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#goinf through it again but when am i not
sakasamashoujo · 2 months
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google search how to not feel insecure about own art. google search how to not feel insecure about art reddit
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beonetta · 2 years
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#i just found out that one of 2 of my best friends' boyfriends lives 2 hours away#and shes so in love and so happy and i am endlessly happy for her esp bc her last relationship was GARBAGE#but i just know that shes probably gonna move up with him eventually and my other best friend is ABSOLUTELY moving away again at some point#which ive made slightly more peace with bc i know it makes them happy and theyve already done it once before#and i had the other friend to help support me through it#but the idea that theyre both gonna be moving away and leave me all alone with just... aquantences. really hurts and scares me#im in 100% support of both of them getting out of town to chase their happiness but im really scared of being left behind missing them#esp bc i have bad object permanence and im really bad at maintaining online relationships#hell i was even wishing that id have a friend in that town bc the one that did live there moved out of state and its just far enough away#that goinf there for just 1 thing is a pain in the ass and its easier when you have a buddy that lives there#but i wanna keep seeing her every week like i already do dammit :(((((((#the idea of having 0 close friends nearby is really hard but i wont let my friends languish in this shitty town for my sake#even if i kinda feel stuck here due to family stuff#and the thing is i know this future is probably pretty far off but i also kinda.... know it will happen....#at least my tarot cards have me pretty convinced#but i cant help myself about being upset about it today
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kryptonitejelly · 2 years
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Not sure if this is the fluff you were looking for 🥺 I’m very new to it but I thought I’d give it a try! Sorry it’s not very good or proof read butttt Here ya go buddy, some early morning/trying to get out of bed for work rooster fluff!!
The clock read 7 am but it could have been lying to you. You’d yet to have your cup of coffee, so you weren’t sure of what exactly reality was but you were relatively confident of a few things:
1. A very heavy form had engulfed his body around yours, arm draped snuggly around your midsection and nose nuzzled into the crook of your neck, his mustache tickling slightly
2. Rooster snored worse than a grizzly bear in the midst of deep hibernation
3. The way the sunlight was filtering in across his perfectly tanned, smooth skin was absolutely unfair. Even better, he smelled like sun and ocean, the faint musk of sweat and jet fuel and you were convinced you could get high off that scent alone
The coffee could wait.
He mumbled sleepily, his arm tightening as you wiggled back closer, basking in the warm first rays of sunshine and comfort of his arms. “Good morning baby.”
“Good morning handsome” you murmur back, reaching to run your fingers through his hair. It occurs to you that his clothes are scattered here and there, as are yours. “Do you want some coffee honey?”
He shifted, lifting himself up onto one arm to look down at you, an easy smile on his face as his fingers traced your jaw, neck, collarbone. He leaned down to kiss your forehead gently, smiling.
“Nah, sweetheart, I got it. Just give me a minute, wanna look at my beautiful wife.” You couldn’t help but run your hands over the solid muscle of his arms and chest and smiling, holding him close as you leaned your forehead against his, savoring the shared breath and closeness of the moment.
“You sure you have to get up?” You mewled, doing your best doe eyes up at him, looking up beneath your lashes. The aviator cursed softly, “you keep looking at me like that and something else will be up” he laughed, smiling. “I can’t be late for work again baby.” He kissed your forehead and your nose, your eyes. “How about I make us our coffee, take mine to go and we can pick this ip when I get home?” His eyes were so full of love, his voice filled with adoring and that warm huskiness, your heart was swelling at the sight and sound alone. How exactly did you ever get so lucky as to marry this man again? I’ll even put extra sugar in yours, sweets” he winked. The man fucking winked.
“Alright, alright. You win!” You laughed, the sound like music to his ears. “I’m going I’m goinf!” He knew he’d won. He was already planning on tasting something later to make it up to you, a little way to make it up to you but for now- work. Then hurrying home back to his beautiful wife. Maverick and Hondo ribbed him all of the time over it.
“That’s my girl!“ he pulled you into his arms, before rolling you both from the bed laughing as you yelped and clung to him.
The coffee was extra sweet, just as you’d been promised. It couldn’t get much better than this
ANOOOOONNNNNNNNN 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 THANK YOU FOR THIS <3 ILYSM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no one has written anything for me before, this was fantastic. THANK YOU <3333333 KISSING YOU RN!!!!!
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bewby · 1 year
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hi seven, hi hi hi, i am slightly tipsy but i want to wish you a proper happy birthday.
you‘re so fun and funny and you‘re one of the sweetest people out here and i‘m so happy we‘re friends. i always get emotional at the end of the year but tbh this has been a really good year mostly bc i met you guys. you have such a great way to connect people, you are always worrying so much abt what everyone thinks but i don‘t think you need to bc just look at how many people love you!! it‘s SO many!!
you‘re smart AND you have empathy AND you try to treat people kindly AND you‘re opinionated in a way that feels wholly you. i know you worry also abt who you are and if it‘s enough but i please look at how everyone who sent you a happy birthday knew you and knew what you liked. you leave an impression and you love people a lot and it‘s so great to be here with you. you said you don‘t know if you deserve all the love and i‘m here to say: that‘s not important. people decide how much love they give you and so many people decided they wanted to give you love. i can‘t say about the future but that means that in this moment, you deserve it.
i really hope you‘re not too hard on yourself through all this (ur early 20s) and i hope you know that i‘m always here and ready to help you out if you need, ok? i believe in you and i‘m proud of you for trying so hard. i really hope this next year is good to you and i hope we can continue to go through it together and also here are like, the 4 hanjis i have saved on my phone 4 u
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I FINALLY HAVE TIME AND AM NOT DRUNK AND OFF THE SHITS . I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THISN TOOK SO LONG CHRIS. anyways. how do i even START. reading this all over again and i'm just sitting here like
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CHRIS. Chrisisisisijdjfkfhshsj. chris okay listen. i have never received a message on my bday as thoughtful and sweet as this like i'm literally. so thankful SO SO THANKFUL to have you in my life and for you being here. when i first read this like hours ago i was like insanely overwhelmed and i still tried to like answer you despite the atmosphere and everyone beinf loud making me like. feel like a cat with its fur goinf up like i was just. AHHBGBFJ. but. that's how much i appreciate you as my friend ... i TRIED TO PUSH THROUGH ... i'm sorry i failed but i'm here now lettinf you know that. not only am i so thankful for all of your help that you always give me and all your knowledge (as you have way more life experience than me) but also. iam more than anything thankful that you are my friend and someone i can joke with and feel comfortable with, i love your personality and i love the way you have opinions on things and how you try to make everyone feel loved and included like you literally keep the gc we have with mel emily and jace so alive and i appreciate this so much about you... you genuinely are so loving and i hope you know i love you lots too. you're the best ever and i'm so happy we're friends okay . FUCK YOUUUUKJJJHHU HOW DO I EVEN REPLY I SOUND SO SILLY. thank you So much. i will cry and die now ☹️
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a230ventblog · 1 month
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things i need to say before i feel like i can function and speak to that Person again
note that my own parents are actually fine im just hyperfixating on that Person’s childhood trauma aight. and i need a place to put the weird feelings i have absorbed that i know would hurt them to know they are the reason i feel this way and that just in general aren’t really,, valid isn’t the right word but like. the feelibgs i have that i know not to act on
i understand it pretty well rationally and i understand that like. a world where we didnt have family or something similar to raise children in would be dystopian but emotionally it doesnt fuckin compute. you are born already like. fucking indebted to a few people and while it’s absolutely possible to estrange yourself in most cases you’re going to have some tie to them forever? it’s much harder to cut off. and if you estrange yourself there are going to be people who think you owe a debt to them.
when i talk to that Person the child characters they create usually get the burden of unconditional love towards their parents placed on them while the parents (which i am always the one writing) just. don’t. and the existence of unconditional love bothers me too. rationally i know it’s good for development but it’s also like the ultimate participation trophy? i guess i’ve been treated so well i can’t enjoy it anymore
the seemingly unbreakable bond between parent and child is the one thing that i can make myself cry about without any outside intervention? it’s the ultimate unfairness, on both ends if the parent didn’t want the child either. i want to burn down montréal and maybe i’ll get that Person’s father too, though they told me through the character who they gave most of their trauma to that they’d still be sad if he died. fuck that i’m cauterizing this tie for my own comfort. maybe you’d be so upset by what i did that you’ll leave me too and take out the bits of yourself you left in me and i can move onto the next person’s pain. you won’t fuck yourself because you’re ace, and neither should have your parents, and we could’ve avoided this whole thing in the first place. i have your character’s name cut into my side where they used to cut themself with broken glass (because of their father, mind you) because if we ever meet in real life i want you to look at yourself and realize this stupid fucking fourteen year old has taken it upon herself to continue the cycle you got out of. i hope you’re proud of yourself. genuinely. i won’t feel bad if you’re proud of yourself. i don’t want you to hurt at all again, how many fanfiction writers can say they really left a physical mark on the reader? maybe all i am on this transformation is your next project. i love you to the pieces that i wish you would put all of yourself into breaking me into, instead of staying the hammer when i finally tell you to stop talking about this.
okay that should be enough to speak to them normally again.
i’m goinf to go destroy a william wanker book.
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baekhvuns · 11 months
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hi sunbaenim! am back to tell u everything in detail bc i sent the last asks when i was sleep drunk right b4 goinf to bed. here it goes:
1. my roomie and one of the best friends i have since we moved in together last year due to college dated a guy for ~3 years until february when he broke up w her (important info: he goes to the same uni we do, started studying here bc of her influence. i knew him and we had a somewhat strong friendship, we used to talk a lot ab our insecurities and all. he said he adored me all the time). she got extremely sad bc she loved him a lot and even thought she'd marry him at some point. it was v difficult for me seing her so down. in march, we were talking and she asked me what my thoughts were ab some situations that happened between them when they dated and with what i said she realized she was abused. she went to talk w him ab this and at first he seemed sorry and all. but last month a friend of ours told us this guy tried to justify his abuse with something ridiculous and disgustimg im not even mentioning here AND ALSO SAID I WAS THE ONE WHO "PUT IDEAS" IN MY ROOMIE'S HEAD??????? i turned into the ex' crazy friend so he wouldnt be the one to blame, u know? then my roomie had to talk to him in private some days after we discovered that and she had to call me to "rescue" her bc he was saying the most violent things to her... i got there and i started to reply the whole MENINIST NONSENSE he was saying to her and to me at that point and in the end we said we didnt want any type of contact w him. me and my roomie got v emotionally unstable due to all of this, but now shes finally free and we're already better.
