#gaoshun is so done

[infinitesadnessmelon]

#apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #jinshi #gaoshun #manga out of context #manga panel #dont talk to him hes angy #gaoshun is so done #It's just a lie Maomao please keep talking to him if not he's going to die

[stsgooo]

moonlit goddess.... maybe jinshi is wondering why his dear maid continues to pull away from him... and maybe gao shun lets it slip that "they shouldn't have been close that day anyway".... and jinshi pesters him until he folds n explains.... IDK I JUST WANT A HAPPY ENDING FOR THOSE TWO :((((( (not forced ofc!! i jus love ur writing!)

Bridge the Gap.

✩࿐ summary: life and death really makes a girl wonder.

warning(s): idiots in love, chapters 61-65 manga spoilers, master/servant like relationship, description of near drowning, suggestive content, ambiguous ending. wc; 9.3k

pairing(s): jinshi/fem!reader.

a/n: tysm for reading my fics means the world to hear ppl actually enjoy them, anon!!! ;') i wasn't really going to make a 2nd part of moonlight goddess as i thought it was okay to leave off there, but i love jinshi sooo i'll take any excuse to write him. this was initially going to be a part 2 of clumsiness, but i figured my plans worked better with what you were envisioning! im not entirely sure how to feel about this, but i hope this lives up to the standards! i apologize for any mistakes, this was written mostly in the early mornings when i had time!

part i. m.list

"Are you sure I'm not hurting you?"

"Y/N, please, stop asking me that."

"Oh, yes. My apologies, Jinshi-sama. Sorry."

This were, admittedly, not going well. Both of you soaked, hair dripping, and standing in the cave behind a rapid waterfall, and a dull ache in your chest as you recovered. Partly your fault, partly the fault of some crazed marksman that was hiding in the forest, trying to slaughter Jinshi and, by proxy, you.

To understand how you two ended up in this situation, we would have to back up a bit.

"Oh? Y/N, I didn't know you'd be attending this as well?"

"It was a last minute switch with Suiren and I."

"You... enjoy these hunts?"

"I've done everything I could to avoid them in the years past."

Your lack of excitement was apparent and clear. It appeared to bring no ease of mind to Maomao who dragged her rather disgusted eyes from you towards Gaoshun. The older man just kept his attention on the moving scenery outside, a distant glaze over his eyes.

Maomao obviously wasn't optimistic. Just like you. You were almost proud that she had caught on so easily.

The sweltering heat outside seemed to seep into the carriage, cooking you alive in your rather formal wear. Something that you were spotted in far and few, having been years that you truly cleaned yourself prim and proper. You had been on the edge of declining even going when Jinshi, with a grin and a certain glitter in his eyes, had too happily informed you that it was a direct invitation from Shishou.

Your fate had been sealed.

Maomao peeked at you from the corner of her eye, head tilted, "Do you mind me asking why you avoided these events?"

You don't even spare her a glance, "I fear if I spoke my honest opinion, I'd stain Jinshi-sama's reputable name with my foul mouth." You reply flatly in return.

"Please don't." Gaoshun said softly from his seat, looking particularly tired.

You decided to ignore the slump of Maomao's shoulders as if disappointed by the swift interruption and decline on Gaoshun's part. Turning your eyes towards the shifting world outside.

It'd been exactly five months since Jinshi had danced under the moon and you came to the conclusion that any impure thoughts you held for your master would be safely tucked away in the back of your mind (and heart). Forever your secret. Only to be heard in your dreams and upon your death, when you repent for any ill thoughts to the Great Man above.

Everything had returned to its normal routine. You would get up in the morning, prepare breakfast alongside Suiren, eat, then proceed with any chores the woman gave you for the rest of the day, then repeat. Equally, your relationship (or lack thereof) with Jinshi had remained the same. Conversations filled with pleasantries. Simple things that had always lingered between the two of you since you were children. Pleasant and simple. As the world shall ever be.

It got a bit ruffled with Jinshi had cornered you and practically ordered that you come to the hunt instead of Suiren.

In the middle of scrubbing away at the floors, he had found you. Stood above you with that grin, “Y/N, you’re one of my most loyal servants, hm?” He’d begun with an inflection in his tone that made you horribly hesitant.

You had faltered in your scrubbing to stare up at him with confusion, “Uh…well, I suppose, Jinshi-sam’s.”

“Why don’t you join me for the Hunt this up coming week?”

Your had heart dropped. And, by the look Gaoshun had dawned, his had too. The Hunt, in your humble opinion, was a glorified weekend for the men in high positions to rub one off while killing animals. It wasn’t something you found interesting in or much grace. That’s why you had declined Suiren’s question on whether or not you’d like to take her place only three days prior. You had no interest in watching anyone, even Jinshi, size each other up while a defenseless animal bled.

“Jinshi-sama, I believe Suiren—“

Ever the gentleman, he had cut you off, “No worries, Suiren agreed to take over matters while you’re gone! She’s the sweetest, right?” He had appeared all to eager and all too himself for you to ignore.

So, with a heavy heart, you’d sighed, accepting defeat and his invitation.

Now, you would find your torture for a multiple day retreat with a bunch of men with their c—

The carriage came to an abrupt halt, bringing an unruly end to your thoughts as you all carefully exited and were greeted by the sunshine. The humid air heavy with the condensation of the area and already making a sweat appear on your brow. But, ever the lady, you pleasantly tuck your hands into your sleeves and follow behind Gaoshun and Basen.

You were a little surprised as Maomao stuck closely to your side; but not all too surprised to find her attention on your surroundings, vague surprise in her eyes. The area was as equally as beautiful as it was a burden to you.

The buildings weren't anything for you to revel at. Spending an entire lifetime within palaces and in buildings as equally or above standard to those, it just wasn't anything special. The nature surrounding the area, however, was something to stare in awe at. Lucious trees, beautiful grass, and beautiful array of plants and flowers. It almost made you regret all the time you had spent away from this place.

But it wasn't like you had the chance to truly return since the last time you were here. Nothing could bring back that little girl.

You deterred your thoughts away as Gaoshun slid the door open. Immediately, you were hit with a wave of heat that you made you tense up. It was apparent that you wouldn't find your much needed cool down you were desperate to find since you were confined in the carriage days prior.

You were the last to enter and when you did, you faltered at the sight before you.

Jinshi was sprawled across the couch, wisps of his dark hair framed his sweat glistened face, eyes closed in contempt. A small dent appeared between his eyebrows and a frown adorned his face. However, your attention was caught on a drop of sweat that made its way from his hairline, down his cheek, his jaw, his long slender neck, and past his— his collar.

His modesty was of no worry, apparently, as he laid with his robes parted open to reveal his chest. Itself was glistening with sweat. Delicate skin on showcase for all to see. It brought a soft blush to your cheeks, as you blatantly ogled him. Pressing your lips together to contain whatever thoughts you had about him from burst from your seams.

"Y/N," Jinshi's voice hit your ears, tender and smooth. You're suddenly hyperaware that he's staring at you with raised brows, lids peeked open to stare at you.

You straighten your back and offer a bow, "Jinshi-sama. Do you require anything?" You had to get it together. It was inappropriate to behave in such a scandalous way. "Request for ice? Tea?"

Jinshi shook his head, sitting up, "No, rather I'd like for you to rest after such a long journey."

You falter, your arms wavering from their position in front of your face, "Uh.... Wouldn't the room be more tolerable with some ice?" You spare a glance around the room and grimace. The windows are shut tight, only bits of sun peeking through the cracks. Basen looks rather miserable, but trying to appear his usual stern self. While Gaoshun and Maomao seem rather okay with showcasing their small discontent with the heat. A nice cube would help at least cool down a bit.

You also couldn't stand another second seeing Jinshi like that. As if he were some type of nymph testing your faith.

"Really, it's fine—" Jinshi attempted, but you were already turning on your heel.

"I will return with ice." You didn't miss the way Jinshi's face fell and his eyes cut to Gaoshun who shook his head in return.

Your fast paced adventure led you to the main hall, where people were moving in and out. Various officers and servants filled the area, finding their rooms or helping their masters and fellow officers to their own rooms. Everyone appeared to be feeling the heat as they wiped their brows. Much like you, they appeared to be attempting to defeat the heat.

You found your way towards an attendant who helped you get something situated for Kousen. Something that brought you both distaste and irritation. Something to be addressed at a later time.

Joy filled you as you turned around, ice would soon be in the room and you could crowd around it like it was a new lover.

As you were about to make your way back to the room, you ran into someone.

You were about to apologize when they whirled around and you let out an audibly sigh that conveyed your unwavering exhaustion for them.

"Hey, watch where— Oh, hey, " Lihaku blinked, kind face twisted up in vague recognition. “You’re that lady-in-waiting. What are you doing out here?”

“I’m on loan from Jinshi-sama,” you answered rather flatly, not missing the small frown accompanying the man’s face.

You were vaguely familiar with Lihaku. What with Maomao getting involved in the problems within the inner and rear palace, you were bound to make new acquaintances when she was dragging you around. Lihaku was the first one you had ran into. On orders to accompany the girl from Suiren, you had gotten to see her investigative skills firsthand. You were impressed, surely, when she had made the discovery about the potatoes. But the impression was overshadowed by Lihaku, who had spent the entire time chatting your ear off.

He was kind, handsome, and smart when it called for it. But you could tell that, like most officers, he had an airheaded vibe to him. One that deterred you from making things too complicated with him.

Friendly enough, and one of the few people that didn't seem to disinterest Maomao, you accepted his very vague and shadowed feature in your life.

"Well, that's nice of him." He said, clearly disinterested in where this conversation was going. "I'm glad to see a friendly face, though."

You offered a small smile, "As am I. Not many kind faces around here often."

"You can say that again." You hear a loud inhuman snort and a tug on your gown, taking a large step back, you look down. A large dog with drool leaking out from the sides of its mouth stared back at you. "Oh, hey, boy, no!"

"O-Oh my." You uttered, slightly breathless as you looked at the large beast.

Lihaku glanced at you, offering a withering smile, "Eh, sorry, he gets excited around new people— not a great trait in a dog like this, you would think, but he's a real gem. Just has his moments. Hey, now—"

Lihaku pulled out something metal and brought it to his lips, then blew. It emitted little to no sound, at least, any you could truly hear, making your perk up when the dog tilted his head and sat respectfully before the officer. He blew again and the dog laid. Again, and the dog stood on all fours.

You smiled softly, watching in wonder as it obeyed whatever silent orders it was getting from Lihaku.

"He's very smart." You observed as the dog sat down again.

"Right?" Lihaku beamed, "I can get him to come running from kilometers away if need be."

"Useful when you're in a bind."

"For sure!" Lihaku's demeanor reminded you of a proud father as he puffed his chest and looked distastefully towards the cages lined up outside. "He's real smart, yet they still want to use those birds in the end."

You didn't want to point out the various problems that could come with using a dog; as there were probably another list of various pros to actually use the dog. The hawks had been used for years and you doubt that some dogs would be taking their place any time soon. It'd probably be a long time before these arrogant men came to their senses and found better means. Despite dogs being loyal and determined to their cause, the hawk would always be chosen.

Or, the better alternative, they didn't do this hunt anymore.

But you knew that was a longshot.

It wasn't long after that you bid Lihaku a farewell and good luck on his duties, making your way back to the room. You exchanged pleasant smiles and greetings with familiar faces, but nothing that kept you from relaxing much longer.

When you returned to the room, everyone had found their own areas and activities to occupy themselves. Gaoshun and Basen were playing Go near the windows, Maomao was reclining on the floor where a sliver or air was flowing through (from where, you weren't completely sure). Jinshi was back to sitting on the couch, a book in his hands. Something that was quickly disregarded as you gently closed the door behind you.

"The ice should be up soon." You informed the room with a respectful bow.

Jinshi didn't look at all interested, "What took you so long?" It sounded like contempt. Irritation if you had to really dig. Something that made you falter.

You look up and see the pout on his lips— childish, as always. "Oh, I'm sorry, Jinshi-sama. I happened to run into a friend and got caught up in conversation." You apologized softly. The last thing you wanted to do was bring him more annoyance and disturbance.

He straightened considerably, "A friend?"

You didn't like the way it was spoken. A touch of disbelief was enough for you to eye him with your own distaste. Even if you and Lihaku were nothing more than strangers with vague familiarity with one another.

"Yes, a friend." You confirmed with thin lips. Despite your inner voice telling you to reign in your attitude, you upturn your nose and decide to join Maomao— whose eyes were shooting between the both of you with trepidation and vague sympathy. "He was being kind."

Jinshi huffed, "I didn't know you had any secret friends."

"Not a secret. Just don't find any time to speak about it with you, Jinshi-sama."

That made the man falter, a darkened shadow over his face. "I suppose." He frowned heavily now, squinting at you with something unreadable. "Who is this friend of yours?"

