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catbountry · 2 years

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Let’s Talk About Shipping Discourse and What it’s Been Doing to the Fandom... and to Me.

This is going to be weird for me, because I’ve never made any secret of having an interest in dark erotica on my Tumblr, but in recent months, I’ve felt the need to keep it on the down-low, because I do not trust the maturity level of the fandom for which I have been creating a ton of artwork. They scare me, quite frankly. Made me frightened. Being in a server full of people who viciously turned on an artist whose work I adored and scared them off for merely not blocking certain people online. And in the wake of the shit that went down in the Amphibia fandom on Twitter, (more archived links here) I feel like I can’t continue to stay silent on this. I don’t want to be bullied by children who shouldn’t be in these spaces in the first place, children I do not wish to interact with. I want to share my artwork I’ve been toiling away at for months and only showing on Discord.

Anybody who has followed my blog long enough might be aware of the novel I was working on that was put on hiatus, Our Fearsome Goddess, which hasn’t been updated in like four years. I got caught up in other projects. But OFG contained disturbing subject matter, including rape, imprisonment, sex slavery, snuff, sexual torture and gore. And I never got any backlash on it. In fact, I have a history of drawing disturbing porn, some for shits and giggles or shock value, others because they are genuine fantasies of mine. Being able to draw and write these scenarios in a fictional context, where they are words on a screen or lines on paper, is the safest way I can explore these interests; interests that would be unthinkable for me to do IRL. I hate seeing people get hurt.

But since December of last year I have been focusing such dark fantasies on a Tumblr Sexyman (I know, shut up) that attracts enough underage or emotionally underdeveloped fandom police that I have genuinely feared the backlash I would get for sharing these works publicly, especially after seeing a lynch mob form against an artist whose work I adore in a Discord server and seeing the sort of weird conservative groupthink set in. And I’m tired of hiding it.

For the past eight months, I have been drawing a series of comics that center around a toxic relationship with two Deltarune characters; Spamton G. Spamton and Kris Dreemur. I found myself drawn to it because much of the art felt like it spoke to me, as someone who was a teenager who was never attracted to boys my age, but rather men who had to be at least nearly a decade my senior. This is a part of my sexuality, as well as wanting to depict an AFAB character as being the aggressor, the dominant one, the one with complete control and manipulating the older man, because this was something I fantasized about even back in high school. Teenage girls having crushes on older men is a very common experience and every time I saw it depicted in film in a way that acknowledged that such a relationship was not feasible, or was one-sided, I felt as though I was being seen. Looking back on My Girl or watching The Professional as an adult and seeing myself in Vada and Mathilda... and yes, I am aware of the hell that The Professional put Natalie Portman through but seeing her as Mathilda, she was the one I projected onto. But there was also a side of me fascinated by brutality, guilt, abuse and co-dependency in a relationship. I was never comfortable with the idea of the woman in a relationship being abused. I was abused enough as a kid. Instead I wanted to feel a sense of power and control I never had, of sexual freedom I was denied by a mother who seemed disgusted at the idea of her hormone-addled daughter expressing an interest in sex, and instilled a deep sense of shame in me in regards to anything even related to sex. The comics I have been writing have been me exploring this abusive relationship dynamic between a young, female abuser and a very traumatized and emotionally beaten-down man desperate for any signs of affection at all. I’ve been sharing these comics with friends and they’ve been nothing but supportive of me, even the ones that aren’t even into this sort of thing, because they are able to look at is as art, as a story, rather than as an endorsement of the actions depicted in these comics. Look, I don’t want to spring what I’ve made onto people who don’t want to see it, and I am very aware that what I have made will make people uncomfortable. And they’re allowed to be uncomfortable! They have every right to be because I design the comics to be uncomfortable and brutal, same as I did with Our Fearsome Goddess. But the Deltarune fandom is full of young people who only seem to consume Marvel movies, children’s cartoons, babby games and YA novels where all the morals are spelled out and there’s little room for ambiguity or nuance. And what’s nuts is that in the 2000′s and even the early 2010′s, this content was allowed to exist without the fear of a bunch of minors trying to dox you, so long as you tagged it accordingly. Now, if you even so much as think about drawing porn of Jotaro from Part 3 of Jojo, there will be people jumping down your throat for sexualizing a minor... even though he looks like a 35 year-old man. I ain’t seen a single 17 year old in my life that looks like Jotaro. I would not post these comics here because Tumblr keeps removing my old porn still to this day. I’d probably post it to AO3 with plenty of warnings, or maybe even do a dump on 4chan’s /trash/ board. No fucking way would I put this shit on my Twitter. I have been using Kris as essentially an author surrogate for my most sadistic inclinations to a funny little puppet salesman from a video game with a wide teenage fanbase and it’s precisely because of the age of that fanbase skewing younger that I have been frightened to share this material. I saw what they did to PurelyGross on Twitter. It disgusted me.