2. my roomie went for a trip and accidentally got bugs in the luggage she's taken to that trip so our apartament got infestated w them when she came back :D we had to fumigate (is this the right word) it all last week, spent a night out so the substances wouldnt poison us and in the next day spent 6/7 hours cleaning and putting all back in place. it was hell.
2.5 i kinda got a could the following day after we cleaned it all and i absolutely hate to be sick. :D
3. 2 days after having our apartment bug free, there was a fire in our building? and its very windy were we live so the fire could spread fast. roomie was in uni but i was at home and i had to be through the entire fire bc the smoke could get me sick (even more, bc i had a cold, remember?) if i tried to get out of here. fortunately it all went well, but we had no electricity until 8pm, and the fire started around 2pm.
tea spilled. thats has been my life happenings for the last 2 months. im putting my life together again now even though it has been looking like a sitcom ou smth... pls somebody tell god im not his strongest soldier i cant handle being tested anymore
-hoobae anon
HELLO!! IM ALREADY CRYING 😭😭
1. oH HE DID NOT?????? OH MY GOD FBWKDHWK HE IS SO???? not the menist oh lord 😭😭😭 HOW DID UR FRIEND EVEN LIKE HIM FHWJDHWK IM SO GLAD U SHUT HIM DOWN OH I CAN JUST IMAGE IT ANON 🫡🫡🫡🫡 ok but like the communication between u and ur friend??? top tier everyone need a friend like u
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justify. abuse. electric chair.
2. STOP THIS IS A NIGHTMARE PLS WHAT THE FUCK I WISH U WOULD SEE MT FACE RN FBWNDJQK OH THIS NASTY 😭😭😭
3. fight, bugs and now fire. anon, idk the right terms but i know u gotta cleanse or sage yourself bECAUSE HELLO????? NAAAHHHH THE EVIL EYE GOT U, U GOTTA DO SOME JUJU
tea spilled, i screamed, no ur right this is like a sitcom like i can imagine the laugh tracks after u find yourself in a situation 😭😭😭 crying this is so chaotic but i guess it’s a story to tell in the future!!! im glad ur safe i hope the concert will be good tooo!!!!!
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lilmissbeanie · 4 years
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Navigation Haikyuu Masterlist
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Tetsuro Kuroo x F!Reader. Fluffy Word Count ~ 4.3k Happy very late birthday to a dear friend of mine, I hope you had a great day girl! 
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KozumeKenma is going live! 
The girl grinned at the notification that flashed up at the top of the screen of her phone. Her favourite streamer who she had been watching since he started streaming, she had just randomly found him playing some Minecraft years ago and decided to watch, she had been a loyal follower since that day, his streams always made her laugh and she loved how relaxed he was, she would often pop up in the chat, commenting on the game. Kenma had recognised her as one of his top fans, she had VIP status on his streams and he always said hi to her. Y/n had noticed that he was looking a little more run down recently, so she would often pop up telling him to hydrate or go get some food. She often used buying a treat for Kenma through streamer treats and he would often scold her for another pizza or ice cream Sundae, but Y/n knew he didn't mean it especially when it was her favorite pizza, she had been sending water with them too as the boy seemed to live on soft drinks. 
Opening her laptop she turned it waiting for it to load up, it usually took a little while now, she needed to get a new one, this one had to be about seven years old now so it was starting to get a little slow now but it still did the job for now anyway. While she waited, her fingers tapped against keyboard on her slightly cracked screen of her phone, 
Snowy Bluewolf: Happy wednesday! How are you?   
She heard Kenma chuckle, of course she was the first to message the chat. “Hey there, as always you are straight in the chat Wolfie.” Kenma gave a smile seeing her username, Snowy Bluewolf. “I’m good thank you, how is your lock down wednesday going?” 
Snowy Bluewolf:: Ah you know the usual, I got out of bed, moved to the couch to play on the ps4 and haven’t moved since unless to get food or another drink.   
“Ah, what have you been playing today?”   
Snowy Bluewolf: Just some bloodborne, still terrible at the game 
He chuckled, “It is a hard game wolfie, the offer still stands, anytime.”  She smiled, she had told him she had started playing bloodborne over the lockdown and that she was finding the game incredibly difficult and he had offered to help her out if need be. 
Snowy Bluewolf:: I heard orphan is a bitch to beat so I will give that one a few tries and then I may take you up on the offer! Thanks, Kenma!   
“Okay, the rest of you, stop being jealous, you all know Wolfie has been here since day one and she is super loyal follower so of course I’m going to talk to her!” Kenma rolled his eyes playfully at the jealous messages in chat, Kenma looked dead in the camera with a playful look in his golden eyes as he teased the rest of his followers “She is also one of my mods so watch it.”   
The girl laughed, she had never abused her power as a mod in his discord or in the twitch chat she only kicked those who didn’t obey the rules. She also was friends with Kenma. On discord they were quite good online friends now and they do play games together in private and they do have quite a laugh together.   
“Right let’s get on with the stream!” Kenma said getting straight into the game.   
Y/n had gotten her laptop all set up and ready now, she lounged out on the sofa, getting comfy for the Animal Crossing New Horizons stream.  She would lurk in the chat making sure that everyone was behaving, she rarely had to time out anyone, but she liked to keep an eye making sure everyone is behaving, over the eight years she has been a part of Kenma’s streams and been a mod she had only have to ban about a couple hundred people though she had timed out a lot more than that, she reckons she has hit over the thousands or more.   
She smiled as she watched Kenma update his island, trying to make it five stars, he had built his orchard, a zen garden and a flower garden, it was looking quite stunning so far. Had been streaming about an hour and half when she noticed he had yet to have a drink.   
Snowy Bluewolf: Oi, Kenma! Hydrate would you, have some H2O smh 
“Ergh, Wolfie you are starting to sound like my friend Kuroo.” He sighed, grabbing his water bottle, and having a drink. “Always telling me to drink something...” He tightens the cap on the bottle.   
Nekomasbestcaptain: I heard my name? What shit are you saying about me now? 
Y/n giggled at the fact his best friend had been lurking in Kenma’s stream this whole time, Y/n knew of Kuroo his best friend but had never spoken to him even as a mod all these years. “Nothing Kuroo, just saying Wolfie is as bad as you, reminding me to hydrate.”   
Nekomasbestcaptain: Wolfie? Oh, you mentioned her before. One of your mods, right? 
Kenma glanced at the chat quickly, before replying, “Yep.”   
Snowy Bluewolf: @Nekomasbestcaptain hi! I am the one making sure he stay’s hydrated and that he eats 
Nekomasbestcaptain: @Snowybluewolf haha thanks he does forget like all the time.   
For the rest of the stream Kuroo and Y/n chatted and flirted back and forth, Kenma rolling his eyes at his two best friends. 
To: Kenma  From: Kuroo  Sent: 04:14pm  Dude, how can I talk to wolfie other than through your streams? 
To: Kuroo  From: Kenma  Sent: 08:17pm  Discord.   
Kuroo had never downloaded an app so quick in his life, he created his account, got Kenma’s discord tag added to him then begged him to allow him to join his discord server before tracking down Y/n and private messaging her.   
The months of lockdown flew past, Y/n and Kuroo bonding over the course of three months, they had gotten to the point they would video call in bed usually with Y/n falling asleep while they chatted which he found super cute. 
Nekomasbestcaptain: Hey, Y/n seeing as lockdown is finally over, did you, maybe fancy going for dinner?   
Kuroo sat at his desk in his home office as he chewed on his lip as watched her name pop up at the bottom of the chat bar in discord, before disappearing and reappearing again.   
Snowy Bluewolf: Sure (*ノ▽ノ) I would love too. Rather than going out for now, maybe we could have a stay at home dinner, like we each cook a course and share one? 
The grin was spread across both their lips as they stared at their phones, the crushes they had developed over the past few months had come clear and they had slyly admitted it to one another and Kenma hated how they were with each other yet loved it cause they both deserved to be happy. Kuroo’s eyes sparkled as he read the message. 
Nekomasbestcaptain: Sure, who’s place shall we do it at? I don’t mind travelling to yours.   
Snowy Bluewolf: We can do it at my place and I’ll pop out and buy the food for the mains if you don’t me doing that course.   
Nekomasbestcaptain: Sounds like a plan. I'll make the starter and we could have a cheese board for dessert? 
Snowy Bluewolf: You are talking my language rooster boi! So, friday? 
Nekomasbestcaptain: Friday is perfect, 6?   
Snowybluewolf: 6 is perfect, I’ll send you my address on friday 
Y/n couldn’t help but squeal she had a date with this beautiful man, it may be a home date, but she had a date. Kuroo flopped back in his desk chair, he had done it he had finally asked her out.   
Friday rolled around in a flash both arguing over who was buying the cheese, in the end Y/n won to buy the cheese and crackers but Kuroo said he would be buying the wine. Y/n decided to make a sushi from scratch, Y/n wasn’t going to admit it, but she did want to show off a little. She had all the equipment she needs to make sushi at home she had just never used the sushi kit she had brought. 
Kuroo had spent days trying to work out what he would make for the starter, he finally decided on tempura. He wanted to make a mix of vegetables and fish. He knocked on her door, with a few bags in hand.   
The door opened shortly after, he was met by a h/c haired girl, her e/c eyes peering up at him, with a shy smile on her face, “Hey rooster boy.”   
