#frustrated weight

[tumbleupdeals]

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[ignitesthestxrs]

there's something about the way people talk about john gaius (incl the way the author writes him) that is like. so absent of any connection to te ao māori that it's really discomforting. like even in posts that acknowledge him as not being white, they still talk about him like a white, american leftist guy in a way that makes it clear people just AREN'T perceiving him as a māori man from aotearoa.

and it's just really serves to hammer home how powerful and pervasive whiteness and american hegemony is. because TLT is probably the single most Kiwi series in years to explode on the global stage, and all the things i find fraught about it as a pākehā woman reading a series by a pākehā author are illegible to a greater fandom of americans discoursing about whether or not memes are a valid way of portraying queer love.

idk the part of my brain that lights up every time i see a capital Z printed somewhere because of the New Zealand Mentioned??? instinct will always be proud of these books and muir. but i find myself caught in this midpoint of excitement and validation over my culture finding a place on the global stage, frustration at how kiwi humour and means of conveying emotion is misinterpreted or declared facile by an international audience, frustrated also by how that international audience runs the characters in this book through a filter of american whiteness before it bothers to interpret them, and ESPECIALLY frustrated by how muir has done a pretty middling job of portraying te ao māori and the māoriness of her characters, but tht conversation doesn't circulate in the same way* because a big part of the audience doesn't even realise the conversation is there to be had.

which is not to say that muir has done a huge glaring racism that non-kiwis haven't noticed or anything, but rather that there are very definitely things that she has done well, things that she has done poorly, things that she didn't think about in the first book that she has tacked on or expanded upon in the later books, that are all worthy of discussion and critique that can't happen when the popular posts that float past my dash are about how this indigenous man is 'guy who won't shut up about having gone to oxford'

*to be clear here, i'm not saying these conversations have never happened, just that in terms of like, ambient posts that float round my very dykey dash, the discussions and meta that circulate on this the lesbian social media, are overwhelmingly stripped of any connection to aotearoa in general, let alone te ao māori in specific. and because of the nature of american internet hegemony this just,,,isn't noticed, because how does a fish know it's in the ocean u know? i have seen discussions along these lines come up, and it's there if i specifically go looking for it, but it's not present in the bulk of tlt content that has its own circulatory life and i jut find that grim and a part of why the fandom is difficult to engage with.

#tlt #the locked tomb #i don't really have an answer lmao this is more #an expression of frustration and discomfort #over the way posts about john gaius seem to have very little connection to the background muir actually gave him #like you cant describe him as an educated leftist bisexual man #without INCLUDING that he is māori #that has an impact! that has weight and importance! #that is a background to every decision he makes #from the meat wall to the nuke to his relationship with the earth #and it also has weight and importance in the decisions that muir makes in writing him #it is not a neutral decision that he's known as john gaius lmao #it's not a neutral decision that the empire is explicitly of roman/latin extraction #it's not even neutral that this is a book about necromancy #it's certainly not a neutral fucking decision that john was at one point a māori man living in the bush #when the nz govt decided to send cops in #like that is a thing that happens here! that is a reference to nz cultural and political events that informs john's character and actions #and with the nature of who john is in the story #informs the narrative as a whole #and i think the tiresome part of this experience is that #in general #americans are not well positioned to understand that something might be being written from outside their experience as a default #like obviously many many americans in online leftist & queer spaces are willing to learn and take on new information #but so much of the conversation starts from a place of having to explain that forests exist to fish

[mmmairon]

Hi mairon! I love the self insert comfort you did it was so cute! Would you be able to make some more? Possibly diluc taking care of someone like the girl you did in the last one — maybe putting them to bed because I’m suffering w my insomnia right now 😅 if you can’t dw!