If enough people are interested, I will put these comics up on AO3 behind a bajillion content warnings just so everybody knows what they’re getting into, rather than the more vague or non-existent warnings for my older fanfic where the audience tended to skew older. My view, and the view of a lot of fandom people my age and older, tends to be that exploring dark themes in fiction is fine, as some of the people who do a lot of sick twisted weirdo shit IRL usually didn’t have much of a creative outlet for it and decide instead it’d be fun and cool to try it for real. I absolutely do not want minors looking at my stuff, but I realize it would be inevitable, particularly if some Safe Twitter Adult decides to show my degenerate porn to a bunch of minors, which is a fucking crime, by the way, holy shit, how have these people not had a visit from the 4chan Party Van? Heh. “4chan Party Van.” That’s a throwback. Christ, I’m old.

Writing and drawing these comics has been therapeutic to me, in a weird way. As an author, I love indulging in putting characters I love through the worst scenarios possible just to see what happens. Kris has been written as being controlled by a vile red Soul, and the characters who find out about Kris’s treatment of Spamton are rightfully disgusted and want to help Spamton out of this abusive relationship. It’s essentially a hurt/comfort/hurt/comfort/hurt even more/okay here’s some comfort kind of fic. The last thing I need is some fucking 14 year old crying at me about how I hurt their comfort character and that I’m a freak or a pedophile when the underage character is not the one that I’m attracted to. Again, they’re the author surrogate. I can’t say why I’m like this but these comics have made me feel like a sexual being again after years of being on SSRIs that made me not even want to be touched. I recently had sex for the first time in over three years, because in those prior years, my libido had been pretty much shot. I didn’t like feeling that way because I didn’t use to feel that way. I felt broken. I didn’t even want to be touched in a way that was remotely sexual.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence, either, that I felt this sort of realization that this was a thing that I was into once I had distanced myself from Kiwi Farms, which from what I can tell, seems to have a bunch of TERFs and right-wing weirdos keeping track of people’s degeneracy for just... drawing cartoons. I posted multiple times on the forum that cartoonists are kind of perverts, and also that anybody who was just drawing weird shit but had zero evidence of them grooming kids was probably not a threat, who fucking cares. A lot of cartoonists and animators at least seem fairly harmless. Others, not so much (fuck you, John K., I can’t believe I ever admired your scumbag ass). I notice a lot of these fandom police are either young or they’re adults who hang around a lot of minors. When an artist got doxed and had to flee her home to avoid potentially getting beaten or killed by her deeply conservative Muslim family over ship art she drew, a bunch of goddamn children were cheering about it. The instigator tried to publicly distance themselves from starting it, only to gloat about it in a Twitter voice group, (backup here). I felt sick to my stomach. This is ghoulish behavior, and I can’t help but feel this is the result of a combination of mean girl shit, ship wars, Twitter’s constant feedback loop of self-righteous indignation, and a diet of only the most corporate, sanitized media possible. In some ways, I kind of understand it, since it seems that when I talk to fandom people under a certain age (about 24-23, usually), they’ve had some experience with being groomed online. I’m 35 and somehow managed to avoid this, as I would often nope out of this kind of thing immediately as a teenager. The internet empowered me to do something I had a lot of trouble doing in real life, and that is telling people when I am uncomfortable. It’s still extremely hard to do IRL but I have made a lot of progress since then. I know a lot of people were groomed using rule 34, but really, you can use regular porn or just pure hero worship if you’re an influencer to groom kids. It seems too similar to the media blaming acts of violence on video games or movies; the fault lies with the perpetrator of those crimes, not with the media that “inspired” them. The Beatles are not responsible for the Manson family murders and J.D. Salinger isn’t responsible for the assassination of John Lennon. I also am aware of multiple people who are a danger to children online who are still active and ain’t none of these kids trying to go after them. I once offered up info on a self-admitted pedophile rapist to someone who claimed they wanted to kill all pedos with a baseball bat, but they immediately chickened out, said that the state I gave out was too far away, blocked me and called me a pedo-enabler. These people don’t actually give a shit about protecting kids, they just want to bully women. And like, it’s almost entirely women and LGBT people that are targeted, people who are already made to feel ashamed and dirty over any sort of perceived sexual deviancy. We literally have Texas republicans ranting and raving about the graphic novel Genderqueer for being “literal pornography” when it’s autobiographical and said “pornography” is rendered in such a way that it’d hardly be arousing to anybody. Do these kids realize they sound exactly the same as these conservatives trying to ban books with gay people in them? With depictions of growing up as a queer youth in them? I don’t think they do.

