#heard back from them yet

[silverandebony]

.

#today i started thr math 31 course again (i did it previously in high school but now i'm upgrading to hopefully get a better mark) #and while doing the preview/review questions i was like ah! i will listen to music! so i pulled up the wolf 359 soundtrack because that's #what i have on my phone! and that was a mistake #i listened to wolf 359 pod a ton while studying for the math 31 final so having that association again obvioisly pulled up memories #and i fucking miss my friend so much #we were in math 31 together (it was literally our Only class together the whole time we were in high school) amd so we hung out while #studying! and i listened to wolf 359 while studying! and now starting it again and listening to wolf 359 music is like #friend where are you you are supposed to be here with me #between not seeing each other in school every day anymore and the pandemic and them moving to bc with their partner and #both of us being adhd we fell out of touch even though we were each other's best friend #the last time i saw them in person was christmas a year or too ago when we were able to sit and talk for a bit and exchange presents #we couldn't even hug because we were both concerned about covid. my family doesn't really do touch so thr last time i got to hug someone #was when i went to visit my friend thr february before the pandemic hit #and i mean we kept in touch for a little ehile but thrn we both fell off and were slow to respond to each other when we Did message #the last time we did more than one consecutive message to each other it was so... weird. they spoke like i was any regular person #not... me; in a way if that makes sense. like there was a sense of distence that'd never been there before #this christmas and their birthday i've wished them happy holidays and birthday and those they responded to but neither of us took #it farther; i messaged them today asking if they would be interested in us setting up a time to talk and catch up again and i haven't #heard back from them yet #i just miss them so fucking much #and i'm terrified i've lost them #i hope they're as healthy and happy as they can be wherever they are and whoever they're with #but i just want to talk normally with them and catch up and be friends like we were #i want that so fucking badly #a you're not going to see this because you're not on tumblr or at least you weren't before and you don't follow me #but i love you so much and i miss you and i hope you're well #i want things to be normal again. i want to be able to go visit you and not have to worry about covid. i want to have never fallen out #of touch with you. i want to tell you about all the new things in my life and hear you tell me the new things in yours #i want you to take the time in the middle.of your anniversary dinner to call me to ask about thr long term effects of cannibalism just like #you did before. i want to be able to spend time just existing in thr same room as you. i love you. i love you. i love you.

[united-federation-of-trek]

steven moffat wouldn't cast a woman as the doctor because doctor who is also "for people who voted for brexit" and the "daily mail-reading viewers". like he was actively catering to conservative and right-wing audiences and thought a female doctor was too progressive.

now rtd is back and is so unapologetic and intentional about the characters being queer and telling conservatives to fuck off about it. doctor who is healing.

#doctor who #dw #i have not watched any chibnall yet but from what i've heard he wouldn't say anything openly so idk about him #like matt smith and peter capaldi were GREAT doctors (they did the best they could with the writing given to them) #but steven moffat was still a coward #i don't even think moffat is a conservative i just think he's spineless #we are so back #i will watch 13 eventually i promise #i stopped watching during the moffat era #but the return of rtd AND david tennant AND catherine tate was too good for me to not come back

[voidscreamns]

