#he repeatedly dismisses that on account of them not being very nice or important people

[sharkiegorath]

aziraphale is very much like, an idealistic liberal christian who wants to be in the world, be openly flawed, and ignore self-righteous jerks……and who also wants god's love, security, and assurance of underlying goodness in the end. he's the archetypal 'real good christian'. the 'real good christian' will inevitably have to excuse or ignore questionable-to-terrible things when confronted with topics like the problem of evil. aziraphale repeatedly lets go of heaven to various extents, but he never lets go of god or wanting to Be Good, and these things can reel him back to heaven.

leading up to S2, i reread the book. you know what struck me in crowley and aziraphale's final scene? crowley was maniacally predicting the future and dissecting the universe. he was curious and incisive and passionate. aziraphale was uncomfortable, dismissive, and a bit judgemental. pretty much the same as he was in the first scene, besides being crowley's friend. crowley loses his thread of thought, possibly because he's come close to the truth…and aziraphale shrugs it off as probably "nothing very important". then they go to lunch at the ritz and the nightingale sings and that's all sweet and earthshattering in some ways, but that sheer ideological tension between them is never resolved. and it's made more striking by how closely crowley's voice and thoughts align with the book's narration, while aziraphale's largely don't.

in S1, that conversation doesn't happen. the park scene gets interrupted by the switcheroo. the season ends on an unambiguously happy note. they're closer than they were in the book, yet we don't see crowley and aziraphale talking about aziraphale's betrayal and change of heart. maybe they never did. maybe crowley had aziraphale apology-dance and they forgot it. who knows.

during the not-pocalypse, aziraphale didn't really learn anything besides realizing that crowley is his most important person and he values earth far more than heaven. in both the book and series, he already knew heaven is shit, but he was in denial until the last minute; averting the apocalypse just meant he didn't have to deal with them anymore. the nature of 'ineffability' means that the thwarted apocalypse was part of god's plan, somehow. he could live with that. he even technically thwarted hell because the antichrist was a hell plot. he never fully confronted his deeply held beliefs about goodness and purpose.

with liberal christian theology, i see things like: god loves you. god accepts you as you are. god is good and made you and loves you so you're good. god is love so how can love be wrong. god never said that stuff and anyway it's probably a mistranslation and anyway he can cross it out.

good omens is starting to ask: what if you do have to choose between god and the people you love? are you brave enough to say god is wrong? are you willing to be wrong, on a metaphysical level, to the point of eternal punishment or annihilation? a lot of questioning/skeptical christians want to be that brave. i want to be. but when you've been raised that way, when you've always been told that a good god is your main purpose and greatest love, it's really fucking hard to undo the programming. what if the most important person in your life is invited to enter heaven, no repentance or devotion necessary - and they say no? all the love between crowley and aziraphale is not enough in the face of god's power and indifference.

(ftr i say 'god' but i don't actually think the good omens god is malicious - i think they're an emotionally distant cloudcuckoolander who would rather talk to themselves about pinhead dancing or ostriches than do anything. but heaven and archangels act on 'god''s behalf to a much greater extent than hell acts for satan. the metatron in particular is shaping up to be analogous to churches, as a 'spokesperson'. god's 'voice' is insidious even when it acts nice and reasonable, while god themself isn't a good influence or higher accountability, but a total non-entity.)

series!aziracrow was much sweeter and more intimate than the book's. i loved the S1 version but sometimes i missed the book's bite and discordance. right now i'm very appreciative that the series is actually making it more complicated and messy and painful than the original.

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens spoilers #aziracrow #aziraphale #THE character of all time. babygirl. emotional pincushion.

[panvani]

i’ll be real i did expect hello charlotte to be pulled on me but regardless. i do understand noé feels no *desire* towards children but the majority of the characters who commit acts of sexual violence don’t feel attraction for their victims, but they are still portrayed as vile for it, and noé feels really exempt from this? for example, i sincerely doubt ruthven is attracted to jeanne, but he is still portrayed as despicable for sexually abusing her. similarly, i doubt luna felt such inclinations towards their children, or even had any desire to hurt them, but i have no choice but to call them a pedophile seeing as they definitely sexually abused both vanitas and mikhail. i get the feeling that the author is concerned that fans may dislike noé, and is just running herself frantic telling us he is a nice person. which i don’t really think is a cause of concern since i’m pretty sure people love vanitas despite what he’s done. i guess i’m just not a fan of how the story is handling noé.

I think this is all a very reasonable response to the story and the way it's presented and I in large part agree. The last few chapters especially have, I think, been pretty odd and tonally discordant with the series as a whole. I have a few ideas as to why this might be (including that the author... is evidently having some personal issues right now) but for now I'm treating what has been presented recently in good faith and assuming the story will generally continue with its established themes.

All that being said, I think a very important thing you're missing in this analysis is that Noé is the narrator. Every moral judgement made explicitly by the narrative is, in fact, Noé's judgement, and the thing that makes Noé interesting to me is how effectively this fact is erased, despite his being the narrator having been explicit since the first chapter and repeatedly brought to attention since.

You're in fact completely correct that the story exhibits a lot of inconsistencies in its moral judgement specifically when it comes to Noé; it's also made clear that Noé is an unreliable narrator and extremely inconsistent in his moral judgement. In a particularly obvious example, the chapter immediately prior to VnC's year long hiatus has Noé dismiss his own sexual assault on the basis that Chloé and Jean Jacques are "nice people," which multiple characters immediately acknowledge as disturbing.

The arc in which Noé assaults Misha is by far most overt about emphasizing that Noé is both morally inconsistent and an unreliable narrator. The arc is framed by Domi's account of Louis's death and how it differs drastically from that which Noé previously gave, and its conflict, in contrast to previous arcs, mostly relies on Noé's failures to appreciate his relationships and the effects he has on others. He loves Domi, but is ignorant to the abuse she faces and her feelings toward suicide. He's obsessed with Vanitas, but as repeatedly pointed out, he knows almost nothing of substance about him, and is particularly blind to Vanitas' feelings towards him. In this arc, Noé (who is being presented as 'neutral' narration) contradicts his own account of his first meeting with Vanitas, then acknowledges that he ignored his own capacity to cause Vanitas harm. In this arc, a third party explicitly states that Noé's capacity for violence stems mostly from Noé's self-assurance when it comes to his own morality; Noé understands himself as a good person with strong principles, and so Noé assumes any action he perpetuates is morally righteous or at least neutral, regardless of its effective violence. I do not think it was an accident that all of this happened in the same arc!

