#for his mental setup! like he had something going on i can't really name?

[i-mybrunettelady]

been thinking a lot about pre-commander nyra and her first bf erryk and their romance at 17, so charming together, charismatic, the it couple of the season

for reference, here’s a quick picrew of the man

for some additional info: he’s also krytan-ascalonian, he’s a mesmer, a professor, happily married to the man of his dreams, but also one of the people she keeps a semi-regular correspondance with. they’re friends even years after their amicable breakup.

putting this here as a self-indulgent reference point to an obscure part of her life lmao

#gw2 #nero's random thoughts #alysannyra #he's an old oc i revamped! #in many ways erryk was the spiritual father of a lot of my male ocs #he's the first time i dared to venture into writing male characters #he might not have become so iconic in his rp run but he is iconic to me #for his mental setup! like he had something going on i can't really name? #but he was anxious all the time and obsessed with his physical appearance bc of said anxiety #as it was one (1) thing he could control #i recall writing him as perfuming his hair for example and that the more stressed he got the more immaculate his appearance was #lord what i could do with that character setup today #i love him lots so i put him in nyra's verse :) <3

[legobiwan]

If it's alright to ask, would you mind going into a lil more detail about Mario and Luigi's school days? Every single time Mario has a stray thought or memory about it during Expiate I'm just over here with the eyes emoji

Absolutely love seeing people's different interpretations of the bros' past and how it affected them later on in life

You may absolutely ask, this is actually a topic I am thrilled to have the opportunity to talk about :)

Buckle in, this one is going to take a while. :)

I originally conceived of Mario and Luigi's backstory before the movie came out, so it's not going to align. I think what the movie does is great and fun (although they really didn't explore Luigi's relationship with his family all that much, aside from Uncle Tony, may he stop infringing on my boy's space, please - which I thought was interesting), but that's really as far as it goes for me in terms of my writing.

My Mario and Luigi grew up decidedly in Bensonhurst in the 80s and 90s. They lived with their mother and father (and for a time, a grandmother who passed away when they were young) in a rundown apartment, their father a plumber (obviously) and their mother and off-again/on-again teacher and administrative assistant who, unfortunately, had a bevy of intensifying mental health issues and was eventually institutionalized upon their father's death when they were in their very late teens. (This becomes important later).

K-8, the brothers attended a Catholic school named St. Ephram's (which does exist in Dyker Heights - a short commute from Bensonhurst - and what I'm basing their early school days off of. Beyond the name and place, everything else having to do with the school is wholly made up). While the boys' father didn't really care for the whole setup, there were some other, more traditional members of the family that were insistent on it (mostly their mother's mother) and supplied the part of the tuition that wasn't covered by scholarships. (Inflation was also far less crushing back then. Oof).

Mario was actually a bit of a shy kid at first, minding all his ps and qs, never getting into trouble. Luigi was more of the live wire, a bit of a blabbermouth as a kid, but also gawky and just different than his peers, and that gap only continued to widen as the boys hit the Sturm-und-Drang which is puberty.

At this point, Mario starts to bulk up and fill out his stout frame whereas Luigi continues to be a little more willowy and uninterested in sports and the like. This doesn't go over well with a lot of the other boys in school, on top of which, Luigi's anxiety starts to manifest as irrational anger because he's thirteen, hormonal, and a dumbass that has no emotional regulation to speak of. He also hates the school, super-hates religion class and that old bat Sister Catherine (and that's a whole thing in their family, when Luigi starts to refuse to go to Mass), hates the popular bully Sal Imbargiana with a burning passion, and his mouth tends to write checks his ass cannot cash, leaving Mario in the position of bodyguard more often than he wants to be, which is definitely a bone of contention between the boys as Mario is also thirteen and a hormonal dumbass and wants to look cool for his friends and his nerdy, robot-loving little brother is anything but (again, this is way before nerd culture became a thing. All this being said, Mario will pound anyone who hurts Luigi into the ground).

This is exacerbated by their home life - their mother's worsening condition, their father being out at all hours of the day and night pulling in jobs and working for some not-always reputable characters (it's Bensonhurst in the 80s/90s. Enough said). On top of this, their father is well-meaning and he loves his boys, but he's a little old-school and he and Luigi are at constant loggerheads about something all the time as they just can't get on the same wavelength.

So around this point, in eighth grade, the incident occurs in Religion class (the exact nature of which I will actually get to at the end of Expiate, so stay tuned for that one) and Mario is fed up with his brother's intensifying antics and aghast at what he did (it's nothing terrible, by the way, objectively speaking. But it also would not have gone down well in that time and place - like, at all). And being dumbass thirteen year olds, they decide to settle this by engaging in fisticuffs in the school hallway, because that's a great idea, boys. Really using the one braincell there. Sigh.

It's at this point the grandmother who was pushing all of this dies, the scholarships dry up due to a school grant issue and the boys end up in different schools for high school. Mario ends up in a public school (FDR) where he actually flourishes socially and athletically (maybe not so much on the academics, even though he's capable, but he was planning all along to take up his father's business). Luigi busts his ass after the whole debacle in religion class, getting accepted into Brooklyn Tech because he wants badly to be an engineer, to do robotics and get a degree in engineering. (He's even willing to go all the way upstate to Albany, or, he can't believe he's saying this - Jersey - for college, if that's what it takes).

And like Mario, Luigi also flourishes, finally, at Brooklyn Tech, meeting peers with similar interests and finally being in a place where being a bookish nerd isn't a social death sentence. But this is also where the anger turns back into anxiety and starts to hit for real as he's finally in a position to lose something he wants so badly and he's no longer pissed at the world. (And unfortunately, that's exactly what happens. Their Dad dies suddenly of a heart attack in the middle of the boys' senior year - Mario's 18, Luigi's 17 - and their mom ends up out of the picture. The boys get screwed out of the family business by one of their father's partners and Mario has to scramble to take on as many plumbing jobs as he can and Luigi has to help, if only to keep them financially afloat. Luigi scrapes by the remainder of his senior year, and it's not even a question if he'll follow Mario. Of course he does. And with all the chaos, his anxiety worsens and Mario's protective streak intensifies as Luigi isn't a plumber, this wasn't what he wanted to do and he's a good enough engineer to get the basics down, but now he's stuck. This isn't ideal for either of them, but they make it work, downsizing to a crappy studio in Bensonhurst until one day, a few years later, they find this warp pipe and the rest, as they say, is history).

There are a lot of other factors I haven't touched on that get alluded to in many of my stories: the boys' relationship with their cultural Catholicism (important to both of them for various reasons); with their whole Italian-American heritage; the general tenor and mores of these neighborhoods and life in general in the 80s and 90s. I kind of get into it a little here if you are interested. I've had another short story cooking for a while that gets into the origin of their hats and explores younger versions of the boys that touch on some of these elements. Probably should finish that one of these days.

Anyway, YMMV, but that's kind of where I place the boys at growing up. Luigi, hot-headed but asocial and nerdy in a time and place where that was not really accepted. Mario, shy and solid, finally coming into his own and wanting to be cool. And a very complicated home life with well-meaning, but deeply flawed parents.

And to touch on movie Luigi for a moment - if I had to make one criticism of Luigi's character (aside from the lack of screentime), it's that I think he may have been portrayed as a little too passive and too dependent at times. I get that the brothers seem a little younger in this version, but even the cartoon Luigi of my youth wasn't so deferential to his brother. Again, I adored the movie and loved seeing Luigi's big moment (and he does show signs of that quirky sassiness we know and love in Mr. L), but I will say that it skirted the line of excessive, at times. I think a prison break scene, which I think at this point we can all agree was in an early draft, would have fixed that issue easily.

