#he lives such a luxurious life but I really just don’t think I’d be able to do it

[helios-writings]

There are some days when Shanks feels bad about not being able to give you the life he thinks you deserve. Days where you and he barely see each other because the pair of you are working overtime. Days where the two of you sit at the table, stressed about what bills you can cover and what you’ll have to live without.

Others days, he knows, are better. Curled up in each others arms on your days off, the smell of breakfast cooking even though its two in the afternoon. Still, he’d always dreamed about giving you a life of luxury, about spoiling you and making sure you didn’t have to work another shitty job if you didn’t want to. He’s not quite there yet, but he hopes one day he will be.

The two of you are walking hand in hand through the richer shopping district, windowshopping in all the pricier stores that give him hives just thinking about stopping in, but he loves the way you smile as you envision how you would decorate the foyer of your fictional mansion with a giant gold and crystal chandelier.

He laughs, not at you, but at the absurdity of it. “What would we need with something like that, huh?”

You shrug. “Sometimes things are just nice to have.”

He’d buy you a million of those ugly things if it meant making you happy.

Instead, Shanks points to something else. “And where would you put this?”

“Our living room, right next to the giant comfy couch, so I can admire it while I sit next to you.”

The two of you carry on like this, until you find a cozy old antique shop buried inbetween two high end boutiques.

“Lets go in here.” He tells you, stopping you with a gentle tug on your hand.

“Antiques? I didn’t know you liked old stuff like that.”

“I had a crush on our high school math teacher, didn’t I?”

You roll your eyes. “And yet, you’re here with me.”

He elbows you playfully in the side. “Well, she couldn’t compare to you.”

You just laugh and head inside the store.

The inside smells like dust and the culmination of other peoples belongings, but he’s drawn to the jewelry shelf towards the entrance, whilst you wander off by yourself down one of the countless aisles. The shelf holds many pieces of jewelry, but what catches his eye is a pair of wedding rings, obviously on the older side, but the feeling hits him so fast, it feels like his heart has fallen to his feet.

Shanks had never thought about proposing to you. Not in a “terrified of marriage” way, but to him you already were. But, standing in that store, the need had never been more apparent, and the rings were within his budget. It felt like a sign from on high, even if you were the one who believed in signs like that.

You both left the store half an hour later, his wallet a bit lighter, but pocket heavier.

You make dinner that night, something simple, but delicious and Shanks, never one to second guess himself, jumps right in.

“I want to marry you.”

Your eyes widen as you nearly spit out your drink. “Wh-“

He pulls the rings out and continues. “I know you didn’t dream about living in a one bedroom apartment with shitty heating and cooling, and that you deserve better than I can give you, but I promise you that you’ll have it one day. Whatever you want, a big house, dogs or cats, a huge ugly gold and crystal chandelier in the foyer. I want to give that all to you.”

You take his hand in yours. “Shanks, baby, we may not live the life you think we deserve, but I live the life I want with you every day. I don’t care about any of that stuff, not really. So what if our heating breaks in the middle of winter? So what if I can’t have a big yard or house? I’d rather have you.”

He feels his eyes get a little misty and he turns away. “I’m not the one who’s supposed to be crying here.”

You roll your eyes and slip one of the rings on. “I’ll marry you.”

He kisses you deep, a grin on his face that won’t go away no matter how hard he tries.

The wedding takes place in a court house, costing no more than 120 dollars and the two of you wearing the nicest clothes you can afford, but its perfect and neither of you would dream of anything else, not when you have each other. This is the life you deserve, and he can give it to you after all.

#drabble #daylightarchive #fandom☀️: one piece #character☀️: shanks #shanks x reader #one piece x reader #op x reader #sunbathing with: shanks

[myhairfeelsnice]

I have nothing to fill my life. I won’t be working again for a while. I start school in a few more weeks. I’ve just been looking for a new housemate which is heartbreaking because he was going to move in with me. I don’t want to live with another stranger. I don’t want to go through that whole shit show again. I don’t want to take my chances on living with someone I know nothing about, but I have to. I just wanted a home I felt safe in. I wanted a life I felt safe in. I don’t understand anything. Im not even aware of what I should be doing. I’m hurt but I knew it had to be done. I couldn’t leave the feeling to linger any longer. I can’t lean on anyone, all my friends are on holiday and I’m only really close to one of them, but still, it doesn’t feel like I really have anyone. I can’t drop everything and go back to the UK and stay at someone’s house because no one would be able to babysit Blue and Fifi, and I wouldn’t be able to afford a ticket home let alone to put them in kennels. Sure having pets at 23 isn’t an amazing idea but I also think there is a slim chance I’d still be kicking if I didn’t have pets to whip me into shape. The tears come in waves. I knew he wanted to leave this city. I knew it before he knew himself. I’m not attached to Paris but I just want to finish school and then I don’t care which country I am in. He had a home though, he has something to go back to, I don’t. And who knows if it even is the right decision for him. Maybe if he’d have listened to my plea and gotten a therapist, he would be thinking about this differently. I just don’t want to be so alone. Having him meant I could finally be someone. I had love and support. Our lives weren’t unnecessarily intertwined nor did we have any issues in the relationship, it’s just that I know he doesn’t want to stay here. But then I wonder, am I not enough for you to stay ? Does it matter so much that you don’t feel at home ? Will home ever really feel like home somewhere else ? I don’t have the luxury of having a feeling of home. I wonder why he can’t just do things how I do them, just take a place for what it is. It’s never the place anyway, it’s the people, that’s what I think. I don’t know. I’m afraid this time he won’t talk to me, i told him since I have no friends he needs to help me gently work through this. He said of course he would still talk to me. I told him I loved him. He told me ‘You know I love you too’, but is it really about love ? No. It’s more that he can’t make a decision to save his life and I’m left suffering because of it. He goes home next week anyway and can be cradled in the love of his family whilst I sit in my mouldy apartment with a housemate that never makes me feel comfortable. I think of how incessantly he told me he was going to marry me, how we would have kids. He referred to me, blue, fifi and him as his ‘family’. I don’t feel I have a family so this was just intense to hear and even more intense to lose. Sure I’m young and I don’t expect anybody to settle down with me at this age, but i was convinced that someone did want to. This would all be manageable if I had some sort of support system, and my therapist seems to be on holiday all of the time. It’s not enough to try to make friends when I am already so low. I wonder whether I could ever manage. I started to fall in love with my life with him, and now, will it all leave me ? Im not a whole person when im on my own, I know this, im too fragile without support, but then again who wouldn’t be ? I’ve been awake since 7am and no one really seems to have to time to talk to me. All my friends in Paris are on holiday. All my friends in the UK are at work. Blue remains by my side but he’s just a dog. I remember telling him last night « How are we supposed to explain this to Blue ? » and he said « oh fuck. » and we laughed. He loves my dog in a very beautiful way. Is it too much to ask for someone to just be there for me ? Just to have people I know won’t leave ? I get it, I have learnt I can be loved and love in return, but can I keep it ? Or is it just for show ?

[risukadarlin]

[piofiore no banshou] vol. 1: nicola - track three

3; affettuoso

masterpost

                                                                              ✿

[00:00] Hey, signorina.

Come here.

Caught you.

Thank you for making such delicious Acqua Pazza for me tonight.

I like eating at restaurants too but your homemade food is much more delicious.

The seasoning here really is different to what we have in Italy.

I try not to make it obvious when we’re dining with others but I’m still not used to it.

The food the Visconti gave us wasn’t really to my tastes.

They’re very multinational, so they had so much American and German and other kinds of food.

I didn’t recognise half of the menu.

But, signorina, tonight’s meal wasn’t just delicious because it was Italian…

Today was so fun.

We went to the MET, as promised, wandered around Central Park and even went shopping together!

If I wasn’t a member of the mafia - if I was just a normal man - I suppose that would just be a normal day.

But to me, it was a luxury.

I don’t get to spend much of my daily life with you, after all.

This might be selfish but…

I hope no one interrupts us when we’re newlyweds. 

That’s just wishful thinking, though.

If we move the main mafia base here then we have to worry about defences…

I don’t think it can really just be the two of us.

I’m the Falzone underboss.

That title may change in the future, but not yet.

It’d be easy to say I wish I wasn’t a member of the mafia.

But my past is too important to me to actually mean it.

Most importantly…

Meeting you…

Falling in love with you…

Being able to protect you like this…

I could only do all of that because I’m a Falzone.

No, I know that, I do!

But you can’t blame me for wanting to live alone with you, can you?

Even if I know it’s impossible, I’m allowed to think about it.

I’m hurt.

I still need to bring Baltro here.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

It’s not like we have to leave our land in Italy immediately, so I thought about leaving the management of it to him…

As long as you ignore how much nagging he does, that old man’s a pretty good worker.

And there are a few jobs I want him to do.

Considering his age too… I thought he might not want to leave the place he was born and raised.

But Giulia is determined to follow us here.

It’d be cruel to force them apart; they only just got married recently.

So, in the end, I had to bring them both.

[03:20] You’re right.

I’m sorry.

You had to leave Sister Sofia and the people from the church…

I really do feel bad for stealing your family away from you.

But I really wasn’t able to give you up.

I didn’t think I’d be able to stand being separated from you.

I know it’s not much consolation, but I’m glad we can at least hold the ceremony in Burlone.

Everyone will be able to see you in your wedding dress.

Until I met you, I had no intention of ever getting married.

As you already know, I don’t really have many good memories when it comes to my family.

I don’t mean to say there are no happy families in this world.

I just thought if I ever had a family, I’d be destined to make them unhappy.

As long as I had Falzone blood in me…

If I was a more distant relation, it might have been different.

But me and Dante get on well.

But the boss before him and the boss before that…

As soon as they took over as head, their siblings all disappeared.

They were threats to their position, after all.

It wouldn’t have been odd if I was killed before I even became an adult.

Now that I think about it, my mother was always scared of some shadow that wasn’t there.

I was quite lucky that certain circumstances allowed me to keep living, but…

The life expectancy of people in the mafia isn’t all that long.

You were born and raised there so I probably don’t need to tell you all this.

I heard that in places with more disputes like Chicago, it’s as low as late-30s, you know?

Burlone isn’t exactly safe and I was always told to hurry up and get married.

Even with Dante there, the Falzone mafia is based on blood relation.

They’d rather have my child as a spare than nothing at all.

I’d be doing it for the sake of the Falzone family.

What a joke.

I didn’t want to pass on such bad blood.

If I had a child and that child was a boy…

…One day, he might have to fight Dante’s child to the death.

I didn’t want to be another link in that hellish chain of events.

But then I met you…

And I learnt what it was like to really fall in love with someone.

That’s when I wanted to promise to spend my future, my whole life with you.

At first, I panicked.

That was why I wanted to bind you to some definite contract through marriage.

I believed that you’d never hate me and that you loved me.

But sometimes the possibility scared me…

When we weren’t together, I grew worried and I wanted proof.

I didn’t care what kind as long as it was physical.

[06:46] Hey…

Will you hear me out, signorina?

I’m used to lying.

I know that it’s possible to say anything and not mean it.

So I wanted something more solid than words.

I messed up many times because of that.

You taught me there were much more important things.

You taught me you can’t communicate all your feelings with just a kiss.

I can tell straight away when you’re lying.

I think you’re the same, aren’t you?

You can see right through me.

But even if I know you’re lying, I can’t tell what you’re hiding unless you tell me.

Imagining the possibilities is so worrying we hurt each other.

You looked so sad - so pained - in the rain in front of the church that day, it still hurts to remember it.

I can’t forget it.

I’ll never make that mistake again.

I don’t want to hurt you ever again.

I didn’t even know it myself but I think I was scared.

Scared that if I told the truth, no one would understand me.

That telling the truth might just hurt both of us.

I was convinced that the more earnest a wish was, the more likely that was to happen.

But surprisingly, I was able to tell you honestly what I was thinking and wanted to do. 

And telling you didn’t ruin everything, either.

Maybe that’s because you’re an extremely lucky person, or something.

But you made me realise that I can say what I’m really thinking, that I can share my deepest wishes, if I want to.

You and I made it to 1927 alive.

We won’t be trapped by the tedious bonds of the Falzone anymore.

I’m sure the way the organisation operates will change bit by bit from now on.

And if anyone ever tries to hurt us because of our blood, I won’t just stand by and watch.

Well, I think Dante would be angrier about it than me.

I promise this, signorina.

I won’t hide anything from you again.

Um!

Did I say something odd?

Yes… I plan not to hide anything from you…

Are you still annoyed about Baltro and Giulia?

It’s nothing serious, I promise! We didn’t fight and they’ve probably already forgotten…

It was just small talk, if anything…

Giulia asked if I’d thought hard about the future and I accidentally let it slip.

That I’d like to have a daughter.

That a son might cause a struggle…

I didn’t say it has to be a girl or anything!

It’s not something we can choose, anyway.

But Giulia took it very seriously…

She told me to grow up and said it’d be a cute baby regardless of its gender and that fate isn’t always that giving…

She was so angry.

And then Baltro came too!

If I’m being lectured, Baltro will always take her side!

Don’t you think that’s cruel?

No, I know that it’s technically my fault.

They’re just jumping the gun a bit, aren’t they?

Other people don’t really have a say in it.

And we should do things in order!

And, most importantly, your feelings matter, so—!

I know I’ll be happy if, one day, we get married and have a child.

Right now, I know that I can protect you and a child from any threats the family might throw at us.

I’m not a child anymore.

I’m strong enough for that.

[11:46] I’m happy that you’re hugging me, but I can’t see your face like this.

Here.

Look at me.

Are you crying?

You’re so cute.

Signorina.

Thank you for meeting me.

I adore you.

Let’s get along from now on.

My wife.

Make me happy, okay?

#there are probably a few mistakes and liberties in this one sorry lol #Nicola Francesca #kimura ryohei #ryohei kimura #kimura ryouhei #ryouhei kimura #Piofiore no Banshou #piofiore #drama cd #Drama CD translation

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LUNATIC PARADE ;; Carla Route ー Chapter 2

ー The scene starts in the guest room of Bernstein Castle

Yui: Nnー...

( I slept like a baby...Honestly, I didn’t think I’d be able to get such a good night’s rest at the castle of the person who stole my heart... )

ーー Wait...Carla-san?

( I’m pretty sure we went to bed together yesterday, but he’s nowhere to be seen... )

...Hm? What’s this? ...Something smells really good...

*Creaaak*

Yui: ( ...It’s coming from the room next door? I’ll go check it out. )

ー The scene shifts to the throne room

Yui: Ah, Carla-san. So this is where you’ve been.

Carla: Yes. Did you finally wake up?

Yui: Yes. Surprisingly enough, I slept soundly. 

Carla: Fufufu...You had quite the sloppy expression on your face while you were sleeping.

Yui: Eeh!? O-Oh no...How embarrassing...

Carla: I’m joking. 

Yui: ...!!

( ...Geez...! )

Carla: ーー More importantly. You should take a seat over here as well. The Butler has brought our morning tea.

Yui: Aah, the lovely fragrance I picked up must have come from the tea then. 

ー Yui joins him on the sofa

*Thud*

Carla: Breakfast should arrive any second now as well. Go ahead and try some of the tea while you wait.

Yui: Yes!

*Cling*

*Pshh*

Yui: Haah...I’m honestly surprised by how nice it smells...It almost reminds me of a perfume. 

Carla: It’s a tea native to the Demon World. A rare variant on top of that, as it is only available during this time of year.

Yui: You seem to be well-versed on tea as well. 

Carla: Heh. That’s basic knowledge. 

*Knock knock*

ー The Butler enters the room

Butler: Good morning. Breakfast is ready to be served. 

*Cling*

Yui: Good morning. Thank you for your work so early in the morning. 

Butler: Oh no. This is my duty. I shall get everything laid out. Please wait a few seconds. 

*Cling*

Yui: ( Waah, such a luxurious breakfast...I wonder if I’ll be able to eat this much? )

( There’s also a lot of food items I’ve never seen before... )

Butler: For Carla-sama, I arranged ingredients exclusively found here in the Demon World for today’s breakfast. 

They have been prepared by a chef who had his training in the human world. 

Everything has been prepared to fit the young lady’s palate as well, so please rest assured. 

Yui: Thank you so much for the consideration...!

*Groooowl*

Yui: Ah...! 

Carla: ...You should be ashamed of yourself. 

Yui: M-My bad...After seeing such a delicious feast laid out in front of my eyes, it just happened... 

( H-How embarrassing... )

Butler: Fufu, I suppose it was worth arranging everything then. 

Yui: I’m sorry...

Butler: Oh no. If anything, I should be apologizing to you. 

About the balcony’s railing. It was entirely my fault for not taking better care of it. My sincere apologies. 

Carla: What would you have done if she fell down? 

Butler: Hah?

Carla: In the endーー She is still a human, remember?

Butler: My sincere apologies...

Carla: You do not seem to understand the severity of the situaーー

*Rustle*

Yui: Carla-san! That’s enough!

( I mean, he is an inhabitant of the Demon World...We can’t blame him for not knowing the value of a human’s life. )

I’m happy just knowing you’re so worked up for my sake.

Carla: Che...

Butler: W-Well then, I shall take my leave thenーー

*Cling*

ー He leaves the room

Carla: ーーYou are too soft.

Yui: You think so? But I think it’s very difficult for an immortal being to grasp the importance of life...Since the longest tiーー Ah!

I’m not talking about you when I say that, okay!?

I just remembered when I first met the Sakamaki family...

Carla: ...

*Cling*

Yui: ( I wonder if it sounded like I was dissing him...? Oh no, that wasn’t my intention at all... )

Carla: ーー Hurry up.

Yui: Eh?

Carla: Hurry up and eat your breakfast. 

Yui: Ah...Yes...!

*Cling*

Yui: ( Immortals and humans...While they may look the same on the outside, I guess they have different values and such... )

( ...I guess it isn’t easy for them to live side-by-side. )

( I mean, I also can only try and imagine how hard and painful it can be to be alive for an eternity... )

( Haah...When I look at it like that, I really don’t know what to do about my heart... )

Carla: ...

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ーー Thanks for the meal.

( I guess it’s because I was lost in thought the whole time, but it barely feels like I even ate. )

Carla: Oi. What are we going to do today?

Yui: Eh? ...Can we go around and explore the city again today as well? 

Carla: If you wish to stay inside the castle all day, I shall not stop you. 

Yui: U-Um No...Why don’t we head out again now that we can?

( I wonder if Carla-san wants to enjoy the Parade perhaps...? That’s not what it sounded like yesterday though... )

( Something doesn’t feel quite right but...If he wants to go outside, I want to enjoy our time to the fullest. )

Carla: Is something the matter? 

Yui: Oh no. Why don’t we do some shopping today?

It seems like there’s a bunch of unusual shops limited to the Parade. 

Carla: Shopping...That definitely sounds like something a woman would come up with. 

Yui: You don’t want to?

Carla: I do not mind. Let us hurry up and go get ready.

Yui: Yes! I’ll make haste.

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to Rubien Canal

Yui: I thought this yesterday too, but I really like how easy it is to go around the city by using the waterway like this.

Carla: You think so? Well, I suppose it might be more comfortable than having to go on foot. 

Yui: Exactly. 

Carla: By the way, you said we will do some shopping, but what exactly is it you want? 

Yui: Wellーー

( I didn’t bring it up with a specific product in mind or anything...What should I say? )

Selection

→ A pretty accessory 

Yui: A pretty accessory...Or something like that?

Carla: ‘Or something like that’? I do not want to hear that. Stop saying such things. It makes you seem like a woman without any autonomy. 

You are better than that, are you not? 

Yui: I’m sorry...

( I shouldn’t have randomly named something. )

→ A knife to cut cured ham (☾)

Yui: ( Since Carla-san is with me, I’d like to buy something which he is interested in too. )

I figured we could take a look at the assortment of charcuterie knives. 

Carla: Hooh. I did not expect you to show interest in such a thing. 

While the variants available in the human world have posed no issue so far, I will admit that the Demon World offers some fascinating products. 

Yui: ( Thank god. I hope he’ll be able to enjoy our shopping trip too. )

ー The scene shifts to Glimmer Main Street

Yui: It’s lively again today.

Carla: Hm. The stench of Vampires is driving me insane. Let us keep proceeding onwards if you do not need anything from here. 

ー Carla walks on ahead

Yui: Please, wai...Ah...!!

*THUD*

Male Vampire A: Watch where you’re going!

Yui: I-I’m soーー Wawah!

Vampire Coachman: You’re in the way! Don’t block the path!

Yui: ( ...I feel as if there’s even more people than yesterdayーー Ah... )

*Rustle*

Carla: ーー What are you doing?

Yui: ( Carla-san...He grabbed hold of my hand... )

*Rustle rustle*

Carla: Good grief, this is exactly why I cannot take my eyes off you. Are you unable to simply walk straight ahead without my help? 

Yui: I-I’m sorry...And thank you.

Carla: Hmph. I have to say, it was rather amusing to see you move around from left to right as well. 

Let us go. 

Yui: Yes...!

( When we’re walking hand-in-hand like this...It kind of feels like we’re out on a date. )

( ...Although I doubt that’s Carla-san’s intention. )

Carla: Oi, is something the matter? Your cheeks are flushed. 

Yui: Huh? ...I-Is that so...?

Carla: Do you have a fever? 

Yui: No, that’s not it!

Carla: ...Then what is the problem? 

Yui: Well...Do you promise you won’t get upset?

Carla: Hurry up.

Yui: You see...I was just thinking that we kind of seems like a couple out on a date...when we’re walking like this. 

Carla: ‘Seems like’? That is exactly what it is, no?

Yui: Eh!? Is it? 

Carla: Why do you seem so surprised? 

If a man and a woman walking hand-in-hand does not count as a date, then what exactly qualifies as one?

Yui: W...Well, I guess you’re right...

Carla: ...What? You did not think of this as a date?

Yui: U-Um...Well...

Carla: ...

Yui: No, I just thought that maybe you’d get mad...if I called it a date...

*Rustle rustle*

Carla: ーー What exactly am I in your eyes? 

Yui: Well...You know...

Carla: Tell me. Loud and clear. I’m sure you know what will happen if you don’t...Correct? 

Yui: Lo...

Carla: ‘Lo’...?

Yui: My lover...I guess...

Carla: ーー Exactly. You are my woman...I have no issue...Referring to you as my lover. 

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!?

Carla: Why do you seem so surprised? 

Yui: Well...I’m just surprised you think of me as such. 

Carla: Do you truly believe I would willingly come to this place infested with Vampires otherwise? 

Yui: Thank you very much...

*Rustle*

Yui: ( Right. His offstandish tone nearly had me get the wrong idea. )

( But he came all the way over here...for my sake, right? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to Saint Nore Park’s venue

Yui: ーー Phew...What a crowd. 

I’ll go get us some drinks. Please take a seat over here.

Carla: Yes.

Yui: ( Haahー... When it’s this crowded, even just walking around to sightsee is exhausting... )

( So far my heart...seems to be doing fine at least... )

( I better decide what I’ll do about it by the end of today. )

*TIMESKIP*

Carla: ーー You took forever. What were you up to? 

Yui: My bad. Even just fetching a couple of drinks was quite the challenge...

It was even busier over on the other side of the fountain, so it took me a while to make my way through the crowd.

There might be some kind of event going on. Why don’t we go take a look after we finished our juice? 

Carla: What a strange girl you are. Are you sure you want to actively seek out the crowd?

Yui: I’m sure there’s a reason why so many people have gathered. Doesn’t it make you curious? 

Carla: Oh well, I suppose it is fine. If that is what you want, I do not mind either.

Yui: ( Fufu, seems like Carla-san is somewhat enjoying the Parade as well... )

( I was convinced he had some sort of ulterior motive but perhaps...he just genuinely wants to have a look around at all the rarities the Parade has to offer? )

( I mean, he even called this a date earlier, so I’m sure that’s it. )

( That being said, his complete lack of interest at the beginning still somewhat bothers me. )

( I feel as if he suddenly changed his mind...when I nearly fell off the balcony. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to Zartan’s Mouth

Carla: ...So what exactly has this crowd gathered for?

Male Vampire A: ーー Oh? The two of you don’t know? Ahead of here lies the famous Mouth of Zartan!

Yui: The Mouth of Zartan?

Male Vampire A: You really don’t know? 

Carla: ...I have heard of it. It refers to the statue which will reveal the truth to you if you insert your hand in its mouth, correct? 

Male Vampire A: Yes, yes, exactly! Everyone’s too scared to actually put their hand inside so that’s how more and more people gathered and this is the end result. 

Carla: Hah...Ridiculous. 

ー Carla walks up to Zartan’s Mouth

*Thud*

Carla: ーー Oi, you’re in the way.

Yui: ( Eh!? C-Carla-san...? Where is he going...? )

Carla: Move.

*Thud*

Male Vampire C: ...!? What is your problem!?

*Thud*

Female Vampire C: Excuse me! Don’t push~!

Yui: Carla-san!? What has gotten into you all of a sudden?

