#fucking earth 2 me. i cannot just be doing stuff and somebody i dont know well can just see me . yk . like explodes

[nomaishuttle]

y roommate broguht a friend over like almost entirely unannounced (sent a text 1 minute b4 they came in the door) and like normally id be like Its fine dw but i was cooking down here and i havent cleaned yet and in the middle of eating so i cant just be like . i cant just leave bc itd seem like im like ewww my roommate. but also rheyre VERY VERY loudly talking abt sex which again is fine but alsl i literally dont know the friend and im not like in the convo at all but theyre just like. talking abt it in th living room and they cn like see me they know im here so i dont wanna be like Omg can you shut up but also like. i feel creepy for listening in but also i was down here and they just came in discussing it so idk

#incredibly awkward moment #and idm jusr like yk Talkjng abt it they were like play by plays #so im just like okie . erm #AND I CANT GO UPSTAIRS BC THE KITCHEN IS A MESS BC I WAS CLEANING AND J WANTED TO DEEPCLEAN IT BUT IF MY ROOMMATES HOME I GET SCARED SIGH #like my roommates r so nice i rly wanna be friends but straight up parallel play where i Dont know the other person is the wordt thing on #fucking earth 2 me. i cannot just be doing stuff and somebody i dont know well can just see me . yk . like explodes #i love love normie parallel play i love just being in the same room as ppl i know but when i dont know ppl i get so freaked out abt the #entire way my whole body moves . and then i get so tense abt it that i start knocking things over which makes them look at mr more so ita #ll gets worse. AND ITS LITERALLY MY DAULT AND MY NEUROSES AND I NEED T GET OVER IT . BUT MAN. EXPLODES

[tigerdrop]

dogboy gordon rutting against benreys leg in the same way that benrey did it in the reverse. benrey encouraging him and also making fun of him in the same breath. yummy brain thoughts. i am rotating this

jesus christ i started thinking about dogboy gordon and have not stopped thinking. theres 7k words of dogboy stuff under here im going insane

how in the. help. Help. dog boy. how does he become dogboy. i cant keep giving these idiots potions but i guess thats what ive been reduced to

gman turns him into a dog boy. walks thru a portal and comes out in nintendogs but hes the dog and when he comes back out again hes still a little bit dogy. this is fucking stupid

THE TAIL WAGGING im going to pass away

> i think he would have such fucking issues with the fact that his tail and ears are expressing his emotions so much

trying to act angry towards benrey but hes given away by his tail wagging like crazy......and he never even knows its happening until somebody points it out

it would be cool if. um. he got a little more into roughhousing and rough play afterward. you know. like a . hes already really handsy......physical. . .. .

> okay like the anger turning into somewhat-serious jostling and pushing which turns into roughhousing

its not even horny at first it just gives him the weirdest fucking endorphins. like. its fucking fun man

> and by the time theyre roughhousing his tail is wagging furiously and like thumping on the floor when he gets pinned haha

> YES its about the exhilaration ......he gets this rush from flipping benrey over after he's pinning him, baring his teeth triumphantly

benrey pinning him by his wrists and half-laughing at him like "what the fuck is wrong with you??" and the rest of the science team chimes in like YEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS WHAT WAS THAT

> gordon comes back to himself and turns red immediately and splutters like "i dont know! what - im just - benrey started it!” so like he refuses to do it again but then benrey pushes his buttons and he gets in his face, ears pinned back a bit and shoves him and benreys like oh...so its this again huh...

GOD......PUSHING HIS BUTTONS.......its sooo much fun now that gordons so physically reactive too

> what if he manages to get an honest to god growl out of gordon at one point and it makes something ugly twist in benrey's gut and he wants to make it happen again

and its probably really gratifying for him to see just how often gordons tail wags when gordon looks at him or snorts at one of his jokes

TWO SIDES

> the duality of their relationship....gordons tail wagging just a bit when hes looking at benrey though im

> im thinking about the growling though like...benrey gets fixated on how he fucking sounds, all deep and rumbly and this intensity just focused on benrey only....makes him think about how that would look in other contexts....

> benrey riling him up while their roughousing so he can feel that growl travel through his chest and like...getting gordon to that point makes him SO determined to win the "fight" over benrey hes almost a bit out of his mind with it......pins benrey and subconsciously ruts against him a bit as a sign of dominance....please stop me now goodbye....

NO LITERALLY THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOMENT I STARTED TYPING

prodding gordon further and further and riling him up until gordon pins him to the floor, hard, an arm jammed behind his back and his HEV suit jammed up against benreys ass and rutting subconsciously as gordon. h. gordon. clamps down on the back of his neck and growls

benrey sucks in a rattling gasp and is like "what? ow" in a weirdly shocked yet distanced way

he cant feel where gordons hard b/c of the HEV suit but he can feel the metal awkwardly bumping against his ass Like That. and inwardly benreys on a loop of "what the fuck what the fuck" but not in a bad way in the slightest. just utterly cannot believe this is whats happening, right now, gordon freeman dry humping his ass behind a bunch of crates, not 100 feet from the rest of the science team

> gordon snapping out of it and being like...what the fuck am i doing... or....maybe the gasp makes gordon bite down harder in response...not sure

> gordon not even realizing hes doing it until that moment is so great....i dont know but....maybe he lets go and pushes off benrey, panting and wild eyed, and the image of benrey on his stomach, his bite mark in his neck, is burned into his brain

> he just doesnt say fucking anything and just dips to get jacked off by the suit maybe.... cant stop thinking about how it felt to see benrey with his teeth marks....hates himself for feeling that sick satisfaction in his chest

benrey......touching the back of his neck afterwrds, kind of dream-like, both consciously and subconsciously.......

i like making gordon freeman suffer so i want him to just angrily try to rut against his arm in private later trying desperately to get off thru this stupid busted HEV suit that he cant get out of. pathetic. gordon freeman humping his own fucking arm in a bathroom stall. like a dog

and he thinks about how benrey smelled when he had his teeth clamped on the back of benreys neck, his nose buried right against benreys jaw and neck, smelling the sweat and the hormones and feeling benreys rapid heartbeat, and his whole fucking head throbs with how bad he wants to get off

> and he just cant get off....has to deal with going back the team tense and a bit sweaty and just move on when they ask what happened. benrey doesnt say anything just stares at him and gordon cant meet his eyes. gordon tries not to fucking let benrey get under his skin cause i think hes probably mad upset and embarassed that he reverted to his like,,,more base instincts because of BENREY of all people.....

> but he still thinks about it sometimes and....he tries to distance himself from him but hes still a pretty touchy guy and he find himself around benrey still....laughing at his jokes and getting in his space once in a while. always pulls himself away when he notices but not before he takes in a deep breath of benrey's scent...

> meanwhile benreys trying to think of how to make gordon do that shit again LOL

ohmy god. oh my god.....before this.....before he tries to stop getting in benreys business and before he even recognizes what hes doing.......he like.....hes so touchy feely that he subconsciously tries to mark benrey a lot. like just doing everything in his power to rub the inside of his wrists somewhere on him. even if its barely gonna do anything b/c of the suit. its just instinct

> NOW HE ...now he realizes that he was doing that the whole time..jesus,...

> AUGH....in the buildup before this he didnt realize that he was doing it........but now he realizes he fucking misses doing that shit and kind of berates himself for doing it in the first place....like what the fuck....be Normal gordon...you cant want to fuck him....do you..?

i want him to. grrgohg i dont even know how or why this would happen but i want gordon freeman to lie supine on the ground with his hands up like paws like hes a big pupy looking for tummy rubs OKAY! BYE. I HAVE TO GO. im going to fucking sob why am i like this why is this the cutest possible thing for a man to do. i cant even think of a fucking reason why he would do this so im so fucking embarrassed

i want to fucking. i want to rub his fucking tumy and make him pop a boner from it im literally so sick of this earth

> i was literally Just typing: i just think it would be cool . To pet his tummy and keep telling him "good boy" in a Certain kind of Tone that just totally fucks him up about it . maybe flushed and tongue starting to wanna hang out of his mouth as he goes from laying flat on his back to kinda twisted to one side, breathing heavy, tail thumping hard against the floor cause hes a big dog so that thing is like a lethal weapon

> petting the fuzzy lower belly while hes already hard & needy just to make him whine Very high pitched and desperate-sounding bc its so close to what he wants but that just makes it worse 8)

> What if. Benrey pinning Gordon, maybe scritches behind his ear, as a "joke", he's a dog haha good boy wants ear scritches?? And Gordon immediately squirming and whining. Maybe even kicking his leg just a little bit

> i think it would be cool for a post-black mesa puby gordon pinned benrey to the floor with his whole body weight and humped the life out of benrey's leg while panting and drooling in benrey's ear. a total lack of regard for benrey, (of course he's into it tho) just using him like an object that's conveniently there for him to furiously get off on

> i'm thinking.... this happening after a period of prolonged teasing, like you said. rubbing his tummy and ignoring his dick

> Man ok combined with the suit edging huh? I love that, but i also kinda want gordon to sneak off to get off and discover his uh. k. kn. knot

> he sneaks off and if in this situation he can.  idk. get at his dick in a bathroom or whatever. and well, he gets caught up so easily in his 'head empty' instincts mode that when he cums he's kneading that thang for like 2 minutes before he even becomes cognizant enough to notice. and then immediately panic. so idk maybe he cant get at himself for a while, right, so he didnt notice this

> i just think gordon being in the suit would not let him get at his dick and he would only be able to get off in really convoluted ways so like...he wouldnt fucking Know he had a knot he would just feel a weird pressure at the base that he doesnt know what its about. but he starts getting these fantasies of holding benrey down and staying in him when he comes and he doesnt know where the hell thats coming from.....yet. until after everything is over and he can get out of it, and the first time he jacks off again he realizes HOLY FUCK? like what the hell....but it makes sense in retrospect where those fantasies came from. but hes just super embarassed about those fantasies and pushes them down until benrey comes back into his life and activates him again

> in addition to embarassment i think he has a lot of complicated feelings about benrey and definitely feels a guilty about wanting to fuck him into the ground and fill him with cum....but GOD if benrey doesnt get to him just as much as he did in black mesa

> i think that something like this would be so unplanned and shit but like......theyve probably hung out a few times before this or more like maybe benrey has dropped into his house just to annoy him and gordon finds his ears pricking when he hears heavy footsteps around his house cause he recognizes them as benrey's...

> little rush of exhilaration maybe. cause it means they'll spend some time together and he has just all these emotions under his skin when they do. i dont know how this would happen but maybe gordon forgets to keep himself in check when benrey makes him laugh so hard he's snorting and his tail is wagging furiously.benrey tries to touch/catch his tail cause he's kinda curious about it and it never got to mess with it in black mesa. but it turns into roughhousing as gordon shoves him away a little bit but benrey keeps trying to get at it and then get at his ears

> "cmon man just let me touch them whats the big deal-" "NO!" but like hes still laughing a bit until they start really getting into it and he gets breathless and a little irritated at having to roll around and try to pin benrey's hands to the floor

hell on earth......the way his tails wagging and hes grinning and drooling a little once he gets benrey pinned.......

> little triumphant smile when he finally does.....got benrey on his stomach and he's subconsciously rutting against benrey's ass like in black mesa but hes just not noticing while he's berating benrey for losing

> talking right into his ear, and benrey lets out a little gasp when he does a particularly hard thrust and then hes like oh. fuck. he takes in a deep breath and can smell benrey's sweat and realizes hes just as horny about this as he is. cant help but bury his face in the back of his neck and lick. and benrey starts pushing back into him and talking the worst dirty talk and it makes him growl right against his neck and put his teeth there again as a warning not to move but benrey doesnt still, he just keeps talking. so gordon bites down, hard, cutting him off mid sentence with a yelp

f. fucking. benrey......arching his back into it.......pressing his hips up as high as theyll go......the angles bro.....the angles

> also: gordon popping boners more easily, even when he's just platonically excited w/ benrey..... yeah... :)

> like the thing about this is just that he got so excited from the wrasslin that he popped a boner....wasnt even thinking of horny.....

