my brain wrinkles but the physical act of writing/typing it out into visible, readable words is like impossible for me almost and it sssuuuuuccckkkksss 'cause i Want To Write!

i want to put this hyperfixation and AU into WORDS, not just Art!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

.

.

.

.

.

anyway that's my ramble for the day :3

#Miwa vent ha #queued post #vent

[bunnychargebolt]

Im going to give my parents shaken baby syndroms Im- hhhhhhhh vent :3 (gonna put any warning stuffs in tags)

I am so just- am eepy. I want to sleep. It is fucking 2:30 in the morning. But I cannot! Because I am hungry! And my body is fucking not doing good! And I can not do anything about it because I do not have food.

But for whatever reason!! My mother!! Who eats the least in this household!! Continually has her stuff stocked!! She fucking- eats like two of the jif to go cups of peanut butter for lunch. And that is like- her lunch. And that just fucking works for her. Which is because she got fucking weight loss surgery.

Im

Hhhhhhhhhhhh

I do not have enough food. And honestly I probably havent had enough food in months. Because instead of eating i sleep. Because my body shuts down. And I am trying *so hard* to get across to my parents that I need food. I am- hhhhh honestly prolly qualifying as anorexic speaking strictly on eating patterns. Which ik for sure my mom is.

And also my irl friend keeps talking about hes gonna starve himself. And im- hhhhh. Theres so many fucking tjings going on with him and theyre bad and I havent talked about them and im going to fucking lose my mind. But thats not even what im focused on right now.

I dont know if i can continue physical therapy. Because it is not guaranteed that i have food. And my parents say that money is tight. But my mother is constantly getting a bunch of stuff. And we have so much shit. And im- i camt handle all of this.

I cant ask for anything without being told that im asking for a lot. My mom ordered in dinner for me and my brother the other night bc she got a thing through work and i asked for what I know would be enough for me and I got told that thats too expensive. Which i understand. The cost of shit is fucking insane. But there is so much fucking focus on cost and portion size and “oh tjat costs too much” “oh youre asking for a lot” “dont forget that this is what a portion size” and even fucking talk of like calories and checking even though i ask for that to not happen.

People tell me to take some of their food because they have plenty and I get it but Im fucking terrified. My mom had locked up a shit ton of food when i was a kid including freezers. Which to this day still have the locks by them. And if im caught she wont hesitate to do it again. I cant go through that again.

I know I cant really get out. Im genuinely scared of my parents. I- cant. I cant get out. I cant leave stuff. Im terrified. Fuck i don’t remember ever not being scared of my mom in some capacity. And my dads way more passive but sometimes he yells and I just- cant do it. And i hate that what they do works. I get shoved into being this fucking doormat of a person.

Honestly I dont think I ever really got to be a person. I still dont super feel like one. I dont have complete control over myself. I dont feel like i have free will. Which sucks. I wanma be my own person. I wanna learn what itd feel like to be able to be myself for even a day. Im- just lost a lot of the time.

The only good thing I know for sure is coming out of this is that I know my depression medication works. Im pretty sure most of my issues with functioning are from malnutrition issues. And im def not suicidal or having thoughts of sh which is really nice!! Plus I know I have a very supportive group of friends online that I love very much

Wuheiwhe speaking of friends- angy about irl friend. He fucking- complained to me that he gets upset when i vent about shit at home cause hes gonna get kicked out when he turns 18. Which likw- i get it. The threat of being homeless is horrible. But if your thought process while you have fucking unwatched access to a credit card and can essentially have whatever the fuck you want while im saying i dont fucking have food at home is “well at least you have a home” IS FUCKING INSANE. Especially because you have already gathered almost $1000 in cash amd still have like 11 months to figure shit out. Your future situation sucks but that should not take away empathy for my current situation??? Where i am??? Not getting fed enough???

I understand that your homelife is shit and your family is fucked. However, you almost never get told no. Which is really fucking obvious!!! Because you wont take any of my nos for an answer!!! And tbh youre kinda financially abusive!!! I hear how you talk to your bf which is fucking insane and i hate it. And when you talk about how you pay for gas when im using my parents cars and they need to be filled and i say were driving around too much and using a lot of gas you go “well its my gas” No!! It isnt!! That is not how that works!! And just because you pay for the fucking gas WHEN YOU HAVE ME DRIVING FUCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT GWT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IM SAYING NO does not kean you pay for the rest of the fucking car!!! You also!! Make jokes about taking back gifts!! Because you paid for them!! Which is shitty as fuck!! And its not even your fucking koney its your grandmas money and you got fucking pissed and bitchy when Ive mentioned that when talking about it being different when one of our friends took advantage of us for money because you are just handed it and the stuff i had i workwd for, in a job that started the decline of my physical wellbeing. Its not the same fucking thing.

