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ineffablydelighted · 8 months

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[Cute Omens #3]

That first time Aziraphale visited Crowley's flat (aka: The day Aziraphale met his other children-in-law: Crowley's plants 🌿)

[Future me after ending writing this bit: STOP RIGHT HERE! I didn't expect it to end up being a tad smutty rather than cute but it did so if you don't want to read that: ABHORT MISSION! NOW!]

Crowley: *miracles the door of his flat to open by snapping his fingers**does a reverence* After you, Angel.

Aziraphale: *a little shy* Oh, er, thank you. *already looks everywhere**echoing voice* It is... uhhh... very... rocky. What am I hearing?

[Okay, I might need to precise a thing or two here: in my mind, Crowley's flat somewhat looks like a fancy/modern vivarium, with "human"/entity furniture, natural rock walls, a river flowing all over it and, of course, the humidity that should go with it. Basically, imagine the show's flat with more natural elements... yes, a Despicable me/The Incredibles' villain apartment, exactly!]

Crowley: *enters as well**merely trips for some reason**looks at Aziraphale to make sure he didn't notice**he didn't**acts cool* Oh, that would be the river. And what does "rocky" mean, exactly?

Aziraphale: *looks at him* Wait. You have a river in your flat?

Crowley: *holds himself from sighing* Yeah. I have a river in my flat. Don't make it weird.

Aziraphale: *looks around to find the river's "source"**still cannot believe it* You miracled a river in your flat.

Crowley: *starts being annoyed* Yes, Angel, I miracled a river in my flat. Can we move on or do I need to miracle a lake in the living room to make you talk about something remotely worth speaking about?

Aziraphale: *has started to follow the river to the next room being... Crowley's office, probably?* Annnd you've never had... paperwork... for that?

Crowley: *is closer than Aziraphale expected**watches him startle**super brief inquisitious look* No water bill, so Hell's accountants are pretty pleased, actually. *removes his jacket and throws it on his office chair**same goes for his glasses that finds their way to the nearest plant*

Aziraphale: Oh, o... allright. *shy smile*

Crowley: And are you?

Aziraphale: Hum?

Crowley: Allright.

Aziraphale: *takes a long time to contemplate the question**also, Crowley stays closer to him than usual* Well, we saved the World...

Crowley: Yep, classic Sunday.

Aziraphale: *sad brows*... And my Bookshop has burned down.

Crowley: I know. Sorry it happened, Angel. My Bentley has burned down as well.

Aziraphale: *feels suddenly so guilty* Oh, yes... Sorry about that, by the way. I didn't quite found the occasion to-

Crowley: We can still pop into places until I find a way to repair her. We should be fine.

Aziraphale: Oh, yes, you're right. But, until then, I think we should... um... lay low for a while?

Crowley: Lay low... here?

Aziraphale: Y-yes? *blushes**scared look* I-I mean, only if, uh, if that is okay for you, of course, I-I didn't mean to impo-

Crowley: Angel, I've spent more hours that we could ever count in your Bookshop, it's only fair.

Aziraphale: *little smile* O-okay.

Crowley: *taps his shoulder in a friendly-yet-somewhat-awkward way*

Both: *echange a weird look*

Crowley: Don't think too much about it. *is, himself, thinking too much about it*

Aziraphale: *clears his throat* So, hum... can you... give me... a tour? *tries to smile normally**fails?*

Crowley: Oh, sure thing. Follow me. *one of his arms automatically slides behind one of Aziraphale's shoulders and gently drags him elsewhere*

Aziraphale: *does not remember how to walk properly for a second**looks at Crowley* Ah, sorry.

Crowley: *confused* Nevermind. So. We just leave the office and... Where do you want to go? Left? Right?

Aziraphale: *even more confused* I don't know, hum... Left? *shrugs his shoulders in a shy way*

Crowley: *holds himself from thinking how cute it is for approximately 0.2 miliseconds**smiles more genuinely* Left it is, come on. *Takes Aziraphale's hand without warning*

Aziraphale: Cro-

Crowley: *releases Aziraphale hand as if nothing happened except the fact he felt Aziraphale's heart beating so fast he could feel it at the end of his Angel's figertips**clears his throat* These are... My biggest pride. *looks at his plants with dad eyes**hands on his hips*

Aziraphale: *is looking for a mirror to check if his blushing is obvious or super obvious**cannot find one**looks at the plants* Oh, Crowley, they are most lovely!

