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harrywritingsbyme · 4 years

Note

it’s sooo hot where i live right now and it’s also really hot in my house, so could you maybe do something where the reader faints from the heat? like heatstroke or something??

Too Hot

Based Off Of This Ask

A/N: I Combined the two! I HAD to make this a Sugar daddy/boyfriend!Harry fic. It’s fluffy with a tinge of angst bc why not. The ending is ‘eh’...so don't judge me. Enjoy🙃

Harry loved to do any and everything for you. He’d buy you the entire world if he could. He just loved doing things for you. He knows how hard you work, plus you never ask him for anything besides his love and support. So spoiling you would always be a priority for him. He absolutely adored seeing your face light up when he bought you something that you’d been eyeing or something that he just knew you’d like. There was no sight in this world that he loved more than seeing you, the woman he loves happy. He planned on doing everything he could to keep that smile on your face. And Harry was able to do just about everything to successfully do that. That is, except for one thing.

Despite all of the presents he’s bought you and the love and affection he showered you with, he still couldn’t get you to move in with him.

You loved Harry more than you could ever explain to anyone. You were constantly thanking your lucky stars for not only having such an amazing boyfriend, but also for just having an amazing person like him in your life at all. Even though you didn’t care about all the presents, you weren’t going to deny the fact that you did enjoy them. You absolutely loved the way Harry spoiled you and made you feel like a princess. Who wouldn’t love that?! Despite this being the case, you still couldn’t manage to allow yourself to take him up on his offer to move in with him. You loved the way he spoiled you with love and presents, but moving in was an entirely different ballgame for you. You felt like you should be taking care of yourself and anything Harry gave you should just be extra. For some reason, when you thought about living with him, you felt like you were incapable or inadequate when it came to taking care of yourself. With this being said, every time Harry’d ask or bring it up to you, you’d sweetly say “one day”.

You knew that without a doubt you and Harry would live together in the future. What you didn’t know was that one day, would actually be today.

It was the hottest day of the year so far where you lived and as if it was right on time, the air conditioner in your apartment broke the night before. This meant that your place was going to become an oven and you had no choice but to live in it. You were taking all of the necessary measures to stay cool. You were wearing minimal and cool clothes, you kept your cold water near you at all times, the blinds and curtains were closed to keep the sun out, and the fan was on the highest setting. Even though you were doing all these things, it didn’t stop your body from shutting down. You were able to get through the morning but once noon hit, your apartment only got hotter and more uncomfortable. The heat was just too much for you and before you knew it, you were out for the count.

Thankfully, you weren’t alone and passed out in your apartment for long. Yesterday Harry had promised you that he’d come over and spend the day with you after he got out of the meetings he had scheduled for today. After walking down the long hallway, which was just another reason why Harry wanted you to move in with Him, he finally makes it to your apartment. Normally after one or two knocks you’d be opening the door and greeting Harry with a kiss. After a few more knocks and still no response, Harry fishes into his pocket for his keys and uses the key you’d given him and he lets himself in. As soon as he opens the door, he’s enveloped in the overwhelming heat from your apartment. When he steps inside, he only gets hotter. But the heat was the last thing he was worrying about when he saw you slumped over on the couch with the fan directly on you. When he sees you like this, his mind goes straight to the worst case scenario.

Harry knew that you and heat didn’t mix well at all. There were countless times where he needed to keep a close eye on you whenever you two were out and about when it was beyond hot outside. You’d only fainted once in the past, and he was right there to take care of you. Now, Harry didn’t know how long you’d been like this and he was absolutely terrified.

Harry immediately drops the paper bag that held the lunch he brought for you both and rushes right over to you. He brings two fingers up to your neck to check your pulse and in that moment, Harry breathed for the first time since he stepped inside. The absolute worse case scenario that was running around in his head finally stops when he feels a pulse. The only thing he had to do next was get you up and awake. For the next 20 minuets, Harry runs around your apartment to get you situated so that when you come back to you’re nice and comfortable. He makes sure that the damp washcloth he has draped across your forehead is cool at all times, and that the makeshift icepacks he made are in all the right places. Once you’re all taken care of in bed, Harry leaves out of your room to take care of the food he brought you earlier.

When you finally begin to come back to, you immediately notice a change in your surroundings and your mind goes straight to Harry. You could hear him moving around somewhere in your apartment, so you decide to get up and check on him. But that plan is immediately scrapped, when you feel a massive headache crash over you as you move to sit up.

“Harry” You call out to him, even though your mouth was beyond dry and your throat was a bit scratchy. After a few more calls out to him, you finally hear his footsteps coming in the direction of your bedroom.

“Hey baby.” Harry coos softly, coming into the bedroom with a tray of essentials in hand. He comes around to your side of the bed and he places the tray on your bedside table before sitting on the edge next to your legs. “How y’feeling?”

“I have a crazy headache.” You grumble to him. “What happened?” You ask him, trying to figure out why you were waking up with a massive headache, and why Harry was taking on the role of nurse.

“The heat was too much for you and you passed out on the couch.” Harry explains, reaching over to grab a pain reliever for your headache.

“How long was I out?” You sigh, taking the pill from Harry. Before answering, Harry helps you sit up so that you can take the pill with water.

“When I got here, you were passed out on the couch.” Harry explains further, holding you and the glass of water up.

“The AC went out last night.” You tell him, laying back against the pillows when when you’re done with the water.

“I don’t want to tell you that I told you so, especially now” Harry begins, placing the glass of water back onto the tray. “But…this wouldn’t have happened if you just moved in with me.” Harry says matter of factly.

“Harry” you sigh, digging your head back into the pillow.

“I know this isn’t the best time to have this conversation, but I just need to know. If you don’t want to that’s fine, but I just need an answer.” At first you were frustrated with the idea of having this conversation. But seeing the look of worry, mixed with dejection was making you feel even worse than you were already feeling. To see Harry worried about you and your health, to now showing a feeling of being turned down was the worse sight in the world.

“Babe” you sigh, reaching out to grab his hand. “It’s not that I don’t want to move in with you, it’s just that-“ before you even continue, you have to pause for a second. Even though you weren’t in the right frame of mind to talk about things right now, you did owe it to Harry to at least give him an answer.

“You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me, just tell me how you feel.” He reminds you, squeezing your hand in his.

“It’s just that you already do so much for me as it is, and moving in with you makes me feel like I can’t take care of myself. It’s like I work hard and I still need someones help.” You explain lowly to him.

“Babe, the little bit that I do for you is nowhere near what you deserve. You work extremely hard and I completely understand why you feel like you should be taking care of yourself. But, at the end of the day, I love you, I want to make you happy, and I just want to spend every moment I possibly can with you. Especially after today.” By the end, Harry was on the verge of tears. Seeing you so fragile and not being able to do anything about it was really getting to him. He also hated not being able to take care of you the way he wanted to, and the way you deserved.

“I know you’re gonna cry, and if you do then I’m gonna lose it.” You pout up at him. After hearing his side, you realized that yes your feelings may have been valid, but moving in together would make Harry happy, and that’s the only thing that mattered to you. And it’s not like you were moving in with a complete stranger. You were moving in with Harry, the absolute love of your life.

“You really scared me today baby.” Harry sighs in disbelief.

“I’m so sorry baby.”

“S’not your fault that you have a shitty air conditioning unit.” Harry jokes.

“And I wouldn’t have to worry about that if I just moved in with you already.” You repeat his words as you sit up against your headboard. In this short amount of time, you managed to make your mind up that you were indeed going to take Harry up on his offer and move in with him. Now you just wanted to lighten the mood a little bit and mess with him.

“What’s it going to take for you to move in with me?” He asks you. His time was filled with amusement and frustration at the fight you were putting up against this. You’d given him a hard time before, but never like this.

“You buying me that pretty necklace I showed you.” You bargain. You figured you might as well try to get something else out of the deal.

To Harry though, this was a yes to his proposal. You could have said that you wanted an island and he would have emptied his bank accounts to do it. And with Harry, that was far from an over exaggeration.

“De-“ before he can even agree, you quickly interject to make sure he knows exactly what you want.

“The diamond one.” You clarify. When Harry hears you say this, he couldn’t help but laugh. Even though you didn’t ask for much, you surely knew what you wanted.

“I’ll buy you the entire store if it means that my baby’ll be living with me.” Harry says excitedly. He stands up and straddles your body so that he’s on top of you and he begins to shower you with little kisses. After a few more minuets of kisses and laughs between you and Harry, the both of you were out of breath.

“I love you.” You whisper up to him with a soft smile, and reaching up to push back the curls that had fallen in his face.

“I love you more baby.” Harry sighs back Happily, bringing his head down to press another kiss to your lips. “On an unrelated note, am I your sugar daddy?”

“Way to ruin the mood sir.” You laugh at the random question.

“No I’m being serious.” Harry chuckles, trying to start up the conversation again. “I mean, you already call me daddy in the bedroom. And I buy you pretty things.” Harry rations.

“When you get me that pretty necklace, are you gonna make me suck you off to say thank you?” You tease.

“I mean, I’m not gonna force you, nor oppose it the way some people like to oppose things.” He says pointedly with a smirk. “But it would be nice though.”

“I like being your girlfriend though.” You pout up at him.

“You’ll still be my girlfriend obviously. I think I just want the title. Y’know?”

“No, I really don’t know. But I do love you, and if it makes you happy, I guess you can be my sugar daddy. Just know that you’re a weirdo.” You agree, even though you had no idea where this was coming from.

“You said yes to two things in one day?! Is this because you’re getting a pretty necklace outta me?” Harry asks “suspiciously”.

“Maybe” You reply with a smirk.

“Well I think that this daddy deserves some sugar.” Harry replies smoothly. When he says this, all you could do was laugh hysterically.

“Okay, two things. One, never say that again because that was really weird. Two, I’d me more than willing to give you some “sugar”, but we need to go to your place and do it because it’s hot in here, you being on top of me only makes me hotter, and I’m not trying to pass out again.”

“Fine” Harry concedes, making sure to give you a serious pout before falling onto the bed next to you.

Even though passing out wasn’t the most ideal way to have a breakthrough, it did end up working out in you and Harry’s benefit.

Masterlist

#Harry Styles #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry smut #harry styles writing #my harry writing #concepts of h #harrywritingsbyme #boyfriend!harry #sugar daddy!h

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fantasy2739 · 4 years

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ohmygod I just read pretty much ALL your douxie fics, I love your writing!! if you’re still down for prompts, completely up to you if you wanna do this bc I know you’ve done a lot of suffering douxie already (but tbh I just love to see it) could you do a douxie sickfic? preferably with him being looked after by archie +/- nari but totally up to you!