> not until benrey started gasping and arching back into him. then hes immediately aware of how this looks...like hes already basically in the position in his fantasies hes just rutting against him in the imitation of fucking

> gordon getting more frenzied by the little sounds benrey is making as he clamps down on his neck, drool dripping down his chin. benrey braces himself with one hand and gets the other to pull his pants down and then tug on the leg of gordon's down a bit because gordon is kind of. not thinking straight right now. gordon gets the message and fumbles with the buttons to get it down and like. haha i thinnk it would be fun if benrey prepped himself before this and gordon notices like. you really managed to prep urself this time? god, you really wanted this to happen. but maybe benrey had been doing it the last few times cause gordon would get in his space again sometimes and things were tense

NO GOD THIS IS GOOD. LIKE. oh my god gordon just like bitching at him and getting up in his face and Growling a couple times before while his pants are all tented from the inadvertent excitement boners that he doesnt even realize hes having.....and benrey might not be smart but hes not stupid

theres like a 50% chance theyre gonna fuck at any given time he realizes so like. why not......

even if it doesnt work out in the moment benrey still spends the whole time hopped up on the knowledge that they could have, that he was the little fucking pervert who got himself all prepped just in case gordon decided todays the day hes just gonna mount him, and honestly the way he beats his meat and fucks himself afterwards might be nearly as good as the real deal, just from that little bit of self-inflicted degradation

like u said...........he really wanted it to happen

> hhh.... maybe gordon ruts a bit against his ass and benrey guides him in and. he makes a deep growling rumble when he bottoms out. benrey feels it through his chest and gets a full body shiver as he's filled. i dont think hes fully developed his knot yet but its a tight fit. he starts fucking hard and fast into him while open mouthed panting, he cant keep his face away from the benrey's neck, licking up the sweat and burying his face there to breathe in his scent

the fucking . the desperation......every instinct in his body has been telling him to fuck benrey - yes, that benrey, fucking benrey - into the ground for......weeks now? months??

dudes probably tried everything he can think of to overcome it and to think about literally anything else when he gets off but nobody he fucks even comes close to smelling as good as benrey did when gordon had him pinned and gasping and sweating and he could smell the want rolling off him in waves.....and it sucks massive dick and he hates it

> hes been driven crazy by this thought for so long.....cant fucking control himself. wh. what if gordon managed to get a hold of a piece of benrey's clothes that he left and held it up to his face when he let himself jack off to this particular thought so he could get the scent but it jsut wasnt the same without his warm, panting body below him . he always nuts the hardest when he has it though

huffing benreys undershirt and desperately rutting into a pillow on his hands and knees with his ass fully up and hes just utterly debased right now

sad and pathetic gordon freeman humping his pillow like a dog and whining thinking about fucking benrey. if his past self could see himself like this right now he would be disgusted

> !!!!!!!!1 HIM GETTING INTO THE MOUNTING POSITION ON INSTINCT WHEN HE DOES IT...YOUR BRAIN ! i think that gordon would definitely give everything hes got to benrey when he finally gets to fuck him.

> now that hes actually doing it he's just out of his goddamn mind. benrey already being ready for him, slick and hot, just letting him push in .....i think he would definitely go insane

dudes never fucked so hard or so mindlessly in his life......for once all the neuroses just fly out the window. overcome by instinct

> letting out all these whines and moans, not even caring for how loud hes being... benrey's wanted this so fucking bad hes just eating it up, pushing back on him like an animal and getting a power trip that he made gordon this unhinged

thinking about him just being utterly shocked when benrey guides him in and he can just bury himself all the way to the hilt so easily and it makes something in his brain snap

> gordon doesnt even tell benrey when hes close, benrey can just start to feel his knot swell inside him and how it stretches him a bit past what he prepared for...but he wants it in him so fucking bad, he just lets gordon keep fucking into him

like. oh my god. does benrey even know about the knot or is this a brand new and fun surprise for him

> I DONT KNOW......I JUST REALLY LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING A BIT CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY IT....

> being caught off guard by it but being so turned on by the feeling of it filling him that he lets out this really high, needy sound. which goes straight to gordon's dick and he just pushes into him harder and jolts his whole body with it. maybe he h....he bites down on the other side of his neck again and thrusts in one more time before coming deep in him. just shuddering from it, eyes squeezed shut and jaw locked around benrey

benrey just fuckin. face down ass up and arching his back as high as he can

(mumbling very quietly) it might be cool also if. gordon maybe.....started growling some things as he got close. a certain something. a word

you know......just......bent over benreys back......arms wrapped around benreys chest and fingers digging into the soft flesh (maybe even his titties, if youre feeling spicy).......pistoning his hips in staccato bursts while he growls.........u bh hhhhh......"mine". over and over not even realizing hes doing it b/c his brain is so fogged out on the sheer delight of rawing benrey after having thought about it non-stop

(mumbling so quietly im speaking at a pitch below the human hearing threshold) benrey hoarsely saying "'m yours, 'm yours" while hes got one hand jammed underneath himself to tug at his dick is the thing that sets gordon off and makes him come, perhaps. perhaps

and gordon just.....slumps over him, leaning his full body weight on him, panting weakly into his ear while his hips subconsciously rut just a little bit, arms still wrapped around benrey but otherwise as useless as a bump on a log while benreys jerking himself off to the wild new feeling of having that knot stretch him open and tug at him every time gordon shifts his hips

gordon nuts and becomes utterly useless but at least his knots still fat as hell so benreys still got something to work with

(sobbing) i just want to see men acting like animals leave me olone..... its about the submission to instinct......the degradation and dehumanization......and also the scent kink its all about the fucking scent kink. its about wanting to huff a guy you pretend you hate like hes a fucking magic marker and its about wanting to make him smell like u

> for scent kink, Gordon's boners due to sweaty benrey hehehehe. this is narsty -> Benrey is like "yeesh that was a lot of exertion" after their first almost-sex wrasslin match, and gets embarassed, so next time he like, wears a bunch of old spice.... but gordon doesn't get as excited. like yeah he can feel him against his back and yeah he's not soft but.. he's not panting or as hard. benrey thinks real hard when he gets home

> CLEAN SWEAT OK ITS A COMBATIBILITY THING OK. IT IS. LOOK UP THE SCIENCE OK I ...walks away. clown shoez

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CORRECT THANK U

> Maybe next time He doesn't bother with the old spice at all, and he gets real into the wrasslin... hell maybe he even uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gets gordon's head under his arm im just saying

I DIDNT WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY IT BUT NO YEAH THATS COOL. ITS A VERY COOL THOUGHT

think about......dogboy gordon roughhousing and getting pinned down himself and snapping his teeth up at benrey like joking but not joking. you know

they both start just getting really into roughhousing b/c sometimes gordons brain gets Stressed The Fuck Out by all the added stimulation to the senses of being pupy......theres too many sounds and smells sometimes and it makes him even more neurotic and makes him start acting up and getting irritable and trying to start shit until he exerts himself enough to tire his brain out and make it shut up

maybe even like.....in the interim after black mesa but before he runs into benrey again, gordon becomes a fucking hot mess b/c he doesnt know how to deal with it all and the only way he got thru black mesa without his brainstem snapping in half was b/c he and benrey would start shit and start fighting and wrestling and the rest of the science team eventually shrugged and accepted this as a (very weird) part of their life now. he looks like hes one minor inconvenience away from a panic attack and its so sad

any kind of physical exercise would help (he takes up jogging when hes feeling stressed out, which is a lot, and hes gotten some really nice legs by this point) but theres just something different about the roughhousing. its a mental exercise as well as a physical one, so it exhausts his brain more, and unbeknownst to him, he just gets fucking endorphins from the way benrey smells and from being able to mark him with all the up-close physical contact theyre getting. so. hence the wrestling and roughhousing and gordons occasional tendency to just pounce the guy in public and start fighting him with his tail wagging and thumping like crazy

it might be even better if gordon attempts to roughhouse with just about the whole science crew at some point, just for a point of comparison

like.....its usually good, its satisfying, and it wears him out and lets him function like a human being......but theres just something about roughhousing with benrey thats really satisfying and he doesnt have the emotional intelligence to figure out what it is

gordon freeman is an idiot, is what im saying

> tommy indulges him and probably lets him win a few times, coomer soundly wins out every time and bubby probably...loses some before getting pissy LOL. i think that its fun for him to get the most Good Feelings out of roughhousing with benrey.....

AUUUUGHHH WHAT IF HE LICKED BENREYS FACE THO

g gbfbhhh god im obsessed with the way benrey laughs at him and asks "what the fuck is wrong  with you?" in the act 3 commentary and thats the exact kind of vibe im feeling from him about like. everything gordon does in pupymode

> Okay, before I go to bed, I shall leave you with a Dog Thought™. Gordon probably wouldn’t be the “best trained” dog in the world because, well, he doesn’t have anyone to make him listen or obey. Heck, given his need to be in control, he probably thinks he’s the leader of the proverbial pack and nobody can tell him what to do. He’d probably slip and do quite a few “rude” and obnoxious dog things, including but not limited to being all over Benrey.

> Trying to goad him into roughhousing. Licking his face. Being in his space to the point that it even starts to make Benrey raise an eyebrow. Inappropriate marking and whatnot. [cough] And what if Benrey--in a weird reversal of the roles we usually give--is stuck with the task of… training Gordon… to behave…

> YOU KNOOOOW. Because pitting alpha dog Gordon against Benrey, who is trying to get him to be “good”...

> … Well, that could be interesting.

> Imagine if you will: Benrey realizing he needs to get Gordon under control. As much as he likes the attention, it's becoming too much. Relentless. Tables have been turned and now he's the one that's a little overwhelmed by the situation because, well, Gordon is running on pure instinct half the time. Making it hard to do things. Making it hard to live his life. Always in his bubble which was, like, fine at first but now he can't do anything without feeling a wet tongue on his face or having Gordon trying to goad him into rough housing.

> He needs so much attention. Has so much energy. It's too much.

> So, he decides he's going to try to "train" Gordon to not... do that. Benrey trying to assert dominance over Gordon, as if he were just a normal dog. Gordon, who has already marked Benrey and decided that Benrey belongs to him does not take to this very well. This is not how the chain of command works. This isn't how the chain of command works at all.

> Benrey, struggling to curb him through praise and admonitions--"good boy," "bad boy," tossing him ~treats~ if he does something right--is now facing off with Gordon, who is both enamored with the attention he's getting but utterly pissed off by the fact Benrey is trying to stop him from doing what he wants.

losing it at the tables being turned and now gordons the annoying fucker getting up in benreys business all the time and never leaving him alone. he deserves this

> They're basically both unmovable objects and unstoppable forces. Benrey is stubborn and isn't going to give up all his sweet PS3 time because Gordon won't stop humping his leg, and Gordon is not going to give up his God given right to make Benrey his property. But Benrey isn't completely averse to the idea of being Gordon's bitch. He just wants to be his bitch on his own terms.

> So, in a surprising show of... well, intelligence on Benrey's behalf, he starts redirecting Gordon's energy towards what HE wants Gordon to do.

> That's how you handle misbehaving dogs anyway. You redirect their energy. That's what all the books on dog training says anyway, and Benrey's inclined to believe it because he's read it in all two books on the subject he casually flipped through.

> So, when Gordon starts getting in his space, he starts redirecting him to touch where he wants touched. "Good boy." When Gordon starts getting a little rough, he purposefully positions himself so he gets the most out of it. "Good boy." When Gordon's licking his face, he starts trying to guide that tongue down to his neck. Feels better there. "Good boy."

> Because he's not a complete idiot. Him and Gordon both know this is sexually charged at this point. And Gordon... Gordon can bend his behaviors a little bit as he's being directed if he still gets to do what he wants (in a way), and Benrey still gets to be fondled by the nerd.

> "But part of the problem is that he is in Benrey's space all the time!" Yeah, but Benrey figured that out, too. You know what shuts up Gordon real fast? Pushing him back down on the other end of the couch and telling him to stay. And if he listens, he slowly, carefully hand feeds Gordon a treat as a reward. Pushing it into his mouth, making sure it goes all the way in. Letting Gordon lick the last bits of taste off of his fingers. He usually sits still after that. "Good boy."

i have a thought thats almost unrelated but im so desperate to give this scenario the proper context

thinking about......gordon getting out of black mesa and hes still dogboy.....and hes attempting to go back to life as normal now that benreys out of his hair for ever but one day his pupy nose catches That Fucking Smell on the air and he realizes that benreys not fucking dead. he thought benrey was fucking dead, b/c he killed him

gordon freeman losing his mind for a solid week or two trying to hunt that smell down (why?? to prove a point?? to try to kill benrey again??? uh huh.) and then when he does hunt benrey down, its like.....well, what was the plan, bud? you found him, and now youre having a staredown outside a 7/11 while benreys frozen halfway through his big gulp

i literally forgot what i was typing b/c dogy gordon tum y rub b gtfhgbb ggfabgbbg

and.....well......he doesnt know exactly what his game plan was, but he does know that benrey cant be trusted as far as u can throw him, and hes not about to let benrey wreak havoc on new mexico if he can help it, so now his new hobby is......tracking benrey across the city to keep an eye on him

and thats how they keep ending up in close proximity

and thats how u start looping in the whole role reversal thing.....suddenly gordons the one that benrey cant shake......hes a bloodhound and hes got the scent

SORRY im SORRY i crave context with the same ferocity that i crave, like, air

and then they start roughhousing when gordon tackles him to the ground one day to stop him from doing.....something......and gordon snaps being to being a normal person so quickly afterwards that its dizzying. turns out a solid 80% of what he really wanted was a sparring buddy

> good afternoon everyone this is not horny in the slightest but i just wanted to say- you know that thing dogs do where they get REALLY excited and playful when you come home from a long day at work? well i’m just thinking about. y’know how benrey has a tendency to just, vanish for a while and come back like nothing happened? think it’d be cute if he were gone for a particularly long stretch of time b4 catching up with the science team again and gordon RESPONDS in his typical annoyed, bratty fashion while his body language is saying something completely different (he still hasn’t mastered the art of puby)

