#except that it always makes me cry. so.

[cobaltfluff]

ksjfjsks i was at a con today and heard someone VERY loudly partway through a rant about how some part of Shadowbringers jUST "ISN'T WHAT FINAL FANTASY FOURTEEN MEANS TO ME" and their friend was just "mmm ok but consider this"

lmaoooo i was like... things getting heated over here

#dust bunny #i for one very much love Shadowbringers #and it has become what ffxiv means to me #i would have liked to eavesdrop a bit longer #but i was tryna find my friends kdjfjks #i also saw a really neat warrior or light cosplay #i was like MR FINALFANTASY HIMSELF! #i think it was more OG warrior of light than elidibus #but man i only play 14 so idk the lore #except that it always makes me cry. so. #also my friends kept pointing out the graha merch to me #they were like omg your fav catboy who sacrifices himself and seals himself in the tower!! #and i was sweating like yes please dont notice his outfit change he is definitely still in the tower #(they're only up to HW) #how long until they get spoiled that he's actually BEST BOY

[biillys]

and you— you were happy.

#top one most heartbreaking scenes in the world....................... #m #gifs #billyhargroveedit #needed a break from trying to make palette sets and Colour Specific Gifs for billy week work and somehow thought /this/ would relax me?????? #now im just fucking SAD #billy hargrove #its the WAY u can see him like. fucking PHYSICALLY reacting #to when el says 'she was pretty' #like he's fighting with himself SO HARD to like. #OKAY NO LISTEN! its the way that when el ventured into his head the first time #she saw him. on the beach #with his mumma. grinning from ear to fucking ear #but surrounded with The Neil Of IT All still #like even his happiest memories where clouded with neil #so like. even when billy retreats into his head- into his HAPPY place #its STILL got neil just on the outskirts........ always still there.....always overshadowing and like. eventually taking over. #so el!!!!!!! when el fucking looks up at him!!!!!!!!! crying and begging!!!!!!!!!! she just!!!!!!!!!!! #she brings forward all those memories!!!!!!!! except she cuts neil out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! focusing on his mum!!!!!!!!!!! #highlighting every single fucking detail!!!!!!!!!! that billy can never focus on!!!!! because even his happiest memory isn't safe #and els just like!!!!!! the wave was seven feet!!! u told her it was seven feet!!! and there was sand in her shoes!!! and she was pretty!!! #she was really pretty!!!!! and you WERE HAPPY. #the way billy fucking breaks??? after she says 'she was pretty' #and then the way his face Does That and he nods along with 'she was REALLY pretty' #then the 'and you- you were Happy.' part #like #i fukcing WISH i died instead

[hood-ex]

The desire to have a No Capes AU where the Titans crew go to a boarding school and sneak out at night to read poetry in a cave...

#yes i just watched dead poets society again and yes it made me think some thoughts #no but i can't even think about it properly because that movie always makes me cry so much and now i've got a headache #like literally as soon as the play is over and neil heads for his dad's car--i start crying and i can't stop #and then comes the iconic ''o captain my captain'' scene at the end and i start bawling again #it's just!! so unfair!! and i fuckin love charlie bro!! this time i watched the movie--i noticed something i didn't before #and it's that when all the boys are singing at the school in remembrance of neil--all the guys from the club are singing #EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE!! #just like how when they were doing that exercise on being nonconforming--all the boys were trying to walk around in their own style #EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE! #because charlie was like hey i'm exercising my right to NOT do this exercise--and it's the same thing in the singing scene!! #he's exercising his right to not make himself sing the song when he damn well doesn't feel like it #yeeees nuwanda!!! you go king!! #No Capes AU

[mihrsuri]

I keep trying to write an update and then being embarrassed about it and feeling like I’m trauma dumping on people by updating and I just..I know it’s on me to manage my crap, I know. I am trying (not very well but I’m trying) and it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t even know.