Carla: ーー It is highly annoying to have people form a blockade here.

So this is what I will do. 

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: Eh!?

Male Vampire C: ...T-That guy...He put his hand inside!

Female Vampire C: You’ve got to be kidding me...!? 

Carla: There is nothing to it. This is but a simple monument. It is beyond ridiculous...to see you all fear it. 

ーー Take a look. Nothing happened, see? 

Male Vampire D: I can’t believe it...!!

Male Vampire E: H-He’s a hero...!!!

ー The crowd cheers

Yui: ( A hero!? I feel as if they’re really exaggerating... )

( I guess this statue must be absolutely terrifying to Vampires... )

( I mean, its expression is rather spooky... )

Male Vampire D: ーー Oi! Quiet, everyone! Zartan is about to speak!

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: ...!?

Zartan’s Mouth: ーー Tsukinami Carla...You are lying about your true feelings. You do not actually care about the Parade at all. 

The only thing you want, is to retrieve her heart...

And you simply wish to find an opportunity to do so at the Parade...

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: ...Such nonsense...!

*Stab*

*Thud*

Yui: ...!? Carla-san? What’s wrong...!?

Carla: ...It’s nothing. Anyway, let us go. 

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: Come!

*Thud*

ー The scene shifts to Aizen Alley

Yui: Carla-san...!

Carla-san!

Carla: What?

Yui: ...Um, are you alright?

Your complexion seems rather pale...

Carla: Hmph. ...I did not think you would see through me like that.

Yui: What exactly happened? 

Carla:  ーー Ugh...

ー He nearly collapses

*Thud*

Yui: !? Carla-san! Please lean against me...!

*Rustle*

Carla: Haah...My bad...

Yui: ( Carla-san...He seems to be suffering... )

Carla: ーー I let my guard down...

Yui: Um...Was there some kind of trap inside of Zartan’s Mouth? 

Carla: ...No wonder those Vampires kept their distance out of fear.

Because inside that mouth...Lurked a snake. 

Yui: A snake!? Don’t tell me you were...

Carla: I was bitten. 

Yui: No way...! By the looks of it, it was a venomous snake, correct? In that case we have to immediatelyーー

Carla: It is no use. While both may be categorized as snakes, this one is nothing like the snakes you know. It is a serpent from the Demon World. 

Yui: From the Demon World!? Which means...

( What now? ....What do people from the Demon World do in this kind of situation!? I doubt there’s any hospitals here. )

???: Allow me to join in for a sec.

Yui: Ah, yes. ...What is it? 

???: ...Are you the guy who was bitten by a snake after putting his hand into Zartan’s mouth earlier...? 

Carla: You are...

???: I was one of the bystanders watching the whole scene go down. I might have something which can cure the poison at my storeーー

Yui: Eh!? Really!?

???: Yes.

Carla: Mind your own business. 

*Rustle* 

Yui: Eh!? Carla-san!? 

Carla: ーー Off we go. 

ー Carla walks away

Yui: Go...?

( I’m worried, Carla-san... )

???: I’m saying this for your own good. Come to my store. If not...You will be in a lot of trouble. 

Carla: ...As if I need a Vampire to help me...

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: Carla-san...Now’s not the time for that. 

Carla: You...Won’t you listen to me? 

Yui: ...I won’t. I mean...If something were to happen to you, I’d...

Carla: ...

Yui: ...

Carla: Haah...I shall do as you say. 

Yui: Um, please take care of Carla-san...!

???: ーー Let us hurry then. We don’t have a single second to waste. Follow me. 

Yui: Yes, please...!

ー The scene shifts to Reine de Aji’s store

Yui: This is...your store...?

( It’s quite the mess. I wonder what kind of shop it is exactly? )

Reine de Aji: Yes, exactly. My name is Reine de Aji. Please call me Aji. 

Yui: Reine de Aji...I feel as if I’ve heard that name before...

Reine de Aji: Aah, this is a family business after all. My older sister Saba runs a store in a different town. 

You might have heard about it at one point or another? She’s quite famous after all. 

ーー More importantly, we need to take care of the matter at hand first. Come on, show me the wound. 

Carla: Hmph. 

*Rustle rustle*

Reine de Aji: ...

Yui: How is his wound? 

Carla: ーー It’s the Medusa snake, correct? 

Reine de Aji: So you were aware. 

Carla: Ever since I started experiencing these strange symptoms. That’s when my suspicions were confirmed. 

Reine de Aji: In that case, we better make haste...

Yui: Um...What do you mean? Medusa...?

Carla: The serpent hidden inside Zartan’s mouth is a species known as the Medusa snake. 

When someone is bitten by said snake...The poison gradually spreads throughout the body, turning the victim into stone. 

Yui: S-Stone...! T-That means...

Reine de Aji: It eventually leads to death. 

Yui: No way...! Even though he’s immortal...!? 

Carla: Immortal or not, we are not immune to pretrification. Honestly, actual death would still be preferable. 

Your movements are sealed as you turn into stone, but you remain conscious. On the outside, one might appear dead, but insideーー 

Yui: ...! We have to do something about it...!

Reine de Aji: Yeah, no need to rush. You two were lucky. You happened to run into me after all. 

ーー Let me see...I’m pretty sure it should be around here...

*Thud thud*

Reine de Aji: Where did I put it again...? Um...

*Rustle*

Yui: Um...What are you looking for?

Reine de Aji: The ingredients to make an antidote. Fortunately, I have pretty much everything available at this shop. 

Yui: ...! I-I’ll search as well! Please tell me what I should find. 

Reine de Aji: In that case, please look for the item on here. 

*Flip*

Yui: Okay!

( Thank god. I’m relieved knowing she can make an antidote...I better start searching right away. )

Carla: ...

Yui: You should search as well, Carla-san!

Carla: I will look, you do the searching. 

Yui: ( ...I wonder how he can stay so composed...when he’s the one at risk of petrification? )

( I guess I shouldn’t be losing my cool... )

...

Reine de Aji: Come on, you! Don’t be spacing out but get those hands moving!

Yui: Ah! M-My bad...!

*Thud thud*

Yui: ( I got lost in thought while thinking about how our roles seem to be reversed right now... )

Carla: ...

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Phew...

( It’s not easy to find something amidst such a mess but...I have to do my best and search around regardless. )

Wait...Ah...! Is it this, perhaps? 

Reine de Aji: Let me see? Aah, that’s it! Give it to me. 

Yui: Yes!

*Rustle*

*Pop*

Reine de Aji: ーー Oh!? How strange...I could have sworn I still had some left. 

Carla: What is the issue? Have you gathered all ingredients? 

Reine de Aji: No, you see...I’ve got most of it covered, but I don’t have enough of one of the ingredients. 

Yui: Eeh!? N-No way...

Carla: ...If there’s not enough, we have to go get more. 

Reine de Aji: I’m sorry...

Carla: Woman. How much more time do I have before my whole body turns into stone? 

Reine de Aji: Hmー... You were bitten by the snake just earlier so...I’d say you have about three days, give or take. 

Yui: O-Only three days left!? No way!!

Reine de Aji: Relax, don’t make that face as if the world is about to end. As long as we can secure all ingredients, making the actual medicine is  a piece of cake. 

Yui: But...!

( In the meantime, Carla-san will...But I guess we have no other option. )

I understand. We’ll go get you the ingredients first. 

*Flip*

Reine de Aji: This is a list of everything I still need. Don’t worry, you should be able to find most of it in this town. 

Carla: That is quite the extensive list. 

Reine de Aji: I guess so. Even with all of this, I’ll only be able to make a small dose of the antidote...

Just enough for one person. 

Carla: I do not mind. ーー Oi. 

Let’s go. 

Yui: Yes...!

ー They leave the store

Yui: ーー Well then, which ingredient should we go looking for first? 

Carla: ...We are returning to the castle for today.

Yui: Eh!? W-Why? But we only have three days left...

Carla: Exactly. The best strategy would be to head back to the castle for now, so I can calm down and relax before being on the move again tomorrow. 

Yui: ...Carla-san...Are you perhaps...feeling unwell as a result of the petrification...?

Carla: ...No. If anything, I feel much better than before now that the process has started. 

Yui: I see...

( Still, I can’t feel happy about it at all. I mean, he’s slowly turning into stone after all... )

Carla: Anyway, it is already late. Let us head back to the castle. 

Yui: Okay. If that’s what you want. 

( Personally, I want to start collecting the ingredients right away so Aji-san can make the antidote for us. )

( ...But I guess there’s logic behind his plan as well. )

( I’ll just follow along... )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the guest room at Bernstein Castle 

Yui: Haah...

( I just wanted Carla-san to have a good time, but it turned into such a mess. )

( And all of it...is my fault... )

Carla: Are you tired? How about you call it a day? 

Yui: Um, Carla-san...I’m sorry. 

Carla: ...I am the one who decided to thrust my hand inside the statue. 

I do not wish for you to apologize. 

Even if you say sorry, there is nothing we can do about it now. ーー Ugh...

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!? Are you alright!?

Carla: ...The petrification...is continuing...

Yui: ...!! Are you in pain...? Is there anything I can do...?

*Rustle rustle*

Carla: Just...hold my hand.

Yui: Sure...!

*Thud*

*Rustle*

Yui: Like this?

Carla: Tighter. 

Yui: Okay.

*Rustle*

Carla: ...

Yui: ( He’s enduring the pain, but he seems to be having a rough time... )

Carla: ...Talk about something to help distract me. 

Yui: ...Um...Right, it completely slipped my mind because of the whole petrification thing, but about what Zartan said...

Carla: Yes...

Yui: Could it be that when you suddenly offered to go check out the Parade together,

you did that...for me...?

Carla: ...

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ...So you really did, huh?

I totally got the wrong idea...and assumed that you were interested in the Parade yourself...

I guess that doesn’t make any sense. But even though at first you told me to go have fun by myself to get my mind off things. 

So why change your mind at that exact time?

Carla: ーー Back then...When you nearly fell from the balcony. 

...You were beyond terrified...to the point of trembling, remember?

Yui: Y-Yes...

Carla: When I saw that, I came to a realization. You are not meant to become immortal just yet. Instead, you should live on as a human. 

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: Those who are alive, and whose lifespan is limited are exactly the people capable of using said life wisely. 

You showed that to me back then. 

In other words, I remembered that the woman I love...

is someone like you, who lives as a human. 

Yui: Carla-san, I had no idea...you felt that way. 

Carla: Yes. 

*Rustle*

Yui: Thank you very much...

Carla: No need to thank me. 

I never liked how your decision to become an immortal or not would be indirectly influenced by the Count’s actions. 

At all times, I - as the King of Founders - should be the only one who gets to decide over your life...Correct? 

Yui: ...Then we didn’t head to the Parade just so I could have a good time...? 

Carla: Exactly. I doubted the Count would simply hand your heart back if we just spend our time twiddling our thumbs at the castle. 

He did say that he would return it if he found out that you are worthy of owning such a treasure, remember? 

Therefore, I decided to head out into town to create an opportunity to prove that to him. 

Yui: I see. 

Carla: ーー But look at me now.

Yui: ...Don’t say that. Let’s try to be positive. 

I’m sure we’ll still be able to find a way to get my heart back...

Carla: Hmph...Good grief, you are soーー

*Thud*

Yui: Kyah...!!

Carla: Nn...

Yui: ...

( His lips...I feel as if they’re warmer than usual... )

Carla: It honestly baffles me every time, how you continue to capture my heart...

*Rustle*

Yui: Well...

Carla: Heh...Your cheeks are flushed? 

Yui: Please don’t tease me...!

Carla: It’s your fault.

Yui: ( I’m pretty sure it’s not just me, but any girl would get flustered when a guy whispers that to them from up close... )

Carla: ーー Honestly, you...Ugh...

Yui: ...Are you in pain from the petrification, perhaps...?

Carla: Yes. But it is nothing serious...

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ...Hey, Carla-san...Won’t you show me...the part that’s turning into stone? 

Carla: ...You sure have strange interests. I don’t mind though...

*Rustle rustle*

Carla: Take a look. 

Yui: ...!

Carla: You can tell how it’s turning into stone little by little, right?

Yui: It looks very painful...Um, can I touch it? 

Carla: ...Go ahead, if that’s what you want.

Yui: Okay...

*Rustle*

Yui: Can you still...feel my fingers? 

Carla: No. I feel nothing. 

Yui: ...Ugh...

( If Carla-san is turned into stone...I’ll be left behind all alone... )

( Basically now I’m the one who is confronted with the feeling which Carla-san has had this whole time, right...? )

ーー I won’t let you turn into stone. I’ll make sure to prevent it...!

Carla: ...Those are some very brave words. 

Yui: ...

( The thought of possibly losing him is terrifying...But there’s still hope as long as I try my hardest. )

ーー Let’s call it a day. We have a busy day ahead of us after all. 

Carla: Yes.

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ( During these three days we have left, I will do anything within my power to make an antidote for him... )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 1

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 3]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/ AYATO]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ SUBARU]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #3 [W/ AZUSA]

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #carla tsukinami #lunatic parade #diabolik lovers translation #lpcarlachapter2

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Chapter 8 ~ Frozen Heart

"Well, my dear lady, I would say, all our efforts have finally brought this utopia to life. Who'd have thought that our home could learn rebirth like the phoenix and quite literally become even greater, from nothing but a foundation of ashes and chaos - Quite literally speaking." Hermes had his arm around his wife's shoulders, as they both sat at the edge of the tallest peak in Olympus, watching down over the country they provide providence over, and its lovely people. "I am really proud of the way our home has become." the graceful fairy-like lady wearing a grass-green dress of a thin, almost sheer material, embroidered with shiny gold, was swinging her legs idly down the cliff. "It truly has become a home in all sense, for both deities and mankind." she agreed, flashing him a dazzling smile that left his heart melting. "That is good to hear! You have lived enough resenting and dreading this place and its people. About time it becomes a welcoming haven for everyone." the man hummed playfully, allowing himself to fall on his back, on the soft grass. "Does that mean you won't leave anymore?" "O, Hermes, if only that I could stay here and feel my heart whole and honeyed." she looked back past her shoulder, at the pouting man. The many years spent together made him fall in love even deeper with the beautiful being in front of him. Still, he sighed. "If only that you could, my darling shining star. If only that you could." he smiled, reaching his hand and pulling her towards him. Katrina hummed in amusement, towering over his laying self, propping herself up on her elbows, her scarlet hair like the most vibrant azaleas and softer than the rose petals swaying and caressing his relaxed visage. "Will your heart ever be able to forgive me, my friend?" her slender hand gingerly cupped his face. "I could never bring myself to resent you, no matter what you did, my sweet lady. I love you far too much to ever truly hate you." looking into his kind eyes, Katrina leaned down and stole a sweet, gentle kiss. "You will always have a special part in my heart, Hermes. Wherever I go, you will forever be with me, as the kindest and most loving husband that any woman would be luckiest to have in her life. I should have been the Goddess Queen instead of Hera - It seems like the two of us are amongst the very select few who actually have a happy and darling marriage, don't you think?" she bemused, feeling the man kiss her back. "You will always be my Queen, Kitty-Kat." the man whispered. "Before you leave - Will you honour me with a keepsake? Like you gave that Spartan of yours?" "O, Hermes~. Ever the romantic." straightening her back, she placed her hands under his own and brought them together, and with a gentle, green light, from between his hands, a beautiful crimson flower with velvety petals bloomed before his very eyes, and was glowing golden with the Sun's rays. "It can only wilt if mine own life ends. So, I'd wager, it will be protecting you for quite a long time." "Will I be seeing you again, my love?" he asked, his eyes gleaming with hope and unshed tears. "I do not know where and what life has in store for me... But I will be feeling your presence, as long as you still have this flower. I will never leave you alone. You are mine, and I am yours - That is what we have vowed on our wedding day, have we not?" Hermes took her hand and kissed her long, thin fingers, before reaching into his pocket and coming up with a luxurious golden arm bracelet in the shame of a snake, with sparkling emeralds as eyes, the same hue of her own. "It used to belong to some human Queen, I heard. I just thought it would suit you better. I don't have any special power that will allow me to create something for you to remember me by, but my Caduceus staff has two snakes... You and I... It is only fair that I give you half of the pair." "Then you better make another one for you to wear by the time I return. Couldn't have a single snake without its pair, yes?" Katrina put the swirling arm bracelet on the opposite arm, as the other was still adorned by the bracelet left legacy from Kratos' mother upon her death. "Safe travels, my darling sunshine. May the guiding winds allow you a swift and facile journey towards that Spartan of yours. And don't worry about our home, we will take good care of it." he dared not raise from the ground he lay - He wanted to stare at her for as long as he could, and hold onto his heart before it would shatter indefinitely - And then, he wanted to stare at the gentle Sun and remember her bright, warm presence and her kind, nurturing love. "Be well, Hermes - You, and all of our friends. May you find happiness and have wisdom and tenderness by your side at all times. I hope good fortune will never leave you and our home. Farewell, my darling." he dared not say any farewell nor a goodbye - He simply couldn't bare the thought that he will never see the woman he loves so much... Alas, she was never destined to be his own soulmate, the same as she was his. It has always been that Spartan, and he was well aware of that. He did it with his own hand... Teased himself with many good years by her side... But he couldn't find himself to regret any of his decisions. The time spent with her had turned into the sweetest years he's ever lived. It had been all worth.

And for the many following moons turned, Hermes looked up at the clouds passing by lazily, and he relaxed by the edge of the tallest cliff. Instead of picking up intricate shapes into the formless puffs of white floating by, he found his mind drifting away, to his darling wife. Where would she be going, he wondered? Would she not feel any cold, going through lands further away? Did she pack any of her dresses with her? Perhaps a cloak, to shield her from the rain? She always hated getting soaked, after all. Or, perhaps, some boots so her golden sandals - HIS winged, golden sandals, in fact - Wouldn't get muddy. Well, haven't been his own in enough time, anyway. At least they had adjustable sizes.  But if it were hot, and she had to walk through sand and endless deserts, would she have a hat to protect herself against the Sun? In fact - Would she even need any of this, save for the bothersome inconveniences? They were Gods after all, not humans, weathered away by the harsh climate and the nature's caprices. The Goddess of Nature couldn't be broken by the very creation that she creates.

Most of all, he wondered - Would she be fine, all alone, in this vast world? Katrina hated being alone. She was always most miserable when she found the whole world against her. It had been only little Anteros, with his butterfly wings, who loved her first and became her most intimate friend - And then Aphrodite and Eros followed soon after, with Hebe and Psyche. Hestia too, and even Hecate. Artemis and Apollo weren't too bad either, he pondered.  Ah, if only he had been smart enough to stay by her side from the time they were children - To truly stay by her side, and turn away any ill talk that belonged in the dung pit. He had missed far too many important years which he'll never get back. But hopefully, she will find Kratos soon, and she won't feel alone anymore. Their bond should facilitate their meeting, or so she claimed. He dearly hoped it was going to happen the way she wishes.

How many years passed since Katrina and Kratos parted, it was unclear - Time for the immortal beings of the world passed at an indefinite quantum. What for a God counts as the blink of an eye, for humans, ten generations come to pass, from old to new. As one stuck in a cacophony of logic and power between his mortal past and his Godly present, he chose to live without any label for himself - He was just a man, and nothing more - One who has known grief, and mourn and loss, and wrath and vengeance plenty, but some euphoria and bliss on the intimate side... Yet even in the harshest parts of the world where the wind was frozen and Kratos learnt what snow truly was, he had found himself a husband once more, to a wonderful woman, as beautiful and ordinary, without any kind of magic, just like Lysandra, and she has gifted him with a bundle of love and joy in the form of a baby boy that he named Atreus. Faye wanted to name him Loki - But how could he accept, when no matter how much he tries, he cannot sever to roots to his home - To Greece, and least of all, to his beloved Sparta? Atreus, the man once second in command of his army, his most loyal and trusted brother in arms... The one who died to save his country and his people, the brave Atreus.

He wonders how his home is, and all the Gods and humans he left behind - After so many years, has his country returned to its former glory? Knowing the ambition and perseverance of the Goddess of Creation, it was no doubt, she was going to make everything surrounding her flouring as beautiful as she was. A, Katrina, his forever love, the one to whom his heart and soul are bound to. He wondered, if they ever cross paths again, if she would feel betrayed that he had created another family, without her. He doubted she would be saddened or disappointed - After all, she herself told him to find his happiness, no matter in what form it is - And for goodness' sake, how many tens and tens, or perhaps centuries of end have there been since he's last gazed into those emerald eyes of hers, the way he did when he was standing above her, in the violet silks of Aphrodite? He missed her so, and now, with the tragedy befalling him once more, he missed her even more.

Why were fates so cruel to him, as to rip away another woman beloved from his life? Has he not been living enough torment? Had he not redeemed himself plenty already? Why must Faye be the one whose life ends, whilst a monster like himself is still forced to walk the earth endlessly? Atreus is eleven years old already... Such a frail age for a child to watch his mother perish before his eyes. Atreus is different from the way he was as a child... He is shy and timid, even more so than Calliope was. In fact, Calliope had always been so attached to him, and whenever he was allowed to get home after a military conquest, she would cling onto him and insist on sleeping with him, afraid that, should she awaken, he will have disappeared already. His sweet Calliope... She was such an easy child to understand... Or, perhaps, the times have changed... Generations grow apart, and Atreus was brought up more by his mother, a North-woman through and through, though gentle and kind, and she gave him a proper education in all things concerning his intellectual skills.

He was a bright boy, even for his age. And though he could never understand the use of such skills in a land like this, where they had to hunt to survive - Such a solitary place, surrounded by no other people, and no markets or bazaars to buy whatever thing, or have social constructs such as theaters for the actors or debates for the philosophers or politicians, or watch painters at their work, or architects creating pillars and temples, agoras, or intricate statues - Or perhaps simply listen to songs and orchestras... In a land where the only way to survive is to kill game and harvest the land and trees, what was the use of any other skill, if there was no one to share the information with?

Kratos knelt by the tree marked with a golden hand print, and he embraced it solemnly, for just a short moment - He had placed his own hand over it, feeling Faye's presence for the last time, before allowing himself to raise, and with the axe with which he was once attacked, he brought the white tree down. As the tree fell to the ground, he put back the axe in its hold and extended his arm to raise the tree - Yet he stopped, as he watched the end of the wrapping bandaging his forearm slipping and swaying gently with the breeze. He felt his heart stopping - Was it a sign? Was this destiny's way of reminding him of his wretched past, and that he is not forgiven? That he is fated to forever live in torment?

No. Kratos killed the Fates who dared toy with him and his beloved. With a frown, he grabbed the wrapping and tied it back in place. "I found some." he heard Atreus' soft, boyish voice call out to him. "Get in the boat, boy." he gruffed at the child, not even looking back at him. He bent down and carried the on his shoulder to the boat, where they prepared to return towards his new home, a small yet cozy wooden cabin. But any place was home for him, if he had his family. "Father?" he heard the boy call out. "Did something change? The forest feels... Different now." he was a sensitive young man. "Everything is different, boy." he answered. "Try not to dwell on it." "Yes, sir." the young one nodded immediately.

Once they reached the shore, the child perched the boat whilst he carried the tree log. The forest was beautiful, he thought. Katrina would love the look of it, save for the cold that might feel harsh for her. She may be a Goddess, but she was not used to this. A frail woman brought with nothing but luxury - Who knows how she'd get used to such things. Kratos started chopping the log, allowing the child to say his last farewells to his mother... To Faye... As she lay there, wrapped ceremonially, to the traditions of Norsemen, wrapped with vines and rope, and decorated with coloured leaves and flowers of. Around her, candles that the child lit, as he wept. "She's ready" Atreus sniffed, quickly wiping the tears that kept streaming down his face, once he heard the doors open widely, announcing the arrival of his father. Kratos dared step in front of the neatly wrapped corpse of his late wife, and he gazed down at where her face would be - His heart ached desperately. "Find your way home." he muttered. "You're free." as he picked her up in his arms for the last time, towards the pyre made out of chopped tree logs that bore the mark of the golden hand print. With the use of a stone and the blade of the axe that once belonged to Faye, he created sparks that lit aflame the pyre, and the corpse of his wife with it.

In a moment of suddenness, as Kratos' mind was fixated on the flight of the blazed butterflies that the fire immolating her copse created, meaningful memories that changed his heart and mind flashed before his very eyes, for just a split second, before the child rushed towards the body and snatched something - It was the burning dagger that was laid where her hands would have been. He apologised as he dropped the searing hot metal. Silly boy, the father thought, kneeling by his side and holding his hand, using some snow to alleviate the pain generated by the burn. "Squeezed." he told him, before using one of his own wrappings to tie his hand. "This knife..." he picked it up. "Was hers." he offered it to the child who was barely able to look up into his eyes. "And now it is yours." the boy used his undamaged hand to pick it by the handle.

