#gonna buy myself something nice

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Hehe borthday soon and then i have lived one year for every hour of the dayyyy

#its still a bit more than a week but heh #excited for cake #gonna buy myself something nice #heheh #also putting money aside for when coral island comes out for the switch next year #please for my amarican peeps please do not congratulate in advance its bad luck #i have seen that be a rhing and i am confused

[red-cicada]

I am so so tired but I'm also very happy, I went to the doctors and actually told em what I needed and they listened, and I was able to get my testosterone switched from injections to gell, AND I was able to go to the store and buy new 2 pillows, a new comforter , a nice candel and a new set of good quality underwear I am fucking LIVING rn

Edit : I FUCKING FORGOT TO SAY I ALSO BOUGHT NEW SHOES BIG ASS BRATS LOOKING PLATFORMS RAAAAAAA

#im so excited gonna wash my new comforter and put my bed together tomorrow with the nice new pillows #my old pillows where like 3 years old they where basicly sheets of papper #ive been doing house keeping with my mom a little and was able to get some money yay im getting paid another 100 next week #i hope i can get paid before my birthday on sunday so i can buy myself something at the antique store

[pollen]

hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy

#i'm going to oregon sometime this quarter but it's gonna break my heart because i have to leave again #idk the col is so much higher there than here. you can buy a whole three bedroom house for $200k here #a 3 bed in oregon is at least twice that #and rent is insane. $1100 for a beautiful 3 bed here. or twice that for something less nice in oregon #well. not HERE here jesus the suburbs are expensive. but in central pa where we're thinking of moving #which is like.... the best place to retire in the country? what's with that. low col probably LOL #and lately i've been feeling so..... lost? the ego death i went through in 2023 was incredible #and like. do i NEED to go to grad school to get a well-paying job in my field? no i have almost 7 yoe #but i'm missing feeling good at something. and the networking. and the portfolio work i can do. so it wouldn't be about employablility #though that helps. idk i'm gonna try to get my undergrad loans paid off as much as i can (only 30k left on the ones in my name 🫠) this year #while working on freelance projects and all that. it just feels good having a direction that doesn't feel completely hopeless #because it's been so bleak lately. like. got laid off from an agency i poured my soul into (not doing that again unless it's my own) #experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing #moved across the country while i didn't have a job and was processing that trauma to a place where i know no one #i got so lonely and so alone that i thought i would die. i didn't really have anyone to turn to while i did the work of reliving #started drinking a lot to cope bc i didn't have a medical card. was truly miserable. got a medical card. wasn't miserable anymore #and now i'm working and less anxious and feeling supported and stable in my relationship. and i feel myself coming back to myself. #it's been so hard but i'm so glad to be seeing the end of it. and to see good things and happy things in that

[seekingthestars]

today was my two year workiversary at my new job! (though i mean after two years i guess i shouldn't call it new lolololol)

so i bought myself a snacky treat to celebrate heehee

and idk at some point i'll stop celebrating these but for now i'm proud of myself

bc i was stuck at my old job for so long being miserable and burnt out and constantly feeling like i was going to be fired for no reason (bc that happened a lot) and on-edge and just unhappy

and i'm still dealing with the effects of that and how bonked up that made my brain in some ways but i'm in a much healthier work environment now and i'm proud of myself for finally being able to step away from the bad and trust that the new job would be better, bc it really has been

#personal #i'm gonna be dealing with the consequences of old job for a while lolololol #bc it definitely caused some burnout here that i am not over and that i struggle through a lot #among a lot of other things that i have to continue to work through #but it's nice to have a little design team that supports each other and bosses that care #and make it very clear that your health and wellbeing should always come before work #like yeah some of my coworkers are a disaster and some of our clients are a pain but that's not anything unexpected #but my little design/creative team is a gem and i do genuinely like all of them and i'm glad i'm there #also may or may not buy myself something else to celebrate but i haven't decided on what yet LOL 🤪

[ashenberry]

woaw that’s so cool you made mgs3 except now I can see the dirt particles!!! anything else? no?