> like, u know, tail wagging a hundred miles a minute, ears perked up and attentive, subconsciously getting all up in benrey’s space

Im going to Cry thats so fucking cute wtf wtf  wt ff

still going insane thinking about the “good boy” thing......like...... its all fun and games until hes grappling his best friend benrey and hes got benrey in a headlock and hes plastered against benreys back from head to toe and his tails thumping excitedly against the floor and hes panting hot and harsh right against benreys ear and benrey takes that moment, right there, to choke out "good boy"

its half outright horny and half power play b/c benreys banking that either theyre gonna fuck or gordons gonna let go and be like "what the fuck, man" and then benrey can get the drop on him again

the way gordon just goes stiff after he says it.....breath getting shaky.....dick twitching once against benreys ass and the guy can fucking feel it clear as day......Augh

his tail slows.....and then fires right back up again when he tentatively rocks his hips against benreys ass and feels the sound benrey makes more than he hears it......and like for fucks sake theyve been dancing around how horny their roughhousing sessions are for weeks, this guy deserves to finally get his rocks off by dry humping benreys ass while benreys getting spots in his vision from how tightly gordons got his arm wrapped around his neck. he deserves this

gordons free hand slowly opening up and pressing flat against benreys shirt, then crawling under it so that he can feel the bare skin of his stomach......rocking his hips against the dip between benreys cheeks and whimpering when benrey says it again, breathless and hoarse. "good boy." his tongue poking out to lick a broad, wet stripe up the side of benreys neck to taste the salt and sweat and the hormones, jesus christ, hes never been able to taste if somebodys horny before but its rolling off of him in waves.......and gordons breath comes out so loud and harsh and desperate when benreys leg lifts up a little bit for him to slot his own between them more easily

just mumbling stupid horny shit like "fuck benrey, you taste so good" while his tongue lolls out of his mouth and he licks the curve of benreys ear and rolls benrey onto his stomach b/c something in the back of his brain is whispering to him that it would be a really, really good idea, and hes originally got benrey just crushed flat against the floor with his full body weight but benrey takes a rattling breath and tells him to ease up, get up offa him.....

and gordons confused at this point b/c he was pretty sure this was where this was going, he was being a good boy, but that thought doesnt last very long b/c benreys shuffling into position under him, raising his hips and pushing gordons up with him while his face and torso are flat against the floor, and, Oh. hes. hes doing that. this is what theyre fucking doing now

> gordon taking the collar of benrey’s shirt in his mouth in an crude imitation of scruffing him

every fucking bone in gordons body is telling him to move his hips, fuck benrey stupid, bury himself to the hilt, but he cant do that when theyre both still clothed so he does the next best thing and ruts against benrey like he fucking means it and like if he just tries hard enough, gets enough friction, itll be just like fucking him for real......

hes so dizzied by looping thoughts of he wants this, he wants you to mount him, like youre a filthy fucking animal, arent you? you sick fuck, you wanna mark him and breed him and hed let you, hed beg you for it, look, hes doing it right now and when he comes back down to earth, yeah, benrey is begging right now, isnt he. while hes palming at the front of his sweatpants and whimpering and calling gordon a good boy, attempting to tug his pants down to his knees so gordon can rut against bare flesh, and gordon slows down just enough to let him do it and to fumble open his own zipper to ease some of the agonizing pressure

gordon fumbling his dick out of his underwear to line it up between benreys fat cheeks and god, the feeling of skin against skin is so much fucking better than chafing against his jeans that it makes him growl against benreys neck and benrey cant pump his fucking dick fast enough. hes so encouraging, what with all those little sounds hes making and the way hes arching his back and pressing his hips up as high as theyll go, groaning into the crook of his arm "fuckin, fuck me, bro, j-just like that"

> thinking...... they both get so lost in it, they both can’t hold back long enough to fuck for real. this is too hot, benrey feels something hot and wet on his ass and gordon is curling into him. benrey’s never felt so simultaneous turned on and frustrated that he’s still empty, he’s still gonna have to wait, snd ironically that denial pushes him over too

GOD yes fuckin. coming on his ass b/c gordons so frantic and desperate that he cant wait...... but seeing his cum all over benreys ass is deeply satisfying in its own way. he smears it deep into benreys skin to mark him like that

> oh hey imma be nasty sorry but Gordon all cum-high just sort of manouvering Benrey until he can start licking his cock clean bc he likes to uh. i mean benrey's all wet and you know. he likes it. and benrey comes from that, before he can even think about sucking him off properly

> he doesnt have a thought left in his head at the moment... and can u blame him? so he just uh follows he nose.......  and benrey's brain is deleted except for "GORDON FREEMAN ON MY DICK????????" bouncing around like a screensaver yes

> yeah he's not even trying to suck him off really, hes not gotten that far yet cuz hes so cumbrained, gone stupid, etc

im gonna be gross here too okay......and like. fucking. huffing and burying his nose into the crook of benreys thighs b/c he smells so intensely like sex and sweat and it makes gordon lightheaded

> YEAAH maybe he starts licking there before he gets up to his dick. it's not like he's dragging it out really so it's not long but benrey's gaping like a fish. he's trying to say something sorta but he can't get any words out and isn't even sure what he himself is trying to say

maybe he cant help himself and he just starts licking and biting on impulse b/c its your resident fuckin thigh guy here and i think benrey deserves to get em chomped like a drumstick

> and then that's gordon's tongue on his dick, bro and this neurotic mf looking so pleased and blissed out as he sloppily licks him all over is a sight he couldn't have even cooked up in his imagination before now

> benrey not coherently enough to warn him he’s like right there, his babbling incoherently at the tease of gordon’s nose and lips is gonna make him- and then his Tounge darts out and it’s over, the start of the end and he’s spurting all over gordon’s completely surprised face without even being jerked or licked through it

> maybe since gordon's been so stressed and keyed up for so long that benrey coming is a surprise but still doesn't shock him enough to clear the cumbrain, so he licks ben clean after that too, while he's twitching and whimpering etc

> think that benrey massive meat being useless and barely even touched is hip and rad even in the context of him technically being in the higher position of power

> then rests his head on beny's belly for a while, feeling very accomplished and tired. he'll panic later, don't worry

god im still thinking about. pillow humping/voyeurism

gordon freemans a bad fucking dog and sometimes he cant help himself and just starts rutting into a pillow with his ass up and his face buried in one of benreys undershirts while hes just panting and mumbling shit the whole time about benrey, benrey, benrey, why is he so fucking obsessed with benrey and with thinking about mounting him just like hes doing to his poor abused pillow every week

and. you know. maybe one day......benrey kind of.....catches him in the act. i think that would be cool. just coming home one day and cracking open his bedroom door and seeing gordon freeman on all fours, his teeth sunk deep into one pillow and another pillow between his thighs, desperately fucking it while hes groaning benreys name b/c he sure as shit was not expecting him back that early, which is why his cumbrain made him feel confident enough to crawl into benreys bed and roll around in it and mainline benreys scent from his clothes and nut on his pillow (and then feel fucking bad about it and frantically try to clean it off)

and benrey just slooowly steps back with his heart pounding out of his chest for possibly the first time in his whole life b/c he did not think gordon freeman ever wanted to fuck him, but here he is, using benreys pillow as an imitation of the real thing and jerking off in his bed

just turns right the fuck back around and goes into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face and stares down at his sudden boner

THANKS FOR READING ALL OF THIS B/C THIS ISNT EVEN GETTING INTO THE PISS STUFF THAT WEVE OBVIOUSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT. SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

#asky #writin stuff

[ashistrashhh]

here are some fic recs!! including sakuatsu, bokuaka, kuroken and matsuhana bc i couldnt help myself

if you want, ask me about a certain ship and ill give you some recs!

-sakuatsu-

Marble and Sandstone by red_camellia

rating: G words: 12,937 chapters: 2/2 

author summary: Miya Atsumu only cares about volleyball and nothing else. That is, until he develops a strange obsession with the marble statue of a young man that seems vaguely familiar in his university's arts department. One day that statue comes alive as the very real Sakusa Kiyoomi, and they are left with the mystery of why Sakusa Kiyoomi was turned into a statue and only came back to life when Atsumu touched him. Their new-found connection and the strange mystery turns Atsumu's life upside down, not least because of his growing feelings for Sakusa.

my notes: this was a rlly cute fic!!! 11/10 would read again!!

let it go (paint my body gold) by lunarism

rating: T words: 3,272 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It becomes a routine for them. Sometimes they go grocery shopping and make dinner together, other times they end up talking until Sakusa feels like his own shower and bed is calling him. Every single time Sakusa gets home, shrugs his coat off, balls it up, and proceeds to scream profusely into the fabric for a few minutes.

my notes: pining!!! sakusa!!! also casual painter!atsumu!!! and they paint together!!!

craft a miracle with these hands, lips, (silence) by chrysanthe (sonderesque)

rating: T words: 4,252 chapters: 1/1

author summary: ‘Someone is here to ruin your night,’ his door tells him. ‘You should let them in.’ “I’M HOMELESS OMI-OMI. HOMELESS,” yells the one here to ruin his night. “LET ME IN.”

(What does Kiyoomi sell his sanctuary for?)

my notes: hnnn rlly fuckin cute,, and domestic,,,,

Clipped To You by littleboat

rating: T words: 8,174 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It starts with Hinata Natsu, of all people.

Well, if Atsumu’s being honest with himself, it started way before that, but he’s not, so that’s besides the point. And thankfully, he’s just petty enough to blame all of his problems on a thirteen year old girl.

or Sakusa starts wearing hair clips and Atsumu is more than a little obsessed

my notes: minor kagehina, bokuaka // god these fics rlly make me simp for fictional characters even more than i should. but!! sakusa!!! in hairclips!!! and a pining atsumu!!!

learn how to lay me down in something other than danger, other than fury by rosevtea 

words: 34,211 chapters: 1/1

author summary: All of the ways fellow college TA Miya Atsumu reinvents Kiyoomi's definition of normal.

my notes: god i loved this. it’s a fake dating au and like,, even though they’re “dating” sakusa keeps letting his guard down little by little around atsumu and it surprises everyone. komori and akaashi just know  that they’re were genuinely pining for eachother

among probabilities and a thousand fates by aalphard

rating: T words: 15,675 chapters: 1/1

author summary: prompt fill for “in a world where the red string of fate exists, person a’s finger always twitches when person b, who can see the string, tugs on their string” | or sakusa thought he had a tic and atsumu liked to see his confused expression when it started to happen exclusively when he was around.

my notes: i! loved! it!! so basically atsumu and osamu have the rare gift of seeing the red string of fate, so they know its real but sakusa, like most other people dont believe it exists. so atsumu gives sakusa a (kinda) hard time. rlly cute!! i love soulmate aus!

-bokuaka- 

love in the time of wifi by dalyeau

rating: G words: 4,177 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Akaashi is coming to terms with the fact that he might be romantically interested in his volleyball captain. Hence, doing what any sixteen year old with a problem should do. He asks about it online.

my notes: really cute fic about akaashi asking what he should do about his crush on a site similar to reddit. its kinda a “i didnt know it was you” kind of fic and it made me happy

steam by orphan_account

rating: E words: 8,474 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 bokuto: why is he so hot bokuto: why am i so gay kuroo: LMAO you mean your vice captain right bokuto: yeah

The coach blew the whistle for practice to begin, and Bokuto drummed his fingers against the bleachers, awaiting Kuroo’s reply. He was about to walk away, when his phone buzzed in his hand.kuroo: i got this bro bokuto: what bokuto: wtf does that mean

Bokuto started to panic.

my notes: explicit!!! but really wholesome. kuroo is honestly the best wingman. i also think this is my favourite bokuaka smutfic?? 

just to miss the sun by rosevtea

rating: T words: 15,126 chapters:1/1

author summary: Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

my notes: akaashi is a booktuber and bokuto crashes one of his streams. fans begin to speculate. rlly fluffy and can u tell i like bokuaka

brain fish by iceblinks

rating: T words: 12,026 chapters: 6/6

author summary: Akaashi wakes up to a string of texts from an unknown number. 

my notes: i love text fics and i love wrong number aus so u can tell how much i loved this. really fluffy and i come back to it time to time

-kuroken-

us three by honey_s

rating: T words: 5,137 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo’s gaze flits over to the utensil. His eyes bulge out of his skull. “Wh—is that a meat hammer? Put it back!” Akaashi’s head recoils back in confusion. “I don’t understand the problem here.” “Why on Earth have you got a fucking meat hammer? We aren’t going to kill somebody!” “Well,” Akaashi begins, clearly taken aback, “I apologise for assuming. I had heard Kenma-san had been hurt in school and after getting a message from both of you to meet late at night, I merely filled in the blanks and assumed we were going to beat someone up, for lack of a better term.” “Not literally! I meant metaphorically, or figuratively, or something!” “Idiomically?” “That isn’t a word, Bokuto-san.” “Jesus Christ,” Kuroo groans, dropping his head into his hands. “We're going to jail."

my notes: bokuaka and kuroo are ready to beat someone up for kenma!! and we stan!! 

