#hes never held a grudge against him for being the 'cuter' sibling because hes always understood that was never his fault

[on-a-permanent-hiatus]

Mend (4/4) [p.p.]

Summary: If he trusted you, he had a crap way of showing it. 

Pairing: Peter Parker x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 2049

Warnings: same as the other three I guess, except this one is cuter

A/N: Order in the court! This is the last part! I hope you enjoyed! Please leave some feedback in my messages or ask box or comments! 

callyourMasterlist

Break (Part 1) Bond (Part 2) Salvage (Part 3)

Peter knew it was wrong, keeping his twin sister in the dark. It had been almost a year since he’d started the internship, since he’d become Spiderman. And you had no clue, the whole time.

The apartment was darker than Peter would have liked. There was a single light on in the entire home, a yellowish lamp down the stairs and in the far corner of the living room, next to the sofa. Peter had never liked the dark, never. It meant secrets and lies. He knocked on the wall like one would knock on a door. He wanted to talk to you, to make sure that you were okay. The first thing he’d done when he entered through his unlocked window was change. Spiderman was the problem here.

God, he couldn’t even imagine what you were going through. He tried to wrap his mind around it. How would you feel? After the - what was the right word? -the incident. And then, he’d just come in, verbal guns blazing. He’d yelled at you, he’d just- what was he thinking?

He wanted to hit himself. Seriously, what could have been going through his mind? Yelling at you, in your state? It was stupid and downright brutal. I was mean and inconsiderate. It wasn’t what a big brother should have done, even if he was only older by a couple of minutes.

There wasn’t a reply from you or Aunt May, and he knew what that meant. Quietly, he made his way to his room, shutting his door with an audible *click* so you knew that if you came up the stairs, you wouldn’t have to see him. ‘It’s the least I can do,’ he thought to himself.

You sat with Aunt May for a while, your head against her chest and her arms around you. If you were asked how long, you wouldn’t be able to place it. It felt like hours, but you suspected it’d only been thirty minutes, maybe.

It was hard to wrap your mind around what had happened, or more specifically, what your brother was. You’d seen the news, the youtube videos. You knew now that he’d done some pretty incredible things: stopping a bus with his body, preventing bank robberies, fighting with the fricken iron man.

You supposed you couldn’t really hold it against him, him lying to your face. You’d asked if he was safe, and he wasn’t, but it was Peter. Even if he was in danger, you should’ve known better than to think that he’d tell you that.

But that didn’t entirely excuse his actions. Every time you tried to convince yourself it was okay, you just remembered he kept this from you. You tried to tell yourself that he still loved you, that he still trusted you, but the truth was, he. kept. this. from. you. If that was his version of trust, then the two of you were seeing out of very different lenses.

✶✶✶

The next few weeks were horrible, for both you and Peter. Word had spread to your friends about what had happened to you, and they tried to visit. You turned them away each time.

As the days of summer became fewer, MJ and Ned dropped by more often. Most days, MJ would sit outside your locked door with a book while Ned sat in Peter’s room with an unsolved Rubik's Cube, peering over at your door every so often. They’d both talk as if their favorite twins were still functioning members of society. They’d long since passed the point of trying to get you talking.

Peter never said anything you could hear, but you figured he was probably sitting on the top bunk of his bed, staring up at the plastic stars on his ceiling, like he always did when he came home from a rough day of interning- err- of Spiderman-ing.

He was probably wallowing in his guilt. You didn't know how to feel about that. The twin part of you screamed for you to forgive him. Just put this whole thing in the past and run over to his room shouting comforting words until he smiled. But the other half of you knew he wouldn’t get out of this easy. Peter had ruined your trust in him. When you found of MJ and Ned already knew? God, that was a blow right to the heart.

You missed him. You knew it. Even when he’d forgotten you for nine-ish months, you still had more contact than you did now. You missed going to Delmar’s with him. You missed messing with his legos and waiting for him to spot the piece that was out of place. You missed just being able to talk to him about anything and everything.

Deep down, you knew you loved him. That you would trust him with your life and certainly with everything else. He was your brother, your twin, seriously, c’mon. You knew you’d have to forgive him eventually because you needed him.

But you didn’t know if it was the same for him. If his past actions were anything to go off of, it wasn’t. Did he love you? Ehh debatable. Did he trust you? Absolutely not. Did he need you? You could seriously take that point to court. And you would win.

It was a Saturday. You’d both finally come out of your room and were sitting silently in the kitchen. An untouched bowl of cheerios sat in the middle of the table.

“Hey Y/N?” Peter called timidly. You looked up from your hands, almost startled. It’s been a while since he tried to talk to you.

Normally, you wouldn’t respond, you’d just look back down at your hands as if he hadn’t said anything at all. But all this banter was childish. The silent treatment? You would’ve glared at yourself. You hadn’t even given him a chance. Clearly, Peter was the better person. He knew this had to be sorted out. He was always better.