#hello there #ask legobiwan #luigi #mario #my very involved headcanons for these two

[labyrinthoftartarus]

Omori- The Trauma Experience.

Please play audio and video at the given stanzas for the entire experience. Each video and audio contributes heavily to the content. If viewed without them, the content can be confusing/unreadable. You must view the videos of the photo albums. TW- Discussions about mental health, depression, suicide, and death.

Please play music in the given stanzas for a better experience.

Close, your eyes, you'll be here soon.

onetwothreefourfiveminuites sometimes I really want to sleep but I can't do it.

Close your eyes. Everything is going to be okay.

How do you overcome trauma when you are constantly reminded of the experience?

Over

And over again?

How do you overcome the trauma of a situation caused by you when the mere thought of it

Absolutely breaks you?

It is simple. You forget.

You forget it ever happened. You sink into everlasting grief with no recollection of what had transpired. You are at peace. You do not fear the consequences of being reminded of what you have done.

But really, is forgetting...worth it?

Or should I remember my trauma to overcome it?

Omori is a game about remembering when you are trying to forget.

It forces you to accept your trauma and not hide from it. You don't expect anyone to forgive you for your mistakes because the greatest thing you have done is forgive yourself.

Omori aptly captures the psychological effect of trauma and depicts mental illness perfectly. In the gameplay, Omori incorporates visuals, audio, and other elements to make it seem like it was happening to us. Every mental stab at Omori feels like it is directed toward us. Omori perfectly captures how mental illness is experienced through its immersive gameplay, creating an outstanding masterpiece.

In Omori, just like in the real world, you navigate through the real world and your mind to uncover bits and bits of your trauma while going through intense repercussions. You persist along with Omori and overcome your trauma.

You overcome something.

The gameplay works in both the mind and real life of a boy named Sunny, the protagonist in the game.

The truth about his trauma is hidden by Omori, his alter ego. Omori tries to "protect" Sunny from his trauma by never allowing him to think beyond his comfort zone.

Omori is a figment of Sunny's brain, represented by a 12-year-old version of Sunny- when Sunny encountered his trauma. Omori travels in the various parts of Sunny's mind-

The Whitespace is a safe space made by Omori to escape when something triggers Sunny's trauma.

The Headspace- A place in Sunny's imagination wherein he finds the old version of his friends.

███ Space, █████ Space 1 and 2, where █████ ██ ████████ ███ ████ █████ █████ ████████ ███ ██████ █████ █████ █████ ██ ████ ███ ████ ████████ █████ ██ ████ ██████

And, without further ado, let us begin our journey.

Welcome to White Space.

You have been living here for as long as you can remember.

Omori starts off by introducing a pixelated, intriguing figure named Omori. Omori is a young boy confined to a dull, ominous room called the White Space. This room seems like a void, except with this seemingly mundane yet disturbing setup of basic necessities- a laptop with all your entries, a sketchbook containing a few of Omori's artworks, a box of tissues to wipe away all your tears, a black lightbulb, Mewo the cat and a locked door.

The White Space is an unsettling room you are first introduced to in this game. It is an empty space wherein you simply exist. That's it. You stay alive in the white room- not live life.

An emptiness, a home without warmth. A place to survive but not to live.

To leave this infinite space of nothing but white matter, you search around and get a shiny knife. Interesting. It could be a weapon! You happily exit the locked door, which seems to have unlocked once the blade miraculously finds its way into your hands.

White Space isn't reality. It is a corner in the protagonist's mind that is restricted from other parts of his brain and reality. It is a hiding place where he is protected from his troubling past. Nothing can get him here.

White space, Omori.

As soon as you leave Whitespace, you arrive at this new fabulous world decked with neon colors and vibrant hues.

Aerial map of Headspace.

Unlike bland and boring whitespace, Headspace is happy, cheery, silly, and fun. Omori meets up with all of his friends here in Headspace. We meet Mari, Omori's older sister. She's kind, thoughtful, charming, and sweet. We meet Hero, the 'brother' figure- a good-natured, patient guy who happens to be Mari's boyfriend. We meet Kel, Hero's younger brother, a silly little goofball who is fun and energetic. We meet Aubery, a feisty, adorable little girl(Omori seems to have a soft corner for her- I wonder!). Finally, we meet Basil, a shy, sweet and sensitive guy who adores nature.

Omori and his friends. Top(from left to right)- Mari, Hero. Bottom- Kel, Basil, Omori, Aubery.

In Headspace, Sunny's dream world, everything is perfect. You and your friends go on adventures and defeat monsters with your teamwork. In a world with your multi-hued friends, even Omori, the depressing black-and-white personification of a younger Sunny, appears happy.

Basil's photo album, headspace.

Or so, you thought.

Sunny in the real world, haunted by something.

Welcome to reality.

Mari is dead. Hero, just like Sunny, is depressed and hasn't left his home in ages. Kel tries his best to be optimistic and persuades Sunny out of his house for the first time in four years. Aubery isn't the sweet kid anymore but a bully with new friends. Basil is still shy yet depressed.

Basil's photo album in the real world, before Mari's death.

Everything changed ever since Mari committed suicide. Everything has broken apart. Sunny truly cared about his sister, Mari, who was gone forever.

The sun shone brighter when she was here.

Sunny lost everything from the moment Mari committed suicide. He also started to get haunted...by something.

Throughout the game, Sunny(and Omori) stumble across various absurd entities labeled by something each representing one of Sunny's fears(stairs, drowning, spiders, etc.). Sunny uses tactics such as breathing, calming down and persisting, to get through his fears.

3 DAYS LEFT.

In headspace, Kel and Aubery get into a fight and accidentally knock out Basil's photo album, comprising the photos Basil took of their friends. As they group the photographs together, Basil suddenly panics, and upon taking one photo, his eyes fill with intense fear. A black shadow forms behind Basil as he screams out and disappears into the void.

Mari!

Omori and his friends search for Basil, occasionally battling villains and exploring headspace. However, as time goes on, Omori's friends slowly forget Basil.

No bandage can stifle an eternal wound... And there will be a time when its influence will bleed through.

Omori hides the truth, the truth behind this fabricated world of Headspace, and the truth behind his past. However, no bandage can stifle an eternal wound, and there will be one day when all will fall apart.

What happened to Sunny?

What happened to his friends?

Why is Omori living in a fabricated lie in Sunny's mind?

What happened? What is the truth?

███████ to Black Space.

The whole of headspace is a representation of Sunny's mind.

The Headspace forms Sunny's imagination, dreams, and wishes, built specially by Omori to hide his trauma. It includes the conscious part of Sunny's mind.

The Whitespace forms the part of Sunny's mind where he can isolate himself from any potentially disturbing thoughts.

As Omori ventures into headspace, we often stumble upon more intriguing, morbid segments of Sunny's mind. We see strange creatures, strange entities, trying, trying to tell us the truth.

We reach Blackspace, the subconscious of Sunny's mind. This is where the truth about Sunny's past lies.

However, blackspace is neither friendly nor easily navigable. It is an intangible, absurd world with zero coherencies whatsoever. It simply does not make any sense. It is a bizarre reality, composed of fragments of the truth.

Black Space.

The doors in Blackspace are non-linear and have a warped existence, interconnecting and often "seeping" into Headspace. Each room holds a personification of Omori(Sunny)'s deepest, darkest fears.

Strange, bizarre creatures are found in Blackspace.

Above are just a few examples of Blackspace rooms.

In Blackspace, we can see cryptic forms of Mari(popularly known as Hellmari), disembodied versions of Omori's friends, harmful signs and symbols, and yet, the most disturbing thing would be Omori constantly brutally stabbing a shadow Basil when he attempts to tell the truth.

But...what is the meaning of all this?

Sunny's Trauma.