Cherry Pits and Cat Tattoos by strawberryriver

rating: G words: 6,141 chapters: 1/1

author summary: 

Kuroo has been in communication with his soulmate ever since they were kids. They've known each other for so long that he never really worried about when or how he would meet them. At least, not until he meets the roommate of Bokuto's soulmate.Soulmate AU in which things written on your skin show up on your soulmate. Companion piece/same AU as Serendipty

--------------------

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to write on his arms. Despite his mother's half-serious warnings about “ink poisoning” or staining his skin, he insisted on marking his arms and legs wherever he could. Not like his best-friend-since-always Bokuto Koutaro, who had to write on his arms or he’d forget to breathe, but artfully. He’d draw designs, animals, the occasional chemical compound. The whole idea behind soulmates fascinated him: how one person could mark their arm and someone potentially thousands of miles away, would have that same mark appear. The amount of articles, studies, and books he’d read about the topic, even at a young age, could put an undergrad researcher to shame.

my notes: again with the soulmate au bc i cannot help myself. but really cute!!! probably gonna read this again later!

Boom, Toasted by protostar (hearthope)

rated: T words: 6,782 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

 FROM: yuuji any bets on who hes texting??

FROM: eita He's smiling at his phone. Kuroo, probably

FROM: kentarou Kuroo

TO: fake family Have any of you ever once considered not prying

FROM: eita You deserve it

FROM: yuuji how can we not when ur in love!!

Kenma gets a text from an unknown number. He'd be lying if he said the guy behind it wasn't kind of endearing.

my notes: again, i love wrong number texts. it focuses more on kenma’s friendship, but kenma’s pov with texting kuroo is more than him realizing feelings and stuff. really cute, ive read it multiple times. 

Japan's most subscribed by NeverNothing

rating: T words: 3,631 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo Tetsurou @blacktetsurou changed his bio : volleyball player, co-owner of Bouncing Ball Corp. and so much more ;)

my notes: i! love! social media! fics!!! really cute and basically people wondering who the mysterious kuroo is to applepi. 

MATSUHANA!!! the underrated gem

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic

rating: M words: 2,119 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Hanamaki breaks his No Texting In Class rule, and it's all downhill from there.

my notes: honestly more funny than it suggests, but its matsuhana, they’re meme lords.

rated m for by orphan_account

rated: T words: 10,692 chapters: 1/1

author summary: He should have known that there was a Specific Reason™ why it was so absolutely vital that he and Matsukawa specifically meet for a reading of the script. He should have known that there had to be some evil catch beyond sitting in a tiny, cramped studio with his newly sworn enemy.

Hanamaki stares at the title of the script he’d so gracefully neglected the night before.

FORBIDDEN PARADISE

“Excuse me,” Hanamaki starts, raising a pen in the air while staring blankly at the packet in his free hand. “Just to clarify, you want me to record a boy's love CD with Matsukawa?”

my notes: a very good voice actor au. there is some misunderstanding on hanamaki’s part bc he didnt finish listening to matsukawa, and this is really cute and i love matsuhana. 

In A Quiet Night, All Sounds Carry by levyovochka

rating: E words: 4,794 chapters: 1/1

authors summary: “Ah, ah, Too—!”

Hanamaki hates his university dorm.

“—ru, let me cum, please!”

Hold up. That’s a fucking understatement. Let him rephrase it: Hanamaki loathes his university dorm with passion. Detest the damned abomination, abhors it—

“—ru! Coming, coming—”

It has only been a month and Hanamaki already wants to die.

my notes: as u can guess minor iwaoi // rlly well written and bottom hanamaki rights and maybe my favourite matsuhana smutfic??? and hooh boy i simp for matsukawa

call me maybe by totooru

rating: T words: 33,689 chapters: 14/14

author summary: Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.

my notes: minor iwaoi, daisuga, bokuaka // god i think this is my favourite matsuhana fic overall, maybe in general, but my god is it great. this is probably a common rec, but its understandable as to why it is. basically au where makki texts matsun (who goes to karasuno) instead of oikawa for tips to beat iwaizumi at an arm wrestling match. but they keep messaging. and holy shit i love their conversations. please read this, it is 256/10

there we go!! i might go a part two with more ships (kagehina, tsukkiyama and iwaoi) but this took up way to much time lol. i have an essay due in a couple hours. but hope u like these fics as much as i do!!

#haikyuu fic recs #fic recs #bokuaka #bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #kuroken #kuroo tetsurou #kozume kenma #sakuatsu #sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #msby black jackal #matsuhana #matsumakki #hanamaki takahiro #matsukawa issei #kagehina #daisuga #ash's ramblings #hinata shouyou #long post

[juiceboxesheadcanons]

I finally figured out how to send asks on mobile :D Got any headcanons for how Illumi, Hisoka, (plus gon and Killua if it's not too much trouble) would decorate for Christmas? I just think that would be kinda poggers UwU

YESSSS I DO ACTUALLY! CANT WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS GUYS! I decided to just pin this post until the end of December so if anybody else wants any Christmas headcanons I’ll just add it here and I did put extra characters/headcanons because of that reason and if you want me to add anybody else just send in a request about it! (also dont mind the random juiceboxes I just left them out bc I don’t feel like adding new ones when adding random hc’s.) THANKS SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING! I’ll finish illumi and hisoka later but my food just arrived so I’m gonna go start on that first :)

Hunter x Hunter Christmas Event! This Event Includes The Main 4, The Adult Trio, The Phantom Troupe, The Zoldyck Family, The Freecss Family, And The Minor Characters!

Illumi

🧃 rich kid is gonna be the one with either nothing but a tree or literally is gonna go to the point of fake snow on the stair rails

🧃 it’s either nerf or nothing for this man. either go all out or don’t go at all mf

🧃 he likes Christmas except the fact it’s cold, girlie isn’t a fan of cold weather

🧃 he’ll probably do the jazz with the gingerbread cookies tho :’)

🧃 but yeah his tree’s gonna look like the ones in the movies with like all the height and the little balls with the perfect star on top bc babie is perfect so his tree should be too ✨

🧃 he says he doesn’t want anything but if you actually get him something he’ll be so touched-

🧃 he maybe will take a day off of fuck knows what to spend Christmas with anybody- 

🧃 okay we all know he’s spending Christmas with hisoka and we can’t change that 

🧃 poor baby he just wants to be held and feel the feeling of warmth again so he is a fan of hot chocolate

🧃 will not go out in the snow but he will go with you or anybody that wants to go outside and play

🧃 he isn’t a fan of dressing up but he’ll take his s/o out on a Christmas date (I will do a mini scenario/hc’s for this if you guys want.)

Hisoka

🧃 I feel if he wasn’t a pedophile or mass murderer they would hire him to work as a mall Santa Claus.

🧃 he’d probably do a color coded thing and the whole house would be that color

🧃 this mf would buy a gift for himself-

🧃 he wouldn’t do anything to his room and the biggest ick about him I have is that he has nothing in his room but a bed, dresser, desk, lamp, and nightstand like only the necessities so he wouldn’t do that much.

🧃 if he had a kid he’d 100% to elf on the shelf until they were like 16 years old and even use his nen ability to secretly make them move so the kid would believe in the magic for a while

🧃 he’s forcing illumi to come over cause he doesn’t want the little shit to be alone and sad on Christmas.

🧃 he got illumi a present

🧃 not a fan of those childish Christmas films but he’s pretty fond of the romance ones tbh

🧃 he literally never ends up under the mistletoe because everybody’s avoiding it so they won’t have to kiss the scary guy-

🧃 he can COOK asf so he’ll def make a feast for him and his s/o or just friends :)

Killua

🧃 he’s gonna be the most fun with all this, he want everything either blue, purple, or white. Literally he hates doing shit and not perfecting it (nikki minaj??)

🧃 he’d be the one to act like a mom saying “stupid I’m not buying that it’s too expensive!” and then you wake up with it under the tree- “you thought you weren’t getting it didn’t you?” I stg he is literally EVERY SINGLE MOTHER ON EARTH and it’s not even funny.

🧃 he wants to go play in the snow and make snow angels but he won’t say anything until you say something

🧃 hc that his ears and nose turn kinda red when it’s cold

🧃 he’s literally cooking a red velvet cake and there is no point in stopping him

🧃 he probably isn’t a morning christmas guy, he’s all for around 11-12 gifts so then you guys can bake cookies and play in the snow a ton because you got some energy stored up

🧃 this mf wants chocolate robots for Christmas and probably at one point in his life asked Santa for a new family but he didn’t deliver ig. (Illumi probably wrote him a fake Santa note saying that his family was better than everybody else’s.) 

🧃 his parents forced him to go sing those fucking Christmas songs when they know damn well those kids sound ratchet.

🧃 he ALWAYS ends up under the mistletoe with somebody. Even if it’s unintentional it always happens. 

🧃 a giant fan of wreaths for some reason? He puts one on every door.

Gon

🧃 his favorite holiday is Christmas so ohhh boy this is gonna be magical-

🧃 red green and white colors. you cannot change his mind literally that is what colors are in his head as soon as he hears the word Christmas.

🧃 the tree’s gonna be HUGE and he’s gonna want to decorate every room in the house. The bathroom, your room, his room, and yes he is that one neighbor with the fucking big ass lights outside-

🧃 he is a firm Santa believer he doesn’t take criticism. 

🧃 literally is going to wake everybody up at 6 fucking am to open gifts and everybody is gonna do it because can we really resist his pouty face? no. 

🧃 the joy on his face opening any gifts make it a fucking can of baked beans makes it all worth losing about 3-4 hours of sleep :,)

🧃 he probably wants toys for Christmas, I get he’s 14 but hxh doesn’t exactly have too much social media so he wouldn’t be trying to grow up too fast

🧃 he would get matching sleepwear for everybody except for some fucking reason it actually will look cute and he won’t just settle for a ugly ass tight suffocating elf sweater.

🧃 he believes Christmas is about spending time with your family and probably donated his old toys to a center so kids who didn’t have toys got some :)

🧃 he’s gonna make sure everybody has a good time, like every single person. it’s a  main protagonist thing I guess but I mean I applaud him for it.

🧃 doesn’t quite ever end up under the mistletoe with anybody but if he happened to he’d giggle and kiss their cheek in a friendly way.

Leorio

🧃 he’s gonna reuse the same fucking plastic wrinkled tree he’s been using for 12 years because the tree prices are “insane” even on sale.

🧃 he would be the one a Walmart ringing the little bell and forcing kurapika to sing with him because he needs the money.

🧃 his house is the one with rainbow colored little balls and it’s so ghetto but at the same time adorable

🧃 he is literally that one neighbor who gets the most snow and it’s the snow that’s basically ice and will take around 6 good days to shovel up.

🧃 maybe wont shovel out the snow too early because he wants killua and gon to have fun. 

🧃 he wants money for Christmas and nothing more, but kurapika tells him money isn’t a real gift and to ask for something else

🧃 even not being a morning person, he LIVES for morning Christmas.

🧃 probably eats snow.

🧃 he would try to cook and it might work actually

🧃 miss girl is plopped right down right next to gon watching elf on the shelf movies

🧃 he wears the Santa hat and is lowkey twinning with kurapika-

Kurapika

🧃 this bitch is gonna make you wait all fucking day to open gifts 😀

🧃 he thinks afternoon/nigh Christmas is the best. On Christmas eve he would literally sit down and watch movies with killua and gon for exactly 2 hours while leorio waits outside because kurapika wants him to sound like there’s somebody on the roof and kurapika can put the two children to bed and get a break for the rest of the night to finish gift wrapping and food making

🧃 hella good at wrapping gifts- commercial wrapping mf.

🧃 he thinks a white color coded Christmas looks best 

🧃 he’d give killua and gon like 150$ to buy Christmas stuff for their rooms and that’s lowkey just him trying his best he doesn’t know what the fuck else to do he isn’t a mom-

🧃 he might teach the other 3 traditional kurta songs his clan and him sung on Christmas.

🧃 he’s twinning with leorio cause he got the reindeer ears I mean get it ig- 

🧃 leorio is BEGGING kurapika to let him get a couple of drinks and kurapika’s like “YOURE GONNA STAY SOBER AND YOURE GONNA LIKE IT BITCH.”

🧃 he may or may not boys whatever they asked for and accidently on purpose use leorio’s credit card-

🧃 he just wants everybody to be happy, but can we blame him? it’s Christmas why wouldn’t he?

🧃 okay all wholesomeness aside he’s making leorio shovel the driveway.