I think it's also important to point out that all of this is a very long time coming in terms of Noé's character development. Noé's driving conflict as a character is mostly that he is very principled and very strong willed, but that these principles were developed were developed in effective isolation, and quickly break down when applied in real moral quandaries. Noé is a very good person in the abstract (he clearly has a real understanding of sexual consent, unlike Vanitas and Jeanne!) but has no way of resolving moral problems in material conditions. Thus when he is sexually assaulted during the Gévaudan arc he makes no effort to actually morally analyze this, regarding Chloé and Jean Jacques not as generally well intentioned people who are nonetheless clearly capable of great harm, but instead ontologically Good People, and thus not real perpetrators of sexual assault, even when Noé was perfectly willing to acknowledge their actions as such before getting to know them. Similarly, when Noé struggles in his conflict with Astolfo on the basis that the latter is the child, Vanitas' assurances during the conflict are evidently taken not with respect to the actual conditions, but as an assurance that Astolfo has been removed from an ontological Good category but is now Deserving Of Violence. Noé is incredibly distressed at the idea of hurting Astolfo until he is given permission to ignore the conditions of their fight, at which point he attacks Astolfo with near-lethal force and does no further moral reflection on the matter! And while we are led to believe that in Astolfo's case this force was necessary, it's still, in my opinion important to acknowledge that Noé's conflict with Misha was immediately preceded with Noé being told that he is "allowed" to commit violence against children.

All that being said, I do understand if you think that Noé's behavior surrounding Astolfo does not necessarily precipitate his behavior surrounding Misha, and I do agree that it is a severe escalation. I think another important factor to bring up when I say that Noé's apparent moral degeneration has been very heavily foreshadowed is that Noé is a very clear foil to Ruthven who, as you point out, is clearly morally condemned by the story as a rapist. There honestly isn't much to analyze on this one, it's just kind of true! Specifically, Noé is shown to have the same or very similar ideals to that of Ruthven in his youth, and it's strongly implied that Ruthven's assault of Noé immediately prior to the Gévaudan arc was in some way instigated by Ruthven recognizing Noé as very similar to himself. It's not hard to see what is being foreshadowed in comparing Noé, a scholarly, intellectual idealist whose conflict centers on his attempts to apply his ideals to the real world to Ruthven, a former idealist intellectual-activist who grows into a violent and cynical politician after years of disgrace. Take this also with Ruthven's assault of Chloé and Jeanne, then with Vanitas as foil to Astolfo and Misha, and Noé's patterns of violence begin to strongly cohere.

Sort of the nail in the coffin, however, is evident from the conceit of the story itself: Vanitas' motivation throughout the entirety of the story has been to die and disappear. He wants to hide his past trauma and especially that related to Luna (which, we agree, is that he had been sexually abused by his adoptive parent) and is apparently so scared of having this being revealed that he attempts to kill Noé and risks his own life in his efforts to conceal it.

And we fucking know that Luna raped Vanitas, because Noé killed him then made the fucking Case Study of Vanitas!!!!!!!!!!

#logxx #I tried to limit the scope of this response to the text of VnC itself #But if you are still not sure about the intent of Noé's character #I think what I say here goes from 'what is apparently being set up' to 'virtually text' if you know who Gilbert Nightray is LOL #Sorry for long post #csa ment #rape ment #It is a long post about VnC. #incest ment #Anyway tl;dr you're completely correct the way the story treats Noé is totally different from the way it treats anyone else #Because Noé is the one telling the story #And Noé fundamentally cannot reconcile his self image with his past and his actions

[deviant3lover]

OOOOOOOO! You writing for other charaters now? Cuz, here are some bois I'd like to see your take on! Pick and choose who you'd please: Zombieman, Child Emperor, Tatsumkai, Sonic, Flashy Flash, Mumen Rider, King and, (one I'd really like to see) Sweet Mask. Thanks, and happy early birthday!

Thank you~! And lmao, my birthday was like, a month ago now;; I swear my attention span is hella weak- I see a shiny thing and I 

Z I P 

Outta my work and go over to look at it for the next 3 days.

And anon… dear anon…

I will do ALL OF THEM.

MUMEN RIDER:

If I’m being honest? I honestly hated him when he was first introduced.

He cycled as fast as he could to confront the Paradisers, had a moment where he parked his bike, (a bit awkward, but I faintly enjoyed the sight) pulled off a show of confidence that implied that he knew the gravity of the situation and has a way of dealing with it effectively (the common subversive tactic: weak looking character has tremendous strength) and then got DECKED ON with one hit, showing that it was just shallow hot air he couldn’t back up.

And then he got credit for the work that Saitama did. (Albeit unintentionally.)

Not… the greatest first impression. I thought he was an overconfident guy who was playing hero, uncomprehending of the danger that he puts himself in for the sake of living in an idealised fantasy that since he’s the protagonist, since he’s the one with determination and a heart of gold, it’ll all work out. Him cycling towards the Sea King at full throttle, with him apparently not taking the hint from the Paradisers, drove that belief home to me even more.

(Wow, I sound like Garou here. :o…)

And then he launched into his spiel.

How he felt like he wasn’t good enough to take the promotion, how he knows, better than anyone, that he’s weak. That yes, he might not win- might even get killed for his fruitless efforts for it, but what matters is that he tries. Not because he feels like he can pull it off eventually, or that the monsters will submit to how ~brave~ he is, but because it’s just important to try in the face of overwhelming odds, if it means that others have a slightly better chance of surviving because of it. Willing to die just so others won’t, even when you’re dismissed as a weakling both in the present and after death.

And that made me doubt about what I thought of him.

It wasn’t until I saw him trying to convince TTM to leave Garou alone, trying to intervene when Garou attacked him, and getting his face smashed repeatedly into the concrete sidewalk for his efforts by the same man he tried to defend, that I was utterly convinced that Mumen was genuinely heroic.

This may be a little dark, but I have a feeling that Mumen’s sense of justice doesn’t entirely stem from his selfless nature, but also from feelings of worthlessness. That he goes above and beyond to be a hardworking hero because he feels he has no worth if he dares do otherwise. The Christmas extra chapter in the manga sort of sparked this belief for me. If Mumen’s sense of justice was purely selfless, he’d mention other options (e.g. Friends inviting him out, new bistro downtown, setting up a mini Christmas tree and treating himself to a nice present) and maybe consider injecting some time for himself for them, if not on Christmas day, then the day before or after. Instead, he says with a smile, that he’ll be patrolling the streets for danger with no allusion to his personal life. And that lingering suspicion still sticks to me to this day.

CHILD EMPEROR:

First impression? I didn’t think too much of him, because I didn’t have much reason to. Very little screen time in the early manga/anime didn’t get me to form much of an attachment or investment in his character.

But later on? I like him! A kid prodigy, but it’s made clear time and time again that he still has room to improve, and I’ve always been a big fan of personal growth and developing self-reflection/awareness in stories. The fact that he wasn’t a stuck-up brat who thought he knew everything, and (taking into account that he’s literally 10 years old) still had a great deal of growth ahead of him in terms of the technological and the personal…

Yeah. I’m definitely holding out my hope for seeing a side story dedicated to him.

If I had the luck to choose the idea for the plot, I would love to see what sparked his love for technology, his mishaps and successes and so-so’s when it came to developing his skills and his gadgets. I want to be able to see the people around him reacting with awe and confusion over this kid hurriedly drawing up complex diagrams on a chalkboard board for different ideas before they leave his mind, which gadgets he’s put the most work in, the most time on, and is proud of, and finally; if he had a snobby phase and is ashamed of it. Bonus points if he took a break from his work to read up on how to be more like a mature adult so that older people will take him more seriously outside of being an inventor.

