#even if they quit the streaming service and come back to youtube there's no way they'll get the same views

[billowyy]

.

#just saw the watcher announcement #extremely disappointing #how do you make a decision like that without seeing if it's something your audience will go for first #like do a survey y'all #i'm not even someone who knows a lot about business and i know to do interest checks first #SO disappointing omfg #ESPECIALLY them saying that it's affordable?? what???? #i literally don't have an income what are you saying #so out of touch #even if i wanted to spend money on that shit the money literally just isn't there #i bet their offices are SO awkward rn damn #i really thought watcher would be one of those channels that did amazing for a very long time #but there's no coming back from this #even if they quit the streaming service and come back to youtube there's no way they'll get the same views #literally in this economy and how negatively everyone views streaming services? wtf???

[astorinx-writes]

Describing and Reflecting On My (Almost) 11 Years As An AB Fan

Like most times in my life, I find myself lost in thought about the many things that make me who I am. All the special interests I’ve picked up over the years, many of which have come and gone. But at least one of them has stayed: my ever present love for Astro Boy. So, I thought, as I turn a year older, I would talk a bit about what’s brought me here today as an AB fan, and get a little introspective.

It’s funny when I mention my beginnings as a fan because I wasn’t initially much of a fan at all. I remember coming off the heels of what was arguably the most confusing time of my life: my parent's divorce, and being relegated to only seeing my dad a couple of times a week. In October, one of those days was spent heading to the local movie theater to watch the 2009 movie. Before this, I had no exposure to AB. But if my memory serves me right, I think our whole reason for going had more to do with my dad’s nostalgia for (presumably) the 80s series than anything else.

Again, there wasn’t anything that stood out to me in particular about the film. But I should say for the record, if you read my first-ever blog post here wherein I reviewed the 09 movie, you’ll know it’s grown on me quite a bit. Not to the point where I would ever consider it a favorite of mines, but certainly enough to respect it for what it was, and what it served in my journey as an AB fan. No matter what I think about the film now, or what I thought about it back then, it was truly at the time my only exposure to the franchise.

So, I leave the film and think it’s okay, I move on with my life and sink my teeth in other things. But my brother, on the other hand, seems to like this far more than I probably thought I ever would. I mean the amount of AB merch that had come out at the time! You had the toys at McDonald’s, I believe some toys at Toys-R-Us… I mean the movie bombed, don’t get me wrong, but for a split second, I was seeing AB everywhere in my house, and it was a nonstop talking point between us and my dad. I have to give him credit, though, if it weren’t for his persistence in finding out more about the franchise, I might’ve just shrugged at the movie and called it a day. But sadly, when I say “he found out more about the franchise” I really mean is “he saw YTPs of the 80s series on YouTube.”

Speaking of the 80s series, this is actually where his door closes, and mines opens up just ever so slightly to test the waters. I can’t say exactly how it all panned out because my memory is far too spotty for that. But, to make a long story short, I found myself curious about the AB world again and, after having seen the 80s series, I wanted to give it another try. Now, at the time, there wasn’t really any “way” in and of itself to watch the 80s series, unless you owned physical media. It was a weird time because streaming was in this sort of infancy stage where nobody pirated anything because Netflix was king. But if you wanted anime… well… you’d have to watch every episode in 3 parts on YouTube like everyone else, bud.

Funny enough, during that endeavor, I managed to watch just about every 80s episode, and I have not seen the 80s series since. I’m not sure when I’m going to break the streak and rewatch it, but I see it as more of an internal joke that I perpetually keep up for the lolz. At the time, though, my reasoning for not going back was actually because the channel I was watching from got taken down, and nobody else seemed to have an archive. Certainly though in the year of our lord 2022, where even the 60s series can be watched on streaming services, I think I’m just purposely skipping out.

That was back in 2012, a year later, I had an exposure to something a little different. You see at the time, I was in 6th grade, and I had a homeroom teacher who was a stickler for us reading during homeroom time. Now, when I was younger, I did read a lot, but by 6th grade I had mostly stopped (probably due to IRL stuff, but who knows?). So, I was basically relegated to reading almost anything from way back when that I could get my hands on at home. In comes my local library to the rescue! When I went over there for the first time, I was curious as to what the odds would be that any Manga volume was there. And luck be damned, I found a couple at the last minute. Now, I didn’t want to completely suck them dry of their manga supply, so I only checked out 2. But I soon realized that was a bad idea, since it turned out that I read graphic novels at lightning speed. I finished both of them rather quickly and had to read them over and over again for both homeroom and during P.E. attendance for a few weeks.

Briefly, I’ll talk about how I got into the 03 series. Initially, the 03 series was available on Netflix, and despite my initial thoughts on its art style, I decided to give it a try. Again, I wasn’t thinking too much of it at the time, but after the 2nd re-watch, I was sold. And when I mean sold, I mean I dropped every other rendition for that one. I also mean when I refer to or speak of anything AB related, I am 10 times out of 10 talking about the 03 English dub, and nothing else (except any of my fan fics or AUs). Nowadays, though, when I want to watch the 03 series, I have the dubbed version on DVDs that I’ve backed up digitally onto an external drive, so I just plug the drive in and go from there. This is also where I get all my screenshots for edits, and for my screenshot archive.

You’ll notice that for the most part, I’ve been talking about more IRL events rather than online stuff. And that’s mostly because me becoming the AB fan I am today didn’t really kick into gear until around 2015/2016-ish when I joined Tumblr. But before that, I did something a little similar… I wrote fan fiction. Or rather, my now partner and I did. But before she jumped on board, it was just me. Again, with no one to look after me or express any concern, I found myself on FFN reading… well… let’s just say… things someone at the age of 12… probably shouldn’t have. I read plenty of problematic works by problematic writers, and it inspired me to want to give it a try myself. After all, I did like writing— though like reading, I did give it up. I think at that point; however, I was so enamored and inspired, I let it all go and just jumped right into it.

The first fic I wrote, “Zoran vs. Uran,” served (technically) as the starting point to what would become my fan fic series Vivid Insomnia. But at the time was an arguably silly fic that never got finished because even past Sage knew it was horrible. The basic premise was based on the fact that in the 03 dub, Uran’s name was changed to Zoran, but I thought it would be interesting to write a fic in which Uran and Zoran are 2 separate characters. So, the plot basically surrounds Tenma creating Zoran and sending her off to live with O’shay. It was called “Zoran vs. Uran” (simply) because the “major bombshell” to be revealed was that Zoran and Astro are related (a shocker, I know /s). So, apparently Astro was supposed to finally gave a shit about her, which pisses Uran off and makes her incredibly jealous (something we can all relate to, I’m sure /s). Therefore, as a result, Uran and Zoran were gonna duke it out WWE style.

I legitimately have no words.

I’ll spare you all the tiny details, and move on to the short stories I did. After attempting to write a couple of fics and letting my anxiety consume me, I took a break from writing for a while, but found a way back in through writing short stories. Again, if V.I. was clay, then these short stories were helping it be molded into the shape it was set to become. Some of this information does overlap with my last post, so if you would like to learn more about the fan fictions I’ve written, you can check that out. The only thing you need to know is that after those short stories, I wrote my first long fiction in a while, called “Astro, Oh Astro, Where Did You Go?” It was by far my most em tonally gruesome fic at the time. It really paved the way for where I wanted to take V.I. and I think ultimately made me realize that I like writing about the emotional and mental perils of life, and what it takes to dig oneself out.

The entire premise was that after sleeping over at a friend's house, Astro decides to run away, leaving everyone to wonder where they went. By modern standards, this fic is a hot steaming plate of garbage, but at the time it was (again) the deepest thing I had ever written. Mostly with Astro’s portrayal-—I know many associate them with being childish and happy-go-lucky, and I do still agree with that sentiment. But during that fic, and certainly now, I find myself seeing them as a much sadder character. I won’t get into why exactly right now, so we’ll leave it at that. But in this fic, it should be noted that Astro’s entire persona surrounded how utterly depressed they were.

Moving on from fan fictions, I’m a freshman in high school who just left Google + because Tumblr lets you customize your desktop blog, and G+ doesn’t. This is also around the time that I had given up on my dream of being an animator because I would’ve honestly rather shot myself in the foot than do any sort of sketchbook doodle ever. You’ll notice I haven’t spoken about any fan art  I’ve done, and that’s mostly because I feel it would be pointless, since it didn’t lead to anything but heartache and irrational anger on my part. Instead, I decided to be a graphic designer because at the time, I liked downloading fonts from dafont.com and making fan works for Vivid Insomnia in a way that didn't involve drawing. Funny how everything that makes me a modern-day AB fan comes back more to V.I. than anything else… haha.

So with my Shadows Into The Light II, and Bebas Neue, I slapped the worlds #edgiest quotes (or song lyrics!) onto 03 series screenshots in Photoshop. And that’s basically how my design hobby (as it pertains to AB) started. I dabbled in other mediums, like videos and GIFs, but I would wager that today, design is my strongest suit, and it’s what I do the most of.

Years went by, I wrote more, designed more, started uploading videos a tiny bit more. And since I want to keep this post lighthearted and less focused on psychoanalyzing myself, we're going to skip over the many times I said something stupid and let my jealousy and low emotional intelligence get the best of me. Let’s just say… I learned a bit more about my place as a fan in this fandom, and also how not to interact with people, basically.