You, finding no reason to lie, continued on, "Officer Lihaku."

In an instant, three heads snapped to you with varying degrees of emotions. Maomao looked shocked, but welcomed the information with a shrug. Gaoshun looked pale and overwrought, for whatever reason you weren't entirely sure, but you had an itching feeling it had to do with Jinshi.

The same Jinshi that was now face down on the couch, letting out a miserable sound. Speaking into the fabric of it all, unintelligiable. But you swore you heard something along the lines of— "that second rate, again?!" As he continued to rant and cry.

With that, you decided it best to not involve yourself with whatever Jinshi was battling. You wouldn't win anyway.

You'd always hated Kousen-sama.

He almost always seemed to loom in the shadows. An masked man who held no personality or words of his own. Pleasantries offered out of necessity and not because that was simply the right thing to do. He was mysterious. He hardly appeared, but he was always there. A reminder for what things would return to one odd day. A symbol for exactly where your loyalties and master lied.

Kousen-sama was to always appear before others with his mask on. To avoid them seeing the ghastly sight of scars and blemishes that adorned his skin because of his sickness (whatever that may be) and spare him the indecency of stares. He was unmoving. Stone amongst he lively environment that ate away at their lunches and softly conversed with one another.

Prince. The respectable Kousen-sama. The great son of the empire. The brave prince against all odds.

Oh, how much you hate Kousen-sama.

But you still had woken up early to help him pin his hair back. To slip his robes on. To delicately place the mask on, fingering the bangs out through the slits to allow some type of familiarity. You were his confidant. His reliable and kind servant.

As always, you and Basen stood behind Kousen-sama with your backs straight and eyes ahead. A pleasant servant on loan and stern guard, you both were familiar faces against the unrecognizable figure in front of you. It reminded the people exactly who was before them. Exactly who had decided to grace their presence.

Still, it brought you discomfort.

You still eyed Gaoshun in the corner of you eye. The older man sat at the other end of the table. Maomao standing behind him with a distant look in her eyes, obviously not paying attention to the things happening around her. Not entirely surprising, but you felt the overwhelming urge to scold her for her lack in etiquette.

Oh, you're starting to think like Suiren, aren't you?

Suddenly, Basen is tensing up beside you and Kousen-sama is turning his head away from a scowling Shishou. Your eyes snap between the two with a scowl of your own. Whatever that man had said—

Kousen-sama's hand clenches. So tightly that his knuckles turn white and he shakes. You know something isn't right. You had missed something. Something so obvious and you were too concerned about Gaoshun.

The man stands from his chair, the legs loudly clattering against the tiled and stone floor. You watch uneasily as Kousen-sama raises, takes a moment to collect himself, then practically speeds away from the room. You don't waste a moment to bring your sleeve covered hands to your mouth and make your own exit.

As you pass a concerned Maomao and Gaoshun, you hear a barely uttered whisper from the girl— heat. Food.

You try to hide your confusion and worry as you follow behind your master.

It doesn't take you long to find him.

Down the path, up against a tree, the masked figure was hunched and obviously breathing heavily. You draw closer, outstretching a hand to gently press it against the large expanse of his back.

"Kousen-sama, are you quite alright?" You ask softly, hunching slightly to capture a glimpse of his eyes from that slit in the fabric.

When you do, you're almost breathless. His violet eyes are alight with something distant and scornful. Eyebrows furrowed as he meets your own gaze.

"Y/N...?" He sounded vaguely surprised under it all, breathless himself. As if he couldn't quite believe that you were here in front of him.

You nod once, reaching out and grabbing ahold of one of the ties keeping the mask all together. "I'm going to remove this. No one is around."

His hand is suddenly wrapped around your wrist. Not tight or unrelenting, but enough to make you freeze. Warm and clammy skin against your own to make you feel scorched. You don't need to see his entire face to know that his jaw was clenched now.

"I can't," he said in all his self-assuredness, "Someone might still come."

What a pain. You thought to yourself as you draw in a heavy breath.

You don't waste a second to slip under his arm, wrapping it around your shoulders and allowing him to lean most of his weight against you. "No worries, sir, I'll just find us some place where no one else is around."

You gently guide Kousen-sama from the line of trees and deep within it. Finding an oddly familiar path created within your mind to follow that takes you towards an overflowing waterfall. A loud crash of water hitting the rocks and body of water below that brought you a distant sense of comfort. The refreshing smell of the water hits your nostrils and you take a deep breath.

With Kousen-sama against you, you felt the sweltering heat hit you tenfold. But the mist from the waterfall brushed against your skin like a gently caress from an old lover.

This is it.

You stumble over to one of the few trees next to the waterfall and gently guide Kousen-sama to sit up against it. The man took a heavy breath and you finally felt a little at ease. Reaching forward, you moved to take the cloth off once again and then—

A loud thud and chunks of dirt hit your cheek.

You frowned, looking to the ground only a could feet away and saw a small crater. A sharp smell filled your senses and you stiffened. It was an unkind and almost putrid scent. The smoke from the small crater was the main cause.

"Eh—?"

You were suddenly cut off as Kousen-sama wrapped his arms around you, jerking you upwards and away from the tree. You would've basked in the way his body was pressed against your back or the way his fingers seemed to mold into your abdomen— you would've if it weren't for the loud crack in the air then the pieces of bark that flew through the air around you.

The tree that he had been pressed up against only moments ago was now split open with a piece of metal imbedded into the wood. It looked eerily similar to the same that had been in the ground moments ago.

"Is that a feifa?!" His voice pierced through your thoughts, oddly frantic and uneasy as he moved quickly from the tree and towards the river.

You glanced up at him and found him already staring down at you. Eyes narrowed and, if it weren't for the mask, his entire face would be scrunched up in that familiar distaste and panic. Yet he seemed eerily calm as he dragged you through the trees and into the water.

"Sorry, but this is gonna get a bit dramatic." His voice was soft against your head, warm breath caressing your hair as he wraps a protective arm around your head.

Your eyebrows raise, "Dramatic— WHAT?" You should've known his tone and choice of his words were a warning for what was to come, but you were still caught off guard.

He gave no indication that he was going to jump off the cliff.

"Jinshi, you goddamn idiot!"

You mustn't get ideas above your station.

The water was oddly clear. Even with the mix of the overflowing waterfall, under it all was peaceful and calm. Fishes and water like insects lived in harmony.

Cool and calm. Always.

You are there to serve your master.

The little boy's head burst from the water with a big grin, short hair flat against his head and dripping. The sun reflecting off his violet eyes and almost blinded the little girl curled up on the side shore. Her face set into a scowl, clothes drenched, and a looming unimpressed older man behind her.

"It's so nice out, why don't you come in!" Beckoned the boy from the water.

The little girl shot him a nasty look, "You know why, you jerk!"

The boy's grin faltered, tilting his head at his friend, "Eh? Why are you being mean?" His voice wavered on the ends, still just floating in the middle of the basin.

"I'm not mean! You're mean! You're the biggest meanie!" The little girl stood up to throw an accusatory finger at the boy, her sleeve heavy and uncomfortable as she moved.

The boy's face reddened, eyebrows scrunched together, "I'm not mean! You're mean!" He repeated.

"No, you are! You're the biggest meanie in the whole wide world!"

"No, you are!"

"You are! You pushed me into the water!"

"You are! You should swim!"

"I hope you drown, meanie!"

The boy's expression fell completely. A heartbroken glint in his eyes flooding them. His lips trembled. But, before he could do something like cry, he was already swimming deeper

Nothing less, nothing more.

"Now, now," a large hand rested on the little girl's shoulder and gently tugged her back, turning her around to face the man. He seemed to be trying to appear as tender as he could to try calm down the girl's high nerves. "No need to get angry."

"But, Gaoshun—" The little girl whined.

Gaoshun shook his head, patting her shoulder, "No, we don't argue. Try to forgive and forget, yeah?" He reminded the lessons that he'd attempted multiple times to teach the two children. "No reason to walk around with resentment for others, right?"

The little girl scoffed her shoe against the ground, a pout on her lips, "Do I have to, Gaoshun?" She knew what this would call for. Exactly how this would end for her.

The man heaved a sigh, nodding, "Yes, you do. Now, go reconcile. I'll wait here."

The girl faltered as the man raised to his full height, cupping his hands behind his back. She dragged her feet through the soft soil and found her way towards the boy once more. He was grasping onto the edge of the bank, sniffling and snorting. His shoulders shook and his face was stuffed into his arms.

The little girl frowned. "Um... Are you okay?"

The boy stiffened, not turning around as he answered, "No."

"I'm sorry, I said something real mean." The little girl uttered, stepping closer as she clutched her wet clothes. "I just... You pushed me into the water, I can't..."

"I thought you were my friend!" The little boy whirled around on her, face red and eyes filled with big tears. He looked enraged but incredibly disheartened. The girl blinks in return as the boy glares. "You say such mean things to me. Friends aren't supposed to be mean!"

The girl clenched her jaw, "You were mean to me first!" She accused.

The boy sniffled, wiping under his nose with his forearm. "You're my friend." He repeated as if that cleared up any anger.

Nothing more, nothing less.

The little girl slowly sat beside him, her feet dipping under the water. "It is nice." She whispered.

The little boy dragged his eyes upwards, looking hurt but hopeful. "Right?" he asked, equally as quiet.

"You're my friend too, Jinshi." The little girl nudge him with her leg.

Jinshi's eyes twinkled, wide and all too bright, "Really?"

"Really." The little girl confirmed with a toothless grin. "My friend forever and ever!"

Jinshi positively beamed, the water sloshing as he jumped happily. "Forever and ever, and ever!"

"And ever!"

"It's no longer... appropriate for you and Jinshi-sama to be friends."

"I don't... I don't understand. He's my friend."

"His mother no longer finds it appropriate for you to concern yourself with Jinshi."

"But, Gaoshun—"

"No, Y/N. It's over. Come along. Suiren has a present for you."

"He's.... He's my friend...."

"I'm so sorry."

You are to give your life to your master.

The woman paused, back pin straight, as she entered her master's office, finding him curled up in the corner, muttering nonsensically to himself. The guard of said master was watching on with a pitiful expression of his own, only breaking his eyes away when the woman entered the room. His expression only seemed to deepen.

She didn't need to ask. There was an unspoken understanding as to what their master's breakdown was regarding. The Apothecary. The one that had gotten the attention of everyone in the palace as of late. The one that had been causing her great grief as of late— and was about to create more.

"Jinshi-sama?" The woman called softly, stepping closer.

Jinshi's lifeless eyes continued to stare at the floor below him. A gentle rocking seeming to soothe himself from the rages of his mind. "I don't need anything, Y/N. Thank you, kindly." He uttered just as lifelessly.

The devoted servant's chest clenched. Her face flushed as she reached out a wavering hand. To place it delicately against his hunched back. To offer her best comforting words that she could. To distract him away from her.

Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

She faltered. This wasn't her place. This wasn't a part of her duties unless Jinshi said so. Inappropriate behavior wasn't called for. It will be punished severly.

Retracting her hand, she stands, and offers a respectful bow. "Please call me if you need anything, Jinshi-sama." And left him in his dark corner.

"Gaoshun, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, Jinshi-sama."

"You have been in my life for as long as I can remember. You remember more than I possibly could about my younger years. Whatever happened to cause me and Y/N to fall apart?"

"...."

"It had to be around the time I was eight that I noticed we were growing apart. Even now, I see it so clearly."

"It's been a long time, Jinshi-sama. You're no longer children."

"All the more reason to know, isn't it?"

"I don't know...."

"Gaoshun, nothing will come of it. I'm simply curious."

"..."

"I'm sorry to put you in this position. Please return to what you were doing."

"Jinshi-sama.... you might not like the truth..."

"I usually don't."

"Where to begin.... Before her eighth birthday—"

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"H....E—"

Everything felt so muffled. Faraway. Featherlight.

Was that a pressure against your chest? A thump that came into quick successions, then stopped. For something soft and ever so delicate to press against your lips?

Everything was distant. So far away from your grasp. From your state of being. As if you were already long gone from whatever reality you were in moments ago.

"H—"

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It was almost like floating. A gentle sway and a crack.

A joyful gliding against the sky that soothed you away from worries and woes.

Thump. Thump. Lips.

Repeating endlessly. Happily. Wetly?

Thump. Thump. Lips.

You welcomed it. Whatever it was. Whatever kept the rhythm. The wonderful rhythm.

Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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Thump. Thump. Lips.

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THUMP. THUM—

You shot up with a cough.

Your throat burned and head ached terribly. Your eyes almost felt like they were about to pop out of your head and roll away. You felt horrible.

It didn't help that you were drenched from head to toe either.

Beside you, there was a heavy and loud sigh of relief as he fell to his backside. He let a silence fall over you both as you recovered, hand pressed against your throat and heaving.

Jesus. Had you almost...

The thought alone almost made you sick.