./

#i dont think i’ve talked my nonverbal!Diluc hc on here yet #but i keep seeing posts abt disability/chronjcally ill/neurodivergent hcs for genshin characters so here’s one from me #idk i feel like after That Night™️ and being on the run from the Fatui/working with a secret organization #diluc not just learns the ‘value’ of keeping secrets and staying quiet but also internalizes his guilt and trauma of saying smth that could #hurt people #it started with him telling Kaeya that he’s not a Ragnvindr anymore and then is exacerbated by his 3-4 Year Fatui Murder Rampage thru Teyvat #and with all ghat trauma and self-deprecation and paranoia he just. stops talking. #he picks up sign language in Fontaine and still writes but at some point he just stops talking and never speaks again #when he comes back to Mondstadt it was hard to adjust to for both him and the people around him #Kaeya initially assumes that Diluc just refuses to talk to him until he later hears gossip abt how no one has ever heard him speak since he #came back. he goes to Adelinde and/or Elzer abt it and they tell him that they neve even hear Diluc so much as hum or grunt #afterwards everyone changes up real fast— Kaeya and Venti drinking at the bar and seemingly just talking at Diluc but they’re always #observing his reactions and body language even when they’re drunk #Jean tries her best to be patient but she has a hard time reading him bc he’s changed so much in the time he’s been gone #Adelinde & Elzer and the winery staff are the most communicative he’s with— Diluc is far more likely to write with them to communicate #at some point Diluc has a business meeting with some rich dude from Fontaine or smth #Kaeya walks in bc he has an actual important mission thinf to discuss and he sees Diluc and this Fontaine dude and the dude’s wife #moving their hands so fast and with all kinds of gestured and stuff #and it’s the first time Kaeya sees Diluc look so EXPRESSIVE— he’s frowning and raising his eyebrows and mouthing words and all this #and Kaeya just goes ‘what’ #turns out the Fontainian dude is deaf and both him and his hearing wife know sign; she helps interpret this to kaeya for the dude and Diluc #and Kaeya is like ‘oh okay’ and goes to the kitchen like ‘i’ll just wait here till yall are finished’ #and he sees Adelinde and Elzer there with stoic faces and they just. stand there in quiet for so long. #Kaeya finally says ‘…..so. sign language huh’ and Adelinde and Elzer have the most pained looks on their faces #later that week Diluc finds like everyone around suddenly doing basic signs with him #he later learns that the winery has ordered a shitton of signing books from Fontaine and are trying to learn #+ Kaeya and Jean too with help from Lisa bc like dont you know learning several languages is a requirement for graduation from the Akademiya #soon the use of sign starts spreading in Mondstadt— there might be some small communities where they have their own native sign but it’s not #as standardized nor widely known as it is in Fontaine #this is getting really long so I’ll stop here but yeah. nonverbal Diluc who signs fjskdjs

[satanfemme]

I have a job interview tomorrow (cringe job. not a job I want. fail employer). wags my tail so so sadly.

#I've applied to a few jobs I'd actually like maybe but they haven't gotten back to me yet :-( #gonna reach out again to one of those at the end of this week if I haven't heard from them again by them

[hephaestuscrew]

I'm still thinking about that scene in Victoriocity S3E7 where Fleet runs back towards the Beast so as to lure it into the path of the train...

Clara's exclamation of 'Teamwork, Fleet!' after Fleet says he's got a plan reflects her conviction that any plan that Fleet has will be a shared plan, something they do together.

This conviction is a kind of trust, and that trust is part of the reason Clara takes a moment to realise Fleet has headed back towards the Beast. She trusts that he's following behind her. She keeps talking to him, her words full of optimism.

When she realises Fleet isn't there, she immediately realises what that must mean he's done, and her voice sounds more small and scared than I think we've ever heard it before.

Fleet's attempt at self-sacrifice is a kind of betrayal of Clara's trust, but when he echoes her celebration of their teamwork in a more somber tone, I think it suggests that he understands the weight of that betrayal.

If Fleet's plan is that Clara won't realise he's gone until it's already too late, then he thinks "Teamwork, Clara" will be the last words he'll ever speak to her. In what he imagines will be their final conversation, Fleet affirms Clara's understanding of them as a team who work well together, even as he is making a choice that rejects the possibility of their teamwork in this scenario. It's a recognition of what their dynamic has meant. It's a goodbye and an apology, even if Clara doesn't understand it as such at first.

I don't think Fleet sounds scared as he initially faces down the train. When he shouts "Yeah, this way, you stupid machine! Come on then!", he sounds defiant and grimly determined.

In fact, I don't think he sounds afraid until Clara appears, until she might be at risk of being in the path of the Beast or the train as well. It's when he shouts "Clara, stay back for God's sake!" and "Please, get back!" that there's real fear and desperation in his voice. He can confront the idea of giving his own life, but not the idea that doing so might put Clara in danger.

Another thing about these lines is that the move from 'stay back' to 'get back' suggests that Clara didn't obey his first instruction but got closer to him (and therefore to the path of the Beast and the train) between those two lines.

Then Fleet gives what might be another attempt at his last words: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry."  A repeated apology before an attempted self-sacrifice is an implicit acknowledgement of how much losing him would hurt Clara. He regrets causing her pain.

Even so, he's accepted that he is about to die and that it'd be worth it to destroy the Beast. But Clara very much hasn't accepted either those things. She's still trying to yell over the noise of the train; she's pulling off her ring to throw at him.