SONIC:

I, uh… honestly don’t think too much of him? He never really stuck with me.

Conversely… I do, however, like the few times we get the spotlight shined on him. He’s a badass to watch, and I laughed and cringed when the infamous ‘accidental punch’ scene came up on my screen. Considering the fact that I watched the anime first before the manga, I wasn’t anticipating it at all.

Which makes me glad in this case! The animated scene feels way more impactful and memorable than the manga version. I felt the build up and the rapidly increasing dread rise in me as I saw Saitama’s fist slowly punch Sonic’s unmentionables. Animating the- ahem- impact of his punch done me in and seared that scene into my mind.

Hmm… I feel like Sonic’s a more rebellious version of Flash, whilst also having been influenced by him. The both of them enjoy taking care of themselves in more luxurious ways, with their glossy hair and refusal to be filthy or rough in any way (e.g. Flash taking good care of his hair in the shower, Sonic opting to cook the monster cells and serve them tastefully before eating them) but I feel like Sonic likes rebelling more outwardly towards how he’s been trained and conditioned as a ninja compared to Flash. He just gives off that vibe~

Expanding on that, I feel like he’s more self-reflective and subtle in his thoughts. Flash is sort of absorbed in his own business and narrow range of experiences (not that I’m blaming him: he’s a busy man) while Sonic is more rooted to reality, and is a little more mellowed out to show for it. In the audio CDs, he gains a new understanding of what Saitama is forced to go through and respects him more as a person than just a milestone to beat, and he overcomes his trauma of Saitama ‘punching him’ by accepting what happened and simply keeping the possibility of it happening again in mind; not to torture himself or blame himself for being ‘weak,’ but to acknowledge what he’s fearful of and accepting it, allowing him to move on.

FLASHY FLASH:

I was gunning hard for him to be a cold-blooded woman assassin who wants to look elegant and deadly at the same time. Femme fatale, minus the seduction.

I was a little disappointed when he turned out to be a guy, and more so when he riled up Metal Bat with his insults while telling them to cut it out (counter intuitive, but it wouldn’t have been so bad if I wanted to see that. But I didn’t want to see it so lmao-) so, apart from his cool character design, I was a little turned off in my investment in him.

I was hoping that they kept the name ‘Lightspeed Flash’ instead of Flashy Flash. Yes, I know that they’re pretty much the same in terms of meaning, but the former just sounds more dignified. Considering he’s a man who takes himself seriously in both his work and appearance, I feel like it’s more in character for him to suggest a hero name that sounds more impressive, but still shows that sort of silliness underneath when you look closely.

He gained back some of my respect for him when he directly told Tatsumaki off for stealing his kill and talking down on him. That takes mad guts and I was wondering which of the heroes are willing to risk a serious fight with her to prove that they’re not one to be trifled with.

(Metal Bat was a little different in that regard: at the time, I just saw him as another affectionate parody of the delinquent trope. Nice contrast to the rest of the older, calmer heroes, but a little generic.)

Flashy Flash… yeah. I feel like he’s willfully disconnected himself from the world both emotionally and socially. Not because he’s afraid, but because he thinks it’s useless. He’s already seen the worst of it thanks to his upbringing, so there’s no point in putting in effort to go out and explore just to discover what else is wrong with the world.

I also think that, like Tatsumaki, he feels more than competent on his own and believes doesn’t need any outside help or interference. Hence, anyone who doesn’t meet his personal standards immediately has their opinions and suggestions of him dismissed or not truly considered with respect. He thinks he knows what’s best, even when there’s opinions screaming that he’s not, because he doesn’t respect others that way.

KING:

OOF- Okay, I was actually pretty ambivalent about him.

I thought he was cool when he intimidated the Tongue monster into submission, then thought he was an egotistical, vain hero when confronted by the G4 monster, then thought he was a pitiful, cowardly man forced to flee out of necessity, and then thought he was an endearing puppy when he realized just who Saitama is to him.

And. Hm.

King is… a very genuine man. I like him. Like Mumen Rider, he’s willing to put himself on the line to protect others. What makes me a little conflicted is if he’s more, the same, or less heroic than Mumen.

More: He has absolutely nothing to defend himself with in terms of physical skills or strength. His luck is his only maxed out stat in the hero game he’s obliged to play, and he’d rather be left alone, but he still puts his life on the line to help others, even when he’s scared witless.

Less: He does have his awe inspiring, fear inducing reputation that can neutralise the monster threats more often than not, and is aware of this, using it to his advantage. So maybe he’s a little less courageous since he knows it will work in his favour more often than not.

My take on him…  King strikes me as a good man. In a normal, monsterless world, he won’t be the kind who’ll fearlessly charge into battle against terrorists, or pull off any awe inspiring feats by himself by passing life saving legislations; this man isn’t interested in grand scale heroics and would rather support those who are interested and are good at it.

No, King strikes me as a man who wants to keep to himself and offer his sincere help to those who manages to become good friends with this shy man. He may be quaking in his boots at imminent danger, but he’ll still try to stand up for what’s right when someone else is being taken advantage of, even if he’s not entirely sure of what he’s doing.

AMAI MASK:

(RECENT WEBCOMIC SPOILERS!!)

I never cared much for Amai until now.

I can’t imagine anything more devastating than working yourself down to the bone to protect and give people hope, to cultivate others into what it means to be a true hero, only to realize the people you worked so hard for was just as hideous as you used to be. This man worked so hard, and him protecting the people he cared about wasn’t enough to deter them from reacting with horror and disgust. It wasn’t even five minutes until the first of his ungrateful ‘fans’ tried stoning him.

Thank God Saitama intervened… the look on his face after he was called a cool guy was both ugly cute and heart wrenching. He may have been called dreamy or inspirational by the adoring masses, but being broken down to the very thing that you’ve been ashamed and fearful of your entire life, and still having someone who sees you as someone worthwhile must’ve meant the world to Amai. He’s a monster, yes, but he kept a vice grip on his morals and never let them go, even when his grip on them was weakening with every breath he took.

I also liked the way that ONE written his rise to fame. The build-up and anticipation surrounding how he looked behind the mask, Amai himself being bitter over the vanity of the public, learning to accept it, and gradually became obsessed with embodying the symbol of justice- this time, where everyone can see it. But it wasn’t on his own terms, no; instead of being seen as the ugly but virtuous man before, he has to present himself as a handsome idol, instead of being loved and revered for who he truly is; ugly and all. That it’s not a defect.

And I felt pity for him when I realized that’s what happened.

My opinion and takes (interpretations) of him? He’s interesting, to put it lightly.

If I think more on it, I feel like he’s losing himself to his delusions. It’s ironic: someone focusing on saving the hearts of others, yet all they can see is themselves.

True to the series, Amai reminds me of Genos. Of what Genos would’ve turned out to be if he was kept alone with no one he can truly connect with. No one who can remind him of the sweeter things in life that don’t matter. No one you have a personal, deep connection with to return home to.