By the time I graduated from high school, I was ready to move on from this fandom, actually. Impostor syndrome ever so fragrant, I thought “AB isn’t serious?! I need to be serious now! I’m a real designer!” So, I gave it up for exactly a couple of months before I went back to my shipping retro bullshit, and before I knew it, I was essentially back where I started: An Astro Boy Fan on Tungle Dot Org. It was at this point though that I realized, if I wasn’t going to quit being in the AB fandom, the least I can do is polish myself up a bit. I haven’t mentioned any of my past usernames, but when this was all happening, I was Astro.png- a name I made as an inside joke because I export all of my static designs as PNGs. When I decided to “get serious”, I changed my name to Astorinx (yes, ASTORinx, not ASTROrinx, common mistake, I understand). This coincided with the change of my main design brand to Thylio Design, and also a personal change of name too (don’t you just love when your personal branding finally catches up to your gender changes too?)

Here, to close this out, I can finally touch on my “Astro is a sad character” point I was making earlier. Originally, when I switched to being Astorinx, I hadn’t intended for the blog to take a mental health/psychology skew topic wise. You’ll notice a lot of my works throughout the years have mostly been observational. I am simply making works based on how I interpret Astro’s character. But even then, as I look back, I realize that even then, my works weren’t taking place within canon. Rather, they were post canon. Because I’ve always found myself to think and believe that while Astro canonically was quite happy-go-lucky, their circumstances and life events told an entirely different story. No matter what you assume, at some point, you’re bound to realize that those events and whatnot, are going to catch up to them. I think in my personal quest to learn more about myself through the world of psychology, it has led me to look into the minds of some of these characters to ask an ample number of questions: What does it look like when this character is at their best? What does it take to get there? Or what about their worst— where are their faults, and why?

As time went on, I started to embrace a story line that was beginning to come about in my works, most exemplified by my “I Need To Forgive My Inner Child And Tell Them It’s Okay” piece. The story is this: Astro is an older and wiser adult whom, after going through and making great strides in therapy, looks back at the actions/thoughts/feelings of their younger self. Contrary to feeling regret, anger, or embarrassment for whom they once were, they look at their younger self with an immense sense of compassion. Like a warm blanket on a frigid night, they give their younger self a hug and say, “It’s okay. I totally get you, and I wish you well.”

Though not all of my works fit this narrative, especially when I make designs for characters besides Astro, for the most part, you can assume in some way, shape, or form, it’s relevant. What I’ve also realized, too, is that there’s a lot of people who find solace in my designs messaging. I recently even got asked to do a design supporting neurodivergency! While I will never claim to be a psych or mental health expert in any way unless or until I get an actual degree, it does make me happy that people are taking to my works in such a way. Over the years, I’ve become such a proponent for seeing people be the best version of themselves as possible. And while I wasn’t initially intending for my posts to be for the masses (thematically speaking), I’m glad Astro’s introspection's about who they were canonically have helped others do some reflecting of their own.

So, that’s now, but what’s next? Well, as I mentioned in my fan fiction post, I still have a lot more to write. And of course, I will always have plenty to design, even if there are considerable breaks in between due to burnout. In terms of videos, I have a few AMV ideas cooking currently, it’s just a matter of when I’m going to shake off the nerves and get started on them. I also still plan to run the AstroBoyFanWorks blog and its Discord server companion for as long as possible. I think when I look back at just how long it’s been- I mean 11 years is so wild! It’s almost unbelievable! But, I find myself in a place where I’m just happy to be here. I could go on and lament about so many things, but the truth of the matter is that after this many years, you either shit or get off the pot, as they say. You don’t second guess, you don’t make assumptions, you decide: Am I going to stick around for at least another year? And personally, I think yes.

#astro boy #tezuka #anime #blog post #fandom

[thebeautifulresistance]

You're calling me??? REALLY???

Fair warning: my first Tumblr post is going to be really long. Sorry about that but there needs to be background.

So, here's the background:

I was a truck driver for 33 years. I retired as of September 1, 2021. For many years, while I was still in the truck, I talked to our pastor's wife about how I could be a part of the Sunday service and a small group from the road. (Our church, The Crossing, in Mena, AR, calls small groups "Circles") At the time, live stream technology was in its infancy. Fast forward to today. Although its been through several different platforms, The Crossing's Sunday service is now live streamed on YouTube.

At the end of last Sunday's service, the speaker said that if you are forced to choose between the Sunday service or a small group, choose the small group. I immediately thought of all those times that Susan (the pastor's wife) and I had talked about this and all the drivers and far away friends and family that could benefit from a live streamed small group.

I thought to myself, "The technology exists now, in apps like Zoom, to make an online small group possible. Somebody needs to make this happen." The very next thing to enter my mind was NOT my own thought. I heard "You need to do this. You're that somebody. Quit waiting for someone else to do this. You make it happen."

I answered back...QUICKLY..."I don't know how. I don't know how to run Zoom. I don't know enough to lead a small group. I'm still learning stuff every day. I don't know if anyone would attend. I don't want to mess this up. Surely there's someone better suited to do this."

The reply was just as quick and very clear: "Moses couldn't talk right but look what he did with God's help." Well, there's no arguing with that, is there?

I said, "OK, let me talk to Susan since she's been listening to me beg for something like this for years." In the back of my mind, I was hoping she'd tell me that there was already a Zoom Circle or that she knew someone who would be perfect to lead it. Nope, should have known better. She was extremely supportive and even excited about it. She gave me resources to use but was pretty definite that this was a real calling to me from the Holy Spirit and with His help, I could do this.

The rest of the story...

All that to say, here I am, putting it out there. I will be setting up (with the Holy Spirit's help and infinite patience) a Zoom Circle. I'd love to have any and all of my friends and family, their friends and family, really anyone who wants to be part of a close knit community that meets together online to study together, help each other as best we can and point each other to living life Jesus' way to come join in.

There's a lot to figure out...

I'm in the process of learning Tumblr and Zoom right now. If anyone who knows how to run a meeting in Zoom has any advice, I'll gratefully accept. What would be the best day/time to meet? Is once a week enough? Too much? What topic do we want to learn more about to help us do life like Jesus during these crazy times? How would a live streaming small group offer the type of support and close community that an actual in-person Circle does? How do we share a meal together? (because you know we gotta eat!) Those are just a few of the questions flying around in my head like the fall leaves in the Oklahoma wind.

Please, if this sounds like something you'd like to be a part of, just message me. Bonus points if you're a Zoom Jedi. Regardless of interest or response, I will be obedient to His calling, even if I'm the only one there; but I can't believe that would be the case. Someone out there needs this or He would not have called me to do it.

Love you all. God bless and keep you. Until next time.

Kat

#small_group #CrossingMena #JesusWay #helponeanother #accountability #obedience

[nickgerlich]

Prime Example

What goes around, comes around. I’ve already said it once this semester, and here I am on Day 16 saying it again. It’s just like the Wheel of Retailing Theory as well, which posits that, over time, a retail revolution will eventually come to look a lot like that which it sought to replace.

And when everyone started ditching cable and satellite for streaming, they only thought their ad-free existence was going to last forever. We all know how that ended, with viewers ultimately having to either accept ads, or pony up more money to avoid them.

The latest arrival to the ad games is Amazon Prime Video, which is part of the Amazon Prime bundle of services. It costs $139 a year or $14.99 a month. But starting now, everyone will be forced to endure ads, or shell out an additional $3 a month to block them.

This is the opposite tack that Netflix, Hulu, and the others followed, which basically gave viewers a cheaper option. No, Amazon is foisting ads on everyone, and then you have a more expensive option.

Questions swirling in viewer minds right about now are whether it is worth having the service at all, and how many streaming services—and their recent price hikes—do we really need or want?

Of course, we have to remember that Amazon Prime Video is not the main attraction. It is free two-day shipping, which for loyal Amazon shoppers like me is a godsend. I actually couldn’t care less about the video part, rarely tuning in simply because all of my favorite shows are elsewhere.

But there is a huge nugget of gold in the middle of all this, and that is the fact that Amazon possesses perhaps the richest vein of consumer data. None of the streamers know much about us, other than our viewing preferences. Amazon knows everything we have bought, as well as everything we have searched for, and can thus serve ads that are targeted with laser precision.

Sure, Google knows a lot about us as well, based on our searches, and could conceivably serve targeted ads via its YouTube TV service, but searching at Google is very different from searching on Amazon, where purchase intent may be only a click away. And then there’s all the actual purchases we made. This truly is the purest gold in existence.

Imagine now if Amazon Prime Video had the same catalog of shows and movies that Netflix has. Our lives might start to look and feel a bit Orwellian, a bit Truman Show. Think back to something you studied intently on Amazon, but couldn’t quite pull the trigger on it. Amazon knows, and serves up a 30-second ad for it in the middle of a show.

Of course, our ages-old defense mechanisms may very well reappear. I know they have for me. When I’m watching Hulu, Peacock, and Paramount+ with ads, I just check email, run to the kitchen, or if necessary, sprint to the water closet. This is how we’ve always done it, right?

We should recall that Amazon is already in the advertising business, having sold $12 billion in advertising on its retail site in Q3 last year. Ads on Prime Video will only cement Amazon’s position as an advertising giant, albeit a long way behind Alphabet (Google) and Meta (Facebook and Instagram). Still, if you could create a side hustle that netted that kind of money, wouldn’t you do it?

Of course you would.I suspect that after the grumblers settle down, perhaps even cancel their subs, Amazon Prime Video with ads will settle in as the new norm. And, as has become apparent, the wheel has come full circle.

Enjoy your cable, folks.