As we move further into the game, we realize how there is something, something dark and horrifying trying to tell us the truth. However, no matter how close we get, we are teleported back to White Space, the supposed safe spot, wherein nothing can potentially harm us.

PTSD

Omori is Sunny's guardian from the truth regarding his trauma. It is, without question, that Sunny suffers from PTSD. Omori experiences several flashbacks throughout the game.

In most cases, people with trauma experience its repercussions not by a fully-fledged memory but by flashes or fragments of the memory. It can appear in form of reminders of the event, noises, short memories, etc.

Memories, dreams, and flashbacks – You might have distressing memories, dreams, or nightmares about the event. You might also experience the event as if it is happening again (this is known as a flashback). Sunny often has flashbacks and flashes of the event. Feeling upset when reminded of the event – You might feel particularly upset when you are near where the event happened or in an environment that reminds you of the event. Sunny has major emotional outbursts(he attacks Basil in real life) when reminded of his trauma. Avoiding feelings and situations – You might avoid memories, thoughts, feelings, things, people, and places associated with the event. Sunny avoids thoughts or events that remind him of his trauma by forgetting his memories deliberately and living out a fantasy. Loss of memory – You might be unable to remember parts of the event. Sunny has an evident loss of memory(dissociative amnesia). Difficult feelings – These can include: feeling negative about yourself, others, or the world blaming yourself or others for what happened negative emotions like fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame being unable to feel happiness, satisfaction, or love toward others Self-explanatory. Changes in the way you act – These can include: not doing or being interested in things you used to enjoy feeling detached from other people acting in ways that are reckless or self-destructive being angry and aggressive towards people or things being hypervigilant, or ‘on guard’ This includes not spending time with friends, acting destructive(trying to hurt Basil), and not playing the violin he used to play.

Depression

Sunny undeniably suffers from Depression, as shown by his refusal to leave his house and the violently horrifying thoughts(especially in blackspace) we witness during our journey with Omori.

Anxiety

Sunny also suffers from severe anxiety, as depicted by encountering spiders, staircases, and water bodies in the gameplay. Sunny sort of seizes up, and we have to...

Persist, breathe, and overcome.

Dissociative Amnesia

Sunny seems to be suffering from Dissociative Amnesia, a condition wherein you forget certain parts of a traumatic event. Omori shields Sunny from the truth about his trauma, making him completely unaware of it.

Dissociative amnesia is a condition in which you can't remember important information about your life. This forgetting may be limited to certain specific areas (thematic) or may include much of your life history and/or identity (general).

Dissociative Identity Disorder(DID)

Sunny might also be suffering from DID, which is apparent in the "split personality" Sunny seems to have- one of the real-life 16-year-old Sunny and the other of a 12-year-old avatar of Omori.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition. Someone with DID has multiple, distinct personalities. The various identities control a person's behavior at different times. The condition can cause memory loss, delusions, or depression. DID is usually caused by past trauma.

Omori enters a Red room filled with arm-shaped thrones, where he sits, ruling over Sunny's consciousness. This is when the truth about Omori slowly dawns on us...

Omori is Sunny's guardian, the mastermind behind this whole world. He attempts to protect Sunny from the repressed truth about his trauma, mercilessly killing those who wish to tell the truth to Sunny, like Basil, for instance. Omori is not a friend but the final boss, and if Sunny succeeds in defeating Omori, he can finally realize...

The truth.

Headspace was built over Blackspace by Omori to seal up its influences. Sunny, who dwelled in Blackspace for a while following his traumatic event, chose to "forget" himself and create a new version of himself who'd protect him-Omori.

The onset of war within oneself.

The final battle between Omori and Sunny heavily symbolizes something we all struggle with- a conflict within oneself.

When Sunny demands the truth, Omori refuses, as the truth could hurt Sunny. However, only with the truth can Sunny move forward, forward from his 12-year-old self and his friends from four years ago.

The fight between Sunny and Omori represents two sides of the same coin- a part of Sunny wants to know the truth, while a part of him wants to escape from it. Part of Sunny desires to grow, while the other part wants to stay 12 forever in his fantasy world.

To recover from trauma, the best way is to remember and learn how to live with it.

Acceptance – Learning to accept that though you can’t change what has happened, you can think differently about the event, the world, and your life. Remembering the event – Remembering what happened without being overwhelmed by fear and distress. You will be able to think about what happened when you want to, rather than through intrusive thoughts or flashbacks. Putting your experiences into words – Talking about what happened so that your mind can store the memories away, and move on to other things. Feeling safer – Helping you to feel more in control of your feelings. This can help you to feel safer, so you won’t need to avoid the memories as much.

Sunny uses his innocent and younger self to feel secure. His 12-year-old self, hurt excessively by his trauma, is now embodied as his protector, who still dwells in his childhood world.

Using his tactics, Sunny defeats Omori in the end by persisting, focusing and breathing- finally overcoming his phobia and trauma. He smashes the black lightbulb in Whitespace and there, he realizes.

The truth.

Ever since Mari started playing the piano, Sunny felt lonely and separated from his older sister. He decided to learn the violin gifted to him by his friends in order to spend more time with Mari.

Soon enough, it became tiresome. Sunny felt like a burden on Mari with the constant mistakes he made. His violin practice made him spend less time with his friends, which made him feel miserable.

Mari and Sunny were about to perform a duet together when they got into an argument at the top of the stairs. Sunny threw the violin in rage, breaking it into pieces. When Mari argued, Sunny pushed her off the stairs.

Mari broke her neck and lay at the bottom of the stairs in a huddle, dead. Sunny, in a panic, dragged Mari to his room. Basil, who arrived at the right time, on witnessing this situation, decided to help Sunny frame it as a suicide and help Sunny out, who was racked with guilt and fear.

They hanged her limp body on a tree. Sunny looked back and saw dead Mari's eye, staring into him. It quickly transfigured into the something he always feared.

Do you want to continue? Yes.

Sunny performs his last duet with Mari. The piece starts off with a beautiful piano serenade and ends with a weeping, shivering, imperfect melody of a violin, indicating the sheer perfection Mari had, while Sunny lacked.

The final duet(Enable Audio).

Sunny forgives himself.

In the ending hospital scene, a very bruised Sunny and Basil meet each other, ready to admit the truth. How does it matter, truly, if others forgive him and Basil when they both forgive themselves?

In the end, Sunny and Basil accepted their fate and decided to forgive themselves and each other. They overcame and moved on.

Sometimes you do a bad thing, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Forgive yourself.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed it, make sure to watch this video. I have taken most of my inspiration for this project from here.

#Youtube #omori #indie #horror #horrorgame #psychologicalhorror #did #ptsd

[honeyymistt]