Faye had taught him how to hunt, but Kratos had to test the child and his abilities. The journey to the top, where they were to scatter Faye's ashes, was a dangerous one, filled with threats and perilous climbs and drops, ice and frozenness everywhere they went. He was proud of the boy's ability to shield, though he was young and reckless, and lacked any bit of discipline, proven by the way he aimless fired his arrow when he was just a few feet away from the majestic deer with antlers like blue crystals, scaring it away, causing it to keep its guard up. He couldn't believe himself for allowing his composure to slip, even for a little second - His tone was raised - He didn't mean to yell like that at the child. He tends to forget that he's not a Spartan, nor should he change his caring methods to the tormenting ways that he had grown with... But fear of losing the only person left alive that he loves more than anything in this world was overwhelming him and any sense of reason.

Still, until they get close enough to the deer, he'd keep the bow confiscated. He couldn't risk the reckless boy's life. Somewhere along their hunt, they found some kind of mural, or a small Jotnar shrine, painted in natural colours of blue and gold and silver. The child was educated and he knew stories and old happenings from tales heard from his Mother. Two Celestial wolves running around and eating the Sun and Moon, the catalyst of Ragnarok. He didn't wish to hear any more about Gods, nor Deicide. He's had enough of that.

Once they found the deer again, he returned the bow to the child and spoke to him in a gentle, fatherly voice, instructing him of what to do - And, most of all, to not allow himself to think of the animal as a living being, but as a target. He was sensitive, and full of empathy, and more, he loved animals so much - Just like Calliope and her little fox... Atreus released the arrow and hit the mark perfectly - He jumped in happiness and smiled at his father. "I did it!" he chirped before sprinting towards his target... Only to find the majestic creature still alive, and in agony. The two knelt by the great animal's side, and Kratos instructed his son to take his knife out. "Finish what you've started." he had to get used to it. To close his heart to it. He may have gone hunting with his mother for so long, but when he'll be left all alone in the world, to fend for himself, how will he survive, if his mercy for animals goes beyond his salvation and he starves to death? Moreover, he must learn that a quick, mercy death is better than allowing an innocent soul to suffer long and agonising minutes, or hours, as the end result was the same. Death awaited them all.

"I... I can't..." the child was trembling softly, yet his hands were even worse, though their grip on the handle was so tightly clenched that they became white. Wordlessly, Kratos gingerly put his own hands over his son's and guided the knife towards the jugular, impaling the deer for a swift and sure death. He wasn't happy to teach his son about taking a life, nor did he want to know how a sensitive soul suffers, feeling the dying convulsions of torment before the end of living. Atreus took his hands off the knife and just stared, traumatised, at the sin he had committed, all for his own selfish desire to... Eat. "I-...." Atreus looked up at his father, with the terrified and sorrowful eyes of a weeping heart - He's seen such tormented eyes plenty of times - So often, that he couldn't bare to see them gleaming with tears anymore. But the boy couldn't find any comfort, nor the courage, in trying to speak to his father. It was his mother that he was close to, and it was his mother that made an effort to understand him. Not him. Not Sir.

Kratos turned his head towards his son, seeing him hesitant, and upset, looking down at the deer and the bloody spot surrounding the knife. He dared raise his hand, extending it towards his shoulder... Only to retract it. Atreus didn't wish for his comfort, nor did he feel comfortable in the company of his father - Kratos was well aware of that. Because of his tough upbringing and laconic socials, he appeared unapproachable and unloving. If only the boy could understand that he would die for him. If only he could understand that he loves him more than anything in this world - That he's the most precious being in the world - HE is his whole world. Instead, he returned the knife to him.

The moment had ended when a gigantic arm appeared out of nowhere, attempting to steal not only the deer, but to harm them also - Kratos was able to pull his son away and bring the colossal troll into the open, ready to decimate the monster. He was able to disarm it and climb on the back of his neck, bringing it down by the horn and completely snapping it, rendering the attacker dead. The deed was done, and the troll was dead. From the side of the field, Kratos heard a childish yet raw war cry and watched Atreus use the knife to mutilate the carcass of the beast from the internal rage. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!" he shrieked, cutting aimlessly into its skin. Kratos frowned - This won't do. He was letting his emotions get the better of him - If this was a battlefield, and only the forest knew what dangers they were to face whilst reaching the mountains, he couldn't trust that Atreus wouldn't lose himself in his rage and childish frustrations, and make such a monumental mistake based on baseless recklessness that even his father would be unable to save him from. "Boy." Kratos called out to him, but the child only shrieked even louder. "THINK I'M AFRAID OF YOU?!" he was losing himself in his blind wrath so much that he almost fell to the ground, coughing and panting weakly. "YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME!" he returned to his savage slashing. "Boy, look at me!" Kratos called out again, crouching next to Atreus grasping him by the shoulders to get his attention. "Look at me, boy! Boy! Boy, look at me!" the father kept repeating, times and times, to calm the child down and cease the meaningless anger. Finally, the boy's body relaxed, and it fell lax in his father's arms, as Atreus panted heavily. "We DID it." he looked completely unfocused and out of it.  "You are not ready." the hunt was a complete disaster. Even after the end result, the child didn't understand why he wasn't ready. It wasn't his hunting skills that were lacking, but his lack of discipline and understanding of his own self. He had much to learn.

The way back home was a silent and uncomfortable one. Once they reached the cabin, Faye's body had completely turned to ashes, and it was up to him to collect them and store them into a pouch. He cradled it in his hands dearly - The last remainder of his dear wife. But he couldn't allow himself to mourn externally for too long. He had a child to care for. The child was pitifully sitting on his bed, mumbling and protesting about his father's judgement, uncaring of the implications brought by his own lack of self-control; Though when he tested the child again, he fell to the ground, tripped and blinded by his own rage, and he coughed again. 

The moment was painfully interrupted by a roaring sound echoing deeply above the cabin, followed by a knock on their door - It meant trouble, the father realised, urging Atreus to hide underneath the floor.  After countless years, Kratos did not expect, in no man's land, to be forced to fight again, because of a being similar in power to a God. His world was never going to know peace and calm. A deity-like man who taunted him into becoming violent to the point of murder. He had to fight until they destroyed everything in their path and created craters wherever they hit, and he broke the stranger's neck. He was not ready for this journey... He, nor Atreus... He felt so lost... So alone... He didn't know how to go through this without Faye... Without Katrina... One dead, the other far, far away... With no guidance from the only hopeful light he had in life... How will he know how to proceed? Against his better judgement, he had to take Atreus with him on the journey to the mountain.

"I have never eaten berries so sweet before. I suppose even cold wastelands like this one have their advantages." the woman hummed, walking idly north - Always north - the snow scrunching underneath her golden sandals. "Still, raspberries are my favourite forest berries. Can't change my mind." whenever alone for too long a time, she found herself speaking out loud to herself. What else was she to do, to avoid growing mad with seclusion? She admired with a warm heart the fantastic landscapes, and how different the trees are, compared to those back home, and the vast lakes and the forests, and there is snow and freezing ice everywhere. Wooden buildings everywhere, and no big cities or large societies that she's encountered, only scattered, modest cabins here and there.

And then, the woman's body stopped abruptly, a shiver going down her spine. She smirked. "Ah, I see, no wonder. You were hidden away by a protective barrier that broke." Wonderful. She was no longer lost. With a hand raised, she unleashed a liana and brought herself up to another level of the mountain, until she reached a nice enough view. From up here, she could see trees glowing golden with some kind of ancient magic - It was kind and loving, she could feel its warmth. A pure kind of magic that was meant to protect. The area wasn't as big as she expected - Had Kratos found someone dear to him, and they wished to protect him? That would be lovely. 

Looking to the other side, however, she saw a small cabin that seemed to have been recently damaged - And next to it, to a limited perimeter, the nature was completely destroyed, as though a natural calamity had taken place in a single, concentrated spot, and only that. She smirked wider - She found the trail she had been looking for, for years now. She picked up the pace and ran down the mountain side, jumping from cliff to cliff to like a mountain goat, until she noticed two people walking, one very tall and well built, and very much bald - That was her target - The other, far smaller, possibly smaller than herself - It looked like a child. Was this his child, she wondered? Before she could rush to confront them, the boy ran ahead to pass a wooden bridge, only for the planks to fall. The man ran to rescue the boy, only for them to fall into a pit - Thankfully, it was a small drop. She can help.

Kratos could hear soft, eerie giggles resounding through the place, like a siren ready to bewitch him. As he stood up from the fall, and help his son out, he looked up at the large gap created by the ruined bridge, and he could not believe his eyes - Like a mirage, a perfectly safe bridge was in its place, and descended from the cliff and landing next to them, was a green stairway made out of grass, musk, vines and tree bark. He could feel the air from his lungs dissipate, as though he had been punched in the diaphragm - Could it be...? Could it? But... Where was she...? "Where did this come from? Do you think it's safe?" he heard his son ask. Kratos reticently stepped next to the stairs and dared to touch it - It felt soft, velvety, and slightly humid. If this was a mirage, Atreus wouldn't be seeing it... So... How...? "It is safe." though the boy already bolted up, Kratos daren't. He was too afraid to face whatever awaited him once he reached the last step. Was she there, or was she not? And - Which side hurt less? Being teased with an illusion, or finding her after so long, and seeing her pained expression once she realises that he has a new child, with another woman? "Father, there's a lady here!" his heart was beating so fast, he sprinted up the stairs, and upstairs, he saw the silhouette of a woman wearing nothing but her usual, grass-green dress, thin and revealing - She had the longest curtain of luscious scarlet hair that he's ever seen, filled with flowers of all kinds and colours, and she was sitting on the edge of the cliff, dangling her feet aimlessly - The same as long ago, when she appeared out of thin air, at the Temple of Atropos, the oldest of the Sisters which cursed both of their lives. 

Once she's heard his heavy foot step on the ground, she lazily leaned back her head, and greeted him with a wide smile. Neither of them knew how to put into words the excitement and love they felt glancing into each other's eyes. It felt unreal, though their souls knew it was reality. Kratos could see her dazzling smile widen, and he heard her melodic voice that soothed all of his woes. "Do you fancy yourself a philosopher? Plato? Socrates?" the man rose his eyebrow, bewildered by the nonsensical question. "I am inquiring as to why you are wearing a raccoon around your neck." his hand instinctively rose to his beard, stroking it with a frown. "You make as little sense as always." he grunted, kneeling by her side and offering her his hand and helping her stand. Her eyes were wide, and sparkling with happiness. "You have grown old, Kratos." she hummed, playfully. "You have a lot of wrinkles... You grew a beard... Well, you've grown more muscles too. And... Your voice has gone so deep and... Sage! I almost don't recognise you! My, what centuries away from home did to you!" she laughed at him, easy-going, only to see the man lean towards her ear and mumble that the child doesn't know anything about his Godhood. "Forgive me!" she whispered back. "Are you done judging my appearance?" the girl gasped in shock, like an actor in a drama. "My, Aphrodite would have my head if I dared such sacrilege! I daren't! In fact - Although very different, I think it will grow on me. You do seem far... What is the right word here... Ah, yes - Healed." Kratos looked down - He has healed, and he has been broken, times and times again, in a repeated cycle that will never end.  "Father, do you know her?" the girl twirled towards him.  "What a handsome young man we have here - What is your name, little one?" the boy was, indeed, shorter than her. "Atreus." it was his father's voice that answered. "Atreus..." Katrina muttered that name with nostalgia and melancholic. "It is a name for a strong man, young one. It is a name with heroic legacy - The name of a man who served as the commander of the Army from your father's homeland. This man protected his homeland and his people from any force that dared threaten them. He was intelligent and witty, and very strong and trustworthy. I am sure you are going to live up to the legacy." as the woman patted his head, little Atreus looked down and blushed. "Katrina." Kratos called out to her, his hand placed over her shoulder, but with the child there, he dared not speak anything of his past life or offer any kind of explanation - But he needn't. His eyes spoke plenty. "Fret not, my dear, I understand. I understand. It has been so long - I could never blame you. I am happy for you." his brows went up in surprise - Was she truly not unhappy? "Kratos - I mean it. I had Hermes. I had friends. I told you to do anything that would make you happy - And you did. You found yourself, and your peace. What else is there to wish for?" He grunted, looking at her. "Thank you." "It is almost peculiar hearing you being openly grateful. I truly love this new iteration of yourself." she teased him. "Where is she?" Kratos's gaze turned below, and with hesitant hands, he reached to his waist and took the pouch, showing it to her. Back home, they would entomb their deceased - Here, they were burning them - But she understood. She needn't explaining, she always understood. "So... This was the atrocious pang of agony I felt, as though someone impaled my heart. I am sorry, Kratos. I truly am sorry." Kratos didn't know how to reply, as he felt her tiny, slender arms around his body, holding him into an unexpectedly tight grip. His heart felt her own beating - At the same rhythm, of the same beat, at the same time. Their hearts became one, and their souls became cojoined. Putting back the pouch at his waist, he dared to embrace the darling Goddess of his dreams. "Never fear again, Kratos. I am here - And I will protect you. I will not leave you again."

Once they let go, the man nodded, grateful at the sentiment, and motioned for the two to walk ahead. He explained the painful purpose of their journey, and Kat couldn't help but feel so much pity for not only Kratos, but the poor child too. So young, yet already feeling the loss of his mother. There was so much that the two lovers wished to say to one another - But how could they? Katrina couldn't outright jump in his arms and kiss him all over his face, and tell him sweet words of tender love, for Atreus would hate her and think she was trying to replace his mother...And if Kratos even dared to soften his eyes when looking at the beautiful woman, and express how much he missed her, and how lonely and lost he's been without her, the young boy would resent his father forever, and alienate himself from him - After all, there was no one who could replace Faye. It was frustrating, and it was painful, being so close, yet so far, like the Sun and the Moon, fated never to meet in this life, or any other. Surrounded by people, yet ever lonesome.

The three walked along the crevasses of the mountains, with Kratos occasionally destroying and looting stashes and chests for important resources, and they reached another bridge similar to that which had broke under their weight - Only, this time, there was already someone there, with a large mount animal. This person was, uh... Not human, Kat realised. He was small and... With blue skin. Interesting specimen. Like his language. Vulgar and distasteful. Before the woman could go to the animal and communicate with it, see why it refused to cross the bridge, Atreus had already realised the problem, and urged his father to throw his axe towards the trees, as the animal was scared of whatever was there.

The two-legged mount rose to its feet, led by the young boy with the gentle heart. Brok, the blue skinned dwarf fell back in step to address the man about his weapon, claiming it was made by himself and his brother, and that he shouldn't allow anyone but them do upgrade work on it... Only to get slapped by the animal's tail. At first, Kratos didn't believe him - But once Brok offered proof of the rune on its grip, the brand that he and his brother used, the Spartan agreed to have the axe enhanced, as well as Atreus' bow, and their armor. She almost wished she could have something upgraded by this peculiar dwarf, however, she mostly used magic anyway, and there was little she could do to perfect an already flawless dress.

The monsters that once frightened the mount returned for revenge, however, and Kratos use the freezing axe to destroy them all, with brute strength and ease... But surprisingly, no more magic. Could he have lost all his magical powers gifted to him by the Gods and Titans, after having impaled himself with the Olympian Blade? "You left me to fight alone." Kat heard the man speak accusatory, as they walked through a mechanical gate, which he kept open by hitting the axe into a mechanism. "O, yes - Forgive me, Kratos. I was lost in my fascination with your new weapon and its ice powers." she smiled sheepishly, only to see him shake his head. "Not you. Him." he said pointingly. "People are one thing. Everything else, you fight, until I say stop, or we are dead. Understand? Pull your weight or we go home." quite the tough love, Kat realised, unwillingly remembering how gentle he used to be with Calliope. Well, she couldn't blame him. Calliope wasn't forced to join him in a perilous journey at a young age, though she was lucky enough to be alive... For as long as she did. Sweet Calliope, how she missed her, as though she was her own child.

They found themselves inside some kind of claustrophobic cavern filled with numerous and intricate spiky wall traps which served as nothing but temporary frights - The end of the cave was easily found, and they were rewarded with a spectacular mountainous view. Atreus was so giddy, he jumped on a tree stump to get a better landscape look. "Wow... Never been this close to the mountain before. Looks so big." he gasped, speechless. The young boy turned slightly towards his father, his tone turning melancholic. "I wish mum was here to see it." he turned back towards the snowy peaks.  Kratos looked down at the boy, his arm raising slowly, only to clench his jaw, hesitant, and look away. Kat smiled and snatched his hand in her own, slowly guiding it to sit on his child's shoulder. She gave him the courage and guidance he so desperately needed in kindling his bond with his own child. He needn't be so awkward and afraid all the time, poor man.

Atreus then turned and hopped off the trunk, walking ahead of the two, finding the way to advance forward. They reached a machinery that was solved with the aid of a riddle. 'As we are, we two, we three, as I alone can never be.' Kat has heard plenty of sinuous riddles, but this one was rather esoteric. Still, once Kratos turned a valve, a large plate wheel started turning, and they lined up the scribbles until they lit up and formed a word. Atreus translated it as - Family - The answer to the riddle. The child used the knife to draw the runes into the sand, and the plate rolled to the side, allowing them safe passage to the other side. Those runes seemed nothing like words though, yet they still intrigued the Olympian. Perhaps she will be able to learn their writings at some point.

On the other side, they found a marsh, surrounded by large rib-like obstacles, and in the middle, a large troll appeared. "May I have the honour of showing off?" Kat giggled. She allowed Kratos not a second to speak, as with the speed of Hermes and a spear materialising in her arm, she mockingly grinned at the beast. "Hi, there! Beautiful day to die, isn't it?" with a flick of her hand, she controlled the spear to impale itself through one of its eyes, going to the other side, and with another flick, she recalled the weapon through the back of its head, out the other eye. With a roar, the great troll stumbled, and fell right at her feet. "It is safe to come out." she waved cheerfully. The boy was the one to run to her side first, excited and stupefied at how easily she was able to defeat the troll, whilst his father and him took so long before.  "That was awesome! How did you do that?" he almost seemed to be jumping up and down from excitement. "Well, little one, what did I do indeed." she mused at him. "I suppose you could say I am... A witch." "Really? A witch? I've never seen one of those!" with a chuckle, Kat bent her waist to reach his level, and showed him the way she created a bright, glowing blue flower. "That was AWESOME!" "Here. It is the same shade as your beautiful eyes." she carefully placed the flower between his ear. "If you wish to keep it, it may have the property of keeping you safe. Your father can guarantee that." she chuckled, straightening up. "I'm so glad you appeared, Kat. Oh, sorry - Can I call you Kat?" he smiled with a guilty blush. "Of course you may. All my friends do. I believe you have that privilege by default." she patted his head, as he went on ahead. "Thanks for looking out for him. He's still young and... Very reckless." Kratos gruffed, stepping by her side, making sure the child was out of earshot. "My, my, sounds a lot like someone that I used to know. I wonder who." she grinned teasingly, earning a frown as a response. "I am here for you, Kratos. That means Atreus as well. I will care for him the same I did with Calliope." "Calliope was different. She listened to me. Atreus is stubborn. He was close to his mother, not with me." he seemed so... Sad. "Don't worry, my love. I am sure he will come around. Both of you need some help in learning how to properly communicate and bond with one another." with a quick look in the boy's direction, she got on her tippy toes and stole a kiss from the man before walking ahead. From behind her, she heard a soft chuckle of amusement. "I'm glad you're here."

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#god of war x oc #god of war imagine #god of war x reader #kratos x katrina #kratos x oc #kratos imagine #kratos x reader #kratos #hermes #atreus

[purplesurveys]

1555

What is something you want but can't afford to buy? A projector in my room. I’ve always planned to get one of those so that I’m not always stuck watching on a smaller screen - whether it’s my phone or laptop - but bigger priorities always get in the way every month. Then again I always feel uncomfortable making gadget purchases, and I largely save those for either my birthday or Christmas.

What is something you want but aren't sure if you should splurge on it? Tae’s Mute Boston Bag – my brain’s been through a million internal fucking debates on whether I should get my own or not because the thing’s market price keeps going up lmao. 

Do you prefer ham or turkey with your stuffing and mashed potatoes? I’m gonna go ahead and assume this is a Thanksgiving thing and skip this. The closest thing we have is Christmas ham, but then again I’m not sure if any family here has it with the stuffing and mashed potatoes you’re talking about.

Do you usually eat wheat bread or white bread, or are you gluten-free? White. I never liked the texture of wheat bread.

What type of church do you like the most, if any? Not sure what this question is trying to ask since you just kinda have to go to a church that operates under your denomination, and it’s not like church-hopping is a thing people do hahaha...but in any case, I’m not a fan of the church and just attend to a Catholic one every Sunday out of obligation.

Was anyone rude to you today? No, not today. But boy did I come head-to-head with a really rude delivery rider yesterday...I get that we all have rough days, but idk, I hadn’t done anything to give him a reason to be short with me. I tried to be understanding, but he kept up quite a schtick until I lost my temper with him and in the end I gave him a not-so-generous review afterwards.

Which lost friend do you most wish you could be friends with again? I haven’t lost friendships that I regret.

Have you ever had a friend turn against you? Not turn against, but I had a couple of friends stop talking to me and my ex (then my best friend) all of a sudden, back in Grade 7. Like we were our own group, that’s how close we were, until one day when they just dropped ties with us. They must have had their reasons so I didn’t (and still don’t) resent them for it, and if anything it just taught me that people will do such things sometimes and you’ll just have to move on. What is your town known for? Being a pilgrimage site. And a bunch of rice cakes.

Do you live in the town you grew up in? Yeah, we just moved villages but pretty much the same area, yup. 

What was that good year that you had? 2014 and 2021 I’d count as really great and happy years.

Did you make a memory jar for this year? If so, is it full? I don’t keep those. I did have a since-discarded memory box when I was in a relationship, but otherwise I don’t keep one for my life in general.

Do you want to make a memory jar for next year? No. I think this blog and my camera roll already serve a similar purpose.

Are you optimistic? Generally. Being pessimistic doesn’t lead me anywhere, as I’ve learned.

Do you think people ask too nosy questions? (in real life) Oh for sure. Come to the Philippines and spend a weekend with a Filipino family and you’ll learn just how irritatingly nosy people are capable of being.

Do you think you would be happier if you had more money? Well, I would. I’ve never been wealthy or privileged enough to treat money as a passive thing, and I always actively seek it to be closer to both necessities and luxuries. That being said, that motto about money being able to buy happiness is something I can really relate to.

Who's youtube channel would you like to guest star on? JOLLY or Good Mythical Morning.

What was the last thing you purchased off of Etsy? I’ve never bought anything from there. I don’t even know if I can get stuff from Etsy, where I’m from.

What is something currently on your wishlist from Etsy? I don’t even have an account. Is there a Target near you? Um, no.

Which is closest to you: Target, Walmart, Kmart, or Meijer? 🙄

Where did your Christmas tree come from? I have no idea, my parents bought it years ago.

Would you rather be an elf or a reindeer? Why? Neither. Who do you go to when you're lonely? Or what do you do when you're lonely? I just deal with the loneliness myself and try to nurse it by watching stuff that makes me feel less lonely.

Are you alone? Yes.

Are you ok? I’m always ok during weekends. I feel like I’m happiest during weekends, these days.

What color is your favorite sweater? I don’t have a favorite.

Name 10 things that are on your Christmas list this year. Hahaha 10? That is a lot...my wishlist will be largely the same as last year’s, which is just “get me anything BTS-related, doesn’t matter if it’s original or not.”

Silver or gold? Silver.

[keenexpressions]

Andres Gomez

1. Name, Year, & Major

Andres Gomez, 3rd Year, Communications

2. If you were a luxury brand, what would it be and why?

Playboy, I think I'm cute and I want to be a Playboy model.

3. Who is your personal hero and why?

I would say my parents but the older I get the most I realize the future me is my hero, and ill do my best to outcompete him.

4. How do you react after a conflict occurs, and why?

After conflict occurs I stop giving it any thought and do not care about it. I don’t let it live rent free in my head.

5. If you were granted 3 wishes, what would it be?

1. Succeed at anything I want to become 2. Be able to time travel 3. Binge eat and not gain weight

6. What would you Google about your life?

Do I ever go bald or am I going to just go gray

7. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

My discipline, hair, and rizz but mostly rizz.

8. What's your toxic trait?

Unstoppable rizz, gaslighting and overly flirty don't hate the player, hate the game.

9. Would you visit the future or past?

I would visit the future, let me be on a spaceship getting into space battles!