Sickfics give me life but I suck at them(fair warning). But thank you so much for reading my works!! I’m glad you’ve liked them. We all love suffering Douxie.

Also, I know some of you are waiting for submissions and I really am going as quickly as I can. My inbox however, is still back on August 16th which is a while ago. I hope no one minds too much that I’m taking my sweet sweet time but I want to be sure these are good enough for you guys.

I hope you enjoy!:

Douxie couldn’t remember the last time he’d been sick. He must have been really young. He’d never been sick with Merlin. Never been sick after he’d fallen asleep. Wizard immortality did that to a man. In all honesty he didn’t think he could get sick. But here he was, laid up in bed with a fever and the worlds stuffiest nose. Nari and Archie hovered by him. They hadn’t needed a first aid kit, why would they? Nari didn’t get ill. Archie didn’t get ill. Douxie didn’t get ill. Except he was and they had no idea what to do. Archie was fluttering around, his dragon wings flapping rapidly. Nari was perched on the edge of the sofa, eyeing him cautiously.

“‘M fine.” Douxie mumbled sleepily. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? You’ve never been ill before.” Archie said. Douxie could make out the blurry shape of Archie floating.

“Fine.” Douxie insisted. It didn’t sound fine. It sounded weak and slightly slurred. Douxie tried to ignore the fact that his body felt like a sauna meeting an igloo somehow. He should be going into work. He should be doing lots of things but he felt like he’d been knocked out flat.

“What do we do when someone is too hot?” Nari asked. “Skrael would dump them in ice and Bellroc would just leave them. But that doesn’t seem right.” Archie pondered it.

“I think food.” He said. “That fixes things. Soup and sleep.”

“So he sleeps now yes?” Nari asked. Douxie would have grumbled. Maybe even complained but sleep sounded really nice. Just a quick nap to ease the headache he could feel forming.

Archie watched Douxie fall asleep with a worried gaze. His friend hadn’t been sick ever. And this might have been one of the worst times to get sick, what with the Arcane Order breathing down their necks. Still, maybe that was part of it. The fight with the Order and the loss of Merlin were still close. Still too soon. And sometimes the mind just had to tell the body enough. Archie wasn’t a hundred percent sure on his suggestions. But they were better than nothing. And at least Douxie would get some sleep out of this. That just left Nari. The little (but not young, never young) green being. She was no doubt worried and if Archie acted worried... well it would only make things worse.

“Let’s leave him to rest.” Archie said, nudging her. He dragged a cover over Douxie and floated to the ground. “He’ll get better.” But was he reassuring Nari or himself. For an all powerful being Nari looked down right terrified.

“If we make this soup he will be fixed?” She asked shyly.

“We’re not going to make it now.” Archie said. “He should get some sleep first. Then we’ll make it.”

“This soup must be powerful magic.”

“It’s not magic per say. It’s food.” Archie said, attempting to reassure her with some humour. “You know what they say, can’t fight on an empty stomach.”

“Douxie is fighting?” Nari asked in alarm, eyes going back to their sleeping companion.

“What? No I mean. Technically.” Archie said. He sighed. “When you get sick it’s a fight within the body, not a person.”

“How does one win this fight?” Nari asked. “It does not sound easy.”

“They rest, they eat and drink water.” Archie said. “It gives them the... power to fight the illness.” Nari nodded and Archi felt just a little less ridiculous.

“So we wait?” Nari asked. Archie nodded. Nari curled up on the floor and sat in an almost meditative pose. Archie curled up, listening to Douxie’s disrupted breathing.

Nari was no expert on this soup thing. Quite honestly it slightly befuddled her. Archie has insisted it wasn’t magic but food. And somehow this magicless food would help Douxie. She wasn’t going to complain if it did, it just seemed... well it seemed useless. Magical beings needed magical things to sustain themselves. Except humans apparently. They all seemed to manage fine without magic plants and whatnot. She pulled out the fan of tomato soup and eyed it suspiciously. It didn’t look harmful. It didn’t feel it either. Archie told her how to prepare it and it all seemed simple. And sensible. And yet Nari couldn’t help but sniff it repeatedly. There was no magic. No poison. Just the smell of tomato and another plant that Archie called Basil. She watched it bubble away for a moment. Only for Archie to tell her that was enough. She’d burn it otherwise. Nari poured the soup into a bowl while Archie went to wake Douxie. He sat up sleepily, half lidded eyes trying to catch Nari. She came over.

“Archie said this will help.” She said, holding it out like an offering. Douxie stared blankly at the bowl and Nari wondered if she’d said something wrong.

“We may need to feed it to him.” Archie said. “And by we I mean you.” He waved a paw. “No thumbs.” Nari set the bowl down and grabbed a chair. Archie helped to prop Douxie up, curling up next to him. Nari plunged a spoon into the reddish orange soup and offered it out. Douxie managed to angle his mouth towards it and after a little swirling, managed to swallow. He grimaced and Nari wondered if it tasted that bad. But Archie had said it would make it better and she wasn’t going to slow down just because he might not like it. She made Douxie finish the bowl, letting him flop back after he was done.

“You will be better soon.” Nari reassured him. Douxie gave her a half smile that warmed her to her horns. He seemed to be drifting back to sleep. Nari took the bowl and watched as he slept on.

“He’ll be fine.” Archie said and she wondered who he was trying to convince. Nari reached over and felt the strong thrum of magic that ran through Douxie. It felt okay. Tired. Worn. But okay.

“He will be.” She said softly. “We will let him rest.” She gave him one last look over before retiring to her room and mumbling a prayer that her new friend would be okay.

#fanfiction #submissions #asks #toa #toa wizards #tales of arcadia #tales of arcadia wizards #douxie #hisirdoux casperan #toa archie #nari #sickfic #archie and nari lowkey have no clue #archie has some because books and people #but i doubt immortal wizards get sick #although the hint is that its not sick sick but just tired #nari is a smol bean #she just wants douxie to be okay #the healing properties of soup man

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naturesgender · 3 years

Text

hey folks this is gonna be a really really long post, i just kinda gotta write some stuff down, idk if anyone is gonna see this but if you do i’m gonna try to do the thing where there’s a cut and you can press “keep reading” if you wanna see the whole thing but idk how to do that so if it doesn’t work i’m sorry in advance!

*i think i figured it out, it should work! just put it there so u wouldn’t have to scroll past the whole thing if u didn’t wanna read it cause it’s rlly fuckin long lmao i love u all <3*

ok so

i am not Clinically Depressed i don’t live w/depression i don’t struggle with it on a daily basis i am generally a pretty Not-Depressed person

however

i am doing my best to get better at not ignoring the times when i *do* feel depressed because “i don’t actually suffer from clinical depression so this isn’t even that bad!” or “a lot of my friends feel like this on a daily fuckin basis and that’s really awful for them so i should always prioritize their feelings over mine all the time” or “these are stupid reasons to be depressed anyway” or “even though it’s really really hard for me to get out of bed right now there are people who sometimes Cannot get out of bed and i am not one of those people so it’s all good lol” or any of that shit cause (news flash) i am not the greatest at taking good emotional care of myself, and although i have gotten better at letting others take care of me, i still have lots of problems feeling comfy doing that if they’re not also letting me take care of them (which is a whole other issue that i’m not gonna get into rn)

so with all that in mind i just kind of wanted to get it down in writing and like Acknowledge the fact that during this past semester, mostly during the past month, i have been the most generally depressed i’ve been for a long time, maybe ever. i was definitely depressed in freshman year and was having some pretty Not Spicy Thoughts (nothing *super* serious dw) and that definitely wasn’t fun, but that was like a different brand of depression. back then the main reason i was depressed was bc i had no friends (or at least none i felt i could really be close with) and i was struggling to make the transition to high school and i didn’t really feel like either of my two-friends-who-i-didn’t-feel-i-could-be-close-with cared about me at all. this is a different brand. i’m very lucky to have a lovely group of very close friends who i can trust and who i mostly feel i can rely on (although when it comes to relying on my friends, the problem isn’t that i don’t feel that my friends are reliable bc i know that they are and i know they love me!! i trust that they would help me!! the issue is that i don’t often feel like it would be fair to ask them for help, but like i said that’s a whole other issue just wanted to clarify that the issue is not with my friends it’s 100% with me and i know that). i have a pretty good social life as of rn, and even though we’re all dealing with this shitty shitty pandemic, my friends and i have found ways to stay connected and we videochat and play games and i love them so much and i’m so grateful for them and they make my life infinitely better. so the social aspect is not the issue here in the same way it was in freshman year. the issue here is that i seem to have lost most of my driving force.

here is a list to help me acknowledge things

i turn 18 in exactly a month (january 7th) and although i know that i don’t just *poof* into an adult, i am still terrified of losing my childhood (much of which i have already lost due to very poor memory and my anxiety quashing the ability to be weird the way that i am/the way that i want to) and i don’t have myself together in the way that i wanted to by the time i reached 18/senior year/graduation/Adulting Time

online class is hell, the work has only gotten harder, i sit at my desk and stare at my computer screen for over 10 hours a day and don’t move and get lots of headaches and feel very understimulated, there’s always Something i haven’t done, and i can’t find it in me to give any shits about school in any way shape or form

except for maybe practicum i care about practicum i always care about practicum

i have basically no money and my gap year is coming up and i can’t get a job right now and i might not be able to get a job this school year at all and i am terrified of not being able to make enough money to give my friends the safe space they need, i need to support them, they need people who will Love Them, i want to give them a home i want to be a home for them and i am fucking terrified of not being able to make it happen for them

and for myself but also not really

like i definitely want this and i’m super excited to live with them but i’m also scared to leave home but i also know that they Need to leave home and i want to give them what they need!! and we’re gonna have such a good time!! and we’re gonna be safe and we’re gonna be whole and we’re gonna be loved and we’re gonna be a family!! this needs to happen i need to give them this we need to make this

i don’t wanna make it seem like i don’t wanna live with them, i do, i really do, i love them to pieces, i love them with all i am, i can’t express how much i love them, and i’m really really really excited, but at this point i’m mostly scared

having been diagnosed with (mild) adhd does not make it any easier to focus or sleep and i cannot fucking focus and i haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks

there’s so much shit that i have to do hanging over my head, mostly it’s scheduling i’m trying to schedule my life basically (which sounds crazy but it’s less intense than it sounds i’m just trying to give myself more structure) but that’s a really overwhelming task and every time i try to make a schedule i can never stick to it so i have a lot less faith in it this time around