Chrollo

🧃 he thinks this is like a romance thing

🧃 he’ll probably steal a gift or 2 for you ya know

🧃 I feel he’s the mf to have a black Christmas tree or a white one theres no in between

🧃 cookies are a yes

🧃 just go watch a classic romance movie one with him, it’ll give ya clear skin ma

🧃 he won’t decorate outside but inside will look magical asf

🧃 I think personally he’d wear a santa hat

🧃 probably would make a big phat juicy meal just for the two of you and he’d get gifts for the troupe if they cared about celebration

🧃 I feel the troupe isn’t big on that holiday stuff but if you felt like celebrating with him he’d be over the moon

🧃 he got that big tree though for no reason, he also takes the tree down the day after Christmas

🧃 Probably would give you a gift everyday leading up to christmas

Feitan

🧃 He probably was forced to sing carols and ring the bell on christmas as a kid-

🧃 he doesn’t really care much and won’t care to decorate but may or may not get you gifts

🧃 if you get him something he’ll have a small smile behind his mask 

🧃 he doesn’t wanna be in the cold just make some hot chocolate and watch a movie with him jeez

🧃 probably will wear reindeer horns if you insist

🧃 his favorite holiday is halloween but christmas is nice I guess

🧃 he probably would spend his entire day if he didn’t have a s/o with shalnark seeing who could figure out the christmas word find fastest

🧃 he’s gonna just see if theres anything he could steal for anybody

🧃 doesn’t bother with snow at all if there is snow he just doesn’t care to go outside when we got a perfectly nice house

🧃 firm believer in christmas isn’t about family it’s about gifts

🧃 he’s gonna get you something expensive though

Alluka

🧃 alluka the sweet princess is literally the neighbor that has the biggest brightest lights

🧃 she probably had her big brother killua come help her

🧃 her christmas tree is pink and white, and she decorated every square foot of her house

🧃 Christmas is her favorite holiday :)

🧃 she get’s everybody gifts and for christmas she wants some toys maybe to go shopping or something

🧃 snow angels are a must 100%

🧃 firm santa believer doesn’t take criticism.

🧃 she’s gonna be so happy just to spend time with people honestly even if nanika comes out she’s just gonna be happy

🧃 her gingerbread houses look absolutely amazing like please become a house builder sis-

🧃 she’s wearing matching sleepwear with killua and gon, probably doing a elf santa and reindeer theme which is adorable

🧃 this is the best day of her life and I’m living for it.

machi

🧃 This bitch is not a fan of anything

🧃 she want’s to paint those little christmas ball things and yeah

🧃 probably says she doesn’t want anything but some jewels or bracelets would be nice 

🧃 also isn’t a fan of snow but her house doesn’t get much to be honest

🧃 for the troupe she gives them like some bakery idem she made because why not that’s her family after all

🧃 probably wears fluffy socks on christmas and they’re like really adorable she just doesn’t realize it

🧃 she probably got something extra for shizuku idk I head canon them to be friends :)

🧃 she wont steal anything probably will buy or make it

🧃 omg machi stitching little christmas sweaters and socks omg that’s the highlight of my mother fucking day

🧃 her house if she decorates, is red and white.

Pakunoda

🧃 omg this beautiful woman I love so much

🧃 her house is white and blue and it’s all pretty

🧃 she has lights and stuff but doesn’t like overdo it or anything because she isn’t that jolly but might decorate a tree or two

🧃 she donates to animal shelters on christmas and literally it’s so cute

🧃 will probably get the troupe something specific that fits them or that they like because she isn’t trying to get somebody useless shit

🧃 for her s/o she’ll go out in the snow with them if they’d want

🧃 she buys the best gifts like that one aunt you don’t wanna give kisses but they always come through except we do wanna kiss her asf

🧃 she’ll wear machis socks that machi made her :,)

🧃 probably is the best person to have on christmas because just look at her

🧃 cuddles are everything just let’s just hug her while she watching a movie yes

Shalnark

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Phinks

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Uvo

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Shizuku

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Mito

🧃 yes

🧃 she thinks christmas is all about family

🧃 def an adult who says that they don’t want anything

🧃 she loves gons little handmade gifts or cards though

🧃 she decorates the house whatever way gon would want to cause you know he’s the only kid in the house

🧃 so basically her family has like a huge feast and everything and the food slaps

🧃 she makes gon wear this adorable sleepwear thing cause she thinks its cute

🧃 won’t let gon near any gifts before christmas

🧃 she’ll bundle gon up like a burrito if he wants to play in the snow which is adorable

🧃 she’s the mom like “you thought you wasn’t gonna get that huh? oh you welcome baby.”

Kalluto

🧃 this small little boy omg

🧃 he loves christmas but nobody really pays attention to him so he’s a little sad

🧃 with the troupe if they get him something he’ll be so excited but you won’t be able to tell :(

🧃 he’ll give people stuff because to him this is probably the most spirt he gets

🧃 he might just go sit out in the snow to enjoy the scenery 

🧃 he enjoys christmas eve most because of the vibes

🧃 doesn’t believe in santa but you know he’ll let alluka believe in it

🧃 probably a bit hurt killua wants to celebrate with alluka but not him tho

🧃 will ask killua if he wants anything def

🧃 might get illumi and milluki something if they let him

Milluki

🧃 he is always cooped up in the zoldyck house so they probably don’t decorate or celebrate but he still enjoys it

🧃 if illumi or something gets him a new game he’ll pretend he doesn’t care but he’ll appreciate it :)

🧃 he loves snow like yes

🧃 he might ask his siblings for something because his bitch ass parents wont buy him anything

🧃 yeah he doesn’t rlly give af but like yes

🧃 he probably just wants a new game or figure 

🧃 he might go online and talk to his online friends to see what they got and watch hauls on yt

🧃 probably the mf to want something that arrives in like july like damn pick something else

🧃 wont get anybody else anything sadly

🧃 we stan milluki here

THATS IT FOR NOW!! IM PLANNING ON ADDING SHALNARK, PHINKS, UVO, SHIZUKU SO IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER CHARACTERS YOU WANT JUST SEND IN REQUESTS! 😁🧃 this event does not include nsfw.

#christmas #hunter x hunter #hxh #christmas event

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 4: "My meat shield cannot go to the butchers shop just yet." - Tom

Okay HI I’m home from Georgia and I thought oh maybe I can relax SIKE. Now I have to meet 4 NEW PEOPLE. Ugh. I really hope we got whoever voted in the minority over on the other tribe, that sure would make it easier. I’m happy I’m here with Jules and JJ, they are 2 of my closest allies. I trust tom as well, he just doesn’t talk very much. This sounds bad but I really hope Alex gets taken out, he’s SUCH a good player. Anyways Johnny is playing champions and I hope you guys have a great night!

UM HELLO.

Okay so first: I felt so bad voting out willow she was such a sweetheart. I even asked her if there was anything she wanted to do last minute but she didn't have a plan so we really had to let her go. I wanted to be her ally but all in all the connections I made outside of her paid off in a much more tangible way.

SECOND: THE SWAP. I aint about it. I think the newbies are gonna be fine or whatever.... but I was in SUCH a good spot in my tribe. Like lowkey I had an alliance (that lets be real was probably doomed to fail anyways lmao but thats fine) and then also I won that individual immunity. I think people really wanted to work with me no matter who they were!!! AND I WAS GONNA MILK THAT. But nowwww I have to make new relationships and win people over. PLUS the tribemates I am still with I didn't talk strategy with as much like Mo and Jones. They like me sure sure but we never talked about who was voting who, even though Alex and I helped each other.

Lastly: I don't have strong impressions of the newbies. Mitch was the first to say hi so thats sweet of him. Benj hasn't said too much to me. Noah seems fun (?) but also god knows he doesn't seem all that loyal oof

Well, the Willow vote went according to plan. I knew she was voting me, she's such a sweet girl but everything was impossible to plan for when she wasn't around to talk about the comps. She kinda got defaulted into everything she did for the competitions. So, she had to go.

As far as the tribe swap goes, I'm really mad that I have to start all over on the new tribe with the idol search, so it kinda spooks me that I'm in a brand new tribe, with new idol information, and I probably don't have much of a chance.

Ali is someone that I was excited to be with, his meet the cast video was super endearingly messy and I just think he's so cute and wholesome. I love it. I've talked to him the most so far, and out of everyone from OG Budva, I think he's my guy. I enjoy him the most. Julie seems cool, I haven't talked to her much with the exception of calling her fucking GORGEOUS. (Sidenote, literally why am I so fucking shallow that the pretty people get the best edits in my confessionals?!?) Anyways, Julie seems super fun, she gave Jules a Tarot reading on call that was super cute. Jason & Ian haven't talked much, but they seem cool as well. Ian is into gaming, and it sounds like we play similar games, so I think we can bond based off of that really well.

Tom scares me, he's really cute and really fun to talk to, and I know he's with me 100%, but he doesn't want to work with people from our tribe. I might be forced to do things to appease him, or kick him out earlier than I'd like to. I remember us briefly talking about my plan I "jokingly" suggested throwing the comps if OG Durmitor was in the majority, and he was saying he didn't want to because he'd be stupid to work with OG Durmitor in the long run. So I think I need to start building game relationships with OG Budva fast so it gives me options on what I'd like to do.

I spoke briefly with Julia (Wow I got her name wrong every fucking time during my last confessional I'm so sorry sweets.), when I asked her about who she thinks the other person who voted for Mitch might be, she mentioned Ali's name. Who is somebody I'd really like to work with anyways, and I find him really cute. I'm going to have a call with Jules, and see where her head is at, and spill some of this tea as Brigade members. Let's see how things go.

Okay SO much has happened and I'm writing this on my phone, on the bus so get ready for messy grammar eek!

My game got a real ego check last round. Like I really thought I was doing #that and had a chance of winning immunity, when I really was out second. Like... idk what good game I thought I was playing but it was defo non-existent. Jared went home which was ugly but necessary and I swapped away from Michael/Mitch/Noah which I wanted since they were the bottom 3 of my list HSJDKDK. I feel bad for Benj tho, stuck with them eek! I really hope me and him reunite ahh!

Okay so my tribe. I have so many thoughts, like so many. I'll break it down person by person.

Ian: I like 100% dont trust him. I've been confessing for ages about how much I think he is the biggest threat and the immunity challenge totally confirmed that. He has not gotten as far in games as he has for no reason, I've been onto his game for a while and I'm totally over his shenanigans.

Jason: this ties into julia and ian too, but I'm sure the three of them were and are in an alliance. Like 100% sure. Which is worrying for this swap tribe because i think I could easily be the most expendable for the Budva people so yikes. I am scared of him too, like him and Ian are so scary it's really worrying

Julia: I dont know what to think of her. Like I really trust her and really wanna work with her, but I feel she has allies (i.e. Ian and Jason that she values much higher than me). I really want to work with her, like so bad. I want Ian and Jason out so I can make that happen. I LOVE her tho.

okay now we come onto the dormitor (spelling?) people where I think I have real, real options.

Jules: A LEGEND ON EARTH. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND AM SO HAPPY WE ARE TOGETHER. I AM SO EXCITED TO WORK WITH JULES. I think between me and jules we could get a really cute cross tribe thing going, the future is BRIGHT.

Evan: he seems SO sweet, like I've probs spoken to him the least, but he seems SO nice and wholesome. Jules holds a super high opinion of him and what jules says, goes.

Thomas: I was SO worried about swapping with him... but I think it could work? Like I really really want him to vote me out and get revenge for legacy, like that would be SO karmic and good. But he seems to want to work with me and I'm down! He is a king so I'd love to stick with him

JJ: he is... wild. He was super nice to me so I dont wanna be that guy that is negative, but he is a LOT hsjssksk. He reminds me a lot of Jared, like a lot of crackhead energy and I could easily see him try and play everyone. It sounds like from Jules he could be the one that dormitor would vote out so that's a good sign.

Anyway my plan? to vote off Ian and then JJ. like if I had to rank the tribe, I'd say:

Jules > Julia > Thomas > Evan > Jason > Ian > JJ

like I actually get a much better vibe from most of the dormitor people, and like... I think I'm down the flip, since I dont trust Ian at ALL. there are two ways I could see it working, either I convince Jules/Evan/Thomas to flip on JJ if we lose sending him out, and then work with them to vote Ian the following round. Or... and this plan is cracked. I think Ian and Jason could be willing to sacrifice me tbh (and Julia too unfortunately), so... I could get Jules to get them all to vote me too, so its 7-1 and then I idol out either JJ or Ian, probs Ian so that I could hopefully get the rest to flip on JJ the following round? idk yet shsjdk

but in general? Last round and the swap gave my game the kick it needed. I was playing really passively and had let myself be an outsider who delusionally thought they were central to the game. I have a fire now. I dont trust anyone from OG Budva really except for Julia and Benj, and it's time for me to put in work and gain control of the game.

The dream is a cross tribe alliance of me, jules, thomas, julia and evan but idk how feasible that is tbh. I just dont ever want to feel as passive and not in control as I did last round. That's never, ever happening again.

*SWAP STRATEGY*

- Can I just say I don't get a good vibe from ANYONE that swapped to Budva from Dirtmitor (I know I'm spelling it wrong) - There's no way we're winning this challenge since we don't even have a song yet and our editor... doesn't know how to edit - SO, my plan is to have one of two things happen: 1. Convince someone on Dirtmitor to flip so the vote's 5-3 2. Create paranoia about an idol and convince Dirtmitor to split the vote so it's 4-2-2 - If can can get either of those things to happen, we throw every single challenge and wipe out the remaining Dirt people and head into a 12 person merge with an 8-4 advantage - Also... this stops any Budva at the Dirt tribe from trying any funny business (flipping)

I'm still desperate for an idol btw. For some reason I think Jared had it and now it's rehidden back at the end of the bridge.