10. What are the biggest differences between you today/now and five years ago?

The biggest difference between me and my younger self was that I was more prone to fall into bad habits, and I was not as social as I am now. Nor was I as perspicacious as I am now, and humble, that's a big one. I’m the most humble person I know now. Back then I was always afraid to try new things and many of the things I did were not challenging to myself. Some advice I would give him? I would tell him to start any and all of his passion projects, “try on as many hats as you want, see what sticks. Maybe one of them will be the best thing you ever do in life, who knows? You could be destined for greatness if you just stay consistent.” Oh and I would also tell him to invest more into Bitcoin and remain a finance bro. And switch into the computer science major in UC Santa Cruz since that's what they're known for. Do I need more words? Okay I gotchu. So some more differences between us, younger me is about 200 pounds and has no muscle, so dude get into the gym. But I guess that's okay because when you are that big you rely on rizz and get better at flirting just by being yourself. But yeah, no, get in the gym chubby you’ll love becoming a gym rat one day. I know I do. I’ll give it to the younger me, he was about becoming a researcher, he took AP Research in high school. That was a 2 year academy where you learn how to read research papers, make presentations on them, and then make your own peer reviewed study. We’re published authors, told you we’re humble! Anyways, I would tell him, don’t focus on becoming a researcher so soon, not even grad students have papers out yet. I’d tell him to try public speaking more, especially when it comes to going in front of a camera or a microphone, it comes really naturally for us. Maybe we should try stand up comedy.

#chihohos

[vidalatthewall]

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Ok, I think I oh yeah it’s going. Alright. So. Um. Where to start. It’s always hard to start I guess. I mean when I get going it’s easy to just continue off of what thoughts come to my head. But just starting out of nowhere is pretty difficult I guess. 

I started talking about myself last time, but I guess I can tell you some more about me. 

What all did I say last time? Talked about Outskirts I think. Kind of mentioned the City as well. Oh that’s something I could talk about, but I don’t want to get sidetracked immediately. 

Let’s see…

That’s right, I sort of mentioned something about not being able to write last time. If you aren’t from the Outskirts you probably don’t know this, but the ability to write is not a luxury most people from the there are afforded. There’s no reason to teach us. We’re basically just born to die on the Wall. Or bait for anything that makes it past it. Plus there’s so much sickness that goes around there that it’s a small chance you’re going to live past childhood. I’ve heard stories that back in the Pre-Ruin times that there were schools that children would go to so they could learn how to read and write. They say they have one of those in the City, but even if that is true I doubt it’s like the ones in the stories. It’s probably just the ruins of one. That’s basically what the City is anyway from what I can tell. Just an imitation of life before the Day of Ruin. 

I’d still trade everything that I had in the Outskirts for a day in the City. 

We are taught how to read and speak at least. We have tons of scraps of books. Nothing complete though. No pictures of anything either. Just lines of words. Just enough that we can learn how to read well enough to understand the instructions that are left for us on the Wall and the letters the City guards send us for orders. But nothing for us to write on or with. Plus there isn’t anything new for us to learn how to read with so we can’t ruin future generations' learning ability by wanting to be selfish and try to write on the few pages we have to learn from. And I really wouldn’t have much to say anyway. “Life here stinks. I sure wish I could live in the City. I hope I don’t have to fight on the Wall one day, but I’m sure I will.”

That being said, talking to this… thing… or person? I still don’t know what this really is… But it has been nice. I feel like I can just talk and be heard? There’s no point in telling these things to people on the Outskirts. They all feel the same way. We almost all have had the same life. Born in the Outskirts. Raised in the Outskirts. Will either die on the Wall or in the Outskirts. 

However, there is always the few people that have an interesting story to tell. See no one ever goes to live in the City from the Outskirts. But the opposite does happen. I guess if people mess up bad enough they get kicked out and move to the Outskirts. I do feel bad for them because it is a death sentence. But it seems like I’m one of the few that feel that way as they usually get treated like they’re the most disgusting person alive. When really it’s the opposite. They’re pretty clean when they arrive at our place of filth. But even if you do try to talk to them, they hardly say anything. They’ve probably thought of us so little for so long that living here with us makes them lose it. Almost none of them live very long once they get here. For one reason or another. The few that do are usually kids. We might look at people from the City as being horrible for leaving us to die out here the way they do. But a kid is still a kid. My mom was actually a kid from the City. My grandparents took her in after her dad died. He passed shortly after he came to the Outskirts. She never talked about the City. We all knew better than to ask her about it. Any time someone would mention it her eyes would just go black. She stopped talking and went somewhere else to be alone for a bit. She would come back later and act like nothing ever happened. 

She died in a Nachtmorder attack a little while ago. They killed two of my brothers as well. It was just my sisters and I left of my family before I was sentenced to the Wall. I left my unborn child back in the Outskirts as well. 

My partner and I had set up a place to live after so much time planning. One of my sisters has been in such bad health for a long time. We’ve constantly been told to just let her die and be on with it. It feels like it should be easy to just let someone die after you have already grown up with so much death around you. But when it’s someone you’ve known your entire life and theirs is in your hands it’s… It’s just different. She was just starting to get better. Which is why I was ready to go live with my partner… 

But that’s when everything went wrong. When my entire life fell apart…

I don’t really want to go too much into it now though. 

Maybe some other time. 

I should probably get back, but I did want to mention one new thing. I feel like this time and last time I’ve only told you about things in the past. 

That’s mainly because there thankfully hasn’t been anything new here on the Wall the past little bit. 

Except one thing. I told you nearly no one goes from the City to the Outskirts unless they’ve done something bad. But even in those cases, those people never go to the Wall. Usually they don’t live long enough to go there, but that’s besides the point. 

There’s a new person coming to our section of the Wall soon. 

And they’re coming straight from the City. I don’t know if it’s by force, which would be scary to think of what they did to go straight to the Wall. Or if they’re coming by choice. In which case I don’t know what they’ve been told to make them think that’s a good idea, because it’s a death sentence. I don’t know which idea is scarier honestly. 

Only thing I know about them is their name is Rahab. 

Hopefully next time I talk to you I know more about them. Who knows, maybe they’ll already be here next time. 

Until then. 

Ok so it’s the button right, Walter? Ok so just pre

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#theWall #fiction friday

[abraxos-and-ataraxia]

Hey just want to let you know I’m really enjoying your story. Danae is a joy and fascinating to read. We see she’s past the loud stage of her anger. She’s now calm and in the acceptance stage. She’s accepted the fact that her high lord is trying to rid his hands of Illyria but what wants them under his thumb. 500 years is plenty of time to change things but he just has 500 excuses for her. But when you are calm and angry that’s when it gets taken to the next level because now you’re calm and fed up, rational and able think things through. She’s weighed the pros and cons and knows what she wants for her fellow Illyrian kin. Change is not pretty, easy, or done with pleases and thank you’s. Poor Emerie has drank the inner circle kool-aid but hopefully Danae was able to plant some seeds in her head to get her to second guess the half ass attempts that Rhysand and co. have done for her people. I know emerie extended the Valkyrie invitation but with Danae had no interested in fighting for her high lord? Danaes stance is that their options shouldn’t just be between cannon fodder or wives or live in constant fear of their own high lord and other Illyrian men. Emerie shows what Danae could have had but Danae would not be satisfied because then she would see that she would just be one lucky Illyrian out of all the other unfortunate ones who don’t have the luxury of being close to high lords family. I hope their talk made Emerie realize that letting Illyrian women serve as soldiers is a false liberation because now they are given the choice of being slaves that die for the high lord or slaves in their homes.

Hey nonnie!  Do you see these tears?  They’re for you and this feedback because I’ve been dying for discourse *cracks knuckles* alright here we go:

Danae is...impulsive and easily pissed off.  She really does just blurt out her unfiltered thoughts, but she’s not always wrong.  Her perspective as a twenty-something Illyrian who’s never actually met her High Lord and only really lived during Amarantha times is one we haven’t gotten yet, and one I was dying to write.  I mean, consider all of the WACK stories she must have heard, whisper down the lane, from Under the Mountain.  And that’s legitimately all she knows.  If that High Lord came up to me and smiled, I’d be terrified.  And she is!  Rightfully so!  Even before Amarantha, Rhys was fueling those horrible rumors.  He spent hundreds of years playing the Nightmare.  If anything, I’m surprised at how easily some of the acotar characters have just....accepted that he’s a nice guy.  It took Feyre longer than a lot of these side characters, and she’d only seen him be Mr. Scary for a few months, not centuries.

Emerie (ilysm babe) was a really good way to showcase how Danae hasn’t had enough time to learn to be quiet.  Danae hasn’t learned to accept “the way things are” yet.  She hasn’t grown accustomed to really questionable history and behavior in the Night Court.  Emerie is older (that’s the impression I have, anyway) and has lived her whole life in Windhaven, the only place anyone seems to visit in Illyria.  Her opinions have skewed over time, and that’s not her fault at all.  At some point in time, she stopped asking questions, and when she joined the Valkyries, nothing really changed, because who was going to remind her that things could be different in Illyria?  Nesta knew nothing about the place, and neither did Gwyn.  The inner circle isn’t going to suddenly start brainstorming reforms over dinner without some kind of spark, so why would Emerie suddenly start questioning her High Lord or Illyria?

To sum up, Danae is basically that kid you babysit who won’t stop asking “but why?”  Rhysand is the babysitter tiredly answering “because I said so, that’s why.”  And Emerie is the kid who just woke up from a nap and is hella confused.  There’s a debate going on?

#this fic is an adventure in perspective #and also an adventure in morally grey characters #spoiler: pretty much everyone in this fic is solidly in the grey zone #everybody makes mistakes *cue britney* #thanks for stopping by nonnie :) #crown of ash and blood #putting a break because i accidentally wrote an essay oops #ask box

[adviceformefromme]

How I finessed £850 for a pair of Jimmy Choo’s off a man I’d known for one week and NEVER met in person before... Okay ladies, story time. I met a guy, 10 years older on an app, very successful, handsome, lives and runs a business in my neighbourhood. Easily searchable on the net, his office is five minutes from my house. HOWEVER, I have never met this man. We’d been in deep WhatsApp messages for a week, sharing political views, discussing dreams, aspirations, hopes etc. For a penpal this felt like a deep connection already. I made myself available to communicate with him as intense as it was at times. We had planned to go for a little walk and coffee to meet a few days after connecting but it didn’t happen, but I was open for a low key meet up just to see him in person. How I use 'cause and cure' to finesse. I generally create a problem, this can be a joke or a real issue, e.g 'I can’t believe you missed our one week anniversary!’ (always add playful emojis when finessing ladies) allow him to reply and then always ask ‘how do you plan on making it up to me’, fortunately in my finesse story this man loved spoiling women, so he suggested 'heels or lingerie', naturally, I said ‘both'. After some back and forth flirts I sent him the link to the Jimmy Choo’s and we discussed how hot they were. I then sent my Paypal details and told him ‘let’s see how much weight your words hold’. TIP. MOVE fucking fast. When a man is ready to drop that cash, you don’t take your time and message back after you done eaten your pasta, or had your bath. No sweetie, you reply immediately. And once that money drops you keep the momentum going. Reading this, it sounds fairly straightforward, and I literally had no idea it would be this easy especially as we had never met. I had however engaged in ALOT of back and forth messages with this man about trading, tech, dating, love etc. A connection had been established. Even though it had been just over one week it wasn’t like I was getting money from a complete stranger, some of the messages exchanged were more deep then men I’ve known for months. He opened up to me and I created space to continue to talk to him even when I was busy. There was time, energy, investment. Tips: Firstly, make sure you are dealing with a man that loves to spoil women. Make time for him if he is willing to talk, go deep, ask questions. YOU ARE VETTING HIM at this stage. Find out his motives, what he wants, what has worked for him, what makes him tick, what is missing from his life right now. Stop being so surface level with the chats, everything is behind the screen so who even cares. Once the CONNECTION has been established, then you can progress. LOOK THE PART. Your social media. I never really realised the importance of this but if you want to manifest that luxury life ENSURE your IG is on point. I recently got back from a beach holiday with a girlfriend so I had the IG photos to support the aesthetic of a luxury life. This is how men will perceive you. If you need some inspiration, start researching women who look like they are spoilt, think photos in high end restaurants, outside beautiful homes, bikini snaps, holidaying in luxury locations. Be creative. Final note: There is an abundance of wealthy men that enjoy spoiling women. So if you want this life, make sure you're focusing on your type of people. Stop wasting time on people who aren’t for you, men who don’t spoil, men who don’t spend, men who don’t provide you with the life you’re already providing for yourself. Stop choosing dusty men who choose you, start choosing men who are able to provide you with the dream life you already created for yourself and more.  💕

#datingadvice #adviceformefromme mindset growth lawofattraction dating hypergamy focus #finessing #finessingtips #finessing101 #hypergamy #abundance #manifestyourreality

[sunmoonandeddie]

and he kissed me right here

pairing: modern!bucky barnes x reader

word count: 6,100

summary: I've always been sure that all I ever wanted was a glamorous life.

warnings: Cuss words, mentions of the Afghanistan war (Bucky is a veteran), angst, happy ending, cheesy romantic confessions, age gap

a/n:  This is based on the song 'Stars and the Moon' from Songs for a New World! It's the first one shot in my musical series! This is written in first perspective, but there is no physical description or use of a name in this!

Twenty-Two

I sighed as I tossed a few more dirty plates into the dish window, wiping my brow. After a shitty dinner rush and an even shittier rush around two in the morning consisting only of drunk ass college kids looking for some sort of carb to suck up all the alcohol in their systems, I was ready to go the fuck home.

“Sweetheart, you head on home now,” the head chef insisted as he watched my head nod slightly as I tried my best to fight off sleep. “Ain’t nobody comin’ in before Melissa gets here. No point in you staying on your feet any longer.”

Louis was a godsend. At sixty-seven years old, you’d think he would rather be anywhere but a diner at almost four in the morning.

“Nah,” he had said when I’d asked him a few months after I’d first started. “My Ginny died a few years back, and since she’s been gone, I don’t really have the stomach to sit around that house all alone.” He had laughed, but there’d been a deep sorrow that had come over his deep brown eyes. “Kids are worried, but… Sleeping the day away is better than laying up at night staring at her side of the bed…”

“You sure, Lou?” I asked even as I headed for the back room where all the employees clocked in and kept their possessions in their own little cubbies. I did my checkout in view of the security camera, just like always. I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I stole anything.

Everyone who knew me knew that I wouldn’t, but I’d worked at two many places where the girls tried backstabbing each other and sabotaging everyone else to get them fired.

Though people were a lot nicer in Louisiana than any of the other places I’d lived.

Louis chuckled as he set a to-go box in the window, nodding towards it. “Mmhm. Long as Buck is getting you home safe.”

I gave him a joking eye roll as I took the to-go box gratefully, grinning at my name written in all caps with green Sharpie on top. “You know you don’t have to make me dinner every night.”

“Yes, I do,” he said, shooting me a look. “How else do I know you’re getting enough food in you, huh?” He pointed his rag at me. “Now you go ask him to get you home. Tell him I said he can clock out, and that he’s supposed to text me when he sees you safe inside. You better not say you’re gonna ask him again just to walk yourself home.” The old man shook his head as I headed for the back door, muttering to himself, “Damn girl thinks I’m gonna believe she’s feeding herself good enough when she’s risking her damn ass walking home alone.”

Despite the fact that I’d put off asking for Bucky Barnes’s service, I really did appreciate how fiercely Louis cared about me.

It had been a real long time since anyone had cared so much.

I hesitated at the back door of the diner, my hand resting against the cool metal.

What if he said no?

Granted, he most likely wouldn’t. But what if he said yes, and he secretly thought me some dumb little girl that couldn’t take care of herself?

What did I care if he thought that?

“I don’t care what he thinks of me,” I huffed as I straightened my shoulders, holding my chin a little higher.

“Stop talking to yourself and get going!”

I jumped in surprise, before shooting a glare in the direction of the kitchen. “Stop listening in on my private conversations!” I demanded before storming outside with new found vigor.

Only to freeze when Bucky looked up from where he was sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette.

God, he was handsome.

“You okay, doll face?” He asked, his New York accent a sharp contrast to the southern drawls you were used to.

“Um… Y-Yeah,” I said faintly, glancing back at the door that I’d come in from. “Um… L-Louis wants me to ask you… Can you walk me home? Or give me a ride? I don’t… I don’t know if you drive…”

“I do drive.”

“O-Oh. Okay. Great.”

“But I don’t have my car on me.”

I peered at him curiously. “Oh. Um… I can just walk by myself. I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna be a nuisance…”

He stood up, tossing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it out. “Don’t be ridiculous, darlin.’ Come on. I’ll walk you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he began to head for the street. “Besides… It’s a real nice night.”

“Oh…,” I said in surprise at how ready he was to be of service. “Okay. But only if you’re sure.”

A faint smile graced his lips as he glanced at the ground, letting out a faint chuckle that rumbled deep in his chest. “I’m sure, darlin.’ But you gotta lead the way.”

I was surprised by the rapid pitter patter of my heart beat as we walked side by side down the street, the chorus of ‘Yellow Brick Road’ getting stuck in my head on a loop.

Bucky was an enigma that I found myself wondering about more often than not, but I always ended up talking myself out of going there. After all, he was an older man. A much older man. At least fifteen years older than my own twenty-two years, or something along those lines, not that he looked it. The man looked like some kind of rugged Greek god. Like Hades if Hades was born in the eighties. His dog tags clinked together under his shirt as we walked, his metal prosthetic glinting in the moon.

“So how did you end up in NOLA?”

It took me a moment to even realize that he was talking to me, my heart skipping a beat and my face going hot in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked.

His bright blue eyes flickered over to look me over. “How’d you end up in New Orleans?”

“I actually don’t know,” I snorted, avoiding his eyes as I kicked at a few broken up pieces of asphalt. “I just… Picked a bus ticket and ended up in one of the Carolinas. Then I picked another bus ticket and ended up in Minnesota. And then I picked another, and another, and another, and then I actually just… ended up here.” The months I’d spent alone on those Greyhounds felt both so long ago and also like it was just yesterday. “The diner was the first place someone recommended for food that’s good but cheap, and as I was eating my mountain of cheese fries, I saw the flyer that said they were hiring. So here I am now…”

“Huh,” he said, his brows furrowed. “I didn’t take you for the type of person to run off on your own… riding buses all over the country…”

Head tilting to the side, I gave him a long look. “You didn’t? What kind of type did you peg me for?”

Bucky gave me a long look, a single brow raised as though silently telling me that I jumped to conclusions. “Just that jumping from place to place can take a lot outta someone,” he said slowly, his voice low and soothing. “Hell, if you were my girl—” He broke off as his cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, his long hair falling in his face.

I swore my heart had stopped inside of my chest, and I swallowed thickly around the lump in my throat. “Oh?”

He rushed to try to correct his wording. “I-I just mean, a lady should be comfortable. And if I had a g-girl like you, well… You’d never want for anything,” he stammered, stumbling over his words like a flustered school boy. “Hell, I… I’d give you the stars and the moon…”

I was shocked into silence, staring up at him like he was the sun itself. “Bucky…”

“No, no, don’t say anything. I… I know that was a lot,” he insisted quietly, unable to meet your eyes as he stared up at the shitty apartment building you called home. “Hell, you probably don’t want a gross old man hitting on you.” His metal hand, glinting in the low light of the street lamp, reached up to brush against my cheek for just a moment before it quickly dropped. “Just let me walk you home each night so I can make sure you’re safe, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I breathed out, unable to take my eyes off of him as he took a few steps back.

There’s a somewhat playful smirk on his lips as he watched me stumble up the steps, continuously glancing back at him. “Goodnight, baby doll.”

“Goodnight,” I said, barely audible before I finally headed inside.

Bucky kept his word. He walked me home every night, and honestly, there wasn’t a moment that I wasn’t thinking about what he had said, about if I was his girl.

What if I was his girl?

But… with that meant I’d have to give up the life I’d dreamed for myself. I wanted luxury, to never worry about bills or where I was gonna get my next meal or if I could afford to buy the nice work shoes or if I could only get the cheap ones that would fall apart in three months and then I’d just be right back where I started.

I wanted the life that celebrities lived. Hell, I wanted to go to parties on the same yachts the Kardashian-Jenners did, even if I couldn’t fucking stand them.

And with Bucky… I wouldn’t have that.

“So why’d you go on the run anyway?” Bucky asked one night as we sat on the curb, eating ice cream in the Louisiana heat. “I know you told me how you got here, but you’ve never told me why.”

“You’ve never told me how you ended up here or why either,” I shot back, nudging his shoulder with my own.

Somehow the age difference seemed non-existent as we sat there. Honestly, I felt like we were just a bunch of dumb teenagers, shooting the shit and enjoying each other’s company.

Bucky took in a deep breath, his shoulders sinking in a way that made it look like he had all the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I was over in Afghanistan for a long time,” he admitted quietly. “When the war first started, I was 19. I had no idea where my life was going and I had no options except my dad’s mechanic shop. So I enlisted with my best friend, Steve. The one I told you about.”

It’s completely silent except for the sound of an occasional car horn off in the distance.

“Neither one of us knew what we were doing. We realized very quickly that we had no reason being over there, but… but there was nothing else,” he said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. The ice cream he was holding was melting in his trembling hands. “I didn’t know how to do anything else, so I stayed. Steve moved up in the ranks, but I stayed pretty low… I didn’t mind. Kinda liked being the older guy all those young kids could talk to, could rely on… Because they were just like me, getting into a fight that wasn’t theirs because they had nothing else.”

My heart was shattering inside my chest as I scooted a little closer, my knee knocking against his as I tried to give him some sort of silent comfort. He’d been through Hell and made it through.

Bucky let his head rest against mine, his eyes closing as he breathed in the scent of my perfume. “They eventually moved me to some kind of specialized team… Called us the Howling Commandos. I found out that Steve was heading it and he picked me to be part of it. That’s how I met Sam, because he was on some sort of similar team with the Air Force, except it was just him and his friend, Riley,” he continued, taking a bite of his chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. “I am proud to say that I didn’t kill a single person while I was over there. I just couldn’t. Hell, they’re people just like me, terrified and unsure of what’s going to happen.” His lips pressed against my forehead, letting it linger. “But then about five years ago, I was on a mission with the Commandos, Sam, and Riley, and… this bomb went off while we were playing a game of soccer. I wasn’t even in a fight. That thing took my arm and it took Riley.”

Tentatively, I let my fingers find his, holding his hand and squeezing reassuringly.

“Sam decided to come home with me.” There was a forlorn look in his eyes, as though he was right back at that game of pick-up soccer. “After losing Riley… he couldn’t find a reason to be over there. And then Steve decided to stay, and hell, he’s still over there, leading that fucking team…” Glassy baby blue eyes finally found mine, the both of us doing our best to not cry. “I couldn’t face my family for a long time, so Sam asked me to come stay in Louisiana with him and his family, and I haven’t left since.”

“Have you gone to see your family?” I asked slowly, almost like I was scared I’d frighten him if I spoke too loudly, like a wild animal. “Let them know where you are? That you’re safe?”

He turned to look at me, his baby blues shining. “You worried about me, baby doll?”

“I can’t help it,” I said honestly, unable to tear my eyes away. I hadn’t opened up to someone like that in so damn long. “I can’t help but worry about you.”

The way that I felt about Bucky absolutely terrified me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. It snuck up on me, like a train coming around a bend.

I hated it.

“What do you want out of this life?” Bucky asked on one walk home, his arm linked in mine. He’d become so much more… tactile. If anyone took a moment to look at us, they’d think we were a couple on a romantic stroll.

Perhaps we were.

But I couldn’t help but grin as I looked up at the sky, taking in the warm air. “I wanna live like how the movie stars do… I want a big house on the beach and twenty cars and a yacht and… and…”

He looked at me long and hard. “And you never wanna have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, if you’re gonna have a place to sleep at night…”

For some reason, I’d felt a bolt of panic over whether or not he’d understand. Whether or not he’d think differently of me, but I should’ve known that he wouldn’t. Hell, he knew me better than anyone else.

“You understand,” I said quietly, my hand squeezing his bicep gratefully. “I want to live how the other half lives for once. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

A small smile graced his features as we shuffled along. “There isn’t. But… What about love?” He asked.

“Love?”

“Love.”

Love.

Could I even have love? Did I want it?

“I don’t know if there’s a lot of room for love in my plans,” I admitted after a long moment. “In my experience, love has always just been a lie. A word used to manipulate and eventually abuse.”

Letting out a snort, he let his fingers tickle down my tricep until his fingers intertwined with mine. “I’d show you it’s not… I’d show you what real love is,” he said. “I’d give you every part of me, give you all my strength to help you grow into who you wanna be, even if I don’t particularly care about being famous or rich…” He brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I’ll give you a love story, a life, that’s a million times better than any recycled Hollywood plot… I’ll give you the stars and the moon, if you would just let me.”

I hated the way that he made my heart beat faster, the way my breath hitched. “Jamie,” I breathed out quietly, the two of us having stopped in our tracks to just… take each other in. Live in each other’s presence for a moment. “I…”

“You want a big life… one a lot bigger than little old me,” he said simply, shrugging. His blue eyes were so honest, so loving. So warm. A warmth I hadn’t ever experienced before. “I know. But that doesn’t change that I’m in love with you. And if you ever change your mind…” Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, pressing it into my free hand. “This is where you can find me. I figure it’s time for me to go home.”