I know this may be a lot, but I need an outside perspective. I have a friend who I was really close with, I trusted him more than anyone else, and we talked about everything. He knew more about me than anyone. We were best friends for a year and eventually we started an open fwb relationship. Things were great for a while, but then he got upset with me for hanging out with other guys, even though that was within the bounds we had laid out and discussed pretty extensively because we had a really good setup for open communication. He brought it up once near the end of last semester but told me not to stop seeing other people because he didn't want to say he wanted to be exclusive and then change his mind on me and have caused me to cut other guys off. I listened to him but cooled it on talking to other guys because I didn't want to hurt him. We went home for the summer (but he lives in the town where our university is so really he stayed there) and we talked every day like we have since we became friends and we facetimed every night just like we had over winter break (before the fwb situation). I wasn't really talking to other guys until I went on a date with a guy I met on tinder and felt too scared to say no to when he asked me to hang out with him so I got coffee with the guy. Apparently, me talking to other guys bothered him more than he had told me, and instead of talking to me about it, he went and started exclusively dating a girl he had known for a week. He waited a week and a half after they decided this to tell me and, when he did, he admitted that part of him did it to hurt me. I don't want to lose him because I've never trusted someone as much as I used to trust him, but it hurts to know that any part of him was willing to hurt me to any degree especially for someone he barely knows and admits that he's not even sure he really wants to date. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him the same way again. We go to a small university so I won't be able to avoid him, but still being friends is proving difficult. I have a process for forgiveness, and I'm usually pretty good at moving on, but I've never had to do those things with the expectation that I will still be close with the person after. I don't forgive him yet, but I am trying to work on it because I know we can't be friends still if I don't. I've seen him once since he told me because he only told me two days before he was scheduled to fly out to visit me and at that point, I couldn't ask him to cancel his flights. In the two days before he arrived I was so anxious I barely ate and I was so angry I thought about just trying to make him miserable the whole time he was visiting. We ended up talking about it because he kept pushing me because he knew I was upset and he didn't want to be miserable the whole time he was visiting. Things were a bit better after that. It was really weird to be around him and we don't know how to interact because both of us are normally super affectionate with our friends, but we're afraid of crossing lines since we used to be fwb and other people (namely the girl he's dating) might read into it. We just don't know where the lines are/should be in a situation like this. We've had a few conversations about everything so I know that he really regrets what he did and that this situation is painful and difficult and confusing for him too, but that is only making it harder for me to figure this all out. It hurts to be around him because I miss how comfortable and safe it used to feel and how much I trusted him. We talk less now since he's back home and I have the paranoia of 'maybe he actually hates me' that I used to never have with him but have always had with other friends. I just don't know if it's worth the emotional labor it requires if I'm just working towards a worse relationship than we had before. I don't want to talk to my other friends about the details of this because, like I said, it's a small school so stuff gets around. I also don't want them to treat him differently because I know that would hurt him. Any advice on

how to navigate all this? Am I doing the right thing in staying friends with him?

oh gosh, i just want to give you a big hug :( this sounds really challenging mentally and i'm so sorry that you don't feel comfortable with talking about this with your uni friends. you can always come to me <3

to actually give my perspective on this, i've never been in a fwb situation so i'm not sure how helpful my advice will be but i'll try my best! i'm not gonna lie, there are a lot of things in here that popped out to me as major red flags: him not wanting you to talk to other guys even though that was allowed, you feeling like you needed to cut off other guys, him not being able to communicate his hurt/anger/betrayal (?), etc., him dating a girl (partially to hurt you) and then not telling you. all of these are things that display his immaturity in your fwb situation. he messed up pretty bad and there's no denying that. you are totally valid in your feelings of confusion about whether or not you want to continue your friendship with him because he hurt you and he was unfair to you.

to offer another perspective on this whole situation, i think that not a lot of people will admit to their mistakes. not a lot of people will admit that part of them did something to hurt you. and yes, he did do some very bad things, but like you said, he feels sorry for what he did and i think that he's going to learn and mature from his faults.

i'm all for second chances in relationships (platonic, romantic, platonic & romantic, etc.) but the final say is ultimately up to you because i think that deep down, you already know whether or not you want him in your life. currently, i think that there are two ways that you could navigate this. there are definitely more choices but these are the two that i think are best.

1. you have 1 conversation with him where you lay everything out on the table. you both give each other a chance to say your side of the story, your true feelings, your mistakes (there may be some things that you did that were hurtful to him that you hadn't noticed or that he didn't communicate) and you both put your thoughts together on how to move forward. what do you both need from each other to get to how you were before? i know that you mentioned that you've had a few conversations with him before but do you feel like you held back a bit? are there things that were left unsaid? if there are, then it's likely that he feels the same way. i would suggest talking out this whole thing with him one last time if this is the case.

2. if continuing your friendship with him is causing you stress to the point of not sleeping or eating, i would say to distance yourself. if you need a temporary break from each other to reflect on what you did and/or recover from what was done to you, then do it. there's no rush in being friends again. there's this quote that i saw awhile and it said: "A break from someone will either make you realize how much you truly miss/love them or how much peace you have without them."

people make mistakes all the time and sometimes you ask yourself what you or the other person was thinking before doing it and the truth is, they probably weren't and they definitely weren't thinking about the potential consequences; but there's this tweet that i saw and it said "y'all be beating yourself up about the mistakes you've made in the past as if you been here twice or something. this is your first time living this life. give yourself some grace as you've learned to navigate through it. you don't know what you don't know til you know better." (IamKiraJ via twitter) i think the same thing goes towards other people's mistakes. they don't know what they don't know until they know better. you can call me too forgiving, but i think he knows better now. he has been good friend to you for a long time and i'm sure he's done a lot of good in your life. it's just up to you to decide whether or not the bad that he did was a deal breaker.

#chat with honeyymistt #there was also something that popped out to me #you said that you wonder if he actually hates you and i dont think he does!!! i think that part of him hates himself for how he treated you #if you decide to forgive him and continue this friendship make sure its because you want to and not because he wants you to #he should consider himself very lucky if he earns your forgiveness #but deep down i think you know what you want to do!!! i hope that my message offered a different perspective on this whole situation #and gave you some clarity on what your next step should be #sending you love and strength and happiness <3

[xhannahbananax03]

The Boyfriend Diaries- Chapter 3

Words: 1.6k

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of depression, alluding to suicide, mentions of death and homelessness 

MASTERLIST

Once Riley was in the safety of a bus barn, she pulled the wig from her head and released her hair of all the bobby-pins. Shaking her red locks free, she ran a hand through her hair as she bit down on the pencil in her mouth.

She paced while staring at the same paper that held the news of Madison's suicide. There wasn't any mention of a note or a reason why she had done it. Just a eulogy, written by her mother, and few comments from friends and family.

But one comment caught her eye in particular. It was from a friend going to her high school.

"Madison was my best friend. Sure, she struggled in school with the other kids. But I never thought she'd do this. If only I had known..."

The rest of the comment was a bit mushy. But the first part of it seemed unapologetic and uncaring. But it was really the picture that caught her eye.

It was a picture of Madison and the girl who had made the statement, Stacey. It was a seemingly perfect summer day. But Madison was dressed in all black. Black jeans, black sweatshirt, even black boots. Not to sound cliche, but it definitely looked like a classic depressed teen.

Meanwhile, Stacey was distanced from the girl, only temporarily tearing her eyes away from her phone to give the camera a snarky smile. They didn't look like friends at all.

Riley circled over the statement and photo with her pencil before shoving the paper and other things into her bag. She decided that since the bus barn was still in use, she'd stay in one of the broken down busses behind the barn.

Sneaking around back, being careful to not get spotted by anyone in the neighboring houses, she found a perfect bus. It was smaller, damaged beyond repair so that meant nobody was going to come to fix it.

Forcing open the door, she stepped inside, stomping her foot down to make any critters run off. When the bus stayed silent, besides the whining of the old metal, she walked further back into it. Dusting off a seat, she pulled her blanket out and laid it across the seat before setting up her small travel pillow. It wasn't much, but it would do.

She then opened all the windows, she'd close them before she fell asleep, but it was Louisiana and it was hot, so she should get the stuffiness out before bed.

She sat down on her seat and pulled out her journal and a small snack, she'd have to go shopping tomorrow after school.

Dear diary,     Today was short, talked to Madison's mother but she didn't have much to say. I did find a note in her room, but unfortunately I wasn't able to get a picture of it before Mrs. Sticher caught me and kicked me out. Madison did blame that kid named Andrew for her death. Apparently, listening to those teenage gossip sites can be helpful sometimes.  She wrote, referring to the gossip site she had gotten this story off of the days before she came here.

Tomorrow will be my first day at the school here, it's only a little bit scary. But if I just keep my head down and do my job, it'll go by fast. Right?