#please know i have thought about hospital but hospital would #genuinely make it worse (like I cannot even tell you how much worse) #i think I’m legitimately just…having a trauma reaction on top #of a jewish trauma spike #and dentists and having to move (I may have cleaned till I shook today also my arm #does not look great #i feel like i don’t actually verbally have the words #(i have tried not engaging i have tried engaging they both feel awful) #(hashem i don’t know would you even embrace me would you…) #(it’s not a meds thing (I take meds for mdd and I know what that looks like and this isn’t it) #(it’s hard to explain the difference between CPTSD and like a panic attack or a depression) #(except that I feel like I’m so so tainted and not in my body or if I’m in my body I’m in my body somewhere else #abuse cw #i didn’t ask for this cptsd and no tshirt was offered #this will disappear probably #UGH #(i am seeing my therapist tomorrow i just..i know i need to reach out to) #(to like my current landlords and ask if I could just pay for a cleaning service to come in) #(i know i need to be like ‘unfortunately my CPTSD is Fucking Terrible Right Now and I need) #(just a bit of grace apologies) #(i do not want my parents to know i do not want that) #(aside from the fact that I am already a burden to them anyway) #a stupid flop of a person i am crying thinking about how i had plans for kids and a wife and travel and…I’m nothing #(everyone else is something I’m not I don’t deserve grace lbr) #it keeps running through my head how many people i thought loved me want me dead #and it’s like I can fake it so well #(i don’t know I may be like sending words to people) #to run through the steps of not being alone #i’m truly sorry i am always not taking accountability and playing the victim and clinging to people #to get reassurance i don’t deserve that its a good person it isn’t it isn’t a person

[theokusgallery]

The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first

#siiiiiiigh... #im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT #poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay #writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying #there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and #(starts crying) #he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless #(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course) #god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him #he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires #he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem #don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw. #but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything. #even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy #he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay. #that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does #it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish #my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before... #which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much. #(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course) #arsenic #rant #sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)

[theloveinc]

i’m sorry if this is overdone but i just need to be alpha!kiri’s housewife!omega, I need tender cuddling while we sleep.. heavy.. heavy amounts of scenting.. to the point where u have to stop for a bit bc ur perfume is being blocked out by his natural scent of sandalwood n vanilla..

I need him to come home to our house filled with the sound of our rowdy-ass children’s laughter.. to the sight of me in the kitchen.. and for him to feel oh so fulfilled..

Need him to want to cover me in his sweat.. to push him away and send him to the bath with the sternest stare a lil tiny n chubby omega like me can give.. not before kissing his forehead n letting him get one sweaty hug in.

Need him to scarf down the massive meals i make for our family.. making sure our youngest eats their veggies and resolving any bickering between siblings..

need him to hold doors open for me.. to keep me safe from creeps while he takes me on a weekend shopping trip..

need him to fuck me in the changing room.. to give me drooling kisses and tight grips on my belly <3

Precious housewife omega🥺🥺🥺 MAKES me think that once an alpha gets a good one, they'll do anything to make them stay and keep them safe from others trying to court them... and for Kiri, the habits all just stuck.

He's so territorial but also sooooo gentle and sweet, you wouldn't know it you didn't see it (and for betas, it's even harder to detect), but rubbing you with his nasty, sweaty goodness is like... thee mark of having it all. I feel like even just being around you kinda makes him reek to other people because he's so !!!!!!!!! about seeing you and being around you and making it known to everyone that you're his.

(it's really funny because it annoys other alphas beyond belief and makes them jealous but also very frustrating because you've had omegas coming up to u both on your shopping trips or wherever to see if he's not mated... bark bark woof hiss LMFAOOOO.)

and the pups that you have, too🥺🥺🥺 i feel like you guys have two regular-sized litters who are just like their daddy and then one baby who comes out alone... hence why they're so picky abt everything LOL. definitely bakugo's favorite niecphew bc they for sure have a 'tude with everyone in the house (despite their size, everyone says they must've eaten the other pups in the litter in the womb LOOOL).

BUT YEAH. you definitely go through two loafs of french bread a night w/ kiri and his spawn in your house LOL. even the toughest, most desperate alphas fall at your feet when they learn what a big 'n protective family you have🥺

#kirishima #crying at the thought of a little like... 22 year old omega peeking from around the corner at u and kiri at the market #bc his scent is so strong they're like.... gotta investigate #i'd def be jealous but also like. yeah. thats my man. get your own (except in a nice way LOL) #and all his coworkers being like 'DUDE PLEASE STOP SMELLING LIKE THAT' #and he's like '🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺can't help in i do it in my sleep bc we share the same bed' #like skdfjaskdjfolrksidilfjaisekjfakeik bruh #anyway #kiri having a littlest child always makes me emo #i hope this was okay!!! #a/b/o tw #caitie things #gen #kids tw

