#fun fact a mutual actually blocked me there. i literally dont even know why either they probably got so sick + tired of my bullshit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elmo-is-a-forgotten-god · 3 years

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TW:// mentions of death, brief family dynamics mention, losing a friend

For context this happened late last night and I’ve been trying to get as many details as possible here.

Don’t feel obligated to read this. I know it’s long.

I recently had a friend unfriend me and I wanted to vent about that a little bit. This is really long, only read it if you really want to I just really need to talk about it somewhere else.

I am also sharing this stuff so you all understand me a bit better as a person. Because it is even more challenging for me online and I don’t want to lose any more friends, especially online friends because I can’t talk to you all in person.

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They have been known to do this to other people and everyone who it has happened to has still remained on the shit list. They screamed at me for over an hour on the phone because I was “a shit friend these past couple weeks or so.” They cited specific days where I didn’t answer them until later in the day and one specific day where they were stressed with school and wanted me to be there so they could vent and I could help them.

I tried explaining to them what was going on but I just ended up crying (I don’t normally cry a lot if that give you any idea how bad it was) and I didn’t get the words out. Mainly for a reason I’ll explain later but also because they sounded just like my dad when he yells and I just sorta shut down.

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Now they blocked and deleted my number and blocked me on all social media. (Our mutual friends told me.). They apparently told most of our friends what a piece of shit I am and a couple other people blocked me. They wrote a whole fucking essay about it but here’s the sparknotes:

-I go through periods of time where I am not a fun person to talk to, and they like me a lot better when I don’t have an “attitude”.

They specifically cited last year from late summer to winter, you’ll see why this is important.

-last year and this year I’ve “ghosted” people around the holiday season when I know it is rough for some people.

I try to check up on my friends when I know they are going through some shit, I try to send them useful stuff as well, everyone know that.

-I am too overly blunt and honest and not good at helping people with their issues.

I know I’m too blunt and honest , and you know what? I fuck up sometimes, but I usually don’t mean anything by it I’m just trying to help. As for helping people with their issues, if I wasn’t good at it why the fuck did they come to me in the first place.

-I have a perfect life, nothing bad ever happens to me and I’m nothing but a privileged asshole who doesn’t deserve to have a friend like them. I don’t know what it’s like to go through something difficult.

I’m not going to comment on this, I know I’m privileged, but I try to do good things with it.

-I pay way too much attention to my self and I am a “self centered piece of shit for not answering their messages that one day and for not being as fast with my responses as I normally am.”

You’ll see why this was a fucked up thing to say to me in a bit, I’m just writing this out very slowly and trying to avoid that part.

-I talk about myself too much when people come to me with advice, and people “shouldn’t come to me with advice or have to take that bullshit” because I am “undeserving of being in the loop about someone’s personal issues.”

This came up because one of our friends came to me with an issue instead of them. I know I often relate things back to me I didn’t think that was a bad thing because no one told me and that is just how I help myself understand what someone is going through, but I’ll stop doing that.

-Saying things like “I need to remove myself from this area.” Is extremely disrespectful to the rest of our friend group (I literally only go by myself it doesn’t affect them). For context my adhd is extremely severe to the point it’s considered to be a learning disability, what they are referencing is when I leave to go somewhere else because I am overwhelmed and overstimulated. They literally said and I quote “that shit is total fucking bull and you know it, I have adhd too, and I’m saying you’re fucking faking.”

First off they don’t have a formal medical diagnosis, just a suspicion, they haven’t even talked to their doctor about it. Not to mention everyone is different based off of severity and which symptoms are actually present. As part of my testing we opted for the comprehensive test to look at the severity of my adhd before moving on to being treated. In that test they observed me over the course of several hours to see how I reacted to different things. The things that were expected to be the worst symptoms for me were :

difficulty understanding and relating to others (one of my strategies I was told would help is to relate others experiences to mine)

difficulty in communication; reading directly off of my sheet and I quote “Emma was observed having a difficult time using nuance and understanding when was and was not the correct time to say something. Emma’s parents describe her as: extremely blunt to the point where it can be abrasive.”

sensory: specifically when things are too quiet, I also have an issue with overly bright lighting, and when I am very overwhelmed there is only a few people who I will let touch me when I’m “wigging out”

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I know I am privileged, but I really try to use that privilege to do good things and I didn’t know that I act uptight or like a dick in that way. If I do it’s either a joke or not intentional and I apologize.

That being said, just because I am privileged doesn’t mean my life is perfect and it doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen to me, it’s beyond fucked up to think that.

(The color for things related to this)

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A lot of the things they talked about are things they know I am insecure about to begin with and they know I am working on it. Most of them are literal symptoms of my adhd and things I struggle with on the fucking daily. I’m making them a different color so you can see what I’m talking about. Here’s the adhd related color.

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Now. Some of the other things they listed were in direct relation to my grandma passing away. If you know me, you know my grandma and I were very close and she in a way was like a lot like a parent to me. She had cancer and dementia and her health started a major decline in August of 2019, I spent a lot of time with her during this time and I was constantly stressed and worried about her. I didn’t really talk a lot about it because it’s hard for me to think about but I know this friend knew about this for a goddamn fact.