I think it's a good illustration of how Clara's optimism is a kind of strength. She always believes that they can "make a new plan" and that it'll be one in which no one has to die. I think Archibald Fleet needs someone like that, someone who'll tell him to drop to the ground when his death advances from both sides, someone who - even in a dark tunnel with an murderous metal monster and a speeding train - won't stop shouting that there's hope.

#Victoriocity #victoriocity spoilers #clara entwhistle #archibald fleet #I have feelings about them!! #I've listened to this scene a normal number of times... #Can't decide if it's more angsty if Clara heard his apology or if she didn't... #Also on the topic of Clara's optimism #I think it is a part of her temperament #but I don't think that means it's always easy or that it isn't something that takes active effort #The 'midnight overthinkies' scene showed us that there's a lot going on under the surface #As previously established I don't personally see Clara and Fleet romantically #but nonetheless there is something Orpheus and Eurydice #about two people who care deeply about each other #in a dark tunnel trying to head towards safety #and one of them trusts that the other is behind them #except Clara doesn't look back for a while and then he actually is already gone #and she's alone wondering if she's lost him forever #I think I can draw those parallels platonically #Oh also there's something impressive about a show that can literally raise a guy from the dead in the first season #and yet still have real stakes when he's in life or death situations after that #something deeply sinister about how in Even Greater London no death ever needs to be permanent #but we know that the vast majority of deaths would be because access to that technology is so restricted #inspector fleet #victoriocity season 3 #victoriocity podcast #Clara & Fleet #The empty man posteth

[aria0fgold]

Thinking more about my isat au and I'm gonna need to change a LOT more than I thought. First things first, Siffrin's connection to the wish. Since in Of gems and pages, all the wishes stayed the same. So why is Odile the one looping and not Siff? So basically, what I think I'd do in my au is that the Universe decided to change things up a bit.

The first time the Universe granted Siffrin the means to fulfill their wish, things went horribly bad (just look at Loop). So this time, the Universe decided to give this new Siffrin, something a lil different. They still gave Siffrin the timeloop But made Odile his proxy. So that Siffrin may have helpers in this new timeline, with Loop as the guide and Odile helping as well, it Should go better, right??? And since the wish is connected with Siffrin's emotions, the Universe can't just completely make it Odile's problem now, sooo basically... Siffrin can still remember Parts of a previous loop PRIOR to their deaths.

That means during the beginning of canon when Siff was crushed by a boulder, he remembers that. And found Loop as well, but when he accidentally ended up touching a tear, he now Doesn't remember being crushed by a boulder but by being frozen in time. At the same time, he ALSO doesn't remember Anything else prior to it. So he doesn't remember that there's a boulder that can kill him by the entrance of the House, he doesn't remember Loop. All he remembers is that somehow, one way or another, he was frozen in time within the House and needs to be more careful with the tears. And because of the way that the loops affect Siffrin now is faaar too different than how it affected Loop, he can't go forwards or backwards in time. Siff will always awaken back in the meadow and Loop will always have to do their whole speech all over again (which would most likely annoy them immediately cuz why? Why is it so different now? Why can't this Siffrin REMEMBER?)

Odile on the other hand, remembers ALL the loops and finds a lot of discrepancies with Siffrin. It takes awhile for her to meet Loop and they get to talk to each other. Their meeting would be pretty... rocky at first. Loop still getting regarded as a stranger by Odile, Loop finding out that Odile is the one getting affected by the timeloop from their own selfish wish. Even if that Siffrin isn't them, it doesn't change the fact that they both made the same wish. Loop thinkin bout being such a favourite cosmic joke of the Universe that not only were they turned into This, one of their family members are suffering cuz of them. And she doesn't even recognize them. It'd be pretty hard at first too cuz Loop doesn't know that their appearance changed yet, there's no mirror. For Loop, they might still look like Siffrin, right? But Odile's reaction to seeing them says otherwise.

Anyway in this au, stage wise, Odile is the actor, Siffrin is the director, and the Universe is the audience. Book wise, Odile is the character, Siffrin is the writer, and the Universe is the reader. Why is Siffrin the director or the writer and not the Universe? That's because the timeloops are Still connected to his emotions, if something he didn't want to think about happens like, that argument with Bonbon (just as an example. I'm wondering if that'll still happen here considering that only happened because of Siff had memories of all the loops in canon. He doesn't have that in this au anymore), time would loop back still, so in a way, Siff Is writing how the timeloops go.