[sexynetra]

I am on a mission to learn how to draw can you believe these are literally only 4 days apart I’m feeling so pussy pussy cunt cunt rn

#also I know it doesn’t look like Marcia I literally today learned how to draw facial proportions I can’t fuck around too much yet #also I liquified her she wrong so it’s a lil fucked up but #I’m v proud :) #didn’t even touch hair or body or anything but that’s fine I just want to learn to draw Marcia’s face right #that’s goal one #I will not rest until I get this down #I will become the expert in drawing Marcia’s face #also do you love that I can’t remember any makeup look except the red and white one #I’ve used it for like 6 drawings of her now #anyways it’s crazy what a single 10 minute video on how to properly proportion a face can do #also I don’t know what my style is yet bc I just started so obviously that factors into things #anyways! #artist advice is always welcome critique might (will) make me cry :) #encouragement is always… encouraged 😉 #anyways I’m v happy with myself #even though I opened the canvas and lost track of time and blinked and it was 2 am #also can I just say it took me a few tries but I’m loving the lettering on her name :) #okay that’s it I’m going to brush my teeth and fall asleep #also I’m still trying to figure out all the secrets of procreatepls aid #marcia #marcia x3 #marcia marcia marcia #drag race fanart #my art #also there’s only a one hour difference between how long it took to do these that’s so funny #wow #also in my defense! #I was trying out different styles so I was trying to copy a more cartoonish style #but still :) #also it looks so warm on my phone rn bc I have night mode on but the colors are so pretty on my iPad :) and presumably here once night mode

[monkee-mobile]

I just showed my cousin the picture of mike nesmith’s giant fucking ass and she replied in a monotone voice: “oh. that’s… cool. that’s… so real.”

#mike nesmith #she’s so disappointed in me guys #she just got done trauma dumping to me and i’m like ‘hey so i need to talk about mike nesmith’s big butt because i have a hyperfixation’ #and yes… tonight the hyperfixation is mike #and you may be like ‘yeah is that new?’ but the hyperfixation is specifically on little strange mike nesmith intricacies that are always in #my mind but i don’t always FIXIATE on #like usually i do this with micky and mike is just my entire being but tonight it’s mike #like his big bum is one of the silly things and another is his emo fucking daughter and how much she looks like michael’s mother #like she really does it makes me cry i am not related to these people i do not know them but i care for the nesmith’s so deeply cause monkee #like she looks like her grandmother!! i can totally see phyllis in her but all mikes kids got his vibe #lil baby mikes #and his mother came out in his daughter !! genetics !!! #sorry for the rant in the tags if anyone sees this. i just love monkees so much #it’s like nothing i’ve ever loved before except maybe scooby doo when i was 6-9 years old

[thepoisonroom]

as a hard of hearing girly since birth it was honestly so validating the first time i took an ASL class and found out that it's considered very rude in Deaf culture to be like "never mind, it's not important" when someone asks you to repeat something, thereby excluding them from the conversation. like it's not the worst or most impactful part of having a hearing disability by a long shot but hearing people can be so thoughtless about how bad it sucks to feel like no one else places value on your ability to participate in communal/social life and bonding and they are fine with you sitting in a corner feeling confused and dismissed and excluded

#weirdly feel like it's very similar to how flippant people can be about accommodations for people with digestive issues/food intolerances #like yeah it won't kill you if you show up and you can't eat anything but bread but it sucks to feel like you can't participate in #the communal activities people are coming together to do #and after a while it just makes you feel like no one gives a shit about your presence of feelings except to consider them an inconvenience #like again it won't kill me not to know what anyone's talking about but it makes me feel infantilized and like a nuisance #like oh cool for you that you get to decide for me if it's important #and how convenient that you always decide that my ability to participate is less important #than your right to avoid the GRUELING ordeal of repeating whatever the fuck you said #it makes me so mad sometimes because it's so thoughtless able-bodied people truly don't spend a single fucking moment #thinking about the experience of having a disability #and this is again the smallest and least malicious expression of that but it still makes me so irate #just getting that validation that i wasn't being fussy about nothing was such a relief that it made me want to cry #personal nonsense