my sexuality and gender and thoughts about surgery/transitions/etc remain unclear and the only thing i’m sure of is that i’m demiromantic, but that doesn’t do shit about unrequited romance, which hurts like a motherfucker, and i don’t even truly know if it *is* romance that i’m wanting and there’s nothing real that i can do about that either

still feeling like shit about my body in a lot of different ways, not gonna get too far into it rn

the pandemic + online school + drudgery of classes + general unmotivated feelings + no changes in routine + a lack of structure + same environment 24/7 makes every day feel the fucking same and i’m sick of it

i’m stressed about vassar results coming out tmrw and i still have to write like at most 8 different college supplements before december 23rd (2 weeks)

i haven’t really sat down and done anything i’ve Enjoyed for a while and not had a Responsibility hanging over my head

basically i’m tired and anxious and overworked and lonely and lacking a driving force and really really fucking angry at everything and all that combines to make me pretty damn miserable! and as a result of all of this, my self-care is slipping and then my room doesn’t get clean and my bed doesn’t get made and i don’t get dressed or make myself proper meals or brush my teeth or sleep and that just makes it worse

and i want to talk about how i do definitely still have plenty of happy moments and good things and there is still a good amount of sunshine, i’m not *completely* miserable, but the minute i start thinking about that, i start to think that whatever sunshine there may be automatically cancels out any gray that there is, which is not a good place to be because i don’t want to fake being happy (i’ve never been good at that anyway which is probably a good thing) so i’m trying to acknowledge that hey! things are pretty shitty!! but please keep in mind that even as i type this, most of me is saying things along the lines of “don’t share this don’t post it don’t complain you don’t have it bad you’re fine you need to take care of your friends you can’t feel these things just snap out of it and you’ll be fine” so this is a pretty big step and a lot for me to just Put Out Into The World

i spent a while trying to think of other things that i could add here but i don’t really think there’s much else to say. i’m not sure where to go from here. i don’t have any magic solutions so i am trying really really hard not to let myself slip into complete giving-up-i-will-not-get-better space and it helps to just Know what’s in my brain. i don’t know if i have the mental energy to try to “fix” any of these issues right now, i just think i needed to start by writing them down. now i have them and i guess i’ll see where i can go from here. sorry this post was super long for anyone who may have chosen to take a look

that’s all <3

#tw mental health issues??#i honestly don't know this is just me dumping my negative feelings into a super long post #so if u are not in the right head space to read that (totally valid) then plz avoid/ignore!#feel free to ignore even if u are in the right headspace honestly this is mostly for me #if u do happen to read it i do ask that u let me know that u have read it if that's ok? i'm sorry hhhh i just really don't like not knowing

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apprenticenerd · 4 years

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"Anyone can send me an ask with one of the titles and I’ll post a snippet or talk about that WIP!" The Acropolis, Tacet, Checklist, A Tiny Galaxy, Hearsay, Going Back, Ella Disenchanted, Making Peace, The Slashed Circle, Wake Up, Tenno, Midnight, Heliotropism, Arrhythmia, the one about Among Us, the one about Library of Ruina, the one that’s a D&D world concept. Yes, all of them. I know you wanna talk about all of them. So go, go forth and do it!

Hoooo boy, this is gonna be a long post. Lots and lots of writing snippets under the cut to avoid dash stretch!

The Acropolis - original - length uncertain - 1.4k and counting

im not ready for this im not i thought it would be yrs i thought id at least get an english degree first

omg sal whats goin on

fuckin hell whyd it have to be now i have a chem lab tomorrow

sally-tate macpherson. u never swear. ever. wtf is goin on.

ok. jess. i need u to listen really really carefully. understand?

answer the goddamn question ur scarin me

shut up and listen and this will go a lot better

fine but u need to tell me wtf is happnenig

ok. im going to tell you a bunch of stuff. not giving u advice, thats not allowed, but im gonna tell u stuff it seems like itd be impossible for me to know.

?????????????

i said shut up this is really important dont question how i know it. just go with it and figure out what to do. and dont die. bc no matter how crazy stuff seems, if u die, ur dead. here and everywhere. ok?

This is an original story coming straight from a @/writing-prompt-s prompt about a crack in a kid’s hardwood floor that they fantasized was a portal actually being one. I originally intended to write the entire thing like this, as a conversation over text, but that may not be feasible given a certain world-building detail at the other end of the portal (and the limits of my creativity lmao).

---

Tacet - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 3.2k and counting

She closed her eyes again, and there it was. Hallucination? Some new science trick with electromagnetic radiation off the visible spectrum? Evidence that she was actually going insane? Whatever it was, it burned behind her eyelids in bright, incontrovertible red - and was completely invisible when she opened her eyes again. There was just the usual mess of club posters and one big one about someone’s exceedingly dumb-looking lost cat.

Eyes open, there was only Sargent Snuggles. Eyes closed, there was the normal darkness and then three lines of text where the poster had been, wavering like scarlet fire:

JOIN TBC JOIN TBC JOIN TBC

TBC? What the fuck was that? She’d never heard of any group with that acronym before. Hardly aware of the flurry of weird looks from half the other people in the hallway, she crossed the hall to examine the lost cat poster more closely. It felt like perfectly normal paper when she touched it, and there wasn’t even a hint of red with her eyes open, unless you counted the cat’s tacky pink sweater. How the hell was this even possible?

“You’re finally cracking, Bri,” she groaned under her breath, then headed for her locker. She did have to get home. Add another big fat entry to the weird shit list.

A backstory one-shot for my Blackout Club OC Briar, telling the story of how she got into the club in the first place. I’ve been stuck in the same spot for a while now, after Briar’s friend Dani explains the club to her, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the scene’s over as is. Of course, writing the next one is the tough part.

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Checklist - The Blackout Club - one-shot - 1.7k and counting

8. You still have a headache. Shouldn’t you go back to sleep and try to do this in the morning?

9. (wake up)

10. Nah, you’ve always been a night owl, and school starts criminally early, too early to get much done beforehand. It’s quiet, except for Dad snoring. Your parents are asleep already. You can stay up until this is done, and they’ll be none the wiser.

11. Your head hurts worse. It’s getting harder to think. At only 9 pm? 9:30? Whatever. You should sleep.

12. (wake UP)

13. What are you thinking? You have to read at least a little of this chapter, or there’s no way you’ll be able to bullshit your way through class tomorrow. Besides, all of a sudden, the silence feels...strange. Heavier? You can’t describe it.

14. You need to sleep. You need a drink of water or something. You need to finish this damn homework. You need to sleep. You need to sleep.

15. Stare at The Great Gatsby. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense.

16. Realize what’s up with the silence. Dad’s not snoring anymore. You aren’t feeling like yourself. You need to sleep.

17. Something’s weird.

18. (WAKE UP)

19. ...No. Something’s wrong.

Another Blackout Club story and another Interface Screw, as it were, this time in the form of a (very long) checklist. None of the characters have names (yet). It describes another way a kid could find themself running around at night with the Blackout Club, this time by fighting off the Song just enough to run into a club member who could wake them up the rest of the way. As with Tacet, I still need to write the suspenseful part.

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A Tiny Galaxy - Warframe - 4 chapters planned, 1 complete, 1 in progress - 7.8k and counting

Try it if you don’t believe me, the kid in the vent had said.

It was impossible. It was physically impossible. All of this was impossible. Had the Void...? Could the Void...?

The ship was at a standstill. Her mother had tried to kill her, and something had happened. She’d made something happen. There had been no holoprojector in that kid’s hand. Nothing was impossible anymore.

Jhia took a deep breath. How the heck was she supposed to do this? Was she supposed to feel something, some internal guide? Blue Hair hadn’t said. Feeling incredibly stupid, she did a quick mental checkup on herself. Nothing felt wrong, or different - but now that she thought about it…

Afterward, she would try many times to explain it, and fail every time. The best she could come up with was that once she found the Void, calling on it was as easy and as natural as breathing. She opened her hands in front of her, concentrated on that force like an extension of herself, reopened her eyes, and there it was: a riotous little ball of energy, wisps and motes of light and not-quite-light like a tiny galaxy, the Tau system in the palm of her hand, raging.

More OC backstory time! This one’s for my Tenno, a nerdy fourteen-year-old (at the time of this story, anyway) by the name of Jhia, going through the hell that is the Zariman Ten-Zero and what happened on it. This is possibly the first part of the story I actually wrote: the roll-credits moment when Jhia realizes the Void’s changed her more already than she thought.

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Hearsay - Lobotomy Corporation/Library of Ruina - one-shot - 1k and counting

"Oh? Did they investigate further?"

"They tried. Found a few fingerprints, but they didn't match anyone in the database."

"What's the update, then?"

"Reports from elsewhere in the district of someone not in uniform carrying a Zwei sword. They're slippery, good at avoiding us, which would suggest Syndicate operative to me and HQ. Except that in every one of the descriptions we managed to get, our sword thief is a child."

"What? How?!"

"You tell me, Iona. You're the one who went to the crime scene."

"Right... Jeez, if it's a kid, I guess that'd explain why Petrov thought they weren't a threat..."

"My thoughts exactly. HQ has a fair amount of hearsay to go on, but nobody can quite agree on how old the child is, or whether or not she's with a Syndicate. Most agree that she appears to be a girl, tall for a child, auburn hair, clothes and demeanor typical of a Backstreets native."

"We got a name?"

"They've heard Yeri, Kali, Redbird, Suma, Aelfin... No one knows which is her real one, or if it's even any of them at all."

"Damn. ...Say, are you going to drink that entire pot of coffee?"

"Help yourself."

This is one of those stories that turned into an accidental AU when more of canon came out. The idea behind it is that it’s Kali’s backstory told entirely in conversations in which she did not participate, showcasing the fact that a Fixer’s fame is their livelihood and Kali was about as famous as they come, before the whole L Corp thing happened. Of course, the vast majority of the headcanons here got invalidated with a certain Ruina update, so my motivation’s kinda down on this one.

---

Going Back has already been talked about here!

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Ella Disenchanted - The Blackout Club - one-shot (maybe two-shot??) - 1.4k and counting

She woke. Her stomach went through a series of panicked flip-flops as she thought something strange had done it, Dad or a little-kid-nightmares shadow beast had made noise, but no - why had she fallen asleep in the first place? Her butt and shoulder were sore where they’d been leaning on the bottom and side of the windowsill, presumably all night, since the sun was full up over the trees on Old Growth Hill.

All night. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t fall asleep, but she did anyway. God dammit.