Amai strikes me as a man who’s so focused on eliminating evil that he sees it everywhere, no matter how small or large it is, or if it even exists. If someone doesn’t live up to his standards or sees what he sees, he immediately has this sort of insurmountable, unseen distance from them that can’t be easily crossed.

In all honesty, I’m intrigued and worried for him. Part of my indulgent ideas for him is that he’s slowly starting to hallucinate and had started monsterize from the inside for a long, long while, and it’s only by the Association’s dependence on him and his adoring fans that keeps preserving the man that he used to be when he was purely heroic, but hideous. And even then, it’s not enough.

I feel like he’s painted himself in a corner where he feels it’s too late to try and get help for his condition, instead desperately searching for someone who can take his place. He knows how important a symbol is, and if he had the choice, would keep it up as long as he lives, but his passion for it isn’t enough to drive off what he’s becoming.

And he was right.

ZOMBIEMAN:

I may have done Zombieman already, but I also realise that I’ve missed out on some things that I wanted to include~

In contrast to Amai, Zombieman strikes me as the type of guy who’s a sort of ‘Frankenstein’s Monster’ character. Unlike the book character, Zombieman is in a society that accepts, reveres, and adores him for all he does despite his questionable history and to what degree he is ‘human.’ He doesn’t seem to believe that what he is makes up for who he is, and anyone who thinks otherwise will earn his ire; but again, like Frankenstein’s monster, he knows it’s a part of him, and that it’s still a source of discomfort for him. He needs to get that skeleton out of his closet for him to truly enjoy life.

TATSUMAKI:

Honestly, I didn’t notice too much of her character until much, much later in the manga. Prior to that, I admired her ability to take care of the worst threats by herself. Soloist heroes and protagonists were always a soft spot of mine: learning to handle the worst of what life had to throw at you and being good at it, but not necessarily good at taking care of your emotional and mental wellbeing, confiding in others about that, and showing that it’s okay to be vulnerable or lost or flawed, and endeavoring to fix that?

Yesss. Good trope. One of my favorites.

So, what finally caught my attention from her?

Her fight with Psykos.

I was sort of seething with the way Psykos was chilling smugly in her underground lair. Her plan was smart, but the way she was so self-assured and the way she thinks she’s above others; human and monster alike, sipping wine all the while?

That irritated me a lot.

So, to see Tatsumaki rip her from her cozy room and into the fray of the battle, coercing her into spilling intel by twisting her limbs and body each and every way to force it out, and striking fear into her heart with that sadistic, predatory smile of hers?

I loved it. Whoo!

As for takes… I’m not sure if I have any on her to be honest! At least, not one that isn’t already canon. She believes that you shouldn’t rely on others to become strong, or to save you, and has lived up to that idea by herself. She can back up her words and I admire that.

I do feel a little sorry for her, considering what she’s gone through. As much as I agree with her, sometimes she can take it too far.

I was a little irked by her showing little to no concern for shielding her team mates from getting crushed underneath the rubble of a building, with Darkshine stepping in to protect them, but I suppose she had a point; you have to take care of yourself on the battlefield.

Still; her total lack of concern left me a little perturbed.

This was curbed a bit by her refusing to uproot the association until she knew Tareo was safe; I feel like that added more character to her in the manga, as opposed to the webcomic.

In conclusion: All of these characters are good. UoU! Murata and One are great writers, and they made them feel fleshed out and distinct from each other in almost every way possible whilst keeping them believable. And I love them for it. :3

#opm #tatsumaki #zombieman #flashy flash #child emperor #mumen rider #amai mask #king #sonic #headcanons

[dgcatanisiri]

So... I have had THOUGHTS swirling in my head, and, well, I need to word vomit some. This gets LONG. I apologize for the lack of a cut, but nowhere really seemed fitting during my writing.

If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s going around - an article about fandom hating on women. A very long, very researched article. And I absolutely do not dispute that core premise. I am not going to dismiss the work that the writer put into it. I am not standing here saying to dismiss it at all. And, hell, I DO feel a little uncomfortable, writing this massive response to it, being a man writing something that is directly responding to a female experience. Just... My brain would not let me focus unless I wrote this all down, and wrote out my feelings on the matter to a conclusion.

When I first saw it the other day, it sparked a rant of my own, because something about it didn’t sit right. Its focus is on how this hatred of women has gone after those who ship a certain ship, one I avoid calling by name for a very specific reason. That reason being I legit fear being bombarded by people who search the tags for that ship getting a ping of me commenting about it negatively and lashing out at me.

Now, I am not saying that I discount the article writer’s experience or research. Far from it. This is, much as I am loathe to use the term, something I am willing to say that, within the fandom, develops an element of “both sides” to it, where an incident with one side (those in favor of the ship) leads the other (those against it) to respond on the defensive, and back and forth and back and forth, intensifying in each volley, because one random stranger attacked another random stranger and made them hostile to a third random stranger saying things similar to the first, and so on down the chain. It’s like the game of Telephone, just played with tactical nukes.

But, the thing for me in that rant, is that there is a very blatant MISSING of the element of racism that fueled that ship that will not be named, of there being a significant element of the fandom around that ship transplanting the characteristics and even history of the character played by the black man onto the character played by the white man. Like, talk about sock puppet accounts fanning flames and all, but I’ve SEEN fics for this pairing that vilifies the black man and props up the white man. I have SEEN the massive metas that try to explain how the white man kidnapping this woman involved a bridal carry that expresses his true love for this woman he’s just met, interpreting and reinterpreting and pouring over the screentime they have, and only a fraction of it being spent on what seemed like, in the first appearance of these characters. I have SEEN the ignoring and transferring of character backstories repeatedly. Like... Those are a lot of work for it to be mostly the work of sock puppet accounts - A Tweet is easy. A 15000 word fanfic takes time and effort. A meta dive that rivals the length of this post takes time and effort. 

That’s been MY experience in seeing this ship. That’s why I’m being non-specific, because I’ve SEEN the hostility come in and I am taking the steps that I can to avoid that coming in to my inbox. And even when it’s not hostility... I’ve gone and explored the tag for the female character in this pairing. On those occasions, frequently content solely for her is drowned out by the content for the pairing, or about her influence on him. His tag does not have the same issue - there, it’s probably around half shipping content, half individual character content. What I see is that she is neglected by those who claim to see her as part of the pairing they love, and he gets glorified. 

That’s the sexism that I see. That’s where I see the hatred of women happening. On the part of those who claim to love this pairing, but that really seems to just mean that they love him and want to make her stand in emotionally for everything they want to give him. That those who are against the pairing, at the least, want to see that character in particular, her unique characterization and dynamics, in a relationship with someone who is going to treat her with compassion, consideration, and respect.

And, of course, there’s the issue of the fact that this pairing EXPLODED in popularity, while her relationship with another character, with a black man, was from pretty much day one minimized and reduced and ignored, and the damage reflected into the on-screen portrayal so that they never really had any character rebound from the imposed separation in the middle of this content, while strengthening the reduction of this female character to the white guy’s sexy lamp.

