#hes just self-sacrificial like that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rottenaero · 1 year

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AO3

Part 1

Part 4

Part 6

Part 5 of the roommates idea

Okay okay, so before this starts, a lot of people have mentioned me posting this on ao3, and my question is if you guys mean it as it is, or if I should make two or three new parts to make up for the first part.

Because in the first part, we miss a lot of possible moments between Steve and Eddie since it skips to the basic idea.

This whole thing was meant to be a messy and quick way to get my ideas out, but then people ended up actually liking it, and well, I just want you guys to like the outcome.

Basically, I wanna know if I should;

A.Post it on ao3 as is

B. Post it on ao3 with two to maybe four parts instead of the original post, and have me do part six after I make those. (I'm a decently quick writer when I'm motivated, all these parts so far have been within a day or two)

C. Make the parts instead of the original post, and have this be a big one-shot on ao3(meaning it wouldn't be posted on there until this is finished)

I am really leaning towards B, just cause I wanna do those interactions (one of which would be Eddie coming out to Steve), but I wanna see what you guys think first.

This whole thing is kinda a wreck cause I don't usually post fics on Tumblr but hopefully it will get better with time.

After Dustin explains the upside down, and Eddie talks about what really happened, they come to a sort of agreement.

Eddie was to stay at the boathouse, and someone would occasionally come over with a supply of drinks and food.

Steve, of course, despised this, because Eddie is his best friend-(And who was he kidding? Goddamn crush, too)-dammit, but he let the plan go on anyway.

Before they left, Steve turned to Eddie, brows pinched together.

“Stay safe, alright? If you get hurt because you do something stupid, I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

Eddie laughed, loud and full, “Kinda counterproductive, aye sweetheart?”

He stopped when Steve didn’t laugh or make a joke back. “I’ll be fine, and I’ll walkie if things go to shit.”

“Good.” Steve gave him a little peck on the corner of his lips, “Don’t die, man. Can’t take care of these little shits by myself.”

He turned to face Max, and a gaping Dustin and Robin.

“Lets go, nerds”

Steve stared at the ground, unblinking.

One of his kids were gonna die.

Eddie had had apparently left the boathouse

Eddie was being hunted.

Two more students have been murdered.

He licked his lips, and his eyes flicked up to watch Powell talk about the town hall meeting.

They were royally fucked.

“Dustin, can you hear me? Wheeler? Stevie?”

Steve’s eyes widened and he turned around in time to see Dustin snatch the walkie.

“Eddie, holy shit. Are you okay?”

The walkie took a second to crackle back to life.

“Nah man, pretty uh, pretty goddamn far from okay.”

“Where is he?”Nancy asked, already halfway back into the car.

“Where are you?”

“Skull Rock, Steve knows it.”

Steve smiled, grabbing the walkie and clicking down on the button, “Hold on tight, Ed-stefer, we’re on our way.” He tossed it back to Dustin before turning to Nancy.

“I’m driving.”

She scrunched her nose, but didn’t question it and swapped to the passenger's side.

“Dude, I’m telling you, you’re leading us the wrong way.”

“It’s North, I’m positive! I checked the map.”

Steve sighed and pinched his nose, “This is literally Eddie and I’s spot, we come here all the time.”

“That doesn’t have to do with it being a make-out spot, does it?” Lucas asked hesitantly from his spot in the back.

“Jesus, no Sinclair, this does not have to do with- Eddie and I are just friends.”

Robin scoffed, “Didn’t you kiss him earlier?” She asked.

“As friends. He doesn’t like me like that.”

“Right, but you like him like that, though?”

“Oh wow, suddenly we’re here, y’know, at the place you said we weren’t gonna end up at?” Steve yelped, gesturing broadly at the rocks around him.

Lucas has to physically bite his lip to keep from mentioning that he had absolutely picked that up from Eddie, or that Eddie had picked it up from him.

“See? You little butthead, I was right.”

Theres a rustle of leaves and then,

“I concur, you, Dustin Henderson, are a total butthead.”

Steve turned to face the man and almost collapsed in relief, hes not hurt.

“Jesus Eddie, we thought you were a goner.” Dustin sighed, as he made his way past Steve to hug Eddie.

“Yeah, me too man. Me too.”

The hug goes on for maybe ten seconds before Eddie’s pulling back and bringing Steve into a side one, you know, like some kind of dad. “I tried calling you guys, but uh…”

His face turned sheepish and he stepped back a bit to grab some water from a canister. “My walkie was busted, man.”

“Drenched.” He adds in after a second, laughing a bit.