Dr “Ad Nauseam” Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #advertising #streaming #Amazon Prime Video

[etes-secrecy-post]

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE! (W/ BIGGER TEXT!)⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

😡 WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EVER LIKED & REBLOG MY SECRET POST! THIS IS FOR MY SECRET FRIENDS ONLY, NOT YOU! 😡

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

#OnThisDay: Jan 5th, 2014 (original snapshot from Nov. 2013 before edited)

Title: GAT-X105B/FP and RX-78-2

Time for a little share of my Gunpla throwbacks, ey? My secret friends? 🤖😁 To this day, I am still a 'Gundam fan', even though I don't usually watch Gundam series, anymore (My last stop was watching 'Hathaway's Flash' on Netflix, by the way). So, if I come back to watch Gundam shows, I'll go with their recent, "The Witch from Mercury". 🙂

• Nonetheless, I took this awesome snapshot from 2013 (using my fam's Canon EOS 1000D/ Rebel XS DSLR camera) 📸 with my GAT-X105B/FP Build Strike Gundam Full Package HGBF (High Grade Build Fighters) 🤖 and RX-78-2 Gundam HGUC 🤖 (High Grade Universal Century; the old 2000s version) in action pose of my choice, which is quite decent for me to do after I watched numerous episodes of 'Gundam Build Fighters' on their official 'GundamInfo' YouTube channel. Sadly, the entire episodes are no longer listed (as well as selected Gundam shows on YT), and you can only watch on selected online streaming services. 💻🎦

Regardless, I'm lucky enough to own these awesome Gunplas. As of 2024, I still owned these inside their respective box. If only, I have my bedroom, an action base display and a plastic case (just in case for the latter). 🛏️🤖🙂

BTW: I have plenty of snapshots related to Gunpla on my dA (aside from my older ones that I've already posted here), so I'll share them when the exact date comes. 😉

Photography by ME! (using Canon EOS 1000D/ Rebel XS) Gunplas (Gundam Build Fighters & Mobile Suit Gundam) - Gundam series © Bandai Spirits, Bandai Namco Filmworks, Inc. (SUNRISE), Sotsu

[thebandcampdiaries]

Kansah is back with a brand new single and music video: "Am I Illuminati?"

Kansah is an artist with a focus on making music that transcend usual boundaries and stylistic limitations of hip-hop. As a result, he is always able to set a very high creative bar and impress people with some authenticity and edge. Such is the case of his latest work, "Am I Illuminati?". The track unfolds in a cinematic way, creating a more immersive experience for the audience with its soundscapes, but also hitting hard with a timeless trap-infused beats. The bass tones are huge, adding size to the song. However, the vocals are the cherry on top, as they bring in the personality of the song. In addition, the track offers some lyrics that are incredibly powerful and thought-provoking, creating a deeper connection with the audience that shows Kansah is more than just an entertainer! The vocals lock in with the instrumental in a seamless way. 

Speaking of which, The beat is actually quite articulate and layered. The intricacy of the composition and the instrumental melodies that contribute to the arrangement will keep the audience hooked from start to finish. What makes this release stand out is that it channels the power and warmth of old-school rap, but it also embraces the crips energy of the modern scene. “Am I Illuminati?” is a perfect representation of what this rapper is all about, as it offer so much depth, personality and realness. This is a rapper who isn’t afraid to speak up and explore something deeper with his songs and his lyricism.

Kansah’s work comes highly recommended to fans of artists such as Kendrick Lamar, Eminem and J Cole, only to mention a few. "Am I Illuminati?" is indeed a one-of-a-kind example of what it means to make music at the highest level, and keep an open mind that makes it all even more intriguing.

Find out more about Kansah, and listen to "Am I Illuminati?". This release is now available on some of the best digital streaming services on the web today.

Youtube: https://youtu.be/lbfVZte3Igw

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kansahmusic 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kansahmusic 

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kansahmusic 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kansahmusic

[polhtrust]

Flume album

Thanks to radio-friendly hits and a chilled-out, trap-influenced sound that's made him popular on streaming services hungry for pleasant background music (" Never Be Like You" has been streamed more than 453 million times), Flume is a lucrative artist. Flume's music is ubiquitous-you've probably heard it, even if you didn't know it at the time.See things first SUBSCRIBE here: Noise11 on YouTube SUBSCRIBE Kucka) – with Quiet Bisonīe the first to see ’s newest interviews and special features on YOUTUBE and updated regularly. “Like literally if I didn’t go on this medication, I would have quit touring forever.”įlume’s last studio album was 2016’s Grammy-winning ‘Skin’.Ĥ. “Whether its meditation or practicing going out and becoming comfortable with it over time like this was my last resort. He concluded: “I’ve always had anxiety problems, like social anxiety problems and I was really against taking anything for it initially because that’s my natural stance. “I feel like a bad person for saying that, but I love making music but I hate touring.'”įlume had doubts about going on medication for anxiety, but admitted without it he would’ve had to quit touring. “I went to a therapist and I was like ‘I hate my job, and it’s fucked that I can even say that because I have an incredible job that people dream of having. “I think I wanna quit unless I can figure something else out. “When I have to use alcohol, like, I’m not having fun with this. He said: “I was at a point where I was like ‘I don’t wanna do this anymore.’ He wasn’t happy.”įlume came close to quitting music until he decided to face his issues head-on by seeing a therapist. “And he died because he was medicating himself just like I was, with alcohol, drugs, whatever. On how similar his behaviour was to Avicii – who tragically took his own life aged 28 in April 2018 – he said: “I think people like Avicii and things, are literally the same as me. “Even to this day, after I’ve done thousands of shows, I still get anxious.” “The second I enter the festival I’m riddled with anxiety. He continued: “Now I don’t drink before shows, because I kind of realised that was a pattern, and it was getting pretty bad. “I’m just not a performer and I’ve definitely used alcohol to feel comfortable on stage in front of people.”įlume has changed his ways and no longer drinks before his concerts, but that hasn’t stopped him feeling anxious. “I would drink to make it bearable, which sounds crazy but really it’s the truth. “Like, when performing, I would drink to calm nerves. In a candid interview in 2020, he said: “I mean I used a lot of alcohol. I was really excited about the initial idea but it was only once I got back to Australia in early 2021 and linked up in the studio with MAY-A that the song really came to life.”įlume’s return comes after he revealed he nearly quit music after severe anxiety drove him to self-medicate.įlume noticed similarities in the way he was dealing with his mental health to those of the late Avicii – whose family said he “could not go on any longer” after years of health worries caused by stress and alcohol abuse.įlume admitted he would drink booze and get high to make himself feel confident enough to go on stage. “We wrote the song midway through 2020 while the pandemic was still pretty new. Flume said in a statement: “This song is about feelings of post relationship clarity.

#Flume album

[wildadorseyblogs]

The Ultimate Way to Make Money on Tiktok.

Introduction

Tiktok is an app that allows users to create, share and discover short videos. It's a social network based on video content that started as a platform to post lip-sync songs but has since evolved into a place where people can share everything from comedy skits to meme reactions. TikTok is popular among teens and young adults — especially those who use Vine or Snapchat — but it's not just for kids. In fact, marketing research firm App Annie says TikTok has more than 150 million monthly active users worldwide (and it's growing fast). With so many users constantly checking out new content on TikTok, now is the perfect time for you to start earning money off your own videos!

Kolify Affiliate Program offers a collaborative and friendly way to earn a good income from affiliate marketing.

Kolify Affiliate Program offers a collaborative and friendly way to earn a good income from affiliate marketing. Kolify Affiliate Program is designed for you to earn money from your social media influence. We are looking for passionate people with large social media followings who want an opportunity to earn income from their content, without having to create any of it!

Kolify can help you open your store

To open a TikTok store, you'll need to sign up with Kolify. The first thing you'll need to do is create an account with them and then you're ready to go! If you're not sure how to sign up, we recommend looking at their FAQ page.

Once your account is set up, head over to the "Get Started" tab on their website. Here's what it looks like:

As you can see on this screen shot above, it tells us exactly what we need to do next in order for our video (which we made earlier) become monetized!

Kolify provide you with the products you want to sell

Kolify is a great platform to make money on Tiktok. It provides you with the products that you want to sell and offers a wide range of products as well. Kolify has been around for quite some time, so they are quite experienced in providing their customers with a good income through this app. It’s always good when there are more options out there for people who want to make money using TikTok videos, especially if those options are easy and well-established ones like Kolify.

All the gains will be yours.

You can make money on TikTok by selling products and services in your own store. You will then share those products and services via posts, stories, chat messages, or video links that your followers can click on to purchase them. This is the most straightforward way to make money on TikTok because it doesn’t involve any time investment beyond setting up the store itself.

You won’t have any problem finding unique items to sell because there are so many people already selling them on the platform! If you want to add even more variety of products in your store, here are some tips:

Look at similar stores in your niche (if there are any). Study what they sell and how their ads look like so that you can come up with something similar but better than theirs if possible! Don't steal ideas though - just use them as inspiration for what kind of product(s) would be good for sale in this particular niche/industry that has been proven successful by other fellow "TikTokers".

Do some research online about potential niches worth exploring with some Google searches targeting keywords related specifically towards topics relating back around making money off Tiktok videos/streams etc., along with terms like: "How do people make money through social media platforms such as Facebook? How do I become a YouTube star?", etc."

You will have your brand

You can use your influence to obtain a stable income.

You can have your own brand.

You can have your own store.

You can have your own products.

You can have your own customers.

You can use your influence to obtain a stable income.

You can use your influence to obtain a stable income.

You can make money by promoting products on Tiktok.

You can open a store and sell products.

You will be able to earn a stable income.

You will have your own brand.

Conclusion

The industry of online marketing is growing, and more and more people are getting involved. If you want to earn money from Tiktok videos, there are many ways to do so. The Kolify Affiliate Program is a great option for those who want to monetize their content without creating their own brand or products. You can use your influence to obtain a stable income by using this tool!