oh, to be tucked snugly into bed by Diluc Ragnvindr

#insomnia is the worst i’m so sorry anon #and it’s like the most frustrating thing in the world #there is a part in my menstrual cycle where i just cannot sleep 🗿 i feel actually insane whenever it comes around #i hope you are sleeping better now! please take care 🥺❤️ #i’m such a sucker for hurt comfort man #diluc is walking around the bed and getting snuggled into his side after this #before my dad passed away he would tuck me in bed every night #yes even when i was 17 #he would grab my blankets just like diluc is and use his weight to push me into my comforter lol #and then ask if i’m snug as a bug yet hdhhf #hurt/comfort #diluc x reader #diluc x yn #diluc #my art #asks #genshin impact #anon #tagging this as awealuc #because it is #atp #awealuc #genshin #diluc ragnvindr #diluc fanart

[the-acid-pear-art]

JACK DOODLE COMPILATION I really like him. I think I can finally say I figured out how to draw this guy. One less to go 💪

#my art #artists on tumblr #doodles #dsaf #dayshift at Freddy's #jack kennedy #dsaf jack #jacktrap #the sopping wet is my favorite of this bunch btw i really adore how i got that expression #like its more. frustrated. like not outright sad. like trying to tough it up. <- white knuckling at the sink #also body headcanon yaaaa i think he'd be a little fat as a treat #a little fat a little built. keeping those hips tho. just some guy #probably im of the belief he lost weight as he rot away we'll see #anyway love this guy i get why dave was so obsessed that's all lm saying im a normal normal man tho very normal and ok and normal and

[ominouspuff]

GUT. PUNCHER. PLEASE. Ö

(also I see the Plo Coon WIP and I’m in the microwave)

In an instant CC-2224 sees the blue on the other clone and recognizes his enemy — knows it is CT-7567 and knows the name he took and the color of his hair.

All that is in him that is screaming — was (always?) screaming — quietens. His finger does not depress upon the trigger. His hand does not twitch towards the backup blaster on his hip.

An instant, a moment, a breath, and a single thought—

I’m no soldier.

CT-7567’s finger is as quick as he knew it would be. Between one moment and the next, Cody is free.

———

Re: Plo Coon — huehue, yess get microwaved (affectionate) (I’m very excited to show you)

#fan art #artists on tumblr #star wars: the clone wars #commander cody #captain rex #The opposite of a fix-it AU #wip tag game #OmPu Ask Hours #*slaps scene* This baby can fit so much melodrama into it #But also I do every now and then like to consider taking canon seriously in the rare points where it can bear the weight #And frankly if Cody does somehow throw off the effects of the chip IN CANON I will be frustrated because it will feel like retcon fanservic #CW: Major Character Death (implied) #CW: Guns #CW: Death #CW: Unhappy Ending (ish) #wip art

[eric-the-bmo]

Actually: it frustrates me how with characters that have high intelligence or charisma, the player of said character is expected to also be able to be clever or charismatic or what-have-you in the moment. I wish I could elaborate my thoughts on this but alas, I cannot.

#eric finally speaks #ttrpg #dnd #vtm #as someone whos anxious and isnt very smart it frustrates me bc i want to play cool characters like that #i get other people want actual lines to roleplay with as opposed to dice rolling for it but. yknow #you dont see a strength based character's player doing stuff with weights and all for their stuff #whatever sorry im just having a bad day ig so im here with this

[mrgaretcarter]

#the crown #thecrownedit #perioddramaedit #claire foy #imelda staunton #my stuff #cant believe ive made my first gifset in ages #also cant believe i managed to extract any creative will from this flat season of the crown like omg what happened #thought this parallel was interesting though #on the left she is empathizing with how frustrating it can be to be a mere figurehead #admitting she herself had shafed under the weight of that inertia #then on the left she maintains her beliefs but is frustrated that charles is taking so much longer to understand #something shes practiced instinctively despite any urges to take action #she really cannot stand how selfish he is for not being able to set aside his Self for the Crown

[thebaldergatescandal]

I cant find the post which goes into how Astarion wouldnt want the player character to be their one source of blood because

