#fake roomie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kazoologist · 2 months

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I have decided I hate the Australia race bc for real this weekend has literally just started and baby I am *cursed* cursed

#kazoo noises #babys first f1 season #Alex crash at practice. Logan out of this race and Alex facing the worlds most fucked up weekend vibes wise #(If I were ever under this much pressure in my life my body would just pass out and burst into flames from stress)#I am late to work due to registration for school fucking me. I leave work right as the rain starts. A car splashes me so now I’m soaked #I cannot shower bc my roomie is getting ready for work. My house still is not clean and my dad is visiting this weekend #Alex and Logan my heart goes out to you two y’all are truly gds strongest soldiers I’d have faked my death by now #Someone has fucking jinxed me tho so like whoever has the little poppet doll with my hair in it can you fuckin RELAX? Damn!!#sports posting #zoomies posting

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lexxwithbooks · 1 year

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📖: 𝑱𝒐𝒔𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑯𝒂𝒛𝒆𝒍'𝒔 𝑮𝒖𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝑫𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 🐶🍎🦜

✍🏽: 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐋𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐧

Get the book! 🌟

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natsmagi · 8 months

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leo is the #1 ntsmg shipper in universe and im living for it!!!

HE IS AND WE LOVE HIM FOR ITTTT!!! i have absolutely NO idea why hes being such a menace about it but its the funniest shit ever and i yearn to see the three of them in the same room again

#maybe its bc hes roomies with natsume so he knows that man is a fake and a fraud #ask

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red-elric · 1 year

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me: I know I have a lot of cousins but ig I dont know how much is a normal amount

roomie: how many do you think is normal?

me: idk..... 15?

roomie: *laughing hysterically*

#it me #like SURE OKAY I GUESS but I have almost twice that many #half as many cousins as I have seems reasonable!!!!!!!!!#roomie: I have twelve cousins I think thats a lot. you have an ASTRONOMICAL amount of cousins #my mom has wayyy more too seems fake

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theorderofthetriad · 2 years

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Jim thoughts:

-Lucius said that he was the only person on the crew who could read other than Stede, but Jim has a journal they write in in spanish! So Jim knows how to read and write in at least one language, and they fluently speak two useful languages, which IMO puts them before Stede in language/literature smarts ("ecclesiastical latin" jfc, Stede.)

-Jim kinda glosses over the details of... being alone in the jungle for weeks as a child? They just say that it happens and then goes quiet and... oh, OH it worries me how much of a profound impact that specific trauma must have had on them as a person?

-Also, witnessing the violent murders of your family members and then being trapped in the wilderness for weeks alone as a young child? Kaname Mozunoto from 7 Seeds, is that you?

-In the first episode I was so hyped for Jim being what I thought was Oluwande's tiny, mute, stabby, husband. And I mean Jim isn't not that (okay they aren't mute and they're taller than i originally thought,) but I was so ready for this couple who had been together for like a decade and were hardcore dedicated to each other.

-Jumping off that last thought, where are the fake marriage Jim and Oluwande fics???? There are a solid three months between the first and third episodes so there is a large chunk of time where Jim is pretending to be a man who is also presumably Oluwande's husband.

#Jim i'm sorry for comparing you to a fucked up dude like Mozu but the comparison is RIGHT THERE!#also this is your sign to read 7 Seeds please i always want to talk about fucking 7 Seeds #(you can also watch the anime on netflix if you don't mind bad animation)#jim jimenez #ofmd #our flag means death #oluwande #7 seeds #and for the fake marriage fic maybe it starts out that they're pretending to be roomies #but oluwande is SO OBVIOUS with his crush that everyone assumes that they're married #and jim and oluwande just have to play along #and jim is somehow completely oblivious to oluwande's crush they just think olu is a good actor #Top Tino Post

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choerrys · 1 year

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my friend thinks i’m making up my ex boyfriend so now i make sure i bring him into every conversation we have just to make myself giggle

#cause ik she’s telling all our other friends that ive made up this elaborate fake relationship and #basically shes manifesting his death for me is my point #my friend meaning my ex roomie.. real aubri fans know

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sapphic-woes · 2 years

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Great.

