#he also knows what grindr is but has never had occasion to use it. he's got other ways to get dates (telling crowley it's date night).

[equalseleventhirds]

the more gomens2 i consume the stronger the urge grows to go 'if x event had happened in the bookverse it would've been y instead'

but that would be fun only for me and like, five select mutuals, and would simply torment everyone else and probably draw the ire of some fans. so i won't.

#honestly i just got out of a recording session which i jumped into shortly after home from work #so tbh i SHOULD go the fuck to sleep #might hang out n reblog some stuff. unrelated stuff. should defs stop watching gomens for tonight. #.....................book!aziraphale in 2023 would not only know what twitter is and how it works but would also have a deep disdain for it #with an additional shudder of horror once the rebranding happened #he also knows what grindr is but has never had occasion to use it. he's got other ways to get dates (telling crowley it's date night). #okAY I'M DONE #good omens blogging #gomens spoilers

[salmonskinrolltf]

Soulmates 2

[Here's a sequel of sorts to my previous story Soulmates (you don't need to have read it to understand this story). With thanks to @guytransformedforever, @beardobession, @tf-vigilante, @maletransformationlover, @clevertreephilosopher, @scorpionofredsand, and @maletffanatic for providing the photos used as inspiration.]

Hello, my name is Tyler. This is me:

And this is my roommate, Dylan:

Now look, I don’t have a problem with gay people. My cousin is a lesbian. And Dylan is a great roommate. Stays out of my way when we’re not gymming together, but is always down to hang when I need someone to talk to. I just wish he would be less in my face with all his gay shit. Rainbow flags everywhere, blasting Ariana Grande at all hours, constantly bringing new Grindr hookups back to the apartment but giving me side-eye when I ogle women. It’s just… too much for me.

Here’s the thing. I might actually be able to change that. I have this friend Evan, who I’ve wingmanned for on a few occasions over the past year. One night, when we were getting drunk together, he shared his secret with me. He has a magic gift. He clasped my hand and said “tomorrow, you will wake up and have this magic too.” And sure enough, the next day I could feel a tingle coursing through my veins, and I automatically had the knowledge of how to channel it.

Now I have the ability to change somebody’s future. I can’t fiddle with anything that’s innate or has already happened to them. Like, I can’t just make Dylan straight. But I can shape his future decisions or actions, and my magic will make alterations to speed the process along. Like if I made him decide to work out more, he would basically become a muscle beast within the week. Not that I’d do that. I still gotta be the alpha here. I just want to make him a little more… palatable. Someone cool to kick back with all the time, even if he sucks dick. Let’s see... I think I know what will work.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL BECOME OBSESSED WITH SPORTS

———————————

Hello, my name is Dylan:

Sports are my LIFE. I never cared about them much growing up, but about a month ago I felt the urge to join my local queer volleyball team and never looked back. It became my everything. It’s been great exercise, but on top of playing volleyball and getting totally jacked off of it, I’ve loved the sense of camaraderie. I love my team. So much so that I even pierced my nipples on a dare when we lost the semifinals. My teammate River also recommended I stop dyeing my hair, and I think the look is really working for me. For some reason, even though it’s only been a month, my hair has grown out significantly since then. Was the red dye stunting its growth or something? Anyway. I also feel like my roommate Tyler and I have really bonded. We’ve been watching baseball games together and I think he appreciates how into it I am. He says he’s excited to bro out while watching football together in the fall.

I love Tyler, but here’s the thing. Maybe I love him too much. I’ve always had this huge crush on him, and no matter how many random Grindr hookups I try to distract myself with, I just can’t stop hoping that one day he’ll give up women for good and decide he loves me. Especially now that we’re spending all this time together, bumping chests when our team wins and shit.

I know us getting together is never going to happen, but I have this… temptation. I was born with a gift. Or maybe I wasn’t. Something my twink friend Paul told me made me think maybe he had something to do with it. Anyway, I have the ability to reshape someone’s past. I change just one thing about their past, and everything about their present just ripples forward to reflect that change. It’s a delicate art. Changing something big can have huge effects that are totally unpredictable. It’s a major temptation to make Tyler gay, but who knows how he’d turn out. Plus, I think that’s just too invasive.

But… Maybe I could change something small about him. Something that would make him less my type, and allow me to move on and focus on finding a boyfriend who would actually be into me. I’m into nice guys. I really love how kind and caring he is. And come on, he’s a FIREFIGHTER. So maybe I can try…

TYLER GREW UP SELFISH AND SPOILED

———————————

What’s up, I’m Tyler.

You dig the jacket? Yeah, I’m still a firefighter, I’m just off duty. But babes dig whatever look I rock, you know what I mean? I get what I want, and what I want is a lot of one night stands. I know how to get ‘em, too. I’m so glad I made the decision to grow this beard out a year ago, it’s opened so many doors for me. And opened a lot of legs.

I’m getting what I want from Dylan, too. Finally, I have a roommate who’s willing to grab brews and watch the game with me. But I think I fucked up when I changed him. Queer volleyball isn’t exactly “sports,” at least not in my book. I thought he’d come out like a linebacker or something! I mean, nipple rings were never part of the plan. The gay guys seem to really go for them, too, so he’s got an even steadier stream of Grindr hookups coming in and out of the place.

On top of that, I’m a little sick of his shit. He’s always giving me lip about stupid stuff like leaving my dishes in the sink or dropping my unwashed uniform on the bathroom floor. He says it’s unsanitary. Like his parade of twinks aren’t dying to sniff that shit anyway. He just doesn’t get it. I think his volleyball teammates are a bad influence too. They’re all so obsessed with aesthetic and anti-hetero rhetoric. I still can’t make him straight, but I can definitely make him less… annoying.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL START HANGING OUT WITH MORE STRAIGHT PEOPLE WHO WILL HELP HIM STOP WORRYING ABOUT STUPID SHIT AND BE LESS PRISSY, WELL-GROOMED, AND UPTIGHT

———————————

Yo, I’m Dylan.

Yeah, I cut my hair shorter than the last time you saw me. The upkeep was just getting to be too much, y’know? A couple weeks ago, about the time I dumped that lame-ass volleyball team I was on, I just got bored with shaving every day, too. I invested in a trimmer and now I rock the stubble look, and it’s working for me. I’ve gained a bit of weight since then, and it’s all for the better because I joined my local football league. Having a few extra beers with my new buds afterward just adds to my potential as a linebacker, anyway.

I thought hanging out with more straight people would make me get used to their vibe and kinda inoculate me against Tyler, but I’m still totally obsessed with him. He’s more of a bad boy now, but I’m finding that less unappealing than I used to. Plus, he’s still parading around in his uniform all the time. I can’t help it! I’ve jerked off more times that I can count to his Mr. June photos in the local firefighter calendar.

Whenever I see his mom, she’s constantly going on about how, out of all his Tonka toys growing up, the fire truck was always his favorite. She thinks that’s why he grew up to be a firefighter. Maybe I can change that core memory into something a little more… disreputable. That would definitely make him not my type anymore. I hope.

TYLER’S FAVORITE TOY GROWING UP WAS A TONKA MOTORCYCLE

———————————

Fuckin’ A, man, I’m Tyler.

God, I love my hog. She’s a beaut, ain’t she? My parents wanted me to grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer or a firefighter or some shit, but all I ever wanted to do was ride my hog. Chicks want to ride my hog too, and I let them. As long as they don’t go near my bike! Hahaha, get it? Fuck, I love life. Let me take another drag on this stogie real quick.

Where was I? Oh yeah, my roommate, Dylan. I wish I didn’t have to room with anyone, but my boss at the garage keeps refusing to promote me. I should knock him around one of these days, see if that changes his mind. Anyway, sure, Dylan isn’t so much of a priss anymore. He doesn’t give me shit if I leave my grease-stained clothes on the couch or light up when we’re watching a football game.

But I wanted him to be straight-acting, you know? I tried to train him up as my wingman but he wore a super gay shirt with all these see-through holes to the party, and all the chicks kept their eyes on him the whole time! Fucker. Why can’t he be more like his brother? I’ve seen pictures. That dude is a full on redneck slob, got a Confederate tattoo and everything. I know they had the same backwater-ass trailer trash upbringing, why can’t he be rougher around the edges? You know what… maybe he can!

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL REALIZE HE WANTS TO EMBRACE HIS WHITE TRASH UPBRINGING

———————————

Hey y’all, I’m Dylan.

Hoo-ee, life has been good lately. I dunno why I resisted my good ol’ boy roots for so long. This goatee really makes me look rugged, dunnit? Also the chest hair. So grabbable. I decided to stop shaving my body, and poof! There it went. A full rug, within like two days I reckon. Like a sign from God. This is how I was always meant to be.

I know I was trying to push away my crush on Tyler by making him not my type, but what’s the fuckin’ point? I need someone who can handle me, and this hot as fuck biker dude I’ve created might be the only one who can handle me at this point. I ride ‘em rough and bareback, just like the horses back home, and weak city dudes just can’t handle it.

Will he be the same if he’s not straight? Maybe not. But as long as he can take my eight inches, I’ll keep him around. I vaguely remember having some sort of compunction about changing him so drastically, but I’m too horny to remember what it was.

Fuck it.

TYLER WAS BORN GAY

———————————

Uh… hi. I’m Tyler. Who are you again?

Sorry, I’m pretty forgetful. Daddy Dylan says I don’t gotta remember shit though, as long as I let him ride me as rough and as long as he likes. He’ll do all the rest for me. He tells me where to go, what to do, who to do. There are so many nice, hot guys who are willing to pay our rent if I turn a few tricks. I love it.

I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. My mom and dad kicked me out when I was 18, in my senior year of high school. I was caught sucking my English teacher’s dick behind the locker rooms. I never went to college after that, but it’s not like I was getting good grades anyway. Sucking Mr. Brentmon’s cock wasn’t for my health, you know. He had a nice juicy one, too. I still dream about it sometimes.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, I took up with this biker gang for a while after getting kicked out. I’ve always had a thing for bikers. But once they got through using my ass, they got bored. It was hard for a while, but now things are oh, so easy. I get all the dick I could ever want. I have a roof over my head, and no job to worry about. All I do is go to the gym and eat and fuck and I never have to think. Dylan said he might take me out muddin’ sometime too. I don’t know what that is, but anything Dylan does is fun. Fuck, I love the way his goatee tickles my skin when he kisses me, so rough, so manly. Way manlier than I’ve ever been. It’s so fucking hot. I love how he takes care of me.

I really have no complaints. I wouldn’t change anything about my life, even if I could remember how…

#roommates #straight to gay #masculinization #biker #redneck #jock #IQ drain

[kiruuuuu]

More recruitverse in which Ivan is actually nice! (Rating T, nothing but fluff, ~2.2k words) - written for @nutbrain​ because you inspire, encourage and support all those around you 💙💙

.

Ivan Ivanovic has been called blind countless times throughout his life, sometimes a variation like deaf or stupid, usually in relation to perceived obliviousness. He’s neither of the three yet sees no trouble in letting others believe he is – after all, their assumptions about him reveal more about their personalities than his.

He learnt early on that some of the facts taught to children in good faith are nothing but propaganda, a desirable yet unattainable outcome, merely a way to try and manipulate them into ‘goodness’. He’s unable to help everyone so he doesn’t, reduces the situations in which he could help to a simple cost and reward deliberation: when he notices Shay (who quite clearly has his heart in the right place even if his head isn’t on straight) hanging around with the wrong people, he doesn’t interfere; when Jojo gets bullied for something over which he has no control, he stays away; when Valenti becomes a regular scapegoat since he wants to fit in so badly he’d rather take the blame, he doesn’t speak up; and when Gian is alienated and called elitist behind his back because he refuses to partake in activities he feels are unfair to others, he ignores it. None of these scenarios were worth his meddling.

But he also got told that others would come to his aid. That humanity is inherently good. And while he remains conflicted on this notion, he must secretly believe it true or else he wouldn’t be fighting for them. Even so, he remembers digging his own grave by allowing everyone around him to share his happiness, the life he was building with her, and in the process undermined his own credibility. Because when he started telling others of her worrying behaviour, they waved it off. She was so nice, wasn’t she? He was lucky to have her, who cared if she wanted to go through his phone? He shouldn’t have anything to hide, right? And if he did, it was his own fault. And so, eventually no help came. Because he’d been happy so far, hadn’t he? He knew what she was like, and he was probably exaggerating anyway. He shouldn’t throw away years of happiness after one off day, everyone has those, she’s been under a lot of stress recently, right? No? Well, there must’ve been a reason and the reason can’t have been anything other than him.

And then Jojo wouldn’t go away, and he brought three others with him. And Gian listened with more compassion than any of Ivan’s friends and family had done. And Shay treated him as if they’d known each other since they were kids. And Valenti, who normally doubted all his achievements and frequently demanded proof, defended him viciously the moment someone outside of their group did it.

Helping anyone became a lot easier with these four idiots as pay-off.

So no, Ivan isn’t blind. He’d even call himself unusually perceptive, though he doesn’t often act on it which, he assumes, is the reason why his awareness gets insulted, and he doesn’t act on it as it oftentimes requires him to go out of his way for someone who generally isn’t worth his time or effort. But sometimes, the opposite is true.

.

“I got propositioned just now!”, Jojo announces sarcastically proud as soon as he’s breezed into their room, hair still wet from his shower and already wearing clothes fit for sleep.

“Did you reactivate your Grindr account?”, Gian wants to know, being quite aware of the fact that Jojo proclaimed never to use the app ever again, but seeing as it was the third outburst he’s had over it since they’ve known each other, none of them took him seriously. Gian and Valenti only just came back as well from some form of punishment outside, meaning they’re both shivering and dancing on the spot to warm up faster.

Ivan’s arms remember the feel of the Frenchman’s body between them and remind him sharply. He regrets the hug they shared, the entire odd moment really because it leaves him no peace. He thinks back to it at least three times a day and has since tried to stay away from Valenti – and if his presence is unavoidable, then he at least hasn’t touched him again.