I need to start picking my game up. Up until this point it's been solely about maintaining the relationships I've had from day one. This swap worked out kind of perfectly for me in terms of who I swapped with. All 3 of the Golden Girls stuck together and Ali and I have been fostering a good relationship game-wise that I want to keep going. I can see myself being a target for the Dirt people but I don't see any of the OG Budva flipping yet, let alone on me. So now I feel like I need to focus more on setting up my game for the merge and ideally? I go in with as many near-guaranteed numbers as possible. And the best way to set up for that is taking out numbers I know I don't have now.

okay JJ is annoying me now. he is like... threatening me? he is telling me someone is saying stuff that makes me look super shady, but not knowing details. he is telling me it could get gross for me but he is looking out for me.

like... i'm not gonna be super negative, because like... maybe its true and someone is spreading dirt about me. but alternatively, this is.... a really blunt and see through attempt to cause divisions and i'm not gonna tolerate it. like i'll reserve judgement till i hear him out, but like...

i said this in my host chat, but like I really really do not appreciate someone threatening me and lauding the power they have over me the way he is, like he thinks he is being super super subtle, but this is just a blatant attempt to cause distrust and a mess.

i'm in my feelings and i don't know what to do. I don't trust JJ or Ian, and wanna reclaim power by sending them both out of here.

(This is about to be like 4 confessionals in a row, just separating them into paragraphs)

Okay so first off wtf is with that challenge results we just posted. Like okay sure i  kinda knew i was near the bottom of the tribe but definitely not fucking second last.... anyways i also have no clue how fucking caeleb like caeleb really?! he came second?! and EVAN WON.....like evan is kinda pissing me off on how good of a social game he is playing because of his "I'm only 15, im cute innocent and i want to be your little brother" like bitch no you can step back for a second if you are going to play it like that. I wont be letting him slip through my fingers that easy!

Anyways now onto the tribe swap im kinda happy with the people i ended up with i feel like if i ended up with alex, mo, caeleb i would've most likely cried. Anyways i am really glad im on a tribe with ali right now because we have played pretty much a full season together before and we worked very well until he got sneaky sneaky and voted me out to win the game but thats okay ill keep a close eye on him. Jules and Evan arent people that im too excited to be on a tribe with however this could be my time to take evan out now whilst i have the chance.....

Okay so like JJ is being a fucking idiot right now, like please put some tape on your mouth, shove a goana in your mouth i dont care. This man thinks he is fucking houdini or something, please sit back down and stop trying to manipulate Ali and Julia to flip on Jason and Ian..... like sure we can try to subtly make them flip but this man says he has a whole shit tonne of tea that he is going to manipulate and "put an ice inbetween that 4" like girl no you wont you will just make yourself threat number 1. My meat shield cannot go to the butchers shop just get, i would like to be the butcher to cut him further into the game.

Also like honestly Jules, JJ and Evan are ridiculously stupid if they think I, ME, TOM, THOMAS ALBERTS is going to rocks for ANYONE in this game. I am happy go lucky about this original durmitor chat but i will not be risking my game for any of them....

Ok so Jared went home 7-2 which is kinda sad because I do think he trusted me and all but he really dug himself a grave that i couldn’t help him get out.

Things that were interesting for that tribal. Mitch thinks me, him and Noah are on the bottom because I acted that I only heard Noah was the vote. Second there was another vote for Mitch and I thought it was Noah, and when I talked to him, he assumed I was the other vote and he switched his vote the last minute. I didn’t have time to tell him that I voted Jared too because we fuxking swapped.

I AM LAUGHING AT THIS SWAP. Who do I got remaining on the new Budva tribe? Jason? Julia? Ali? UGH FAVES!! I am close with Ali and I’m aligned with Julia and Jason. Jason worked hard on Ali to flip on the Jared vote and Ali like shares me info that I already know ahsjdjd so I’m just going to continue playing dumb and sidekick because literally it’s what got me far in this game. BUT OF COURSE I AM CHANGIING THINGS UP BECAUSE LIKE I’VE LOST 2 TIMES WITH THAT STRATEGY SO SOME CHANGES ARE NEEDED.

Anywho we get newcomers JJ, Jules, Evan and Tom. We all went on call as a new tribe except Evan because he sleepin and discussed sun signs and astrology.

Jules - barely talked too but she seems sweet?? Evan - umm he’s kinda weird asking about facts about myself lol JJ - he seems funny to talk to ON CALL. Through messaging, idk he seems shady? Tom - I’ve just started talking to him but I am a slave to Aussie accents so hopefully I can get in with him.

Right now I’m feeling there’s a huge chance we will lose immunity because hello Alex on the other tribe and Jules, who is the only one who have at least a background on editing is unable to do it atm. So yeah, my plan rn is try and become close with Tom because he and I on roughly the same timezone. Worst case scenario is we do go to tribal and we end up 4-4 and boom rocks. Not very ideal rn.

Ok I’m a bit pissed that they did not stick with Fergie songs?? I was ready to bust out a suit for the glamorous.

I won’t be shocked if we end up loosing this challenge because umm hello Alex is in the other tribe. We’re just gonna be unique with our presentation and hopefully Tom and Julia can make it pretty enough to win.

Honestly this new tribe is SO deadzzz. These new people are probably weary of us 4 og budva or they’re just so quiet?? Julia has JJ telling her he doesn’t want it to be Budva vs Durmitor but idk y’all being so deadzzz that it may go that way.

Jason wants to like throw the upcoming challenges if we survive this deadlock and like I’m not all for it. It’s risky but the merit is it weakens og Durmitor but there’s still the risk of an idol. I mean I can’t say that idea never occurred to me but these new people (mainly JJ and Evan) are just a bit difficult to talk to lol

I have not even have a long convo with Jules so I can’t say much about her.

I have become a bit close with Tom. And I wanna work with him, but I checked that list challenge and judging that it looks like he is close with JJ? And like I might wanna target jj because he really shady with Julia. I just wanna say to Tom I wanna work with you but like ugh it’s quite difficult really. I JUST WANT AN AUSSIE ALLY OKAY.

I feel like we lost immunity so rn og budva baes needs to come up with a plan to get one of these Durmitor out. Preferably Evan hehehe

Apparently JJ likes Julia for them to go on call and tell stuff to one another. Right now, JJ says there was this big majority alliance on og Budva that had me and Jason as the head of it. Wow I can’t believe I’m in an alliance that I had no idea about. Well I am aligned with Jason but literally there was no big ass allianceon og budva, it was just mob rule or whatever. Apparently Evan told JJ about this info so like where the fuck did Evan get that crackpot idea lol

I came up with an elaborate plan in which Julia goes along with this majority alliance on og budva that supposedly had me, mitch, Jason, Michael, benj and Ali. However, Ali was not really into the alliance at all so Julia and Ali act all wish washy and willing to flip to get Durmitor to split there votes because Julia told jj that the budva idol was already found.

So rn I’m acting all shady towards Tom telling him I’m all alone, with the hopes of him already knowing about this supposed big alliance on og budva for him to think I’m shady as fuck. Jason is also acting shady as fuck to JJ so they think one of us do in fact have the idol and they do split their votes. In doing so, we budva baes collectively vote either Jules or Evan out.

That’s assuming the plot fucking works. I literally don’t know if it works, or we fucking tie or go to rocks or someone on my team fucking flips. I don’t know what’s gonna happen and honestly I’m just waiting for this round to be over. If Durmitor calls our bluff and ties our 4 votes then may the odds be ever in Budva’s favor. If they actually split the votes woot woot and if someone flips on og budva then big fuck you.

Okay so like how did i get onto a tribe with an astrology freak in jules, and an actual crazy person in JJ... like idk what i did in my past tumblr survivor life to deserve this. Julia has put a hex on me in this game to be trapped with them...

Ok so I just got off call with Evan ahsjdiff

Like first off I fucking messed up with lying lol Evan asks me who do I think was the other vote for Mitch. I told him it was me and he said he thought it was Ali. LOL MESSED UP. So I immediately backtracked and said I misheard him and tell him it was Ali. Lol idk if it was believable but whew I’m a flop.

Here’s the hot tea tho. Evan tells me that he wants me, tom and Jason to come together because he thinks jj, jules, Julia and Ali are forming a foursome. He tells me that Julia told JJ that the Budva idol has been found which I knew. And that JJ is targeting myself and Jason.

Right now, the picture the Budva Baes is trying to paint is working?? Durmitor thinks Julia and Ali are on the outs of what was a majority alliance on Budva. Now here’s the bit tricky part, Evan wants us four to vote for either Julia or Ali because that supposed foursome is splitting the vote on me and Jason That’s a red flag because it would be losing a Budva Bae. Now Evan also added if Julia and Ali are just bulshitting JJ then JJ would be voted out.

I don’t know what to make of this convo. This could be Evan luring me into a trap or what but right now this is interesting.

(again with 7 confessionals in a row and Tom not condensing his thoughts....)

Okay so this music video challenge is generally really exciting however my tribe chose TIK TOK?! has the song, like okay thats just fucking stupid y'all really want a chance to win this damn challenge or not....YOU CANT DANCE TO THIS SONG IDIOTS. This is going to be filled with seizure dancing and sober dancing in a club aka awkward

This is honestly such an effort, i hate being a marathon running player like why cant this be 3.9 days worth of survivor and i can sprint my way to the winners club....jokes im already in there

Okay so I just called JJ because like whatever i need a social game and he is a mess so he will be my meat shield but like his mum starts coming on call and interrupting saying like how she loves my accent, how she wants to hug a koala and like talking about australian slang like please woman step aside! I am talking to your lunatic son i cant deal with two of you. THEN HIS BROTHER OR DAD IDK WHICH ONE DECIDES TO COME ON CALL AND TALK ABOUT DORITOS LIKE PLEASE STOP. It was a 58 minute torture call So Ian just sent in his music video clip and i... just cant... poor ian like he looks like his hands were having a seizure through the whole video and a broom up his ass because he was so stiff please stop.....but i guess good on him for giving it his best shot.

Ugh this is honestly just depressing what are these music videos, not even if we had alex on this tribe we would fucking win...I told them that it wasnt a good song to pick, so far we've seen Ian and now we see Ali who is fliming a music called Tik Tok featuring Ali's Giraffe Neck.... sweetie we dont want to see your fucking roof, youre supposed to be dancing!

I surely cannot be a straight male on this tribe and be the most extra person for this music video challenge

Ian is so controversial he told me we have a straight person connection and straights are a hate crime in this community. love him but OOOOOOOOOF

So im on a new tribe, its kinda a disaster idk what I said here last time but to recap

Ali found the idol, which is cool I trust him the most so I hope its like sharing I wont tell a soul but still a lil bummed since I got sooo many more steps than him haha. being swapped away from him is terrible :((( miss him and I hope hes doing well over there... king

For the last vote it was so awk cuz we didn't want jared to expose our alliance so we had one of us vote mitch (me) thinking noah would also vote him, and then it was 7-2 lmao and I come out of an exam on a new tribe so cant ask ali what happened, I have no clue if mitch knows it was me im just acting clueless. and I feel terrible cuz hes one of my og favs from that tribe

so im swapped with the person I voted, the person we were gonna pin that vote on noah LMAO, and Michael who I barely talk to wish I got ali and ian kings ughh I feel so lonely lol

and on top of that the only person I knew prior to the game willow got out, im devastated ugh we never have gotten to play together properly before so that sucks

BUT.... I have one saving grace.... guacamole jones. I had a small connection w her cuz I hosted her on a fb org but she was the 1st boot lmao so we barely got to talk and im so happy shes on this tribe I love her omg. I also really like caeleb and alex both are cool so far

so honestly? I kinda wanna work w the other tribe more than my original ones LOL. none of them even talk game w me until 1 hour before deadline so ya ill flip idc. but idek if that's possible cuz I think jones and mitch are friends from kochang, and she hosted noah in Algonquin, so maybe that just leaves Michael? I also needa talk to mo more cuz ik they were friends in celestial. yes ive done my stalking of the cast LMAO or atleast tried.

SO YA. Im just gonna approach jones and say I wanna work w her and.. hope it works cuz probably the other old budvas will vote me or smth

Okay so for this vote its pretty 4-4 honestly like old Durmitor vs Budva, and JJ thinks this game is easy enough that he is going to split budva against each other and pit ali/julia vs jason/ian.... saying how he has this master plan and i literally responded with such a sarcastic comment that he took seriously "Why r u so smart".

He proceeds to tell me his whole history online, "I've been doing this for 8 years, 2 years on ROBLOX (FUCKING ROBLOX), 6 years on TENGAGED (FUCKING TENGAGED) and first year as an orger.