He took another sip from the bottle before wiping and extra drops away from his mouth. “So, uh, I did the thing that I do now apparently. I ran.” He let out another laugh, this one was a little bit more self-deprecating.

“Do you know what time this was? The attack.”

Eddie perked up, and grabbed at his wrist, “ Yeah, no, I um, know exactly what time it was.”

He held up a watch, the dials on it weren’t moving. “My walkie wasn’t the only thing that got soaked.”

“9:27…”

“Same times our flashlights went kablooey.” Robin says, and her eyes light up like she connected the dots.

Steve hadn’t, “Which means what exactly?”

“That that surge of energy was Vecna attacking Patrick.”

Steve half-zoned out, silently going through the events in his head, while maintaining conversation.

“Skull Rock was North.”

“An electromagnetic field.”

“What say you, Eddie the Banished?”

Steve tuned back in, a hundred percent now. He turned to look at Eddie, who was still crouching, and damn how did his back not hurt?

“I say you’re asking me to follow you into Mordor,” Steve perked up, he kind of knew this one, “-which, if I’m totally straight with you, I think it’s a really bad idea.”

And Steve nodded along, because yeah, this was a terrible idea.

“But uh, the Shire, the Shire is burning, so Mordor it is.”

He whistled at Eddie when everyone got up, and he was by Steve’s side in seconds.

“You’re not hurt or anything, are you? Cause you don’t look it but…”He trailed off, and Eddie grinned.

“I am all-good Steve-O.” Steve nodded, “Good, good.”

Suddenly, there was a sharp gasp from right next to him, “Were you, perhaps, worried?!” Steve kicked a rock instead of answering.

It just made Eddie’s grin widen further.

“You totally were! Stevie Harrington, The-Former-King-Of-Hawkins turned sweetheart, worrying over lil-ol-Eddie-The-Freak-Munson!”

Steve scoffed, “ First off, I’d like to think I’ve always been a sweetheart, second off, keep it in your pants, dude.”

Eddie cackled, leaning into his side, “Yeah, yeah! You’re right. You’ve kinda been like that for the past two years, Mr.Eddie-Cant-Carry-A-Fucking-Hot-Pan-Anymore.” He laughed, ignoring the second part of Steve’s statement.

He huffed, “Just don’t want you getting hurt.”

Eddie booped his nose, “Yeah yeah, you’re just you like that.”

Tag List

@bxlthazar@i-have-three-feelings@leverage-ot3@mightbeasleep@badcaseofcasey@joruni@original-cypher@aceflavouredyougurt@flustratedcas@lovelylilbadone@labels-are-for-the-weak@steddieassheg0es@gregre369

#steve being “just you like that” is him being a tiny bit afraid eddie will fuck up and burn himself #hes just self-sacrificial like that #stranger things ficlet #steddie ficlet #steddie #ficlet #stranger things #steve x eddie #eddie munson x steve harrington #steve harrington x eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson #and they were roommates #oh my god they were roommates #crisisinverted17 #crisisinverted17's roommate au

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year

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We can’t keep doing this.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #made this one a bit general because its a reoccurring action wwx makes #He can take it! He’s strong! No one else has to suffer if he’s there to shoulder the weight of consequences #horrible mindset. Go to therapy foul sir #He internalized the concept that his life is only worthy in the service of others…mood buddy but it sucks in this hole #Lwj really said ‘your self sacrificial attitude has caught my ire and I’m taking you on as a personal project’#ok he didn’t but him calling out wwx is so god damn critical to what makes their dynamic the way it is.#how they *both* call each other out!#in love we grow together B*)#wei wuxian now has a big ol’ ‘fuck you’ cat on his leg. Like the worlds worst drunken tattoo #(its the energy of a wronged catboy coalesced into a single image)#outfit changes are approaching but just…remember….its always there.

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unyassified-kiba · 4 months

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always cracks me up how jd is constantly like 'i basically raised all of you! im the oldest so i have to be in charge!' and hes like far and away the most irresponsible of the bros

#bruce is literally a dad clay is in charge of like an entire troll society #floyd repeatedly puts other safety above his own #and not in a self sacrificial way just in a using his brain way #branch is second most irresponsible but that makes sense mans raised himself he learned self preservation but not how to handle other ppl #trolls 3 #dreamworks trolls #trolls #trolls band together #trolls john dory #john dory #trolls jd

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piecanl · 4 months

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Do you think Tubbo would recognize the path Bad is going down, because it's one he's already walked down on?

This self-destructive behavior coming from a broken heart?

He hasn't seen Bad at his best, before the eggs got kidnapped. He's seen him a victim to grief more than a father. It's why the blue staining Bad's being isn't out of the ordinary.