"I'm sorry. I thought.... I didn't think you still couldn't swim." His voice was soft, barely heard over the waterfall. Kind and cautious, worried and terrified. Things that seeped from his tone as if it were bleeding out and bearing all its insides to you.

Exposing him to you.

You peeked over your loose strands of hair to glare viciously at him. "When would I have the time to learn to swim?" You shot back ruthlessly, not entirely caring from etiquette in this moment. "You've lost your mind."

"Right." Jinshi immediately agreed, almost looking fearful as he watched you.

You push yourself up and take in a deep breath, coughing slightly at the burn of your throat. Taking in your surroundings, you swore that this was that—

"Are you really alright?"

You glanced back at the man and found him still sat on the damp ground. His eyebrows are furrowed and a small frown on his lips as he stared up at you. It made you uncomfortable. To see such a glittering violet staring back at you earnestly. Honestly.

You instead clutch onto your dress, "Suiren is gonna kill me." You scoff, tugging the garments apart.

You could hear Jinshi sputter behind you. The gravel and dirt below him crunching as he probably scrambled up from his spot.

You spared a feeble look over your shoulder to find him with his eyes clenched slowed, hand covering your body from his gaze. You snap your gaze back around and tug the fabric a little too hard as you scoff.

You wouldn't deny the pang of hurt that clenched your chest.

"Don't worry, Jinshi-sama, you won't have to see my unruly body of mine for long. I just want to make sure Suiren doesn't slaughter me when we return."

"I— No, I'm just— okay." He finally muttered.

You are stripped down to your underthings, placing the dress and various pieces on the ground as delicately as you can to avoid too much dirt being stained into the fabric.

As you place the last bit of clothing down, you hear the flutter of fabric behind you.

Jinshi is a bright red, gently tossing his robe down behind him. His back is facing you and you know its for whatever mock sense of modesty he wants to give the both of you. You instinctively reach out and take his robe in your grasp, twisting it and squeezing it to watch out a fair amount of water drip out.

"You worry about mine later. Take care of your things first."

Yeah, right, You think as you twist it with an unrelenting grip. You are there to serve your master. It's one of the first things you learn. His needs came before your own. His needs were your needs.

Jinshi snatched the robe away and squeezed the fabric tight, an overflowing amount of water released from the cloth and into the ground.

Okay, so maybe he was better at it than you.

You nod, turning your attention towards your own garments and try to ignore the overwhelming feeling that you had eyes on your rear.

"So, um—" Jinshi cleared his throat when his eyes dragged away from you, cheeks a bright red. "What now?"

"Well, we could attempt at trying to swim back—"

"You can't swim."

"I was going to say that."

"Oh, sorry."

There's a soft silence between the both of you as you finish up. Gently redressing, you make your way towards the entrance of the cave, where the waterfall is blocking it from any negative eyes. You press your lips into a thin line and regard it bitterly. You remember this waterfall.... you could recall the times you whimsical pondered what it'd be like to ride down it like in those stories.

Jinshi had promised such when you both were too young and too dumb to realize how naïve dreams like that were.

You couldn't really judge that mini-you, for you had your own dreams of—

"Remember when Gaoshun first brought us here?"

You hadn't realized that Jinshi made his way over until he was standing beside you. Robes lose over his shoulders and tugging on his top layer. Violet eyes were watching the water as if it were a canvas of memories in the long distant past. Something to be admired and viewed with daisies and smiles. Not to be addressed as anything but good or amazing. Not to see the truth of it all.

You press your lips together, drawing in a heavy breath, "I remember you pushing me in the water and Gaoshun having to pull me out."

Jinshi's face screws up slightly, a faint blush on his features as he almost looks around with shame. "Right...." He straightens, "I'm sorry."

You blink, "Huh?"

Jinshi glances at you with a small smile, "I, uh, never really apologized back then. Made you apologize like you did something wrong." He explains weakly.

You raise an amused brow, "I told you I wished you would drown."

"I kinda deserved it!" Jinshi counters, his lips cracking into a grin. That charming grin he gets that makes your heart flutter. Make you hopeful for terrible and wistful. "I'm real sorry."

You smile softly, eyes kind and soft as you regard him, "I forgave you a long time, Jinshi-sama."

Jinshi's expression faltered, "Don't call me...." He trailed off awkwardly, turning his attention back to the unrelenting waterfall. You watched him for that moment. That split second where it looked like he was actually going to say something that would make you lightheaded. His jaw working and the muscle jumping as he seems to contemplate his next words.

Say anything and I'll cling to it, You think, watching his lips part, I always have. I always will.

"I'm surprised you were the one that followed me out. I thought the Apothecary might've done it."

You tense. That was certainly not what you expected him to say. Of all the things he could say? The Apothecary.

The waterfall in front of you is suddenly much too loud and violent. The cave seems to darken and your eyes drag from Jinshi to stare at your bare feet. Of course. Of course. Why wouldn't he want Maomao? Why had you even came here? Who were you to get between whatever silent signal he was trying to send to the other girl.

Him and Maomao. It was nicer than him and you. Jinshi and Y/n.

You straighten, pushing down any ill thoughts and heavy feelings into the dark pits of your chest and mind. "I apologize for the intrusion. I thought it'd make more sense for me to accompany you, Jinshi-sama."

"Why are you apologizing....?" He trailed off and then made a noise that sounded eerily similar to that of a caught man. "No, wait, I'm really glad that you're the one who came! Like really glad!"

"You don't have to spare me, Jinshi-sama. I'm a woman now, not a little girl."

"I'm not—" He visibly slumps, closing his eyes and trying to collect whatever thoughts he has and place them appropriately. He draws in a breath and faces you, looking oddly serious compared to his usual self. "I'm not trying to spare your feelings. I was just trying to say that— Well, it's not— I want you here, Y/n."

He's sparing your feelings. He's being kind. He doesn't actually want you there. You can't be friends.

You don't spare him a response. Instead, walking further into the cave. You raise your eyebrows, looking at the gaping hole above you where light and the sounds of nature filtered in. What could possibly get you both out of there...?

Whistle. Sit.

Of course. Him.

Jinshi sighs, "I spoke to Gaoshun before we—"

You place your fingers in the corner of your mouth and blow. A loud whistle bounces off the cave walls and out of the hole. You wait and hope to hear a bark or see the familiar tall man, but there's nothing.

"What are you doing?" Jinshi asks slowly, glancing between you and the hole above.

"Hello?" You cup your hands over your mouth and shout as loudly as you can. "Is anyone out there?"

Jinshi frowns, staring at you uneasily, "Y/n, please, we don't want to attract them this direction."

In the mess of almost drowning and seeing peeps of Jinshi's bare skin, you'd almost forgotten that you both had been chased down here by some violent assassin. Rather foolish, if you were honest.

You place the tips of your fingers against your lips and try to force the blush spreading across your cheeks off. "Sorry." You offer a bow of your head, despite the position you both find yourselves in.

You receive no response which causes you to peek at him. The stare that he's leveling you with doesn't bring you any type of comfort. It usually meant he was about to say something that—

"Hop on my back and see if you can reach up there."

—you wouldn't like.

Your eyebrows shot upwards and you stared at him with wide eyes. If Suiren was here and knew what he just proposed, she'd positively lose her mind. No matter how long she had known you— she'd think it improper. He was your boss and you were his lowly servant. To be in an position above him or treating him like a mat, it was...

It was simply ridiculous.

"But—"

"If you're the one below, you'll get crushed." He jabs a thumb over his shoulder. "Do it."

And that's how you ended up here. Legs wrapped around Jinshi's shoulders and heads, hand reaching out for the dirt above. You dig your fingers in and glance down at the man below you.

"Are you sure I'm not hurting you?"

Jinshi sighed for what seemed the hundredth time that day, his hand on your thigh squeezing gently. "Y/N, please stop asking me that."

You grimace, "My apologies, Jinshi-sama. Sorry." You shakily raise from your place, ignoring the soft and deep grunt Jinshi gives as you stand on his shoulders.

You dig your nails into the damp dirt and begin to tug yourself up.

This is it. Finally, you could get into the open forest once again. You're not going to be suffocated by his presence. Everything will return back to its rightful places—

You froze when it smacked you in the forehead.

You tried to keep calm as you felt the slimy breathing thing rest on your skin. Body tensed up and eyes staring widely at the bright sky above.

"Y/N?" Jinshi softly called, noticing the way you tensed.

"F—Frog." You utter, jaw clenched tight and you felt it shift as you take a deep breath. "A frog."

Jinshi blinked, looking up at you with his own wide eyes, "Hey, don't-don't freak out! Just shake your head and it'll hop off."

You shake a little, but follow his instructions. However, you may have overestimated the shake as you lose your grip on the dirt and begin to fall back.

"Hey!"

The tumble down is short and not all that hurtful, like you had been expecting. You had closed your eyes in anticipation, fear of having to watch the ground quickly approach too much for your tiny heart. You expected to feel the damp mud to be seeping into your clothes and little bits of stone and bark digging into your skin. However—

Nothing.

There was nothing except the soft silk under your fingers. The scent that resembled a sweet fruit, one that you had smelt quite often in the mornings. In the noons, the evenings, the nights, repeat. You knew that smell and that familiar beat against your own chest.

Peeking your eyes open, you find that Jinshi is already staring back at you. The first thing you notice is that you both are extremely close to one another. His breath fans against your dewy face, making goosebumps raise off your skin and a shiver sent down your spin. Next is his tender expression, Eyes gentle and twinkling. His expression isn't filled with pain or anything that would indicate that he was uncomfortable with the very short distance between you both. The last thing you notice is the fact that your body is pressed against his.

Your complexion flushes and you blink down at him.

He's warm. Incredibly warm. A sharp contrast to his damp clothes, which are open and pooling under his shoulder blades, revealing his bare chest to you. Your breath is ripped from you as you stare at the plump skin. You've seen it a million times. Every day as you help him get ready for the day. It should be normal. Should be something that doesn't make you lightheaded.

But it does.

He's right there. Right against you. You can feel his heartbeat ramming against his chest and into yours. You can feel every small breath he takes—as if hanging onto this moment with, what? Trepidation? Unease? You weren't entirely sure but you knew that you felt light.

Was it so bad that you felt nice in this moment? That this warmth was wrong? Was it so out of your reach that you simply couldn't imagine a man wanting to embrace you in a way?

You are to give your life to your master. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

Yes. It was.

You clenched your jaw, ignoring the tender look in Jinshi's eyes as you try to bring your mind into the present.

The frog.

It wasn't anything that you wanted to touch, but Jinshi was your master. Your discomforts and fears must be pushed away for his sake and needs.

Reaching down, you feel for any signs of the frog. It wasn't large, but it wasn't entirely small either. It wouldn't be hard to find in all it's slimy and— There it is.

Your hand brushed it and you feel almost elated to find it. Your hand cupped around the bulge from Jinshi's robes. It feels much bigger than the average frog that'd been on your forehead. It was unmoving to, except for the small twitch it gives as you rest your palm down. You gripped it.

"Hng," Jinshi grunts, his eyes close. You're a little shocked as his hips shift, his hands at your hips dig into your flesh, almost too eager. You snap your eyes upward to his suddenly sweating and flushed face. "I-I'm sorry, but... but could you move your hand? It's making things, um, rather difficult."

Difficult?

You grip onto the twitching frog below you—

"U-Uh—" Jinshi moans in a deep and guttural way that would make anyone, especially you, malfunction. It doesn't help that his hands latch onto you harder, pressing you closer and releasing a stuttering breath against your ear.

Why was he squirming so much? Why was his face so red and dripping with sweat? Why was his chest heaving and his hands flexing around your skin? And why was this thing twitching and getting bigger in your hold....

Oh.

Oh.

You are to give your life to your master. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished, severely.

You felt a little sick at your intrusion. At the gall. You couldn't believe yourself. You had violated one of the single rules you were ever given. You violated Jinshi's space. His entire being. You were to be punished and hated— ousted from your position.

Disgusted with yourself, you slowly stand up. Jinshi's softly panting from his position on the ground, running a hand through his mused hair.

"S-Sorry, I haven't— I'm a bit—" Jinshi's obviously embarassed and uncomfortable. Look what you've done. You've ruined it all. "Hey, where are you going?"

Before you could think much more as his hands grip your hips once again and pull you down.

You're sat on his his lap and you could feel it.

"J-Jinshi-sama, I'm so-I'm so sorry!" You tucked your head down, shaking with trembling lips.

Jinshi's hands fall to your thighs, limp, "Eh...?"

"What I did was truly inappropriate and-and I will take any and all punishment!"

"Punishment...?" He sounded terribly confused, still a bit breathless. You keep your head ducked and he remains unmoved. "Why would I... you're not getting punished."

"I give my life to you. Any inappropriate behavior will be punished." You repeated softly under your breath, tucking your hands against your face to hide away from his gaze. From the judgement and hatred. "It's only just."