This relates to this because the period of time when I had “attitude” and “wasn’t a fun person to be around” was when we found out she would have 3 months if she was lucky, I spent every day with her during this time. Yeah I think watching someone slowly die and forget who you are is reason enough to be a bit not talkitive or please not.

My grandma died on December 4th 2019. The main reason my friend snapped was because I wasn’t their to help them with their stress on December 4th 2020. (They had screenshots). They yelled at me for over an hour because of the reasons of above and mainly, MAINLY, because I didn’t text them back fast on the anniversary of my grandmas death. I WAS AT THE FUCKING CEMETARY ASSHOLE DONT YELL AT ME FOR NOT RESPONDING RIGHT AWAY.

(This is the color for things related to this)

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I’m sorry this was really long but I’m just having a rough day. I thought I could trust this person and I thought we were ok, I just wish that someone would tell everyone this, but the people that blocked me also blocked my best friends.

If you have a problem with my behavior in any way, please talk to me before something like this happens. And please know that if I seem overly blunt or like I’m trying to steal the spotlight, just know that I don’t mean to and it doesn’t come from a place of malice. I don’t want to lose any more friends.

I know I fuck up, but there is reason behind it, but unfriending someone who you’ve been friends with for 7 years because they didn’t text you back from the cemetary is fucked up, I’m pretty sure anyone can see that much.

High school drama is fucking bullshit, I hate it here.

#vent #venting #high school drama #high school drama bullshit #toxic friends #adhd #this was really fucked up #not a shitpost #not a joke #long post sorry

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void-official · 5 years

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“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’. Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

#........./#....../#././#././/./#/././..#long post

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t-pose-to-assert-gayness · 5 years

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I had an epiphany today

I know that I’m not a professional artist by any means - I’ve only been using my drawing tablet for a little over 2 years and I’ve only been getting serious for the past 18 months or so - even more so recently, but I want to share some valuable advice that I haven’t heard anyone say until now. It’s something I’ve needed to hear so some of you beginners will probably need to hear this now or in the future.

Recently, I’ve been feeling shit about my art. I’ve been wanting it to be better and I keep falling into old habits and I know that i see something I’ve drawn and that it’s just not good or correct at all. I know it sounds corny but I want to put my heart and soul into what I work on and so I want it to be perfect. Right now, the problem is that i don’t know how to fix certain things so I have to ask for help (which is totally something you SHOULD be doing) but the fact that I can’t do it on my own annoys me. There’s an old post from here that i saw a few years ago, which showed a graph (I cant for the life of me link it because i’ve tried multiple times in the past to find it again) a little like this.

I really believe in this chart. It shows that your perception of what’s good and your physical drawing skill almost step up in complete opposite bursts from each other. This is why you will start to see your drawings “get worse” when in reality, your skill just isn’t increasing at that current time - however, your perception is.

You need to understand that you cannot become an Art God (tm) right away. You also can’t have your skills incubate without doing anything and think ��oh i’ll be good in a couple years so i wont try” no bitch thats not how the game works.

Constant practice is what drives constant improvement. You may not be absolutely great now, but you are still allowed to enjoy it! You’ll get there eventually, why not have a little fun along the way?

I might not like my art teacher all that much but today she actually said something that I took to heart. Today she explained what we have to complete for our course and she talked about how you may not like some of the things that you do, but keep those in a folder. The examiners will look at them, but only save your best work for your exhibition. Your folder shows your journey. It’s a necessary journey, but there is still work that you’ll produce that will be your best. That’s the work you can show off and be proud of, but still appreciate the not-so-good work because you’ve learned something from it. You tried something, you learned how to do and not to do something. You can use that art to improve your further endeavours. It’s all about the journey. Art is a journey.

Let me put this into an online art world perspective for you:

Say you have a portfolio on the internet that you only upload your best art to so you can show it off to your friends and other artists because you’re proud of it. And say that you also save all your art into one folder on your computer. Not all of it is good in there. some shit with wonky proportions. the head was too big, that lineart was crap, their hands look like they were mangled by a fucking combine harvester and then reattached, etc.

Your portfolio is your best work. You’re proud of it. Cool.

Your art folder is full of unfinished sketches that you went back to and thought “ew thats awful” and so you vowed never to do that again. See? you learned something. You learned not to make the head that big. You learned that the way you drew that hand was not in sync with the rest of the drawing.

YOU LEARNED SOMETHING AND THAT’S JUST AS IMPORTANT AS CREATING SOMETHING YOU’RE PROUD OF. WHY? BECAUSE YOU CAN TAKE THE NOTES THAT YOU MAKE FROM YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS IN YOUR WORK AND YOU CAN IMPROVE NEXT TIME. TURN YOUR TRASH INTO TREASURE.

To finish: some quickfire tips that I’ve learned.

Find communities where you can share your art and get feedback. Discord servers, Deviantart groups, etc

Make art friends! Holy shit bro if you dont do that then who are you going to

ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT YOU AREN’T BEING RUDE FOR FUCK’S SAKE NOT EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET IS EVIL THEY’LL BE HAPPY TO HELP IF YOU’RE NICE AND POLITE!!