But suddenly he starts carrying flowers to remind him of the love he lost, suddenly the void calls out his name even louder and suddenly Tubbo sees himself in the older demon.

And it's scary, because suddenly he sees what he has become, how it affects others.

And for the first time of many, he sees Bad walk down a road he's paved. For the first time of many, Bad is the one repeating Tubbo's mistakes.

#the parallels between soul hunters make me SOOOOO ill you hav no idea #i needed to get this out of my brain I might've misscharactarized Bad on the way and If I have sorrayyy.....#their fascination or connection with death #their undying loyalty to those they let in their circle #the switch of their perspectives on resolving conflicts after both Purgatories #the self-sacrificial mindset when it comes to the eggs #the fact they're some of the most trusted people with the eggs #Bad is openly trusted by parents while Tubbo is silently trusted by the eggs while they're both simultaneously safe spaces for the kids #Tubbo has been there for a lot shorter than Bad which lead to him following a lot of previous islanders' including Bad's steps #but suddeny he's been trust into many tragedies and now he has his own path people may fall down in #JUST AGH #i feel like I'm going in circles #i don't know #i dont think they'd ever openly discuss their weaknesses infront of eachother #but I also don't think they'd ever outright shut off a conversation over grief they share #qsmp tubbo #qsmp badboyhalo #soul hunters #soulhunters

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kaseyskat · 6 months

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why does everyone think normal would actually even TRY to hurt taylor like this boy literally just had an entire episode where he became convinced that he was right and his friends don’t care about him AND he just was reminded that it’s kinda his dads fault that taylor didn’t get to have a dad in his life you really think norm isn’t fully prepared to step down and let taylor win he literally said he only wanted to rule hell because it sounded angsty and he’s being angsty why would he get violent about it 😭😭😭😭😭

#dndads #dndads spoilers #i’ve seen several people say this now and i’m so confused like #normal was only enraged to the point of violence against a friend (scary) because she set his HOUSE ON FIRE #he only went into a typical oak rage when he just watched terry jr die in front of him!#normal does give into the family anger but it makes him snappy not violent why do y’all think he’d hurt taylor #HES NOT EVEN MAD AT TAYLOR #i get wanting self sacrificial taylor angst but y’all 😭😭😭#taylor just reconnected with his dad and grandfather and found out his other grandfather is in chains i think he’s a bit more motivated #and normal is already on the self sacrificial bullshit anyways! he thinks they don’t care about him #he’s not gonna fight for his life against TAYLOR of all people oh my god #sorry for the rant i’m just???? that’s not normals character at all #in fact it’s far more likely that he’s gonna magic bullshit his way through the fight instead

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alexiethymia · 1 year

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I love “I heard your voice too”, but I also love the translation, “Thank you Meryl. It reached me. Your voice”.

It cements the parallel between them as foolhardy, reckless idiots who never give up, as well as makes a neat little call back to the first episode where Meryl ropes him in. Meryl’s voice reached him in time to save him, and Vash’s wire reached her in time to save her from Knives.

#trigun #trigun stampede #vashmeryl #tristamp #vash the stampede #meryl stryfe #it’s about how what vash longs for the most is human connection #but he doesn’t usually make himself available for it #as nai points out because of his guilt #but also because simply put most people don’t ever bother to try #but meryl tries so many times at the risk of her own life #despite vash’s power and self sacrificial tendency she sees him as someone who simply needs a helping hand #and as she’s said before #she doesn’t want to regret anymore and miss the opportunity to protect those dear to her #she’s human but she puts himself out there to help and protect vash #not because vash can’t protect himself but because he won’t #and that’s a theme that rings true for the both of them no matter the timeline manga ‘98 anime and tristamp #and I think that’s just neat #I really love subtle dynamics like that #ships

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to-the-all-blue · 6 months

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A curse turns the crew against Sanji a short time after Wano. It's subtle at first. Subtle enough that he chalks their weird behavior up to WCI. In his mind, he's sure the crew probably just feels uncomfortable around him after he betrayed them. So it doesn't matter that Usopp said something unusually cruel or that Nami threw a glass at him because, well, he understands that he fucked up. And they're his crew, right? He can bear it if that's what they need. Not to mention they're in the middle of the ocean, so it's not like he can leave and give them space.

Then it escalates. Then he's getting hurt. And he starts to realize this is something more. He tries to research it, but the crew won't let him. They gang up on him, making him work nonstop: taking every watch and cooking and repairing the ship and not being allowed to sleep and, and...It doesn't end. If he falters, they punish him. After only a couple weeks of this, he's left exhausted and in pain.