#hope I’m wrong n they pull a fast one and it’s an alternate story or something (even though they’re saying it’s not) #like you just released the hd collection literally all delta has going for it is that it looks nice #except now it’s gonna be a much bigger game file size wise bc it’s a 4k unreal game #and it’s probably gonna sell for the same amount as the hd collection #(<- which makes since they did rebuild the game from the ground up in unreal) #idk I think if you’re gonna remake anything make it mg2ss so it’s bareable. 4 me :3 #<- went to double check myself to make sure there wasn’t a twin snakes situation where the title makes it seem like it is it’s own thing #“if they remade the mg games it would need a whole ass overhaul” yeas that’s the poiintt who tf would buy a game they just bought but #the graphics are nicer most people can’t even run it that well <- I hope setting the graphic settings to poor just makes it og mgs3 that wo #be soo funny #I just think there’s more fruitful endevaours I’m just being a hater tbh

[porcelainfreak-zacrucian]

Fucking hell I am going to have A WEEK

#my bff' bd is 29th and i wanna make them a cake myself which means i gotta find all the ingredients on our fucked up little mass market #and then not fuck up the recipe which alright i baked that thing before. ONCE. AND IT ALMOST WAS A DISASTER. #luckily my bff's sister is helping me with that and she's buying the easy to find products so that's nice and appreciated #and i won't have to grate like. seven large carrots all by myself. that would be unfortunate #<- girl who did EXACTLY that last year #i also need to get a boclx for the cake and i wanna decorate it so it isn't just. A Box #and then in the evening me and her sister will go to our mutual friend who's organising all this shit and all three of us are gonna #creepily show up at my bff's window at midnight before her birthday with this cake. we're taking a taxi THANK GOD i hated transporting #a cake through public transport to the other end of the city last time #and then we spend the night at my bff's apartment before going back to oir mutual friend's place spending all day there and potentially ALSO #staying the night and THEN! do you know what happens then? then i go take a PE exam at my uni :) #also before all that i gotta finish some things i have a deadline for at the end of the month. which im supposed to be doing now but #guess what #im typing this instead #because im a whiny bitch okay my social battery is going to be DEAD after this. and i mean completely fucking fried #good luck to me ig #it's all worth it cuz i love my bff #but god am i glad they don't have Tumblr because they aint supposed to know our asses are planning something >:) #cruci shitpost

[no-one-hears-me]

the light and joy I mentioned having an hour ago? no longer present

#i am very emotionally unstable ngl #I'm always very sensitive but especially now #so something small made me upset bc I'm weak and fragile #but it's okay. we persist #gonna write the hell outta this paper. maybe continue working on my other paper #got chem to do later #might buy myself a nice iced black coffee to substitute food #haven't eaten today and i wanna keep those vibes going fs #Sera

[dullahandyke]

coming to the realisation that i can buy whatever i want to look however i want. insane

#but my cd bags havent come yet n i cant buy another thing until they come in the post bcos i prommied myself #n after that i need to get new over-ear headphones #also update the reward points system for making me do things is Not Working so i might ditch it #but also i. dont have a job. so i gotta ration my money. n if i wing it i feel like ill fuck it up #but also like. sigh ok so the plan was that for every task i do i get a euro of spending money. to motivate me to do tasks so i can buy thi #but ive racked up a debt already. oops! so theoretically i need to work that off before i can start saving for someghing new to buy #the thing is tho that my headphones broke n i have earbuds but i NEEEED to have on-ear headphones or ill explode #n im thinking of biting the bullet and buying some proper nice ones #but thats spencey itd take so long to save up for those #n i could theoretically add that to my debt n buy them now but that would render the debt functionally meaningless #bcos if i gotta do 100+ tasks to work off the debt to START saving for shit like a binder #then we're gonna have a problem #this could be mitigated by me getting less expensive headphones n stuff but like w a warranty so that when they inevitably break #i dont gotta vimes boots it and instead i can just get the same headphones again #but thats a lot of electrical waste :( #sigh i COULD ask my mom to get me the nicey headphones as a pre-emptive leaving cert thing #but id say shed rather get me something AFTER the leaving which is like. 20 days. n can i survive that long without overear headphones? #tbh probably. but also my perception is skewed bcos im currently in If I Have Headphones On I Will DIE mode #so shrug ill have to think it thru some other time #aughghghghgh!!!!!1 what if i killed and bit #<- still hasnt started studying for the leaving. at this point i dont think its gonna happen