Check out these amazing freebies when you sign-up for their 3-day free trial:

Get access to one of our Premium Courses worth $39.00

Enjoy our E- commerce tool to know more about strategies about the most popular videos, hashtags, and music in Tiktok

Get a 3-day free-trial on our platform and see all the amazing products and offers.

https://kolify.com/lp/12.html?BD=206&search=30

Whatspp: [phone]

[victoryspoon]

Vtubers as a whole skeev me out.

I'll put this above the readmore to get the tl;dr

Vtubers themselves aren't doing anything wrong and are oftentimes really cool people, but their growth is built upon fetishistic and parasocial relationships which are the natural next step for titty streamers and a rapidly growing degenerate anime subculture. Click the readmore if you want to bear with me, but that's the gist of what I'm going to try conveying down below.

The only thing I like about them as a concept is that they allow for anonymity for the streamer (and lord knows we need more anonymity on the internet nowadays).

I also want to clarify I have no issues with these women raking in the dough by conning these losers out of money. I can argue the morality behind it but as long as the men who watch these streamers are willing to throw their money away, who am I to stop them?

I feel like I can't get my point across if I try to beat around the bush so I'll just come out and say this: Vtubers are the next logical step in the titty streamer genre, which has been a plague on twitch and other streaming services for a while now. Losers donating their money to girls so they can see them doing jumping jacks or splashing around in a hottub is one of those "Okay kinda weird, but whatever" situations, but it has done irreparable damage to women content creators who want to stray from that.

Most dudes who run failed twitch channels end up quitting and moving on with their lives. It's laughed off like a failed podcast and that's the end of it. But out of the many women I know who tried and failed streaming (both actual friends and interviews I've seen online), all but a select few of them had at least some pressure on becoming a titty streamer before dropping it entirely. It reminds of the OnlyFans pressure you see everywhere now, and its equally disgusting.

I'm rambling so let me reel this back in:

The primary demographic for said streamers are depressed, lonely men who spend their freetime throwing away their money while pretending they have some kind of connection with the streamer. It's strictly a parasocial relationship. But when it comes to Vtubers, they have the same demographic plus an additional and even more depressing one: The anime fan.

Don't get me wrong, the technology for vtubers is impressive. It's a semi-costly investment for the facetracking software + model commission + set up, and is impressive to get right as evidenced by the plethora of really bad ones out there. But once they do it, they've become a real life anime girl, with all that entails.

I'm not a fan of the anime girl. Girls in anime are completely fine, but the anime girl is something else entirely. Overtly cutsey, oftentimes built upon layers of subtle fetishization and infantilization all wrapped up in an iconic design. It's insidious because the people designing these characters have spent years perfecting the art of "well it's not MY fault you're seeing that, you're the one with the problem" and it's built into the damn foundation for a lot of anime nowadays. It has become part of the culture. Everyone likes to make fun of the Miyazaki "I regret telling stories around young girls because lolicons have twisted those ideas into degeneracy," but the dude was absolutely right and called a lot of the weird shit you see nowadays.

Vtubers aren't doing anything sexual (at least from my knowledge) on stream. For the most part, their content is squeaky clean. But they embody the ideal of the anime girl, and as such, are subject to the consequences that culture will bring in. We can see this manifesting in various ways. You can just go onto Youtube and type in "[Vtuber name] Montage" and get hundreds of videos, some over an hour long, about really specific topics like "comparing boobs sizes with other vtubers" or "flirting with each other" and then other montages of "turning down donators" or "destroying creepy comments."

They're breeding a culture of obsessive and desperate men who've given up on "The 3D Waifu" and we're starting to get to a point where some vtubers are getting weird shit mailed to them by scorned fans. Just the other day there was that batshit insane 4chan thread of the guy who was losing his mind over a vtuber having a boyfriend, and that's one guy out of thousands.

My point, ultimately, is that these women are playing with fire whether they realize it or not. By becoming the "anime waifu," they're reinforcing a pretty gross subculture of depressed, lonely, and insane men who are mostly just simps but can grow into a very tangible threat.

#spoonfuls #yeah this is a long one #I just wanted to get my thoughts written down because I've been thinking about this for a while #and have been vindicated over the years #vtubers #I also want this as a thing I can link #because every time someone tries to show me a vtuber and I say no thanks #they need a fucking explanation as to why I don't like watching them

[entrepreneurnut]

16 Affiliate Marketing Secrets That Will Make You More Money

New Post has been published on https://entrepreneurnut.com/affiliate-marketing-secrets-make-more-money/

16 Affiliate Marketing Secrets That Will Make You More Money

Want to learn the secrets of making a lot of money as an affiliate marketer?

Here in this article, I walk you through 16 affiliate marketing secrets you can use to get more traffic and skyrocket your income.

Let’s get to it!

Create Good Content

Creating good content is at the heart of most affiliate marketing strategies.

Whether you’re running a blog, publishing videos on YouTube, or creating content for social media, you need to make sure you’re only publishing good content, otherwise, you’ll find it difficult to engage your audience.

Take a look at what your competitors are publishing. This will give you an idea of the standard you need to aim for. However, you don’t just want to be like everyone else, and you certainly don’t want to rip off the work others have done.

Instead, use your competitor’s content for ideas on how you can produce something even better. Are there sections that the competition hasn’t covered? Could you explain things in a better way? Can you make your content more impactful?

Use Multiple Traffic Sources

Many affiliates, especially beginners, focus on a single traffic source. While it’s necessary to build one traffic source at a time, once it’s established you should look to build a new stream of traffic.

Using multiple traffic sources will, of course, bring you more traffic, but it will also serve you well in protecting against platform changes.

For example, if you’re primarily a blogger, then you’ll need to contend with frequent Google updates. Google is constantly moving the goal posts. If a new update doesn’t go in your favor, it can really hurt your business if your business is 100% reliant on traffic from Google.

It’s not just Google that likes to mix things up. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Amazon have all made changes to their terms of service over the years. Unfortunately, some of these changes have not been good for affiliates and online business owners.

The key to protecting ourselves here is to aim to establish 3-5 (but at the very least, 2) traffic sources.

In the beginning, you should start with one. Pick your favorite. Then, once it’s established (typically 6-12 months depending on the traffic source), look to add a new stream of traffic to your business.

Get Solid Affiliate Training

Affiliate marketing can be hard if you don’t know what you’re doing. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Unfortunately, a lot of affiliate marketing newbies try to figure things out themselves, and end up either getting into some sort of difficulty and then eventually quitting.

However, with the right training, anyone can have success as an affiliate if they apply what they learn and stay consistent.

There are a lot of good courses out there, but there are also a lot of scammers too. Unfortunately, there are some people in the space selling courses that don’t actually make money with affiliate marketing – they make money from selling their courses.

Stay away from those people.

When it comes to choosing a good course, I recommend learning from someone who actually practices what they preach, can back up their results, and has a lot of good testimonials from students.

Spencer Mecham is one such person. He’s a 7-figure affiliate with a great track record, is respected in the industry, and is transparent about his methods and tactics.

I bought Spencer’s course Affiliate Secrets 3.0, and I can’t recommend it highly enough. It teaches you everything you need to know to start and build a successful affiliate business to 7-figures.

If you want an in-depth look at the course and my full feedback as a student, see my review of the Affiliate Secrets 3.0 course here.

Find Discount and Coupon Offers

Some affiliate program managers provide unique discounts and coupon codes to affiliates.

Check the affiliate resources area of each product you’re promoting to see if there are any available. Using these can often be the tipping point in pushing potential customers over the edge to make a purchase.

If there are no discounts or coupon codes available in the affiliate area, it’s worth reaching out directly to your affiliate manager. Sometimes they will set you up with your own unique code to help you promote.

Promote a Trial or Free Sample

Promoting a free trial or sample product is a great way to attract new customers. It’s a hell of a lot easier to promote something that’s essentially free versus a product that costs thousands of dollars.

Once you’ve got a few customers in the door with a free trial, you’ll earn a commission once they continue with a paid subscription. Having said that, some affiliate programs pay a very small commission of a few dollars just for a trial sign-up.

There are tons of good affiliate products out there that offer a free trial. One I’ve done particularly well with myself is ClickFunnels.

ClickFunnels don’t pay you anything for a free trial sign-up, but once the 14-day trial period has passed they pay up to 40% recurring monthly commissions. You get $38.80 per month for anyone you refer who takes the Standard plan, or $118.20 per month on all Platinum users you sign up for through your affiliate link.

You can join the ClickFunnels affiliate program here.

GrooveFunnels is another good example of this. Groove offers a free account, but you’ll get up to 40% each month when your referrals move onto a paid plan

And then, if those referrals go on to also promote GrooveFunnels, you’ll receive an additional 10% per month on all the new accounts they refer too! That’s called a tier-2 affiliate program, in case you’re wondering, and there are several good ones out there that you can add to your ecosystem of affiliate products to promote.

You can join the GrooveFunnels affiliate program here.

Promote Products With a Recurring Commission

My next affiliate marketing secret tip is to promote products that will pay you again and again.

Promoting affiliate programs that pay a recurring commission is another affiliate hack that will make a huge difference in your business.

Promoting recurring commission products will help you to build up steady, reliable passive income. In time, this can amount to a large sum of money in your pocket each month.

Personally, I love promoting these kinds of products as I like the long-term stability they can bring. It’s also great to know that you’ll still get paid even if you decide to take a month or two off!