“Hello Chibi-chan,” Since he discovered she was the same height as Kenma he had begun to call her Chibi-chan, he loved how a light blush covered her cheek bones. He smiled at her leaning down pecking her forehead, not chancing more yet seeing as this was the first date. Biting her lip, she stepped back gesturing for him enter, trying not let the blush erupt over her cheeks from the feeling of his lips against her forehead. It was a small innocent gesture that caused goosebumps erupted over her skin as she knew the small peck had a deeper meaning behind it. The pair had become comepletely and utterly smitten with one another.   
Showing him into the open plan kitchen sitting room “Can I get you anything to drink?” She asked leaning on the counter, “I brought some wine with me” Kuroo grinned pulling a bottle of wine out of one of the bags. Y/n smiled in return, opening the cupboard by the fridge pulling out to large crystal-clear wine glasses, while opened the bottle with the corkscrew. “What have you planned for starters?”   
Tetsu gray orbs met hers as he poured them a glass each, “I was thinking of making Tempura. What are you doing for mains?”   
The girl took a sip of the wine and sighed, her eyes widening at the smooth taste coating her tongue and the velvety texture running down her throat, “Well I was goinf to make sushi but I’m thinking screw the starter and mains and let’s just have a cheese and wine night, Tetsu this wine is delicious what is it?”   
“Cabinet Sauvignon by a California vineyard called dark horse,” Kuroo swirled the wine in his glass before smirking “and I won’t say no to a cheese night.”   
Y/n emptied out the carrier bags taking everything that needed to go in the fridge and placing it there, before giving him a playful look with raised eyebrows at the 3 other bottles of wine she removed from the bags. “Tetsurou are you planning to get me drunk this evening?”   
“What?” Elongating the word, “No! Whatever gave you that idea?!” He gasped, placing a hand over his chest struggling to keep the fake offended look on his face, before they both cracked up laughing, the pair relaxing in each other presence for the first time that evening. 
“So, cheese and wine night?” The nod of Kuroo’s head joined with the twinkle in his eye was all Y/n need to grab one of her wooden chopping boards, the crackers from the cupboard before she pulled the fridge door open and snatching the selection of cheese, she had brought earlier that day from the fromagerie, the strong-smelling shop contained a wide variety delicious French cheese. 
Y/n wasn’t sure what kind of cheese Kuroo would like she got some milder ones as well as some strong ones, the milder ones being those like brie, camembert and cantal, a cheddar like cheese, the stronger ones like Roquefort and stilton. She had gotten quite a mix of hard and soft cheese too. Taking all the cheese out of their respective wrappings before placing them on the wooden board.   
Kuroo watched each of her movements carefully from his seat at the breakfast bar, she did everything so gracefully and he was awestruck by how beautiful she was, he already thought she was when they video chatted but seeing her in person was a whole other ball game. He watched as she stood on her tiptoes, reaching into the cupboard to get down two small side plates, her flowing red blouse riding up slight allowing him to catch a glimpse of her smooth looking s/c skin of her waist. The way she bent over as she rummaged through the fridge looking for something, gave him perfect view of her arse in her skin-tight dark blue Levi's over the rim of his wine glass as he took another sip. He glanced away as she straightened up, turning around with some chutneys in hand, making it seem like he was admiring the apartment rather than the owner of it.
“Did up want to sit here or move to the sofa?” She asked gesturing towards the dark blue loveseat with a pair of matching armchairs that was placed opposite a flat screen TV on that was mounted to the wall with a light oak sideboard under it, he could see through the glass of the doors that it contained a PlayStation four, Nintendo switch and a range of games and DVDs, separating the two was a coffee table that matched the sideboard, light oak with a glass top. “Sure, the sofa sounds good.”   
Kuroo grabbed the two glasses wine and made his way after y/n to the sofa as she made her way over to the coffee table with the wooden board with the cheese on before they both when to grab the condiments and utensils.   
“Hey, google, shuffle wake up and smell the coffee.” Y/n called out to her google home which sat on the side board under the TV. 
“Okay, I’ll shuffle the Spotify playlist wake up and smell the coffee.”   
The gentle strumming of the guitar of Comethru by Jeremy Zucker played threw the Google home. The pair got comfy on the loveseat, letting the music flow through the apartment, they both snacked on the cheese and biscuits chatting and talking about their days at work. “It’s nice to not having to go into the office that often yet I do procrastinate while I’m at home.”   
“Oh god I am just the same and Kenma is not helping when he streams when I am trying to work.” The girl laughed as she sipped at her wine enjoying the smooth texture.
“I have Kenma’s streams playing as background noise these days myself.” Kuroo added with his own deep chuckle as he watched the girl drink her wine and the way the tip of her tongue darted out over red full lips, temptated to kiss them to discover how soft they are , “This one is nice.” Kuroo said grabbing another cracker with some brie with the fig chutney, Y/n hummed agreeingly in response as she had her own mouthful of blue cheese and cracker, taking a sip of her wine before responding, “The fig chutney does go well with brie, try the blue cheese with a sip of wine.”   
He did as she suggested and his eyes widened at the mixture of mouth-watering tastes, “damn that’s good.” He grabbed another chunk of the blue cheese, placing it on his plate and grabbed another cracker. The cheese board didn’t last long between them even with the six different cheeses they keep eating until there wasn’t even a crumb left. 
“Whoa, I’m stuffed.” Kuroo sighed as he flopped back on the cushions of the sofa, they had finished a bottle of wine and began the next. Copying his movement, Y/n made herself comfy on sofa, the music still softly playing in the background, 1994 by Alec Benjamine harmony filled the room. “God, I love cheese nights.”   
“I have decided, this,” He gestured to the empty plates, board and the bottles wine “Shall become our first tradition. We will have regular cheese nights.” Kuroo said, nodding in agreement with his own decision with a proud smile. A gentle smile crossed her rosy lips again, the look in her jewel-like eyes holding a matching look, nodding in agreement with his idea. Their first tradition, Y/n was filled with giddiness and tried not to squeal at the fact he wanted to start making traditions with her, “I’d like that.” 
His grey eyes watching as she curled her legs up under herself, her left elbow resting on the back of the couch, her chin resting on her on the palm of that hand and in her right hand held the wine glass which rested on her knee. The small ball jumping up on the sofa between them broke him out of his trance of checking her out. His eyes landed on the black kitten whose large blue eyes were briming with curiosity. “Oh, there you are Luddy.” Sitting up slightly, the h/c leaned forward enough to gently pet the kitten, the second Y/n fingers met the top of his head, Luddy began to purr, his blue eyes closing in contentment.   
“Did you have a nice sleep baby?” Y/n cooed to the bundle of fur starching behind his ear making him lean into his touch, Kuroo was in awe as he watched her coo over the small creature. “Do you want some dreamies?” The kittens eyes seem to fly open at the word dreamies as if he understood what his own had said, he looked at her and gave her a small meow. Y/n giggled placing her glass down on the coaster before standing up. 
“Okay you make friends with Tetsu while I grab the dreamies.” Starching the back of Luddy’s head, Y/n gathered up the plates and knifes an placed them on the wooden board along with the chutneys and taking them to the kitchen, leaving Kuroo and a kitten staring at one another, molten grey eyes staring into inquisitive sapphire blue ones. In the background you could hear dishwasher being loaded and the opening and closing of cupboards as Kuroo gently reached a handout allowing the small cat to sniff his calloused fingers, from all those years playing volleyball, before Luddy rubbing up against the man's large hands purring, he stood up walking over to Kuroo sitting down on his lap, allowing Kuroo to continue to pet him, purring happily at the affection. Y/n watched the interaction from the kitchen smiling, before shaking the bag of dreamies, causing Luddy’s ears to prick up and turn to look where the sound came from, he jumped over the back of the sofa trotting his way towards the sound of the treats. Kuroo watched as Y/n opened a ball with a few holes in it, pouring the treats in, shutting it and placing it on the floor for Luddy who ran up to it and batted the ball across the room causing the treats to fall out of the holes. Y/n walked back over to the sofa, grabbed her glass of wine off the table, taking a seat next to Kuroo, whose arm was resting across the back of the sofa, where she was sat it looked like it was placed around her shoulders. Trying his luck, he placed it around her shoulder and tugged her into his side, “Come ‘ere.” To which she responded to his tug by curling into his side, head resting on his chest while he drew gentle circles on her shoulder happily relaxing into the sofa with her curled up to him.   
It was peaceful as the pair led there on the sofa curled into one another, the only sound in the room was Luddy’s ball rolling around and the music still quietly playing, “This is nice Tetsu,” Humming in agreement, he kissed the top of her head allowing his lips to linger inhaling in her soft scented shampoo. He could get used to this, ruining the perfect scene was a loud ringtone going off.
"Is Kenma really streaming at this time?” The girl sighed untangling herself from Kuroo to get her phone from the kitchen counter where she had left at the start of the evening. “Ya know, he only lives around the corner,” Y/n turned to look at Kuroo confusingly as her eyes met with his that held a mischievous glint, “and I have a key.” 
Y/n confusion turned into a smirk as she caught onto what Tetsuro was planning, her eyes brighten up and nodded in excitement, this would be the first time she was meeting her favourite streamer and she would gate crashing his apartment with his best friend. “Can we stop and buy food and drinks for him? I bet he hasn’t eaten.”   
Kuroo couldn’t help but be just as enthusiastic as her, seeing her excited was contagious and made him just as excited. “Of course, we can” He smiled pulling on his shoes and jacket as Y/n did the same. “Luddy be good while we’re gone. Mummy loves you baby.” She blew a kiss towards the kitten who was sat on the sofa looking at the pair with a bored look in his eyes as they stepped out of Y/n apartment door. They made their way to local convenience store fingers entwined together as they searched for Kenma’s favourite soft drink and a few bottles of water before going to the pizza takeaway and order the largest pizza they could with Kenma’s favourite toppings. Y/n couldn’t believe how close they lived together, Kenma live barely 2 streets over, they had the same local takeaways and supermarkets she was surprised they had never bumped into one another before.   
Kuroo entered the code to Kenma’s apartment building, saying hi to the kind looking receptionist who knew him very well with how often he visits his best friend, Y/n sent a wave to the lady behind the desk who returned it with a smile. “Back to see Kenma I see Kuroo, and who is this?” 