[mrpsychokiller]

oh my god my birthday is literally in a few days. what am i gonna do with myself

#im gonna be 19 thats so fucked up. so fucked up. #my parents agreed on buying me a cake though which is nice #i still have no idea if i should get myself a gift or something though. ive suddenly forgotten everything ive ever wanted #🧃

[tardis--dreams]

I can write 5 term papers à 8000 words in 2 months!

#while moving out of my apartment here and moving to a different continent #(((and going through some serious withdrawal symptoms that i will simply not acknowledge))) #that's gonna be so much fun #i was gonna drop out of university just a few hours ago #now I'm dedicated to get this bitch of a degree and if it kills me #if i write all these stupid papers i have only one big module left and could finish by next year's Wintersemester #and seriously who even cares about grades anymore #I'll just bullshit everything #my mother called me out for sabotaging myself by being afraid of imperfection so fuck me i guess #it's true though #and i Will write these bitches (please for the love of god let the deadline not be August 31 for all of them #let it be September 30 at least #maybe later? (delusional)) #anyway #I'm finishing my stupid presentation now and then in 8 hours will present this shit then go to buy my travel supplies #then go back home and pack my stuff nice and neatly #maybe eat something and work out if I'm not too exhausted and then GO TO BED so i can get maybe 5 hours of sleep #AND THEN DUBLIN #I'm unreasonably excited by now #girl keep your expectations low ffs #I'm just also very excited for dublin tbh #i wish i had more time there #but i will go to my favorite bookstore (if it's still there ㅠㅠ) and walk through the whole inner city for the entire evening and drown #in nostalgia #(and maybe check out trinity college if there's a concert happening there already- although i think i arrive too late #to see how the queuing is handled there) #void screams #yeah no the original topic of this post was news to me as well when i finished my little dublin ramble

[meili-sheep]

Hello. Pardon me if this is not Genshin Headcanon related, but....

Don't forget to save up talent books, character level-up books, mora, and Primogems as much as possible. Alhaitham will be coming home soon.

I currently have 3 Intertwined Fate, 16000+ Primogems, and last I counted, I was at about 50 pity with my last pull being Nahida, so no grantee for me. But I should have enough to make it to a grantee Al Haitham, but if my luck is right and he comes at pity, I might have enough to get his weapon too.

I haven't been really farming for him, but as I've just finished getting Cyno's books, I've started grinding for Mora and Hero's Wit. Since his leaked material are going to be tied to the new area. But I might start working more for dendro gems.

And to top it off

I got holiday cash from family members, so He's coming home whether he likes it or not.

#my own brother called me out #said he played the story and looked at al haitham and was like #Oh Kai is gonna love this guy #AND THEN I SPEND THE CAR RIDE HOME TALKING ABOUT AL HAITHAM #the other brother also called me a whale #so ya know #gotta live up to my younger siblings expectations #and grandpa did say to buy myself something nice #just a little ramble #al haitham simp club

[gommyworm]