1. Thats immediately entering a relationship of dependence again and he wants to be independent

2. Thats not enough blood

Let me add counterpoint 3: vampire astarion being joined by a player character to hunt animals large enough for a proper meal (and bring back drained and butchered for the others) is such a good mental image that I immediately want 10 fanarts

You may say, astarion can hunt big animals just fine on his own but I say cmon medieval boar hunting was a whole thing it was a sport it was a group activity because the animal was so dangerous in its death throes

Cant you just picture Wyll on a horse with a boar-spear like its a game of polo and Astarion running on the ground like his hunting dog?????

Halsin taking wolf form for a spin to hunt in a pack of two and when someone passes by they ignore the tableau of animals feeding until it dawns on them that one of those red muzzled creatures with their face in an elk was a humanoid not a beast???

There are some good ass images right here.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #like watching birds out the window with your cat #you gotta join your vampire in his interests #also i am from a Hunting Area im so frustrated with the way games and genre fiction never depict field dressing #(ie you do the first steps of butchery right where the animal is killed so you dont have to carry useless weight home) #also consider an astarion romance partner getting a close up view of the difference between tasting your humanoid blood with restraint #and going ape shit tearing throats out #much to think about

[of-mutts-and-men]

Current workout motivation is to bulk up so I can be a big chew toy for doms.

#trying to even out my muscles is the biggest pain in the ass #try to make my biceps even and now my forearms are uneven #try to fix that but with my fucked up shoulder I can’t flex the same muscles on both sides #and my hips must be unaligned or something because I cannot evenly distribute the weight on both sides #i only feel the burn on one side no matter how I move #rahhhhhhhh #most frustrating thing ever #its literally made me so mad that Ive just punched my arms over n over to try and get them to stop flexing 😭 #does not work #feels kinda good tho ngl

[tumbleupdeals]

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[suddencolds]

~

#delete later #another journal entry 📝 for the void #i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵‍💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough #i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine) #last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep 😭 #ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :( #anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks #i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better #results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but #it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as #blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply #respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and #weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said... #*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated. #and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality?? #anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T

[dirtytransmasc]

Alicent after her husband damns her children, the ones he forced onto her, the ones she carried and birthed and loved and spent her whole life protecting. after he leaves her, dying a pathetic death, leaving her and her children alone in the world, even more than he had before. after her children are robbed from her, meeting fates promised to them at birth, ones she tried so hard to change. after being left to roam an empty keep, the sounds of her children's antics now long gone. after hearing her own cries echo in the septs, but never reaching the gods, rattling the walls of her chambers, yet falling on deaf ears. Alicent after she decides she will be king, in her eldest's stead, she will weild her own sword in place of her most trusted friend and closest son, she will fill the world with her words like her daughter had, she will take revenge as she sees fit as her youngest had:

#she is just so King #I want scene (that we will never get in any universe) of Alicent mad. almost feral with grief. roaming the Keep in a ghostlike haze. her- #tattered. hair down and frazzled. eyes wet but cold and unseeing. her skinned mottled red by her tears. dragging around her dead son's- #bloodied sword. his crown hanging from her head. weighing it down. almost crushing her under its weight. her cries sounding like a- #wounded animal or a spirit from old tales passed around by children and the superstitious. #in this scenario she would be the only survivor of either side #no one dares to remove her. she wields her blade with her agony. of which she has plenty. its not worth the blood spill. #she's too deep in her grief to notice that life has moved on without her #she will continue on her haunting without threat if left to herself #so even once someone's claimed the throne. she still feels herself a mere stand in for her son. like she had been her husband. she was king #everything else had been stripped of her. but she was still this. #| #on another note #finding paintings of ladies with a sword that fit alicents vibe was actually impossible #very frustrating #hotd #house of the dragon #alicent hightower #pro team green #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen #helaena targaryen #aemond targaryen #daeron targaryen #criston cole

[lucy-moderatz]

You've been given the chance to tell him again. Take it. Tell him you love him, by showing him, by helping us finish his unfinished business. Lauren, how will you ever be able to rest if he never can?