[squuote]

oh jee-- i hope im not late! Happy birthday

#asks #for me #NOT LATE AT ALL IM JUST. SCREAMING !!!!! #WAAAAHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH??? I FUCKING LOVE THIS #OH MY GOD IVE JUST BEEN STARING AT THIS DURING MY WHOLE BREAK WAAAGHHDGDHDHBSBDBD THANK YOUU !!!! #EVEN THE HAT IS MADE OF RIBBONS IM !!!!! CRYING SOBBING !!!!!! #I don’t have the words to express how much I fucking adore this AAAAAAAAA #I seriously gotta make you a gift soon you always make me such absolutely lovely and awesome art WAAAAA #ULT FAV #SQUEEEE IM JUST. OVER THE MOON. IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY EXCEPT TO SCREAM !!

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Massage was not what I'd hoped 😔 kinda frustrated. I feel like a lot of the time when I ask a massage practitioner to concentrate on a certain area (in this case my shoulders and especially my neck because the pain has been getting really really bad) they say, "Absolutely!" And then proceed to do the routine they already have memorized, regardless of what I asked for. Like, they spent more time massaging my legs than my neck. I never mentioned my legs. I mentioned nothing about pain or anything else being out of whack below the waist, or even below my mid-back.

Maybe it's because a lot of folks get nervous when I bring up my rotated vertebrae and they just end up avoiding the area altogether, perhaps even unconsciously doing so. But goddamnit my neck fucking HURRRRTS and it almost never isn't hurting and I just paid $150 to have someone not rub it for an hour and a half.

#disappointing massage #can't believe I spent so much goddamn money for no relief #In the past I've literally gotten more relief from just plopping myself in front of a friend on the couch and bribing them for a neckrub #The problem is I'm just out of comfortable touch friends #my neck still hurts so fucking bad I'm gonna cry #except i shouldn't because that will also make the neck hurt worse #worst part is I still tipped them because it is deeply ingrained in me to always tip #life of faye #god I wish I had just like one close friend with strong hands I could bribe to rub my neck #I'd pay them cook them food kill their enemies whatever they wanted #just please make my neck not hurt for a little while 😭

[mwagneto]

the way 3 of my biggest long term hyperfixations that all started within a few months of each other in 2019 all came back to haunt me within the same amount of months in 2023 and two of them ENDED they want me to die so bad

#except I didn't like gh/osts s5 but d/oom patrol s5 was really good but they both made me cry insanely hard so whatev #gomens 2 didnt make me cry at all but it did horrendous things to me so yknow #LITERALLY WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW THEY WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. NOW WHAT #goddddddddddd what an incredible finale. lays down and decomposes #doom patrol #bbc ghosts #good omens #gomens #i DONT want this in the tags but i want them in my tags sorry😐 #OH ALSO. the way season 4 finales are always always ALWAYS a letdown.... breaking the pattern........ #bl/ack sails s4 finale was incredible too but idt anything i watched live that ended on its #4th season ever ended well. sh*rlock... k/illing eve..... mr r/obot........ some other shite i forgor💀

[gaiaxygang]

kanghan dangerous romance (trips and falls down the stairs)

#gaiaxyposting #dangerous romance #mini (Hopefully) ramble incoming #ive been thinking about kanghan 'walking emotional neglect symptom checklist' for a while now #ever since that interview where perth described kanghan as someone who has everything except love #so much of his behaviour like how he always hesitates to believe he can achieve anything #and how he chases after sailom's praise. even the way hes so prone to crying #it all makes so much sense when you see it that way #and even the way kanghan's reactions to his dad seem disproportionate to how his dad talks to him (earlier in the series) #which can indicate many things! but it also makes me think about how often the effects of emotional neglect are viewed #because its perceived to not be as bad as other forms of abuse (spoiler alert! it is) #theres a bit more going on with kanghan but this ^ is likely a problem thats been going on for a While #kanghan is relatively well adjusted id say. the fact that hes able to express to his grandma that he felt neglected by his dad is Good #RANT OVER i think its getting too personal #i care him :(

[uniformbravo]

the natsuyuu manga is so funny the volume will be like "natsume grapples with his desire for unconditional love versus his fear of burdening those around him, knowing the more he opens his heart to the people he cares about the more he stands to lose if something goes wrong; these people are the warmest he's ever known and he's the happiest he's ever been and that scares him because he can't shake the feeling that it's fleeting and fragile and could all disappear at any moment, so all he can do is fight to protect everything he loves and hope one day he'll deserve the precious happiness he's been given here"

and then the blurb on the back is like "natsume climbs up into the attic to look for some books, but... uh oh... is that a... g-g-g-ghost??!? things are about to get freaky deaky in here if he doesn't do something... quick!!! will natsume be able to handle it before the clock strikes thirteen, or will he become... gulp... the ghost's next meal?!?"