#aria rants #isat spoilers #isat au #of gems and pages au #ogap au #also why did the Universe choose odile? i like to think that the Universe finds her as being skilled enough to be able #to easily help fulfill that wish considering that she Was able to deduce the timeloop when given enough clues #at the same time. odile also seems to be both really close to siffrin (the fact that they go on secret quests before) #and far away from the party emotionally. odile doesnt regard anyone as ''friends'' and so convinces herself that theyre just colleagues #but deep down. she also knows how much she cares for everyone to the point of willing to do unspeakable things to anyone that #dares harm any of them. she cares so much but doesnt know the word to describe it. friends doesnt cut it. the idea of them #being like family to her hasnt crossed her mind yet when the only family she knows of and have is broken and incomplete (her mom left them) #so shes seems to be emotionally distant from them. she wanted to ask bout continuing traveling with the others but doesnt know How #the Universe sees that and thought that should there be anyone that can easily help siffrin then itd be odile. unfortunately #for the Universe. they didnt quite expect siff being too closed off and dodgy in regards to his own emotions #so it still end up being difficult. even more so now that odile doesnt have the Full picture at all. she has no idea why #this is happening to her in the first place. she only knows it has something to do with siff and during the sequence #before new loop+ happened. the Universe most likely gave odile that chance both out of pity and hope that everything #will finally turn out better This Time. but because of the fact that odile Was dying and she exhausted her craft powers #she cant be brought back to the previous loops easily anymore cuz even if its still connected siff. her ability to be #brought back to loops hinges on craft power as well. siff is just the switch to it. so in a way. shes Supposed to be dead now #but the Universe heard siff's wish and granted the means to save odile as well as grant the previous wish he made #its just that such a wish cant be without a penalty. and that penalty is the timer on odile's life. they have only 99 tries left

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[youremyonlyhope]

Weird intense sertraline dreams are super real side effect.

#zoloft #sertraline #i just took a nap from like 9pm-ish to 11pm #i had a dream with a whole bunch of youtubers in it and i have no clue why #i think i made up like half of them just from names i've heard while others were people i either still watch or just used to watch #and there were LEVELS to this dream that i didn't even fully realize until like 30 minutes after waking up #like one youtuber was being called by another name yet they still had drama with another who was there #and it took me remembering the dream to realize that that drama was somewhat real but the different name made me not notice at first #it was WEIRD. also at one point i was living in like a campus or something but there were different climates like every 20 feet #like snow but also multiple pools and a weird like rollercoaster but you walk/slide in it... this is vaguely still coming back to me #also a weird sauna i was in then someone helped me out of it #and LITERALLY as if i was playing the sims i felt my consciousness almost like press buttons to change the POV #and the 'camera' left my eyes and moved to the outside of the sauna so i watched the person carry my sleeping body out #and i'm just NOW remembering that part and being like... what... i mean i literally intentionally changed the camera controls of my dream #guys i am hennaing my hair i was supposed to rinse it out at like 10:30ish but slept through that so i've had it in for an extra hour #which is fine. i like the more intense color. but i've been slowly remembering bits and pieces of this dream #for the last 45 minutes and it's so weird i need to somewhat document it #because it was like 4 different plotlines and the youtuber one was only one of them and the campus thing was another #oh my god i just remembered clark baxtresser from starkid was in the campus part and he was singing and i was like chasing him #through the rollercoaster (or maybe just sliding behind him?) and singing along and i think i dreamt that part due to VHS Christmas Carol #that JUST came back to me. that was such a weird aspect. i think i thought it was weird even in the moment. #i haven't remembered most of the weird sertraline dreams so i'm glad i put down bits of this one

[nordic-language-love]

Me: I'll just get the whole booking my flights thing over and done with now. It won't take long and I'll feel so much less stressed once I'm done

My bank: Can't authorise this payment lmao also good luck getting through to customer support!

#every time i try to book flights to/from japan they're like hmm this seems suspicious #which i would get but they know i live in japan #i'm paying for internet in japan with that account and also use it to buy stuff from japanese websites #ffs #this whole situation is so horrible and stressful as it is why do they have to make my life more difficult :( #also stressed bc i've never flown with air china but i've heard bad things about them and yet they're the only flights available #and i'll have to fly from narita which i've never been to and into london gatwick which is a pain in the arse to get to #i just want it to be january 5th already so this is all over and i'm back to work and life is normal and moving forward again

[icantthinkofagoidusername]

WIP FOR SMTH IM ACTAULLY GOING TO FINISH (I PROMISE ILL FINISH THIS)

-----

“-and i now pronounce you, husband and wife.-” 

A loud cheer erupts in the from the guest disciples common room. 