We’d come to a stop in front of my building, and I was shocked at how tight my chest felt. My eyes watered as I stared at him long and hard. “Jamie, please… I⏤”

“Don’t say it. It’s okay,” he insisted as he cupped my cheek, letting his thumb run over my skin as though he was memorizing it. “I just want you to be happy, darling. You got that?” His lips pressed to my forehead, letting it linger. “Go get that life you’ve been dreaming of.”

Twenty-Three

I left New Orleans the next day, grabbing a bus ticket after throwing all of my belongings into my old duffel bag. It was time to move on.

But God, did it hurt.

I didn’t stop crying for weeks, fighting the urge to go right back to Louisiana and tell Bucky to take it back, to get him to beg me to stay with him.

But what kind of life would that leave me with? Working in the diner day after day? Never getting anywhere?

But you’d have James, a voice inside my head reminded me snarkily.

Then again, he most likely wasn’t even in New Orleans anymore, if what he said was true when he gave me the business card of his father’s mechanic shop. Was he really planning on going home to New York City?

A few months later, and I’d worked my way all through the southwest to Santa Fe, where I met Pietro.

My heart was pounding as I pressed in the familiar numbers, having memorized them from the business card now soft and faded from how often I held it in my hands like a lifeline. “Come on… Pick up… Pick up…”

“Barnes Tires and Motors, this is George,” a man said in a gruff voice when he finally picked up. “How can I help you?”

“H-Hi, is James there? James Barnes? Bucky?” I stammered out, hands trembling so bad that the old payphone was almost rattling.

There was a pause, and then muffled talking away from the phone.

And then I heard it being picked up. “This is Bucky,” he said.

It felt like the wind had been knocked right out of my lungs. How had I gone so long without hearing his voice?

Breathing in sharply, I tried to figure out the words to say. But my throat was dry and it was like I’d suddenly forgotten the entire English language.

That was all that it took for Bucky to realize it was me. “Baby doll? Baby doll, is that you?” He asked quietly. “I…” He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “You don’t gotta say a thing, sweetheart… But just know that if you’re in trouble or you need help or… or anything at all, you better call me…” His voice wavered, as though he was fighting tears just like I was. “God, I miss you so much, baby doll. I love you.”

I love you, too.

I hung up before I could actually say the words. “God, I’m so fucking stupid,” I whispered as I leaned back against the wall of the gas station I’d found myself at, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes.

My dumb ass had decided to wander from the bus station, and I’d walked over a mile away. Unless I was staying in Santa Fe for a bit, I’d need to start making my way back.

“You okay?”

In my distress, I hadn’t even heard the rumbling of the motorcycle or noticed the handsome man making his way to me. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I said even as I wiped my nose with a pathetic sniffle.

He eyed me for a long moment, his eyes roaming over my figure. “You hungry? I know a great little place nearby. My treat.”

And well, I was never one to turn down free food.

Even if that ‘little place’ ended up being a food truck.

“You know, when you said it was a little place, I didn’t picture it having wheels,” I said teasingly, licking salsa off of my lower lip. “Though, it is the best food I’ve ever gotten from a food truck before.”

“Oh, come on. This is the best food of all time!” He laughed, shaking his head.

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” I snorted, finishing off my flautas.

Pietro looked at me long and hard. “So, are you gonna tell me what the hell was going on to have a pretty girl like you all teary eyed?” He asked, his head tilting to the side.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Was this your plan all along?” I asked. Wiping my hands off on a napkin, I did everything I could to avoid his eyes. “Get me all fed and then question me?” But at the same time, the thought of being able to finally talk to someone about it was so appealing… After a long moment of hesitation, I finally gave in. “I fell in love with a man, and he let me go because he knew that I want a life he can’t give me,” I said. “And I was a bitch who didn’t even tell him I love him back when he said it to me.”

Pietro took in a deep breath, slowly letting it out. “Damn. You really are a stone cold bitch, aren’t you?”

“Hey!” I indignantly threw a chunk of tomato at him, glaring. “I just opened up my heart, you dickwad.”

“Dickwad?!” He said, blinking at me in shock. “No one’s ever called me a dickwad before.”

I raised a single eyebrow at him. “Maybe not to your face, but they definitely have.” He gave off the vibe of a fuckboy, of a really, really bad fuckboy.

“Well, since you’re running away from your feelings, how about you spend a week or two with me on the road?” He asked with a grin.

I couldn’t help but blink at him in shock. “What?” I let out a laugh, pulling one of my legs up to my chest. “Do you throw that line out to every girl you meet? Or am I just special?”

Pietro threw a chip at me, and I barely managed to dodge it. “No, I don’t. But… You remind me of me. Needing adventure. A life bigger than four walls and a fence.”

Instinctively, I wanted to snap back that sometimes, four walls and a fence could be an adventure, could be the biggest life there was, as Bucky’s face flashed across my mind.

But I couldn’t do that. Not when I wasn’t ready to face the truth myself.

“Come on, sweet cheeks,” he teased as his foot hooked around mine. “Just think of it. The open highway, a rhythm beneath your feet… Nights full of passion and days of adventure…” Pietro’s voice was deep and husky, as though he was trying to lure me in. “No strings… just warm summer rain soaking us to the bone before we find some cheap motel to huddle down in…”

Plastering on a smile, I stood up and brushed myself on. “Thanks, but… I’d rather be drinking champagne, and the quicker I get to LA, the sooner I will be.”

He let me go with a kiss on the cheek and his cell number pressed into my hand, with a promise to come and pick me up the second I rang.

And despite how sweet he was, how wild and funny and charismatic, there was only one man I wanted to call.

Twenty-Four

I sipped at my martini as I sat at the rooftop bar, absentmindedly watching the television that was mounted on the wall as people droned around me. I’d been in Los Angeles for a year, and I’d spent my time finding the best places to find a husband who could give me the life I dreamed of.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, it took connections to build a career, and the best way to get a foot in the door when nepotism was so rampant was by marrying someone in the industry.

My silk dress was the most expensive thing I owned, something I’d saved up for months for, had skipped meals for. And fuck, was it worth it. I could feel the stares, the lingering gazes on the little bit of thigh that was exposed by the slit in the dress.

I’d already turned away several men, able to tell just from their expensive watches and cheap suits and shoes.

It was amazing how all the up and coming finance bros thought they fit in with the truly big dogs.

“Well, hello, gorgeous.”

I turned to see who was speaking, my heart skipping a beat when I realized who I was speaking to.

The world famous (or infamous) director, Tony Stark.

“Hello, handsome,” I said smoothly, my lashes fluttering innocently as I took a sip of my horrible drink.

I fucking hated martinis. Always had.

But ordering a martini was more sophisticated than ordering a frozen strawberry margarita.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked as he motioned to the empty bar stool right next to me, even as he was already sitting down. “Let me buy your next round.”

“I can’t think of anything better,” I said, feeling as though my dream life was already in reach.

Twenty-Eight

“Tony, where are you taking me?” I laughed as I let my boyfriend lead me to the private dock at our Malibu mansion.

Well, his mansion. I just happened to also live there.

It had been a whirlwind of a year since I had met Tony, and he’d bought me that second round. He’d taken me all over the globe, anywhere my heart desired.

But I made sure to avoid New York City, though he never understood why. I would never tell him.

Not when I was so close to my dream. I could practically taste it.

“Come on, come on. I have a surprise for you,” he said, keeping his hands over my eyes. He was sure to keep me from tripping and busting my ass, thank god.

The ocean waves were so comforting as they hit the shore, a sound I’d gotten used to over the past year.

He finally brought me to a stop, quietly telling me to keep my eyes closed. “Okay,” he said finally. “Open them.”

My eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the bright light of the California sun. But I was more shocked by the sight of Tony on one knee in front of me, holding out a box with a sparkling diamond ring in it. “Tony?”

The ring was the size of a fucking meteor. It was easily the biggest ring I’d ever seen.

“You know, I never thought I’d meet someone like you,” he said quietly, his dark eyes shining. But his voice was steady. “Someone who understands me, who doesn’t expect me to change into someone I’m not. You accept me as I am, and that’s why I want to give you the world.” He couldn’t help but grin as he nodded to the right. “Starting with that yacht you’ve always dreamed of.”

I hadn’t even noticed that there were two yachts at his private docks instead of just the one. The new one had SS Princess emblazoned on the side, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh… Tony…”

“So, what do you say?” He asked, bringing my attention back to him. “Will you be my wife?”

“Yes.”

Thirty-Two

Swallowing nervously, I looked down at the business card in my hand for the millionth time, the stock paper soft from how often I’d looked at it in the past ten years.

Hell, just how often I’d looked at it in the past six should’ve made it fall apart by now. Not that I didn’t have it memorized.

I’d finally ended my marriage after being miserable for so long. I’d gotten my yacht, my fancy houses, my career, all the jewelry that I could dream of, and none of it made me happy. Tony and I… never grew. And I never dreamed. Every day was the same, and every day was torture as I realized that I didn’t have the one thing that actually mattered.

The garage in front of me was busy, music blasting and the sound of men shouting to each other as they worked.

Suddenly I felt absolutely ridiculous wearing a Chanel dress and Gucci heels, an Hermés bag on my arm.

BARNES TIRES AND MOTORS was lit up along the top of the shop in bright red letters, though the lights in the ‘r’ of ‘motors’ were out.

I felt like a fool. I had wanted the life I had so desperately that I gave up everything for it. I got the movie star life, my name on billboards and my face on magazines.

But it wasn’t ever enough.

My heels clicked against the blacktop as I slowly made my way towards the front area of the shop, bells clinging above my head to let them know someone was there.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” A man asked as he came around the corner.

He looked so much like Bucky, it punched the air straight from my lungs.

“H-Hi. I’m looking for James Barnes. Is he here?” I asked after a long moment of hesitation. There was no way that the man was Bucky, but I didn’t doubt he was related.

The man raised his brows, wiping his hands on a rag. “My son’s in the shop. I’ll take you to him.” His full head of hair was white, his thick facial hair matching. Even with all the wrinkles on his face, he was a handsome man. Holding open the door for me, he led me into the loud shop, some eighties rock song blasting over the speakers.

I couldn’t help but smile as ‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ by Scorpions came on. It was one of Bucky’s favorites back when we worked in the diner together.

“BUCK! YOU GOT A VISITOR!” The man shouted, causing several people to look our way.

My cheeks felt hot as I avoided their gaze, hoping they wouldn’t recognize me. I didn’t want to be a famous movie star anymore, a celebrity that had to beg for scraps of privacy.

My mind went numb, my heart stopping inside my chest as he stepped around a gray Ford Escape another man was working on.

He was even more handsome than he was the last time I saw him.

“Can I help y—” He broke off, his blue eyes going wide when he realized that it was me. “Hi.”

All of a sudden, everything I’d planned to say flew out of my head. All of the eloquent words I’d strung together were gone. And I just proceeded to word vomit.

“Did you know that, uh, when you marry someone you’re not in love with, you won’t… you won’t grow into it?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Um… I married a man who could give me a life I thought I always wanted, and he just… sucked.” Eyes stinging, I fought back against tears. “And I thought that all I ever wanted was the life I have now, was the life movie stars and the Kardashians lived. But… But I hate it. I hated every second I was away from you.” I let out a weak laugh, unable to stop the tears. “I wanted to turn around the second I got on the bus in New Orleans, but my stupid stubborn ass didn’t. I should have. I should’ve gotten off and just run right back to you because I… I love you, James. I always have.”

The garage had gone almost deadly quiet, and my heart sank when I realized Bucky looked almost frozen in shock.

“I know that I shouldn’t have showed up like this,” I scrambled to say. “But I… I’ve been trying to get my divorce finalized for two years and I finally did, and I kept telling myself that once it was done, I’d never hold myself back from what I really want ever again. From who I want. If… If you want me.” My face felt like it was on fire, my hands shaking. I shook my head as I took a step backwards. “What am I thinking? There’s no way you’re not married. I… I’m so so—”

Before I could finish the word ‘sorry,’ Bucky had closed the distance between us, his hands cradling my face so gently. He held me like I was made of fine crystal as he kissed me. He kissed me like his life depended on it, like I was the one source of oxygen.

And I kissed him back just as fiercely. “I love you. I love you so much,” I breathed out in between kisses, unwilling to let him go as my Hermés bag fell into the dust and oil on the concrete below.

Bucky smiled into the kiss, his arm wrapping around my waist to keep me pressed to his chest. “I love you so much, darlin.’ God, I’ve missed you…” His nose nudged against mine as we finally broke for air, both of us breathing heavily.

My knees felt like Jell-O as I held onto him. His grip was the only reason I hadn’t fallen to the ground already.

“I’m sorry I was a dumb twenty-two year old,” I said, snorting as he stole another kiss.

“No… Don’t be sorry,” he insisted, his fingers massaging my scalp as our foreheads pressed together. It was like he was scared to stop touching me, like I would disappear at any second. “You were young… You had to go out and make your own mistakes… I’ve just been waiting for the day you were ready.”

All the years apart melted away and all that remained was the two of us, two souls so intertwined that there was no way to truly separate us.

Our lips were half molded together as I said, “I’m never leaving you again. I promise I swear on everything…”

My heart almost stopped inside my chest as I heard someone clearing their throat, looking to see Bucky’s father staring at us with his arms crossed over his chest. “M-Mr. Barnes, sir…”

He gave a crooked smile that was so reminiscent of Bucky that I couldn’t help but grin back. “The Mrs. will wanna know if you’re staying for dinner.”

“Yeah,” I said as I looked up at Bucky, toying with a strand of his hair. “That sounds perfect.”

Later that night, Bucky and I laid in his bed, a mess of bare limbs as his fingers ran up and down my back soothingly. “What do you want from this life, baby girl?” He asked absentmindedly.

Humming, I traced shapes on his bare chest, sometimes pressing a kiss to where his prosthetic met his shoulder, on the tender scar tissue. “You.”

A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, despite the already mischievous look on his face. “Really? Not even the stars and the moon?” He asked teasingly.

I knew he’d give it to me anyway, give me all that he could. But I was sure now that the only thing I wanted from this life was his love. “Not even the stars and the moon.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes reader insert

[cartierbin]

pls , dilf!bangchan 🥺 with a huge size kink ! thanks if you’ll do it

ofc baby. maybe I should make a separate masterlist for miscellaneous requests.

『 pairing — chan x reader

genre — smut + dilf!billionaire chan fucking his babysitter

word count — 1.322k 』

smut under the cut !

“nana”, the smaller three year old boy tapped your arm whilst rubbing his eyes. the day was getting too long for him to handle and after spending it playing with you he was quite exhausted to say the least. “nana I’m sleepy”. he whines with his blonde curly hair disheveled over his eyes. he was a spitting image of his father with his thick lips and tiny face. you place the last toy in his toy chest. “you want to go night night baby?”. you coo and watch him nod his head in response reaching his arms up so you could lift him.

you hauled him on your chest rubbing his back while his head fell into the crook of your neck. he was so precious and sweet he melted your heart each day you took care of him. when you finally carried him to his room you tucked him in his Superman blankets to which he appreciated greatly. he cups your cheek and kisses it tiredly. “I love you nana”. he whispers just before turning over. nana is what he called you instead of “nanny”. the word nana was much more appealing to him. much more adorable to you. while tucking him in and planting a kiss on his forehead you hadn’t known the his father was watching your actions from the doorway, admiring the way you loved his son. owning a record label never gave him enough time to give baby chris the attention he needed. his mother was out the picture so you were definitely his only hope.

he admired your love but as of now he was also appreciative of the way your clothes were fitting you. just tight around the curvature of your frame and he couldn’t help but to watch you as you bent over, kissing baby chris in one of the many short pleated skirts that you owned. his eyes grazed over the way the hem of the skirt stopped just below your ass. you were startled when you finally realized the man was there. he usually didn’t come home as early as this. “oh! good evening mr.bang”. you bowed graciously in front of him. a small smile creeped along his lips. he sized you up, enjoying the fact that you were barely the same height as his shoulder.

“you don’t have to do that sweetie. I’m here a little earlier than usual but I’d just like to say thank you for taking care of my son the way you do,”. he fishes out his wallet, “I know I already have you on payroll but I’d like to pay you a little something extra if thats alright with you”. he informs while pulling out fat wads of cash. your eyes widened nervously at the amount. “oh mr.bang I don’t think I can take all that. what you pay me is just enough”. he smiles at your modesty. “It’s fine. just take it sweetie. by yourself something nice with it”. you shake your head. “it’s really alright. I love baby chris like he’s my own”. he crinkles that cash in his hand. “I’d really love to pay you something extra for your services. Is there a way I can do that?”. he asks, and by the way his eyes were already fucking you, you already knew just how he wanted to pay you. his energy wasn’t unwanted either. you’ve had your fair share of fantasizing over the sexy billionaire for months. however you thought it would be hard to even get a chance.

but here you were bending over his luxurious living room sofa with him beneath you, gripping the cheeks of your ass spreading them apart while he was sucking your pussy from behind. your hands grip the soft material of the pillows with lewd moans falling from your lips. his tongue slid easily around your pussy because you were gushing with each move of his lips, every single one being much more powerful than the last. he slams a hand down on your ass while wedging his lips in between your sopping folds, earning a sharp whine from you. “mr. bang”. you stammered into the couch cushions in a tiny muffle. he slid upwards giving you a long languid stroke before tongue kissing your creaming pussy with little regard for the loud wet sounds his mouth was making each time he pulled away and went back for more. each time he went back you felt yourself contracting and oozing more, saturating his lips and chin to the fullest.

you were still throbbing when he hiked your hips up, the height of the couch still not being substantial enough to bring you to the height of his hips. he flipped your skirt up and relished the way your pussy looked with streams of white all of over it. he cinched his fingers around your waist and inched his lengthy veiny cock in between your folds, feeding you everything he had until you were filled to the brim with his cock. you took an astonished gasp feeling him inside you completely stuffing you. he dropped his head back and licks his lips. “your pussy is so small and tight fuck”. he groaned trying to get used to the feeling. he never felt anything more pleasurable in his life. he draped his body over yours and you could feel his cold chain sweeping over the back of your neck. your mouth was still agape from him entering you but now he was absolutely drilling you, not giving a single fuck about his intensity. almost as if he were waiting for this moment just as you were.

his thick lips kissed the back of your ears, licking and sucking hickies into the back of your neck. “what are you doing princess? hm?”, he groaned and whispered all at once, “what are you doing being this small and taking dick this good? who taught you this?”. if you could talk you would tell him that absolutely no one did and that in fact, he was the biggest you ever took in your life. you didn’t know how you were even functioning with eyesight and hearing, because chan was fucking the thoughts out of your head and the breath out of your lungs. you could barely moan without becoming winded, everything coming in half syllables that came to abrupt stops. he slaps your ass with a stinging pain. “you’re so fucking cute. I could fuck your pretty little pussy all day long”. you shrieked and clutched another pillow with your body jolting forward from the roughness of his thrusts. your walls were clenching harshly and an overwhelming bliss curved flames in your belly. “I’m going to cum ngh fuck it feels so fucking good”. you whine on the verge of tears. chan smirks. “this is how big girls get fucked princess. can’t you take my dick like a big girl?”. you shake your head trembling underneath him. “no I can’t- I can’t I’m fucking cumming please mr. bang”.

it was hot hearing your cum drip to the floor beneath you both as he kept fucking you until his cum filled your pussy to the brim just like he dick did. by the time he was finished with you you draped over the couch wearily, wondering how the hell you were going to be able to walk to the door. you were so fucked out and tired you were incomprehensible of doing anything active anymore. he kisses that weak spot below your ear again, kneading his hands into your ass massaging it like dough. “go upstairs in the guest bathroom and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll drive you home later”.

#Chan smut #bangchan smut #stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz smut

[chateautae]

maybe i do | kth. II

➵ summary :  maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳  part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae, s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 10k

➵ warnings : none really, swearing, mainly fluffy and funny interactions, some angst! :o 

➵ a/n: and i’m back with chapter two! i really wanted to say thank you for the love and support i received on the first part of maybe i do, it was astounding!! i’m so grateful so many people loved the story and asked to be tagged (all at the bottom <3), it made me feel so motivated to write. if you would also like to be tagged please message me. your feedback is always appreciated! 

chapter two : “on my pillow, can’t get me tired” 

prev. ↞ || ↠ next  || masterlist

Taehyung didn’t remember sleeping anywhere near you last night. 

He remembered that even though you willingly agreed to share the same bed, he still opted for caution and slept with the most space between you two as possible.

Though when his eyes fluttered open the next morning, eyeballs burning from the light that bled into the suite, the first thing he realized was that he was not on his side of the bed from last night. 

No, he had somehow gravitated towards the center, and as if almost on cue, your slight movement and the sound of your breathing alerted him of your nearby presence. 

Peering down at you, Taehyung caught sight of your sleepy head turned towards him and lying on his arm, his other thrown over your torso with you unsuspectingly nuzzled into his side.

Taehyung’s eyes shot open, acknowledging he had succumbed to his habit of hugging something to sleep during the course of the night and he internally panicked. He began retracting his arms slowly, just about drawing himself from you until alarms rang in his head at the sight of you stirring in your sleep. 

Taehyung took the golden opportunity to sit up in a flash, having to physically shake his head to rid the image of your tranquil, sleeping face from his brain, crushing the thought that it was kind of cute.

He found himself chanting the same denial from last night, he couldn’t be thinking of such complicated things concerning you when he knew the second he’d step foot inside his home, there’d be a mountain of paperwork ready for him; even more on his work desk.

He had to be thinking about his job, not you.  

Even if Taehyung was married now, it wouldn’t lessen the amount of work that plagued his life nor make it any less demanding. If anything, his life would be harder now considering the fact that he had another priority to add to his list, another aspect of his life he had to split his attention between. 

He didn’t necessarily hate the idea, just found himself needing to work harder than he already was. 

Taehyung sighed heavily at the thought and swung his legs off the bed, rubbing his tired eyes. He took a moment to look back at you, thinking if he observed you a second time he’d be able to piece together how the hell you two ended up in that position, that close. 

By evidence of the forgotten blanket half-thrown off you, he could see you were the tossing-and-turning type, maybe the only explanation for your proximity considering he was the same. 

He also noticed you slept all curled up, like you were cold and the only warmth you knew was snuggling yourself.

Cute.

There it was again, cute. 

Why does that word even exist? 

Taehyung discarded the notion altogether and stood to his feet, stretching out his stiff muscles. He made for the bathroom eagerly to begin his day, though not without fixing at least some of the blanket back onto you. 

“You don’t have a driver?” 

“Not for everywhere I go. I have two hands, I can drive myself.” Taehyung made it a statement to jazz hands at you, showcasing the perfectly capable limbs he was gifted with.

“That’s.. nice, actually. I always see asshole CEO’s getting other people to drive them around.” You relayed as you trailed behind Taehyung, letting him lead you towards the front of the hotel where dozens of expensive cars lined the curb side.

You had no clue which luxury vehicle belonged to Taehyung because quite frankly, he could probably afford every car your eyes caught sight of. It wasn’t until he approached a certain one and retrieved his keys from the valet that your jaw completely dropped, floored.

“This is your car?” You gawked, the sleek design, crispness of its shape and nearly sparkling gloss completely sweeping you off your feet.

“Yeah, think someone like me can’t get a car like this?” Taehyung cocked an eyebrow, gesturing towards himself.   

“It’s just-wow. Mercedes CLS?” You inquired without really looking at him, inspecting the car instead as you admired its every curve. Safe to say, you were beyond in love with it. Even if you were always more of a minimalist and preferred the average product, there was just something gorgeous about luxury cars that appealed to you.

“Yeah, actually it is.” Taehyung looked at you impressed, momentarily reminded of just how different you were compared to any other woman he’s chanced upon. 

How many of them knew car models?

Taehyung was intrigued by the fact before speaking with one of the hotel workers, confirming if they had loaded his car with both your luggage and some wedding sentiments your parents insisted you keep. 

Once receiving affirmation Taehyung made towards your side of the car and pulled the door open. He flashed you a tight-lipped smile as he gestured for you to hop in, drawing you out of your stupor. You thanked him warmly before sliding into your seat. 

He let you scramble in comfortably before shutting the door and walking to his side, positioning himself in and clicking on his seatbelt. He watched as your expression lit up once occupying the car, face beaming with excitement as you touched and drank in at the high-end features the vehicle had to offer. Taehyung found himself smiling before he licked his lips and straightened his face, igniting the engine and beginning the smooth drive. 

It was easy to settle the debate on where you both would be living. Taehyung was an enormously rich CEO who lived in an expensive, massive home while you lived in a measly apartment. You knew it was useless to live separately, even more useless to have him live with you. And so you agreed without protest to pack your things and relocate, begin your move into the house you’d share with him for a lifetime. 

The car ride remained quite silent, you mindlessly bopping your head to whatever mainstream song played on the radio, while Taehyung tapped his fingers against the steering wheel or his lap. 

You found your eyes wandering to his slender fingers wrapped around the wheel every so often, sometimes venturing to the other one he placed against his thigh. You began reprimanding yourself once you realized with all the staring, observing and ogling, you most certainly had a thing for his hands already. 