“Hey Peter,” you said, wincing when your voice cracked.

And then it was silent.  It was ironic, you thought, all these days of silence and we can’t even think about what to talk about.

“I was thinking we could hang out today,” he said, finally. Somehow, the words sounded borrowed. Maybe you’d said it before. You thought about it for a while. It had been almost a month. You’d healed from a bit from the incident. And you still needed answers.

“Okay,” you said. “What did you have in mind?”

“I dunno, I was thinking that we could just hang out, maybe go to Delmar’s and pick up a sandwich like we used to,” he said carefully. Those words were definitely borrowed. You cracked what could almost be considered a smile.

“Sure,” you said tentatively. “That sounds nice.”

✶✶✶

Aunt May wouldn’t be home tonight. You sat next to Peter on the outside fire escape, and you both picked at your sandwiches. It was awkward, and it should’ve been given the recent events. But that didn’t mean that you liked it.

“Look, Peter-” “Y/N, I can explain-” You both stopped, embarrassed, for some reason, that you’d spoken at the same time.

“You first,” you suggested. He said he could explain, and that was what you needed.

“Y/N, I- I know that this was all... not good- err- bad. It was bad,” he started. “You just- I didn’t want you to know not because I didn’t want to tell you, ‘cause I did. I just- I didn’t want you to get hurt.” You could understand where he was coming from, you were twins after all.

You didn’t say anything for a while. You knew you couldn’t be mad anymore. You were hurt, yes, but it was time to be done with being hurt. This was your brother for heaven’s sake, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. You smiled, but only to yourself. Days ago, you’d promised yourself; you were going to fix your relationship. And maybe it was time to let go of the grudge you held against him. Maybe it was time to forgive him out loud. But he couldn’t get off that easy. He was still wrong. 

“Peter… Peter, you hurt me. I mean, after the incident and you just came and yelled at me, and, granted I didn’t know you were Peter at the time, but once I found out- I mean, how would you feel in my shoes?” you asked. He let out a hesitant chuckle.

“Uncomfortable, I guess. I don’t think I could even stand in those uncomfortable flat shoes. No support whatsoever.” Peter was talking about your vans. You cracked a smile. “But I know, Y/N. I know I was wrong. And I’m sorry. Really.”

“I know, Peter. I know you are. And- and I’m sorry, too. But, I mean, I worked so hard this summer to become siblings again. And- I mean, you just- I don’t know how you could not tell me. I- I feel like you don’t trust me.” This was pure emotion, right here. You needed to get this out before you told him everything was okay. You needed him to know.

“NO! No, no, no Y/N that’s not it, that’s not it at all. I- I do trust you.” he tried to explain himself.

“Yeah, well you have a crap way of showing it.”

“I know, Y/N, I know what this looks like. But I swear to God, to Thor, Loki, I swear I didn’t keep this from you because I don’t trust you. I trust you, I do, I promise, I swear on my life that I trust you,” his words were jumbling together, and you briefly wondered how fast someone could talk. “Y/N, I trust you. I know you would keep my secret, I know you would keep me safe. I just- I don’t trust myself. I- I didn’t- I don’t trust myself to protect you if anything were to happen- If you were in danger because of me. I just-” He stopped to catch his breath. His breathing was almost hysterical.

“It’s okay, Peter-” you started, a little worried, but it seemed he had really worked himself up.

“No, it’s not! Look, Y/N, with everyone else, I’d be broken if something happened to them. If they were hurt, if they died because they knew me and my secret. But you- If you were to get hurt, if something were to happen to you, if you died I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I- I didn’t want you to know, it’s true. But not because I don’t trust you. I don't want you to know because I don’t trust myself to be able to protect you. You mean too much to me.”

“Peter…” you started. He was blowing your mind. Before, your emotions had been all over the place, but you knew where they lied now. 

“I hurt you, I lied to you. Y/N, I’ve been a broken man with you ignoring me. You’re my twin sister. I need you. I need you. Because you’re my rock. You keep me sane. I don’t know how I went almost an entire school year shutting you out, but I could never do it again because I love my sister. I love you.” You smiled a real smile, cheek to cheek.

“That was so heartfelt, Peter,” you smiled. “I was gonna forgive you anyways, you know.” He smiled back at you.

“I know, but I just needed to let my little sister how much I appreciate her,” he responded, reaching over the pinch your cheeks. You scrunched up your nose but laughed a moment later.

“You’re only older by a couple of minutes.” 

The past few weeks had been bad, hard, rough even. But you were going to be okay. Both of you were. You could get over it. Peter being Spiderman? Psht, it was practically old news already. The incident? Someday you’d be able to call it ‘attempted rape’. That day was not today, but you couldn’t help the massive smile that plaster over your entire face regardless. Auntie was right. It would be painful, but you were stronger. You would survive.

And Peter would be there with you, every step of the way, just like twins were.

Thank you for reading!! If you liked it or it made you smile, please leave some feedback and go check out another work of mine, Surprise!

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