Send artists you like asks and questions in DMs (if they have them open to non-mutuals)! If you are ignored, just fire them an ask on anon or another quick message cause they might either be a) busy or b) they didn’t see the notification for the messages

Participate in collabs and fandom projects or even make your own! like holy queen elizabeth II on a wheel after starting The Beach City Witch Project (a Steven Universe fan episode animatic) in 2017, I got the chance to meet and work with artists whom i’d been looking up to for LITERALLY YEARS. They are really super nice and chill people and I actively ask for a quick redlining of a pose or a question about commission etiquette or something and it really helps me. I now have a discord full of over 100 people who create music, art, literature, etc. Not everyone in the server is active all the time, but we have a core active user-base of about 30 people. We have a chat for art references, a chat for sharing links to cool art we’ve found (the #1 rule is that you credit or link directly to the artist/art) and we have a chat for posting and critiquing art that you’ve made. It’s a really good system and one that I recommend to anyone with an art-focussed server.

I hope that there is at least something in this block of text that someone has needed to hear. Please reblog this so I can spread my kinda shitty wisdom because i know how y’all feel. I felt that way once. I feel that way now and I will again in the future. You aren’t alone.

#artists on tumblr #txt #long ass post #this was longer than i expected i spent like an hour on this #i have no time to finish what i was drawing lmaooo

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maylovexhs · 6 years

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Hi darlings! It’s May! So first thing first, THIS IS NOT AN IMAGINE OR UPDATE. ITS JUST ME TELLING MY EXPERIENCE ABOUT MY HARRY SHOW. YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ IT IF YOU WANT TO. I saw a bunch of people doing threads and posting about how wonderful their time is and I was like I want to do it! I, in no way am trying to show off or brag about it. I just want to post it here because I’m friendly with y’all and I’ll just have the story on here for safe keeping. So ignore if you want(I put the keep reading for that) but yeah here’s my concert experience. WARNING: BELOW THE CUT IS A LONG LONG LONG POST. ENJOY THE SHAKY VIDEOS AND MY ANNOYING VOICE. This all happened one month ago ughh procrastination is the devil

I WENT TO SEE HARRY FUCKING STYLES LIVE IN CONCERT NIGHT TWO MSG AND I BLEW A KISS AT HARRY AND HE BLEW A KISS BACK.

. . .

he knows I exist.

Harry Styles knows I goddamn exist.

okay, let’s me backtrack a day or two before my concert. Actually a week, shall we?

So, it’s a week before Harry’s shows in nyc and I’m at home in Brooklyn with no harry tickets for none of the nights because of course 1. Both nights are sold out 2. I couldn’t buy tickets online from strangers cause y’all ever heard of scams? So, I’m at home in misery cause all over my twitter all my mutuals are tweeting how excited they are to go and I’m like “fUcKiNg GrEaT!” I’m pretty sure I posted shit of me gloating on here. ANYWAYS FAST FORWARD TO JUNE 21st, 2018(Harry’s first night/show at msg) and I’m on my living rooms couch on twitter. AND I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS THE UNIVERSE SAYING ‘WE GOT YOU HONEY’ or just a coincidence but the first thing i See is on my timeline is a tweet from ticketmaster saying along the lines of “Due to miscounting . . . There are tickets available for Harry Styles at msg night two . . .SALE” and I . . .i can’t even explain how I felt. It was like destiny. Like “SIS YOU WERENT MEANT TO GET TICKETS A LONG TIME AGO YOURE SUPPOSED TO GET THEM NOW. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE” and I was like “fuck it! I’m going to see my mans in concert and I couldn’t care about how shitty the seats are. It’s Harry of all people” so, I download the Ticketmaster app and ask my mom and my chill ass mom is like ‘really? The day before? This is a sign. God must really want you to see harry” and I’m like “YES”. So I use my moms card(I payed her back after) and buy the two tickets. AND LET ME JUST SAY! THE TICKETS! I GOT LUCKY WITH THE TICKETS. My tickets were seat 8 and 9, row 7, section 113

DO YALL KNOW WHERE THAT IS? THATS RIGHT NEXT TO THE STAGE! THATS THE SIDE BACK OF THE STAGE. And remember Harry’s stage is 360 honeys so I was hyped up. Honestly I thought it’s row 7, it’s not like we are in front! It’s not like he’s gonna see us. I’m bringing this up later cause well, you’ll see. But just remember I’m row 7. So I print out my tickets and I text my friends “HOES GUESS WHAT?” And I immediately text my best friend emmy(her nickname) “BISH IDGAF ABOUT YOUR STRICT PARENTS I WILL DRAG AND SNEAK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR THIS WE AINT MISSING HARRY. WE AINT MISSING SEEING THE MAN IVE BEEN IN LOVE WIG SINCE 2012” and thank god her parents said yes. Emmy and I spent like the next two hours like “Oh let’s make a sign that’s says sing Shania Twain still the one Harry!” and we talked about “what should we do in the city tomorrow before Harry’s show?” Our show day was a very busy day for us. Ready? Let’s go!

So, in the morning I had a college orientation with Emmy and my other friend(I’m calling her Anna for privacy reasons). I arrived there early so from 9:15 am, Anna Emmy and I were learning about our college and making our schedule. We left around 12:30 pm. Emmy and I decided to leave for the city after but we had to pee first so THANK YOU ANNA FOR LIVING CLOSE TO COLLEGE AND ALLOWING US TO USE YOUR BATHROOM. GRACIAS. Oooooh, fun fact: June 22nd was also my graduation date but Emmy and I wasn’t going in the first place so YAY!