It’s not that I’m opposed to women in fandom or that I see something inherently wrong with whoever ships this pairing. It is that I have seen the blatant and thinly veiled racism implicit in the ways that these people go about shipping it, dismissing and denouncing the canon portrayal of an interracial relationship, to the point that when even the (notoriously tumultuous) production came back to write the stories that followed up on their initial appearance, that black man and his relationship with this white woman was downplayed and rendered “less important” to her connection and relationship with the white man - the white man who, in that first appearance, had kidnapped and tortured her, greatly wounded her friend, and killed her mentor. 

Like, I’m just saying, I do not see how one goes from that point to everlasting true love, but I CAN see how that leads to a deep abiding hatred. And yet, you know, nearly 16000 fics for it on AO3, while only about 10% of the other pairing. So, hey, I guess I’M wrong.

This is, again, to say nothing of the reductionary way many portrayals of this ship approach the female half - she loses her characterization in their portrayals to become a stand-in for the (predominantly) female writer/reader, whose love redeems the bad boy from the darkness in his soul. Her contribution, as a singular, unique character vanishes so that she becomes his reward for turning around, and she cheers him on, supporting him while never upstaging him.

It’s the Twilight phenomenon all over again. And I say that as a fact statement, not a value judgement, that this is the kind of thing that we saw within the reactions to Twilight, a vocal segment dismissed it entirely, and we saw a relationship be romanticized when you could actually use it as a bullet-point list of abusive behavior (I say this because it has been - there are plenty of articles using those characters as such). 

I mean, I can easily see this whole thing basically as being “well, the Twilight readers are now adults, let’s throw them a bone and “grow up” the characters for them” on some level. And... Actually, this is going to get off topic, let’s stick a pin in this and come back.

So, look, if this ship is your jam, fine, okay? I’m not making any individual value statements on the subject. You do you. I’m not shaming that act in and of itself, even if, as I’ve made very clear, it is very much NOT my thing. Likewise, I won’t discount that it was investors and shareholders, a notoriously conservative group, who got cold feet and basically wanted to excise the “risk” of an interracial relationship, as opposed to trying to “appease the fans” or something like that.

Like, I know I’m not immune to propaganda. I know I don’t look too deep when a random post crosses my dashboard and talks about this group of people behaving badly - because I’ve seen fandoms and productions be racist. I’m not trying to start a round of victimization Olympics here, but in this case, this is discussing an issue that is wrapped up in BOTH sexism and racism. And on the one hand, that certainly makes it all the easier for bad faith actors to kick up dust and turn people against one another.

BUT...

As important as it is to bring up these issues on their own, you CANNOT. DISENTANGLE. THEM. FROM. EACH OTHER. Like, there are patterns to fandom. You see this repeat itself in every fandom. Fandom at large latches on to a pairing, and shoves most others to the margins. And frequently, when the media in question centers on a character of color, THEY are shoved aside in order to prop up a pairing of white characters. Major canon characters who are not white become secondary - or tertiary - characters in terms of their fandom’s creative output. This happens frequently enough that to try and say “well, maybe the character is just not appealing to the fandom” is actively ignoring the issue.

And this often takes the form of shoving aside healthy relationships and solid, established friendships in the name of pairing up antagonistic characters, declaring the antagonism to be “sexual tension,” that the characters dislike each other not because... y’know, they dislike each other, but because they’re repressing a deep-seated desire to fuck, and THEN they’ll miraculously starting being nice to one another.

Like, this is NOT an isolated thing, you can look beyond the scope of this particular fandom and this pairing and see the pattern repeat itself across media. It is still the outlier when the main fandom pairing is an interracial M/F pairing. 

It’s not isolated. But it’s magnified given the massive size of this fandom in particular. This is a generational fandom, where parents - even grandparents - are sharing it with their children. And those biases we as an audience have reinforce themselves on subconscious levels, we don’t even acknowledge these things until we finally have it pointed out to us - and then we see it everywhere, because we have been blind to it, but it is all over our media, our fiction, baked into the very tropes we are using to assemble our stories.

Pull out that pin, we’re back. When something engages with multiple generations, when this is something you can look back on as a fond memory you shared with prior generations, with people you love, you will become protective of that thing. So when someone comes along and says “hey, [thing] has issues with [whatever],” a gut reaction is to get defensive, coil protectively around it. 

I mean, tell a millennial you don’t like The Lion King (original animated version, I mean), and you’re liable to get crucified. And it traces its lineage to (at a minimum) Shakespeare and probably further. So if, for example, you want to criticize it for, say, only have three female characters of note, none of whom actually interact, in opposition to the nearly three times as many male characters of note, you need to approach the subject with some delicacy (okay, maybe not the most fitting example, since this was part of the reason that the Broadway version made Rafiki a woman, so the issue Is Known, but it does get the point across, okay?).

And it’s the same when it comes to a subject like this particular fandom and media that isn’t just something many get hooked on in their childhood, but is also something that may be among the fond and cherished memories of family figures, some who may have passed on. To say “that thing you love is flawed” becomes a personal attack, not just on you for loving it, but also that beloved family member who brought it into your life.

And absolutely, this is not a rational reaction. It’s pure emotion. But we are emotional beings, and we need to acknowledge that emotions will make us respond and often respond quickly and respond poorly.

Here’s where I think the bigger issue lies if what you want to talk about is how fandom hates women - rather than look at it in the lens of “this ship is called abusive and racist,” go in the direction of “why is THIS ship the one that seems to resonate?”

Because this is the kind of ship that fandom, as a monolithic entity, often gravitates to - the dynamic that says that being enemies will inevitable lead to being lovers. 

Once again, I do not want to shame anyone for enjoying this dynamic. Lord knows my search history has instances of them. BUT... We don’t really know how to approach the dynamic. It is frequently reduced to “well, we made out, so now I’m gonna become the snarky asshole friend no one likes and we’ll bone.” 

Like in general, writing redemption arcs seems to be a hard thing for media, but it really seems to only work when the active narrative endpoint does not end in a major romance - when a romance becomes a major narrative element in said redemption arc, it frequently reduces the subject to “[character] was bad, now they’re in love, so they’re good!” No further work needs to be done.

And so when you have a character who is in need of redemption, it is a problem to just toss them at another character and have them make kissy faces. But that’s what you can sum up much of the concept of enemies to lovers in this fashion. The work isn’t done to show the earning of redemption, just declaring it attained because of another character’s love.

And I’m being intentionally non-specific with gender, because I do have a prominent example of this happening in a female/female fanon relationship in mind, which I am also avoiding mentioning in the name of discretion. So this isn’t solely a M/F phenomenon. This is a media thing, this is an “our understanding and approach to these dynamics and portrayals in media seems flawed and needs examination” thing. 

I mentioned Twilight above, and how that features a relationship that is used as an example of domestic abuse. Now, look, we can go back and forth about interpretation, the thing to acknowledge about it is that there are a great many who walked away from these books, their movie adaptations, and saw this particular interpretation. While you can probably take any relationship in any media and spin it in such a way, I think there is something to be said for the ensuing argument: When this is exposed to young people who are beginning to seek out romantic relationships, if their example for what love is, what love looks like, has a basis that, based solely on interpreting the text alone, the actions and words of the characters involved, the narrative text, the exploration of their thoughts, is unhealthy, is something that doesn’t need to have a word or action changed to be legitimately cited by experts within domestic abuse counseling as the warning signs... What does that say about our perceptions of what love even is?