One day it comes to a head. Harsh words turn into a fight which turns into the crew ganging up on him as if he's an enemy combatant and he just can't. He sees them crowd him and he remembers his brothers and he stumbles. He's too exhausted to dodge, too scared of hurting them to fight back. So they get him pinned and are about to finish him off when...

Clarity.

They all wake up, suddenly. The curse is broken and Sanji is nearly dead on the ground between them and they remember.

#op fanfic #kinda #sanji #t: hurt/comfort #i had this vision in my head of Brook's sword in sanjis hand and zoros blades about to kill him when they all suddenly stop #i have a lot of other little scenes in my mind about this but who knows if ill actually get a chance to write it #so im putting it here #i just LOVE the idea of self-sacrificial sanji refusing to defend himself against his nakama #and i also like the idea of the angst after it all #zoro would be pissed that sanji didnt fight back #but at the same time he knows he would have done the same thing bc they are the crew's protectors after all #everyone else would remember the words they said and the things they did and would be sick #maybe luffy would get unnaturally quiet not sure this time how to make it all right #they are a powerful crew. theres no enemy they cant beat...unless it's them 👀

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andromeda-galaxy2877 · 21 days

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So a little while ago me and my friend @latersgayt0rs kinda realized something about the ROTTMNT movie.

Leo’s plan at the end made perfect sense.

And I don’t mean that from a writing standpoint— of course that made sense for plot purposes— I mean from an in-universe perspective. Leo’s perspective.

People say it was suicidal, or say he didn’t have to do it that way, which is a totally valid interpretation! But me and Ferr saw it a little differently.

So, let's look at all the facts of the situation. After regaining their ninpo, the turtles all fought Krang Prime (or, Krang One) with everything they had. EVERYTHING.

Donnie fired that big barrage of missiles, Mikey threw an entire goddamn SKYSCRAPER at him! Everyone gave it their all, but when they combined their powers and tried to punch Krang Prime with ALL of that—

He stopped them by simply flicking his fingers. He knocked Donnie and Mikey off the building, both unable to catch themselves so Raph of course had to go save them.

And Leo was left alone.

With all of that prior information, what else was Leo really supposed to do in that situation?

Sure, he could ask where the others landed and form a portal to get them back up there, but again; Everything. They threw EVERYTHING they had at Krang Prime, and he flung them away like it was nothing. Who’s to say he wouldn’t just do that again? Or kill someone?

Not to mention Leo had to be exhausted. It was nighttime when the movie began, then daytime in the middle, then it looked pretty dark when everything was going on at the end. Maybe that was just dust and debris kicked up by the Technodrome, but hours had passed with no sleep, no rest, only action. Only fighting.

Leo went from the first fight to the Krang to the subway tunnels fight, to the stuff that happened in Metro Tower, to his 1v1 with Raph, to this fight with little to no breaks in between. Physically at least; again, he did not sleep between these times. And emotions had to be going INSANE after Raph was taken.

How do we know he even had the energy to make enough portals to get everyone back up there then be able to portal them/himself around during the fight?

So, Leo was tired. Leo knew how strong Prime was. And most importantly, he knew the stakes.

If Krang Prime was not stopped here, then the entire world would be destroyed. His family would be killed. Everyone would die.

Leo had NO choice. There was no other choice, no other option for him. No other route to take.

He HAD to lock Krang Prime back in the Prison Dimension. And the only way for him to do that and keep him inside was to teleport them both.

There was no other alternative that would have worked.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise leo #rottmnt movie #krang prime #krang one #save rottmnt #yes Leo is incredibly self-sacrificial in like. every iteration but this one made sense!!#its devastating BECAUSE he had no other choice #he was just a sixteen year old kid thrown into a fucked up situation #I don't think he WANTED to die there

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zeb-z · 4 months

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At a surface level, Gillion always putting himself between danger and his friends just makes sense, because he’s noble like that, isn’t he? Gillion Tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep, Riptide Pirate - he can tank a hit, or two, or three, and swing back just as hard. He’s protective, and he’s sturdy, and he’s stubborn. Then just a little deeper, Gillion would without question sacrifice himself for the greater good. For a friend in need, for a good hearted citizen, for the net positive - he’s noble, with a heart of gold, who’s courage knows no bounds, right? And then just a little deeper, Gillion would actively harm himself just to make someone feel better. Just to take the edge off of someone else’s misery. He’d take their own pain, or even unnecessary pain, so they might have some sort of relief. Even if it isn’t guaranteed, he’s so ready, so eager, to jump at the chance.