She finished before closing up her journal. She finished up her granola bar and pulled out her water bottle. It was half empty and warm, but she was thirsty. She drank to fast before seeing that there was now only a sip left inside. Rolling her eyes at herself, she stood and looked out the windows in search of a hose or pump.

She spotted one a bit back, probably in case there was a fire. She left the bus and started for the blue water pump. When she finally got there, she had several grass cuts covering her ankles. Riley pulled the handle of the pump and waited a second before cold, clear water started running out of it.

She smiled and put her water bottle under it. Once it was filled, she took a giant drink and that's when the urge to pee hit her. Looking around, she spotted a bush and decided that would be the place to take care of business. Good thing she always carried a few tissues with her.

After she was done, Riley slowly made her way back towards the bus. Enjoying the sun and cool breeze, blowing her hair over her shoulders. The smile left her face when she saw a head in the bus. She ducked down and decided she had to run. That's when she remembered she had left her journal in there and she couldn't remember if she left it unlocked or not.

Pulling her pocket knife out, she snuck up to the back of the bus and watched to see if she could tell who it was, granted, she didn't know anyone in this town. But it wouldn't hurt to size the person up.

She saw it was a boy, about her age, light brown hair,  tall but lean. Maybe she could play this off as simply being a reckless high schooler, bored of being home.

Shoving her pocket knife back into her pocket, she stood straight, but still walked quietly over to the door, once she was there, she slapped her hand against the inside of the window, effectively making the kid jump.

He turned around to face her with wide eyes, "I swear I wasn't doing anything!" He squeaked in surrender, throwing his hands up beside his head. Riley couldn't help but chuckle, this kid was obviously harmless.

"Calm down. I'm not gonna hurt you." She said cooly, walking over to her seat and quickly doing a once over, seeing everything was still intact. "What're you doing in here?" She asked, plopping down in her seat and facing him.

"I'm just here with my dad. He works on the buses so I thought I'd take a look around." He said nervously, fumbling with his fingers and not making eye contact.

She tensed at the mention of his dad. If he knew she was here, he'd probably kick her out. "Uh listen," she said quietly, sitting up and finally he looked down at her. "You can't tell anyone I'm here ok? I just, I don't want to get in trouble."

He smiled a crooked smile and nodded his head, "I promise I won't tell." He looked around before sitting on the seat across from her, "My name is (enter name), what's yours?"

"Riley." She introduced herself with a bright smile, half fake, half real. "It's nice to meet you, (enter name)." It has been awhile since she was able to talk to a boy her age without planning on murdering him later. It was nice in a strange "normal" kind of way.

He paused for a moment, staring her down but it didn't make her feel threatened or uncomfortable, if anything she felt a little flattered, "So what're you doing here anyways?" He asked leaning his side against the back of his seat and quirking a messy eyebrow at her.

She smiled beginning to feel slightly uneasy as his dark eyes stared right into her soul, "Just bored of being home ya know?" She looked down, fiddling with her nails. The black polish was chipped and faded and she made a mental note to repaint them.

"Yeah I get that feeling..." he mumbled, turning to face the back of the seat in front of him before his head tilted back and he stared at the rusted ceiling of the old bus, "You're new here right? I've never seen you around her before."

She just nodded her head and murmured out a "Uh-huh..." before her eyes moved up to study his side profile. She was cute, even she had to admit but something about him seemed off, not right. Like he was being forever tortured by something and had no one to express that pain to. She could relate to that feeling all to well.

He opened his mouth like he was gonna say something but before he could, another man shouted out after him, "(Enter name)!"

They both jumped and he stood up quickly, "Uh I need to be going now." He said before quickly making his way back to the front of the bus.

"Wait! Um, (enter name), you promise you won't tell anyone that I was here, right?" She stood and watched him intently with a silent plea in her eyes.

He just chuckled and shook his head slightly, "Yeah, I won't tell anyone about the girl living in the bus. Scouts honour." He helped up three fingers on one hand and placed his other hand over his heart.

Riley's face paled slightly and she immediately went to defend herself, "I'm not.." the words died in her throat as he just laughed and slowly moved down the stairs towards the open doors.

"I'm no idiot Riley. I know a bed setup when I see one." That made her shut her mouth and blush slightly.

How could she be so stupid as to just leave her things out and think he wouldn't notice.

"See ya, Riley." He waved slightly before the man shouted for him again and he quickly moved out of the bus, being sure to not be spotted before he waved once more and ran to the front of the barn so his dad wouldn't know where he came from.

She sighed heavily and dropped back onto her seat before slipping her shoes off and laying on her back, one arm covering her eyes while the other fell off the side of the seat and he hand slid into her bag.

Her heart dropped when she realized her diary was no longer in there.

#original writing #horror #murder #mystery #romance #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #xreader #on the run #spn #twd #the walking dead #jensen and jared #jensen ackles #jared paladecki #jeffery dean morgan #john winchester #negan #daryl dixon #owengrady #jurassic world

[jamiebluewind]

Character Descriptions for Fantasy High 2.9!

***

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

Warning: trauma, abuse, mental abuse, neglect, starvation, manipulation, memory loss mention, dark themes, isolation, imprisonment, fantasy racism, vomit mention (please let me know if I missed any)

All pronounciations typed out have a rolled R.

***

Facts

The party is currently at 44,100 exp. each. Next level is at 48,000 (which will probably take 3 more big battles, 2 if Brennan is super generous with RP awards).

Abernant family had all their land and wealth reclaimed by The Court of Stars for their treachery and failure to prevent a war with Solace. Elianwyn committed treason and betrayal as well.

To save Adaine, the group decided to break up into 3 teams: Pylon 1 (Ragh, Tracker, Cathilda, and Sandra Lynn), Pylon 2 (Gorgug, Fabian, and Riz), and Recovery (Ayda, Fig, and Kristen). Team 1 and 2 would simultaneously take out the pylons. Then, the recovery team would go in (invisible and/or disguised) and gets Adaine and Aelwyn. They would all meet back at Van where they would most likely use Ayda's teleport to leave Fallinel (or regroup to plan their next move).

***

New Characters

Tell-ah-mine Low-men-el-da

Fabian's grandpapa

Tall elf with regal green robes, a silver circlet, long platinum white blond hair with a widows peak, and shimmering blue eyes

Crinkle in the corners of his eyes shows his age in sort of an Elrond way. He look of a dude in his late 40s/early 50s who took excellent care of his body and kept it tight

Moves with supernatural grace

Can turn into silver sand and float away

Has no concept of what time means

Obsessed with the fact that his grandson will die before him (Your human blood has brought mortality to this family. You will one day die.)

Offers to send word to an elf who is a fabled eye smith who lives on the high mountains at the heart of Fallinel that can craft a working eye (from songs, whispers, beams of moonlight, jeweled edges of the blue of the sea, and shimmering poems pulled from the ether itself) for Fabian, but has no clue how long it will take (a moment, a year, or a hundred years).

Can't pronounce words in common very well, especially words he's never heard before (which delights Fabian and pisses off Gorgug)

Calls Fabian Aramais Seacaster fa-bee-ahn ah-rye-ah-my-ess Seacaster (which might actually be the proper pronouncations of his name in that region as "Seacaster" was said correctly and that's how all the other elves say his name as well) and calls Hallariel ha-lair-ee-el

Weeps without moving his face, but also sometimes makes a soft eeehhhh sound when he cries (at one point he cried over a drop of water)

Gifted stewardship of Khy-low Meh-new-rah 3000 years ago after he crafted The Sword of the North Star (he was the smith of fung-dran-ghoor) for the ancient king of Fallinel Th-wrist-win Eversong.

"Without the Elven Oracle, we are lost."