“Hi, yep!” He popped the p “This is Y/n she is my girlfriend and actually I met her through Kenma streams she’s one of his mods and he decided to stream during out first date so we thought we would come and crash his stream” The lady giggled and nodded, noticing the blush that exploded over h/c girls cheeks as she heard Kuroo tell the receptionist that she was his girlfriend. “Pleasure to meet you Y/n have fun crashing his stream.”   
“pleasure to meet you too. And thank you we shall.” The girl replied with a smile as Kuroo tugged on their entwined hands towards the elevator, he hit the button for the eighth floor and watching the doors close as the pair made their way up to his floor, Kuroo fished his set of keys out of his pocket, “So we’re going to sneak in and sneak to his stream room and throw the door open and yell at him to hydrate right?” 
“That’s the plan.” The girl nodded bouncing on the balls of her feet. She was so excited to do this. The bell ding in the elevator signalling they had arrived at the eighth floor, stepping out the made in along to apartment 803, Y/n took the carrier bag from Kuroo’s hand as he slipped the key into the lock carefully turning it to unlock the door quietly, they slipped inside stylish modern apartment, they both took there shoes and jackets off, placing the bottles of water and one of his soft drink bottles on the counter, before sneaking there way towards Kenma’s stream room.   
Showing three fingers Y/n began the silent countdown, She knew the whole stream would see this as Kenma had recently moved his stream room around so his back was now facing the door.  
3...  
2...  
1...  
Kuroo threw the door open “YO KENMA! HYDRATE!” The pair yelled at the same time, they watched as the streamer jumped five foot in air out of fright and the stream chat was moving at a mile a second asking what was going on. Kenma pulled his cat ear headphones off his head placing them down on his desk slowly turning around in his desk chair to find Kuroo leaning against the door frame one arm around his date and in his other hand was his Kenma’s drink while Y/n was snuggled into his side with the pizza box in hand. Both of their face held large cheeky grins.
“Kuroo? Wolfie?” He questioned, Kuroo was the first to speak between the couple, “This what you get for crashing our date with your stream”   
“Oh, so now I have to plan my streams around your dates?” Kenma sassed them. The h/c cocked an eyebrow before replying, “Yep, you do.”  
Kenma laughed at her response, watching as the pair stepped into the room, Y/n thrust the pizza box into his hands “bet you haven’t eaten yet tonight so here it’s your favourite.” Before she pushed his chair with him in it out of the way and crouching down to be eye level with the webcam seeing herself in the video, of the stream managers on Kenma’s second monitor, “Hey chat! It’s me, Wolfie! You best be all behaving while I am not there to mod you” She winked into the camera, noticing Kuroo making his way over to her kneeling down behind her, he was still taller than her, he placed his chin on his head, reading what the chat was saying.   
It was exploding with laughter over how they made an entrance, to how pretty Wolfie is and how handsome Kuroo was. “He is handsome isn’t he but hands off he’s mine.” Y/n replied sticking her tongue out at the chat.  
“This gorgeous girl is mine so back off lads I can see yall eyeing her up.” Kuroo growled out playfully.
Kenma just sat in his chair chopping happily on his pizza while shaking his head at his two best friends who had just stolen all the limelight of his stream, which had gone from a Bloodborne stream to just chatting in a matter of seconds, with a gentle smile on his face glad they were happy together.
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mimik-u · 5 years
Text
“Change Your Mind” Liveblogging, Part I
I’M NoT READY FOr THIS, yoU gUYs.
There’s my big blue asshole!
OMG, THAT BUG. HER SLAPPING IT AND THAT BLUSH.
“If this keeps up, she’s going to take away your Pearl.” AND THEN HE MORPHS INTO PINK DIAMOND BECAUSE THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE, AND NOW IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN, AND IT’S A MEMORY.
A DREAM.
DE-JA-BLUE.
“I’m not sorry.” God, I love Steven Universe. He’s so confident in himself now, so sure in what he believes in. Amazing.
An observation: When Blue Diamond weaponizes her sadness, intentionally or unintentionally, not only does she preclude others from getting near enough to help her, but she also indiscriminately inflicts her pain on others. It’s at once a selfish act and a devastating one. And glowing auras aside, it’s a human one, too.
“How many times did you lock her in here? How many times did you make her cry?”
“I didn’t... I’m doing it again, aren’t I?” I’m going to cry. The way she leans against that wall. Because she knows. She knows.
Blue Diamond is the love of my life, y’all.
And then Steven strips his Diamond clothes because he’s not Pink Diamond.
“She prefers to be called Steven.” ONLY THREE EPISODES AGO, SHE WAS MOCKING HIM ABOUT THIS!!! I’M—
YELLOW AND BLUE ARE ABOUT TO FIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.
OH, MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD.
“I ALONE WAS THERE FOR YOU.” THIS WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED FROM THIS FIGHT.
“Didn’t we hurt Pink?!”
“I know you’re suffering in silence, too.” Because she knows what losing Pink did to her. Because she knows Yellow.
THE DEVASTATION ON YELLOW’S FACE AS SHE WAS BLASTING BLUE WITH ELECTRICITY.
BLUE SMOKING FROM THE HIT.
YELLOW CRYINF, ACTUALLY CRYING.
AND BLUE HOLDING HER HEAD.
THIS IS ALL I’VE EVER WANTED IN MY LIFE.
White Pearl, you scary mf.
“Which rooms should we go to?” Asdffssadds.
BISMUTH REPAIRED THE ARM SHIPS!!!!!!
BISMUUUUUUUUTHHHHHH!
SHE MADE A PUN! MY BINGO CARD IS GOING WELL!!!!!!!
OH, MY GODDDDDDDDD!!!! LAPIS AND PERIDOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LAPIS’S PINK RIBBON SWEATPANTS.
PERIDOT’S FUNKY GLASSES.
Yellow and Blue want to sacrifice themselves for the sake of Steven. I’m going to scream. I love them.
“But in order to fix it, we have to admit that it’s broken.” That’s the fundamental idea of this show. Communication. Talking our problems out—even if it’s about the things that hurt us.
CONNIE TALKING ABOUT HER MOM!!!!!!!!!!
Peridot’s metalbending a hoverboard. Asfdssadsa.
Patti LuPone’s voice acting as she hesitates to talk to White. God.
“We Diamonds might be hard, but we’re also brittle.”
“I know my purpose isn’t to be happy, but I find it harder and harder to enforce your rules when they make me miserable... when they make us all miserable.”
OH, MY GOD. SHE POSSESSED THEM.
SHE FRICKING POSSESSED THEM.
I’M GOINF TO CRY???????????
SHE FNSNMSNANANSNA.
THEY EXPRESSED THEIR EMOTIONS—THEY DARED TO SPURN THEIR PURPOSES—AND SHE TOOK AWAY THEIR FREE WILL.
NO.
THEIR ILLUSION OF FREE WILL BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T HAVE IT ANYWAY BECAUSE THEY WERE MOTIVATED BY FEAR.
HE DROPPED THE CRYSTAL GEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALSO, THE ANIMATION WHILE STEVEN IS FALLING IS SO DAMN GORGEOUS.
SMOKY QUARTZ.
SMOKYYYYYYYYYYY.
HE’S GOING TO FUSE WITH PEARL.
OH, MY GOD. RAINBOW 2.0 IS MARY POPPINS.
THEY LOOK SO GOOD.
PEARL’S JACKET?!!!!!!!!!!
SHE’S SO HAPPY ABOUT FUSING WITH STEVEN.
OH, MY GODDDDDDDDDDD.
STEVEN AND GARNET???????!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS EPISODE IS GOING TO KILL ME.
STEVEN AND GARNET’S FUSION IS ALL HAIR.
SUNSTONE.
I LOVE THEIR VOICE.
THEY BROKE THE FOURTH WALL.
BUNGACOWA.
I LOVE YOU?!!!!!!
GARNET’S GLASSES.
TEMPLE FUSSSSSIOOOOOON.
OB S I D I ANNNNN.
THIS EPISODE.
Of course Pearl would be at the top of the pyramid, lol.
OBSIDIAN’S MUSIC.
OBSIDIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
OH. MY. GOD.
THEY’RE EXTRAORDINARY.
BISMUTH AND CONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!
Animation details: Blue and Yellow’s ships are made with different material than normal bc Bismuth repaired them!!
PERIDOT SAVING BISMUTH!!!! You’ve come so far!!!!!
Obsidian is the other love of my life.
They just pulled a SWORD out of their mouth. Icon.
SHE’S TALKING THROUGH BLUE AND YELLOW, AND THAT ALSO MAKES ME WANT TO CRY.
SHE’S A HIVE QUEEN.
THIS SCENE IS SO CREEPY.
“She’s so strong but so weak when it comes to Blue.” Hello, Bellow Diamond shippers. I am dead.
Deceased.
White represses Pink.
SHE’S GOING TO POSSESS ALL THE CRYSTAL GEMS.
JESUS GOD, THIS IS DARK.
“Obsessed.” Pearl.
SHE’S A PUPPETEER.
“YOU LIKE SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH INFERIOR GEMS.” JASPER SAID THE SAME THING.
This scene is going to give me niiiiightmares.
CONNIE FIGHTINF PEaARLLL.
WD is pulling out the psychoanalytic theory in this Chili’s tonight.
WHITE DIAMOND, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO HIM?!!!!!!!!!!!
SHE’S GOINF TO PULL THE GEM.
I’M GOING TO LOSE MY DAMN MIND.
SHE DID IT. SHE PULLED HIS DAMN GEM.
I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!!!!!!
THERE’S EIGHTEEN MINUTES LEFT IN THIS EPISODE.
I CAN’t BREATHE.
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scamesprompts · 4 years
Text
Stay (James/Scorpius)
(Here is a sample of my writing just so you know.)
Scorpius lived happily with his best mate Albus in their own flat in London. It was nice, except for one thing or rather person. James Sirius Potter. Ever since Al and Scorpius moved into the flat James wuld constantly barge in to raid their fridge, but mainly to annoy Scorpius.