There's a longstanding silence between the both of you and you're hopeful that he's coming to his senses. That you'd be released and freed. That you would finally accept the gap and space between them. To fall away, finally, to the shadows.

It was tarnished the moment Jinshi wraps your hands around your own, gently prying your hands away from your face.

He doesn't look vengeful or angered. No. No, he looks kind. As he always has been. Kind and considerate. Honest and open. He'd always been so...

He'd never really been angry with you. Not without sadness being overbearing. Always so quick to forgive you. To push everything away with a smile and crinkle of his eyes.

"Y/N..." His words are as soft as his expression.

Your hands shake, "Please... Please hate me." You pleaded quietly, pressing your forehead against his hands as if he were a monk to be begged to.

"I'm not going to punish you or... or anything of the sort. Why would you want that?"

You draw in a watery breath, shoulders shaking, "It's easier to let go that way." You admitted.

"Let go of what?"

"Of my love for you."

"What?!"

His shout echoed off the cave walls. Your humiliation and embarrassment was quick to follow once it bounced back at you. Made you flinch back and try to push yourself back from his lap. Why did you say anything? Fool. Disgusting fool.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jinshi's hands wrap around your wrists and tug you forward a bit. You refuse to meet his eye. You refuse to be humiliated and demeaned— "Don't do that. Don't close off."

You clench your jaw and try to push the humilation deep within you, taking a deep calming breath as you stared at his bare collar. "You're so kind and so... you. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable or disgusted, but I need to tell you. And then I would hope that you would let me go."

Jinshi's eyebrows shot up. "Let you go?"

You've been thinking about this for some time. That it all would be better if, in the end, you were to serve someone else. That you were pawned off for some soldier instead of this slow torture. This uncomfortable, unbearable tiptoeing.

"I would like for you to offer me to a soldier or anywhere else."

The reaction is instant. The way Jinshi's complexion darkens and he stares at you with wide eyes. He slumps into the damp ground and almost turns into putty. His hold on you slackens and gives you ample opportunity to move away. But you're frozen in your spot.

"Why would I do that?" Jinshi's voice is quiet, slow, "You're... You're mine."

A blush takes over your cheeks, "Jinshi-sama, It's not appropriate! I shouldn't be like this with you."

"What if I like it?"

You blink at him. "Huh?"

Jinshi leans forward, his thumb gently skirting against your skin. "What if I have some love for you too? What if I don't care about what's appropriate or follows the rules."

I would ask who you are. You were tempted to say but your mouth was clamped shut in shock. Following the rules had been completely him. He was put in his current position now to ensure the rules in the rear palace were being followed diligently. The thought that he would love someone like you when there were people like Maomao or princesses out there. People much more deserving of his devotion. It wasn't right.

As if sensing you're not believing him, he pulls away and presses his lips thin. "Okay, I'll convince you." He straightens up and takes a breath. "I spoke to Gaoshun not too long ago. Before we came here and I know everything now."

A pause. Everything. He knew everything now? Everything is so much. Everything is... well, everything. What exactly had Gaoshun told him?

"What's everything?"

"That my mother didn't want you around anymore. That Gaoshun told you that you weren't allowed around me anymore. That you stopped being my friend and became my employee."

Your stare up at Jinshi with wide eyes. "That's not...Us being friends wasn't right anymore."

Jinshi frowned, shaking his head and his hands slide up to your arms. "If I had my way, I would've had you by my side all that time. Not as some lady-in-waiting, but as my equal."

You shake your head, ignoring the erratic beating of your heart against your chest. "Don't say that. Don't say things you don't mean, Jinshi." You beg softly.

Jinshi reaches out, wrapping his hands around your own, pressing it against his chest. "I mean it with everything in me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have ever been separated from you. Forget what my mother said." His words were sweet, tempting. They made you lightheaded. So did the sudden brightness and tender smile on his face. "That's the first time you've called me Jinshi since we were kids."

"What? I've always called you Jinshi."

"No, you've always called me Jinshi-sama."

"Oh."

You suppose you had.

"Jinshi," You utter, unsure of what else you both could say.

Jinshi's expression, if possible, softens further, leaning forward an inch. "Yes?" He whispers back just as softly.

Your eyes trail between his eyes before moving to his lips, parted and glistening, "Jinshi..."

Jinshi's hand slides up your thigh and his lips are ghosting against yours, "I'm here. I promise." He whispers before pressing your lips together delicately.

Your heart soars. Your hands shakily press against his cheeks, drawing closer as his own press your hips together. He's soft. He's tender. He's cautious and all encompassing. Filling your senses and making you lightheaded.

As you both part for a breath, he flips you onto your back. His hand grips the underside of your thigh and presses you close enough that he lets out a soft and broken sound.

His eyes are heavily lidded as he gazes down at you, lips pink. "I just want you. No one else. I promise." He utters.

You twist your hands into his hair, eyes fluttering. "You're it." You pass back.

His lips are back on yours. Wet and eager. This is sudden. Fast. But you've been waiting for so long. Had been clinging onto the smallest of things. Desperate to have this closeness that you had now. To feel his skin against yours. His breath mixing with your own. Everything him and everything you intertwined.

You just wanted to cherish this—

WOOF!

You and Jinshi both tense up, jumping. Looking over his shoulder, your eyes widen upon finding a familiar dog staring down at you both, wagging tail eager and happy to see you.

Jinshi's eyebrows furrow, "Huh...?"

There's not much warning before the dog is jumping down. Landing straight on Jinshi's back, causing the poor man to let out a pained sound. He's squishing you against the ground as the dog stands on his back, happily lapping his tongue against your cheek.

Vague disgust and disappointment wash over you, but you smile all the same. "Oh, boy!"

He barks again. A greeting you're sure.

Above, Lihaku and, surprisingly, Maomao appear. Both of them stare down at you with varying degrees of emotions. Lihaku looked excited and kinda like his dog, while Maomao.

Well, Maomao looked all too knowing.

"Well, you look rough!" Lihaku called down with a grin, "Glad to see you're not dead."

"As am I!" You huff out a laugh, then look to Maomao. "Hello, Xiaomao!"

"Hello." Maomao said flatly, she looked lower and her face screwed up distastefully. "Is Jinshi-sama okay?"

Lihaku then he spots his dog and slightly pales, letting out a sharp whistle. "C'mon, boy!"

The dog eagerly jumps off Jinshi, going to sit by your head and wag his tail. The man above you sighs in relief, pushing up off you. He sits up and you try not to focus on the bright blush on his face.

"Why did he do that?" The royal asks.

"Must've thought something was wrong." Lihaku rubs the back of his neck, frowning down at you both. "What... exactly where you two doing?"

You and Jinshi glance at one another, furious blushes flushing over you both. Despite anything that Jinshi said, there were things that you weren't allowed to do. Rules and laws that forbid something like this form happening the public eye. For a man like himself from being with a woman like you. A servant with a beautiful prince.

Protecting him was the priority.

"Nothing!" You shout back, ignoring the eyebrow raise that garnered from both Jinshi and Maomao.

Everything was better left alone. A secret between the both of you. To cherish and hold for however long it may need. You could deal with the anger and longing later.

#✩࿐ t writes #jinshi x reader #apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries x reader #jinshi #jinshi x y/n #jinshi x you #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto x reader #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto #request #anon

[satoru-is-the-way]

time to request once again. i'm keeping you busy <3 jinshi with a secretary//advisor//assisstant (?) who has chronic migranes but tries to hide them form him so he doesn't get concerned ? definitely not projecting here hehe

Information Page

A/N: Ah!! ANOTHER JINSHI!! Don't worry I love this man. Ahhhhhhhhh

Pairing: Jinshi x Fem Reader

Prompt:time Jinshi with a secretary//advisor//assisstant who has chronic migranes but tries to hide them form him so he doesn't get concerned ?

Warning: N/A

You took a deep breath on your way back to your chamber as the head pain only became worse with each step. It’s not like doing the paperwork in your quarters would make the pain subside. However, it did keep Jinshi from noticing if anything was wrong. Little did you know Jinshi had been catching onto your little disappearing stunt. Only recently did the young master see your off behavior. The way your hand would touch your head, a discomforting look appeared on your features, and lastly you excused yourself. At first, Jinshi always let you go trying not to pry in your business. However, he began to worry after two weeks of repeating the actions. He eventually sent Gaoshun to spy on you. Each time Gaoshun said you would retreat to your room.

You were in a meeting with Jinshi and several higher-ups only minutes ago. There had been piles of papers loaded onto Jinshi’s monstrous stack . You hate to see those pretty violet eyes stressed, which made you volunteer to take the brunt of his work. After the meeting, he noticed how you squeezed your eyes tightly in pain before excusing yourself. Jinshu had enough of you hiding some big secret that physically caused you pain.

While slumped in your chair a loud groan escaped as the migraine began to ease up. The moment of peace was ruined by a banging on the door. “(Y/n), I want to speak with you right now.” He demands while Gaoshun is trying to calm him down. A moment later the door opened and Jinshi walked in leaving Gaoshun outside shutting the door behind him.

“Master Jinshi, what is the matter? You seem very upset at me…” You asked offering him your only chair which he made a ‘no’ gesture.

“What has been going on the past couple of weeks? I notice your behavior is very off. I hate seeing you like this… Please if I have done something to offend you…”

You sighed deeply as Jinshi gave such a teary-eyed look. “Jinshi it’s not you. I promise. I… I get these strong headaches…migraines at random points of stress.” You noticed it instantly clicked in his head. All the assignments you have piled onto yourself. While it helped his workload it only added stress onto yours. Jinshi now felt an overwhelming amount of guilt hit. He rushed to your side cupping your face. A small gasp escaped by the sudden action.

“I will not allow you to keep adding work onto yourself. Today the extra papers are to be left on my desk. You have been so helpful and I shouldn't have done you that way. (Y/n) you constantly are taking more work than required. I should have been more thoughtful about your health. Please forgive me,(Y/n).” He whispered and leaned down. You knew this would help reduce the amount of stress that build up.

“I feel bad. There is nothing to forgive, Jinshi. I need to be better-” You were cut off with a light kiss.

“No more of this. I won't allow it. Come now, my dear, let us sit down for tea.” He smiled and looped his arm around your waist pulling you along.

#jinshi x y/n #jinshi x you #jinshi the apothecary diaries #jinshi x reader #jinshi #Jinshi image #anime x reader #the apothecary diaries x reader #the apothecary diaries

[sinisteredgirl]

I just need to rant about my favorite chapter in the entire series so far: The Meeting (Chapter 9, Vol. 11 of the Light Novel).

As a preface, I love political schemes and intrigues. It's the same reason why I love shrewd and cunning characters.

And holy shit, this chapter had me grinning from ear to ear. And by the end of it, I was just as stunned as the Western Capital bureaucrats who watched this nerve-wracking dance between Jinshi and Gyoku-ou.

Heavy spoilers ahead!

At the beginning of the chapter, we see Jinshi and his entourage (Gaoshun and Chue) make their way to a meeting place after being summoned by Gyoku-ou—then leader of the Western Capital and Empress Gyokuyou's brother. During the carriage ride, we are treated with Jinshi's thoughts on the ongoing Locust plague relief efforts.

It's by no means an exaggeration to say that he has done so fucking much to prepare for the plague. A short laundry list of his accomplishments would include the following:

As early as Vol. 5, he raised taxes on grains to accommodate the expected shortfall from the devastation. He also banned sparrow-hunting to increase the insects' natural predators.

He brought tons and tons of provisions and supplies (e.g. potatoes).

Help from the Capital came quickly because he sent a post-horse as soon as the swarm came—also taking into consideration the time it took for the request to pass through the Capital's committees.

He sent messengers to assess the damage to nearby villages and calculated the needed food per location.

He wrote close to 200 letters soliciting for more aid to the Western Capital.

He tapped his team to research on fast-growing crops and medicine.

But given how limited his reach is within the Western Capital and how much faster it would be if Gyoku-ou handles the distribution, he lets him distribute what he has prepared. The downside of course is that Gyoku-ou gets all the credit, but Jinshi would rather throw away pride than not help people. I love how we get a glimpse of his psyche:

Even his thoughts on his name is revealing. So very human, as Ah-Duo mentioned in Vol. 15.

Soon after, they arrive at the meeting place with Gyoku-ou and Lakan already present. As usual, Lakan is busy working on his Go problems.

Gyoku-ou thanks Jinshi for all his efforts but now asks for help in getting more soldiers. He reveals his true goal: to start a war against Shaoh, with the Imperial Brother leading the army. He defends this by saying that resources would come faster to the Western Capital by annexing Shaoh’s ports, but we know that Gyoku-ou's deep seated hatred for all foreigners is behind all this. Gyoku-ou even uses the previous Shaoh Shrine Maiden incident to goad Jinshi into going to war.