#tv: the x files #txfedit #fox mulder #dana scully #mulder and scully #xfilesnet #in the first movie when mulder says that scully kept him honest #it's about stuff like this #about reminding him what's important #about refocusing his priorities #the thing is that even if it's frustrating he always listened to her #her opinion and her thought always carried enormous weight for him #we have a lot to go through coming up #but i think it's important to remember #it was like that from the absolute very beginning #otp: mulder and scully #things i made

[girldewar]

is this one too controversial or

#like i just. players who have worn pride tape in the past now choosing not to #once it becomes clear that that is an ‘acceptable’ option #it is truly nhl seems like it takes one step forward -> the rot underneath is exposed -> heat of the moment plays #bees speaks #and the fact that they’ve turned this cosmetic bandaid of a show of solidarity into something that actually holds weight #is SO frustrating #we’ve gone from #okay pride tape obviously. but what else are you doing #all the way back to but are you wearing pride tape

[mediapen]

for anon: carlos, with his life split into two halves. how life feels cut when a major event occurs — before and after — maybe before and after silverstone ‘22?

[x] // richard siken, ‘straw house, straw dog’ // richard siken, ‘unfinished duet’ // [x] // jenefer shute, life-size // [x] // liz bowen, sugarblood // ethel cain, ‘strangers’ // warsan shire, ‘to swim with god' // the smiths, ‘paint a vulgar picture’ // richard siken, ‘saying your names’ // [x] // [x] // [x] // rainer maria rilke in a letter to lou andreas-salomé // phoebe bridgers, ‘garden song’ // [x] // [x] // r/Games // bhanu kapil, the vertical interrogation of strangers // [x] // [x] // [x] // [x] // cota, 2022 // [x] // clementine von radics, 'the fear.’

#carlos sainz jr #web weaving #cs55 #cs #m #i hope... this fills the prompt. #wanted to explore like. fulfilling the highest-stakes dream imaginable which you've worked towards for literally your whole life. ofc theres #a bigger dream still unachieved (wdc) but how do you handle it when the weight of your most realistic achievable dream is lifted #do you try to let it carry you? do you let yourself live in it for a little while? what if there's nowhere to go from here? #... what if you never get to feel like this again? #and THEN you immediately have the. like. most horrendous dnf a string of shit races ANOTHER horrendous dnf a FRUSTRATING dnf... #like how much do you want it now. what even is *it* any more. do you know. do you let yourself ask. #carlos is fascinating to me in ways i cannot will not speak on but i think like. he has an Awareness that he is willing to speak on that #nobody else is. and *i* wont speak on it because its real life but. anyway. #z #sorry for using the titsphoto in my defence. the concept of motorboating exists and we're clear on my feelings on it

[lixenn]

KHR timeline

I'm steadily working on my spreadsheet and I have now figured out the ages of the Executives! Hurray!

That's great and all, fantastic even, but now I'm trying to fit in the events. And people, my dudes, my beloved friends who are stuck in khr hell with me...

The KHR timeline is a shitshow.

It's a disgrace to timelines everywhere, in fact it should thank me that I will put it out of it's misery. Thanks to my lovely crew in the discord (aka @moonlit-mystery-writer @unwrathful and @soul-matter) I have a better grasp on the happenings of canon but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still struggling to fit said events into my AU in a way that makes sense to me.

In times like this I would have loved a better visual presentation of my data but alas Excel will need to do for now.

I will see you on the other side folks. Pray for my survival, for I am fighting a war against canon (that I'm planning to win).

#khr #katekyo hitman reborn #khr timeline #just rambling #am I using the frustration of timeline building to distract me from the crushing weight of grief? #possibly