As she unfolded herself from her cramped ball, though, she froze. Under the comforter she’d pulled around her shoulders for warmth, she was wearing her gray jacket, a T-shirt, jeans, sneakers getting dried mud all over the carpet.

Last she remembered, she’d been in her pajamas.

In which a Blackout Club kid’s little sister wonders where he’s gone when he runs away to the boxcar, and tries to get to the bottom of the mystery herself. Usually she’d be too young for the club to recruit, but her investigations and an incident involving SAO are more than enough extenuating circumstance. Unlike most of my other WIPs, there’s a whole outline at the end of my doc for this one.

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Making Peace - Warframe - multi-chapter - 1.5k and counting

“I…” Iksoh finally said. “Sorna, I hope you realize. I’m not into this. I never - I’m not doing this. Whatever you’re doing, I can’t.”

“I know,” Sorna said softly. The decision tore at her heart again and she almost backed out of the vent, but no. She had to go. She wouldn’t see another innocent crumple in her rifle sights. “I hope you realize. I’m not coming back.”

Behind her, Iksoh let out a long, shaky breath. “It’s taking all I’ve got not to report you right now. Sorna… the Queens’ll have my head for this. Please, please, let it be worth it. Go. Don’t let them take yours.”

“I won’t,” Sorna promised, and meant it.

Later, after her last fight for her freedom was done, on the Steel Meridian ship headed for Kronia Relay, Sorna looked out at the planet retreating behind her and thought of Iksoh. She’d just learned a new word from a Meridian soldier: vaykor tal, the defector’s spirit. Iksoh had let her go, at risk of their own life. They’d had a bit of the vaykor tal themself, even if they hadn’t known it, even if they’d thought it was just some weakness that was bound to get them killed.

“Ranre treri, duf krun,” she whispered into space, a Grineer well-wishing passed down from sergeant to tube-fresh lancer since time immemorial. May your hands be steady, and may life be kind.

This is an AU born of me and some friends wondering why in the heck Perrin and the Meridian hate each other so much in game. It’s about a group of Kavor - Grineer defectors distinguished from other Meridian members by their pacifism - who get to a Relay and start wondering the same thing. Besides Sorna (and, later in the story, Iksoh as well), there would have been Chakh, Beket, and Sydon, plus at least four of the syndicate leaders and a bunch of side-character OCs, all caught up somehow in what turns out to be a surprisingly far-reaching web of intrigue.

The Slashed Circle - Warframe - one-shot, probably - 429 and counting

In addition to their written and spoken language, the Grineer have a full language of hand signs. It has its quirks, as all languages do - be careful of confusing it with the Corpus sign language, in which the sign for “to pay” roughly approximates the Grineer sign for...a certain portion of the male anatomy. Among these is the common Grineer sentiment against those who defect from their ranks, baked into the sign just as much as their spoken words.

The sign of the slashed circle, the sedashkur - a finger drawn in a circle on the chest, followed by a diagonal line - is the highest of taboos to any loyal Grineer. It shows support for such scum as the Kavor and Steel Meridian, enough so that it forms the basis for the Meridian’s battle standard. To sign the sedashkur is to betray your siblings, commit a grave insult to your superiors, paint a near-indelible target on your back. It is an object of hatred and fear throughout the ranks.

She fears it, yes, but she does not hate it, for all her life and into her death as well. It shouldn’t trouble her now, though. It is easy to hide a language, and she burned her journals before she was called to the fortress.

This is a fic about Jhia and her one (1) converted Kuva Lich, namely about the process of said Lich’s defeat and defection, that kinda never got off the ground. Contrary to this snippet, I think most of it would have been written in what are essentially space emails back and forth between Lich and Tenno? I definitely got as far as Jhia sending an audio recording of a bass-boosted dog fart, anyhow.

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Wake Up, Tenno - Warframe - one-shot - 950 and counting

“Wake up, Tenno.”

She wakes. She is - she is Tenno, right? She is a Tenno? Her mind is confused, so full of fog and dead ends - how long was she asleep?

The voice that woke her seems familiar. She might have loved the speaker, in her scrambled past life, the woman in the purple helmet, the one called Lotus in her HUD vision. Her surroundings are a ruin of some sort. Her body is—

...what?

She can move just fine. Her fingers and arms and legs respond with suspicious ease, given how long she must have slept to be this scattered upon waking up, and yet there’s some fundamental disconnect. This is her Warframe, her body, but it’s not her body somehow.

...wait, where did the term “Warframe” come from?

A Tenno, unnamed but intended to be Jhia on my end, wakes up on Earth at the very beginning of the in-game storyline. Since the tutorial has gotten an overhaul in recent months, I may have to modify even what little I have on this a lot.

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Midnight - Iconoclasts - poem - 280 and counting

been anything smaller than been anything

never been anything smaller than

“good morning, how’s miss grump doing today? i heard about that last mission...if you didn’t sleep well i can call you in sick, it’s alright-” “oh, shut up, grey”

there has never been anything

“oh, shut up, grey” “love you too”

smaller

“love you too”

than

A very fragmented, stream-of-consciousness-y poem meant to represent Agent Black’s failing sanity near the end of the game. The words of her famous one-liner (“there has never been anything smaller than me”) are interspersed, out of order until the end, with poetic descriptions of other characters and bits and pieces of a flashback involving Agent Grey.

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Heliotropism - Iconoclasts - one-shot - 1.1k and counting

Lily, though she’s superstitious, will have none of these self-important truths, none of these semblances of certainty when really all it is is wishing on Ivory and hoping for the best. She calls for Miss Andress instead.

A stout but severe woman with ten grandchildren and a great-grandchild on the way, Miss Andress is perhaps the quintessential matriarch: nurturing, selfless, brutally honest. She is the one the people of 17 trust when they feel they can trust no one else. Lily needs the kind of reassurance only she can give, with the authority of ninety-one years and the wisdom of two sons, one daughter, and some five dogs raised under her care.

When Miss Andress visits House 4, she asks Polro and Lily to each bring an object they cherish the most. For Polro it’s his largest wrench, pitted with use but still polished to a brassy shine; Lily surprises everyone by pulling out a tiny, unloaded stun-gun, and surprises them more by not explaining it at all. Miss Andress doesn’t question it. She just turns the two tools over and over in her hands, head bowed, squinting at them as if trying to read the secrets of the universe in the scratches carved into them by time.

Finally she straightens up and sighs, pushing a strand of silver hair behind her ear. Her forehead is slick with sweat, though the night is cool outside. “I don’t know what she’ll do,” the wise woman says, heavily, as if delivering bad news. “I just know she’ll change the world.”

Can you tell I like backstory fic? This one is for Robin, with one short anecdote for each year of her life, up to age 17 and the events of the game. It’s also an excuse to world-build a bunch, lol.

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Arrhythmia - Crypt of the NecroDancer - one-shot(?) - 4k and counting

The creature didn’t say anything, just beckoned to the shadows. Before I could move, two other creatures came for me, sending the other humans - former humans? - scrambling away in panic. One landed a hard blow on the back of my head that sent me to my hands and knees, seeing sparks; the other said “Freeze!” and I could only watch as ice sprouted from the leaf litter, cementing me to the ground.

The one who’d hit me produced a dagger from the inside of its cloak. I tried to pull myself up, to do anything at all to keep myself from getting shanked, but it was no good. There must have been a secondary effect on that spell; my limbs wouldn’t respond. I felt the dagger tear cloth in the region of my back, and prepared for the pain.

It didn’t come. The creature cut a slit in the back of my tunic, then another. Neither one touched the skin at all. I can’t really describe what happened next - my brain was having trouble computing how my arms were in front of me, visible, unable to move, but it felt like the creature was pulling them through the gashes in my tunic, but that was wrong, they didn’t feel like arms at all.

“Holy fuck,” I heard someone say.

The ice holding me down melted into nothing as the spell wore off. I jumped back up, head spinning a little, ready for another fight, only to spot two flicks of scarlet in my peripheral vision. I spun around, but they moved with me.

I think I already knew what they were. I just couldn’t admit it to myself.

You’ve already seen this one, Nick, though I’m pretty sure it was well over two years ago. It’s a pile of old headcanons, some of them now outdated I’m pretty sure, about how Nocturna ended up a vampire in the first place and a little bit about how vampire society works. According to Google Docs, I’ve been stuck on this one since March 2018. Whoops.

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untitled (working title “adult citra meets an impostor bc what is self-control”) - Among Us - one-shot - 572 and counting

“I know. You’re stuck, aren’t you?” Having well and truly gotten their full attention, Citra continues, “God, I can barely imagine. Having to take a weird-ass host whose biology might even be toxic to you, I don’t know. Needing to get to a whole other galaxy, feeling like the only way to do that is by deception and death.” “How…?”

She sighs. “I told you, this isn’t my first rodeo. One of your kind saved my life when I was a kid. Since he’d killed Mom and Dad had been out of the picture long before, he stayed here and helped raise me afterward. It’s how I learned to pronounce...a few of your words, at least.”

“You missed the ‘H’ sound.”

“Isn’t that the one that’s literally impossible to do right with Terran anatomy?”

“Maybe. You think I know Terran anatomy all that well?”

Citra chuckles. “Fair point. You let us find your buddy and fix the ship, I’ll raise Xai when we get comms back and he can try and help you get home. Deal?”

I found an Among Us comic on Tumblr, absolutely ran into left field with it to make a couple of OCs, and then made AUs of those OCs because of course I did. This one is from a future scenario in which Citra (typically orange) meets someone rather familiar on a mission with the crew of the Skeld.

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untitled (working title “library of ruina but they adopt half the guests”) - Library of Ruina - length uncertain - 1k and counting

“And what happened to not caring about others because it’s a waste of time and heartache?”

Now it’s Roland’s turn to sigh. “I don’t care about him. I just don’t want the guilt of killing - look at him, he can’t be older than eighteen or nineteen!”

Raised eyebrow. “Finn will be twenty years old in fifteen days’ time. He is a legal adult. I fail to see why this should matter to either of us.”

“He’s fresh off his first Fixer license! I have years of experience! He had no idea what he was getting into when he signed that invitation and you know it!”

Angela fixes him with a glare that turns his stomach, his freshly remade body reacting to the memory of its sudden, and extremely painful, dismemberment. “I could quite literally hold your soul in my hands if I wanted,” she reminds him in an undertone of steel. “I must do the same for him, following the invitation’s guidance, or my entire plan will be lost, my coworkers’ sacrifices all for naught. Do not disappoint me or ask any more impertinent questions. You know what to do, and what will happen if you do not.”