#i think there was some miscommunication with my roomie and i thought we were gonna hand out today #but i think she went home to see her ma which i swear she said was gonna happen next weekend but like #i dunno like she kinda disappeared and like she could come back but its been hrs and like all classes were cancelled for a footbal game #and she said shed be free yk and i talked abt what i thought we could do and everything like an idiot #and like i dont wanna ask cuz shes been gone for hours and itll seem like i was just waiting for her #which like i kinda was;;; like i wrote and watched youtube but rlly i was like oh we gonna hang out :)#and now I feel dumb...like god ofc she doesnt wanna hang with me im terribly boring #and ik this rant is like. not wat yalk signed up for ik i sound rlly pathetic here but shes my only friend like physically at campus cuz #i had a rlly bad freshman yr and i spiralled and when i finally managed to interact eith ppl it was just her for basically then till senior #and im trying to like not be so isolated these days but im very very very socially anxious and frankly despite my rbf ppl just scare me #i would much rather be a hermit. i think it is a v safe and satisfying life except for the gaping holes of loneliness i feel occasionally #like rn sibsidndisn #i wish i had friends but like friends means talking abd i cannot;;; i just like...like i can hold a convo i can smile i can fake #but god the whole time im melting into a puddle of noooooooooo #anyways i was rlly like ...proud i suggested we hang and proud i thought of a movie night with!!! a drinking game and everything!!!#only to be like 'oh its been three hrs i think shes not in town anymore??'#idbskdheidn im so stupid;;;;;;

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hummingbirdswords · 2 years

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#injuring myself at 5 something in the morning wasn't on my bingo card and yet here we are #that thing they say about your life flashing before your eyes before you die sounds fake to me now #bc as I fell and barely hit my head on either the tub or tub my thoughts were how embarrassing it would be to found #with my toothbrush hanging from my mouth and yesterdays dress on #how inconvenient it would be for the roomie #like fuck all that my knee feels like it's on fire and my foot is aching and my HEAD barely escaped injury #my brain was more concerned with the fact that I was in the way and would be seen in an unflattering situation #always thinking about the important things hahahahaha #this week is canceled im really over it

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jimjammin777 · 20 days

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roommate: I put maybe for cum on clothes

James: eh I don't like that

James: cuz what if the smell sticks 😐

roommate: plus it's a waste of cum

James: THAT IS SO REAL

#he is very wise #he needs a tag #i asked what he wanted his fake name to be and he said Ezekiel so that'll be his tag #roomie Ezekiel

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tinderfishboy · 5 months

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Its nice 2 be drunk

#alcohol tw #tw alcohol #its been almost a month i think since last time i drank cause the roomie w the fake keeps coming home w only red wine and red wine makes me #throw up so i cant drink it

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brasiliangp · 8 months

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don't wanna say much as to not dox myself but the aston martin thing was really cool and the girlies were all nice and hopefully the merch finds its way to me in italy and they keep my name and contact info for the miami gp next year byeeeee

#and I said I loved felipe obviously hopefully they send me something related to him lmfao #there was one maks stan there who was funny #said she liked him for his face and personality #oh did I mention I faked being sick to my roomies and skipped class for this #shut up j

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nucleqr · 8 months

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my roommate has a mac and can't play the full release of bg3 yet so i let them play on my pc when i'm away/not using it and it's so funny because they ask if they can play on my computer every time... is this what it feels like to be a mother..