It’s insane to see both supposedly leftist teens and old conservative cranks both rant about groomers in entirely different contexts. To the queer kids that perpetuate this, know this: those conservatives want you to stop existing because they see you the exact same way they see people like me; as disgusting freaks. Degenerates. The downfall of western society. I feel like these kids heads might explode if they watched a John Waters movie that wasn’t Hairspray. (Sidenote: I briefly met John Waters at a book signing earlier this year. He adored my “I FUCK ON THE FIRST DATE” shirt and told me an anecdote about how this was a thing Hollywood producers would say back in the day to indicate that they were eager to sign deals with new talent. I treasure this man. He is a true queer icon and a huge inspiration to me.) So please. Read a banned book. Watch video nasties and controversial films. Listen to albums by bands talking about some weird, fucked-up shit. Expand your reference pool. Watch a show written for grown-ups where the characters aren’t split into good guys and bad guys. Superhero stuff is fun, or at least it used to be. Now I feel like I can’t enjoy it because it’s inadvertently taken out the sexuality out of mainstream film and dumbed everything down and made things all quippy and self-aware. A mind cannot sustain itself on popcorn CGI fests and soft uwu fluff alone. I will continue to draw my comics because it’s reawakened my floundering creative drive and it created an outlet for my sick pervert fantasies. For a while I was putting out a new page every single day. That’s slowed down considerably but I haven’t felt this creative fire in my veins since my early days of writing TF2 fanfic for TF2chan.

Also, consider supporting the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, a very pro-LGBTQ organization that helps fight censorship against comic books. I don’t think they’ve expanded into the world of fanworks yet, but AO3 certainly has. They even have a symposium on the “anti” fandom phenomenon. I highly suggest you read it.

I want to make it so that the idea of doxing someone over art on private or clearly marked as adult Twitter accounts is seen as abhorrent. I want people to express themselves and channel their inner turmoil and traumas in a way that they can reclaim it and reshape it. Doing so is quite common for victims of trauma or sexual abuse. But most of all, I don’t want kids on Twitter and social media because they cannot handle it, it is more dangerous than it ever was when I was a teen during the “wild west” days of the internet, and holy shit I cannot imagine just how fucked up these ideas are and planting them in the minds of impressionable young people is so fucking damaging and is going to result in the same kind of guilt and shame I had to deal with from my Catholic upbringing that made me such a weird sex pervert in the first place.

And I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone.

Also I swear to god if one of you fuckers bring up Jaws as the reason why shark-culling is a thing, 1) you’re a moron if you think a bunch of people harvesting fins for shark fin soup did it because of an American blockbuster, and 2) Jaws was based on a real life series of freak shark attacks by the same shark in the summer of 1916. Fiction may affect reality, but reality affects fiction a lot more and looking at the multiple horror movie characters inspired by Ed Gein alone should tell you as much.

#tl;dr #discourse #general content warning #not fan fiction

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evillillad · 10 months

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Important info!! <3

blog is 18+ (innuendos, jokes, suggestive, and possible nudity) (I DO NOT POST PLAYFELLOWXXX STUFF anymore on this account)

I do a lot of canon/oc and selfinsert/oc stuff <3

NOT welcome home only; this is my doodle spot so anything goes, im just currently hyperfixated on the gay muppets.

im a vtuber!! a silly evil lil guy!!

25 - she/they - bi - silly - goofy - whimsical

LINKS!

Twitter!