Look, some of the people you fight in this game deserved so much better, okay? I came up with an AU concept where if a guest willingly concedes the fight and agrees to stick around, you can get their book without killing them. Finn doesn’t die; neither do Tomerry or Shi Association; all the former employees realize exactly what’s going on with Philip after the Wedge Office fight and manage to calm him down, avoiding the whole Crying Children situation. (And then Gebura makes him collect his jaw off the floor by revealing herself as the Red Mist.)

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The one that’s a D&D world concept doesn’t have anything concrete written for it yet. (Don’t read this bit if you might want to play in my campaign at some point!) Instead of your typical Forgotten Realms planar setup, the world at large would be called the Seven Spheres, each of them different in terms of climate, geography, native species and magic, etc. The First Sphere would be the most “generic” one (to our way of thinking) and the main setting of the campaign; it would also be the smallest of the Seven, its primary continent home to a former empire of dragons that spanned most of the Sphere until its mysterious fall a thousand years ago.

Now, since the empire fell, the dragons and their children have slowly been dying out. Best estimates are that there’s only a thousand or two left in the entire First Sphere, with fewer eggs hatched every decade. The player characters enter a world with pretty typical low-level quests to start with, but every so often, especially if they engage with optional story stuff (this would be a more roleplay-focused than combat-focused campaign), they get wind of changes in the air - a failed harvest here, an unusually hot and stormy summer there, a trade war once they start hitting mid-levels.

It mimics real-world climate change in all but cause. As coastal cities struggle to contend with rising seas and, more alarmingly, wizards all over the Sphere start to notice their magic falter and wane, the PCs’ goal becomes getting to the bottom of this. And what’s at the bottom is...your typical Nerd fusion of science with fantasy settings.

The Seven Spheres are not planes of existence in the normal D&D sense, but seven planets in the same solar system, each with its own ancient god far more powerful than any god in any mortal pantheon; the First Sphere is so named because it’s closest to the sun. These planetary gods are incredibly large and incredibly alien, thinking in geologic time and concepts far too broad and slow for most sapient beings to comprehend. A thousand years ago, the fall of the dragon empire was caused by an ill-advised ritual meddling with the god of the First Sphere’s natural process of rebirth, causing said god to die without a replacement.

It’s taken this long for the First Sphere to feel the effects because, again, geologic time - a thousand years is a blink of an eye in this kind of time scale. But now the ancient earth-magic that had kept the Sphere’s climate temperate and its magicians in business is failing. The dragons, as beings of magic intrinsically, have been failing all along. And now it’s up to the PCs, up at level 17-20 if not higher by that point, to figure out how to fix the situation and find a new planetary god for the First Sphere before the whole Sphere burns to death.

#bulletnick #wow this got long #you're right i did want to talk about all of them though

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spaedia · 4 years

Text

PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ.

alrighty dudes, dudettes, and everything in between. this is the last post i intend to ever make on tumblr, so listen up. in regards to the bullshit “callout” posted the other day:

CALLOUT, I GUESS, FOR DEVIL AND CO, BUT MOSTLY DEVIL BC LET’S FACE IT, WITHOUT THE SCREENSHOTS YOU PROVIDED, YOUR ARGUMENT FOR WHY WART IS A BAD PERSON IS “HE DAMAGED MY EGO OWO”. YOU SAID THIS WASN’T YOUR PROBLEM? WELL I’M MAKING IT YOUR PROBLEM, ASSHAT.

so let’s start w/ the screenshots in question. i haven’t read the callout, so idk what was used, but considering i had upwards of 5 people come to me and ask me if i was okay, i can take a guess. let the record show that all of the messages i sent to dev and norgie regarding wart was in the midst of our breakup, which was messy enough as is. when wart and i first broke up, i had dev and co blocked bc of personal reasons. devil then decided to HUNT DOWN ONE OF MY BLOGS and follow me (after i assume staking it out, bc he’s known for stalking people). i confronted him, and he gave me some shtick about how he’ll “always care about me” and i’m “still his little sister”, blah blah blah other manipulative bullcrap. against my better judgement, i let him back in.

wart was my first boyfriend. i adored him with everything i had, so naturally, this breakup left me in a bad emotional state. devil and norgie took COMPLETE ADVANTAGE OF THIS, and when i told them what happened between wart and i, immediately began twisting it to make wart out to be the bad guy. it was norgie who originally suggested that i had been emotionally abused, and in my vulnerable state, i began to see things that way.

not that it’s anyone’s business, but if you wanna know how the breakup went, it was something like this: wart’s mental state was deteriorating, i suggested maybe we take a break, immediately went back on that statement, wart broke things off the next morning. there was no emotional abuse, no threatening of suicide, no physical violence - it was a breakup. things didn’t work out. it happens. but of course, this didn’t fit dev and co’s narrative, so they needed to get me to admit things were much worse than they were. when i later came to my senses and realized this was all bullshit, devil and norgie then decided to GUILT TRIP ME by pointing out how they spent “two hours” on call with me while i cried. after i had just had my heart broken. no shit i was upset. newsflash: wart spent a lot longer with me on call while i was breaking down. hell, he broke up with me and still let me cry on his shoulder. and unlike dev and norgie, he never once acted like i owed him, because that’s what friends do. but hey, go on and talk about how wart’s the abusive one.

devil has spent years abusing my trust. every time i tell him i don’t want so speak with him, he comes back awhile later with some new apology and reasoning for his behavior. and like most toxic relationships, it was hard to let him ago, especially after losing the person i cared most about. he blatantly took advantage of my situation to fuel his vendetta. the only reason i told him anything was because he promised me he wouldn’t make a post unless wart “stepped out of line” (which, looking back, is a huge red flag: what gives him the right to police other people?). and had i not begun to confront him about all the bullshit he made me say, he probably would have held off. in fact, he told me that one of the “main reasons” he felt this “needed to come out” was because i was starting to defend wart. when i realized that dev was serious about making this callout, i told him i wanted no part of it. he asked me for screenshots of some of my and wart’s conversations, to which i gave him a hard no. did that stop him from using our personal messages in his sorry excuse for a callout? of course not. these are the type of people who don’t care about anyone except themselves, dev has made that perfectly clear. MY PRIVACY AND AN INNOCENT MAN’S WELL BEING MEANT NOTHING TO HIM. all he and his friends cared about was spurring along their vendetta. and honestly, if i was wart, i would have sued y’all for harassment and defamation of character ages ago.

with the matter of those messages out of the way, let’s move on to dev’s actual claims. this is where the defamation gets real, because he had the nerve to call wart a predator. seriously? what, because he dated someone a few years younger than him?

dev loves to throw the word pedo.phile around, despite the fact that he obviously doesn’t know what it means. pedo.philia “is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children”. i started puberty when i was twelve, and wart and i didn’t even meet until i was fifteen. so immediately, he doesn’t fit the bill for a pedo.phile. #sorrynotsorry.

but let’s work around that. let’s say, that because he was romantically attracted to me, that automatically makes him a pedo.phile. i’m going to remind everyone of something devil would love to leave buried: the fact that, when i was thirteen, and again at fourteen, devil tried to coerce me into writing smut with him, along with a sixteen year old girl. he used my trust of him to assure me that it would be fine. his excuse? “my (ex)girlfriend made me do it.” cause that’s a solid argument alright. so fine, label wart a pedo.phile. i sure hope dev’s planning on giving himself the same label, because what he did is a lot worse lmao.

i don’t have screenshots from dev and my conversations, i think he deleted that account, but here’s him w/ the other girl.

so yeah long story short: dev knew this girl was underage, still tried to smut with her. take my word that he tried with me, i guess. i don’t think he’s ever denied it.

now, admittedly, i didn’t need to bring this up, but according to devil it’s important that predators get called out, so...he brought this on himself.

now i’m going to tell y’all the story of how wart and i started dating, because it really puts a hole in this “predator” story. see, for wart to be a predator, he would have had to target me in some way (come to think of it, much like devil did to me). when wart and i got together, dev and i weren’t talking, and i never got around to telling him how this happened, only that it did. (if i did tell him, i forgot about it, and that makes it even worse bc he knows this already lmao.)

it was may sixth. i was fifteen, wart was nineteen. we had been talking for awhile, and sometime in the past week or so, i had talked to my mom about liking this guy who was older than me. she told me about her own relationships with older guys when she was my age, and that so long as he didn’t try anything, she was fine with it. so on that spring day, i confessed my feelings to wart. and y’know the first thing he said to me? “wait a few years.” a logical statement, one i probably should have taken to heart, but i was a fool in love, so i didn’t. i spent the next hour or so convincing wart to go out with me, and he eventually pitied me enough (he’d admit to something along those lines not long after) to agree. neither of us expected this to become an actual relationship, but hey, a year and a half’s not a bad run.

to make a long story short: i asked wart out, not the other way around. i begged him to date me, not the other way around. and this wasn’t some secret relationship. my parents knew from the beginning, and gave it the okay.

i think i addressed everything in that lameass “callout”, but because dev’s The Worst, i know he’s going to pull at threads to try and get his “predator” accusations to stick. i’m going to post this, and devil will immediately reply “but wait!! he is a predator: you said you two slept together!!” and then post the message where i said exactly that, added some details to make it realistic, whatever, but then fail to post the message a few days later where i told him IT WAS A HALF-BAKED STORY.

see, after wart and i broke up, i heard rumors that he and i had been sleeping together when he was up here. i’m gonna shoot those rumors down right now. a) i’m asexual and sex repulsed. i wouldn’t sleep with someone if they paid me. devil and norgie know this, but they chose to ignore it in favor of a juicy story. b) the story i gave them was incredibly inconsistent. to the point where even devil pointed out my inconsistencies, but then conveniently forgot that ever happened, then, when i told him it was bullshit, TRIED TO INSIST IT WAS TRUE. as if he knows better than i do what happened lmao. c) wart and i were never alone for more than a few minutes. my bedroom walls aren’t exactly soundproof. my bed frame is metal, it squeaks whenever i sit on it. so yeah, obviously we got away with having sex. dumbass.

now, when i heard these rumors, i decided to roll with them. what did i have to lose, right? so yeah, i spiced it up, gave devil and norgie some random details to make it realistic, and told them not to tell anyone (which as far as i know, they haven’t, so thanks for not spreading rumors i guess). when devil brought it up to me during his rant about how this callout “needed to happen”, i pretty much laughed in his face and told him it never happened. and then he tried insisting it did and i rolled my eyes so hard i think i gave myself a headache.

tl;dr: someone started rumors that wart and i slept together, i confirmed them for shits and giggles, but no, it never happened, for all the reasons stated above.

oh, and as for dev’s reason for this vendetta? he’s told wart that it was because he (wart) wrote a character that dev wanted to write. i’m still convinced it’s over a fragile ego. either way, Real Mature, dude.