Anyways we said goodbye to Anna and we took the train to the city. We stopped at canal street and went to Greenwich village? Why? My friend Emmy is a huge fan of Justin Bieber and 5 Seconds of Summer so we were just like “fuck it! Let’s go hunting for them! Maybe today’s our lucky day” so we are in Greenwich which justin was spotted in but with our luck we couldn’t find him. We were like ‘oh well! Let’s just stroll around’ so we walk and GUESS WHICH APARTMENT BUILDING WE WERE ABOUT TO WALK PAST BY?

HARRY’S. WE WERE ABOUT TO PAST HARRYS APARTMENT. WE WERE ABOUT TO WALK WHERE HARRY WALK. IM TOO HEADASS FOR HIM(btw I don’t stalk him, I didn’t stand outside his building, his apartment address is publicly online and I did not mean to walk past his apartment, IT JUST HAPPENED) I take out my phone and tell emmy where we were and luckily I took a sneak picture low quality of the building. BUT EMMY! EMMY! She was like “I WANT A GOOD QUALITY PICTURE!” Emmy goes, takes a picture of the doors and the security guards give her a mean look from inside the building. And we are like “ABORT MISSION! ABORT!” Moving on, we’re like if we can’t find Justin, we’ll try 5 Seconds of Summer. And guess what? We can’t find them either! At this time it was like, 3 or 4 Pm? And I really need to sit down cause ya girl has no energy whatsoever. So we take the train and go to the area where msg is and we get pizza. Btw msg area is mad busy. Like really busy. Continuing, we finish our pizza. We go check out the outside of msg and I learn that we aren’t allowed in until 6 pm(I heard it from girls outside) And i’m like okay? So Emmy and I buy and get these pride flags and we go to wait and sit outside where the driveway is. So we wait there for like an hour hoping we see anyone but we don’t cause that’s out fucking luck. But we saw like a dressing bag like the ones where suit and dresses are carried in. We highly doubt it was Harry’s suit but hey? Oh and I took a picture right here

Anyways it 6, we go inside, get through scanning and while we are in line, everyone decided to airdrop one direction memes and of course I joined

We were let in at 6:45 pm and we were going to our section. By going, WE RAN. Literally we had to be stopped by a security guard to see our tickets. I’m getting off point but we get to our section and I’m expecting us to be in the middle cause it says row 7. And Emmy tells me we are in the second row and I was just like “??? Our ticket say row 7�� and Emmy shows me that the section starts with row 6 and I was just like “BITCH WE’RE CLOSER THAN I THOUGHT. WE’RE ROW 2 ACTUALLY”. So we were seated between where Sarah and Adam was going to be. This was our view

Then we put our shit down, I went to get my harry merch(I got a shirt) and we sat there in our seats waiting for Kacey to start at 8:30 and KACEY IS SO CUTE YALL HAVE NO IDEA SHE IS THE YEEHAW QUEEN. I USUALLY DONT LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC BUT THIS SISTER GOT SOME TUNES. Here’s me singing along(eXcUsE my cringy premature voice I’m 19) I was going crazy during crazy

Then Kacey leaves and we gotta wait another 40 minutes for Harry. I kid you not the whole arena was singing Olivia by 1d even the security guard was shook af

As I was saying, we had to wait 40 minutes more for Harry so it was like 9:30 and FUCKING FINALLY HE COMES OUT AND I SWEAR EVERYONE LOST IT

ONLY ANGEL STARTED TO PLAY AND EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING. HE WAS SHINING IN HIS GODDAMN CALVIN KLEIN BLUE SUIT AND ISTG I KEPT TELLING MYSELF “BLOW KISSES AT HARRY! BLOW KISSES AT HARRY” SO THIS BISH HARRY COMES TO OUR SECTION I BLOW A KISS AT HIM LIKE THIS AND IDK IF HE SAW ME BUT HE BLEW A KISS WITH HIS HAND TO OUR SECTION AND YES IT GOT CAUGHT ON FUCKING CAMERA HOES

I WAS FUCKING SHAKING. CAUSE I WAS CERTAIN DURING THE CHAIN HE BLEW A KISS BACK AND IF HE BLEW A KISS AT ME DURING ONLY ANGEL IT WOULD BE THE FIRST OF TWO my heart is racing just remembering it. I’ll continue. So he finishes only angel and he introduces himself and he’s so cute I can’t even