Jinshi is of course appalled by the idea. This would make them no different than bandits. Lakan, however, is not interested in the 'why'; all he knows is how to win a war. What follows is a pretty accurate and telling description of Lakan:

I really like this depiction of Lakan: he possesses no malice or virtue. At his core, he is a true and frightening neutral piece.

What follows then is one of my favorite exchanges in the series: Jinshi's verbal smackdown with Gyoku-ou. He first punctures Gyoku-ou's scheme by mentioning his merchant father, Gyoku-en:

Jinshi hits him where it hurts the most as this is a man who is almost obsessed with being Gyoku-en's eldest son. It’s part of Gyoku-ou’s complicated complex; he will do whatever it takes to maintain his position as Gyoku-en's eldest.

Jinshi then follows it up with plain rejection of the plan as well as an insult exchange with Gyoku-ou:

(LOL Chue with her thumbs-up! I imagine Gaoshun breaking into cold sweat during the whole exchange though.)

Finally, Jinshi masterfully maneuvers his way out of war by manipulating Lakan:

It took me a minute to pick up my own jaw from the floor because hot damn, that is one hell of a way to squash a brewing war. I adore moments like this when Jinshi fully manifests his shrewd side—the "Imperial Brother" mode, which Maomao described as "a man who could and would use people as pawns".

(And while later on, Gyoku-ou does effectively corner Jinshi into going to war, it isn't so much as Jinshi's lack of political skill as it is Gyoku-ou being really that good of a politician.)

I know we only get snippets of powerplays like this as we are in Maomao's POV 99% of the time, but I absolutely love this chapter and the whole Western Capital 2 arc for dialing the stakes up to a 10. Truly the best arc through and through.

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto jinshi #light novel #light novel spoilers #Jinshi #Lakan #Gyoku-ou #vol 11

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E9 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Content Warning: discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts

My character/location cheat sheet:

Sir Kounen - an officer who died drinking

Lady Ah-Duo - one of the top 4 concubines

Fengming - head LIW to Lady Ah Duo

Garnet Palace - Lady Ah Duo's residence

Cryptic opening. The officers are gossiping and drinking. Someone puts something in a drunk man's drink. He's a man who has had a fall from grace, perhaps a former well respected officer or war hero?

Jinshi is sulking. Love this for him. Gaoshun drops this line:

The Jinshi I know would never give in to such childish behavior. The Jinshi I know would never become so attached to a toy.

Which is reinforcing the theme that Jinshi is changing and he's not willing to keep up pretenses.

I don't love that Gaoshun has once again refered to Maomao as Jinshi's toy.

Apparently Lady Gyokuyou took pity on Jinshi and told him the truth, that Maomao hadn't hooked up with Lihaku. So this misunderstanding is cleared up but there was still damage done. Jinshi wants Maomao to trust him, to be able to come to him if she needs something, but instead she made a deal with a virtual stranger.

Gaoshun fills us in a little on how things have been on Jinshi's side. The day Maomao left the palace, Jinshi had rushed through his work because he had been looking forward to seeing her. He arrived at Jade Pavilion only to find she had left with another man. A shock and a disappointment to someone who is used to being able to use his sparkles to seduce any woman.

Jinshi's trying to wear a lot of hats. Here we see him reviewing bills that have been submitted by bureaucrats. Is this something that the Rear Palace manager is expected to handle, or are these responsibilities those of a prince? Gaoshun pities Jinshi for his workload. He has mostly managed it up until now, the exception being the time after the Garden Party when he became exhausted. It seems that Jinshi often has his hands full but can manage it until something unexpected is added to the queue. Even though he is so busy Jinshi makes time to see Maomao, but it's funny because she interprets that as him being bored and not having anything more important to do.

It seems Jinshi's workload will grow tonight however. An important man, Sir Kounen has died. Based on Jinshi's reaction to the news, this man was more than a mere acquaintance. Perhaps someone he served with in the military or someone he grew up around in the palace?

He seeks out Maomao the next morning. There is absolutely nothing to indicate that this is anything other than what it looks like which would be an accidental alcohol poisoning, but Jinshi is struggling to accept what happened and he needs to hear it from Maomao to know if it's true.

To Jinshi something isn't right. Sir Kounen could handle his alcohol, this was too sudden. And yeah, Jinshi definitely knew this man personally. He's upset that the man is dead for more than professional reasons. Jinshi doesn't seem to have a lot of close relationships, and now he's lost someone he knew and cared for. The timing of this is also challenging for Jinshi. At a time when he is trying to build up his close personal relationships, he loses one instead. And he's still reeling from everything that has been going on with Maomao. It must feel alienating.

Maomao notes that something is off with Jinshi.

He's acting meek. Must realize he's asking for the impossible. I prefer dealing with his usually-shiny self. Then again, for awhile now, Master Jinshi has been behaving more like a child.

Jinshi has emotions about this case and he's not interested in hiding them. He shows Maomao his grief and despair, and she's not comfortable with that. After the Garden Party when Maomao was poisoned she saw an incensed Jinshi and she knew she was seeing his real self. She preferred his real self then. Now she sees his pain, and that isn't something she can heal. She doesn't like to see him suffer. She'd prefer to see him sparkle over this pain.

And this is the second time this episode that someone has referred to Jinshi as childish. What is going on? Is it just because he is showing some emotion that he's getting called childish?

He's making himself vulnerable in front of Maomao and she's not great with vulnerability. Not in herself. And not in Jinshi. She has no idea what to do with a vulnerable Jinshi. She would prefer to deal with the sparkly Jinshi, even if that is a mask he wears. She doesn't understand yet that there is no going back to that. And she's too afraid to move forward with Jinshi. They're at an impasse.

Jinshi gives Maomao the booze that was served at the gathering and she proceeds to binge drink. Trying to poison herself maybe? She asks that they look into something for her.

Maomao really is superior. After she has the report she requested she easily solves the case of what happened to Sir Kounen AND offers her conjectures! I'm personally glad to see it after her self recrimination about it last episode. Maomao really does have good intentions, she wants to help identify the culprit (even if she does have some guilt about incriminating someone) and because it's Jinshi, she knows she can tell him and her words will be given careful consideration. Even so Maomao is conflicted with having shared her thoughts. If her conjectures ever do prove false and someone is hurt because of them, Maomao will be devastated.

Maomao sees Jinshi's mourning tassel and realizes why he's been acting strange. She does a kind thing and asks him about Sir Kounen. Seeing Jinshi reflect fondly on his memories, Maomao thinks he looks like a "regular person."

I guess he is human, after all.

The mask is off and the emotions are out and Jinshi is suddenly relatable. Where as before Maomao viewed him as some lofty official so far above such things as love or grief, now, in this moment, he's just a person who has lost someone he cared about.

Jinshi takes note of everything, with everyone, but especially with Maomao. It did not slip his notice that she loves booze. So today he has a gift for her, which she sincerely appreciates.

This whole scene has been too real for too long, and both of them are feeling a little too exposed. There isn't enough trust yet between them to maintain this level of intimacy. So Jinshi breaks the tension by teasing Maomao. She responds by accusing him of slacking, which is a well targeted shot, because the man is drowning in work.

They're teasing each other here, but having a real conversation, as Maomao asks him a question about his work. Jinshi really is quick witted because he shares with her about a bill that would ban young adults from drinking, landing his own well targeted shot. And then we get a sparkle from him. Nothing makes Jinshi happier than bantering with Maomao.

We get just a short glimpse of Jinshi later that night. He's alone, he's drinking, but he's also smiling. For as shitty as his day has been, he's feeling hopeful again after meeting with Maomao. He had let himself be vulnerable in front of her and she offered him a compassionate listening ear, by asking him about his deceased friend. She also asked him about his work because she's interested in learning more about Jinshi. And their banter felt comfortable, like they were returning to a place where they still knew where they stand with each other. He sees that although she has set some boundaries she's still interested and she's reaching out in her own careful way. Jinshi is insightful and I doubt any of that that was lost on him. Hence, his smile.

A woman's body was found in the moat around the palace. The doctor is as inept as ever. He can't bear to look at a dead body. Maomao doesn't feel repulsed at all, but has been ordered not to touch dead bodies since she struggles not to cross ethical lines when it come to her obsession with medicine. Jinshi concurs. Though I have question if that is the whole truth of the matter.

We get a nice interaction between Jinshi and Maomao.

Jinshi: There're somethings even you won't do, then.

Maomao: I figured you'd show up eventually.

Jinshi is teasing, knowing that it's going to be taken well. Maomao is just happy he's there, because his support and encouragement really does make it easier for her to solve these cases.

How on earth is this doctor going to manage to do this autopsy? He's so incompetent and unfit for his job, that I have to wonder if his placement in the palace is intentional. It seems unlikely that someone like that could have earned his placement, instead perhaps he was appointed precisely because of his incompetence. Maybe so that nafarious deeds could be done without notice?

Maomao doesn't touch the body, but she's not giving up on the case. She makes her observations and she seems deeply sad as she thinks about what the dead woman must have experienced. She realizes what happened to this girl and that realization, along with all of it's ramifications are having a powerful effect on her. She's unguarded for a moment and Jinshi notices.

Jinshi reviews the facts of the case with Maomao, but what he really wants are her thoughts on it, and he asks for them. Her conjectures that her father told her never to speak aloud. Maomao's powers of observation, and curiosity are unmatched, which she demonstrates as she logically lays out her theory of what happened to the servant girl.

Maomao's mood is darker than we've ever seen it before. She knows this could have easily been her, after all she is merely a servant girl herself. Up until now Maomao has seen people suffer and die from incompetence like with the poisonous powder, through malice that was meant to tease or harm, but not kill like with the fish that was served at the Garden Party or even the salt in Sir Kounen's alcohol. She has even seen people attempt to murder those who may deserve it, like with the horrible client at the brothel. She managed okay with each of those, but this time the target was a servant girl. Someone who's life means nothing and is easily discarded by people in power if she becomes inconvenient. The girl who died was powerless, like Maomao. And now she is dead.

Maomao considers thoughtfully for a moment both suicide and murder. She confirms that she doesn't want to die and wouldn't kill herself, but her reasoning for wanting to live is thin; she wants to continue testing drugs and poisons on herself. And though she claims she wouldn't kill herself, she has thought of how she would do it, which is a sign of just how dark her thoughts have been.

Jinshi has noticed her mood and asks for her thoughts. Maomao is vulnerable in this moment. Something she usually tries to avoid, but she's so despondent right now, it seems that even her usual anxiety around intimacy is subdued. She's in too dark of a place to even care what Jinshi thinks right now. Or maybe she just thinks he really needs to her this.

She tells Jinshi that she's thinking about what kind of poison she would use to kill herself. And Jinshi is in no way equipped for this conversation. He's so competent on so many levels, and he's not afraid of difficult conversations, but in this, he's lost.

Maomao says of dying:

It's not something that I want. But there are malicious third parties out there, who would wish to cause harm to other people.

It's not me today, but it may be tomorrow.

She continues on, talking about the inevitably of death.

We wander through life, never knowing when it's our time. That's fate. There's no way of resisting it.

They both turn away from each other and take a moment to think over the people who have suffered or died lately, and neither one knows quite what to do or say. They are both privately experiencing their own crisis in this moment.

Why is there so much evil in the world? Why so much suffering? Does any of it mean anything at if death is the end result anyway?

Maomao has been at the side of so much trauma as an apothecary and that trauma is now in conflict with her motivation to heal. If people suffer and die and none of it matters, then what does it mean to be a healer? This is Maomao's dark night of the soul.

Jinshi flounders. Where is this coming from? What changed? He can't read her thoughts here, he's as lost as he's ever been with Maomao and has no idea what to do. And he can't help her, because he doesn't understand. Maomao's on her own.

Maomao: If you're tasked with executing me, could you make sure it is with poison?

Both she and Jinshi may be powerless to prevent her death if someone in power wants her dead, so she asks for the one thing Jinshi could control, the method of her execution.

It's so, so dark. Such a terrible thing to ask of someone who cares about you. She recognizes that and apologizes.

But she's not wrong about the fact that it could happen. If she makes a mistake as she said, or if those malicious third parties that she mentioned earlier were to conspire. And the order to execute would fall to Jinshi.

Jinshi: You realize that's not going to happen?

Jinshi is panicking internally. Why is she saying this?! Stop it!

Maomao: I am but a lowly commoner. My life is easily taken away over the slightest error.

Just like the servant girl who was found dead in the moat.

Jinshi: I would never do that!

Maomao: It's not about would or would not. It's more can or cannot.

Jinshi gasps and Maomao knows she's hit a nerve. Because here we are again with the insurmountable class differences and Jinshi's inescapable responsibilities that stymy their relationship every time they take a step closer. Because of her class, Maomao's life is expendable. Because of his position he has to order executions even if Jinshi doesn't like it.

While the two are talking the sun is setting, signifying the end of a chapter between these two, then Maomao leaves. Jinshi looks more lost than we have ever seen him.