And this isn’t getting back into the element of racism, either. Because we could go in that direction, where the black characters in fandom see this selective reinterpreting of their characters, turning what are gentle, caring, loving men into scary figures who loom ominously when they feel threatened, which starts to seem like all the time. There are a set of stock characterizations for black characters, for really any minority character, and the fandom will make them exhibit them in their interpretations, even if it does not fit anything established on screen.

There are a lot of threads that tie into the problems within this fandom and in the approach to this ship in particular. I feel like just pulling at one of them is doing so at the expense of the others, ones that run as deep if not deeper. And it seems like a disservice, both to the complexity of the issue and to anyone impacted by these matters, to only do that deep dive on the one. And, if you are not capable of doing it alone, which, I understand, this is a tall order, then I think it also is important to acknowledge this and actively seek out the alternate views and perspectives that aren’t just total opposition to you (meaning the references to the groups that sprung up in alt-right forums and such), but also those who are going to say “okay, maybe you’re right about x, but your statement on y are missing a lot of context you do not have from your position,” and seek the necessary education.

While I can appreciate the time and effort put into this article and the points it wants to make, it IS wrapped up in elements that run far deeper than any single ship, and just really seems to ignore the intersectional element of fandom at large, how fandom’s problem run deeper than just hating women. To talk about how fandom hates women, you are also needing to open the door to how fandom hates black people, hates people of color.

There is a hierarchy to this, and at best, you are missing a lot when you only focus on the top layer of the issue, rather than even acknowledging the deeper dive that inevitably comes from this. Like, it’s bad for a white woman, dealing with sexism. It’s worse for black women, dealing with sexism AND racism. It is something of a position of privilege to only examine the sexism in fandom, without exploring or acknowledging the racism.

Fandom’s hatred of women IS real. I am in no way disputing that. But I do not think that this is the best example to that point, because it becomes all too easy to dismiss the valid complaints and concerns with the trolls and bots and sock puppets found in the process that deserve legitimate consideration - this is one of the things I have been over when I have (oh god, I’m about to break the self-imposed rule and directly reference the media and characters in specific...) been over the problems I have with The Last Jedi. It’s not that I dislike Rose or Holdo, but I feel like they came into the narrative to teach Finn and Poe (both men of color) lessons that either comes at the expense of the previous’s movies arc for Finn or the previous movie’s characterization for Poe. It is not the characters themselves, it is the utilization within the narrative, using these women to impose a lesson on these characters. That, as I said above, Rey is reduced to a sexy lamp, there to try and bring back to the light a character she has no reason to ever even care about.

That was my experience with The Last Jedi - I had honest issues with the film that weren’t “women? In my Star Wars? Unpossible!” But the surrounding discourse CONSTANTLY felt so toxic to anyone who disagreed with the idea that it had been a win, that it was a bold new direction for the series, and that anyone who disagreed MUST be a sexist/racist/whatever who couldn’t take a changing face to the franchise. 

Hell, that may even be why I got this ultimate feeling of defensiveness, both in my opinion of TLJ and the ship in question (yeah, that one I’m still not acknowledging), because what I saw was a lot of really prominent voices not seeing the issues I did, and making it come across like the people who disagreed with them HAD TO BE the ones who were mad on the basis of characters like Rose and Holdo existing, or complaining about Leia’s Force use, or things like that. But... THOSE things weren’t my issues. But I couldn’t talk about those issues on any platform where there was regular engagement on the subject, considering the amount of explanation I would have to do.

Probably also explains some of my inherent response of trying to figure out how I feel about this article, too, come to think of it...

That was how things were after TLJ, and that’s when a lot of this push and pushback really started to gain traction as far as I can see. And maybe we could go and blame this on *ahem* bigger issues that were happening in 2017/2018 that proceeded to exacerbate matters. Like, we’re still in the midst of cleaning up the worst of all of what went on because of the time we live in, since things are still getting messier while we deal with prior fallout.

So... I honestly don’t know how to sum this up as a TL;DR. It was kind of a process for me to get to this point, and I don’t even know if I really have a conclusion. The best way I can go about summarizing is that I do not disagree with the article’s core idea. But I do not agree with its focus, while I understand that a portion of it, if nothing else, justifies why it is the focus. We are dealing with a very complex and complicated web of issues on this, and while I understand focusing on a single thread of that web, it feels like doing so also fails to acknowledge the various connected threads that wrap around that singular thread, in particular the racial elements, which, considering the profile image included, I do not believe this article was written by someone who is inherently aware of these aspects (while I’m also aware that, as a white person myself, I only have so much room to talk). This is all a very long way for me to go about saying “fandom has a lot of issues.”

#dg rants #long post #like seriously if you made it through all that in one sitting go get yourself a cookie or something

[whitehotharlots]

The Day of the Wokeists

 Before we begin, here’s a brief list of musicians whose work has not been pulled off streaming services, whose records are still for sale online and in shops, and whose labels did not issue massive recalls:

Remy Ma, who shot someone, and then while on trial for the shooting had a group of friends beat up the boyfriend of a witness.

Jerry Lee Lewis, who married his 13-year old cousin and then broke into Graceland in 1974 to try and murder Elvis.

Rick James, who locked a 24-year-old woman in his basement for six days, raped her repeatedly, and burned her legs and genitals with his crack pipe.

Phil Spector, who pulled a gun on 4 separate women who refused to sleep with him, and eventually shot a 5th woman in the woman in the mouth, killing her.

Mark E. Smith, the world’s angriest-looking man and serial domestic abuser.

Chuck Berry, who installed cameras in the bathrooms of the restaurant he owned and taped women as they peed.

Ice Cube***, who beat the shit out of a female rapper at her record release party while his bodyguard threatened to shoot anyone who tried to intervene.

Ian Watkins, lead singer of Lostprophets, who convinced several female fans to allow him to rape their small children. When police confiscated his computer he had to give them his password so they could unlock it. It was—I swear to god—“ifuckkids.” 

That’s just the first several that popped into my head. I didn’t even need to google them. And that’s also just very major offenses, not including minor crimes such as when Paul Simon appropriated African culture, or when Vampire Weekend appropriated Paul Simon’s appropriation. Or that Jamie Killstein guy who got popular for being Super Woke but then wasn’t nice enough to the groupies he fucked.  Or Iggy Azalea and Azalea Banks—I forget which is which, but I know one is bad because she is white and raps while the other is a black woman who thinks that gay people are demons.

So, okay, let’s talk about a hot musical act called PWR BTTM. They are a pair of queer, gender-fluid youngsters who write painfully simplistic teen angst rock. The music is middling, I think. I’m frankly happy whenever I see any young people playing guitars, but their sound reflects the boring edgelessnes that typifies “indie” music in the late twenty-teens. Maybe I’m just getting old, or maybe their music is objectively dull. I dunno. At any rate, it’s inoffensive but doesn’t do much for me.