Then they play woman and someone threw a bra on stage and I was screaming inside

Then they play Carolina, Stockholm syndrome, Anna, esny, jalboyh and finally fucking MEDICINE. I was going crazy during medicine as we all should. Sarah and Adam were fucking ripping the song up and I couldn’t be more proud. Then Harry talked to the crowd more and THIS HOE CALLED THE BACK(aka us) HIS BEST FRIENDS AND IM JUST LIKE THANK YOU. Then they start to play meet me in the hallway and the goddamn back screen goes down, blocking us from seeing Harry perform the song. EMMY AND I KEPT SHOUTING DISRESPECT AND THE GIRLS IN FRONT OF US WERE LAUGHING. then he the screen lifted up again as he finished the song and he goes down the walk to the b stage with mitch. Mitch is so cute fam. And we could see him get a bunch of flowers and I’m like “it’s what he deserves”. So he’s on b stage now and he begins to sing sweet creature and iicf AND DURING IICF WE ALL HAD OUR FLASHLIGHTS ON IT WAS SO NICE AND LIKE HEAVEN. MY BABY HARRY STARTED TO TEAR UP DURING THE SONG AND I JUST WANTED TO HUG HIM. OOH AND WHILE THEY WERE ON B STAGE, SARAH ADAM AND CLARE WENT OFF THE MAIN STAGE. ADAM AND SARAH WERE TALKING OFF STAGE NEAR US I THINK I HAVE A VIDEO BUT ITS TOO DARK. BUT BASICALLY THEY WERE TALKING AND I GUESS IT WAS ABOUT HOW THEY WERE PLAYING CAUSE ADAM KEPT MAKING A GUITAR GESTURE AND ADAM HAD SUCH A GREAT SMILE AND SARAH WAS SO HAPPY So Harry and Mitch come back and they all play two ghosts and then wmyb

They finish wmyb and Harry talks to the crowd. He talks to a fan who was visiting from another country and he’s like “what did you do here?!?” being all excited. Then he talks to the girl who came with “I AM WITH CHILD” sign and then we found out she lied and harry criticizes her and he’s like “WE’RE ALL TRYING!” and I couldn’t stop laughing. Emmy said she lost some brain cells during that part. So harry begins to talk about sign of the times and me and Emmy were like “let’s shout FUCK TRUMP out loud”. WE DIDNT. We didn’t have the chance to but WE TRIED. The girls in front of us were smiling and laughing at us. I blame Harry cause he kept on talking so he couldn’t hear it anyways. Anyways sign of the times plays and everyone has their flashlights on. IT WAS MAGICAL.

So harry and the band leaves to do something and I’m like “wtf u going” so I start to record and they go under the stage. I guess they were doing a photo down there but they come back on a minute later.

They perform from the dining table and I WAS SO SAD I WAS READY TO FIGHT WHOEVER HURT MY BABY. then from the dining table was over and Harry’s like “I’m gonna sing another song” AND I FUCKING TOLD EMMY “WATCH IT BE STILL THE ONE” and BITCH I WAS CORRECT. So he brings Kacey on

They start to sing still the one and I was in my emotions fam and Kacey wore the rainbow dress and I was like YES QUEEN AND THEY BOTH MADE SO MUCH EYECONTACT IT WAS SO CUTE. Then Kacey leaves and they start to play the chain and I was like HELL YEAH AND DURING THE CHAIN HARRY SAID “DAMCE LIKE NO ONE IS NEXT TO YOU. YOURE NOT GOING TO SEE THESE PEOPLE TOMORROW” AND THAT HIT ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THE WHOLE ARENA WAS SHAKING LIKE I COULDNT EVEN STAND BECAUSE I WAS AVOUT TO FALL FROM THE AMOUNT OF JUMPING GOING ON AND THIS IS WAS WHEN HE BLEW A KISS AT ME. SO ITS LIKE THE END OF THE SONG AND HE COMES TO THE BACK AND IMMEDIATELY START TO BLOW KISSES AT HIM WITH BOTH HANDS LIKE BEFORE AND I WAS PRETTY SURE HE SAW ME BECAUSE HE BLEW A KISS WITH BOTH HANDS IN MY DIRECTION AND THEN HE DID THAT TO ALL TE OTHER SECTIONS. BITCH I WAS SHAKING.

The chain ends and they start to play kiwi and I get sad af because I know it’s the last song and harrrys like “this is the last song” and inside I’m like “I KNOW HOE DONT RUB IT IN MY FACE” I have to applaud miss Sarah jones whose fucking drumming was amazing. She fuckingkilled it. Kiwi plays and everyone was losing their shit having the times of their lives and then in the middle of kiwi some girl splashed Harry with water and he sings “YOURE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT” HE GOES STRAIGHT SAVAGE AND SOAKS HER AND EVERYONE AROUND. kiwi finishes and Harry does the whale water spit and oh my god it was ICONIC AF. Harry leaves first then the rest of the band and I was just standing there like SHIT. Emmy had to drag me out. I felt wasted after the concert IT WAS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE. LET ME JUST TELL YOU IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO SEE HARRY LIVE GO FOR IT DONT MISS YA CHANCE. A WHOLE DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME EMERGED THAT NIGHT SO THANK YOU HAROLD I HAD PROBABKY THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE THANKS TO YOU. EMMY AND I GOT TO DANCE WITH OUR PRIDE FLAGS AND WERE SO HAPPY. HARRY MAKES HIS SHOWS SO WELCOMING AND HAPPY. MISS CLARE IS SO CUTE. MITCH AND SARAH ARE SUCH PARENTS AND ADAM IS SUXH A GREAT FRIENDLY PERSON I MISS THEM SO MUCH THATS IT I MISS MY CONCERT SO MUCH I CRY

ALL PHOTO AND VIDEOS ARE CREDITED TO ME AND MY FRIENDS. DONT STEAL. I’ll post the full versions of the videos i have on my twitter. TUMBLR IS A DICK FOR ONLY ALLOWING GIFS of them.