NOW i think i covered anything. phew, that’s a doozy. as i said, this is the last post i intend to ever make on this hellsite, but i encourage everyone who sees this to reblog it so that we can clear a (mostly) innocent man’s name. did wart hurt me? yes. was it enough to warrant this abuse?? not in the slightest.

my discord is still on my blog if anyone wants it (unless you’re friends with devil, norgie, kirby, or anyone else involved in this. if that’s the case, i’ll see you in hell). as for my legacy on this hellsite, let it be known that i tried to fight the good fight. i hope it’s good enough.

el psy kongroo.

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mainadjacent · 5 years

Text

Sticking to the Script (p. 4)

Pairing: Gwilym Lee x Reader, one-sided Ben Hardy x Reader

Summary: You are the star of the hit TV show, “Winthrope Manor” and you’ve just got a new costar, Gwilym Lee who happens to bring around his friend, Ben Hardy, to set. You develop feelings for Ben, but they’re not well received. Lucky for you, your costar is there to help make things better.

Author’s Note: I am so sorry about how delayed this has been! I started a new job and the hours are long! Plus, I spend all day typing and looking at a computer so when I get back that not necessarily what I want to be doing. But! This is the longest chapter to date @ 3.6k!! I really did enjoy writing this too!

Tag List

Warnings: Light swearing and some (fake) injury description.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

PART 4

The next morning you have a biting headache. It doesn’t help that you have to be on set extra early because you’re doing special effects makeup. In this week’s episode, Violet falls off a horse and is bed-ridden with serious injuries and while no one is making you jump off of a horse, you are going to have to sit through at least an hour of fake blood, rigid collodion and harsh makeup lights.

“You look like shit and I’m not talking about the blood,” says Kevin McIntyre, the actor who plays Matthew, the middle Winthrope child, and your onscreen brother.

You laugh sourly and flash him an obscene gesture as he plops down in the chair next to yours.

“I went out drinking with Gwilym last night,” you admit.

“You know, since I’m contractually obligated to at least act like I care about you I’m going to go ahead and say I think it’s a bad idea for you to be getting romantically involved with the guy playing your love interest again seeing as it didn’t go too well last time and—”

“It’s not like that!” you interrupt so hastily that you startle Vicki, the makeup artist.

“I went with him and some of his friends. Trust me it, it was not romantic at all. It was actually kind of weird.”

“Weird how?”

You suddenly become keenly aware of the other presences around the set, all keen to hear what you have to say, and you avoid divulging too much.

“I don’t know. Just weird.”

“Well, I think this just goes to prove that you probably steer clear of alcohol. And just men in general.”

“Great advice. Now be a good non-brother and go get me something greasy from craft, please? My head is throbbing.”

Kevin begrudgingly gets up from the chair he’s splayed across, “I’m only going because I want a donut.”

“Get me something caffeinated, too!”

Your phone gives a buzz and you dive across the vanity to get it, much to Vicki’s chagrin.

Hey! I forgot to tell you, Gwil home last night! Thanks for the help!

It’s from Joe. Last night, he had appeared just as Gwil had so oddly decided to leave.

“What’s wrong?” he had asked, clearly as confused as you were.

“I don’t know, one minute we were talking, the next he just decided to leave. I think he might have had a bit too much to drink. I don’t know.”

Joe gave you a look that could pass for almost pity.

“I’ll go after him,” he turned into the throng of people.

“Wait! You have to let me know if you get him home okay!”

“Right, fine. Here,” he handed you a sleek, black phone, “Give me your number and I’ll text you.”

You smile at Joe graciously as you hand back his phone.

“Oh, and can you let Lucy and Rami know what happened?” You nod. “It was nice meeting you! Get home safe!”

Hey Joe! Thanks for the help last night. Pretty sure I would’ve gotten in major trouble if I lost my costar. You’re a lifesaver! :)

_____

Vicki finally finishes with your face and you thank her profusely as you admire her work in the vanity mirror. She really had done an amazing job. There’s a gnarly gash running across your right temple, your eyelid a deep purple color and bruises doting your left cheekbone. Your lip has a deep, bloody split running down the middle of it.

“I thought Vicki was supposed to make you look worse, not better,” jokes Kevin as he presents you with a breakfast sandwich and a tall cup of iced coffee.

“Very funny,” you flip him off before lunging at your coffee.

“Hey, by the way, have you seen if Gwil’s here yet, I want to make sure he’s alright,” you say casually as you tear a piece off of your sandwich.

“Gwil’s not on the call list today. He’s probably not shooting your guys’ scene until tomorrow.”

By the way that he’s eying you up you can tell that Kevin is waiting to see how you respond to this information and this somehow makes you feel like you’re hiding something.

“Huh, I must have gotten my days confused,” you say innocently.

You can tell that Kevin’s not buying whatever it is you’re trying to sell.

“Listen, I know you said it wasn’t like that, but anyone with eyes can tell that you and Gwil have some sort of chemistry thing going on. Every time you two shoot scenes together it’s like you guys are holding back from ripping each other’s clothes off and there’s a running bet for when you two are going to get together. So, why don’t you just stop pretending that you’re not into him?”

This all hits you like a ton of bricks. “First of all, Kevin, have you ever considered that maybe we’re just really great actors that are really committed to our roles? Also, up until last week, Ben and I clearly had something going on so there’s that. And, didn’t you just tell me to avoid guys all together? Now you’re telling me to admit my so-called feelings for Gwil, what’s up with that?”

“Okay, listen,” Kevin says calmly, as he sips his own iced coffee, “I can’t speak for Gwil but I’ve been acting with you for over a year and I know, for a fact, you’re not that good of an actor, okay? There’s definitely something going on there. Secondly, who the hell is Ben? That X-Men pretty boy? No offense, but he hasn’t been around the set for ages and based on what you just said, he doesn’t seem super interested either. And also, I know I told you to avoid men altogether, but I just joined the betting pool and if you get together with Gwil by next Tuesday, I win $1,500,” this last part he says in a rush.

You’re pretty sure if you lunge at your costar, you’ll ruin your makeup and at the risk of pissing off Vicki, you settle to just glare at him. Before you can even retort, though, he is called to set and leaves you there, seething.

Is there any truth to what Kevin said, you ask yourself. What he said about Ben was harsh, to say the least, but was he wrong? Last night proved that Ben wasn’t just ignoring you, he was straight up avoiding you. Kevin was right, you might as well just let that go. You have plenty of experience giving yourself to others for little in return, it gets old.

Gwil was a more complicated topic for you. The two of you were clearly friends, and you are fond of him. The complicated part of falling in love with someone on screen, you realize, is that some of that have a tendency to transfer into your off-screen relationship. Maybe it wasn’t that way for everybody, but you feel things deeply. That’s what makes you a good actor, but sometimes it can get in the way.

Before you can delve further into your feelings (yuck), you’re called onto set.

_____

You spend the rest of the day on set. The episode is very Violet-centric on account of her accident. The show is really trying to push the fear that Violet may not survive, so there’s a lot of tears and tense moments. On the bright side, you spend the entire shoot in bed and without a corset and half the time you just have to lay there while the other characters talk.

You are distracted though, and you can feel the rest of the cast’s frustration as they call for yet another take after you forget one of your few lines. You don’t even blame them for being mad at you. You’re also angry at yourself because every time the soundstage door opens, your eyes flash to it, half expecting Gwil to burst through it even though you know he’s not here today. You have no other choice than to throw yourself into your performance, though, because you’re pretty sure that if you don’t stop ruining takes they’ll reconsider not killing your character off.

The day of filming drags on into the night and by the time you’re on your way home, it’s well past 11. You check your phone, half-hoping for a text from Gwil—the irony that only a week ago you were agonizing over a text from Ben and now you’re in the same position but with Gwil isn’t lost on you—but there’s no message from him.

The next day, you roll back onto set early again. The weight of two sleepless nights slogs you down but you are slightly comforted in the fact that Gwil will be here today and you finally get to talk to him about the other night.

Except you don’t. He’s not on the call list and your scene together has been pushed back yet another day. You try not to show how disappointed you are.

Apparently, though, you are more transparent than you think because, while checking Instagram during lunch you notice that Kevin tagged you in a picture on his story. It’s a candid of you sitting in the makeup chair that morning morosely looking at your phone, you obviously were unaware that the picture was being taken. Underneath your head, in large white print, it said, “Someone’s grumpy bc her bf is gone” along with a bunch of crying stickers surrounding you. You can already imagine the call you’re going to get from your publicist about “professionalism” and “relationships in the public eye” and “Didn’t you already try dating a costar? How did that go, again?”.

You want to scream and hide away in your trailer and maybe even call Gwil for some reason but instead you settle for giving Kevin a good smack upside the head.

If you were a bit peeved and distracted before, you were flat-out irritated now, which made the day drag on longer and longer (if that was even possible). You could say with certainty that all you wanted to do was go home and burrow into bed possibly forever, but you soldiered on. Eventually, the night closes out and you go home again. You must have been in a melancholy mood, though, because as you walk through the parking lot to your car, all you can think about was the night of your first scene with Gwil and how he had awkwardly walked you to your car.

You can’t seem to stop thinking about him ever since your night out. At first, you would just think circles around what had happened that night, after all, it had been confusing, with him just getting up and leaving, giving no explanation. You would catch yourself playing over every last minute of that night, pinning it out like a displayed butterfly, trying to catch what huge, gaping detail you had missed that night.

However, you had recently caught your thoughts straying from that night with Gwil, to just Gwil. You would catch yourself at any given moment, any spare second, thinking about Gwil: what he was doing or whether or not he would like what the PAs brought in for lunch or if he would also find that part of the script funny. When you read something interesting or see something ridiculous you instinctually want to show him. In short, he does not cross your mind anymore, he lives in it.

You wish it would stop.

___________

The object of your distraction is on set the next day and you wanted nothing more than to finally confront him about his behavior, so you could finally be rid of your plaguing thoughts. You haven’t seen him yet, but the first thing you do when you get to set at 6 AM is check the call sheet and his name is right there underneath the day’s date.

Gwilym Lee.

You can feel your increasing jitteriness as your morning makeup transformation is underway.

“Can you stay still, sweetie?” Vicki asks after the umpteenth time you accidentally nudged her hand out of place with your twitching.

“Sorry, Vicki must have drunk too much coffee this morning. At least it’s our last day of this, right?”