“And because i dont believe in gender,-” Wei Wuxian pauses to dramatically flip his hair 

“the bride may now kiss the groom.”

Li Xie grabs Se Yun by the collar and kisses him roughly. Lan Qiren wishes he knew what the actual fuck just happened.

He has so many questions. 

For starters, why are there fifteen yearolds getting married in the guest disciples common room and why, oh dear god why is Wei Wuxian marrying them? 

Lan Qiren dosent know whether to laugh or cry. 

#mdzs #wangxian #i mean #you dont see it here #but its implied #i mean like #they arent together yet #bc this is set in cr #basically #wei wuxian has a lisence #or whatever they called it back then #in most things. #including getting people married #so these ocs #Li Xie and Se Yun are from important sects and their parents have set them up to marry someone else #and neither of them like their betrothed in that way #their betrothed are good people #but they dont like Li Xie and Se Yun in that way either #and they heard that wei wuxian #the yunmeng jiangs head disciple #has a license in well #getting people married #and thought hey #why dont we ask him to get us married! #then our parents cant keep us apart because were already married!!! #and wei wuxian being wei wuxian #said yes!!! #so hes now getting a very in love couple married to each other #bc hes not-so-secretly a romantic #i could go on bc ive thought a lot about this but i wont

[selkiecoded]

okay thats interesting! in the SF try-outs during the song "legally blonde" she sings about how she cant be legally blonde, while in the official version AND THE DEMO she sings about letting her be legally blonde. which means that at some point they changed the lyrics around, and then changed them back! laurence o'keefe.... nell benjamin.... what occurs in your twisted minds

#covers mouth sorry so sorry guys #im a huge fan of beacon of positivity + good boy (elle puts a leash on emmett confirmed) + love and war (not in the demo but part of SF) #+ i liked some of the lyrics in the demo version of so much better (it called back to beacon of positivity!!! (i am insane)) such as: #I dream of your name next to my own but mine's looking fine up there alone #but i greatly prefer all the official songs we got. well. maybe good boy over ireland wouldve been fun (i think ireland is boring) #but itd play into the 'all men are dogs hurr hurr' joke that im glad they avoided. anyways. what was i saying. #right i havent listened to every version of everything yet (for example theres a SF version of chip on my shoulder i need to watch) #(and just the SF vers in general. shes hidden from me... why was emmett there before the remix... let me see their conversation) #but from what i have heard they made a lot of changes that were sorely needed. in take it like a man demo shes so much meaner?? #it made me sad. it wasnt a duet + they wrung out the romantic tension (no subtext by calvin klein... sigh) + shes meaner!!!! #in the bway vers hes baffled but enjoys going along w it + she genuinely likes him even when hes wearing his regular clothes #but in the demo vers she keeps calling him stuff like ugly duckling and talking about how the geek is gone :( but she likes that geek.. #the lines 'how much do you think i earn??' and 'kindly shut up :)' are funny but speak to a dynamic between the two that makes me sad... #follow me for more beautiful opinions on a fifteen year old musical #(heaves. do you know weird it is to see comments from 15yrs ago when this was actually showing. my brother is fifteen.) #god im so sorry i should be put down like a dog #lgb bootleggers are intense. i swear they got a bootleg every night or smth bc we got her shoe flying off + SF + kyle as understudy etc #go watch a so much better compilation sometime how did they take so many bootlegs?? how did you find them?? #and its awesome cause these were filmed on 2007/2008 tech which means they have 15 pixels maximum #SORRRRYYYYYYYYYY

[peachiyyy]

i havent seen my closest friends in a few weeks and it’s mostly my fault…idk im just really not in a good mental state rn im unfortunately falling back into a depressive/suicidal state again. My most loved and cherished friends are very successful (rightfully so) and though they are extremely supportive, loving, caring, and genuine towards me, i can’t help but think that i bring nothing to the table as of rn. I know that friendship isn’t transactional and that they’d never treat me as someone disposable just because of my shortcomings and will always support me as best as they could, but my insecurities are literally taking over LOL. I just feel really embarrassed bc we all started at the same time and they’re exactly where they should be while I’m still behind, waiting for things to start looking up for me. I don’t have anything new to say like they usually do and I know that I can’t really relate to their experiences. I’m just not on the same page as them. None of them make me feel alienated or isolated by any means, they believe in me more than I believe in myself actually, I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I want to be at the same place as they are but I’m not right now and I just feel really embarrassed about it. Forcing myself to stay home on days off is how I’m coping rn.