[One of the plants shows its gratitude by making a red flower bloom right in front of Aziraphale]

Aziraphale: *approaches it**looks at Crowley* Did you do that?

Crowley: *raising an eyebrow* I thought you did. *suddenly looks at his plants with utmost severity*

[The plants starts shaking]

Aziraphale: *what-now face*

Crowley: *angry AF**threatening mode status: hella activated* So, you're telling me you could grow flowers... THE... ENTIRE... TIME?!

Aziraphale: Cr-Crowley, stop, you're scaring them!

Crowley: *gritted teeth* Apparently, I didn't scare them ENOUGH. *theatrical gestures* What did I tell you all? GROW BETTER! Is that so difficult to understand? Angel! I'm talking to you! IS IT?

Aziraphale: *does movements but eventually stops every single one of them right in the middle* I...

Crowley: *approaches Aziraphale*

Aziraphale: *recoils*

Crowley: *catches Aziraphale's arm and pulls him closer**whispers* Angel, I need you to back me up on this.

Aziraphale: *torn between blushing and being intimidated**as always, ends up doing both**whispers back**kinda panicking* I do not know what you expect me to do, Crowley!

Crowley: *tries not to focus on the fact their temples are touching*Just follow my lead.

Aziraphale: *removes himself from the temple-to-temple situation**unsure but pretends to have 100% understood* O-okay. *awkward thumbs up*

Crowley: *out loud**starts pacing* I am so, SO disappointed in you lot. *points at Aziraphale* And he is disappointed in you, too!

Aziraphale: *says nothing*

Crowley: *looks back at Aziraphale* Angel.

Aziraphale: Oh! Yes! I... I am... very, um... *tries to frown his eyebrows in a threatening way* displeased by your... attitude!

Crowley: Exactly! And you don't know me when I'm disappointed he is disappointed. *marks a pause trying to remember something important**remembers* This is Aziraphale, by the way.

Aziraphale: *waves in New Girl arriving in High School in the middle of the school year* Hello?

Crowley: And if HE is disappointed, oh, I swear to you, come Hell or High Water, I will make anything responsible REGRET IT 'til the end of their days.

Aziraphale: There's no need to be- *catches Crowley's threatening look starting to turn at him and him only**too loud* HE IS A DEMON, YOU SEE? He knows things I could never even imagine!

Crowley: Exactly! And now, time to make an example out of one of you! *aims for a smaller plant and lively grabs it*

Aziraphale: *follows him with little stressed steps* Are you sure about that, Crowley?

Crowley: *high-pitched voice**still theatrical* DO YOU HEAR THAT?! How sweet of him, but you know me and how much I am not. Swee-t. *gets out of the plant room**yells from afar* THIS IS FOR HIDING THINGS FROM ME, IT'S GOING TO BE SO PAINFULL!

Aziraphale: *still following but looking everywhere to not hit a wall or something* C-Crowley, can we talk about this?

Crowley: *do not pay attention to him* YOU'RE GONNA HEAR THINGS YOU'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD IN YOUR WILDEST NIGHTMARES!

[The little plant shakes like crazy in Crowley's hand]

Aziraphale: *is an Angel after all**unsure but tries to take the plant out of Crowley's hands*

Crowley: *higher-pitched, scandalized voice* Wot the Hell are you doing?! *surprised yet swiftly turns to avoid him*

Aziraphale: *almost falls to the floor*

Crowley: *catches him by a bit of his almost-two-centuries-old jacket, avoiding Aziraphale's face to hit the floor 0.5 seconds before impact**still holds the little plant in his other hand*

Aziraphale: *blinks way too much looking at the cold floor* Cro-Crowley!

Crowley: Damn you, Angel! *pulls him back up**reproachful voice*

Aziraphale: I am... SO sorry... I just...

Crowley: Why did you do that?!

Aziraphale: I just... I don't...

Crowley: *grunts**quickly walks away*

Aziraphale: *follows him clumzily until, oh, that's the kitchen*

Crowley: *opens the window*

Aziraphale: *expects him to dramatically throw the plant away*

Crowley: *puts the plant next to a dozen others on the balcony*

Aziraphale: You-

Crowley: *puts a finger on Aziraphale's lips* Shhhh.