In interviews, the kids seem charming: introspective enough for people in their early twenties, honest, pleasingly effeminate, self-possessed but not cocky. There’s no obvious signs of idiocy or pretension.

Their shtick is shtick, only now shtick has become conflated with people’s deep-seeded (inalterable, unquestionable) identities, so it’s super loaded and dangerous to comment upon. So, umm, they’re gender fluid. And they express that by covering themselves in glitter. Which makes their concerts seem safe to other kids who indentify as non-binary.  I’ll accept all that at face value.

Yesterday, the group’s new album had just dropped and it was getting rave reviews: 4 stars from NME and Rolling Stone, and a B+ from Consequence of Sound. Stereogum compared them to Sleater-Kinney, Fugazi, Husker Du, and the Beatles.  Again, I am not a musicologist and my taste is just my taste, but I own literally every album released by each of those groups and I can find zero trace of any of them in PWR BTTM. But that’s just me. 

Woke Social Media was even more effusive in its praise. They were, in actuality, borderline violent in their praise. This morning, I found over 20 accounts that were angry the album was getting less-than-perfect reviews (B pluses instead of A’s) and accused the aforementioned publications of being all sorts of phobic. It wasn’t enough to compare PWR BTTM to the Beatles. PWR BTTM needed to be called better than the Beatles.

But then god shrugged. Posts began to emerge. PWR BTTM, it turned out, were not woke purveyors of safety and inclusion. Oh no. They were rapists.

A lone facebook poster said she knew of several people who had been somehow molested by the group—details were sparse, but they alluded to bandmates hitting on people who didn’t want to be hit on, trying to sleep with people under 18, and “violating consent.”  Others posted, as well, all saying not they themselves were victims but that they had heard of others who were victims. Most damningly, (which is to say, most specifically) Jezebel published an account of an anonymous woman who claimed one of the bandmates tried to have sex with her while she was passed out.

The denunciations came in an avalanche. Their label dropped them. All, or nearly all, venues canceled. Their opening acts and touring band members quit.  All copies of their music was removed for purchase from streaming sites, new physical copies of their album cannot be bought on Amazon, and their label is offering to refund the money of anyone who bought the record. (Amazon is offering used copies of their latest for $30.00 per CD; LostProphets’ “Liberation Transmission,” meanwhile, is free to stream with Amazon Prime and can be ordered on CD for $5.99, shipping included).

So we have two possibilities, here:

A couple of young queer kids were/are really big sex creeps, and they’ve been allowed to prey freely upon vulnerable kids because they do a good job of using woke terminology.  OR

A couple of young queer kids are weirdos, have probably creeped out or angered people but haven’t actually done like actual Assault, but they are now being unduly smeared through thirdhand, low-follower social media accounts making accusations that are absolutely unverifiable.

At any rate, the only acceptable reaction to an accusation is enthusiastic and unqualified acceptance. So PWR BTTM’s career is now done.  Period. Anyone who does not sufficiently distance themselves from the band are subject to immediate excommunication from polite society. This very overview I am writing, if it gets noticed by more than a few hundred people, will be considered tantamount to physical assault, and people will try to identify me so as to get me fired.

And here, my friends, the foundational psychosis of the Woke Edifice has been laid bare. You cannot provide broad inclusion while demanding absolute conformity.  Absolute conformity results in blunt reactionaryism, exclusion, violence, and heaps of obvious and unappealing self-contradiction. One minute you’re demanding the head of a writer for daring to suggest that a band’s identity gimmick doesn’t make them the greatest musical act of all time; the next, you’re demanding that no one so much as begin to question the fact that that band is raw evil.

I don’t want to dismiss the beauty of the connection that musicians can have with their fans, how seeing PWR BTTM act uniquely queer was probably very empowering to lots of young people and so these revelations must really suck. But, like, it’s still just a band: they were never actually protecting anybody or setting anyone free. At heart, the identity stuff was a gimmick. PWR BTTM were able to manipulate their audience—or were able to be taken down so absolutely, so quickly—because the rules that guide the ethical precepts that envelop and create their audience are both flimsily constructed and viciously enforced. Wokeness is very, very easy to manipulate but still somehow almost impossible to control. Once unleashed, it will always consume its purveyors, the wasters will always become the wasted.

It’s no coincidence that wokeness elevates cultural trifles into matters of absolute import. By definition, a demand for conformity must be policed in a harsh and aggressive manner, which leaves no room for consideration, discussion, or even basic self-evaluation. Blatant hypocrisy goes unquestioned, and so do takes that are absolutely and objectively incorrect.  The most superficial signaling is celebrated as enlightenment , and any efforts toward complication are considered a sign of evil and disease.

But here’s the neat thing, demonstrated by the list that began this piece… these rules only apply to the people who subscribe to them. And subscription is voluntary, for those who don’t work in the media and/or have sense enough to keep their opinions off of the internet. And every time a fire like this one starts up, the woke sphere tightens its demands and gets a little meaner, and it becomes even more unappealing for everyone who isn’t already initiated.