#personal #lol sorry emotional post #2023 is just starting off rough…i still have hope but now i know what they meant when they said hope is a dangerous thing to have lol #[they- the unknown deity] #my best friend sends me any and every position she comes across (that aligns w my field) for post grad and is very supportive #but i just feel so sad bc my brain literally keeps telling me that i dont deserve to have these beautiful friendships bc im not on their #level and it’s literally eating away @ my brain #i know im still in college and should just solely focus on finishing up this semester #but this is my last semester iA so i have no choice but to worry about employment post grad #my internship managers are looking thru my resume and said theyd connect me to some ppl but havent heard back from them yet :( #i think i feel this way bc my family treats me very differently now #like i can feel their disappointment and they make sure to mention it too #but im not a bum LOL the only thing i want and need from this world is success! aka a corporate job that pays me six figures

[rox-of-iu]

got ghosted by sticker printing company 😔😔😔very sad

#o(-( #s s tick i es (tearful) #just to clarify its not like they took my money and dipped nah i havent made the order yet #i just sent them a question if theyd be able to print it and they said ye just to make the cut lines in vector #so i replied with my attempt asking if they can use it like this or if it needs to be diff (i just transformed the lines from raster) #so prolly not usable so i said if they cant use it that id pay the fee for them to do it #and then i havent heard from them back jhsdkfsd #and like its been more than a week and the first reply from them was sent the day after so.. #so idk if they just missed my mail or if they just said fuck you in particular actually we dont want to deal with you hahhajh #like the wait would make sense if they were making the cut lines....but they wouldnt just jump into it without informing me first right #that makes no sense #oh well #ue ue ue #and no im already too embarrassed i cant send them another mail asking whats up #and i cant also act like nothing happened and fix the lines from scratch and just order it from their site without asking more info #cuz.... i still dont know how they want the files to look ITS NOT EXPLAINED ANYWHERE #like do u want svg file with layers or do u want two separate pdfs I DON KNOOooooo #sigh #i could call them and pretend to be rando just interested in possible future order asking how its done hahaa nothing to do with me #head in hands 😔🤡 this is so embarrassing #and any other local stickie printing places dont spark joy this one was perfect in placement and everything #usually i wouldnt have the courage to pursue this any longer but i REALLY want those stickers hashadk #on one hand...anxiety.. on the other stickies 💞💓😊 #we'll see which one will win xD #cheerio now #i just reread this and i would like to reiterate i am a wholeass adult ok im just disaster ok i swear im not a child please hajahj #my social anxiety is just unparalleled ✨ #ok bye now lol

[fideidefenswhore]

Whether or not this is a true composition, and the details do sound convincing, it is written from a position of strength. Anne was confident that she was soon to bear a son and that she was beyond the reach of any harm that Mary or her party might intend her. The letter distances Anne from self-interest in the matter, presenting the purest motives, urging Mrs Shelton to action out of her duty to the King. The tone is not consistent with Chapuys' contemporaneous report that Anne frequently wept in the period immediately following Catherine's death, in the realisation that a significant obstacle had been removed should Henry choose to set her aside.

Anne Boleyn: Adultery, Heresy, Desire (Licence, Amy)

#amy licence #anne boleyn #not really sure one precludes the other but...hm #the thing abt the report from chapuys about anne crying when receiving news of coa's death #is that he concedes it has come to him from 'several reliable quarters' and yet is weirdly also dismissive of his own report #he says he doesn't believe it. #but i mean that goes back as far as 1529-30. #when he heard anne had sent wolsey a gift by several 'worthy sources' but still didn't believe it #what he couldn't concede was that anne wasn't as cruel or cold as he believed her to be #so when he heard a report that didn't conform to his view of her it was suddenly hmm no...the sources must be wrong #there's only one concession of that nature and it's after the fact #'henry percy's physician says he said the concubine will poison her stepdaughter' #'another source has told me henry percy is not a reliable source' #i'd believe it happened altho the reason might be different #a sort of emotional catharsis/ relief. the memory of the woman anne knew her as before circumstances and the path she chose #set them against each other. #and anne wasn't unfeeling. but we have to remember the extant sources are all the male perspective #there are scattered reports from 1528-36 that speak of incidences of her weeping #but as they come from men they tend to be dismissed as manipulation > genuine #so. tl; dr. sort of have to roll my eyes at skepticism of THAT chapuys report #bcus the same that tend to express it have it for that and not anyyyy others