Btw should I also write about my 5sos iheartradio experience and seeing Harry at the Dunkirk premiere? Tell me if ya want to know byeeee

#storytime with maylovexhs #my show #the gifs are horrible quality #I miss harry so much

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ts-indonesia · 5 years

Text

Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol?

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon, Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!"

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN! How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners. I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top? There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!! What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED? Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!? how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question. Alright so first real general confessional of the game here. I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text. So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees. So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community. Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone. So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me. Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection. Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!! Chris is such a chill dude. we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap. But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont). So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him. Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there. But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care. But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me. Not because I know him, or know of him. But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel? We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor. So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked. which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot. But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here. The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me. My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches. so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened. Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work. I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei. Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of. I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident. Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now. I like the number of options I have so far.

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs. The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice. Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids. Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt. i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points. so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight. Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there. I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine. I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same? even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more. after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results. We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority. Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”. and then disappears. We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go. BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no. Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go. that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit. I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people. After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember). But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond. Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game. Same goes for Michael and Chris. I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well. I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually. i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them. I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now. My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen. Those are the people i feel most good about. Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them. Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot. and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

#whenyourfiresout

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herdustisverypretty · 6 years

Text

would you rather (autumn edition)

Tagged by @kelandry5

I APPRECIATE THE TAG A LOT BUT I AM BOTH AUSTRALIAN AND PAGAN SOO UHHHH

WE’LL SEE HOW THIS GOES! MAY OR MAY NOT BE HUMOROUS AND/OR OFFENSIVE.

go apple picking vs go on a hay ride - apple picking as in like... picking apples off trees? or is this another way to say apple bobbing? cause i know what that is lmao that’s originally a pagan tradition associated with samhain. no clue what a hay ride is tho. I’M GONNA SAY NEITHER?????

scary vs sweet - in regards to what?????

sweaters jumpers vs boots

socks vs mittens - mittens are like... gloves with no fingers rite??? not fingerless gloves but like. i’m not explaining this well am i.

bonfires vs football - ok wait i’ve gotta look this up, cause i am always getting confused between uk vs us vs aus football. OK ITS GRIDIRON. i mean i knew that was a thing but is that all you have in america??? those shoulder pads man... so tacky. so uh, neither, cause i’m hella scared of fire. I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA. THE RISK OF DEATH BY BUSHFIRE IS LITERALLY HERE AT ALL TIMES

trick or treating vs watching scary movies - we don’t rlly trick or treat in australia. i think this year we got one small group of kids. they rang the doorbell twice in quick succession and i was like “well if i was gonna open the door and smile and say ‘soz kids we don’t have anything’ I SURE AIN’T NOW” *ignored and blocked*

apple pie vs pumpkin pie - is pumpkin pie even a thing in australia? i don’t think i’ve ever heard it mentioned outside of spn. why do y’all gotta stick pumpkin in everything?

halloween vs thanksgiving - lol. i mean first, halloween is a commercialised/americanised/christianised theft of samhain (which i celebrate in may due to being in the southern hemisphere) (tho do not take this as my condemning and/or disapproving of halloween exactly - it’s a complicated situation), and second, i have a native american friend so i really am not supportive of thanksgiving anyway. also you know once an american my mum follows on instagram asked her how australians celebrate thanksgiving. lmao.

bake pie vs bake cookies - uhh, pie isn’t rlly a thing in australia? i don’t think i’ve ever eaten a dessert pie that wasn’t a supermarket-bought frozen nanna’s apple pie. and i don’t even really like apple pie anyway.......

rain vs fog

black cats vs owls

ghosts vs wizards (look ghosts are fine, just dont fuckin do a seance ever)

harry potter vs halloweentown - at first i thought halloweentown referred to the halloween world in nightmare before christmas. but no, apparently it’s its own thing. who woulda thunk it

go hiking vs sleep in - what the fuck? do all americans go hiking in autumn?? uhh? WHY??????? i thought everyone on tumblr mutually hated exercise or is that just me

cinnamon vs nutmeg

reading vs writing

hot chocolate vs tea

live in a cabin in a forest vs 24/7 autumn - umm??? this is a weird one. i...i don’t understand the reasoning for choosing such totally unrelated things????? however, i would pick 24/7 autumn, because this spring has already gotten to 35+ degree days. no thanks!

candy apples vs caramel apples - ..there’s a difference? are these also different to toffee apples? cause i think i had one of those in the 90s at christmas once? it was weird. to quote river tam, i very much had the thought of “my food is problematic.” (and she remains the only person who can say that word)

blankets vs pillows

roasted marshmallows vs roasted chestnuts - i’m a vegetarian so i’m not meant to eat marshmallows (no real loss there) and i don’t think i’ve ever even seen a chestnut in a store so?????

coffee vs apple cider - are these only meant to be consumed in autumn in america or smth? i feel like you’re lying to me. cause i know starbucks is a thing. as for apple cider, well, my sister and mother usually pick that as their drink of choice at family gatherings all year round soo??? again is this something that is only consumed in autumn in america? like eggnog at christmas? pretty sure we don’t have that too. and if we do, i don’t think anyone buys it. side note but what actually IS eggnog??? does it actually have eggs in it cause thats kinda... icky.. or is that just a name?