Today was no different. He came into his flat after a long day of work at St. Mungo's exhausted. He was just wanted to sleep forever. His plans changed when he saw James had beat him home. "How are you always here before me?"
James shrugged as he rummaged through his and Albus' fridge.
"Don't you have your own food?" Scorpius questioned.
"Yeah, but yours is better." James replied. "Ooh cheese whiz, the good stuff!" James then proceeded to spray the cheese directly into his mouth.
Scorpius scrunched up his face in disgust. "That's disgusting, James."
"Don't knock it till you try it." James then offered the can to Scorpius.
Scorpius shook his head, "No thanks."
James went on about his day, though Scorpius never asked. Then Albus came on.
"James, get the fuck out." Albus ordered.
"So rude to your guests. Fine, I'll see you tomorrow." James said, then left.
----------------------
"Are you sure you'll be all right? I can just not go." Albus offered.
"Don't be ridiculous.. Ofcourse you're goinf, don't waste this opportunity." Scorpius said. Albus was leaving for a work trip in Egypt for a few weeks, a great career opportunity.
"But it's two weeks."
"Al, I can take care of myself." Scorpius said. Honestly, he was acting like he was a child.
Albus sighed, "All right, but if you change your mind I'm only a floo call away."
"I won't need to, but thanks." Scorpius said.
---------------------
It had been a few days and he hadn't seen James. It was a noce reprieve honestly, though a bit strange. He may just be busy with work. Why do you care? He thought too soon because James was there, looking through his cabinets this time.
"Where is all your bloody food?" James asked.
"I don't know James, some annoying redheaded bloke keeps on eating it." Scorpius said sarcastically.
"Wouldn't you have just went to the store then?" James questioned.
"I haven't gotten around to it. Albus usually does the shopping." Scorpius said. He mostly ordered takeaways anyway, he couldn't cook. He was never really taught, no one in his family cooked.
"I'll be back." James said, then disapparated.
Scorpius wondered where he had gone. It had been a half hour.
It was then that James apparated into the flat with an armful of groceries.
"If you were going grocery shopping to raid me anyway then why not just shop for yourself." Scorpius said.
"What an odd way to say, 'Thank you.'" James said as he sat the bags down on the table.
"Thank you." Scorpius muttered.
"That was crap, but I'll take it." James said then started emptying put the bags. More than half of it was junk food.
Scorpius sighed and started putting the food away.
-----------------------------
Scorpius had been on a few dates with Thaddeus Wood already. Things were going well so Scorpius invited him to his flat. It had been awhile since Scorpius had sex. He wasn't one for hookups.
Him and Thaddeus had entered his flat to ne greeted by James, halfway through a rotisserie chicken. He had not even accounted for James being at the flat. He should have though."Wood, fancy seeing you here."
"I thought you lived with the other Potter?" Thaddeus questioned.
"I do, this one's just a thorn in my side." Scorpius grumbled.
"I have to say, Scorpius, I didn't know Wood was your type." James said, looking Thaddeus up and down.
"James, leave." Scorpius said firmly.
"Why? Am I in the way of something, a rosuing game of Wizard's chess perhaps or... exploding snap?"
"Maybe I should just... go." Thaddeus said.
"No, don't go! James is the one who needs to leave." Scorpius said, shooting James a glare.
"That's rude. I'm in the middle of something here." James said.
"Take the chicken and go. Now." Scorpius ordered, James was not messing this up for him.
"Pfft. Fine, fine. Have fun with your game of exploding snap. Shame though, I'm quite good at it." James said with a wink then left.
Scorpius sighed. "Sorry about him. Now where were we?"
Thaddeus grinned, "I think I have an idea." he said then pulled him in for a kiss. Night saved.
-------------------------------
Scorpius had, had a particularly stressful day at work. The day dragged and when it was through Scorpius was a ball of tension. He arrived to his flat, empty. He was alone which should have been a relief to him, but it wasn't.
He felt a tightening in his chest and extremely amxious. Oh no, it was coming. The panic attack. He hadn't had one since 7th year, he used to get them all the time.
He sat down on the sofa to try to get grip on himself. Scorpius grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest. He starged shaling. This couldn't happen, not now. He didn't want to call Albus, ot wpuldn't do any good. He could floo Rose, but she was likely busy, she was never at her flat.
James. He could floo, James, he was better than no one. Scorpius didn't want to be alone. So he stood up and threw powder into the fireplace.
A shirtless James appeared in the flames. He was so bloody fit, must have been all that Quidditch. Does he just walk around his flat shirtless? "Scorpius? What is going on?"
"Can-can you come over?" Scorpius asked. Why did he sound so pathetic.
James looked perplexed by this. "All right. I'll be right there."
Within a few minutes James appeared in the flat with a shirt on. He looked over Scorpius, "You look awful, what's wrong?"
Scorpius didn't speak or rather he found he couldn't. He just sat back down on the sofa.
James frowned. "You're shaking." He sat down beside Scorpius.
Scorpius immediately regretted his decision this was a bad idea. He shouldn't have asked James here, he was just wasting his time.
"Hey, come here." James pulled him to his chest. "My dad would get like this sometimes, Mum would always calm him down like this. She's better at it than I am though."
Scorpius had to admit he felt a little better with James' arms wrapped around him. He felt... safe. They didn't speak for awhile, jimust sittng there. Scorpius didn't know James was capable of being quiet. Scorpius had stopped shaking by now and felt calmer.
"It's getting late, I should probably head out." James said.
"Stay." Scorpius found himself saying before he could stop them from coming out. He blushed. "I mean... just in case it gets bad again. I don't want to be alone."
"All right. I'll stay." James agreed.
"Thanks." Scorpius said in a small voice.
"Anytime." James said.
Maybe there was more to James than being annoying. Just maybe.
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exolistic · 6 years
Text
Mystic Part 2
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Masterlist Part 1
Genre- Angst, sci fi, fluff sometimes lol
Summary- When you’re dragged into a web of secrets and deceit that you can not even begin to comprehend, you have no idea what you’re in for. Locked away, lied to, you don’t know who to trust. With different stories from everyone, who will you trust in the end?
Pairing- X reader (Also lots of chanbaek and hunhan ;))
(Y/N) has entered the chat
Baekhyun: Jongin you’re crazy, why didn’t you stop him?
Jongin: Sehun is a man that can’t be stopped. Trust me, I’ve tried. Don’t you know this by now?
Baekhyun: You remember what happened last time he got that drunk, don’t you?
Jongin: How could I ever forget?
Chanyeol: Wait, guys...
Baekhyun: The image of Sehun showing up naked at my doorstep will never leave my mind.
Jongin: It’s not funny! He was almost arrested for that. And I was the one who had to deal with his hangover the next day.
Chanyeol: Guys...
Baekhyun: I know, which is why you need to keep a better eye on him! You really need to take all of the alcohol out of your apartment.
Chanyeol: BAEKHYUN!!!!!
Baekhyun: WHAT?????
Chanyeol: I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes! Are you blind?
Baekhyun: No, I could see your messages. You’re literally in the room next to me, if it was that important you would’ve come to get me.
Chanyeol: But who is that? Someone joined the chat…
Jongin: What do you mean?
Baekhyun: I don’t see anyone else..????
Chanyeol: No, look at the chat party at the top, there’s another name there.
Jongin: WAIT YOU’RE RIGHT
Baekhyun: WAIT WHAT
Chanyeol: I told you! (Y/N), who the hell are you?
Jongin: I’m calling Junmyeon brb.
Jongin left the chat
Baekhyun: Reveal yourself, fiend!
(Y/N): Um, hi?
Baekhyun: IT SPEAKS
Chanyeol: How did you get here?
(Y/N): Um, I’m not really sure to be honest.
Chanyeol: ????
Baekhyun: ?????????????
(Y/N): Well you see….. this random app was on my phone, so I opened it, and now here I am I guess.
Baekhyun: Are you pranking us? Is this a prank? Sehun are you messing with us? It’s not funny!
Chanyeol: But this app isn’t even on the store, you need a certain code to access it and download it, you have to be verified first. It wouldn’t simply show up on your phone. There are a lot of security precautions in place.
Baekhyun: Exactly, Sehun we know it’s you. Cut the shit pls
Sehun entered the chat
Baekhyun: ………
Chanyeol: ………
Sehun: Everybdy whatsgfd going nf on nwhjyu is Jonging screamginj my head isokd alk l loopyr
Baekhyun: Sehun what are you doing?????
Sehun: IOj don’y now why don’t yuo tell me?
Chanyeol: Baekhyun he’s definitely drunk, I don’t think it’s him.
Sehun: Whgat do kyou menam what is goinf on?
Junmyeon entered the chat
Baekhyun: Thank God! Junmyeon, you’re here!
Chanyeol: Someone has infiltrated the chat! Something isn’t right here...
Yixing entered the chat
Chanyeol: Yixing! You’re here too, thank the lord.
Junmyeon: (Y/N), how did you get here?
(Y/N): I honestly don’t know. I’m sorry to cause trouble, I don’t really know what’s going on either.
Sehun: Wait who is that whagdha is going on I’m so ocnufsed.
Junmyeon: This chat is confidential, I’m sorry but if you aren’t a member we’ll have to kick you from the server. Although I’m still curious as to how you managed to get here. Are you telling the truth when you say you’re unaware of what brought you here?
(Y/N): I’m sorry for the trouble, this was just on my phone. Is this the right place?
Chanyeol: …...Right place?
Baekhyun: Were you looking for someplace in particular?
(Y/N): No, I just, I don’t even know what I’m saying. I’m sorry I’m just a little flustered right now. It’s been a long day.
Junmyeon: I’m sorry but for safety reasons I’ll have to kick you from the chat. Chanyeol will remove the app from your phone and cut your access.
Yixing: Wait….
Baekhyun: ????
Yixing: Chanyeol, don’t cut her access. Junmyeon, can I talk to you? I’ll be home in a few minutes.