Gillion Tidestrider is someone born to meet impossible standards, constantly told he’s not good enough, taught that his suffering is necessary and through this his people will survive. He’s all these things, kind and courageous and chivalrous, with a heart that beats to help others in need - but he’s also self sacrificial. Dangerously so. He takes personal risks without second thought, he pushes his limits for even the little things, he helps to the point of his own detriment. He will bleed himself dry on the off chance it might help a good soul who needs it. He will do worse for his loved ones. And it isn’t just from the all encompassing need to help at any cost, but also this feeling deep down inside that he deserves it. It’s his destiny to save people, no matter the personal cost.

It’s pushed to the extreme with Felipe after the Feywilds. Gillion, still off center, freshly traumatized from his time in that god forsaken orb, still awaiting the verdict on if he’s guilty in the eyes of the council while fully convinced he is, finds out it’s technically his fault his new friend is filled with insatiable bloodlust and wants to stab him to death. Of course he encourages the stabbing. Of course he’ll mind control to keep the peace. And when all is said and done, and it hurts and it doesn’t help, he still wonders about pushing it further - fully behind this idea of him dying and being brought back, even if it’s not sure to work. Even if it’s not sure to bring him back.

And I just keep thinking, that for all the healing Gillion does - all those sick people from Joaldo, Chip and Jay countless times in their battles, members of the crew, various people hurting and in need of aid - he’s never once used lay on hands on himself. It’s a pattern, made noticeable in Edison Kingdom, where he heals Alphonse for half of a joke instead of his own 1 hp - which subsequently downs him on the way down - and it’s continues to the end of the Feywilds, where Jay and even Felipe heal the stab wounds he bleeds out from. He’s a healer with the power just at his fingertips, so easily within reach, and he doesn’t heal himself.

So it does beg the question - when will the line between ‘selfless’ and ‘self sacrificing’ be drawn?

#I hope the line will be drawn swiftly and sternly now that jay and chip are truly catching on #I just. I noticed the healing thing in Edison kingdom and haven’t been able to let go of it since. he’d sooner risk death than heal himself #and now (now as in ep 84 where I’m at in the campaign) this self sacrificial behavior is exacerbated by the retraumatizing council shit #made much more obvious by the training sequences with both caspian and chip respectively. he’s bleeding himself dry to try and help everyon #to protect everyone. but he can’t. and then there’s the guilt part of it because yeah. is this a choice made out of friendship or a guilty #sense of obligation?#and like. his whole thing that’s like ‘no I don’t want to die but I’m not afraid and I will do what I must’ it’s just. it’s so concerning #so ridiculously concerning and it’s like with his upbringing of course he thinks like this. freshly traumatized of course it’s worsened #but god #I just. he still hasn’t healed himself as far as I can remember. and that’s all I can think about #seize your destiny gillion tidestrider. shape it to be your own. and for the love of god treat yourself kindly along the way #jrwi riptide 84 #jrwi #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #jrwi gillion #z speaks

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nosfelixculpa · 8 months

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EPISODE 10 THE UNCANNY COUNTER S2: COUNTER PUNCH (2023)

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plusultraetc · 5 months

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Saw the tags on the Toshinori post and do you have more to share?? Any insights? If so I’d welcome hearing them 😭 He really is so self-sacrificial and it hurts but it’s truly at the core of who he is

This has been sitting in my inbox for almost a week because I needed to make a futile effort at organizing my thoughts into something coherent--but this is as organized as they're going to get for now! Thank you so so much for the ask though bc I do love to yell about MHA <3

(Obligatory reminder that I'm watching this show in such a confusing order so if what I'm about to rant about has been addressed before and I'm harping on it unnecessarily I Am Sorry.)

(For anyone curious, this is the post btw)

SO. It feels relevant to mention that my sister and I were talking about All Might in the first place because we were talking about MHA Moments That Haunt Us. For me, it's the 'I am not here' sign hanging around the neck of the All Might statue in Kamino Ward after the Paranormal Liberation War. It literally lives in my brain rent-free 24/7 365 days a year, especially with the AM vs AFO fight being relatively fresh in my mind. The reversal of All Might's catchphrase and all it represents hurts, but to display it at the site of his 'last stand' in Kamino? That's brutal.

All Might vs All For One and how that rematch plays out is so so important to the story for so many reasons, but one of them is that the fight itself is a sacrifice. Toshinori gives everything he has, short of his life, to defeat All For One. He gives up his physical strength, his public image as the unbeatable Symbol of Peace, and, effectively his Quirk ("Goodbye, All For One. Goodbye, One For All" haunts my every waking moment, still!)