Saw the Abernants as power hungry and cruel and can't understand why they would leave Fallinel. He found Anguin in particular to be a crass and small man with no nobility, only a thirst for power.

Thinks Riz has a harsh energy, is "a little dick", and calls him "a strange green mouse thing"

Got physically ill when a gun was explained to him, calling it gross and some dwarven kind of thing before vomiting which he turns into a flock of white crows

Vhan-lair-ee-el

Fabian's aunt

Tried to heal Fabian's pneumonia with elvan singing

Said "I have failed" when her singing doesn't work before she fades into starlight and vanishes

Hal-door-in and [unnamed youth]

Elven teens in white linen shorts arguing because [unnamed] believes Hal-door-in took his lute.

Calmed by a distant song which stopped their fight.

Faf-threth-riel

Lithe elven youth (around 17 or 18 years old) with a blond mop of hair covering one eye

Bakes elven whey bread

Lived a sheltered life

Ragh was the first half-orc he met

Mostly into Ragh due to Ragh being half orc, excessively talking about his green skin (like the boughs of a tree leafy, my leafy man), being big and beefy (your legs are like the mighty trunks of trees), was really into rage (like when Ragh punched a seat cushion) to the point of it making Ragh uncomfortable

Sang in bed

Treth-thren-ren

Elven youth who does morning dance yoga

Tried to get Fabian to eat a grape

Oak Warriors

Elemental plant based automaton soldiers made of pure magic

Look like 8 foot tall green men with leaves coming from their faces

***

Changes to Established Characters

Aelwyn

Matted long blond hair

Dry skin, chapped colorless lips, and thick bags under her eyes

Severely dehydrated and trance deprived (probably hasn't been allowed to trance for nearly a year)

5 points of exhaustion. Only magic is keeping her from going to the 6th level and dying.

Her "room" is a large large beautiful elven chamber with silver and marble. Ambiant light glows from the white stone.

Trapped inside a 15 foot diameter orb that's constantly turning so she can't trance

Crawling on hands and knees while trapped, shaking with the effort

Doesn't give Adaine up to Kear

Can still remember how to cast the message cantrip

Feels strange and addled (unable to think clearly; confused), can't remember what's real or imagined anymore, doesn't clearly remember what happened in her past (including what she did to get imprisoned), and forgets what she and Adaine have already talked about (causing a lot of reputation).

Thinks her parents "tried their best they could" and that "they expected quite a lot of us, but isn't that what- doesn't that... didn't that make us great?" (possibly due to something her father said or did since her imprisonment as it echoes a few things he's said)

Gilear

Looks scruffy (from not shaving), dirty, and has pit stains

Somehow didn't mess up being diplomatic with Fabian's grandpapa

Unbuttons the top button on his shirt when he "lets loose"

To Fig about Sandra Lynn and Garthy: Are you aware of such... hanky panky?

Learning of Sandra Lynn's infidelity with Garthy "Honestly? Perhaps this is... fucked up. It makes me feel... like there wasn't something uniquely wrong with me. Maybe a tiny little w for Gilear."

Spent the night walking through the forest with Hallariel's father, reciting poetry (badly)

To Fabian after Hallariel's father threw up "You're low and he's low. It's Gilear's day baby! It's Gilear's day."

Tried to ask Hallariel's father for her hand, but even though Fig gave him bardic inspiration and Riz helped by covering Fabian's mouth, he failed... so much. ("Lord Tell-ah-mine of Khy-low Meh-new-rah I like you am-" *makes himself throw up* "We get it. We both get it. We... We're the throw up boys." *passes out*)

Ayda

Hid in the van the entire visit

Might have rejection sensitive dysphoria (which is common in those with autism or ADHD)

Did a sending spell to Zelda for Gorgug for 150 gold (after reminding him that she very much does not like anyone in her debt or visa versa)

Offered to exact vengeance on Zelda for Gorgug

Is powerful enough to know teleport and learn plane shift (so level 13 or higher)

Stated that Adaine is her best friend and decides that since Fig is also Adaine's best friend, by the transitive property she is best friends with Fig as well (and Fig agreed). Learning this, she says "Fantastic. I grow richer by the day. I'm emotional." before starting to cry fire "I'm emotional. I'm gonna fly away." She then flew away, returning after she had calmed down.

Ragh

Ate grapes and started burping musical notes after he left Khy-low Meh-new-rah.

Lost his virginity to Faf-threth-riel who then got creepy and kinda racist, making Ragh very uncomfortable (and want to get out of there asap)

Fabian

Lost both points of exhaustion thanks to the 8000 thread count elven sheets (did they get to keep the sheets or at least one sheet for help with exhaustion?)

Felt really good when he tried out dance yoga, even wondering if he should be some kind of yoga dancer instead of a fighter (how about a whirling dervish dancer like Cathilda?)

The grapes he put in his pocket (after refusing to eat them) turned into song

Indifferent towards saving Aelwyn and doesn't want to be on the retrieval team

When he started feeling anxious about the Aelwyn stuff, Riz told him to lose himself in dancing again to feel free (Riz: You are the only one that I wanna see dancing right now.) It made him feel much better.

***

Other Characters

Adaine

Taken by Court of Stars

Her jacket and spellbook were taken

Trapped in an orb which is soft and doesn't hurt her, but the constant movement of its slow turning doesn't allow her to be still or trance

The walls of her room glow with runes and there are many perminant magical effects, making her captors capable of some crazy things (like prepared directional counter spells), but the setup wouldn't counter cantrips

Escaped the orb with dispel magic (dc 15) which makes a couple counter spells go off and an alarm sound

Hid in Aelwyn's room. The sister's spoke before she was recaptured and placed back in her orb. Adaine told Aelwyn that she was going to get her out

Discovered that her room was close enough to Aelwyn to talk to her via the message cantrip

Repeatedly cast Ray of Frost to turn her orb into a slip and slide to stay entertained

Instead of speaking to her father in elvish, she responded in common. Also cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on him.

Anguin and Kear said she would be executed for treason for staying in Solace and refusing to cooperate. She demanded a lawyer and then the Ambassador to Solace, citing her age and being a student at Augefort Adventuring Academy which summoned a recorded hologram of Arthur Augefort.

Arthur Augefort

Has a recorded hologram that is activated when a student claims the need of his diplomatic help in foreign affairs.

It threatens the listeners with graphic and terrifying violence and doom, giving them the options of either rectify the actions that summoned him (Yes) or refuse and welcome the aforementioned punishment for their actions (No).

Gorgug

Fabian's grandfather called him Jhor-judge

Finally got a message to Zelda via Ayda using her sending spell (Zelda. Safe in Fallinel. Gonna finish cell tower soon. Sorry about everything, but hope your break is going well in spite of this. Miss you.) and got a reply the next morning a little while after waking up (Sorry. Was at a party. You don't have to build a cell tower. That's crazy. It's all whatever Gorgug. I don't blame you.)

Didn't sleep well, but still got the benefit of a full night's sleep due to elven sheets.

Kristen

Got in a fight with Tracker and then got 3 nat 1s on persuasion checks when she tried to make up with her.

Slept in Adaine's room

Doesn't know how to make a cell tower

Took one of the 40 to 50 foot long diaphanous silk scarves with her

Gave (inspiring?) speech ending with "Friendship is thinker than water and we need water to live." which gave everyone 11 temp hit points

Accidentally called Pok a "smiling elf" and then blew it off as being due to her being human

Can now see Shadow Cat in the picture (along with Tracker, Sandra Lynn, Garthy, Riz, and Sklonda and possibly the dead cambian, Pok, Jace, and Adaine's mom) and reacted by saying "Was I spooning the cat all night in the milk!?"