Im

Shaking. I want to scream. I cant. Handle everything. I dont want to have to be here and dealing with all of this.

And anothwr fucking tjing about ky friend- he gets pissy when me or his boyfriend accidentally leave garbage in his room. Which i get a little but then he doesnt take care of it either!! And then he has shit there all the time!! Including multiple unfinished starbucks drinks that have grown mold!!! Why do you keep getting the biggest fucking size when you know damn well you wont drink it.

And you keep fucking- i cant play therapist for you. You cannot constantly come crying to le about your bf and talking about how you should break up with him AND THEN GET KAD AT ME FOR SUGGESTING YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM

Im not- i cant. Im

Im violently angry. And i want to sleep. Amd i wamt to be able to have food. And i want my oarents to love me and understand me. Or even fucking- to try. At all. I want my physical wellbeing to matter. But it doesnt. In multiple different ways. And its all just so bad all the time and i try and tune it out but it slips through.

Im having trouble remember things. Its bad. Im- i cant use my brain as well as i know i should be able to. Im- idk. I just cant fucking deal with this. Except im still going to. Im complaining but theres mot kuch i can change.

I hate feeling like im breaking all the time. I want to be able to be loved and be a person and have a home!!! I have a roof over my head. And i appreciate that so much. But this is absolutely not a home. And its very much not welcoming for me. And I just- I perpetually have the feeling of “i want to go home” with no home to go to. And its been like that for most of my life. And I just- really want to have a home.

#vent #tw vent #this was originally about ky parents but it tirned into a generalized thing #ummm #tw disordered eating #tw eating issues #financial abuse #fuckinggg #emotional abuse #??? #shit gets fucky idk #my brains not- doing well #also im actively running away from server friends in this post #i love you guys #just #being vulnerable is hard and i hold back as much as i can #when were on call or whatever #scared of complaining too much and pushing people away again #pls dont leave lol

[daftysaph]

Oh wow a pinned post

==>

HI! I'm Saph or egg. Welcome to my lil corner of tumblr.

i make art sometimes btw :)

info about me in bio :3

im pretty bad at tagging but any friends and moots who need anything trigger tagged feel free to message me !!

btw, i have some fandom sideblogs ;3 -

@autisticenbydonnie - rottmnt blog

@t4t-scout - TF2 blog (18+)

leave ♡ -

you're under 16*

you're a "MAP"/pedophile

you're a racist/homophobic/transphobic/a bigot in general

you're a radfem/terf/swerf

you're a truscum/transmedicalist

*(minors DON'T dm me, full stop. ty ♡)

general tags -

#chatter - text posts watch out I say a lot of dumb stuff

#more chatter - self reblogs of text posts

#waaah - venting/ranting/complaining (feel free to block this tag)

#Inbox alert - answered asks

#things - posts other then just text

#more things - self reblog of... other posts

#gaming - clips/screenshots of my gameplay

#again again - self reblogs but im not adding anything (feel free to block this tag)

#chit chat - back-and-forth reblog conversation I'm gonna try and be brave hhhhh

#rio pics - photos of my cat, Rio :3

#doodles - things that are not good enough for my art blog

#wips - works in progress ...that i sometimes post here...

#art blog - reblogging from my art blog

#side blog art - reblogging art from my side blogs

(I'll make/add more later)

🥚

#me #pinned post #will add more later #daftysaph

[star-ocean-peahen]

I posted 17,536 times in 2022

That's 10,290 more posts than 2021!