WELL SWEETIE YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN QUICLKY IF YOU THINK ROBLOX AND TENGAGED ARE GONNA HELP YOU IN THIS HARD ASS GAME PLATFORM

Someone please tell him that, roblox is like preschool, tengaged is like year 3 and tumblr survivor is UNIVERSITY....

So I'm sitting here, Ke$ha's face on my titties. Doing this music video challenge, a bitch like me really worked up a sweat. And I only sweat, on one side of my head.

As far as the game is going, this twist is really activating my inner demon, and I'm causing so much buffoonery. Everyone is talking about rocks, so I'm trying my best to make sure that doesn't happen. I know for a fact that I'm outplaying everyone this round. First, I prevented a gross game of telephone from occurring between Ali & Julia, Julia claimed that Ali might have voted for Mitch, but she very obviously didn't care whether he did or not. I felt like that could have easily been twisted by a diff OG Budva, or a OG Durmitor, into something where Ali would go after Julia, so preventing that has built a semi stable gaming relationship with the two of them. The goal here is to flip them over to our side. Julia has also told me that the Budva idol had already been claimed when she reached the end of the bridge. While Ali spilled to me that there's a large Budva alliance that he wasn't invited into. Using this as leverage, I'm going to attempt to have my old tribe, plus Julia and Ali split our votes 3-3 on Jason and Ian. Jason has also hmu, talking about the vote. We came to the conclusion together that the vote would come down to rocks, in which case. We'd like to be safe, so we agreed to tell our alliances to vote for each other, OG Budva votes JJ, OG Durmitor votes Jason. Which becomes a test, because if Jason tells Ali or Julia to vote for me, I would hope they'd come talk to me about it, if they don't? 4 votes go on Jason. If both of them tell me about it, we proceed with the 3-3-2 split idea, if only one tells me about it, we vote 5-3 on IAN so Jason doesn't have an idol played on him, and if neither of them tell me, we split 4 on me 4 on Jason. To keep me safe. Big risk, big reward baby.

So there is a chat consisting of Jules JJ Evan and Myself "OG Durmitor" and JJ the puppet master decided to organise a team meeting which i couldnt attend too but ok, anyways they went on call and i asked JJ what the plan was he told me;

1.) Bring Ali & Julia together 2.) Bring them to me. 3.) Split the votes 3-3 on Ian & Jason

Like cool but why are we bringing them to you? like sorry im not playing your game here but the real thing is

Evan messaged me being like can you call... we need to discuss what happened on that call because he is sketched out. He said that there was more to it than JJ said in the chat, and thats why he wants to talk to me. He says he has a bad feeling and he will explain it over call.....so i get home eventually and it turns out he is asleep and that he will call me in 7 hours

Oh hi I’m anxious as all fuck. Since it’s 4 vs 4. We may not even be going to tribal. All it takes is one person to flip and I’m planning on staying loyal to my og tribe.

okay so i have a lot to confess about, i'm in my feelings all over the shop and wanna vote everyone out except for Jules, Julia & Thomas.

i'm like really embarassed about this round. like this is so dumb, but i looked so stupid in our video, like i look like an actual robot and i hate myself NNNN. I'm like insecure at the best of times so i'm like... ahhhHhhHHh about the video, i literally can't even watch it, i hate myselfffffff. i look like a gremlin because i tried to like... rough and post party stuff but i just look ugly and disgusting nnn. i'mma stop this here because its gonna be a lot of self negativity but this challenge does not play well with my insecurities NNNNNNNN

in other news. my tribe are all trying to do 4 vs 4 and its driving me crazy. Thomas seems to be the only one on this planet. I really want to get a cross-tribe alliance going of some sort, but Julia is reluctant (because a) its risky, b) she is evidently closer to ian and jason than I am.  Im also facing an unexpected difficulty, which is Jules. I wanna work with them SO BAD, but like... the tribe dynamics are like... weirdly getting in the way? Like Thomas/Evan and Jules/JJ are becoming the two pairs which is SO wild to me, and I want JJ out of here, while Jules is seemingly quite expendable to Thomas?

My dream alliance would be Thomas, Jules, Julia & I, but I don't know if I can make that work, Thomas and Evan are too close grrrr. In other news, I'm like... really trying with JJ, because he means well, but... I'm finna snap KASJDFLASFLJKSA.

like... i have never met anyone who plays the game like he does. and like... i know i'm a crap player, probs the worst on our tribe but the level to which he underestimates is like...oof. Like he thinks he has done this mastermind manipulation to get me onside, when it was the most transparent thing I've like... literally ever seen. I'd like... lowkey love to write his name asap.

for tonight's vote... there are a couple of potential plans:

- Split Votes: Either 3-3 or 4-2, but splitting the votes between Jason/Ian, with maybe Jules, JJ or Evan getting their votes. The plus to this is it potentially removes Ian who I want out of here so badly because he is playing too well. The minus is it makes me and Julia super reliant on Thomas/Evan, or even JJ/Jules, whoever tries to pick us up. I think if I could convince Julia... I'd probs be down, worst comes to it, I just play my idol the following round

- Fake Vote Split: We tell them me and Julia will split votes with them, but then vote with Jason and Ian making our 4 versus their divided votes. Problems with this is it alienates Thomas/JJ/Evan/Jules (whichever three stay), but it puts us in the majority and in a comfortable spot. I don't know if I'm down for this plan really?

- 4-4 vote, either Thomas or Julia & I flip on the revote. This... could be an idea. I feel like its the kind of vanilla option, and I don't care who I flip on.

My ideal bootlist for the tribe would be: JJ > Ian > Jason > Evan if we do have to go to four tribals. I really like Thomas for having his head screwed on, Julia for being iconic and Jules for being a legend.

Summary: I'm tired, this challenge made me feel ugly, gross and like a freak, if JJ threatens my game again I will snap, people need to risk more, this vote is going to be a mess.

I don't like how ~quiet~ it can be before tribal. I'm already a scaredy cat person don't push my ANXIETY buttons.

First, here's how I am hoping tonight might go down (if we go to tribal ofc). I am hoping that the Durmitor OGs all vote Noah; I think Michael is voting Noah if Alex is being trustworthy; I kinda spilled it to Mitch because I thought Jones was talking to him so he might vote Noah. That leaves pretty much everyone voting Noah except Benj, and he's in my pocket so I don't think theres any conspiracy from him trying to do something crazy. He told me that I might be his saving grace and he said he wants to vote either micheal or Noah and I said that sounds good. I don't want to make it tooooo obvious that he's in my corner so I didn't tell him that Noah is the vote. That leaves: 6-7 votes Noah, 0-1 votes Micheal, and then whoever Noah wants out which might honestly be me because I haven't talked to him much.

Second, here's what I am afraid of. Everything that I just mentioned above is what Noah wants to do but to me, using my own tribe. If he can get Michael and Mitch to vote me and then also Mo and Jones to vote me (which could happen because sadly they got to see that they were at the bottom of that immunity list) then thats already 5. Alex might be told just so he's in the loop and Benj, who I think I can trust, might not even be included because he's already said he's on the outs and therefore I never catch wind. OR AM I BEING PARANOID?

HEHEHEHEHEOGHSOND all in all both make sense to me so my best hope is for immunity.

okay im on call with Jules, JJ and Julia. TOO MANY J NAMES, the crackheadery of Js is still around...

I... want to vote JJ out, but I want Jules on side. I just wanna vote out Ian and JJ, and I truly do not care about the order. Maybe if we vote Ian with them tonight, and then... ugh.

I just want to vote out Ian, JJ and Evan. All three can go. I want an alliance of Thomas, Jules, Julia and I. THAT'S ALL I WANT BUT JULES TRUSTS EVAN AND JULIA DOESN'T TRUST THOMAS.

ugh... we NEED to win challenges, like 100% I wanna avoid tribal as much as humanly possible. I just wanna merge with Tom, Julia and Jules. other four can go byebye.

i need to like... de-fibrillate thomas, he needs to like connect! to! Julia!

he is such a king but i'm worried he is gonna end up being the vote in upcoming rounds, like MESSSSSSS. in other news, me and julia are gonna call about the vote and figure it out because we are in a really tough spot AHH.

i just... wanna... vote JJ... out HNNNGH. like its enuf. can the universe just intervene and let me leave this swap tribe with jules, tom and julia on side? that's ALL I WANNTTTTTT

Omg so my tribe finally made an alliance chat

a little too late I already made deals with jones and caeleb so

I mean they are all nice but I don't talk to them much except mitch and hes not the vote so

time to flip? I think so JKDJF

I loves jones and caeleb already after 2 days so idk it feels right but maybe dumb but idc ive never been much of a betrayer in orgs before so this is a fun change hehehe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4iBErzviNU <-Video Would not Embed

Apparently Noah threw my name out which is making me anxious of course. I’m not ready to be voted out yet, I still have stuff to prove to myself. So all I can do is hope that either we won the challenge or people keep their word.

VL: I like how one person throws out my name and I’m already packing my bags and screaming. If this is my last day I had a lot of fun and I wish I got to play more.

This may or may not be my last confessionals because I’m in danger lol

So I went on call with Tom, he told me that Evan is wavering on the idea he told me and I’m not shock tbh. He also told me that I’m going to be the one getting the og Durmitor votes. FUN. He did told me that he was going to flip on the revote. However he was still on the assumption that we were voting for Jules, so after discussing it with budva baes, I told him we were voting for JJ. He was shocked but he still said he was still going through with the flip. I’m really putting my trust on Tom here and I’m scared tbh. From what I heard while he played Socotra and MB he was sneaky but I really hope he fucking flips. I HOPE NO ONE FUCKING FLIPS ON ME. Except they’re maybe coaxing me to believing I’m getting votes to misplay my supposed idol which i don’t have and they throw their votes at Jason.

Ugh lol I did not imagine getting votes this early but it is what is and It has been a crazy ride tbh. Tom you better flip or I’m going to scream. No one better flip on og budva or I’m going to cry :((

Here’s some extra tea, Ali told us that Jules is really sketched out of JJ so there’s also that potential flipper??? Honestly I just want this round to be over! Ugh please let this vote work in our favor

VL I like how one person throws out my name and I’m already packing my bags and screaming. If this is my last day I had a lot of fun and I wish I got to play more.

okay lay dees... i think i did something!

JJ is (99%) outta here!! Jules owns this ENTIRE ass, like... Jules. is. a. LEGEND.

What's tough is like... I really don't know if this is even in Jules' interest? Like I love her, and am going to FIGHT to protect her, but JJ LOVES her and is on her side? Like I don't know if this is smart for her.

I feel like... I finally did stuff, I helped convince Jules to flip (and Tom if we had to revote) and got our vote off Jules despite Julia wanting to not vote JJ. Like... me and Julia were in a swing spot, and we carved our own option.

I really. really. really. want an alliance of me, Julia, Tom & Jules. That would make all my dreams come true. I want that + Benj to be the final five to be honest. I haven't confessed about Benj in ages but I MISS HIM, I hope is surviving with all the crackheads from the Budva tribe.

I have a cracked hope. I kind of hope JJ pulls out an idol, and idols out Ian? Like then he is the obvious vote the next time, and me/Jules/Tom/Julia can keep it pushing.

im just... omg that this is happening. JJ, if you are reading this post season, my confessionals about you haven't been like... the nicest and I am genuinely super sorry. Its undeniable you have good intentions and mean well, but as people... idk if we vibe as much as you think we do, and like you somewhat overplayed your hand, which is why you are going home.

i mean its possible that you are just playing us all, and I'm outta here, which good for you woo! i'm not a threat at all woo, but congrats on the blindside. also idk if i ever confessed about this, but i asked Tom if he is related to Caeleb and they aren't (even tho they still look related).

also i'm telling tom jules is flipping on 5 mins, i don't want him left out since he is an AUSTRALIAN KING AND I WANNA STICK WITH HIM EVEN THO I'M HNNGH.

next round... i might have to persuade julia to flip on ian and jason... EEEK! stay tuned...