Promote High-Ticket Products

When I first got started as an affiliate marketer, I promoted only low to mid-ticket products for far too long.

That was a big mistake.

It doesn’t take much extra work to promote a high-ticket product as it does a low-ticket offer, so you may as well add one or two high-ticket offers into the mix.

There are products out there that will pay you as much as $1,000 or even $5,000 for a single sale.

So, if you want to make an extra $1,000 per month you can look at it this way:

Sell a low ticket product that pays you $10 per sale = make 100 sales per month

Sell a high ticket product that pays you $1,000 per sale = make 1 sale per month

You won’t likely get much traction though just by writing a few blog posts or uploading some YouTube videos. You need to hone in specifically on your target audience, and then build rapport and trust with your audience first to sell these kinds of products.

Don’t worry, it’s not actually that hard once you know-how.

If you want to make high-ticket products a part of your business then you’ll need to follow a specific blueprint that’s designed for selling high-ticket items.

This is one of the best blueprints in the industry to make high-ticket sales as an affiliate.

Find Similar Products of Competitors

As an affiliate, you want to build up a stable of relevant products that you can promote to your audience.

A great way to find more products to add to your offering is to do some competitive research to discover what your competitors are promoting.

Scrolling through your competitor’s YouTube videos is one of the easiest ways to find out what they’re promoting. And if they happen to have created a lot of content on a particular product, then chances are that product is selling well for them.

The same goes for competitors who are leveraging other social media channels like Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Sometimes you’ll even need to click your competitor’s referral links and sign up to their mailing list to uncover the goods.

And if you’re a blogger, a great way to spy on your competition is by using a tool like SEMRush or Ahrefs. These tools will help you top quickly see topics your competitors are writing about, which articles are bringing them the most traffic, what keywords they target, etc.

Be Honest About Products

All too often you see affiliates out there raving about how good this product or that product is without giving much insight into the negative sides of a product.

Of course, you want to make the sale, but if you’re only emphasizing the good points, and not being transparent about what’s not so great about the product then you’ll lose trust with your audience.

Pretty much every product out there has good and bad points. People know that.

If you’re not being completely honest then most people will see through your efforts.

Only Promote Good Products

There are loads of great products out there. There’s also a lot of crap too.

Reputation is everything when it comes to making money with affiliate marketing. If you promote crap to your audience then you’ll lose trust and those people won’t buy from you again.

Wherever possible, promote products that you use yourself, or ones you have tried and tested. If that’s not possible, then do your research into the company first before promoting them.

You want to make sure the product is of good quality, the company has a good reputation and decent customer support in place, and overall customer reviews are good.

Focus on Mobile Conversions

As of 2021, around 90% of internet users are accessing the net via a mobile device. That’s a staggeringly high number!

In 2020 an average of 55.4% of online sales made came from a mobile device. This percentage is expected to increase over the coming years.

So, it’s safe to say that it’s extremely important to focus on mobile traffic and sales.

On top of this, you also gotta consider how long it’s taking for your pages to load. Whether you’re using a WordPress website or a dedicated landing page builder, make sure it’s optimized to the max and loading quickly. Doing so can increase your conversions by as much as 27%, according to QuickSprout.

As far as landing page and funnel builders go, GrooveFunnels is the fastest loading.

If your site is built on WordPress, then make sure you have a mobile-optimized, responsive theme. Ditch heavy page builders like Thrive Architect and Divi, and use a pro caching plugin like WP Rocket.

Build an Email List

Email marketing is still one of the most, if not, the most effective marketing strategy used online. All kinds of businesses use email marketing, including affiliates.

There are lots of reasons why you should build an email list, but here are the most important reasons:

An email list will help you build trust and rapport with your audience

You will have the opportunity to sell to the same people again

Once a person has bought from you, they are much more likely to buy from you again

An email list is a good fail-safe in case you temporarily or permanently lose traffic

As important as it is to build a list, there are a lot of affiliates out there who are leaving a lot of money on the table by missing out on this step.

As an affiliate, the easiest way to start list building is to offer your audience a free lead magnet (something for free) in exchange for their email address. Once subscribed, your audience will begin to receive your automated newsletter, some emails of which will also pitch a product.

It’s important to know that some email automation platforms are not affiliate-friendly. That’s why I recommend using GetResponse for newbies, and they also have a completely free plan too up to your first 500 subscribers.

Use an Affiliate Bridge Page Funnel

An affiliate bridge page is a simple 2-page funnel. The landing page (page 1) is the page where you offer your audience a freebie (your lead magnet) in exchange for their email address.

Once people opt-in to receive your lead magnet, they will automatically be subscribed to your email list and start to receive your follow-up emails. They will also be redirected to the bridge page (page 2).

A bridge page is usually a simple page with just a few elements. Typically, it will contain a headline, a short 1-2 minute video of you introducing a product (ie, bridging the gap between where your prospect is right now and the product you want to introduce them to), and a ‘buy now button.

An affiliate bridge page funnel is a great way for you to make some extra money upfront while building your list at the same time.

Ask For Custom Commission

Some affiliate managers are open to negotiating higher commission payouts. However, they will usually want something in return.

There are quite a few things you can offer to entice a higher commission out of your manager. Here are a few ideas:

Prime position in a round-up review

A site-wide feature spot on every page of your website

Regular mentions to your email list or social media following

Rent your Facebook pixel to your affiliate program manager

Use Exit Intent Popups

Some websites, particularly blogs, can have a bounce rate as high as 90%. This means people are hitting the back button before they navigate to any other page on your website.

That’s why exit-intent popups are so effective. Once set up, they trigger as soon as it detects the person is about to leave your site or landing page.

On average, exit-intent popups can increase your conversions by as much as 10-15%, which can make a big difference to your bottom line.

You can use an exit-intent popup to collect an email or to sell a product directly. If you’re using a popup builder like ThriveLeads then you can even use it to create an affiliate bridge page funnel to collect leads and sell a product at the same time.

Offer Bonuses

One highly effective tactic you should consider using in our affiliate business is to incentivize people to purchase products through your link by offering bonuses.

This is a clever tactic that a lot of the super affiliates use to boost sales.

if you’re gonna use this tactic then you want to offer a bonus (or bonuses) that compliment the product you’re trying to sell.

For example, if you’re trying to get people to use ClickFunnels through your link, then think about all the issues a new user might face once they’ve signed up for ClickFunnels. As a result of this kind of thinking you might come up with a list of bonuses that look something like this:

A quick-start video course on how to use ClickFunnels

A short eBook on 5 ways you can make money using ClickFunnels

Done-for-you funnel templates

Etc

Of all the affiliate marketing tips, this one can make a huge difference to your income.

Affiliate Marketing Secrets – Final Thoughts

There you have it, 16 affiliate marketing secrets to help you scale your income online.

I recommend you apply all of the above tactics over time as they will help you on your journey to becoming a successful affiliate marketer.

[noblenoble26]

The Most Popular Android Sprint Phones

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[staalyusuf51]

It is important to do your homework if you want to be an expert on music downloads. You will want to gather information and tips that are both safe and effective during your research. This article will guide you in the right direction for downloading music properly.

If you are looking for a cheap way to download music, try using a free service instead of downloading. Service such as Pandora or Slacker will let you listen to music from any device. You do not have to store the files on your phone or tablet; just listen to them streaming online. A good tip to consider when you're downloading music is to organize the music you download into a neat folder. You don't want to lose any of the music that you bought and paid for. It's important that you have it all organized so that you can easily access it when you want. A great tip when downloading music is to preview similar artists on itunes. Most of the time, itunes will show a dozen of similar songs and artists on the right whenever you highlight a song in your library. This can be a great way to discover new music that you like. Try browsing the daily deals sections on Amazon.com and iTunes for some great music downloads. Some of the tracks sell for about a penny a piece. Most of this is older music, but a lot of it is considered "classic." This is also a great way to find some interesting albums or tracks that you may never have considered for your collection. A good tip to keep in mind when you're downloading music is to keep track of what music you already have. If you don't, you are simply wasting money. Typically, you can look at the history of your downloads to learn what you have already downloaded from a service. Should you be downloading quite a bit of music from a variety of websites, it can be a good idea to find one subscription service to use for listening. Services such as Rdio and Spotify provide access to their entire library of millions of tracks for a small monthly fee. You probably are even able to download the libraries for use offline, just as if you bought them. It's a great way of increasing your music collection in an affordable way. Use free radio programs like Pandora to find new music. Shop around and sample songs before you buy. Customizable radio programs and sites like YouTube can help you find new music that you actually like. Always try to listen before #inspirationalquotes buy. Don't waste money on music that you won't enjoy. Do not download music illegally through file-sharing websites. What seems like a good idea to get free music can come back to bite you. Many internet service providers are now working with publishing companies to find and prosecute online pirates, and you do not want to be one of the unlucky ones. There are literally thousands of sites which host music files. Even though many of these website are safe, there are still a great number that contain some infected files. Downloading just one of these infected files could possibly destroy your computer, so it is wise to be cautious. Before downloading a file, always scan it first with your anti-virus program. Check out sites online which aggregate deals on sites like iTunes and Amazon when it comes to music. For example, DealNews provides up to the minute updates on what is on sale on many different sites, including those which sell MP3s. You can even subscribe by email for alerts. To avoid getting ripped off when downloading music, choose a website that is popular such as Amazon, Rhapsody or iTunes. These popular download services are generally more secure than lesser known ones since they have to maintain their reputation. Therefore, you don't have to worry as much about having your personal information stolen. If you like your music to sound the best possible, look for the bitrate of the audio file. The bitrate helps you know at what quality the track that you want was downloaded. For instance, a track that's been encoded at 256 kilobytes per second will typically sound muck better than one that's been encoded at 128 kilobytes per second. This article supplied you with awesome tips from the experts. The advice given here is just that. When you use them, you should have no problem downloading your own music.