1,759 posts created (10%)

15,777 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sun-of-the-skys

@telemna-hyelle

@anadorablekiwi

@lozbotwfanart

@wickedcriminal

I tagged 9,072 of my posts in 2022

Only 48% of my posts had no tags

#lassie's askies - 762 posts

#ninjago - 627 posts

#linked universe - 369 posts

#yes - 203 posts

#linkeduniverse - 150 posts

#skellycats - 143 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 110 posts

#lassie vents - 98 posts

#bonnet my twinsie - 94 posts

#vent - 77 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#when he 'changes' in this episode he doesn't acknowledge—to himself or anyone—the times he actually put adrien in danger or manipulated him

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HOLY FUCKING SHIT okay okay this person rearranged a bunch of botw tracks that don't have night themes INTO night versions and-

HOLY SHIT THEY DESERVE TO WORK ON BOTW2 OR SOMETHING BECAUSE THIS IS INCREDIBLE

324 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

#4

HEY

YALL REMEMBER THIS WEIRD-ASS RANDOM GRAVE ON AN ISLAND UNDER A TREE IN FORGOTTEN HOLLOW??

IT ALWAYS SEEMED SO SPECIFIC AND SINGLED OUT?? LIKE WHY IS THIS RANDOM GRAVE ON AN ISLAND ALONE LIKE IT'S IMPORTANT BUT WE HAVE NO EXPLAINATION??

WHAT IF IT'S AVELINA'S GRAVE

325 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

#3

wait hhhhh is miraculous ladybug third on trending because of the bakery enemies au cliffhanger???

360 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#2

you know why i love thor love and thunder???

I CAN FUCKING SEE WHATS GOING ON THE WHOLE TIME

what i mean is that the composition and lighting of the individual shots is well balanced so my eyes don't jump to the fire behind our dimly lit character's face thank the goddesses

474 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

lloyd garmadon constantly breaks my heart because hes an interdimensional part-demon part-dragon warrior with the powers of god but he just wants his dad

642 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #EYYYYYY NICE

[iiudex]

vent;;

hhhhh everything around me is BREAKING DOWN & we don’t have the money to fix it. our central unit just stopped working (which wouldnt be too bad, if that wasnt also what makes our heat work. so even if we did scrape stuff up to get an air conditioner, it wouldn’t matter bc we wouldn’t have heat this winter)

& fixing central units in my area is between 1700–3000 dollars, which we could NEVER come up with, bc that’s more than 3 months of income.

it’s not the only thing that’s broken down, but things just keep breaking down one after the other & there’s only so much we can do. i genuinely cannot do this anymore. 👍

#— vent #{{ wooooooooo vent in the tags so here’s a really long tag wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo }} #{{ being poor & unhealthy in america is so fun /s }}

[fallen--leafs]

“$” or “ø”? 👀

//For you, even both <3

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT EARLY MORNING text.

[Text] Hey dad. Hope you're asleep hhhhh and im not waking you up [Text] gonna use this to vent. Just ignore it [Text] but im so FUCKING ANGRY ALL THE TIME [Text] Like cool. You hate me? Nice. Ah, you do too! Sure let me add you to the list!! [Text] Makes me wanna walk into the sunlight. But they wouldn't even care. So what's the point. [Text] Eugh [Text] This sucks

------------------------------------------------------------------

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

[Text] [Address of the Halfway pub] there ... [Text] wya? [Text] OH SHIT [Text] HI DAD SORRY WRONG NUMBER

#misericorsalvator #answered #//thank you!!!

[campirebites]

#hhhhh vent :3 #I have psyched myself out and now I don’t feel safe in my house anymore :3 #just had to lock my door and window cuz psyched myself out #I saw his dad too close to where I live #my safety zone </3 #I hate both of them I hope they both die in a fiery crash #I’m so fucking tired of this 😌 #i would like to be out on a leash sonindontbhave to think #delete tomorrow prob #idk idk what I’m saying I need to journal but I’m to tired to write my hands hurt #idk I’m in a flare plus he was too close #tired of not feeling safe no matter what #idk I want to rip my brain out and put it in the dishwasher #they say after 7 years just about every body in your cell has been replaced by a new one or whatever I’m butchering it but #I’m almost at 7 years I can’t wait u til I can tell myself he has never touched me as I currently exist #silly? maybe. I’m trying not to just the small amount of comfort it’s bringing me. #idk. I just need to fucking vomit some thoughts out of my head #I’m FINE. I’m like.. not okay <3 #but I am fine

[chaoticwholesome]

.