Devastatingly, the case of the drowned serving girl was covered up as a suicide, further proving Maomao's assertion that the girl's life is expendable, and all of her work is meaningless. We get a shot of Maomao contemplating it as she watches time pass by her window. She's experiencing a crisis of faith and will have to find a reason to believe that her efforts matter before she can reclaim what drives her.

And we close on a scene between Jinshi and Gaoshun. If Gaoshun was concerned before that Jinshi was acting childish, he need not worry any longer. He's every bit the lofty inaccessible palace master now. His walls are back up and indeed, he's quite a bit colder with Gaoshun than we've seen before.

It's painful to see, when Jinshi has made so much progress in opening himself up. But his trails have never been about his feelings or making himself vulnerable, instead he has to face the expectations that are placed on him. Maomao always seems to hit him in the most painful spots. This time she said that there may come a day when his station requires him to execute her, and there would be nothing he could do to stop it. The prince is powerless to defy his responsibilities.

So maybe what we see in this scene is despair or at least a retreat. Like Maomao, Jinshi is also questioning what does any of it matter? Why should he bother trying to connect with others if the barriers of his status make it impossible? If he can't protect the people he cares about, maybe he shouldn't care about them at all. Having to execute Maomao would destroy him. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt if he didn't care so much.

We see Maomao's and Jinshi's character arcs running parallel here. Each of them facing their own crisis and retreating. But things have changed and there is no going back. They may be able to briefly pull away from their problems but soon they will be facing these same trials again, until they can overcome them.

We do gain a lead in the case from awhile ago that involved caustic chemicals on wooden sticks. It turns out that Fengming, who works for Lady Ah Duo is the suspect.

A super heavy episode, with devastating consequences.

Every time the lovers take a step forward they are pulled away. I'm barely over 1/3 of the way through this show though, so I suppose that's to be expected at this point in the story. There are many trials left for Maomao and Jinshi and they have a long way yet to go.

I like the way the relationships and the plot are building on each other and I have to appreciate the storytellers for adding so much nuance to it. The writing is phenomenal and the animation and voice performances are so good at telling it. Nothing is wasted. Not a single superfluous shot. I'm amazed that the animators are so good at expressing subtle and complex emotions. And the voice actors have been incredible about keying in to exactly what the characters are experiencing and cueing the audience into subtext. It's so well done, I really am loving this series.

If you want to read these from the beginning:

Episode 1

Next Episode:

Episode 10

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao

[izartn]

Not giving spoilers for the manga, still reading anime canon light novels.

Maomao giving spark from girl genius vibes in ep 20. I love her so much XD that mad laugh at the idea of... A rival? A source of inspiration? Another woman who is into medicine and the sciences and who got away free from the palace? (as far as we now as of now. who knows I bet this is all politics all the way down) that admiration! I get it Maomao. Intelectual equals in your area of interest are hard to find.

Btw I can see her already dismissing the fact she woke up in Jinshi bed, attended by Suiren. But the way she irrumped into his office was soooo good. Like. She's enthused about the mistery, and probably wants to avoid it happening again (like. that was an assassination attempt!) but she very much asks directly for Jinshi to let her go see the corpse. Small steps! She knows he cares someway even if she doesn't want to think about his real identity. (she doesn't know he got her out himself in bridal carry in front of all the officials. that'd be too much info about the truth I think)

She's so brilliant solving how Suirei got out, and so happy of going back to being Gyokuyo poison tester. I'm happy for her too. Lol Lakan you'll need to wait more if you want to see your daughter!

Awww, Jinshi being 19 is kinda sad and sweet. Him going, "marriage? isn't your son my age?" at Gaoshun was great. His agreement to see what can be done to free Gaoshun and himself from that job/bet... Mmm. I wonder what's exactly going on there. Why's the brother of the Emperor going incognito as a eunuch?

Also managing the rear palace since he was 14? Ouch. You just know he had to learn fast how to respond to the propositions and manouver all the politics. He has it down perfect right now but thinking of 14 year old Jinshi... Kinda a parallel for Maomao trying her best to avoid at all cost any attention on the red light district. Gender and class privilege exists! Everything sucks anyways.

Also Jinshi youth foreshadowed by those moments Maomao was like "he looks so young". He's just like a year or two older than you Maomao! That's why he's so silly around you. All that power and repsonsability in the hands of a 19 year old. Right now heir to the throne; no wonder he wants the emperor to have a heir quickly! (sadly you're still the firstborn oof)

Anyways I'm very happy with the anime. I love the animation, the colors, the music, the charas, the way it adapts the plot (from what I know until now!)

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #knh meta #meta #my thoughts

[drcatco]

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto Ep 23

Love is a strange feeling.

We have seen this woman before, whom we now observe moving small stones in no apparent order and singing a lullaby. Pailin Meimei opens the window of the room to let her air a little.

Maomao invites Lakan to a game, and he gladly accepts.

And the betting begins! If Lakan wins, Maomao will move in with him (after finishing his work contract with Jinshi). If Maomao wins, Lakan will have to buy a veteran courtesan from House Verdigris.

Since they are betting big, Maomao adds two rules to play by: first, after each game, the winner will choose one of the five cups served by Maomao —to three of which she has added a medicine that is toxic in large quantities— and the loser will have to drink the chosen cup; second, regardless of the reason, the player who withdraws from the game will lose the bet.

And the game begins! Being one of the best strategists in the empire (if not the best), Lakan easily wins the first two games. Everything seems to indicate that Maomao will lose the game, but surprise! Lakan lets Maomao win the third game. He picks up one of the cups, drinks it and—

Jinshi is too preoccupied thinking about what will happen if Lakan wins the game, when suddenly Lakan collapses. After examining him, Gaoshun concludes that Lakan is just drunk. Maomao explains that Lakan is a teetotaler, and since he does not drink alcohol, he cannot resist the effects of the strong drink Maomao has served. Let's remember that she is used to drinking 😁

Love is a powerful feeling.

Now we see Lakan's past. He suffers from Prosopagnosia, a cognitive disorder that does not allow him to distinguish faces. Since he was the eldest son, he was the heir of the family; however, his father thought he would be useless, so he let him do as he pleased. His uncle was the only one who understood him, and taught him ways to alleviate his condition. This is how he learned to see people as Go or Shogi pieces, and given his natural ability as a strategist, this allowed him to distinguish himself in the army despite his physique and condition.

Afterwards, he began to visit the Verdigris House. There he met Fengxian, one of the courtesans most appreciated for her ability to play Go and Shogi, and the first person to beat him in one of these games. This makes such an impression on Lakan that, looking at Fengxian's face, he can see it clearly for the first time. After that, they continued to play for many more years. During all those years, Fengxian's value as a courtesan was increasing. Even with this, she and Lakan continued to see each other whenever they could.

The time came when Fengxian made a decision: she risked everything to be free in her own way, to be with the one she loved.

But fate is cruel. Lakan is forced to study abroad, and when he returns after three years he discovers that Fengxian has suffered because of Lakan's lack of vision and the risk she took. As a result, she was forced to take on low-end clients, and one of them infected her with syphilis. Now she no longer works at the Verdigris House, and the old woman who runs the brothel will never forgive Lakan for what he has done.

Love is a mysterious feeling.

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #maomao #lakan #fengxian

[ladykyriaa]

A KPOP (CPOP?JPOP?) Idol Jinshi X Doctor's assistant Maomao

Now on Ao3!!

how he fell (hard?)

The sound of cheers could be heard even outside the stadium. Hundreds of thousands of people gathered in the arena, all waiting for the performance of a lifetime. At least, that’s what they’ll tell their families and friends. In truth, it was probably to get a once in a lifetime chance to spectate the three dazzling shamelessly beautiful men about to perform. Celestial, just as the name suggests, is a group of three with looks that could rival even the Greek gods themselves.

Rihaku with his incredible upper body mass muscles like those of wrestlers, and yet possessed the gentle gaze and a nature that was less intimidating than that of a golden retriever. Rikuson, who had managed to captivate the girls for his “gentleman behavior” whenever he got out and about. To give an example, he once went trending over the internet for several weeks because he held open a door for a mother and child that had their hands full, and then proceeded to help them to their car. Lastly, Jinshi who had managed to not only catch the eyes of both men and women, but also those from the older generations. “He reminds me back to my younger days” is what they would say when asked while giggling and blushing like maidens in love. It was truly a sight.

the men had been together for about 4 years. Jinshi, of course has had the longest career out of all of them being that he started as a child actor. And now at 24 years old, he’s become one of, if not, the most sought-after celebrity by young men and women, their parents and even their grandparents. But of course, just because you’ve been trained from a very young age and have become basically the epitome of grace and elegance, doesn’t mean you’re not prone to accidents yourself.

How did this even happen? Jinshi questioned himself as he sat waiting in the ER. In all his 18 years of career, this was probably the biggest blunder he’d ever made. Even when he was found drunk and passed out in the park that one time couldn’t have been worse than this. No, maybe that was worse. The big boss certainly gave me enough grievances to last a lifetime. He looked at his presumably, no definitely sprained ankle and thought if he could ask for the rest of his schedules to be canceled. He deserved the break, did he not?

“Sorry for the wait.” A gentle, wispy voice called out as they entered the room. The man that entered look to be about 50-60 years old and had wrinkles all over his face, despite that he looked to be a gentle soul. “We’ll run over some tests just to make sure none of the bones are shattered. But at the very least, this is sure to be sprained. I’m afraid you’re going to have to cancel all your activities for the next month or so.” Well, Jinshi didn’t have any problems with that. He was actually quite glad with the chance of a proper break. His manager, Gaoshun, however…

“Maomao, dear. Please run some blood test for me.” It was only at that moment that he realized someone else was in the room with them. A thinly, pale freckled girl was holding a tray with what he presumed to be medical tools on it. Wait, blood test? Isn’t that-

“After you’re done you can change into the hospital gown that is provided. Someone will come and get you soon.” The Doctor said and promptly left the room. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the word blood test. Was it truly necessary though? Jinshi didn’t quite think so. In fact, “You know I can just tell you what my blood type is, we don’t have to run a blood test.” he gave his best smile that usually was able to get people, no matter who, the things he wanted. He was expecting some swooning, maybe a bit of giggling and blush. Disgust, however.

That was the farthest thing from his mind.

Huh? Why isn’t it working.

The girl, Maomao, looked at him like he was the lowest of low, worse than a caterpillar itself. In fact, Jinshi thought, she might look at a caterpillar with more fondness than she did at him because why isn’t it working?? She managed to school her expression into a flat one before he could voice out his indignancies, however.

“You know that’s not how it works” she said, unimpressed. “Now, your arm please.”

“Can’t we just skip this whole part? I think this is quite unnecessary, don’t you?” Jinshi was not one to give up, and so he’ll keep trying however many times he could. No one could ever resist his inhuman beauty. No one. And so, he smiled. The brightest and sweetest one he could.

The girl did not budge. Not an inch. Nada. Instead, she raised an eyebrow, “sir, are you terrified of needles by chance?”

He can feel his smile stuck in place. “Whatever made you think that?” keep smiling, keep smiling, just keep smiling. “Surely you don’t think, I, a 24-year-old man, am scared of a mere silver, do you?” just. keep. Smiling.

She shrugged, “You may be surprised, but it’s actually quite common. Depending on the severance of those fears, one might even try and ­­jump out the window.” She said with such nonchalance you would think she’s talking about the weather. Jinshi was honestly tempted to try. “Hm. How peculiar.” He kept his eyes on the window. He thought she may have noticed because she walked towards it and closed it.

“You know, you look quite familiar. And that’s saying something because I don’t even remember the faces of my colleagues two months into the job.” Mouth agape, He nearly scoffed.

 familiar? does being 18 years on tv only got him to the point of familiarity??

This is outrageous. Did their marketing team have not done enough?

He was sure if he were to ask the girl’s grandma wherever-she-may-be about who he was, then he was sure even she would’ve given a better answer than “you look familiar.”

It would’ve been better if the girl hadn’t known of him at all because hey, maybe she grew up without the internet because there is no way in hell he could’ve looked just familiar. That would imply that she didn’t even bother to pay attention.

“You’re all done.” What?

 “What?” he blinked out of his musings, only to realize she was already packing her tools except the hospital gown that was left for him.

“You’re done. I’ve gotten the sample.” Done? He looked down at his arm and sure enough there was a small bandage covering the part where he supposedly got injected. “Make sure to change into the hospital gown. Or do you perhaps need help?” She can not be serious. He could feel his face burning and judging by the disgust look that appeared on her face, seriously what is up with that. Maybe she took notice. “I can bring your bodyguard in.”

“No, no. I uh, I can do it myself” seemingly satisfied, she began to leave the room.

“Wait!” The girl stopped and raised an eyebrow. “Did uh, was your question only to distract me? From the injection that is. Was it a genuine question?” she seemed to ponder for a minute, thinking of the best way to answer him.