Fuck. 

They were just so big, bigger than what you’ve seen of the average man and it didn’t help that they looked crafted to perfection. 

There was just something about the veins that decorated them, his palm large in size as his fingers seemed deft turning and working the steering wheel. His little accessories like a ring or two, bracelets and his watch did absolutely nothing to deter your interest either.

It only increased once you realized he looked good driving, really good. You knew men had this common attractiveness to them when they drove, watching them all focused and effortlessly working the car somehow sexy; but watching Taehyung drive was another experience entirely. 

He looked insanely hot, and you felt like throwing yourself out your window for even thinking such a thing. It was another case of you ogling him without realizing until his deep voice suddenly fished you out of your thoughts, questioning. “Did you like the wedding?” 

“Huh?” 

“The wedding, did you like it?” Taehyung repeated, glancing at you. 

“Does it really matter if I did?” You asked, this one phrase seeming to perfectly sum up the misfortune of your life, provoking an ironic laugh even. 

“I think it does. A bride should always enjoy her wedding.” 

“Well, I didn’t.” You deadpanned, your expression turning frustrated having to remember that one of, if not the most special night of your life had just been robbed of you, thrown to the wolves while you were only left to accept the sad fact. 

“C’mon, you didn’t enjoy a single thing?” Taehyung didn’t mean to flash back to the kiss you two shared, though found himself doing exactly so. 

You didn’t enjoy that? he questioned in his head. 

“Not really, I just imagined having more choice in the wedding.” You answered honestly, trying not to sulk so much. “It’s not you, I just... thought I’d be able to decide things at my own wedding. I’m grateful your parents did so much, but I didn’t really get to choose anything.” You grew more solemn as your gaze fixated on nothing, watching the world pass you by through the car window. 

“My favourite flowers weren’t even there.” You said only despondently to yourself, shoulders drooping, though Taehyung didn’t miss it. 

“You don’t like roses?”

Your eyes flashed towards him with furrowed eyebrows, surprised he heard your comment. You straightened up before shrugging back a response. “I like peonies.” 

Taehyung looked at your side profile as you turned away, finding the conversation turning more sorrowful than he liked. He allowed some silence to linger as you leaned your chin against your palm, boringly watching the bustling streets.  

He decided to change the subject.

“So you don’t think I’m an asshole, huh?” 

“What?”

“You said you always see ‘asshole CEO’s’ getting people to drive them around. But I don’t, so I’m not an asshole to you?” Taehyung halved his attention between you and the road, glancing in your direction with one hand working the steering wheel.

You thought the question over, “No, you’re not an asshole.” You said simply, distracted by the thoughts that previously occupied your mind. 

“I see.” Taehyung pursed his lips. Another beat of silence passed through the downcast air before Taehyung perked up again.

“Is it just the driving? Or do you have other criteria?” Taehyung asked inquisitively, leaning back into his seat as he observed you. 

You could detect from the corner of your eyes the way his stance drew attention to his legs, thighs broad as he sat. “I guess there is.” 

“Like what?”

You didn’t really know why Taehyung was so curious. You thought it was common knowledge what the stereotypical asshole CEO was like; they were nearly all jerks with horrible one-percenter mentalities and treated people like gravel.  

You scoffed a bit. “They’re usually so full of themselves. They act like they own the place all the time, which makes sense at their own companies but not everywhere else. It’s like the position gets to their heads. Even the way they talk is condescending, belittling, or straight up rude to anyone not on their level. It wouldn’t kill to be nice.” You revealed almost too eagerly, avoiding eye contact with Taehyung as you viewed the traffic on the road ahead, remembering he was a CEO himself. 

Long story short, you’ve had your fair share of experiences meeting them as you grew up during the beginnings of your father’s company. They were quick to skew your opinion ever since you watched the way they treated your father all due to having a start-up, for simply being small in name or reputation. They acted like he was less than, some even daring to behave as though his company would simply never make it. 

It always boiled your blood, left an extremely distasteful image of CEOs and the business world in your head. 

And you were certain it all sucked after that. 

“Understandable.” Taehyung nodded agreeably. “But you think I don’t fit any of that?” He rested a hand against his thigh, sitting laxed as he spread his legs apart further. This time it was definitely hard to miss the way they appeared, all laid out and long as your eyes drank him in, following up his thighs all the way to his-

“You don’t. I thought maybe since you’re super successful you’d be full of yourself. But you’re not, really.” You snapped yourself out of whatever the hell you were doing, trying to refocus on the conversation.

“Ah, seems like a stepping stone.” 

“Stepping stone? Towards what?”

“Towards you not hating me.” His voice came out with a more solemn timbre than you expected, his jaw tightening for a mere second. 

Taehyung only thought such a thing because even if he decided you didn’t harbour negative feelings towards him, there was no way of him determining whether that was true or not without your real input. 

“I don’t hate you, Taehyung. I don’t.. think I can.” You claimed with poignancy, his statement causing you to reflect on your own feelings about him. 

You don’t hate Taehyung, you couldn’t because he did absolutely nothing wrong in this situation. He was dragged in just like you were. You only despised the unfairness of the arrangement, not him. 

There wasn’t much to hate about him.  

“So you’re saying you like me then, aren’t you?” Taehyung suddenly teased light-heartedly, all smug as his amused eyes flickered to you. 

“Shut up, I never said that.” You turned away, scandalized by his remark. 

“I’m kidding. But, why do you think you can’t hate me? I pretty much.. ruined your life.” Taehyung internally felt his chest tighten at the words, remembering the exact thoughts from where he stood no less than 24 hours ago, seconds from lawfully marrying you. 

“And I didn’t ruin yours?” This time you turned your gaze towards Taehyung, meaningfully. Your eyes instinctively communicated your emotions as they locked with his for a moment, Taehyung all attentive. 

“I took away from you just as much you took away from me. We both ruined each other’s lives, there’s no use in blaming each other. That’s why I can’t hate you.” You finalized, crossing your arms and opting to watch the passing buildings through your window again. 

Taehyung absorbed your sudden confession with reason, realizing that in a sense, you two were partners in this unfortunate case. Even if your matrimony constituted a forced partnership neither of you liked, there seemed to be a natural comradery in having to deal with the aftermath of that forced partnership. 

Trying to accept it. 

“I don’t think I can hate you, either.” Taehyung admitted, ending the more miserable part of the conversation as you fell silent. You thought he was done until he decided to bother you again. 

“I think you’re still saying you like me, though.” 

You turned to him half-appalled before pointing towards the road, eyes narrowed. “Just drive us home, will you?” 

Taehyung laughed at the moment and pressed down on the accelerator, internally grinning at the fact you never said no to his statement. 

“This is your house?” You found yourself gawking again at something that belonged to Taehyung, stepping inside a luxury home you’ve only ever dreamed of living in. Sure, you lived with your parents until you were 18, though your father was still starting out with his company for most of those years, not exactly owning anything too luxurious until after you permanently moved out.

So as you stood trying to prop your heels off yourself, your jaw dropped at the sheer elegance and high-status look to the interior of Taehyung’s home. You had already done enough gawking at the exterior, but being inside and processing the fact that you were now to inhabit this home for the rest of your life sent another wave of shock. 

You immediately observed Taehyung was the type who decorated his home with only the finest, his taste easily identifiable. Aesthetic, lavish, charming. He seemed like a man of utter simplicity though his home said otherwise, showcasing an artistic, exquisite feel you never really expected from him. 

“When will you stop saying that?” He titled his head and smiled through a laugh, removing his shoes and slipping into his indoor slippers. 

“Right, sorry.” You were still struggling for normalcy, somehow forgetting almost every hour Taehyung’s wealth and only registering it once you saw something that indicated it. 

Taehyung sauntered inside and took a deep breath, enjoying the feel of his abode. He enjoyed nothing more than being home, in the comfort of his own space. Especially for someone who worked so busily, he found pleasure in doing the bare minimum at home. Relishing in the feeling right now, he pressed his lips together in a smile before glancing back at your struggling figure, catching sight of your size. 

His eyebrows shot up to the sky. “Woah, you’re short.” 

“Huh?” 

“I think I’ve only ever seen you in heels.” Taehyung informed. “Now that you’re not wearing them you’re a lot shorter than I thought. You’re tiny.” He pointed out as he eyed you from head to toe, processing the amount of height you lost simply from removing your shoes. 

“I mean, that’s kind of what heels do, you know, they add height.” You deadpanned, stating the obvious for him. 

“Sorry, it’s just..” Kind of cute, he thought, though fought for another response. “I could probably throw you.” 

Nice save. 

“Excuse me? It’s not my fault you’re so tall.” You scowled at him. “Besides, you’re all height and no muscle, you probably can’t even carry me.” 

“Wanna see me try?” Taehyung was already coming towards you with his arms held out and you sputtered immediately, “No, no, no.” you held your hands up defensively. “Let’s just start the house tour, yeah?” you offered a smile for compromise. 

“That’s what I thought.” Taehyung narrowed his eyes coyly and turned on his heel, signaling you to follow him. 

What you realized strolling through the home as Taehyung discussed its details was that it emphatically represented him like an open book. Even if Taehyung was predominantly unreadable and seemed to always hide a mystery behind his eyes, you could see nearly all of him reflected in his home. 

You often found valuable trinkets or sentiments scattered around the house. It seemed like he cherished a lot of things in his life, namely memories or people. It would also be hard to miss the exquisite selection of paintings and embellishments he draped the walls with, all harbouring their own charm and adding to the overall artistic feel of his home. 

There were famous works consisting of Vincent Van Gogh all the way to local Korean artists you’ve never heard of, though admired their work. 

It seemed as though he selected the paintings himself. 

Another large aspect you couldn’t miss were the many photos he kept, calling to question whether they were of his own work. 

“Did you take these?” You approached a shelf in one of his grand hallways on the second floor, hand brushing the wooden frame of a captured photo; six men including Taehyung himself posing comfortably, like they were extremely close, backdrop reflecting what seemed to be a trip.  

“I took all of them.” He stated casually, hands tucked into his pockets as he eyed the shelf along with you. 

“All?” 

He simply nodded and didn’t elaborate further as he watched you admire the photos, yourself impressed by his adeptness for photography. 

“You’re really good.” You complimented absentmindedly, enjoying the other photos of not only people but scenery, empty streets, candid shots from what looked to be his own little adventures. 

“Thanks.” Was all Taehyung could manage, trying to mask the sheer gratitude he felt hearing the first ever person to admire his work; something that wasn’t related to being a CEO or a businessman. 

He also felt slightly embarrassed you’d seen a small part of him he usually hid.

Taehyung continued walking down the hallway until he reached the end, revealing what you could tell was the largest room in the house. You were thrown off by just how unnecessarily large it was. It seriously reminded you of an extravagant hotel suite, more like the grandest one among them. 

“This is our room.” Taehyung introduced, gesturing towards its interior. 

“Our?” 

Taehyung nodded “I should’ve told you earlier but I wanted us to sleep in the same room. If we slept apart our marriage wouldn’t look convincing to my two housekeepers. I trust them but I don’t want any information about us getting out to the public, not over my dead body.” Taehyung stated in earnest as he relayed the information, wandering further into the room. 

“You really care that much about publicity?” you genuinely questioned. 

Taehyung scoffed. “Not me, I couldn’t care less about what people think.” He denied instantly, almost laughably. “It’s my father. He hates bad press, especially concerning our family or the company.” 

“I thought bad press is still press, so it’s good.” You suggested as you followed him further into the room, admiring that though large, his room held a sense of comfort to it. Quite frankly, all of his home felt rather welcoming and cozy, surprising of a CEO who ran such a monstrously successful company.

“My father doesn’t think so. Kim Enterprises has always been generational, each of our CEO positions strictly kept within the family. Our name is our brand and pride, it alone accounts for at least half of our success. We’re extremely well-known for our high status, it’s just plain fact in the upper social circles of Korea. We can’t afford to taint our name with petty things like bad press or corruption, our reputation is too valuable.” Taehyung stated this all nonchalantly as he adjusted his suit jacket in his mirror, like it was something he’s grown accustomed to and has known all his life. 

You found your opinion impeding his words.  

“So you can never just, escape this life? As long as you’re a Kim you’re bound to this company?” You found the concept wildly restrictive, clearly shackling down any person that would run the business and you felt a disagreeing shiver shoot through your spine. 

“Of course, why would you want anything else?” Taehyung tiled his head to the side, eyeing you in genuine questioning and your entire being was trying to bite back the desire to correct him, tell him there’s so much more to life than just some company your family owns. Though you opted for changing the subject instead, unwilling to step on his toes and dictate his life when you knew next to nothing about it. 

It wasn’t your place. 

“Woah, you have a balcony?!” You exclaimed with a simper, eyes flickering towards the curtains that revealed two ajar French doors leading to an open space.

You made towards it excitedly and stopped just in the middle of the platform, enjoying the breeze of the fresh air.

“It’s my favourite part of the house.” You didn’t even realize Taehyung followed you until his towering figure stood directly behind you, feeling his proximity permeate through your body. 

You swallowed. 

“Why don’t you look at the view?” Taehyung cocked his head towards the railing of the balcony, though you didn’t move a step. 

You weren’t about to tell Taehyung you’re terribly afraid of heights.

“I-I can see from here. Wow, looks beautiful.” You perked up superficially, trying to throw him off and changing the subject again. “By the way, what’s our closet situation gonna look like?” 

“Ah, let me show you.” Taehyung strided back into the room towards the sliding double doors you spotted earlier. He almost theatrically glided both dark wooden panels open and your jaw dropped for the 47th time today. 

You were welcomed by a ridiculously large walk-in closet, enough to be renovated into its own bedroom. You simply couldn’t normalize its size, especially after registering every suit, tie, watch or accessory Taehyung stored in the gracious space. 

You couldn’t even begin to imagine how much money lied in here. 

“Oh my God.” Was all you could manage, meandering in sparingly as you viewed each and every expensive piece he owned in the room, no doubt of the highest quality designers, finest of men’s fashion. 

“You don’t have to worry about unpacking and moving in here, the housekeepers will do that for you.” Taehyung watched as you looked upon in awe, finding the way your eyes sparkled with emotion very similar to that of Bambi’s.  

“How will I fit-”

“I specifically made space for you, there’s enough.” Taehyung stated, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. He’d resolved a while ago he really would try to take this marriage seriously, victoriously achieve the work-life balance his father kept preaching. 

He saw giving up his closet space as the first step. 

It was indeed so because Taehyung thoroughly enjoyed fashion. He genuinely adored every suit, accessory and outfit in his collection, though if he wanted to reach this new goal of balance, successfully add you to his list of priorities, then he had to be willing to cut down. 

Even if that meant reallocating a third of his exorbitant wardrobe just for you, he’d try not to mind. 

“Are you sure? I could just use another room’s-” 

“I want to.” Taehyung finalized as his eyes turned unreadable from across the room, locking his gaze with yours and you were only left to look back impressed, his generosity unforeseen. 

“Thank you.” You voiced a little weak, still shy by the suffocating nature of his stare. 

“Don’t mention it.” He offered plainly, propping himself off the wall. He looked off to the side eyeing the empty pockets of space he left for you, until your voice called out to him.  

“Taehyung.”

“Hm?” He snapped his vision back to you. 

You wanted to ask him something, more so a favour and you were unsure how to word the request. “Um.. I didn’t want to ask so openly, but..” You found yourself beating around the bush, timid of what his response would be. 

“Go on.” 

“Um, so it seemed like there were a lot of empty rooms in this house, and I was just wondering if I could maybe.. transform one of them into an art studio for myself?” You winced at your own request. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just I had one at my old place and it really grew on me. I would get most of my work done in that room and gained a lot of inspiration from it. I have a lot of art supplies and designed often in that studio, so I need a home for all my supplies and it would suck getting rid of it all. I’m sorry it means I would have to steal one of your rooms in the house, if you don’t want me to then-” 

Taehyung couldn’t help but break out into a small grin as he watched you ramble on, shyly fidget with your fingers, so apprehensive of asking him for something and it reminded him why he was so eager to provide you with anything you wanted. 

You spent too long trying to do everything on your own, achieve everything on your own, relying solely on yourself. Taehyung could see this all as plain as day, quite enjoying of how he’s never really met someone like you, and wanted you to know you didn’t always have to be so independent.  

Especially with him. 

“Y/N.” He called out to you with the same honey-coloured tone from last night, stopping you. Your eyes flickered to his, awaiting his next sentence and Taehyung already found himself having a thing for your doe-eyes. 

Fuck. 

“Of course you can have a room. You can have anything in this house. It’s yours.” Taehyung stated with a degree of assurance, his eyes locking with yours in earnest. 

You both shared a look as your lips curved into a gracious smile, biting your lip to contain it. His stare wasn’t so much intimidating as it was merely.. calm. Gazing at you for the sole purpose of gazing, and you found some heat rushing to your face under his scrutiny. 

Taehyung seemed to realize he was staring and immediately cleared his throat, turning a little nervous as he began another conversation. “So um, I’m sorry to say this,” he began with unease, almost apprehensive and you didn’t know what he was so sorry about. “But I have work today.” 

You blinked. “What?” 

Taehyung internally winced at your reaction, hands finding his pockets. “I took some time off for the wedding, so now I have twice the amount of work left behind. I need to complete it.” He informed straightforwardly. 

“Our wedding was just yesterday, though, aren’t you tired?” You were only taken aback because you were slightly concerned for his wellbeing, wasn’t he tired from yesterday? You recalled him knocking out almost immediately upon hitting the pillow of your hotel bed last night, snoozing away. 

“Maybe, but I can’t afford to rest. I’ll only have more to complete if I do, so I won’t be spending anymore time with you today.” Taehyung relayed the information, readying himself for the even greater disappointing news he’d be passing on. 

“Actually, we won’t be able to go on our honeymoon, either.” Taehyung thought it was best to slip in all the bad news, growing more and more unrelaxed as he was unsure of how you’d react. 

Though what you said next had him nearly floored.

“Honeymoon? Taehyung, that’s the least of my concerns, you should at least rest a day before getting back to work. That’s not really healthy.” You chastised him as lightly as possible, still afraid to be stepping on his toes when you didn’t know his life. 

Taehyung was certain you’d hate having been stripped of a beautiful vacation where you could’ve relaxed in the sun and tropics of Cancun. Your father had mentioned to him you’ve always longed to visit the breath-taking city in Mexico, its clear waters and tropical air as a means to truly get away from your stifling life. 

So when he found you disregarding the trip altogether and instead focusing on him, more precisely his health, he was left damn well speechless. 

There you were again paying attention to the littlest things about him he didn’t care much for; he still had that bandage you offered him a month ago tucked into one of his pockets, not wanting to use the adhesive just yet. 

“I’ll be fine. I’m just sorry we can’t go on the vacation because of me, it would’ve been nice, you know?” Taehyung apologized, feeling genuinely guilty for having ruined the honeymoon. Even if you two weren’t going to travel as some lovey-dovey couple, you both simply could’ve enjoyed the time off.

“It’s okay, just, at least work from home today. Heading to the office would be too much.” You suggested for the sake of the fatigue you could discern on him. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m gonna be home for the next few days since everyone thinks we’ll be on our honeymoon.” 

“Oh. That’s.. good.” You nodded faintly, half at the idea you two were even faking your honeymoon and half at the blasphemous energy he had to work after yesterday. 

The sleep from last night was nearly not enough to recharge from the antics of the wedding, having drained your batteries for the next few days. You were certain his were drained too; he was half the damn couple. 

“I should get going. I’ll send Mrs. Choi and Seo up with your things. They’re probably finished with lunch too, you should eat.” Taehyung advised as he stepped out of the walk-in closet, running a hand through his gorgeous hair and you couldn’t help but ogle at the sexy way his strands fell back on him. 

“Okay.” You voiced as you followed him out, watching him near the room’s door and just about to vacate the premise before you spoke up. “Taehyung.” 

He stopped in his tracks, peering back at you. “Yes?” 

“You should eat something, too.”

Taehyung half-smiled at you with a nod “Sure”, before stepping out of the room, leaving you alone. 

And you couldn’t help but kind of like the way he smiles. 

It was well into the evening now, bordering dinner time as you helped the last of your clothes into Taehyung’s closet, refusing to let the older housekeepers do all the work by themselves considering it was your own luggage. 

You also tried to occupy Taehyung’s room as scarcely as you could with your belongings, feeling odd about suddenly moving in with all your might and changing things around. It just didn’t feel appropriate, like you were invading his space and so you opted for scattering only your necessary items.

“That should be the last of it, Mrs. Choi.” You retrieved your last piece of clothing from the rather soft-spoken housekeeper, tucking the blazer away among the rest. You were satisfied to see not only your wardrobe neatly organized now, but fit just about right with Taehyung’s things. 

He was right about space, there was enough.

“Mrs. Kim, please rest. You didn't have to move a muscle at all for us.” Mrs. Choi remarked, genuinely concerned for you. 

“Yes, please, Mrs. Kim. We can finish up with the little things. I’ve just finished preparing dinner downstairs, you should eat.” Mrs. Seo chimed in as she entered the walk-in closet, gesturing towards the door. 

“Are you sure? I can-”

“Mrs. Kim, you’re very kind for offering your help, we’re very grateful you’ve done so. Though we are Mr. Kim’s housekeepers, we are meant to care for his home and his lovely wife. You need not worry about helping us.” Mrs. Choi stated with an earnest tone, speaking respectfully as she addressed you. 

You were going to protest again before you considered her words, registering that if you indeed helped them, it would technically negate the entire purpose of their work. 

You bit back your reply as a result, crafting a new one. 

“I see, I’m sorry, Mrs. Seo, Mrs. Choi. I’m just.. very used to doing things on my own,” you looked towards the ground. “I apologize.” You almost dipped for a bow until Mrs. Choi rapidly cautioned you, scrambling towards your figure. 

“Oh dear, Mrs. Kim! You do not need to bow to us, you’re Mr. Kim’s wife, you are the one who is bowed to.” 

“Yes, you do not need to apologize either, we appreciate your help, it was very sweet of you.” Mrs. Seo added with a warm smile, bowing to you instead. “Please go for dinner downstairs, I’ve also informed Mr. Kim for dinner, though I’m unsure if he has made his way down yet.” She added on, urging you towards the room's exit and you recognized it was probably better to listen to her. 

Even if all this high-class, status stuff had yet to sink in or make sense to you after being away for so long, you understood there was an eventual tolerance you had to build for it. Just as Mrs. Choi said, you’re Kim Taehyung’s wife now, and that came with a hell lot of status you hadn’t even scratched the surface of yet.

You could already tell it was going to be a pain in the ass. 

“I suppose I should. I’ll get going, then.” You smiled graciously at both women, appreciative of their kindness and began vacating the closet. You just about pulled the room door open before Mrs. Seo suddenly came to you.

“Oh! Mrs. Kim,” she halted you. “I was informed by Mr. Kim to provide this to you. He would have done so himself though he’s quite busy at the moment.” Mrs. Seo extended her hand and presented a pristine looking card, black and incredibly sleek in design. Your eyebrows furrowed until you noticed the telltale symbols, almost ominously minimal branding indicating a rare card only those with some of the highest networths in Korea could own. 

Your eyes widened in horror. 

The Black Card. 

“P-pardon?” You needed her to reiterate, there was no way Kim Taehyung was giving you a black card, the same card that was limitless on credit and only exclusively owned by the affluent one-percenters of society. 

“He’s informed me this belongs to you now, and that you’re to keep it in your possession.” Mrs. Seo elaborated, smiling through the mental whiplash you were currently experiencing.  

“Belongs to.. me? This is mine?” You were still having trouble processing, why would Taehyung be gifting you this? Who’s account was it even attached to? Was it yours and he’s decided to graciously pay all the expensive fees, or worse, was it joined with his own account? 

Don’t tell me it’s joined with his account.  

“Yes, Mrs. Kim. It’s yours.” Mrs. Seo held it out more outwardly, nudging it in your direction. 

Your mouth fell agape for another second before you mentally collected yourself, quickly grabbing the card and thanking her as you made your exit, marching through the house for Taehyung’s unbelievable ass. 

Taehyung could not be providing you with this card. It was irrational, simply had to have been a decision he made with at least two bottles of soju in him, right? You didn’t care what his reasoning would be, you were denying and returning this. There was no way in hell you’d accept this card, especially if he linked his own personal account to it. 

You tried loosely recalling where Taehyung mentioned his study, logically assuming he was working there. You inspected majority of the second floor, working your way through the halls until you finally caught sight of the familiar wooden doors with glass panels, slightly ajar, light bleeding through.

You made for the room quickly and stormed in without a care, attempting to steady your breathing from all the rushing around. You caught Taehyung completely off guard, having shredded his suit jacket to instead sport the rolled up sleeves of his dress shirt, adorning black-rimmed, designer glasses. 

He looked 100x hotter than he should’ve. 

Taehyung suddenly propped up from the leaned-back position he’d assumed on his chair, expression caught by surprise. “Y/N?” He questioned, eyebrows furrowing. 