“Fuck no, I’d rather rim the devil than go back to that endless void of horny middle-aged creeps.”

“Sounds like you have solid target group at least”, Ivan offers as half-hearted comfort and gets shown a finger in return.

“Tell us, Jojo, who was dumb enough to hit on you while you’re in a mood this rotten?”, Valenti joins their conversation, trying to rub some feeling back into his hands.

“My mood was perfectly fine before that douchenozzle macho fuckboy opened his stupid mouth.”

“Please, your mood has been rotten for days now.”

“That’s not bloody true, why would -”

Wordlessly, they all glance at Shay who’s stretched out on his top bunk, phone in hand and texting away blissfully with a smile on his face. He hasn’t even welcomed Jojo back, let alone acknowledged any of them since he’s started talking to Brittany half an hour ago. By now, even Thatcher must be aware of what’s going on yet the Irishman in their middle remains unsuspecting. He would deserve to be called blind.

“Anyway”, Jojo continues and they all seem relieved at him picking up the thread of the conversation once more, “I ran into Jacob Griffin-Worthington, and as the laws of nature dictate, with a name like Jacob Griffin-Worthington, he had no choice but to be a giant arsehole. So there I was, minding my own business, when Jacob Griffin-Worthington appeared out of nowhere and wanted to know how my love life was going. And I told him it was fantastic, I literally can’t stop sucking dick every free minute I have, so Jacob Griffin-Worthington -”

“I swear, if you say his full name one more time I’m going to tell him you’re crushing on him”, Valenti groans, much to Ivan’s amusement. There’s no love lost between Jacob and any of them.

“- so he who shall not be named suggested I kiss his ass in case my mouth would ever become available again and I said before I voluntarily touch any part of his body, I’d rather -”

Shay produces an odd sound, almost like choking, and this time he notices holding all their attention, looking both flustered and thrilled. “What? It’s nothing. Keep talking.”

“Are you alright?”, Jojo asks, concerned, because as much as he’s pissed off with his best friend for everybody to see, they’re still best friends.

“Yeah, it’s just – Brit just -” He trails off, looks at his phone screen again briefly and cradles it against his chest once more. “No, it’s fine. What were you talking about?”

“Did she send a nude?” Valenti must’ve noticed Shay’s bright red ears.

“Well, not quite, but – almost. She’s so pretty.” Another glance. The red darkens. “Jojo, do you want to see? I’m only showing Jojo, before you ask, everything else would be weird.”

“It’s weird enough showing me”, Jojo murmurs and rolls his eyes, “but alright. Let’s see the goods.”

And while the two stick their heads together to marvel at Shay’s girlfriend at the one end of the room, Valenti and Gian exchange a few exasperated looks at the other. For the moment, Ivan returns to tapping away at his phone, learning all about castling while simultaneously keeping his ears open for fragments of conversations in case anything interesting comes up again.

“Did you not own a scarf?”, Gian addresses Valenti questioningly.

“Ah, curses, you’re right. If it’s gone, Bandit must’ve taken it. I’m telling you, we need to take him down, truce or not, he offered me another brownie the other day and I bet it wasn’t a normal one.”

“Perhaps we could try to endeavour not to instigate trouble for which we suffer the same consequences as Bandit does for his pranks.”

“So what you’re saying is: we shouldn’t get caught again.”

Gian’s deep sigh doesn’t cover up Shay’s quiet ‘you smell nice’ to Jojo and if Ivan wasn’t already busy googling something all of a sudden, he’d attempt to send Jojo some telepathic sympathy.

.

Getting away from the others isn’t difficult for Ivan, he merely needs to threaten with additional exercise and they drop out, and even on the occasions Valenti doesn’t, he can tire him out easily and then sneak away while the Frenchman is busy trying to breathe. He rarely makes use of this way to distance himself, yet sometimes needs a bit of time alone without having to justify himself and sometimes just so he can browse the shops in town. Wholly being in charge of his own income is a relatively new concept to him and so he makes a few purchases just because he can. He knows Valenti caught a look at some of his animal socks at some point and watching him struggle with himself about whether or not he should bring them up was extremely entertaining.

In this case, he makes a trip to buy something specific and then pretends to go for a late run that same evening, instead seeking out the only operator in Rainbow of whom he’s certain to receive assistance.

“You’re a recruit, no?”, Zofia asks him as soon as he’s gotten her attention.

“Yes. Ivan Ivanovic. I need your help.”

Admitting it to her is daunting. She possesses a strong presence as well as confidence and reminds him of two women in his life, none of whom he’d like to ever meet again. But where they abused their power over him, Zofia listens to his request willingly, asks a few questions and eventually agrees with a kind smile. Most operators neither have the time nor the patience to deal with any of the recruits’ problems, not even necessarily out of malice – Ivan understands it all too well and therefore doesn’t hold it against them, but it means he appreciates what Zofia’s doing even more. She wants to know why he came to her specifically and laughs when he reveals she just seems the right person for the job, like someone who has the skills he requires.

She goes out of her way to teach him, inspects his work readily and even meets with him secretly during the day for more encouragement. He vows to find out more about her interests so he can pay her back accordingly, but for the moment he’s busy with other things.

.

“Sounds like we’re meeting her tomorrow”, Jojo says over his shoulder as he enters and Ivan makes a conscious effort to arrange his expression into something neutral so he doesn’t give anything away. “Hey, Ivanko, have you heard? Shay wants us to meet his beautiful girlfriend with the differently-sized tits tomorrow.”

“Be nice to her”, Valenti warns him as they swarm out and gather a few supplies in preparation of going out again. “And for heaven’s sake, don’t mention her boobs.”

“Or what, Gian’s going to write me a very stern letter? If she’s a bitch, I’m gonna fling shit back at her. Not that Shay would ever be interested in a bitch, but just in case.”

“Well, he’s friends with you”, comes the mumbled answer which startles a chuckle out of Ivan. Valenti shoots him a quick smile before finally taking notice of the object lying on the blanket of his top bunk. “Oh, what is this?”

“The last fucking thread holding my patience together”, Jojo grumbles in response but looks over nonetheless, squints at the fabric Valenti picks up. Rich dark red is cascading over his hands and nearly reaches the floor on both sides, the material soft yet thick wool. “Looks like a scarf.”

“I recently lost mine, but – Ivan, was this here when you came in?”

He’s hesitant to make eye contact in case he gives himself away but needn’t have worried as Valenti’s attention is still focused on the cloth he’s holding. “Yes”, he says simply.

“Huh. Then I have no idea where it came from. You didn’t buy this for me, did you, Jojo?”

“I would’ve gotten you something more stylish and you know it. Maybe in purple.”

“But this is my favourite colour. I think only Gian knows it is, but I don’t think he can knit. It looks hand-made.”

“Yeah, whatever, just put it on and quit whining about the cold. Do we have everything? Ivanko, you want to watch us ruin our complexion by planting face-first in the snow with our improvised sleighs?”

“Always.” He closes the game app and gets up to put his jacket on, trying not to let his satisfaction show upon seeing Valenti wrapping himself in the scarf with a content expression.

“It’s really warm”, he announces and sinks deeper into the several layers, “and it smells good. Forget whoever might’ve lost it, it’s mine now. Let’s go.”

And while the two lead, rekindling the discussion about Shay’s girlfriend, Ivan follows them with a smile.

#rainbow six siege #recruitverse #ivan/valenti #even if it's light it's there! #fanfic #all the torture jojo has to go through #shay would probably ask him to help send a visual reply #iykwim #also valenti would never suspect ivan #he's not even on the list of suspects

[quintessential-queer-indian-blog]

Settle? I think nah!

Dear Anonymous,

This is my first post in a really long time, I know. It’s just that sometimes life is just so uneventful that you really have nothing to share with the anonymous readers on the net. However, on this fine Friday morning, I have been frustrated about something that might seem trivial to most. Nevertheless, I’m going to share it with you guys.

Yesterday, my friends pointed out the fact that I’m a 20 year old who has never even gotten to first base. They suggested I correct this problem by going onto Grindr. As I might have mentioned before, my experiences with Grindr have always been bitter-sweet, except I’ve never had the patience to stick around on that godforsaken app long enough to experience the sweet part. I mean, there is a limit to how much of “ASL” and “Likes” and “Sexy pics bro” I can take. (Seriously! Sexy pics *bro*? If I’m your “bro”, and you want to see my sexy pics, you’ve confused me with Cersei). All those traumatic experiences popped up in my head when my friends insisted “I get some”. However, I decided to give it another try. Who knows, maybe 20 is a good time to try it out? (Disclaimer: I end up frustrated and end up on the edge of deleting the app, renouncing my sexuality and become an ascetic.)

So, I created an account once again for the 15th time. Recently, one of my friends had taken this extremely cute candid of mine and the totally anti-photogenic me made that picture my DP everywhere. I thought - might as well make it my DP here as well. As is customary, for the first 72 hours, my profile would be boosted because I’m “new” on Grindr. This meant more taps and DMs. To be honest, my idea was to find someone convenient – someone in my college whom I could go out with during the free time in college and not risk my parents finding their extremely introverted son having a sudden change of personality by “hanging out with a random friend”. However, I had hard luck finding such a match, as expected. I spent of the rest of the evening taking tasteful face-pics and semi-nudes and full-nudes and all sorts of pictures people usually ask. (If you must know, yes. I am a disgusting people-pleaser. So shoot me!). All throughout my “photoshoot”, I kept hoping I wouldn’t have to use them right away. As is typical, I got a lot of DMs asking where I am from and if I “hv place” or if I give “gud masage” (*cringing hard*). A few people who asked for pics got what they wanted – but they apparently did not like what they saw because they literally left me on read. But hey, no hard feelings, right? Stuff like this happens all the fucking time. Anyway, I took it in my stride and beared with the NP=NR=NI and no chub fems and other stupid comments. The one person I did find from my own college turned out to be, to say the least, neurotic. I can handle weird - I’m weird. But this guy got on my nerves because apparently he was “too shy” to tell me his name or even where he was from (which state).

After all this, I was exhausted. Mind you, this was all within 20 hours of being on that devil app. At that point, my self-esteem and body image was at a whole new nadir. To give a contrast, let me tell you that the Grindr my bestie created for me in San Diego received far more tasteful responses and offers for dates and not just “wanna fun”. This was when I realised something – I hated it. I hated having to go onto a hook-up app in order to solve the barrenness of my love life. While I was going through all this, my friends (the ones who nudged me into this hellhole) were “freaking out” about their dates – these dates were hot; the kind of guys whom people would stalk on Instagram (guilty as charged). What made it worse was that these guys wanted to go out with my friends and have, on more than one occasion, asked them out point-blank as well as hinted indirectly using shirtless snaps; whereas my friends were skeptical about giving in too early, and whether it would be better if they could prolong this game of flirtation.

While all of this was going on, I came to realise that whatever happens, I can never have all of what they have. I’m not just talking about the fact that a maximum of 3% of the male population identify as gay or bi, but also the general attitude of gay/bi guys as compared to straight guys. Gay guys tend to be much more critical of the physical appearances of the guys they want to sleep with -- mind you, gay guys in India don’t seek relationships. The ones who do, are lucky enough to meet their S.O. outside of the traditional ways of dating. This constitutes a measly part of the entire population. That is when I had an epiphany: I am trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. I had built this image in my mind - walking hand-in-hand with a guy, doing things that straight couples do, and having more than just a physical connection, all while being 20 years old and looking out for guys my age. Unfortunately, that is just as real as Disney Movies. It’s a fantasy - to experience love the same way straight people do. Growing up among straight people, trying to fit into the heteronormative society, one’s view of everything is based on what we observe in majority, whilst failing to understand that you belong to a minority and hoping that a dream that the majority has can be an exact fit for you makes you naive. Hence, I came to the conclusion that I ought to not just readjust my picture of an ideal romance, rather I ought to throw it out altogether.

That is my rant for the day. It feels good to put out stupid random thoughts onto the internet. Because frankly, nobody cares about what anyone else thinks. The internet is a place where people do know how to mind their own business. 

Until next time.

#gay #life #india #gay in india #grindr #hopeless #awkward #desperate for love #rant

[renewingagain]

friday 12th november 2021 // 3:51pm

i am really struggling to understand how i feel today.

my mind has been so unfocussed during work, i've been WFH today (i also find my job so boring and uninteresting, its actually quite depressing)

once again i just feel like i'm not living life, its boring and i feel stuck. i feel so flat and unmotivated to do anything right now

growing up LGBT has been crazy hard. i never really got the chance to fully express myself as a teenager growing up, due to growing up in church and also in a south asian community where homophobia is rife.

when i started coming out as a gay man i was still quite heavily involved in the church and i didnt know how to think for myself. i was taught that being gay isn't right and that i should remain celibate - how stupid i was for believing that.

i then spent my gap year in church where again the battle between sexuality and believing in God was at full force, this led me to being very depressed because on one hand i loved God but on the other hand i loved men and wanted to have sex and explore that side of me

it was only really at university where i started to explore sexuality, and even then it was still very hit and miss as church and religion was a big part of my life. only around my 2nd and 3rd year i started to become more comfortable with being gay and exploring that side of me - beginning to go on dates, use grindr, have sex on occasion with other men, and get fucked.

the more i became comfortable with being gay the more i started to sleep around, but it was still few and far between, not very often at all. and then the pandemic hit during my last year of uni so that all came to a standstill.

i have so many regrets about not doing more at uni and stuff due to my religious upbringing and background, i really wish i made the most of being carefree at that time and just doing what i wanted when i wanted

fast forward to now and i have a boyfriend which is fab. but i cant help but feel inferior as he's older and far more experienced in things like sex, gay culture, and just having the normal care free 20's that i havent had

i think i really envy him and its definitely a me issue, there is obviously nothing wrong with him

but then theres the whole sobriety thing that hes doing, he doesnt seem to want to have sex because of it which i understand, but then where does that leave me? we havent had sex since being officially together, but i dont get it because i know hes had a big sexual past and has often spoken about previous hookups. i then cant help but feel 'unsexy' if he wont do it with me

and i wanna have sex. LOTS of sex! its so much fun!

its just really weighing on my mind and now i cant help but sometimes think if us being together is a good idea. am i ready to be in a relationship? because part of me just wants to explore other men too and just have fun

but then i am conflicted, i love him so much and care for him deeply. and i dont want to lose him. is it just because im not getting laid that my mind is going here?

why should it matter that i didnt live the life i wanted to live back then? why should it matter that i havent slept with many guys? i have a special someone in my life now and isnt that what matters really?

i dont want to end it with him either, besides all this its nice to spend time together

i just wish my mind would rest, its not been a nice day. my mind is just always running and i hate it

am i being unreasonable????????