“Well, yes and no, I suppose. But it did work on you, didn’t it Mr. Jinshi?” and then without further ado, she left.

And maybe she took something else with her along the way, Jinshi mused to himself.

.

.

I AM CACKLING. THIS HUNK OF A MF. started because i cant stop imagining modern au jinshi as a kpop idol wtf.

Guys you dont understand i have AN EXAM ASSIGNMENT DUE TOMORROW. I've nEVER EVEN WRITTEN A FIC BEFORE. ALL MY LIFE. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

oh my god this obsession has got to stop im being so serious rn

whoever came across this sorry excuse of a story i am so sorry but i wrote this in one sitting, literally no draft no thing. nada. I just wanted to get this out of my chest

finally i can continue my assignments. i think. hopefully.

#the apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #hnggghh if you came across this no you didnt #and even if you do you dont know who i am god idk why this is so embarassing #IM NOT A WRITER IM NOT MEANT FOR WRITING #but alas #if you want it you gotta make it #jinmao #jinshi #maomao #kyriarting

[isekai-crow]

Apothecary Diaries / Kusuriya no Hitorigoto General Impressions

Man, this anime has changed my life. I'm obsessed. Maomao my beloved, Jinshi is ironically but secretly somewhat of a sad little meow meow (badumptss), Gaoshun is my life, and Ace representation? In my anime? More likely than you think.

I somehow missed all of the fanfare about the manga! But even living in Japan, I think it was flying under the radar until the anime got announced, and then it had to compete with advertising for Oshi no Ko and the return of Spy x Family. However I can confirm that it is now sweeping the elementary school students in Japan which is A Big Deal.

I'm going to do a general overall SQUEE here about the show, and then hopefully do individual posts about the first 12 episodes later. Probably once I finish the second half of season 1 with my Capybara, because I WILL force us to go back and do a re-watch (I'm already re-watching it without subtitles to force my Beetle to watch it with me).

I'm also forcing myself to NOT read ahead in either of the mangas nor the light novel, both so that the mystery of what come next remains magical, and so that I don't burn myself out on it and instead milk it for all it's worth.

I am also spoiler avoidant for this unless I go looking for them myself, so this should be safe for anime-only peeps who are caught up on the first half. This is just my general impressions so far!

Going into this, I was expecting another Raven of the Inner Palace, but was worried it wouldn't be as good, and was still missing my lovely little Raven and her friends. I've seen my fair share of Chinese and Korean historical dramas that I enjoyed, but was worried this would be another Shojo, a genre I don't often like.

The PVs didn't do a lot to dispel this worry, but I assume this was simply because I had never read the manga. (I wonder what the initial impact would have changed had I done so.) It's been a while so I can't really pinpoint exactly what made me have doubts outside of simply wanting a second season of Raven Palace.

The first few episodes were a whirlwind of world building and set up, and mystery, and they dragged me fully into the world of high ranking courtesans and harems.

I immediately fell in love with Maomao's deadpan delivery, manical obsession with poisons, complete nonchalance with the sex industry and harem activities, and absolute lack of interest in Jinshi while still being able to appreciate how dangerously beautiful he is.

I fell in love with Jinshi's idiocy, the level of uke vibes he gives off, his knowledge of and use of his beauty as a weapon and tool while still giving off hints of not necessarily enjoying the attention, and felt like I was riding along with him in his fascination with MaoMao.

Gaoshun is a DELIGHT. I always love the exasperated assistant to the rambunctious Male Lead, and the nickname Xiaomao is SO CUTE AHHHHH. This happened in Raven Palace too, where the two eunuch assitants/spies were my favorite (but they were also crow shipping bait). Gaoshun is just a delightful 'old' man who needs a break and deserves one. I want to be Gaoshun.

The Ace/Aro vibes are also STRONG in this show, and I love it, even if it might only be vague representation.

I am aware of the debate over whether or not Maomao can be considered asexual or not, and I'm firmly on team A-spec, as someone who is aegosexual/ace myself and who can still have sex and consider it to be an act of connection with someone.

I agree that the environment she grew up in affected her views on sex and how it's a tool and a product, and women only get to control it in very limited situations, but that doesn't negate the ace label. Both can exist, and if it turns out differently in the future then that's that, but people are allowed to believe what they want.

Even both being on team Ace(Aro)!Maomao, Capybara and I have our disagreements about how this is going to play out, and have our own ideas about what we'd like to see play out too.

Capy hopes they become Bros and stay fully ace/aro, and I hope they end up in some sort of queer-like relationship. But either way I am SUPER happy to have a show that has so much of its world building connected to sex, and yet it doesn't revolve around sex. Even the fan service like moments aren't really all the fan service-y. They serve a purpose apart from fan service, and I am here for this.

(Maomao is absolutely telling her what a boob job is.)

The mysteries are great and twisty, and there are enough clues that if you're paying attention you can figure out what actually happened. Then there are some like the entire last few episodes of the first half that wouldn't be possible without knowing what Maomao learned, and we don't get to learn what happened until the culprit does either.

I admit that only watching the anime sometimes leaves me with questions, and the subtitle translations are sometimes different than what's being said, in a way that implies a cultural difference that's not possibly to translate clearly. Reading the corresponding chapter of both mangas to whatever episode I watched helps a great deal, and helps to fully flesh out the characters, their motivations, and the world as a whole in it's small small corner of the palace.

I'm looking forward to the second half of the season, and I will hopefully be posting reactions to each episode, and then when I go back to re-watch, I plan to write up about those episodes then. Maybe I'll make a master post, and maybe this hyper fixation will dissipate before I make it that far.

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

#apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #anime winter 2024 #anime fall 2023 #薬屋のひとりごと #maomao #jinshi #gaoshun

[gmajortom]

TAD D&D classes?

Oh buddy. You have no idea what you've just done

Warning: long post ahead

I'll start with Maomao because she is, in my opinion, the most difficult. For all that she'd love necromancy, I can't see her as a necromancy wizard- too much reading of things unrelated to her special interests, for one thing, and for another being a wizard in DnD is fuckin expensive. I don't think she'd be a spores druid either, because druids are generally pretty wise and spiritual which are two things Maomao definitely is not. Which leaves an Alchemist Artificer. That's an intelligence based class that's all about creating contraptions, poisons, and potions- in fact, at a certain level they gain immunity to the poisoned condition and resistance to poison and, I think, acid damage?? Idk I don't have the Player's Handbook in front of me. Anyways. High level Alchemist Artificers also gain access to the Raise Dead spell- which means that eventually, with enough experience and experimentation, Maomao would finally get a taste of some sweet sweet necromancy, despite all of Luomen's protestations.

Jinshi is a Glamour Bard- they're all about beauty and charisma and charming the hell out of people and acquiring secrets as they do so. But wait- there's more. Jinshi is way too fit and inclined towards masochism to simply be a bard; he's also a paladin. A palabard, if you will. Personally I see him as an Oath of Devotion Paladin, but I can also see him as an oath of the ancients, what with all that celestial nymph-like beauty. In any case, charisma is his main stat and he can be persuasive like nobody else when he wants to be, but he's also pretty intelligent and strong and, like any good paladin, prone to self-induced suffering.

Gaoshun I see as being an Oath of the Crown Paladin. They're particularly loyal, law-abiding, duty-bound, long-suffering, and as I've mentioned, all paladins are prone to a lil bit of self-flaggelation. Trust me, I've been playing a paladin for the past two years. In any case, Gaoshun, as Jinshi and the Emperor's attendant, has gotta be a) politically savvy and b) prime bodyguard material. A crown pally is both of those things.

Basen is a straight up Zealot Barbarian. Barbarians are known for their constitution and their strength, and Basen has plenty of both; when barbarian go into a rage they gain resistance to damage done by pretty much any kind of weapon, as well as resistance to falling damage. Zealots are sworn to a cause- in this case, protecting the moon prince (and later lady lishu). Zealots also get a feature at later levels called rage beyond death, which essentially allows them to stay up while raging even if they're at 0 hp and would otherwise be unconscious and making death saves.

My darling Shisui, my beloved bug lady Loulan, would be an Archfey Pact Warlock. I just feel it in my heart. Warlocks are high intelligence and high charisma- and the way she played everybody and helped orchestrate the downfall of the Shi clan screams having the balls and foresight necessary to create a pact with something as tricky and eldritch as an archfey. Also, what is a pixie if not a bug with humanoid features?

Suirei, methinks, would be a Grave Cleric. Clerics are typically healers, but grave clerics are especially good with spells related to death and undeath. One of the spells clerics get is Feign Death, which can put a willing creature into "a cataleptic state indistinguishable from death". Sounds pretty familiar. Moving on.

Lahan, unlike Maomao, does have the resources and patience for books to be a wizard- specifically, a Divination Wizard. Predictions of the future are based on statistics, and what are statistics if not some beautiful numbers?

Rikuson, my beloved, would be a Mastermind Rogue. Am I projecting one of my favorite classes on to him? Yes. Do I think it also fits him objectively? Also yes. Masterminds are really good at strategy, being cool under pressure, and they have excellent memories for voices and languages. Their best feature by far, however, is their ability to help someone as a bonus action, making them both lethal in combat AND a consistent support in battle.

Lihaku is a Champion Fighter. I feel like I don't need to elaborate on this.

Lakan, much like Lahan, would be a wizard- but a Conjuration Wizard. In DnD, not only is conjuration about literally summoning groups of creatures to fight for you, it's also about literally manipulating the field of battle. Also teleportation. Basically- you gotta be good at strategy to be a conjurer. Also full spellcasters are weak ass bitches who will go down from a single hit.

Finally, Luomen is another character I see as being multiclassed- specifically, a Life Cleric/Transmutation Wizard. Like I said earlier, clerics are typically healers- and a life cleric is like, THE healer. I threw in a transmuter multiclass because we KNOW he's studied, and transmuters in particular study alchemy. Clerics are supposed to be fairly charismatic and wizards are known for being extremely intelligent, and both clerics and wizards are supposed to have a good amount of wisdom- personally, I think that describes Luomen in a nutshell.

Anyways, if anybody else has thoughts or differing opinions or suggestions of what other characters who I didn't mention might be, I would love, love, LOVE to hear about them! Or if you just wanna talk about DnD or ask some clarifying questions, please feel free to hit me up :)

#the apothecary diaries #jinmao #tad maomao #tad jinshi #tad basen #tad gaoshun #tad luomen #tad shisui #tad suirei #tad rikuson #tad lahan #tad lakan #tad lihaku

[knightofburgers]

Bad Mystery Writing in The Apothecary Diaries

I'm reading the third Light Novel and God the writing leaves so much to be desired.

The thing that infuriates me the most is that it commits the amateur mistake of using too many descriptors instead of names. So something like:

The tall girl hated the merchant's daughter. The green-eyed woman wasn't stupid either: she knew that she was at risk of a poisoning.

It's charming to a degree, but when every chapter has a new group of secondary characters... it's just a pain to read.

Additionally, it's so obvious that they are hiding stuff from the audience so as to have a fanatic reveal. And it's never done graciously. So something like:

Maomao grinned as she found the thing she was looking for and wrapped it in a bag. [...] Gaoshun looked at it and understood at once. She didn't have to say anything.

These sentences are really violently murdering my immersion in the story. I get that you want a big denouement, but what person thinks like that?

And they leave the reader to have the "Ah-ha!" moment on their own without spelling it out, which is all good, but that moment is hindered by the above two terrible choices. So unless I pull out a pen and paper and make a relationship diagram and collate all the facts (that change every two pages) I will never know the killer's motives or even the method of murder.

Like, I know fiction should be interesting, but switching from

B killed A

to

A hurt B, A killed herself, C pretended to be A

within the span of a single chapter is not engaging at all!

I'm reading the two Corpse Fungus chapters, by the way. And I still dunno if I've understood them. Who died and when and how?!

The writing in general is very good, and the mysteries are formulated very believably and uniquely. But it just drops the ball when it comes to the presentation of the mysteries.

#the apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries spoilers #knh spoilers #tad spoilers #kusuriya no hitorigoto spoilers #original burgers

[infinitesadnessmelon]

I sincerely hope Jinshi gave Gaoshun a bonus after this...

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #apothecary diaries #jinshi #maomao #gaoshun #manga out of context #give gaoshun a rise #gaoshun is so done #Gaoshun isn't paid enough

[kusuriya-no-hitorigoto]

Blog Update

There is now a links page (the Gaoshun icon on the right of the blog or here) where I have put up links for things related to the series (web novel, author, mangaka, etc).

I didn’t have too much time so I haven’t been able to get proper images for each link, and I will probably get a chance to do that in a few months when I’m done with uni.

Nonetheless, the links are all there and ready to be clicked on (if they don’t work by just clicking, right click on the word ‘Here’ which is where the link is. I’ll have to see if I can make it a one-click system some other day ;;;; )

[infinitesadnessmelon]

Gaoshun is so done

AGAIN!