#always gives me a little heehee chuckle after the Emotional Damage inflicted by the story #just finished vol 11 uuuuuuu........ the one where he goes to visit his parents' old home uuuuuuuu......... #it was the first episode to make me cry when i watched the anime but i didn't this time #i did tear up at the end tho when natsume asks to retake the family photo with sensei in it this time 😭😭😭 #like stopppppppppp im gonna die #retag later #ny blogging #moment was ruined when i turned the page and fuckin Matoba was there like WHO ASKED U KGJSLDKSDKGN #(lil mini drawings after every chapter. the theme this vol was characters when they were younger and. matoba & natori were up next ig) #it's fine there were already other parts of the manga that made me cry that didn't in the anime #like when the little fox travels all the way out to see natsume again and finds him having fun w his friends #and loses courage and walks away thinking ''i guess the one who was really lonely this whole time was me...'' #AND THEN natsume finds them anyway and asks for directions to their forest so he can come visit next time LIKE COME ONNNNNNNNN #the natsume observation logs are everything 2 me u hear me EVERYTHING #main character from other characters' pov is ALWAYS 1000/10 good shit 👌👌👌 #i wanna get to nishimura and kitamoto's chapters again rhrngnghrnggh vibrates in chair #cant be doing this again Except That I Can #where are my boys. SHOW ME THE BOYS

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Hmmggggggg almost got into a full fight with Cunt coworker bc she was totally ignoring one of the kids while also actively making things worse with another

#aaaand now ive had to take myaelf outside bc coming down from anger always makes me cry and shake #god i hate her #she constantly talks over everyone as well then doesnt listen when you talk to her #even if shes jist asked you a question #and she keeps scolding literally the sweetest kid we have for TALKING when its too late #shut the entire fuck up hes autistic with echolalia??? talking is how he regulates and he wasnt even loud! #uuuggghhhh #less than an hour to go. i can do this #except im in again tomorrow and in with Her on saturday #AND the sweet kids mum has tandonly announced shes visiting #which frankly i should be grateful she bothers to give us notice at all but shes also an abusive peice of shit #whom he is actively afraid of #so hes gonna have a meltdown when he finds out and probably when she visits and ill be on shift for that #i fucking hate it talks so much about how the kids specialised needs are the priority but they care SO fucking little #kids mum used to call the police on him any time he had a meltdown and lock him in his bedroom but SURE she can show up fucking whenever #why not if we're already just pissing around

[hella1975]

it's interesting how when i read the words 'christmas break' i see time off uni to be with family in the holiday season but when my lecturers read it they see 'time to study for four in-person exams in january covering everything we've done in the semester'

#i just think that's interesting. like what does 'break' mean in their language. do they have christmas #furious about this if you cant tell #i have so. much. content to cover in 20 days and im working at the pub again #my first shift back is tonight and im lowkey bricking it #bc i know i always joke that im gonna have forgotten how to waitress but waitressing is like riding a bike #it's just that my place has lots of tiny specific things we HAVE to do on shift and i just KNOW ive forgotten it all #im gonna make so many mistakes this shift while i find my footing again which should be fine #but they hired SO MANY NEW PEOPLE when all the student crowd left for term time #and the people im on shift with this evening are either people i dont know or people i actively dislike #like only TWO GIRLS im friends with are working tonight this is the worst crowd to be shambolic with #they do not appreciate the shenanigans #so on top of all the shifts ive picked up im also supposed to be revising for exams in january #mind im the only course i know that have in person exams let alone FOUR OF THEM RIGHT AFTER XMAS #economics wants me dead i swear to god #me and the school of business are in a fistfight except im crying and bloody on the ground #hella goes to uni