Junmyeon: Um, yeah. Do you know something about this?
Yixing: I’m pulling into the driveway. Don’t cut her access. I mean it.
Yixing left the chat
Junmyeon: …..I’ll talk to you guys later. Nice meeting you, (Y/N).
Junmyeon left the chat
Chanyeol: ?????????????
Baekhyun: ??????????
Sehun: Are they hiding thingfs again?
Jongin entered the chat
Jongin: Okay I’m back what did I miss?
Chanyeol: Junmyeon and Yixing just left!
Jongin: Oh, Sehun, you’re here. Where the hell are you?
Sehun: Cfome findd me
Jongin: What the hell does that mean? You’re so weird when you’re drunk.
Baekhyun: Maybe he’s in your closet again, that’s what happened last time.
Jongin: You’re right, I’ll go check. I’ve gotta take care of him before he pulls something again so I have to leave, keep me updated on the situation.
Jongin: (Y/N), I don’t know who you are, but for now, welcome to EXO ;)
Baekhyun: A winky face, really Jongin? This is not the time to flirt -_-
Jongin left the chat
Chanyeol: I just hate that they’re always talking in secret, why don’t we get to know things? You’d think with all of the work I do for them, they would at least let me know what the hell is going on.
Baekhyun: I know. Ever since Tao, Kris, and Luhan left things haven’t been the same.
Chanyeol: Let’s not say too much, we still don’t know if (Y/N) is trustworthy yet.
Baekhyun: That’s true….
Sehun: Jongin is makign me lesve my favorite spot
Sehun has left the chat
Chanyeol: Well, now it’s just us three I guess. (Y/N), are you sure that we can trust you?
(Y/N): I have no ill intentions, I’m just doing what I’m told.
Baekhyun: ????????????????????????????
Chanyeol: …………….
Baekhyun: What do you mean? Who sent you here? Who’s telling you to do this?
(Y/N): Like I said, the app just randomly appeared.
Chanyeol: But you said you’re just doing what you’re told…..
Baekhyun: Chanyeol we should just let Junmyeon and Yixing deal with this for now.
Chanyeol: You’re right, but I can’t help but wonder a few things….. I just feel like I should cut her access, but I won’t for now since Yixing told me not to.
Baekhyun: Yes, me too, but let’s trust our leaders, okay?
Chanyeol: Yeah, whatever.
Baekhyun: It was nice meeting you (Y/N), I must be going now.
Baekhyun left the chat
Chanyeol: ……..
Chanyeol left the chat
I exit the chat as well, questions filling my mind. I curse myself for mentioning I’m being told to do this, and I desperately hope they’ll forget about it. I can’t seem to piece together the connection between Anonymous and EXO, they mentioned Kris and Tao being members. Did something bad happen?
They’re definitely very suspicious of me due to my surprise appearance and lack of explanation. I feel frustrated that I did not think through my words more carefully. Now they may never trust me, and just remove my access. If that happens, what will Anonymous do with me? I shake my head at the thought, pushing the haunting nightmares from my consciousness. After seeing how they reacted, I’m realizing that it might take longer to get close to them than I thought. I wanted this to be as fast as possible, thought it would just be any other group chat, but this is different. They all seem so nice though, so innocent…. How could they be so bad like Minseok said?
I feel in my gut that Anonymous are the side at fault, not EXO. Based on the people I’ve met so far here, they aren’t good people. I have no way of knowing the intentions of EXO either, I can’t trust anyone in this situation. My stomach twists in anxiety at the thought, as loneliness covets me, stinging deep in my stomach.
Didn’t they say that EXO is a charity foundation? And here I am helping this deranged cult do something to them. What do Anonymous want from them? Should I be trying to help EXO rather than Anonymous?
I look back at the phone, examining the app. There are only a few features. There is a large button labelled “chat room”, another called “messages”, and a phone call option. At the very top there are little icons for each member, Junmyeon, Yixing, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Sehun, and Jongin, brief statuses for each. It seems pretty innocent to me, so what am I doing here? And why did Yixing tell them not to kick me out?
Does he know something? He’s the one I’m supposed to be pursuing…….
A small bell chimes, and I jump in fear, until noticing it’s only a text notification.
Yixing: Are you free to talk?
A lump forms in my throat as I stare at his message on the screen. I just need to play it cool, act normal, be nice, and not act suspicious. I need to think through what I say, and keep my story the same. Remembering my family, I shakily type out a response.
(Y/N): Yeah sure, I’m sorry for all of the confusion.
Yixing: It’s okay. We’re a little concerned as you just showed up, but I can sense that you have no ill intentions. I only have a few questions for you.
Questions? I shudder, what if he asks things I can’t answer? I can’t make him even more suspicious.
(Y/N): Yeah sure. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on so I’m not sure how much I can answer, but I’ll do my best.
Yixing: Yes, I can imagine you would be confused right now. You said this app suddenly appeared, correct?
(Y/N): Correct. It somehow got on my phone, I never downloaded anything.
Yixing: Hmm, did someone else have your phone before it showed up?
Shit, how am I supposed to answer that? I feel guilty lying, as so far Yixing is being much kinder to me than the people here have been. I can’t know his true intentions, but he is at least treating me with respect. Maybe EXO are good people, good people who could possibly get me out of this place. They did mention Kris and Tao, do they know of this place?
(Y/N): Not that I know of, no.
Yixing: Hmm, I see. Do you know about EXO, this organization, at all?
(Y/N): No, I’ve never heard of it before now.
Yixing: You must be confused, then. I’ll explain briefly. EXO is a fundraising organization for charity. Junmyeon is the founder and leader, I accompany him in running the foundation. We have parties every so often where we invite many guests, that’s when we collect our donations and promote EXO. I see you met the other members in the chatroom already, I’m sorry that they act with suspicion towards you. A lot has happened as of recently, so they’re just a little on edge, that’s all. I’m sure they’ll warm up to you.
(Y/N): I don’t blame them for being suspicious. Thank you for being welcoming, Yixing.
Yixing: No need to thank me. I have just a few more questions for you, if that’s okay of course.
(Y/N): Um yeah, go ahead.
Yixing: Alright. If you are in any danger, you should tell me, okay? If anyone threatens you, or does something to hurt you, tell me right away.
My breath hitches in my throat at his words, and I wonder if he knows what’s going on with me. Does he want to help me, or does he want to use me as well?
(Y/N): I will, thank you.
Yixing: Very good. As a member, I just want to assure your safety. I just have one more question, and then I can let you go.
(Y/N): What is it?
Yixing: You would tell me if you were in danger right now, right?
(Y/N): ….
Yixing: It’s okay if you feel uncomfortable, I am kind of interrogating you. I’m sorry if I caused you any distress, I’ll be going now. I look forward to talking to you again.Goodbye.eddddddd
I set the phone down, my head spinning. Was I right in not answering his question? I did not want to simply say that I was safe, and rule out possibilities of ways for me to get out of here. I have no way of knowing what he wants from me, but I’m not looking to burn any bridges already. But will Kris and Tao be angry at me? I did allude to the fact that maybe something is going on. Just how closely are Kris and Tao monitoring the chat, anyways? Will they see all of it?
I hope I don’t get in trouble for this. A million worries whir through my mind, but my eyes feel too heavy to deny. It’s the middle of the day, but I’m exhausted from everything that has happened, and I can’t stop myself from passing out on the heavenly bed. Images of tall, scary men, and the messenger clouding my dreams.
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thorman-barnes · 6 years
Text
Come Back to Me - Part 8
Bucky Barnes fic in which the reader and the whole team go on a mission and the reader was captured and the team had to save her but not before the captors had erased her memories and now the the team is trying to regain her memories for her and Bucky is trying to get her to remember their love in hopes that it will bring her memories back
come back to me - masterlist
feedback would be nice
"Well, there's nothing in your system that's not unordinary," Bruce said as he came back with your blood results. "But I still can't explain why suddenly those memories came back to you. Whatever happened in that mission, wasn't permanent."
You looked at Bruce then looked beside you to meet Bucky's eyes. Bucky had convinced you to go see Bruce and Tony after you told him of your morning. You didn't want to go and it only took him to say he'll go with you.
"So. . . that means what?" You asked and stared at Bruce as you mindlessly played with your fingers. You felt your body tense up and you where finally feeling the urge to just run away and leave everything behind.
You felt as if you were living someone else's life.
"It means," Bruce started to say and he looked up to see you staring at him with what seemed like fear in your eyes. His eyes travelled beside you to see Bucky giving him the same look with his hand resting at your mid back. "That we still have no answers but it seems to be wearing off slowly. I recommend getting back into your old routine."
You arched a brow. "And that will what? Bring my memories back?"
Bruce looked up again to meet Bucky's eyes. He could visibly see Bucky's hopeful yet pained eyes. Bruce cleared his throat and turned his attention back to you. "I can't be certain but it may refresh your mind a bit."
You scoffed at the words and a bitter laugh escaped your lips. "May refresh," you repeated bitterly. "You know what? I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore."
You hopped off the counter you had been sitting on and brushed past both men. Bruce watched as you stormed away and slammed the door behind you, surprised that you hadn't broken the glass. When he was turning back to Bucky, he saw that he was already goinf after you.
"Y/N, wait!" He called after you but you kept on walking away. You had no idea where you were going. The tower was still confusing and so when you stopped at the end of the hall, looking to the left and right unsure of where to go, Bucky caught up.
He got a hold of your arm and stood before you. His eyes showed deep concern but none of that mattered to you at the moment. What mattered was getting out of there for while.
"James, leave me alone. I just want to sleep. I'm tired."
He shook his head at you, seeing right through your lies. You tried to step around him but he moved with you and prevented you from leaving. "You're lying. Tell me what's wrong."
You sighed and at the wall behind him to avoid his staring gaze. "Fine, you really want to know? I am tired. But in the sense that I can't take any of this anymore. Those visions I had, felt intense. I feel everyone's pityimg stared and I try to ignore them. But I can't. I feel like I'm living someone else's life."