#loving your self

[soft-boi-eli]

Ayo do you write for poly relationships?

If that's so, could you do a cc!Karlnapity x male reader? Quackity is hella stressed because of law school and is very tired so the others just

Do little things for him, like acts of service and just, being supportive---

Feel free to say no if it makes you uncomfortable :>

Yep. I myself am poly but not in a relationship yet. So I am perfectly comfortable with it.

We believe in you.

Summary: quackity needs some tlc. With the stress of law school higher then ever you, karl, and sapnap decide to take care of him while he studies.

Pronouns: he him his

Quackity. The hyper happy streamer. Was in his office/streaming room studying for finals.

The stress he was under was immense and all you and your two other boyfriends wanted to do was comfort him and help him through this intense time.

You were monitoring how much he has eaten or drank today. That counter was at zero. The amount of times for a stressful break was monitored by karl. And the bathroom breaks by sapnap. With all of the counters at zero you guys went to work.

You were the only one that could cook in this house. The others would burn it down. So you were always on dinner duty. Or lunch. Even breakfast.

Whipping up some tomato soup and grilled cheese you were quick to plate it. These we're quick simple and the best thing for them to consume.

While sapnap and karl were harassing him to get up you were setting up the living room for a mental break for him. Setting it up for two episodes of the show you guys were watching you yelled up to them. "guys I'm done. And if you have to drag him."

You were making him take this break. Whether he liked it or not. Cramming can be useful yes. But not all the time. Not for hours on end with no food or water. Watching your two boyfriends literally dragging your third one down you smirked.

"So. You thought that you could get away with not eating, drinking, or even bathroom breaks. You thought wrong." Quackity stared at you. That look. He's seen it before.

"No. No! If I don't study I can't pass!" He was desperate to get out of their arms. Walking up to him you squished his cheeks. "Hun. It's gonna be an hour at max. You need to eat. Get some water. We're worried. You haven came out of that room for over 6 hours. Meaning you haven't eaten, haven't filled your water bottle, haven't used the bathroom. It's not healthy. And your brain needs fuel. Not energy drinks." He looked at you for a moment.

What you said was true. Every human needs it. But he just wanted to finish his notes. The ones that he said would be done in less then three hours. The ones that he could study for the final exam with.

But all three of your guys puppy dog eyes won him over.

"Fine. But no longer then an hour." He fully gave in. Letting go of his face you smiled. "Great! I made grilled cheese and tomato soup." Quackity looked over with stars in his eyes.

"You could of just said that Mi Amor. You know I would die for you soup." Rolling you eyes to him as he quickly picked up his plate and bowl.

This man.

He was scarfing it down like he was a starving man.

I mean waking up, studying, and not eating at all does that to you.

As the show played quackity seemed to relax a bit more. That was all you wanted. Him to sit back, relax, give himself a break.

Sadly the two episodes were over faster then they began. Leaving quackity to go back upstairs. Laving his three worried boyfriends.

"Okay guys." They looked at you confused for a sec.

"Every hour we bring him something. Water, a snack, blanket, hot drinks, cuddles. What ever you want. Just make sure he's taking care of himself alright?" They nodded.

"Good. Who's on first hour duty?" Karl was quick. He was nearly springing out of his seat as he raised his hand.

You were fine with it because your took at least two hours.

You were making cookies.

You knew the boys couldn't resist any of the baked goods you made. After all you were a cooking and baking youtuber.

So as the hours passed by the guys kept reminding quackity to take breaks. Telling him to go to the bathroom, stretch his legs a little, have a hug.

So when you finished the last batch it was your turn up there. Bringing a plate full of cookies and milk with you, you knocked gently.

"I swear to God sapnap if you're there again I'm going to ki-." He opened the door and looked directly at you. "Not sapnap this time I brought cookies though!" He greedily grabbed the cookies and milk, letting you in as he did so.

"So studying been going well?" He shrugged. "Could be better could be worse." Laughing lightly you sat in one of the chairs there.

"But way better now that you brought me cookies." Shaking your head you stretched. "Honestly if I didn't decide to learn. I would of never met you guys. But boy am I happy for that. Now I'm with my three handsome boyfriends. One of them ever so cuddly. The other quite the amazing voice. And lastly my extremely smart boy who is going to help so many people when he passes his finals." He tilted his head at you.

Standing up you kissed his forehead. "I belive in you alex. Just remember that your mental health is just as important as this exam." Your voice was soft on his forehead.

"Yeah! You are one of the smartest j have met! Don't you dare give up. But don't you dare mentally strain yourself!" Sapnap was loud.

Rolling your eyes you looked at the two in the door way.

"Yeah! We're here for you alex. If you need a small break we'll always be right here for you! Be it a hug, kiss, cookie, a tv break. Even just an hour of us laying in bed doing nothing except talking. We're here for you!" Karl was quick to add on. God you loved them yet they always tend to get way to cheesy.

"God you guys. I have no clue what I'm going to do with you three. I can't thank you enough." Quackity was about ready to break down in tears. With the ruffle of the hair you smiled brightly.

"No need. You are going through something that you need to work hard on. We aren't going to let you not take care of yourself." You opened your arms. On arm around quackity already.

You were inviting the other two over to join the hug.

Rushing over their arms over layed quackity and you. Squeezing the life out of you both.

God. Don't let this dream come to an end.

Bouns:

At the end of the day. All you, sapnap, and karl knew was the day coming to an end. This wasn't going to end with out quackity.

"Hey. Alex. How close are you to being done?" He turned to you. You hadn't really interuped him the whole time only every once in a while to bring up a snack. He looked up and down your pajama clad body.

He shook his head lightly. "You get comfortable with karl and sapnap. I'll be there in about 15-20 minutes." Nodding lightly you walked up the stairs. Leading to the massive room. This was the room you all shared. While also having your own room for when you wanted to sleep separately.

Karl and sapnap laid awake in their respective spots. "He's not coming to bed?" Sapnap asked. You shook your head.

"He said 15-20 minutes." Crawling between the taller ones you left space for quackity to crawl in.

He was a little off from the 15-20 minutes. He took 30 instead. But you weren't complaining one of your main sources of heat for the night was now in the bed, curled up, head on your chest, hands lightly intertwined with the other two.

Leaving your hands open to lightly comb his hair back and massage his scalp and back. This man was studying for at least 12 hours. And he deserved it.

There was no complaints from anyone. Not even quackity which was quite unusual. Except for the fact he had passed out almost as soon as your fingers started at his scalp.

His little snores brought a smile to your face while little giggles came from karl. While a chuckel came from sapnap. It's unusual for quackity to fall asleep first. But you wouldn't change it.

Not for the world.

*Ahem* I am now one year on testosterone! God it's been a weird journey but I do feel happier about myself.

Also I loved this fluffy tooth rotting oneshot. It made me happy to shower quackity, karl, and sapnap in love. They deserve it!

Anyways I hope you enjoyed and have a good day/night/morning/evening.

Eli out.

#karl x reader #karlnapity x reader #dsmp karl #karl jacobs #karl jacobs x reader #karl jacobs x you #karl jacobs x y/n #quackity x reader #quackity #quackity x y/n #quackity x you #sapnap x reader #sapnap x y/n #sapnap x you #karlnapity

[dystopiandilfs]

Dream's discord podcast. Basically him answering questions for 2.5 hours. This will sort of be in order but I fucked up my notes so it might not be in order completely. (From 13th May 2021)

For reference the photos at the end are: A prototype of fidget spinner merch as loads of people asked, a reference photo of his favourite merch and a photo he sent of his hair to prove he wasn't a brunette.

•He said his teeth are mostly straight but he's thought about getting Invisalign. He's never had braces. He has a tiny gap in the left side of his mouth and his canines are longer and sharper (vampire arc). He's never had teeth surgery so has his wisdom teeth still.

•He thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

•He likes seafood like lobster and crab. He had crab made in an air fryer last night. He like peas. He thinks quesadillas are good and likes most food.

•He hates Coffee and most drinks

•The Dream Shorts team is Ken who is his personal reminder (Ken's main job is to spam him with texts so he doesn't forget things as he's got a habit of reading texts and not replying) and also comes up with a list of sets for Dream shorts. The builder is a friend and munchymc builder "his talent gets wasted on Dream's shorts but we pay him so"

•His editors are currently Dizzy, Firesale and Mjcr. Willz doesn't edit for him anymore

•The mask animation isn't done but Mask should be released May 21st. He wants to release them together as "the whole song is a double meaning and the whole nuance will be lost without the animation" but no matter if the animation is done the song is getting released on the 21st.

•He and Sapnap eat together often.

•He and Sapnap prefer medium rare Steak

•He wants a home gym it's something he's willing to splurge on. They currently have a weight rack but they haven't even set it up.

•"Eat the rich? Shut up shut up" - Dream

•Talked about money basically saying "Most people don't understand how money works I don't have millions in my bank account it's in assets like merch, land and warehousing for that stuff" (He's not in his landlord arc)

•He's been debating Pride Merch because of Rainbow Capitalism. He doesn't want it too be seen as a money maker and if he does most proceeds would go to charity. He's currently super busy merch wise with Sapnap joining and George in the middle of joining. He did say "Only if the LGBTQ+ community in this community wants it" He thinks he's going to at least change the merch website to a pride one. Sapnap wants to make pride merch including a rainbow flame on his.