red leaves vs orange leaves

braids vs bows - uhh?? they’re?? both nice??? *still confused by america*

scented candles vs the smell of freshly baked goods

carve pumpkins vs make pumpkin pie - again, we don’t do this. also fun fact! the original act of carving what are now known as jack’o’lanterns originated with pagan beliefs that carving turnips (pumpkins are native to america) with scary faces and displaying them in windows would help to scare away the demons and pixies and faeries that came out on samhain to cause mischief and eat children n shit.

pumpkin spice lattes vs chai lattes - i’ve only ever had a chai latte once, and it wasn’t even mine, it was my friend’s from mcdonalds and i just had a sip. but it was nice! also gdi america stop putting pumpkins in everything!!! you’re as bad as me putting salted caramel flavour in everything (at least salted caramel is actually nice????). also i’ve heard starbucks pumpkin spice lattes aren’t even good anyway???? and that it’s not even pumpkin, but artificial flavouring. i think i will pass.

coats vs oversized sweaters jumpers

beanies vs berets

candy corn vs peanut butter cups - yeah we don’t really have either of those either

s’mores vs apple crisp - NO IDEA what an apple crisp is but i’ve eaten s’mores pop tarts (ya i know they have gelatin sue me. mostly i just don’t like marshmallows. also i really like pop tarts.) and they were good so uh yeah.

jump into a pile of leaves vs swing on a tire swing

corn maze vs haunted house - corn maze... i’m gonna assume that’s going into a corn field that’s been cut to be shaped like a maze??? why would you willingly go in that? you’re asking to be murdered. or abducted by aliens. ok i retract my previous statement. definitely go in that.

bob for apples vs visit a pumpkin patch - ok obviously the previous apple picking then refers to ACTUALLY picking apples off trees. none of these sound appealing.

whipped cream on hot chocolate vs marshmallows on hot chocolate - i don’t like cream in general, and we already know my stance on marshmallows: gross powdery little demons.

WELL THAT WAS FUN. basically me just either dissing american culture or straight up not knowing what it means. glad we did that.

i will now proceed to tag some americans. @6ubble-gum @humanitys-shortest-soldier

actually i think thats all the americans i know. well i hope you enjoy seeing an australian witch being thoroughly confused by american autumn/halloween culture

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heavyyhearts-blog · 7 years

Text

actually heres my side

“ first, before getting to real stuff, aya has done this to other people in the past too. when she talked about them to me she said they abused her or abandoned her suddenly. i’ve only talked to one of these people, but they confirmed that aya actually abused, and then stalked them when they cut her off. i don’t have permission to post these logs so out of respect i won’t put them here. “

ive never been very clear in talking about my past experiences with most people. you make this sound as if every person that's ever "abandoned me" were all "abused" by me, when that's not the case. have i acted in shitty ways to some people? yes, but it never had anything to do with me being abandoned, at any point. one of these people, actually straight up disappeared from my life, and i have no idea why. they disappeared off skype and i havent seen them since. we had no problems between eachother whatsoever. a different example i can think of for someone i was talking about? they left because i was too stressful to be around. as in, i always complained too much and that kind of thing and it was too much to be around. i didnt even know them very long. another example of a person i mentioned with that: they had really bad schizophrenia and like, trauma issues, and what happened there? they'd randomly like? actually start basically splitting on me and getting extremely angry at me out of nowhere for no reason, which i tried to be really tolerable of, until things basically got too much for either of us to handle and after a bit of dumb drama, we separated with , i believe, no hard feelings.

my point being? when i say "ive been abandoned by a lot of people" or whatever, im not literally claiming that i was abused by literally everyone and im some huge victim, lol. that last example? you could probably say i was abused due to the level of pent up anger they were throwing at me, , unprovoked

“ i’ve only talked to one of these people, but they confirmed that aya actually abused, and then stalked them when they cut her off “

first of all, this happened literal years ago. second of all, this person is still full of shit and i can't believe they still insist all of these bullshit lies. "aya stalked me" i hadnt visited your blog for months, i'd literally forgotten about you, yet you somehow still had it set in your head that i was "stalking" you. i wanted to remake my blog for a multitude of reasons, and one of them being, a more back of my mind thing, was, i didnt want you viewing my blog. so i remade. and, like, 2-3 days later, i got paranoid that you had somehow found my new blog, entirely new, so i asked my friend to go see if my new url was on there, because i didnt want to go back on your blog myself. and sure enough, there it was, my new url, even though i hadn't given it out to anyone or posted it anywhere, meaning you literally searched through notes of a post or something along those lines to find it. yeah ive explained this so many times now its fun :) not to mention your shitty friend(s) that would constantly twist my words around and lie saying i was doingthings that i didnt. and your only "proof" was logs of talking shit about me behind my back to one of my friends, you had no screenshots of me doing anything, because guess what, i never did it. wow. "i dont have screenshots because i deleted them all" okay bud. anyway

and now here's my main issue with everything: you are "calling me out" for things we have already personally talked about, that we either resolved, or i apologized for/said that i would try to stop doing so i can better myself which i have actually done? so i literally do not understand why youre calling me out for shit as if im some malicious person trying to hurt people that's just completely incapable of getting better or whatever. lets start