#hhhhh this is a vent post but i am in a fine mood! just putting thoughts together don’t mind me <3 #i think its so important that the internet has so many awareness posts that help people realise when theyre being emotionally abused by #a parent or partner #bc its a hard to define form of abuse that can often be mistaken for bullying or ‘light ribbing’ if ur desensitised enough #or it’ll make u assume ur at fault for their actions. however i do wish this kind of awareness existed for other rship dynamics #like how often i come out of an argument with my sister as a confused mess with no idea what just happened and half convinced im at fault #BUT i also literally can’t tell if half of what she does is actually emotional abuse or just bullying. and this is important to quantify #bc i don’t wanna make light of actual abuse? #it doesn’t help that siblings are generally expected to have ‘rivalry’ or that elder siblings are generally seen as being put upon #it also doesn’t help that our situation is slightly uncommon with a massive age gap and no other siblings filling that gap #she’s too old to have a normal equalised sibling bond with me but too young to have the emotional experience expected of a parent #and the result is someone who since childhood has seen themself as a quasi-parent in a way that prevents them seeing my personhood #but also its super fucked up that as an adult woman this is still how she treats people #and the worst part that’s unique to siblinghood is that even though our parents can see when shes at fault they still Both Sides it #or blame me because i have Autism Tone Issues #yes shes had plenty of responsibilities but she has never had 3 grown adults hammer her with critique while pretending its Her that #has communication problems and she NEVER WILL #(never as a child anyway) #i just wish there were resources that would help me better assess what to call the situation and Know if im overreacting #bc don’t get me wrong she’s a horrible person to be around but IS she just a bully. u know?

[vydumaj]

.

#vent in tags #don’t have to read / delete later #I really really need therapy (no I haven’t even tried looking yet) #but I have so many physical health stuff that needs to be looked into too....some that has been ongoing for years and no one knows what’s #going on yet <3 and it’s kinda unbearable . also one thing that’s very visible very alarming and getting worse #like don’t worry abt me I don’t think any of this is *that* dangerous but it’s all getting very very annoying #it would be okay if it was just one thing #but as soon as it becomes more than one I put it all off because it’s too much to process hhh #hhhhh

[mwagneto]

your dad makes fun of u for being sick?? that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard in my life what even 😭 does he see it as like a flaw or something? has he never caught a cold ever and sees those who do get sick as inferior?? am I over exaggerating based on the one post I’ve seen mention your dad?? I might just be stupid right now but that sounds so strange

no yeah he thinks getting sick means you fucked up and you're a terrible person and im not kidding last time i had a cold was in like 2015 but he STILL brings it up like twice a month and yells at me about it like;;;; i mean this is the same man who, upon being told i had adhd when i was 11, proceeded to deny it and hide it from me until last year where he revealed it to me by laughing at how ridiculous the idea is even tho I literally do have it and it would've made my life endlessly easier if i had known but like. yeah he's just fucking nuts

#he denied i could ever have any sort of mental illness #when my spine cracked i was in constant pain for 3 years and he just literally #didnt believe me or do anything about it #and they wonder why i never tell them about my problems???? #gee idk maybe because even if i do you wont do anything about them?????? #yea my parents are just. freaks lmao #but also my father is 5 times my age he's too old to even be a boomer #he's just an old man stuck in his ways living in denial about his own deteriorating health #id feel sorry for him if his shit wasn't fucking my life up too but like...hhhhh #anyway yea when it comes to my father there's no point in trying to #understand why he does anything he's just. crazy #and he's a licensed psychologist btw. fun fact #both my parents are #i got mail! #tag vents #kinda

[recordmcqueen]

Why do crisis lines have such long wait times?? Pls can i have someone?? To talk to?? Now????

#allya squawks #I type this from my moms phone #on the website #allya vents #hhhhh no im not fucking okay </3

[romeshifting]

god if I don’t stop thinking about characters this blog is gonna become a writing blog as well /hj 

#🎸.𝚝𝚡𝚝 | “𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚝 𝚊 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚎… 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 ���𝚎𝙻𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚊 #shit post #not shifting related #god at this point I'm gonna have to make a sideblog #hhhhh I need to step up my motivation #fun fact I do have like 3 novels I'm writing ALL AT ONCE I AM A /WRECK/ #rant tw #vent tw #but like soft vent #i'm just tired please forgive me #but damn am I motivated to make a sideblog FUCK IT #swearing tw

[sapienap]

thoughts i do not like them no sir

#my brain has started to tell me all my friends hate me <3 #i just wanted to lie down bruh #i dont wanna think about that!! #i wanna think about loving all my friends but my brain is continuously saying that they don’t like me n r just using me for their own gain #hhhhh #vent #dont rb