[todayisafridaynight]

oh girls dont look im rambling in here

#spoilers #?? ig?? potential y8 spoilers??????? #snap chats #anyway its been recently revealed by hidenari ugaki that he hasn't heard word about reprising his role as majima yet #and like. part of me doesn't mind the possibility of majima not coming back to LaD8 but: #1.) ugaki sounded upset bout the fact he didnt hear back yet :( if it means he isn't worried anymore then please bring maji back #2.) if majima isn't in the game then im just curious as to what the fuck kiryu's purpose is going to be then #maybe he just hasnt gotten word yet so i dont wanna say its official hes not coming back #but LaD8's set to release two years from now- not even maybe a year and then some #so if he hasnt gotten word yet it is lookin a bit uhhh whats the word/phrase. idk Down To The Wire thats it I Think #im not saying majima and kiryu are stapled at the hip and if one of them is there the other one has to be #it's just... it's just so baffling having kiryu come back as a protagonist #this is less of a ramble about majima's potential return to the franchise and more about kiryu's return haha baited yall sorry #him coming back in LaD7 was already a bit of a stretch but i get it- i cant say im totally mad about it #if that would really be the last time we saw him then i wouldve been happy #but yeah im just.. really anticipating LaD8 now like whats he going to do in it if none of the past players are coming back #cause LBR if not even majima is making it when he's been beyond established as a fan favorite then there ain't hope for anyone else #ugh 2024 get here sooner please i just want to know what's going to happen #i also wanna see my boy ichi again. my sunshine my fellow my guy my pal my-- #ok thats all from me for tonight feel free to send me your opinions or somethin idk

[mejomonster]

To get good at telling stories... writing stories... one must... practice by writing stories ;-;

#rant #i tell u what i think id have functioned well in a wrbnovel publishing format. but i dont think #any good sites for that exist in english as of yet? (i think theres one but its contract is Yikes i heard) #but just like. the idea of publishing chapter ever 1-2 weeks until youre done. maybe 20 chapters maube 2000. maybr you never finish. #most of the chapters free and maybe idk you make some advertizing money on ads viewed on your chapter page. or make the last couple extras #paid only idk. but the big thing? the point im getting to - sorry i got lost in the sauce - #my point is: you probably DO write shit at first. or write fine with some SHIT ARCS or rushed chapters to hit ur weekly updates #and 5 years from then youll look back and wanna overhaul some of those fucking stories (weve seen many a jjwxc writer revise later). #but wow will you have practiced writing a LOT. #youll have 100k 500k 1 million 5 million words worth of writing under your belt in a few years #and youll probably be a hell of a lot better at knowing how to make more chaptwrs on average interezsting and Building Consistently to your #main plot and arcs. you'll probably get much bettwr at raw scheduling of wriitng and pre-planning that works for you and structure mapping #youll have a much better idea of your personal strengths whrn you need to lean on them for a rough month when your story's turned #into a mess. youll value your own writing more (i hope) cause LOOK how much you fucking accomplished. #like. npss? dmbjs author? idk about others but i can definitely see the improvement in wriitng skill #between dmbj book 1 and the recent heihua book and mountain village book #(in terms of style in word choice. and goals for the story set out to be told) #i look at priest and newer novels by priest are as impressive as any literary novel ive ever analysed #(and older ones while i also love i do see their slightly rougher word choice and how some were executed a bit #more up and down/not as tightly) #i just. agh. i am :c feeling that ill probably write 200k words this year #and none of it will be as good as i want. but i NEED to write these first 200k #because the only way i get better. get to the way i want to write. is to make the progress of improvement with this first 200k. #ToT fun fact i wrote 170k words this year. WOW. and maybe 400k words of fanfic in the 4 years prior (so 100k words on average) #i know i am imptoving. i just gotta keep at it. #also? annoying i cant focus my attention lmao. 160k words is mkre than enough to finish a 1st draft novel #but me? i split those among like 20 projects this year. so the novel most written so far is still only at 40k #and im probably going to need 60k more words to finish it