Sandra Lynn

Dropped out senior year and got her diploma after the fact to join an adventuring party

Joined as a replacement member for an existing adventuring party that was already active in the world and included an older much more powerful married couple.

Fresh out of high school, fell in love with one person from the couple (nonbinary or gender intentionally hidden) who "did not treat her very kindly"

When it all came out, she was ejected from the adventuring party, her romantic partner took great pains to smear her name (so no one would accept her), no other party would take her as a replacement, and she was forced to become a Celesian Ranger

Gilear knows who the couple were, but doesn't want to tell Fig (could she know the people involved?)

Key-heir/Khear

Child-like elven maiden with long brown braided hair, a white gown, and a large staff.

When confronted by Arthur Augefort's hologram, she chose to not heed his warnings.

***

More from 2.9!

***

Previous

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 character descriptions #d20 descriptions #fantasy high live #descriptions #tw dark themes #tw imprisonment #tw isolation #tw abuse #tw neglect #tw mental abuse #tw manipulation #tw starvation #tw fantasy racism #tw vomit mention #fantasy high spoilers

[punkscowardschampions]

Fearghal & Kaitlin

Fearghal: [So the setup is sending her a postcard pretending to be a mate visiting in England for whatever reason (could be fam you get the vibe, nothing suspect given the time this is) but giving enough info that she 1. Knows it is him 2. has the number of at least a phonebox nearby if not a phone in his care home 3. a time when he plans to first call the phonebox nearest their home in Ireland, assumedly this is some sneaky twin shit they've pulled similar enough before that she can catch on without any of the rest of the fam also doing so; only question is how long do we want it to be since he left?] Kaitlin: [3 months ish later then and they've turned 15 but only just for our ref how do we think the situation is with his dad etc like would he just be acting like he's dead cos is to him?] Fearghal: [basically my vibe was they wanted to weaponize Tabby killing herself for their gain, like make it something political even though literally not about that bar the fact her family and his family and co didn't want them together and she was a dramatic teenage girl in love (no offense but like) and so when he wouldn't go along with that there was a massive fight, actual, between him and his dad and then Fearghal left 'cos there's never any option but to do as your told with this fam and he can't lose face with all the other people etc etc and the story the dad is telling the fam etc is that Fearghal deserted them which not untrue but yeah, good enough for all the olders to disown him too so it'd be like we don't talk about him and if someone else bring him up you denounce him] Kaitlin: [let's say there's a crying baby in the background cos like in my OG post she can use her youngest sister needing fresh air as an excuse so casually left her outside the phonebox but might be able to hear her if she's going for it] Kaitlin: How ya Fearghal: K? Fuck's sake, you've not had a bastard, have ya? 's'not been that long, like Kaitlin: Catch yourself on! mind how ya ma was fit to drop, you eejit? well we're all lurred she had another girl who I'm hauling about as my cover, so I am Fearghal: [Laughs] Still easy to windup then [slight pause to take in that it's a girl and is here, like not the biggest shock but also literally no way of knowing at this time so] And go on, don't leave me in suspense, what name they burden the poor fucker with Kaitlin: [makes an unimpressed noise like fuck off] full of that good craic you are, bet the brits are buzzing to hear it. You ready? Niamh Roisin, it's a cracker, like [sighs] Fearghal: [laughs some more] Yeah, catch me on that most wanted list, obviously [makes a wincing noise like no] Christ, actually lost it fully then, has she? Made it longer than some but dunno if mentals get to heaven, haveta ask Father Quigley, like Kaitlin: [laughs herself] yeah yeah [makes like a idk noise] can you lose what you've never had? A good catholic'll find a way, to be sure, and she is that, our ma [makes a scornful noise at the mention of the priest as is standard for her] Fearghal: [makes a mm noise to agree] Suppose so, don't reckon much was said 'bout being good to 'em once you had 'em, so be alright [sighs] What have you been up to, then...How's it been Kaitlin: if it was she'd recite between the lines to keep us anyone's problem but hers, poor critter [sarcastic laugh because mum's getting no real sympathy] it could've been 3 days from when you went off for what's changed and not- [a long pause because everything's shit and we know it is] Fearghal: What's God if not top babysitter, eh? Cheaper than telly and who's giving money to the BBC [scoffs but cuts it short 'cos yep] And I'm fine too, you rude cow Kaitlin: and stand him next to our earthly da and he comes out lookin' class [chefs kiss noise] Hey now! [makes a fake noise of shock like she's appalled at the mention of the bbc] watch your profanity around me, dicko! [really long exaggerated sigh as a pisstake] a'course you are, land well anywhere, but hit me with your bars, it's no bother to hear how right I am Fearghal: If you can get him stand still long enough, like and you ain't a lad so no chance, babe [does pisstake wistful sigh] Forgot you needed protecting from the evils of this world, my apologies [coughs awkwardly then, stalling for time, fiddling with the phone in ways she can probably hear] Taking a bow as we speak, can't fit in here with me but the adoring fans are aplenty over this way, well more than there so fuck it, life's grand so it is Kaitlin: Wise up, boy, he only sways slightly of an evening on these ones lately so he does [but her voice is MAD because fuck being a girl in this fam] Did you now? Thank fuck my new lad has his uses then, like [takes a deep breath to try and calm down but exaggerates it for the pisstake because have to, god forbid they are serious rn] I went and saw your former biggest fan under that rock they've carved with protestant shite, no word on if life's grander for her now it's ended or if she's regretting she didn't send her prayers up saying she wanted another bite of the cherry, one that wasn't yours- [stops like I've probably gone a bit far here and shouldn't mention his dead ex anymore] Fearghal: Good for him [through gritted teeth like let's never talk about him thank you] Like you need a replacement protector, got how many ready and willing at home, just DYING to beat the shit out of some 15 year old kid for your honour and just for the craic of it [does it back, like and then is silent until the pips are going but he's still there 'cos they stop when he puts more money in] You'll be under some rock with Catholic shite if they catch you in their graveyard [says it much more quietly than he's said the rest] Kaitlin: [makes a noise of disgust that doesn't need to be exaggerated for the pisstake cos genuinely horrified at this fam thanks] what honour? Shame you brought down on us with what they caught you at [but her voice is softer too because didn't mean to go off and also doesn't mean any of that we know] supposed to scare me, is it? [said like I wouldn't be here to give them a chance to do it just like you weren't] Fearghal: Why you need to ask one of the others, ain't it; can't be the best looking of the bunch and the best behaved, got to leave something for 'em to do and impressing n pleasing him 's'never been high on my to-do so have at it, lads [does meh noise like this is all so casual] Called the fear of God for a reason, aye Kaitlin: [does the meh noise back and it's her turn to awkwardly fiddle with the phone/cough while she works up to saying what she does next, more quietly than she has anything else] how's it truly then? Away and everything. Free and clear Fearghal: It's, like- just shit because you realize that everything that happens in that fucking town, all the stuff that rules our lives and is all they give a shit about, no other cunt does, you know, Kait? Sure, its on the news when another bomb goes off or don't and that; but the English don't even have to think about it, their day to day ain't affected at all, no fucker but our lot cares and what's the point, honestly? Everything we were forced to at least think was important, if not fecking stupid, ain't and now I don't- [Stops to do some actual breathing to calm down] Not to mention I'm thick as shite, thanks for that and all- 'cos frees a bloody joke [laughs bitterly] I get by, now, got a place to stay