Papilio Melancholia
— Saitama Lakeside Cemetery —
Funny how it can go from sunny to cloudy just like that.
‘It never gets easier’, is what Sayaka thought as she walked up the cobblestone stairway, shifting Yoshiko in her arms, the four year old was uncharacteristically quiet as she held onto her mother, occasionally tightening her hold, as if to comfort her. The thought made her feel slightly better…until she remembers where they were.
What was only a couple of minutes felt like hours as the pair finally made it to their destination, stopping right in her tracks, Sayaka gently placed her daughter down who immediately grabbed onto her hand, the older woman giving a squeeze of reassurance as the two stared down at the gravestones, the difference being that one was smaller than the other.
Yoshiki Miyuki
‘A loving husband and father, greatly loved and sadly missed.’
Breath hitching, Sayaka bit her lip and mustered up the courage to look at the other gravestone, heart clenching as she read over the words.
Shinya Miyuki
‘If love could have saved you then you would have lived forever.’
But it didn’t.
No matter how much or how hard Sayaka loved, she couldn’t save him, both of them. There was no saving what had happened.
It wasn’t enough.
She wasn’t enough.
“Hi papa, hi Nya-chan.” It was Yoshiko who broke Sayaka out of her spiraling thoughts, letting go of her hand (the brunette woman despised the empty feeling it left her), the child took out some paper flowers in her pocket and placed two each on the gravestones. A symbol. That the four of them would always be together.
“Today is mommy’s birthday, she got lots of presents and we ate tons of cake! Auntie Lola and Big sister were there too! It was a lot of fun…” The little girl trailed off as she played with her fingers, expression somber, it looked unnatural for a little girl, especially one as cheerful as Yoshiko. “I wish you two were there, we could eat lots of cake together.” She looked back at her mother, a questioning look on her adorable features.
Sayaka gave her a small smile, hand going to caress her daughter’s brunette locks, she turned her focus back to the gravestones and sucked in a deep breath. “Hi Yoshiki, hi lovely.” She greeted each tomb respectively.
“Well, this is a treat, you’ve kept us waiting, my dear.”
“I know it’s been a while, a lot has happened, I don’t where to start.”
“Take your time, my love.”
“Well, I guess I can start with the obvious, it’s my birthday today, still can’t believe I’m already 31.”
“And yet, you don’t look a day over 25!”
“I’ve met so many different and amazing people, it’s sad to think that I might have to fight them sooner or later.”
“You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, darling.”
“Lola and Kureha are still as lively as ever, I’m so glad I met them, I genuinely can’t imagine my life without them, especially Kureha, I wish you could have met her, you would have loved her….maybe I should bring her next time.”
“Please! You have no idea how much the anticipation is eating away at me! I wanna see this lovely girl!”
“Yoshi here, is growing up so fast, can’t you believe she’s going to be 5 in a few months?”
“That’s right! I’m gonna be a big girl, papa!”
“You really are, my sweet girl, you really are.”
“I hope you’re doing well…I hope you and Shinya are happy together.”
“We are, dear, knowing you and Yoshiko are happy together.”
“But…”
“It’s so hard, Yoshiki/You need to let go, Sayaka.”
“A-a lot is happening and I really don’t know what to do, I-I’m trying to move on, trying my very best for Yoshiko but…I don’t want to forget about you, our s-son, everything we had because if I do, will you hate me? W-will you think that I betrayed you?”
“Sayaka, you are the love of my life. All I ever wanted, all I want even now, is for you to be happy, for our daughter to be happy…even if I’m not the one providing it for you. You’re not betraying me and I won’t hate you but what I hate is seeing you like this, please darling, if you can hear me, that’s all I want.”
Sayaka sniffled as she wiped her eyes, the tears are still falling however. Now sitting in front of the gravestones, she could feel Yoshiko burying herself further into her chest and she held onto her tighter, inhaling and exhaling shaky breaths in an attempt to stabilize herself. She hadn’t realized how late it had become, the sky now darkening into a blue.
Sighing, she lifted Yoshiko into her arms and stood up, taking one last look at the gravestones. “I love you, Yoshiki, both you and Shinya, I always will, never forget that.”
Yoshiko peeked from out of the corner of her mother’s neck and waved, “Bye bye papa, bye bye Nya-chan.”
With that, the duo made their trek down the stairway, unbeknownst to them, a ghostly figure of a man holding a small bundle in his arms stood where they once were, watching as his wife and daughter made it to their car and after getting situated, drove off.
A baby’s coo caused Yoshiki to look down and smile at his son, “I know, Shin, I already miss them too. It seems like we gotta try harder, hm? Your mama’s been through a lot, she deserves all the happiness this world has to offer.”
As if on cue, the once cloudy sky slowly started to dissipated, allowing the sun to shine once more.
Butterflies started to come out from seemingly out of nowhere, flowing towards every which way, however, one in particular flew in the direction of the car in which the mother and daughter were in.
Happy Birthday Sayaka!
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