Watch me draw or play games!! (i usually post when im doing something art related)

twitch_live

Feel free to send any asks or stuff, i love talking and i wont stop

This blog will always be 18+ just for the sake of it but it wont have my more suggestive stuff on here (posing and anatomy stuff will still be here but no bluge, tit, nipple, etc showing through clothes)

#info #general content warning #im not strict with the 18+ since i dont post my playfellowxxx stuff here anymore but please dont be weird lmao #im a full grown adult if if u didnt know somehow

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fairiesofgensokyo · 4 months

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"...and the smile on her face, it gives me chills."

"What's that?"

"Oh, did you see Keine earlier? She was practically walking on sunshine."

"After what she did? Oh, that's... that's scary!"

"I know, right? She's like an oni in the legends."

Current Rumour Iteration: The Bone fairy caught Keine beating a child, Keine invited the fairy to the school at night. Keine then doused the bone fairy with lamp oil, broke her bones, set her on fire, made her bite the curb, and stomped on her head, all to keep her quiet.

And she's happy about it.

#fairy gossip #general content warning #content warning: violence towards children and fairies

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roatmeal · 11 months

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You seem like tha type of bitch what never got slurmed off the Lurch...and it shows laughing crying emoji laughing crying emoji red one hundred number emoji cat crying laughing emoji period enter key and you know what else I thought of oh God there's a fucking oh my god there's been an accident Siri stop text to typing and call nine one one and emergency services right fucking now he's killing people he's shooting people on the highway on my god his wife is oh my god no no no grab the kids no please God have mercy please Lord Jesus watch over these precious children oh my God oh wait nevermind it was some sort of viral prank or something yeah it was a prank the kids are laughing and holding their phones up like they're filming something the mom is crying and she doesn't look happy at all the guy is laughing ha ha everyone is laughing and pointing at her ha ha what a dumb broad oh it's still text to typing well anyway yeah

I saw the first few words and the length of the text and thought I was about to read the most devastating anon hate of my life but no ur right I never did get slurmed off the lurch and honestly that's on me

#ask #roat talk tag #anon #even though theres only one bitch in my life who would say this #uhhhh lets see #ask to tag #guns #car accidents #unreality #shootings #misogyny #general content warning #jonon

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schwazombie · 1 year

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So yesterday while I was out I saw the boldest sticker the Neos have printed and put out yet. It straight up said 'NS Zone' and had the Reichsadler on it. Black red and white. It was right at eye height and the adhesive on the sticker was super strong -- as in, I couldn't even get a corner to come up to at least tear part of it down. The neos in the area had already started putting their stickers up higher and, since we kept tearing them down anyway, changed the adhesive on them or started putting extra glue on the back or something because they won't come off anymore. But this... this is a new level. 'NS Zone'.

So I took a picture of it and sent it to my friends because what in the actual fuck and when I told one of them that I am so fucking tired she said that I had to take it with a bit of humour.

Humour.

These people want me dead. I'm a nonbinary aromantic bisexual autistic unemployed foreigner. I am so many things they hate all rolled into one. I can't 'take it with a bit of humour'. I can't just laugh it off as oh, they're so dumb they spend their money on stickers and we just tear them down. I'm not 'uncomfortable' at seeing this. I am scared. My only saving grace is that I'm white so until I open my mouth it's not obvious that I'm not German. They aren't dumb. They are pushing the limit and defining their turf and letting people like them know that they and their hatred can get a foothold here.

You idiots. You absolute fuckers let them get a foothold with PEGIDA years ago. 'Gib Nazis keine Chance!' and then you let them start railing against Islam, saying they had a right to their opinion, and I had nothing to worry about. I had a colleague eight years ago who told me I had nothing to worry about, and I told her that this was just the start, that hatred was just the beginning and if we let it take root it would grow. Then the AfD came along just a few years later and so many people excused them because these poor people were just fed up, they had no voice, there were problems not being addressed and they were suffering and we needed to understand their position. They wouldn't have voted AfD if someone had listened to them. 'Gib Nazis keine Chance'. What in the legitimate actual fuck did y'all think that meant? Hating Muslims wasn't enough, and so they targeted all foreigners. Foreigners are taking all our jobs, foreigners who aren't learning German, foreigners with accents and their sinful ways. Did y'all not notice when the one AfD politician specifically said that by women she meant 'blau augige, blonde deutsche Frauen'?? Oh, but there's no reason to worry. It's just a fringe group. You're safe. And then I start seeing stickers. Anti-LGBTQ+. Don't hate just Muslims. Don't hate just all foreigners. Hate them, and hate anyone who isn't cishet, too. 'Keine Lust auf Linke Versager!' 'Volksverräter' with the symbol for the green party thrown in a trash can. 'Unsere Stadt Verteidigen!' with the symbols for antifa, Islam, and LGBTQ in red circles crossed out. 'Unsere Stadt hält Stand!' with a website for the Junge Nationalisten.