This battle is also the culmination of years of All Might's life and heroic philosophy (because Toshinori has been both practicing AND preaching self-sacrifice in the name of the greater good since we met him. It's what he thinks a hero does). Kamino is the sacrifice to end all sacrifices, if you will. Yes, he does get to walk away from the fight with AFO, but he walks away irrevocably different, almost unrecognizable. He's forced to totally change his focus and his mindset and his life. Everything he has given up is made literally visible in the deterioration of his body.

But most most importantly, All Might's sacrifice at Kamino was... all for nothing. Even if AM defeated him in that moment, All For One is free less than a year later. The world is in shambles. People are afraid, and their faith in heroes is crumbling. Heroes are afraid, and this time, they have no idealized symbol to rally behind. When Dostoevsky wrote "Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing," he was talking about All Might btw.

Toshinori gave this fight (and his career, and being All Might) everything he had, and it still wasn't enough. He sacrificed so much of himself, and so much of how he perceived himself and his purpose, and he didn't even save the world. He just bought them time--and not much of it. I think that's why he's so desperate to keep fighting, no matter the cost, no matter what condition he's in--even 'quite literally half-dead.' He can't let Kamino be the Symbol of Peace's final stand, because Kamino was ultimately for nothing. Instead of saving the world, it has been reframed through the sign on the statue as All Might abandoning the world. And ever since then, he's been scrambling to prove that he is still here.

(There's also probably something here about Sir Nighteye telling him that he was going to die. Since Nighteye used his Quirk on him, Toshinori has been anticipating sacrificing his life for good. Knowing that his entire hero career is effectively a fight to the death has probably maximized his self-sacrificial tendencies.)

#ask #yagi toshinori #bnha all might #mha all might #love of my LIFE #i had more bullet points to include about all might's philosophy of self-sacrifice as both a hero and a teacher #but then i was writing random notes about all might as a product of hero society as opposed to a pillar of it and i felt like that one vide #of the old man going '90% of the time i have no idea what the hell i'm talking about'#it wasn't strictly relevant to this ask but maybe one day it will be it's own post bc toshinori messes me up when i think about him #for longer than 0.5 seconds #this is so word vomit i'm so sorry #liza blather #AND ANOTHER THING. a lot of the pros are self-sacrificial to an extreme (i made a web weave abt it) but all might is one of the few #who actually makes it his PHILOSOPHY. like he passes on the idea of setting yourself on fire to keep others warm as a Good Plan #which is NOT a criticism of him OR his fault it's what he LEARNED to do just like #i can't really blame the ua faculty for the sports fest as messed up as it was bc like. half of them are probably ua alumni. they #probably had their own sports festival. this is just like. not registering as abnormal to them.#okay now i will stop #one thing about me is if i'm not talking about kamino i'm talking about the sports festival #and on the off chance i'm not talking about either i'm talking about the joint training arc

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good-beans · 5 months

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The thing that gets me about Mahiru is how they sneak in her tragedy, as opposed to some of the other characters. Like a lot of them have really blatant horror/tragedy from the beginning, but Mahiru's tale is hinted at until it smacks you in the face.

Aw, she's in love and blinded by love and would do anything for it, okay! Aw, she copies everything her lover does, even if it doesn't serve herself, like the silly scene with the bread, or the running, or the smoking, huh! Aw, she's willing to forgive someone that almost killed her because she feels so strongly that people should stick to acting on what they believe, wow!

And you can tell somethings a little fucked up but all at once it hits you like,

She's blinded by love and would sacrifice anything -- wait, anything? She copies everything.... so if her lover suggested he wanted to..... then she'd want to.... oh, oh no...... Surely she'd talk him out of-- unless she believes people should do what they have their heart set on, oh fuck.... But she's so full of life and excitement! Surely she wouldn't have made the decision to join h-- except, wait -- she'd do anything for love

#milgram #mahiru shiina #I AM UNWELL ABOUT HER #can you imagine planning your own suicide but its not even your idea??? you didnt really want to??? youre doing it for someone else?????#and not in a self sacrificial way??? just because thats what lovers do -- they do everything together?????#and the thought wouldnt even cross her mind to stop it!!!!! because she doesnt want to impose on what hes set out to do!!!!!!#AHHHHH #i know we dont have set facts but it really seems like an attempted lovers suicide #theres the horror of 'she literally helped a man commit suicide instead of saving him' joined with the fact that #SHE volunteered for death when she didnt have to At All because thats what she thought a good woman should do FUCK #(because he probably wasnt even planning on it for any relationship reasons! it was likely completely separate mental issues)#but she put herself in the equation because thats what lovers do right?#i dont know if this is collected enough but i just needed to yell for a sec :(((#tw suicide #rose posts

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domoz · 1 year

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Founders have me writing like crazy it seems. Another fic, cw for child abuse in this one. It gets nasty.