-

why am i comparing myself to other gay men and basing my self worth off things like my experiences?

i think i just feel really lonely and dont have many friends i can connect with up here - and sometimes its easier to make friends when going out / getting drunk / hooking up with random people. i think i need to unlink this connection in my head as its false- theres infinite ways to make friends with people.

a lot of things in my life right now arent where i want them to be. namely:

- living situation. still lodging and sometimes i just feel obliged to be here and spend time with who i live with. should i care though really?

- friends situation. i really dont have many people up here where im currently living so that makes it hard. or is it the case that i dont have many people in my life full stop? but i think this is also a lie - i have friends dotted around everywhere and i also have a huge family. so i dont get why i feel this way. i think while i have a lot of people like that, i dont have many i feel like i can really connect with and just do stupid shit with all the time

- past regrets. as said before, havent really been able to live my life.

- job sitch. my job is DEAD and doesnt pay very much, but i dont know how to progress and being depressed makes that hard too. i have literally no direction in my life

why am i constantly living in anguish? this really isnt normal. maybe i do need to see a doctor. but im so scared of going on medication again, im really scared.

dont know what to do

[ellisfinejewelersnc]

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#Jewelry Buying Guide Blog Posts - Ellis Fine Jewelers

[salmonskinrolltf]

I am a 5'5 19 year old cuban guy, with a bit more body hair then I'd like. Can I roll the dice to make me more athletic and taller?

I have submitted your request to the Magic Die and you have rolled: 5

You submit your wish to the Tumblr account, and just a couple of hours later you’re washing dishes in your apartment when the plate you’re holding suddenly has a blue 5 embedded in the porcelain. You pump your fist, knowing that you’re going to get the transformation you wanted. You feel a tingling deep in your core and you open up Grindr, reaching out to that twunk you had been messaging. What he didn’t know was that your profile picture was photoshopped, showing a tall, muscular jock rather than your real short stature.

You ask him if he can come over and he responds, “Fuck yeah, hot stuff. It’s rare to find a jock these days that shaves his chest, I think body hair is so gross. I’m down, be there in 15.”

You look down at your torso, which you have already shaved for the occasion. You hate the feeling of body hair too, it’s always so itchy. You change into a pair of tight jeans and set yourself in front of your full-length mirror, then let the tingling sensation envelop you.

You feel a little light-headed as the floor recedes beneath your feet and your body stretches like taffy. You measure yourself with a tape measure you made sure to have handy, and learn you’re now 6 foot 2, the exact height that every liar on the dating apps has pretended to be. You smirk to yourself.

You can feel your skin getting tighter and tighter as your chest expands into a pair of perfectly sculpted pecs that make you feel like one of the models in the underwear aisle you used to scope out as a kid when you didn’t think anyone was looking. Your nipples thicken to two pepperoni-like discs with nipples that pop out obscenely. They’re going to show, no matter what shirt you put on. As if you’ll ever want to cover up again.

Your stomach suddenly contracts, like you’re sucking in your gut before heading out onto the beach. Only your belly doesn’t reappear when you let out a breath. Instead, your skin roils and a pair of tight abs appears, nearly swallowing your belly button. Your arms and legs begin to swell like a helium balloon, the calves and triceps stopping long before the biceps and quads do, making you look like a cartoon strongman. You can also see your shoulders and jaw squaring out to match the rest of your new athletic look.

Your doorbell rings and you answer, still shirtless, briefly noticing that a duffel bag with a soccer uniform is now shoved into the corner of your living room. The twunk, who was busy tapping on his phone, looks up and immediately shoves it into his pocket. “Yes, please.”

He leaps into your arms and you carry him over into the bedroom. You sit on the bed with his legs wrapped tight around you. He begins to rubs your abs and you close your eyes, moaning in pleasure. He runs his hands up to your chest and suddenly, he stops short. “Gross, man, I thought you said your pictures were current.”

You open your eyes and see disgust registering on his face. “What? They are, man. I’m not a catfisher.”

He points at your chest. “Well, THIS was definitely not in your photo.”

You look down to see short, sheared stubble dotting your entire chest in a profusion that you’ve never seen before. As you watch, the hair begins to sprout, first growing in straight lines like blades of grass, then curling as they get longer, getting caught in one another as they spread in a thick line down your torso and cover your abs, obscuring your cut stomach under a layer of fur. Hair also spreads down your arms and legs in a thick mat, and you can feel your pubic bush plumping up to twice its size within your pants.

“What the fuck? Shit. Well, give me five. I can fix this.” You rush into the bathroom and grab your electric body hair razor, shaving a tuft off your left pec, the taut flesh of which trembles slightly as you move your arm. The tuft falls into the sink and you grab a piece of toilet paper to wipe it away, but it vanishes into thin air. The bare patch on your pec sprouts hair in a violent frenzy, completely re-coating the area you shaved in thick, black hair. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Too late, you realize that rolling a 5 means you don’t get exactly EVERYTHING you asked for. This huge, hairy form is yours. Forever. You squirm and rub your chest, enjoying the feeling of your tight nipples and buxom pecs but failing to quell the itching.

You emerge into your bedroom. Apparently the cursing coming from the bathroom wasn’t exactly a turn-on and the twunk has already ditched you, leaving the front door hanging open.

You sigh, realizing you probably shouldn’t have relied on a magical die to make your Grindr dreams come true. But you decide not to look a gift horse in the mouth and head to the club, determined to find someone who WILL like the hair you’re stuck with, because everything else is fucking perfect.

#Latino #Hairy #Muscular #Ask #Roll the Die

[fcrtiers-blog]

@gogreekpoints

( &&. general information )

full name: charlotte elizabeth fortier

pronunciation: shar-lot

nickname(s) or alias: charlie, char

preferred name: charlie

current age: twenty-one

astrological sign: sagittarius

element: fire

title: miss

label: the halcyon

gender: female

preferred pronouns: she & her

sexual preference: bisexual

romantic preference: biromantic

resides in: princeton, new jersey

current occupation: student

language(s) spoken: english

native language: english

current marital status: single

( &&. background )

reason behind name: charlotte was her maternal grandmother’s first name and elizabeth is her paternal grandmother’s middle name

birth order: she is the youngest of three siblings

ethnicity: caucasian

nationality: american

religion: agnostic

political views: liberal as fuck

financial status: upper middle class

iq: 127

hometown: georgetown, washington, d.c.

( &&. physical appearance )

looks like: phoebe tonkin

height: five feet and ten inches

weight: a hundred and forty pounds

shoe size: eight and a half

figure/build: lean, slightly muscular

hair colour, Dyed?: brunette and no

hair length: medium length

eye colour: hazel

shape of face: square

tattoos: ‘joy’ in scribe on her wrist. a dainty sternum tattoo of two sprigs of lavender

piercings: ears are triple pierced with her cartilage 

birthmarks/scars/distinguishing marks: n/a

dominant hand: left

if painted, what color are their nails/toenails?: it stays in the gray family, ventures into lavenders sometimes. 

usual style of clothing: hipster skater chic vibes that is most likely hella comfy as well  (lol does that even make sense)

frequently worn jewelry: two personalized rings on her middle finger with her first and middle name on it. a dainty gold necklace with her siblings’ initials on them

what is their speaking style (fast, monotone, loquacious)? insanely loquacious, although there are moments (aka that high life) she’s just insanely mellowed out and talks quite... slow.

describe their scent: she usually smells of citrus???

describe their posture: usually in a slight slouch

( &&. legal information )

birth name: charlotte elizabeth fortier

any speeding tickets?: one from driving in northern virginia (true story. me af. fuck u nova)

have they ever been arrested?: nope

do they have a criminal record?: no

have they committed any violent crimes?: no

property crimes?: no

traffic crimes?: no

( &&. medical information )

blood type: o positive 

date/time of birth: december fifth, 1995 / 2:49 am

place of birth: washington, d.c.

vaginal birth or cesauren section?: vaginal

sex: female

diet: somewhat healthy... not really. hella junk food on occasion

smoker? / Drinker? / Drug User?, Which?: no / yes, socially / yes, mostly marijuana but the occasional psychedelics (shrooms, lsd, etc). 

addictions: none

allergies: none

do they get occasional checkups?: yes

ever broken a bone?: no

hospital visits, what for?: torn acl when used to play soccer in high school

any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: none 

any medication regularly taken: none

( &&. personality )

direct quote from them: “wanna go hang on the rooftop?”

positive traits: independent, understanding, charismatic, adventurous 

negative traits: sarcastic, stubborn, hedonistic

likes: naps, fluffy sweaters, corgis, weed

dislikes: sour candies, breadsticks, roller coasters

fears/phobias: heights

hobbies: crocheting (hit up ya girl for hats and scarves in the winter)

guilty pleasure: watching reality tv aka the challenge

regrets: not telling a certain someone that she loved them

turn ons: being dominated, also the being dominant

turn offs: cockiness, little to no hygiene upkeep

lucky number: 13

pet peeves: when people who just ordered move to the front of the counter when there is a large crowd still waiting for their own food??

their motto: here for a good time not a long time

( &&. favourites )

food: pizza

drink: water

fast food restaurant: five guys

flavour: cherry

word: moist

colour: black

clothing: flannels

accessory: rings

candle scent: the winter candle from bath & body works

store: h&m

instrument: guitar

game: any of the pokemon games minus pokemon go

animal: kangaroo

holiday: christmas, duh

season: winter, also duh

book: milk and honey by rupi kaur 

artist: ella mai

band/group: the eagles

song: take it easy by the eagles

movie/film: 

tv show: the challenge (she’s a slut for reality tv tbh)

sport: baseball

sports team: philadelphia phillies 

school subject: maths

possession: her rings that were given to her by her parents

number: 11

emoji: shady eyes emoji

mythological creature: pegasus

person: @gtglayla​

( &&. skills )

talents: does balancing a spoon on your nose count??? or 

ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles?: loves driving. will drive if you don’t want to

can they ride a bike?: yes

do they play any sports?: used to play soccer until she tore her acl

anything they’re bad at?: singing and drawing??? 

do they have any combat training? Why?: no, bc no?

( &&. firsts )

childhood memory: being pushed into the pool by her older brother

crush: paisley anderson in the third grade

email address: [email protected]

job: cashier at dairy queen

phone: sidekick

computer: imac

kiss: paisley anderson in the third grade ;)))))) 

love: natalie dent @tfnatalie​

sexual experience: prom in the eleventh grade

( &&. childhood )

best childhood memory?: when she watched her little sister beat up some kid for making fun of her twin. she was going to hold her back, but y’know didn’t want to elbowed in the face

worst childhood memory?: losing her first soccer game. damn, that day was just awful. 

what were they like as a child?: she was really curious, constantly bugging her parents with questions and just won’t stop until she was actually tired. 

any crushes growing up?: several. her first was paisley anderson from the third grade. 

did they know/like their parents?: she absolutely adores her parents

worst influence on them as a kid?: older cousins. they were the ones that taught her what weed was

did they have a lot of friends?: yeah, the girls on her soccer team were her closest friends

were they heavily punished?: not really? her parents were pretty lax about rules.

anything they wish they could cut out?: not really

were they more feminine or masculine?: she was slightly more masculine than feminine

were they an early or late bloomer for puberty?: late bloomer for sure

do they still know any of their childhood friends?: sadly, no

( && this or that )

expensive or inexpensive tastes?: expensive

hygienic or Unhygienic?: hygienic

open-minded or close-minded?: open-minded

introvert or extrovert?: extrovert

optimistic or pessimistic?: optimistic

daredevil or cautious?: daredevil

logical or emotional?: emotional

generous or stingy?: generous

polite or rude?: polite

book smart or street smart?: street smart

dominant or submissive?: dominant

popular or loner?: loner

leader or follower?: leader

day or night person?: night

cat or dog person?: dog

closet door open or closed while sleeping?: closed

( &&. family relationships )

father: peter ynes fortier

describe their relationship: she has a great relationship with her father. honestly between her mother and him, she is closer to her dad. he was the one to feed charlie’s curiosity about the world around her. he was also the one to encourage her to do whatever she loved. 

mother: juniper marie scott-fortier

describe their relationship: she simply adores her mom. she was always there for every soccer game that she had. cheered her on through things that charlie didn’t even know that she needed to be cheered on for. she was always so loving and tender, understanding and kind. 

brother: austin wyatt fortier

describe their relationship: her older brother is somewhat of an asshole?? but he’s the kind of person that would risk anything for his family. quite the character actually. he’s off in new york doing his own thing and making sure that no one is messing with his younger sister. and she basically does the same for him... in a less agressive way. 

sisters: chloe anne and cassandra lee fortier 

describe their relationship: the beloved twins of the family. she would say that they’re pretty close. although, they’re still in high school and sometimes... charlie can’t really relate to them??? teenagers man. 

significant other: tba

( &&. other relationships )

best friend: layla evans

childhood friend: tba

enemy: tba

past romances: natalie dent, tba

pets: luna & shadow (her corgis)

roommate(s): tba

( &&. social media )

do they have a Facebook? Twitter? Instagram? Vine? Snapchat? Tinder/Grindr? Tumblr? YouTube?

if so; Name on Facebook: charlotte fortier

twitter handle: @char_fortier

instagram user: @char_fortier

vine user: RIP VINE

snapchat user: charliebitme

name on Tinder: charlotte fortier

tumblr URL: n/a

youTube channel: n/a

( &&. musical tastes )

Theme song: honey by kehlani

Can relate to: she don’t by ella mai

Makes them happy: sunday candy by chance the rapper

Makes them sad: we find love by daniel caesar (actually anything by daniel caesar gets her in her feelings???)