“Right,” Vicki says piercingly, and you don’t know who’s more relieved that Violet’s injury scenes are done, you or her.

Eventually, you are steward onto set, looking as gory and beaten as the first day. You get there a bit early in hopes that Gwil would be there already. He has a very British habit of being early to things, but he hasn’t shown up yet and you can only stand around petulantly for so long before the director calls for you to be in your spot.

Finally, just about the director is about to call action, Gwil fumbles onto set, a costumer trailing behind him, seemingly making last minute adjustments. He mumbles apologies to the crew before getting into place. You try to meet his eye, but he purposefully avoids looking in your direction. You want to bounce up on Violet’s stiff bed and yell at him in front of everyone here.

Hey! I’m right here and you owe me an explanation! You owe me something! Anything!

He moves to the side of the soundstage; he’s not supposed to enter until mid-scene. Edmund finds out about Violet’s accident and travels all the way to her home to visit her. At this point, Violet is more or less unresponsive and Edmund, in a private moment of vulnerability, declares how much he cares for Violet. Violet, however, is unconscious and cannot hear him. The whole scene is frustrating, in your opinion and you can’t help but feel sorry for Edmund and for Violet, too. You think how unfair it is for her, to have someone declare their feelings for her and her not be cognizant enough to even realize it. It’s almost tragic.

For the most part, your role in these upcoming scenes is pretty simple: all you have to do is lay there, looking injured and close to death. The position gives you the freedom to allow your mind to wander. You pointedly avoid thinking about Gwil, though and instead focus on keeping your mind at peace. You think about what you want for lunch; about your plans for the weekend; about whether or not you’ve called your mom recently. You drown your mind in mundane thoughts to keep your nerves at bay. You’re finally coming face to face with Gwil and for some reason, the weight of this moment feels momentous. So, you try to think of anything but. That only works for so long though, you realize as you hear them cue for Gwil to enter the scene.

He’s at your—Violet’s—bedside in three long strides and you can’t help but feel your heart jolt at the reality of him being so close to you after having only housed him in your mind for what seemed an eternity. You’re caught by surprise as his hand reaches gently for yours. He holds your small hand in his two broad ones delicately, desperately.

“Violet,” he says softly, like a prayer and you can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have him say your real name like that. Your heart shifts as you attempt to remind yourself that none of this is real and you and Gwil don’t actually have feelings for each other.

“I am so sorry,” he says with the same quiet fervor. You are struck by how exposed he sounds, and it strikes you, that maybe he’s talking to you, not Violet.

He splays his fingers over your and you’re infected with the memory of him guiding you through the city streets, fingers interlaced with your own.

“Please make it through, your family needs you, your company needs you… I need you.”

In your experience, having to act unconscious while other actors act is difficult, but this was almost unbearable. Gwil was heartbreakingly convincing and you wanted to reach out, squeeze his hand, do something.

You hold back and instead you focus on maintaining an unchanged expression. Even when the director calls for a cut and then a retake you are tentative to open your eyes. You can feel Gwil lingering next to you before getting back on his mark to shoot again. Only a few moments ago, you wanted to open your eyes, to see him but now, faced with the realities of that, you cowered. So, you keep your eyes closed.

You film the scene three more times, and each one of those times, you wait until Gwil is a distance away before coming alive to take criticism and direction. Part of you feared that if you did look at each other or spoke, your resolve would break and you wouldn’t be able to focus on the scene.

Eventually, your director is happy enough with your performance to let you go. When Vicki pulls you off the soundstage to remove your faux injuries, you are hit with the realization that you have no more scenes to film, which, considering your last two long night, makes you want to cry. You also realize that Gwil has also been released—you finally have a moment to talk to him. The only thing standing in your way is Vicki and her ridiculously long makeup removal process—all sorts of cleaning and scrubbing and steaming. Since it's your last day with the makeup, she makes the process even longer, spouting off all the harm rigid collodion could do to your skin. You try to hurry the process up as much as possible, you don’t want to miss Gwil. After what seems like forever, Vicki sets you free, but not before slathering your face in a heavy, green facemask.

“Make sure to rinse it off when you get home,” she directs harshly.

At this point, you are certain Gwil is gone, and it’s for the better you think, lest he saw you green-faced.

You walk to your care slowly, the weight of the day dragging behind you. Maybe you’ll talk to him tomorrow.

You’re so caught up in your thoughts, you don’t register the long spindly frame leaning against your car. It’s Gwil.

“What’s on your face?”

You blush, “Facemask, for all the gunk. What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you, although I was about ready to give up, to be honest.”

You laugh, “I don’t blame you, Vicki can be brutal.”

The two of you stand in front of your car silently, both pointedly looking away.

“So, I want—”

“Listen I was—”

You both say at the same time and you exchange awkward looks before you insist that he speak first.”

I wanted to apologize,” he begins, “for how I behaved that night at the bar. I don’t know what came over me. I must have drunk too much, I suppose.”

You look at him for a long moment. “That’s it?”

“Yes… I suppose so,” he obviously was not expecting this question, “Have I mentioned how sorry I was?”

“That’s all you have to say? No further explanation?” You realize that you have been waiting to have this conversation for days, and Gwil’s dry and vague apology falls short of how you imagined this conversation would go.

“Not at the moment. I am sorry though, I haven’t stopped thinking about how I acted. I’ve been ruminating over it actually these last few days, almost obsessing. But I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t have to lie to me,” you remind him. You know that there’s more to that night than he lets on.

“I know,” he says, suddenly meek, and then, “If you don’t want to forgive me, I understand. Although, I will say that I was ready to offer some quality ice cream from the creamery down the street if all of this just went away.”

You laugh, unguarded after what feels like forever, “Ice cream you say?”

“Yes, the good stuff, too! But I don’t know if you’d want to go anywhere with… that.” He gestures to your green, goopy face.

You swat his hand playfully.

“No, I can’t, I have to rinse it off soon anyway.”

Then, you are struck by an idea, “Maybe we can take the ice cream to my place?”

The words are out of your mouth before you have time to think about them. Yikes. You just invited Gwil to your place, in the evening, with ice cream. There could be a lot of subtexts there, especially considering your weird, unresolved stance with one another. Before you can interject with some sort of excuse or negation though, he responds.

“I would love that.”

PART 5

TAGS: @xbarrjallenx @alexfayer @chlobo6 @softbenhardy

#gwilym lee #gwilyn lee x reader #gwilyn lee imagine #gwilym x reader #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody fanfiction #bohemian rhapsody imagine #borhap imagine #borhap fanfic #borhap

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iam-warrior · 3 years

Text

I have an urge to cry..

Don't worry i'm not.

I'm listening to dead and gone by TI and focusing on something other than the fact that I'm uncomfortable and my stomach is turning. Why though?

No like seriously that question is as much for you as it is me.

I lost my job in february, shortly after I started taking my narcolepsy medication regularly. It allowed me to stay awake but made me feel like I was ran strictly on anxiety.

I've tried to work 2 separate organized jobs since then. I even went to do some yard work for my boyfriends parents and spent at least 30 hours on the bushes. My job was to cut the maples, I got obsessed with leveling the dirt too.

That was when I for real for real new something was wrong.

Like the kinda wrong that makes a 23 year old girl stop working all year, miss out on her summer, and making the decision to stop driving.

***Keeps turning music down but there all explaining my life rn***

~My head~

Poor girl, I didn't protect her like I should in the past.

I played soccer for a majority of life. I remember 2 seperate moments when I was knocked out. Both times I jumped up and tried to go back in position or begged to go back in. I've always wanted to be involved.

On top of the 2 (not 3) years ago I had a golf cart accident. I don't remember much for the night it happened. I woke up the next afternoon in a bed in geneva with an aching should. Like real bad. On my way home I took a nap in the back seat of my impala. Fuck my ex, however I was grateful he called me to try to hook up that night, lol.

Woke my ass up. When I got home I walked past my cousin and had a short conversation.

"are you okay?" she said

"I have to go to bed." I kept saying.

The next morning I asked my cousin to take me to the hospital for my shoulder.

When the doctor came in, I don't remember any questions I was asked except..

"Did you hit your head?"

"~I honestly don't know~" she met me with a concerned look.

I don't remember any of the test or the face of the person (I believe was a woman) telling me I was being admitted downtown.

"~Will you call my (dad/parents)~" I soon would regret saying to my cousin. I'm grateful for the help I received in my time of need.

However I'm not a dumbass. I've seen most of their moves and had to set a personal boudry. Obviously I'm at a disadvantage, please don't abuse that. Kinda fucked up bc I called my father, who has accused me of being a drug addict and begged for financial help. He is helping with my car note. I think he's finally starting to understand somethings actually wrong.

Which is fare,.when I was medicated for narcolepsy, I didn't even know what I was trying to say but saying a trillion words.

Honestly within the madness there was clarity. But once someone sees your anxious, I guess you can't think or make valid points.

ESPECIALLY at the dr. God I'm so frustrated.

I'm been having what I call "stuck" moments. I'm convinced there seizures now.

why would I say something like that, anxiety?

Nope! It's the fact i've had uncontrollable spasms that have covered my whole body. My boyfriend even pulled a Jaw Breakers out of my mouth once.

~HE IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING BLESSING~

Besides that, I get localized muscles spasms daily.

Now my fatigue is wow, way worse which I didn't think was possible.

Warrior; unmedicated

My head hurts, the screens and music make it worse but keeps me awake.

I'm cold but not running a fever. I'm finding a new liking for sweats and these sonic slippers that are more like socks. A blanket and pillow called the fluff, bc well there fluffy.

My neck, My Back..

My legs, arms and all that!

Yeah well they feel weird.

I wouldn't say they all hurt, some areas do.

It's more uncomfortable I'd say.

My head hurts really bad and I can't stop thinking about last night. I don't even remember what happened but I had a 'stuck' moment and Logan asked me..

"Do you even know what happened"

That made me sad, exhaustion overcame me. He told me it was okay after but like, no the fuck it's not.

I mean it might have to be. Hopefully cleveland gives me some answers.

My stomach usually upset, my headaches come and go throughout the day; unless it takes me completely out. Bowel movements changing.

Had some nipple discharge a few months back, that was odd. There was an ultrasound done and didn't spark any interest. Good sign!

My short term memory isn't great but I really remember a lot of feeling and periods from my past. especially if something triggers a flashback.

***Adjust lighting so head had relief***

With all that being said, I started thinking about this lump on the base of my skull behind my ear.

I felt it and it flashed me back to a serious moment I had with one of my friends in 4th grade.