Budva tried to pull some cracked ass shit while I was getting my bread

More to come

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_nIjIQaTFE <- Video did not Embed

[apricotflowerp0t-blog]

Old poems

these are all of MY older poems going from 2014-2017

found my wattpad from ages ago and im going to be posting my old poems every now and then so pls dont make fun of me these are old but i WILL eventually start to post my newer work soon xxxxx 

 Suicide stays on my mental

Wondering what's really gonna happen when I finally break thru

When I finally get fed up and sick of the shit

When I finally sit there and decide to quit

The only thing that's stopping me is my own hand

Feels like nobody really there like it's all just an act

I really don't have nobody that truly got my back

Every single one of you is fake and fucking temporary

Nobody gonna b satisfied till I finally end it

Till I finally get pushed to the point and say fuck it

You think I'm all talk but watch one day I'll show you

When I finally get the guts to just end it cuz see I don't even know you

I could cut it off quick like I got nothing to live for

Cuz see I'm truly careless like it don't even matter

You not gonna b happy till my brains really splatter

Suicide crosses my mind often

I wonder what I look like inside of a coffin

I have a handful of attempts but see when I get to that point I hear this voice in my head don't know if it's god, satan, or just somebody dead

The voice always tells me to stop and I end up listening but I'm learning to ignore them and eventually you'll see my blood glistening

I turn it into jokes so I don't have to deal with it

So I don't have to accept the fact that I'm not good or how I'm misunderstood

Suicide all in my head Wondering what's gonna happen if I end up dead

When I say goodbye and go to the sky Don't miss me then cuz we both know it's pretend 

-c.m

(2014)

i rolled with the punches

although sometimes it felt as if i was getting jumped

i can still taste the tears of regret

i can feel the feeling of mental abandonment

i hold my breathe all day

and fucking gasp for air at night

you were the same as everyone else

you changed me and not for the good

i hate the fact that i can not hate you

you made me feel so alone

i loved you and you loved to make me cry

i didnt care bc you were the only one there

yet you made me want to pull out my hair

its like you hated me more than you loved me

you got a kick out of hurting my heart and watching me fall apart

i got a kick out of having someone to call my own

you made me feel ugly and worthless

made me feel like i was not worth it

your words would cut me like sharp piks

your voice was frightening like the scary music in a horror film

but our memories still cross my mind from time to time

i would look into your eyes and you would always look back

so tell me did why did you have to hurt me

why did you have to make me feel even more forsaken

you lied to me so much that i never knew the truth

and i think thats starting to happen with this new girl too

see youve changed me and not for the better

now i can never trust someone fully it just wont b the same

and to this day i still cringe when i hear your name

i see the good in all people and see thats my problem

i should of turned around as soon as you walked in

young thoughts that walk thru my mind but only sometimes

(2015)

-c.m

i’ve lived in a life of heaven examined as a world of sin

your eyes are the fences to heaven within

each day i will tell you your worth

that you are my personal guardian angel here on earth

that you are my sunshine on a dark day

that by your side i will stay until the day we turn gray

you showed up right in time

for you any hill i will climb

cariño, sólo pienso en ti

without you id b empty

you are truly a blessing

the thought of losing you is quite depressing

you are my favorite daydream

when i look at you i can tell your eyes gleam

make you climax till you scream

for you id do anything

-c.m

(2017)

i get happy over little stuff

i like words like shit and fuck

i dont enjoy having friends

i see the world thru a thick lens

i have a dog named junior

yeah hes rad and gnarly

i dont ever go to parties

and i dont like 2 say sorry

all my thoughts are glitter and sparkly

im looking for myself like safari

i like girls more than boys

i play with they emotions like toys

a lot of people crush on me

always rushing and nudging me

they like the way that im raw and how i put them in awe

i hit my head on the wall

i act like i am above all

im always laughing like im off alcohol

i find everything funny

like how my mom just dont love me

dirty everyone has done me

how everyone likes to just judge me

they like how im chubby and lovely

i like music a lot

my thoughts are always nonstop

sometimes they call me flowerpot

i like to drink tea and not soda

im the sickest, ebola

i hate the winter its too cold

in the summer i grow

i like stickers and socks

i like the jellies and boondocks

i like anime and hentai

i dont like to lie or cry

im sweet like pumpkin pie

i hit that bitch in her eye

i own nothing but ripped vans

but one day youll see me driving that benz

i like strawberry shakes

and to make girls legs quake

i keep them wet, the great lakes

i like long walks by myself

i cant reach the top shelf

i think tattoos and piercings are cool

trust no one, thats my rule

i like oldies and funk

im clumsy like an old drunk

i dont like to come out my bubble

it always seems to put me in trouble

i hate to hate

to me you may never relate

i get happy over little stuff

i put up this front like im tough

i seem to carry bad luck

im the best, hands up

-c.m

(2014)

screaming 666

my feelings mix

wonder what he has in his bag of tricks

my eyes continue to drip

i feel my soul as it slips

should i give it to him or keep it for myself

my soul is cold like an ice shelf

hes called for my name himself

shall i continue to be forever alone by oneself

or give it away to be loved and admired

my patience is expired

singing by myself like a lonely choir

wondering what it feels like to be sincerely supported and appreciated

wondering why i was even created

the fearsome part is is that i am not afraid

ive often thought about giving my psyche for trade

it walks across my mind often

i continue to live a life of no precaution

i sin often

so whats the point

why am i waiting

should i give it up and inside become rotten

or stay on the safe side and still disappoint

wondering if that deal would be worth it

cuz everyone knows im not perfect

-c.m

(2017)

god treated my sexuality like a joke

ive always knew but i never spoke

the day they found out everything went rabbid

acting like my choice of companions was just a bad habbit

ugly words thrown at me like queer and fruitcake

fruitcake to every christmas dinner that i am no longer welcomed at

not wanting me to walk in front of them like a black cat

get up everyday wearing the word faggot like an expensive pair of sunglasses

take the time to cross the street just so you dont  have to share a sidewalk with me

die of thirst so they dont have to use the same water fountain as me

that i should just like he and not she

saying that i am a sin and you will pray for me

cuz im homo you act like im ill like im missing chromos

think its a shame so you back out of my life in slow-mo

that girl es asqueroso y loco

then to accept me you rather push me on the streets like a hobo

sorry that i cannot be saved and you cant just wash this sin away

at the end of the day i dont care if you stay

-c.m

(2016)

Hi my angel

I hope all is well

I hope you still look down on me while I sit in this empty cell

No it's not jail but simply life now

I thought I could never do it without you but look at me now

I miss you dearly and still cry often

Wondering why you had to lay in that coffin

The thought of you still makes my eyes tear

The fact that I will never see you again makes me want to throw a chair

I forgot what your voice sounds like and even your laugh

I'd give anything up to take all that back

My first mother, father and friend

I'd kill someone to see you just once again

I miss you my angel more than anything I've took grip of

I hope you still look down from way up above

Always in my heart my one and true love

Goodbye for now but I'll see you again

Forever my angel till we meet again

-c.m

(2016)

#poetry

[skeletxnqueen]

flower crown fairy lights daisies 1975 matte black nail polish pantone moodboard stars plants converse lace handwriting cactus sunrise oil paints overalls combat boots winged eyeliner pastel tattoos piercings bands messy bun cry baby grunge space white bed sheets old books beaches eyes 11:11 painting lightning thunder storms love clouds coffee marble

T H E N E V E R E N D I N G A S K (I wasn’t ignoring you, I’m gonna be honest, I forgot this was sitting in my drafts waiting to be completed aaaaa)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? - A few minutes ago. I left my iPod in my co-worker’s car so I kinda have nothing better to do. All my favorite apps are on there.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? - Are alternate universes real and is there one where I am content and happy? (sorry to get depressing there bud but life just ain’t what I want it to be rn)

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? - I haven’t experienced enough things to  really say I’ve accomplished anything. I guess getting a job and keeping it for as long as I have? Six months and counting.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? - Seeing a gif of a kitten walking over to a camera man and then proceeding to nap on him and walk all over his shoulders and sit on his head while he had to hold almost completely still.

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? - This question as me depressed and low key anxious I don’t think I can answer it without crying sorry

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? - Not really. I try to avoid really confronting my own mortality. Thinking about dying both scares and tempts me and it’s really weird and terrifying and no bueno. Gosh my answers seem so depressing I’m sorry bab aaAAAA

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. - I’m too lazy to describe anyone again but um my brother c’: Again. Heckie

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? - I suppose. I mean it definitely could have been better, but it’s not really on “tragic backstory” level so I guess yeah. I dunno how to answer this, in all honesty.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? - Earlier tonight

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. - My friend Antonio. He’s weird but he loves space and it’s nice to hear how excited he gets talking about the stars and planets because he’s super passionate about it. I just like when my friends are happy ya know? So I know stargazing with my space buddy would be fun.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? - Honestly I have before. I don’t mean for it to, but sometimes the conversations just take that direction. I’m a big oversharer.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? - fam I’m always up at 3am wym I stay talkin to ppl at 3am (for the record it’s usually my mom and/or brother)

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? - Again, I can’t answer this without crying I’m sorry.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? - I have them and I love them why is this up for discussion why is this a question is there brown eye discourse???

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. - “I don’t care what you think, as long as it’s about me.” …….. I really like attention. More seriously though, I like knowing that I’m real to other people. I know it sounds weird but sometimes I just like being reminded that I actually exist in other people’s lives and that I’m a real person???? Idk how to describe it but yeah. That line makes me think about that aspect of myself a lot.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? - “Still Figuring It Out”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? - cry because I can finally get my family out of our rough situation, spoil my mom and brother rotten, buy lots of pretty makeup, travel the world, and still have enough left over to live comfortably for the rest of my life without ever having to work again unless I want to to have something to do.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? - I am. Sometimes too much for my own good. Sometimes I like it just cause it can help settle conflicts quicker and sometimes I don’t because not only do I let toxic people back into my life but it causes me to miss them and desperately want them back because I convince myself “it’s in the past, it wasn’t that bad, and they’ve probably changed so I should let it go”.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. - Dear Mikii,

First of all what a weird nick-name you dork. I’m Gabby. I’m still just as much of a dork so don’t feel bad. You’re going through a weird phase in your life right now. You’re confused and probably questioning who you are. That’s not really going to stop, but it gets better. It gets easier to deal with. Eventually you’ll work for your favorite pizza place and, while it’s stressful, you’ll make cool friends and you’ll make money, and nobody will be able to tell you what you can and can’t buy. It’ll be awesome. You got this

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? - I guess I lean closer to the punk side. It’s kind of funny because I have the soft cute personality that you’d think would fit on a pastel type person and honestly that’s my aesthetic but style wise, I usually go for darker colors and stuff. My brother is the polar opposite. Punk personality and pastel style.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. - Yes. Body art is yes. I love it and I want it. If you have tattoos and/or piercings I am 75% more likely to get some kind of crush on you.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? - yes, because I like it and it’s pretty.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. - I dunno if this counts much, I had to think long and hard on this one, but Crossfire by Stephen makes me think a lot about current events and police brutality and the bombings in other countries and just a bunch of sad stuff that’s going on now which I know is the point but it makes me really think about the privilege I do have compared to those who face discrimination and oppression far more harshly than I ever will and I just heckin

heck

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. - “Prince didn’t die for this.”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. - I’ve only ever been to one and it was a local band so

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? - Idk man probably my dad. Not gonna go in depth but I’ll say this. I’d want a large sum of money included and a 5 page long apology letter.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? - nope nothing is organized and I dont have a workspace

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? - stay up til I physically cannot hold my eyes open anymore then fall asleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? - that I’m not Christian and that I have a um…. device. Of some sort.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? - Keep it red / make it redder, probably some kind of undercut or side shave

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? - 1. Alin2. Mikey3. Kaylee4. Dom5. Rose

I’d take these nerds with me as I travel the globe and try new experiences, shop cool unique things, and just live my dream life with. I’d go to the ends of the earth with these precious babies.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. - (1) Wealth. I want to pay off my mother’s college debt, buy her a nice place to stay as well as somewhere for myself, buy my brother anything his little heart desires, donate to fundraisers and charities, live my dream life, etc. (2) Clear skin. I’m pretty confident in my body shape and all, but I can’t stand my skin. Especially everywhere that isn’t my face. My shoulders have it the worst. (3) Someone willing to date me who doesn’t live thousands of miles away would be lovely. I mean I can do long distance but I just crave physical affection ya know? I dunno man I’m just lonely.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. - Well, last year I was a dead cowgirl. I used my day of the dead makeup and wore a flannel, jeans, boots, and a cowboy hat that I got from party city. Relatively simple, but it was still fun to see little kids’ reactions and everything at work.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? - this implies I’ve gotten drunk or high before (I’ve been kind of tipsy before but otherwise I’m fucking lame and I don’t do that stuff)

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? - kill somebody (there are a few exceptions but in general ya know?)

storms: you can only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? - both of these would drive me literally insane let’s not and say we did

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love. - I think I have. I don't know. To me it's realizing the things I'd be willing to do for that person. Just wanting to make them happy. Wanting to spoil them, see them smile, hear their stupid jokes even if they aren't funny, see all the ugly or silly faces they make, and just loving everything about them. Overcoming my biggest insecurities and discomforts for them. Realizing that there are certain things I can only see myself doing with them. When I read those couple posts I think of them, even though it's been over a year since we've been together. Hearing a certain song or artist is tainted by thoughts of them, when nothing would come to mind before I got to know them. Filling spots in my mind and heart that for years had been left vacant. Realizing that despite how much they've hurt me, I'd gladly take them back if they asked. Feeling like it was the right love at the wrong time, even though it probably wasn't the right love at all. Falling in love to me is having them lurking around every corner of my mind, the darkest shadows, the deepest trenches, even when I'm not thinking of them, they're always there. Even when I'm not thinking about them, I somehow am. I don't know if this is love or obsession, admittedly. Maybe I just need help lol

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? - I’d rock both and look sexy while doing it

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? - I don’t go to starbucks enough to really say

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? - my family and getting us out of the tough situation we’re in right now

#dxrk-sxxls #long post #answers #about me #dxrk sxxls