#my roommate will see me not on my pc #and say “can i please balls gay”#reminds me of that time my baby cousin asked if i had games on my phone #like yes roomie go make out with your fake vampire boyfriend #john baldur #nuclear.7z

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lexxwithbooks · 2 years

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📖: 𝑷𝒍𝒂𝒚 (𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝐷𝑖𝑣𝑒 #2) 🛋🥁🐶

✍🏽: 𝐊𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐭

Get the book! 🌟

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taexoxosgf · 2 months

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LEE MARK FIC REC LIST

s, smut | f, fluff | a, angst | suggestive is noted

give all these authors so much love please!!!! i had to include as much as possible!! supa long fic rec list ;) recommendation masterlist here

this is (not) easy *personal fav [ friends with benefits!mark x fem! reader ] s,f,a

sweet cream, cold brew [ nerd barista!mark x fem!reader ] s,f

raw. [ established relationship ] s

delphinium , part two [ virgin religious!mark x pagan reader ] s,f

the marriage and baby project [ fake dating au, roommate au ] s,f,a

sunday kind of love [ frat!mark x inexperienced/soft fem!reader ] s,f

flipside [ street racing au, strangers to lovers au ]

cherry flavored thoughts [ perv nerd!mark x popular fem!reader ] s

gorgeous [ college/football au ] s,f

follow through. [ bestfriends to lovers ft. haechan ] s

eyes on you. [ roommate's brother!mark x fem!reader ] s

watch me [ barista!mark x fem!reader, voyeurism ] s

pretty boy [ shy!mark x openminded/playful fem!reader ] s

surviving no nut november [ mark x fem! reader ft. haechan ] s

safety zone [ university au, best friends to lovers, roommates au ] f,a, suggestive

spider boy; 이민형 [ spiderman!mark x fem!reader, established relationship ] f, suggestive

closed doors. [brother's friend!mark x fem!reader, roommate au ] s

jealousy [ almost step-siblings au ] s,a

deal with it [ established relationship, argument au ] s

real talk [ line chef!mark x fuckgirl!reader ] s,f

on edge [ boyfriend's brother!mark x fem!reader, infedelity au ] s

play with me [ bestfriend!mark x fem! reader, car sex ] s,f

give me the greenlight [ street racing au, childhood friends to lovers ] s,f,a

nervously in love [ established relationship ] s,f

across the room *self promo hehe [ idol!mark x idol fem!reader ] s

roomie high [ stoner roommate!mark x fem!reader ] s

suck my kiss [mark x bandmate fem!reader ] s,f

may i be blunt? [stoner!mark x fem!reader ] s

the best man. [ stranger!mark x fem!reader, wedding au ] s

elevator pitch [ frat boy!mark x fem!reader ] f,a

craving you like the devil craves heaven [ priest!mark x succubus!reader ] s

kiss u right now [ best friend!mark x fem!reader ] s,f

this is new [ loss of virginity au ] s,f

rule breaker [ rockstar au, band au ] s

limit. [ gryffindor!mark x fem!reader ] s

mixtape moans. [ shy!mark x cheerleader!reader ] s

make me sin [ churchboy!mark x fem!reader, childhood friends au ] s,f,a

mark me in your heart [ drug dealer!mark x bartender!reader ] s,a

monetary value. [ rich kid!mark x rich kid!reader ] s,f,a

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ecuwe · 2 years

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ohhh I hate my coworker I hate my coworker I HATE HIM SO BAD

#he literally spends his whole time making up lies and then when ppl are like oh ill write a jira ticket on that asap! hes like nah its fake #his fav thing to do is throw other ppl under the bus and act like its someones fault they didnt see smth thats extrenely hard to find #he also brags about his old job as an mlm vitamin salesman who targeted the elderly?? literally die #ughh i wish my roomie didnt temporarily make friends with him and tell him That Thing bc it all lined up perfectly sigh....

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thebibliosphere · 28 days

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One time roomie showed me a TikTok like “this girl says she’s allergic to water but that can’t be real how is she alive I think it’s fake” and I’m just like bro I’m literally allergic to myself what are you expecting me to say rn

People really have no idea about all the fun and exciting ways bodies can break without actually killing us. It's wild. I can't imagine having that level of healthy privilege to think that something is impossible.

I'm just out here assuming the crash position at all times. Couldn't be me.

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