Makes them dance: wannabe by the spice girls

Loves the most: sam smith. literally. 

Describes them: fine by vada

Never gets tired of: ain’t it fun by paramore

Would like to be played at their wedding: best part by daniel caesar

Would like to play at their funeral: promises by jhene aiko

( &&. miscellaneous )

Do they have a fake I.D.?: yes

Are they a virgin?: no

Describe their signature: there are only two distinct letters in her signature, one being c for charlotte and the f for fortier

How long would they survive in a zombie apocalypse?: probably not that long. i see her being killed in the first two days or so

Do they travel?: she loves to travel. last summer she went on a cross country road trip with her brothers

One place they would like to live: paris, france

One place they would like to visit: seoul, south korea

Celebrity crush: hayley kiyoko

What can you find in their pockets/wallet/purse: a hair tie / a two dollar bill / two packs of gum, her wallet, random makeup products, and lotion 

Place(s) your character can always be found: rooftop of the pi gamma house, in the library

When does your character like to wake up?: honestly??? noon. 

What’s your character’s morning routine?: wake up, scavenge for breakfast, go take a shower, throw on some clothes and pat on some makeup

What does your character eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner?: usually cereal or some eggos / skips lunch on most days??? but probs might ask someone to go to chipotle or something / dining hall anyone??? 

How does your character spend their free days?: smoking, napping, reading

What’s your character’s bedtime routine?: if she has the time to, she’ll take a bath and do a face mask. but if not, she just takes off her makeup and washes her face. 

What does your character wear to bed?: typically an oversized shirt and just underwear

If your character can’t fall asleep, what are they thinking about?: a shit ton of things. what does her schedule look like tomorrow? what work she has to do? any emails that she has to get back to? all types of shit. random shit too. what are millenials really doing with their time? how effective is the sushi making contraption tube thing?

What has been their greatest achievement?: graduating as one of the valedictorians in high school

What or who is the greatest love of their life?: natalie dent

Most marked characteristic: honesty

How would they like to die?: peacefully and in her sleep

Do they snore?: no

Do they chew their pens/pencils?: no

Can they curl their tongue?: no

Can they whistle?: yes

Do they believe in the supernatural?: no, ghosts aren’t real wth *cue shane impersonation*

Have they ever cheated on anyone?: never

Have they ever been cheated on?: no

Has anyone ever broken their heart?: yes

Have they ever broken anyone’s heart?: no not that she knows of

Are they squeamish?: no

Have they ever killed anyone? Why? How?: no

Have they ever seen anyone die? What happened?: no

Are they a lightweight?: definitely not. 

#gogreek:task #i want to die #this took literally forever #wow

[cvmiilas-blog]

      (( && GOGREEKSHQ TASK; MILA’S FACT SHEET ;; ))

@gogreekpoints

( &&. general information )

Full name: CAMILA ELISE TAYLOR

Pronunciation: CAM-EE-LA UH-LEASE TAY-LUR

Nickname(s) or alias: CAM, CAMI, MILA

Preferred name: MILA

Current age: TWENTY-ONE

Astrological sign: SAGITTARIUS

Element: FIRE

Title: MISS

Label: THE EPICURE

Gender: CISFEMALE

Preferred pronouns: SHE/HER

Sexual preference: PANSEXUAL, PREFERENCE TO GIRLS

Romantic preference: PANROMANTIC, NO PREFERENCE

Resides in: PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY

Current occupation: COLLEGE STUDENT

Language(s) spoken: ENGLISH ( FLUENT ), FRENCH ( BASICS )

Native language:  ENGLISH

Current marital status: SINGLE

( &&. background )

Reason behind name: HER PARENTS JUST LIKED IT ? THEY HAD NO RL REASON

Birth order: FIRST, OLDEST CHILD OF THREE

Ethnicity: CAUCASIAN

Nationality: AMERICAN

Species: HUMAN

A/B/O: AB+

Religion: NOT RELIGIOUS

Financial status: WEALTHY

IQ: 135

Hometown: NEW YORK, NEW YORK, USA

( &&. physical appearance )

Looks like (or face claim, if applicable): BARBARA PALVIN

Height: 5′8″

Weight: 115 LBS

Shoe size: 6.5

Figure/build: ATHLETIC

Hair colour, Dyed?: BRUNETTE, NATURAL

Hair length: LONG, ONE INCH BELOW BRA LINE

Eye colour: BLUE

Glasses? Colour? / Contacts? Are they coloured?: NONE / NONE

Shape of face: HEART

Facial hair: NONE

Do they shave/wax? Where?: YES, LEGS/UNDERARMS

Skin tone: TAN

Tattoos: ARROW WITH HEART ( SIMILAR TO THE THIRD ARROW ON THIS PHOTO ) ON HER INNER LEFT WRIST

Piercings: EARS, RIGHT CARTILAGE

Dominant hand: RIGHT

If painted, what color are their nails/toenails?: CORAL

Usual style of clothing: CASUAL

Frequently worn jewelry: CHARM BRACELET

( &&. legal information )

Any speeding tickets?: TWO, BOTH RECEIVED SHORTLY AFTER SHE GOT HER LICENSE

Have they ever been arrested?: NO

Do they have a criminal record?: NO

Have they committed any violent crimes?: NO

Property crimes?: NO

Traffic crimes?: SPEEDING, TEXTING WHILE DRIVING

Other crimes?: NO

( &&. medical information )

Blood type: AB+

Date/time of birth: DECEMBER 3, 1995 10:52 AM

Place of birth: NEW YORK, NEW YORK, USA

Vaginal birth or cesauren section?: VAGINAL

Sex: CISFEMALE

Diet: NONE

Smoker? / Drinker? / Drug User?, Which?: SOCIALLY / SOCIALLY / NO

Allergies: BEES

Ever broken a bone?: YES, RIGHT WRIST

Hospital visits, what for?: 4 YEARS OLD, TONSILLECTOMY; 16 YEARS OLD, APPENDICITIS 

Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: NONE

Any medication regularly taken: NONE

( &&. career information )

Past occupation(s): STUDENT

Current occupation: STUDENT

Do they enjoy their current occupation?: YES

Why do they do it?: TO GET A DEGREE & BECOME A FORENSIC SCIENTIST

( &&. personality )

Direct quote from them: “MY PARENTS ARE COMING FOR PARENTS WEEKEND AND MY ROOM IS A WRECK.” ( CAMERA PANS TO ROOM THAT’S SPOTLESS ) “I NEED TO CLEAN ALL NIGHT, SORRY. RAINCHECK?”

Positive traits: FRIENDLY, WELCOMING, GENUINE, & INTELLIGENT

Negative traits: INSECURE, PEOPLE-PLEASING, PERFECTIONIST, & FICKLE

Likes: BAKING, STUDYING

Dislikes: RUDE PEOPLE, DISAPPOINTING OTHERS

Strengths: LISTENING, ADVICE

Weaknesses: STANDING UP TO OTHERS

Fears/phobias: BEES, ANY INSECT TBH, HEIGHTS

Lucky number: 26

whispers sry i took so much off of here my b

( &&. favourites )

Food: MAC & CHEESE, MARBLE CAKE

Drink: RASPBERRY LEMONADE

Fast food restaurant: CHICK-FIL-A

Flavour: BLUE RASPBERRY

Word: FOOD

Colour: ORANGE

Clothing: GRAY SWEATER, SKINNY JEANS, BLACK BOOTIES

Accessory: CHARM BRACELET

Candle scent: VANILLA LAVENDER

Store: FOREVER 21

Instrument: PIANO

Game: CRASH BANDICOOT / SORRY!

Animal: DOG

Holiday: CHRISTMAS

Weather: SNOW

Season: WINTER

Artist: BLACKBEAR

Band/group: CHAINSMOKERS

Movie/film: BRING IT ON

TV show: GOSSIP GIRL

Sport: FOOTBALL

Sports team: GIANTS

School subject: SCIENCE

Teacher: MRS. FORTNER, GRADE 2

Possession: A FRAMED PHOTO OF HER FAMILY THAT SITS ON HER BEDSIDE

Name: JESSAMINE

Number: 26

Emoji: THE HEARTS SWIRLING AROUND EACH OTHER EMOJI IM 2 LAZY TO COPY YIKES

Mythological creature: GRIFFIN

Landmark: BROOKLYN BRIDGE

Person: HER TWIN BROTHER

( &&. skills )

Talents: SINGING

Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles?: YES / NO

Can they ride a bike?: YES

Do they play any sports?: NO, USED TO CHEERLEAD IN HIGH SCHOOL

Anything they’re bad at?: SAYING NO

Do they have any combat training? Why?: NO

( &&. firsts )

Childhood memory: RIDING A BIKE WHILE HER GRANDMOTHER ARROVE HOME

Crush: JESSE MCCARTNEY

Job: N/A

Phone: NOKIA BRICK

Computer: HP

Kiss: ADAM, GRADE 3

Love: RILEY, GRADE 10

Sexual experience: ELIAS, GRADE 11

( &&. childhood )

Best childhood memory?: CHRISTMAS MORNING, AGE 7; NO PARTICULAR REASON IT JUST STICKS OUT TO HER YIKES

Worst childhood memory?: MIDDLE SCHOOL, GRADE 6; FELL DURING LUNCH AND ENDED UP WITH STAINS ALL OVER HER OUTFIT

What were they like as a child?: VERY GENTLE & SOFT-SPOKEN

Any crushes growing up?: ADAM, OBVIOUSLY

Did they know/like their parents?: MILA LOVES HER PARENTS

Worst influence on them as a kid?: THE NEIGHBOR, CASSIE

Did they have a lot of friends?: YES

Were they heavily punished?: NO NEED, MILA RARELY DID ANYTHING THAT REQUIRED PUNISHING

Were they more feminine or masculine?: FEMININE

Were they an early or late bloomer for puberty?: MILDLY EARLY, BUT BASICALLY HIT THE SAME TIME HER FRIENDS DID

Do they still know any of their childhood friends?: YES

Did they have any chores? What?: NO

Describe their childhood home: PENTHOUSE

( &&. this or that )

Expensive or inexpensive tastes?: CAN GO EITHER WAY, SHE’S QUALITY OVER QUANTITY

Hygienic or Unhygienic?: VERY HYGIENIC

Open-minded or close-minded?: OPEN-MINDED

Introvert or extrovert?: EXTROVERT

Optimistic or pessimistic?: OPTIMISTIC

Daredevil or cautious?: CAUTIOUS

Logical or emotional?: EMOTIONAL

Generous or stingy?: GENEROUS

Polite or rude?: POLITE

Book smart or street smart?: BOOK SMART

Dominant or submissive?: SUBMISSIVE

Popular or loner?: POPULAR

Leader or follower?: FOLLOWER

Day or night person?: MID-DAY THROUGH EVENING ?

Cat or dog person?: DOG

Closet door open or closed while sleeping?: CLOSED

( &&. family relationships )

Father: VINCENT JAMES TAYLOR

Describe their relationship: POSITIVE, MOSTLY; HE LIKES TO CONTROL EVERYTHING SHE DOES

Mother: ELISE CHARLOTTE TAYLOR NÉE WHITMORE

Describe their relationship: POSITIVE; SHE’S THE “GOOD COP” IN THE GOOD COP/BAD COP SCENARIO. LIKES TO GIVE MILA BACK-HANDED COMPLIMENTS

Brothers: ONE BROTHER, JT, TWIN.

Describe their relationship: THEY ARE VERY CLOSE, HE IS ALSO A STUDENT AT PRINCETON.

Sisters: ONE SISTER, ALESSIA, FIVE YEARS YOUNGER.

Describe their relationship: THEY WERE CLOSER AS KIDS BUT PROGRESSIVELY GREW APART THE OLDER THEY GOT.