so, don't haveta worry but don't be hopping the next ferry yourself, girl Kaitlin: [when you're just silent for ages because as much as you think it's bullshit you're basically in a cult rn with no chance of getting out so what can you say like] not that thick, warning me off coming to keep an eye on all these english girls with theirs on ya but no bother 'cause mind I get sea sick and class as boking on brits sounds I'd get fairly covered myself before I made any casualties of 'em Fearghal: Know enough about girls and enough about you to know the two don't need mixing, that's just school of life, that [moving away a bit and telling someone who's impatiently waiting to fuck off] Stay put [when you say it firmly like serious voice] That wain and the rest needs someone VAGUELY sane about to stand any chance, fuck me, Aislinn's already been corrupted and she's barely in double digits [kicks the box] Kaitlin: [laughs because yeah don't let her around any girls you like babe] you should know enough about me to know what giving me your orders'll do fer ya and what it'll make me do [but there's no actual real threat in it we all know she's staying for the bubs] Sane as you by that count, ain't I? [can't help genuinely sighing] Mammy's girl is Aislinn been like it since she was old enough to play house [grimaces at the thought cos never that bitch] got the rest under MY apron strings, grand they are and it goes for the stories I tell 'em every night after prayers, rest easy yourself knowing that, yeah? Fearghal: Alright, alright [hear the 🙄😏] But if you wanna be the next to bring shame on 'em, you can do better than a cheeky abortion, surely? [shakes his head] Yeah. [Pause] Yeah [Coughs again] I'm doing my bit, swear, it's gonna take a while 'til I can send you anything and I've got to work out how when I do- it ain't for them, just you lot but like I said, not cheap Kaitlin: [an outraged noise like who do you think you're talking to, of course I can do better than that etc] Yeah. [Pauses herself because again what to say, there's so much it's too much] I've got faith in the right shite, Gally [nickname ftw because feels] it'll work out. We'll work it out, like we did this Fearghal: 'Course we will, K. No other choice, is there [definitely not a question] Kaitlin: not a real question, is it? [she knows its not] Fearghal: you want me to ask you one? Kaitlin: do English girls fall for that? Fearghal: Enough of 'em, yeah Kaitlin: [makes a ugh noise] how you've got a bed, is it? Fearghal: Theirs top where mine is Kaitlin: I deeply feel that Fearghal: [makes the kinda sad 'ha' sound like 'I know'] Not all bad though, some class drugs about and you don't get kneecapped for taking a casual interest Kaitlin: [does a little hooray down the phone] Fearghal: Send you some but your phones probably tapped so I definitely won't Kaitlin: thanks or no thanks, depending who'll be listening Fearghal: Cover those bases and the baby's ears Kaitlin: nothing to be heard over her crying Fearghal: don't lie, you miss me that much [laughs] Kaitlin: fuck off [but laughs too] Fearghal: Will do Fearghal: so many English girls Kaitlin: [exaggerated being sick noise] nowhere close to a ferry and sick as a dog, don't start me any further Fearghal: You think I escaped to pray every day and fight the good fight, like Kaitlin: if you still pray you ain't escaped fuck all Fearghal: Not living on my knees for no cunt, sis Fearghal: am being haunted, for my sins, though Kaitlin: Be on track to commit more, you'll have enough ghosts for all manner of shite to get done Fearghal: No rest for the wicked on the one hand, but on the other, idle hands and idle minds [breathes out like so conflicted and confused] Kaitlin: [a change in tone because serious] She's gone, so are you. Leave it here. Leave it in this fucking town Fearghal: Not a choice Kaitlin: Can be Fearghal: Nah, s'not, boths already happened Kaitlin: Happened to you, gives you a say in how you deal with it Fearghal: Yeah Kaitlin: You've lived in one haunted house as things stand, ain't you? Miss home that much, is it? Fearghal: How could I not? Live for these lectures, like Kaitlin: [an unamused noise because you're basically calling her a nagging girl which ain't a mood] Fearghal: [the pips again] Oh shit, should robably let you go, yeah? Kaitlin: Yeah probably [but she obvs doesn't wanna that'd be clear] Fearghal: Tell the kids I miss 'em, won't ya Kaitlin: I'll even include her out there Fearghal: Try and send a picture some time, alright Kaitlin: 'Course Fearghal: You too, kid Kaitlin: [laughs but in a more genuine way] You're my twin brother, calling me kid is calling yourself a wain, you eejit Fearghal: That's alright by me, like Kaitlin: I'll not baby you, got enough noses and arses to wipe here while you're hand holding these brits Fearghal: No handholding, on me life, just good old-fashioned- [will cut him off before he can be gross] Kaitlin: [we can say she cuts him off with a very unamused noise as per like no thank you] Fearghal: G'wan then, piss off before that kid freezes to death Kaitlin: [doesn't wanna be the first one to hang up obvs] Watch yourself then Fearghal: You too Fearghal: When can we do this again then Kaitlin: When can you? It's no bother for me to slip out with this ginger whinger, needs fresh air so she does Fearghal: [laughs then is pondering like umm] Try next Sunday, after church, if I don't answer then I'll send another postcard or whatever, yeah Kaitlin: Tryin' to get a free sermon told to ya, respect that hustle if not the message Fearghal: Obviously, how am I getting to heaven from England? Kaitlin: [laughs] no angels in England is there not? You'll have been thinking on your feet for fresh pick up lines all these months, no wonder you ain't had time for me, like Fearghal: Something like that... [Trails off 'cos don't wanna tell her what's really been going on but also does 'cos not its like that and its been a lot to just deal with on his own] Kaitlin: But it's something else like what? [cos sees through you boyyy] Fearghal: It's alright now, like Fearghal: but it ain't as if the old man sent me on me way with anywhere to go, is it Kaitlin: He didn't put a bullet in your head as a send off, that's what gets me to sleep of a night, but- [trails off because she was gonna say she knows it hasn't been easy but she doesn't know how hard it's been and she's not trying to guess like let's compare struggles] Kaitlin: Yeah [another pause] Fearghal: Should've put one in his [so under his breath it's like did you mean that to be heard or] Kaitlin: You'd have to take ma out an' all, I don't reckon the broken heart myth is anything other than another story, and probably a few of us would make the cut for cute little orphans but you and me'd have to catch ourselves on quick and wise up Fearghal: Make Tara look after you all as well as Diarmaid's kids, see how committed to the family she really is [sniffs 'cos we been knew] Kaitlin: [makes an identical sound cos twinning] I'll take her out if she was bothered to try and get near 'em Fearghal: Least Owie is old enough to help out, young enough to give a clout, yeah? [genuine concern] Kaitlin: [scoffs because we know he's a bit of a knob but it's still affectionate because] Fearghal: He'll be alright [but doesn't sound as reassuring as that's meant to be 'cos like unlikely at this point] Kaitlin: He's got me, my will's stronger than god's so father Q likes to say [laughs] under his breath, a'course Fearghal: [laughs back but its less 'cos sad] He doesn't always chat shite Kaitlin: Reckon he's a soft spot for me Fearghal: [makes noise like 'hopefully not too soft' but is joking, doesn't need to be that kind of priest] Kaitlin: I don't wish you were here Fearghal: How could he not, with the charm [but just jk like] Is it better, in some ways Kaitlin: It's...[trails off cos we all know even if there's less hassle it's not better as far as she's concerned and the loneliness is a real mood] I'm buzzing you got out [genuine but her voice is sad] Fearghal: Your turn next, I mean it Kaitlin: After we get a few birthday's under Niamh's belt [pauses because it's sinking in how stuck she is for now] and the rest, give 'em a fighting chance Fearghal: Yeah Fearghal: I'll make it easier, any which way I can Kaitlin: Me too, for you, I mean Fearghal: I'm grand, honest but cheers [more pips] I am outta shrapnel though so- Kaitlin: Don't be putting honest on a lie [frustrated sigh because nobody wants this to end but she wouldn't have money] speak Sunday and like I said, watch yourself Fearghal: Love ya, K ['cos no time to take the piss for it or protest] Kaitlin: [let's say she gets cut off before she can say it back for the pain]