•He wants to create a charity that's centered around helping LGBTQ+ one day because he thinks that there's a lack of them. He mentioned that creating a charity was expensive and took a lot and was a complicated process including a board of directors but he wants to do it someday.

•He wanted to buy a bunch of houses in Florida which was a service to house mostly LGBTQ+ youth and people stuck in abusive households for free to get them out of bad home environments. But he didn't because he didn't want people thinking he was profiting of of abuse victims and LGBTQ+ community.

•He said he's terrible with time management and replying to people which is why Ken helps him (and also helps George and Sapnap). He mentioned how Sam messaged multiple times and Dream just forgot to answer but felt bad "I feel like people think I hate them..... Cause I'd be mad if people did that to me"

•He tries to reply to a few texts a day (community number). He also can't do birthday messages everyday because you can only reply at certain times so it's not abusing the system so if you get one it's special. He said he does try but it's got a weird time gap.

•Him and the manhunt winner are trying to come up with a good time to film

•He wants to stream this MCC on twitch and says his team is good.

•He talks about why he's not partnered with Twitch. Basically Twitch has a lock rate (in which you make money) and you legally can't stream on YouTube. So legally if Tommy wanted to stream on YouTube he couldn't. Someone then mentioned how Bad is a twitch partner but still streams on YouTube "Bad streams on YouTube but he has for a while and I don't think that he cares" - Dream

•He likes to reply to every donation he gets on stream and feels bad when he doesn't so he'll turn them off when he streams and wants a platform deal where he can be payed to stream (not twitch). If he gets a streaming partnership he will stream a couple of times a week. He looked in to Facebook but they don't have an alias system meaning you can see everyone's actual Facebook account and personal info, he doesn't like seeing real names on Facebook so it would require a lot of altering if he was to stream there so he's thinking it's probably going to be YouTube.

•He was asked about if his demographic was what he expected and he said he went in with no expectations, he didn't even know what stans were, wasn't really on social media so he wasn't aware of the fan culture. "You guys are a handful sometimes but it's worth it"

•He also mentioned how he and the DreamSMP changed the twitch audience demographic. It used to be male dominated in both streamers and audience and now it's almost split which is unheard on.

•He has 5 fidget spinners in his house. Two in his bedroom. Two in his office. One in the living room.

•He likes his Minecraft skin as he thinks the arm is cook and you never see the rest of his skin really. He says it's unique and different and "me". Dream: You can't even tell half the skins apart on MC.

•He's not lost the motivation to stream. Most of the times if he wants to stream he gets George or Sapnap to do it and he just turns up. It's more beneficial to them as they have donos and subs on. (Don't we fucking know it "can you say hi to")

•He has listened to Lovejoy. Says the ep was great and they're very talented and awesome. Doesn't know what his favourite song is but probably would pick One Day because the chorus slaps.

•RIP to acoustic Roadtrip. He said instead of acoustic Roadtrip we get Mask so no losses today for Dream stans.

•"With Roadtrip I went to Parker and I said Hey I have a story I want to tell through music. I have no experience with that can you help me" He said sure. He crafted the music and melodies and how things are formed where it's catchy. I have less comfort singing that. I love the song and it's my song, it's very representative of me and I'm sure I could sing it but it's a song I'd be kinds of scared to sing live, with Mask I basically did everything. I sat there the entire time and maybe an hour out if the 100 I wasn't in the call. Dream came up with the lyrics and main melody for Mask (First one he's ever come up with) "That was just notes in my fucking voice memos"

•The clip we heard of Mask was a prechorus not the actual chorus. He thinks he'd be more comfortable to do a mask acoustic and it's more melodic than Roadtrip. The chorus also has a lot of instruments similar to Roadtrip. Mask starts of slow and guitar with minimal reverb and is more raw.

• He doesn't want music to be his main thing. It's something fun to do and he's passionate about it as it's a way to express emotions. He wants to release mask then go from there. He wants to release at least one more song but has nothing on his mind currently. His two ideas were Roadtrip and Mask.

•He wouldn't quit his job to become a pizza delivery man.

•His favourite features on himself are eyes or freckles and he also confirmed that he does have eyebrows.

•He was told that Parkour warrior would be bought back some time in the near future and he got excited for it. "Even if I don't win, which I will, it'll be fun"

•Went on about his MCC team but I'm not going to put that in as we should be getting them today. He did say he wasn't on Pink but he did sound confused. (For reference he's always in Pink as it's the last team announced and keeps the hype up by announcing the biggest streamer last)

•Said he and his mum had the Mr Beast burger. He recommends because he likes the avacado. He mentioned how Mr Beast uses "Ghost Kitchens" which is basically where he gives restaurants permission to cook his food so it's restaurant quality food.

•His favourite piece of merch is the circle smile. (The pool photo on Instagram). He said the quality was bad (he worked with a different company and didn't have his own company) and it was elasticy feeling and he's planning on re-releasing it again but with good quality.

•He's started to send merch out in custom packaging. So his bags have the smile and will mostly be green. Sapnap's has the flame and is either black or white. He's also trying to make it so every order has the sticker packs for both him and Sapnap.

•He loves the coins as it's cheaper than a hoodie but still celebrates the milestones and will last a long time. He mentioned how the old coins are getting removed off the site and how if you have any of the coins your special because only a few thousand get made. He's kept around 100 of each coin that he wants to give away in person.

•He wanted to have a cool store where you could access computers that give you access to the DreamSMP in spectator mode. But it's too costly and would require too much time and isn't safe fight now. He doesn't think it'd be worth it financially.

•Most of the hoodie are black instead of multiple colours because of limited supply and covid. Getting the colours are harder because if the pandemic which hopefully won't be an issue soon.

•He wants to do a short meetup tour with Sapnap and George with a few locations in the US (and if others nearby want to join like Quackity or Karl they can). He also wants to visit Australia, UK, Canada, Mexico and Philippines and do something like that there but definitely at least visit with George and Sapnap.

•He's never been to the Philippines but his mum has. He wants to set up a place in the Philippines where he can ship merch in bulk and it would help to reduce shipping. However it would probably be big milestone merch.

•He's not got the vaccine yet but will get it when he needs to. He doesn't leave the house so he doesn't see the point.

•He's the ideas man. George's footcam video was Dream's idea. The T-shirt video was Dream's idea. Most if not all of the Dream Team's videos are Dream's ideas.

•Said he's got a similar/the same hair colour as Froy (Dream buddy at this point the only difference between you and Froy is that one of you is dating Richard Madden /lh)

#dreamsmp #dream smp #dreamwastaken #mcyt #georgenotfound #sapnap

[missblissy]

OMG the aquarium one was so cute, can you please write a little more after that? They start dating and maybe Alastor start reading Reader Books? Have a nice day/night :)

((Thank you nonny!! And I would certainly love to!!))

It had been months since you first met Alastor, and to say that wasn't the best day of your life would be a lie. Because you got to meet the only boyfriend you had ever learned to love this much, and this quickly. However, life had it's ways to make everything so impossible. Alastor was from New Orleans, Louisiana, and you were from Buffalo, New York. So the reality was you had a long-distance boyfriend.

Alastor worked a lot and traveled a lot for work. So any chance he got, he'd visit you. Oh, but you were never allowed to visit him. He'd always make some excuse. His home was dirty, that he hadn't cleaned. Then you found out he also had roommates, roommates he didn't want you to meet for whatever reason. He said they were an odd bunch of "children." Though later he explained they were friends from college, but they certainly acted like children. He told you their names at least. There was Angel, who was the college dropout, and the local bum who lived on Alastor's couch. Then there was Charlie, and her girlfriend Vaggie, they were in their last years of Med School together and lived in Alastor's apartment-like attic. Lastly, there was Husker, and Nifty. Husker was an old high school friend of Alastor, and Nifty was an old childhood friend.

He loved visiting you, however. It was never for long, a few days here and there. Maybe a week if you were extremely lucky. But when he did visit, you were on top of the world. He'd spoil you rotten any chance he got, whether that was buying you something you really didn't need, or constantly taking you out for dinner dates. There was an amusement park not too far from where you lived, so occasionally you'd go there too. Alastor was not a thrill seeker so he'd never ride any rides, but he was happy to make you happy and glad to see you enjoy yourself.

Much to your dismay, however, Alastor started reading your book series, and he even made sure to read your one-shot books. He found out you were quite the poet and got the idea to start sending you letters when he wasn't around, or when he was home. They were sappy love letters filled with the gushy kind of mush you'd see from the mid-century. He wrote in Shakespearean, pressed flowers into the letters, and even sealed it with a wax press. How could it get more romantic than that?

Something else you started to do was listen to this infamous podcast he was so proud of. He ran it with his friends, Charlie and Angel included, along with Rosie, who was technically the co-host. They talked about all sorts of things, current new media, war-torn lands across the world, memes and funny TikToks that were trending, and even have well-known guest stars for interviews. He got over three million listeners on Spotify, which was the only streaming service you could find his podcast on. Alastor told you that he had a very large grudge against Youtube and would never lower himself to such a platform.

Eventually, after what felt like lifetimes (it was only a little over a year after dating) Did you FINALLY get to visit Alastor, and see his home. He was so proud to show you, New Orleans. He took you to every single one of his favorite bars, and diners. He made sure you got to taste the finest local cuisine and knew every local hangout spot. He wasn't lying either when he constantly said his house was a mess. You were very taken away by the fact that his home looked like a frat house. It wasn't.... dirty... or disgusting. Just... busy... and full of other people and their things. Nifty made sure everything was clean, like clothes and dishes, etc. But the house was very packed, very loud, and filled with people coming and going constantly.