'NS Zone' with the Reichsadler in black, red, and white.

I'm tired and I'm scared.

#zombie thoughts #cw #tw #general content warning #i don't know how to tag this #fucking neos

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west-tokyo-incidents · 1 year

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Brain; Ress you've already implied your hc that Fusataro has SA trauma and they literally have canon trauma being beaten down in the music industry THEY DONT NEED MORE

Me; haha what if Aflodite broke up because Fusataro is indirectly at fault for the death of one of the members? would that be fucked up or what?

#ress talks #general content warning #yes im cruel to my favorite characters #glad you noticed #fussa fusataro #karakuridoji ultimo #karakuridouji ultimo #ultimo

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kyuureimu · 1 year

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headcanon. oh we talking tattoos? we talking scars? how about both! a kinda-sorta part 2 electric boogaloo to kyurem's physical state. Potential content warnings: Description of injuries, experimentation, mention of injection / surgical sites, implied self harm. The first half will simply talk about the tattoos, but the rest will fall under readmore; nothing explicit is written but it's just to be safe and to sidestep possible TMI. tl;dr of that: kinda sucks being the dragon of bound potential when you're under the microscope of a scientist specializing in unleashing potential :(

So, tattoos! Very common practice in Isshu/ancient Unova. Can range from denoting status, coming of age, identity, kinship, etc. Different parts of the region have their own sub-cultures of designs and placement meaning, but it's a stone-throw away from being like the Isshu art of sealing. The traditional method is using a small hammer (made from wood, bone, metal, etc, depends on the artist and its significance) to tap the tattooing needle into the skin, and the ink is either rubbed into the wound after or prior if the artist needs a guide. Can be very painful and may need several sessions to complete, depending both on complexity, significance (if done ritualistically), and, well, pain tolerance.

While he doesn't necessarily have them as a dragon, Kyurem's human guise always carry tattoos in the traditional sense. They stretch from his upper body, over his shoulders and partly into his upper arms and neck, and all across his back. They are overall very geometric in shape, again reminiscent to the art of sealing, with them converging into a flowing design on his back that is visually similar to the intricate patterns naturally found at the heart of the region (the Entralink).

While still somewhat visible, his tattoos have definitely faded with time and have been marred over with scars.

However...

Team Plasma seemed pretty keen on its potential significance when they had taken Kyurem in to be experimented on. At some point the Sages got a hold of some critical and sensitive intel, mainly what would later be revealed to be the DNA Splicers.

Like figuring out a picture puzzle and a maze at the same time, they tried to connect the dots and apply this newfound breakthrough into their test subject. First order was deciphering the research notes and to re-apply a similar seal on Kyurem's own Dragon Stone state, as if to prime him for the application of the DNA Splicers. This new seal, when translated to his human guise, is sprawled over his back, seemingly both tracing his old seal tattoo and completely altering it; black lines over faded grey, bright violet over dulled gold.

He gained new scars along the way, as to be expected. Perfectly sutured surgical sites in various parts of his body, most notably around the area of his heart. Visible pin-pricked marks along his neck and arms from injection sites. (And possibly more...)

Kyurem had a really bad case of body dysmorphia ever since the Split, but after the events of B2W2 (and especially after fusing with the corresponding dragon) that paranoia has been dialed to 11. He felt ill looking at a reflection of himself, and he had to constantly fight (and at times gave in to) the urge to pick and claw off his skin.

With time he has gotten... a little better about it, but once again there is a reason why he dresses the way he does. Taking him anywhere near medical/surgical equipment or a super sterile room like at a hospital/Pokecenter might resurface that fear.

But in an ironic twist of fate, despite everything that happened he has gotten better at controlling his reactive ice powers/generation; he cannot escape suffering its effects, unfortunately, but it won't drive him into a near-frenzy like it did in the past and can more safely redirect and cull the cold to only apply to himself.

#[ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɴᴇꜱ ] :: headcanon.#general content warning #ask to tag #: )

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