You held up the card and addressed him immediately. “Taehyung, what’s this? Why are you giving this to me?” You huffed, looking at him incredulously. 

“The card? For you to use..?” Taehyung responded cooperatively, confused as to why you seemed so frazzled. 

“But why, Taehyung? This is a black card, the annual fees on this are insane and I can’t pay-” 

“You’re not paying for them, I am.” Taehyung cut in, shutting the binder he was holding and placing it on his desk. 

“What? No, no way. If it’s my account then I should be the one-”

“It’s not your account, either, it’s mine.” Taehyung brought his elbows to his desk, hands clasped together in front of his lips. It was now he gave you that same intimidating stare he did back when you first met him, calculative and devoid of expression. 

It seemed he did this when he got serious. 

“Your account? But-Taehyung, this is your money, I can’t just have it. Please, take this back.” You stepped towards his desk to return the card eagerly, but Taehyung’s firm tone stopped you. 

“No, it’s yours. I gave it to you to keep.” His words held this underlying sense of authority, scratch that, dominance when he spoke seriously, resolute. You could instantly tell he possessed a natural sense of alpha male characteristics, enough that even though he wasn’t being harsh or looming, his words and the tone he coated them with held more power than you could manifest. 

You almost cowered, but remained adamant on returning the card. It was worse with the card attached to his account, you couldn’t just keep Taehyung’s money like it was your own, it simply wasn’t. Your money sat ordinarily in a separate account on a separate card, which you were happy enough to use. You weren’t going to mooch off of him, it went against every principle that made up your very being. 

“This is your money, Taehyung. I have no right to use it.” 

“You’re my wife. You have every right in the world to use it.” Taehyung countered with no emotion, or at least any you could discern, uncertain what was running through his mind with only his eyes as a guide towards the answer. 

And you knew his eyes didn’t tell. 

“Taehyung, this doesn’t feel right to me. This isn’t my money and I can’t use it.” You emphasized more strongly, drawing closer to his desk though halting your actions once he spoke again. 

“My money is your money, you can always use it.” You knew he was relaxed, appearing practically unbothered as he leaned onto his desk and eyed you. Though with the intense look in his eyes, his aura screaming for anyone within the vicinity to submit to him, he could easily seem frustrated with the situation, namely you. 

And it made you want to crawl into a hole.

“No, it isn’t. I’ve already intruded your home, taken your closet, your room and even an extra one just for myself. I will not take your money either. Please, take this back.” You held out the card more prominently, desperate to have him understand you.

Taehyung wasn’t necessarily frustrated by you, no, he was slightly pissed you kept referring to everything as just his and not yours, that he was the only one considering you two as a married couple now while you still viewed each other separately.

Did you not see him as your husband yet?

He also disliked the fact that you seemed scared of him, or unable to trust him like last night. He could see you fighting back the urge to cower away, genuinely upsetting him you still held a degree of fear and unsureness in your eyes. 

Why are you so afraid of me? 

“Y/N, everything isn’t just mine anymore, it’s yours, too. We’re a married couple, husband and wife. What’s mine is yours.” Taehyung tried to reason, loosening himself up more to seem less intimidating, more approachable.

“But money, Taehyung-it’s different. I didn’t even want to take my own father’s money, there’s no way I’ll take yours, please.” Pleading leaked into your tone as you lips started doing that thing where they just about pout, emphasizing their plushiness and Taehyung couldn’t help but notice it again. 

He started growing frustrated as he removed his glasses, placing them on his desk and pinching the bridge of his nose. It seemed like he was digesting the situation, searching for the best approach.

“Y/N, look. I know the kind of situation you had with your father, but I’m not him. Didn’t you hear what Mrs. Choi and Seo addressed you as?” 

You thought it over, unknowing of where he was taking this. “They.. called me Mrs. Kim.”

“Exactly. Even my last name is yours, everything I have is yours. I’m your husband, I’m always going to provide you with things from now on. That card is just one of many.” Taehyung offered his best explanation, making sure his tone wasn’t as serious to sidetrack any fear you still had.

“I understand. But this is a black card, Taehyung, and it’s your hard-earned money, not mine. It feels wrong even just having it.” You couldn’t fight your inner turmoil, you genuinely believed this to be wrong. After spending almost a decade trying to work for yourself, pay for yourself, seldom seeking the help of another, this just left a disagreeing feeling to churn in your stomach.

Taehyung sighed heavily before pushing his chair back, rising from his seat. He made his way over to you where you grew unintentionally defensive, retracting from him slightly as he neared you. He noticed it and pursed his lips, reaching out for your upper arms and taking them warmly, tenderly, waiting for your eyes to meet his before he spoke to you.

“Y/N, do you remember what I said before I kissed you yesterday?”

Your eyes widened having been reminded of the intimate moment, nodding at him innocently. Taehyung witnessed you trying to avoid eye contact and found himself softening. 

“I didn’t say that without reason. I meant it when I said I would take care of you. Your father is a different story, if you don’t want to use his money, I respect that. But I’m your husband, and I want to be a good one. I want to give you things.. do things for you simply because I want to.” Taehyung reasoned, gripping you lightly. “I want you to use my money, you’re allowed to use it.” He tried voicing with sincerity, earnestly, hoping he could change your mind.

He saw you still hesitating to accept the offer, however, deciding on a compromise.

“Look, you don’t have to use it all the time. You can still use your own card, but you can use mine here and there. Seriously, Y/N, using it won’t even make a dent on me. I’m the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, use it at your discretion.” Taehyung could practically see your gears shifting, searching for your eyes as he wished you’d understand him. 

He saw this as a second step towards work-life balance, only feeling the responsibility and genuine desire to be the good husband in spite of the unfortunate nature of your marriage. He didn’t want any doubt concerning his ability to be a good husband, either.

After all, when Taehyung did something, he always did the best he possibly could.

“Okay, I guess you’re right. But I do have my own money, and I’ll be using that 100x more often than yours.” You relaxed and oddly let him hold you, looking down at the black card that rested in your hand and clutching it to your palm.

Taehyung realized he was still holding you and let go, retiring to fluff his hair instead. You caught a glimpse of his bicep underneath his rolled up sleeve as he did so, and you truly hated you chose a time like this to find him stunningly attractive.

“You should come downstairs, Mrs. Seo prepared dinner.” You ignored your thoughts.

“You go first, I’ll be down in a second.”

You nodded agreeably and turned away, leaving his study. You took a second look at the card in your hand, then glanced around the house as you strolled through it, trying to embed what Taehyung said into the crevices of your resistant thinking.

Everything I have is yours, you reiterated, registering that Taehyung had in fact grown accustomed to the idea of you two as a couple already. He’s accepted it, embraced it, even enforced it now with his earlier declarations and this black card. You automatically felt behind, like you were the tortoise in the race and needed to pick up your pace.

If Taehyung had already come to terms with your marriage, it was only a matter of time before you did as well. Marriage is a two-way street, and if you wanted to make this easier on both yourself and Taehyung, you would compromise with him, accept the true sense of partnership that entailed your status as husband and wife.

Thus was the exact mantra that played in your head as you fiddled with the card, remembering the way his big hands held you.

Warm.

It was night. 

You could say it was like any other ordinary night, though that would be a gargantuan lie. 

This night was the first time Taehyung and yourself were going to sleep in the same bed.

In your own home. 

The hotel suite left you both with your own space and privacy since it was a random, public room with no personality or attachment to it whatsoever, making it easier and comfortable to sleep with him.

So when you emerged from your walk-in closet in a thin camisole, loose pajama shorts and without a bra, you were cursing yourself. God damn you for needing to sleep in minimal clothing for comfort. You’d slept in a loose t-shirt and bottoms at the suite last night since it was a public room, and long story short, it left you tossing and turning more than you liked. 

You had no clue prior to arriving here that you’d be sharing a room with Taehyung. You’d expected to sleep in a different one, in the privacy of your own room where you could prance around as you wished and as a result packed your usual sleepwear. 

But now that you were left having to slumber with Taehyung, clothes on the more revealing side, there was no turning back. 

And what there was truly no turning back from, was when you opened the closet door and your eyes landed on Taehyung’s shirtless, wet self drying his hair after a shower. 

You immediately malfunctioned.

Your eyes fell to his bare back, ruffling his wet hair as his plaid pajama pants hung loosely at his hips. You immediately exclaimed and clamped a hand over your mouth, trying to shut yourself up. 

You did not expect at all for Taehyung to have such honey-coloured skin. It was like it naturally glowed, a healthy tone that made him appear all the more delectable. It certainly didn’t help that his shoulders were broader than you first observed, sincerely an other-worldly experience when he wasn’t wearing clothes. 

You also got an all-access view of his trap muscles, adding to the width of his shoulders overall and when Taehyung turned around to the sound of the closet door opening, gaze locking with yours, you could confirm his neck, chest and collarbones were indeed crafted to perfection.

Taehyung’s eyes widened momentarily drinking you in, not expecting your light sleepwear when just last night he witnessed you in a full pajama set. Not to mention, and he hated that he could tell, but you weren't wearing a bra. 

And the camisole did nothing to hide that. 

Taehyung straightened himself up realizing you two were practically gawking at each other, resting the towel around his neck as he cleared his throat. “That’s what you sleep in?” 

“That’s what you sleep in?” You retorted, arms over your chest. 

“Guys usually sleep shirtless, this is normal.” Taehyung gestured towards his own body and you had half a mind to floor yourself. It’s like Taehyung knew but also didn’t know he was hot, knew the effect he had on people though never grew cocky or proud enough to purposefully parade it around. 

And it frustrated you even more; he was fairly humble about being a sexy Greek God. 

“Girls sleep like this too, this is normal.” You copied him, looking off to the side. 

“I was kidding, I only sleep shirtless sometimes. Just get in bed.” Taehyung narrowed his eyes as he gestured towards the sheets, returning to his palace of a bathroom to toss his towel in the hamper and pull a t-shirt over his head. 

You wanted to move, feet just about ready to carry you but you never abandoned your spot. Instead, you pressed your lips into a thin line contemplating that sharing a bed with Taehyung, in clothes like this and in such proximity, all held a degree of intimacy you didn’t know you two shared yet. 

It’s only been a day. 

So when Taehyung returned to your unmoving figure, arms holding your chest and avoiding eye contact with him, he was quick to get the message. 

“Um.. if you really don’t want to sleep here, I can give you another room.” Taehyung offered, figuring himself this may be too soon. 

“No, it’s okay, that’d be kind of a hassle.” You waved him off. “Besides, your bed looks comfy.”

You were honestly trying to live up to your acceptance that Taehyung was the man you’d spend your life with now, so you’d better start getting use to him. You’d sleep next to him for numerous nights, spend endless days together and share a multitude of things; this would simply just be a first of many first times. 

So you paddled over to the bed and removed the covers to snuggle yourself in, the bed’s coolness sending a shiver through you before you hugged the blanket to yourself. Taehyung stood with a smile before crawling in himself, adjusting the covers to his liking. 

He felt at peace in a matter of seconds, the feeling of his own bed lulling him into a state of slumber already. He reached his arm out to shut off the lamp on his bedside table, leaving the room pitch dark and only his digital clock and balcony as a light source. 

You began to cower a bit in the darkness, thankful for the sheer curtains that allowed the moonlight to spill into the room. 

You felt another shiver run through your body when you shifted, realizing you were cold even under the sheets. You tried warming up on your own by shimmying the blanket around more comfortably, but it didn't do much. 

You were left lying on the bed trying to think warm thoughts, unintentionally breathing in the constant scent of Taehyung from his bed; his cologne, his aftershave, his body wash all filling your nostrils.

It was intoxicating, absolutely distracting and sleep began to slip your mind. It didn’t help that you were still cold too, moving around and turning onto your side where you now faced Taehyung. 

He seemed to have already dozed off, face tranquil as he slept soundlessly on his back. You couldn't help but admire his side-profile, the sparse moonlight illuminating his features. It was hard to not stretch your hand out and nearly run a touch along his cheek, like he was a rare work of art that naturally called for admiration.

You realized turning towards him that he radiated a wave of warmth from his body, remembering boys were pretty much furnaces while girls usually froze.

How wonderful it is to be a woman. 

You desired some of that heat and shuffled just a little closer to Taehyung, nearing the center of the bed. You discerned he was indeed warm and maneuvered slightly closer, just about stopping at the center of the bed. You fought back the urge to shimmy any closer, leaving a mindful gap between you two. 

You were seconds from catching a peace of mind until Taehyung unexpectedly spoke in the silence of the night, startling you. 

“You can come closer, I don’t bite.” The smirk in his voice was obvious, making you scrunch your nose and snap back at him. 

“Shut up, I’m not getting closer to you.” 

“You should, I’m really warm, and I can tell you’re cold.” There he was again teasing, his tone coy as he kept his eyes shut, unbothered. 

“Over my dead body.” You mocked him from earlier, turning away from him abruptly and pulling the covers over your head. 

Coffee was probably your favourite thing life had to offer. One of the couple things you’d fight someone over; coffee and your independence, if you wanted to be specific. 

So it made you genuinely happy Taehyung had such a wide selection of coffee to choose from, ranging from all kinds of beans to instant coffee, cappuccinos, lattes, mochas, you name it. It took no time for you to craft a cup to your liking, shuffle into a seat on the island and begin picking at the breakfast the housekeepers had whipped up earlier this morning. 

You’d woken up early today keeping in mind the day you had planned. You decided this to be another move-in day as part of your studio setup project you’ve entertained for the last week. The granted time off due to your odd honeymoon farce with Taehyung proved to actually come in handy, thankfully. 

It had been another peaceful morning for you, having woken up with sunlight gracing the walls, certain you could hear birds chirping as if you were in a Disney film and little mice would come out to start sewing the gown you’d wear as a princess. 

It had been a peaceful morning indeed, but when you stretched out to loosen your stiff muscles, the chaos that met you was anything but peaceful. Even if it’s occurred at least 5 times now, you kept forgetting that you shared a bed with someone else now, and that said someone had somehow always founds a way to gravitate towards you during the night, even daringly cast an arm over you sometimes. 

It left you in a state of panic registering that Taehyung’s, dare you say warm and cozy body would be just behind you, his chest mere centimeters from your back. You would stay still for some time, calculating the optimal way to remove yourself from his hold until he eventually stirred enough to loosen his grip, darting right out of bed. 

Other times, he’d wake earlier than you and you wondered what would cross his mind once he registered your oddly proximal bodies. 

Did it ever bother him?

Nonetheless, it brought a mischievous smile to your face thinking about the fact that Taehyung had such a perfectly human habit like cuddling. He was always so serious, so put together and a near machine at everything he did, seeming as though he wouldn’t give anything romantic the time of day. 

But it was hard to forget the fluffy feeling that blossomed in your chest when you would sense his proximity, maybe inviting a liking to it. You had always slept alone, only yourself and the darkness to keep you company in your lonely bed, in your lonely home. 

So sleeping next to someone, namely Kim Taehyung left an impression on you you couldn’t quite shake. It was difficult to erase the image of his calm, sleeping face after the handful of times witnessing it. Long eyelashes delicately pressed to the skin under his eyes, lips plush as he seemed to naturally pout in his sleep. The sunlight only accentuated his honey-coloured skin, adding a glow to his features that made him appear prettier than he already was. 

It was nice to think you’d wake up to that every morning. 

You found your mind still playing around with the idea until you snapped yourself out of it, questioning why the hell you always ventured off whenever you thought about him. 

Weird. 

You were scolding yourself until your eyes caught Taehyung strolling into the kitchen with his phone in is hand. He’d foregone a jacket today, black shirt sleeves folded to mid-forearm paired with black slacks.  

You were normal until you almost spat your coffee seeing he wasn’t wearing a tie but instead had the first few buttons of his shirt open, revealing a generous view of his neck and the beginnings of his chest. 

Fucking hell.

You were staring stupidly until Taehyung peeked up at you, smiling “Morning.” 

“M-morning.” you stuttered.

He seemed unsuspecting as he returned his attention to his phone, proceeding to the kitchen counter and retrieving a cup to fix himself a drink. He appeared to be reading something conscientiously on his device, never taking his eyes off and you quickly became bored, ready to use the weapon you’d acquired. 

“So.. you’re a cuddler, huh?”

Taehyung nearly dropped his cup.  

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“You’re a cuddler when you sleep. Cute.” You rested your chin in your palm, playful smile on your face. 

“I think you’re mistaken, I am not a cuddler. And I’m not cute.” Taehyung denied as he only focused on the cup, his back to you. You then watched him reach for his selection of tea and purposefully evade the coffee, your eyes lighting up with mischief.  

“Wait, you’re a cuddler and you drink tea instead of coffee? Very cute.” You pulled on his leg, chuckling as you brought your mug to your lips

This was going to be fun.

“Shut up, I don’t like the taste and tea is healthier.” Taehyung practically sneered back, harshly ripping the packet of his tea bag.

“Doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re a cuddler.” You sipped on your coffee, unbothered as you swung your legs back and fourth. 

“Doesn’t take away from the fact that you like it.” 

You nearly spat your drink. 

“What?” 

“I remember a certain someone that shuffles closer to me for warmth, no?” Taehyung snapped back as he returned to his phone and popped his tea into the microwave, his shoulders high to the sky. You could imagine his smug face proud of his remark while searching for your own, realizing that Taehyung was damn good at arguing and you’d really have to upgrade your comeback game to counter him. 

He was unfortunately your match.

“Even if I were one, which I’m not, It’s not like I’m committing a crime.” Taehyung suddenly finalized with a snippy tone, and you realized you may have hurt his ego. 

Men. 

“I never said it was a bad thing.” You commented under your breath and looked away, popping a raspberry into your mouth. 

Taehyung bit back a smirk as he retrieved his cup of tea, taking a sip as he returned to his phone and took a seat across from you. He began compiling his plate of breakfast as he worked his device, typing away with one hand as if he was drafting the Magna Carta. 

You became bored again.

“Why do you have so much coffee if you don’t like it?” You genuinely felt like inquiring, if he didn’t like the taste why would he have so much? 

“For my housekeepers, they drink it.” He took a sip of his tea, all attention on his phone. 

You nodded understandingly. “Why do you have two housekeepers, by the way? Isn’t one enough?” 

“So they can keep each other company.” He answered absentmindedly, eyes still glued to his phone as he bit a piece of his toast. You really hated that he wasn’t actively interacting with you because it only left room to stare at him, and that was never any good.  

He looked illegally attractive with the unbuttoned part of his shirt, your mind profusely bugging out over the exposed bit of his chest. You were reminded of the full view from last night, and began pondering how long you’d survive having to see that for the rest of your life. 

“O-oh, that’s nice.” You stuttered back a reply, squashing your previous thought.

You were actually quite impressed by the kindness Taehyung showed behind that decision, noticing he had these small moments where he was caring, considerate, all hidden behind his unreadable face and seriousness when it came to business. 

It was quite interesting. 

You were mindlessly eating until Taehyung spoke up, eyes flickering towards you. “What are you going to do today?” 

You swallowed your fruit. “I was planning on moving more stuff in again, start finishing my studio setup. Thank you again for the room, by the way.” You expressed your gratitude once more, forking some eggs into your mouth. 

“Don’t mention it.” 

“What are you doing today?” you echoed his question, taking another swig of coffee.

“I’m working again. If you need anything I’ll be in my study.” Taehyung sent you a half-smile before snatching up his plate, bringing his phone to his ear as he stepped out of the kitchen. 

You sighed heavily only being left to think about your day, which would be majorly spent unpacking and arranging things. You had a plethora of art supplies, design tools and canvases to set up in your studio, leaving you constantly thinking of how to even begin. 

It would be a mission alone to sort through everything you had left, knowing you didn’t exactly label out of sheer laziness and would have to individually unbox and organize everything . 

It was this exact task that took up most of your day, time having slipped by in the blink of an eye. It wasn’t easy when you had to be rummaging through your belongings and situating them where you thought appropriate, also trying to envision a new look for your studio. 

You hadn’t realized 3 hours had passed until the ring of the front doorbell caused you to check your phone, curious as to who would be visiting your home in the middle of the day. You assumed it be one of the housekeepers and abandoned your work, cascading down the staircase and striding towards the grand entrance. 

You drew towards the monitor Taehyung had showed you just yesterday, explaining it to be your home security system. Taehyung detailed it had a camera for your front porch that detected movement and the doorbell alike, so you peered at the monitor to see the stranger outside your home. 

Your eyebrows furrowed registering a woman, her back turned towards the door as she fidgeted nervously with her purse in her hand. 

Sheer curiosity took you over and you paddled towards the door, unlocking it. You wore a smile on your face as you swung the door open, though it was immediately wiped off taking in the last person on earth you ever wanted to see. 

“Mother?”

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tags : @thedarkwinterrose @ayujaded @couldbeyourlast @ladyarmanto @anpanman-sonyeondan @apollukee @blueevelvt @taesluttt @scalubera​ @laurynne5​ @dreamsindreamss​ @thequeen-kat​ @awsome-small-k​ @wrecklesssly​ @kweenhu​ @jalexad​ @staerify​ @bangforever​ @dyriddle​ @aianloveseven​ @waves-and-woods​ @hoefortaeshands​ @veronawrites​ @nightapple4jk​ @wataemelonz​ @aomi-nabi​

#thebtswritersclub #bangtanhq #kwritersworldnet #ksmutclub #thetruthuntoldnet #taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #kim taehyung x reader #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #taehyung scenario #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung arranged marriage au #kim taehyung

[nashibirne]

Congrats on your milestone!! Love your writing and since you're doing the whole "milestone party" I would like to ask if you could write something about reader and first baby. It could be something like them being very happy in the beginning, anxious by the end of the pregnancy but in the first weeks after the baby is born everything being caotic, the reader is stressed and sometimes they fight for something silly and it could have a happy ending, maybe he preparing a special surprise for her, some smut and they kinda "reconnect"... I don't mind if it gets too big, I would appreciate if you like the idea, It can be sy or walter, their POV, the reader can have a name too if you'd like. Thank you so much and congratulations again 🎉🥳

Here comes the second fic for my milestone celebration 🥳

Dear nonie, thank you so much for your prompt 💜 I love it and it made me think of Walter and his bumblebee from my fic Closer immediately. So I hope you don't mind I made this a follow up.

I tried to include all your wishes and I hope you like the struggles, the fluff and the smut.

🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲

MAYBUG

Pairing: Walter Marshall x reader

Summary: Walt and his wife are stressed out and enjoy a little escape. Follow-up to Closer

Words: ~ 1.8 k

Warnings: Smut, NSFW, 18+, Sex (p in v), fingering, dirty talking, kinda light breeding kink, masturbation, mentioning of sex toys and voyeurism, mentioning of problematic birth

UNBETA'ED! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…

Credits: pics for the header from pinterest.

I don't own Walter Marshall (unfortunately)

If you like this story, check out my masterlist!

***********

I'm sure it wasn't so stressful with Faye when she was a baby. She was a whirlwind, challenging her mum and me 24/7 as soon as she was able to walk but I'm pretty sure in the first year she was a little angel, not doing much more than sleeping, eating and lulling us into a false sense of security, making us think the peace would last forever.

Maybe it's gonna be the other way round with our little maybug. A chaotic first year and all the peace afterwards.

We've been on an emotional rollercoaster ride for almost two years now. Y/n stopped taking the pill shortly after our engagement and a few months before our wedding. I couldn't wait to get her pregnant, our sex life was great at that time, we did it as often as possible, having the time of our lives, enjoying each other and our deep connection. When my little bumblebee finally surprised me with a positive pregnancy test after 8 months of very intense trying, we were both beyond happy and completely over the moon and besides the usual pregnancy-related worries and difficulties everything went well.

That was until y/n went into labor and suddenly everything turned out to be very different from what we both had wished for. There was no calm atmosphere, no peaceful water birth but a lot of stress and anxiety instead when unexpected complications occured. I wasn't solid as a rock for her, I was a nervous wreck and very disappointed in myself but my wonderful wife was incredibly tough, fighting to be strong for both of us with fierce determination. She was no bumblebee that night, she was a hornet. In the end she had an emergency c-section and our little boy was born after almost 24 hours of labour on a mild Saturday night in May. When we finally held this perfect, beautiful little bundle of life in our arms all pain and fear was forgotten and we cried together for joy and gratefulness.

Now, six months later, we're still very happy, enjoying our family life and our time together. I've stepped back from work a little, doing office work mostly, staying away from the time consuming major cases. It's hard sometimes to be condemned to just watch my colleagues working in the front-line but I know it's worth it. I don't want to make the same mistakes again, the mistakes that ruined my first marriage and jeopardized my relationship with Faye. Besides that y/n needs my support, although she would never admit it. Our little maybug suffers from colic and cries a lot so she's constantly sleep-deprived and on top of that she tortures herself with self-reproach because breastfeeding didn't work and our baby son only gets formula, which -in her eyes- is the reason for his regular pain. She's constantly stressed out, tense and oversensitive and we fight over the most silly things.