Other important relatives: AUNT ELODIE, THE PERSON MILA GOES TO WHEN THINGS SEEM ALL TOPSY-TURVY AND SHE CAN’T TALK TO HER PARENTS/SIBLINGS

Significant other: N/A

Children: N/A

( &&. other relationships )

Best friend: TBA YALL

Childhood friend: CALLIE

Enemy: EMMA

Past romances: LIAM, ELIAS, TEDDY, VALERIE, EMMA, RILEY, EVAN

Pets: NONE

( &&. social media )

Do they have a Facebook? Twitter? Instagram? Vine? Snapchat? Tinder/Grindr? Tumblr? YouTube?: YES / YES / YES / USED TO / YES / NO / NO / NO

If so; Name on Facebook: CAMILA TAYLOR

Twitter handle: OHTAYMILA

Instagram user: OHTAYMILA

Vine user: N/A ANYMORE

Snapchat user: OHTAYMILA

Name on Tinder/Grindr: N/A

Tumblr URL: N/A

YouTube channel: N/A

( &&. musical tastes )

Theme song: CLOSER FT. HALSEY BY CHAINSMOKERS

Makes them happy: IDFC BY BLACKBEAR

Makes them sad: CONCRETE ANGEL BY MARTINA MCBRIDE

Makes them dance: LOCATION BY KHALID

Loves the most: SORRY NOT SORRY BY DEMI LOVATO

Describes them: ...TBA

Never gets tired of: NOBODY’S LISTENING BY LINKIN PARK

Would like to be played at their wedding: MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER BY BRIAN MCKNIGHT

Would like to play at their funeral: UNKNOWN

( &&. miscellaneous )

Do they have a fake I.D.?: NOT NECESSARY

Are they a virgin?: NO

Describe their signature: A MIX OF LOOPY AND CONDENSED

How long would they survive in a zombie apocalypse?: 2.5 SECONDS

Do they travel?: YES

One place they would like to live: NEW YORK, DON’T HAVE A DESIRE TO LIVE AWAY FROM FAMILY

One place they would like to visit: LOS ANGELES

Celebrity crush: THEO JAMES, DEMI LOVATO, OLIVIA HOLT

What can you find in their pockets/wallet/purse: MONEY, CREDIT/DEBIT CARDS, CHAPSTICK, NAIL FILE, COMB, PEN

Place(s) your character can always be found: KITCHEN

When does your character like to wake up?: 7-8 AM

What’s your character’s morning routine?: WAKE UP, SHOWER, EAT, CLASS/STUDY

What does your character eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner?: VARIES

How does your character spend their free days?: STUDYING, BAKING

What’s your character’s bedtime routine?: CLEAN OFF MAKEUP, WASH FACE, MOISTURIZER, LIGHT STUDYING

What does your character wear to bed?: TANK TOP AND SHORTS

If your character can’t fall asleep, what are they thinking about?: SCHOOL

What has been their greatest achievement?: VALEDICTORIAN

What is their idea of perfect happiness?: BEING AROUND PEOPLE SHE LOVES

What or who is the greatest love of their life?: N/A

On what occasions do they lie?: WHEN IT’S TO SPARE SOMEONE ELSE’S FEELINGS

Most marked characteristic: BLUE EYES, CARING NATURE

What is one thing they’d most like to change about themselves?: HOW MUCH SHE CARES ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF HER

How would they like to die?: IN HER SLEEP

Do they snore? NO

Do they chew their pens/pencils?: ONLY WHEN SHE’S REALLY STRESSED

Can they curl their tongue?: YES

Can they whistle?: POORLY, BUT YES

Do they believe in the supernatural?: YES

Have they ever cheated on anyone?: NO

Have they ever been cheated on?: NO

Has anyone ever broken their heart?: NO

Have they ever broken anyone’s heart?: NO

Are they squeamish?: MILDLY

Have they ever killed anyone? Why? How?: NO

Have they ever seen anyone die? What happened?: NO

Are they a lightweight?: SHE CAN GET TO ABOUT 4 DRINKS BEFORE BECOMING DRUNK AND 5 BEFORE IT’S COMPLETELY OBVIOUS, AT 6 SHE’S USUALLY BLACKED OUT

#(( && about ;; )) #gogreekpoints #gogreek:task

[travisandersondatingblog]

My HIV Story: In the End, I’m Grateful

I grew up in a very religious household where being gay was considered a sin. Even as young as three years old, I remember liking boys, but didn’t know why and didn’t see why my parents were so vehemently against it. Because of their upbringing, I suppressed my desires towards boys until I was nineteen and my parents had separated. Their separation distracted them from what I was doing behind closed doors.

I was struggling with if I should come out or not, or if it was safe since the passing of my grandmother (the only openly supporter of gays in my family), and the separation of my parents was already going on. I stayed with my mom and brother after the divorce. She lost house after house, and we eventually moved into a motel where I spent three months sleeping on the floor. I was deeply depressed.

My life was a mess and going nowhere. I wasn’t in school or working, and I spent my days on my phone watching YouTube. That is where I discovered a dating app called Grindr. A YouTube star, Shane Dawson, mentioned it in a comedy skit he had done and very vaguely described what it was for. It piqued my interest enough for me to download it. I began to use it as a vehicle to explore my attraction to other guys.

The first time I went on Grindr felt like people like myself surrounded me. I very quickly realized this app was a safe space for gay men to find other gay men to hook up with rather than to date. As a nineteen-year-old guy, sex was a huge part of exploring my sexuality. Not long after chatting with an older man, we decided to meet up. I asked him if he was “clean” and he said yes. Clean is a slang term used to describe one’s sexual health status; being clean is to be free of STIs; therefore, the implication of not being clean is “dirty.” Now, in my nineteen-year-old naivety, I believed him when he said he was STI free. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I live in a more conservative city where sex education is sub-par, and sex was discussed in very little detail, and gay sex was not even mentioned.

I was unaware of the high STI rates in my country and of the stigma that comes with testing, leading to many STIs being transmitted just out of fear of getting tested. The older man and I had unprotected sex. I was overwhelmed with adrenaline and elated to have sexual intimacy with a man finally, but it came with a price. I contracted HIV from the first person I ever slept with. A random stranger from Grindr. I never got his name, nor did I care to at the time. I didn’t find out until six months after the hookup, that I had contracted HIV. February 19, 2014. I knew he had given it to me because he was the only person I had ever done anything with and I don’t use drugs. I contacted him immediately after finding out, but he adamantly denied giving it to me and blocked me on Grindr. I created countless new accounts but never saw him online again. To this day I have no idea if he ever went and got tested or treated or how many other men contracted HIV from him.

I was infuriated and felt all hope of living a normal life left me. I wasn’t out to my parents yet, and now I was a stereotypical gay person: a disease-ridden man who liked other men. I battled with thoughts of keeping this information to myself and letting the disease kill me or of telling my parents and possibly being disowned. After sitting with these feelings eating away at me inside, I finally broke down and told my mother.

She thought I was joking when I told her, but when I started uncontrollably sobbing next to her, she broke down too and said to me that she would always love me no matter what. That night, we talked for hours about what I needed to do moving forward to get help, and she told me that we would figure this out.

My mother’s reaction made me feel more confident in disclosing my status to my dad, but his response was not parallel with my mother’s. My father told me that he was disappointed in me and berated me with questions on how I could have possibly let this happen as if this was something that I had actively sought out. His reaction did the opposite effect that my mother’s did, and I wasn’t sure how I would tell my two closest friends, Helen* and Kelly*.

I feared facing the same reaction as my dad, so I told them separately and in different ways. With Helen, I told her on a rainy day after grabbing food while sitting in her car. She reacted with sympathy but followed that day with a week of ignoring me. She eventually told me that she was scared for me and didn’t want to lose me, so she distanced herself from me. Kelly is my best friend and was the hardest person to tell, so I messaged her mother, Diana, and told her what was going on with me and asked her if she could tell Kelly. Diana was like a second mother to me and reacted in the same manner that my mother did: with love and support. Diana agreed to tell Kelly, but she responded the same way as Helen. My two closes friends ignored my existence after receiving my devastating news.

My depression had gone to the next level, a level at which I never wanted to return to. Nine days after my diagnosis, I attempted suicide for the first time. I was institutionalized for a few days and saw therapist after therapist, as well as a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told me that I would live a normal life, but I didn’t believe him. I hadn’t been taught that while growing up and thought I was going to die prematurely. In March of 2014, I, along with my parents, met with an infectious disease doctor who went over in detail what HIV was, the history of it, and how the medication she would put me on worked to suppress the virus within my body. She assured me that I would be fine, this didn’t sink in yet though. It wasn’t until my second suicide attempt that I would finally become okay with having HIV and believe what I had been told by two separate doctors.

My dad had a co-worker whose aunt had been diagnosed with AIDS in 1984 and brought her to meet me at the mental institution. Her name was Cynthia. She was in her mid-sixties. She smiled when she saw me sitting in my tears at a table in the visitor’s area. She came over, and I stood up to shake her hand, but instead, she gave me a big bear hug. I collapsed into her warm embrace and cried. She hugged me even tighter, stroked my hair, and told me that everything was going to be okay. When I finally calmed down long enough to catch my breath, she wiped the tears from my face and told me about herself. She told me about her diagnosis, what she had gone through, the reality of living with HIV, and what others were going to say. But she assured me that life was a gift and that even with HIV it was still going to be great!

Cynthia wasn’t wrong when she told me about the kinds of ignorance on HIV I would encounter being HIV positive. I have a laundry list of what I wish people not living with HIV knew about it. First and foremost would be student education. When I was in high school, I was taught things about HIV as if it were still 1981. I wasn’t informed about new medical advancements in screening for HIV or about progress in medication for HIV treatment and prevention. This lack of education has impacted millions of people’s perception of HIV and consequently how they go about behaving towards those who have HIV.

On two separate occasions, I had someone close to me think that just by being around me they would somehow result in contracting HIV. They avoided seeing me for over two months after finding out that I was positive, just out of ignorant fear of me being contagious. They dislike germs which is understandable, but their lack of knowledge on HIV deeply offended me and made me feel like I should be put on an island away from “clean” people. The second time I encountered this fear was at my aunt’s house. I was visiting my cousin, and her mom entered the room, offering a glass of water. I graciously accepted the water, and we all moved out into the living room to catch up. Once I finished the water, my aunt took the glass into the kitchen and proceeded to throw it away right in front of me. I almost broke out into tears right then and there.

I also wish people had an accurate perception of HIV (especially in the gay community). I have encountered so many guys who were willing to hook up before I revealed my HIV status, but after I told them, they’d change their minds and didn’t want to hook up anymore. Most of those guys that turned me down were willing to have unprotected sex with me until they found out that I have HIV. The reason this bothers me is because of that ignorant mentality is how I ended up with acquiring it in the first place. Someone saying that they are HIV negative doesn’t mean they are, nor does someone saying that they are positive mean that they can or will pass it on. Condoms are not one-hundred percent effective in preventing the transmission of STIs even when used properly. Hook up culture in the gay community is full of promiscuity, which is perfectly okay, but everyone should be responsible and properly educated on STIs, risk factors, getting tested for STIs routinely, and being open to discussing sexual health statuses. Grindr is one hookup app that has done a phenomenal job at trying to combat the stigma that comes with HIV and educate the LGBTQ+ community that uses the app about HIV and also what it means to be undetectable.

The ignorance about HIV and stigma that surrounds it is depressing, heavy, and sometimes frightening. I have been sent death threats on online dating apps, been called names, and shunned by members from all kinds of communities for being forward with my HIV status.

I am so upfront and open about my status because of the stigma that people living with HIV are sick whores that are going to live a short and unfulfilling life is entirely false. I struggled to get to a point where I accepted my HIV status, but now I feel amazing. I’m in school studying American Sign Language with a 3.91 cumulative GPA. I’m looking forward to the bright and rich future I have ahead of myself; life is amazing in spite of having HIV. I spent the first year thinking about how my life would be different if I didn’t have HIV, but now I’m so grateful that I got it. I have learned and grown so much because of this. I’ve become a better person, and with that, have been able to educate those close to me about HIV and help destigmatize the disease. I understand the reasons why some view HIV as a negative life event, but by educating others about HIV, I believe society will become more accepting and less afraid of those living with HIV.

Through my couple years at college, I have been able to share my story and spread love and positivity about HIV; I plan to continue to share my story, at a four-year school and expand people’s perceptions of HIV thanks to my experiences and the knowledge I’ve gained since being diagnosed.

** Names were changed and everything was anonymized for the student’s privacy **

The post My HIV Story: In the End, I’m Grateful appeared first on STD Exposed - Sexual Health Blog.

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[artificialqueens]

New Man Pt. 2 - Fucking Awful.

A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR KIND FEEDBACK! I am so appreciative that you took the time to read Part 1 of “New Man” and glad to hear you enjoyed it. You all make my little Grinch heart grow 10 sizes.

Here is Part 2 – I know I promised fluff and happiness, but the story took me in a different direction for this chapter. That said, this is Part 2/?? and if you bear with my I promise to take you to the Promised Land of kisses and glitter. Darkness before the dawn, right? 

A good chunk of this is flashback/Roy recounting how we got here, so not as much forward movement as background. Hope you don’t mind some heavy-handed exposition…

Last 2 things – I’m seeing what happens if I switch into Roy’s POV, because I like the narrative structure flipping back and forth between the 2. Would love to get feedback on that, and happy to adapt the structure to one POV or the other if you have strong feelings. AND THIS IS A LONG ONE, sorry if 3K words is brutal.

Thanks for readying, y’all are the real MVPs.

This was going really fucking great.

That was the only thing running through Roy’s mind as he felt Danny smile underneath his kiss. In the 4 hours he’d been in Seattle he thought he had totally screwed up his plan, but somehow things had gotten back on track. Clearly this was meant to –

And then Danny broke away. Suddenly, roughly. Ripping is lips away and pushing off with surprising force. Roy stumbled back a few paces as both men caught their breath.

“No. This is…you’re…no.” Danny picked up the lighter he’d dropped in the heat of the moment, still muttering to himself just low enough that Roy couldn’t hear. Then he grabbed Roy by the forearm and dragged him back into the bar – again, sudden and rough. Roy couldn’t help but giggle just a tiny bit, thinking how ridiculous Danny must look hauling a 40-year-old man off like a misbehaving toddler.

“This isn’t funny, man. What was…ugh!” Throwing his hands off dramatically, Danny let go and continued back to their friends. Shit, the kid was really frustrated and probably even a little mad. Roy steeled himself from the drunken giggles, rejoining the table a few seconds behind.

He was thankful that the crew didn’t acknowledge anything that had just happened – the benefit of drunk friends, amiright? Roy eased back into the group conversation, light chatter about who totally saw the ending coming on Westworld or what memes would make the best protest t-shirts. He took every opportunity to steal an unnoticed look at Danny, who was half participating in the discussion and half furiously clicking at his phone. In his cross-faded fog, Roy couldn’t tell what the kid was doing. Grindr? Writing a novel? Playing Bejeweled – that was still a thing, right?

His stealth staring mission was clearly a failure, though, evidenced by the sharp kick of Jinkx’s boot on his shin.

“OH what the fuck Jinkx?!” Curiosity became shooting pain as Roy clutched for his leg underneath the table.

“Sorry Roy, clumsy as ever! Let me grab you a drink, dull the pain. Come with me to the bar?” The redhead emphasized the last request with Uzo Aduba-level crazy eyes. This was not a request, and while Jinkx didn’t intimidate Roy he was too fuzzy to fight.

“Sure, queen. Somebody has to make sure you don’t drop the booze.” Oof, his snapbacks were weak tonight. The two left the table and headed to see Todd at the bar.

“I’ll take a –“

“Oh no, you’ll have a water. Todd, water for Bianca del Drunko. I’ll take a few shots of Jack for the table, and Ginger backs.” Roy pouted and raised an eyebrow, sorting through his Rolodex of Hate for a quippy insult about ginger and redheads and minj, but finding his speed dulled a bit by the smoke and alcohol.