"But this is your life," he tried to explain but you brushed away from his hold.
You glared at the man and he only seemed to be unfazed by your stare. "No, it isn't. What even is my life? Because no one has even let me in on that. I'm just watching everyone live their lives when I don't know a single thing about mine."
Bucky bit his lip and grabbed your hands. He looked down the hallways and then he hushed voice he began to speak. "This is against the rules but if you promise not to say a word, I'll tell you what you want to know."
Slowly, a smile began to form on your lips. "Promise. And wait, rules?"
Bucky's face was serious compared to yours. "About how if you need something, stick to the girls? Or how we can only feed you bits of info and not chunks of it in such a small time frame?"
You nodded at his words and had unknowingly squeezed his hands in yours. "Okay, I promise."
"Meet outside of the tower in an hour, I need to shower first," he said and began to walk away.
"James, wait!" You yelled and jogged up to him. He came to a stop and looked down to meet your eyes. "I don't know my way around here."
Amusment began to take play on his face. He pointed past you to the other side of the hallway. "Go down that hallway and take a right, the elevators will be there. Your floor is the 8th button and well, obviously, the bottom floor is the very last one."
You smiled and began to turn around when you, without thinking, turned around and kissed his cheek and thanked him.
* * * *
Bucky was waiting outside the tower when you pushed the doors open and saw him leaning against the wall. When he spotted you, he smiled.
He noticed you wore the same outfit from this morning with a jacket that was a little too big for you. You hadn't realized but you wore Bucky's jacket that he had believed he lost months ago. It wasn't until now that he came to the conclusion that you had stolen it from him.
"So where are you taking me?" You asked and when you walked up to him, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.
He began to lead you in the direction he desired. "Cafe. The one you went to with Wanda, Clint, and. . . that other one."
He heard you stiffle a laugh. "You mean Pietro?"
"Is that what you call him?" He teased but he had to admit, he hated the mention of his name with every ounce of his being.
He could see you roll your eyes at him but neitherr of you said anything until you got to the cafe.
When you guys arrived, Bucky said he'd ordered and told you to just choose somewhere to sit. He came back with your drinks and took the seat across from you.
"So, doll, what do you want to know?" He asked you and watched as you furrowed your brows in concentration. A whole minute passed before you answered him.
"Okay, how did I become part of the team?"
Bucky raised an eyebrow but answered you anyway. "I'm not 100% sure, Tony recruited you before I was even recruited. You were on the team before I was so I'm not sure how he found you or you found him."
He watched as you took a drink from the tea you ordered and set it back down. You looked back at him with curiousity dancing around your features. "I have another," you stated and he nodded for you to go on. "What's the deal with you and Pietro? I overheard Natasha telling Steve and Wanda that you two keep bickering at one another and stuff. . ."
Bucky sat up straight and felt his body stiffen. He felt as if he was obligates to tell you about your guy's relationship but he wasn't sure if that obligation came from his own selfish needs or his anger towards everyone for keeping in you in the dark for so long.
He wanted to tell you. He wanted to tell you how he had to drag you out of bed early in the morning because you promised to go on an early jog with him the night before. Or how you would crawl into his bed in the middle of the night because your room got to cold. Or how he felt like his heart was going to pump out of his body after you kissed him for the first time and you shyly pulled away with your skin radiating enough heat to warm the room.
So many things he wanted to tell you, but he was told it would do more harm than good. That it would overwhelm you and you would only feel obligated to be with him.
"He just knows how to get to me," he finally said, just above a whisper.
"Why do you let him?"
Bucky softly smiled at you. You were always too curious. "Because we both want the same thing and I'm not going to step aside and let him have what's mine."
"Which is?" Your voice trailed off.
"It's nothing, doll," his voice was small and full of hurt.
You reached over the table and held his hand. Your small one laid on top of his and you gently squeezed it reassuringly. "This isn't a one way street. You know you can confide in me too, right?"
Bucky looked down at your hand on his and when he looked back at you, you were smiling at him. "Thanks, doll, but I'm okay."
"Are you sure? Because you seem like, I don't know, like you aren't?"
He shrugged at your response. "Nothing to worry about. Anymore questions?"
Your stare lingered for a few seconds but you decides to not push it any further and pulled you hand back. "Tell me about us. Like what's our relationship like? I don't really know about it."
Bucky took a deep breath and his eyes held something you couldn't read. "Well," he began to say. "We had a good relationship. At first it was a little rocky. You wouldn't give me your time of day. You were too focused on getting better at hand to hand combat."
You grinned at him. "Tell me more."
"When you did start talking to me," he mirrored your smile. "You convinced me to help you train. . . You cried on the first day."
Your mouth dropped and you secretly hoped he was joking. Even though you couldn't remember the event, you were still embarrassed about it. "Tell me your lying," you pleaded and hid behind your hands, stiffling an awkward laugh
He shook his head and smirked. "You didn't want me to go easy on you, so I didn't. You were exhausted by the end of the workout and you just started crying. I didn't know what to do, so I awkwardly patted your back."
You threw your head back in a fit of laughter. Bucky couldn't help but admire the way your eyes closed as your loud laugh echoed throughout the room. He felt some people glance over to the table but he brushed off the stares. He was never really comfortable being the center of attention but he was too distracted by you to even care about his own comforts.
Just when Bucky thought you'd never thought laughing, you abruptly did stop. He could clearly see your chest rise and drop with a deep inhale. "Okay wait, I feel like I know what happens next," you told him and squeezed your eyes shut in concentration. ". . .You want to go get Steve right? I feel like that happened."
Bucky laughed at that. "Yeah, I did. You were just crying and crying. After Steve came in, you were still bawling your eyes out, how he understood anything you said, was beyond me."
He felt his heart begin to increase its pace when you stared at him with the loving eyes you use to look at him with.
* * * *
"Anyone seen Bucky?" Steve asked as he entered the common room.
"No, I haven't seen Y/N, either," Natasha replied as she flipped through a magazine.
Sam nodded as he kept his eyes glued to the TV screen. "Yeah, they went out for coffee or something," he replied and threw some popcorn into his mouth.
Pietro's head shot up and he glared at Sam. "I'm sorry, what?"
Sam's lips turned into a small grin. "What's the matter? Jealous Bucky isn't out on a date with you instead?"
Everyone heard the man snicker as Pietro was close to ripping Sam to shreds.
"Date? They're on a date?" Natasha jumped up from her seat and stared at Sam. "She never told me anything."
Steve shook his head. "No, if it was a date, you'd see Bucky running around the building like a little kid on Christmas and Y/N tripping and falling everywhere."
Pietro sighed and relaxed back onto the couch. He felt Steve glaring at him but he ignored him and propped his feet onto the coffee table.
"If it was a date," Pietro stated in his matter-of-fact tone. "She'd be on a date with me."
Sam rolled his eyes and Natasha scoffed.
"Would you just let it go man?" Sam's voice echoed in the room. "She chose him, dude. It's not long before she does so again. How is she going to feel if she chooses you and she regains her memories back and learns you kept a big thing about her a secret?"
Natasha nodded in agreement.
"Pietro, we can find you other women," Steve stated, though he sounded anything but nice. "She isn't the one for you."
"Clint seems to think so," Pietro said, ignoring their advice.
Natasha scoffed once more and crossed her arms. She came off as bored with the conversation already. "Clint's an idiot," she protested. "The thing is Pietro, you don't know the way she use to talk about the metal arm man. She loves him."
"Maybe this is a second chance, maybe that mission happened, to give me a second chance."
Steve felt the urge to just slap the poor man. He was helplessly in love with you but because he was, he was intervening with a love that already is. "Maybe, but leave her alone, Pietro. If you are meant for each other, leave it up to fate."
Pietro stood up with a smirk on his face. "Luckily, fate is my middle name," his smile was devilish and everyone knew he was up to something.
Pietro strided out the room as Sam, Natasha, and Steve were calling him back. When they realized he wasn't returning, they went after him but the only they found was an empty hallway and the fading blue light of his abilities.
Tag List:
@lordemjay @team-heichou
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Conversation
Shiro and Lance are best friends. Keith gets caught sneaking out to a party bc Lance accidentally told on him. Keith and Shiro talk through some Family Feelings. Klance and Broganes rp.