When she had a nervous breakdown the other day because she hadn't managed to cook dinner for me after another night without sleep and a whole day of trying to calm down a crying baby in pain, I decided it was enough, that she needed a break, I needed a break and maybe even our little muffin needed a break from his worn out parents. So after y/n had a good cry on my shoulder, listening to my comforting words that made her relax a little, I made her her favorite sandwich, sent her to bed after she'd enjoyed it and took our little boy on a ride. He likes it when we drive around in my truck, the sonorous sound of the engine has a soothing effect on him and eventually he stopped crying and fell asleep, just as exhausted as his mom. I got myself a burger from the drive-through, ate it in the parking lot and I came up with an idea for a little treat for me and my wife.

And now here we are, sitting in the huge tub in the bathroom of a luxurious hotel suite in our hometown, just 20 minutes away from our little boy who's staying with y/n's sister for the weekend. It wasn't easy to convince my wife that he's going to survive one night without us and that we really need some time for us but now, after a romantic candle light dinner and a special treatment afterwards she really seems to enjoy our little escape.

"God, Walt...you were right, I needed this. The food was delicious and your massage worked wonders. Thank you so much, papa bear."

She's sitting in front of me in the steaming hot water that smells like tropical flowers, her body covered with lush foam, her back resting against my chest, her butt between my spread legs, pressing against my cock.

"Well, it wasn't a Tantra massage but I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway." I press a kiss on her hair and hug her from behind. "I enjoyed it too, by the way. My hands all over your wonderful backside, that was very sexy," I whisper in her ear before I start to caress her breasts while kissing her neck. Damn, I love her tits, even more now after the pregnancy. They are so soft, so welcoming and warm, plus they are bigger than before, perfect for burying my face in them or for a filthy boob fuck.

Y/n moans softly under my touch and I go on, determined to make this date night unforgettable. After a while I let one of my hands glide over her belly, that wonderful part of her body that has carried our child and that is so smooth beneath my rough palm. I feel the stretch marks she hates so much but I kinda love them. They're like a map that shows what she's been through and what the female body is capable of. For her it's a flaw, when I look at it I see nothing but strength. With that thought I slip my hand between her legs, stroking her pussy, my fingers gliding through her swollen folds, provoking one of these drawn, hoarse moans that always escape her mouth when she likes what I'm doing and that turn me on so much. She cranes her neck to look at me and I bent my head to kiss her. The kiss is slow and sensual, tasting sweet and promising. I moan into her mouth, one hand on her tit, kneading it intensely, giving her erect nipple some extra attention with my thumb, one hand on her pussy. I keep on stroking her clit while we make out and she moves her hips, rolling them slowly against my rock-hard cock.

"You like that, baby?" I want to know, panting into her ear.

"I like it a lot…", y/n sighs, bucking her hips. I know exactly what she wants.

"How about that?" I stretch my arm, shifting my position a little to penetrate her slowly with two fingers, brushing them against her g-spot with light pressure.

"Fuck...Walt…"

Her moans are getting louder with each thrust into her cunt, her hips moving rhythmically. I stimulate her clit with my thumb and I can tell she's close, putty in my hands, a whimpering, panting mess and I love it.

"Mommy's still my little whore, right?" I ask, my voice rough and thick with arousal and desire, my dick throbbing, pressed against her ass. "Look at you, riding my fingers like the good girl you are. I love how that feels…"

I fingerfuck her harder and it doesn't take her long to cum with a loud moan, my name on her lips on top of her orgasm. She rides it out slowly, breathing heavily and I give her some time to recover before I grab her by her waist, lift her up and make her sit down on my cock. I can't wait another second, I need to feel her from the inside, her tight pussy stretching around my thick dick. She sighs when she easily sinks down on it, starting to ride me immediately, eagerly, greedy. She's still hungry, ready for more, giving me a hard time to pull myself together. I'd love to just rail her, to thrust into her cunt mercilessly to reach my own high but what I want even more is to see her come undone again, to make her fall apart on my dick, milking it when she cums again. So I hold her hips in a vice-like grip, pressing her down and she stops moving, waiting for me to take over. I let go of her hips and fuck her slowly, thrusting into her from underneath, caressing her tits, showering her shoulders with sloppy kisses.

She follows the rhythm and the pace I set and we both moan in unison. She reaches between her legs and starts touching herself which turns me on even further. I love watching her when she pleasures herself. She was a little hesitant about in the beginning of our relationship but when I even bought her some toys, she believed me that it was okay to masturbate in my presence, that it drove me absolutely wild to watch her, that I would fuck her like a predator after seeing her cum just by the touch of her own hands, using the toys I had chosen and allowed her to use. Today is no exception. Her soft moans and appreciative sighs are music to my ears and as soon as I fix my eyes on her fingers that circle her clit, while she strokes the shaft of my pounding cock with her other hand, I lose my shit.

I press her against my body and fuck her so hard and fast that the water spills all over the edge of the tub. She comes again shortly after I orgasm with a noise that's half grunt and half growl, arising deep from within my chest. My balls tighten and when I feel my cum shooting through my dick her pussy clenches around me and her body is trembling on top of mine. She cries out loud when I fill her up with my seed and I'm sure she knows that I imagine breeding her, when I keep on thrusting lightly, not pulling out even after we've both come down from our highs and my hard-on softens.

I know we still have to wait a few months till she gets pregnant again because her body needs time to heal but I guess it doesn't hurt to practice as often as we feel like it and to dream of adding another little bug to our family.

🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲🪲

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

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#henry cavill #cavillry #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #walter marshall fanfiction #walter marshall #walter marshall x you #walter marshall smut #ask nashi #follower celebration #follower milestone

[stillness-in-green]

Why Deku's ultimatum to Overhaul is bad and he should feel bad

This is a bit outside my normal character wheelhouse, but I really need to get a rant about it off my chest, so here goes:

The Deku and Overhaul scene in Chapter 316 is terrible. It is fucking terrible.

I took a whirl around Overhaul's tag up through when the leaks first started dropping, but didn't immediately see anyone talking about why it's so fucking terrible, only concerns about letting Overhaul see Eri (understandable, but baseless, I think), some empathy towards Overhaul's current state (totally warranted!), some snark about Deku being So Done with Overhaul (haha because who cares about Deku's stated goal of trying to understand villains, right?), and, worst of all, some cooing about how Deku was being so compassionate and noble by offering Overhaul that olive branch.

Deku was not being compassionate and noble there. Deku was being arrogant, small-minded, and so shockingly cruel that it leaves me speechless that anyone could think his stunted and hard-hearted "offer" reflects well on him.

Deku's entire motivation in this arc has been wrestling with the realization that he might have been able to avoid some of the desperate battles of his past if he'd understood more about the villains he fought. He thought of three very specific people--Stain, Muscular, and Overhaul--as he reflected, "Maybe it wouldn't have had to go that way if I'd understood them better." He then thought of Gentle Criminal and La Brava, people who he’d come to some understanding of, who he’d been able to soften the conclusion of his battle with by going along with Gentle's fiction downplaying what had happened between them. The whole line of thought was intended to contextualize his newfound desire to save Shigaraki.

It soon became apparent that Stain, Muscular and Overhaul were, in fact, encounters that he would be revisiting, as a chance to see how he'd grown since he faced them, and as a dry-run on reaching out to villains that would give him a chance to practice ways he might reach out to Shigaraki when the time comes.

Well, based on his performance so far, the idea that Deku might be able to reach Shigaraki is laughable.

Firstly, his tentative questions to Muscular were ill-timed, all wrong for the middle of a battle. Muscular laughed him off, and I don’t think there’s any version of that scenario in which he would have done otherwise. Muscular was a huge threat, gleefully violent, disinterested in conversation about his history. Obviously, right in the middle of a fight was no kind of time to try to figure out what made the man tick! But Deku didn’t get the luxury of choosing the circumstances of that encounter, so yes, that battle probably was unavoidable, certainly if Deku wanted to stop him from doing further damage. But the idea that because Deku couldn't reach him right then and there, it's impossible for Deku--or, indeed, for anyone--to reach him at all is fallacious. Not every person has to be able to like or understand every other person. If Deku couldn't reach Muscular, so what? That doesn't mean it's impossible that someone might. And that means an obligation to treat Muscular like a human being, to afford him human rights, to not stop trying to find a way to rehabilitate him, even as you safeguard other people against him.

Deku's battle with Muscular being unavoidable was not some great triumph, for all that the narrative used it as an opportunity to let him show off how far he’d come in mastering One For All. In the way that matters, the way that Deku himself is currently trying to better, he hasn't advanced at all. Imasuji Goto represented his first test in the lead-up to saving Shigaraki, and Deku failed it.

His next trial was Overhaul.* Here, again, was someone who Deku was explicitly trying to understand. So what was the one thing that was most key to understanding Overhaul's current motivation? What was the one thing that Overhaul was ranting about out loud, incessantly? And what did Deku conspicuously fail to ask about? Overhaul's relationship with Pops.

This was so easy. So obvious. And Deku didn’t even try. All he could think about in the moment he was faced with that broken man was the little girl that man hurt--all thoughts of trying to understand where the man himself was coming from went right out the window, flown away in an instant. Instead of asking about why Overhaul feels the way he does, he demanded that Overhaul feel the way Deku wanted. He was essentially holding the only person Overhaul cared about hostage for the remorse he wanted Overhaul to feel.

I'm not going to try to armchair diagnose Overhaul with mental conditions. I don't have the educational background, and I'm positive Horikoshi doesn't. But it seems pretty clear that asking Overhaul to feel guilt about Eri was asking for something that he might not be capable of feeling, at least not without years of therapy that he was plainly not getting in Tartarus. And if Overhaul is not capable of feeling that guilt, then what does denying Overhaul his meeting actually solve? Who does it help? It doesn’t help Eri. Doesn’t help the old man. It certainly doesn’t help Overhaul himself. The only person who gets any satisfaction out of demanding remorse from Overhaul is Deku. And even Deku didn’t look like he found it very satisfying!

Another failure. A meaninglessly cruel, petty failure. A failure that served only to hurt a man who was already a live wire of agony, to sentence an old man to a coma he might never wake from without Overhaul's expertise, and to deprive Eri of the only actual family she had left.

And look, Pops might very well not be the ideal guardian for Eri, and I'm not saying he should get to "keep" her just because of the blood connection, but it's not like he cheerfully handed her over to Overhaul and walked out the door! He turned to Overhaul because he trusted Overhaul, because he wanted someone to help Eri and thought that maybe Overhaul could. And when Overhaul's thoughts about Eri took a very dark turn, Pops first denied his request about using her to further his research and then, when Overhaul kept pushing it, chose Eri over the kid he personally took in from the streets by telling Overhaul that he needed to leave the Shie Hassaikai if he couldn't muster any more respect for human life than that.

But, you know, Eri is so cute with Aizawa and stuff. And Pops was a criminal. Probably. Maybe? I mean, he was yakuza, anyway, so he obviously must have been a criminal even if the police never actually arrested him. Apparently, this means it's okay to just leave him in a coma forever! Even though Overhaul absolutely has enough medical expertise that letting him talk to a neurologist about what he did to Pops might enable them to figure out how to wake Pops up even without Overhaul being able to use his quirk to undo the damage. Hell, Overhaul is also the person alive who has the best handle on how Eri's quirk works. He might even know what her accumulation condition is. Maybe a better thing to ransom his access to Pops with would be Overhaul telling Aizawa everything he knows about Eri's quirk so Aizawa can use the knowledge to help her get a better handle on it.

But no. Obviously undoing some small part of the concrete harm Overhaul did was less important than how Deku felt about that harm.

And there's more! Oh, is there ever. I called Deku arrogant before; let me circle back to that.

Deku said that if Chisaki would feel the way Deku wanted him to feel, then Deku would uphold the promise to let Overhaul see Pops. But where in hell did Deku get off making that claim? Deku is a student. He's not a pro. He has no authority, medical, legal, carceral or otherwise. He has no say in where Overhaul goes or who he's allowed to see.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck? What kind of strings did Deku think he could pull that he could just casually make that claim without so much as going into a huddle with Hawks and Endeavor about it first? How inflated has this kid's sense of importance gotten that he made Overhaul that promise without even stopping to think about whether it was something he was in any position to ensure? It was such a bullshit ultimatum, not only because of how needlessly obstructive it was, but because it was so formless.

"If only you would feel a wish to apologize to Eri…" Okay, so what if Overhaul goes back to prison and, three days later, calls out to say, "Okay, I thought about it and I really feel like I want to apologize, now can I see Pops already?" Who gets to make that judgment call? Deku? Is he going to drop his faux-vigilante act and come visit Overhaul in prison just so he can squint at the man really hard to see if he's lying? Is Deku going to delegate the call to someone else? All Might? Hawks? A prison warden? A psychologist? Who? Who gets to be the one to say, "Okay, I think his remorse is genuine."

Then, once that call has been made, how many people have to arrange for Overhaul to be escorted out of prison and to whatever hospital Pops is in? Will Deku get to oversee that visit? Does he think he can overturn a warden declaring, "The scum doesn't deserve a visit, and the old man probably doesn't either," or a doctor protesting, "I'm not letting that man anywhere near my patient!"

The hell of it is, I think Deku could do all of that. He's got a close personal connection to All Might, who was basically a demi-god to this society for decades; he has the ear of the current top three heroes. Everyone is apparently convinced that the power to save this society rests solely in Deku's hands; I'm sure he could ask for anything he wanted. But the fact that that is the case suggests that this society is not even slightly turning away from its dependence on heroes dictating its morality. A hero having the sole right to dictate, out of hand, based on his personal feelings, the fate of people designated "villains" while the rest of society turns away is exactly what Shigaraki is angry about.

The only thing worse than Deku perpetuating the worst problems of hero society in an arc that's supposed to be about him finding a better way is that he didn’t even stop to think about it. It never even occurred to him that that was what he was doing. He thought that what he was asking of Chisaki was just and fair, and thus, he didn’t need to ask for any second opinions or permissions; he didn’t need to think about what would actually be feasible, about what was best for the people involved. He'd made his judgment call about a villain, and that's all there was to it. The villain could fall in line or--nothing. There isn't actually another choice. Hero's way or nothing

I hate it. I hate it. I don't care about whether Overhaul "deserves" to suffer; heroes making the cold decision that they will make him suffer is antithetical to everything a carceral system intended to rehabilitate prisoners stands for. And yes, Japan does at least claim on paper that the goal of incarceration in state hands is rehabilitation.

Restorative justice is superior to retributive justice. It's better for society and it's better for individuals. It is kinder, it is more compassionate. Retributive justice poisons people. It perpetuates suffering for no reason but moral grandstanding. Individuals are allowed to forgive or not forgive anyone they want, but a society should conduct itself with an eye to the long-term welfare of all of its people. That means that even the worst kinds of criminals still have human rights. It means not inflicting pain that serves no purpose.

I've gotten off-track here. Yes, I think that if Overhaul could feel regret about Eri, that would obviously be a positive development for his character. It'd hurt like hell, but it would be a hurt that indicated he was becoming a better person, a person who wanted to do more good, less ill, with his life and efforts. But you can't mandate that someone become a better person. No ultimatum handed down from on high is going to change Overhaul's heart. Telling someone, "I'll help you, but only if you only feel the way I want you to feel. Otherwise, you can just stay there and suffer," is not reaching out to help people who are suffering in the dark, which is, again, what Deku claimed he wanted to do, what he begged for Nagant's help in doing, the way he insisted to the vestiges that OFA should be used.

Deku writing people off because they don't conform to his expectations, because they can't be "good" the way he wants them to be, nor even "bad" in ways he can understand, is him failing to live up to his own expressed ideals. "I wish you'd feel bad about hurting people," wasn't enough to reach Muscular or Overhaul, and it damn well shouldn't be enough to reach Shigaraki.

Cruelty does not beget kindness. You cannot treat people with only callousness and severity, then condemn them for not taking the opportunity to grow. You have to give them opportunities to better themselves. For Overhaul, giving him an opportunity would be letting him help the man he wronged and then moving forward from there. Telling him to feel regret about Eri or else? That's doing nothing but sweeping his pain back under the rug.

---

*I have more or less exhausted my outrage over Lady Nagant in chats with friends, so I'll spare the rant on how disjointed, contradictory and ludicrous her turn was; the gist is "very, on all counts."

---

P.S. Anyone who says that Overhaul "has nothing left to live for" is being a level of ableist that defies description. Prosthetics exist. Assistive devices exist. Speech-to-text software exists. Overhaul is intelligent, driven and highly educated. Even if he never got prosthetics at all, there would still be things he could contribute to the world if he were motivated to do so. The better thing to do, though, would be to get the man some damn prosthetics, hook him up with the neurologist consulting on Pops' case, and let the two of them get on with the matter of waking up the old man.

P.P.S. Overhaul spent six months in solitary confinement. The United Nations considers solitary confinement exceeding 15 days to be a form of torture. Solitary confinement creates severe mental health issues and exacerbates existing ones. It frequently leads to a deadening of empathy, something Overhaul has in little enough amounts as it is. It is absurd to ask a man who's just come out of these conditions to "feel sorry for what you did to Eri," especially if you're planning to turn around and send him right back to solitary. Tartarus is inhuman, and the only reason more of the escapees aren't total wrecks like Overhaul is because Horikoshi clearly didn't bother to do the reading on the wide array of problems that those characters should be experiencing physically, mentally and socially.

#bnha #bnha critical #deku critical #bnha overhaul #chisaki kai #bnha muscular #my writing? #stillness has salt #bnha spoilers #one last salty post before I go back to working on things for characters and plots I actually like in this series #taking my life into my hands and posting this in the tags #but seriously #please please let Horikoshi realize #that Deku saying he wants to use OFA to save villains and then doing nothing but using OFA to beat them down again #is not Deku WINNING #it is Deku LOSING #saving someone takes more than rescuing them from a bullet that wasn't going to hit them anyway #if you don't have follow-through then you're just condemning people to fall through the cracks

[nikadoesanart]

Dazai living in a shipping container analysis

I’ll be talking about the “pros” and “cons”, if you can even call them that, of Dazai living in a shipping container near a dumping site. Also I am using what architecture knowledge I do have on the subject of container homes.

This is on the longer side so brace yourself. Also Stormbringer spoiler warning, in case that wasn’t realized yet.

Before I actually start I’ll preface this by saying that I’m a former architecture student but it was with a design focus. I have also previously designed a shipping container home so although I have some knowledge, it does have its limitations.

Also this will be updated when the fan translations get to this part of Stormbringer. Currently, I’m getting the information from chazukekani and popopretty’s summaries and translations, so please check them out too!

As a general reference for what to expect of a shipping container home, the average shipping container is 8 x 20 ft or 8 x 40 ft. As a more visual example, here is a portion of the container house I designed. Note that it’s total length is 30ft because I have two 20ft long containers stacked on top of each other, with a 10ft offset. The space beyond the sliding doors is a balcony and can basically be ignored for the purpose of this analysis. With the pictured dimensions, you can consider it to be insulated from the outside, so as not to sacrifice internal space. Despite this, you can see that it feels fairly cramped even with minimal furniture (a sink, toilet and shower unit in the bathroom and a bed, desk, and wardrobe closet in the master bedroom).

Dazai’s current living arrangement

Now for comparison, let’s first take note of what’s known of Dazai’s living conditions for comparison.

he’s living in an illegal dumping site, and there are toxic substances coming from the ground because of this

“Not even a field mouse would dare to approach it.” (Popopretty)

the area is not on the map and Dazai lives near the center of it (which can easily be one of the worst parts in terms of health and safety)

the container was previously “used to export passenger cars overseas” (popopretty)

his only furniture is a fridge, (exhaust) fan, desk/table, a chair, and a bare light bulb

no one would approach “not just because the place itself was weird. It was because no one could predict how Dazai would react if someone approached his private residence.” (Popopretty)

it’s been a year since he’s joined, yet no one trusts him → he could’ve been living here since before he joined but we don’t know as of yet

he’s sitting in complete darkness, lightbulb off and door shut, until Verlaine opens the door and walks in

Verlaine asks if he’s living here because he’s afraid of property taxes but Dazai claims that he’s afraid of Verlaine. He’s not actually addressing his choice of location because he only corrected Verlaine on what he fears, and gives no actual explanation for why he chose to live here.

The “pros”

Naturally unapproachable location. Even if Dazai being PM Dazai wasn’t a factor in people staying away, the nearby smell alone means no one would normally approach it, much less suspect a Port Mafia executive of all people to be living there. It’s also unmapped territory so even less reason for him to be found. This means enemies and allies alike would have a more difficult time trying to find him (ie. to come for his life) and there’s unlikely to be anyone else around. After all, if even a mouse won’t go there why would a whole person live there?

It costs him nothing. Not that it’d make a difference with what we can assume of his financial wealth. He has money, likely more than Chuuya who lives in a nice apartment in a nice area, yet chooses to live in a shipping container in an illegal dumping site. This is beneficial for Dazai, since there’s no paper trail or record of where he lives, which goes right into my 3rd point.

Ease of abandonment. Considering his whole goal at the time is to off himself without troubling others in the process, it makes sense that he’d want to leave minimal traces behind. No unpaid rent or mortgage, no one on a waiting list to move into a nice place, and no personal belongings or attachments. This winds up being a pro/advantageous when he does leave the PM since there wasn’t a trace to follow him with in the first place. He can simply grab his few things of importance and find a new shipping container or abandoned building outside of the PM’s territory. In fact, he might’ve even been able to stay there or in that general area since no one dares to approach it in the first place.

The “cons”

Or should I say say the dangerous living conditions he’s in. I don’t find them surprising because again, he doesn’t have a long term plan to live at this point. He doesn’t have much reason to care about what happens to himself, as we can deduce from his overall disregard towards being constantly injured and in danger for example. This is also where the architectural stuff comes into play.

Let’s start with the most visible one, lack of insulation. With a shipping container home, you can insulate from the inside and lose about a foot of interior space in each direction (6 in. off each wall) or from the outside and lose the aesthetic of the textured walls. Either way, it costs time and money to do it. We know it’s not insulated from the inside because of the illustration and, in my opinion, it’s very unlikely that Dazai would’ve gotten it insulated from the outside because at the very least, it would make his container stand out among the others nearby. You need to insulate a container home because they get very hot or cold in the summer and winter respectively, as they are made of metal. I’ve heard that at the very least, Japan’s summers are HOT.

This one is a little harder to confirm and will likely be updated as fan translations are released, but a likely hazardous set up for electricity and (hopefully) plumbing. If you don’t have the insulation on the inside but you still have your electrical and plumbing, it can possibly become both a visual mess and a safety hazard. It’s possible that he kept it all in the back portion of his container for example, or maybe he has it taped to the floor or walls somewhere, but that also brings the question of where it’s connected to on the outside. Since he’s on a dumping site, then where’s the electrical going to go at the very least? Sure he can use nearby public facilities but every day? He has a fridge, single lightbulb and a fan but where is the power is connected to? In terms of plumbing, I think it’s equally likely he found a Porta potty nearby or there’s (hopefully) some sort of public or PM owned facility nearby. Really, his hygiene, especially during the PM days when he was (as far as we the audience are aware) likely at his lowest, can easily become its own separate question/discussion for another day. After all, we’re just talking about the condition of his container in this post.

The possible fumes and chemicals left over. The paint on shipping containers is meant to withstand the sea water splashing on to them, so it may contain harsh chemicals. And we know that his container was used previously to ship cars overseas, but that still leaves the possibility for things to have leaked on the inside at this time. We don’t actually know if it’s been used more than once, but seeing as we do have a usage history, I’d say there’s a fair enough chance for it to have been a single use container. Still, chemicals could’ve previously leaked and the paint may be a concern in the long run. It’s also possible that it has begun rusting as well, due to the metal being exposed to the likes of sea water. Also, let’s not forget the toxic substances from the illegal dumping site itself, possibly going into the container over time.

Also as far as we can tell, there seems to be a lack of windows. This means no natural light, aside from opening a whole door. Keep in mind that windows can help with indoor temperature control, not just natural light.

Living in a dump site, especially an illegal one. This one should speak for itself but I’ll list some concerns anyway. Seeing as it’s illegal, we can probably just forget about regulations altogether, much less any possible existing ones being followed. This means that there can be literally anything from hazardous waste material, to dangerous and sharp objects on the ground, to who knows what kind of smells and fumes, etc. In short, not a safe area to live in, for health concern reasons at a minimum.

Again, my knowledge on shipping container homes themselves is limited and I do recommend checking out Belinda Carr’s videos on some of the downsides of them from a professional’s POV.

7 reasons why shipping container homes are a scam

Responding to comments: shipping container scam video

Also, just because Dazai was making presumably LARGE amounts of money obviously doesn’t mean that he has to spend it all or live luxuriously if he doesn’t want to. It’s not that hard to infer why Dazai did choose to live in such conditions and I mainly wanted to draw attention to how these conditions can affect him, with both the advantages and disadvantages.

#bsd spoilers #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer #bsd dazai #bsd storm bringer #bsd theories #bsd analysis