Jinkx turned back to him. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you right now but get it together. Jesus, del Rio, you’re supposed to be the mature one. The rest of us get to fuck things up. Just drink your water and mellow out for a minute.” The redhead knew about Roy’s plan, his oh-so-secret plan to use this weekend to woo Danny, and could tell he was putting it at risk.

“Alright, alright Jinkx. Don’t get so worked up you fall asleep on me.”

The joke fell flat. “You can do better than that.”

“Damn straight I can. You –“

For what had to be the millionth time that night, Roy was interrupted. This time by his phone, pinging with a text – from Danny. Roy looked over to the table to see what was going on, but all he saw was the kid deep in conversation and finally ignoring his phone. Roy swiped to open…

Danny: What the hell, Roy? I know we haven’t gotten to see much of each other since I moved up here, but something is different about you and it’s really fucked. You’ve been acting like a bit of a cunt the last few weeks, you hardly call me or Shane or even your mom anymore, and now you’re here doing everything you can to cheat on your boyfriend? With strangers, with me…This isn’t you, and if it is then I’m not sure I know you anymore.

Roy scanned the text eight more times before throwing his phone down on the bar. Jinkx didn’t flinch, too occupied flirting with one of the cute bartenders. Seizing the moment, Roy grabbed the three shots of Jack the guy had poured and knocked them back in quick succession. It wasn’t until the slam of the last shot glass onto the bar that the redhead looked up, just in time to see Roy storming for the exit.

As he stood out on the curb, trying desperately to get an Uber with his now smashed up phone, there was only one thing running through Roy’s mind:

This was going really fucking awful.

—

Roy woke up suddenly, eyes snapping open to his unfamiliar hotel room lit by dawn creeping through haphazardly closed curtains. He rolled over to look at the clock – 5:12am. It figures, Roy was never one to sleep off a night of drinking. While most people spent the next day wrapped in blankets and sleeping like a rock until at least 11am, he always seemed to be yanked out of slumber after only a few hours of restless shut-eye. Sometime between 5am and 6am he would be awake, mind reeling and trying unsuccessfully to will himself back to sleep until the headache went away.

This morning was no different – only the pain was so, so much worse. Sure, he used three shots of whiskey to put an exclamation mark on a night of heavy drinking, but the pain that was nagging him most was emotional. Roy grabbed for his phone – oh right, it was smashed to shit by angry Bianca last night – and re-read Danny’s text. He was hit by a sudden wave of nausea, a feeling that made him want to cry as it made him want to vomit. He grabbed a bottle of water from the minibar, charge be damned, and chugged the whole thing has he tried to figure out how the hell he had screwed this up so badly.

—

His plan was never *simple*, but that wouldn’t be Roy’s style. As Bob had frequently told him, he was a “lover of complexity” and couldn’t help himself. The plan to woo Danny was no different.

To say he cooked this up when he caught Sky sleeping with one of his personal training clients 2 weeks ago was only half right. Roy had actually planned to spend the three months off between the US and UK legs of Not Today Satan to finally make a play for Danny, but bitch moved to Seattle before he could make any of the many grand gestures he’d cooked up. In the first few weeks after Danny left, when the kid’s social media had been flooded with posts about how much he loved Seattle and the people, Roy hit a real low point. Jealous, exhausted, and feeling quite sorry for himself, he met Sky in a bar and hooked up with him a few times before falling into an effortless relationship.

Effortless not in the good sense of the word, though; effortless in the sense that Roy put in literally no effort, and didn’t care to make it work. The guy was named SKY after all – Roy could barely believe he’d been able to fuck a guy named Sky for 2 whole months, but he supposed the abs helped. Sky was just a nice distraction, a pretty shiny toy to brag about when he needed to overcompensate in conversations with Danny and Shane…which had quickly become all the time. He learned a hot, rich boyfriend is a great way to deflect questions about himself or his wellbeing. The new man, combined with dialing the bitchiness up to 11, was like armor; helpful in denying to himself and the outside world that he was not in a good place.

But when Roy walked in on Sky with his 2pm-Tuesdays balls deep in his ass, he resolved that even in his lowest moments he had the self-respect not to date a cheater. So he cut if off with Sky and 20 minutes later booked a 2 week trip to Seattle. Time to put the Noriega-Haylock plan back in action, for the thousandth time in 4 years.

This time, Roy would show Danny how perfect and the right kind of effortless they could be. He would breeze into town – but let’s be real, Roy never breezes – and seamlessly integrate himself into the Seattle version of Danny’s life. He would meet the new friends, support him at all his local shows, become a member at the EMP…hell he’d even buy a few flannels and a beanie. At the same time, Roy would make his feelings for Danny abundantly clear. He was confident that Danny reciprocated them; he knew it in his heart, but he also knew because Danny had told him on more than one occasion. Three times over the course of their friendship Danny had been the fearless one and professed his love for Roy. Ok, so maybe fearless is the wrong word – the drunk and cross-faded one may be a more apt description – but the point was that Roy knew Danny wanted this as much as he did. He felt it in his soul, his mind, every fiber of his body. Now it was time to make it real.

After booking the flights, he called Dela to layout his plan. He knew he needed a confidante in this, and it wouldn’t be fair to Shane to put him in the middle of this.

“B, I’m really glad you’re finally taking the plunge with Danny. It’s been too long coming. But you realize you have 2 big problems, right?” Ben was his always-enthusiastic self, but had some concerns. “You still aren’t solving the long-distance and time problem you’ve always been worried about.”

“We’ll find a way to work through it. I have to stop using that as an excuse to not give this a chance.”

“Very big of you, and I agree. But, uh, the second thing – don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Well, funny story – no. That was always a waste of my time – c’mon, his name was SKY – and I caught him getting fucked by a bear about an hour ago.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry! Are you ok? Are you alone?” Ben launched into caregiver mode, instantly making Roy uncomfortable.

“No, Ben I’m really fine. It was not –“

“I know Michelle’s in town, she’s always my breakup guru, maybe you should –“

Fuck. Roy realized a major problem. If he announced to his friends (and social media, shit) that he and his new man had broken up, his life would become an endless barrage of sympathy. Everything he’d done to ward off questions about the bags under his tired eyes, the increasingly infrequent and short calls to friends and family, and the mess in his usually tidy life would crumble. Roy couldn’t have that – he was fine, he was the caretaker for everyone else, and he couldn’t stand people to fuss over his well-being.

It was in that moment that he made the decision that made the plan *complex* - “Ben, stop. I’m fine, really I’m ok. Peachy fucking keen. But can I ask one favor of you? One tiny thing and I’ll name my next dog after you?”

“Anything, dear.”

“Do not – and I repeat, do NOT – tell anyone that Sky and I broke up.”

“What?” Ben was confused, understandably.

“I don’t want to deal with all of these conversations about it, and the only person who really needs to know right now is Danny. I’ll tell him in person when I’m in Seattle, please just keep quiet about it until then.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best…”

“Please, Dela. Just let me do this my way?”

After a long pause – “Ok, alright, sure. Let me go on record saying I don’t think that’s a healthy way to handle this.”

“Dually noted, Judge Judy. Thank you, I appreciate it.” Roy hung up with Dela and began crafting his “casual” message to Danny to tell him he’d be in town. Mid-way through the 5th round of editing, his phone rang: Jinkx.

“Hey Jinkx, can I call you back I –“

“Are you an idiot? I mean really, are the blonde wigs affecting your brain?” Jinkx steamrolled him.

“Excuse me?” “Dela is on with me – I know what you’re coming to Seattle to do –“

“Well now it’s to come cut up that bitch Dela’s wigs. I asked you one thing, you little fruit fly –“ “Sorry Roy, I –“

“Don’t apologize, Ben. He was right to tell me, he’s going to be out of town when you get here and someone has to help you not screw this up. I know we can’t talk you out of it, but at least let us try to support you. This is big risk, big reward, and it could – you’re going to need wing-people.”

Roy knew there was no point in fighting. As good natured as Jinkx was, bitch was aggressive. If we wanted to help, goddammit he was going to help. With a sigh – “Ok, you’re in on this. Great. But please let me handle this they way I want to – I need to. Danny and I are endgame to a long, long story and I have to do this the way I feel is right. If this gets out beyond the two of you, I will call Darienne and Roxxxy so that those shady elephants can trample you. Is that clear?”

“Sure, whatever you say.” Jinkx scoffed.

Ben soothed. “What Jinkx means to say, Roy, is we are here for you and support you. We are so happy you’re finally going after what we’ve all seen for years.”

“Yes, all that.” Jinkx reassured. “And I promise I won’t let you fuck it up.”

Roy laughed. “Gee, thanks.” Now, with less sarcasm – “I do actually appreciate it. But I think I got this.”

It was Jinkx’s turn for sarcasm. “Uh huh, sure.”

—

It did not bring Roy any joy to have proven Jinkx right. Again, he felt nauseous.

He had basically blown his chance with Danny on the first night but if he was being honest the mistakes started long before. The sexting. See, Roy refused to tell anyone else – not Shane, not Detox, nobody – about his breakup with Sky. That meant a lot of nights alone before his trip to Seattle, pretending to be busy to avoid having to be avoidant. That also meant a lot of solo wine nights, which somehow quickly devolved into sending dirty texts – so, so many dirty texts – to Danny. Now that he was committing to his pursuit, the fact that his every sexual fantasy had the same male lead was not something Drunk Roy felt the need to hide. At some point every night, his filter would disappear and he’d send Danny a (he thought) beautifully written description of the patterns he wanted to draw across his body with his tongue, the ways in which he wanted to tie up and be tied, the rhythms he wanted to pound into him, etc.

That Danny did not respond to these texts or bring them up in their regular conversations was a little confusing to Roy, but he was glad for it. He figured Danny just read them when he was equally pissed drunk – he knew he deleted messages as he read them – and forgot about it. At least that’s what he hoped, so that there could be some element of surprise in his plan. But seeing Danny’s reaction to the kiss and everything after, Roy understood he was wrong. It seemed like Danny was actually mad about it – not a reaction he had expected.

And then there was the bar – for that, Roy couldn’t muster an explanation or an excuse. He knew that he did this. During times of high anxiety and stress, Roy makes terrible decisions when he drinks. He tried for years to understand how or why, but for some reason worry plus whiskey turns him into a bad idea machine. This wasn’t the first time the same combination ended with him lip-locked (or worse) with a stranger that he later regretted. He should’ve just kept it low-key last night, not drinking much if at all so that he could play it cool with Danny. But nerves got the best of Roy, and from the moment he got on the plane he’d been building a buzz. By the time he got to the bar he was browning out, and he barely remembered how he ended up cuddled up with this random guy.

It wasn’t until Danny started singing that damn song that Roy realized what was going on. Immediately he was horrified – it looked like he was cheating on his boyfriend. Not only did he ignore the love of his life when he had flown to Seattle to see him, but he also appeared to be committing Danny’s #1 cardinal unforgivable sin. He immediately stood up and left the stranger’s table, and rejoined his so-called friends – What the fuck, why didn’t Jinkx stop him? What kind of wing-person was that? Roy sat for a few minutes, half seething and half feeling like he was actually going to die of embarrassment and sadness. When he saw Danny get up to leave, he jumped at the chance to catch him outside and apologize.

And yet – again, with the good ideas from Drunk Roy – instead of apologizing he found himself aggressively accosting Danny before going in for the kiss he’d dreamed about for years. And for just a few seconds, Roy thought everything was going to be ok. He thought that despite all his mistakes today, the last two weeks, the last few years…he thought he’d finally gotten it right. But we all saw how that ended…

—

Finished with a second bottle of water now, Roy emerged from his self reflective daze. He stared at the text from Danny hoping against all hope that he would feel better and last night could be erased and that he could save him and Danny. But when he looked down at the message for the thousandth time, he had to choke back searing tears.

I’m not sure I know you anymore.

“Sometimes I don’t think I know me anymore either, kid.” He muttered. He rifled through is bag to find some Benadryl – the only way he can sleep some days – and popped two of the pink pills before rolling back to bed. “But I’ll make this right. God and Joan Rivers help me, we’re gonna do this.”

Roy couldn’t fix anything now, so at least he could try to sleep.  