Tw ed/

#its been a preddy rough week overall i think but whats reqlly kinda concerning me is my comolete inability to eat atm #like i know i gotta and i have been trying to force mysekf but i really cant even stomach the thought of eating #this is my second day of this week w no proepr food entering me ig and its pissing me off #bc i want to eat like i know im hungry #but every time i try i just want to vomit lol #managed to get a big iced coffee n a small bubble tea down today but i want to eat real food :^( #im gonna buy myself sushi tomorrow so i can hopefully eat #its like trying to feed a child fml #and at this point im like kinda morbidly curious how long i can go without eating a proper meal before fainting or something #havent fainted in a while idk #im tired and everything feels tingly and my head hurts :^( i hope i eat tomorrow #silly hrs only #im feeling the need to justify posting here bc it feels like seeking pity or soemthing but i just dont really have anyone to say this to #like id feel bad ig #and theyd get mad ofc bc im being silly #but also its been busy and im really emotionally and physically soent this week so like taking care of mysekf is hard #ao im trying to cut myself some slack but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #been a whike since i used tumblr as my diary anyway so im treating myself ig #nice to get the thoughts out n whatever #anyways goodnight #gommywords

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao #a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head #sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so #i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet #at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me #location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take #measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring #at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which #was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im #just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for #and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do #something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move #like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which #would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data #processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for #vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to #without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding? #idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and #that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it? #anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so #when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok #but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we #just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece #pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked #hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done #unrelated

[bigothteddies]

also I’m like blanking out cause I decided I was gonna use that extra cash to finally commission an original and official teddy bear logo for my blog to use as an avatar but I have no idea who I want to commission for it because teddy bears are one of those things that not many people draw often but when they do styles vary soooo drastically, so I’ll have no idea what an artists version looks like when choosing them anddddd the more I think about it the more I really do like my heart handcuffs avatar and don’t feel like changing it so ! I don’t know what I’m gonna do

#unimportant thoughts #i think im just gonna let the teddy bear logo go again for a while #until im sick of the heart handcuffs I guess #which puts me back at square one ! i wanna buy myself something nice for my birthday ! #i’m thinking i might comission someone to design a skin for my guitar hero controller ?? or maybe a skin for a bike in one of my moto games? #ughhhhhhhh i cant decide on anythingggg #not spending money isnt a bad idea but i WANT to #whatever !

[neige-leblanche]

aghhhhhhhh fuck insomnia i was SO sleepy around 8pm (the time i went to bed last night) and then i was like iiiii shouldddd probablyyyy brushhh myyyy teeeeeth and then i did and now its all gone. not a drop of melatonin in my bloodstream

#txt #negative #im debating pulling an all niter bc being on an early schedule was SO NICE for like two days #unhealthy eating//////////////////// #i should probably. eat dinner. or like Something bc i did not eat dinner i just had an apple #was TRUTHFULLY like 'if i go to dinner i wont be so sleepytired afterwards' but i will always find another way 2 sabotage my own sleepytired #:\ #yknow what. im gonna go buy myself a nature valley and if that doesnt knock me back into a stupor i will dye my hair purple and finish my #essay while the dye is setting

[love-fireflysong]

You know, for someone who does not have any way of playing cds that isn't a laptop I sure do like buying them...

#This text post brought to you by the 2 new cds i just bought the other day #Ive wanted a nice sound system to play them for like 10+ years now #And yet here i am with no cd player in sight 😒 #Though with my roomies ditching me to move to calgary while i stay here #Maybe ill actually buy one now cause i wont feel self conscious about playing my music when other people can hear it lol #God i still need to figure out if im gonna try and take over the lease for this place by myself #Or just getting a 1bed apartment or something for myself #Cause i literally dont know anyone who would want to move in with me lol #But ive done the math and while it would be close i could afford this place on my own #I just dont know what i would do with a 3bed 1 1/2 bath all to myself lol #But ive also had to move like 5 times in the past 10 years and i just *really* dont want to move again 😭 #So uh if anyones looking to move to edmonton of all places ive got an opening for a roomie dhdjskslshsbs