It's a beautiful spring evening when Hashirama decides that he needs to kill his father.

When his legs give out for the fifth time, Hashirama isn't able to force himself up again.

To say chichiue had been unhappy with what had happened at the Naka River would be an understatement. Hashirama had kept his head bowed through a long, long lecture, insisted over and over that he hadn't known because ignorance might be the only thing that could save him.

Punishment has been brutal, regardless. He's been taking his smaller than usual meals alone in his room, and even those have been more sparse than usual, because every waking has been consumed with ceaseless training.

"When you see that boy on the battlefield, you'll kill him."

Hashirama shudders and turns his face into the dirt. He won't, and that will probably end up worse for him than this, but that still isn't enough to make him willing to do it.

(Madara was like him. Madara wanted peace. Peace could mean that no one would be forced to do something like this ever again).

For the moment, though, Hashirama can't get his legs to cooperate. Today he'd been training his mokuton ('until you have enough wood to rebuild the whole compound twice over'), and he'd tried, he always tries, but he's never, not in his life, been this low on chakra before. The lack of it makes him feel dizzy and nauseous and cold, seems to amplify all the aches and pains of the last few days. He'd pulled a splinter out of his hand earlier and the spot has been aching and stinging for hours when normally he would have forgotten about it minutes after it happened.

He's exhausted and miserable, and his eyes are burning with unshed tears because letting them fall will mean he probably doesn’t even get to eat tonight. He's already going to be in trouble enough for falling again--

"Boy, you better not be taking a break." Butsuma's voice calls, far away as first but getting louder, "You're not even halfway done."

Hashirama's voice catches in his parched throat -- he's got no idea whether it'll be safer for him to admit the truth or make an excuse. Before he can decide, his brother's voice chimes in, and oh he hadn't even known Tobirama was here.

"Chichiue, he's low on chakra." It's said so matter-of-fact that Hashirama can't tell if he's being judged for it or not. But he's really not the happiest with Tobirama right now and in a poor mood anyways so all he feels at the comment Is a spike of anger harsh enough to send the tears he's been hold back spilling down his cheeks.

Why did you have to tell him that? Why do you keep ruining things?

Butsuma clicks his tongue.

"Shameful. But low chakra is not a reason for him to be on his back. Or crying."

Hashirama can only see the purpling sky, but he can hear the sneer in his father's voice.

"I just don't know what to do with you, boy. Maybe a real punishment is in order. To start with, no meals until you're done with this."

Hashirama stifles a sob. Fuck, but he's hungry. There's a heavy sigh from his father, but it's Tobirama's voice he hears next.

"Chichiue, is that… Wise?"

There is a heavy pause; Hashirama musters the strength to lift his head and is treated to a sight he wishes wasn't familiar. Tobirama's thin back is between him and Butsuma. His arms are crossed this time, but Hashirama knows his intent. His little brother trying to protect him, again.

This is your fault in the first place! A wounded part of his heart screams, but already he feels guilty for the thought.

(How was Tobirama to know who he'd been meeting? How was he to do anything but worry when his brother kept disappearing so soon after their last one had died? How was he to say no to an order?)

"It's just --" Tobirama's voice is uncharacteristically hesitant, "Harsh training is well and good, but if he's not able to recover his strength then he won't be able to act should an emergency happen. Right now, he'd be useless in a battle."

There is a weighty silence, one that stretches on long enough that it makes Hashirama's heart flutter with hope -- maybe Tobirama's words have managed to convince him, again.

"I have no intention of letting him go to battle until I'm sure he's learned his lesson." Another pause, and then "…You're more troublesome than you let on, boy."

Those words aren't meant for Hashirama. Tobirama stiffens just enough to be perceptible, and if Hashirama can see it in the state that he's in, there's no way that Butsuma missed it.

"That's what I thought. Tobirama, on your knees. I think you both need to understand something."

Tobirama hesitates for the barest moment before sinking down. He knows better than to protest in this situation. Hashirama struggles to roll over enough to see what is happening. To see how Butsuma has knelt down across from Tobirama to grab his chin in a bruising grip, how Tobirama's hands are fisted tight in the fabric of his pants.

"When I teach you that shinobi aren't to show emotions, what I mean is that they can't let their feelings affect their decisions." He forces Tobirama's face to turn, to meet Hashirama's wide eyes with his own, "But if you had taken that lesson to heart you would have seen how much better off your brother would be if he understood. You may hide what you feel, but I can see now how much you let those feelings rule you. You'd rather spare your brother pain than have him grow stronger and survive."