“i’ve tried to cut her off several times, both by trying to talk and express my want to stop talking to her first and by just blocking/ignoring her on everything. i made it clear i wanted to stop talking the first couple of times. she will spam and beg me and make new accounts if she has to. once ive added her back however she’s used that against me”

okay youre calling me out for this but you admitted what you did was fucked up too? and i dont know what else to even say to this other than im going to try to stop getting so attached to people like that so i maybe dont have such bad mental breakdowns every time i thnk someone close to me is leaving like sorry i cant. help feeling that way or control this thing specifically unless i just dont get attached like that at all, which is my fault.

[x] [x] [x]

here, you post a completely out of context rant from me, where i got mad at something you did that you literally admitted was fucked up. full context!

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

you even told me you had no idea what you were talking about with any of it.

“ one of the times that we weren’t talking she DMd my twitter mutuals asking them to screenshot my recent tweets. “

i told you my reason for it. i was extremely paranoid that you were talking shit about me behind my back and i wanted to know if you were or not, even though i did it in a really shitty way. i instantly felt so beyond terrible that i had done that. i was sobbing the entire time i was trying to apologize for how fucked up and wrong it was of me to do that, and even apologized for it again later after it had happened already. because i wanted to make sure you knew how sorry i was for it. i cant take something like that back.

[x] [x]

“recently, after getting so upset with me for doing the same thing in the past, she randomly blocked me on everything and refused to talk to me. i would understand if she hadn’t previously gotten so mad and upset at me for the exact same thing. “

?? i split really bad just like i already have been, due to , as i've already exlpained, the nonstop bad things we've had between us for months, to the point i havent been able to talk to you like normal anymore, because just seeing you pisses me off and everything you say/do will just piss me off. i cant help that. its not my fault. i cant just not split like that because we've had fucked up problems for months, that, guess what, shouldnt even be public here for all reasons ive already stated! but i also did it just because ive been deciding i need to get away from you for good, that i dont WANT to talk to you at all anymore. sucks to be treated the way you treat others right.

“ i posted on my twitter saying i wanted to drink and she instantly messaged me begging and spamming me not to “

and everything else like stalling, pressuring you etc. this is still. we talked about this. i said sorry. i got better about it. why do i have a callout.

[x] [x]

like this is literally all just trying to make me look bad in ways that i'm not. nice try, though!

“ when i cc’d bakugou and she tried to make me explain my trauma to make it Valid “

you're trying to make me look bad again. i was just asking because i was anxious wanted to know the reasoning for it and im sorry for pressing it at all but that doesnt mean i was trying to make you explain it so it could be "valid" shut the fuck up lol i even explained to you afterwards why it made me so uncomfortable and that it didnt bother me anymore, that i thought you were just blindly cc'ing him for no real reason like i just assumed it wasnt a coping thing or anything and thats my fault but??? youre trying to make me look bad for it so??? i'd even keep sending you fanart of him like.

[x]

“ she was extremely dependent on me and would spam me if i fell asleep before she woke up, she’d got upset and started splitting on me because i didn’t return her feelings of attraction. “

wat...

“ second, she’s blaming everything on her BPD and “not being able to help it,” or “can’t control herself” “

well, as you can clearly see, ive been anything but that??? but if you wanna keep telling yourself that, go ahead. have i said things LIKE that before? yes, when i was freaking out, over certain things i actually can't help, for example: abandonment trauma??? and like i said before: i need to try to not get so attached to people in the first place so that doesnt happen anymore! otherwise, should some sort of situation like that happen again, i can't handle getting that level of upset. so i prevent that by not getting that level of attached at all. like sorry but theres certain things nobody can help, even you. you're just trying to make it sound like this entire thing has been nothing but "i cant help it"

and lastly, we can't forget the fact that, for a long time, you wouldn't tell me anything. literally anything. i would repeatedly ask you. "what do i do that bothers you what am i doing wrong" etc and all you'd ever say was "idk" 95% of the time. i had absolutely no idea that for the longest time, i had been saying a lot of manipulative, shitty things and acting bad and etc, slash i had no idea that some of my episodes were actually affecting you that badly until way too late.

when you first told me that i had been acting so shitty, through a jpeg meme that was making fun of me, did i realize how awful i was being. i honest to god never had any idea and i explained this to you countless times. that i was oblivious/i can be oblivious to shitl ike that and that i need you to tell me, otherwise I WONT KNOW.

nice meme. :) but yeah clearly this is still an accurate representation of me, right?

[x] [x]

yeah, you got me though. im a toxic, abusive piece of shit that will never get better, all i do is hurt others, i can't change, ive never apologized, ive never gotten better. totally

and since we're playing this game,

and now that i've said all this, i have nothing else to say. i can't make anyone believe me, but if you do, thanks.

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shiny-craboo-blog · 7 years

Text

@rockformed replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it.

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

#babbbles #just like #fuck that guy?#legit thinkin about ruinin his entire life. telling future employers hes racist and stuff.

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