Stranger: [broganes. shiro & lance are best friends] [To Lance] What the hell, Lance? You told me you wouldn't tell Shiro about running into me at that party. -K
You: I totally didn't mean to, dude. We were talking and it kinda just... slipped out. L
Stranger: Great, well, you're little slip up got me on house arrest for a week. You told him I hooked up with Adam? Are you nuts? -K
Stranger: ***your
You: I didn't tell him!!! He kinda... guessed. You know I can't lie for shit, man. L
Stranger: Trust me. I know. -K
You: Look, I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? L
Stranger: Shiro's so over protective. I mean, I get it. Our family has bad luck. People tend to die, a lot, but fucking hell, I'm almost eighteen. -K
Stranger: Try to lessen my sentence for good behavior? -K
You: He'll totally know you told me to tell him to let you off the hook if I say that. 'Good behaviour.' L You ARE almost eighteen, though. It's a little ridiculous, how much he babies you. Sweet, but ridiculous. L
Stranger: Ugh. You're right. Damn him for knowing me so well. -K
Stranger: I swear he still sees my as six years old. -K
You: He worries about you, dude. I mean, can you really blame him? You're kinda accident-prone. L
Stranger: ...I guess. Yeah. He's been extra on edge since the car accident. -K
You: He's doing his best to protect you. Even if he goes kinda overboard sometimes. L If you talk to him about it, and try to be understanding, he'd probably lessen your sentence on his own. Be sincere. He needs that. L
Stranger: Maybe. I think we're both too stubborn to admit we're wrong. -K
Stranger: I'm having sex and racing cars, not shooting up heroin. -K
You: If you want him to let you out of the house, you have to compromise with him. At least pretend to be sincere. L And maybe leave the whole 'racing cars' thing out of it. L
Stranger: Lance, come on. What compromise would we could to? -K
Stranger: It's fun. -K
You: "Hey Shiro, I've been an asshole and I know you're overprotective because you're worried about me. I love you and I promise not to do anything stupid again." Not that hard. L Maybe, yeah, but he wouldn't see it that way. L
Stranger: ....Fine. I'll think about it. -K
Stranger: Can /you/ talk to him? He'll listen to you. You're his best friend, I'm just his 'baby brother'. -K
You: I have talked to him!! Why else would he have let you go to that shitty concert last month?! L He needs to hear it from you. I can't convince him that you understand if you don't at least pretend to. L Not that I think you should pretend, by the way, because I KNOW you do understand, even if you play dumb about it. L
Stranger: That was you? -K
Stranger: I do understand. He doesn't. -K
You: Duh. L You have to understand it from his point of view, dude. L
Stranger: I do. We're our only family left. He's responsible for me. He sees Dad in me and it freaks him out. -K
Stranger: I'm not our dad. I'm not a baby. -K
You: Yeah, but have you guys ever actually sat down and talked about this stuff? L No, you haven't, because Shiro's told me you haven't. L
Stranger: ...I guess. -K
Stranger: I don't like talking about it. -K
You: Neither does he. But it has to happen. Otherwise, he's gonna just keep overprotecting you, and you're going to be pissed off and rebellious and shit. L
Stranger: I'm not rebellious! Having sex and driving cars I've been working on for months isn't rebellious! -K
Stranger: But fine. -K
You: Fast forward a year, man. He's still overprotective, you haven't talked. You're mad and you do something else because of it. L It happens. L Good. I promise, it'll be better for both of you if you just... shove some words out. L
Stranger: Ugh. Alright. I'll go 'shove some words out'. -K
You: Good. Let me know how it goes. I'm sure I'll get the other side of it, too. L
Stranger: [To Shiro] Still pissed? -K
You: Do I even have to answer that? S
Stranger: Right. -K
Stranger: I'm almost eighteen, Shiro. I'm not a baby. -K
Stranger: I understand why you're so protective.
Stranger: But it isn't fair. -K
You: It's not about being fair, Keith. S You snuck out. You didn't bother to think about whether or not I would worry, or what could happen. S What if something had happened? What would you have done? What would I have done? What COULD I have done? S
Stranger: I snuck out because you wouldn't have let me go, like alway! -K
Stranger: Shiro. You can't control everything. I can take care of myself. -K
You: When was the last time you asked me before doing anything?! S It sometimes seems like you don't even care, Keith. I'm not trying to control everything, but I can do my best to keep you safe. I know you hate it, and you probably hate me, but as long as you're safe, I'm not allowed to feel that. S
Stranger: Of course I don't hate you, Shiro, and of course I care. You're my best friend. But that's a little sad, isn't it? That my only friends are you and /your/ friends? -K
Stranger: How can you even say thay I hate you? I love you. You raised me. You're my family. I'm just...I'm not a baby. And I'm not dad. -K
You: How am I supposed to know you'll be safe? What if you go out one night and you don't come home, Keith? What am I supposed to do then? I can't do that. I know that I can't. I can't lose you. S
Stranger: [delayed] I can't live my life in a bubble because you're afraid. -K
Stranger: I'm scared too. Of losing you? -K
Stranger: But that's just part of life. Of our life. -K
You: [delay] I'll make you a deal, okay? Wait until you're eighteen. It's just a couple of months, and then you can go and stay out until 2am and party all you want. All I ask is that you tell me about it, so that I can keep my phone on in case you need me. Until then, can you stick to doing reasonable underage things? No drinking, no smoking, no gambling. Coming home before midnight. I know I've been hard on you. You're a good kid, and I'm just... I've been scared, but I trust you. I need to trust you more. S
Stranger: ...I can do that. That's fair. I want you to trust me. -K
Stranger: Sorry for being a little shit and scaring you all the time. -K
You: I won't say it's alright, but... You're a teenager. It's what you're supposed to do. Just... talk to me, will you? Tell me when you're going out. I'll try not to freak out on you so much. S
Stranger: I promise, yeah? If you promise to keep it calm. ...I know you don't like talking about it, but I'm practically an adult. I have sex. You can't, you know...freak out whenever you find out I am. -K
You: Yeah. I know. I just want you to be safe. S And that includes... sex. I don't... Ugh. I should have gotten more parenting books. You're using protection, right? S
Stranger: I know. Always have. Wouldn't even let me have a bike as a kid, remember? -K
Stranger: Probably. And..yeah. Usually. Mostly. -K
You: Keith. S Do I need to buy you condoms? S
Stranger: /No/. -K
Stranger: I'm just being honest, like you wanted! Sometimes shit happens. It isn't like I'm goinf to be getting anyone pregnant. -K
You: Using protection is very important. Even if you aren't going to get anyone pregnant, STDs can still happen. S I... appreciate your honesty. Just. Please. Be careful. S
Stranger: I know, I know. I'll be better about it. Promise. -K
Stranger: Sooo...am I still on house arrest? -K
You: As long as you promise. S ...No. Don't make me regret it, alright? S
Stranger: Pinky promise. -K
Stranger: I won't! Thank you! -K
Stranger: You're the best brother, you know that? Even if you're a little crazy. At least you give a shit. -ak
You: Thanks, Keith. You're a good kid. I love you, you know that? S
Stranger: I love you too. Now go to sleep, I know you've just been sitting in bed stressing out about me dying and hating you. -K
You: You know me too well. You should get some sleep, too. S
Stranger: Think I'm gonna work on the car for a bit, then I will. -K
You: Good. G'night, kiddo. S
Stranger: G'night, Shiro. -K
Stranger: [To Lance] So we talked. It worked. Good advice. -K
You: I told you! L What happened? L
Stranger: We just talked and he was being his usual worrying self but eventually came to the conclusion that he needs to trust me more. -M
Stranger: He's a really good guy. I mean, he gave up a lot to take care of me. I forget that sometimes. -K
You: I knew you guys could work it out. It needed to happen sooner or later. L
Stranger: He still seemed nervous, but. It's progress. I think he's going to end up buying me a ridiculous amount of condoms though. -K
You: Oh my god. L That's kinda hilarious. Do I even want to know why? L
Stranger: But mortifying. He discovered I don't use condoms frequently. I'm pretty sure he's panicking at this exact moment over it. Expect frantic best friend texts. -K
You: [delay] Yep, there they are. He's freaking out because he never gave you the sex talk. I told him I'm pretty sure you figured that one out on your own. L Dude, why DON'T you use condoms frequently? They're kinda important. L
Stranger: That I did. -K
Stranger: ...Doesn't feel as good. And it isn't like I'm sleeping with people I don't know. -K
You: Yeah, I guess. Try not to get an STD though. I've heard they're pretty shit. L
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jamericanbabyxo · 6 years
Text
September 18 & 19, 2017
compassion  
18 days alcohol
19 days cocaine
day 10 in rehab
new room, new girl: Carson - mutual “friend” app state. 
Sept 19
 don’t judge the past
19 Days alcohol  
20 days coca
day 11 in rehab
I wet the bed last night, correction, I pissed myself. How? I have no fucking clue🤷🏽‍♀️. It has randomly happened over the years. Once after sex with someone, in my own bed. Like I don’t know why. I normally wake myself up when I feel it. Luckily I was sleeping on my side last night when it happened. I really want to talk to Ellen about it. I feel so embarrassed by it.
the second night here I had a sex dream about Angelina. And now I almost feel uncomfortable around her. I need to talk to Ellen about that too. I don’t know if I address it or not. It’s weird.  
I feel very emotional today, yet I haven’t cried yet. I don’t know if I’m afraid of tears or not, but I know it’s goinf to be a waterfall if I do.  
I want to write a letter to my dad but already told my dad to stay out of my recovery through my mom. But she didn’t acknowledge it. I might just say the same thing, but again I need to talk to Ellen, ugh
teflon mind
sam edleman shoes
i didn’t take a lasagne before AA, but I am actually calm. 
AA
yrust the process
save your ass your soul will come later  
higher power: Christianity, god, connection
higher power is connection with things
its okay to cry
love your imperfections  
 nightmare protocol 
today I have been really scared of ___
so I might have nightmares and wake up feeling ____
and my heart might beat fast and I might shake and cry
if that happens I will tell myself it is because I am remembering ____
then I will turn on the light and look around the room. I will name the things I see.  
And I will tell myself that I just had a nightmare, that ____ is not happening now.  
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So lost and confused about my relationship with brandon. Oir timelines dont match up. He wants to travel at 30, and i want kids by 27... i want to be married by 27... brandon isn't goinf to mature up by that time... so what am i.. what are we.. what are we going to be? I love him.. does he love me? He loves me but we have different dreams for our lives.. he's only 23.. I'm 24.. i have 2.5 years before I want to have a kid... 2 years.. am i wasting time and effort on brandon.. am o wasting my energy.. should i start dating again.. but i love brandon.. but he can't give me what i want.. do i want brandon more than that? I don't know... it's so up in the air.. we're going to be separated for a while if he joins the navy anyway. Is this a lost cause. There are other fish in the sea.. so what am i doing here? Is it time to set sail or do i change the course or direction. Of i do, then where do we sail... i can't stay adrift.. i want something to work toward.. but he doesnt have that capacity to plan for these things.. every day he just scrapes by, and i'm dragged along.. i want someone who will fly with me to the stars and beyond.. who will look up and out with me and who will be by my side through it all.. every day... brandon has his own path, his own plan, and it doesn't factor me in... it's wishful thinking.. I've known this all along.. but i've been in denial.. i dont know what i hope for with brandon... i can't hope for anything.. he's stuck in his own world... i'm only a minor player in his world.. with no wants of my own which will impose onto his.. every time we talk about this he gets sleepy. He doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want to think about this. He never has. And i dont know if he ever will. So do i stay and hope or do i set sail in search for better? I don't know. I'm thinking its best to set sail. Yes, it will hurt to leave the land i love so much, bit when that land no longer has what i need or what i want.. and will not provide it for me.. i must leave. Never settle. Get what you deserve. You get what you work for.
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