Butsuma reaches for a pouch and, and with his other hand he draws out a kunai. Tobirama doesn't struggle as it's pushed to his cheek, but instead goes very, very still. Hashirama's stomach swoops -- he wouldn't, he wouldn't--

"And you, Hashirama… I don't know what to do about that bleeding heart of yours. But you need to understand, if you're going to open yourself up to whatever poor kid with a sob story you meet in the woods you need to be strong enough to make certain that it can't hurt you."

He squeezes Tobirama's face, applies pressure. The kunai bites deep into his brother's cheek. Tobirama jerks in his hold and lets out an awful, warbled whine before cutting himself off.

"Stop." Begs Hashirama, voice breaking, He tries to push himself up only for his arms to give out from under him, "Stop it. Stop it!"

"If you want it to stop --" Says Butsuma, forcing Tobirama's face to turn the other direction and digging the kunai in to the other side, perfectly matching the first cut. "-- Then stop me. Get strong enough to stop me."

But Hashirama can't stand up. There's no sudden burst of strength -- he used that up ages ago. All he can manage is to drag himself a few inches forward through the dirt, fingers just able to reach where a spot of blood (his brother's blood!) has been flung to the ground.

"Please." His voice is hoarse, "Please, I understand. Please stop."

The look Butsuma levels at him is cold, a frown that says he doesn't believe him.

He tilts up Tobirama's head, cuts a final slash into his chin, before letting go. Standing up, stepping back, uncaring of the way his son has dropped to the ground like a puppet with it's strings cut.

"Guard your heart or grow strong enough to keep it safe, Hashirama. Those are your options."

He turns, leaves them alone on the training field under a rapidly darkening sky. It's only when he's out of sight that Hashirama feels sensation return to his limbs, feels just how hard his heart is pounding. Hears the near silent drip of blood onto the ground from Tobirama --

His breath hitches but he can't lose his head yet, his brother, his last baby brother, still hasn't moved.

"Tobi." He calls roughly, but there's still no reaction, "Tobi. Tobirama!"

When he finally pulls himself close enough, he reaches for his brother's hand, ignores the way it's trembling and sticky with blood (so much blood but it's fine, Tobirama has to be fine, head wounds just bleed more than most--). Only when he touches Tobirama does his brother react. Jerks away from him -- finally looks at him, but it's with eyes that are completely empty.

"We can't." Tobirama's voice is quiet. It cracks, but his little brother does not cry, even now, "He's waiting to see what we'll do."

Waiting to see if they'll turn to each other, he means.

"Tobi…" He calls, as Tobirama mechanically pushes himself to his feet, pulls his hand away. He wants to do something, needs to do something, to make this even a little okay, but he knows Tobirama is right, that if they try to help each other now the lesson will only repeat itself.

Tobirama shakes his head, walks towards the main house with his head ducked low, leaving a trail of blood behind him.

And Hashirama still can't force himself onto his feet to follow.

He falls back onto the dirt, throat tight. A few more tears spill out, but not many. He doesn't have anything left in him to cry.

He feels -- empty. He thinks he should be feeling more but all that's left behind his breastbone is hollow. And if he feels like this, than Tobirama must be…

He broke something, Hashirama thinks hysterically, He broke something in me and I think he might have broken Tobirama, too.

There's a bile building in the back of his throat as the realizations hit him. He can't let that happen again, won't survive if it does.

If you want to stop me, then stop me. Get strong enough to stop me.

That had been the lesson. Maybe Hashirama can finally learn this one.

The determination to build peace and a village had made him feel warm. The determination to do this settles like lead in his guts.

If any of his dreams are going to happen, he needs to get strong enough to stop his father.

#oops! no writing tag #tobirama senju #hashirama senju #naruto blog for nauruto things #this is inspired very much by that one comic where tbrm is like I behave like the perfect son so he will be surprised when i kill him #look i just. like the idea of the senju sibs being the ones who killed butusma #(sorrrry butsuma you are very easy to demonize for purposes such as these)#btw. tbrms reasoning for trying to defend hsrm like that is the same. to me #he sees hsrm fall. remembers who it was who sent his brothers out to die #(which is a line i wanted to include in hsrms perspective but couldn't figure out where)#and goes oh. actually the biggest threat to hashiramas life is butsuma. cant let That happen. maybe ill be self sacrificial about it #if i had the stones (ideas) id write a whole story about these two plotting to kill their dad #PS. ALSO. if tbrm and kawarma were twins do you wanna bet they got used as leverage against each other like this???? ARGH #oneshot

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