It was nice though, to finally be in his world. It felt like he was going to keep you at an arms-length forever. You would visit him once a month, and you took turns going back and forth between each other's homes. But eventually, and much to your surprise, he asked you to move in. But only if you wanted to, he understood that you'd be downgrading from your waterfront house, where you lived alone with your two cats. You were so in love with Alastor, and his world, and his friends, and everything about him, that it never once felt like a downgrade for you. So of course you moved in if only a few weeks after he asked.

#alastor x reader #alastor x you #alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #hh alastor #hazbin #hotel #hazbin x reader #modern!au #human!alastor #alastor headcanons #missbliss writes #blissy writes #anon #ask

[forthegothicheroine]

The King in Yellow, 1949

Much of this story is true.  Warnings in the tags.

When I had pneumonia in my early teens, my mother brought home an armful of VHS tapes from the library to alleviate my misery.  Knowing my snobbish preferences, she had grabbed copies of whatever she found in black and white.  I remember something musical that I suspect was Busby Berkeley, I remember Mildred Pierce (a bad choice, as it turned out- the plot includes a young girl dying of pneumonia), and I remember a period piece called The King.  I faded in and out of consciousness while I watched it, but it soothed me while I was awake and filled my fever dreams with sparkling images.  I could never find it at the library again, nor at Hollywood Video or even early Netflix (once my father got the subscription service where you could order practically every DVD.)  It was a bit odd that it seemed to be so obscure, given that it starred old Hollywood legend Ingrid Bergman (and, although I initially forgot it, Marlene Dietrich.)  But even big stars make films that fall by the wayside in public memory, and it seemed that this was one of them.  Google was no help, and at the time that was that.

I didn’t see the film again until I was watching Turner Classic Movies at my grandparents’ house.  I loved watching that channel with them while filling out the crossword puzzle that came in their little TCM catalogue (all of it based on movie trivia, the only kind of crossword puzzle I’ve ever been any good at.)  I recognized a certain scene where Bergman stood on a balcony, looking sadly at the moon.  Her face had an expression of unutterable melancholy, and the crescent moon reflected in each of her eyes, giving the impression of two moons in one sky.  I had very little time to catch up on what I’d missed before we had to go meet my cousins at the local Italian restaurant.  I knew logically that the movie would be long over by the time we returned, but I turned on the channel anyway.  Of course it had moved on to the lesser known Alfred Hitchcock film Stage Fright, but then I heard Marlene Dietrich sing before I could reach the remote to turn the tv off in disappointment.  I knew that I had heard her sing before, and I knew it had been in The King.

Dietrich’s singing often comes across as somewhat campy today, with its Rs pronounced as Ws and it’s up-and-down tone.  Madeline Kahn parodied it brilliantly in Blazing Saddles, such that it was a bit of a disappointment when I finally saw Dietrich’s western Destry Rides Again and found it to be lifeless and inconsistent next to the parody.  Still, we remember her voice for a reason, and when I remembered it that night, I knew that its sardonic loneliness had rung through The King and made me shiver in my dreams.

The TCM schedule didn’t list The King in its time slot, but something else.  If I had taken down the name, maybe it would have helped me find it.  Sometimes the same movie runs under multiple names.

I didn’t see the film all the way through for many years, after I graduated college.  I had found a web page that listed public domain film noir, including one called The Masked Guest.  The website described it as a costume noir, and I curiously clicked on the link.  Once I took in the credits running on the youtube window, my eyes grew wide and I did not move from my place on the bed until the movie had run its course.

The credits did indeed list it as The Masked Guest, but I recognized the strange repeating design on the title cards.  They told me that in addition to starring Dietrich and Bergman, it was directed by Fritz Lang, and a character called The King was credited to “???”  (I hadn’t seen that kind of credit since the first Karloff Frankenstein.)  When the King finally appears on screen, though, it is unmistakably Orson Welles’s voice that booms out from behind his elaborate costume.

Here are the things I understand about The King, or The Masked Guest, or The Man in Yellow, or any other title I’ve found for it on public domain archive searches.  Dietrich and Bergman play princesses named Cassilda and Camilla, respectively.  Though Dietrich’s accent is German and Bergman’s is Swedish, they blend together to give the film the impression of being set somewhere on the map that I can’t quite find.  The scenery and camera angles are very Freudian, with a great deal of archways and pillars.

The first act of The King involves frankly dull romantic plotlines, and the only thing that really saved it was the feeling that the suitors were supposed to be insipid, a suspicion lended credence by the fact that the love interests were listed so low on the credits.  Dietrich is the scandalous sister and Bergman is the responsible one, though each takes on aspects of the other as the film goes on.  Dietrich sings her song at a party, dressed in a fake 17th century gown and leaning against a piano.  Although just a moment ago she had been laughing and joking with her gentleman friends, her song takes an abruptly serious tone (not seductive, not sentimental) as she tells the story of a city lost to time and memory.  Bergman slips away from the party and onto the balcony, where we see that wonderful shot of the moon in her eyes.  Is she mourning?  Is she longing?

Dietrich cuts off the song by abruptly screaming “Not on us, King!  Not on us!”  She flees the party weeping and shaking, and from there on the film goes mad.

Though uncommon, it is not unknown for movies to switch between black and white and color, done most famously in The Wizard of Oz.  The film The King recalls here is the silent Phantom of the Opera, which had a masqued ball scene tinted in shades of red and green that tried to provide a whole spectrum of color.  The effect is even odder in the masqued ball scene in The King- the only color that appears is yellow, highlighting things like candlelight, Dietrich’s hair, a passing gown, a vase of tulips.  It also highlights one particular masked figure, whose expressionless mask was decorated with a black pattern against a sickening yellow canvas- the same pattern I had seen in the opening credits.  The color of his costume causes him to stand out from the crown even when he is far off in the background, just one head among many others.  It must have taken long and painstaking hours of work to color in every frame.

Dietrich still seems broken up days after her song, though Bergman tries to coax her into joining the dance.  Finally, at midnight, Dietrich goes out to face the party, but only to demand that every guest remove their mask.  The yellow man with a voice that once warned America about a Martian invasion tells her that he wears no mask.  Bergman reacts with disbelief, but Dietrich starts laughing like a woman unhinged.  As she laughs, the yellow hue seeps out of the King’s clothing and face- if that really is his face- and begins to color the entire ballroom crowd.  I think that what follows is bloodshed, but if there is any carnage (doubtful under the Production Code censorship), the blood must be tainted yellow and splashed across the camera like daubs of paint.  Dietrich’s laughing face is doubled and tripled on screen until it dissipates, but even when it has faded offscreen, it feels as if her ghost continues to watch the proceedings.  

By the end of the scene (filled with German Expressionist camera angles and mad violin screeching), only Bergman remains alive, cowering behind a grandfather clock.  It does not hide her for long.  The King steps towards her and extends his hand.  Reluctantly, but with a fatalistic expression, Bergman takes his hand.  They walk away together hand in hand.  The screen shifts back into black and white, and then the credits roll before we can get a good look at all the bodies in the scene.  The credits say it was based on a play called The King in Yellow, although Raymond Chandler of all people apparently had a hand in the screenplay.

As I said, that’s what I think I understand.  It’s an oddly experimental art film for the era, and it may be awaiting rediscovery by the film festival crowd.  I feel as if I alone know about it, though that obviously isn’t true.  It is my little secret; I tell myself that my husband doesn’t need me to show it to him, it would be too odd for his taste.  I’ve rewatched it many times, even if it seems like each time I search for it I have to find a different video platform or torrent.  Naturally, no subscription site has it available.  Maybe I am the last person who will ever watch it.  Maybe no one will ever think to look for it again after me, and it will be completely forgotten.

When I was hospitalized, they let me use my laptop at night before I went to sleep (no power cord, though, in case I tried to hang myself.)  I found a youtube link for The Man in Yellow, and I watched it every night.  It wasn’t a soothing sort of movie, but having it in my mind all day and then watching it in the evening allowed me to think as opposed to crying endlessly while the other patients shot me awkward looks.  I clutched the childhood stuffed animals my mother brought me when she visited, and I always held them extra tight when the masquerade scene started.

I watched the movie when I had to move away from my beloved San Francisco.  I watched the movie when I lost the last of my grandparents.  I watched the movie when a doctor unwisely took me off my medication and I couldn’t manage to eat for a month.  I watched the movie when the whole world got sick and we all locked ourselves away from each other.  I don’t mind that I don’t entirely know what it means.  I don’t mind the nightmares.  In the hospital they kept telling us about mindfulness exercises, and maybe the fact that I can focus on every aspect of the film so closely that all else falls away is the reason I keep coming back to it.  I’m being mindful.  I’m not letting any stray thoughts invade my head.  I’m just watching and waiting for the next beat of every scene, leading inexorably to that yellow-stained bloodbath.

Streaming media doesn’t last forever, and each time I find The King, I worry that it will be the last time I ever can find it.  My efforts to download it have so far been unsuccessful, odd considering that it is in the public domain.

When I watch The King, I am once again a child in my bedroom being cared for in the throes of agonizing sickness.  I am once again sitting on the couch with my grandparents in front of the tv, both of them alive and lucid again.  I am once again in the hospital, all alone except for my stuffed animals and the staff trying to keep me alive.  The film reflects in my eyes like the crescent moon in Ingrid Bergman’s gaze.  It sings to me.

I am determined to find a way to obtain The King under any name so that I never have to worry about losing it.  During some of the worst times in my life, it is the only thing that has kept me sane.

#the king in yellow #cw mental illness #cw disordered eating #cw institutionalization #cw suicide