—

[End of Part 2]

#bianca del rio #adore delano #jinkx monsoon #bendelacreme #biadore #angst #tw cheating #tw depression #rpdr fanfiction #submission #new man #fucking awful #canon compliant

[thelostronette]

Why I deleted my Grindr

Dating nowadays is hard, no matter who you are. We are living with the digital age and having to rely on dating websites and apps like match.com, OkCupid, tinder, bumble, etc. The list could go on for hours with the amount of dating services out there. The one app that seems to be the must have app if you are a gay man, which I am, is Grindr. For those of you out there who do not know what Grindr is, Grindr is an app targeted for gay, bisexual, and trans men. The app is a "dating" app (and I use parentheses because people who use the app mainly use the app for speedy quick hook ups and casual liaisons), that shows you where other men are by distance and what they are looking for. The app was launched in march of 2009 by Nearby Buddy Finder, LLC. The app is really groundbreaking, being pretty much the first gay geographical social app and help to start other apps such as scruff, jack'd, and growlr. The app is very important to the LGBT community and is the gay app that really has broken into the conscious of the mainstream heterosexual community. I have had a Grindr profile on and off since my sophomore year of college. I hadn't much luck off the app. I never met anyone off of it and the conversations I've had have led to nowhere, which is why I have gone back and forth with the app. I recently added the app back again just to see what was going on and if I could maybe meet a nice guy who I could at least meet up with for drinks and see where that leads too. However, in the last few weeks I've realized that Grindr is not very big guy friendly. I have been fat pretty much my whole life. I have struggled with self image, battled bulimia and bed (binge eating disorder) for the majority of my life, and have always felt inadequate among other gay men. Being fat in the dating world is brutal enough, but being fat in the gay dating world takes it to another level. In the last few years I have come to terms with the body and eating issues I have and not only have I learned to love my body and myself, I know now my self worth doesn't come from how much I weigh and that I am a very attractive person. On top of that, I have not purged in nearly 2 years, which I am very proud of. I've become a very big advocate of the body positive movement and am more aware of what companies and apps are and aren't body positive. It really has dawn on me that Grindr is not about body positivity at all. In the gay community, being fat means two things, a gross monster that no one wants to touch or a secret fetish, which is more degrading, in my opinion. I can't tell you how on numerous occasions I have been made to feel like a disgusting creature or a dark secret fetish by fellow gay men. Body shaming in the gay community is second nature. I love my community, I am proud to be apart of the lgbtqia community, but the truth is we still have a lot of self hating in our community, which leads to not supporting our very own. When building a Grindr profile, you are asked to describe your "tribe". The only tribe I fit into on Grindr is being labeled a "bear". Bears in the gay community are basically John Goodman like men who are usually big, older, hairy, and a little more stereotypically masculine looking. I am not a bear, I don't really fit into the gay animal kingdom, but I am put in the bear category, because I am big. This bothers me, because I am more than just a "bear". Hell, I'm not even a bear! Bears also don't seem as popular with the average Grindr user. Also, I've gotten message ads for the perfect body. According to Grindr, the perfect body is a sculpted Adonis like man, with washboard abs and bulging muscles. This is the image that gay community typically uses as the idea of the perfect body that everyone wants to have and have next to them in bed, or wherever you like to have special adult time. I not only don't want that kind of body but I am attracted to all body types. This brings us to choosing a profile picture. Majority of the profile pictures on Grindr are the typical shirtless gym pictures. My profile picture for most dating apps I belong to, is a picture of me posing sultry, with a pouty face, wearing a "riots not diets", shirt. That picture has brought me luck on many other apps (OkCupid, tinder, growlr, etc), but not on Grindr. I know this sounds a lot like a fat bitch who can't get laid and is blaming people's body prejudices on why he can't get laid or get a man to even pay him a compliment, but it is so much more than that. The gay community has a lot to learn about body positivity and self acceptance, and Grindr is doing nothing to help with moving the body positive movement into the gay community in the way that other gay apps like Growlr, which is mainly for bigger men, bears, and the men who love them, have done. I only hope that one day, Grindr can wake up and realize they are perpetuating an unattainable body goal for most men in the world and if they are going to have labels for their users, they shouldn't be as narrow. Until then I will stick with apps that either have labels I relate to, or don't even have labels at all. Where people are just people. Can you imagine that? I sure can

#grindr #body positive #body postivity #gay

[biofunmy]

Herrick Vs. Grindr Is A Section 230 Case That Could Change The Internet As We Know It

At the peak of the abuse Matthew Herrick suffered, 16 men showed up every day at his door, each one expecting either violent and degrading sex, drugs, or both. Herrick, a 32-year-old aspiring actor living in New York City, didn’t know any of them, but the men insisted they knew him — they’d just been chatting with him on the dating app Grindr. This scenario repeated itself more than 1,000 times between October 2016 and March 2017.

Herrick had deactivated his account and deleted the Grindr app from his phone in late 2015 when he’d started dating a man referred to in court documents as J.C., whom he’d met on the app. The two broke up in fall 2016. Soon after, according to court filings, J.C. began stalking Herrick and created fake profiles on Grindr impersonating Herrick and using screen names like “Raw Pig Bottom” and “Gang Bang Now!” The profiles falsely claimed Herrick was HIV-positive, interested in unprotected sex and bondage, and that he was “Looking for a group of hung tops to come over and destroy my ass.” Through Grindr, Herrick says J.C. directed these men to his apartment or workplace, creating a world of chaos for him on a daily basis.

“It was a horror film,” Herrick told BuzzFeed News in an interview. “It’s just like a constant Groundhog Day, but in the most horrible way you can imagine. It was like an episode of Black Mirror.”

Protective orders and police reports against J.C. failed to stop the torrent of harassment. Herrick, his friends, and lawyers submitted 100 complaints to Grindr asking it to block J.C., but they received no response. Eventually, Herrick took Grindr to court in an attempt to force it to do something to stop the nightmare. Grindr argued that under federal law, it didn’t have to help Herrick, and in February 2017, a federal judge agreed.

Now Herrick’s lawyers are arguing that the judge got it wrong. On Monday, they took their case before the US Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit, whose decision could have far-reaching consequences on what apps and social media companies must do to combat harassment on their platforms. At the heart of the dispute is how much protection a 1996 law — Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act — gives a website or app against liability for atrocious acts committed on its platform by users. It’s the law that protects Twitter from being sued for controversial tweets, and guards against Yelp being taken to court over negative restaurant reviews by users. But a growing coalition of consumer protection groups and advocates for victims of intimate partner violence say Section 230 gives companies an incentive to turn a blind eye to abuse.

The case represents a stark division between lawyers sounding an alarm over domestic abusers increasingly using smartphones and online services to track and harass their partners, and digital rights groups who fear the erosion of free speech online.

J.C. was arrested on Oct. 23, 2017, and has been charged with stalking, criminal impersonation, making a false police report, and disobeying a court order. J.C.’s next hearing was scheduled for Thursday. He has pleaded not guilty and is being held on a $500,000 bond.

“The whole thing is horrible,” said Judge Dennis Jacobs, one of three judges hearing Herrick’s appeal. “But the question is, what’s the responsibility of Grindr?”

Very little, according to the judge who ruled in Grindr’s favor in 2017. “I don’t find what Grindr did to be acceptable,” US District Court Judge Valerie E. Caproni said at the time. But under Section 230, she ruled, a dating app like Grindr couldn’t be sued because one of its users harassed someone through the platform.

“It’s just like a constant Groundhog Day, but in the most horrible way you can imagine. It was like an episode of Black Mirror.”

In court Monday, Tor Ekeland, one of Herrick’s lawyers, also questioned whether Grindr had continued to track Herrick’s location even after Herrick quit using the app.

“There are too many unanswered questions in this case,” Ekeland argued in a Manhattan courtroom packed with curious law students and supporters of Herrick. Grindr’s attorneys said it was “magical and implausible” that Herrick was tracked after leaving the app.

The appeals court didn’t say when it would issue a ruling. It’s the first time it has considered Section 230 on a case involving an app, let alone one based on geolocation technology, but Grindr’s lawyers say that doesn’t change things.

“The geolocation is a neutral system,” Daniel P. Waxman, one of Grindr’s attorneys, said in court Monday. “It’s open to good users and to bad users.”

Herrick’s lawyers say this case goes beyond Section 230 because Grindr knows it has put a dangerous product on the market with no means of filtering out bad actors, even when it knows someone like J.C. is abusing the platform. Grindr could hire more people to handle complaints, identify and ban serial harassers as Twitter has, or implement technology like Facebook is using to stop revenge porn, but has decided it’s cheaper to do nothing and hide behind Section 230 for protection, they say.

“It’s almost the cost of doing business for Grindr that there are going to be some people whose lives are going to be ruined by the product,” Carrie Goldberg, one of Herrick’s attorneys, told BuzzFeed News.

Thomas Trutschel / Getty Images

Grindr did not respond to repeated requests for comment from BuzzFeed News. In a court filing, the company stated it is a “safe space” for gay, bisexual, trans, and queer people to connect, and that to provide users with flexibility and discretion on their dating and sex lives, it asks for very little information and does not verify profiles. If someone wanted to, Grindr’s lawyer said in a 2017 court hearing, they could simply keep creating new profiles tied to different email addresses and the app likely would never catch them.

Grindr’s protection of user privacy has repeatedly been called into question. Last year, a BuzzFeed News report revealed that the app had been disclosing users’ HIV status — tied to their GPS data, phone ID, and email — to two external companies. Initially, Grindr said sharing the data was standard practice in the industry, but then announced it would stop doing it, “based on the reaction — a misunderstanding of technology — to allay people’s fears.” Herrick’s attorneys also pointed in court filings to another BuzzFeed News story noting that Grindr has in the past exposed the precise locations of users, and failed to implement the simple tweak needed to fix the problem.

Two other companies say they were able to halt the harassment that Grindr says it was unable to stop in Herrick’s case. Scruff and Jack’d, both location-based chat and dating apps catering to gay and bisexual men, told BuzzFeed News they were able to weed out and stop the abuse incited by Herrick’s ex on their platforms, though to protect trade secrets, neither would provide specifics.

For Grindr to call itself a “safe space” for the gay community, Herrick said, is a “facade.”

“They create this idea of who they are and who we as the gay community want them to be, but they were never that, and they will never be that,” Herrick told BuzzFeed News. “They always will just want to print more money.”

New York City is Grindr’s biggest market in the US, where some 426,000 users are located. Unlike dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble, which only have age- and gender-based filters, Grindr displays a grid of potential dates who can be narrowed by body type, sexuality, or type — clean-cut, geek, or jock, for instance — and their proximity at that moment to other users. Exhibits filed in court include screenshots of the fake profiles of Herrick showing him pinpointed to as close as 104 feet away from interested men.

Obtained by BuzzFeed News

Some of the men who showed up to meet Herrick would not leave once he told them there had been a mistake. Some followed Herrick into the prep kitchen or bathroom at the restaurant where he worked, while others waited outside his workplace or his Manhattan apartment for a half hour or longer. Six men arrived within a few minutes of each other one day. On multiple occasions, according to Herrick’s civil complaints, men appeared to be high on drugs, verbally berated Herrick as a “lying whore,” and had to be physically thrown out when Herrick told them to leave. J.C. handed out Herrick’s phone number too, once resulting in 75 text messages from different numbers in a 24-hour period, Herrick told BuzzFeed News.

Herrick was certain J.C. was behind it. He once witnessed J.C. across the street from his apartment watching the men come and go, Herrick told BuzzFeed News. Herrick said he also received text messages from J.C. noting what Herrick was doing at that moment. Herrick filed 14 police reports and obtained a protective order prohibiting J.C. from contacting him, according to the lawsuit, but it was impossible to prove J.C. was behind the online activity without Grindr’s cooperation, and the impersonation on Grindr continued.

Sadie Diaz, a lawyer for the nonprofit Sanctuary for Families, which helps victims of domestic violence, said Herrick wasn’t interested in taking down Grindr; he just wanted his life back. “There were up to 16 people showing up at his job and home every day, bothering his roommates, expecting sex, interfering with his work, interfering with his sleep,” said Diaz, who helped Herrick obtain protection orders. “He just wanted it to stop.”

On Jan. 27, 2017, a New York state judge issued an order requiring Grindr to search for and shut down the fake profiles. Until Herrick went to court, the only responses he received from Grindr were auto-replies acknowledging receipt of his complaints, according to his lawyers.

Grindr moved the case to federal court to fight it using Section 230, setting in motion Herrick’s lawsuit against the company.

“There were up to 16 people showing up at his job and home every day, bothering his roommates, expecting sex, interfering with his work, interfering with his sleep.”

Grindr said in court that it couldn’t stop J.C. without knowing which accounts were the impersonations of Herrick. Grindr’s lawyers suggested at one point that Herrick should ask the men approaching him to see their phones so he could flag the fake profiles, Goldberg told BuzzFeed News.

Some cyberlaw experts fear a ruling against Grindr will put the creativity of the internet as we know it at risk. They say that requiring platforms to more closely monitor users would give an advantage to tech giants like Facebook, Twitter, and Google while hindering smaller startups with niche audiences, including Grindr. It would be more expensive to start new businesses online because of the cost of hiring watchdogs, said Jennifer Granick, surveillance and cybersecurity counsel at the American Civil Liberties Union.

“As bad as this [case] is, the principle behind Section 230 — which is, ‘let people be liable for their own speech’ — is the reason we are able to use the internet as this incredible platform for free speech and creativity today,” Granick told BuzzFeed News.

It would be a mistake to conflate a platform’s ethical duty — whether Grindr should have done more to take down harassing content after it was flagged — with whether the company should bear financial liability, said Lisa Hayes, general counsel for the nonprofit Center of Democracy and Technology.

“What we’re grappling with,” Hayes said, “is that the internet is now being used to showcase the worst of people. … But there’s a real risk to the internet economy if 230 is weakened.”

But the Electronic Privacy Information Center, which split from other digital rights groups and filed an amicus brief in support of Herrick, sees a different kind of privacy violation in this case — the unauthorized disclosure of Herrick’s address, phone number, and photos. Grindr might have had to dive deeper into personal data to identify and block Herrick’s harasser, but “if there’s immunity for platforms, then an individual cannot seek any recourse at all,” said Alan Butler, a lawyer for EPIC.

Once the case landed in federal court, news outlets started covering it, and Herrick said he soon began to see how many more people were in similar predicaments, seemingly without options.

“When this all started I got hundreds of emails and messages on Facebook and on Instagram,” Herrick said. “People who were telling me their own story, people who were asking me what they should do. I think it opened doors for people. For a long time, I would ask myself, I’m a 32-year-old man, how am I a victim of this, how is this happening to me? And in those words alone there is so much blame and embarrassment in it.”

Zachary Ares / BuzzFeed News

A majority of intimate partner violence cases now involve some form of harassment through technology, according to domestic abuse shelters and victims advocates. One recent survey of teens found victims of digital harassment are likely to be physically abused or experience sexual coercion.

Congress signed Section 230 into law with an expectation that tech companies will act morally responsibly when presented with abuse of their platforms, experts told BuzzFeed News. Diaz said clients of Sanctuary for Families have had similar experiences with impersonation on Facebook, for example, but they were able to work with the social media giant to address the problem.

“Some tech companies are doing the right thing and some are not,” Diaz said. “The problem with 230 is that the ones who are not have no profit motivation to take any action to prevent their platform from being used for abuse.”

The other two dating apps for gay, bisexual, and transgender men that assisted Herrick portrayed it as an easy call. Mark Girolamo, CEO of Jack’d, said, “we are happy that we were able to stop the harassment experienced by Mr. Herrick.”