Aziraphale: *looks at Crowley's finger**blushes*

Crowley: *yells back**looks for something in a random cupboard* OOOKAY, TIME FOR THE DOUBLE CHAINSAW TREATMENT! *activates the machines*

Aziraphale: *recoils, a hand on his lips*

Crowley: *gives him a "help me here" look*

Aziraphale: *awkward winking**dramatic ethereal being* OH NO, CROWLEY, DON'T DO THIS! I'M BEGGING YOU!

Crowley: YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET, ANGEL! *evil laugh*

Aziraphale: C-CROWLEY, NO, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THIS PLANT AWAY!

Crowley: *takes an empty flower pot**throws it out of the window*

[Noises of a car accident down there]

Aziraphale: *out of his role* Crowley!

Crowley: *shrugs his shoulders**uncertain**checks out* Uh, it's... nothing, Angel!

Aziraphale: *pushes him away without thinking* I don't believe y- CROWLEY!

[Evident scene of two cars having collided because of one having its windshild abruptly crushed by a random flower pot happening]

Crowley: *awkward smile* Well... We saved the world, so... Two cars, I mean, *little misplaced laugh* It's not... that serious, right?

Aziraphale: *points at the exterior**severe out of nowhere* Repair this! Now!

Crowley: *astonished* You... wait a se- sure. *reverses time to avoid a silly car accident**the flower pot has vanished though**hand on a hip**ready to have his revenge* Satisfied?

Aziraphale: *feels the balance shifting between the two of them again**knows he is in trouble**recoils* I-I didn't mean to... Y-you know... say it like that, I...

Crowley: *walks towards him in a snakey way* Oh, really? Because, from where I stand, it feels like you just gave me an order, Angel.

Aziraphale: *not-so-reassured, high-pitched voice* Nooo, of course not, I-I would nev- *bumps into a statue representing... two angels wrestling?!**cannot go further**looks at Crowley, alarmed* Well, I mean, I might have- but you- *weird worried noise* uhhh...

Crowley: *enjoys this way too much**gets closer* Do you really need me to explain how this is supposed to work, Angel?

Aziraphale: *Quirinus Quirrel's laugh* I-I-I... I really didn't mean to- *gasps*

Crowley: *has just taken Aziraphale by the back of his neck**smirks* Of course not, but you still did, and I wonder... *draws him closer until their noses touch**lower his voice* How do you intend to make amends to me, Angel?

Aziraphale: *tries to get away**reminds himself of the statue - how weird of a decorating choice is that?**looks at Crowley intensely* I-I... have... no idea, I...

Crowley: *gets even closer to the point they can only feel each other's breaths now* Hum? Yes? Does not sound like the beginning of an apology I'm expecting, Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: *never heard his name being said like that**heart racing**eye flicker*

[They exchange a rather ineffable gaze.]

Crowley: *smirks again**puts his lips on his Angel's and talks on them* This is your last chance to stop this before I lose my mind.

Aziraphale: Y-you... *gasps like a shojo character**impressed eyes**weird arm movements**almost inaudible little yell* Aaahhh...

Crowley: *intense gaze**whispers* Don't. Panic. You knew what would happen before stepping a foot in here, right?

Aziraphale: *closes his eyes for a second**tries to gather some courage**looks back at Crowley**mumbles* Yes... yes, I did.

Crowley: Finally. *tightens his grip on Aziraphale's neck and presses his lips on his*

Aziraphale: *opens widly his eyes for a second before closing them too hard**indulges with abandon**invites Crowley to press harder by doing it himself*

Crowley: *grabs Aziraphale's hair**time for some tongue action*

Aziraphale: *moans in unholy**grabs Crowley's scarf to pull him closer if that is even possible*

God: And it was possible, obviously! Look at them, Lucy! Look! Satan: How many times have you replayed that moment, exactly? God: *defensive* Nearly two hundred! In other words, nothing! *laughs in Naughty Almighty* Satan: *before leaving* You're gonna owe my lot's channel a crazy, crazy fee this month. God: AND I REGRET NOTHING!

Navigation time!

[While needing you to consider that, most of the time, the scenes are randomized and do no necessarily follow one another at all]

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