I asked my friend about what I'm assuming is a lymph node that was swollen around my groin. My friend immediately told me I should talk to my mom and get it looked at. Smart girl.

Anywho I told her, don't remember anything else about it. probably got the same answer I've gotten over the years.

"you're probably fighting an infection your fine."

oh okay cool yo.

Long story short, my body has gotten bigger since 4th grade. That lump is still there, not one on the other side. However, I did go to the gyno recently. I was diagnosed with Cin1 doesn't mean you will or won't give you cancer, just that your at higher risk. WIll continue with recommended pap screenings.

The bump behind my left ear, has not shrunk, may have grown but I can't fucking remember. I can tell you that I've had it longer than the head injury, I have made my doctor clear of this multiple times.

Swollen, painless lymph nodes in the neck, armpits or groin

Unexplained weight loss

Fever

Soaking night sweats

Coughing, trouble breathing or chest pain

Weakness and tiredness that don't go away

Pain, swelling or a feeling of fullness in the abdomen

So orange happens often but purple is and has remained the same.

But this is all psych?

Well that's what my primary care physician keeps telling me. I should be on an antidepressant, but I'm not depressed?

For a short period of time was I? Absolutely. I lost my job, but I was relieved when I left that place.

I have in the past had many psych symptoms such as anxiety. However, the anxiety has decreased immensely, I do not feel depressed and I've been on antidepressants before. Didn't work for me.

Since I have shown signs of mental health in the past, my doctor refuses to take me seriously.

Let me ask you this doc!

Why when I was making dinner last night, did I see stars and have to sit down? Why do I at times have to verbally pep talk myself, both in front of people and on my own to get to a piece of furniture before collapsing? Why is my boyfriend asking me if I remember what happened before telling me I like fell over/collapsed and came back to distraught quickly after on the couch last night. Why don't I have the energy to have sex with my sexy man? or play with my friends son which I love. Or go hang out with friends? Or drive? or plan for my future? is it all psych?

So you tell me doc. I feel hopeful, I pray every day. Now, as dramatic as it may seem. When I do cry it's when I pray. I pray to God and thank him for the many amazing miracles I have and continue to have in my life. I know saying I think I could have something like this sounds kind of crazy. However if you don't believe I'm not crazy for thinking this, do me a favor. Youtube some of the people who have had to advocate for themselves.

By the way those symptoms are for lymphoma.

I'm not saying 100% anything besides something is wrong. The type of wrong where my head hurts and I feel like I'm dying. Not in an anxiety way, but in a way where I feel like my body is progressively getting more and more fatigued. Like I can feel the life slipping out of my body.

I'm hopeful for friday.

Stay health, stay happy, stay positive.

Thanks for reading <3

Have a good one!

#riseup #tired #notdoneyet #healing #alonewithGod #faithful

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mikanrulz · 7 years

Text

Gundam ibo s02e19 exposition time: death flag abounds

That face above is my fav face in the entire ep. Behold the return of his smile, however fleeting it is.

I never thought I will ever say this, but here it is: FREE TEKKADAN 2K17

The latest two eps pretty much established that they had nothing to do with the conflict at hand despite being the protagonist

Like… how did that even happen? That a protagonist group’s storyline got sidelined somehow? Maybe ‘sidelined’ is not the right word. Just that, despite hogging the screentime, their storyline just seems abysmal and *small* in the grand scheme of things compared to that of the future big bad final boss (McGillis) and possibly anti-hero (the jury’s still out on this) Arianrhod.

This is totally the one game where the protags are too busy with the side quests they totally neglected the main story, only to be surprised when the game ends bcs despite being the winner they’re only loosely connected to the main story and don’t actually understand a thing.

Idk

I know I’d like to tell Mika and Tekkadan to just maybe go home, eat chocolate, and take a warm bath, since they don’t actually deserve all these headaches.

See what you make me say mcgillis???

No use for me commenting on this, since this ep makes it clear Orga totally regrets their arrangement w/ McGillis big time.

Mika’s uncaring attitude tho. I wonder if he really doesn’t care, or he just really has *yet* to care. I mean, he did have a weird, suspicious look in ep 5 as Orga and Mc shook hand. So it could be this time, he deems it unworthy of his attention since so far McGillis hasn’t *actively* betrayed them – even if Mc did miscalculate and may cost them their members.

The biggest shock of the ep is probably how McGillis gets called out.

I mean, I’m so used to the show treating McGillis’ soddy plan or whatever as the cleverest and cunning thing ever, so when the show actually acknowledges that McGillis’ plan is stupid, I’m kinda speechless.

And it worries me a great deal, bcs so far imo Arianrhod’s standing is still unclear. Are they the anti-hero? The antagonist? They’re certainly not the protag, despite Gae’s existence.

I’m afraid that the show decides to show McGillis as incompetent now of all time bcs they’re trying to shift the big bad final boss role to Rustal. The logic being ha ha ha look McGillis is too silly to be the final boss, so have Rustal instead, who is consistently being showed as ‘cunning’ and ‘ruthless’, even if he thinks the best of his subordinates and actually values their lives or whatever.

…I’m reaching. Probably.

Rustal is actually more likeable and has more human values than McGillis, and I do think it makes him a more formidable foe than McGillis. McGillis is just…. so distant, and like, two dimensional? It’s hard to relate to McGillis.

I’m. just. so confused???

This particular scene is weird. His face’s framing is weird. His words’ phrasing is weird. Like…. He does it for his own sake, out of his own idea. So why is he acting like he’s been sacrificed? Like he’s been forced to do it against his will, like he’s not the actual mastermind and the sole culprit?

Are we supposed to sympathize with him here? Despite the fact his ‘suffering’ is actually of his own making, by his own hand, and not done by other ppl?

I’m so confused bcs were it any other character in this particular scene with that particular framing and light, I know I’d probably give them the benefit of the doubt and maybe try to reconsider their position or whatever.

But it’s McGillis???????? Like??? WHY IS HE ACTING SO MARTYRED?????

I’M SO DISGUSTED AND ENRAGED YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Was his past in the ep before supposed to give him leeway or something? Because I think not. No matter the motive, a murder is still a murder.

He totally thinks the world revolves around him, doesn’t he.

“Minor incidents.”

You say that to the father of the guy you killed, of course the father gonna maul you. The fact McGillis thinks getting Bael would absolve him of all sins is just. Unbelievable?????

When Rustal remarked how McGillis seemed childish, I never thought he actually really meant that. I thought he was just trying to say McGillis lacked experience or something. But then this ep proves that McGillis’ way of thinking is similar to that of a child.

You can’t say he’s ignorant, bcs he actually knows things and is willing to learn. It’s just the way he absorbs the info that’s probably rather skewed.

Like, instead of changing his world or fit his perspective to the facts at hand, he actually twists the facts so they fit his own perspective. It’s made even worse by the fact that he thinks he’s the only right one and that he’s above reproach.

This guy is dangerous not bcs he’s smart or cunning. He’s dangerous bcs he does what he does without knowing the real consequences, *how* it would affect the ppl involved and the lasting damage on them.

Yeaaaah, not gonna comment on this one, since I think I already ranted often enough about how inappropriate this is. But the animation here is actually quite nice? At least compared to Gae’s scenes in this ep??? Like I’m so jealous Mc gets all the nice animation like wae

Isurugi the third wheel tho. The difference between Isurugi’s reaction here to his reaction to Orga, is it bcs Almiria is just a child and therefore *totally* harmless?

Or is it out of consideration to not intrude on a couple/husband and wife’s moment?

(I’m a bit confused, I thought their status is still just ‘engaged’ but this ep Rustal says they ‘married’?????)

Also, Iok oh Iok lol

So it’s confirmed his only use is just to stand there and look pretty? XD

Rustal basically saying your men follow you bcs they respect your father and his legacy/history and I’m just.

*coughs*

Iok darling he just says you have no value on your own, it’s all your family name, and is that the real reason for your tears?

I can’t decide whether to laugh at him or be sad about him here :’)

Gaelio gets complimented twice on his look this ep like what is this sudden interest in his appearance

Kidding. Please compliment him more. I’m always interested in him so of course I’ll like anybody who shows interest in him :p

It amuses me though, both Rustal and Julieta essentially compliment him, but they do it in such opposite way.

Rustal: “You face looks more valiant than before.” He’s saying Gae’s more rugged now, more heroic like maybe, certainly not as delicate-looking anymore.

Julieta: “Your face is more handsome than I'd imagined.” 1) she actually cares what he looks like 2) she puts actual effort to try to imagine what he looks like 3) she thinks he has a more hardened face instead 4) she’s basically saying Gae looks more delicate than how she imagined him to be.

Be still my heart *___*

During S1, several times Ein had dialogues where he questioned whether what he did was the right thing, most notably in ep9 and especially in ep25.

Considering Mika stabbed him to death, you can say from the narrative that Ein was in the wrong, bcs the right one would always win in the end.

So during this scene, at first I thought maybe Gae only saying that to Julieta in response to Ein; He tells Julieta the thing that Ein needed and wanted to hear most, but never get the chance to: He gives her a validation.

But maybe that’s not quite right nor quite enough to be a reason since it implies he only sees Julieta as Ein’s substitute.

Considering during the latter part of S1 Gae himself was not quite in the right frame of mind, since he was full of guilt and doubts himself, I think he probably needed that validation the most.

I kinda thought Rustal probably gave him his validation, but considering how Rustal actually let Julieta and Iok to try to figure themselves out, maybe that’s not quite right.

WARNING: this is gonna sound sappy af, but we do have a two year period, so probably Gae and Ein kinda found their validation in each other or something – since they’re alone quite a lot and Gae actually looks ‘calm’ and ‘collected’ the first he appeared as Vidar, no longer lost or even looking to Rustal for guidance.

So that validation Gae tells Julieta? That’s pure her and her effort; he sees her and notices her dedication and her lost look and he tells her the thing she needs to hear. He could only say this *because* he himself had gone through the same thing, and he wouldn’t tell her *that* if he doesn’t think she deserves to hear it.

He’s not trying to give her a lip service.

Notice he doesn’t actually tell her whether what she does morally right or wrong; just that, as long as you do what you believe in for the sake of the person that you believe in, you’re in the right.

oh hey look first time I included a cap of Shino in my ep review :p

Speaking of death flags, everybody probably gets it this ep, but I’m kinda betting on Shino since he has more focused-screentime this ep than any other Tekkadan members (excepting Orga/Mika).

But who knows who’s gonna really bite it :p

#tekketsu no orphans #what do i tag this again #speaking of bauduin siblings gae and almiria actually look really similar when they cry #genetic is amazing #gundam ibo

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