Eric Silverberg, the cofounder and CEO of Scruff, said an algorithm deployed by the app looks for signals — for example, hypothetically, the quantity of messages sent from one account, certain words in a message, or the location of a profile — then weighs each of them and evaluates whether to take automated action or alert the team to investigate suspicious activity. The process of solving the problem in Herrick’s situation was “not a hard or sophisticated” one, he said.

“Once we were notified of this by the victim, we did an investigation, understood the pattern, and we permanently suspended the perpetrator and his device,” Silverberg told BuzzFeed News.

“If you’re a platform for strangers to meet, you have to apply some baseline of moderation or it will become abuse, as we’ve seen in this case,” Silverberg said. “People can be hurtful to one another, especially when love and romance is part of the equation, and it ends.”

“If you’re a platform for strangers to meet, you have to apply some baseline of moderation or it will become abuse.”

Eric Goldman, a Santa Clara University professor who studies internet law, pointed out that it is never in Grindr’s business interest to ignore abuse on its platform, but that legally compelling Grindr to apply a tech solution might be an even more pernicious alternative. Grindr could end up over-censoring content or surveilling its platform more broadly, and “might end up distorting the marketplace in a way that ends up making us all worse off,” Goldman said. He called Herrick’s lawsuit “an easy Section 230 case.”

Waxman, Grindr’s lawyer, made a similar argument in court Monday, saying that the company didn’t create any of the content and that no one would be there if it weren’t for J.C.

Herrick moved to California a couple months after J.C. was indicted. Coming back for the oral argument in the appeals court was the first time he’d set foot in New York in a year. Even though J.C. is behind bars, Herrick still gets a weird feeling that he could be near. Little things sometimes startle him, like getting a text message from an unknown number.

“I have no idea how I made it through,” Herrick said, but by the time he had to decide whether to file an appeal, he had little hesitation.

“I have a vested interest in this now, not necessarily for myself, but for other people who don’t have a voice in all of this, who are suffering and don’t know what to do,” Herrick told BuzzFeed News. “We have an opportunity to really have people take a look at these laws and these companies and set a precedent that could finally make these companies take action.” ●

Sahred From Source link Business

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#IFTTT #WordPress

[hereticaloracles]

Fuckstrology: Aqueerius

Helios– Biiiiiiiiiiiitch…. Let’s talk about some Aqueers (Aqueri? Aquariums?). Now, I have a lot to say on the matter, as I tend to have a type, and it is typically Aquas. They are like catnip to me, and I cannot resist them. Aquarians have this intoxicating, magnetic draw that just pulls you in. They are iconoclasts, rebels, and they have really terrible hair most of the time. Like, really bad.

Now, this whole post is going to be biased, but then again so is the series in general. I really, really, really like Aquas. That being said, there has not been a one of the bastards who hasn’t ended up breaking my heart. Still, they are the ones I have had the greatest attraction to and chemistry with. Lord, protect me from what I want….

Aquas are fun, sexy, and flirty. Unfortunately, they do this all without trying or being aware of it- They just think that they are being friendly and are shocked to wake up and they are accidentally married. When they actually are interested in someone, literally all their charm and poise go flying out the window and they become dumb, deaf, and awkward as all hell. Also for some reason, they lose control over their speaking volume. The jury’s still out on that one. When they actually can seal the deal and take someone home, Aquariums are actually really great in bed. They want to make sure that they are pleasing their partners and that they make the sex something to remember.

Okay, now onto the part you all live for- My trashy romps with the signs and how I failed to make it work with them. *Shoots whiskey* So, after my ludicrous failure with my Capricorn ex, I kind of fell into a hookup/fwb thing with my first real Aqua ex. I’m not in the mood to skirt around anything so let’s call him TJ because that’s his name. This bastard gave me some of the greatest sex of my life, I won’t hide it. He was damn good in bed, and we were both into each other. Neither of us liked commitment much though, so I left his queeny, Holy Spearit- loving ass behind. Thus started a torrid, on-again-off-again thing with us. The annoying thing is that the universe seemed to be hell-bent on us being together, having me literally run into him in the most ridiculous scenarios and occasions. He asked me to go on vacation with him to a resort in Key West, and we had a lot of fun (including my first orgy and the first time I ever hooked up with a porn star!) unfortunately I was still under 21, so I couldn’t truly drink or do things like going into the strip clubs they went into. It did, however, cure me of any remaining feelings that I had for the asshole, as he would literally bring people to fuck him while I was in the bed we were sharing. He also didn’t like the fact that I was far more popular at the resort than he was (What can I say? Tops have more fun!) and ended up sticking him with the entire bill for the hotel, drinks, and food. Fun fact, he is also where the rule came from to never do the chart of anyone I was dating/fucking, because when I did his it made it weird and helped the relationship to decay. Later on, we would continue to randomly connect in the most unintentional times and ways, but never did we truly connect again. I gave him some great sex but never made the mistake of getting invested.

This was a reoccurring theme with me, as it turns out. I just remembered another Aqua ex, this one even further back. Let’s call him B, and he could honestly be considered the first guy I ever fell for (which in hindsight explains SO MUCH). Now, he and I went to high school together (I know, I know. Let me tell the story) and I ended up falling in with his group after crushing hard on my lovely Sagittarius best friend, who was the first person I ever came out to as bisexual. There was a party at his house where unspeakable acts occurred that will only be referred to as “Mexico”. I fell in love with him shortly after that, but there was a problem- He had a girlfriend. In fact, his current girlfriend was the result of him cheating on his previous girlfriend, and apparently that was his pattern. We spent a lot of time together, and he knew how I felt. One night he confessed that he felt the same (while we were walking to his girlfriend’s place), and from there we started sneaking around behind everyone’s back. We kept this up till he graduated, and it was some of the best sex I have ever had. We also had some pretty explosive arguments as well. The emotional connection was far more one-sided on my part, but again I was a high-schooler.

Last but not least, we have my longest-running relationship, J. I dated this guy for almost two years. It was honestly magical. We got together because of our mutual love over nerd stuff, and I seduced him with Doctor Who quotes over Grindr. We had an extremely emotionally fulfilling relationship, and for the first time, I had someone to show off to friends and could honestly make a part of my life. I won over his friends as well, and it felt like something with some actual potential. Hell, we even went to London together! Only one problem- We would never have sex. In the entire time we dated, we had sex one and a half times. In two years. I know, its absolutely nuts, but I was young and in love. And I was incredibly faithful, even when we opened up our relationship to other people. He was incredibly unstable emotionally and was prone to manic mood swings- which he would take out on me. I was a prisoner in the relationship, and he was brutally emotionally abusive, yet still, as it came to an end I agonized over whether I should or shouldn’t leave him. The final straw came when I wanted him to meet my parents on my birthday, but he decided that he would rather spend the weekend with a 350 lb ginger bear (large fat and hairy gay man, for the uninitiated) than spend my birthday with me. So I broke up with him on my birthday. I came to find out later that he was not being faithful to me, and we never had sex because he was only attracted to black men, I was the only white guy he ever dated. After we broke up, he went off the deep end and started working for Amway. He alienated all his friends, and no one spoke to him so he came crawling back to me. I tried to be friends again for a while, but he got incredibly upset at me for taking a job opportunity that came suddenly and would need me to relocate to California for a while. He called me every vile name in the book as I left him in the dust to go recover in the sun, where I met my porn star ex. Last I heard J was dating a meth-addicted ex-felon, who was both a drag queen and a stripper, but who also was extremely keen to get me in bed since he hit me up several times on Grindr to ask me to “load up his poz hole with my white stud load”. Also, he sent me his dick pics- I’m not impressed; The myth about black guys isn’t always true. Best of luck boys!!!

Artemis-  So, for our fans that do not know, yes, I, Artemis, am very much an Aquarian.  It is quite tragic, honestly, that it seems to be common fashion for Aquarians not to fuck other Aquarians.  “Been there done that,” I guess is what we usually think, unless the fellow Aqua has some strangeness in the chart that we haven’t gotten a taste of yet.  We like the new, we like the curious, and we are not done exploring until the day you slam the cover of our casket.  And then some, because, you know, the next dimension we move on to probably has it’s own set of sexual adventures…

I reached out to a few ex lovers because, although I’ve never fucked a fellow Aquarian, they have all obviously been through the ringer with me:

Libra Ex, “Go fuck yourself, you cold, selfish bastard.”

Alrighty then, we are off to a lovely start.  I mean, I would have guessed there would be much more to say from the perspective of a pillow queen!  They are the one getting the whole damn show, after all.  And although she may not admit it, I believe our brain sex was off the hook.  And fuck, do Aquarians love brain sex!  One of our favorite past times is seeing how hot and bothered we can get someone without even touching them.  King/Queen/Kahleesi of experimentation, Aqua is the scientist with laser eyes who inspects your every frac(tal)tional movement for all of your soft spots. The water-bearers are represented by the Angel (or perfect human), perched high above in the clouds, observing all of you mere mortals as you go about our business of flesh. Aqua is very much into the eroticism of distance. For us, the mind is flesh and eroticism starts there.  And speaking of voyeurism…

Capricorn Ex, “…………. you’re the reason I’m like this.  You’re the reason I will never feel complete again.”

Aye, this Cappy ex and I participated in some strange voyeuristic acts.  Hell, I still want that video tape back.  If not, I hope she fucking burned it in a funeral pyre alongside my fucking heart and all of the things I ever gave her.  Both Aqua and Capricorn have giant walls of ice that you must get through in order to experience the deep passion that is brewing underneath.  We both want to know if you can handle what is behind the dam before we let the flood gates down.  This is usually why Aquarians are thought of as cold and uncaring – because we know it has to be light and fun or we will suck you into some fucking black hole with our sexuality that you can never come out of again.  We wont just have your body, oh no – we don’t stop at that.  We want your mind and especially that soul of yours.

Aqua knows that distance is needed to build sexual energy. An Aqua will prod and tease you in all the places where she knows you can’t touch her (like work, school, your parent’s house) until you have no choice but to take her in the back of the car, at noon, on the side of the road somewhere. And that’s just the way we like it.

As a side note, what in the fucking hell does that response even mean?  Is she now totally and completely insatiable?  Is she desperately filling the void I left inside of her with bad sex and office hours?

Capricorn Ex, “I knew you would hit me up again.  I’ve been waiting.”

BAIL BAIL BAIL BAIL BAIL WHY DID I THINK CONTACTING HER WAS A GOOD IDEA?  WHY WHY WHY?

I didn’t even bother contacting my Cancer ex because who the fuck wants to deal with those water works.  I mean, I love emotions and intensity, but if it’s just emotions with no intellectual structure surrounding them then it is literally pointless for an Aquarian.  We will run for the fucking hills if we don’t have that mind connection when water signs vomit their love all over us.  Fuck, I love poetry and love letters, but not without catering to my sapiosexual nature first.  But hell, I do remember that our sex was very good…  that is, until I ran out of things to talk / argue / debate / analyze / muse about.  Then the sex dried up as well.  I mean, fuck, we are an air sign after all.

Aries Ex, “I will say you give amazing fucking head and it was always fun eating a ton of mushrooms and fucking for hours, but I thought you told me I was dead to you and I should never contact you again?”

Oh right, I totally did.  And sex on psychedelics, I mean, who doesn’t want to try that at least once?  Aquas are forever the ones who march to the beat of their own drum, and our sexuality is no different. We really don’t give a fuck what is appropriate or conventional in love making. We will do whatever strikes our fancy, and we will never stop surprising our partner. Aquarius is known as the sign of kink for good reason. We are the masters of experimentation, so don’t ever be afraid to bring something up to us that you would like to try.  We have probably thought about it before and have an instruction manual to go with it.

I contacted my Taurus ex, but I think she is still sore about me forgetting to take my Buddhist mantra ring off before fucking her…  I mean, I was super in the moment?

Taurus ex, “If you want to know what sex with an Aquarian is like, maybe go fuck yourself.”

So, as you can see, Aquarians kinda burn bridges after relationships / sexual encounters.  The thing is, we go in very intensely (har har) so when we cut ties we need to sever completely so we can go all in intensely with the next lover.  So we get two kinds of exes:  the kind that never wants to speak to us again, and the kind that stalks the living shit out of us for the rest of our lives.

Leo Ex, “Did I ever tell you that you took my virginity?”

*click*

So, yes, us Aqua have a strange sort of swagga.  Who doesn’t like the hot loner coasting through town on their way to distant lands? Aquarius is a visitor from somewhere far beyond here, and their brand of love making is strange and exciting. We can see it in their mannerisms, their likes and dislikes, their eccentric way of communication. They are not from here, and we are intrigued. And our earthly ways are intriguing to them as well. They really just want to know how everything feels, how everything tastes, and are all for the experimentation between pleasure and pain.

Pisces Ex, “I’m still not sure why you never did sex magick with me.  We had so much potential.  We were born from the same star, you and I.”

Maybe, you know, the whole melding of the souls thing with someone I wasn’t whole heartedly into wasn’t something I wanted to take lightly?  I know Pisces just wants to dive into the well of the world, but at least get me some emotional fucking lube first, gawed damn.

So the list goes on and on and on, but I decided to opt for some good news for the finale 😉

Current Gemini Girlfriend, “I don’t even know where to start. One minute we’ll be staring into each other’s eyes, getting lost in love, and the next I’m thrown on the bed and we turn into beasts who can’t distinguish fabric from flesh. If I have to use one word: amazing.”

Aquarians tend to be severely misunderstood. They call the water-bearer heartless, alien, off-beat, and contrary. They say she is a stubborn ice queen, prepared to dissect each of your layers until she can arrive at some self deluded state of “knowing.” What they don’t understand about Aquarius is that she feels TOO much. She feels everything and everyone all the time, and must place a wall up or she will swallow everything up like the sea. She is the veins, the rivers, the tributaries pumping from the passionate, lion heart of Leo. Her eroticism is all encompassing. Her love is the force of the entire planet.

Fuckstrology: Aqueerius was originally published on Heretical Oracles

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