***It was Dre who beat up the female rapper, not Ice Cube. I guess I actually should have googled it...

[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

NSFW #09: Showcase

Big Mike’s was closing up for the night. Cheerfully, Kerrigan McGuire gave a wave to the last straggling customer who shuffled out the door with his gym bag, turned the lock, and went about cleaning up- sweeping, wiping things down, tossing a couple bins’ worth of towels into bags to take home and wash. One would think he’d hire someone to do this for him, but Kerry liked being a minimalist operation. Finally, after a good amount of cleaning, he was about to go home to his wife, but he paused, and then laughed a hearty chuckle, shaking his head. He’d almost forgotten to do something very important. Striding over to the photograph wall, he smiles at a certain frame that’d been empty for ages. Producing a large manila envelope, he slides a glossy photo from it and into the frame. His daughter and her partner, one arm around each other and the other each holding up a title belt. Bloody, bruised, sweaty… and victorious. Kerry took a few moments to admire the photo, beaming with pride, before shutting off the last few lights and slipping out, locking the door behind him. The camera feed opened up with a close up on one half of the EWC tag-team champions. Mike McGuire looked rather happy- not surprising, considering they’d spent a week in her hometown already with the added bonus on being the newly crowned champions. She had her belt over one shoulder- she’d made a habit of carrying it with her practically everywhere. “Say hey, EWC faithful! It’s ya boys- and ya NEWWWWWWW EWC Tag Team Champions- NSFW! Holy shit. Did you all see Rumble in the Bronx? Did ya? Do it if you haven’t. Watch it on EWC TV. Or YouTube that shit if you’re cheap. It was fuckin’ A from start to finish. Mucho Grande beat the fucking shit out of us, but hey. We made a promise. We’ve said from day one that we were gonna be champions, and here we are.” She patted the belt, a calloused up hand slapping against the central golden plate. “Now, just so you know, we plan on being fighting champs. We got our eyes on the repositioning of the division, seeing who’s gonna rise up and try to take these from us. But in the meantime? We’re gonna keep fucking pounding. We ain’t just gonna sit on our laurels stuffing our faces or something.” Camera panned to the left. Bishop Church was in the middle of popping a neatly cut forkful of pizza into his mouth. The shot sat on him for a few awkward moments as he refused to talk with his mouth full. He finished the bite, and then took a sip from a glass of ice water. “Uh, that’s right.” The shot pulled out a bit to reveal NSFW was actually sitting at a table in front of Juliana’s, one of the best pizza joints in Brooklyn. Two pies sit in front of them- one pepperoni, the other a peculiar affair festooned with garlic, sausage, and broccoli. The place was fairly busy, considering the locals and tourists were taking advantage of the last stretch of summer-ish weather before it started cooling off. Some pedestrians passing by noticed the champs sitting on the porch and gave a cheerful holler, to which Mike would holler back. Bishop forgoed the hollering but did wave in return politely. For his part, Bishop looked the most obviously like he’d been in a major fight- dark bruises ringed under his eyes, and the bridge of his nose was still black and blue. This didn’t seem to put much of a damper on his mood, though. He seemed quite content with his dinner, cutting each oversized slice into small pieces, removing the sausage, and eating it nibble by nibble, much to the consternation of his partner, who in a more traditional manner was folding her slices in half before scarfing them down. “You’re supposed to fold it, y’know. That’s how you do it here. The slices are big so you can fold ‘em, it holds the toppings in all nice, and you can eat ‘em with one hand.” “I don’t like directly touching my food if I can help it.” “Okay, fair enough. Hey, where’s your belt, though? I mean, looks kinda weird for me to be carrying mine around without yours to match it and stuff.” John dabbed a cloth napkin at the corner of his mouth and shook his head. “Didn’t want to get grease all over the leather.” “...you are the most logical fuckin’ person in the whole world, y’know that? But I like that. Makes up for me never thinking anything through.” Mike laughed, and regarded the camera again. “See folks, said it before, said it again. This is why we’re an awesome fucking team, and this is why we’re champions. Our positives make up for each other’s negatives and together, we’re un-fuckin-stoppable. But that don’t mean we ain’t gonna welcome people trying. That’s why we didn’t wanna take a week off for some goofy coronation ceremony or whatever. Those things are corny and stupid as shit.” “Imagine the pomp and circumstance.” John paused, and as much as default expression would allow, some wonder creeped into his tone. “There could be dancing.” “Usually ain’t. I mean, if we WERE doing one there could be I guess. But I dunno about you, but I’d rather have a match. We’re fighters. Not lovers, like our opponents this week.” John’s fork clattered against his plate. “Los Amantes.” “That’s ‘The Lovers’ en espanol, compadre.” “Yes. Modern day Lotharios.” “I got it! I got that fuckin’ reference! Can’t fuckin’ stand guys like that though. They’re usually the type to see women as fuckin’ trophies and not, y’know. People and shit.” “Character flaws aside, what’s there to know? New team. Old friends. Mike, you know what that means?” “I absolutely do.” “Not to be taken lightly.” “Yep. Cuz even if they’re new here, they probably know each other really damn well. Which as we can tell you? Makes for a pretty fuckin’ awesome team.” Mike paused, polishing off her slice before picking up and folding another. John, used to the voracity of her appetite, watched nonplussed and then picked up the thread. “And so we aren’t going to take into account a number of things here. You haven’t teamed before? We all start somewhere. Liam Mason not being able to get any momentum going? Maybe Romeo joining him stateside is just the shot in the arm he needs. You’ve got our undivided attention. Our first appearance as this division’s champions will be a showcase event. A statement to any potential challengers.” “We may be the good guys, but we sure’s fuck ain’t softies. Actually… let me speak on that for a sec. See, we’ve come to the realization that some people around here think ‘good guy’ means you’re soft, fluffy, squishable, and roll over when somebody pokes you. Somewhere along the line, moral quality got equated to being a fuckin’ pushover.” John had finished his meal. As Mike spoke, he set the plate aside and watched her speak intently. He waited until she almost instinctively threw over to him. “That narrative is controlled by those in power. And this company is a microcosm of the world and all that it contains. Including that eternal struggle. History has repeatedly shown that those that crush people underfoot are also the ones who call for civility when their tyranny is resisted. I’ve seen it here. And NSFW will stamp it out. With extreme prejudice.” “See if there’s one thing we both can’t stand? It’s an unfair fuckin’ power balance. We don’t play that shit. We don’t fit in boxes, we tear boxes up. We don’t stand by while other people do or say horrible crap, we shut that shit down. That’s the sort of fuckin’ intensity we bring every time we step in the ring. Now, Los Amantes, you’ve been through thick and thin, but can you step up to that?” The penultimate slice of pepperoni was bitten into like aggressive punctuation. “This ain’t no battle royale, there ain’t no Muppets to goof around with, and this ain’t the bush leagues, kiddos. You are stepping in the ring on EWC’s flagship show with NSFW, the goddamn kings of this fucking division.” “We did what we said we would do and that was take what was ours. But we aren’t like Rob Garcia. We aren't going to hide in the bank while things sort themselves out. You two will put a good fight. We expect no less. But Los Amantes will not make their name off of our backs.” “Nobody will. Least of all you. We worked too damn hard and fought too damn long and payed too damn much in blood for anybody to bring us down, much less this fucking soon. Our match against Mucho Grande was close, but I won’t have nobody saying it was a goddamn fluke. We fought a long road of teams to get to this point- we’ll fight a longer road to show just how much we fuckin’ deserved it. You two just happen to be the first mile marker.” Mike finished off the entire pepperoni pie, and flagged down a passing waiter, ordering a dessert to split before turning her full attention back to her partner. “Don’t take that as a dismissal. As I said, Los Amantes has our full attention. Our critics say that we go out of our way to disparage the others in the division. No, we would never do that. We do however hold you to higher expectations. The days of being a tag team as something to fall back on when there just isn’t anything else going on - are over.” “Tag teaming is a fucking art form. Anybody joining the division hoping to coast by is gonna hit a brick wall really fucking fast, because we won’t allow it.” “And don’t think any of the others will either. The Limit? Vile. But a force of destruction.” “Freaks and Geeks Presents: The Foxy Ladies of Dream Sound Revolution, Live From Mr. Biggs’ Limo? A fuckin’ mouthful and a half to say, but a fuckin’ awesome pairing that just might wind up taking these belts from us one day.” “Mucho Grande! After last Monday, we know for a fact that they are the team they say they are. So Los Amantes? Will you join our esteemed ranks? Or will you be another Bulletproof?” The question was emphatically deadpan which was stretching pretty far for John’s range. Something about them, something he knew, irked his partner and so that dislike was shared in kind. “Oh fucking God, I don’t think anybody here is another goddamn Bulletproof. Are you? I sure’s fuck think better of you than that.” The waiter dropped briefly by the table, bringing the bill, a take-home box for Bishop’s uneaten pizza, and a slice of New York cheesecake with two clean forks. Mike handed one fork to Bishop and her card over to the waiter along with the bill, and the two oblige him a quick selfie before he heads off. “Los Amantes, we want you to step the fuck up. Give us a Nice Sweet Fucking Workout. Don’t disappoint us.”

#archive