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #apothecary diaries #gaoshun #basen #gaoshun is so done #give gaoshun a rise #and some vacations too #manga out of context #Basen is hopeless #But Gaoshun doesn't have to restrain with him

[infinitesadnessmelon]

Gaoshun isn't paid enough for this

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #apothecary diaries #jinshi #maomao #jinshi x maomao #gaoshun #give gaoshun a rise #manga #manga out of context #he's so done please send help #Xiaomao #just flirt normally for the love of god

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E19 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - strategist. Maomao's biological father.

Lihaku - the military officer who took Maomao out of the Rear Palace

Jinshi is thinking about the conversation he had with Maomao about meeting Lakan. He looks so concerned; he can't stop thinking about that look in her eyes. Things are in such an uncertain place between the two of them. The gulf has widened, and threatens to widen further.

Jinshi is hiding so many things from Maomao, he likely thinks he's protecting her, but what he must do to keep those secrets threatens to drive the two further apart. Sharing his secrets would also drive them apart. And the current situation is not tenable. Disaster looms for Jinshi and he knows it.

Gaoshun tries to redirect Jinshi's focus to a ceremony that he's required to perform later that afternoon. Maomao figured out Jinshi has been doing something ceremonial during her time here, a purification ceremony, I think she said.

Lihaku has learned to turn to Maomao to solve mysteries.

Lihaku: We've got a problem on our hands.

Do we? It's funny that he thinks she has any responsibility in this. I mean she will certainly step up to solve this, but she in no way is obligated to.

Something about the Maomao-Lihaku dynamic is really entertaining to me. Maybe it's because their interactions are so transactional. They are each a little disgusted by the other, even if they sort of respect one another. But they can really only connect on their desire to solve a mystery, which Lihaku presents now.

Various seemingly unrelated misfortunes have befallen the palace in the last year. Everything could have been leading up to the theft of some ceremonial items, and the only clue is the presence of a tall court lady (or man).

Maomao: When many coincidences manifest one on top of the other intent emerges in the overlap.

I happen to remember the presence of a suspicious man who was around at the death of Sir Kounen and the poisoning of the court official who oversaw the warehouses. So perhaps we will get some answers about who this man is soon.

I also can't forget that Lakan investigated the warehouse fire and found that ivory pipe that started the explosion. He also was the one who got Gaoshun to look into the poisoning case of the palace official who ate toxic seaweed. Given how astute he is, Lakan is either involved, or has this mystery figured out and is letting things play out for some motive that I can't determine. Also, it seems that Lakan would like Maomao to solve this case. But why? What does he gain from that? Having her involved puts her in danger. Is that what he wants?

Because Maomao is stepping into a real conspiracy now. It's about as dangerous position as she has ever been in this show.

Jinshi shows up. LOL. He's scary when he's jealous, and Lihaku has no trouble reading the situation, so he books it out of there. Maomao on the other hand doesn't bother to try to read into Jinshi's behavior and proceeds as normal.

And it occurs to me now that the storytellers are being a bit meta.

Maomao: When many coincidences manifest one on top of the other intent emerges in the overlap.

Because they gave us this quote from Maomao right after they just got done telling us Jinshi is about to perform a ceremony, and that someone has stolen some ceremonial items. A coincidence? Not likely. The larger conspiracy that Maomao is trying to solve right now, was all for the purpose of getting to those ceremonial items. That's a whole lot of work to do if you aren't setting up something big. Something like trying to murder a prince maybe? And I may be back on my bullshit again, but I don't think so. I don't know who or why or how, but I can feel it in my story-loving soul, someone's aiming for our beloved male lead!

Actually there are any number of people who could be after Jinshi. He's in a terribly vulnerable position. By birth he is in the line of succession to the throne, but due to some deception he was removed. Anyone who discovered his identity and wants him out of the way could be behind this. He's got all of the vulnerabilities of being a prince, but not all of the protections. Or this could have to do with his duties as the palace manager. He presides over cases and hands out judgements, perhaps someone feels he did so unjustly and wants revenge? Or it could be anything, this is a fricking palace intrigue story, after all!

Lakan is an obvious suspect, but I don't think it's him. He maneuvered Maomao to get involved in this. Why would he do that if he were behind it all? It's more likely that he wants her to unravel it. Why not just expose this conspiracy himself? Is he actually trying to help Jinshi? This is such a twisted up tale.

Jinshi: What was the nature of your rendezvous with that office?

That Jinshi sees Lihaku as a romantic rival will never not be funny to me. There is just nothing at all between the two.

Maomao offers to tell Jinshi about what she discussed with Lihaku. I'm so glad she offered! Last time she solved a mystery she didn't share it with Jinshi, and they've been in such a weird place, I really wasn't sure she would want to do this. Is she taking pity on Jinshi because he's acting jealous, or does she want his thoughts on this mystery?

Actually, I think Maomao does her best mystery solving when she works with Jinshi. He is encouraging and supportive, and she thrives with that. Perhaps, this mystery has her really stumped or worried, and so she's relieved to bring it up with Jinshi. And it feels so good to watch these two working through this together! It's like watching a simpler time from and earlier episode.

After presenting the facts to Jinshi, Maomao quiets. Jinshi thinks it's odd that she isn't eager to solve this case. I do too.

Jinshi: You're not excited by this?

Maomao lets out a frustrated sigh, like he's not picking up on something, and gives the following explanation, though it sounds like a begrudging recitation, rather than honest:

Maomao: I am but a humble servant, I fear. I exist only to do as I'm told.

Jinshi gives an almost exasperated response.

And then Jinshi seems to have an "a-ha" moment right after that, and offers her an incentive for taking the case... I'm thinking Maomao is angling to get something she wants out of this. Perhaps Maomao took Suiren's words to heart last episode.

Suiren: You may appear apathetic, but you're keen. You know where you stand, and how to play the game. Suiren: If you view everything in terms of status, then you'll miss opportunities.

It seems Maomao is eager to solve this case, but she's not going to do it for nothing this time. It's an opportunity for her to gain something she wants.

And Jinshi is almost giddy to make an offer to Maomao. He knows she's going to love what he has in mind. Maomao is comically over the top when it comes to her enthusiasm for medicinal ingredients, and she freaks Jinshi out when she climbs up on his desk and laughs maniacally in his face. Gaoshun has to pull her off. Jinshi and Maomao are so delighted with themselves and each other, it's a beautiful moment of harmony, which Gaoshun isn't sure is better than having them at odds.

Serendipity (coincidence or something more?) has landed Maomao in the records archive with exactly the person who can help her solve her mystery. Because this particular court official knows all about the Board of Rites that oversees ceremonies, he used to work on that board. Yet another one of the "coincidences" that Maomao is looking into has a connection to ceremonies. Seriously, that's a lot of foreshadowing, something bad is about to go down at this ceremony, huh?

It seems that someone went to an awful lot of trouble to take out two officials who oversee the ceremonies and stole some of the ceremonial equipment. Plus this official in the archives was demoted when he raised questions about the safety of these ceremonies. "An accident waiting to happen," is how the official described it. What a convenient way to take out an important person and make it seem like a coincidence. Maomao remembers yet another coincidence that involves the three brothers who work at the metalsmith that creates ceremonial items. This has to do with that ceremonial tool that had me worried from a couple episodes back no doubt. The one Lakan made sure to bring up to Jinshi. I don't have the details figured out, but Maomao does, and she's starting to worry now.

No, she's not worried, she's terrified. Someone has had a plan in the works for over a year, to assassinate a high ranking noble Jinshi (she, like me, already knows it's him, even if she won't admit it). And Maomao only just figured it out. She's not sure if she will be able to get there in time to stop it, but damn it she's trying! Girl is about to bust open a huge conspiracy!

Run Maomao! Run! Go save your prince!

Ah shit. Her status means she can't enter. But! Jinshi is in danger, right now! She can't back down.

Maomao: I'm just a servant with no authority to speak of. But if something happens it'll be too late for anything but regret!

Oh brave Maomao! This guard is threating her with his giant cudgel but she's not giving up. And what an image! Little Maomao on the steps standing up to the big armed guard who looms threatening above!

She accuses him of being in league with the saboteur. And that does it. He bashes her in the face! Oh shit! That guard comes down the stairs and I'm pretty sure he's trying to kill her. The other guards think so too, because someone is able to stop him. Maomao meant to provoke him, as a means of creating a commotion, but it's not enough to disrupt the ceremony. And Maomao is pretty messed up from that blow to the head.

Maomao is pushing through by sheer force of will, unconsciousness threatening to take over. She ignores the pain, and the danger, and stands back up because she needs to save someone's life.

Maomao is a goddamn hero, y'all. This persistence in the face of overwhelming odds, in pursuit of a noble purpose; it makes for great characters. And in a love story it's romantic as fuck.

But no matter what she says or does, it's not enough. She doesn't have the status to disrupt this ceremony.

But Lakan does.

Friends. I can't breath. This is peak drama.

Lakan is pretty intense for a moment with the guard, when he says:

Lakan: You have hurt her.

Maomao doesn't turn around, claims she doesn't want to see who it is. But she knows it's Lakan. And she knows his presence here is not a coincidence, as nothing in this episode has been. But there isn't time for that, she needs to move quickly. She is permitted past the guards, but how to stop the ceremony without being executed for it later?

There isn't time to think it through, she sees the disaster is moments from happening and she simply runs and tackles the officiant of the ceremony out of the way, as the giant apparatus comes crashing down.

I am so here for this moment.

Maomao realizes that she made it in time. Realizes her leg is injured. But she is addled from the blow to the head, because as soon as she sees Jinshi she asks for the ox bezoar that he offered. Girl, this guy is going to give you his whole life.

And of course it's Jinshi. It had to be! Maomao looks a wreck, with her face swollen, her nose bleeding, and her leg broken. But she's alive, and because of her brilliant mind, and bravery, so is Jinshi.

Jinshi is in shock. Trying to comprehend what the fuck just happened. Perhaps only moments from losing his shit, once he knows which direction to lose it in. He sees the state Maomao is in and he's on the verge of tears. So am I.

Maomao: I don't understand. Why is Master Jinshi here?

I'll allow her this confusion right now because she just got smashed upside the head, but later when she's recovered, she's not allowed to deny who and what Jinshi is any more. It's too fucking much at this point.

Maomao is disoriented, but she's done what she came here to do, and now she can let herself fall unconscious. After all Jinshi is here, he looks awfully sad, but he's capable and kind, he'll take care of her.

Jinshi is so distraught to have her fall unconscious in his arms. He does call her "Maomao," this time, as he begs her to stay with him. That lost little "please" at the end is going to stick with me for a long while.

Every person in this room, is useless in a crisis. There are at least a dozen people standing around doing nothing.

Jinshi leaves with Maomao in his arms. He doesn't acknowledge anyone, including Lakan, who looks rather shocked. Shocked because Maomao got hurt, when he didn't intend it, or shocked because Jinshi responded differently than Lakan expected? Or did he think she died? In any case, one of Lakan's well planned strategies didn't work out how he intended. I don't know if Jinshi is even able to spare a thought as to why Lakan might be here, or what his role in this whole event might have been. To me it seems, Lakan knew what was going on, but that he wasn't behind it. Perhaps his interest in bothering Jinshi was to try to help him? I don't know. I'm sure we will find out more about Lakan's role soon enough.

There are a lot of people that saw Maomao force her way into the building and save Jinshi's life. And a lot of those same people saw Jinshi walk out with her in his arms. And everyone of them showed Jinshi deference as he left. Too bad that Maomao missed it. Will it matter that people saw this, does it mean anything in this setting?

Is there symbolism happening right now? Probably! I also wish I knew what the lyrics to this song were.

Maomao is bleeding and broken, unconscious, but without her actions, it would be Jinshi who is hurt, or more probably dead. A trail of Maomao's blood trails behind as Jinshi leaves with her in his arms.

Jinshi has to be thinking about how Maomao ended up being there just in time to save him. If it truly were just an accident, then there would have been no way for her to know about it, which means the crashing apparatus was planned. That someone tried to kill him. Jinshi has to know that there are people who would like him dead, perhaps people have even tried to come at him before. And for much of this show we have seen Jinshi try to keep Maomao away from the more dangerous parts of his life. Today, what he feared has happened. Maomao was injured, because she got tangled up in the danger that is Jinshi's life. But if she hadn't he would have died.

So what will Jinshi do? Will he push Maomao away to keep her safe, so she doesn't get hurt again like she did today? Or will he let her in now? Tell her his secrets and keep her close? How can he best protect Maomao, by pushing her away or pulling her close?

And what will Maomao do when she wakes? She can't deny who Jinshi is any longer.

Also, will whomever is behind this be discovered? Will they try again?

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next episode: Episode 20

#apothecary diaries #the apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao #jinshi x maomao